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caelivir · 3 months

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hidden lights | rayne ames

— synopsis. reading rayne ames is impossible. that's why you don't get why he offers to take you out on a date after you've been stood up again.

— pairing. rayne ames x fem!reader

— genres. modern au, you and rayne are roommates, fluff, you’re so oblivious it hurts, rayne's most likely ooc towards the end but we do it for plot,

— warnings. one kys thrown in at the end but it’s not in a serious manner

— word count. 3.2k

— notes. in honor of triple liner rayne being animated. i have quite literally been waiting to see it animated for years. also hi.

you can never tell what rayne ames is thinking. he wears the same cold, uninterested glare on his face at all times of the day. he never speaks unless spoken to, never lets you know when he leaves the apartment, never does anything to show that he actually has emotions.

you're asked on the daily how you survive rooming with him, and in all honesty, it's really not that bad. he does his half of the chores, and he doesn't leave his shit all over the apartment. really, the guy's only problem is his lack of emotion. it drives you up the wall.

finn says not to take it to personally during the one day he visited his brother. apparently, he's like that with everyone, but he's still a good guy. it just takes time.

you would like to believe that, but rayne makes that extremely difficult to believe when he looks like he wants to kill every person who so happens to exist in his direction.

so naturally, seeing him so angered after finding out that you've been stood up is surprising. it's an even bigger shock when he offers to take you out on a date instead.

you don't know what compels you to agree. even if you hadn't accepted his offer, something tells you that rayne would've found a way to get you to leave with him so there's no use in trying to deny him in this matter.

that's why you allow him to drive all the way to marchétte street, where a night market is being held in full swing. the road has all sorts of stalls lined up one after the other, ranging from foods to clothes. but because the marchétte night market is ridiculously popular, the place is packed to the brim with people.

rayne offers his hand once he notices that you're daunted by the crowds. you stare at him with surprise. when you don't make a move to accept this action, rayne huffs before grabbing your hand. he interlocks his fingers with yours and drags you into marchétte street's traffic.

the first thing you note is that rayne's hands are surprisingly warm and soft. for someone so incapable of talking, his touch is strangely reassuring.

he drags you to a vendor selling takoyaki. and even as he orders, rayne doesn’t let go of your hand.

“what do you want?” he says into your ear so that he doesn’t have to yell over all the noise. the feeling of his breath fanning over your skin sends shivers down your spin. it's maddening.

“oh. uh-” your eyes quickly scan over the menu, and you blurt out the first item that you read. out of habit you reach for your wallet, but rayne is quick to shut you down.

“absolutely not.” he grumbles, letting your hand drop to your side so he can pull out his cash. rayne hands the amount to the girl at the register, and she hands back his change that he drops into the tip jar.

“thanks.” you say quietly, still so flustered about the entire situation.

rayne only studies you before humming in acknowledgement. “come on.” he guides his hand to your upper back, moving you out the way so you can wait on the side for your orders.

it’s during this time you really look at rayne as if that would provide you with the answers you need to understand him. you try to wrap your head around it. you draft up every possible explanation, but none of them seem to make sense.

unless… it couldn’t be… does rayne like you? you shake your head, dismissing the thought as soon as it crosses your mind. no, that’s absurd, the furthest thing from logical. this is rayne ames we’re talking about. in the five months that you’ve been living together, you two have never had a solid conversation. how could he ever like someone he’s barely talked to?

you're about to confront rayne about his intentions until your number order is called, and all the courage you built up crumbles away as rayne leaves you to go pick up your takoyaki.

still, whatever his reasons for doing this may be, this is a rare opportunity to come by, and that means that maybe rayne doesn't have to continue being a stranger. maybe you can get under those layers and find that good guy finn said was there.

"i never knew marchétte had a night market." you say, breaking the silence as the two of you walk side by side through the market.

"i didn't either." rayne admits, poking his fork into one of the octopus balls, and shoving the whole thing into his mouth.

"what?" your face scrunches in disbelief. "then how'd you find out?"

"i asked finn as we were going down to the garage." your date shares nonchalantly.

you turn to look at rayne with the intent of questioning him further, but the sight of his cheeks bulging with food makes you burst out in a fit of giggles.

"what?" rayne asks, narrowing his eyes at you. you bite your lip to contain your laughter. your gaze falls on a mixture of crumbs and sauce that sits on the corner of his mouth, only causing you to smile wider.

"you got a little something there." you gesture at his lips. rayne fumbles for a moment, swiping his fingers around various sections of his mouth, somehow only cleaning half of the mess up.

you shake your head, still grinning up at him. he tenses when your thumb grazes the edges of his lips. you can feel his eyes staring deep into you, and you have to ignore the way it makes your stomach flip.

"all done." you whisper, wiping the remainders on the napkin in your hand.

rayne doesn't say anything regarding what occurred, only urging you to follow him further down marchétte street.

you swear that you see the tips of his ears go red, and something about that makes you all fuzzy inside.

as the night progresses, you and rayne abide your time by visiting stalls. well, it's more like you choose which ones interest you the most, and rayne follows behind. you comment on certain items that look nice; sometimes, you ask for your roommate's opinions to decide on whether something will be worth your money or not. to your surprise, rayne's advice is solid, and you end up listening to him.

at some point, you convinced him to buy a pair of absurdly looking mugs for the apartment. he fought you hard on it, saying that a mug shaped like a fish is extremely inconvenient, but in the end, you won with insistent begging.

when the two of you both got bored of the market, you decide to take rayne to one of your favorite spots in the city.

"the park? really?" rayne gives you a dead stare.

"hey, don't judge." you pout. "i love this place."

"why? no offense, but i don't think parks are all that special."

"i feel like i can take a step back here and just a catch a break from everything," you answer honestly. "sometimes, i sit down and watch people as they live their lives, and something about that is strangely comforting. it makes me want to keep going."

rayne doesn't follow up on your words, but you can tell that he's really considering them, and that brings a smile onto your face.

"plus, i feel like it's a good place for when you want to talk to someone." you grab onto your roommate's wrist. "come on let's go to the swings."

you practically drag rayne to the playground, which is completely deserted, but that's to be expected when it's already 10p.m. no parent would be dumb enough to bring their kid out this late.

you force rayne onto the the swing next to you, and all he does is sit there, unwilling to indulge himself in such a simple joy. annoyed with him, you hop off your own set, coming behind him.

"what are you doing?" rayne whips his head around as your hands plant themselves firmly on his back.

"oh live a little." you huff, mustering up enough strength to push him. the swing rocks forwards and comes back. even as rayne complains and threatens you, you continue to push him, watching as he goes higher and higher. he may be masking it, but you can tell that he's enjoying it.

you finally give up when your arms grow sore and a layer of sweat coats your face. slumping back into the swing beside rayne, you breathe heavily. "man, that was a workout."

"i told you to stop." your date reminds you, shooting you a look.

"you can be honest, rayne. i know you liked it."

"i did not."

"yeah, yeah, keep telling yourself that." you wave him off, laughing.

for a minute, neither of you say anything. you're the one who said that the park is a place where you can talk openly with someone, yet there's not a single topic that you can think to bring up.

luckily, rayne swoops in to save it. "can i ask you something?" your half-blonde roommate asks, something more serious laced in his voice. it makes you swallow a lump in your throat. an anxious feeling creeps into your body.

"of course you can."

"why did you bother giving that guy a chance?"

it's easy to know exactly who he's referring to. you shrug. "he's nice and has good energy."

"but he had stood you up two times in the past though. clearly he isn't as nice as you make him out to be. you seriously can't be that dumb to have fallen for it three times."

that statement in itself should get you mad (even though he would be right), but there's something peculiar in what he said that had you ignoring the jab altogether. "how'd you know he stood me up twice before? i never told you that."

at that, rayne freezes, eyes blowing wide open. it's so obvious that he's trying to find an excuse right now, but you push further.

"who told you that, rayne?" you lean closer, watching as his ears turn beet red. you're not even angry with him. it's mostly curiosity making you push him. not to mention that seeing him in a flustered state is entertaining and quite cute.

"max did." your roommate finally admits albeit quietly.

you pull your head back. "max? as in max land? how the hell does he know?"

"your dates happened to be at the restaurant he works at."

"why would he bother telling you that though?" you wonder. "up until tonight, i don't think it concerned you."

"it did though." the half-blonde mumbles, thinking you wouldn't hear, but you do anyway.

"what?" you press.

"forget it." rayne shakes his head, growing irritated.

"no. fuck that.." you seethe, annoyed at his unwillingness to be honest with you. rayne bites his tongue to hold back. you see it. "don't act like this. just tell me, or i swear to god i'll text max right now-"

"it's because i knew that i could treat you better." the words rush out of rayne's mouth as he snaps his head toward you. the fire in his eyes die as he locks his gaze onto you. the harsh emotion written across his features softens. you can feel your own exasperation slipping away like that of a retreating ocean tide. he grimaces in regret, knowing that he didn't mean to let that slip out, but he did anyway. it's out in the open, and now you knew.

surely, you're hearing things wrong. perhaps you're misunderstanding what he just said. how could that be misinterpreted though? it's such a painfully straightforward statement, yet it still doesn't make any sense.

rayne sighs. it's like he can already hear your thoughts and your confusion. the least he can do is clear the air and dump everything onto you while he can. "i didn't expect to feel like this," he begins to explain. "when i moved in, i just assumed you'd be another person i wouldn't pay attention to. i'm sure you know how i am. i don't bother getting to know people, but a lot of people feel the need to force themselves into my life, and shit like that pisses me off. but you didn't do that. you introduced yourself, explained the ground rules of the apartment, and then left me alone."

"so... you like the fact that i leave you alone?" you tilt your head.

"shut up. let me finish."

"okay."

"but yeah, that's part of it. you keep your distance, but you still try to show that you care. you don't do anything groundbreaking. it's just that the small things you do for me got to me. it may sound dumb to you, but it meant a lot to me."

suddenly, you're hit like a train because you know exactly what rayne means. you recall all the times you ensured that there was dinner for him, the times you moved his laundry into the dryer when he forgot to do it himself, and the times you restocked his favorite snacks when they ran out. you hadn't realized that you did any of that. it just came naturally, no hidden meaning behind it.

