#if i could be everything i'd do the same

[keeps-ache]

do ya ever think about how a bell pepper is like a small pumpkin ? it's like its lil sibling. small, similar, but definitely not the same at all

#just me hi #ye i know what similar means #similar can mean contradicting too #//anyywayyy i'm eating ~bell perpper~ #it could use some salt. and. a Lot of lemon #but nevertheless i munch #//nevertheless is a silly word actually #three words in one. just gotta be them all huh? #couldn't pick i guess #makes sense though. i can't make decisions sometimes too #if i could be everything i'd do the same #silly word. similar to me #//fun how you can find reflections in everything #i like that #very fun #most of the time they're morbid #more like looking through a broken clock than a mirror #but that's just like old romance. isn't it? :) #//hmmm. #i had apple earlier today #and some apple yesterday #and tried drinking soup yesterday too #i went to sleep and all i could think of was 'Mooning' from the grease movie. aple. and if i'd wake up with a crik in my neck #//is crik a word?? am i spelling it wrong ???? #i don't know where i got it from actually #don't think i've ever seen it written out #hm... that's odd #//oof i am lightHEADED lol #i wouldn't be if i just laid down but i think i need to sit up a bit :/ #//mm. this bell pepper really needs some salt or summin

[danwhobrowses]

So Callowmoores am I alone in thinking it was cute that Fearne helped carry Ashton to the city? Like there's the parallel also with Ashton carrying her into the Bloody Bridge as well

#might just be that the callowmoore tag isn't showing everything it's just I didn't see it get brought up by anyone #Ashley/Fearne was well into Ash's Titan stuff too #2 points of exhaustion though is indeed rough can see why Fearne didn't wanna test everything at Mori's #Ash probably overdid it because they've been charmed/lured twice now and want to contribute positively #plus they couldn't tell Imogen to push themselves if they don't do the same #they're trying just like they promised and it needs to be shown encouragement and appreciation for it #Grog on the moon theory is at a crossroads next ep #still candela next so I gotta ration these crumbs; ironically this parallel will also carry me to the next episode #though I'd always be open to a big ol' slice of the shippy cake when time appropriate #Fearne could test her new rogue skills to mage hand pickpocket Ashton maybe? or just anything sweet and tender between them #or more sticking up for one another and endorsing each other's chaos I just need to be fed #also the New Mutants character Tal is thinking of is called Warlock btw - looks like FCG if he wore The Mask #Ashley hinted at possible 'talking and then bed' not to (totally to) insinuate #Dire Wolves also have high perception and adv on attack rolls if an ally is 5m from a creature so Fearne was thinking tactically too #maybe I talk too much on tags... #callowmoore #tag reader bonus: Fearne loves it when Ashton kisses the back of her neck - she got a tattoo of their name there to surprise them #fearne calloway #ashton greymoore #fearne x ashton #ashton x fearne #critical role #cr3 #cr3e86 #cr spoilers #critical role spoilers #rockwild #bells hells

[sysig]

You’re new to the Princess-Rescuing business, aren’t you? (P1 | P2 | P3) (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #The Captain #DAX #My brain presented me with a punchline and then stepped back to let me figure out how to get there #And then had the audacity to feel silly for making the path! #How rude #Lol #Well I did it anyway! And it was in fact silly but in a good and fun way! So there brain! Lol #It was admittedly a bit touch-and-go for a while - I love silliness so much! But it kept turning out in a way I wasn't satisfied with #And then I'd draw the next thing and be like ''No actually that's funny/cute'' and everything was fine - and then it'd repeat! Pfft #But I'm happy with it by the end so it's fine >:3c Trust the process! #Anyway - the the Actual Thing lol #Considering the various SCII/adjacent vibes lately it might not surprise you to hear that alt outfits have come back into my crosshairs #Cough cough Pirate Fic cough - but those aren't the only vibes! Make something similar but not the same! Why not fantasy! #It is a classic go-to lol #It was fun thinking how the Captain's uniform could be translated into a more Princely aesthetic haha #I didn't do the same for DAX but that's mostly 'cause I just wanted to put him in human clothes lol #Plus I'm sure you can imagine who else will feature :3c And they couldn't just match! Part of the comedy is appearance-based! #Which is part of why it's funny for DAX to answer in the first place haha ♪ That's no dragon! #The Captain always bursting onto the scene without thinking things over first haha - what were you expecting Captain! #Also hey rude don't look so relieved that DAX wasn't the princess! What if it was a test and he /was/ the princess! #He'd be in so much troubleeeee ♪ Well he still might be hehehe

