#if everyone was attracted to fat people fatphobia would still exist

[bulldog-butch]

i’ll be honest i think we put way too much emphasis on ragging on people for who they’re not attracted to or don’t wanna have sex with than just making sure people are treating people they’re not attracted too with the same level of decency and respect that they give to people they are into. like i think it’s very important to deconstruct why you might not be attracted to fat people, or masculine lesbians, or trans people, or people of races that are not your own, but at the end of the day our brains are weird as hell and we ultimately have very little control over who we end up attracted to. but what you do have control over is how you interact with and treat people that you’re not interested in. this is not even to mention that being attracted to a certain feature doesn’t even necessarily mean that you’re treating those people with respect!!!!

i can only speak to my own identities, but at the end of the day i don’t care if you’re not attracted to me because i’m fat or because i’m trans or because i’m masculine. what i do absolutely care about is that you recognize that just because i’m not your cup of tea, doesn’t mean those qualities are inherently unattractive and doesn’t make me any less deserving of respect and kindness

#anyways merry christmas #i’ve just had this thought jostling around for a long time #there are plenty of things i’m not attracted to but 1. that doesn’t mean i’m gonna go around talking about it because that serves no purpos #and 2. i’m not going to treat people differently just because i don’t think they’re attractive #it for some reason rubs me the wrong way when i see posts that are like ‘if you’re not attracted to fat or trans people than kill yourself’ #because hey guys guess what #if everyone was attracted to fat people fatphobia would still exist #bork bork!

[egg-emperor]

Glad I'm not the only one who hates the slimmed down Eggman art. He is EGGman. SHAPED LIKE AN EGG. Let him be big. People don't need to have ripped abs or be 99% muscle to be strong/intimidating/whatever. If they truly want a character that's super ripped and muscular, they can find a different character. Eggman is strong, eggman is fat, the fact that people can't seem to accept those both is super frustrating.

Anyway, that's my little rant. I have some strong opinions about this unfortunately underrated egg, and I'm glad to find a space where I can share them. Hope you're having a good day, take care!

Slimmed down Eggman art has always been my worst enemy lol. I'm so glad I'm not alone in my frustrations with it because it's so immensely popular. Everyone always prefers official skinnier versions over the fat ones and it's not a coincidence, they intentionally slim down classic or modern Eggman in art, or make skinny redesigns or draw him slim and buff instead. Also more people only started saying Eggman was hot when the most popular slimmer versions started existing and more people think fat Eggman ns4w is repulsive, while they say skinny sexy Eggman ns4w is hot. The fatphobia has always been extremely obvious in many ways and some don't even try to hide it and admit it openly.

I've loved fat Eggman and cared about keeping him round for as long as I've liked the series, besides Heroes, X was the first Sonic media I consumed around the same time and whenever there were simple small errors between frames where he was randomly drawn flat looking or skinny, even that bothered me. It made me draw a very chunky Eggman so I could be especially careful and make sure I never accidentally drew him too skinny and I loved it so much that it stuck as a part of my style lol. So the actual intentionally slimmed down Eggman in both official and fan content really bothers me especially when even the accidents would bother me a lot.

I'll only ever make the exception for Boom Eggman, I don't like him as much but he's still at least more faithful than Kintobor or jimbotnik in other ways. But did the whole slimming down a fat character for a redesign thing really need to happen in the first place? No. Just like how skinny characters aren't redesigned to be fat, there's no reason to slim a fat character down. Especially in Eggman's case, as it's literally the actual reason he has the goddamn name EGGman, it's not something that should just randomly be taken away for no reason when it's a core defining trait like what lmfao. Also makes me sad that any version can be liked by fatphobic morons as a result because they don't deserve any.

I can't pretend I don't hate the skinny Eggman gender swaps or younger anime boy redesigns, even all the anthro ones are skinny. Slimming down and making characters "conventionally attractive" sucks. Let them be interesting and fun instead of the most boring standards with the most generic designs. A little creativity here! I also don't like when people draw ripped skinny Eggman when they find out about his strength because fat strong people exist! He's great rep and proof he doesn't need to look like that to be strong and yet people do it anyway and I don't think it's sexy or funny or whatever. I hate when people are like "wow he actually looks strong/like a power type character now" nah, he already does exactly the way he is.

Eggman being a big strong fat man is one of the coolest most admirable things about him to me, I find it sad that a lot of the fandom don't respect it and are so fatphobic too. I'm very passionate about loving and appreciating that as he really deserves. 💜 Lol this is indeed the perfect place to share those strong Eggman opinions as I unsurprisingly have a lot too, I'm glad you find this a good place to do so. ^^

I'm having a good night thanks, I hope you're having a good day/night too!

#asks #dr eggman #eggman #dr robotnik #dr. eggman #rant #my post

[politics-not-my-thing]

One of the things about sexism that is not talked about anywhere near enough is the way it harms men

It's treated as a red flag because the majority of people talking about men's issues are the ones trying to silence women, and they aren't talking about men's issues, they're talking about a downgrading of privilege and how unfair they think equality is

The problem is, the patriarchy does harm men, so more feminist need to be talking about it because it is an issue with the patriarchy, it is an issue we should be intent on fixing when we are dismantling the broken system that pushes the sexes down into their cages to perform

Men don't have a choice over whether or not they get to look after their child, their pay might be what's keeping their family afloat because of the gender pay gap, they get significantly less parental leave, and it is expected that their wife will take on the work so being an involved father becomes something that makes them effeminate and a father looking after their child could be assumed to be a predator

They don't get a choice over what type of emotion they're allowed to display, yeah men's anger is seen as valid and almost encouraged, but it's also the only emotional they are allowed to have, men aren't allowed to cry because otherwise they're treated as pussy, whose too weak to be respected, genuine happiness is treated as sign of them being effeminate, and any other emotion is something to be shamed for

Men have to be aggressive because if not they're a pussy, but in portraying themselves as aggressive they scare off anyone who isn't recognised as a man, because an aggressive man is a threat, they're venting their emotions in the only way they are allowed and in playing into this role we have cast them, they make themselves the villain

There is a shame around men's bodies, fatphobia still exists for men, I can't even count the number of men in media who are portrayed as disgusting and morally reprehensible and are also shown to be fat and not conventionally attractive, nevermind how muscle building is expected and seen as something that makes a man worthy of respect

They're robbed of their agency in "women's spheres" because if they actually engage with a woman's sphere, they paint themselves as effeminate, so they get treated like a child who needs managing and mothering by their partner who should be their equal, they're not even allowed to cook, or help out, or doing anything that would make them an actual equal to their partner in domestic life because it is the "woman's sphere"

They can't even have hobbies like crotchet, knitting, sewing, designing and crafting, unless it is the masculine crafts because otherwise they'll get treated as effeminate

They're shamed for not being able to get it, sexually, even as they are barred from commitment, in the same piece of media, men are expected to be Playboy's and women are expected to be wife material

They're not allowed in feminist spaces because they are the threat, even as they are fighting with a world that doesn't let them be anything but "the man", no matter how harmful that maybe

Some men do escape this, by coming out as queer, but then they make themselves the pariahs to other cishet men, and even still discussions of feminism are want to sideline them, as if they don't have a voice at the table, as if they too haven't been harmed by our fucked up society

And you really think the issue is men and not the patriarchy

The patriarchy harms everyone, including men

#patriarchy #feminism #why we need feminism #sexism #politics

[fairycosmos]

Speaking of fatphobia isn't it funny how people are like. There's no such thing as a healthy fat person, it's not your genes you just need to exercise and eat healthier and if you say you do those things you're lying because fat ppl are inherently bad lazy people. But when skinny people eat like shit and never work out its like, guess they just have good genes lol! Wish I had those genes! Yep this is all genetic! Won the genetic lottery! But only skinny people have genes fat people are just lazy and bad.

omg ugh literally! you said it. everyone can grasp the concept of genes + varying metabolisms + people just simply having different body types when it comes to thin ppl but all of that just goes out the window entirely when it comes to fat ppl. who are apparently committing an unforgivable sin every moment they dare to exist without dieting or starving themselves or trying to lose weight. it's really sick. like, if you can understand that ppl can be naturally thin then why is it such a struggle to understand that the same applies to bigger bodies. it's so simple, it's so natural and normal. it's been said a million times before but honestly i'll say it again because i'm tired and it's relevant. nobody cares when skinny ppl eat like shit, when they do drugs every weekend, when they never work out. the word "health" is barely ever even uttered, and it's certainly not seen as a prerequisite for respecting them the way it is for fat people. in fact, people automatically just jump to excusing it w good genes out of habit. like you mentioned, the phrase "winning the genetic lottery" didn't come from nowhere. the obvious truth is that they avoid criticism on the matter because they meet the conventional beauty standard while exhibiting those "unhealthy" behaviours and that's all anyone cares about for real.

watching everyone bend backwards trying to avoid that uncomfortable truth is just so boring at this point. like we're not dumb. fat ppl can't even eat a slice of pizza (esp online) without getting dehumanized, and then they also get dehumanized when they're in the gym. we all know what this is. it's extremely transparent and clear that it's never ever been about health. if it was, people would take a moment to really look into how weight and genetics interact, but that would take away their excuse to insult bigger ppl at every turn wouldn't it. and ykw. those who think like this will never confront their own internal biases irt to this topic. ever. they are so so far up their own asses that you can make solid point after solid point to them about diet culture and misogyny and internalized prejudice and genetic predispositions and they still will refuse to get it.

just wish they would admit that the reason they hate fat ppl so much is because they're not attracted to them and they don't treat anyone (esp women) they're not attracted to like real people and that's it. instead of hiding behind the completely laughable notion that they treat fat ppl like shit because they care about their health as if that makes any sense at all. it's rly a joke

#anon #ask to tag

[pangzi]

Salty Ask List, 19.

