#im feeling happier than i have in years!!

[lepakonpaska]

[happy rambling in the tags because i love my job so much ✨️🌻]

#im feeling happier than i have in years!! #i love tattoo culture a lot and this specific studio is PERFECT for me #there's three other people working there which is honestly a perfect amount. i don't get overwhelmed but i can still be social #and like. one of them is a cool as shit woman who also hosts queer kink events and is as neck deep in fandom culture as i am #one is a guy running on three redbulls/hour and has a need to draw dicks EVERYWHERE. he also has a rainbow skull called princess skulldaddy #and my mentor is the kindest person ever even tho she pretends to be a grouchy old woman #she is already super protective over me and when i was complaining that i can't glare at people effectively enough she was like #'awww but it's good that you're so sweet! never let people take that quality from you' and i was like cool thanks im gonna cry #also I've annoyed her into listening to my favorite bands! yesterday st aurora started playing in the studio so i naturally went '👀!!!' #and she was like 'that's right you fucking bastard you've convinced me to join your cult' 😌 #also the clients are really cool too!! #also also the studio is a sponsor for helsinki pride and we're gonna have a queer book club and wine & create evening etc and AHHHHHH #and it's right by the sea at the PRETTIEST place with a lot of trees and boats and swans and god i got so lucky like? am i dreaming?? #i get to make art be gay as hell learn tattooing and chat with really cool and nice people all day genuinely what could be better #personal

[shitouttabuck]

what do you do when the girl you spent the better part of the last decade in love with calls you up to tell you they dumped their girlfriend and quit their job and would you like to go spend a couple weeks on a beach in greece with them because they miss you and love you (not like that) . and you miss them and love them (not like that. anymore) and you’re probably not getting into grad school anyway and even if you did you can’t keep moving countries to start over because that doesn’t fix things and you could use the money you have saved that you were gonna put towards tuition to buy a plane ticket and sublet a beach villa instead. because you miss them and you love them and you’re tired of missing them and loving them has always felt good and you never feel good anymore and whatever maybe you can just have a lovely few weeks in fuckin greece and just. that’s enough you don’t have to try more than that they go back home and you stay on a beach in greece for as long as anyone else will remember . hypothetically. you should do that, right

#this is rhetorical look away!!!! #it’s an either/or : this or trying to go to grad school #but the thing is #at some point i convinced myself that a change of place and building a new life would make me happier than rotting in my parents house #in my hometown where i feel like im in a timeloop sometimes #but it wouldn’t? i Love my friends but. i am sad here and i was sad in scotland and i was sad in cambridge and. i will be sad wherever i go #it’s not a fixable thing #being around beth is a bandaid on it #so maybe i should slap the bandaid on buy a plane ticket and then. whatever i will be sad After or #i know i sound insane but the thing about being obsessive is that when one person physically has your back when you are 20 years old #it makes sense that they feel like the only thing that will help fix it #sorry this sounds strung out i have like three different things in my system that i will sleep off and be fine im not having a meltdown #this just feels like a Decision To Be Made and i thought typing it out would help give me some clarity or whatever #made a list but i wrote ‘washed your hair when you couldnt do it’ and i’ll be so honest that’s all the convincing i need to do #anything they ask of me ever #idk where my bank card is so no financial decisions tonight anyway #if u have read all of that. apologies and goodnight x #n

[normcore-tertiary-character]

Eddie found out his girlfriend was pregnant and immediately went and enlisted in the army? That's fucking hilarious, gayboy married her and then fled to a warzone on the other side of the globe to not have to be in the same hemisphere as his wife

#i have so many feelings about Eddie's sexuality #like he clearly wasnt running from being a parent. he is too good at being a loving and present parent for #his initial reaction to “you have to coparent” to be “....im going to war” #nah nah. he's been performing heterosexuality for years and then learned he was trapped in a heterosexual marriage #and fled the nation to be away from his wife #dude is legit happier as a single father than as a husband to a wife #gayass #eddie diaz #911 #911 abc liveblog #s3e15

[theygender]

*checking the tracking information for my package from under a pile of overpriced teas and vitamins* this next herbal supplement will fix me