[rotisseries]

everyone debates about elmike like oh they're the best of friends no they would never hang out on their own they don't even know each other, when the true answer, much like everything else about them, is that there is so so much and also nothing at all

#they're like siblings. not like. freakishly sweet siblings but like. normal siblings you know? #like a sibling is the most distant person you're ever close to. the most intimate stranger #we aren't in each other's lives by choice and if we could choose we probably still wouldn't choose each other #but also I absolutely can't live without you #I would confide my deepest fears and wants and secrets to you and you find that same confidante in me #but we never talk to each other about our interests and we don't care to hear about them either #everything about elmike is just so. everything and nothing #I love you enough I'd die for you and I don't know a thing about you #you're such an inescapable part of me but we're not even friends #like a blank wall in an otherwise filled bedroom #even though you make up a part of the structure of one of the most intimate spaces in my life there's still nothing of me there #like. do you get it. actually does this make any sense. I think I'm just saying shit #alright wrap it up guys everyone go home this post is actually just nonsense maybe #this is actually about how I view elmike in general though like they're everything and nothing they're so interesting and also so boring #like it's about the insaness of the fact they love each other that much they truly do albeit not romantically #but they don't KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT EACH OTHER. THEY'D DIE FOR EACH OTHER THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW EACH OTHERR #THAT'S THE TRAGEDY. THAT'S THE FUCK OF IT ALL #but also at the same time it's so boring because actually it's just every other bad middle school relationship #where you both haven't realized you're gay yet #so. elmike. everything and nothing #stranger things #el hopper #mike wheeler #elmike

[ra-vio]

semester is almost over. im dying

#my oc #rune #mori #i have a project due tomorrow and its finally scared me back into drawing #even though i should be working on this project but im SO SO SO TIRED #i went on an outing like 2 weeks ago the same week that i walked everywhere cause i was desperately #trying to get my taxes done but thats a different story but the point is i was walking a lot and i went on an outing where i stood all day #and then i had to go to class the very next day thinking i was fine but i wasnt. #and that same day after i walked across the city because i absolutely had to pick a thing up. i think the same week i met up with my mom #a couple of times but i was walking the whole way there. my point is that for 2 weeks straight i have been rigorously walking everywhere #and on my feet all the time with little breaks in between and my feet fucking hurt man #i need this semester to be OVER i need to sleep for a MONTH #but i cant because i have to scrape together SOME of this project and finals are next week #this class this project is for fucking sucks. all semester ive been teetering the line between pass and fail #and its not even my fucking fault. im so burnt out so i dont want to do this project. but i might fail if i dont #i need to at least demo it but i have like. one thing done and i dunno what to tell my TA about i #how do i tell my TA and prof that everything is too much for me so i absolutely could work on this project #my laptop is broken so im afraid to use it. the server kept going down last month so i was afraid to use that #so many stupid little things keep piling up and i'd sound really weird trying to explain why i cant do my work #because my desk is on the floor and it makes me really sad so no i cant do my hw. my fave candy has red40 in it so i had to stop eating it #but now i cant do my work because i was using it to help me focus on my hw. LIFE SUCKS BRO #anyway whatever happens. i cant wait to play video games again

[maddieandangel]

Had a weird Hollow Knight-related dream a couple days ago, so I decided to draw a major scene I remembered from it dgsgshf

More context will be in the tags, for those interested!