"oh." you breathe out, blinking.

rayne nods, continuing. you're honestly floored over the fact that he still has more to say. "you don't notice it. at least, i don't think you do, but at some point, i tried doing the same for you. i started paying more attention to you and what you liked and how you liked things done. i did it mostly to pay back your kindness, but over time i continued just 'cause i liked seeing your smile."

you have to process that for a minute, piecing together how certain events lined up until it finally clicks into place. "s-so the island vase-"

"i replace the flowers because you like them fresh."

"the key holder?"

"you always forgot to bring your keys until i installed it."

"when you put on movies-"

"i check your letterboxd and hope that you'll sit and watch them with me."

"when i put on movies-"

"i sit with you because i want to be near you."

your jaw falls open. never in a million years could you have expected this. you thought that rayne could care less about your existence, but the reality was that that was far from the truth. cold, aloof rayne was always doing things for you. all this time, you've been so oblivious.

still, there's more to the story so you stay quiet, letting him get his feelings off of his chest. "to be honest, i was never going to say anything. max tried convincing me to confess on multiple occasions, but i was dead set on letting it pass. i didn't think you liked me in the same way anyway.

"but then you came home today and you told me about your date and i just got so... angry," rayne clenches his fist around the chains of the swing. the whole situation infuriates him every time he thinks about it. "it just wasn't fair. you spent so much time into looking your best just for that asshole to go and waste your effort. you're so beautiful, so kind and understanding, and i fucking hate the fact that he's been taking advantage of that.

"i really wasn't thinking clear when i proposed this date to you, but god after tonight, i'd do it all over again. i wanted you to know what it's like to be with someone who does care about you. i wanted to see you smile. i wanted to hear stories. i want you so badly it's all i can think about sometimes.

"i know this is a lot, and i'm freaking you out right now. i'm sorry but you-"

"rayne." you interrupt with a big smile on your face. he was unaware to the fact that you had got up.

"for fucks sake, can you let me finish? this is already weird enough for me to talk about as is." he rolls his eyes, narrowing his gaze at you, blush splashed across his cheeks. still, without any resistance, you pull him up from his swing by his wrists.

"then don't." you whisper as you pull him in.

and the moment you crash your lips onto rayne's, the world stops. he instantly melts into you, the palms of his hands finding the soft skin on your cheeks. your hands tangle themselves into his hair. his lips are incredibly soft. a faint taste of matcha and sugar syrup dances on his tongue from the boba he drank earlier. a noise of approval vibrates down his throat, and you can't help but smile against his lips.

rayne wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you impossibly closer as he deepens the kiss. you get what he was talking about earlier. this kiss is all it takes to prove it to you. you feel his affection and desire all at once. every single bone in your body is so aware of how much rayne ames cares about you.

when you finally pull away for air, it's like a smile is permanently tugged onto your lips. rayne trains his eyes onto you, engraining every detail of this moment into his head.

a comfortable silence falls as each of you take your time to catch your breaths. your stare finds its way up, admiring the night sky. there are barely any stars out tonight. no, that part isn't remotely true, not fully anyway, because light pollution drowns out stars and their lights. the reality is that there are billions of stars hanging high out of reach; they just go unseen.

rayne is kinda like that you realize. finn was right. his brother is a good guy. there's a hidden light within him behind all those aloof layers of his. you just have to squint and maybe put on some prescription glasses is order to see it. it's a shame it took you five months to to really acknowledge it. but now that you've finally found a glimpse of it, you'll continue to clear past the fog. you want to know every part of rayne and see his light just as he did with you. you want him to be able to shine at his full brightness with no fear. you'll take rayne ames for all that he is.

"come on," you coo, a lovestruck look in your eyes as you slip your hand into rayne's. "let's go home."

bonus:

rayne: finn, give me a date spot quick finn: are you actually going on a date? rayne: stop asking questions finn: there's a night market on marchétte street. finn: are you seriously going on a date though? finn: hello? finn: rayne. finn: stop leaving me on read. finn: is it (y/n)? finn: it is her, huh? finn: asshole.

delisaster: hey sorry delisaster: can we reschedule for next saturday? y/n: kys y/n: lol sorry that was my bf delisaster: bruh what? delisaster: did you have a bf this whole time? *this message could not be sent* delisaster: did you fucking block me? *this message could not be sent*

#anime #manga #mashle #mashle magic and muscles #mashle x reader #rayne ames #rayne x reader #rayne ames x reader #from kor ; ♆

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vanvelding · 6 months

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I'm going to say one of the nicest things I can about a show about Star Trek: Lower Decks

They played us like a string quartet.

(Spoilers for 4x09: "The Inner Fight")

Lower Decks was sold a Star Trek/Rick & Morty mashup from the start. The first scene is a drunken Mariner literally harming her sidekick, Boimler. It practically screamed, "Mariner & Boimler a hundred tours! Double-u, double-u, double-u dot Mariner and boimler dot com!"

But of course, it also had Star Trek references. One of the earliest is "Who would win in a fight? Khan or Roga Danar?" Why would anyone else in The Federation know or care who Roga Danar is? And there's no imagination on display for the oldest referential paradigm, "Who would win in a fight?" Lazy. Bullshit.

Of course before the end of season one, Lower Decks showed us it was more than that. Boimler was gaining the kind of experience he needed. The story hinted very strongly that Mariner had been in Starfleet a LONG time. She wasn't a omnicompotent mary sue; she was a Commander with her own philosophy/trauma that compelled her to remain an Ensign.

It was a good show and it stood on its own. The references were used well to create interesting stories ("Twovix"), as part of the setting ("Hear All, Trust Nothing"), or just as a gag here and there ("Kayshon, His Eyes Open" and, like a dozen others). The references to the setting become the background radiation, remarkable in how deep a cut they really are (Vendorians?). I've described it to many people as "Star Trek, but everyone has watched Star Trek."

What it wasn't, was related to its namesake. "Lower Decks" was a surprisingly heavy episode about the younger members of the Enterprise crew and their perspective on the missions of galactic import that the viewer usually enjoys an omnisicent view of.

Lower Decks mentions our main cast don't have that omniscient view, but Mariner is a stone-cold badass, Rutherford was part of a secret effort to develop artificial intelligence, Tendi is the Mistress of the Winter Constellations, and Boimler--actually Biomler is no more exceptional than any other Starfleet officer.

So when we get our main cast and the senior officers into a room and they mention Nick Locarno, our thought is, "LOL, another reference. This one from TNG. Not particularly deep. LOL, Boimler is a Beverly Crusher fanboy. I guess it makes sense, they have the character model from the episode with Tom Paris. Clearly, Robert Duncan McNeil is happy to do some voice work. We'll probably make a reference to how much he looks like Tom Paris.

"lol"

Look, if you figured it out then pat yourself on the back. Me? I filed away another reference. I didn't realize that Nick Locarno was connected to the episode of TNG that was this entire series' namesake. The characters even say, "Who?" which is one of the first times they don't get a Star Trek reference. Because Nick Locarno isn't a part of the Star Trek universe they view with an enthusiastic fandomness; it's part of their dramatic history, whether they know it or not.

"ha-ha, I guess Nick Locarno is too deep a cut for the show that called back to Morgan fucking Bateson."

But whatever, A-plot/B-plot. Gags about Starfleet habitually rolling up to seedy establishments in uniforms while looking for information, which is subverted by Captain Freeman being fucking genre savvy (also, wasn't she going to be promoted before getting arrested at the end of season two? I guess getting framed for a crime was deemed to be not very 'admiral-able'). Mariner ends up in a cave with a Klingon taking shelter from a crystal rain.

The pieces are there. Mariner was an ensign during The Dominion War. Two to three years before The Dominion War, Wesley Crusher left Starfleet, our Nick Locarno expy Tom Paris was recruited to Voyager, and Sito Jaxa was an ensign.

And Nick Locarno is in play.

We could have figured it out! We're in the narrative and emotional third act of this series (Tendi gave us the "We'll always be friends" speech last week)! Everyone regular just sat in a room trying to figure out how to help Mariner; we were one fruit salad analogy away from an intervention with Dr. Migleemoo!

Mariner escapes from Cardassian interrogation chambers for fun!

But Locarno is just another TNG reference, like Beverly Crusher. Background radiation. The season's story arc is something original to Lower Decks, which it's proven it's unafraid to do at this point. The series has no relation to "Lower Decks"

And then they fucking hit us with it; Beckett Mariner knew Sito Jaxa. They were friends. Then Jaxa died.

That's Mariner's trauma (that and The Dominion War).

And I didn't see it because I came to see Lower Decks as a series that stood on its own merits as a show while calling back to earlier Treks in a light, non-committal way. And I credit that solely to the writing of the show which leveraged both of those qualities to make an entertaining show that I like before, but now respect.

Just amazing stuff.

#star trek #star trek lower decks #star trek lwd #lower decks #lower decks spoilers #star trek lwd spoilers

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akunya · 1 year

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eiiiiii the idea of getting private meeting with camboy vox HELLO. you make me suffer for good stuffs every single day 😭💦 can you spoil me a little bittttt. - 🐱

“private session.”

pairings: camboy!vox akuma x male!reader

summary: congrats, lucky winner! because of your generous donations, vox reached out wanting to thank you in person. things, however, take a turn.

tw: DRUGGING, yandere, manipulation, voice fetish. camshows, drinking, implied noncon. age gap, etc.

notes: last fic of 2022! im posting this mere minutes from midnight, so please pardon any mistakes. ill go back and edit this a bit later.

and yes, i can write a part 2 if you truly wish. sorry for cucking you guys, again..

happy new year everyone, thank you for such an amazing 2022. i hope to write much more in the future!