#g o d what is up with my brain thats been making everything so hard recently #like. im in a job that im MUCH happier with now and loving it. im no longer living a waking trauma nightmare as a call center sup #...why is my brain acting like im forcing it on a trek through fucking mordor just trying to get through a normal day at work #im on break from school. why am i not able to do any of the things that i wanted to do during the semester but was too busy for #why am i not able to do anything that i want to do and if i DO manage to do it why am i not able to enjoy it #why am i living like every moment of my life in fear that im wasting my time or doing something wrong or not good enough #and like i KNOW the answers are adhd and depression and anxiety #but my buddy. my pal. @ the wrinkly fleshy thing in my skull #im on 6 different psychiatric medications with a total of up to 11 individual pills per day. im actively in therapy and have been for years #and my life is currently much better than it maybe has ever been! WHY am i still struggling so hard 😭 #like i know recovery isnt a straight line and etc etc but like. it just feels like im doing everything im 'supposed' to do so what gives #so. gonna start drinking more plants i guess and see if that helps. im already on some that seem to help but i think i need more now #bc im having a bad time in my brain prison tbh :( #im not even like upset typing all this out either im just like. bewildered. incredulous. exhausted #lets hope this new overpriced tea fixes me i guess #rambling

[engineering-myself]

Wish I still had a therapist cuz honestly, I would love to work out why I feel SO BOTHERED by what other people might think about my current career move

#i updated my linkedin and saw a bunch of new suggested connections pop up #and was instantly nauseated by the idea of any single one of them discovering it #like why? im honestly happier doing this job for the last two weeks than i ever was at the other job for the last five years #its good for my mental health i feel such RELIEF #so why do i care what anyone thinks idk somebody shrink me #personal #also why do i have the urge to talk to myself in the tags instead of writing it in the post lmao

[colemckenzies]

not going 2 lie 2 u i try not to Talk About It bc it's unhelpful for moving forward but . goddamn do i miss my best friend.

#im now definitely at a point where like. im really really happy with my life im happier than i have ever been and i love my friends so much #and i definitely do not Lack anything socially #so i know it's not me being sad and lonely and nostalgic i literally just miss HER as a person. #i like her and love her so much and i hate that she made me feel like a weird freak for that when we were best friends for 5 years. #like it's fine . I'll survive lmao it doesn't matter #im just used to spending a lot of the christmas period w her and it's coming up to a year since our last Positive Interaction (Feb) #and i wish i could ask to hang out and buy her a present w/o her making me feel like a Worm for it. lol

[luuxxart]

Are you still continuing the Earthbound fic? I loved the first chapter

oh gosh. Not to be obi wan kenobi on main but. That is not a name I have heard in a long time 🥺🥺🥺

Ok so like, I was, I really was going to continue it. And that fic is my baby. That’s like. My first born child. I was SO proud of it. So it wasn’t that I fell out of love w the series or I lost my passion for it bc . Gahhhh it was the best thing I’d come up w/ in a while. This is the fic

What happened was, the app I was writing on (My W Days bc, idk it was convenient at the time and I wasn’t really into google docs) decided that in the middle of the second chapter (I had literally written out the whole library scene where Ness gets the map and part of the Sharks stuff) it would just. Destroy half the file????? so I was like. Ok.

And I just. Never wanted to go back it made me so pissed. Left a bad taste in my mouth idk.

But idkkkkk I can’t say I won’t ever go back to it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i still have the whole fic scripted out I’m my notes and I go back and reread it sometimes lol it would’ve been 22 chapters fr

Seriously though thank you so much for having read and enjoyed the first chapter. I really wish I could’ve shared more with you 💕💕

#listen like. at the time that fic was SO important to me #writing Ness as a community college kid helped me understand my own feelings abt being a gifted kid in high school and then. #by circumstances having to go to comm college #which now I’ve been accepted to a prestigious 4 year so i guess I’m more like Porky now haha #but like. this was at the height of my love for catcher in the rye and I think it shows. ness is very holden-coded #catcher in the rye is still my favorite book I’ve read it three times. idk I just like pessimistic characters who try to be quirky lol #writing them is just so fun #i will say. something that didn’t help was that I got into persona immediately after I published the first chapter #and if i was going to finish something I’ve got some Shu/ake and Maru/dachi stuff I really need to finish up #but man . i do think abt this fic a lot and I hope to return to it someday #thank you so so much for asking about it im really glad you enjoyed it. that makes me happier than. man idk what #ask

[hoodiedeer]

were people actually expecting deltarune chapter 3 (or all the chapters????) to be released this year

not sure i get what the big deal about “NOOOO HE SAID ITS NOT COMING THIS YEAR” like. ok ???? was there any reason to assume it would or should ????????