#hollow knight #little ghost #hk ghost #the knight #hk hornet #hornet #alright. as of writing these tags it's been a week since the original dream so! let's see what i remember dgsgsgf #i was playing a game. which was a sequel to hollow knight ((Not silksong though)) #there was some new sort of divine infection in hallownest and hornet had asked ghost to investigate it. they ended the last one after all! #the red glowy spike gate thingy is what you jumped into to enter the 'infected' areas #though it actually led directly to a hub world type of place. which was kinda like an expanded base for the grimm troupe? #more like an entire lair instead of a camp. also some greek gods were there for some reason lmao. they had their own special rooms too #so sidenote but- new headcanon that there are grimm troupe members named ares athena artemis &... venus lmao. not aphrodite for some reason #also monomon was there?? i think??? except she was cooking????? she had a sidequest to deliver something to someone though i dunno hdgfhdgh #i remember going back to the grimm troupe lair a couple times throughout my 'playthrough' #anyway. the 'infection' this time around was more of a glitchy physical corruption thing? rather than a mind corruption. #though there were still aggressive enemies to fight. but i remember getting a map from cornifer early on and he was. probably infected #i think part of his body was covered in electricity or something? so he wasn't fully visible? but he was still acting normally #there was also a moth who was the seer but then later wasn't the seer (but was still the same moth) dghgdhf. i delivered stuff to her #that glowing white wall thing in the drawing was like a one-way gate. you could only cross it from the other side and ghost came from there #i guess things looped back up somehow i dunno ghdgfhgf #anyway. ghost's red eyes. those are significant! those happened while i was walking through a corridor. it had pools of shallow water #(shallow enough to just walk through) and also creatures that were lightseeds but red.the implication was that they were full of Blood lmao #and as i went along killing them--as one does--as i walked through the hall. they started turning the water red too #there was also narration about this as it was happening ashdgsf. specifically the narrator said the water turned red before it actually did #ghost's eyes slowly turned red too. but aside from that they were fine! since. they're the player character and the player is perfectly fin #BUT. when they encountered hornet again. she thought they were infected. and that she lost the only family she had left </3 #she didn't attack though. instead she just jumped into the red spike gate without a word. decided to try to fix everything herself #but eventually you'd encounter her again down below and she'd fight you. didn't actually get to that in the dream though #aand i'm out of tags </3 i wanted to talk about what i'd do to make this make more sense as an au or something now that i'm awake but. :c

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

🌟

I reblogged this ask game and then failed to finish the answers to any of the asks i got. whoopsie. better late than never.

Anyway let's try the director's commentary of the train king scene from pez dispenser debris.

I love the train king intro. it's so fun and goofy. it's just got some really fun humor to it in my mind. I had so much fun writing it.

it is a completely pointless scene.

It has no plot relevance. Train king is not the chekov's gun hanging bravely on the wall of that fic. It will have no overarching effect on the plot. So why the fuck is it there?

Well, because it was fun.

Pez dispenser debris has lived in my head for at least two or three years now. Not in the exact form it is now, but it's a very old and much-adored story of mine. I was incredibly fond of it. I tried to write it years ago, and got as far as the first scene, which was originally Izuku and Mirio walking along the street and running into the bus hijacking, which led to the rogue quirk.

It was a good starting point. It's where the action actually started. But it just didn't feel right to me.

So it sat in my drafts for a long time, collected dust, and I spun my wheels on other projects for a while. I went back to it, and tried again, and the new first scene was Izuku rushing in late for the meeting with the realtor. It still didn't feel right. it gave more development to Izuku and Mirio's relationship before we hit action, but something just wasn't right.

Train King was just a silly reason i made up for why he was late. The scene originally wasn't shown, only mentioned in a single sentence. And then I decided--fuck it, it would make for a fun scene. just do it for shits and giggles.

And I had fun writing it. Which means it's probably the only reason why i hit publish on pez dispenser debris to begin with instead of leaving it in my drafts. Because I was in a state of extreme burn out when i started writing that fic, and the train king scene led me to realize what that fic needed to be for me: just something fun and silly to write.