“im at the right place, aren’t i..?” you mumbled to yourself, frigid, clammy hands swiping your phone to make sure the location was right. the restaurant looked a bit trendy and sophisticated, somewhere you wouldn't dare step inside on your own. you and vox both agreed on a restaurant to meet at around eight o'clock. to be truly honest with yourself, you never thought you’d have the guts to do something like this — but when vox, the streamer who you’ve been watching for months daily and donating to everyday reached out to you personally, how could you say no?

nonetheless, sitting across from him at the table really made you wish you had refused.

for one, he was much too ethereal to be in your lowly presence. the camera didn’t do him justice at all — his pale skin was a nice contrast to his black hair, adorned by his signature red highlights. he even wore the red eye makeup that you loved to look at, except now, you could see his mouth and bottom half of his face, uncovered by the black mask he would usually wear. his lips looked so soft, and when his tongue darted out to lick them you were nearly going to faint. we’re those.. fangs? his canines were sharp, and you felt like a pervert for staring so intensely.

you quickly paid your respects to the other fans who would never know that vox, a niche but popular adult streamer, was a truly beautiful man in person.

you didn't even notice how silent it had gotten between the two of you. “no need to be so quiet. i don’t bite, i promise.” vox’s sweet voice snapped you out of your thoughts, apologizing profusely for zoning out so much. “you’re right! im sorry, ive just never done anything like this before..” you chuckled awkwardly, shifting in your chair while vox just smiled. he found your skittishness adorable. you reminded him of a scared little bunny — and he was the big bad wolf, ready to eat you up whole.

"what a shame. and here i was thinking you do this quite often, with how you accepted my request and all." the demon smirked at how your face flushed, becoming a stuttering mess. you should've expected it, but he was just as snarky in person as he was on his live shows. as your little meeting continued, vox realized he enjoyed your presence much more than he thought. the night was filled with friendly but interesting conversation, and for once, the demon didn’t feel forced to keep speaking.

at first, he debated on meeting with you in person. what if the person who donated nearly thousands to him each month turned out to be not as pleasant as he hoped? while the demon wouldn't be surprised, he would be a tad disappointed with all of the free shoutouts he's given to you. still, with you being his top donator for a while now, he felt compelled to show some form of graciousness. a little present, just in time for the holidays.

vox enjoyed streaming more than he thought he would. even though he could use his voice and other demonic powers for much grander, sinister things - for some reason, using them to tease and drain the wallets of his viewers was surprisingly just as satisfying. doing this, he never had to worry about getting a silly job like most humans did, letting the demon truly relax when he wasnt tampering with cameras and himself.

but, you, however - vox liked how shy and nervous you were. it awakened a sick monster inside of him, that wanted to see you cry and beg for mercy at his fingertips. he thought his days of toying with mortals was over, but unfortunately (or fortunately?) for you, you seemed to rekindle that fire in his heart. if he didn't know any better, he would've never expected you to be someone that watches adult streams online, let alone spend money on them.

taking advantage of how anxious you were, vox continued to ask questions about yourself, forcing you to blurt out answers in hopes of not screwing up. "so, what do you like about my streams, y/n?" the male swiveled the wine in his glass nonchalantly, golden eyes looking into yours, awaiting an answer. you gulped, shakily drinking yours as well.

"um, well, you're the first streamer i've ever really watched for.. that sort of stuff. i initially liked how your voice sounded, and wanted to hear more, but i ended up staying for your little stories and when you'd talk about yourself. you just seemed really nice." it was a bit embarrassing when you had said it aloud, but it was the truth. you enjoyed the moments where the demon would just ramble the most. of course, given the content of his streams, most of the things he'd speak about were so dirty it made your ears feel hot - however, there were moments where he'd just talk about his day, and you seemed to enjoy those the most.

it was vox's turn to blush, his grip tightening on the wine glass ever so slightly. how could a mere mortal make him feel so... flustered? hes had his fair share of affairs over many decades, however, never has he felt so vulnerable. the demon was expecting you to talk about his cock or something, but of course your innocent little head wouldnt do that. you should be thankful vox isn't a cannibalistic demon, or he seriously would've eaten your heart out by now.

therefore, the man didnt feel any remorse when you went to the bathroom and he slipped a drug into your drink while you were away.

it wasnt his fault - how was he supposed to let you go after today? someone as sinless and pure as yourself needed to be his. vox wouldnt be content with letting you go back to being another viewer behind the screen, not after your little meeting. the demon knew truly that you probably wouldn't refuse going home with him, but that also didnt guarantee you'd accept his offer. he considered the drug just a bit of a push in the right direction, if you will.

"sorry for taking so long. there was a line outside, so.." your voice trailed off, going back to your seat as the older man simply chuckled. why did you feel the need to explain yourself? it didn't matter how long you took, even if you tried to run now, vox would surely find you. pouring some more wine for himself, he filled his glass a bit more to match yours. you tried to tell him you weren't too keen or interested in alcohol at the beginning of your little date, but the demon wouldn't take no for an answer. "y/n, lets have a toast, shall we?" his held up his glass expectantly towards you, waiting for you to clink the rim with your own.

you hesitated for a moment. the smell of wine never enticed you, but seeing vox wait earnestly made your heart flutter. one glass shouldn't hurt, right?

you simply nodded, the familiar clank of glass against glass being shared between you two before drinking. you drank a majority of the wine, only leaving a small amount left. "good boy. its good, isnt it?" you nearly sputtered the drink back up from the praise, nodding again and drinking the rest in one gulp. it was much different hearing his words of affirmation in person. it felt addicting, unreal.

"thats it. a toast for the new year, my boy. im excited for the memories we shall make together. aren't you?" oh, did vox mean his streams? of course you looked forward to those, how could you not! he was the highlight of your day, making you smile and laugh. "mhm! im excited. im looking forward to your streams, vox." the demon felt a shiver roll down his spine, suppressing a groan. he could get used to you saying his name. he wanted to hear you say it in other ways, too.

"i hope we can get more.. personal, as well, y/n. it was truly delightful being here with you." the man had such a way with words, making you swoon. was he this nice with everyone? no wonder he had so many followers! while you didnt know the true extent to what he had implied, you agreed, telling him that you were happy you came out today.

of course you were. you were his little rabbit, frail and gullible, unknowing of the big bad wolf sitting across from your very table. he truly wondered just how oblivious you could be, but much to his delight, he'd find out soon enough. your eyes started to feel heavy, zoning out while he talked about random things to keep you occupied.

"goodness, y/n, are you alright? you look a bit pale. here, let me take you back to my place. i don't live far at all." his voice was sickeningly sweet, how could you deny his offer? you nodded drowsily, letting the man hold you to steady your balance.

the cold air of the outdoors didnt phase you, and neither did it bother vox. peering at your sleeping face, he smiled, leaning in to kiss the top of your forehead.

"happy new years, y/n. lets have fun together." vox whispered in your ear, turning the corner towards his apartment.

#my askbox..#male reader #mlm blog #male reader blog #nijisanji x reader #nijisanji en x reader #my fics..#🐱 anon #luxiem x reader #vox akuma x m!reader #vox akuma x male reader #yandere vox akuma #vox akuma #vox akuma x reader #luxiem x y/n #luxiem x m!reader #luxiem x male reader

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quillsandblades · 2 months

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A levihan fic I wrote inspired by the wonderful art of @addiej01

Lucky

Dust motes and overflowing sewerage. Dirty streets, uneven houses, and a large rocky ceiling, cutting out the sight of—Levi could only imagine what it may look like— the sky.

A typical day in the Underground.

Levi was eight, and pissed off at the random men that kept showing up to the small room where they lived. His mother had, as usual, sent him away, sneaking him out through the window and drawing the threadbare curtains over it before anyone could see him. He knew she was doing it—whatever it was—for him, and it also hurt her. And it involved men.

She had explained patiently to him that she was working and he must never peek through the window or she would be very angry and sad. But he’d seen her tired eyes, pale face and the dried tear tracks on her cheeks. He’d seen how she would wince in pain when she moved, and he’d heard her silent sniffles in the deep night when she thought he was asleep. He blamed the men, and her work, that she was so adamant on hiding from him.

He had been tempted to look through the window once. If he knew what was hurting her, he could find a solution. But her words had rung sharply in his mind and he knew if he followed the impulse, his mom would never ever forgive him.

So there he was, wandering the streets on yet another day, feeling helpless and cursing life with all the ferocity a child could muster.

Levi knew his way in the area around his home quite well. He was familiar with the narrow alleyways and passages that ran through the district like a tight network of spider webs. And just like a spider web, they were traps for all the stupid flies that dared to venture into it.

Levi was not a fly; rather he was one of the spiders, albeit a smaller one. Having grown up on those streets, he knew exactly what kind of person to avoid and how to avoid them. As a child he did lack many talents needed on the streets, like strength, fighting tactics and killing, but he knew how to survive, and that’s what mattered most. He was pretty quick and stealthy as well. Though his mom didn’t like the idea of stealing and Levi went along with it, it was still a handy little skill.

Suddenly, the hair on the back of his neck stood up and he instantly looked around. The distant sound of hurried footsteps compelled him to dive into a gaping alley. He flattened behind a dripping pipe, holding his breath, partially due to the stink, and peered out.

A tall, burly man marched through the street; waves of anger were emitting from him and he was fingering the gun in his belt, moving with a purpose.

As he’d suspected, it was one of the spiders. A big one. Levi wouldn’t want to be in its pincers. He waited with bated breath, until the man was out of sight and it was safe for him to come out. But just then, he heard a small squeak and jerked back, fists raised.

‘Who’s there?’ he called out.

When nothing but silence answered, he stepped back into the alley, and squinted in the semi-darkness, eyes roving, searching—there!

A small figure was hunched behind some boxes. Another squeak sounded.

Levi approached it and realized it was a kid, around his age. The kid stumbled back as Levi came closer, hands held in front of him . . . or her? It could be a boy, sure looked like one. He wore glasses and was dressed in fairly bright and expensive looking clothes, but they were covered in dirt, and his short brown hair framed his face in messy strands.

He looked terrified, but was doing a fairly good job in masking it.

‘Who are you?’ Levi asked, folding his arms.

‘H—Hange,’ surprisingly the voice sounded female.