#idk maybe i feel diff about it cus like #i dont think im mentally ready for the entirety of the game to come out any time soon for a lot of reasons haha #there was a lot i even missed in chapter 2 and never got around to replaying #and each chapter is like.... only a slightly less than full length game #i think im perfectly comfortable waiting either #another year for chapter 3 #or another few years if the majority of the remaining chapters are gonna drop at once #im fine waiting #i think id be happier waiting #even if it was ready #but idk probably unpopular opinion i have a strange relationship with the series i guess #shut up green

[san--jose--sharpedos]

theres something that feels so fucking good about saying "my boyfriend" and "my partner" after going through years of feeling like I cant make myself emotionally available for fear of getting hurt again

#sorry to be sappy posting about them sm #i just am really happy rn #and i havent felt this good around someone in a while #its the fact that my closest friends are all like inviting them out when im not there too that makes me so glad #and my best friend saying that i seem a lot happier than I was before #im sorry to get all sappy but ive been dealing with shit for a while #my last relationship before this was a dude who sexually harassed me then got drunk and outted me and tried to fight me #then filmed me walking on campus #i swore off dating for a while bc of that #i wasnt sure id pursue things with my current partner bc theres a 3 year age gap #but honestly im glad i did #he asked me out first technically #but i said i wasnt sure bc of the age gap #but yeah my friends are all saying i seem happier than I have been in a long time #and i am #and im gaining more confidence in myself #bc I actually feel good #and he likes the things about me that I like and the things im insecure about

[wastecreature]

It's bonkers how truly, truly isolating and lonely it can be to not be able to hang out with your friends in person. I feel like everyone felt this during quarantine, but now that people are (unwisely) getting back to "normal" it's made it really apparent to me that like....I just don't have that? I don't have the thing to look forward to "after" quarantine? All my friends moved out of state. We talk every day for minimum an hour, watch TV together, etc, but just the concept of leaving my house, going to their house, existing in a space with them together, is almost alien to me. And I don't realize how that sort of lack of choice, lack of physical interaction, settles on my shoulders and haunts me constantly. It become background.

I remember after getting back from my trip to visit my friend it was a real, tangible weight all the time. And now it has faded back to the background, and I don't notice all the time. It's chronic, not acute. Something I realized, again after having irl interaction with a friend, visiting for a few days. Life is better with them around, but it's also harder. Because I know eventually they won't be around, and I'll have to go through the acclimation again.

The thought of one day living near friends that I can go to see, is almost unimaginably distant and hopeful. Maybe one day I'll read this post and not remember the weight of chronic loneliness. Maybe one day my norm will be my life being better and easier.

#and its so twisted because like im happy? this year has been one of the best of my life in all honesty #i have fully rejected the shitty religious structure i was raised with and stopped trying to supress what i felt to be right #im no longer traying to make myself hate the sin love the sinner #i dont punish myself for not understanding why The Gays are bad or wanting a government that supports its people #like im happy being who i am even if i cant express it openly #at least im not trying to hammer my brain into being straight and cis #at least now /i/ accept those parts of myself. that is already So much better. even if the people around me dont accept those parts #so like. im happier than ive been in a long time. maybe ever. but im still not Happy. im still so desperatelt lonely #and im better on that front too! because now i do have friends that love and support me! 3 years ago i didnt! #so even if it is so so lonely to be physically isolated from them i at least can talk to someone. #idk lots of thoughts. and not ones that i want to share with those friends becauss they will feel guilty for not being able to be here #and thats the last thing i want

