#is it because tradition gender roles dont fit anyway when yoyre queer because so much of gender is tangled up in sexuality?

[nerdie-faerie]

Currently thinking about the last time I met up with my college friends, and we went around the table reintroducing ourselves with names and pronouns, cus it gets like that. And every time it would come around to me, I would deflect and distract instead of answering because I hadn't actually figured it out yet. It's coming up on a year since then, I still have no idea what the answer would be

#Queer gang #it was literally this time last year cus it was the last time i went home for winter break that i saw them all #i panicked and got distracted the first time i was supposed to introduce myself despite the fact theyre the last people who would judge #but were a bunch of very easily distracted fckers so it wasnt even that noticeable that i hadnt answered at first #but then one of them realised id never actually introduced myself and i cant even remember how i changed the topic #but someone would always realise in the middle of someones story so id just redirect the attention to what we were already discussing #to buy myself time to think but i never actually came up with an answer and im stuck on a coach rn so my brain has all this time to think #and im just. its been a year since that incident its been several years since i started to think maybe my gender didnt entirely fit #but every time i try to figure it out like a puzzle like i did with my sexuality the first time i realise i dont really have an answer #its not that i feel that something else would fit better and i cant figure out why it doesnt feel right in the first place #is it because i was raised hyperfeminine despite growing up predominantly around brothers? #is it because tradition gender roles dont fit anyway when yoyre queer because so much of gender is tangled up in sexuality? #is it because im taking too much of a theoretical/whatever approach to it when i know gender is predominantly a social construct? #is it because its just not that deep and i dont care? or do i care and i just havent figured it out yet? idk