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neonscandal · 2 months

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Hello, again, Neon...How are you? Sorry I have not log in tumblr for almost 2 month. I'm surprised you got quite a lot of interesting asks when I read your blog....

So, first thing first, now I'm in the middle of watching "Fushigi Yuugi", thanks to you. Now, I'm not really interested in the romance but I really love the story and worldbuilding. It's isekai but so good....Thanks for your rec, Neon....🌻🤩

I always love sorting characters to Hogwarts Houses, and because you said you don't mind, can I ask for : Miaka/Tamahome (classic trope done great), Narumi/Nifuji (cute couple), and Vash/Wolfwood (I'm depress after reading their story), Reki/Langa (just read BL that remind me of them)?

Last question (sorry for this long ask, feel free if you don't want to answer all), because you love Hermione, do you ship Hermione/Ron or Hermione/Draco or other? Why?

Hope you have a wonderful day, Neon. And sorry for late in saying this : Happy Belated Birthday, wish you all the good things in life 💐😄

Hello old friend, welcome back 🌻💛 Never a need to apologize! I dare say you and your many questions may have emboldened others to reach out haha so I suppose I should say thank you for that. And for your kind words always! 🥺❤️

For it to be an older series, I'm glad to hear the worldbuilding holds up! I always loved Tamahome, Chichiri and Nuriko because they were so funny to me when I was younger. I feel like I should revisit the series with you!

Of COURSE I'm gonna address your whole ask in one go. Just remember, fuck TERFs!

ROMIONE vs DRAMIONE

As a smooth brained child, I didn't really ship Hermione until there was more obvious signaling that she and Ron were end game. The books were coming out when I was literally the age of the characters and kids are easily influenced and don't think critically. Not even going into comphet shipping at that age. I also loved redheads or maybe just the Weasleys? As an adult, Ron kinda sucked as a partner for Hermione. He took Hermione for granted, wasn't really supportive of things that meant a lot to her (SPEW, though clearly she changed his mind based on his later concern for the elves), was generally harsh with his words regarding her until the cruft of their adolescence was really broken away but, in my opinion, Hermione outclassed Ron and Harry in a lot of ways. In this pairing, it feels like Hermione made Ron better but Ron didn't reciprocate that improvement where Hermione was concerned. We can say he made her more approachable but that was him and Harry and just general socialization. It's been awhile since I've read the books so I may be selling my boy Ron short here. But also, as an adult, I see brilliant, amazing women end up with mediocre (but somewhat earnest) men all the time so I guess we were adequately prepared in our childhood.

As an adult, I'm not going to say I ship Dramione but I definitely see the appeal more. Especially where fandom fills in the gap because, contextually, we see them at odds and how Hermione is bold enough to challenge Draco. She (similar to Ron in the above), isn't the only reason the Draco undergoes his necessary character development we see through the story but her audacity, I think, humbles him in a way that's different from Harry. This dynamic is also more aligned with ships I tend to gravitate toward where they're a little antagonistic with a soft underbelly. I'm not saying this question justifies sharing this beautiful animation by @lyrablack1883 but… an excuse is an excuse. 👀

Onto the neon Sorting Hat, I guess!

Bear in mind, I'm largely of the mind that where the other houses are fixed, Gryffindor is open to anyone brave enough to ask/insist so, if you don't agree, that's cool, too. I give the primary i think they'd be in otherwise.

Miaka Yuki (Fushigi Yuugi) - Gryffindor with Hufflepuff underpinnings. It's important to note that the tenderness that Miaka exhibits is not without an edge. She may not be strong but she isn't powerless. She is kind and accepting of others and fair with a sense of purpose when chosen to be a priestess and rises to the occasion. She's still stubborn and, in fact, the flaws that more prominently make her a Gryffindor is what endears her to others (and sets her at odds with Tamahome because she's a brat, let's be serious). Still, with the whole world on its head, Miaka doesn't shy away from her duty and grows a lot along the way.

Tamahome (Fushigi Yuugi) - okay this is a bit of a toss up but only because it's been so long since I've seen Fushigi Yuugi that I'm torn between Ravenclaw and Slytherin, for obvious reasons. Tamahome is loyal to a cause and is subsequently very logical about the means to satisfy that end. Character wise, I just can't determine (or recall, rather), whether he could justify any means to that end. I'm leaning toward Ravenclaw with the loyalty to his family and then the Suzaku Warriors but I'm open to your interpretation as someone who may have seen it more recently.

Narumi Momose (Wotakoi: Love is Hard for Otaku) - Ravenclaw. Intuitively, Narumi had a goal in mind and creatively deduced camouflage would be the best means to be successful socially and at work. It's a little dishonest but with earnest intentions. But Narumi is a Ravenclaw in the daffy way the Luna Lovegood is a Ravenclaw. That's not to suggest neither lack intelligence but their focus tends to be elsewhere. Whatever the special interest, they know it all, you know? Good luck trying to be a normie, Narumi.

Hirotaka Nifuji (Wotakoi: Love is Hard for Otaku) - Bear in mind I have one season of Wotakoi under my belt. But the biggest indicator for my determination is that Hirotaka managed to hide his crush on Narumi for the full duration of the season. Cool, and nonchalant but the frenzy when his brother almost blew his cover? Slytherin. Mans had a goal all along and while Narumi seemed to fall in line with that out of convenience, it suited his purposes all along and we only see an aberration in his behavior when that was potentially jeopardized. Harmless as the circumstances were, it's giving Slytherin.

Vash the Stampede (Trigun) - Hufflepuff to a fault with sympathy for the devil. He will do what is right, damn the consequences and the risk of personal injury to himself. He was given a life and seeks to protect the lives of others at all cost. This sunshine boy isn't without shadow, driven to offset his brothers' misdeeds, for sure. But Rem, I think, is a stronger guide in how Vash lives his life. He doesn't do it for the glory, it's simply what must be done. He certainly doesn't go looking for trouble the way a Gryffindor might. It just finds him and he tries to resolve it as amicably as possible with a moral compass always pointing due North.

Nicholas D. Wolfwood (Trigun) - SLYTHERIN. Hat's barely rested upon his head and definitively we know that Nicky D will do whatever's needed to get his desired end. Not saying Vash won't make him question himself but, ultimately, Nicholas will do what Vash can't. His morality rests upon a razor's edge and he's learned that the only way to protect the people he love's are by doing the dirty work necessary. With Vash's influence, he may be tortured about it, though.

Reki Kyan (SK8 the Infinity) - Gryffindor with a strong Hufflepuff alignment (is this why Miya warms up to him?). Not only is he earnestly hardworking and kind, the glue that brings everyone together. But he's also brave, punching well above his weight class to stand up to Adam and protect Miya and, ultimately, to triumph over him because of his own brilliance and ingenuity.

Langa Hasegawa (SK8 the Infinity) - Gryffindor with a spice of Ravenclaw. ✨ Naturally skilled and adept skater (after some serious hard work as a boarder), I think Langa wouldn't have wound up pursuing skating at all had he not gotten swept up into it through the series of events as outlined. But, in the new environment, he's able to leverage his previous expertise critically and playfully and ascend to awe inspiring heights. Doesn't mean he's not still a bit of a himbo. Affectionately, Reki and Langa at their core are idiot 🤝 idiot and we love them for it.

Anon, a BL that reminds you of Reki and Langa!? Drop the rec, bestie! How could you not include? Do I need to make a rules page? Pay the troll toll, guys!

#neon asks #anon asks #anime #manga #harry potter #hogwarts houses #fushigi yuugi #wotakoi #wotakoi love is hard for otaku #trigun #sk8 the infinity #sk8 #trigun stampede #dramione #romione #harry potter au

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highdio · 1 year

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WAIT! did you see my submission that asked about the whole "show me your fear/how will i rule" flashback? i wanted to ask a lot what you thought. can you dig it up? i remember asking you if it gave nuance to what Dio thinks about his egotism. Seeing himself as so powerful, he's the "only" worthy being who could lead humanity. seeing it as a obligation of some sort. please i am really curious about your view.

I don't think I ever got your earlier ask so it’s good you followed up. Re: the "show me your fear" sequence in CDDH, if I'm being honest it made me cringe a little when I read it, like it came across as tryhard.

The best way for me to explain this is by comparing it to the anime scene where Enya says a lot of the same stuff:

youtube

Here Enya does the talking, like she's Dio's hypeman. Dio? He doesn't say anything, and honestly it's kind of funny: she's there going on and on about the Joy of Fear while Dio's sort of just there, chilling in his bedroom with a bunch of naked women.

imo having someone else talk about fear while Dio barely acknowledges that we're doing a scene here is more in-character than the battle monolog in CDDH that you're asking about. That's the thing about how Araki writes Dio, and I think this gets lost sometimes: Dio doesn't usually go out of his way to impress you. An obvious early example is when young Dio's introduced in that boxing match but he's off to the side on the hill, nowhere near the ring, leisurely lacing his gloves. There's a lot of scenes like this, where Dio assumes this passive, unhurried posture (from not leaving Egypt to go after Jotaro, to turning his back to Hol, sitting down and reading a book during the 'Shooting Dio?!' chapter). He doesn't have to go out of his way to do much, instead people get drawn toward him. Once you notice this, it becomes a blueprint in terms of how Araki writes him.

I've have the same criticism with the scene earlier in CDDH where Kadono has Dio boastfully reveal to Kakyoin that he orchestrated Kakyoin's family's trip to Egypt (??).

Anytime he's got Dio taking that pro-active a role I think, no, Dio's too lazy for that. While it's all true that Dio's ambitious and plans for contingencies, he's just not going to go out of his way to lash out or attack. He just sort of waits. Araki says it this way:

“DIO is more of the reactionary type, so [if he'd beaten Jotaro and a new opponent appeared] he probably would have continued to take root in Egypt and wait for his prey to come to him.”

Going back to the CDDH "fear" scene you asked about, while the gist of what he's saying is consistent with Dio's character - he's always testing people's fears, limits and motivations - it still comes across as if it's written too in-your-face, like he's saying a bunch of stuff he doesn't need to say. Even the stylistic choice of putting Dio's dialog in speech bubbles bounded by thick, jagged black borders feels tryhard.

Please remember that Dio is a guy who got his minion to cut off his own head by saying very few words interspersed with a ton of ellipses.

This is what I mean about Dio being softer in approach/more passive in canon than in CDDH and in fanon. It's charisma that draws you in rather than him over-acting.

