#im getting into my own head.

[nimomo-mo]

Vent

#im getting into my own head. #im not asking much of you. just. look at me for a little while longer. think of me. #i dont need your love because i know you cant ever give it to anyone. i guess thats a cold fairness. #noone is more special than another. everyone is equally important or not important. noone can have you #no matter how many you make fall for you.youll never give what you say. youre a womanizer #youre free of any such Obligation i suppose. congratulations #youll never know what it feels like to be denied. to be left in shambles after risking it all. noone would deny you. #you have even made people question their sexuality because of how gorgeous and gentle you are. #you horrible person. you curse spreading lying dog #youre perfect and i hate you #i love you i hate you i fear you i envy you i want you i resent you i am smazed by you i want you to remember me #when you go for your many wonderful exciting adventures #i wish youd think of me even once. just think something positive about me. have me on your mind #even when im not a sex partner. even when im not forcing a convo. even when we havent spoken for ages. #please #im begging #i want you to want me in more ways than just for my body #please darling #dont leave me like a past you forget about. #please think of me

[sbeana]

the pool scene

#the locked tomb #tlt #griddlehark #gideon the ninth #harrow the ninth #tlt art #tlt fanart #comic #apologies for how wonky it looks in some parts #um i spent like five days working on this nonstop #well not nonstop i ate a shit ton of pomegranetes or however its spelled during it #but uhm yeah #im not good at drawing backgrounds or anatomy (YET) so hhuhshsu #anyways yah yeepers when will i get to have a homoerotic moment with my former rival/enemy where i get to show them forgiveness and care #gideon wants to kiss harrow on the lips so bad its so fucking funny #harrow is a whole pathetic looking sopping wet kitten and gideon is like ooh yah thats the stuff #anwyas yah #ill post the version without their skull makeup because i like that one more #the skull makeup looks ugly sometimes (BY MY OWN DESIGN!!!! HARROW QUEEN I WILL NEVER DISS YOUR FASHION <4) #ALSO SORRY ABOUT THE PACING BUT DID YOU KNOW THAT DRAWING TWELVE PAGES OF A COMIC CAN MAKE YOU REALLY MESSED UP IN THE HEAD #hatman is in the corner of ym room rn

[slavhew]

charmed, i'm sure

#homestuck #hom3stuck #jake english #dirk strider #dirkjake #jakedirk #admin draws #fanart #thats what you get for shrimping bro. i told you about the shrimping #to anyone whos been around for a while you can tell im quite obviously obsessed with that pose. that specific way of hugging urself #dirk was never escaping that #i need to draw some janeroxy too it bangs sm and i need to balance out this sausage party ive had going on in my head for the last xyz #how long has it been. how many weeks since ive seen natural light. #whatever. #id keep this to post in a batch with other drawings but it did well on its own on twt so i might as well post it here as is #feel like batchposting several basically finished drawings doesnt do me much good anyways. better serves smaller sketches on the same theme #ramble ramble

[chrliekclly]

ummm first time becoming self conscious about the way you act with your best friend because of some middle school bullies :)

#iasip #always sunny #charmac #charlie kelly #mac mcdonald #fanart #mine #i watched ‘close’ nd had some pain #but yeah ofc my brain was like 'i can make that charmac' h8 myslf #mac macdonald #im not good @ dialogue it feel ooc to me but iv ben like staring @ this for days i just need to post it #for th record i dont think mac wd giv a shit abt wat bullies think of him. bt he'd still get n his own head abt it #like hed nevr thought of their relationship tht way b4 #nd th possibility alone scares him #1k

[idolomantises]

Bugtopia is coming out next month and I'm both very excited and very nervous. I'm sure people won't go in with crazy expectations or anything since the series was originally just me throwing random ideas around, but I spent a lot of time plotting out the story and characters (while still keeping it mostly episodic).

It's gonna be different but I'm really proud of how it turned out.