What is the one thing you hate most about the fandom? go offfffff

Rin i love youuuuuu!!!

The thing I hate most about the fandom is easily how people treat Pangzi. I don't even know where to start explaining this to be fucking honest! There's SO. MUCH. I could write a whole essay on this. I’ve mentioned most of this before too but things haven’t really gotten better so...

The thing annoying me the most lately is the constant "*insert pangzi ship*'s friendship is sooo important to me" posts and remarks. Like no it isn't, you don't give a fuck about friendship you just don't ship them because you don't think Pangzi is shippable but cannot admit that? I literally see nobody mention friendship ever unless it's about a Pangzi ship? Everyone here will ship every single young skinny pretty character with any other character they just take a breath around, but Pangzi can quite literally confess his love to someone, kiss them, marry them and have sex with them On Screen and this entire fandom would still go: "their friendship is So Important to me :( just two Very Good Friends, only friendship going on here" besides why are you all out here pretending you can't have a good friendship with your significant other what the hell. Isn't it the dream to date your best friend?? I-... Like yeah Pangzi has very important and significant friendships and relationships but it's getting VERY transparent when the only time everyone goes 'FRIENDSHIP IS IMPORTANT AND JUST AS IMPORTANT AS ROMANCE' when it's about Pangzi.

The fact that people don't see him as desirable or shippable is also very obvious by how many fics I've already had to see where Pangzi is just a second choice. Characters date him but only because their first choice is dating someone else. It's so disgusting and he deserves so much better.

Everyone also goes out of their way to deny that the reason why they don't ship Pangzi with any of the characters is just fatphobia and him not being attractive enough for them to ever imagine anyone being in love with him. I've seen such ridiculous reasonings why people don't ship iron triangle ot3 for example, the reason being "pangzi liked piaopiao and yuncai and is therefore clearly a straight man" babygirl bisexual people exist and i've never seen a character more bisexual than wang pangzi.

Another thing I absolutely hate is how you will all ignore the one thing Pangzi is all about, which is being with the iron triangle, putting them first and always choosing them above everything (wu xie didn't give that fucking whole ass speech abt pangzi never leaving his side for nothing) and instead just going 'uhhh uuhhh yeah pangzi isn't here because uhhh he left us for reasons' so you don't have to deal with him when writing about your other little ships. (Suddenly the friendship isn't so important anymore huh...)

Also making Pangzi asexual so they can pretend their fic is iron triangle ot3 or even ot4, but this way we don't have to pretend characters think he's desirable or worthy of sleeping with and we can leave him out of the smut because he's ace and ace people don't have sex or can be sexy, right? Like I absolutely adore ace!pangzi hcs but jesus fuck once again TRANSPARENT AS FUCK and uh a bit aphobic if i may say so

Or people just solely focusing on moments where Pangzi messes up. If I have to read one more post describing the characters and it describes Pangzi as the one always getting them in trouble and clumsy and stupid I'm gonna stab myself in the eye, you're describing Wu Xie, not Pangzi. So many of you only see him as the silly fat man but he's so so so so so much more? He's so good at his job, he clocks danger early on so many times but everyone just ignores it (in ultimate note alone it happens several times in a few episodes), he's strong, an amazing fighter, he's smart, caring, funny, kind, loyal,... But it gets ignored because all everyone sees is 'funny fat man who also sometimes triggers a trap'

#Salty asks #smolnerdisms #Rin ♥

[fatphobiabusters]

Is it bad that I don’t think I could ever date a skinny person in the long run? I’ve told others about it and that I would only date plus size people or muscular people and they’ve all looked at me weirdly. Is this a bad thing?

I think it's understandable that when someone wants to find a partner they want to cut out part of the education process.

Like. If someone isn't on the same axis as you eventually you'll have to talk about oppression, humiliation, anger, fear and all the complex feelings that exist as a fat person.

I do get that.

But also not everyone is the same.

Some fat people are struggling with internalized fatphobia and you'd still have to educate. Every marginalized group is actually full of people with wide range of opinions on their situation.

It's playing the odds. So no I don't think its bad per say but you might just click with a skinny person. Love, attraction, all that stuff is so unpredictable.

I've kind of concluded that I doubt I'd ever date a non queer men because educating him on everything seems so daunting. But it could happen.

Just don't deny yourself if you feel that click happen, you wouldn't be betraying anyone other than yourself to walk away from opportunity.

#Ikisstechno #Ask #Mod squirrel

[mellometal]

Hey, everyone.

I've tried to compose myself before making this post. This is a subject that I've touched on a little bit in posts, but I've never done a deep dive into JUST this topic. I was going to make a post solely about this subject sooner, but this one in particular is really hard for me to talk about without getting emotional...and yet Dhar Mann has talked about this on quite a few occasions in the most insincere, toxic ways. I'll do my best to discuss this topic without getting too emotional.

It's about a serious subject that people still are ignorant about and don't take seriously. Even to this day, with the body positivity and body neutrality movements. (I don't know of a better way to describe just being neutral about your body. Sorry if it sounds weird.)

For anyone who doesn't know what I'm referring to (honestly, I don't blame you, as this is a subject that's often seen as normal and is encouraged in society for the most part), I'm talking about fatphobia. Hating on people for being fat. Discriminating people because of their weight in the workplace, at the doctor's office, just in general. Not many stores having inclusive sizes. People being treated like they're subhuman because they're fat.

I want to say this first, before I bash on Dhar Mann again: I'm a plus-size young woman. This is something that I have personal experience with. Your weight has no significance to your worth as a person. If you do happen to be overweight, obese, whatever, you're not subhuman. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You're worthy of being loved, listened to, treated with kindness, and respected, just like anyone else who isn't fat.

If you treat people like utter shit for their weight, get some help. Why do you care about somebody else's weight? Obviously there's an exception to this, like if they're so big they can't move or they're so skinny their organs are showing....because those are causes for concern, but other than that, mind your own business. Even if they are in those extremities, unless you're their doctor and/or their family, STILL mind your own business. How the fuck does a fat person simply breathing and existing affect you in any way? News flash: there will always be fat people.

Before I get to the weekly ritual of tearing TWO of Dhar Mann's videos apart (the next one will be in another post or I'll reblog this post and continue on there), here's an obligatory trigger warning for the video analysis itself and my response: The following post contains fatphobia, fat shaming, a man being super fucking misogynistic and treating women like they're objects, and there's even a touch of some racial aggression. How shocking. Because Dhar Mann really seems to get a kick out of writing about racism to make it all cute. Oh yeah, you're totally solving racism, Dhar Mann. /s

My response contains my experience with fatphobia, relationships with food, mentioned/implied thoughts of s3lf h@rm, feeling like I'm unworthy of being treated like an actual person because of my weight, and absolute rage. Like usual. My responses are very heated. This one especially. It's LONG. Buckle up.

With all this out of the way, let's get to the first video that I want to tear apart. This one is about the auditions for a record deal. I will get to the video about a kid wanting to be a host of a radio show later.

To sum up the first video, a plus-size white woman (Krissy Elliot) is singing for an agent (Isaac) and his assistant (Evette) so she can follow her dream to become a singer. Isaac cuts Krissy off to viciously bash her for being a plus-size woman. Evette stands up for this woman, and says she sounded fine and to let her finish. Isaac doesn't listen to Evette, let alone take what she said into consideration. He continues to ridicule Krissy for her appearance, that she'll "never make it in the music industry" (WRONG, do you know how many plus-size people are in the fucking music industry? There are A LOT more now than when I was growing up and it honestly makes me so happy. There were more plus-size people in the entertainment industry than in the music industry back then.), suggested that she "become a chef or a food critic" because she apparently loves being around food (being a chef or a food critic are noble professions, but NEVER fucking assume ANYONE'S relationships with food), to the point where Krissy left the room in tears.

Here are a few screenshots for context:

When this skinny, conventionally attractive woman (Jesse) comes in, Isaac's mood does a COMPLETE 180° and he's all sunshine and rainbows. Then right as soon as Jesse did her audition, Isaac is over the fucking moon, complimenting her physical appearance, treating her like an object, and signs her up for a record deal RIGHT AWAY. Pay attention to Isaac's facial expressions in one of these screenshots.

Evette suggests that they sign Krissy for a record deal instead. Because she was "the best singer they've had all day". Isaac, still all hot and bothered by a skinny, conventionally attractive woman that he's treating like an object, tells Evette that people like Krissy don't make it in the music industry because they're "overweight and unattractive", and is verbally aggressive towards her when she does nothing but explain her stance. Isaac sees this as Evette "talking back" (remember how I mentioned that there's racial aggression? He says that Evette is "talking back" because she happens to be a black woman) and fires her. He signs Jesse a record deal and has a blast with her.