The other part of your ask about Dio seeing himself as the 'only being worthy of leading humanity' as an obligation also seems a little off. I don't think Dio feels obliged to humanity at all, only because Dio sees himself as a top-of-the-food-chain being and humans as prey. fwiw I still think Dio's primary driver is more along the lines of a top-level athlete in the sense that at some point he's competing with himself to 'transcend' his current peak performance level; ruling over humanity doesn't factor into this as much. ofc you could probably get away with headcanoning him as more interested in ruling mankind, but imo he'd do that for the ego-trip or as some sort of sociological experiment rather than through any perceived indebtedness.

#Anonymous #replies tag #jjba #dio talk #CDDH spoilers #also don't hate me here but I don't know that making an egotist character say he's got an obligation to rule over others adds complexity #more like it affirms the egotism trait #imo #long post

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mermaidsirennikita · 7 months

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Weekly Book Recs: 10/6-10/13

Pride and Protest by Nikki Payne

Easily one of the best Pride and Prejudice retellings I've read, this takes our prickly leads and turns them into an activist versus a billionaire (who has a lot more going for him than "billionaire", believe). It's socially conscious, funny, and touching--and it captures the more melancholic aspects of P&P more than most reboots I've read. There's a real old school 90s-2000s romcom vibe to the fallout aspect of the book. Pick it up! #23for23

Jana Goes Wild by Farah Heron

I blogged a bit about this one as I was reading it--and suffice to say, I was impressed. It's a risky premise--Jana and Anil have a two week fling during which she falls head over heels, finds out he's married, and, after blocking him on every platform possible, discovers she's knocked up... Cut to five years later, and they're co-parents of a daughter while seeing each other as little as possible. Until they end up a part of the same wedding party. At a destination wedding. In Tanzania. It's a big swing of a story, and with a charming hero (Anil and his daughter... my heart) and a heroine who's so hesitant to take a risk after being burned (but so drawn to her baby daddy) it really impressed me. I know this one is polarizing in romance circles; and if you're familiar with romance circles, you can guess why. Cardinal romance rules broken! The heroine isn't perfect and she's a woman of color so the standard has to be impossibly high! Whatever, man. This shit is good. #23for23

Sinner by Sierra Simone

I read this a year ago and wasn't really feeling it, but gave it another shot when my mood shifted--and liked it a lot more this time around. I'd call this perhaps the most "approachable" Sierra Simone I've read so far--it's really a sex lessons/age gap/brother's best friend book, with the added bonus of the heroine being thisclose to becoming a nun. I won't lie--if you wanted to dip your toes into Sierra Simone's work, I think Priest is probably a more... accurate... representation of her standard fare (Sean Bell keeps going "I'm a bad man, my good brother Tyler over there on the other hand" and like. My guy. Sean. Tyler is OBSCENE.) but this one is quite good. And very, very hot. TW: Sean is a primary caretaker for his mother, who has terminal cancer. That is a big part of the book, and while I thought it was done beautifully, it is very sad.

The Professional by Kresley Cole

Kresley Cole is one of those authors whose style was kind of made for mafia romance--over the top, super hot, and alpha to the nth degree. This is the first non-IAD book I've read by her, and though I was surprised by some differences (it's first person POV, single POV at that) it's a fucking romp, the way I expect a Kresley book to be. There's stalking-is-love, our hero kidnaps our heroine after watching her masturbate to the memory of him in the bathtub, there's a lot of good bit of kink. And it's a bodyguard romance, which I personally love. It's a little softer than some of the mafia romances I've read--but I am more than confident that the next book will be... different.

A Rake's Vow by Stephanie Laurens

In theory, there isn't a lot that's super crazy about the plot of A Rake's Vow--it's basically a rake/resistant virgin book, with a light, fun mystery. But it's just so fun. The tone is perfect. Vane just wants this woman to marry him, because Fate demands it, damn it! And Patience is resistant for a reason I don't know that I've seen a lot, or at all in historicals--her father was a rake, and she doesn't want to end up like her heartbroken mother. (Also, she's raising her little brother and very Practical and doesn't want Vane to be a bad influence on him, and it's all very amusing.) This is a house party book without the party, full of a cast of quirky characters. At one point, he starts putting the moves on her in the conservatory and she's like "what are you doing" and he goes "you followed me into the CONSERVATORY". Like I said, it's so much fun. And Cynster men are conquerors--don't ever forget that.

Never Met a Duke Like You by Amalie Howard

A funny, sexy retelling of Clueless (which is a retelling of Emma, and it all works). Out 11/14, read my full review here.

#romance novel blogging #weekly book recs #book recs #23for23 #books #book reviews

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ganymedesclock · 2 years

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Words are like rocks

I feel very bad about the way that language is often wielded with active cruelty (intellectual snobbery, prejudice against certain accents and dialects due to racism) or treated as inherently cruel because of those things (people that become hostile and presume you are mocking them the second that you use an unfamiliar word)

Aside from that there are a huge number of different fields that have a lot of complex concepts and benefit from having very specific language the way that a high-end wood shop benefits from having access to extremely specific tools, there are so many words out there that are just plain fun and this is the primary place I operate from.

Yes, as a writer who likes moody atmospheric stuff, gothic horror, and whooshy magic stuff, words like ephemera, antediluvian, and ecclesiastical are very useful in a pure mechanical things-go-brr manner but also they are terribly fun to say and read. I think we should enable people to feel excited and curious about new words, because really, the main reason people seem to be afraid of big words is feeling like they are some kind of test or demand that you meet them exactly where they already are with no respect to disability, language learning status, or just plain if you had the opportunity to run into it before.

At its worst, it's like seeing some guy in a comics store size up a shirt you're wearing for fun and quiz you on an obscure detail. I don't know, are you really smart if you don't know what "oneirocritical" means?

This is, of course, ridiculous. I do know what oneirocritical means, but it's not because I'm any smarter than anyone else. It's because I am reading a silly book about words written by someone who clearly likes to play around with them (The Horologicon, by Mark Forsyth, if anyone's curious). I just happened to be exposed to it, picked it up like a shiny rock, went "ooooh!" and put it in my pocket and sometimes to facilitate conversations or just for kicks I will show people the rock or put it in some art because I think it looks lovely.

Words, like rocks, are not that scary. They're quite ordinary and we are surrounded by them most of the time. We barely think about rocks. At this very moment you are almost certainly in range of at least one rock and the same can be said of words. You might think about them more if you have a disability or other life condition that causes you to think about them more, which makes them an obstacle or a hazard, or if you are parsing them differently.

Even the most boring and ordinary of rocks, however, have something twinkling and fascinating about them. They have interesting properties, history, chemical composition. You might pluck a lump of granite from a sidewalk- you're holding something that might be thousands of years old and forged in a volcano! There's no words we pulled from primal flame in that way, but even just within human history, every word we use has been tumbled forwards by some pretty incredible forces to get there.

There's no such thing as a completely, objectively boring rock. And I think there's no such thing as an objectively boring word.

Meanwhile, there's some rocks, and words, that are brandished at us with such an obvious air of demanded importance that it's hard to approach them at all. How do we feel about the Hope Diamond? Mt. Everest? Six Grandfathers? They just seem like monoliths in our world. It's hard to imagine that we as individuals have a human relationship with them, even if we can- a very tragic one in some of those cases.

So okay, language isn't some kind of perfect playground utopia. Some of the sharpest weapons we've used to cut people down have been words. There is a reason why one thing a lot of minorities ask of people is to watch their mouth a little, be careful about words, mindful of the weight and context.

But a rock is a rock is a rock. It is real. Just because it has the capacity to be thrown at your head or struck into you like a weapon doesn't mean that all rocks are evil and every instance of a rock is a threat. We can do many things with rocks to make them less threatening; split them, divide them, explore their pieces or the chemistry or history of them, put them on our shelves where they catch the light. We can attach new meaning to them.

The same is true with words. They have the capacity to have immense power. But also, far more often, they can just, exist, sitting there and waiting.

If you find an interesting rock somewhere on my blog, take it with you! Most search engines will give you the dictionary definition of a word entered as a search term (especially if you slap a handy "define:" in front of it) and I'm also happy to talk about why I use the words I do.

#writing ruminations #readmore

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alicentsgf · 1 year

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I was explaining Fire And Blood to a friend of mine who didn't read the book and when i was talking about Rhaenyra and Daemon's relationship, she said: "It kinda feels like he just used her to give him sons and ditched her when he got the chance." I know this isn't very related to the usual content of you blogs, but i will love to hear your opinion on this! Do you think is true?

I actually don't think Daemon cared about having sons until he already had them? in hotd anyway. It's harder to figure out anyone's exact priorities or motivations in f&b but i feel pretty safe saying sons weren't the first or even the second thing he wanted from rhaenyra. them having children together is perhaps a part of what he wants from her, especially when those children have a claim to the throne, but its not his motivation for pursuing her.

in hotd at least it seems to me he wanted rhaenyra because it was close as he could get to what hes always wanted: proximity to power, to be needed and valued (by viserys especially, so rhaenyras a good substitute), and to have a wife that embodies the traits hes been told his entire life are superior. that all manifests in a genuine desire for rhaenyra. like he does want her and loves her to the extent he is capable of it. i think its just that the reality didnt live up to his expectations. it didn't fill the hole as well as he thought it would.

the other side of it, looking at daemon in f&b, is we're not given much indication he cares about his sons, even as legacies worth protecting imo. he sort of abandons aegon. he doesnt see him for a long while hes too busy boning a teenager in the riverlands and then he decides he's going to die taking aemond down and leaves rhaenyra and aegon in a deeply precarious position seemingly just to spite rhaenyra? idk. its truly very hard to say though. because yes taking aemond down is a huge win for rhaenyra's side and indirectly benefits his kids. but what gets me is daemon didn't even try to live - he tells aemond he intends to die fighting him - which makes it seem like going out in a blaze of glory and getting back at rhaenyra like 'oh you wanted me back? well I'm literally gonna get myself killed so you never get what you want' is his first priority. even though him being dead is clearly detrimental to his children who could really do with having a ruthless dragonriding father around to protect them.

to be fair to your friend, his approach to her is definitely laced with misogyny he doesn't fully see her as an individual so the 'using her' part i completely agree with. just not for sons. not as a primary concern anyway.

#ask #anon #hotd #f&b #f&b spoilers #fire and blood meta #anti daemon targaryen #this isnt even anti daemon #but i tag to keep my inbox sane

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eviefrie · 3 months

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Okay so I see your TLT to Archive Undying prop, I see you know/read at least some of Baru - how would you sell me (a diehard Baru girlie ride or die, that's my autism rizz failgirlboss, my beloved) on Archive?