Technically speaking, pez dispenser debris is very sloppy. There's a huge amount of pointless asides and flashbacks that don't contribute to the plot in any way. the entirety of chapter four could be deleted and it would be the exact same fic if i just slightly edited the conversation between aizawa and izuku in chapter six. I legitmately wrote chapter four, said "wow, that was pointless," and hit publish

because I liked it anyway. Like, what the fuck is the point of the backflip treaty? Dabi's extremely reluctant semi-redemption? Absolutely nothing. I just had a good time writing it and thought other people would have a good time reading it.

it wasn't meant to be """"good"""" art. it was meant to be fun, and that's what it was. I had so much fun writing my silly little flashbacks and asides. All of my fics have those kinds of background stories and scenes that exist in their "universe," and most of them never make it into the fics because it wouldn't be plot relevant and it wouldn't make for """"good""" art. With pez dispenser debris, I wanted to just give myself permission to write something fun and silly with as many pointless scenes as i wanted. And train king started that.

#pez dispenser debris #this isn't abandoned by the way i just have majors writers block on my everything right now #we are beating chapters with sticks #god pez dispenser debris is so fun #it was never meant to be the sort of story that i'd consider “”good“” writing #i did a lot of things in it that I'd never do in one of my original works for example #because i just wanted to make silly art for a while #and it was just so so fun #i think writing advice for the most part is bullshit but if you take any from me it would be to give yourself permission to make bad art #if i was trying i could probably cut 40k words off that fic and have the exact same plot but it wouldn't be nearly as fun

[leafy-m]

I got Witch Hat Atelier Kitchen volume 3 a little early and guys.... GUYS!! THIS is what Kitchen in English should be like! 💥💝💖

If you like Orufrey, you have got to get volume 3!

#I don't know if the homophobic supervisor or whoever got moved to another project or what... BUT THANK YOU! 💝💝💝 #FINALLY! SOME GOOD FOOD! #I mean I am still side-eyeing the end of chapter 30 because Olruggio's line Should be about how they're finally living under the same roof. #BUT OH MY GOD what a difference everything else makes #They mention alcohol! They admit the loop chalices are usually for wine!! #The word choices for how delicious the food is is so great! #I'm gonna have to look up wtf the bananas are named after but aside from that!!! #Qifrey and Olruggio can actually say each others names and they're so friggin adorable!!! 😤💝 Mr I can go all day!! #I'm so happy ya'll I can't believe it 😭💝 #I feel so hopeful for volume 4 now #Also I'm half-way wondering if maybe they could revisit the translations for volumes 1 and 2 and maybe release an updated version maybe? #because I would absolutely buy those again if it were less censored and had better word choices. Just putting it out there! ❤ #Like maybe after volume 5 do a box-set with a little bonus item maybe and secretly slide-in the more accurate and better translated version #I'd buy it! I'd be first in line!! #Just sayin! #Witch Hat Atelier Kitchen #Witch Hat Kitchen #Orufrey #Witch Hat Atelier #Also there's some REALLY cute moments with the girls #(I say; as a total afterthought; sorry I'm so transparent lmao) #Jade talks WHA

[blaiddraws]

What about Nobori the Eclipse?

,,,, yeah okay genuinely Thank You Very Much to everyone who sent in suggestions but this one easily takes the cake.

totally not anything to do with my love of astronomy btw. did not spend a hot while imagining how eclipses work (and the different Types) in a binary star system on a planet with five moons of various sizes. anyway

it works great because. eclipses are spooky and ominous, the black. the largest amount of red, actual color, on nobori's coat is behind/underneath the dark cloth. him. Eclipse works very very well as a title for him, AND it rolls off the tongue nicely

he gets an official wanted poster now

#i actually drew that a hot moment ago i just needed a title for him to put on it #gunsmoke au #answered #Nobori the Eclipse... the Walking Calamity...... #same style of titles as vash but they fit ingo much better #also re: that second paragraph. was briefly tempted to just. mock up the stars - moons - planets solar system in blender #talked myself out of it because i KNOW I'd want (need) realistic proportions and that's just. uh. no thank you #and also wanted to finish the drawing in he previous post #-- wanted to do that tho so i could see how everything works together

[dykeinthedark]

venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)