The award ceremony comes around, and they're picking a winner for Best New Artist. They pick the winner, and it's....guess what? You'll never get it! It's Krissy Elliot! Why? Because Evette became her agent after Isaac fired her. Krissy goes into her whole story about how she was laughed out of every single agency and that she worked hard. Good for her. Jesse is obviously very happy for Krissy. We gotta love women supporting women.

This video was again another dumpster fire. As usual. Like I said, with this video in particular, I couldn't get through the first thirty seconds the first time around. Because I've dealt with shit like this. Obviously not with the music industry because I don't even think I'd be good enough to step into an agency...but I mean in my personal life.

Being told by my own dad that he was "tired of buying bigger clothes for me" when I was a young teenager, despite him buying almost nothing but "junk food".

Having my abuser make comments about my weight and talking about diets while I'm trying to eat my food, despite her being overweight.

Having someone I know (not anyone I'm friends with) make a comment about me eating a few things (ONE small piece of broccoli, two baby carrots, a small handful of chips, and ONE small piece of pineapple) and said to "save some for everyone else", even though I was saving food for everyone else, which is why I took so little. She tried to justify it with the fact nobody was there yet (why do you think I took very little food?), and she "was saying that to everyone" (why did she look at ME when she said that instead of making it clear that she was talking to everyone [saying "Hey, everyone" before the comment about saving some for everyone else IS NOT HARD]?), even though I know it was just to save her own ass. I knew she said that to me because I'm plus-size. She didn't say anything to anyone else, nor did she make it clear that she was talking to everyone.

Another person I know (not a person I'm friends with) saying that I overreacted (I did not overreact; SOMEONE TRIGGERED ME and you did NOTHING about it) even though they all KNEW my relationship with food is complicated. They KNEW that I don't really like eating in front of other people. I was upset that someone MADE A FUCKING DISGUSTING, TRIGGERING COMMENT ABOUT ME EATING VERY FEW FOOD ITEMS, ALMOST ALL WERE HEALTHY, DESPITE OTHER PEOPLE EATING A LOT MORE THAN I DID AND PICKING AT EVERYTHING. That day, I was begging one of my friends (one of the people I trust to eat around) to PLEASE take me home because I didn't want to be there (never wanted to be there in the first place), I was tired (I worked all night the night before and was forced to go to a meeting before all this happened), I didn't feel comfortable there anymore, there were way too many people (four individuals plus all their staff from another house were in the house I work in), I couldn't breathe (I was either about to pass out, have a panic attack, or just start crying), but nobody listened to me. I ended up getting a bus to go home.

(Sorry about all that. I was trying not to get emotional in this post. I just needed to share how this can affect people.)

Onto my response, which is all in the screenshots below.

ETA: I know the screenshots for my response are very jumbled right now and it’s difficult to read. I apologize to anyone who’s unable to fully read it! Because this is part one of this whole subject of fatphobia (I’m making a post about the boy wanting to become a radio host very soon), my response here will tie into that post. My response to that video is vastly the same, despite not making a comment on that video as of right now (the radio host one). 

I’ll be typing out my full response here. I apologize for weird formatting. Instagram wouldn’t let me break up my response into paragraphs. I’ll break them up into paragraphs here instead.

CC (Combination of the first, second, and third screenshots, aka, the first part of my response):

 I have a few questions before I get into my thoughts on this video. One, how the hell does your weight have any significance on your worth as a person, and if you do think this way, why would you think that? Two, do you know that fatphobia is a lot more than just judging a person for being fat? Three, why do you feel like you can speak for fat people like myself with this piss poor excuse for a video that I could barely get through the first thirty seconds of the first time? 

You can’t speak for any of us. I can’t speak for every fat person because not everyone has the same experiences as me. 

I’ve been bullied for my weight in real life as well as online. People have called me ugly just because of my weight. By the way, your weight doesn’t equal beauty, and that’s what I’m still learning. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. 

On quite a few occasions, I have actually thought about doing dangerous things to my body that I don’t feel comfortable going into here. All because I had people try to boil me down to my weight, call me ugly, and destroy whatever self-esteem I had left. You don’t know what fat people go through, so don’t act like you do. 

There are many factors that go into why a person may be fat, including medical conditions, mental illness, trauma, genetics, etc. All of those things are none of your business unless those people decide to be open about it. 

No, it’s not always healthy to be fat (obviously there are extremities on both sides of the spectrum of weight that are extremely unhealthy), but it doesn’t make a person any less of a human being. Fat people are human too. Quit treating us like we’re not. We deserve to be treated like everyone else who isn’t fat. I’m not saying put all fat people on a pedestal. I’m saying treat us like human beings.

CC (Combination of the fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh screenshots, aka, the second part of my response):

Remember how I said that fatphobia isn’t just about judging people for being fat? Well, there’s the “fat tax” on plus-size clothing (even though it maybe only costs a little bit more in fabric, if there’s any difference in making clothes for people who aren’t fat), limited styles for fat people in stores (making a lot of us have to buy fast fashion or have to spend a fortune on clothes that actually flatter us), not very many stores have inclusive sizes still (if you don’t at least carry max 5XL or a size 38/40 in pants size, you cannot call yourself inclusive), and a lot of other things.

Many fat people, myself included, are afraid to seek medical attention for anything (even checkups) because of doctors who only focus on our weight and not on what we came in to see them for. They write it off as if our weight is the sole cause of our problems, which isn’t always the case.

How about we talk about how expensive it is to eat healthy in a lot of places? Not everyone can afford to make fresh meals every day, let alone once a week. Maybe they were never taught how to due to their upbringing. You don’t know.

I’ve had people comment on my weight, what I’m eating (even if I’m eating something healthy like fruits and veggies), talk about my weight or diets EVEN WHILE I’M TRYING TO EAT, and it’s caused me to wait until I’m alone or around someone I trust to eat anything. As a result, I have a complicated relationship with food now.

Telling someone they’re fat doesn’t help them. They know that. They see themselves every day. People may want to change, but they either are afraid to ask for help, or they don’t know where to start. Some may not want to change. It’s up to them, honestly. If you want to help them lose weight, maybe suggest any physical activity they’d have fun doing and do them with them? I dance for fun. Also, you could help set up meal plans with them. 

If you’re not going to at least try to help them lose weight if you’re so concerned about them (this is all if they actually want to change things and don’t know where to start), I cannot say this in a sweeter way: shut your mouth and mind your own business. Because you’re just being a cunt at that point.

CC (eighth screenshot, aka, the third and final part to my response):

There are quite a few plus-size people in the entertainment industry as a whole who are/were very successful. Remember the late Chris Farley and Aretha Franklin? Chris Farley was big, but that didn’t change how great of an actor he was, how funny he was, or how much of an impact he made in the entertainment industry. Aretha Franklin was a plus-size black woman in the music industry, but she’s inspired SO MANY artists we have today! There are many plus-size men, women, and I believe even nonbinary people in the public eye in general. Like I’ve said, beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. That’s why the body positivity and body neutrality movements are a thing.

(I know I implied that I thought about sh here in my response, but please don't worry about me as far as that goes. I'm fine now. I would never go through with anything like that.)

In the last part of my response where I mentioned some plus-size people in the entertainment industry as well as the music industry (the late Chris Farley and the late Aretha Franklin), I was going to name more people, but my comments were getting too long. I'll name some more here off the top of my head:

Lizzo (rapper), the Piggy Dolls (the first K-Pop girl group made up of actual plus-size women), K*v*n Sp*c*y (I don't feel comfortable saying his name because he's a disgusting person, but he's another plus-size man...he was in King of Queens and in A LOT of movies), PSY, Greyson Gritt (a genderqueer person in the music industry), Elle King, Produce Pandas (the first music group in China full of plus-size men), Martha Wash, Chubby Checker, Fats Domino, Big Angel (a J-Pop group of all plus-size women), Chubbiness (another J-Pop group of all plus-size women), Pottya (another J-Pop group of all plus-size women)...there are so many that I found, but if you want to add more plus-size artists, plus-size actors, plus-size comedians/comediennes, feel free to add them in the comments!

Dhar Mann, you'll never know what plus-size people go through. You don't know what we go through. You have NO IDEA what we go through on a daily basis. Stop acting like you do. Because you don't, and you never will.

By the way, Dhar Mann, this will NOT be the last post I'll make about you or your videos. The more you make fucking deplorable, poorly written bullshit, the more posts I'll make! Teehee!

If you got this far, thank you so much. The next part of this is coming very soon. I'm sorry for not posting too many screenshots from the video. I wanted to fit in my response because it's important for people to see.

Have a good day/afternoon/night, y'all. Love you!

#mello speaks #dhar mann talk #dhar mann #dhar mann will live to regret his decision to make these fucked up cringe videos #dhar mann is a piece of human garbage #dhar mann will live to regret his decision uwu #dhar mann is a cringe ass nae nae baby #please stop supporting dhar mann #tw fatphobia #tw body shaming #tw racial aggression mention #tw implied sh mention #body postivity #plus size people in the entertainment and music industries #fatphobes dni #cw weight mention #cw diet mention #cw complicated relationships with food mention #warning you right now that I'm VERY mad #cw doctor mention #tw dhar mann

[almond-assistant]

A very long rant and my opinions on neofeminism

Keep in mind that these are very opinionated, and I really don’t wanna fight with you. I’m only posting this so people know where I stand with this stuff, and so they know what kind of person I am.