Levi raised his eyebrows, ‘You a girl?’

‘Uh, I . . . yeah,’ her eyes darted around, unsure and nervous.

‘You’re not from here,’ Levi stated flatly.

She winced, ‘Well, yes . . . but I swear I’m not gonna cause any trouble! I just wanted to look around! I’ve never seen the Underground before!’

Levi rolled his eyes; as if it was such a delightful place. So she was from the surface, and completely oblivious to this world. What an idiot.

The perfect fly.

He decided it was better not to let the girl, Hange, wander around by herself, so he accompanied her to the gates. Besides, he had nothing to do anyway.

She liked talking, as he soon found out. A lot. And throughout their little journey, she chattered happily in his ear. In a span of forty minutes, he knew everything from the name of her pet dog to the annoying governess who made her sit through hours of lectures on how to be a proper lady, even though she didn’t want to be one. Apparently, her father was a kind-hearted doctor who had come down to treat the victims of a prevailing disease in the Underground. Naturally, Hange wasn’t allowed to come with him. And naturally her unbridled curiosity made her slip in while her father crossed through the gates. How she managed that feat was beyond him.

He learnt quite a lot about life above the ground, and realized just how different it was from his own. But he really wished she would shut up for a while, otherwise he was sure to have a headache soon.

Thankfully, the gates came in sight, and she turned to him. She was grinning, and her eyes were shining brightly.

‘Thanks for being my guide, Levi!’ she exclaimed.

‘I wasn’t your—’ his retort was cut short as she enveloped him into a hug.

‘Bye! I’ll see you tomorrow, okay!’ she shouted in his ear.

‘Oi! Get off four-eyes!’

She laughed at the nickname and headed towards the gates, preparing to sneak out. She might get caught but it wasn’t like he cared. She’d managed to come in after all, he was sure she could go out as well. He turned on his heel and walked away.

***

True to her word, Hange came down again the next day. He saw her descend the giant stone steps with a man that could only be her father. It seemed she’d somehow convinced him to bring her along this time. She beamed down at him and adjusted the bag at her shoulders, as the guards held them up by the entrance.

‘You were waiting for me!’ she jumped in excitement as she rushed down.

Levi scowled, ‘I wasn’t.’

Of course he wasn’t waiting for that moron to come; he was simply walking around the gates. It’s not like he was bored or anything.

‘Your father let you come today,’ Levi pointed out.

‘Yeah! I asked him sooo many times yesterday that he just had to,’ she said.

‘But he only agreed when I told him I made a really nice grumpy friend,’ Hange skipped ahead, full of energy. ‘So, where are we going today?’

‘I’m not your friend,’ said Levi, ‘and we’re not going anywhere.’

‘Oh c’mon grumpy pants,’ she pouted. ‘Show me around! I even brought food for us today; we can have a picnic somewhere!’

Levi shook his head, equal parts amused and irritated. What did she think this place was? An amusement park?

‘You can't fool around here,’ he said gruffly. ‘It’s dangerous.’

‘Buuut I wanna explore,’ she whined, ‘and you know the Underground well. Pleeease Levi.’ She looked at him with big, pleading brown eyes.

He sighed and trudged ahead, ‘Come on.’ It wasn’t as if he was busy, some company wouldn’t hurt.

‘Yes!’

He led her to areas that he knew were relatively safer. Four-eyes tagged along, staring at the shops, houses, bars and people as if she’d never seen those things before. He noted that she stared at the stone ceiling every now and then, mouth half-open in wonder.

‘These people,’ she began after a while, ‘they’ve been in the Underground all their lives?’

‘Yeah.’

‘So that means none of you have ever seen the sky?’

He nodded stiffly. Hange gasped.

‘That’s horrible! You’re telling me you don’t know how it looks like when it’s clear, or cloudy, or early in the morning, or when the sun’s setting?’

‘I don’t.’

She stopped and grasped him by the arms, bending forward. Levi leaned back, eyes widening.

‘Don’t you worry Levi, I’ll take you to see the sky!’ she said earnestly. ‘Why don’t you come with me today when I leave?’

‘I can't,’ he shook his head. ‘None of the Undergrounders can leave just like that.’

‘Oh,’ her shoulders slumped and she frowned, crestfallen.

But then her eyes lit up once more, ‘Y’know, my mom’s a painter, and I just remembered two of her really good paintings about the sky. I’ll bring them tomorrow for you to see!’

And with that she bounded forward, calling for him to catch up.

Levi stood there for a second, not knowing what to make of this overly enthusiastic girl who somehow felt it was her duty to show him something he’d always wished but never had the chance to see. Was this what they called kindness? He couldn’t be sure.

Four-eyes insisted to see a livelier place next, so he took her to the market square, bustling with people. She moved around the stalls with a bright gleam in her eyes and gushed over the local handiworks. After she’d looked around to her heart’s content, they both sat down on the large steps of a storehouse and four-eyes took out food from her bag. Bright-colored fruits, bread, sandwiches, an orange drink.

The sight made his mouth water. How long had it been since he had a proper meal? Weeks? Months? How long since his mother had eaten anything?

Hange nudged him, ‘Go on, I brought this for both of us.’

He picked up a piece of bread gingerly and took a small bite. It was warm and sweet and so painfully real that for a moment he just savored the feeling of something solid and edible filling his mouth. He tore off a large bite, then another and another, filling himself with food. He finished the whole loaf in a minute.

Levi glanced at Hange, expecting her to be staring at him judgmentally, but she was simply chewing an apple, gazing around thoughtfully.

So Levi picked up a sandwich and bit into it, taking time to chew properly and eat slowly this time.

‘So . . . you said you lived with only your mom,’ she started.

‘Hmm.’

‘Where’s your dad?’

‘Dunno, and don’t care,’ he shrugged.

‘Can I meet your mom?’ four-eyes asked eagerly.

‘She’s busy right now, working.’

Her face fell. He hesitated, and then said, ‘Maybe another time?’

‘Of course! I would love to!’

She began taking again, telling him about her life, her little adventures back at home. This time he threw in small comments here and there, making her laugh out loud. It was a nice feeling: to learn that you could make someone smile widely just because of your words.

Much too soon, it was time for her to go. She let him—more like forced him—to take the rest of the food home, and promised to come down tomorrow and show him the paintings.

The next day, Levi greeted her with the words, ‘I want to show you a place.’

‘Ooh!’ Hange was all excitement as she followed him.

He went to the far corner of the district where the tumbledown houses gave way to the high walls that marked the end of the city. The spot was a mess of cracked rock and broken stones protruding from the ground and rising up to a great height.

‘C’mon,’ Levi said, lodging his hands and feet between the gaps in the stone and hoisting himself. He looked back down at four-eyes, ‘Can you climb up?’

She nodded, a bit uncertainly but followed his lead. It wasn’t that hard, the rocks weren’t slippery or steep, but they did have a long way to go. Levi focused on climbing up and kept checking on Hange in between. She seemed to be doing okay.

Finally they reached the wide ledge at the top and Levi pulled himself up and then helped Hange. They both sat there, catching their breath for a while. Hange produced a bottle of water from her bag, drank some and then handed it to Levi.

She turned to look back and gasped.

‘Whoa!’

The whole Underground city was spread out below them. From their great height, the houses looked like children’s toys. The buildings were squashed in close to each other, with narrow streets weaving between them. The tall towers stood out majestically among them. Everything shined in the flickering lights of the city.

Levi looked at four-eyes and almost smiled at her expression of awe. She was quiet for a while, watching the scene intently.

‘This is beautiful,’ she said finally in a quiet voice. Then turned to him and smiled, ‘Thank you for bringing me here, Levi.’

He turned away from her and mumbled, ‘Yeah whatever . . .’

Hange chuckled and settled back comfortably on the ledge. Then opened her bag and took out various food items and patted the space beside her. Levi sat down and they began to eat, looking down.

‘I noticed that there aren’t any plants or flowers in the Underground,’ said Hange.

‘How could there be any, you moron. There’s no sunlight.’

‘I know, but look at that,’ she pointed to the roof that felt way closer now that they were up there. It was damp and covered with fungus. ‘There are parts of the roof that have grown thinner than the rest,’ she went on. ‘And the stone will continue to weather away due to wind and water. It’s possible that a hole might open up in here. So if sunlight comes in there’ll be greenery.’ She smiled.

‘Like I care,’ said Levi, although he did find the idea nice.

‘You will care when it happens. A little green would look good here—oh! I just remembered! I had to show you something!’ she unzipped her bag.

‘Is it those paintings?’ Levi asked, curiosity seeping through the indifference.

‘Yes that too, but there’s one more thing!’ Hange pulled out a book and held it up.

‘I don’t know how to read four-eye,’ he said flatly.

She simply opened the book and pulled out a small leaf from it. It resembled a flower, and had four bright green petals. She held it out to him.

‘That’s a clover leaf,’ she said proudly. ‘And they usually have only three petals. Four petals are sooo rare that people say if you find one, you’re really lucky!’

Levi held the leaf in his hand and observed its fresh green color. Lucky, huh?

‘People will make up anything to satisfy themselves,’ he said and handed the clover back to her. She carefully placed it between the pages once more.

‘But still, seeing how rare it is, it’s still quite a precious thing,’ Hange countered. ‘I’m so glad I found it.’

Next she pulled out two pieces canvas from her bag and showed them to Levi with a grin, ‘As promised, I brought you a glimpse of the sky!’

The two paintings were a splash of color that was so rarely seen in his world.

‘This one’s a sunset,’ she pointed to the one that looked like fire. Molten red and orange hues bathed the canvas, mingling into a gold-yellow. Distant black silhouettes were painted that Levi recognized as mountains and horses. A huge pale orb—the sun—was half-hidden between the hills.

‘And this one’s a clear sky.’ The second painting showed a soft blue shade dotted with something that looked like fluffy pieces of cotton. Little red-roofed houses peppered the ground, surrounded by vibrant green fields. He could see small figures of children, frozen in time, chasing each other. He could almost hear their laughter.

‘You like it?’ Hange asked.