*if you have the time/interest/spoons*

oooh this was. a tricky one. bc. can i tell you a secret:

i didn't finish the traitor baru cormorant! i didn't like it enough! i can see how ppl would like it but the combo of the slow pacing + that particular brand of dark content just wasn't for me. & that's ok! but it does mean that i didn't feel fully equipped to answer this question on my own.

so after consulting w my local baru expert @urban-sith, i have come to present you with these conclusions:

both books rely a lot on the reader's ability to keep up with the worldbuilding. if you like picking up pieces of facts about a world and adding them to your little mental file, the archive undying is a book you will enjoy.

making an educated guess on this one, bc ire isn't texting me back fast enough: rereading is a value add for both books. like you will fully get Mileage out of archive, as i am guessing one does out of baru.

sunai, the protag and primary pov character of archive, is not so much baru cormorant as he is tain hu. self-sacrificing. kind of silly. disaster gay. spoiler: he does have a happier ending than tain hu does. low bar, that.

some differences that may or may not be selling points!:

archive takes a very locked tomb approach to gender & sexuality. there's a couple non-binary characters in the book and it's treated VERY normally. one of them has a gun.

time passing is much less obvious in archive? like weeks at a time are skipped over during traveling, but in such a way that it's easy to miss. it's mostly revealed in the sunai & veyadi talk to each other—the dialogue between them really landed for me as "two people who know each other well having a conversation".

related to that: so many things happen in archive. the pacing is INSANE. i find it fun, but if you liked baru's pacing you may think it feels rushed.

something to note is. well. seth is a white man. and not saying that white men can't write well about empires and imperialism/colonialism, but it's not like he's experienced colonization himself. emma mieko candon, on the other hand, is 4th generation japanese in hawaii. imperialism is a background theme in archive compared to baru cormorant, but i felt that its understanding of how empires and imperial states can layer on top of each other was much more nuanced.

no one in baru cormorant buys a chicken to use as an alarm system.

i hope this helps!!! even if i didn't sell you fully i hope u feel enabled to make an informed choice 🥰

#i love the read more feature so much so glad they added a button for it #also as i was typing this my cat started making weird noises in her sleep. i think she is snoring. she's tucked under a blanket next to me #the archive undying #askbox #arolloftape

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neonswitchhouse · 2 years

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PCWT: Invocation & Calling Forth / “How to Summon Your Scrimblo”

Have you ever been in this situation before? You’re ready to try out pop culture witchcraft/paganism/magic/etc. You’ve done a whole lot of reading and research (and may have even checked tips from your favorite tumblr blogs on the topic) and you’re ready to work with someone you feel called to. And then, here comes the dilemma; “how do I even do that?”

While there’s no one-size-fits-all tip for how to summon or call forth your character, here’s a few tips on how to get the proverbial ball rolling!

1. “What does your character like?”

As simple as this question may seem, sometimes you may forget in the middle of the moment just what the character you wish to call upon likes or is attracted to. Make sure to go back in your research notes on them and figure out their likes / correspondences and figure out how to incorporate aspects of those in the ritual you’re going to perform.

Does your character like sweets? Why not add some candies to your altar or work-surface?

Does your character like a specific scent or do you associate a specific scent with that character? Why not try a scented candle or any other variety of things like wax melts, diffusers, etc.?

2. “What do you want from them?”

This I dare say may be more of the more important, if not -the- most important step in the process. Consider what you want from them or out of them and how you wish to approach them.

Do you want a more companion-like relationship, so perhaps a more friendly approach?

Do you want them to act as a teacher and guide for you, so something more formal?

Do you want them to bring you prosperity? Happiness? Creativity? Dastardliness?

Make sure you have these set and down pat before you call out to them, as it can determine your relationship and workings with them going forth.

3. “What methods to use?”

Again, there’s no one-size-fits-all as to how to invoke, call upon, or summon the character(s) you wish to work with in PCM/PCW/PC Paganism/etc. A lot of it is going to be designed and catered to what works best for you in a spiritual and even practical sense. But, for example purposes, here’s an example of the method/ritual we use to call upon our patron (missing a couple of steps as to keep it personal, but still the primary method)

Arrange 3 dice arranged to show “5” when facing upwards upon the altar/workspace

Place the 5 of Diamonds and the King of Diamonds upon the altar/workspace

Light the candle designated as theirs (in this case, one that scented of “tobacco and leather”

Pour out a fresh glass of wine and hold in it your hands, reciting the following 5x

“Hail to him, the 555th. Hail to him the Lord of Dreamers. Hail to him the Boss of Bosses”

Imbibe a sip of the offering wine, then begin to meditate

This is also where question 2 is especially going to come in handy. If you wish to write a verse or something similar as you call them into your space, it’s important to incorporate their traits, what you desire from them, and perhaps a bit of flattery. In the book “Pop Culture Magic 2.0” by Taylor Ellwood, the author gives an example of an invocation to Aloy from Horizon: Zero Dawn that I’d recommend giving a read if you want to get the general gist of how to go about writing an invocation of your own. If all else, write what comes to mind for you and what you think they’d enjoy. You’re trying to appease to them and welcome them after all, so think of it as writing an invitation in a sense!

4. “What if I don’t have a physical altar/workspace?”

Why not try digital altars or workspaces? Games such as Minecraft, Animal Crossing, or even The Sims are great tools to make discreet workspaces and altars for your workings (and in some cases, may even be portable). Feel free to decorate your space with things that remind you or correspond to your character!

Does your character come from a source such as a video where they can be a playable character? Why not play as them and accomplish feats and tasks they’d find pleasing as an energetic offering to them of sorts to call upon them?

You can even try making a dedicated account or blog to them, reblogging and posting images of them and adding content that reminds you of them.

5. Conclusion

At the end of the day, it’s your craft and practice, and you know what works best for you. But these are just some general tips that I thought would help others that may be a bit stuck as to how to go about things. But feel free to experiment with any of the methods mentioned above and don’t be afraid to make mistakes; that’s how you learn after all!

As always,

Stay safe, have fun, and stay spooky 💜

#pop culture witchcraft #pop culture magic #pop culture paganism #pop culture spirit work #kind of a shorter one this time but it really is a kind of hard thing to write about #mostly because there’s so many ways and methods of doing such #but hopefully y’all still enjoy! ^o^

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gamesception · 9 months

Text

Sception reads Cass Cain #6

Batman #569, September 1999 written by Janet Harvey, pencils by Sergio Cariello

So here we have the first instance where Cassandra is the main character of an issue, and the primary focus of its story, but the lead creatives aren't her primary team of Peterson, Puckett and Scott. And for a mainstream comic hero that's a big test. Harvey takes a different approach to writing a non-verbal character than Puckett, one that's maybe less innovative and experimental, but that's so easy and obvious that I really have to wonder why I didn't see the same approach taken more often. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The comic starts with a non-super-villain affiliated gang trying to kick this Sanchez guy out of his gas station in an area they've claimed, presumably to take whatever gas and supplies are left there. And in blue boxes we have some faux noir-esque narration of the type commonly employed throughout bat books from the dawn of time, both for exposition and for letting letting the audience in on the main characters' thoughts. I'm not a big fan of the gimmick generally, and one of the things I liked about Cass, especially in her early non-verbal days, was that her book focused more on storytelling and characterization through the art on the panel. I know "show don't tell" is a bit of an overused cliche, but imo it invited the reader to empathize more directly with Cass since you didn't have this layer of text in between you and her.

But not every writer and artist were up to that - and Cass's faceless costume design made it that much harder. Most back book writers had been relying on their narration blocks for so long that they didn't know how to tell a story, let alone a bat story, without them. As a result, it seemed like most of the bat book writers just didn't know how to use Cass, and so she showed up sparingly in other books, and when she was just this silent shadow that none of the other bat family characters could meaningfully relate to.

The funny thing is, looking back now at this issue for the first time, from before her solo book even started, Harvey had already figured out how to put the circle through the square hole.

Because the blue text blocks are Cass's thoughts, or at least describing what she's thinking, even if in universe she isn't thinking these things in words exactly. In the same way that a comic might write out a foreign character's dialog in English, and then just tack a note that in-universe they're speaking French or whatever.

Which, yeah, is just the obvious solution to the problem? If you're writing a Cass story but don't know how to do that without your typical narration boxes, then just use your typical narration boxes.

Oh, also I love that close up in the middle panel there, with her big smile - drawn right through the mask the way I keep saying artists should do. Because it's ok to cheat in comic art. Spider man cheats by having the eyes on his mask change shape to show his expression all the time. But anyway, yeah, with that big smile you can feel her easy confidence and excitement. She's enjoying herself. She's having fun. This is play to her. That idea, that she /enjoys/ being Batgirl, will be important when we get into some of her issues with guilt later in her own book, so it's great that we're already seeing that side of her here, an aspect of her personality that is entirely lost when she's portrayed as just Batman's silent ninja enforcer.

But yeah, that's Cass right there. That's our girl, that's who we're here to see.

We also see that her instincts are dangerous - she was taught by an assassin - trained to kill. No matter how much fun she's having, she can't just cut loose, can't get carried away and lose focus. She has to actively restrain herself. She starts to have fun flexing her fighting skills, but then she remembers what those skills were originally meant for, what she was originally meant for, and the fun is over.

Mr. Sanchez is in high spirits after the rescue and very chatty. Cass gets annoyed by this, which I choose to read as reflexive insecurity about not being able to communicate verbally herself.

Cass signals Bat HQ that she's secured the gas station. Apparently there had been a plan to send extra help to get some gas for the hospital (the hospital is still functional? Why isn't Dr. Thomkins there then?), but it's too dangerous at the moment so Cass is just going to have to hold the station by herself overnight. Which is framed as a tough mission, a test of her competence.

There's a flashback to a few hours earlier when the mission was first assigned, and we get to see how excited Cass is to be useful, how eager she is to please Bruce in particular. Especially nice since we get to see her emoting without the mask in the way. The scene is nice, and it emphasizes both her youth - she's still just a teenager - and her motivations. We also see Barbara both vouching for Cass's ability and worrying about her safety, which fits the big sister/surrogate mother role she'll serve in Cass's ongoing.

Meanwhile, Bruce still isn't completely sure what to make of Cassandra. He trusts Barbara's recommendation, and has seen first hand Cass's martial skills and her commitment to finding nonlethal solutions to problems even where none seems possible, but yeah, this is very much a test.