Inequality: (the fake scenario here is metaphorical and also taken from a youtube video) Imagine there was a short person and a tall person, and there's a wall. In order to see over it, both people are given a stool of equal height to stand on. The tall person is still taller, and can see farther. Instead of giving the taller person a shorter stool, or a short person a taller stool, how about we give nobody a stool. Instead, give them equal materials to build their stool. Equal opportunity does not mean an equal outcome.

Wage Gap: That thing? It's non-existent; women are actually 'out-earning' men, according to literally every governmental source. And if the wage gap existed, it'd be illegal, considering women recieved equal rights in America in 1972.

Transphobia: Trans people are propped up and given all sorts of support in society! I remember at one point I considered myself transgender (I'm still queer-identifying fyi), and I was treated just as well, if not better, than most kids at my high school. And you know how you guys are so "supportive" of trans-men? Well, guess what. By not grouping him in with the cis men, you are therefore being transphobic by invalidating his identity, implying he is not like the cis man, as he would like to be seen as. Do you call a trans guy a rapist, like a cis man? No. Do you consider him sexist, like the cis man? Of course not! Even if he is, you wouldn't DARE accuse him of that! Right? Because he's an owo smol trans flower boy. By rubbing it in everybody's faces that you/someone you know is trans, you are therefore negating the fact that they'd like to be treated like a cisgendered person in the first place. Same goes for trans-women. FYI, I completely support real trans people!

Transtrenders: Super transphobic! If you want to be babied and called uwu smol then go join the adult baby community. You want to be queer? Just don't label yourself trans! Want attention? Go join a fucking talent show or something idk. Don't have dysphoria? What's the point in calling yourself the opposite gender? I don't get that. Wanna be a futa catgirl? I... I don't even know. Please stop that. Sexualizing trans/intersex people is transphobic. Trying to fit in? I get that. I did that. But please, please. don't rub it in everyone's faces. I actually DO have a bit of social dysphoria, but I used to make it a bigger deal than it should've been.

Patriarchy: I agree that patriarchy doesn't work. But, patriarchy is also basically gone, so I don't agree that it's this really big deal you guys make it out to be. On the other hand, matriarchy doesn't work well either. It takes both genders for lots of things to run smoothly. There are highly positioned women and men. That's what makes systems work, including reproduction and all that jazz. So basically, men are in fact needed. Stop treating them like shit. If you got rid of men, we'd go extinct. I know there's this thing with women's bone marrow or whatever, but that's not really relevant, and it isn't even guaranteed to work. By separating women from men, you are therefore being sexist, because equality doesn't have anything to do with gender. It's like if x=y, then y=x, y=y, and x=x. If x and y was female and male, or literally any gender, this would be the goal of feminism by definition. Without the belief that women are currently in a lesser position in society, neo-feminism falls flat. Speaking of which, you always focus on women, why aren't you including all of the other "genders"? Isn't that a bit sexist of you? Society is giving women everything they don't deserve. That's not equality. And yet you still think women are opressed.

Rape Culture: And before you rush to the comments with "You don't know what it's like to be sexually harassed!", I do, and that's why this topic ticks me off so much. Anyway, by labeling all men as rapists, you are therefore being sexist. And, even though you guys say men/boys can't be raped, they have been, and can be. Males are actually sexually exploited more than women. Furthermore, women can be rapists. Consent doesn't apply to just the woman. If a woman wants to have sex with a guy and he says no, yet she forces him to, it's still rape. Legal sexual interactions require both parties involved to give consent. I read a post on here that said something to the effect of, "If you don't have sex with a fat woman, you're raping her". That... boggles my mind.

Ableism: I have mental illnesses too, so this also pisses me off. I mean, I get that some people are wheelchair-bound or don't have the same mental abilities as a neurotypical person. I think it's great that we're helping to accomodate these people! But when you call everything that could even possibly leave out someone other than the neurotypicals ableist, it's frustrating. Literally anything could be ableist or classist. Eating pizza? No, this is ableist because some people have diabetes and can't eat certain things. Running gear? Ableist. Some people have to use wheelchairs, either because they were born paralyzed in the legs, or because they're too obese to move. Brain exercises? No, get that out of here. That's offensive to people with autism or the like, because their brains don't work like that, and it implies they're not good enough. therapy? Kill it with fire. You're saying we neurodivergents are not ok? It's like you don't care about people that want to get better. There's such thing as a target audience, so now let's see.. Pizza? Oh! That's for people who want a quick, cheap, and easy meal! Running gear? That's meant to interst people who enjoy being fit and maintaining their cardiovascular health. Wheelchair-bound folks have specialized exercises for keeping their muscles healthy. Running would not be as effective of a way for them to do that. Brain exercises? For people who want to keep their brain sharp and improve certain areas where they might have weaknesses. Again, people such as my brother (who has medium-high functioning autism) can have special exercises provided to them. But when companies manufacture products that leave out the neurotypical person, nobody thinks twice. So much for equality.

Fatphobia: I do agree that this one exists, although I've never experienced it myself, since I myself have problems gaining weight and keeping it on. I'm actually guilty of fatphobia, but hear me out. I don't mind if you're overweight, as long as others don't have to make special accomodations at no cost to the one being accomodated. If you're 500+ pounds and/or you need a wheelchair and two seats on a plane, I'm calling you out. There's no way you could be that fat without doing it to yourself or having a disability. I don't mind these things if you do have a disability, I understand you couldn't control it then. But if you're just sitting in your bed all day stuffing your face with cheese curls, you have no right to whine about fatphobia, as you could've easily prevented it. Mental disorders such as depression or anxiety that may lower your motivation so low that you don't care, I also get, since I've been in that situation plenty of times. Regardless though, I will not say you are beautiful. This is my personal opinion, and I know others may find obesity attractive, or even erotic (which is in itself fatphobic), but I do not. There are people who don't actually find it pretty, but still say it is. Please stop that. Speak your mind, yo. It's kinda sad that others shape your views, and if you don't agree entirely with the flock, you're not one of them, yknow? That's like... a cult or something.

Classism: I'm soft on this one, since I've been in and out of financial stability throughout my childhood and it sorta fucked me up. But again, calling everything classist is just not right. Songs about fancy cars and diamonds are praising the lush life, not making lower classes feel bad. If anything, those songs help them work harder to achieve their own dreams and have their own great life. But again, it's all about the target audience.

Racism: Racism was originally based off of fear and confusion. Other races had never seen a different skin color than their people's, and thought they were a different breed or species. The reason europeans and americans viewed africans as animals, is because they didn't know what else they could be. African society wasn't as developed, and the African people exhibited very primitive behaviors, as opposed to the educated caucasian. After a while, the african people taken to other lands as slaves, started to dislike that life and form their own opinions and values. The white people learned that the Africans were just humans of a different color, and eventually softened up a bit. But they couldn't abandon their ways of life, so the slaves slaved on, and the rich got richer. These values passed through generations, and eventually someone said, "Stop, these are people too, let's set em' free.". Though, yes, some families still teach their children to be racist, they don't imprison them anymore. Schools do a very good job of describing the treacheries of racism and slavery so it doesn't happen again. Most of my friends (and my boyfriend who I love so so much) are of color, in one way or another. Shit, I'm like, an eighth native american. I do consider myself white though, I'm Norwegian and Irish, for the most part. But I'll still honor my roots. Anyway, even modern racism is still based on fear. Islamophobia stems from terrorism, Black violence comes from stories of gangs and police shootings, and lots of other xenophobia stems from stereotypes. I'm completely against racism, trust me. But when you separate white from black and call white people scum, and call people of color 'strong, independent', and discard white people, it's kinda confusing. Racism applies to race, and caucasian is a race. Get it together.

Cisphobia: That exists. Cisgenderism/Heterosexuality are still identities, whether you want them to be or not.

Sexualities: Cool, You like people (Or you don't, if you're ace/aro). I know these sexualities were shunned before but most people are really accepting now! Just not the weird demonsexual things. Some people don't understand that too much. I sure don't.

Genders: Same as sexualities, don't get too crazy and people are cool w/ it.

Mogai and Neopronouns: Shit, get them out of here. You're making actual LGBT+ people look like a joke.

Anything I didn't mention that you'd like to hear my opinion on? Leave an ask! All interaction is welcome, though not all is wanted. Regardless, I'll try to be kind to you. I really have no reason to be rude to you if I don't know too much about you.