The places in both these pictures felt free. The people there could look up and see an infinite stretch of something that wasn’t the roof of a cage. Something that washed them in different colors at different hours of the day. It wasn’t a monochrome black all the time.

‘It’s . . . nice.’ He said quietly. This was just a picture; the real thing would be a hundred times better. He wondered if his wish to go out in the open would remain a wish forever.

‘I think,’ Hange’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts, ‘the clover leaf really is lucky.’

He raised his eyebrows, ‘And what makes you think that?’

She shrugged, ‘I found the leaf. Then I met you,’ she locked her warm brown eyes with his. ‘And that was indeed very lucky.’

Levi tore his gaze away, not knowing what to say. Hange laughed quietly, ‘You’re a really good friend, Levi.’

Hange kept coming for many days. They would talk, play around, and often climb onto that ledge. She would tell him about the outside world and he would mention brief fragments of his life and the Underground. Once Hange sneaked in some of her mother’s paints and they both spent a good amount of hours on their ledge, making a mess of the colors. He liked the routine; it was the first time he’d made a ‘friend’ and Levi was actually having fun.

One day four-eyes came to him with a sad smile; she was carrying just a book, no backpack. Her father didn’t go off to attend to his patients as he usually did, but stood back at a distance as she approached him.

‘Hey,’ she whispered.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘We’re leaving,’ said Hange. ‘Father’s work here is done, we won’t be coming back.’

Oh.

He knew she wasn’t going to come down everyday forever, but . . . he hadn’t expected that day to come so soon.

‘I asked him to let me just meet you one last time and only then I’d go,’ she said. Then she handed him the book, and opened a page in the middle. Upon it sat that clover leaf she’d shown him before, carefully dried and pressed between the pages.

‘I dried it. If you keep it inside the book, it’ll last for quite some time.’

Levi shut the book and looked at four-eyes. He had to say something.

‘Thank you,’ he said. She smiled, this time happily. Then he said, ‘And this won’t be last time we’re meeting, four-eyes. I’ll get out of this hellhole with my mother and then we’ll meet again.’

Her eyes widened, and then gleamed behind her glasses. She crushed him in a hug, and he let her do it this once.

‘All right then, I’ll see if you keep your word Levi.’

***

‘The name’s Levi,’ he stared down at the lined up soldiers who would blindly throw their lives away in the name of freedom. Isabel and Farlan stood on either side of him, both alert and cautious.

Then his eyes caught a familiar sight of messy brown hair and glasses. Vague memories stirred within him.

. . . I’ll see if you keep your word . . .

Well, he did keep it. Here he was, beneath the vast open sky, and four-eyes was right in front of him. He held back a smile. How lucky indeed.

#levihan #hange zoe #levi ackerman #levihan fanfiction #my writing #snk fanfiction #shingeki no kyojin #levihan fanart #enjoy

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wen-kexing-apologist · 8 months

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The Sins of the Father

Honestly, at this point in Dangerous Romance I am not finding the relationship between Sailom and Kang all that compelling, BUT what I *am* very surprisingly so, finding myself constantly drawn in to within this story is the relationship between Kang and his father. I want to know what his Dad was like before his wife died, I want to know why Kang responds so quickly, and with a touch of fear to his father surprising him by coming home early when Kang was playing video games. The way I read Kang in that scene really made me feel like he thought that his father would react harshly. At the moment, I’m personally having difficulty finding problems with Kang’s father. Yet, I can’t stop thinking about how Kang’s response to being bested by Sailom was to escalate the situation based on something his father once said.

And it is so fascinating to me watching this show poke at this idea of what his father’s desire to *remove* pressure from Kang, rather than *place* pressure on him is doing to Kang. Kang feels like his father telling him he doesn’t have to try to be school president, he doesn’t have to wait to pass all of his exams to get the bike he wants is an insult. The fact that his father will be happy with Kang’s performance as long as he doesn’t have to repeat any classes should be a wonderful thing.

I love that Kang was the one who proposed an achievement award, that he was the one who basically begged his father for a little bit of competitive structure. The insistence of Kang’s dad to not push Kang in to anything is really great…except that he goes overboard with it. Kang is excited and interested in being school president, Kang wants to work hard *towards* accomplishing a goal and getting rewarded for it. But he feels constantly belittled by his father reminding him that he doesn’t have to work hard, that he doesn’t have to push himself, that he can just be a teenager.

I won’t speculate too hard about what the family dynamic was like when Kang’s mother was around but I will say I’m thinking about how much Kang’s dad is overcompensating and how much Kang is asking for a little bit of a test. I’m thinking about how at school Kang is constantly being told that he is stupid. No one really challenges him because of how influential his father is to the school’s funding. He has teachers falling all over themselves to absolve him of every single consequence.

Something that is really telling to me is that it really seems like Kang loves his grandma more than anyone else in the world, and she is also the only adult that Kang has been around that does not absolve him of any harm. When he fucks over Sailom, she makes Kang apologize. And Kang does not really fight that apology, not as much as he could.

I don’t know what I’m really trying to say here. I guess ultimately that Dangerous Romance has an opportunity to show a well adjusted, happy, and fulfilled child with a parent that does not place pressure on to them. But they aren’t. But they also haven’t started saying that having all that pressure is a good thing for kids either. Mostly I guess I’m just curious about whether they are making the point that the opposite extreme is also going to harm your children. I said something like this before on my page but Kang’s father could remind him that he doesn’t have to put all this pressure on himself while also encouraging him to go for the school presidency if he is genuinely interested in it. He could withhold the bike until after the exams, and either keep his promise and not get him one if he fails, or he could wait a bit and give him one anyway for trying his best. But instead he just constantly removes any and all expectations from his son, leaving Kang feeling stupid and useless.

#dangerous romance

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msmargaretmurry · 3 months

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Apparently the players themselves absolutely hated last year’s all star game which was a shocker to me. It looked fun from my view! But a lot of reporters have said guys were talking shit and didn’t like it. I personally find joy in watching Connor McDavid’s money laundering scheme but it was not as fun as last year’s in my eyes. I do appreciate making it a mega competition where there’s one big prize at the end but I wish more guys competed. This one really just felt like a competition between Cale and Connor for a lot of it.

anon i'm so sorry you sent this EONS ago and i've just been so busy i haven't had the chance to sit down and write out all the all star game thoughts and ponderings i've been having. because i know we are probably all sick of the asg complaining and discourse but i genuinely think it is such an interesting topic! what makes a "good" all star weekend? what is the criteria for measuring "good"? ideally you create an event that is widely appealing to both fans and players but that's surprisingly difficult, and imo sometimes those things are kind of fundamentally at odds!

lots of asg thoughts (complaints) under the cut lol sorry, i do not expect people to actually read all this

i'm not SHOCKED to hear that players didn't like the asw in florida because i feel like guys have been complaining about the asw since time immemorial, but i too am surprised that they apparently complained so much that the nhl decided they had to overhaul the whole skills comp. i went to the asg in florida and certainly had my quibbles about the experience from a fan standpoint but overall had a really fun time. my main complaint is that there was too many pre-recorded stuff during the skills comp — like, i didn't pay money to sit in this arena and watch videos on the jumbotron, you know? so while i do like when there's a special skills event that kind of pays homage to the host city, and i surely am not complaining about the #content we got out of the dunk tank, that was a little frustrating!

a complaint i know players have had about the skills competition in the past is that they don't want to be embarrassed, and while obviously it can be embarrassing to fall during fastest skater or take 46 seconds doing the accuracy shooting, it has seemed like for a lot of them the events they think are most likely to be embarrassing are the events that rely on leaning into personality and being silly/funny and creative in non-hockey ways — events that really lean into the entertainment part of it all instead of the athlete part, like the breakaway challenge. the vast majority of these guys do not like to think of themselves as entertainers! in their minds they're just hockey players! and hockey culture actively dissuades guys from standing out and having loud personalities so it makes sense that many of them would be more comfortable in a contest that's pure skills!

unfortunately the most fun and memorable parts of all star weekends are almost always the parts where guys DO show a lot of personality and/or are blatantly just having fun, not when they're concentrating super hard on executing skills events. i caught a bit of the nfl pro bowl and was so struck by how it seemed like the players were having so much FUN. there was so much JOY. it made it compelling and entertaining even though it don't follow the nfl closely enough to know who many of the guys at the pro bowl were.

like, i'm not knocking pure skills events. i genuinely enjoy watching these elite athletes be extremely good at things. the classic skills events — fastest skater, hardest shot — are fun to watch! and i'm not fundamentally opposed to more pure skills events. the pvp goalie save streak event was so fun, for example. but i thought a lot of the events invented for this year were too samey. they didn't really showcase different types of skills, they were just riffing on similar skill sets. it wasn't compelling to me, and i also thought it was kind of lol that everyone but connor had to learn the events on the fly and that definitely disadvantaged them.