#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me #like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes #and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her. #but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style #like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting #like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core) #but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to #which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own #it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke. #like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch #but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to??? #everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those) #i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way #what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian #like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me #i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women'' #which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively #people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation #but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc #(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either #bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme #idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love) #i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance #even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do #that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes #like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it?? #even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses?? #that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger??? #and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16 #because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem

[kyuala]

SOOOOOO hard to go through everyday life trying to ignore the never-ending feeling that im just irreparably fucked up and therefore should just give up on everything

#this aint exactly s******* but it aint exactly not s******* either #anyways it gets even harder when i have to live under the same roof as my brother who is so much better than me in every single conceivable #and imaginable way possible like #and i knowwww a LOT of it comes down to us having relatively similar yet wildly different lives despite being 1.5y apart and having the sam #family our entire lives like he has gone through NOTHING and i mean not a single societal issue ive had to face and endure my entire life #he's a man im a woman. he's white im black. he's straight im gay. he's skinny ive always been 'overweight'. he's always been the good #christian kid ive always had issues w faith and religion. he's never been mentally ill i was clinically depressed for nearly 8yrs of my lif #we both lost the same parent and im the only one who got pathological grief and a personality disorder out of it. he's had a great job for #the last 7yrs that now pays him 20k+ every month ive only had 3 odd jobs my entire life and 2 of those my MOTHER had to give me so i would #have SOMETHING and ive never made over 1.6k monthly n my last job was minimum wage only #he's had like 4 relationships and is nearly engaged im so traumatized + emotionally unavailable ive only ever been on 1 date my entire life #he has a good relationship w every family member we have i have Issues w like half the family. he's always been an active member of our #church i can barely listen to like 4 traditional hymns before i start losing my mind and spiraling. i think the only two ways we're pretty #much equal like socially is that we're both able bodied cis and christians but still the cis and christian thing is debatable for previousl #stated reasons so like. do yall see how much better he is doing than me in every little last area in life and how he's always gotten the #long straw when it comes to Not having to deal w certain obstacles in life. n i know its like yea idk what it actually is like to be him an #he could not be doing all that well first of all shut up. second of all if it was 1 or 2 things i'd get it but it's literally EVERYTHING #and i know bc of said things n our v different lives it's unfair to me to compare the two of us but then it begs the question: WHY #WHY did i have to go through these things. WHY do i have to deal w this. WHY did i get the short straw literally every goddamn time #WHY did i have to get THIS life like WHYYYYY why ME GOD. why have I had to put up w all this bullshit for 24 fucking years!!!!!!!!! im TIRE #and this is not me hating or resenting him i know it's not his fault and he is so good to me #but still. why was i left with these things? to live like this? #so yes i guess i do envy him a little bit. who wouldn't #mari.txt #personal #tw negative #dl #btw i do NOT mean some identities are better than others. i mean he is better and is doing better than me in life partially bc he's never #had to deal w certain social issues and obstacles that come w oppressed identities.

[antirepurp]

in my perfect little world digivolution mechanics are slightly tweaked so that ultimate and mega digimon are harder to evolve into, rookies and champions are viable for a longer time when repeated digivolutions make them strong enough to face even higher digivolution stages without being at a significant disadvantage, ultimates feel like the natural peak of a digimon's lifespan and seeing them in fights is a sign that shit is REALLY going down, and megas are showcased sparingly due to extremely difficult requirements for evolution that only rise in the direst of situations that might only happen a few times over the course of the story. alas -

#soda offers you a can #i adore digimon world 1 for making ultimates feel so special by. y'know. not having megas be a thing at all #because they weren't a thing yet lol #i just want more love for ultimates i feel like they're overshadowed by megas in power #and champions/rookies in memorability #and like often in-universe i think champions feel like a very reasonable and natural evo stage #that many digimon reach with relative ease #and ultimates are /supposed/ to be rare and strong and more special but with megas around they kinda. idk #i feel it makes them fall a little short #like you're strong sure but you will get demolished by things that are even stronger than you #feels like power creep ya know? #and like megas ARE cool a lot of them have kickass designs and shit #but i'd like them to be. more special. and not just the logical conclusion of a protagonist's partner's power #that automatically surpasses everything before it in viability #the same could be said for rookies and champions too tbf #hence why i'd like evolution being like exponentially more difficult with each new stage in power #and just because you get there once doesn't mean you can now do it at any time you desire #rant over im gonna go lament linearting again

[isfjmel-phleg]

I was trying to be nice and recognize the significance of my coworker's contributions because he kept emphasizing what he did in this process like he wanted to be appreciated, and somehow he turned it into mockery of junior high students' alleged need to be "validated," which as we all know is horrible and entitled and Kids These Days. No idea how we got there.

