#im alive but im dead

[spatialwave]

asking for jordan marie content and specially communication, like early on stuff when maybe they aren't dating yet but they are hanging out more and they start to get closer and marie starts to realize that jordan tends to shift to his male form when things get slightly romantic and she asks them about it, maybe playing like "how do you decide when to shift?" phrasing as a silly curiosity and jordan opens up about their insecurities and marie reassured them and yeah they kiss !

oh, i adore this! i hope this does your ask justice. 🩵 word count: 684

-

marie had noticed something about jordan in recent days, a peculiar tendency about their shifting form. since their first kiss, the two of them had become quite close, still a bit unsure about what they were. both of them were great at avoiding the big question, in fact, it was fun with it being a bit unclear. though, marie was craving a deeper connection, wanting to see what jordan was like when they were vulnerable. jordan could sense that too, which scared them. they were having fun with marie, without the responsibility of a relationship, but they were smart enough to know that this blissful ignorance wouldn't last forever.

"hey, jordan," marie asked softly with a smile on her lips, the two of them had been sitting in a grassy area of the quad on campus. enjoying a break from class and the sun, it was marie's idea. "can i ask you something?"

they looked over at her, quirking an eyebrow, "as long as you're not asking me for a favour. i'm actually enjoying doing a bit of nothing." they responded with a soft sigh, turning ahead as they closed their eyes and soaked up the rays of the sun. marie admired them for a few moments, taking in their shoulder-length hair and how the curls framed the side of their face.

"i've just been curious about the way you shift," she started, smiling as she tried to keep her question lighthearted, not wanting jordan to think she was prying, "how do you decide to do it? is it an emotional thing? do you have to think really hard for it to work?"

jordan looked over at her, swallowing thickly down their throat when they connected their gaze. they knew this question would come up eventually, but they were unaware of why marie was asking. "it's kinda' hard to explain," they said, shrugging, "it's second nature, i don't really have to think so hard about it. i can do it whenever i want."

marie nodded along as they spoke, trying so damn hard to keep the question inside, but it was like word vomit, "then why do you always shift into your male form when you're with me?" she questioned, eyes widening, "i mean, like, you know. not right now obviously, but if we were alone in your room. that's when you would." she swallowed a lump down her throat

she regretted the question immediately because she saw the pain that formed in jordan's eyes. yet, she felt she deserved an answer.

another sigh came from jordan, their eyes flickering away as they began fidgeting with their hands, "do you want the honest answer or the easy answer?" they asked back but didn't get a response. wetting their lips, they looked over to marie, eyes softening, "i, uh," their voice cracked, "i wasn't sure what you wanted, i just assumed... that's what most girls want from me. no one's ever wanted to be with both." they said, cringing at the word, hating that they often times had to talk about themselves like they were two different people.

jordan couldn't look her in the eyes anymore, their brown orbs falling down to look at the grass underneath them. how embarrassing.

"don't assume anything with me," marie spoke, her voice gentle. a hand reached over and slid over jordan's jaw, then their neck, "it's new to me, but... i like you. all of you." she whispered, staring at jordan like there was no one else in the world.

their gaze met once again, both filled with adoration for each other. jordan was about to scoff, ready to brush it all off, but it didn't take much to see the sincerity in her eyes. jordan's lips parted to speak, but marie didn't let them.

"i mean it," she whispered, leaning forward towards jordan. there was a tense feeling that moved through them, wanting to shift for security - but they didn't. they let marie move in close until their lips pressed into a chaste kiss.

jordan had been waiting for this moment for years. for someone like marie.

#limoreau #gen v #jordan li #marie moreau #im alive but im dead #andy answers

[the-mu-in-muichirou]

BEAUTIFUL PERSON AWARD! Once you are given this award you're supposed to paste it in the asks of 8 people who deserve it. If you break the chain, nothing happens, but it's sweet to know someone thinks you're beautiful inside and out 💕💕💕

Much love 💕

Rahh

#ask #answered ask #ask answered #ask the-mu-in-muichirou #idk what other tags to add #im alive but im dead #Idk I’ll answer asks #tho I’m shy so idk

[bcyern]

I'll be your girl for all seasons, all the year through. Your girl for all seasons, 'Cause I love, yes I love to be everything to you, just you.

picrew

#Headcanons. #im alive but im dead #hopefully when summer break comes around i can be more active

[dogboykouu]

ms paint bennett + razor doodle

#bennett #bennett genshin impact #bennys adventure team #razor genshin #razor genshin impact #ms paint #yeah i did this with a mouse at like 2 in the morning #im dead #im alive but im dead

[kookstempo]

i don’t know who is gonna write part two of say something because after this upper body routine…

#i feel like im dead #im alive but im dead #red five diamonds in my queue #pauli’s adventures

[luvforjoon]

HOSEOK BRAINROT

#im alive but im dead #hoseok

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

#cw: suicidal ideation #cw: suicide #cw: self harm #cw: mental health #cw: depression #i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it #i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague #it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves #so. please dont #for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic #with the state of the world as it is #having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful #but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full #and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead #i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us #there is no fix-all #and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile #i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it #thank you for reading #and please stay alive #stillindigo art #stillindigo comics

