#im hot and im cold were the were going to die soon sisters

[milktrician-hell]

playing as my oc poly in bg3 who in her original incarnation has a story regarding how her short lifespan haunts her and it revolves around her body freezing to death

imagine my shock when i romanced karlach and got to dammon in act 2

#balduring my gates #im hot and im cold were the were going to die soon sisters

[skiasurveys]

its been a MINUTE.

Do you get a lot of tourists in the area where you live?

- Not really, we only get people here when theres like an event once a year lmao

If so, are there more tourists during a particular time of the year?

- never but if we do it’s the summer

What artistic medium or style seems to have the greatest impact on you emotionally?

-paintings and poetry

If you make art, do you have a favorite medium or style that you prefer to use or that best helps you express yourself emotionally?

- painting and writing

What’s the strangest or most interesting compliment you’ve ever received?

-that i have a nice voice bc i hate my voice lol

If you have a phone that supports apps, do you have a favorite game you like to play?

- i hardly play phone games

Do you prefer to shop online or in an actual store and why?

online it’s easier and i don’t have to deal with ppl lmao

Have you taken surveys on anything other than LiveJournal or Xanga?

-here but i havent done them in so long lmao

What’s been your favorite site to take them on and why?

- Tumblr since it’s the only one active

Have you recently made or been trying to make a change in your lifestyle?

- yessss

Why have you made or why’re you making this change and how has it been going?

- I hate myself & need to grow up

Do you enjoy watching vlogs?

- depends, not as much anymore

If so, are there any specific people or topics you enjoy watching in particular?

- mental health maybe? it depends. i like to hear people rant or talk abt their life lmao i rly like drew monsons videos

When was the last time you said something you shouldn’t have?

- when havent i lmao

Do you save letters and cards you receive?

- no, i used too but they just take up space ( i only keep if its rly something i should keep)

Do you have multiple calendars in your room, if you have any at all?

- no but i want one

What is or are the theme(s) of your calendar(s)?

- n/a

What do you take into consideration when deciding whether or not to read a book?

- if its interesting enough to read since i dont have time to read

What was the last new video game you were excited about?

honestly i dont even know anymore

How would you describe your job?

- im not working rn but im in school, so graphic design

What’re you hungry for?

- nothing lol

What’s your favorite color?

- yellow, pine or pink

What’s the oddest thing you have in your bedroom that someone would be surprised to find and why is it there?

- back scratcher

Have you ever broken a bed or other furniture during sex?

- No

What do you sleep in?

- usually a oversize tee and shorts

Would you play naked Twister?

- maybe if i had a partner

You’ve been invited to a lingerie party at the Playboy Mansion, so do you accept and if so, what do you wear?

-i would if i got accepted bc like ..that would be dope as fuck. i would wear something cute but flirty

What’s the longest period of time that you’ve gone without a shower?

- prob a week

Haagen-Dazs or Ben & Jerry’s?

- ben and jerrys

What’s always in your refrigerator?

- some form of a drink

What’s your favorite cookie?

- oatmeal raisin

What’s your favorite type of weather?

- warm but not too cold or hot. i like rainy weather too

Which do you prefer, giving or receiving?

- both

What’s your favorite word?

- i dont rly have one

Who do you live with?

- my mom and sister

Do you exercise regularly and if so, how often?

- i dont but i need too

Do you have any piercings and if yes, how many and where are they?

- no but i need to get my ears done soon

Do you have tattoos and if yes, how many and where are they?

- none but planning on getting one

Do you like to dance?

- yeah but im bad at it

Have you ever been skinny dipping?

- Nope

Do you drink alcohol and if yes, how often?

- yeah and socially. i used to drink a lot so im cutting back on it

Do you smoke and if yes, how much?

-No

When you die, would you rather be buried or cremated?

- buried or donate my body to science

Have you been told you can sing well more than once?

- no lmao

What’re three physical features you get complimented on a lot?

- Hair, eyes, or my voice

What’s one word to describe your last sexual encounter?

- bad

Who’s a current friend that you’ve known the longest?

- sasha

Who’s someone you can tell just about anything to?

- kyra

#surveys #survey

[tiens-letters]

with these hands, I vowed to love you

with these hands, I vowed to care for you

and with these hands, I ruined you

Childe (angst)

tw : slight gore and just pure pain

...

It was that time of the year again, going back to the snowy region was a bliss for you. Having to visit your fiancée's family was an unspoken tradition after he introduced you to them. They practically took you in as one of them immediately, especially that little angel brother of his.

Teucer.

The train ride was comfortable , the window giving you the familiar beauty of the snowy landscape of snezhenaya. It was snug inside the rather spacious compartment Childe rented out, even when you told him that you'd rather share a normal one due to your thrifty nature he'd shrug it off, claiming it that he has too much mora and nowhere to spend it on other than you.

Gifts from him would scare you as you knew these weren't anywhere cheap. Everything he gave was expensive, he loved showering you in gifts and it made you feel so overwhelmed.

"Ajax, you're spending too much." you were visibly sweating beside him as he picked out another one of the dresses on display at the local boutique of Liyue.

"I think this one would suit you better, don't you think so love?" of course he wasn't listening, placing the dress in front of you

"Ajax." you frowned at him

" I just want to spoil you." he whines

"I know but sometimes its just..." you stopped yourself before saying anything further in fear of offending him

"Was it too much again?" the tone in his voice softens as he puts back the dress, he knew how you didn't like that habit of his, formed from the first time he saw you down by the docks.

"One dress, Ajax. One is enough since you picked it out for me." you gave in not wanting to see him so dejected, he immediately brightens up as he pecks you on cheek before rushing off to a different aisle of clothing. Sighing, you sat down on the sofa present in the shop, watching the ginger decide thoroughly of what dress to buy.

But of course, your love for one another runs deeper than things bought off gold nor silver. No, it ran deeper than anything else, rivaling the oceanic depths.

"What are you thinking about hmm?" he hums below you, head resting against your lap.

"Im just happy to be visiting again, that's all." you smile, nimble hands brushing through his soft hair "Sleep well?"

"You bet I did." he grins taking your hand and placing a kiss to your beating pulse and then another and another, showering you in his deeply rooted affection. Soon his kisses reached where they are supposed to belong, those soft lips of yours and then inching their way to the sensitive spots on your neck, leaving marks only he can place on you.

Breathless and bothered, you pushed him back "The attendants are gonna see, you idiot." at least you still had some control in you

"They will only arrive when we call them , so its fine to have a little fun before we arrive." there was that sly grin of his as he continued in where you both left off, ears perking to hear more sounds exclusively for him and him only.

"You horny bastard!"

...

It was cozy by the hearth, you and his siblings huddled together in one single fleece blanket, steaming cups of hot cocoa in hand. Childish giggles and hushed stories erupted amongst you. Teucer having wrapped in your arms as he snuggled closer. Anthon and Tonia flanking your sides.

"Hey, who's fiancé do you think you guys are coveting?"

"Oh don't be like that, your siblings just miss them." his mother chided from the couch where she sat, an open book on her lap, she didn't seem to age and always looked so young that at first you were shocked to have been introduced to her.

"But mom, I haven't seen her all day." her son pouts as if he were still a child denied his candy

"Give me a break, you're always clinging onto her you know." his sister rolls those identical thalassic eyes at him "You wont die if you go a day without her."

"Listen here you little---"

"Ajax." you interjected, as much as you enjoy the siblingly banter of theirs, you cant have them going at each other with offensive words. His pleading gaze aimed at you as he practically begged for you both to go home.

"Please?"

"After I put Teucer to bed." you sighed, standing up with the youngest in your arms

"Seriously this guy." his sister groaned "I was having a good time."

"Tonia dear, we can continue our conversations tomorrow." you winked at her, it was a promise

"Fine."

Both of you bid farewell to his mother and made your way towards Teucer's room and tucking him in.

"Happy?" you turned to your fiancée, a narrowed look in your eyes as he grinned beside you

"Of course, sweetheart!" he pecked your lips as he pulled you closer

"Can you not do it in Teucer's room? Have some shame." his siblings' comments were endless, this time it was from his older brother.

"That's why were going home." Childe picked you up as you made a surprised yelp making the other party roll his eyes "Also, get ready to lose tomorrow brother. I'm getting that white deer for my lady."

"I'm looking forward to it."

The walk was short towards Childe's home as he preferred living alone. It was a grandiose manor and you were sure you will never get used to how big it was and filled with such furnitures of the finest quality.

"Well, how was your day darling?" you hummed, arms snaking around his neck

"Oh you wouldn't believe it."

...

It was there.

You felt it in the cold breeze that wafted into the room.

A shift in the flow of the wind, it was different yet familiar at the same time. Leaving the window open as the harsh temperatures of the night climbed and crawled inside. The curtains danced in the turbulent current of the gale, carrying songs only you could hear. Songs that made mountains tremble and build civilizations at the same time.

there was something foreboding, something terrifying and something heavy and dark that devoured anything in its path.

You heard him first before he came in through those doors, that tousled ginger hair of his caked with melting snowflakes in the warm glow of the lamps. His rugged appearance caused by the hunting competition between him and his older siblings induced his worn out state. That soft yet jaded smile of his was what welcomed you as he trudged inside the bedroom, lazily discarding his clothes on the basket for dirty laundry and entering the bathroom for a quick shower.

"why is the window open? " he asks you, sliding inside the warm covers

"I just wanted fresh air ." you smile as you shut the windows and pull the blinds enough for you to see the moon that hung above the sky. Joining him under the covers, you cradled him, his head resting on the crook of your neck. Your hands finding their way into those soft locks of his , entangling them as he hummed softly against you. Those arms of his that held weapons and skin littered with scars both old and new now held you close, so tenderly as if he'd never taken a life before.

"sing me a song, sweetheart. " his queries were simple yet genuine

"of course." you sang until you equated him to a sleeping newborn

It was warm, so warm that you could have mistaken it for a summer afternoon in Liyue, resting on the couch with silken pillows and window showcasing the view of the harbor below. The steaming cups of soothing tea Beidou would brew for you when nights became cold at times she would pay you a visit after trading that would take weeks, months and rarely years.

you slept.

Why is it cold? you wondered, Did Ajax open the windows?

You were blessed by the tsaritsa so such climates shouldn't matter to you.

You woke up.

A shadow was cast over you by the man youve sung to sleep. Virulent blue eyes looked at you with so much abhorrence, for a second you couldnt recognize them and thought it was a stranger to which you were ready to terminate.

"Ajax?" your voice was hoarse, as you slowly lost the feeling in your lips.

He was crazed, still trapped in that dreaming state of his, drifting between experiences. Today was a re-enactment of a memory he would never speak of, not even to you. There were parts of him he'd never tell you, such a soul as yours should never hear.

You choked and coughed as the metallic taste of mortal ichor filled your throat. How could you have not felt anything earlier? Was it because of your futile attempts to coax Ajax back into reality or was it because of the numerous thoughts your mind came up with to he answer as to why he is in such a virulent state. Excruciating pain filled your whole body as you writhed and struggled under his grip. It felt as if something was being ripped out of you.

"Ajax, darling come back to me." you cried, it took so much to even utter a word as you bled out, you know not where but you could feel it. The liquid vital for your survival was seeping out of you, flowing like a lazy river on an autumns day, only that it was warm, sticky and addicting.

"Ajax?" a hiss comes from that mouth, he cringes as you freed your numb hands to hold his face and he let you, seeing as to there was no point in stopping you as you dangerously danced on a tight rope of life and death. You couldn't tell in that delirious disposition of yours if his eyes were shifting between Ajax or the primal eyes of a beast hunting its prey.

It wasn't too late was it?

But why didn't your eyes meet his?

Who snuffed out all the lights?

"I've abandoned that name a long time ago."

The cold took over you completely, freezing you until you broke under his touch with words left dying in your ichor filled lips

and then fear was the last thing you felt.

fear that he might not return to his sweet, charming self.

fear that he will curse everything in his path.

fear that he might attempt to use different various methods to bring back what was lost

and fear of his ruination.

you care not for your death, even in your last minutes of life, you dare not blame him for what he's endured so far. only wishing he never had to experience such in the first place.

This is what the wind warned you about in its lullaby.

...

Childe woke up for the second time.

Oddly more worn out than the day before, but your songs always worked, how come? . He wondered if you left to make breakfast as the covers felt empty as he reached out for you. No, you were a late riser, always having to slumber in the middle of the warm covers of the bed you both share. It was he who mostly did the cooking in the morning. So your presence gone was a displacement in the moment of his waking.

His eyes had to adjust to the view of the room as he sat up, a yawn escaping his lips as he called for you. The pitter-patter sound of the water on the bathroom tiles were non-existent as he strained his ears to hear for any trace of you.

"What..." he was confused as to why the room was trashed, furniture broken in half and strewn about the room, the drapes shredded and laying on the floor and the mirror shattered to pieces, shards sharp enough to cut through skin yet he slept through such a thing?

his first concern was your safety as you had not been present in the room and it him.

the heavy stench of blood lingered in the air. His enjoyment for such things turned into something suffocating because blood was never shed in his own home nor in his very room. In the state of confusion, something dark caught his peripheral vision. A large blemish in the covers beside him, it was dyed a deep dark crimson and he knew well what it was. He began to shake in worry, telling himself not to panic until he finds you safe. All he could remember was you singing him to sleep, held captive in your soft arms, encased in your warmth, so how did it come to such a morning that looked like a result of a monster's tantrum. He calls out for you, his bare feet on the floor as splinters punctured them and he didnt care. he had to find you.

The hallways looked haunting, the portraits on the walls taunting him and he swore he was going lose it if he hadnt found you sooner, every room was achingly vacant and it felt like a dream. He calls for your name again in a frenzy as he rushes through the place, had the mansion been this big? he thinks as he runs down the stairs.

There in the fireplace, the dying embers of fire lit from the night before, wood giving away and turning into coal as the burning smell mingled with similar stench that engulfed the bedroom, the same dark liquid on the sheets was present as well, only that it was painted into the wall and bled down creating a cascading waterfall.

Because there you were, with arms spread out as if welcoming each and every sinner for solace and blessing them with forgiveness, the drying mortal ichor behind you creating a halo. Your lips upturned into something soft as if you'd do anything disgraceful to keep the effeminacy on a soul lost to ruin.

an angel crucified.

that oh so heavenly face of yours could rival anything beautiful, even statues would crumble under you, nations would go to war for you and bodies of those who want you would turn into a throne built for you and you only. You were immortally ethereal even in death.

Ajax, dear sweet Ajax felt his legs give away, energy having siphoned from him as he trembled so much that it could rival the mountains when they shook. Thalassic eyes, wide blown into grief, anguish and all other emotions crashed against him like strong waves that could drown anyone caught up in it. He knelt as pain spread through him like wildfire, burning, scorching and killing. Agonized cries filled the room and if someone were to pass by, they couldve mistaken it for a dying animal. He gasped and choked on his own breath as he dared to look at you, the tears freely flowing from his eyes, down to his pale cheek and finally falling off his trembling chin to be hungrily absorbed by the carpeted floor that was also tarnished by ichor.

He felt crazed as he wept and in that moment of insanity, he remembered. That most disgusting sin he's ever committed that he should never be pardoned for in the life he has right now and the next ones he will be in. Through the blur of tears, he saw his hands and he wished he didnt.

Sullied hands befitting a murderer.

