#im just. tired

[altruistic-meme]

i think im going to need a moment of not opening messages right now. im going to read stormbringer instead.

#sigh #my friend keeps sending me video after video about how her floors are covered in fur bc if my dog #(who is staying with her for now) #but like. yes. i understand. i get it. #my dog has incredibly thick fur and is shedding her fucking winter coat. i dont know what the fuck you want me to do??????? #i get it?? so sorry?? ill come vacuum your house like ????? #i get it that its annoying having her fur all over bc she has black fur in your light beige carpet #what i DON'T get is WHY YOU KEEP SENDING ME VIDEOS OR PHOTOS. MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY. #WHY. JUST WHY. #IM SORRY LITERALLY I CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT SHES A DOG SHE SHEDS LIKE. #shes going to my other sisters house soon and then she wont be shedding all over your floor and you KNOW THAT #so WHY. #im just. tired #i wanted to say 'i cant do this anymore' but that is unfortunately the doorway in which the suicidal thoughts will squirm through. #so. instead i will set my phone to the side and read my book. #it is much thicker than i expected it to be. #i cant turn my phone off bc my mom is going to be sending messages later that i need to look at but #im just going to try not to open any messages anyway and not touch my phone or anything #shh ac

[verberation]

Ffs. Just. Fucckkn. Fuck!

Had a call from my love telling me that their friend they house share with and whose the owner of the property has changed their mind about me moving into the place. Which. Fine. Fine! I'm not pleased, infact I'm hurt and angry about it, but that's her right. Shes not really a friend of mi e and she doesnt know me. But that puts me in a shit. SHIT position now. I'm moving back in three and a bit weeks and now I have to try and line up a job and a new fuckin place to live in. Great! Great!!

Like ohhhh sure change your mind bc you couldn't have brought up your concerns three months ago! Or say 'look, maybe later but not now' THREE MONTHS AGO or fuck. Idk. Idk what the FUCK I'm supposed to do. Maybe move in with my mum despite the fact my dad also lives with her and there's no room.

Or my sister. Despite the fact I'm not comfortable bringing Nic over casually.

It's high tourist season there; you can't get a place to rent a room let alone a granny flat, let alone accommodation for my dog too.

My last place was found through a job I no longer have and the work-accomdation has since sold even if they did have jobs going. I just

Fuck

I was really keen about it too; it would have been such an easy damn solution. And. Now all the internal plans I made have fallen through and I literally told my siblings about it this morning even after sitting on the knowledge for weeks and weeks. I'm just tired and anxious about this now.

#this sucks. #i speak! #im just. tired #and i dont know how to handle this #i want a place thats mine and not my sisters spare bedroom or living in the same house as my father #i promised myself id never have to live with dad again. i dont want to break that.

[salemoleander]

Head hurts and throat hurts and I'm like. Body we cannot do this rn. Anytime after this Thursday feel free but you Cannot do this to me rn

#didnt get to go say hi to joe today bc obvs dont want to spread it if i am sick #but bummed about that and also just. ughhhhhh #i dont KNOW that im sick. this could be downstairs neighbors smoking + sertraline headache #but if i am like. i will be Fucked fucked. #salem chatter #only good thing of today is my pen/notebook combo is REALLY satisfying to write with rn #so that has been a small sensory joy for me #im just. tired

[semiotomatics]

received another blow to my will to live 👍 the universe sure is committed to completely breaking me

#im just. tired #i know i prolly sound like a broken record but man #i just want a moment to breathe #a moment to REST #please???

[nightmaremybeloved]

watching the stream and im not going to be a bitch but she does know words Mean things right. like she's talking about all the words she's gotten wrong and how it shouldn't be a big deal--but that destroys your credibility? you went public with this, all we have is your words to go off. you want us to support you but not while telling the truth.

#im just. tired #discourse

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

for a moment i almost considered telling my parents about my most recurring and perhaps dangerous temptation (to jump off my balcony. I'm tempted every. single. evening). then i thought about it some more. short of shifting rooms or being constantly watched/checking in during the night or smth, i don't think there's anything they could do. so, nope. not gonna tell them.

#im just. tired #so tired #of all of this everything #personal #puddleglum hours #tw suicide

[theconstellationsinyourskin]

Feel like my capacity to Exist In Capitalism declines every year

#personal post #last week was fall break and my classes were actually nice enough to have a reduced enough workload that i basically had a 10 day break #but this week going back i am so beyond exhausted lmao. my brain is still working when i need it at least #but im sleeping thru my alarms and crashing when i get home #don't even really have any negative feelings about any of my classes or my internship this semester either. they're fun and im learning #im just. Tired

[ferretrade]

my journey in getting license plates has involved: getting an inspection, trying to get the plates and being told I need an import form, trying to get the import form and the office was closed, trying to get an import form and being told I need a letter from my lienholder, being told I need to FAX stuff to them to get it, getting fed up and paying off the car, waiting for the letter saying I paid it off, having my sister bring it back from the US where it mailed, trying to get an import form and maybe succeeding today? stay tuned for this exciting adventure in canadian bureaucracy

#ferretalk! #im just. tired #i may have to get ANOTHER inspection too depending on stuff #but i have learned that the cbsa at tiny airports are much nicer than at border crossings

[mcpuliotjr]

the worst thing abt begging is that u have to fight to make people care even when ure depressed and dissociated and suicidal and its pretty fucking hard to make a good pitch when ure also wondering if u deserve to survive

#im fine. well. not fine but im stable #im just. tired #very very very tired #txt

[lovebeyondmeasure]

I have always maintained that I do not have anxiety. I have depression, except maybe I actually only have ADHD and the depression is because of the ADHD, but I've never been Anxious. Haha, at least it's Just Depression! I've always said.