[eggsploded]

heiress eternal

#so many thoughts about her #the handmaid #the handmaid homestuck #homestuck ancestors #damara megido #homestuck #egg art #according to hussies book aradia was in contact with the handmaid to receive game instructions #which is interesting considering megidos can speak to the dead and the handmaid is one of the few ancestors alive #so either handmaid channeled a dead aradia or future aradia channeled a dead handmaid #handmaid could of also just manipulated the timeline to make sure aradia was the catalyst for the game being played #or something less more or equally complicated #and without this we just have to assume its maid powers allowing aradia to have flawless instruction of what to do or shes just a #level 3000 gigabrain girl genius at 13 years old #and instead of putting that interaction in the story we got. the dancestor flashes #so im a little miffed about it really

[bytebun]

my piece for @thecodywanzine! thanks to the mods who let me go completely ham and cheese on this bad boy. this one's about living longer than you ever expected and not knowing what to do with it

#they're having a leftover sale with free shipping if you want a ridiculous amount of art and merch for an insanely low price #codywan #commander cody #obi-wan kenobi #star wars #comics #codywan zine #i went kinda nuts with the sun symbolism on this one. even i feel like its hamfisted but like listen am i not going to self-indulge #if not in a shipping zine piece then where #hope and love and the sun and etc can be an. omelette. spanish omelette specifically. that you share with your fambly #food cw #its also about looking at your best friend over a table and going. i lvoe you. i love you. i want to spend the rest of my life with you #i want to see the future with you. im so glad we're both alive even though i thought we'd both be dead by now #bytebun draws #lets not talk about the way there is zero consistency in my art style. <3

[smallviolentgremlin]

Lmaoooo sorry for the loooonnng ass hiatus, shits just been crazy lately💗💗

#im alive but im dead #im alive #haiii

[theonewhowails]

silly stuff i drew while reading Feel No Evil by @payasita , in which the Lamb does not know how to propose, Narinder does not know how to be alive, and neither of them knows what an obligate carnivore is

bonus? lmao

#my art #cotl #i am looking into your soul with my huge autistic eyes. read this fic right now. blease #hksfdjghdfghldkfg im sorry it just fucking kills me that for the first 4ish chapters narinder is just. so nasty #like all the followers are like There He Is. The Leader's Favorite Guy. and its this filthy half-dead cat that hasnt bathed in 10+ years #like he has hardly eaten the entire time he's been mortal and he looks like absolute dogshit #and their unbeatable normally serene and gracious leadergod is hovering around his stinky ass like omg nari hiiiiii #its fucking hilarious to me. and also heartwrenching bc this fic does also get into how hard it is to be alive when uve never learned how #gonna draw the twins desperately bringing him soap later i just had so many things i wanted to draw for this

[toh-tagteam-au]

I really like how Thanks to Them makes Belos physically and literally represent his core character traits of manipulating people and discarding them the second they fulfill their purpose and are no longer useful to him by making his main powerset in the episode possessing things and then discarding them, usually completely stripped of life.

#not comic #toh spoilers #toh #the owl house #i know we dont actually know whether or not the deer was dead when belos first possessed it #and the rabbit looked pretty dead when he first took over #but im using the context from hunters possession aftermath to sort of fill in the dots here #plus im pretty sure the crew would show belos kill and consume alive woodland creatures onscreen if they could get away with it #so. yeah #remember when i said belos was difficult to write #now that we know everything about him hes just... very simple

[flowersbloominthedark]

New theme so maybe I’ll stop procrastinating 😍

#im alive but im dead

[aster-draws]

Cover art for Wanted: Dead and Alive chapter one, which I've started posting because I'm like soooooooo normal about Danny Phantom x DC rn anyways cheers

#cw: gore #art #dp x dc #danny phantom #tim drake #wanted: dead and alive #im really just posting this heres so I can get a good link for the image anyways i am sooooooooo normal about them hahaha

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

thinking about Eddie & hyacinths again

#as you can surmise im Perfectly Normal about it #this man doesnt make me insane at all. nope. #trying out some new coloring and texture and background things... #on a side note. and i say this so lovingly bc theyre my favorite flowers #FUCK DRAWING HYACINTHS ALL MY HOMIES HATE DRAWING HYACINTHS #that was hell on earth. #ANYWAY THIS DUDE IS NEAT I HOPE HE DIES #nah im jesting im Jesting. am i tho #dead or alive i want him to experience unimaginable horrors and then die ten times and come back Normal #bc eddie strikes me as a 'dying would fix them' character #whether its a real death or a perceived death or Youve Been Dead The Whole Time death dont care dont care #i need him dead on the ground for at leeeaaaast five minutes #id be frothing at the fucking mouth. ragh #scribble garnish #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #eddie dear #originally this was gonna be a Very bloody little piece #but then my brain went 'hey. symbolism. what if the blood was flower petals. from hyacinths' #and ohhhh i couldnt pass that up #i wish i did! i would have had a lot more fun drawing a gruesome injury rather than Those Damn Flowers! #i dont know why ive latched onto the hyacinths outside the post office but my brain wont let go #ITS JUST SO SPECIFIC. why why whyyyyyy put that specific flower by this specific guy #especially flowers with Those Meanings and That Myth #*violently shaking the site* WHAT DO YOU MEANNNNNN #ok im getting myself too worked up i need to touch grass or poke the fire

[ggardengirl]

he was just a fucking kid 💔💔

#she definitely bought her clothes in the little boys section at kohls #also no way would her parents have ever let her wear this gay shit around them #she definitely bought them without telling before nationals so she could explore her sexuality with her clothes #someone on twitter said this first but i agree so im sharing here #yellowjackets #yellowjackets showtime #jackie taylor #jackieshauna #jackie taylor my alive dead lesbian baby dyke