AND i truly hated that only a handful of guys got to do the skills competition. to me one of the most fun things about the skills comp is the chance to see guys from teams all across the league and have some surprises about who does really well in events! that can't happen when the nhl decides that two-thirds of the teams don't even get representation in the skills comp, that over half the players aren't good enough to include in the event. who knows, maybe those guys preferred hanging out and drinking and watching, and that's valid of them, but as a fan — you invited my guys to the asg but didn't think they were good enough to do a few silly skill games? felt kinda shitty, man!

so while i do like connor, it really irked me the way the whole competition felt like it was designed to showcase him. yes, he's truly great, and it's fun to watch him be great! but i can turn on literally any oilers game and watch him be great; i don't need a whole event designed to showcase it. i want the the all star weekend to celebrate the LEAGUE, to use this opportunity to highlight great players who maybe DON'T constantly get the spotlight anyway IN ADDITION to the big names. i can't remember any skills comp in the past, even ones featuring generational talents at their peaks, that felt so pointedly designed to showcase a single player and it really rubbed me the wrong way. this isn't a knock against connor; it's a knock against how the nhl framed and presented the whole thing.

obviously this is my personal opinion, i've seen plenty of people who thought it was fun. that's valid! i am not The ASG Worth Decider, i am just one fan with a lot of feelings. i can also understand how it could have been more fun in-person than televised. unfortunately i was watching on tv so that's the only experience i can opine about. but also in addition to my personal opinion i objectively feel like it's a huge missed marketing opportunity. you're not gonna spark people's interests in watching new teams/players if you keep hammering home that this one guy is the guy worth watching.

though honestly, the entire skills comp experience for me was deeply colored by how awful i thought the commentary was. the constant judginess toward players instead of joy and celebration of players was gross. the way they kept leaning hard into the million dollar prize as this huge motivating factor for these millionaires to win a series of silly games was gross. it's very possible i would have enjoyed it more if the commentary didn't suck so much, lmao.

also sorry i gotta complain real quick about the sheer number of canucks and leafs. sorry i know this is such an annoying complaint. i am even very fond of a lot of the guys from those teams who were voted in but my god there were too many of them. i would have let three leafs slide since they're the host team and toronto is ~so special~ even though many host teams have only gotten one or two players in the past, but this was a bridge too far. "they were decided by popular vote what else did you expect" i'm not an idiot, okay, that is exactly what i expected to happen with the popular vote. my complaint is not that the popular vote popular voted, it's that the nhl decided that's how they were gonna do things. the whole damn system is bad!!!

and lest it be concluded from this post that i am SOLELY a hater let me say for the record that i don't think the whole thing was bad. there were some really fun moments! i love that they brought the asg draft back and i had a lot of fun watching it. i thought the ACTUAL all star games were really entertaining and fun to watch. i thought that one musical guest in the sens outfit killed it. my beef is really just with a bunch of aspects of the skills comp lmao.

in conclusion: more joy!!! more celebration of the league as a whole!!! more chances for unexpected all star heroes!!!

#ask #nhl asg #hockey for ts #belated asg feelings dump that literally no one asked for lmao #again these are just my personal feelings!#if you liked the new skills format and had way more fun than me i'm genuinely happy for you!

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buttherainbowhadabeard · 5 months

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Unpopular Opinion: David Tennant Should Never Have Returned To Doctor Who

When a teary eyed David Tennant as The Doctor uttered the words “I don’t want to go” in his 2010 generation scene, it was a heartbreaking moment for fans. Saying goodbye to such a universally loved incarnation would be hard, but this was Doctor Who. Change was inevitable, and often, exciting.

So when the BBC announced that Tennant would be returning to the iconic role 15 years on, as part of a series of 60th anniversary specials, I was sceptical.

It looked like I was the only one though, as the internet erupted with anticipation and jubilation. I, however, thought the 14th Doctor reveal was a huge distraction that disrespected both the outgoing and the incoming actors.

Don’t get me wrong, Tennant is one of my favourite modern Doctor’s. His mid 2000s run as the 10th Doctor was funny, frightening, heartfelt and unforgettable. He had some of the best companions and villains, and some of the smartest and most compelling stories. But all good things come to an end, and now his emotional first exit felt a bit hollow.

His return really took the shine off Jodie Whittaker’s finale. Yes, her years as the 13th Doctor were responsible for some of the worst Doctor Who storylines in recent memory. But this was hardly her fault, and instead of enjoying her last moments as The Doctor and reflecting on the good bits (the first female Doctor in the show’s history), fans were shouting at their screens for her to hurry up and regenerate so their favourite could return. It was almost like the show was doing a reset and hoping we’d forget about her.

It also meant that the now 15th Doctor (Ncuti Gawta, the first gay, black Doctor in the show’s history) had to wait a little longer to make his debut, which seemed on-the-nose too.

The BBC were making it crystal clear who they thought their most popular Doctor was. Tennant has had more screen time than any other modern era Doctor, and now he’s the only one still alive and kicking post regeneration across all eras. Haven’t they ever heard of 'jumping the shark' or having too much of a good thing?!

He had four consecutive seasons from 2005-2008, with a fake regeneration at the end of Series 4 that saw him get cloned and live happily ever after with Rose Tyler on parallel earth. From 2008-2010 he travelled sans companion in a series of specials, before reluctantly regenerating into Matt Smith. In 2013, he made an appearance alongside Smith in the 50th anniversary special.

And now in 2023, he’s done three extra episodes alongside Catherine Tate reprising her role as his much loved Series 4 companion Donna Noble. These specials ended with him bi-generating (one Tennant Doctor, one Gatwa Doctor - don’t ask!) and continuing on as The Doctor, complete with his own TARDIS. He will, he says, stay put on earth to let Gatwa go off and have his own adventures. How generous of him!

Firstly, Tennant’s latest run didn’t feel like a 60th anniversary either. Instead it felt like a very late follow up and conclusion (or even an alternative ending) to Series 4, so the opportunity to include other cameos and celebrate the show’s rich history was lost.

In ‘The Star Beast’, the monstrous Meep really just provided a reason for The Doctor to see Donna again. In ‘Wild Blue Yonder’, The Doctor and Donna fought creepy doppelgängers of themselves (again, talk about self-indulgent!), and in ‘The Giggle’, Neil Patrick Harris’ promising Celestial Toymaker did little more than put on a funny accent and do a funny dance.

Sure, it had some fun and heartfelt moments. I'm glad the DoctorDonna Human-Time Lord metacrisis has been resolved. The Doctor's tender moments with Donna were nice. His two redheaded companions (Donna and Mel) holding his hands as he "regenerated" was touching. Even Tennant and Gatwa's interactions were surprisingly sweet. However, the whole jaunt just felt like an excuse to reunite Tennant and Tate and capitalise on their lingering popularity. Which leads me to my second point…

No other actor has been able to continue on as The Doctor, so the fact that this is the first exception to the rule shows that the studio is very obviously playing favourites. They are keeping Tennant’s sprightly sneaker wearing, pin stripe suited spaceman up their sleeves to roll out whenever they please. If the ratings plummet, the can bring Tennant back. If the fans want it, they can bring Tennant back. If Tennant wants it, they can bring Tennant back. Does anyone else smell a spin-off?

Thirdly, I don’t buy the idea that The Doctor can be - and wants to be - domesticated at all. Despite everyone telling him that he needs to stop and slow down, he has never once done so. In every incarnation, he/she is an energetic, chaotic and forever on-the-go entity that can’t stand waiting or having to sit idly by.

So, all of a sudden we're expected to believe that he’s going to stay with Donna and her family and just hang out on earth like a regular human? I doubt it. He even said it himself to Rose in Season 2, when trying to justify why he can’t settle down. "You can spend the rest of your life with me. But I can't spend the rest of mine with you." If bi-generation had have happened to Peter Capaldi’s 12th Doctor, I might have accepted it better because he said he wanted to rest. It would’ve made more sense there.

And lastly, but probably most importantly, everyone loves a bit of nostalgia, but bringing beloved characters back from the dead to get ratings up again isn’t a good enough reason. In reality, it just reeks of lazy writing or a lack of creativity, and in turn, a lack of closure. The whole point and poignancy of a show like Doctor Who is that The Doctor must change and move on, as we, the audience, have to move on.

When someone plays The Doctor, they do it for a limited time but they leave a lasting legacy. Having Tennant on standby undermines that. I want the writers to invest in their new actors and have faith in their new adventures instead of having earlier models waiting in the wings.

So for me, the best thing about these three specials and the finale wasn’t that Tennant didn't have to say goodbye this time. It was that Gatwa finally got to say hello...

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vethbrenatto · 1 year

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TLOVM S2E10 Thoughts:

*chants* vaxilmore vaxilmore vaxilmore!

This lighting on Grog is so beautiful

Ahhh grog is getting ragdolled

IMPALED?????

VOX MACHINA FUCK SHIT UP!!!!

THAT SHOT OF PERCY IN FRONT OF THE FIRE

Honestly these combats vs humanoid opponents I find much more visually compelling than the dragon battles

I WAS SO LOST IN THE EUPHORIA OF THE BATTLE I TOTALLH FORGOT GROG GOES IN THE NECKLACE

holy shit they’re in a tavern are we gonna get the Kaylie reveal???

not kiki getting rejected Ahhhh

KAYLIE DUET KAYLIE DUET oh my god. give me the inn room scene. Please I never thought we’d get it

I’m so glad they kept this in fucking hell this is so funny

Okay I didn’t say it but that tavern song slapped

WAIT IM DADDY

Best Characterization: Grog, Keyleth

TLOVM S2E11 Thoughts

Oh my god he’s gonna tell a fake story about her mother

Gee Thordak does hate mankind’s bubbles

Icky icky blood bath. literally

raven mommy! she looks sick

Nerdcy strikes again

Are they really gonna leave Kaylie off like that? No “don’t die”? :(

Supergrog!

OH the sword is the immovable rod. I so did not get that. I was like what is this fucking sword Kaylie has that’s random as hell

This battle scene… surprisingly true to campaign

TLOVM S2E12 Thoughts:

not vax on the kids faces ahdjfkkflf

had a momentary terrifying “are they going to make scanlan leave this ep with Kaylie to marquet” but literally they can’t skip a bards lament and would have no time to cover it here so I calmed myself down

Time to fly vaxy boy

Kams head??! Umbrasyl that is sooo fucked up my guy

PIKELAN FIRST SHIP KISS OF THE SHOW YALL FFYCKING WE STAY WINNING

DEATHBED KISS DEATHBED KISS

I’m NOT LETTING THIS GO BITCH

but honestly having scanlan kill the dragon was so good. such a good creative decision.

GROG PIKE AND WILHAND IN THE LOCKET

No shit Raishan?? Having her he Yennan is actually so good I didn’t see it coming

Best Characterization: Scanlannn

Overall Best Characterization of E10-12: Scanlan

Overall Thoughts:

I thought S2 was a big improvement on S1 and I loved Season 1. I was worried on how they would handle so many different adventures but it just flowed? It was never dull, I was captivated the whole time. The writers have such a better grasp on their tone and their humor.