[noxtivagus]

hell yeah im done w school for the week <3

#🌙.rambles #i love getting lost n just focusing on some assignment like that #aaaa now my thoughts r wandering again now that i'm done tho ;; #the past few weeks have been kinda shitty but i'm gna do better now #yh i started this school year feeling tired so that didn't really go well #i'll rest well this weekend n do better from now on #i can always choose to do better. #little steps! i'll just do what i can in a given moment #i'm just try n communicate more tho bcs that's where most distance comes from #i still have this urge to hide tho hhhh n i have regrets but #i need to look onwards to tmrrw n see what more i can do #if i'm happier than i was before then that's enough. that's enough for me #yes even if it hurts n aches i'll just accept what i can do at a certain time! #if i'm not kind n patient w myself then where else cld i find that? #i'm gna build that strength from the inside again #honestly haven't been feeling like myself lately #slowly. once more. i'll find myself again #i just need to be patient and kind to myself! #i need to stop isolating n distancing myself from others tho whenever i feel sad n tired ;; #im sorry i still care for you all but >< i dont want to force myself to be better if im not #so i try to feel the pain i guess? ive had ppl invalidate my emotions before so one thing im trying to actively do is #not deny my emotions. im not gna invalidate myself. its hard for me honestly but im trying #n it gets too tiring some days to get the energy to reach out #im trying tho! i want to be better everyday n i think that's enough #i'm only human; it's alright for be to be in pain right? i'm not perfect. #i'm just as imperfect as everyone else but i'm proud of my mindset of wanting to be self-aware of the good and bad and improve. #n still thinking of others! i do need to accept that its hard to manage all the love n care n depth of emotions n thoughts i have at times #n. i make mistakes but i'm still a kind person at heart #i say that but i can't exactly believe it completely just yet;; #i'll remind myself that the pain is valid. we all deserve better. it's alright for me to not be perfect.

[orcelito]

Honestly the store has come a long, long way since last January where we were legitimately going to hold a store-wide strike b4 the boss and then-manager panicked and started holding meetings with all of us to try to figure out what to do about it

It's still a workplace, but our current employees r in general much happier and content. + there's a better community in general. It's nice to know I had a part in making this happen.

#speculation nation #i was starting out in a higher position back at the start of the year. but really freshly starting out. #and it wasnt assistant manager. it was lead supervisor. essentially a go between of supervisor and assistant manager #and then all this shit happened and Then the then assistant manager ended up being incredibly nasty towards me #and i put in my two weeks fully intending to leave b4 changing my mind on the very last day bc my tax return was delayed #and i didnt have the monetary security i needed to quit lol #manager gave me the assurance that i wouldnt have to work with the assistant manager. and it was good enough to last until she left. #ive had my insecurities regarding the now manager in training. mostly about what she thinks about me #but i think she does like me. boss told me today that she spoke up for me on my level of effort around the store #since im kinda bad at messaging everything i do lol he doesnt see it like he sees her efforts #but she sees it. and she stood up for me. #she also spent a good half hour ish the other day info dumping about the ateez universe lore. and it was so fucking endearing #me being like 'i have no personal interest in this but you seem so excited and i am really happy youre this comfortable with me. go on' #and especially with her being promoted to manager... makes me feel less bad about how much i do comparatively #im still gonna try of course. but im going to assume she will be paid more than me. bc she will be doing more than me. #as it stood my wage was actually a little higher than hers due to seniority. and it was making me feel pretty guilty #and i was soooo anxious about her possibly leaving after graduating college & the responsibility for the store falling onto me #but i can remain in a support position while she takes up the mantle of manager. and i am so much more comfortable with that #yea it feels a lil weird to be like 5 years older than her with like 5 years more seniority working here & her being higher ranked #but i can manage that lol. im happier not having too many responsibilities thanks #there r things we need to improve on with the store. but overall things r so much better #makes me feel like i can actually breathe easy for once. maybe at least a little bit.

[souloftheintrovert]

mm i’d rather watch modern day south park than modern day family guy

#.souloftheintrovert #honestly #modern day family guy is so fucking violent.. and thats coming from a dark humor enthusiast #’its dark humor’ yes but wheres the humor? #hurting others for no reason isnt funny on its own #random ≠ funny #modern day south park isnt like the older days but #at least i dont have to see characters being mercilessly beaten every 5 seconds because 1. its funny and 2. its ‘unexpected’ #all i have to put up with is matt & trey trying to be hip n’ cool with the minecrafts & the tiktoks #plus canon gay couple. im happy. #like isnt quagmire’s mom trans? and they made fun of her for it? was that an actual episode or some fanmade thing i saw on youtube #either way i’ll take a canon gay couple than that shit any day #i feel like seth is purposely trying to get the ratings to drop so fox will finally drop the show but idk.. #cant blame him if that was true. in fact i’d be happier if it were. family guy has went on for long enough. south park too but according to #my sources.. south park will only have 30 seasons (5 left) another game and a movie or movies. there IS an end in sight unlike family guy #albeit that end being years away #but then again me and my sources have been known to be wrong so i guess we’ll have to see #oh and simpsons? nah i cant.