#txt #a lot of times i get into my own head and think 'oh no what if bugtopia becomes that webtoon people collectively shit on' #but i reassure myself that i gotta have faith in my work + regardless on how people feel. im still happy with what ive developed #i mean i do hope people like it KLSM;DFMK like sure i made this story based off of my own work and things i like but i want it to be #enjoyable! a webtoon that really sticks with you

[m-kyunie]

do not ask me about the plot of JJK

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #geto suguru #getou suguru #i am going to suck this man thru a silly straw i swear to god. jesus #my biggest Ya Boi ever except its YEEEESHHHH #the heart piercing is my most indulgent of indulgences here. i think maybe Geto likes cute things #like simple heart or star-shaped things. lightly feminine #drooling over ur own art is how u know u've improved #sigh. maybe i shld add lacy pan--nevermind im done actually #OH TO BE GOJO SATORU! TO GET TO DEVOUR THIS MAN! #recommending Pressurlicious by Megan. ultimate malewife manipulate mansplain Geto song #one day i will draw his d!ick but today is not that day. there will also be a piercing. #also i wanted to add tattoos but even i was like 'damn Michelle that's overly ambitious' #oh what if he had a tongue tatt that was a dragon head disappear down his throat WOW what a visual #thank u Gege

[puppyeared]

fake ep idea + doodles

#i was thinking abt how funny it would be if there was a shiftythrifting blog equivalent in lmk. and half the stuff on there is #submitted by wukong. so i thought a yard sale ep would be funny lol #basically the hoard becomes problem one way or another and wukong figures the best way to get rid of his junk is thru ebay #somehow ends up selling world ending artifacts to random megapolis citizens so mk mei and redson have to scramble to find em #purposely meant to mirror the weekly shenanigans s1-2 style eps that are really goofy (dumpling ep noodles ep etc) #but it gets darker and darker because MK is not fucking ok after that whole thing with the scroll and some unchecked identity crisis #for me id want him to kind of. freak tf out because they have to find MULTIPLE chaos inducing items that could end the world while trying t #be sillygoofy and funny about it. so hes trying to mask his panic with “ohhh guys its just like the good ol days ^_^ remember that ^_^” #ESPECIALLY after that whole thing with the ink scroll. also mei doesnt buy any of it and is worried for him the whole time #as for the B plot it could be monkey king also trying to be very relaxed abt selling 4000 years worth of stuff and tang getting all huffy #like “these are priceless artifacts that could help us learn so much about the past!! wtf man!!!” #and maybe it reveals smth like wukong not wanting to hold on anymore bc his past weighs him down. and theyre all reminders #i think azure mentioned that wukong is sentimental (idk if that was genuine or lying to mk) so that could be touched on to #so basically. the theme would be some sort of conversation abt nostalgia. i think. im not a writer so its very fuzzy in my head #if anyone wants to add on or include their own spin on it feel free. also included undercut redson as a treat somewhere in there #myart #lego monkie kid #monkie kid #lmk red son #lmk mei #lmk MK #lmk xiaotian #lmk xiaojiao #lmk sun wukong #lmk swk #doodles #lmk tang #lmk pigsy #lmk traffic light trio #yard sale ep

[debatablyspicydurian]

I know the full arsenal update is out and hype for that but I just found the gutterman's poem in 7-2 and I HAVE to type about it because its night where I am and I cant wake up my friends to rant about Ultrakill.

Anyway, absolutely indescribable how we have the thoughts of a machine just laid bear in a secret for the first and maybe last time. The fact that a machine made for merciless slaughter could not only feel sadness for the person powering it but also WRITE a POEM? A machine made art??? The knowledge that they understand how cruel it is to make a human a blood battery, recognize it as torture, but also feel gratitude for the life they've been given?? It was known that machines had a sense of aesthetic from Swordsmachine and Mindflayer's entries but. Goddamn. The gutterman refers to the human as their mother and it states it CRIED when it crushed her skull as it hoped it would redeem its life.

Also the excerpt, "I know I know you would hate me so, and mother of me, I do too." Does this mean the Gutterman hated itself as much as the human? Did it hate the human instead along with the feelings of love and gratitude? Probably the former. Gutterman angst is so in.