He screams into the ground, doubling over as his hands find their way into his hair, gripping it and ripping out those jacinthe locks of his. He could never forgive himself now and he never will. He wails out loud until his own throat collapsed into a croaking mess.

and then he couldnt find himself no longer.

The sand of time seemed to trickle down slowly. His eldest siblings came looking for him, to continue the hunt. A once peaceful encounter turned into a nightmarish reality as they witnessed their brother rocking back and forth with you gingerly wrapped in his arms, mumbling your name. Lips pressed to your forehead as he prayed and begged for forgiveness over and over in hushed torn whispers as if it were enough to bring you back and cover that gaping hole in your abdomen.

"What did you do?"

...

"Brother, when are they coming back?"

Oh darling Teucer, innocence reflecting off his eyes as he tugged on his brother's sleeve. The toy you gifted him clutched tightly at his side.

"I dont know kid, their mission was sudden so its best to wait. Can you do that Teuc?" the truth about you was kept behind closed doors, only adults can speak of and if they did, it took time to keep the conversation smooth and off of any grief nor sadness when your name reached their tongue. The younger ones would never know until the time is right. When everything was taken care of and hearts moved on. 

Your funeral was held in secrecy yet was it was grand. Something that would hold the significance of your memories with them. It was beautiful, your favorite flowers lined along your coffin, and you. Looking ever so ethereal even when death has kissed you, clad in that dress Childe bought for you. 

"uh huh!" the youngest ginger nodded eagerly and skipped away as the eldest sighed into his hands, the pressure weighing heavily on his shoulders as he worried more and more about his younger sibling. Another memory, a mind broken and a his soul withering. was there any way to save him? 

Days seemed to go by as any glimpse of the man was scarce. Until one day they ceased to see him altogether. It started at lunch, a week after the funeral when it took everyone to coax him into eating more as he lost weight  and trickled down to a whole day. Cooped up in his room, clinging to a pillow with the fading scent of you. and then he was gone, like a snowflake melting upon ones forehead. They grew anxious and thought of the worse until they caught wind that he was back in Liyue from one of the agents only then were they allowed to breathe a little better. 

"Childe, what finds you here?" the calm tone of the geo archon's voice broke him out of his trance

"Have you seen my fiance?" Zhongli blinks at the question of the harbinger, he knew what befell you and yet this man before him seemed clueless enough as to what he committed. How Childe did what he did, he seemed to sympathize with in a way that would make him understand his behavior. 

" I have not." he couldnt bring himself to tell this man the truth. Perhaps he was sparing him, spearing that mind of his into spiraling down into nothingness and a heart that was held by a thin piece of thread. "Perhaps it is better to enjoy yourself while you wait for them." 

To deviate oneself from the loss might be the best way Childe right now until his mind is ready to accept the torment of the heavy truth that would slew this man. 

"I see. " he smiles and yet it feels so empty to Childe, the reason? He wouldnt know or atleast his mind wouldnt allow him to know 

"Ill see you around then Xiansheng." 

Everything that he portrayed lacked and all he could do as he's always did. 

...........

i had to.

I hope yall would get Childe :)

#genshin impact #genshin impact angst #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact drabbles #childe #childe angst #childe one shot #childe imagine #childe drabble #ajax #tartaglia

[theons-stark]

A few days I got the most horrible heartbreaking Throbb idea and I thought I'd write it here to get better at writing in english. This is my first time writing something like that in English so please feel free to tell me if I did a mistake somewhere, or ways to get better. Thank you !

Throbb AU where Robb somehow survived to the Red Wedding and ends up fighting in Winterfell during the Long Night and Theon is the one to kill the NK :

Theon.

"Theon."

Greyjoy turned to Bran sitting in his wheelchair. He felt his heart beat harder and faster than usual.

"You're a good man."

Is he? Is he really a good man after all he has done? Is he even a man anymore?

"Thank You."

He wanted to say something, he wanted to tell Bran that he was thankful too, that he was glad he was home. In his real home. He turned back to the Night King. He knew it was over. He only had a spear against some magic monster King, what could he do? He could try. Try to fight one last time, for Winterfell, for the Starks. For Robb.

Robb, his dear Robb. He wished he could have said all the things he wanted but just looking at Robb was hard. He had betrayed him, the love of his life, his soulmate. Theon felt his heart break inside his chest. He wished he could have said those three little words one last time. But everytimes he tried, all that came out was "im sorry". He could never find the strength to say the right words. And now he felt like a coward. Tears came rolling down his face. It didn't really matter anymore anyway.

"I love you"

Theon whispered so low that only himself could hear. He somehow wished that the words would get to Robb's ears, that he'd hear and know. Gods please let Robb know how much he's sorry and how much he loves him.

Theon grabbed his spear tightly and ran towards the King. He felt his own spear pierce his stomach. He suddenly remembered the knife Jon had gave him. He used his last strengths to grab it and stuck it in the Night King's body.

Robb.

The white walkers exploded . He was so surprised he almost fell down. Robb looked around, wondering if this meant they had won.

Jaime Lannister, Brienne of Tarth and Podrick Payne looked as surprised as he was.

"did we win?"

Lannister asked first. No one answered. They were all wondering the same thing. Robb walked to see Arya next to Bran. Jon joined him a few seconds later, hugging him.

"Gods you're alive"

Snow said. Robb could only nod.

"did we win?"

The Stark asked his brother. The bastard smiled.

"we did."

The two brothers embraced eachother again and were soon joined by Sansa. The three of them ran to Arya and Bran quickly. Robb had never been so joyful.

But his happiness sank in a second. His eyes had found him.

Robb slowly walked to Theon. The man was standing, his legs shaking, a spear stuck in his stomach.

"No.."

Robb whispered.

"Robb... Help me.."

Theon begged, tears coming out of his eyes like two tiny rivers on his face. His legs couldn't support his weight anymore and he almost fell. Robb caught him before he hit the ground. He sat in the snow, carefully putting Theon's head on his lap. He caressed Greyjoys hair softly.

"It's alright, we're gonna call a maester."

"Robb Im-"

"shh keep your strength."

"Robb."

Theon called while looking at him in the eyes.

"I- I love you."

Robb suddenly realised how wet his own face was. He didn't remember crying though.

"I love you too."

He whispered back. A tiny smile brighten Theon's pale face. He closed his eyes and Robb took Greyjoy's hand in his.

"No sweetheart you have to keep your eyes open, we're gonna save you."

"Its alright Robb. Im not scared anymore."

Theon replied with a small voice, his eyes still closed. The Stark started sobbing, feeling his heart break.

"Theon wake up, we're gonna save you."

This time, Greyjoy didn't answer. Robb frowned. He put Theon's body on the ground and touched his cheek. He was colder than ice.

"Theon wake up.."

He murmured in a begging tone. He cried harder, shaking Theon to wake him up. And despite all that, he never opened his eyes again.

"Robb let go.."

Arya said slowly.

"he's gone."

"Liar !"

Robb yelled at his little sister, still focusing on Theon.

"he's okay, he's tired."

"Robb he's not breathing anym-"

"SHUT UP !"

He hissed while grabbing Theon's body, putting it against him desperately. He didn't want to let go. Not again. He wasn't ready to loose him again. Gods, please, not again.

He rocked Theon slowly, Robb burying his face in the dead body's cold neck. He cried, begged Theon to come back. He could not take it. He would rather die than live without him.

Jon and Arya grabbed their brother, obliging him to let go of Theon's body which just fell back on the ground. Robb pushed away his siblings and put his head on Theon's corpse, where his heart used to beat.

A memory appeared in his mind and he closed his eyes to remember it better.

It was a hot summer afternoon. They were in Robb's room. Robb climbed on Theon to rest his head on Greyjoy's chest.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm listening to your heartbeat. Its calming me."

"is it?"

"yes. Its funny because.."

...

"what?"

"nothing, forget about it."

"no tell me Robb."

"It sounds like.. like your heart beats louder than usual."

...

"maybe it does."

"What?"

"maybe it beats harder for you."

Robb had sat on Theon's lap, looking at him in the eyes. They had stayed silent a moment and suddenly kissed. It had been the best day of Robb's life. The feeling of Theon's warm lips on his, one of his hand in Robb's hair the other on his neck.

Robb suddenly wished they were back to this day, when it seemed like they could do anything together. Like they could have taken on the world. Like they were invincible.

Now and always.

These were their words.

"maybe it does beat harder for you."

That's what Theon had said. If it were true, why wasn't his heart beating? Robb cried even more.

"Its me, Its Robb. You said your heart beats harder for me. It should beat again for me then."

But nothing happened. And Robb had to realize. It was too late. Theon was gone forever. Just like Robb's parents. He was gone and Robb couldn't bring him back.

"Im sorry."

Robb whispered, kissing Theon's cheek. He got back on his feet, shaking. Where his heart should have been, he felt empty. He felt like when Theon's heart had stopped beating, his had stopped too.

Maybe because Theon's heart wasn't beating harder for Robb.

Their hearts were connected, beating for eachother. And when they were together you could hear both beat loudly. And now that Theon's heart had stopped, Robb's heart had no reason to beat anymore.

#game of thrones #throbb #angsty Throbb #im depressed bye #theongreyjoy #theon greyjoy #robb x theon #theon x robb #robbstark #robb stark #richard madden #richardmadden #alfieallen #alfie allen #a song of ice and fire #asoiaf #got #honestly crying over them 90 times a day #bring throbb back challenge

[threefeline]

Mipha's Grace

“Mipha..?”

The name is a wobbling, trembling little thing, shaking like pebbles underfoot as Sidon looks up at her. She knows exactly what he sees. She looks exactly the way she was the day she left- the same accessories, the same clothes, the same healing magic- unchanged and untouched by the passage of time, a price she paid with blood. She swallows, looks away.

The plaza is silent, the only noise Link’s steadily halting breaths and the rush of water over silver. She knows she should help him, her magic collecting in her hands and dripping down the sides, ready to help her oldest friend, and yet-

She can’t stop staring at her little brother.

It’s strange, looking at him now. He’s so large, a mountain of a zora, has grown into the stubby little limbs and oversized tail she had last seen him with. Gone is the baby fat,  the little teeth that had just begun to grow in, the yung child who used to toddle in her footsteps and steal her trident when she wasn’t looking. He’s larger than her now. and when he gapes at her, she sees the serrated blades line his gums- more dangerous than any weapon she could possibly give him.

(He still wears that whistle around his neck. She remembers, somewhat, hearing it from where she had been trapped in Vah Ruta, alone and miserable and waiting. She remembers pressing herself against the doors leading out to the balcony and wondering why he’s blowing it, wondering if he’s in trouble. She hears the call everyday: loud and piercing and desperate.)

(He goes to the lake, Link had told her once, in between mouthfuls of blood as she let her magic envelop him. Every night. He blows that whistle every night so you can hear it, and know he’s doing okay. That’s why there’s a bed at the reservoir- He sleeps there a lot.)

At that time, she had thought he was just being delirious, but now the truth of those words settle in her bones like ice. It has been 100 years. She had lost an entire century to Ganon, hadn’t been there for her brother, hadn’t watched him grow. She’s stuck the way she is forever now, while he will go on without her: it’s an extraordinarily painful revelation to come to. She knew, vaguely, that she was dead and gone and could never truly be alive again, but it was one thing to understand that her heart had stopped and another entirely to be confronted by everything that she had lost.

She failed them all, Link and Sidon and her kingdom, and she finds herself unable to meet her brother’s eyes as she approaches, the glow from her hands casting his eyes aflame.

Sidon makes a wounded noise at the back of her throat, and rears back, pulling Link closer and away from her. “Wait, no- sister.” He breathes, and she doesn’t understand why he’s staring at her like that. Like she’s something to be feared. She almost flinches when he makes to stand up, almost frenzied, knees scraping against the cold floor. “Please, it’s not his time yet, don’t take him with you- The healers can still save him, I can still save him..!”

Oh.

(She thought she knew what pain and sorrow was, watching Link’s gaze soften and the corners of his eyes crinkle as he pressed a kiss against Princess Zelda’s hands, bleeding out alone with the knowledge that the battle was over and lost, wandering the halls of Vah Ruta ever night for 100 long years with nothing but Ganon’s Blights to keep her company, but this: this is a hot knife sliding between her ribs, straight into her heart, and she wants to weep for the sheer agony of it. Her little brother, scared of her.)

“I won’t.” She whispers, and her hands tremble minutely. She forces them to stay steady. “I only wish to heal him.”

Sidon stares at her for one long drawn moment, muttering an “oh” that seems to sap him of all strength. He’s quiet as she approaches, and this time doesn’t move away when she sets her hands on Link’s wounds and hum a little tune under her breath. She hears the same song echo as if underwater, the same rush of power, and the ugly cut knits itself together beneath her fingers. When it’s done, she finds herself already fading at the edges, but Link is safe. That’s all that matters.

Her brother looks down at the champion in his hands and takes a long, drawn out breath, before their eyes meet. She’s floating a good solid foot off the ground, but even kneeling, Sidon meets her eyes with ease. She can see the bone-weary relief in his eyes, the wonder, the sorrow, can read it almost as easily as she could her own emotions. That, at least, hasn’t changed.

(He has a scar on his left flipper, a pale and faded with age. Such a small thing. If she had been there, she could have healed it. It is only a reminder that she had not.)

Her body flickers, and his eyes come to a rest on her hands, now nearly invisible. Her time is running out: soon she will disappear, returning only when her magic has recovered. This might be the only chance she has to say something to him.

“Sidon…” She begins, ready to apologise. (I wasn’t there. I should have been there for you. I’m sorry you had to go through this. I’m sorry that you had to grow up alone. I’m sorry that I died, that I’m dead. that I won’t ever be alive again.)

He lifts his head, and-

-It’s like the sun has come out once again, after a century of rain- his smile is warm, and genuine, and her words die in her mouth. Sidon grins at her, and she sees the faint reflection of the little boy he used to be, the one who would sit on her lap and ask her about her day as his tail wagged slowly from side to side.

“Sister! Thank you for saving Link! I’m glad to see you’re doing alright!” He laughs, and it’s so warm it takes the breath right out of her lungs. She stares, wide eyed and mute, as he flashes her a thumbs up. “I should have known that nothing would have ever stopped you from helping others!”

She doesn’t know what to say. That’s alright though. Her brother seems to have more than enough words for her. “It’s been a very long time, hasn’t it? I can’t wait to tell you everything that’s happened! Everyone’s going to be so excited, just you wait- Our dear Princess Mipha is free! And I assume you’re going to help us fight Calamity Ganon?” When she nods, he brightens even more. “That’s splendid!”

Her form is fading fast, but she has to ask. “…Aren’t you angry?” She asks, and Sidon gives her a baffled look. “I failed to do my duty. I died and abandoned all of you.”

Her brother is quiet, but only for a short moment. “No, why should I be? You were only doing what you had to! I would have done the same thing!” He looks down on the peacefully sleeping Link in his arms at that, and oh-

That’s a familiar expression.

(She used to see it every time she looked into the mirror, when Link was involved.)

Her breath leaves her in a rush, and Mipha smiles sadly: her little brother has followed in her footsteps, it seemed. She could only hope that his story had a happier ending. Even as the last of her form left the physical plane, she leaned forward to press a kiss onto Sidon’s forehead, the way she used to do when he was only as tall as her hip. He startles, and she laughs softly as she leans back, brushing away the soft blue glow she’s left on his skin. 

“I’m so proud of you.” She tells him before she disappears completely. The last thing she sees is the tears gathering in her brother’s eyes.