I didn’t have many doubts about the adaptation after season 1 and I have even less now. The show did such a great job this season with character spotlight. Everyone got a place to shine except Percy & Pike who were mostly seen via their relationships (Vax & Vex and Grog & Scanlan respectively), which is fair considering how big of spotlights they both got in S1.

I’m just. So happy with this season. I really couldn’t choose between them but my favorite batch of episodes was either 7-9 or 10-12.

#tlovm thoughts #tlovm spoilers

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lyrebirdswrites · 11 days

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Tagged by @hinamie in a tag game! Thanks ^^

⟡ rules : answer + tag 9 people you want to get to know better and/or catch up with!

⟡ favourite colour:

Despite the pink profile pic and the pink blog theme, my favourite is actually yellow 💛🌻

⟡ last song:

You’re One Of Us Now by Movements. I’ve listened to this song such a truly insane amount of times they’re going to send me an embarrassing video message from the band along with my Spotify wrapped LMAO

⟡ last movie:

I think the last movie I watched was Dune 2, which exceeded my expectations :D

⟡ currently reading:

Lola In The Mirror by Trent Dalton. It’s an Australian novel about a homeless teenage girl who dreams of becoming a famous artist, but gets dragged into organised crime.

⟡ currently watching:

Shogun (Mariko carried that show so hard omg, best character) and 3 Body Problem (just finished this! I thought this would be terrible bc Netflix blasted me with so many twitch ads about it that I got sick of seeing it, but it turned out to be surprisingly compelling sci-fi)

⟡ currently craving:

Right now I’m hoping I have time to make myself an iced matcha with milk at home before I have to leave for my dnd game.

⟡ tea or coffee?

Tea! Coffee doesn’t do a whole lot for me because I have adhd. All tea is good, but ever since my holiday to Japan last year green tea has been my favourite.

Tagging @citycrows @hua-fei-hua @silverwordswrites @beetlethirteen @lycheesan @yuujispinkhair @mikossu @faindri @auspicious-goblin and anyone else who thinks it looks fun 🥰

#this felt almost nostalgic haha it’s been ages since I’ve done one of these #tag games #lyrebirds speaks #queue

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come-chaos · 10 months

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Post-LOTR Marathon Thoughts

I saw LOTR EE in the cinema today. It was my first LOTR marathon ever, as well as my first time seeing FOTR in the cinema. Despite having spent a decade of my life as a devout Tolkienist and LOTR/Hobbit fan before I shifted focus to other fandoms, it was also the first time in several years that I watched a LOTR movie at all. Naturally, I was very curious about what my own reaction would be.

What follows is my attempt at summarising some of my impressions before I forget them.

Best movie: My favourite always used to be ROTK, and it’s still by far the movie that makes me the most emotional, but I can finally say that FOTR is a better movie. Everything about it is simply magical. From start to finish, it introduces the most incredible range of settings and concepts and people. Visually, I believe it has a far richer colour palette than the others. I also get the impression that it has many more subtle references to the book than the other movies do.

Best overall: The soundtrack. I have a pet peeve when it comes to singing in movies – I hate it when a movie makes no effort to convince me that the character is actually singing. It’s surprisingly common for movies to combine the most half-arsed lip sync possible with a blatantly obvious studio production that often features a ginormous and rather glittery reverb regardless of what room the scene is set in. I’ve always upheld LOTR as an example of characters singing being done well, and Eowyn’s dirge being my favourite example in particular, but this time I noticed something new about it. Something really cool. When the camera changes angle, or when an object passes in front of the camera, the acoustics of Eowyn’s voice also change. Absolutely marvellous sound mixing.

If I could change one scene: I don’t know whether I’ve matured as a movie watcher or if I’ve just gained a healthier perspective on the whole book vs movie debate, but I found myself having nearly zero issues with the ways in which the movies differ from the book, which came as a surprise to me. I even found myself thinking that several changes were, in fact, for the better – I could see now that the story really did benefit from being adapted to the medium, instead of following the book to the letter. Don’t get me wrong – I would have preferred a Gimli who isn’t the butt of every other joke, a Legolas who’s less into surfing, and a Haldir who heads to the Havens without passing Helm’s Deep. But all of that is forgivable. If I could change one scene, I’d remove the Paths of the Dead skull avalanche. As far as I’m concerned, it’s pointless, it’s not a reference to anything, the sheer number of skulls makes absolutely no sense, and if anything, it gives the entire dead army plotline even more of a Pirates of the Caribbean feel. Speaking of, I’ve always assumed POTC is the reason why the army had to be a sickly neon green instead of the more conservative ghostly grey – the latter was already taken. The green honestly never stopped annoying me, so if I could change one thing in addition to removing the skull avalanche, I’d drastically lower the saturation of the entire Army of the Dead.

Miscellaneous thoughts: Something that struck me several times during this marathon was how much I’m still in love with the overall plot and with so many of the themes. I love the characters – including Boromir, whom I discovered is far more compelling to me now than he was in the past. I love that even those with the best of intentions may struggle to do good. I love that Bilbo’s choice to show Gollum mercy made him less susceptible to the Ring throughout his whole life, whereas Sméagol’s corruption was facilitated by his murder of Déagol. I love that Sam’s love for Frodo is everything. I wasn’t prepared for the burden of the Ring to remind me so much of the struggle of living with a mental illness, which I’m going to guess is a result of my metacognition having improved considerably since I last saw the movies.

Moment that made my heart pound so hard it hurt: The Ride of the Rohirrim.

Moments that made me the most emotional: Absolutely no surprises here. In second place, as usual, came “You bow to no one”, while Frodo’s farewell at the Havens came in first place, as always.

#lord of the rings #lotr #personal

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daxieoclock · 5 months

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Tactica Impressions Part 6, No Plot Spoilers

Toshiro continues to bring the entire plot down. I need him to stop being here. Please. Please, I'm dying and the only cure is No More Adult Man Party Member In Persona Game.

Erina is a fantastic character and her development is fantastic but it DRAGS that she's so fixated on being nice to Toshiro and sucking up to him and giving him unearned authority over her rebellion and the Phantom Thieves.

They've even co-oped Futaba into buddying up to Toshiro and it sucks so bad. Futaba. Futaba, cyber criminal and prodigal hacker, compares her being autistic and talented to Toshiro's...having experience deescalating cabinet battles. It's SUCH mischaracterization.

Complaining aside. All The Girls (And Ryuji) Love Erina's Flag and I feel like that's very gay of them. Everyone likes the cool girl.

RYUHARU SIDE QUEST with bonus Futaba and Haru sister moments, and Ryuji calls Haru "senpai." It's fucking amazing. Haru fans keep winning.

Even though Yusuke and Makoto are my least fav Thieves on average, I do love how they're animated this game. They both have fantastic poses, and there's even some good bits of characterization, though Makoto gets really robbed by most of the big planning stuff being handed over to Toshiro instead so he can show off. Stolen valor tbh.

There's one random moment where it looks like Haru and Makoto are holding hands. Yay! :)

The marriage fantasy scenes kinda sucked on average? The Makoto and Yusuke scenes were deeply unfunny jokes, the Ann scene felt like it was copy-pasted from Lovers 10, and the Ryuji scene was surprisingly earnest even through the attempt to play it off as a joke. Like...it felt like yet another case where Atlus accidentally wrote them into genuine bi subtext, as opposed to the "my friend is a weirdo" of the Yusuke scene.

The Haru scene almost made me tear up. Yes I'm a Harufan, yes I'm biased towards Shuharu. Don't care, it was so fucking genuine and played into her themes of overcoming romantic/sexual abuse and it was just AGHHGG I LOVE THESE STUPID KIDS.

How does Joker STILL have the grappling hook from Royal, what the fuck. We're playing X-Com over here, you didn't think that would have been useful EARLIER???

Anyway Erina continues to be an absolute badass, it's unreal how cool she is.

...I wrote most of these points as I experienced them, and now I may need to take a step back. Because the projection room scene in the castle has left me genuinely reeling. I'm not sure what to say beyond...that I am taking another look at Toshiro as a character. Because I might be starting to appreciate him. Metatextually, his role as a pseudo-party member is a fucking nightmare, and his writing is so inconsistent and uncharismatic that the most entertaining parts of his presence so far has been other characters dunking on him. His personality sucks and I don't like WHY Atlus put him in this game. But as a character, as a foil to the Thieves and an individual narrative...I am starting to be compelled. There is absolutely an opportunity for Atlus to absolutely dumpster this good faith they've got from me, but...I said "if they want to make Toshiro compelling, they need to do these things" and like fucking clockwork, they did. So now I'm putting my money where my mouth is. I don't have to LIKE Toshiro, but I will give his arc the benefit of the doubt. (Also if people want to read my specific thoughts on the scene, let me know, I'll definitely write them up if there's interest.)