V2's mannerisms and Swordsmachine's data entry are intresting, but a gutterman's eulogy for its prisoner and its attempt at redemption is another level. Actual machine thought process recorded!! Sapient lifeform that knows only war and death! The fact that the gutterman crushing the human's skull seemed to be out of mercy. Ough.

Noone has to interact I havent proof read this I am just RANTING this is CRAZY HAKITA HOW COULD YOU AND THE TEAM DO THIS

#ultrakill #gutterman #I dont post my own things like. ever. But I NEEDED to get this off my chest or something Very Normal was gonna happen (I would explode) #midnight ranting. why does the blood bot on hell game do this. they cant keep getting away with it. #i dont even know if the human was a woman in a literal 'mother' sense but I think the gutterman was being metaphorical since yknow #the final part of the poem reads that the human's final thoughts left long ago so Im not even sure if it was a mercy kill #or the human died in the coffin and the gutterman tried to atone by crushing the head post mortem

[4chtungb4by]

Tomothy Selleck for my drawing classssss sketchbook woohoo

#my autism superpowers made this #I don't understand #but i kind of love how I make like. really good portraits maybe once every two years #Like Emma come on you are sleeping on your abilities here #unfortunately I have just enough adhd to hate doing the same thing for a milisecond too long #so my autism superpowers don’t get used v often #I do need to do more portraiture though like my own style always improves whenever I do #maybe one day ill do the 100 head challenge or smth #anyway im rambling hahahaha

[abrahamvanhelsings]

the hitch in van helsing's words when he says "i beseech you" im going to cry for real this time. it's not even simply that he knows how important it is that he gets arthur to trust him, that he's conscious of their duty to all living souls and lucy herself to do this to her and how difficult this will be physically and emotionally. it's that arthur now distrusts him, cries at him in anger - arthur, the man who looks like his lost son and whom he loves because of it. the man whose love and respect he may now never get back after suggesting mutilating lucy's corpse. he isn't just desperate for all the men in that room to trust him so they can give lucy peace and keep the living safe. that's the sacrifice of his father's heart splitting in two right there. wtf alan burgon.

#alan burgon owns my fucking life fr every time i think it can't get better and then he's on the next ep and it's like #*holding my heart in his hand* if i squeeze like this i can wring every single emotion you've ever experienced out of you all at once #i had to pause then relisten then pause again b4 continuing #of course arthur forgives him in the end! but vh doesn't know that while he's suggesting this! #he goes up to arthur and suggests cutting off the head of his fiancée and he has to completely depend on his powers of persuasion #(which are off the charts but that's neither here nor there) #what if arthur didn't want to come. he'd only be able to do to lucy what has to be done by dishonouring whatever trust arthur has left #and in any case arthur would always think him mad and awful and never forgive him for anything #i am back on my vh bullshit (i was never off it) yes im being overly dramatic abt it. don't care. #dracula #dracula daily #re: dracula

[topaziraphale]

"Stop saying Crowley won't help Aziraphale in S3 he'd go back to him in a HEARTBEAT and nothing would stop him" I get it no one likes the idea of Crowley being bitter after what happened for a long period of time but like can we at least acknowledge that he's currently going through probably the most emotional pain in his life since falling? Can we agree that he's opened his heart entirely - something you couldn't pay him to do unless the world is literally ending and he's desperate - to Aziraphale, and got shot down? Can we understand that he did it AGAIN only to lose Aziraphale again? Not that what Aziraphale did isn't without Crowley's own shortcomings (hiding the truth of Heaven's cruelty from him) but like,,,,

The appeal here isn't Scorned Crowley Doesn't Love Aziraphale Anymore, or Never Wants To Help Him Again, the appeal here is Crowley learning enough self respect to not just walk back right to Aziraphale like nothing happened after Aziraphale has had a pattern of consistently refusing him. Going years ping-ponging between "We're not friends I don't even know him" to "That's what friends are for right?" and "We're friends, why would you even say anything?" and "Friends? We're not friends. We are an angel and a demon!"