-Kevyn (almondassistant)

#I'm not gonna fight with you #please don't kill me #opinions #uwu????? #neofeminism #feminism #queer

[yesixicana]

Things fatphobia, sizeism, diet culture (and people invested in these) take from fat people. for people who don’t get it, don’t wanna “believe”, and won’t ever experience it - 💔childhood and adolescence - you’ll spend it being told to lose weight, on diets, crying, wishing you were thin, or that people at least left you alone and stopped reminding you you’re fat because you learned fat is bad, undesirable and if you’re being socialized as a girl/woman, you learn you’re never going to be loved. Your free time is consumed wishing and waiting til your body changes. 💔Food - you go on countless diets, limit what you eat, eat less even though you’re still hungry, not eat in front of people, not eat at all. 💔love - you listen to the lessons on love we’re taught about fat people. Believe no one can find us attractive & if they do it’s because you’re “actually pretty for a fat girl”, if they do they’re chubby chasers, if they do it’s only a matter of time until they leave, you cling onto people that hurt you because you think it’s all you will ever have, you try so hard to hide and hope your person doesn’t realize just how fat you are. you let said person suggest you lose weight, start being a “better you”. & when u finally realize that there’s no such thing as being out of someone’s “league” and there’s only people that are invested either in your oppression or in your growth & start self advocating - your lovers leave. it’s too much. they won’t change how they see you. your body. Your worth. Oh & if said person is a “looker”, they are obviously “such a good person, so sweet” to be dating someone like you. 💔jobs - the way employers can have preconceived racist notions about people of color, Black people - employers can have their own set of preconceived fatphobic ideas about fat people, assume they’re lazy, “unprofessional”, not presentable, not agile, not good enough. & these are not isolated preconceived ideas - sometimes they are at play so that when you’re brown and fat there are some jobs you’ll just never get because you don’t “fit” the type of person they’re looking for. 💔health care - everything will be blamed on your weight. You have an ear infection… Well, have you tried losing weight? you’ll be asked every. Single. Time. If you’ve been to a nutritionist. If you have a thyroid problem. If you do, then they’ll think it’s great because they’ve found it. THE problem, THE holy A-HA reason you are fat. Because isn’t there one? Who would want to just be fat because they’re fat? you’ll be denied access to certain procedures until you lose weight. you’ll be dissuaded from seeking health care altogether. 💔travel - you’ll be the one no one wants to sit next to because airplanes are not fat friendly. Airplane seating is not fat friendly. In fact, people that are “customers of size” are asked to pay for an extra seat if they don’t fit in one seat. Some reimburse if you’re traveling with a second person - but what if you don’t have that money to front? Imagine if the seats could just be wider. You’ll quickly learn that capitalism and businesses don’t give a shit about fat people, their comfort or their well being. Not that capitalism cares about anyone but production and money… 💔clothes - you’ll have the HARDEST time finding clothes. Cute clothes. That fits. As an adolescent if you’re made to or choose to wear “girls” clothing you’ll likely skip the youth section in the stores and get right over to the misses or women’s section. your size is rarely found in thrift stores. Your size is rarely found in most stores because for most stores “plus size” means L & maybeeeee XL. Forget every other fat persons size beyond XL. your clothes, especially bottoms will cost extra, cost a lot and tear easy. if it says one size and it’s not stretchy - that shit is not one size fits all. If it’s stretchy - it’s still not one size fits all. most of your options for tops will be “tunics” and loose fitting styles that don’t accentuate your stomach because you’ll be told it’s more flattering. You’ll learn to hide your body in these clothes, especially jackets. Even when it’s hot. 💔seating - you can’t sit just anywhere. Some seating. Most seating, wasn’t made with a fatty in mind. plastic chairs, wicker chairs, stools, old chairs can and likely will collapse under you at least once and make you feel like shit. it’ll be awkward because you’ll know that the stare everyones giving you says “if you weren’t so fat you wouldn’t have broken the chair” but the truth is that if people that build shit made it knowing that, “hey a fatty might sit here” then it would have been built better. When you go out to eat - there may be restaurants you don’t even fit in. booths. Tables. and if you’re with someone, they’ll try to be cool but actually be really awkward because they feel bad. if only spaces were made with fattys and disabled folks in mind, for one, there would be more space. 💔outdoors - you’ll think you can’t keep up with other people or do the same things as thin folks or the more outdoorsy type. You’ll learn fast that people are not so patient and caring of your needs to engage in the outdoors. You’re supposed to keep up or not do it at all. There’s no modifying. Until you find your own pace and find the people that ask what you need, cuz when you go on walking/hiking trails you get red in the face and winded so you take breaks more often and they actually support you so you can be in nature instead of asking if you’re sure you wanna do it, “are you okay??” and even then, they may need reminders of how to be more mindful of your needs. 💔friendships - as an adolescent & if you’re socialized as a girl you’ll be the “fat friend” or “less pretty because you’re fat friend” of the two or in the bunch. You’ll listen to your friends issues with their partners, all the while secretly managing all your anxiety and needs around dating, feeling undesirable, getting treated shitty all on your own. When you start self advocating for things, some friends will think size is all you talk about. “It’s not that bad”. “You’re too sensitive.” If they’re skinny, they’ll tell you they feel “so fat” or that they’re “such a "pig” without even finishing a full meal and that will make you look down at your used-to-be full meal because you actually ate it all and are actually fat & you don’t feel like a pig but they just made you feel shitty. And you’re still hungry. 💔films/comedy/entertainment - you’ll be the punchline. All. The. Time. Whether it’s a film or a show you’ll hear the joke about the fat person. Fat people get made fun of just for existing. This is not an exhaustive list. I probably left sooo much shit out even applicable to me. Intersectional experiences. This goes without saying (hopefully), I’m speaking for me. My identities & experiences with class, ability, gender. My truth. My knowledge. Every fatty has a story that skinny people tried to make them hide and stay quiet about. Every fatty has violence they’ve faced that keeps them from living. Experiencing joy. experiencing love. Go/walk comfortably down the block. Go to the doctors. Get money. Get laid. Be respected.

by joanna villegas

[airagorncharda]

@thin fatphobes, cont.

[I didn’t want to make this post too long, but I’ve got more to say, so...]

[[Also I want to clarify that I’m not vague-ing at anyone currently in my life. A post about fatphobia reminded me of a thin cis gay guy who lived in my apartment and was fatphobic, and apparently I still have a lot to say. So this is a general post, but inspired by shit he said/did.]]

[This is a rant but I’ve tried to break it up some for legibility, sorry for the length]

It doesn’t matter how many body positivity posts you reblog or body positive things you say, if you still call yourself “fat” when you mean “ugly”, “unhealthy”, “lazy”, “undisciplined”, etc.. 

If you still think that being thin is inherently better, and that thin people are inherently more healthy, more attractive, more disciplined, etc.. 

If you think that eating some fucking cookies or a slice of cake or skipping a day at the gym is going to make you suddenly 100lbs heavier and look like me (and that that would be terrible), then you must really think that little of me-- you must really think I’m fat because I just didn’t do all the “superior” shit you did, rather than, you know, half my entire family having a bigger build than you do to begin with and then I got depressed while at college for a semester and food was one of the only things that made being alive feel good so I gained like 40+lbs and then spent a year trying to lose that weight and failing no matter what strategy I used because my body RETAINS weight in a way yours apparently just doesn’t. And then I decided that I’d rather be happy and have less stress in my life than be thin just to be thin.

Also, like, people always say “exercise and you’ll feel better!” but I’ve never really experienced that. When I played sports I just hurt myself a lot, and when I went to the gym I just got tired. It didn’t make me feel “better” whatever that’s supposed to mean. 

So it’s great that being thin is possible for you because going to the gym feels good, and you feel better when you eat healthy. I experience that on a very small fucking scale. Beyond that small scale, those things do not feel good to me, or improve my day. 

((and since people ALWAYS respond to this with “but you have to do it consistently before it starts helping!!” I know, and I’ve done that, and it didn’t help. Not after a few weeks, or a few months. I’m not willing to suffer for more than a handful of months doing the same repetitive and unpleasant thing on the vague hope that it will improve later-- that literally sounds like a version of Dante’s Hell to me, so fuck off))

So... 

Imagine that the only way to be thin was to do stuff that did NOT improve your life, and that did NOT make you feel good. 

If you’re a person who benefits from lots of activity, imagine that being thin required you to NOT do that. It required that you HAD to be sedentary for WAY longer than was comfortable for you, every single day. 

Now imagine that you go to a doctor and the doctor says “yeah, we did a ton of tests and you’re really healthy” despite the fact that you’re not thin and you’re not being the daily suggested amount of sedentary (because that’d be uncomfortable for you). But everyone keeps telling you to be thin, because then you’ll be “healthier” despite the fact that you’re already scientifically medically healthy. 

Why would you change your life to be uncomfortable, just to be thin? Especially when you’re already healthy?

This is where I’m at. 

And also, the notion that changing things in my life (like dieting for example) that I know from experience would trigger my depression would somehow make me more healthy... is laughable. When my mental health gets worse, my overall physical health does a nose dive. 

But the other half of this is that even if I WEREN’T healthy, that’d be none of your fucking business, and would not have an effect on my worth as a person. AND that being thin doesn’t necessarily mean you ARE healthy, so the whole premise is BS. 

Basically, in order to actually rid yourself of fatphobia you have to take in and really understand that fatness is not the problem. It’s not gross, it’s not ugly, it doesn’t mark someone as being unhealthy, it’s not the embodiment of laziness or lack of discipline, and fat people aren’t people who were just like you but ate too many cookies. 

The way you relate your own issues with your own body and weight to an overarching message that fatness is always bad and should always be avoided when possible is harmful to others (AND to you). 

Put in the fucking work. 