Cass gets frustrated with the chatty Mr. Sanchez and heads outside, where we get a bunch more of the narration blocks and some art I don't especially care for, with weird comic woman proportions and spray-painted-on costume and weird boots. The ruined city background art is pretty nice, and none of this is terrible looking. Just not particularly great. I like the way the artist draws Cass's Batgirl outfit when she's just a lurking shadow, just a silhouette, like in that first panel there, even if it's small, or this panel from earlier that I didn't grab before:

Yeah, good spooky Cass silhouettes. But when the details fill in, not as much.

Anyway, the thugs come back later with a rocket launcher, there's some fighting, but while Cass is able to save Mr. Sanchez, the gas station is destroyed.

Which means Cass failed her mission. Failed the test.

Failed Batman.

Cariello does a fantastic job portraying how fucking pissed Cass is in this panel, and how terrifying she is in her anger. Again, when he's rendering her as a spooky silhouette it's great.

Again Cassandra risks gets carried away - this time by her anger rather than having fun - and her restraint slips, letting the lethal training her father drilled into her come to the surface.

Sanchez talks Cass down, and she turns away just as Bruce shows up, and thankfully there was a separate stash of gas they can take to keep the hospital generators running.

....

Overall this was a pretty good issue for our girl. While I might not like some of the art or some of the writing choices as much as if this issue had been done by Peterson, Puckett, and Scott, this is still very much a Cass Cain Batgirl story, the kind you might have seen in her solo book. The tone is right, the themes are there, the interpersonal dynamics between her, Bruce, and Barbara. Her character and personality comes across well.

Given how badly her solo book drops off later on, her disastrous villain period, the mess that followed after, how I never really felt like she found her footing again... over the years I've kind of built up this idea in my head that, as great as Cass was in her prime, maybe she just wasn't a good fit for the collaborative, factory format of mainstream US superhero books. Like only one team could ever get her right, which made her a bad fit in a medium where creative teams are constantly shifting and a shared universe where characters are regularly crossing over into each others stories.

But this book stands as an easy and very early refutation of that entire thought. Harvey isn't writing this book like Puckett would have, and Cariello isn't illustrating like Scott would have. This is a book that looks and reads much more like typical Bat book fare, and yet Cass is working fine here. That's very recognizably our girl. And this right after the previous issue I looked at, where she worked pretty well as a side character.

If multiple creative teams outside of her own could get her right this early on, why did others fail - and fail so very badly - later on, when the character if anything should have been more well established?

#sception reads cassandra cain #cassandra cain #batgirl #batman #dc comics

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coffinsister · 11 months

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Eeee so I can't pick a favorite between Ashley and Andrew but when I was playing it I definitely saw Ashley as sorta yandere vibes? Like yknow with the girl dying in the box was the primary example, Andrew going along with it too was like 👀 because why would he go along with killing someone unless he was either The Biggest Doormat (which i definitely understand seeing the creator's notes) or he was also vaguely yandere but not acknowledging it. There's a lot of toxicity between them obviously and a lot of trauma (not sure where from aside from whole being locked in the apartment for Hecc knows how long and maybe neglectful parents) but they seem to be reading the same book but they're not the same page if that makes sense. Andrew probably also has some Older Sibling syndrome going on there because he cares about Ashley if reluctantly sometimes and takes responsibility for things, while Ashley makes sense as the younger sibling (as an older sister myself it at least was recognizable with how Andrew was telling Ashley she had to realize what they'd done at the end of the chapter) and with the whole demon thing it made me wonder what the talisman will show Ashley or if there will be more complicated horror with the two of them encountering more cultists or if their parents had something to do with the issue because I definitely agree on the whole sus mom thing

All in all I love how the game gives us enough information to see kind of where it could go but doesn't spoil the plot and the Coffin part of the title definitely gave me 4th wall thoughts similar to Homestuck. The apartment/demon occult based horror is similar to Sally Face too so it just took the gremlins and made me super interested in the story. If i ever write anything i'll definitely send it to you!! I work as a writer off of tumblr for a larp company currently though so my brain is a bit fried but I love this game a lot and it was super interesting to see what was going on in the story 👀

Thank you !!! Don't overheat your brain anymore than necessary to survive in the techno capitalist hellscape singularity we are currently in but if you do find the time to write anything that would be amazing :D

And now to answer everything else:

I love both siblings for their own reasons I really do but I fell in love with Andrew the moment I saw him because brocon tendencies defeat all sorts of common sense immediately for me

Yeah Ashley totally fits into the yandere archetype except she's more real I would say and she's definitely more western than full on anime like

I say she's more real because she's actually shown to struggle a lot with socialization and with her parents and just seems to be rejected by the world around her because of her personality instead of just being a random girl who somehow exists with that behavior and it's okay

Yeah I actually don't really understand Andrew's motivations for going along with stuff all that deeply I always feel like there's something I'm missing with him but mostly I just see it as well he genuinely really cares for his sister and doesn't want to see her in distress and he's super codependent as well and cannot lose and he's a pushover too and finds it easier to go along and blame her for everything instead of standing up to her and risk losing her and then having to confront himself

As Ashley did say she's the only person he can be real with so he can't stand to lose her

I also totally think he's yandere on his own right like maybe yandere wouldn't be the right term for him because he definitely doesn't present himself at first as more approachable like Ashley does but he's still super overprotective of her

Like straight up one of the like 7 times the Rage sprite is used twice are just for the time where Ashley makes the comment about getting pregnant from their neighbor

So yeah they are both yanderes for each other and we love that for them

Personally I see the trauma from them steming from yeah killing that girl that's definitely not something you can just walk off but also from their parents seeming to be very detached and neglectful of them and also from Ashley specifically I see her as somebody who's never managed to have a long lasting relationship of any type with anybody other than Andrew

She expresses that just who she is and her personality makes people turn away from her and that over so much time and starting up from so young can really mess a person up

And then she starts isolating Andrew too and they wind up becoming dependant on each other and no matter what forcing one person to carry the weight that a whole entire social circle should is always going to end up turning toxic ah~ which is what I so love about them I'm just a natural sucker for toxic siblings dynamics

Actually your perspective saying that Ashley fits as a little sister is really interesting to me because I am a little sister I can't really understand how older siblings look at their younger siblings but I can see a lot of how me and my older sister are like in just how they banter and stuff

Like that bit where Andrew is like nope you go get the batteries It was like a Deja Vu for me swear to God

I definitely think the whole prophetic dreams stuff is gonna play a big role in the full game and I'm really looking forwards to the horror potential of it all

I also really enjoy the idea of Ashley being super paranoic all the time about everything she dreams because what if she interprets it wrong what if she doesn't see the right thing what if it ends up getting Andrew hurt and as much as he doesn't want him to be able to live on without her that stems from the fact that she definitely cannot live on without him

One thing I really enjoy about dystopian stories is that they tell you just enough they make you feel like the world was already here before you and you are just watching it at the moment and this game does that so well

I know nothing about Homestuck but everyday I learn something new about it as it seems

And sorry, as you can probably tell, I can talk a whole lot about my special interests jejeje (☍﹏⁰).

#the coffin of andy and leyley #personally i headcanon Ashley as ASPD and Andrew as autistic and they are my favorite codependent cannibal siblings ever #soleil asks #andrew graves #ashley graves #nemlei #this is so clogging up somebody's dash right now

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fruit-of-infidelity · 1 year

Text

♱ DIABOLIK LOVERS: Haunted Dark Bridal ー Sakamaki Ryuuto | Dark 06 ♱

⌜ Scene: Sakamaki Library ⌟

Yui: Phew… So heavy…!

( Lately, I’ve been curious about Vampires… )

( I’ve always thought of them as scary, blood-thirsty creatures but… I have yet to be bitten. Of course, I’m grateful for that! )

( But still… I can’t help but wonder… )

― Yui stacks up a few books upon a nearby table. ―

Yui: Five books-worth should be enough content to learn more about Ryuuto-san, right? Especially from his personal library.

Let’s see… I think I’ll start with…

― Soft humming catches Yui’s attention. ―

Yui: …!

( Is someone there…? )

― Yui peeks around to see who it is. ―

Ryuuto: … …

Yui: ( It’s Ryuuto-san… )

( I wonder what he is looking to read? )

( I don’t want to disturb him but, maybe I should check to make sure it’s okay to be in this room… )

Uhm… Ryuuto-san?

Ryuuto: …My, my.

― Ryuuto approaches Yui. ―

Ryuuto: Pet. What brought you here for some rather heavy reading, by the looks of things, I wonder?

Yui: I’m, uh… Studying.

Ryuuto: Studying? This?

Fufu. Do you have a “Vampire Hunting” test coming up, perhaps? Is that why you have that encyclopaedia collection with you?

Or, do you have a calling, I wonder? Have you already begun to delve down a path you feel yourself being led down?

━─┉┈◈ Selection ◈┈┉─━

　　❈ No way!

Yui: I-I’m just curious, that’s all!

It’s not like I’m into the occult or anything. I’m not that sort of person at all…!

( In fact, I’d like to avoid those things at all costs! )

Ryuuto: Oh, but you know that’s not true at all. There is far more to it than just “evil spirits” and “blood sacrifices”.

��　❈ Something like that... ⎨❤︎⎬

Yui: Maybe it’s something like that…

I thought it might help me better understand Vampires somehow.

Ryuuto: Rather than studying texts about them, you have a primary source for information right here, don’t you?

━━─┉┈┈◈◉◈┈┈┉─━━

Ryuuto: You needn’t be ashamed of seeking information about yourself.

Yui: My...self?

Ryuuto: This path is your fate. Naturally you’re drawn to it. Although… It seems you’re concerned about something in particular.

Yui: …!?

( Does he mean these books? )

Ryuuto: “Fang Technique and Etiquette”?

I’ve never read that one myself; the author and I never saw eye-to-eye ― or rather, tasted fang-to-fang, as it were ― fufufu.

Yui: No, no! It’s nothing like that!

That just so happens to have been the book on top…! Don’t… make it sound weird like that, please!

Ryuuto: Passing all the blame off onto me? How cunning of you, Pet, when you were the one to choose this book in the first place.

Perhaps I ought to give you a one-on-one lesson about my own fang etiquette. What better a way to learn than with hands-on experience, hmm?

Yui: Stop s-saying such weird things…!

( He’s closing in! )

Ryuuto: You keep running your mouth, but you’re hardly making an effort to physically resist. Your body remembers me all too well, I see〜

Yui: ( “Remembers”…? )

Stay…away! I don’t want any “one-on-one” lessons!!

Ryuuto: Good grief. Quieten down, won’t you?

This is a library, after all. Fufu…

Yui: …!