Like I get it, Crowley is a heartbreakingly forgiving person. Of course he's gonna forgive Aziraphale, I'll be surprised if he didn't forgive him by the time he walked out the bookshop door, but gdi he could at least grant himself the luxury of being at least a little irritated for longer than however long it takes to make a globe and some books float and angrily cry out to God in his flat. But due to the change of pace and dynamic that is establishing part of the conflict for Season 3, I just really like the idea of him for ONCE prioritizing himself and being like "Okay, fine. We'll get back at it when you're ready, then," instead of just taking Aziraphale back like his words and actions meant nothing to him, when clearly they have an effect on him.

What is Aziraphale going to learn if Crowley just accepts what he did so quickly, like he always has the entire time they've been friends? Idk maybe I'm just projecting too much darkness on their dynamic but I mean, if the pattern of Aziraphale pushing Crowley away/disrespecting him one day and then being fine with his friendship the next + Crowley never stopping to be like "Hey, that's not cool, at least give me a little credit" or smth was fine all along and will continue to be fine in the future, then why, after 6,000 years of being friends and loving this demon, can Aziraphale still not accept that Crowley is just fine the way he is, and instead got excited to promote him to an angel in a heartbeat once the opportunity presented itself? You can't blame all of it on Heaven when Aziraphale has demonstrated his free will/defiance to Heaven so many times. Or, I don't know, I guess maybe we can? Maybe I'm just craving too much angst to the point where I'm letting it cloud my analysis of canon. Idk.

#derpy speaks #good omens #good omens 2 #no i dont think crowley is gonna ever hate aziraphale for what happened but he's allowed to be angry #he's allowed to be done with it all. he's allowed to be exhausted. just look at his face when he drives away. #meh. idk. but i dont know how i'll feel if crowley just INSTANTLY accepts aziraphale back in a situation involving #idk - ''hey help me stop the new apocalypse'' #at least. without like. SOME pushback? it can even be something small like ''are you SURE you want ME to help you? do you really need me?'' #doesnt have to be a straight refusal but i'd like SOME kind of action to show that crowley is putting his foot down for once #he deserves that self respect #do NOT reply saying that im insinuating that aziraphale is actively malicious or doing it on purpose. #everything he has done up until now is his own complicated response to all the trauma and guilt he's been through #but despite that crowley is STILL allowed to be upset... it's messy. i can write a whole paper about how this whole thing #is just unfortunate on both ends. again. we didnt get queerbaited we got communication baited 😭 #but help me out here. am i just too fandom-brained to have these expectations from the story? #is there something obvious im missing that is making me sound like a complete asshole here? do i need to get my head out of the gutter? #someone please explain it to me if so because whatever it is‚ i can't find it #not queued

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

i have this really stupid idea in my head that im frankly a little obsessed with and the idea is this: trent crimm doing a drunk history episode on ted lasso's first tenure at richmond. is that how drunk history works? i don't think so. do i care? absolutely not. it's a special episode who cares because this image is not only hysterical to me but treasured. i treasure this image. i hold it close in my heart and also laugh and laugh and laugh.

#ted is played by what is very visibly a butch lesbian in a huge fake mustache. #roy is inexplicably played by himself in a wig. #ternt drunkenly and passionately explaining this whole thing. he says his own line and the trent actor (who also has a wig) gets to act it #trent waving his hands as he's explaining all this. the host being like 'not very often we get to have someone include the part where They #come into the story' and trents like [dorkiest finger guns] #also yes i said first tenure bc this scenario lives in post canon fantasy fix it land where ambiguously ted comes back to richmond #at some point. and also both bc my tedependent heart is obsessed and bc it's really funny #marries trent. just bc i want this to end with trent--hammered and pleased as punch--being like AND THEN I MARRIED HIM!!!!! #[falls back on couch happily] :) #also in the line of that great 5+1 social media fic #by jessjessthebest. a sequel thats just like a youtube video like #'we made ted lasso and trent crimm watch that episode of drunk history about them' and trent is just. head in hands the whole time. #ted is DELIGHTED. #anyway i rotate this in my brain fucking DAILY. it's so goddamn funny to me. #ted lasso #tedependent #tedtrent #trent crimm #the line in question being 'is this a fucking joke' i just realized i did not clarify that #no but really im obsessed with this it's so fucking funny #also any image trent had left of being a ruthless ex journalist is thoroughly ruined #all of his former colleagues have seen him and drunk and giggling and fully admitting what he was thinking at the time and oh boy #hes a disaster <3