I, and other fat people, have to put in work constantly to not hate ourselves for existing, because the culture of fatphobia blames us for existing and says we shouldn’t exist. There are plenty of people who literally believe that we are an epidemic, and that we shouldn’t be able to reproduce. And here you are, supposedly our friends, supposedly our allies, claiming body positivity, while at the same time fighting tooth and nail to not look like us for no other reason than that you haven’t put in the work.

I don’t have a problem with people who exercise for health and because it feels good to them, who like how their body feels when they’re in shape, etc.. My problem is with people who believe that thinness = health, and thinness = attractiveness, and thinness = moral superiority. If you go to the gym because you’re afraid of being fat, you need to examine why you think that’s such a bad thing to be. Like, I’m not telling you not to go to the gym, I’m just saying put in the self examination WORK so you’re not a fatphobic asshole when you get OUT of the gym.

Also also: 

If you are thin, you do not have “internalized fatphobia”. Internalized oppression is what happens when members of an oppressed/marginalized group are taught to believe the bigotry thrown at them, and internalize that hate toward themselves. 

Which is to say, a fat person believing that their fatness makes them lazy, ugly, worthless, etc..

With fatness/thinness this is somewhat more complicated than with some other issues, because many people who are thin perceive themselves as being less thin than they are, and hate the perceived fat that they don’t actually have but believe that they do. However, in most cases there is an understanding that they are not actually fat-- that they simply “FEEL” fat. This is NOT internalized fatphobia, this is just straight up fatphobia, because you aren’t hating yourself for being a fat person, you’re hating the concept of becoming fat-- you know, like me.

#fatphobia #my rants #sorry again for the length ugh #my thoughts #my posts

[stardyng]

Sexism in the LGBT Community

Sexism has an extremely negative effect on the LGBT community, and the effects are typically hard to discern since many manifestations of misogyny target queer men. Horizontal homophobia, cultural homophobia, internalized homophobia, the biphobia and transphobia in and out of the queer community, the straight-acting culture, the fatphobia present in the community, the femme and bottom shaming both in and out of the community and many other straight-on-gay and gay-on-gay discrimination can be partly or mainly created in reason of sexism, for reasons explained in other sections..

However, the biggest manifestation of sexism in the LGBT community is the way that some queer men, gay men to be specific treat women, which is extremely problematic to say the least. More so specifically, the sexism that comes from gay men can be almost as problematic as the sexism coming from straight men and it’s clearly only halting and slowing our movement down. To be honest, it’s no surprise that gay men can be as misogynistic as straight men as we were all born in a biased world trenched with a certain amount of hatred for women which is completely unavoidable and happens nowhere and everywhere at the same time and that causes for people to adopt the attitude that the world has on women and continue perpetuating it, and women and gay men are no exceptions to this rule.

One of the most concurrent ways it manifests itself is through disgust, especially of the female genitalia. It’s generally just about how some men exaggerate their lack of sexual attraction towards women, which is forcely accentuated to the point that it becomes disgust. For example, many gay men childishly rant about how disgusting, horrible, reeking, smelly and ugly they find the female genitalia to be with many gestures involving vomiting added to the rant and some go as far as to call women ‘’fishes’’  which is a reference to the smell of a woman’s genitalia, use a multitude of misogynistic words, expressions and slurs, put actions or words related to women and femininity in a bad light and sometimes even call each other  ‘’she’’ and her’’ in a negative and discriminatory way. These moments of denigration however just form an excerpt to a much bigger problem.

There’s also the other side of the table where some gay men harass women in a sexual manner. Generally, that sexual harassment comes in the form of them touching women in a intimate way without the consent of the women in question. Body parts that are often touched without the woman's consent often tend to be the women’s breasts, butts, hair, etc. This is especially harmful to women’s security, especially when, much like with some heterosexual men, these gay men validate these actions. Some call it a joke and say that the women harassed shouldn’t take it so sensitively which inherently puts the blame on the woman and dismisses the claim, but mostly, these men will validate their actions by saying that it’s not harassment in reason of the fact that they aren't attracted to women or their bodies, and that they are instead gay.

The last main display of misogyny in the gay community would be the judgement that a lot of gay men give to women and their appearances which is often not seen as a problem because gay men are portrayed to be by everyone as people who can advise women or what to wear, how to style their hair or how to walk fiercely. Of course, these are stereotypes but regardless, these stereotypes are false seeing as most of these ‘’advising’’ gay men don’t even act as if these women as actual human beings let alone take the time to converse with them. Regardless, these men can talk about women’s bodies in the most controlling, condemnatory and objectifying way in extreme details while getting away with it. Fat-shaming, slut-shaming and degrading and condescending comments are common in these remarks and some advice are simply just gay men asserting their authorities over women by telling them how to become more feminine and conventionally attractive by putting them down to an extreme level.

These gay men whom are generally feminine are extremely critical about women since they harbor expectations of women, and like their expectations of men, they are widespread. They have a bar set for women to look absolutely enchanting and iconic which would match with their idealization of womanhood without flaw. If they don’t fit into that ideal, they are ‘’trash’’, ‘’rats’’, ‘’hoes’’, ‘’sluts’’ and ‘’bitches’’ It’s often reflective of feminine gay men’s idolization of pop divas, where these women stop being humans to them, and are either trash or goddesses, which is where this type of misogynistic language started becoming concurrent, but this became especially problematic when that judgement and language soon founds it way to apply to all women.

There are many reasons that gay men can be misogynistic, and it’s not only because gay men are exhausted of gay stereotypes and tropes being perpetuated by straight women, or them being constantly fetishized by straight women as it’s mainly in reason of illicit jealousy and envy. They are envious and jealous of straight women in reason of the fact that they have an extremely bigger pool of men to choose from. The fact is, most of the men they are attracted are straight so they will often enter situations when that leads their hopes being crushed. Yet they still repeat this mistake again and again because there’s a bigger amount of straight men than there are gay men, so some gay men become very hateful towards women, or even become bitterly disgusted. So things like women’s looks being scrutinized by gay men, or women and their genitalia being put down are caused by this jealousy. However, it’s also because some gay men, especially young adults ones tend to learn from each other, and spend a very little amount of time with women so they forget how interaction with them goes, and forget what’s allowed and what’s not allowed, and as their surrounding perpetuated a desexulization and degradation of women, they started to participate to it too.

One of the most surprising things about all this is that these gay men actually escape the deserved criticism to their actions and then in the rare times where women speak up about the misogyny that’s coming from some gay men, these men will either get extremely defensive and brush these comments off completely, silence these women, or these women’s arguments were buried underneath an exaggerated amount of homophobia and constant dehumanizing slurs, so much that they were no longer valid criticism. Regardless of the reason, ignoring how women feel and their opinion without even just reflecting on ourselves is nothing but foolish.

Speaking about ignoring women, our community has done just that for many decades. Just look at the number of gay rights organisations led by and created for men compared to ones led by, or inclusive of women for starters. As a community, we have to realize that while we are oppressed because of homophobia, we have privilege as men, regardless of our sexual orientations or our gender states that women simply do not have. Instead of using our privilege to put down, harass or attack women, we should use it to help progress the feminist movement and fight against misogyny and bigotry based on gender especially in our community so that we can at the very least create another safe space for women. To get informed about(typically by women) and to talk and create conversations about women’s issues and rights like wage inequalities, abortion rights and domestic violence is also incredibly helpful.

Before that, we have to individually stop encouraging and perpetuating these sexist actions, and instead act as allies to to the feminist movement especially when feminism not only exist for women, but for gender minorities, racial minorities, sexual minorities and other oppressed groups since it’s breaking down our patriarchal system. That however doesn’t mean that gay men are entitled of having feminism protect and help them, but that gay men are the ones who have a duty to help progress this movement that encourage equality on all fronts. So we as a community should be fighting alongside women instead of asking for equality and not giving it to others. Being gay and feminist should truly not be a surprising or rare concept.

#problems in the lgbt community #gay #gay men #queer men #feminism #body shaming #skinny shaming #fat shaming #stan twitter #pop culture #pop divas #pop icons #misogyny

[ongames]

Here's Everything You Need To Know About Fat Sex Week

Sex Heroes is an ongoing HuffPost Q&A series by Voices Editorial Director Noah Michelson that explores the lives and experiences of individuals who are challenging, and thereby changing, mainstream culture’s understanding of sex and sexuality. 

Bevin Branlandingham wants to change the way we think about bodies, beauty and... banging.

The 38-year-old self-described “queer fat femme,” who owns a blog of the same name where she “chronicle the relentless pursuit of her joy,” writes about body liberation, travel, plus size fashion, sexuality, relationships, spirituality, authenticity and sex. Fat sex to be exact.

In fact, Branlandingham is the creator of Fat Sex Week, an eight-day (”Fat Sex Week was obviously fatter than a regular week,” she said) blog series dedicated to sex, love and relationships for fat people and those who appreciate them.

I recently chatted with the writer, emcee, drag, burlesque and comedy performer about proudly identifying as fat, the difference between fat sex and not-fat sex, what we can expect from Fat Sex Week XXL, the upcoming follow up to Fat Sex Week, and more.