I keep trying the polite and nice small talk tactics, but no matter what I say (or anyone else, I think) we end up back at mockery of something in society that may or may have any actual connection to the subject at hand. As if social interactions weren't stressful enough already.

#random personal stuff #it's fine I'm fine I'd just like to know where the Normal Conversation button is #I would never do this but part of me wishes I could meet the one-track-mind stuff with the same tactic #everything is about Society These Days to you? great! everything is about [current obsession] with me! #we could have two separate conversations at the same time :P

[medicinemane]

And maybe you'll be like "but if you don't trust businesses, how can you trust welfare?"

I fucking don't. My mom trying to get on food stamps fucked me up because a lady I never met without my permission got my SSN from my mom and started editing my files. My heart still races to this very second whenever I think about it, it kinda messed me up bad and I'll never ever ever see any kind of recourse

And I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose my medicaid just cause I inherited some money from my grandpa

And I've never even applied for disability cause it kinda doesn't matter finding out if I'd qualify or not cause of my depression, when the rules are so restrictive I don't know if I've even be allowed to keep my house

I do not fucking trust these things on a personal level. I feel like out of a lot of people I have the most to fear from them cause I'm on the edge of having things work, and that gets you punished

...but I need medicaid in order to have insurance (and when you strip out the finance side of medicaid, I love medicaid... they're honestly incredible insurance... I just... I just... dental is like 90% of why medicaid is so important to me, ever since I found out this state pays for it I've actually been able to do cleanings which is important to me cause I can't always get myself to brush)

And I think things like disability and food stamps are pretty damn important on a personal level, and honestly are also good for the economy cause they get people spending... it's practically a free cash infusion into the economy, cause these are people who need to buy stuff

There's just so much important stuff welfare does that it's worth dealing with government

No, what I want is more accountability so if someone gets my SSN from a 3rd party like my mom they're held to HIPPA styles standards where that's not ok to access my files without my permission (She changed my fucking address and tried to get medicaid to investigate me for fraud! Never even met me)

Like have some accountability there and in every situation

Secondly I want less punitive focused rules. I'd frankly prefer bezos get on disability than smack down some poor sod cause they got $2000 in the bank or cause their friend lets them live with them for free

If there's gonna be a cut off on these programs, it needs to be a solid step above the poverty line, cause... by definition I assume poverty line denotes kinda the minimum expected income people can reasonably live off of, and if you take away benefits people are gonna lose a chunk of money to covering that stuff themself, so you need a buffer before you kick people off

I don't fucking trust the government for a second, I've actively been fucked by them and on a personal level I avoid everything but medicaid and only that cause everything but the money is pleasant to deal with and I kinda need it (honestly if I was rich I'm not even kidding that I'd rather give medicaid like $400 a month than some insurance company, I sincerely like them as insurance)

But I'd trust them a lot more if they were less punitive, less out to hunt me down and gut me cause someone handed me a fiver or cause I started to get on my feet, and if government employees had concrete rules they had to follow that were actually transparent and enforced

Like 90% of my problems with welfare go away if they're held accountable and there's less "catch the welfare cheats" mentality going around

I don't trust the government in the slightest, but sadly there some jobs it kinda has to do, so I'd just rather force it to be an open book where the public can keep an eye on it and if they step out of line there's consequences (sort of like I don't trust most mega corps but happen to sometimes need stuff from them... did you know literally every cell service provider has been illegally selling shit like your location data to random people like bounty hunters, and the FCC just slapped them with a fine that's 0.02% of their yearly incomes and debated even doing that? I even can offer a source on that)