Ryuuto: Though, if it is being bitten you are worried about… I swear to you that there is no reason to be this fearful. I have no desire for it.

I’m no savage; You will come around eventually, when the time is right… Only then will you finally ask for these fangs to pierce you.

You’ll become one with me again.

Yui: ( Riddle after riddle… Ryuuto-san is really strange… )

Then, what did you mean by――

Ryuuto: ーーLessons? Aah, I merely thought it would benefit you to see some authentic Vampire fangs up close; For the sake of your “study”.

Though, maybe I’ll save that until your first time*… Fufufu.

In saying that… For now, I think I’ll leave you learn from these books; Be sure to take notes. Perhaps I’ll even quiz you on your knowledge.

Yui: ( Uu… Such a cruel smirk… I really hope he’s just joking around. )

( I didn’t even notice, he found a book to read himself. )

… …Say, R-Ryuuto-san?

What book were you looking for, down here, tonight…?

Ryuuto: Oh, me? I’ve taken to rereading a few favourites, recently.

Yui: That book… It’s written by a “Sakamaki”? Is... that a coincidence?

Ryuuto: How observant… If only it was.

Yui: ( Why does he say things the way he does? It’s as if he expects me to know the meaning behind his cryptic words… Maybe trying to understand him really was a mistake after all… )

✥ TO BE CONTINUED ✥

─────── ≪ °♛° ≫ ───────

← [ ✥ Dark 05 ✥ ] ⎥ [ ✥ Dark 07 ✥ ] →

━━─┉┈┈◈ Notes ◈┈┈┉─━━

　　1. Ryuuto means Yui’s first time being bitten, though this is purposefully vague and intends to sound more NSFW than it really is~

━━──┉┈┈◈ ◉ ◈┈┈┉──━━

#Diabolik Lovers #diabolik lovers oc #haunted dark bridal #haunted dark bridal dark #ryuuto sakamaki #sakamaki ryuuto #ryuuto sakamaki route #sakamaki ryuuto route #hdbryuuto06

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bookish-monster · 10 months

Text

RECOMMENDATION

Rhage

by R. K. Pierce - find her on TikTok and Instagram as well!

Storygraph Link contains info such as publication date, number of pages, community-created content warnings, and more.

Our story starts off with Niki Porter (cis woman, she/her) becoming obsessed with a metal band known as Rhage, whose members are demons in hiding who feed on the energy of the crowds they entertain at their concerts. Niki has no idea of the band members’ true identities, but she is utterly enthralled by the lead singer (known as Sebastian) and enters a mask-making contest to win a backstage pass to see him. With the help of her friend, Josie, Niki makes a fairly decent mask… but doesn’t win the contest.

Still, the stars eventually align, and Niki and Sebastian find themselves in a complicated relationship where neither quite knows who the other is and how trustworthy they are. Sebastian is irresistibly drawn to Niki’s energy, but is terrified of her realizing the truth about his demonic nature. However, he’s head over heels in lust with her and finding it impossible to stay away. Niki is elated that her idol is giving her one-on-one attention, but is starting to notice some very odd things about Rhage’s lead singer…

First of all, let me say that Pierce writes a very good sex scene. This novella definitely cranks up the steaminess meter towards the end, and we get an interesting bit of nonhuman genitalia from Sebastian–nothing too outlandish, but Niki definitely has a fun time with it. Pierce writes with straightforward, approachable prose that is neither flowery nor dry and maintains a good command of tension throughout the story. While Niki is the primary POV character, we got a fair few sections from Sebastian’s POV as well, which really helps explain the situation happening “backstage” with the demons.

This book doesn’t feature a lot of characterization or character development, unfortunately. By the end of Rhage, I still knew nothing about Niki’s hobbies, family, job, or interests outside of music, and Josie served no purpose to the narrative besides being the occasional voice of protective reason and (I suspect) a strong tie-in hint that she will be the protagonist of Riot, the next installment in the Monsters of Metal duology. This is definitely the kind of book for someone whose primary interest is the smut itself rather than any deeper plot or character-work; Sebastian is undeniably attractive and very sexy and masculine, and Niki serves as a good character for a cis female reader to project onto.

Sebastian himself wasn’t the right kind of love interest for me. I didn’t like how possessive he was and how he talked about owning Niki’s pussy during sex and stating that she belonged to him when he barely even knew her. However, that’s just me. If you enjoy a possessive demonic male lead, then Sebastian should be right up your alley!

Even though this book ultimately wasn’t a good romance for me personally, I really appreciated that Pierce added a playlist to her book that one can listen to while reading, as well as content warnings. Those were very thoughtful touches. If you enjoy high-heat romances with “alpha male” protagonists who are on the more domineering side, then Rhage should be a very good book for you!

Happy reading!

buy the book on Amazon Kindle (US)

#monster lover #monster romance #demon x human #book lover #monster smut #book recommendation #terato #monster love #monster boyfriend #bookblr

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hellsvestibule · 2 months

Text

People talk about how meme brain can poison people’s ability to interact with artists who post online but it’s also kind of endemic even to how people approach academic texts or classic literature at this point and it’s frustrating bc when the persons primary vantage point is already ironic detachment and dismissal, You look like the “pretentious” asshole for asking them to be more nuanced and considerate. Especially when we are talking something with cultural or subcultural significance to a group of people most of the people joking about it don’t belong to. And maybe on an individual level memes are harmless and genuinely funny, but when in greater numbers this constant dismissal starts to feel dreadful, to the point where you feel reflexive hostility towards the meme bc oh my God can we fucking talk about something else? Ever?

it’s not fun to be obsessed with something people meme on or even obsess over for a singular facet. Just bc it’s something vaguely understood in cultural consciousness people will joke about it as if they have equal authority on what its about as you, someone who has dedicated days or weeks of your time studying this in its entirety and like I can’t entirely blame you for wanting to be included and not necessarily understanding the full span of this thing or my knowledge of it but a lot of people are actively resistant to learning more, they are literally just here for the sense of intellectualism or trendiness being able to dismissively meme about an intellectual or cool thing brings them, which ultimately serves the purpose of trivializing something you really like or at least something you wanted to dedicate your time towards understanding in a deeper capacity, and which had cultural significance for its place and time for a reason. And it’s like. I don’t need you to be Like Me, I don’t think having a more involved perspective of everything is always necessary or productive for everyone, but gdi does it suck when people talk past you about something they’ve engaged with far less than you and even get irritated by you being genuinly knowledgeable and enthusiastic about it, letting you know they don’t care and in fact are actively hostile towards caring. They want to wave the flag that says “I read the most popular book in high school, I listened to the most popular song, I am vaguely aware this important thing exists ” and presume suddenly this gives them equal authority as someone who read all the books or has listened to the musicians entire discography.

And it’s equally frustrating knowing what it’s like to be on the other end and trying not to be that pretentious nerd who is always like, fuckin, loyalty testing randos and shitting on them for only reading one adaptation of the thing or only liking a musicians most popular songs. Bc sometimes you engage w the totality of something a genuinely pretentious nerd insists you have to engage with before you’re allowed to talk. only to be like yeah it’s really not worth it, I genuinely just like the most popular installment and wish you hadn’t wasted my time with all that lol.

A lot of it just amounts to getting annoyed at childish behavior often from young people who don’t know any better, and are insecure, and project this insecurity by alluding to having greater knowledge of something and then cutting it down.and it’s not even a clear cut line between genuine appreciation from a fan who just makes the joke from time to time, and someone whose entire perspective of this thing is A Joke

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mistydeyes · 10 months

Note

hi, i was wondering if you're still doing pairings for mw2? if not, just ignore this <3

LOOKS: bi woman with chest-long black hair with the lower half of it dyed red, pale, brown eyes. my style is goth, so i'm usually seen with big eyeliner and black lipstick and wearing my meather jacket, demonias and usually some ripped clothes depending if i wanna dress like a victorian vampire or a homeless ghoul

PERSONALITY: I'm sarcastic and blunt, not afraid to clap back if someone does me wrong, pretty foul-mouthed (as my mum says) and I struggle with showing my emotions which usually makes me seem cold and distant at first, but I'll warm up a bit after some time — i have a soft spot, i'm just tough to crack. I don't like to follow rules which gets me into trouble sometimes, my love language is (gently) bullying my friends but I'm also the mum friend, so I look out for them, give them scary dog privileges when they walk with me and bring them coffee and food to work. I prefer to be alone, usually listening to music, reading books or going on a walk at the local graveyard, but I also enjoy the company of a good friend in silence.

I study psychology and I give tutoring lessons to kids. I also prefer to stay quiet unless I'm with close friends, I'm very attentive and tend to psychoanalyze everything and everyone around me, even myself, so I usually figure out if something's off. I also struggle with my mental health and anger issues, but I'm working on it.

Thank you if you still do the pairings and don't worry if you don't, I'll gladly reread your fics instead <3 Much love – 🕷

Simon "Ghost" Riley (a/n: aww thanks for the kind words anon! hope you enjoy this!!)

How you met: Civilian You sighed as you finished up your tutoring lesson with your group of primary school students. Your group of 6 and 7 year olds learned various homophones and how to spell them. It wasn't your favorite lesson to tutor but you enjoyed giving out stickers for their achievements. As their parents came to pick them up, one of your students sat patiently. "My Uncle Simon is picking me up today," he excitingly reminded you. His father and mother, the Mactavish's, were out of town so they informed you that a Simon Riley would be picking up the young boy. "I see him!" he yelled and was about to run off before you stopped him. "I just need to check his ID and you're good to go," you gently said before he sat back down in his chair. When Simon finally approached, he was much different than what you had expected. He wore a black hoodie with jeans and a face mask. He also towered over you as you asked for his ID. After he presented you with his military ID (you put the pieces together as to how him and Johnny were acquainted), you let the excited boy go. He quickly gripped on to Simon's forearm and swung from it as he signed the sign-out sheet. "Uncle Simon, Uncle Simon, can we get ice cream on the way home?" he asked as Simon looked down to the little child. "As long as you can tell me what you learned today, your parents pay good money for you to get tutored," he laughed slightly and you could see the corner of his eyes perk up. "Thanks again Miss," he nodded to you before leaving. As you packed up your things, you secretly hoped he would be back for pick-up again.