-----------------

IM SOBBING DUDE

#BRO THERE ARE REAL FUCKIN TEARS IN MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #miphas grace #botw #sidon #link #mipha #LIKE BITCH IM CRY #mipha's grace #fav #ive stared at this for four hours. #it's beautiful. #links in my reply for those curious of the context #thank you so fucking much for this like real shit this means the WORLD to me oh my god #submission

[frutavel]

kjhhj ok im sorry for sending so many asks but i am so Intrigued about gheist 👀👀👀👀

Hskdhskd don't worry asks are direct fuel for my brainworm, you can send in as many as you want ^^

ALSO GOOD his vibe is suppoosed to be weird in some way or other. I think that covers intriguing too xD

So here's a roundup! The only thing that changed since I made him to where we are now is that he used to be Amani, now he is Mossflayer. This doesn't impact his story at all and in fact makes it a lot easier for me to write him.

The Gheest's weird vibe starts generations ago when one of his great grandparents married an elf. They had children, and their children had children, and they mostly grew up in a weird limbo between elf and troll cultures, some leaned closer to one, some to the other, but overall a pretty mixed culture and creation. The troll died of old age eventually, but the elf stuck aroud for a very long time, because elves live way longer than trolls do and those were her family, whom she loved and cared for, and she wanted to be near all of her children and grandchildren, until one day she disappeared.

Nobody knows where she went or why she left, she might still be out there somewhere, but her absence caused her family to draw away from the elves as a whole and turn to the other half of their root, the trolls. Which lead us to Gheist and his mother, who are the last living descendants of that original couple. Gheist's mother is Amani, his dad was a Mossflayer, and Gheist grew up where today is the Eastern Plaguelands.

The elf blood holds strong in their line after all those years, but since it's pretty diluted (?) by now the only thing thaf implies for the Gheest is his eyes glow in the dark and he might live a little longer than your average troll. The moss that grows on his fur also sprouts red flowers instead of white, which is the usual color for moss flowers, so maybe the elf blood has something to do with that as well.

Life for the Gheest was pretty normal until around his early teens, when he lost his father. From then on it was just him and his mom, and then, when the Scourge attacked, he was on his own.

The Plaguelands are a direct connection to the Ghostlands, and they're messed up Like That because of the Scourge, and the Eastern Plaguelands, where the Mossflayer live, got the worst of the two halves. Gheist's tribe lost a lot, like everyone else in the Plaguelands and as of now a bunch of them are dead or undead. The living trolls managed to hold out in Zul'mashar.

As for the Gheest, he was out hunting the Scourge when it first hit. He was alone in his mission though, because the others of his tribe were understandably more worried about keeping themselves alive, but he did pretty well on his own.

He moved up to the Ghostlands eventually and he got caught with a necromancer's whip around the neck.

That left a scar as we know, and if he didn't die from the attack he would have died from infection, but lucky for him a certain someone was nearby.

Mel hung up her performer cloak while the Scourge was invading because well. The Scourge was invading and she was (and still is!) Very Good at settingthings on fire. She found Gheist and could not in her right mind let him die, so she got one of the healears to help him, and then she took care of him while he recovered.

The thing is he didn't exactly survive that. Bwonsamdi literally had his soul in hand and they it got yanked out of his grasp, and that's a thing that happens sometimes but it left a lasting mark on the Gheest that had Consequences tm.

His mouth constantly tastes weird, sometimes his skin goes numb and he can't feel anything for a bit, sometimes he looks and sees things that he shouldn't be seeing and it's not very fun. Sometimes he gets the chills and sometines he gets the colds wherd no matter what he does or where he is or how hot it is, he can't warm up. Sometimes when he gets a cut that's a little deeper mushrooms and other fungi grow out of it and he absolutely hates it and he cuts them off as soon as he sees them, but they bleed and it hurts to cut them out and if he didn't hate them so much he probably wouldn't think they were worth the trouble.

He didn't have anything left for him in the Plaguelands and he had no idea what the hell was wrong with him so he stayed in Quel'thalas with Melina. She already had Corina, her daughter, at this point and Gheist found not one but two whole friends. Cori is like a sister to him and she will beat up anyone who messes with him.

While he was in Quel'thalas he found a connection to the Amani loa, and it was around then that he became a druid. It was amazing for him to find something he could find solace in, and that helped him deal with his 10% death problems. It didn't cure it, and he's probably not ever going to find a cure, but the loa's blessing sure makes dealing with his occasional hiccups a lot easier.

And then we enter Toothpaste Territory, when Gheist and Corina (and Urhau!) Joined up with the Farstriders and Vol'jin to get into Zul'Aman before the Amani and the Zandalari did anything bad. Gheist has no love for the Amani and he felt that taking them down was the right thing to do, so that's what he did. After that he decided to leave Quel'thalas and see more sights, see if there was anywhere else he could be useful, and that landed him in Orgrimmar, and eventually it landed him a fling with Vol'jin, which landed him where we currently are in Toothpaste, with the two of them getting a little more stable and Tyrathan entering the mix sometime in the future.

And then we have Nightmare Gheist, which is a subject for another post, because this one is long enough as it is and I still need to polish some details on NM Gheist before I go more in depth about him. What I will say though, is that the Nightmare corruption upped his kinda dead status to half dead, and while it back to less concerning levels of dead once he was cleanses of it, it made the side effects he was already dealing with a lot worse for a while, until all of the corruption left and he was somewhat back to normal.

#asks answered #oc:gheist #nm gheist is missing chunks of flesh #they regrew after the nightmare left but it took a while #and it was painful #also melina saw gheist all alone with nowhere to go #said 'is anyone gonna adopt that' and then didn't waig for an answer

[discsters-a]

( jessica-alba. thirty-five. cisfemale. she/her. ) in texas, CAMILLA MENDOZA is known to most as cam. they have been riding with the 𝑫 𝑰 𝑨 𝑩 𝑳 𝑶 𝑺 for twenty-two years. they originally from newton and the PRESIDENT t is known to be very irascible & fiendish  but the other club members will tell you they are diligent  & resilient. as the years go by, they’ve gained a lot of respect in the club and around town. they rarely ever drive a car but when they do fire by beartooth is usually heard blasting. ( the sound of bruised and blooody knuckles cracking. worn off boots and ripped skinny jeans. victoria’s secret lingerie hiding beneath a leather jacket. half empty whisky bottles. cold metal of a gun touching the skin on her back. ) 

( jessica alba. thirty five. cisfemale. she/her. ) in texas, CAMILLA MENDOZA is known to most as cam. they’ve been living in newton for HER WHOLE LIFE and currently HELPS MANAGE DESEO WITH HER FATHER. some say they are IRASCIBLE & FIENDISH but i’m more inclined to believe those that say they’re DILIGENT & RESILIENT. if you walk by their house, you can sometimes hear TOWER OF PAIN by FIT FOR A KING playing from their window.  ( the sound of bruised and blooody knuckles cracking. worn off boots and ripped skinny jeans. victoria’s secret lingerie hiding beneath a leather jacket. half empty whisky bottles. cold metal of a gun touching the skin on her back. ) 

i suck at intros.... buT here i am, anyway, already loving every single one of you ! oH hi, by the way. i’m liz. a total disaster. obsessed with making gifs & currently absolutely in love with netflix’s the witcher. lover of cinnamon hot chocolate and way too obsessed w/ baby yoda memes. & before i ramble too much, i want to present u the first one of my characters : the love of my life. camilla !! ( seriously i want to marry jessica alba, i’m not even kidding )

p.s. i love plots. infact, i’d die to plot with ALL of you ! so, just click the lil grey heart on the post to give it a like & i’ll mssg u for all the angst & nice connections ! (i’ll probably invade all ur im’s anyway... but yeah) or you can also just directly add me on discord tbh ! @ geralt of rivia#5816

basics.

FULL NAME: camilla sofiá mendoza 

GENDER / PRONOUNS: cisfemale, she/her

AGE / DOB: thirty-five, february 2nd 1984

SEXUAL / ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: bisexual, biromantic

ETHNICITY: latina

NATIONALITY: mexican

EDUCATION: none, ditched high school in senior year

OCCUPATION: assistant manager at deseo , former president of the diablos.

LANGUAGES SPOKEN: english, spanish

ZODIAC: aquarius

PERSONALITY TYPES: estj-a / ravenclaw / lawful evil

DOMINANT TRAITS: haughty, adroit, alluring, enigmatic, materialistic, ardent, assertive, candid, captivating, diligent, abrasive, incisive, meticulous, cynical, sagacious, vehement, brazen, reticent

character inspirations.

peggy carter. buffy summers. annalise keating. nancy mckenna.

background & personality.

BEFORE BEING SHOT

okay, so camilla grew up in newton and is only one of a few children of antonio. mendoza. she’s the closest to her half-sister lu, even though cam grew up with her mother for the longest time. obviously, because her father was always out and about and little cam wasn’t allowed to stay with him in the deseo. but god, she hated her mother and how she wanted cam to become little miss perfect and walk around in flower dressed and pink shoes. she rather liked to wear the old leather jacket her father gave to her after a trip, immediately falling in love with the back print of the diablos - and she knew at that moment, that she wanted to have such a jacket herself one day.

especially because her mother always wanted her to be so perfect, she rebelled against her even more. she started to skip school, drink alcohol and start smoking at a way too young age. even worse, the drugs started, too. and with the age of fourteen, she left her mother without a warning. she just couldn’t be around that woman anymore. she stole some money of her mother’s wardrobe, knowing exactly where she hid the cash, and made it’s way to the deseo. of course, at first, no one let her in. she was a fourteen year old girl after all - and that was no place for her. but she didn’t leave, told the security multiple times that her father helped run this place and that she just wanted to talk to him. she finally wanted to be closer to him. after she waited a whole night out in the cold, she finally met him, totally drunk, but he immediately took her in one long hug, and she had needed that so much.

even though it took some arguing, he finally let her stay in the end. it didn’t take long and she soon was allowed to ride with him on his bike, join the gang to some trips, learn more about the business that was going on inside. she dropped out of school to focus on the diablos, but always still subtle since she wasn’t officially allowed to be a part yet.

as soon as possible, she got her driver’s license and her first own bike and with 21, she finally officially joined the diablos and at first, was responsible for the armory and taking care of it. a simple job, but she loved it more than anything and the diablos soon became her real family.

she had been a loyal member ever since, not once doubting her own gang. she was so dedicated to the gang and put so much heart and blood into it, that it was only a matter of time before the people voted her to become the next president.

she successfully has been working as the president for four years now, and is basically responsible for everyone. while some diablos still have a part-time job or have a proper family, the diablos are her complete life. she spents every second trying to improve the gang, to be there for everyone, to make it seem like home. she does have a good heart, but only to them.

to everyone else, she seems rather cold. she’s tough and has experienced a lot already. she knows how to properly break someone’s nose (or even kill someone), has way too many business contacts in the world and therefore knows her value, isn’t afraid to shoot before she speaks/thinks, and doesn’t hesitate for a second to kick someone out who brought any harm to the gang. she doesn’t let emotion get to her because she’ll only know it make her weak.

AFTER BEING SHOT

it was all a blur to her. since the moment she felt the bullet hit her chest , she didn’t remember what exactly happened . who exactly shot her , just that it was not a familiar face . neither reaper nor diablo . but not like she cared , not like she even wanted to go back after her life turned out to be in more danger than she ever thought it would be .

money buys everything , even a fake death certificate & a news reporter that spills the death of the famous camilla mendoza . she even enjoyed it a little , finally not having a target on her head anymore & being able to just run away . just have time for herself for once . 

she quickly grabbed her bags from her apartment at night , not one being able to see her , before she stole a car & made her way to new york . a city she always wanted to visit , where no one would recognize her between million of faces . where she could just try to be herself for once , to start a new life .

but as much she tried to forget her past because it simply turned her angry , especially the fact that she couldn’t seem to trust anyone anymore . even if no reaper or diablo shot her , someone of them easily could have given the order . there was no one , besides the two people she called family , she actually trusted anymore . yet , it was her family & important part in her life was missing . she didn’t feel complete . she missed the danger . the thrill . the action .

so , as much as she hated it , she couldn’t last longer than two months in the big city . she needed to come back , needed to face certain people . right now , she didn’t want to be a part of the diablos’ anymore , yet they were still somehow family to her . she just needed to feel home again  --- and to be close to her father and half-sister . 

#rideintro. #sO..... here's me updating the intro bC OBVIOUSLY something dramatic happened lmao

[a-fic-a-day]

Please dont take my sunshine away

This is my interpretation of what happens to my Traveler Shiloh before the A6 crew find her.

Panic gripped my chest like a vice! ' where is everyone! Where are the guards! What's happening!' With every thought my feet carried me swiftly through the gilded halls of my home. 'This is what you get for falling asleep in the garden again shiloh now you dont know whats going on!' 

Agonized screams and angry shouts could be heard echoing through the halls fueling my hurried escape to where is wasn't sure! A sharp turn and then a site so horrid a scream catches in my throat as I stop just short of the bloodied corpse of a guardsmen. Hands flying to my mouth in horror. Trembling I go to step away before a hand shoots out grabbing me firmly by the shoulder ,tugging me into a side hallway away from the scene.  Before I can scream a voice familiar, gentle and sonorous speaks lowly easing my nerves.

"Hush little  lamb. It's just me. Now listen something really bad is happening and you and I need to get out of here as quickly and quietly as possible."

 In all our lives my brother has never sounded so grave, so serious. His white brows pinched into a scowl upon his normally jovial blue face. I nod still too shaken to speak but trusting Ser'Rose enough to get us out safely. He was always sneaking out he knows the most secret paths some even the most skilled of our guard couldn't even find.

"Where is that guard of yours hmm lamb? Always hovering when you don't need him but now he's a ghost" 

I swallow the lump in my throat as he leads me by the hand out of the palace " I don't know Rosie… i.. I fell asleep in the garden again and i woke up and people were just screaming. I still dont know whats happening Rosie."

He stopped sharply pushing us against a wall. I go to say something and he hushes me with a look. We hear heavy footsteps and a sharp voice so heavy with bloodlust " Find them! Gather every royal mutt up  and put em down!" 

Our hiding spot was thankfully spared as the footsteps ran off in the opposite direction. " that's why we are getting out of here lamb. Some nasty people want us dead but i'm not gonna let that happen! Now come lamb we've got to get to my good friend Ar'dwalla.They owe me a favor and in cashing in today. They're gonna get us off this planet and safe." He paused taking a deep breath  and looking me in the eye where hot tears had begun to gather. 'Im scared but at least i have rosie with me'   I gathered myself and gently  squeezed his hand " ok rosie i trust you."  ' I fear for our brothers and sisters and  our parents  so deeply it hurts but he already knows that…'

The journey out of the palace is tense and quick. Almost being caught several times because of me. it's Painful to think of what could happen should we get caught and i'm the one slowing us down. I tug  on his arm to get him to stop my voice wavers with sadness as I eye our exit  

 " Rosie im slowing us down. We will get caught as soon as we are out…" a shuddering breath " Im not as quick or as stealthy as you… you should go without me . It will be safer for you." 

He is on me in a second. Callused hands gripping my upper arms looking at me as if I had just said the worst thing he has ever heard.  Firmly he says " dont! " he swallows hard and looks down and back up " don't ever say something like that again!  We can both make it! I would never leave you shiloh! Never! You and I are going to make it and we are going to get out of here and live! Do you understand me!" I nob  frantically tears pricking at my eyes again "good! Now let's Go!" And we ran.