[famousprophets22]

i love being transgender i love doing my silly little t shot every week i am so proud of who i am and what ive done to get to where i am now I LOVE BEING TRANS!!!1!!!1!😸😸😸

#sometimes i feel like im a weird percived combination of ‘experienced’ and ‘not experienced’ in being transgender #heavy on percived i know who i am LAMFO #ive been out chronologically and age wise the longest out of everyone i know im pretty sure #i started socially transitioning when i was 12 yk #was fully ‘out’ (specifically in school) by before high school at 14 #and changed my name legally last year and started t this year at 17 #but some people just see that last year as me being properly trans #not even properly trans just like. as if i was only starting my transition now #and i dont think thats very accurate #and sometimes i feel a lil inferior to guys in my life who have been on t and have been ‘undeniably’ trans for longer #(boy if ur reading this ur not included like on god but also unblock me lets be mooties i miss you) #but sometimes i have to just sit back and remember i got this and it doesnt actually matter what they think OR even if i was a ‘baby trans’ #or whatever #ive been trans for like a third of my life. #like half of my cognitive conscious life. #i got this!!! #and even if i didnt thatd be okay too cus we all get there eventually #that is a lot of yapping for me saying i feel embarassed celebrating doing my t shot every week cus im so early and jts not doing anything #but maybe i can have some fun anf joy in life #and maybe being transgender isnt inherently miserable #on a happier end note #me and my friend had our hrt appointments on the same day and started a few days apart #so we r now transition buddies and yap at eachother abt injections vs gel and what ‘changes’ were getting and its really beautiful #its nice to have community #and people who do not see u as a little transgender infant just cus u werent fortunate enough to go on t at an even younger age #than the incredibly fortunate 17 #but hey what doesnt kill you makes you stronger i suppose and i think hrt is gonna feel reslly fucking good after 5 years of waiting #and im so fortunate im in this position and am grateful every day to not only be awesome and transgender but also on hrt!! #yaaayayayayayay!!!!

[be-good-to-bugs]

perhaps i could be prettier if i had a little more tummy maybe

#the bin #i gained more weight and i have more tummy than i used to. still not much but i used to be nearly concave and now im not #its been a long time since i didnt have a flat stomach. i used to be really scared of this happening but i think im ok with it #maybe. i mean. i dont know. i look at my tummy and i feel fine with it but other parts of me have also obviously gotten bigger too and im #less ok with that. it needs to happen. the qay my body is now isnt healthy. im not supposed to be this thin. my body is like this because o #years of starving it. but i feel bad about it still. i hope one day that will change. #ed mention #ed tw #tw ed mention #the prettiest me is the healthiest and happiest me and no matter how much my brain tried to say ill be happier if im a twig i know thats no #true and it never will be. it has literally never made me happy. yknow what would make me happy is feeling physically better and not having #to deal with this ed bullshit ever again. #one day i will have more tummy because thats whats healthiest for my body and when that happens it will be a good thing and i wont be upset!

[jentlemahae]

-

#lol so i responded to that friend of mine bcs i was hurt but also very pissed off #so i sent her a longass message basically saying i was confused by why she’s upset bcs i’ve literally been acting the same as always #and she responded saying she doesn’t what i’ve done either and its more à feeling she has #like UH ? u sent me a long message basically saying im a bad friend and taking advantage of u for a feeling ???? #girl that sounds like a YOU problem #and if i’ve upset her somehow i obviously want to what i’ve done and fix it so i won’t keep hurting her in the future and she’s saying she #doesnt know what ive done either and cannot say #like girl ? #bcs ive been literally acting the same as usual and the only difference with previous years is that now i can go out more freely and am #overall happier and feel more secure #so in a way i cant help but feel like what she has a problem with is me being happy #and i treasure her as a person as well as our friendship so im willing to move past it but shes really hurt me #cause i excused her for years bcs she didn’t have much time for me/us bcs of work and now that im the busy one is suddenly a fault #i mean if we stop being friends i would actually have no friends and that’s sad but to me that’s still better than being friends with #somebody who acts like that #she said she wants some distance and i replied ‘yeah we both need it’ lmao