A peek into your relationship: "Alright level 1," you said as you picked up the white card, "what was your first impression of me?" "Why are we playing this again?" he asked as you laid in his lap. "Because Simon, I'm a psych major 'We're not really strangers' is a game that was made for me," you dramatically said as you dangled the card in his face. "Alright," he said as he thought over his next words, "definitely didn't expect you to be a tutor, you looked like a witch or a vampire who eats kids," he joked. You punched his shoulder lightly, "I'm sorry at least I didn't show up looking like the grim reaper." "But after I heard the little MacTavish talk about you, I thought you weren't all that bad and had a soft spot for kids," he finished and you were satisfied with the answer. "As for you, I thought that even though you looked scary, the way you entertained Johnny Jr. and took him out for ice cream was cute," you replied as you smiled up at him. "I also may or may not have asked him some covert questions if you were single or not," you winked and Simon laid a kiss on your forehead. "Yeah, he also might have told me your ideal date was in a fucking graveyard," he replied and you both laughed as Johnny Jr. was correct and the rest was history.

#izziespairings #madebyizzie #cod mwii #mw2 imagine #task force 141 #simon ghost riley #ghost x reader #mw2

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diamondwaters · 2 years

Text

❝ love is a choice ❞ chapter xi

summary: what was meant to be a simple, calm trip to an intergalactic museum ended up becoming a a trip through memories the doctor rather wanted to forget. only they weren't her memories. they were yours.

pairing: thirteenth doctor x reader (primary), eleventh doctor x reader

word count: 6.7k

warnings: alcohol consumption, mentions of toxic ex

The ceiling to your reading room was more intricate than you had expected. You weren’t sure why it had taken you so long to look up at it to notice the weaving vines of gold painted across the dark material, emulating the green ones scattered across the room. Your eyes tried to trail the winding curves of each one, just to pull your consciousness away from the hurricane that started to form there.

It had only been four days since you sat on top of the TARDIS and you realized that you had fallen in love with the Doctor. It still felt weird to admit that to yourself because it still felt impossible to be true. You’d said it was simple, and to some degree, it still was. But having to deal with those feelings was a completely different story.

You felt as if you were going against every single action you’d made in however long you’d been traveling with him. Months– years!– with him, telling each other how much you disliked one another, how you should’ve let the Doctor become a walking doll that weird time! And now you were thinking about the way the Doctor twirled his sonic screwdriver in the air before stashing it away in his jacket, and how his hands just–

So, there you were, laying on the floor with the book you’d initially planned to read discarded on the couch. You’d maybe gotten 20 pages in before the main character started spewing flowery monologues about her crush, and you had to close the book. How were you supposed to read a romance novel while actively trying to avoid being consumed by your own emerging romantic feelings?

You heard the whoosh of the door opening but made no motion to see who had entered. You didn’t have the energy to converse with anyone, let alone use what little you did have in trying to move any of your muscles. The most you could do was continue to listen as footsteps approached you, followed by the sound of the rustling of the carpet below you. You saw a quick flash of red hair from the corner of your eye.

“What are we doing on the floor?” Amy asked once she was lying shoulder to shoulder with you.

You should’ve known that Amy would come to look for you eventually. In those four days, you weren’t yourself and were positive that anyone who knew even an ounce about you could tell. Your banter wasn’t as sharp, and your temperament was more subdued. You were stumbling over words, even to the point where you would, and it pained you to say, let the Doctor have a win. You thought that if you could forfeit on your own terms, it wouldn't be as hard of a blow.

You were well aware that she was catching on to your difference in behavior. When you weren’t looking, you could feel the slits of her narrowed eyes on the back of your neck like knives. The second you felt the piercing sting against your skin, you’d find any excuse to rush into the safety of your bedroom or reading room. Two days ago, you’d even feigned the possibility of a sudden alien sickness. The Doctor was none too happy about the idea of you contracting an illness of unknown origin, but you persuaded him to let you rest it off with the condition you tell him the moment it got worse.

The Doctor was another person with whom you were diligently avoiding. In fact, he was the main one you were trying to get away from the second you got the chance. For the most part, you were capable of being around him without losing your head, but there were a few instances where you had to admit to yourself that something had to give. And quickly.

When the Doctor helped you down from the top of the TARDIS, you thanked him before tripping over your own feet in your haste to retreat. You managed to squeak out a good night, but it probably sounded more like a gargle of incomprehensible syllables.

Then there was the time the Doctor took the three of you to an Old Hollywood party in the 40s. You could barely even focus on Katharine Hepburn batting her long lashes at you while the Doctor was spending his time hiding from his apparent ex-wife Marilyn Monroe. You’d nearly started a scandal from almost pushing Humphrey Bogart into a pool while trying to scamper back to the TARDIS.

And then there was what had occurred only hours before. You were supposed to be hoisting a rope for the trap you’d set for the hostile creature, but the way the Doctor’s tongue poked out of the side of his mouth while he fiddled with the controls made your hands still. You forgot for a moment that you were in yet another life-threatening situation and didn’t remember to keep pulling until Rory was rounding the corner with the monster hot on his trail.

You were a complete wreck, and your inability to get your shit together would make you rip your hair out if this kept up.

“We,” You brushed your shoulder with hers. “Are just thinking.”

You saw the irony right away. There you were, thinking, just like you had been before. Except this time, you were only thinking about one thing. Person, really.

“What about?” Even more irony.

When asked this the second time, you didn’t answer truthfully as before, “I don’t know.”

There was no doubt in your mind that Amy would see through that like she had everything else. All those years of being best friends made you more capable of tuning into one another. There were always things you could pick up on that other people weren't able to, and because of that, you could already see Amy's thought process: You were lying on the floor, thinking, and when asked what you were thinking about, you said you didn’t know. But the thing was, you always knew, and you almost always were ready to prattle on about whatever was bothering you.

“Come on,” Her voice was unusually gentle. She rarely used that kind of tone, which led you to believe that maybe she was more clued in than you might’ve known. “We know each other better than that, don’t we? You can tell me anything, gorgeous.”

You felt like you were betraying every molecule in your body just to even think about it. Admitting it out loud felt like it would unravel your DNA, strand by strand until you were nothing but a pile of indistinguishable human remains. Maybe that was an exaggeration, but you didn’t know any other way to picture it.

“I think…” Your tongue moved awkwardly in your mouth. A pool of saliva formed to combat the sudden dryness of your throat, which you swallowed deeply. On the breath coming back, you confessed, “I think I fell in love.”

In complete silence, there’s a palpable stillness. You didn’t know the existence of touchable sedentary until neither you nor Amy so much as twitched. Any movement would make this feeling disappear, but you were terrified to be the first to break it. You couldn’t even look at Amy for fear of her seeing even the tiniest of cracks.

This wasn’t the first time the two of you were talking about love, and it wasn’t easy then either. This was different, though. All of the crushes you harbored were ordinary, human people, many of which were decidedly less intolerable than the alien who currently took over your thoughts.

“U-Um,” Amy’s voice came out a bit cracked. “With who?”

You nibbled on your bottom lip, still not looking directly at her. You knew that she’d still be able to hear you with your proximity, but you could only whisper, “The Doctor?”

You felt a warm hand rest itself on your shoulder. You finally forced yourself to look at your best friend after that embarrassment of a statement but felt no judgment coming from her. She was smiling at you, kindness seeping into the delicate lines of her features.

“I had a feeling.”

You clapped your hands on your face, burning hotter by the second, and groaned, “Oh, God, am I just that transparent?”

“No,” Amy nudged your shoulder with the back of her hand. Through your fingers, you glanced at her amused expression. “I just know you. In case you forgot, you moron. When did you know?”

Your hands fell away from your face. Your face wound tight with contemplation because giving an honest answer meant dealing with the consequences. But lying meant Amy seeing through it and then having to deal with two sets of consequences. You weren’t in the mood for dual repercussions, so you told her the truth, “A few days ago?”

Amy’s eyes rested on you for a few beats too long. You felt the nervous sweat bead your forehead as she pinned you beneath her scrutinizing gaze. You felt like you couldn’t even squirm without being threatened. So focused on the way Amy was glaring at you, you didn’t even notice her fist reaching towards you until you felt the force of a punch on the meat of your upper arm. It wasn’t a particularly painful punch, but it didn’t not hurt.

“Ow!”

“You could’ve told me, you idiot!”

“I know, I just-!” You let out a frustrated grunt. You knew that Amy was right; you could tell her anything and she would be there to listen. Any request and she would help you fulfill it. No matter how bizarre this felt to you, she would’ve tried to help you make sense of it right away. Your back fell against the floor in defeat. “When did you figure out that I loved him?”

Amy slunk back down onto the floor beside you. “When you didn’t ask me to come with you to that ball.”

“Really? That long?”

“Do you remember that girl you went to that concert with when you were like… what, fifteen? Sixteen?” Amy asked.

“Yes, I remember her. Why?”

“It was the same thing then too. One day, you go out to this concert with this girl– you don’t even tell anyone! Nobody knows until after you come back and you have this look in your eyes.”

“What look?”

Amy leaned close to you, “Like you held a star in your hand.”

“Oh my God,” You rolled your eyes and slowly pushed her face away with the palm of your hand. “Who told you about that?”

“He did,” Amy lightly swatted your hand away. “And I was surprised that you didn’t!”

“Because I was pissed at you!” You groaned, swatting her hand right back. “You and Rory totally bailed on me! Don’t think I forgot that the two of you ditched me to go on a second honeymoon.”

“Yeah, because my first one got ruined?”

“Details,” You brushed the information off with a hand wave.

“It made sense, eventually,” Amy continued despite your attempt at dismissal. “Why you were so impassive about the whole thing. You made it seem like you didn’t care about it, and I don’t even think you notice that you do it! And it isn’t a bad thing, I think you just… like to keep the things you care about close to you. It’s a testament to how alike the two of you are.”

“Wha-?”

“No!” Amy held her pointer finger up to you. She pushed herself to a sitting position, her eyes from above holding an inviolate awareness. “Nope, nope, no ! Don’t say a single word! You two are practically the same person! Except one of you happens to wear a fez. On occasion.”

“That isn’t true!” You protested.

“Isn’t it?” Amy raised an intimidating brow at you. “When were you going to tell me about how you felt about the Doctor, huh? When did you plan to tell me? Give me a specific time and date.” You chewed at your bottom lip while trying to give Amy a proper answer. You could find nothing, and Amy noticed that when you sheepishly glanced away. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

"But it isn't like I mean to!" You refuted. Amy was right in that you didn't realize that you withhold things from her. You never wanted to make a big deal out of things, so sometimes you just kept things to yourself. Unlike him, it wasn't like you were doing it with the intention of keeping secrets. "He-! He means to!"