Until now.

Now I am anxious all the time. I'm stressed out and I can't breathe and I have days where I can't do anything but sit on the couch trapped in a doom spiral, frozen in place and unable to think, and at the end of the day my husband asks me how I am and all I can say I don't know.

I don't know how I am, because my brain is frozen like a rabbit in headlights, too small even to do damage to the thing that is barreling towards me, the thing that I can't understand. Only it never hits me, I am frozen and is still barreling towards me at unfathomable speed and it doesn't get closer and I can't run away.

Is it just me? Has my brain chemistry changed, or has the world around me changed? Or maybe just my understanding of the world around me?

I'm tired of feeling trapped by something I don't understand. I'm tired of crying randomly all the time. I'm tired of my chest feeling tight and having to remind myself to breathe, constantly, as though that reflex has died and breathing is now a conscious decision every time.

Please tell me I'm not the only one. I don't wish this feeling on anyone. I just don't want to be alone in this.

#i don't know anymore #im just. tired #tess liveblogs her existence #brain shit #posted this from the post office parking lot. time to put on my mask and go be Normal

[boytangerine]

so many of the “aesthetics” i see on here are just skinny white women. full stop like that’s the whole thing. you’re not groundbreaking you’re not quirky you’re just perpetuating the same beauty standards that you claim to be fighting against.

#y’all are just reinventing 2012 th*nspo at this point #im just. tired #note

[whaledocboi]

ai generated images make me increasingly sad and tired the more i see them in more and more casual contexts. i dont know how to explain, but it just fills the world with a bunch of nothing. no matter how visually stunning the pictures might be, there's nothing behind it for me. no dedication, no emotions, no feelings, no hard work or creativity, nothing i can truly think about, admire or enjoy. i dont think thats how art is supposed to be

#not to mention ripping off and plagirazing real artists hard work of course #which is a whole other conversation #i cant feel the same love and adoration for whatever the slop machine produces #it will never be the same #im just really tired #anti ai #anti ai art

[lesbian-disaster-academic]

i used to be so good at writing strong, thoroughly-researched, thoroughly-edited essays.

as a kid in hs, my teacher literally came up to me, holding my 40 page essay on the intersection of the European witch hunts and capitalism/exploitation/gender roles (it was supposed to be 7 pages...whoops) and went like "this is literally a master's-degree level thesis. what are you doing?? you could literally use this as your final dissertation in a master's program, what the fuck."

NOW??? NOW?? you'd think I'd be oh so skilled. but alas. i can barely piece together two ideas. adhd skill-regression is so so real. im SOBBING

#this is just me ranting sorry #im very tired and hungry #and i want to sleep but brain go brrrrr #well i used to be nice and smart and now im neither of those or however the song goes #pretty sure he was exaggerating cause looking back. it was good. but some of the wording was a lil wonky #adhd #actually adhd #executive dysfunction #actually neurodiverse #adhd paralysis #adult adhd #attention deficit hyperactivity disorder #adhd hacks #academia #neurodivergent #adhd skill regression #confessions of a burnt out gifted kid #<< i guess #former gifted kid #burnt out gifted kid #gifted kid burnout #realizing i sound rly pretentious here sorry -- formal speech patterns i picked up as an autistic child and never put down again haha

[skellydun]

I don't think I'm meant to be employed. It really cuts into my goofy silly haha time. and it makes it nearly impossible to have any wow life is beautiful let me take it in time.

#guess what our employee appreciation gift was. a chair. 100+ dollars on a camping chair for each HQ employee? why not just... #i was just like gee. glad u appreciate me. u ever heard of how companies can shower u with free swag but it doesnt distract from the #horrible culture??? #like yes dont give us that 100 dollars but give me an ugly chair with our company logo that i had to lug up a hill. #im just tired of this aspect of HR i think. need me some new scenery

[astaryuu]

Being mixed is amazing /s

I'm quarter Panamanian but can't really consider myself Latina because none of the parents I have really bothered to raise me in Latino culture at all

I'm quarter Black but because I'm half white and was taught by my half-Black mom to not use any African American slang (especially the n-word, but most of it would likely get the same response) it feels like I'm an outsider and like the extensive African American culture here isn't for me (DESPITE EXPERIENCING OVERT RACISM IN MIDDLE SCHOOL FOR BEING QUARTER BLACK)

I'm quarter Norwegian, which also happens to be the culture I most strongly associate with of the four, but being into Scandinavian culture whilst not living in Scandinavia is a Nazi red flag and I bet that being quarter German does not help in the slightest

I was raised in the United States but other than American food (a lot of which has this issue anyway) engaging with United States culture to any real degree at all is *also* a red flag, especially to Native Americans (whose cultures I care deeply about)

Not to mention I want to learn about cultures, I love to learn about how other people do things, but one or multiple of my own heritages makes my genuine curiosity and want to learn seem like appropriation & fetishization. I don't see any culture that way but even just having "ryuu" in my screen name is likely seen by many to have that issue.

I love feeling like an outsider in every single culture I could partake in it's fucking amazing and definitely not something so fucking annoying to constantly deal with that I made it part of my largest's story's protagonist's personality and arc as a way to vent my frustration with it

#aster vents #long post #im just. tired #i wish i could be me but i dont even know what me is #god i hate it here #i hate feeling so lonely

[ferretrade]

my work motivation or something is absolute shit right now but I can still handle a work emergency like a boss so there's that

#im just. tired #but very good at my job when i put even 20% effort in #ferretalk!