Anyway pls look at this meme from @lilyhoshikawa

Haru / Ann Close Read Lines: 21 (and boy fucking howdy what a handful of good ones we got this time)

#persona 5 tactica

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crehador · 5 months

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shangri-la frontier is actually doing something very interesting imo, we're eight eps in and so far there are like... no real-world stakes whatsoever (and tl;dr i kinda dig it)

the bulk of the show is set inside a vrmmo the mc is playing, and that's where the "story" actually takes place. in the real world, mc isn't really depicted as having any problems that could drive a narrative. he seems to have a perfectly ordinary home and school life, and just comes off as an all-around average gamer guy

and that's surprisingly very refreshing to me?

like the story itself is not without stakes, they're just all tied to the game. an elite player is trying to pk him, but no one is trying to kill him in real life. he's stumbled upon a rare side quest that he's trying to gatekeep, but no one's trying to dox him or anything (at least not yet lmao)

the game seems, so far, to be just an ordinary, albeit very good, game. there was one kind of ominous shot of the game makers' hq, which i thought might lead into some sort of... the game is Secretly Evil In Real Life plot (though i was probably reading too much into it because i've had an origfic idea along those lines brewing in my head for a long time lol)

but that shot didn't really lead to anything, and might have been a way to emphasize just how diabolically difficult a certain in-game encounter would be

for a while i thought the story would maybe get stale if it was "just" about the game, but honestly? it's still a fun ride, and i'm finding that i actually like how what happens in the game stays in the game (more or less)

if it keeps going like this, it might never be the most tense show (for me) because you never really forget that, well, everything that's happening is just a game. mc might die and lose some exp but he's not at risk of dying in real life

but it's still enjoyable! and imo compelling. i think it's an especially fun watch if you play mmos, or ever played them (some of mc's in-game struggles are muuuch too relatable lmao)

the only sort of irl touch that comes into the game is the girl who's mc's classmate, who has a massive crush on him and can't bring herself to approach him in real life and is trying to approach him in the game

girl inexplicably has crush on average gamer guy is such a tired trope (and this season's bokuame is doing it the worst i've ever seen it) but here? here i actually find it deeply charming and fun

it definitely helps that her in-game character is completely jacked and decked out in alphonse elric gear, which i think i've already rambled about but yeah. still enjoying that

anyway, compared to good night world (another vrmmo show from this season) where the game definitely did spill over into real life, i don't think shangri-la frontier is any less interesting. good night world had much bigger conflicts and ideas, sure, and the execution was pretty good if imperfect. shangri-la is just overall a much easier, though not necessarily less good, watch

#crab watches #shangri-la frontier #think i'm repeating myself a lot at this point lol #but the lack of ''real-world'' stakes that i've been feeling...#wasn't sure where i stood before but honestly now i think i really vibe with it

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explosionshark · 5 months

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I am sorry for venting here but I watched the Buffy episode Into the Woods like an hour ago and I am still sat here in dismay I think it's the worst episode of the show so far, there may be episodes technically worse but none have triggered such a visceral reaction as the slowly dawning realisation that the show does actually think Riley is the one in the right (or at least that Buffy is the one who is more in the wrong) and Buffy should have just immediately forgiven him for cheating on her with vampires I think it was that incredibly awkwardly written Xander scene (I honestly thought he'd been replaced by some kind of doppelganger) towards the end that broke me. I thought the decision to have Riley cheat on her while Joyce was suffering from Brain Cancer was wild and audacious but I had no idea it would get this bad.

Yeah. Yeah, it's definitely a low point.

i'm not particularly a riley fan (I have yet to personally really meet any) but him effectively cheating on her while Joyce is ill and dying is basically a scenario crafted in a lab to turn the audience against him, right? like how much more wrong can you be in a situation? so the pivot to scolding buffy for dumping him and shaming her into trying to get him back is insane. ESPECIALLY having all this come from XANDER of all people.

it's kind of a shame bc i think there's some really interesting stuff going on in the buffy/riley s5 storyline. i love putting buffy's flaws under a microscope - the way she closes herself off, the way she chooses not to share her burdens, the fact that she's so overwhelmed that she does legitimately and painfully withdraw from riley is interesting to me. buffy struggling to balance her many responsibilities in that season (her mom, dawn, school, her calling, her relationship) and FAILING at some of them is very compelling! and i think it's also really interesting commentary on sexism - riley feeling emasculated by their power differential and how that's suddenly a bigger issue now that he's not a juiced on evil army demon drugs is interesting. riley's resentment and sense of entitlement over buffy keeping him at arm's length while she's overwhelmed is interesting. the cheating/blood den angle is dark and fucked up and makes an interesting counterpoint to spike's increasingly intense pursuit of buffy. but ultimately i think the story of the 'good guy' who swore he'd be patient and be what buffy needed hurting her badly because she wasn't able to do things on his timetable is surprisingly mature, especially compared to buffy's usual romantic dramas.

too bad into the woods happens and the character who represents her metaphorical heart gets to bash her over the head with how much she should feel bad over making a guy cheat on her. a lot. while she was distracted by her mom dying. this is probably all because she had a crummy boyfriend in high school, right?

UGH it sucks, for sure.

#replies #badwolfwho1 #sorry sorry sorry ive been getting your asks and loving them just. doing very poorly at ask answering recently #as always love to sublet my blog to your buffy watchthrough

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arctic-shard · 9 months

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Outer Child, chapter 10

( We have a bit of a time-skip and the situation is wearing Victoria down. )

Outer Child, chapter 10

Warnings: none

Words: 1300~

-----

Research took time. Victoria knew that. Especially research into unknown anomalous, possibly-magical objects. She wouldn't be any help with the research even if the object was still at Site-19 - she was an engineer and a cryptobiologist.

But for the last month, she had been a babysitter. Worse, she was babysitting the Doctor and 035 - who was calling itself 'Amica' - who had been transformed into three-year-olds.

It would be easier if she knew when it would end. If it would end, if the effect would eventually wear off or if the Foundation could figure out how to reverse the effects. They had to be trying, didn't they? A few Foundation soldiers had been transformed as well. But the soldiers were generally considered acceptable losses.

Amica and the Doctor were still as much trouble as they had been as adults, but without the danger - the transformation had also rendered them harmless. Their favourite method of breaching containment was just to wait for Victoria to fall asleep, then Amica would press itself against the door, waiting for someone to pass by in the hallway close enough that it could compel them to open the door. If the victim was weak-willed, they would then be further compelled to take Amica and the Doctor somewhere - usually the cafeteria or a break room for midnight snacks. If the victim could resist further compulsion, Amica would take off surprisingly fast on its short legs, just for the joy of making someone's life difficult. The Doctor sometimes followed, sometimes stayed in containment. Sometimes the victim had the Pestilence, and the Doctor would use his touch to render them unconscious. The victim would wake up after ten minutes or so, covered in band-aids with a half-size plague doctor sitting on them and insisting that they take their medicine. Laboratory tests showed the 'medicine' to be non-anomalous coloured water.

There had been talk of moving the three of them out of Victoria's room in Light Containment and into a more secure area. Victoria's answer had been, "035's telepathic range has an effective radius of about five feet. Walk on the far side of the hallway." At some point, someone had put hazard tape on the hallway floor to mark the danger zone.

Victoria had come to look forward to Combs' and Usher's visits, even if they were just on business. They were her only chance to talk to other adults.

"No news," said Combs, after Victoria asked him how the research on the object was coming. They would have to tell him - one of his subjects had been affected.

She must have shown more than just annoyance or disappointment on her face when Combs' expression softened. "I know this has been hard on you. I wish I had more information for you."

Victoria automatically smoothed her expression. There were only two people she had ever willingly shown weakness to, and right now she had to be strong for them. If she showed weakness, the Foundation might decide she wasn't good enough to be Amica and the Doctor's caretaker and they would be taken from her. Her gaze sought them out, on the far side of her containment, stacking blocks into what was possibly a model of the Palace of Melancholy, happily munching the cheese and crackers Combs had brought them. "I still have them. I still love them, and they love me. The relationship is different, that's all."

"West." Combs sighed. "I'm your researcher. I'm on your side. I'm not going to take them from you. You don't have to pretend you're fine with all this."

Victoria felt a pain in her throat that hurt as much as when the Ambassador of Alagadda had its rope around her neck. "I miss being their wife."

There. She'd said it. She looked away from him, hating the thought of anyone seeing her tears. Anyone but her spouses. "I know. I'm selfish. I want that relationship back. I want the conversations, the working together, the give-and-take, the intimacy. I want to be cared for as well as care."

"That's not selfish," said Combs. "You might not have lost 049 and 035 themselves, but you lost your spouses. It's a big deal."

"What happens if the Foundation can't reverse it, or chooses not to because they think they'll be easier to contain like this? Do I raise them to adulthood? What happens then? Will they even grow up or does the transformation lock them at this age?" Victoria demanded, clenching her fists and biting back a wince - the splints were off her left hand but it was still tender. "Or what if the Foundation figures out how to reverse it, but not for another ten years? We won't be able to go back to the way we were, not if I've been Mommy for so long. It would be creepy."

She sighed. "I never wanted kids. I just don't have the instinct," said Victoria. "I love Amica and the Doctor because they're them, despite them being transformed into children."

"You don't have to do this alone, West. I can get someone else in to help -"

"No."

"Part-time -"

"No," Victoria repeated. "You don't understand, Combs - this is all I have left. The sexual relationship I had with them has ended, I'm not breaking that rule any more, but do you really think the Foundation would rehire Vicki the Monsterfucker? At least this way I can still be with them and study the effects of the new object instead of losing everything."

Hours later, lying in bed, Victoria couldn't get her conversation with Combs out of her head. She was alone - Amica and the Doctor had chosen to continue playing quietly on the floor. They sometimes did, then she'd wake up covered in toddler. Victoria still slept better when they were with her, regardless of the circumstances. They were changed but they were together and she didn't feel so alone.

Combs was nice about it but he couldn't really understand. She'd only been married to Amica and the Doctor for a few months. Was that her life? Forty years of always feeling like she wasn't enough or too much, of trying to be the best because then maybe someone would care, then a few months of joy, then forty more years knowing what she was missing?

She wouldn't give up Amica and the Doctor. That was unthinkable. They were hers, even if the relationship had changed. But she missed that relationship. They had been everything she denied she wanted because she couldn't have it. The Doctor's arms were the home where she would always be welcome. Amica was every indulgence she'd denied herself as she tried to be the perfect professional. She could be her whole self with them and it was never too much.

Victoria couldn't even find comfort in her memories. Thinking about the Doctor's murmured endearments as his long hands touched her, or Amica's laughter and playful demands made her feel uneasy now, like it was wrong to remember them as adult sexual beings with the way they were now. Maybe, with time, she would come to think of those memories as different people, perhaps as the parents of the two children in her charge. Like the two adult entities had died and left their children in her custody. But that wasn't fair to them. They were alive, just different.

None of it was fair. Amica and the Doctor had lost hundreds to thousands of years of experience. Maybe Victoria had lost less by comparison, but she felt like she'd lost everything. Here she was, exactly what her parents had wanted for her - helpless and caged, no job, nothing in her life but raising children. She was finally a Good Woman.

Victoria fell asleep seething.

---

Saluti, mia fiamma.

#scp-035 #scp-049 #scp oc #dr victoria west #scpfic: outer child

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