"Do you think that just because one is deliberate and the other isn't makes a difference?" When unwillingly you returned to the uncomfortable silence, Amy continued so that it would vanish. "Exactly. The two of you? You're both secretive, you're both stubborn, and you both absolutely suck at just talking! I think the reason the two of you yell at each so much is so that neither of you have to face the facts."

You didn't want to give Amy the satisfaction of being right; you wouldn't give her that… But you also didn't want to keep hiding things from her, so you found a sort of middle ground. "You aren't… wrong… about that."

Eyes trained on the loose piece of thread on the blanket draped over the side of the couch, you tried your hardest not to look Amy's way. You didn't know if you would find compassion or one of her looks that screamed, "I told you so!" If it was the latter, you didn't think you could deal with that without bursting into flames of embarrassment.

"What happened?" Or rather, what was so big that you gave up on denying your feelings?

You pressed your lips together and took a breath through your nose, the pressure of the exhale hitting your hand. "We just… talked. It's not like we haven't done it before but… I don't know. I think I just realized that we're both… afraid? Maybe? And kinda just… lonely? Even if there's people around, it's just… I don't know."

The words felt like acid on your tongue that only grew stronger as you spoke. It felt like you shouldn’t have been talking about any of this, yet there you were, stumbling through your points like you were drunk off your own confusion. You might as well have been with the way it was affecting you down to your reading habits.

“So, when are you gonna tell him?”

You let out a stiff snort, “Never.”

Amy stilled, “Excuse me?”

“Amy,” You shook your head almost defeatedly. “Listen, as much as I want to, I don’t think that’s something I can realistically pursue. I mean, come on. He’s an alien that never ages and I’m just, you know, an averagely-aging human. You know all this!”

“So that’s just it?” Amy stood to her feet, leaving you on the floor more confused than you would’ve liked to be. “You’re choosing to give up on this?”

You sat with your mouth agape before managing to stutter out, “I-It’s not like I’m choosing-”

“Yes, you are!” Amy sucked in a hearty breath. She exhaled through her nose and brought her hands up to her face to calm herself. When she felt well enough, she sat back beside you with the caution of someone approaching a deer in the woods. “Listen. I get why you don’t want to talk about these things. I really do. But I also need to give you the honest truth right now because the last thing I’m going to do is let you sit around here and keep sulking like you're 15 and hormonal again.

“You are choosing this, even if you think you have a good reason. Or-Or because you think that there’s no better alternative. That’s what it does to you. You get comfortable in being by yourself, so comfortable that you almost don’t know how to function without it.”

It was like getting splashed with a bucket of ice water while taking the world’s most delightful nap. Nobody likes to acknowledge their flaws, especially not one that you’d been actively trying to ignore. You’d been open with yourself about being lonely, but that was one aspect you weren’t so willing to delve into. You pretended like it was just some normal part of life, when in reality, you held onto loneliness as much as loneliness held onto you.

“Does this have anything to do with your last relationship?”

Your dive into your inadvertent self-inflicted solitary was interrupted by the mere mention of your ex, “H-How do you know about that?”

A flash of guilt spread across Amy’s face, reddening her cheeks, “Your roommate called me one night asking if I knew your favorite flavor of Ben & Jerry’s. Apparently you wouldn’t come out of your room or even... She thought you had told me already, so don’t blame her, okay? But I just kinda waited for you to say something, and you never did.”

“It was a couple months before your wedding, Ames,” You murmured. “I didn’t want to mess that up for you.”

“You wouldn’t have. Look,” Amy clutched your hands in hers. She held them between the two of you while the fireplace’s flames flicked across her face. “I know this is probably… terrifying. Even more so because of that fuckface of an ex and because the Doctor is… him. But that’s what love is. It’s scary and it’s messy and sometimes you want to scream at the sky because you have absolutely no idea why you chose to do it in the first place. And that’s what it is. Love is a choice. And to love someone is a choice that you have to be willing to make every single day. To choose all the good moments and the bad ones and the times where you chase each other around the front lawn with a water hose.”

It was a sentiment that you admired. It felt as though it took some of the pressure off your shoulders. The part about love is that you feel as though there’s nothing you can do to stop it, that your heart is taken from your chest and placed into someone else’s hand. They can do whatever they want with it, and you’re just a simple spectator in the games they play with it. You can plead from the stands or cry out in victory, but the sounds all end up the same in the end.

But something about that belief was so familiar, like you'd heard someone say it before.

“So,” Amy sighed, and the image disappeared. “What are you going to do now?”

The answer that she wanted, and the one she was going to keep pestering you for until she got it, was that you would get up and tell the Doctor how you felt. You just weren’t sure if you could do that. Naturally, you went towards distraction over approach, “What if it doesn’t work out? I mean, what if he doesn’t like me back? Then what?”

“Then it doesn’t work out!” Amy exclaimed like it was just so easy. “I mean, I kissed the Doctor that one time-”

“Don’t remind me,” You cringed.

“And we’re still okay, aren’t we?”

“You make it sound so simple.”

“Because it is!” Amy groaned with exasperation. She maneuvered her head to take up the entirety of your field of vision. “But look, for what it’s worth, I think the Doctor feels the same.”

You felt the shiver of defensiveness crawl up your spine, bringing the instinct to deny along with it. You repressed it enough to ask, “Why do you think that?”

“The Doctor has seen everything,” Amy stated. “He likes to say he does at least. So, let’s say he has seen everything. All those amazing wonders of the universe, all the beautiful things it has to offer. But, babes,” Amy pressed her fingertips to the back of your hand. “The way he looked at you? All dressed up for that ball? You might as well have been the sky itself.”

The folded paper in your pocket began to feel heavy with the weight of Amy and River’s words. Imagining the Doctor reciprocating your feelings felt great, sure, but right now, it was all conjecture. Gifts and looks and conversations weren’t enough for you to believe that statement. Not yet, at least.

“So,” Amy emphasized. You knew what she was going to say before she even had to ask it. “What are you going to do now?”

You ran your fingers through your hair, “Do you really think he feels the same?”

“There’s only one way to find out for sure,” Amy gently punched your shoulder. “Now, go. Ask to go somewhere nice! Somewhere fun! And then, when the moment’s right, you tell him. And I’m older than you so you have to do what I say.”

You rolled your eyes playfully while you pulled yourself off the ground. You clenched your fists a few times to loosen the growing rigidity in your fingers. You square your shoulders after a few rolls and a quick deep breath. “Okay. I’m gonna do it. I can do it. Definitely."

“There you go!” Amy encouraged you with a swat to your ass. “Go get that alien booty!”

“Okay, did you have to phrase it like that?”

The trek to the console room was longer than usual. You couldn’t tell if your concept of time was out of whack from nerves or if the TARDIS had just put it further away. In any case, it gave you a few minutes to control the expansion of anxiety in your stomach. You weren’t even at the challenging part yet, and you already felt like a crumbling mess.

The Doctor was beneath the console when you arrived. He heard your shoes scuffing the metal floors and craned his neck to look at you. You could’ve sworn that you saw his eyes light up, but that could very well have been wishful thinking.

“Ah, hello!” The Doctor welcomed. He brushed a bit of soot from his shoulders while jumping to his feet. “Just doing a bit of repairs on the old girl. What can I help you with?”

You blurted out, “Let’s go somewhere.”

You cursed yourself for being so vague, so abrupt as well. You felt frustrated heat spread across the back of your neck but held your head high like you normally would. If it was as much an obvious screw-up as it felt, the Doctor didn’t seem to mention it.

“You’re up for another?” The words were meant to be disbelieving, but they came out filled with excitement. When you gave him a nod, the Doctor practically skipped toward the controls. “Wonderful! Should we go get Amy and Ror-”

“Actually!” You said overtop the Doctor, and you coughed as a cover when you realized how loud you were. “Actually, I was just thinking that it could be the two of us? I-I mean, you know Rory. He’s probably already knocked out, you know? And I just, um, I just came from talking to Amy! And she’s going to join him, so…”

The Doctor stared at you. While he accessed you, you felt like he was mentally dissecting every fracture in your facade. Every nervous twitch you fought to conceal felt like the Doctor’s eyes pinpointed it, but he remained silent about them.

“Yes, best not to wake them I suppose,” The Doctor finally agreed, making you sigh in relief. Watching him start to mess with the controls brought you further into ease. “So! Where to, hm? Perhaps we could go watch the Declaration of Independence being signed! Oh, no wait, last time I tried that, John Adams almost shot me. British accent and all. Or maybe we can hop back to our favorite planet Phosie 373, remember that? I’m sure they’ve forgiven us for accidentally blowing up that monument, right?”

“As fun as that sounds, Doctor, I was thinking maybe somewhere a little more relaxed?”

“Relaxed?” The Doctor said like it was a curse on his tongue. “Okay! Relaxed! I can do relaxed… What kind of ‘relaxed,’ exactly?”

“Right,” You lightly laughed with a head shake. “Forgot that your definition of relaxed includes barely escaping destruction. Still a really shitty definition if you ask me but to each their own, I suppose."

"Oh, well, you-"

"I was thinking something along the lines of a concert? Maybe some fancy alien restaurant? Ooh! Or maybe dancing? Let’s go dancing!”

Even though the last time you attempted to get the Doctor to dance, it ended up with him skirting the edge of the floor with a scowl on his face, you hoped that this time might be different. Perhaps if you got him happy enough, you'd have the courage to tell him.

“Dancing… Okay! Let’s go dancing! There’s so many options to choose from!” The Doctor cheered. “Let’s see… there’s one in Los Angeles in the year 3015. Ooh, but you need those Apple neural contacts to get in. Total scam. Doubt Steve Jobs saw that coming. Oh, what about one on Nonus? No, wait, the air there melts human teeth… Umm… Ah! There’s one in New York in 19… never mind, not that one either.” The Doctor’s voice got unusually grim at the end.

“Why not that one?”

The Doctor didn’t say anything. He just stared at the screen with the time, date, and place glowing brightly. You moved to stand beside him but got distracted for a second from the warmth emanating from him. You tried to push the feeling of his nearness from your thoughts while you examined what had the Doctor so put off.

“1967,” You muttered the year.

The ’60s, especially in America, was a decade you tried not to think about too often. The first time you were there was right after the Doctor faked his death. You had to go and pretend that you hadn’t seen it and tell the younger version of the Doctor that your voice was raw because you had been coming down from a cold and not from screaming.

It was then that you had fought the Silence, monsters that erase themselves from your memory the moment you looked away. Because of them, you’d been on the run from government officials with tally marks scribbled across any empty patch of skin you could find. You could never remember what they did or even what they looked like, but you could still remember the fear.