[justaz]

arthur (prince of camelot) still has to study under a tutor bc yknow uther wants him to be very intelligent before becoming king or something bc its super important idk idc anyways merlin is doing chores in his chambers while arthur is squinting at a book and merlin eventually caves and asks him what he’s reading and arthur gruffly explains that its a collection of stories from greece that make absolutely no sense so merlin asks him to read them outloud to him. arthur of course teases him and calls him an idiot and asks how he could possibly help but does as he’s asked and reads the stories to merlin as he does his chores. merlin (being crushed under the weight of destiny and tormented by the prophecies that kilgharrah spews) understands the stories almost immediately and gets all excited and starts rambling about them with arthur. arthur is glad to have someone who understands so he can give something that reflects a hint of understanding to his tutor who accepts it and moves onto the next unit of education.

the thing is, arthur finds more stories in camelot’s library and brings them up to his room to read them aloud to merlin under the guise of completing his studies but really he just wants to watch as merlin’s eyes gleam when he understands whats happening and listen to him ramble on and on about them bc he’s gay. the stories stick with merlin though and he realizes that they’re cautionary tales, that the heroes who were told too much of their future doomed themself to fulfill them - that them fighting the prophecies led to their completion. merlin takes it to heart and gives a big “fuck you” to kilgharrah before forging his own fate and helping morgana with her magic and handing out an olive branch to mordred and now everyone can live happily and peacefully in an albion teeming with magic.

#merlin and arthur are of course at each others side in the end #merlin is curled up with arthur in their bed and says a silent thank you to his king for saving him #arthur returns the sentiment wholeheartedly #bbc merlin #merlin emrys #arthur pendragon #merthur #fic idea #fanfic #fanfiction #headcanon #hc #head canon #merthur prompt #i have my own hc of fate vs destiny in bbc merlin and i like to incorporate that into everything i write #but then i realize that not everyone thinks that way lmao #i like to think that destiny is unavoidable. merlin and arthur are destined to form albion and lead it together #i think fate is like a fragile version of destiny #i think most people are tied to fate and will follow what they are fated to do unless those who arent tied down by fate change course #like i hc that seers are able to see the potential future of what is to happen should they not interfere #and the goddess leaves it up to them to choose. so like seers arent tied down by fate and can change the course of history #since merlin is literally magic incarnate i also think he isnt tied down by fate and can act to change things #kilgharrah told merlin the prophecy that would result in the dragon getting free and ending the pendragon line #and since merlin never got close w like any druids or magic users. no one told him the inner workings of fate vs destiny #so he listened to the dragons warnings dooming him to fulfill the prophecy that brought about one of the worst possible futures #bc the dragon was salty about his whole species being eradicated by uther and vowed to destroy the pendragon line #omg im ranting okay post over thank you and good night

[snezfics-n-shit]

#this meme has been going through my head for a bazillion years lol #i love to interact and then it hits me that im probably bothering you guys #plus the current popular stuff I am sadly so unfamiliar with #when i was younger i would gravitate to my own interests when i was unfamiliar with other topics and it got on peoples nerves a lot #and i completely understand that so i dont wanna repeat those mistakes #its just like a game of pingpong of me talking too much and me hiding under my desk bc i feel like im bothering everyone #also like the last time it was p much confirmed i was being annoying i cried for like two hours bc my fears were realized haha #and when a line is drawn for me i kinda like to stay at least 2ft away from wherever that line is just to be safe #you gotta like throw a cookie attached to a fishing line to get me closer to the line lol #because i will seriously be way too cautious otherwise #im trying to get more brave though im just kinda like my cat who heard a noise in the bathroom cabinet #and now he refuses to go near it #being mindful of others feelings and respecting their boundaries is super important to me #and sometimes that boxes me in a bit