The Huffington Post: How did you come to define yourself as “queer, fat and femme”? Bevin Branlandingham: I kind of came out as all of those things at the same time. I fell in with the right crowd and I realized I had these new words to describe who I was and that was my point of liberation. That’s why still to this day my blog is called Queer Fat Femme and I really use that moniker as an empowerment tool to talk about a life lived fabulously at the nexus of these oppressed identities.

You use the term “fat” as opposed to other terms that people might consider more “politically correct.” Why do you prefer that specific term? A lot of people who are fat don’t use the term. I’ll actually use all of the labels because it’s fun to have different ways of describing your body but I think “fat” is the most important to me because I think it’s the most stigmatized, and so reclaiming that is super empowering. Really, just being in my body and owning my body [is empowering]. I had a pretty significant weight loss — I call it a non-consensual weight loss because I didn’t intend to lose weight. I was addressing chronic inflammation and chronic disease in my body and I ended up losing a lot of weight. But I was still fat — that was the thing — I got a lot of art out of that because I was talking through the shift in my body and how people were interacting with that. It feels like the important thing is that I’m still owning my body and how I describe it and how I own it and I wasn’t “not fat” — you lose weight when you’re fat and you’re still fat… that happens all the time. 

Tell me about Fat Sex Week.  I’ve done a few different sex weeks — I’ve done a fat sex week and a femme sex week. Because I had multiple ideas around fat sex I think I just thought, Oh, I’ll just do a week. As a blogger doing a week of things is fun: it gives me a writing prompt and then I can just farm content from my friends’ too. The first fat sex week was just like that — I had a bunch of stuff to talk about and share with my readers. The next fat sex week is called Fat Sex Week XXL as an homage to the movie “Magic Mike XXL,” which was much better than the original.

I have a friend who loves “Magic Mike” and he says the same thing but I have a really hard time believing either of those films are very good. Am I’m wrong? Do I need to see them? [Those films involve] amazing performances of masculinity. It involves gender performance all the way. It’s easier for [mainstream viewers] because it’s cisgender men but there is just so much gender performance happening. I feel like that’s where the actors are coming from — even if they don’t know it. It’s like a drag show.

OK. OK. I’ll consider watching them but back to Fat Sex Week… It’s a series of blog posts. I do some interviews. I’m always trying to curate diverse expressions of fat sexuality, so I find interesting people and things and then find interesting ways to tell those stories. My friend Substania Jones does an amazing series, called “The Adipositivity Project,” that involves taking pictures of fat people’s bodies and she’s been doing it for 10 years. Thinking about body liberation 10 years ago — it was a really different landscape. I started out doing this work in 2002 and I just didn’t think it would come this far so fast. It’s really impressive. What’s great about Substansia’s series is that it really just shows fat people who are loved and who have partners or who have sexual partners and it’s permission-giving for fat sexuality. I really wanted to highlight that so I interviewed a couple who were featured in this year’s Valentine’s series. Another thing I’m doing is there’s a new sex toy that’s an “[Female to Male] masturbator” — basically it’s made for F to M bodies and I’m having a fat F to M person review it for my blog for fat sex week.

  "I don’t want somebody to want me because I’m fat and I don’t want someone to want me in spite of being fat. I want someone who sees in the whole picture and thinks I’m hot."

Maybe this is a dumb question but is Fat Sex Week only for people who identify as fat? My blog is for everybody. That’s one of the best things about being a blogger: I know I’m probably the weirdest person a lot of people know, whether they’ve ever met me in person or not. I give people a view of the world that they don’t otherwise have access to. I think that humanizes people and I hope that makes a difference and has some kind of social impact. For Fat Sex Week, I always aim it at other fat people who want to have better sex but it’s also helpful to show people who are not fat that fat people are sexual and deserve sex and all bodies are deserving of sex just as they are. The idea is to do a little bit of activism but also to present some really interesting facets of fat sexuality.

What are some of the things that you concentrate on? What’s different about “fat sex” when compared to “not-fat sex”? There’s the rub, right? There’s some acknowledgement that things are different to have sex in a fat body. I don’t think that’s necessarily a negative thing and sometimes people think that having accommodations or doing things differently than what straight cis thin people do is like somehow bad because it’s different. Frankly, I think that queer sex is more interesting than straight sex because there’s more variety — there’s nothing that’s off-limits. You just do what feels good. It’s not about procreation, which is just so limiting because of the “penis and vagina end game.”

Do you consider fat sex to be queer sex? I know too many normal straight fat people to say that [laughs] but fat sex is definitely very much part of queer sex and I think that even heterosexual people can be queer and can have queer sex. What we’re really talking about here is this very complex venn diagram [overlapping queer sex and fat sex] because if you’re sexually liberated or “weird,” that’s definitely queer — even if it’s happening in a cisgender heterosexual way. Even then, fat sex is different because different positions work better. For example, if you’re two people in a fat relationship and you both have vulvas and you both want penetration, you’re going to need a different size toy to do a double penetration situation between the two of you than you’d need for two thin people trying to accomplish the same thing. You just need more length. So there are just differences that are necessary but the approach to having good quality fat sex is the same as the approach to having any good quality sex: being open to adapting and creating in the way that creates the most pleasure for everyone involved.

Is it O for a not-fat person to use the term “fat” to describe other people or identities? Great question. I think you need to be mindful of your audience. Understanding that “fat” is a term that is often used for empowerment purposes — you want to listen to your cues. Someone who knows me for even 20 minutes is going to know that I identify as “fat.” That’s just so much a part of who I am. You don’t want to call someone “fat” who hasn’t destigmatized that word for themselves. If you’re working on behalf of body liberation and you’re saying things and you’re confronting things and you’re talking about “fat” from an empowered place, that’s OK. But if you’re just saying “fat people yadda yards” and you’re not using it in that empowered way, then I would say you don’t get a pass on that. It’s like straight people using the word “queer”: it’s more mainstream than ever before but you also need to be careful about how you’re using it, in what context and who you’re talking to when using it.

I was reading something you wrote that really intrigued me about “fat appreciators” or people who are admirers of fat people and the complex configuration of emotions that can exist when you’re on the receiving end of that appreciation. I’d love to talk a little bit more about that and can you also tell me what’s your preferred term for someone who is attracted to or appreciates fat people sexually and/or romantically? I don’t have a preferred term yet — I haven’t settled on one — but I do really like the concept of “fat appreciation.” There’s so much fat fetishizing that happens. Any of my fat friends who are interested in having sex with cisgender men who are on Tinder will tell me how much bullshit they have to put up with because of the way in which many men treat their bodies or talk about their bodies — there’s a lot of not seeing [my friends] as human because it’s all mixed up with fatphobia and fat loathing and then because they find fat women attractive, it comes out in this super gross objectifying way. Some people like to be objectified and that’s totally cool but for me, it’s complex. I don’t want somebody to want me because I’m fat and I don’t want someone to want me in spite of being fat. I want someone who sees in the whole picture and thinks I’m hot. I want to acknowledge the struggle that happens for people who appreciate fat bodies and who are attracted to fat bodies in a fatphobic society while also recognizing I’m a person who is oppressed in our fat phobic society and therefore have more oppression than them. It’s not the Oppression Olympics but let’s eradicate fatphobia first and foremost because fat people are worthy of the full experience of humanity and sexuality. And then we can deal with the people who feel like they have some stigma because they’re attracted to fat people. It all just stems from fatphobia.

What is the biggest misconception about fat sex? That fat people are not fuckable. I think that fat people are wildly fuckable.

What do you want people to take away from your work? I want people to know that they are worthy of love exactly as they are. There’s nothing that they have to change about themselves to be worthy of love. I focus on issues that important to me but ultimately what I want to do is heal. I think that we’re stuck in this feedback loop that’s created by our media, our society and our system in America — and in our world — which is the idea that we’re not enough, so we need to buy stuff to feel like we’re enough but we’re never enough and it’s a constant feedback loop where we pay money to corporations who pay money to the media to sell stuff to us so that we pay them money. I want people to feel liberated from that and know they’re worthy. With Fat Sex Week, if I can empower one person to feel more confident and to feel more entitled to their own sexuality and to feel open to trying new things or exploring something new and interesting with their bodies or just feeling more confident to be in the world as a fat person or as a person with any other difference — that’s exactly what I want to happen. I just want people to feel good in their bodies — because we deserve it.

For more from Bevin Branlandingham, including her upcoming Fat Sex Week XXL, visit her site, Queer Fat Femme.

This interview was edited for length and clarity.

Is there a sex hero you think deserves to be covered on The Huffington Post? Send an email to Noah Michelson.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Here's Everything You Need To Know About Fat Sex Week published first on http://ift.tt/2lnpciY

[yes-dal456]

Here's Everything You Need To Know About Fat Sex Week

Sex Heroes is an ongoing HuffPost Q&A series by Voices Editorial Director Noah Michelson that explores the lives and experiences of individuals who are challenging, and thereby changing, mainstream culture’s understanding of sex and sexuality. 

Bevin Branlandingham wants to change the way we think about bodies, beauty and... banging.

The 38-year-old self-described “queer fat femme,” who owns a blog of the same name where she “chronicle the relentless pursuit of her joy,” writes about body liberation, travel, plus size fashion, sexuality, relationships, spirituality, authenticity and sex. Fat sex to be exact.