“We can find another place.”

“No,” You sputtered while pressing your hand to the Doctor’s to stop him from continuing his search. When you realized what you had done, you ripped your hand away before he had time to comment on it. “It’s okay. We can go there.”

“Are you sure? I didn’t think you’d want to ever go back to the 60’s again,” The Doctor mentioned. “Bad memories.”

“All the more reason to make good ones, right?” You proposed. He was still wary. His hands hovered over the controls while not leaving your face. You reassured, “Really, I’ll be okay.”

“Alright,” He gave. “But you have to tell me if you feel uneasy at any time, you tell me, okay?”

“Hey Fam?”

It had been the first time the Doctor had spoken since the memory of you and Amy played out. It was the first time anyone had spoken at all, really. No one had the heart to break the loving tension of that moment by so much as even coughing. If the Doctor had her timeline correct, it was likely that this was one of the last that you and Amy had together.

“Do you…” She licked her lips. “Do you think that maybe… you could step out for this one?”

As much as the Doctor was grateful for the silent support from her companions, this was one memory that she wished could have remained between the two of you. She already felt the swelling in her chest from her hearts furiously beating against the jail of her ribcage. Hundreds of people had impeded on this precious moment, and she couldn’t help but wonder how many of those people had bared witness and taken it for granted. Did any of them know they were watching the single most perfect moment in history?

Some might argue that there’s no such thing, and they might have been right. Time is messy, the people who reside in it even messier, and riddled with anachronisms that the Doctor had been fixing all her lives. Time can be tangled, time can be changed, time can be rewritten. In no world should there be the existence of “a perfect moment.”

Those people hadn’t seen you beneath the colored pin spots.

“Wh-” Ryan began before his voice rose with an injured cry.

“No problem, Doctor,” Yaz said. “Come on.”

The Doctor listened to their departing footsteps, and it was only until they were out of earshot did the Doctor let out a jagged breath. “You’re almost there, starshine. You’ve got this.”

Club Tredecim was nothing short of a vision of the decade. Everyone was dressed in outfits with the brashest geometric prints you’d ever seen, and their hair could have been used as a shield with the sheer amount of hairspray used. The walls were covered in concert posters and old neon signs that brightened the parts of the room that the flickering spotlights of red to yellow to green to blue didn’t. Around the dance floor was a series of tables, each with a tiny candle and a group of men elbows deep in alcohol from the nearby bar.

That was where the Doctor was situated, right between two gentlemen that looked like they might as well have been plucked out of Mad Men. You’d glance over at him now and then, just barely catching him looking away right as your head turned. You could tell he wanted to dance too, but once again, he refused and said he was more in the mood to gamble.

“Never took you as a gambling type.” You noted.

“Oh, I gamble every day. Haven’t you noticed?” He replied. “Every adventure is a gamble, starshine!”

“Are you implying you gamble with our lives on those adventures too?”

“Wow, would you look at that dance floor? It’s polished so well!”

Even without the Doctor dancing with you as you had originally hoped, you were still having a wonderful time. Tipsy off musical vibrations and laughter– and maybe a few Manhattans– you spun through the spirals of cigarette smoke, throwing them off their airborne course. In time with the band in the corner, you stomped your feet on the dance floor, holding onto the skirt of the dress the TARDIS lent you. You recognized that you weren’t doing any of the dances right, but you didn’t very well care. A few people around you did, but you paid their glares no mind, even laughed in their scrunched up, irritated faces.

The opportunity to tell the Doctor how you felt hadn’t presented itself yet, and you were slowly inching towards being there for an hour. There was only so much of the Watusi that you could do before your legs would eventually decide to tap out.

The music dwindled out with a final sizzle. The patrons applauded while one of the band members stood and made his way to the microphone at the center of the stage.

“And welcoming to the stage,” He smoothly spoke into the microphone. “Madam Barbara Mink in her rendition of ‘Moon River!’”

You recognized that now was as good a moment as any. With a slow song next on the set, you could use this as an opportunity to talk to the Doctor one-on-one. You already had the perfect excuse for him, the words skating across the arch of your mouth, waiting to tip over.

Hands behind your back and a sly- the alcohol was really kicking in- smirk playing on your lips, you shuffled towards the Doctor and the two men. A card game was sprawled out before them. You couldn’t tell who was winning or losing or even what game they were playing, but you had an idea based on the Doctor’s privy grin. You gave a polite, sweet nod to the three of them, “Gentlemen.”

"Ah! Y/N!" The Doctor greeted while poorly shuffling the cards. "I was just teaching these fine fellows here how to play Monitrutian poker! Lovely planet, Monitruta, except if you step on some the foliage too hard, you're in for a nasty explosive surprise. Wonderful food, though!"

One of the men stared at you with disinterest in the Doctor's ramblings, "Your friend always like this?"

"Only sometimes," You joked. You returned your attention to the Doctor with an upturned hand, "Care to dance?"

"Right in the middle of our game?"

"You owe me," You quipped, your justification already planned. "Or did you forget that you pretty much refused to dance at that party with Jane?"

You knew the Doctor didn't owe you anything in regards to that, and he probably did too. Whether or not he would mark that became moot when he placed his hand in yours. It was heavy, and in all the times he gripped yours before breaking off into a sprint, you hadn't realized that. But then, you had to give yourself some leniency. You were never focused on anything other than fleeing for your life in those situations.

You found a spot on the dance floor that wasn't already occupied by a couple towards the center. Your hand, still in the Doctor's, was held just a little bit tighter. Only a fraction, but you felt it, right alongside the hand he gently laid on your hip. You put your free one onto the bend of his shoulder. There was a bit of room between your bodies that the other couples didn't have. Not that you were a couple. Just… a couple of people dancing.

"You've been different lately." The Doctor said plainly once you both finally started swaying in time to the harmonica solo. It wasn't accusatory; it just was.

“Have I?” Your response was just the same. There was no hostility, nothing playful like how you both had spoken to each other in the past.

“You have.”

You couldn’t say your curiosity wasn’t piqued, “How so?”

“I’m not sure yet,” Yet. The man intended to find out. You didn’t know what that was doing to your erratically beating heart. “Just different, I suppose.”

The silence that fell between you was painful. You knew you should’ve been jumping on the chance to talk to the Doctor, but you were struggling to find the right thing to say. It wasn’t as easy as just blurting out that you figured out you loved him. How would that even go? Poorly, definitely, without a doubt. Okay, maybe a few doubts, because you would have said something. Nobody specified that it had to be perfectly romantic! Perhaps it just had to be honest. Honest was good! You could do honest, totally!

“So, I-” You began.

“What do you-?” The Doctor began at the same time, just as your conviction dissipated.

The two of you fell into a jumble of apologies, then fell back into the awkward quiet that filled the space between you. Right then, you realized that you almost liked it better when you were fighting. At least then, neither of you was ever at a loss for words. You didn’t have the time to consider the butterflies flapping their featherlight wings against your abdominal wall.

“Why did you want to come here?”

“I don’t know.” You said instantly, as if acting on pure reflex.

“Well that’s not right,” The Doctor disagreed. “You always know.”

Your neck muscles unsettlingly contracted with the speed that you looked up to him with. The Doctor knew you well enough to know that. And it made this entire dance you were doing, metaphorical and literal, all the more discouraging. What if he already knew? What if he just wanted you to say it so he didn’t make an incorrect assumption? Maybe people really could see right through you as you feared.

You weren’t sure how to go about this. The way in which the Doctor was looking at you made your insides intertwine with each other. It made your face burn, and that heat caused it to screw into a tight-lipped grimace. Out of instinct, you took a risk and closed the few inches of distance between your body and his. You wanted to tell him the truth but didn’t think you could do that while looking directly at him. The solace of your expression being hidden from his view gave you a guise of confidence.

“I just… I just wanted to do something. With you.” You could’ve cried with how angry you were at how you absolutely sucked at talking. That was how Amy put it, at least.

"I see." You really hoped he did, but there was no indication on his part, not from his body language or words, that let you know for sure.

With the two of you slipping into that mutual quiet, you took in the lyrics to ignore it. You'd heard the song before, but to hear and to listen were two different things. You basked in the sunshine-warm images of moonlight upon a water's surface and braving the unknown with someone you wholly trust. Or maybe that was just your rose-colored interpretation. When she said, "Two drifters, off to see the world, there's such a lot of world to see…" you lithely smiled at the familiarity.

"Do you think that's us?" You asked quietly.

The Doctor didn't have to ask what you meant; he must have been doing the same as you, "No… I don't think you're drifting at all. I don't know if that's something anyone should aspire to be."

You were glad your face was pressed against the Doctor's shoulder so that he couldn't see your pupils dilate while you processed. Your fingers involuntarily clenched, and when you realized, you loosened your grip the tiniest bit.

There was so much you were supposed to tell the Doctor right now, but what you wanted to say the most was that you would shoulder the burden of wandering if it meant you could wander together. You could chase the rainbow's end for as long as time would allow, and then you could find a way to deceive time so it could last as long as you liked. Only a few days into realizing your feelings and you were already thinking about the future… But then, when you've already seen the future with someone, perhaps that wasn't out of the ordinary.

In thinking of the future, you thought of the past. You thought of all those companions the Doctor had been with before you. There were only so many of them, yet so many years in the Doctor's life. So how many of those years were spent alone?

“Just… please don’t drift alone,” You mumbled into the fabric of his jacket. “Okay?”

Under your palms, you could feel the Doctor’s body release every last bit of tension he harbored. You thought that the firmness of his muscles was nerves or just how he was built. You were wrong, you could see that now. The Doctor carried the weight of the lives of those yet to be saved and of those already lost. Behind all those cheeky smiles was a weary man tasked with expectations that no one should ever have to meet. For that, you didn’t mention the way he went nearly slack in your arms. And for that, a better confession could wait another day.

Second by second, your steps slowed until you weren’t moving. For the rest of the song, until Madam Barbara Mink savored her applause in Club Tredecim, you weren’t the Doctor and his companion, off to save the day just in the nick of time once again. Beneath the flickering lights, from red to yellow to green to blue, you were just two people holding one another.

The Doctor’s fingers curled into themselves, her knuckles lightly tapping against the glass with their shakiness.

“Do we have to keep going?” You whimpered. “Can we just stay here? Please?”

“I wish we could,” The Doctor, both her past self and current, responded.

“I really…” Just the Doctor lamented with another tap, this one more forceful. She dropped her head, eyes to the floor. “I really wish that we could, starshine.”

At a sudden disembodied thumping, you flinched.

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