[vivitalks]

man. derek is such an interesting character in season 1, especially when you can look at him through the lens of having seen the whole show, because he's like an unreliable narrator for scott, even though he's not a narrator for the show.

the thing is, derek in season 1 is the primary vehicle for werewolf lore. as new viewers, we're reliant on his character to explain to us the rules and conceits of the genre, but once you've seen the whole show, that role is no longer necessary. but for scott, in season 1, derek is the sole source of werewolf intel. derek is werewolf jesus. which means that everything scott initially learns about being a werewolf is filtered through the Derek Hale Trauma Matrix, and neither of them know it.

for example: in 1x05, derek tells scott that pain is what keeps you human (which is a mantra that gets repeated and referenced a ton over the course of the rest of the show). scott has been a werewolf for all of five seconds, and has no choice but to take the word of this obviously much more knowledgeable werewolf. in that way, derek operates as a kind of narrator for scott, giving him information and context he couldn't really get any other way. but it's unreliable info. don't get me wrong - derek isn't trying to be an unreliable narrator; he's not aware of how much his life experience has colored his understanding of his own species. it's just that...well...derek is a twenty-something with the kind of trauma that eats other trauma for breakfast. of course he would say that pain is what keeps you human. at this point in the show, pain is all he has.

this is the same guy who, in the next episode, says this:

DEREK: You getting angry? That's your first lesson. You want to learn how to control this, how to shift-- you do it through anger, by tapping into a primal animal rage, and you can't do that with her around. SCOTT: [defensively] I can get angry. DEREK: Not angry enough. This is the only way that I can teach you.

except we know, and scott quickly learns (in that very same episode, in fact), that this isn't true. anger doesn't work for everyone, and it doesn't work for scott, who's not an angry person. the things that work for derek won't work for all werewolves - but how would derek know that? he's never had to teach someone to be a werewolf before. he's not actually werewolf jesus.

to scott, derek is the only trustworthy source of information on being a werewolf, because he's the only werewolf scott knows. and from derek's perspective, everything he knows about being a werewolf must be true, because it's true for him. derek is the narrator, and it's only as his backstory unfolds that the viewers, and scott, learn just how much his history and trauma have obscured the reality of things, even for derek himself.

pain is not what makes you human. it's what makes derek human. because the moments in derek's life that stand out to him most are all tinged with tragedy. mercy killing his high school girlfriend. losing his entire family in a house fire. the death of his sister. for derek, to be human is to be in pain, and to be angry about that is the only way to be in control. after all, he doesn't have anyone teaching him otherwise.

#stuff #derek hale #teen wolf #scott mccall #teen wolf meta #tw meta #derek hale meta #tw #expanded thoughts from a throwaway message sent in twl #hoo boy this took some brainpower to get into a coherent post with a logical series of sentences #my head hurts #i had a headache before though. i took ibuprofen in the middle of typing this post #so ironically my head actually hurts less now than it did when i started typing this #i literally saw the meta mondays thing on my dash AS i opened up tumblr to type this #and i thought about saving it for the pain day #but that is a whole entire month away and i can't delay gratification like that #anyway unreliable narrator derek i love you and im so sorry they forced you to be the narrator in your own tragedy #'pain is what makes you human' girl. animals feel pain. what do you mean. pain is one of the only things that ISNT only human

[kiwikipedia]

it’s actually astounding how quickly a fandom can devolve a well-written Character to One (1) Character Trait They Exhibited Once Forever

#im staring directly at the spiderverse and starwars fandoms #mostly the star wars fandom #but also kinda fate #idk a lot of the fate characterization does come from the fact that FGO woobified its own cast [head in hands] #like. plo is ONLY clone dad apparently and people forget that this is a 400+ year old 'man' who has killed and will kill again given the opp #hes not even technically seen as having fatherly traits towards the clones not to say that i dont like the trope but MAN #all he did was have the basic decency to state that they weren't worthless to him and actual human beings. its not like he went out and #bought wolffe his first car #anyways #kiwiki speaks #im not even gonna get started on the nero tamamo and drake case in fate because that still makes my head hurt