 We managed to get  a decent way out before we heard the violence spill into the city. We were vulnerable out here. Ser'Rose more so than I with his bad habit of sneaking out and   being known. People know his face, his voice, he wanted to be seen and known and now it was causing our escape  to be more hazardous. 

" just a little further now lamb and we will be-" he cut himself off abruptly pulling me to his chest and into the shadows. That same bloodthirsty voice from the palace wrapped my heart in an icy grip. " Where are you little prince! We know you're out here somewhere! Best come out quick and ill make your death a quick one runt!"  A crash and then  the sound of solid footfalls " this princey is a little pest I hear! The black sheep always running off from his little flock! Causing trouble for mommy and daddy! Now causing me trouble! Get! Out! Here! Face your death coward!"  

My brother was tense and his jaw clenched  i looked up at him wide eyed. This was our only route to Ar'dwalla. We are trapped right now we stare death in the face.  I whisper my voice dripping in fear " what do we do Rosie? Should we hide and wait?"

 He looks at me. The tension fading from his face into something soft and familiar. Like when he used to calm me from a nightmare. He presses something into my hands, it's cold , rounded metal.  I look into his eyes searching for an answer and all i see is tender sadness and a glint, one that ive seen before that calls for no argument. Once he's made up his mind there is no changing it.  His voice is tender  and soft when he speaks " No lamb you are going to hide. You're going to stay here and you're not going to leave this spot until it's quiet. No matter what you here Shiloh promise me you wont leave this spot!"

I knew what he was going to do " Rosie you can't! You said you'd get us both out! Both you and me! Please Rosie you cant ! I won't let you!" It was like a rock in my stomach as I spoke!  ' he cant he cant he cant! I won't let him! Please rosie don't do this… please..' 

" you're  so good lamb. And i've never done right by you and im sorry im breaking another promise to you! But you were always the best of us. So kind and loving. You should be able to live and enjoy life, find love, have an adventure and im not going to let you die here and ruin that" he held me tighter tears running down  his pale blue cheeks " i love you so so much Shiloh! Don't ever forget that. Take care of yourself and live for me. Live for me lamb!" He kissed my forehead lovingly and with finality before he scrubbed his eyes  before walking out.  Leaving me silently crying praying for his safety.

I could hear him as he spoke tauntingly " I heard someone ask for a prince." 

"Looks like the roach came out." The malice was there in that voice as they spoke slow and drawn out " come here runt and you can die with the rest of your flock." It was near silent the tension in the air only broken by my brothers slow and taunting footfalls a pause and then rage "GAH YOU SNEAKY BLUE BASTARD!" 

" YOU DIDN'T THINK ID GO WITHOUT A FIGHT DID YOU, YOU GIANT FOOL!"  The ragged sounds of a fight! I flinched each time I heard him cry out! Every hit I heard  him take felt as though i took the blow myself  before finally "I'M DONE PLAYING MUTT!" *CRACK*  a gunshot and the sound of   a body hitting the ground with a strained groan "Stay down and die in the dirt mutt"  I had to restrain myself from running out screaming to my brother. Falling to my knees in pain as I waited….. and waited. Until there was nothing just as he said before i crawled to the corner of the alley and saw my brother bleeding on the ground 

"no.." my voice trembled as I clambered to my feet and ran to him. Falling to my knees beside his broken body I laid his head in my lap. The tears came hot and fast choked sobs escaping my body as I caressed his bloody cheeks. 

" why…. Is…. My little lamb… crying..? Hmmm?" His voice so soft and broken.

“ Ser' rose! Please please hold on!! I can fix this! I can fix it! I just need! I need! A needle some tread! Rosie im so sorry! It's My fault if I was-" his hand slowly lifted and touched my cheek " shhhhh… lamb..s'not your fault… it's theirs.. you can't fix this… im sorry. I made you…. Cry." He smiled sadly up at me " can i… see.... My sunshine  smile…  one… last time.."  I held his hand tightly to my cheek as I smiled down at him through the tears and  the pain. He smiled tenderly back tears trailing down his face mingling with his blood. 

" You need… to go now Shiloh.. ill be fine… now that i saw… your smile.. I need you to.. go… and live.".

I choked out a sob " I can't leave you here. Your dying.. we can get you help. Please Rosie i need you. I don't know what to do without you. Please please i can't leave you!" I whisper so desperately to him

He shook his head slowly " you.. know.. i wont.. make it… im sorry…. You're  hurt…. But please… you have… to leave… me" his breath was getting shallower and he was paling fast as the  blood left him. " i… will…. Always … be .. with you.. Shiloh…. Always." He closed his eyes and began humming brokenly. Our lullaby, the sound once soft and comforting now haunting with finality. 

I kissed his forehead " i love you rosie" he smiled tiredly as i placed his head back on the ground. Standing i looked down on him. He looked so calm as he lay dying. I turned and i ran. 

The chaos was still everywhere. It was like I couldn't out run it. Smoke and screaming. Pain and death everywhere you looked. I was so close now. Not to much further. 'you can make it! For Rosie! For Rosie!'  

A large blast and im sent flying and tumbling! Smoke burns my eyes and then  a sharp pain in my head! I'm lying on the ground the sky blurred and fading above me! The pain in my head terrible. ' i was so close… im sorry' 

#Andromeda Six #my first fanfic #This is really sad im sorry #A6 #My traveler #My oc's #Please be gentle

[doupi-chan]

Kamusoyo genderbent (kameyo x shouyo) nsfw

It was right after the bell rang that i received a message from kouga (kagura fyi) 'hey sorry i couldn't come to school im kind of sick' I sigh and type ' dont sweat it kouga kun if you want i could get you some medicine since kameyo is probably busy "being a delinquent" ' i pressed sent and picked up my back thats when i got another message saying 'thanks shoyo i really appreciate it, im currently dying here and souko is a sadistic bitch who wouldn't even bother with me.. ' i chuckle at the message those two are cute in their own way I continue my way down the hall to the stairways as fast as I can without running (if thats even possible) so i wouldn't get in trouble. I got to my shoe locker and put my shoes on as fast as possible thats when i felt a pair of arms sneaking around my neck. I turn around to see none other than kameyo. "K- kameyo !, You scared me" shoyo said with a light blush on his cheeks. "Well its your fault for being so open" she whispered teasingly in his ears making him shiver, "t-thats not true i was just about to leave if it weren't for you" he explained "Now if you excuse me" shoyo said while brushing off kameyo's hands from his neck "im in a rush to get medicine for a friend" . " Hmm a friend ? And in any chance is that friend of yours related to me perhaps my dear younger brother ?" she asked knowing damn well what the answer is "Yes your dear younger brother who you left at home without any care" he answered slightly annoyed, "heeh~and isn't my brother lucky to have a friend like you looking out for him" she said while walking towards shouyo and putting her arm around his neck, yet again. Shoyo blushed at her actions and said "i-i- i guess s-so b-but i uh i have to go now" he said blushing furiously as he was stuttering. Kameyo found this amusing so she wanted to take this teasing to a whole another level. She started to close the gap between her and shoyo, her face now so close to his, just an inch more and she would be able to kiss him. And kiss him she did, kameyo smashed her lips with shoyo's making sure he wouldn't be able to escape this,she deepened the kiss even more by entering her tongue in his mouth wrestling him for dominance, shoyo wasn't the dominant type so he lost the battle, she let her hands travel his body from his neck to his chest all the way to his croch area. Shoyo couldn't help but get excited at her actions, but he wasn't going down, he placed his hand on her ass groping it making kameyo let a soft moan that made him even more excited than he was,he was about to pick her up from the ground if it wasn't for a certain sadistic girl. "Ahem" the blonde girl cleared her throat, "you know i would give you detention for doing these things in school grounds, but im way too lazy to do that" she said nonchalantly "Oh its souko-chan~ !" Kameyo said cheeringly, " Don't 'oh its souko-chan~★' me kameyo" she said while glaring at the Vermillion haired girl "Your brother texted me saying that hes basically dying and that hes waiting for a certain someone to bring medicine" she explained as she turned her gaze at shoyo "Oh right i completely forgot!" shouyo said while panicking how could he do this to his best friend he basically betrayed his trust by making out with his sister and leaving him to die. "Dont sweat it shoyo-san knowing him hes just being overdramatic" she said reassuring him that it was okay "Yeah its okay shoyo-kun ~ its not like hes going to actually die so lets continue where we started ★" kameyo said not caring about her sick brother. "Uh no can do kameyo thats rude I don't want to break kouga's trust, besides didn't we do it yesterday ?" He questioned the Vermillion haired girl Kameyo sighed a sigh of disappointment and said "whatever lets get going",kameyo said while walking towards the door ★★★ "Ugh" kouga groaned while looking for a comfortable position to sleep in "i hate being sick" he muttered under his breath,as soon as he said that the door bell rang "comiingg" he said as he dragged himself to open the door. Even though he said that he was coming the ringing door bell never stopped eventually he got tired of it and yelled "i said im fucking coming goddamn it !!!" He opened the door furiously to reveal the one who was ringing the bell,it was none other than his best friend shoyo,kameyo and souko. Kouga grew pale when he met the sadistic girl he calls 'his girlfriend', "yo kouga feeling any better ?" She asked "no,and why are you here ?.." he answered almost immediately. "pff silly to nurse you of course". He turned his gaze to the brunette to say "Sh- shouyo aren't you the one who's supposed to be nursing me" the poor pale boy asked worriedly. "I would but okita-san insisted that she would nurse you,and besides i would need to..you know,wash your body and stuff so it kind of embarrassing" shouyo explained. "I ,see" kouga sighed with defeat "well come on in" he opened the door to his apartment,it wasn't a small apartment but it wasn't big either its was the type of apartment that any newlywed would dream of a big kitchen,2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms and a big living room. Kouga was about to go back to his room but his vision became blurry and he lost his balance, luckily shouyo was there to prevent him from falling."woah woah,are you okay kouga ?" He asked worriedly. "Im fine,I think i just need to rest a little" he reassured the brunette. "Ya think ? Kouga a fever is not something to think lightly of, especially if it makes you dizzy" souko said in a serious tone. "Anyway im gonna make you some rice porridge so just sit back and relax" she said as she Made her way to the big kitchen." You better not put anything weird in there" he said jokingly "Well im going to my room call me if you need anything,lets go shoyo" she pointed at the brunette to follow her."wait what why ?" He was confused on how he wasn't going to be helping his friend. She sighed and made her way to him wrapping her arm around his,"shh no questions just play along okay ?" She smiles her typical smile that you would see her wear every time He sighed "okay" he said while being dragged by the arm like a kid dragging his dad to buy him candy. ••• Meanwhile in kameyo's room things were getting heated, "mn" kameyo moaned as she kissed shoyo on the mouth deepening the kiss she wrapped her arms around his neck and sat on his lap, he took this opportunity to wrap his arms around kameyos waist soon she separated the kiss and looked at him, his face was flushed and sweat formed on his face and the look on his eyes was full of lust and hunger for her, eventually he flipped kameyo and hovered over her, the two of them stared at each other as if on que both of them smashed their lips together. Shoyo licked kameyo's lips, asking for permission to put his tongue inside kameyo opened her mouth and shoyo wasted no time and entered his tongue inside her mouth deepening the kiss, the kiss was lustful filled with hunger and this time shouyo wasn't losing any battle as he was more dominant than ever, he sneaked his hands under kameyo's shirt from her abdomen all the way to her breasts he groped one of them earning him a sweat moan from kameyo "mn" she whimpered the brunette was getting excited.. way too excited he took off her shirt revealing her navy blue bra, her breasts were big (at least an e cup) he unstrapped her bra and let her breasts loose, shouyo was used to seeing her breasts since this wasn't the first time they ever done this, hell they've done this way too many times, why ?,Maybe its because they're crazy for each other. he licked and nibbled on her nipple while caressing the other, as for kameyo she was a moaning mess "ahnn" she moaned,though.kameyo was not having any of this so she grabbed shoyo by his collar and flipped their positions kameyo now on top and shouyo at the bottom, "you seem to be having way too much fun" she said seductively, while she grinded on his member "guh !" he groaned as he bit his lip.she grabbed his belt and unbuckled it, shoyo knew where this was going so he let her be, she was about to pull down his pants but the door knocked. Kameyo let out an annoyed sigh and got off of shouyo. "Oi kameyo can i eat the pudding in the fridge" Souko said behind the door, kameyo put on her shirt and made her way to the door to open it, "suit yourself souko and Don't bother me ever again im kind of busy" kameyo said annoyed that the blond girl interrupted her "time" with her lover. "Uwa" souko said disgusted realizing what she had interrupted,i mean.kameyo's face was flushed and she was sweating her hair was a little bit messy and she was only wearing her shirt.souko peeked behind her to see shoyo in the same state as his belt was unbuckled,face flushed,etc and also she realized he had a boner... "Well Sorry for intruding then" Souko said turning her back on the Vermillion haired girl "i'll be on my way" she said as she walked away.kameyo sighed and closed the door again making sure to lock it and made her way to shoyo. "Weell~ lets continue shall we"kameyo said seductively while licking her lips, earning her a nod from shoyo. ★★★ "Well well well this puddings not bad,not bad at all." Souko said satisfied she went to check on the porridge to see if its finished or not."hmm still just a little bit longer" she said as she put another spoonful of pudding in her mouth. "Nnggh" she heard a loud grunt coming from the living room 'kouga' is what popped up in her head."kouga you dying over there?" She asked sarcastically. "S- ....sou...souko..." He mumbled between his heavy pants."I feel hot like my bodies on fire." He said with a weak voice "yeah well no shit,you have a 39 degree fever" "Heh no wonder i felt like I was dying" he Chuckled nervously."wait here im gonna bring you cold water and a towel",the sick boy nodded his head "ok.." he said softly. ★★★ "Hah" kameyo moaned loudly as shouyo slammed hardly into her she looked at him in the eyes and saw how lustful and hungry he was for this,its like every time they had sex he would turn into a different man he turned her around on her stomach and bit her shoulder "ah" before she could say anything shouyo slammed into her so hard her mind went blank she was filled with pleasure and she couldn't do anything to stop him she knew she was at his mercy. "ahhn" kameyo moaned again as shoyo kept on thrusting in her. She knew she would come anytime soon and so was he, he bit harder signaling he was going to come,he thrusted hard into her showing her how thirsty and hungry he was for her "aah" kameyo moaned loudly as she was close to coming,he slammed one more time inside of her and came "mnhh" he moaned loudly,he got off her and rested beside her trying to catch his breath. He grabbed her by the waist and pulled into a hug "kameyo" he called "hm.. ?" She answered him softly "i love you" he said while smiling the Vermillion haired girl blushes at the boys statement but hugged him and buried her face in his chest "me,too". ★★★ bonus: "Kouga this should make you better say aah" souko said trying to feed her lover some porridge she made.."aah" he reluctantly opened his mouth and ate the porridge."how is it" souko asked. "it tastes horrible are you trying to kill me ?" He said teasingly. Souko deadpanned at him and said "oh god are your taste buds also? dying this is serious". " Shut up" kouga said " im going to sleep" he added."Whatever if you die while sleeping Don't blame me" she said not caring about the virmillion haired boy. As she was about to got to the kitchen to clean the dishes kouga grabbed her by her arm she was confused so she asked "what now ?" He looked at her and said "aren't going to give me a goodnight kiss" he looked at her with a pout, souko put down the dishes on the table and immediately kissed him on the lips.she didn't care about getting sick, kissing kouga was worth it.she separated from him and looked at him with a smirk "goodnight little rabbit" The end hope you liked that this is my first time writing so leave a like and a review. Thanks 👏