...I don't trust much of any authority cause they constantly fail me and kinda screw me. Don't trust doctors either, but I still gotta go to them, you know? ...they're just... they're real bad at listening... so many systems need systemic change

(You know who I really don't trust is the cops. I could point to so many examples. My uncle doesn't trust cops either, and he's an ex Fire and SWAT paramedic, he worked with them and we still got into a long conversation where he basically tore into them far better than I can)

(I don't trust authority that's not accountable)

#anyway; if I'm a lousy cheat or whatever least they can do is give me a gun so I can solve that problem #shit makes me wish I was canadian so I could take advantage of their sick implementation of assisted suicide #what should be a system that gives people a choice about the quality of their life; and I don't think should be relegated to terminal illne #...there was... think he was dutch; had been burned by his girlfriend all over his body; was in constant pain #and he ended up using assisted suicide in the end cause he was just in constant agony... think that's his choice to make #but of course the canadian system concretely pushes people; mostly the poor and disabled; to kill themselves #not theoretically; as in literally says word for word to them 'you should really kill yourself; just sign here' #it's sick; it truly is #but for any americans that want to dunk on it; I'm telling you we're no better #we have the exact same miserable desperation and people (again; mostly poor and disabled) into despair #only difference is we don't offer assisted suicide #the underlying issues in the US and canada are so damn similar; so much of what's happening ends up being the same #you can't act smug just cause you only make people want to die instead of also offering to help #that's like saying that you're the good guy cause while you did everything you could to drive someone to the brink #get them fired; slash their tires; just cartoon level villain stuff to personally harass this person... at least you won't hand them rope #we have such similar systemic issues to canada; and I am explicitly telling you that like the people in canada that have said #'I can't take it anymore; disability doesn't cover my expenses and I can't get any help... I'm at my wits end so I'm gonna go die' #I'm telling you that I feel that same way; just without any eugenics agency I can call up #I'm really working to get things stable; but it feels like I'm teetering on the edge of falling into permanent failure #and... and I'll actually tell you the amount even though I don't like to mention money... makes me feel guilty #my gramps left me $27k; which sounds like a lot; but I got 20 windows that need redoing (house has a lot of windows) #...if they ended up being 1k each; that's most of the money gone; if they end up being more... #and I got a whole lotta other stuff I've been putting off like plumbing around here; need to replace that faucet #it's an amount of money that helps; but it's an amount of money that isn't gonna last #...that's like a year of bills; and my mom already needs me to pay like $400 to the propane bill since she got behind #I want to use it to... to try and really get my feet on the ground; but it might loose me my insurance... it makes me want to die #and not to be a selfish bastard; but if I could I'd like to try and take and invest a bit to maybe build some passive income #given that... that a job never seems to work out for me cause I fucking suck and cause like... my insomnia has me up at 5:30 am right now #mm tag so i can find things later

[youremyonlyhope]

why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up

#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director #and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production #and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out #but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again #i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately #so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me #i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me #i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added #and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad #anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much. #but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great #but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else #but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing #and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us #and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing #and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more #especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this. #and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not. #and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING #and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine. #but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad. #because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented #if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that. #but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent. #and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt #i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried. #and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over. #i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help #and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh #brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.

[scarletfasinera]

Bucky's whole character so far has just been Communism Is Evil And The US Imperialist System Is Dope Because Freedom(?) I Guess (As Opposed To Those Evil Brainwashing Commies) and yet I still look at him and see a Communist. He just should be

#txt #Same with Natalya. I think she's cooler when she's a communist I really do love her so much. Despite all of the propaganda her entire #character is built on. #Reading comics as an ML is like “this character would be better if everything about their very foundation was different” #“and because of that - I love this character very much. Because of what they COULD be.” #to clarify this is Winter Soldier Bucky (of comics) bc I didn't want to read old Captain America comics sorry I can't go that far #I'm already slogging throigh so much red scare propaganda in the 60s I think if I went back any further I'd have a meltdown