[bohemianrhapsody86]

200 Things About Me (originally 200 Things You Can Put In My Ask)

I got this off of @rami-malek-trash - don’t know who the original poster was, sorry if it’s you. I’m bored and cramping and no one usually sends me asks anyway, so I’m just going to answer all of these myself 

200: My crush’s name is: Drew (Now boyfriend, but he was my middle school crush) 199: I was born in: 1986 198: I am really: cool 197: My cellphone company is: T-Mobile 196: My eye color is: green 195: My shoe size is: 9.5/10 194: My ring size is: 9/10 193: My height is: 5′6″ 192: I am allergic to: Nothing 191: My 1st car was: 2001 PT Cruiser 190: My 1st job was: Server at a local pizzeria 189: Last book you read: Startalk: Everything You Ever Need to Know About Space Travel, Sci-Fi, the Human Race, the Universe, and Beyond by Neil DeGrasse Tyson 188: My bed is: Not very comfortable. I need a new mattress, but I need a job first.  187: My pet: A siamese cat named Chico. 186: My best friend: Amanda  185: My favorite shampoo is: I like using Aussie 2-in-1, I also like using Shimmer Lights occasionally so I can keep my gray hairs nice and shiny.  184: Xbox or ps3: PS3 183: Piggy banks are: Cool. I have one that counts my change lol 182: In my pockets: Nothing because they hate putting usable pockets in women’s pants.  181: On my calendar: I marked where I started my period yesterday, and my boyfriends 32nd birthday is next Tuesday.  180: Marriage is: Something I want everyone to have the option for if they want it. 179: Spongebob can: use his imagination 178: My mom: is amazing! 177: The last three songs I bought were? Cool and Sucker by The Jonas Brothers, Don’t really buy many singles, just albums if I’m interested and their cheap.  176: Last YouTube video watched: Brooke Candy - Paper or Plastic 175: How many cousins do you have? Too many to remember 174: Do you have any siblings? Yes, an older brother and older half-sister. 173: Are your parents divorced? Yes, they divorced back in 1999 172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes. We used to be the same height, but gravity has taken a hold of her and squashed her down.  171: Do you play an instrument? I used to play the trombone in middle school, but that was 20 years ago. I’m sure if I ever got my hands on one again, I might remember a scale or two.  170: What did you do yesterday? Went around town job hunting and then bought a maxi dress at a local craft store.  [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight:Yes 168: Luck: Yes 167: Fate: Yes 166: Yourself: Sometimes 165: Aliens: Yes 164: Heaven: Yes and No 163: Hell: We live there now. 162: God: No 161: Horoscopes: Yes 160: Soul mates: Yes 159: Ghosts: Yes 158: Gay Marriage: Yes 157: War: No 156: Orbs: Yes/No 155: Magic: Yes [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: Kisses 153: Drunk or High: High  152: Phone or Online: Online 151: Red heads or Black haired: Black haired 150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunette 149: Hot or cold: Cold 148: Summer or winter: Winter 147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn 146: Chocolate or vanilla:Chocolate 145: Night or Day: Night 144: Oranges or Apples: Apples 143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly 142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk Chocolate 140: Mac or PC: PC 139: Flip flops or high heals: Flip Flops 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and Poor 137: Coke or Pepsi: Always been a Pepsi girl 136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 135: Burried or cremated: Cremated and turned into a tree or my ashes made into a vinyl 134: Singing or Dancing: Singing 133: Coach or Chanel: Neither 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Katherine McPhee 131: Small town or Big city: Small Town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller 128: Manicure or Pedicure: Mani 127: East Coast or West Coast: East Coast - never been to the West Coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Birthday because it sometimes falls on Thanksgiving.  125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney 123: Yankees or Red Sox: Neither, Cubbies til the day I die.  [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: Pointless 121: George Bush: Better than the asshat in office now. 120: Gay Marriage: If I can get married to my boyfriend, the my friend Jerry should be able to get married to his boyfriend, Josh.  119: The presidential election: I hate that orange buffoon.  118: Abortion: I’m pro-choice.  117: MySpace: Always had trouble figuring out my Top 8 and what background I wanted to use.  116: Reality TV: Only thing I really watch are cooking competitions. Those are the only ones that matter. Not a fan of the Kardashians or the Bachelor/ette bullcrap.  115: Parents: My mom is amazing, my ‘dad’ was never really there.  114: Back stabbers: Asshats 113: Ebay: Hardly use it.  112: Facebook: Good to stay in touch with people you want to/some of the groups on there are awesome.  111: Work: Don’t have a job as of yet. *keeps fingers crossed I hear back from someone soon* 110: My Neighbors: Loud AF and nasty. I live in an apartment and the neighbors upstairs have so many kids and animals up there it’s ridiculous. I wish they’d leave.  109: Gas Prices: Ridiculous, but not as bad as I’ve seen it before.  108: Designer Clothes: Meh, not my style unless I find something in my size at Goodwill.  107: College: Been there, done that. Not really for me. Never graduated.  106: Sports: I like watching them, mainly baseball and basketball. The NFL can go fuck themselves.  105: My family: Love my blood relatives and my chosen family.  104: The future: It’s so bright, I gotta wear shades.  [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: last night when my boyfriend came over and brought me my phone charger.  102: Last time you ate: An hour ago. 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: At my bestie’s baby shower.  100: Cried in front of someone: Sometime last week 99: Went to a movie theater: When Endgame came out 98: Took a vacation: 2010 97: Swam in a pool: A few summers ago 96: Changed a diaper: 2007? 95: Got my nails done: 2007? 94: Went to a wedding: 1999 93: Broke a bone: Never *keeps fingers crossed* 92: Got a peircing: 2012? 91: Broke the law: I probably broke the speed limit yesterday at some point.  90: Texted: about 2am this morning.  [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: My bestie Amanda and boyfriend Drew 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat. 87: The last movie I saw: Ant-Man  86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: getting a job 85: The thing im not looking forward to: Interviewing for a job 84: People call me: loyal 83: The most difficult thing to do is: finding a job 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Yep, 77 in a 55. 81: My zodiac sign is: Sun - Sagittarius, Moon - Leo

80: The first person i talked to today was: If you count texting my boyfriend at 2am, then him.  79: First time you had a crush: Sometime in Elemetary School.  78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my mom 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday 76: Right now I am talking to: myself 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I have no clue 74: I have/will get a job: soon 73: Tomorrow: Never Comes 72: Today: Is the day 71: Next Summer: Not here 70: Next Weekend: I have no clue 69: I have these pets: 12 year old 17 lb cat named Striper.  68: The worst sound in the world: My cat hacking up a hairball.  67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself 66: People that make you happy: my mom, brother, sister-in-law, boyfriend, best friend. 65: Last time I cried: sometime last week 64: My friends are: amazing 63: My computer is: pretty cool and loaded up with Sims stuff.  62: My School: I don’t go to school anymore.  61: My Car: gets me there.  60: I lose all respect for people who: disrespect me or my loved one.  59: The movie I cried at was: Endgame 58: Your hair color is: salt & pepper 57: TV shows you watch: Legends of Tomorrow, Worst Cooks in America, Any cooking show really.  56: Favorite web site: Tumblr 55: Your dream vacation: Somewhere away from my town 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when I had that ovarian cyst. 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium 52: My room is: messy 51: My favorite celebrity is: too many to list  50: Where would you like to be: in bed 49: Do you want children: nope 48: Ever been in love: yes 47: Who’s your best friend: Amanda 46: More guy friends or girl friends: About the same.  45: One thing that makes you feel great is: music 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my grandma 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I don’t even have a 5 minute plan 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Kinda, not really 41: Have you pre-named your children: Nope 40: Last person I got mad at: The Dump, but that’s a daily thing.  39: I would like to move to: out of the US 38: I wish I was a professional: crocheter/crafter [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: Butterfinger Cups 36: Vehicle: Don’t really have one 35: President: Barack Obama 34: State visited: Pennsylvania 33: Cellphone provider: Always been with T-Mobile 32: Athlete: Anthony Rizzo 31: Actor: Tom Hanks 30: Actress: Sandra Bullock 29: Singer: Freddie Mercury 28: Band: Queen 27: Clothing store: Lane Bryant 26: Grocery store: Aldi 25: TV show: Don’t really have one 24: Movie: Too many to count 23: Website: This black hole of a site 22: Animal: Cat 21: Theme park: Don’t really have one. I did enjoy Six Flags over Georgia when I went back in 2002. Dollywood is always fun but it’s been even longer than that since I’ve been there.  20: Holiday: Halloween 19: Sport to watch: Baseball 18: Sport to play: Nothing.  17: Magazine: Entertainment Weekly 16: Book: Harry Potter 15: Day of the week: Thursday 14: Beach: Virginia Beach 13: Concert attended: Jonas Brothers in VA Beach 12: Thing to cook: bacon 11: Food: bacon 10: Restaurant: Hmmm....don’t know that one.  9: Radio station: Classic Hits 102.7...hardly any commercials and they tell you the artist and song title after every song. 70s, 80s, and 90s songs.  8: Yankee candle scent: Don’t have one 7: Perfume: The scented oils from a local curiosity shop have some of my fave scents.  6: Flower: Iris 5: Color: Blue 4: Talk show host: Jimmy Fallon 3: Comedian: I’ve got several 2: Dog breed: Corgi 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes.    

#personal #200 things about me #bored #cramping #I need some sleep but can't sleep #period brain

[deadbirdsandflowers]

Since 7/28/19

I've been doing a lot of reflecting on myself. Specifically my past. The doctor told me I have type 2 diabetes. It was a slap in the face. It woke me up. I didnt feel fat, or ugly. My personality is confident on the outside, like a brick wall. But in reality that wall is brittle. I knew that I was getting bigger, that I felt sluggish. That my life was inactive and I felt like I wasnt doing all that I could have been. I feel like my confidence shouldn't have been as high as it was. Shouldn't I have felt more disgusting? More like a fat piece of shit?

I've done yoyo diets. I've starved myself. I've counted calories. I've dropped soda. I've worked out. I've ran every morning. I've done it all in my past. But I believe that all of those attempts have failed because I never truly addressed the real problem.

I've been a binge eater since I was 10 years old.

I've never admitted that before.

You ever find out something, and suddenly puzzle pieces start to fit together, things start to make sense. You finally understand?

When I was asked "do you think you're a binge eater?" And all I could muster was a shitty head nod with my eyes pinned to the floor.

Click.

The first binge I remember was when I was 7 years old. My grandma got a large mixing bowl and filled it with green grapes. 2 containers to be exact. And we sat down together and ate those grapes and watched TV shows together.

My hand to my mouth. Over and over. I ate and ate until after a while, I stood up to walk to the kitchen and vomited grapes all over her kitchen floor. My mother had to come get me, bring me to the ER and there I vomited the rest of what I had eaten.

From there I remember being 10 or 11, and my mom getting my brother and I fast food. I remember eating that cheeseburger and not even half way through eating it I was wishing for another one. I would watch my brother pick at his chicken nuggets and ask if he wanted the rest of his fries. Then when my mom was done, I'd eat whatever she didnt.

I would go to school and get bullied because my stomach protruded out of my shirt. My cheeks were so round and I was so much larger than all the other girls.

By the time I was 13, I would wait for my parents to leave the house and run into the kitchen and make 3 or 4 hot pockets and scarf them down. All for them to get back and yell at me and tell me to stop eating everything in the house.

Depression followed soon after. Because my family didnt see me having an eating disorder. They didnt bring me to get help. I didnt know I had a problem. They saw a fat girl trying to eat all the food in their house.

I'd go to doctors appointments for colds, and leave with 4 pamphlets about 'how to eat healthy'

I never knew I had a disorder. A problem. I didnt know that there was help. My family didnt know, they were busy with themselves.

Depression got herself a friend. Bipolar disorder. Suicide attempts. I took a bottle of sleeping pills after cutting up my arm and went to bed. Unfortunately I sent my boyfriend a text hinting to the fact of what I did, because i was scared. I wanted help. I wanted love. I wanted to be saved. So seconds later I had my mother splashing cold water down my mouth to make my throw up, her fingers being forced down my throat. My step father standing in the doorway, calling me a piece of shit, asking how I could do this to my little sister. I hadnt thought about it, I hadnt thought about anything but wanting so badly to die because I felt so LONELY and I just wanted someone to save me. No one did so i thought i would just die. That would be such a damn relief. That feeling is small, and hides behind my thoughts. I'm not medicated anymore so it's out of pure fucking willpower that I suppressed its whispers of how I hate myself. I tried to grow confidence. And I did. So much so that that confidence blinded me from the eating disorder I had.

I got out of my parents house. This was all when I was barely 20. It's not a safe place for me, mentally.

I'm almost 24 now. And I keep remembering all those times I shoved food down my mouth and not knowing why I was never satisfied. Never full. Never thinking that I had an eating disorder.

For almost 20 fucking years I've had this and I've never known. It was just the way I was. I never questioned it.

Now I am. Now, it's so vivid and real for me that I have been non stop thinking about my past. My future. My present.

I want to get better. I want to have a healthy relationship with food. And right now, I'm eating enough to survive. I dont ever eat more than 1800 calories a day. I burn about 3,000. That's inactive. On an active day it goes to 4,000.

I'm trying not to compulsively weigh myself. Im trying my best to not let that number define me. Im taking my medication like I should. Im trying not to fall off of my progress. I'm excited to see if I can actually be smaller. I've never been skinny, in my life. Unless you count being a child at 5 years old. Which I dont. But I'd love to be smaller. See collar bones. Where a size medium or large. Be able to sit in a recliner and not have my thighs touch the arms. Just once to feel feminine and delicate.

If I keep it up, maybe I will.

Thank you for letting me rant. ♡

#personal #weightloss #binge eating disorder #bed #ana #mia #notprojustusingtags #hope #past #reflection #open #vulnerable #deep #words #wordporn #bemyfriend

[tempestshakes01]

happy and anxious. 

happy because i love my apartment and i love Lil Cup of Joe. he is a terror and the sweetest boy ever, and i feel so much love for him. this is why i can’t be around an animal for an extended period of time. i will die for any creature i get attached to and lil joe is now my baby. 

but i am anxious because i put of working when my brother brought home a puppy. he didn’t ask me to, but he’s an idiot who’s never home and bought a puppy to make him come home. i gave him 3 days and when his habits didn’t change, joe was being left alone and untrained, and i needed a running buddy--well, i took over. joe’s now potty-trained and knows a few (one) command. i take him everywhere to socialize him. he’s mine. but i’ll never say that to nick. who still needs to go therapy. i don’t know him. i don’t know what goes on in that head of his. it’s like we switched personalities in our 20s. i went from the quiet, serious type to basically a manic 13 yr old boy. he went from a wildly charismatic clown to a brooding hipster. what makes him laugh? what is he thinking? what is he passionate about? how does he talk to other ppl for hours but he can barely speak to his family for more than half of one? what did we do?

i got really angry the other night thinking about the fights i’ve had with my parents this past year. 

1) washington d.c. - mom and i got into to it in front of the fuckin white house at dusk. i was so emotional and upset at being there, right there where trump fucks over our country, and my mom was being...well, the woman fox news molded. i was furious and trying to keep it nice, so i asked if we could just stop. stop talking. i was gonna blow up. and my mom was like, “why do we stop when you say stop, but when i ask to stop, you continue?” which...is it true? i didn’t think so, and because i can’t keep my mouth shut, i argued until i walked away. i walked into the crowds and then i kept walking. i kept walking. i kept walking.  

it was terrible. i texted her “i’m gone” and i left. 

i forgot the details but i wandered that area of d.c. got a coffee. tried not to cry. and then...remembered how much trouble my mom’s phone was giving her, that her gps apps weren’t being accurate, that she wasn’t confident at the metro, and that it was now dark. that she was alone in an unfamiliar city with a camera bag strapped to her screaming “i’m a tourist!” 

i felt like utter and complete shit. it was one of the most despicable things i’ve ever done. later, i told some people and they were like “she’s a grown woman! you were both upset!” but no. i can’t make excuses like that. i knew that my mom was scared. i burst into tears. a crazy sobbing girl in the middle of d.c. i immediately texted her and told her to get back to me when she got to the hotel. 

an hour later, back at the hotel, my mom couldn’t even look at me. couldn’t speak to me. i knew i had to apologize and i did, wording it carefully because i walking on a minefield. i again blocked out most of the conversation, but it quickly dissolved into a mess of confessions. i was wrecked. at first because of what happened, but as our conversation turned into an argument, i became furious again. over how she interpreted some of our interactions. over how i “blamed” her for my anxiety and anger. i told her i got my anger from her. that i was slow to it like my father, but when something lit inside me it burned bright and hot and deadly like her. that her grudges and cold shoulders hurt me so, so badly when i was a kid (which she then explained wasn’t a grudge, just her processing her anger...but that was way, way into the night). oh god, it was so bad. so bad. she confessed how she felt about all us kids. told me about her problems with andi and nick. told me she wanted to move away from us. told me she didn’t want a relationship with me or them if it was going to be like this. 

i didn’t sleep. just cried and cried. like i did when i was a kid. sobbed in the bathroom and then under my covers. we barely talked the next day, but it slowly became okay. i didn’t know how to explain how much i loved her, so i tried to show her.      

in the end, we were ok enough. 

2) driving 30 hrs across the country - my dad and i were talking and he told me how he didn’t get us, and that we were hurting mom by rejecting her or something. he was upset and my dad doesn’t get upset, so i got upset and moody. and he was like “why are you like this? just with me? just with us. you’re so cruel.” and i knew it was true but it still took me an hour to snap out of it. and i apologized. 

--

but i feel sometimes angry bc i got the emo dump from both my parents. about both my siblings! and they don’t even talk to them about it! my parents don’t even touch nick anymore! they leave him alone because it’s easier that way and he wouldn’t listen even if they tried to talk to him! and my sister would get super huffy and feel judged and act out in some way and take the kids! so. i get it but i hate it!!! because i got the feelings dump! i got the tears and the hours of psychoanalyzing why we are the way we are! and i hate that i feel burdened by it sometimes?

 i want to be there for my parents but sometimes i’m that petulant child that still wants a mommy and daddy, not two parents who are human and exist with their own emotional life. and that’s so unfair to them and wrong of me, but i feel that way because i’m the child that gets this brunt of this side of them.  

but it’s because in my own way im the most difficult and this shit spills out when i push them. 

--

my parents (mostly mom) are only getting more set in their ways and defensive of their opinions. my mom...my mom who taught me so much about art and the world and appreciating different cultures and music and lived life with such vigor and wonder...i can see that fading and hardening. she’s stubborn about what she like and doesn’t have much interest in anything new. she’s offended and hurt when i gently bring up her how she used to be. 

my dad’s always been this way. very traditional, but kind. spoiled, but hardworking. likes what he likes. but he’s eating more greens. he’ll try what i make because i made it. we listened to latino usa and old radio lab podcasts that whole drive from wa to tx, and he loved it, and we discussed the episodes. and i loved him so much because he gave them a shot and we connected. 

but my mom. my mom. i miss her and she’s right there, but she’s not. and i know i’m part of the reason she’s retreated into herself and her more ‘sturdy’ beliefs and the friends who share them. she’s so quick to judge and harsh about it these days. is it age? is it us? is it this horrible world?

--

i came home to this. i came home and how quickly people change bc i didn’t expect my mom to be so old. in spirit. she’s tired. she doesn’t trust me. we’re working on being gentle. i’m working on not being so quick to anger.

my dad and i...i’m thrilled we’re getting along so well after i treated him like shit during the ~separation years~ between my parents. i was awful to him and he knew why, but he never called me out on it. 

my sis and i are fine. i’m so relieved she got out of that last relationship with that TERRIBLE PERSON and came to her senses, and somewhat grew up. we kick it. she cooks for me. we don’t completely jive cause she’s hood, but can code-switch between worlds, and i’m suburban through and through, so i’m not as cool or smooth as she is. i’m her dorky weird little sister and i appreciate her love for me. 

my brother? a mystery. a complete mystery. 

and i’m reminded of how he called me on my birthday and started weeping and asking about therapy and saying he’s sorry he never believed in my anxiety because it’s true--you don’t ask for, you don’t know why it appears, and it wrecks you. and he deals with it now for no discernible reason and he sounded so, so broken over the phone that i was shaking and crying when we hung up.

but now he’s as chill as ever and takes minimal care of his puppy because the 1st dog he got was pretty hands-off from the jump, but she was grown and pooed and peeded everywhere for months (he says no, but that’s selective memory), so now lil joe is mine and i need to get a job because the lack of structure is killlllllllllllllingggggg me. but i don’t want to leave lil joe :( 

--

it’s funny how i never set out to write all this shit, but it comes spilling out. 

huh. wait.

i left and i worked on myself but then i missed my family.

did i come back to work on the family? to work on my relationship with them? is that my purpose here and why i felt compelled to return?

--

went climbing with GA. i was totally afraid of falling and bouldering isn’t as fun to me as top rope, but i wanna keep at it. 

trying to set something up with B and A. my buds. i love em. 

gotta set something up with L because I have a feeling we’ll be good friends here. and weirdly, BG contacted me even though I haven’t talked to him since college? and even then we weren’t that close. he was just inching toward asking me out and never managed it.

--

fav emmy looks: zendaya (obviously. omg, whatta babe), maisie williams (whatta look, suits her perfectly, killed it), gwen christie (whatta jesus babe), that girl in the billowing mint green dress, anddddd clea duvall (a babe in a tux). 

vm continue to make me sad and hopefully things go well with tour for them. it’s nice to see them getting along with charlie and tanith. with bby charlie and tati and max’s kid coming along...oh boy for scott’s emotions. he’s gonna ignore the HELL out of those sad feeling for what couldvebeen with tess and he’s gonna plan hard for his and j’s future offspring instead. (can i also predict that i think one thing scott’s gonna have trouble with in his marriage--oddly enough--is keeping the marriage a partnership and not bulldozing over his spouse with his wants and needs ...wait, that’s not odd lol) 

--

anyway, gotta take joe out to pee. gotta get to bed soon because i wanna be on the trails by 7am and then maybe to the climbing gym. this face maybe a potato but my body can improve! (i’m thicc at the moment thanks to texas food 🤧) 

#miranda this is your life

[askthetotallynotsquad]

Boardwalk bros?

Ali: ya know it's okay so sure :3

-----

Rich: *being calm and stuff and watching egg clam close to home*

Jeremy: Rich what the hell are you doing?

Rich: *sniffles bc it's s a d and he's c r y i n g* watching egg clam close to home-

Jeremy: *sits next to the Rich and hugs him bc they’re all dating??* it’s okay dude

Rich: *hugs the dolphin back* ThE nONMySTErIOus gUy WaS sO meAn aNd nOW hE'tH nICe (not the real plot of sffh- duh)

Jeremy: Rich calm down- it’s okay, isn’t it good that he’s nice?

Rich: weLL- yeah I geuth *calms up*

Jeremy: *holds the Tich bc hes v small*

Tich: I'm v small

Rich: ew go a singular way tich

tich: *:(* okayyy... *goes a singular way*

Jeremy: I- *cuddles the RICH* (idk how to feel typing this)

Rich: *cuddles the JEREMY*

Jeremy: oh my god you are so small it’s amazing

Rich: well

Jeremy: *kisses the Rich* (THIS FEELS WEIRD TO WRITE- but uh- here Jeremy x Rich shippers-)

Rich: *kisses the Jeremy* (I could care less so um \('_')/)

Jeremy: *puts a blanket over the Rich* sleeppppp- you be been crying too much

Rich: *sleeppppps*

Jeremy: *is still holding the Rich bc that’s what people do when they’re dating??* hhh *is playing with the Rich’s hair*

Rich: *slep*

Thunder: hello y’all

Storm: YEEHAW

Rich: *is spooked :0*

Jeremy: *falls off the couch* OW-

Rich: *becomes a caterpillar because he makes a cocoon with the blankets :))))))))) <this is clearly a CATERPILLAR not a WoRm*

Jeremy: richie, what are you doing-

Rich: I am a c a t e r p i l l a r

Jeremy: a cute one

Rich: *:0* all pillarth are cute

Jeremy: you’re the cutest one * boop*

Rich: e

Jeremy: I’ll be right back *kiss owo*

-when Jermey comes back-

Jeremy: Rich...what are you wearing-

Rich: *epically wearing a crop top*

Jeremy: *v v v red* w-why-

Rich: becauthe I feel like it

Jeremy: wait- where did you get that-

Rich: the children's place

Jeremy: oh my god Rich- *picks up the rich*

Rich: *epically is a crop top god*

Jeremy: I don’t know how Michael and Jake will feel about this Rich

Rich: *puts on some epic sunglasses that are way to big for him* I could care less what they think *finger guns*

Jeremy: wow- hey those are my sunglasses-

Rich: overly too bad for you

Jeremy: oh well *puts the Rich down on the Jerems bed??* slep

Rich: no

Jeremy: yesssss *turns off the lights and puts the fairy lights on*

Rich: where is cat *:(*

Jeremy: nononono don’t be sad b- I’ll go get him! *runs downstairs*

Rich: *:((*

Jeremy: *comes back with the cat and sits on the bed* here you go Richh

Rich: *feeds cat a goldfish* here you go babyyyy boiii *uwu pats cat*

Jeremy: aweee *puts his arm around the rich*

-latar-

Rich: *asleep holding cat who is also alseep In his hands uwu*

Cat: *bein heccin ADORABLE*

Jeremy: *fell asleep like on Rich*

Later: cat the whale

Cat: *licks rich's face*

Rich: huhh- *awakens* aweeee hi catt *:3*

Cat: *uwu*

Jeremy: *asleep with his head in Rich’s lap-*

Rich: *slowly gets up and goes outside to play with cat*

Jeremy: *awaken and puts on the Jakey D’s sweatshirt bc he can and walks outside*

Rich: *playing with the epic tiny whale*

Cat: *epically happy*

Jeremy: this is too adorable *takes a picture on his Polaroid bc aesthetic*

Rich: *doot gives cat a goldfish* good boy cat!!

Cat: *I n h a l e*

Jermey: Richie come hereeee

Micheal: *walks in the Jake bc they were being tops somewhere else 😎* Tf is Richie doing??? *confusion*

Jeremy: he’s being adorable with cat *still wearing the Jakey D’s sweatshirt*

Jake: nah b- I think you’re the adorable one right now *wraps his arm around the Micheal??? Sure??? Idk I’m not Micheal-*

Jeremy: Jake- I don’t think you’re getting this sweatshirt back anytime soon

Jake: eh- I’ll just steal Micah’s then

Micheal: why is it always my stuff!? *:(*

Jeremy: don’t be sad!! *hugs the michael*

Jake: *hugs both of them bc why not*

Jeremy: awe I love you guys

Micheal: Well what if I love you guys more?

Jake: Well what if I love you guys the most-?Richie! Come here!

Jeremy: Jake stooooop *leans on the jake*

Jake: noooooo *kisses his head?? Ok*

Jeremy: *hugs the Jake???*

Micheal: Did Richie die or something???? Richhhhhhhhhh

Jeremy: he probably took Cat on a walk, it’s okay

Rich: *teehee made a plan with cat so um yeah whispers* 3.. 2.. 1

Cat: *pretend bites rich's neck so it looks like he died*

Rich: AHHHHHHHHHhhhhh *pretend dies uwu*

Jeremy: OH JESUS CHRIST RICH *epically runs to the rich*

Rich: *even has fake blood and stuff cause he's really good at these kinds of things*

Jeremy: CAT WHAT THE HELL?? Rich come on..wake up..*actually sobbing bc hes v v v sensitive*

Rich: *gets up* YOU'VE JUST WALKED THE PRANK THIS IS A HIDDEN CAMERA SHOW THERE'S CAMERAS UH- *points to his phone* THERE!! *proud of himself :D*

Cat: *dances*

Jeremy: RICHARD GORANSKI YOU SCARED ME HAVE TO DEATH! NO- TO DEATH! JESUS CHRIST *hugs the short man*

Rich: *hugs the jerem* teEhEE

Jeremy: *picks up the Rich*

Rich: ew heighth *clings onto Jeremy:0*

Jeremy: you’re only 6 feet off the ground- it’s okay babe

Rich: b u t th t i l l

Jeremy: *sits on the grass still holding le Rich* what about now?

Rich: better thank you very much

Jeremy: *le kiss* you’re welcome

Rich: so how do you feel about me being in a crop top *epic gaymer*

Jeremy: not gonna lie, it’s kinda hot

Rich: *blushy boye eek* i-i didn't expect you t-to thay that-

Ali: (bicycles- horray-?)

Jeremy: you asked me so I’m speaking the truth *kiss owo*

Rich: *kiss uwu*

Jeremy: kinky

Rich: you don't even know *;)*

Ali: (I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry)

Jeremy: *big blush boye* oh?

Rich: teahee

Jeremy: *picks up le Rich and walks inside* cuddles and movie- pleaseeee

Rich: y o th *snatches a blanket*

Jeremy: *puts le Rich down on le couch*

Rich: I mutht siat on your epic lap

Jeremy: go ahead *turns le tv on*

Rich: *sits on Jeremy's lap :0*

Jeremy: *wraps his arms around le Rich’s waist*

Rich: *epically puts on heathers but genderswap* love thith movie

Jeremy: you and your little heathers obsession

Rich: it'th a good movie okay?!

- latar -

Rich: *epically starts freaking out when jd explodes herself bc the fire and stuff*

Jeremy: you okay Rich?

Rich: mhmm *clearly not fine bc he's c r y i n g*

Jeremy: *turns le Rich around bc hes still in the jerems lap??* is it because of the fire..?

Rich: no I'm f-fine *still crying oh my orange juice*

Jeremy: *hugs le Rich* Rich, everything is okay now..

Rich: iM fINE *pushes germ (Jeremy) off him on my sticky cricket*

Jeremy: Rich, you’re crying-

Rich: no I'm n-not im fine. *turns away from Jeremy Oh my crunchy lightbulb*

Jeremy: Rich come on, we’ve all seen you cry before, we don’t like seeing you sad and you can talk to us-

Rich: *turns back to germ* WELL I DONT WANT YOU GUYTH TO THEE ME AS A CRY BB! *>:(* *runs off Oh my syrupy peacock*

Jeremy: Rich- we would never see or call you a crybaby-

Rich: *runs to his room shook door* ( he's way too dramatic and I don't care )

Jeremy: *knocks on the door* c’mon Rich..we don’t see you as a crybaby- you have emotions, it’s normal. And besides we know how fire makes you feel, it’s okay now, it’s all over, Jakes fine, Michael’s fine, I’m fine and you survived

Rich: I with I didn't-

Jeremy: Rich don’t say that..I love you..

Rich: that'th kinda gay-

Jeremy: rich just- open the door- I NEED to hug you

Rich: id rather not tho-

Jeremy: I know you’ll be looking for attention later then

Rich: try me! *>:)*

Jeremy: okay bye! *walks downstairs*

Later: eek

Rich: *walks downstairs* jeremyyyyy

Jeremy: *playing Minecraft* Rich it’s 2 in the morning what’s wrong?

Rich: I want h u g th

Jeremy: Rich what did I tell you earlier- shouldn’t you be sleeping?

Rich: n o. Altho I can't thleep with all the noitheth coming from Jake'th room

Jeremy: you can sleep in my room if you want *keeps playing Minecraft* they’re at it again, aren’t they?

Rich: I think-? I don't know. C u d d l e m e *sits down and wraps his arms around the jerem*

Jeremy: *puts his arm around le Rich* go to sleep shortie

Like 5 minutes Later: crunchy lightbulb

Rich: *asleep :0*

Jeremy: knew it *picks up le Rich and puts him in his room, down on his bed* (he put him in Jeremy’s room because he couldn’t sleep in his own)

Rich: *leeches onto a pillow* (cause that's what I do and if I'm rich then I geuss he does it too?? Idk)

Jeremy: *lays down next to le Rich bc they be dating*

Rich: *leeches onto Jeremy*

Jeremy: night Rich *le sleep*

Latar

Rich: *wakes up and makes chocolate chip pancakes cause they taste g o o d*

Jeremy: *walks into the kitchen half awake* Rich what are you doing-

Rich: making chocolate chip pancakes! *:D*

Jeremy: be carful- *yells as he’s walking upstairs* don’t hurt yourself!

-latar-

Rich: *made pancakes and walks upstairs* Jeremyyyyyy I have pancakessss *:)))*

Jeremy: ooooo! I bet they taste amazing babe!

Rich: *sksksksksk gives the pan* heere

Jeremy: *v long kiss* thank youuuuu

Rich: *surfer voice* no problemo my radical dude *surfer stuff*

Jeremy: *picks up me rich* stop being so cute!!

Rich: *angeri* I'm nOT cute!!

Jeremy: I don’t want to fight with you right now- you’re adorable *kiss*

Rich: *v v v long kiss uwu*

Jeremy: wow Richie getting feisty *smirk teehee*

Rich: *red boye eek*

Jeremy: *picks him up, v v v long kiss*

Rich: *even redder boye but v v v long kiss*

Jeremy: *makes out with thy Rich oops*

Rich: *sister shook*

Jeremy: Rich- you have a um- *coughs* B O N E R

Rich: oH *voicecracks* uM *hides under a blanket* tHAth fUn-

Jeremy: wow, I never knew I was that hot

Rich: have you looked in the mirror?

Jeremy: *sits on thu bed* you’re the hot one Goranski

Rich: *sticks his head out from under the blanket* what do you mean, I'm alwayth cold- *smirks :0*

Jeremy: oh my god stop *cuddles thy Rich*

Rich: *tries to escape from thy jerem* Can i have pancaketh nowwww

Jeremy: yes shortie *smiles at thy rich*

Rich: *inhales his pancakes because why would he eat Jeremy's?* y u m

Jeremy: why don’t you eat me like that

Rich: *almost falls over* wHAT- *blushing mess*

Jeremy: *in tears laughing* YOU’RE SO RED-

Rich: wELL-!

Jeremy: *rolling on the floor* OH MY GOD RICH!!

Rich: *jwj*

Jeremy: awe I’m sowwy Richieee

Rich: pft- what wath that?!

Ava: (that was possession)

Jeremy: what was what? Did I dot something wronggggg

Rich: *kiss uwu* nope!

Jeremy: yes

Rich: whyyy

Jeremy: because I'm a bad boyfriend

Rich: why would you thay that-

Jeremy: I don't give you enough affectionnnnnnn

Rich: then give me affection-

Jeremy: *jumps on thy rich*

Rich: thith youre warm

Jeremy: why thank you

Rich: eek *$qúïřmş*

Jeremy: stop moving I want loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Rich: *stops $qúïřmīñ*

Jeremy: hihihuhhdghegdb * h u g *

Rich: * g u h *

Jeremy: *:0*

Rich: *e m o r j y h t s e s s i k*

Jeremy: *kissesthyrich*

Rich: *kissesthyjeromebutitskissier*

Jeremy: are you trying to make out with me, again?

Rich: n o o o o o :o

Jeremy: lies

Rich: but do you want to make out with me again ith the quethtion

Jeremy: that's your own choice

Rich: *????*

Jeremy: you can if you want- *big blush man*

Rich: *skskskskkkskksksksks idk man*

Jeremy: wait- Rich, are you a vsco girl

Rich: ew no *makes out with thy germ*

Rich: *becomes hotter every seconday*

Jeremy: oh!-

Rich: *uwo*

Jeremy: you're a good kisser goranski *kiss owo*

Rich: *red bi* uno reverthe card *kiss uwuwu*

Jeremy: me? A good kisser? Oh please

Rich: oh reallyyyy? why would I kith you if you were a bad kither?

Jeremy: i- um- *v v v v v v red*

Rich: *;)))))))))*

Jeremy: *BIG BLUSH MAN*

Rich: *giggles* jeremy- um- you realize I'm on top of you right-?

[mill3nniumforc3]

200: My crush’s name is: Russell :) 199: I was born in: April 1994 198: I am really: energetic 197: My cellphone company is: Verizon 196: My eye color is: hazel 195: My shoe size is: 7.5-8.5, depending on the shoe 194: My ring size is: 7.5 193: My height is: 5′5″ 192: I am allergic to: penicillin, cats, pollen, and strong scents 191: My 1st car was: I’ve never owned my own car. 190: My 1st job was: babysitting. First real job was a desk job at my university 189: Last book you read: I don’t remember. I don’t have time to read for leisure. 188: My bed is: comfy 187: My pet: Seamus the miniature schnauzer and Sugar the Aussie-mo 186: My best friend: Ashlyn 185: My favorite shampoo is: Dove 184: Xbox or ps3: neither 183: Piggy banks are: for kids and rainy days 182: In my pockets: nothing 181: On my calendar: going river tubing on Saturday, party next Saturday, trip for T’s birthday weekend, and possibly going to Kennywood and Kings Island sometime in August. 180: Marriage is: something for my future self 179: Spongebob can: do anything 178: My mom: is the bestest 177: The last three songs I bought were?: who buys music anymore? 176: Last YouTube video watched: probably an ASMR video 175: How many cousins do you have?: too many to count 174: Do you have any siblings?: three sisters 173: Are your parents divorced?: no 172: Are you taller than your mom?: yep 171: Do you play an instrument?: piano, drums, bells, and I know three chords of the guitar 170: What did you do yesterday?: sleep [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: sure 168: Luck: yes 167: Fate: maybe? 166: Yourself: depends on the day 165: Aliens: not really... 164: Heaven: yes 163: Hell: Do I believe in it? Yes, because God is just. Do I believe people are damned there? No, because God is loving. 162: God: yes 161: Horoscopes: no. It’s funny to see “horoscope” posts and see if they apply to me, but it’s a bunch of b.s. A bunch of Aries aren’t going to have the same day/month/year. That’s ridiculous. 160: Soul mates: I’m not sure if I do or don’t, but I do believe in love. 159: Ghosts: no 158: Gay Marriage: of course! 157: War: it’s an unfortunate and unnecessary part of life 156: Orbs: no 155: Magic: yes [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: both 153: Drunk or High: drunk 152: Phone or Online: online 151: Red heads or Black haired: no comment 150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes 149: Hot or cold: hot 148: Summer or winter: summer 147: Autumn or Spring: spring 146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate 145: Night or Day: night 144: Oranges or Apples: apples 143: Curly or Straight hair: straight 142: McDonalds or Burger King: McD’s (though I’m probably biased because I work there) 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: both 140: Mac or PC: PC 139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 137: Coke or Pepsi: neither 136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 135: Burried or cremated: I want to be cremated and have my ashes buried with a seed and grow into a tree 134: Singing or Dancing: dancing 133: Coach or Chanel: neither 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Kat 131: Small town or Big city: small town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben 128: Manicure or Pedicure: mani 127: East Coast or West Coast: east coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas. My birthday stopped being special after I turned 19. I get good food every year on Christmas. 125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: Six Flags 123: Yankees or Red Sox: Indians [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. 121: George Bush: he had some good policies. Better than Trump, that’s for damn sure. 120: Gay Marriage: should never be illegal again. 119: The presidential election: #FuckTrump #VoteBlueNoMatterWho #ImpeachTheMF 118: Abortion: all my life, I was told to be pro-life. These days, I don’t know anymore, but I think my beliefs are closer to pro-choice than pro-life. 117: MySpace: it’s not 2008 anymore. 116: Reality TV: glad it’s not my life 115: Parents: they’re doing their best. I’m not looking to be one anytime soon though. 114: Back stabbers: bye! 113: Ebay: Amazon is better. 112: Facebook: these days, I use it to get laughs and memes. I don’t interact with people I know IRL much. 111: Work: good for the money. Not good for my mental health. 110: My Neighbors: they’re ok. 109: Gas Prices: #ThanksTrump 108: Designer Clothes: I can get good clothes at Target. The only “splurge” I do for clothes is at Spencer’s or Kohl’s. 107: College: I plan to go back soon. 106: Sports: entertaining. 105: My family: family is life. 104: The future: anything can happen [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: Tuesday. 102: Last time you ate: a couple hours ago (chik’n patties and cheese) 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: last week. I saw a manager I hadn’t worked with in like a month. 100: Cried in front of someone: Monday 99: Went to a movie theater: July 2nd 98: Took a vacation: June 97: Swam in a pool: back in February 96: Changed a diaper: I don’t remember 95: Got my nails done: way too long ago 94: Went to a wedding: in April 93: Broke a bone: 2017 (broke my toe) 92: Got a piercing: 2006 91: Broke the law: never. I’m a good person. 90: Texted: three hours ago [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: Russell 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my dog 87: The last movie I saw: in theatres, Toy Story 4. At home, Adventures in Babysitting. 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: being off on Saturday 85: The thing im not looking forward to: working tomorrow 84: People call me: Vonnie, Vonn, Bonbon, Sophia, and “the girl” 83: The most difficult thing to do is: not cry while watching Grey’s Anatomy 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never 81: My zodiac sign is: Aries 80: The first person i talked to today was: my sister 79: First time you had a crush: kindergarten. His name was Wally, and we were “boyfriend and girlfriend” til about third grade, and we remained friends til we graduated 8th grade. Haven’t talked to him much since. 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: Russell 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Sunday 76: Right now I am talking to: nobody because it’s 3:30am 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I hope to be teaching English education 74: I have/will get a job: I currently work at McDonald’s, but within the next 6-12 months, I’ll be moving out of state, so who knows where I’ll work.  73: Tomorrow: work 72: Today: work 71: Next Summer: I’ll be in a whole new state, so that means new amusement parks to visit and rollies to ride. 70: Next Weekend: party. Oh, and next Saturday makes officially 18 months with me and Russell, so go us! 69: I have these pets: two dogs 68: The worst sound in the world: the beeping in the headset when I work back cash. It haunts my nightmares 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Heather because she sends me to back cash all the time 66: People that make you happy: Russell, my mom, my dogs, Ashlyn, and Aunt Dolly because she sends me lives on Candy Crush 65: Last time I cried: Monday 64: My friends are: Ashlyn, Mikayla, Jon, Rilee, Lamar, Tae, Alexus, Clare, Katie, Mario, and Kel 63: My computer is: all mine because I bought it with my own money 62: My School: not in school  61: My Car: don’t have one 60: I lose all respect for people who: lie 59: The movie I cried at was: Avengers: Endgame 58: Your hair color is: natural 57: TV shows you watch: Grey’s Anatomy, Once Upon a Time, House, The Simpsons, Bob’s Burgers, and... I don’t really watch TV because I don’t have cable. 56: Favorite web site: YouTube 55: Your dream vacation: Just a big coaster trip 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: my period this month. I had cramps for days leading up to my period that were so bad that, the day my period actually came, I couldn’t stand straight. 53: How do you like your steak cooked: I don’t eat steak 52: My room is: a mess, like my life 51: My favorite celebrity is: NPH 50: Where would you like to be: with my boyfriend 49: Do you want children: someday, but not today 48: Ever been in love: ohhh yes. 47: Who’s your best friend: not answering again 46: More guy friends or girl friends: i think i have a fair amount of both 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: this is tmi, but sex with my bf. 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Russell 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: no 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: yes 41: Have you pre-named your children: I don’t have any definitive names, but I’m thinking MaryGrace Linda for a girl, and James Sebastian for a boy 40: Last person I got mad at: Anna because she put me on back cash 39: I would like to move to: someplace south 38: I wish I was a professional: dancer.... no, writer.... no, why not both? [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: peanut butter cups 36: Vehicle: Jeep 35: President: FDR 34: State visited: North Carolina (not just saying that because I lived there for two months) 33: Cellphone provider: Verizon 32: Athlete: Trevor Bauer 31: Actor: Justin Chambers 30: Actress: Amy Poehler 29: Singer: Chester Bennington 28: Band: Linkin Park 27: Clothing store: Kohl’s 26: Grocery store: Marc’s 25: TV show: Grey’s Anatomy 24: Movie: 13 Going on 30 23: Website: Pogo 22: Animal: seal 21: Theme park: Cedar Point 20: Holiday: Christmas 19: Sport to watch: baseball 18: Sport to play: softball 17: Magazine: I only read magazines at the dentist office, and I’ll read whichever has an interesting cover story 16: Book: A Series of Unfortunate Events 15: Day of the week: Saturday, as long as I’m not at work. If I’m working, then Mondays, I guess... 14: Beach: Huntington 13: Concert attended: Winter Jam, because I got to see Skillet play, and I met Matthew West. 12: Thing to cook: desserts 11: Food: eggplant parm 10: Restaurant: Olive Garden 9: Radio station: Star 102 8: Yankee candle scent: vanilla 7: Perfume: I don’t wear perfume 6: Flower: Daisies 5: Color: pink 4: Talk show host: Ellen DeGeneres 3: Comedian: Steve Rannazzisi 2: Dog breed: I really like terriers lol 1: did you answer all these truthfully ?: For me to know and you to find out :)

#about me #bored #lol

[in-one-sockk]

200-1 :3

200: My crush’s name is: @when-youcant-sleepat-night199: I was born in: England198: I am really: irritating197: My cellphone company is: Tesco!196: My eye color is: grey, sometimes green or sometimes blue195: My shoe size is: 8194: My ring size is: I have no idea, but I have thick fingers193: My height is: 5′9 and a half192: I am allergic to: Most bug bites191: My 1st car was: I have no idea what make it is... there’s a funny bird looking thing on the front though190: My 1st job was: Primark189: Last book you read: The Sex Lives Of Siamese Twins188: My bed is: currently lacking @when-youcant-sleepat-night187: My pet: sucks, she stalks me186: My best friend: is my girlfriend185: My favorite shampoo is: Palmer’s Organic Coconut!!184: Xbox or ps3: PS3 who do you think I am183: Piggy banks are: terrible,, my ADHD brain cannot deal182: In my pockets: are a pack of soothers 181: On my calendar: my girlfriend visiting soon180: Marriage is: definitely happening, sometime soon.. tell my girlfriend to marry me179: Spongebob can: get it178: My mom: sucks, she’s manipulative177: The last three songs I bought were? I dont buy songs! but my newest was Even If It’s A Lie by Matt Maltese176: Last YouTube video watched: Kitchen Nightmares US175: How many cousins do you have? two! They’re both under 5174: Do you have any siblings? - biologically 5, technically 3173: Are your parents divorced? - nope, but probably should be172: Are you taller than your mom? - almost!171: Do you play an instrument? - I play a few... Piano, bass, sometimes guitar170: What did you do yesterday? - College, unfortunately[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: I do!168: Luck: definitely167: Fate: yup!166: Yourself: never165: Aliens: of course164: Heaven: nope163: Hell: nope! wish I did though162: God: I believe in higher power, but not one set God, perhaps many161: Horoscopes: very much so160: Soul mates: hell yeh159: Ghosts: on the fence158: Gay Marriage: you’re asking a lesbian..157: War: never, never ever156: Orbs: I have no idea what this is.. and as a witch I probably should155: Magic: of course![ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: 153: Drunk or High:152: Phone or Online:151: Red heads or Black haired:150: Blondes or Brunettes:149: Hot or cold:148: Summer or winter:147: Autumn or Spring:146: Chocolate or vanilla:145: Night or Day:144: Oranges or Apples:143: Curly or Straight hair:142: McDonalds or Burger King: (I’m allergic to McDonalds though.. but I love it)141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate:140: Mac or PC:139: Flip flops or high heels: neither138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: I’m already ugly, I have nothing to lose137: Coke or Pepsi:136: Hillary or Obama:135: Burried or cremated:134: Singing or Dancing:133: Coach or Chanel:132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: ... who?131: Small town or Big city:130: Wal-Mart or Target: I’m British129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler:128: Manicure or Pedicure:127: East Coast or West Coast:126: Your Birthday or Christmas:125: Chocolate or Flowers:124: Disney or Six Flags:123: Yankees or Red Sox: ...what?[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: childish, unnecessary, unreasonable, avoidable121: George Bush: cunt120: Gay Marriage: bombest shit ever119: The presidential election: rigged, put a lesbian in office118: Abortion: let people do what they want117: MySpace: I’m too young for that 116: Reality TV: good for when I don’t want my brain. British reality tv is the best115: Parents: wish I had good ones114: Back stabbers: worthless, hurt people hurt people113: Ebay: 90% shitty112: Facebook: everyone middle aged mother 111: Work: makes me hate people even more110: My Neighbors: are crazy, one sweeps the pavement with a paint brush and the other practices the unicycle109: Gas Prices: ridiculous108: Designer Clothes: kinda pointless107: College: wish it didn’t exist106: Sports: sO overrated105: My family: I love my sisters104: The future: is bright[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: Friday102: Last time you ate: yesterday101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: no idea100: Cried in front of someone: yesterday99: Went to a movie theater: a couple months ago with my sister98: Took a vacation: start of September 97: Swam in a pool: years ago96: Changed a diaper: no idea95: Got my nails done: never94: Went to a wedding: two years ago93: Broke a bone: never92: Got a peircing: last October91: Broke the law: 3 months ago90: Texted: hour ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: @when-youcant-sleepat-night88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my sister and my cat87: The last movie I saw: Pride86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: seeing my girlfriend85: The thing im not looking forward to: her leaving84: People call me: the baby83: The most difficult thing to do is: focus82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never81: My zodiac sign is: gemini80: The first person i talked to today was: my girlfriend 79: First time you had a crush: two years ago on my best friend78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: @when-youcant-sleepat-night77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: ten minutes ago76: Right now I am talking to: my girlfriend 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: maybe die, who knows 74: I have/will get a job: ... I have a job?73: Tomorrow: I wanna sleep72: Today: I wanna cuddle my baby71: Next Summer: move out70: Next Weekend: get cuddled69: I have these pets: I have three cats!!68: The worst sound in the world: squeeky cardboard67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Liam goddam Neeson66: People that make you happy: my sister, my girlfriend, bts 65: Last time I cried: a couple hours ago64: My friends are: non existent63: My computer is: shitty,, Toshiba62: My School: makes me wanna die61: My Car: is broken60: I lose all respect for people who: cheat59: The movie I cried at was: Marley and Me58: Your hair color is: brown and ginger57: TV shows you watch: Come Dine With Me, anything with Gordon Ramsay, The Apprentice56: Favorite web site: Tumblr55: Your dream vacation: my girlfriends bed54: The worst pain I was ever in was: depression was a bitch, but I also had tonsillitis that turned septic53: How do you like your steak cooked: I don’t like steak52: My room is: small, cold

51: My favorite celebrity is: Min Yoongi or Kim Heechul50: Where would you like to be: @when-youcant-sleepat-night‘s bed49: Do you want children: I really do, atleast 148: Ever been in love: legit right now47: Who’s your best friend: @when-youcant-sleepat-night46: More guy friends or girl friends: mostly girls45: One thing that makes you feel great is: cuddles44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my girlfriend 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I dont even have a plan for the next five minutes 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: be happy41: Have you pre-named your children: nope, not at all40: Last person I got mad at: my mother39: I would like to move to: Wales or Ireland38: I wish I was a professional: musician[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Kinder Bueno36: Vehicle: Jeeps35: President: Obama34: State visited: Florida33: Cellphone provider: wtf32: Athlete: I don’t know any31: Actor: Ezra Miller30: Actress: Sarah Paulson29: Singer: Park Jimin28: Band: The Smashing Pumpkins27: Clothing store: Urban Outfitter26: Grocery store: Aldi25: TV show: Come Dine With Me24: Movie: Girl Interrupted23: Website: Tumblr22: Animal: Panda21: Theme park: Thorpe Park20: Holiday: haven’t been on one I’ve liked19: Sport to watch: Hockey18: Sport to play: Trampolining17: Magazine: Kerrang16: Book: The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier15: Day of the week: Saturday14: Beach: I hate beaches :(13: Concert attended: BTS12: Thing to cook: noodles11: Food: anything cheesy10: Restaurant: Nandos9: Radio station: I don’t know any8: Yankee candle scent: cupcake7: Perfume: vanilla, Britney Spears ones are good though!6: Flower: Sunflowers5: Color: Green4: Talk show host: James Corden3: Comedian: Lee Evans2: Dog breed: Cats1: Did you answer all these truthfully? hopefully

[coyoteimagines]

And the Kangaroos - Pacific Rim

This was originally a Christmas present for @cookieoffortune (AKA my favorite reader and now friend.) but then I got distracted and idk…now its here for better or worse. It might be shit but I needed me some Pacific Rim lovin.

Summary: The Sydney Shatterdome is being shut down and no one is very happy.

Words: 1800

“What do you mean shutting us down!?” Chuck asked incredulously.

“Exactly what it sounds like. Our funding’s gone, its ALL gone. They’ve finished their damn wall. They don’t need us anymore.” Herc Hansen grumbled, leaning back against a table in the briefing room.

“Panama in November. Vladivostok and LA this month. That means it’s just us and the Hong Kong Shatterdome left!” You shouted. “What if their wall fails, they are literally getting rid of their only backup plan.”

“How can they afford to put all their eggs in one basket like that?” Your sister and co-pilot Lauren stood off the table she was sitting on and ran a frustrated hand through her hair.

“Because they can’t afford to maintain Jaegers.” Herc paused before continuing, “Pentecost is gathering the rest of the assets at Hong Kong.”

You looked up.

“Surely you can’t mean…?” You let your question trail off, a slight feeling of dread settling in your stomach.

“No. HELL NO.” Chuck started when his father raised a hand.

“We have no choice!” Herc cut him off. “We have our orders. Chuck and I will stay until the wall is finished…Y/N and Lauren leave…tomorrow.”

“What!?” Lauren shouted.

“TOMORROW!?” You winced at the volume of your own voice.

“Pentecost wants a two Jaeger defensive line as soon as possible. The refit on that old Jaeger are not finished and Pentecost still hasn’t chosen pilots for it. Which means Crimson Typhoon is the only Jaeger stationed at Hong Kong. He won’t pull Cherno or Striker until the last minute which means…” Herc explained.

“Renegade is the only other operational Jaeger.” You finished for him. “I understand.”

“Pack and be ready then. You have your orders.” Herc said, turning to leave the room. He looked briefly at you before leaving. “Im sorry.” He mumbled. You nodded and he left.

The three of you left in the briefing room sat in silence for a brief moment before Lauren took a step towards one of the computer towers that lined the room and slammed a punch against it, denting its metal casing.

“FUCK THIS!” She growled. “Leave Sydney!? After all we’ve done for this whole fucking planet and the council still treats us like expendable chess pieces.”

She levied another hit against the computer casing, and another. You winced when you saw the screen it was connected to blink off. You took a step towards her and caught her fist midair before she could land another hit.

“We ARE expendable chess pieces. We’re still soldiers. We still take orders. Now stop before you hurt yourself.” Your voice was low and firm as you held her hand up. Sure enough, her knuckles were already blue with bruises. “If you want to punch something take it to the gym.”

She clenched her fist once more before relaxing. With a sigh she spoke.

“I know. I’m just…I’ll go pack.” She offered you an almost apologetic smile before leaving the briefing room, leaving you alone with Chuck. He still sat slouched on the table, turned away from you, head in his hands.

The reality of the situation seemed to hit you all at once and you reached an arm out to steady yourself against the wall. Not only did you have to leave Sydney…you had to leave Chuck…and you were terrified that if you left, you’d never come back to Australia. You lowered you head to look at the floor.

“I don’t want to go to Hong Kong.” You said out loud, not necessarily to Chuck, but more to yourself. Though when he didn’t say anything you looked up. From the tremble in his arms and the way his fists were clenched against his ball cap, you could tell he was holding back a torrent of rage. You were grateful that he was refraining from an outburst, knowing he was doing so for your sake…but at the same time you needed YOUR Chuck in that moment. For you felt the tears spring hot into your eyes and you wanted him to hold you, to tell you everything was going to be ok.

But he didn’t move. He didn’t speak. So you left.

You walked slowly back the cold metal corridors of the Sydney Shatterdome back toward your room, though you paused when you past the doorway to the gym reserved for pilots. There once had been a quite a few of you stationed here…now just four. Which meant the gym was empty. As anger bubbled up inside you, you decided to follow your own advice you had given your sister.

You stepped inside and shed your jacket and shirt, leaving you in just a black tank top. You tucked your dog tags underneath this tank top and narrowed your eyes at a black punching bag hanging in the corner. You didn’t even bother taping your hands before you flew at it.

As you hit, you didn’t notice that you had started to cry. You didn’t notice you had left the door open. You only felt anger tear through you. Your cries turned to furious screams as you landed hit after hit. At some point you vaguely recalled your hands going numb, but you kept hitting. You didn’t stop until arms were suddenly wrapped around your waist, pulling you away from the bag.

“Take it easy Y/n!” Chuck’s voice brought you blinking back to reality. You freed yourself from his arms and sank to your knees on the padded gym floor. Your hands hung at your sides as you tried desperately to catch your breath. Chuck moved to kneel in front of you, drawing up your hands in his own.

“Didn’t you tell your sister to stop before you hurt yourself?” He asked, brushing a thumb over your knuckles. You shrugged and looked up at him.

“I don’t want to go to Hong Kong.” You repeated your earlier statement. Chuck ran his gaze up your body before meeting your eyes and his heart ached.

Your knuckles were bruised. Your hair was wild. Sweat soaked your tank top. Your face was red and your eyes were puffy. He wanted to fix it. He wanted to take away your hurt. But he couldn’t and he felt himself getting angry yet again. And then you leaned forward, collapsing against his chest, and his anger disappeared. He gathered you up in his arms and buried his face in your hair.

“I don’t want to go either.” He said, muffled against your scalp as he began to rock you slowly back and forth. You pushed away after a minute and looked up to him and sniffed.

“This sucks.” You pushed out your bottom lip and he smirked.

“I know.” He pushed a kiss against your forehead before hauling you up to your feet. He walked to pick your shirt and jacket up and then back to you. He gingerly wove his fingers through your sore ones and tugged you gently out into the hallway and back to your room. Once there you plopped on your stomach onto the bed. Chuck threw your jacket into a corner, kicked off his boots, and then tugged your boots off.

Your breath was squished suddenly out of you when Chuck plopped his entire body weight onto you, wrapping his arms underneath your stomach.

“Get offffffff.” You gasped, trying to roll him off of you. He responded by pushing little nibbling kisses around your neck and over your shoulder blades.

“Charles.” You growled. He sighed at the sound of his full name and rolled over just enough for you to scoot out from under him, keeping his arms around your waist. You rolled in his arms so that your chest was pressed against his.

“They’re almost done with that wall.” He said after a moment. “I’d wager I’ll be in Honk Kong with you in only a couple weeks.”

“And what if we die in this last ditch effort to save planet earth.” You muttered grumpily.

“Come on. Striker literally has the record for Kaiju kills. With five Jaegers we will seal that rift shit up and be done with all…this.” You felt his chest swell against you. You didn’t know if it was pride or forced hope.

“Lauren and I have never dropped anywhere but here. I don’t…I don’t know if I’m ready for it.” You admitted. Renegade Bounty was a smaller Jaeger, an experimental one of a kind. Built for speed instead of brute strength.

“Oh please. You are the second best pilot in the whole corps.” Chuck freed his arm from under you and propped himself up on his elbows above you.

“And who might be the first??” You asked, knowing the answer.

“Well I mean…I do have that record.” He said with a grin. You smiled back at him and raised a hand to fiddle with his dog tags that hung down from his neck and rested on your chest.

“If we do this…seal the rift…what happens to us after?” You asked. He looked up for a moment in thought and then returned his gaze to your eyes.

“They will slap a big fancy medal right here.” He poked your chest, eliciting an eyeroll from you. “And then I’m taking you as far away from the fucking ocean as I can. We’ll get a farm out in the desert and we will do nothing except have sex and watch kangaroos hop by till we get old.”

You chuckled at the image that put in your head and then sighed.

“You want to get old with me?” You asked.

“Course I do.” He dropped from his elbows to nuzzle his forehead against yours. “You’re the only person on this whole planet who likes me.”

“Maybe if you weren’t such an asshole…” You teased, reaching to wrap your arms around his neck.

“You’re the only person on this whole planet who I like then.” He said softly. He let your arms drag him the rest of the way down to your lips which he took gently between his own. You started to lift the hem of his shirt when he pulled away.

“They’re making a mistake shutting the program down. It’s going to be a shit storm. I wish I could go to the United Nations and just kick some sense into their asses. But like you said…Im just a dumb soldier and-“

“I never said you were dumb.” You cut him off.

“Im just a soldier” He started again.  “And I’ll follow my orders. If Pentecost thinks we can end this then…I guess we have to try. But Im not going to do it for him, or the UN, or my dad, or any of the other people on this planet.”

He brought his hands to cup your cheeks.

“For us?” You asked.

“For me, you.” He bent down to kiss you again, “And our Kangaroos.”

#Pacific Rim #pacific rim imagine #chuck hansen #chuck x reader #chuck hansen x reader #reader insert #reader fic #imagine