In fact, Branlandingham is the creator of Fat Sex Week, an eight-day (”Fat Sex Week was obviously fatter than a regular week,” she said) blog series dedicated to sex, love and relationships for fat people and those who appreciate them.

I recently chatted with the writer, emcee, drag, burlesque and comedy performer about proudly identifying as fat, the difference between fat sex and not-fat sex, what we can expect from Fat Sex Week XXL, the upcoming follow up to Fat Sex Week, and more.

The Huffington Post: How did you come to define yourself as “queer, fat and femme”? Bevin Branlandingham: I kind of came out as all of those things at the same time. I fell in with the right crowd and I realized I had these new words to describe who I was and that was my point of liberation. That’s why still to this day my blog is called Queer Fat Femme and I really use that moniker as an empowerment tool to talk about a life lived fabulously at the nexus of these oppressed identities.

You use the term “fat” as opposed to other terms that people might consider more “politically correct.” Why do you prefer that specific term? A lot of people who are fat don’t use the term. I’ll actually use all of the labels because it’s fun to have different ways of describing your body but I think “fat” is the most important to me because I think it’s the most stigmatized, and so reclaiming that is super empowering. Really, just being in my body and owning my body [is empowering]. I had a pretty significant weight loss — I call it a non-consensual weight loss because I didn’t intend to lose weight. I was addressing chronic inflammation and chronic disease in my body and I ended up losing a lot of weight. But I was still fat — that was the thing — I got a lot of art out of that because I was talking through the shift in my body and how people were interacting with that. It feels like the important thing is that I’m still owning my body and how I describe it and how I own it and I wasn’t “not fat” — you lose weight when you’re fat and you’re still fat… that happens all the time. 

Tell me about Fat Sex Week.  I’ve done a few different sex weeks — I’ve done a fat sex week and a femme sex week. Because I had multiple ideas around fat sex I think I just thought, Oh, I’ll just do a week. As a blogger doing a week of things is fun: it gives me a writing prompt and then I can just farm content from my friends’ too. The first fat sex week was just like that — I had a bunch of stuff to talk about and share with my readers. The next fat sex week is called Fat Sex Week XXL as an homage to the movie “Magic Mike XXL,” which was much better than the original.

I have a friend who loves “Magic Mike” and he says the same thing but I have a really hard time believing either of those films are very good. Am I’m wrong? Do I need to see them? [Those films involve] amazing performances of masculinity. It involves gender performance all the way. It’s easier for [mainstream viewers] because it’s cisgender men but there is just so much gender performance happening. I feel like that’s where the actors are coming from — even if they don’t know it. It’s like a drag show.

OK. OK. I’ll consider watching them but back to Fat Sex Week… It’s a series of blog posts. I do some interviews. I’m always trying to curate diverse expressions of fat sexuality, so I find interesting people and things and then find interesting ways to tell those stories. My friend Substania Jones does an amazing series, called “The Adipositivity Project,” that involves taking pictures of fat people’s bodies and she’s been doing it for 10 years. Thinking about body liberation 10 years ago — it was a really different landscape. I started out doing this work in 2002 and I just didn’t think it would come this far so fast. It’s really impressive. What’s great about Substansia’s series is that it really just shows fat people who are loved and who have partners or who have sexual partners and it’s permission-giving for fat sexuality. I really wanted to highlight that so I interviewed a couple who were featured in this year’s Valentine’s series. Another thing I’m doing is there’s a new sex toy that’s an “[Female to Male] masturbator” — basically it’s made for F to M bodies and I’m having a fat F to M person review it for my blog for fat sex week.

  "I don’t want somebody to want me because I’m fat and I don’t want someone to want me in spite of being fat. I want someone who sees in the whole picture and thinks I’m hot."

Maybe this is a dumb question but is Fat Sex Week only for people who identify as fat? My blog is for everybody. That’s one of the best things about being a blogger: I know I’m probably the weirdest person a lot of people know, whether they’ve ever met me in person or not. I give people a view of the world that they don’t otherwise have access to. I think that humanizes people and I hope that makes a difference and has some kind of social impact. For Fat Sex Week, I always aim it at other fat people who want to have better sex but it’s also helpful to show people who are not fat that fat people are sexual and deserve sex and all bodies are deserving of sex just as they are. The idea is to do a little bit of activism but also to present some really interesting facets of fat sexuality.

What are some of the things that you concentrate on? What’s different about “fat sex” when compared to “not-fat sex”? There’s the rub, right? There’s some acknowledgement that things are different to have sex in a fat body. I don’t think that’s necessarily a negative thing and sometimes people think that having accommodations or doing things differently than what straight cis thin people do is like somehow bad because it’s different. Frankly, I think that queer sex is more interesting than straight sex because there’s more variety — there’s nothing that’s off-limits. You just do what feels good. It’s not about procreation, which is just so limiting because of the “penis and vagina end game.”

Do you consider fat sex to be queer sex? I know too many normal straight fat people to say that [laughs] but fat sex is definitely very much part of queer sex and I think that even heterosexual people can be queer and can have queer sex. What we’re really talking about here is this very complex venn diagram [overlapping queer sex and fat sex] because if you’re sexually liberated or “weird,” that’s definitely queer — even if it’s happening in a cisgender heterosexual way. Even then, fat sex is different because different positions work better. For example, if you’re two people in a fat relationship and you both have vulvas and you both want penetration, you’re going to need a different size toy to do a double penetration situation between the two of you than you’d need for two thin people trying to accomplish the same thing. You just need more length. So there are just differences that are necessary but the approach to having good quality fat sex is the same as the approach to having any good quality sex: being open to adapting and creating in the way that creates the most pleasure for everyone involved.

Is it OK for a not-fat person to use the term “fat” to describe other people or identities? Great question. I think you need to be mindful of your audience. Understanding that “fat” is a term that is often used for empowerment purposes — you want to listen to your cues. Someone who knows me for even 20 minutes is going to know that I identify as “fat.” That’s just so much a part of who I am. You don’t want to call someone “fat” who hasn’t destigmatized that word for themselves. If you’re working on behalf of body liberation and you’re saying things and you’re confronting things and you’re talking about “fat” from an empowered place, that’s OK. But if you’re just saying “fat people yadda yadda” and you’re not using it in that empowered way, then I would say you don’t get a pass on that. It’s like straight people using the word “queer”: it’s more mainstream than ever before but you also need to be careful about how you’re using it, in what context and who you’re talking to when using it.

I was reading something you wrote that really intrigued me about “fat appreciators” or people who are admirers of fat people and the complex configuration of emotions that can exist when you’re on the receiving end of that appreciation. I’d love to talk a little bit more about that and can you also tell me what’s your preferred term for someone who is attracted to or appreciates fat people sexually and/or romantically? I don’t have a preferred term yet — I haven’t settled on one — but I do really like the concept of “fat appreciation.” There’s so much fat fetishizing that happens. Any of my fat friends who are interested in having sex with cisgender men who are on Tinder will tell me how much bullshit they have to put up with because of the way in which many men treat their bodies or talk about their bodies — there’s a lot of not seeing [my friends] as human because it’s all mixed up with fatphobia and fat loathing and then because they find fat women attractive, it comes out in this super gross objectifying way. Some people like to be objectified and that’s totally cool but for me, it’s complex. I don’t want somebody to want me because I’m fat and I don’t want someone to want me in spite of being fat. I want someone who sees in the whole picture and thinks I’m hot. I want to acknowledge the struggle that happens for people who appreciate fat bodies and who are attracted to fat bodies in a fatphobic society while also recognizing I’m a person who is oppressed in our fat phobic society and therefore have more oppression than them. It’s not the Oppression Olympics but let’s eradicate fatphobia first and foremost because fat people are worthy of the full experience of humanity and sexuality. And then we can deal with the people who feel like they have some stigma because they’re attracted to fat people. It all just stems from fatphobia.

What is the biggest misconception about fat sex? That fat people are not fuckable. I think that fat people are wildly fuckable.

What do you want people to take away from your work? I want people to know that they are worthy of love exactly as they are. There’s nothing that they have to change about themselves to be worthy of love. I focus on issues that important to me but ultimately what I want to do is heal. I think that we’re stuck in this feedback loop that’s created by our media, our society and our system in America — and in our world — which is the idea that we’re not enough, so we need to buy stuff to feel like we’re enough but we’re never enough and it’s a constant feedback loop where we pay money to corporations who pay money to the media to sell stuff to us so that we pay them money. I want people to feel liberated from that and know they’re worthy. With Fat Sex Week, if I can empower one person to feel more confident and to feel more entitled to their own sexuality and to feel open to trying new things or exploring something new and interesting with their bodies or just feeling more confident to be in the world as a fat person or as a person with any other difference — that’s exactly what I want to happen. I just want people to feel good in their bodies — because we deserve it.

For more from Bevin Branlandingham, including her upcoming Fat Sex Week XXL, visit her site, Queer Fat Femme.

This interview was edited for length and clarity.

Is there a sex hero you think deserves to be covered on The Huffington Post? Send an email to Noah Michelson.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

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Here's Everything You Need To Know About Fat Sex Week

Sex Heroes is an ongoing HuffPost Q&A series by Voices Editorial Director Noah Michelson that explores the lives and experiences of individuals who are challenging, and thereby changing, mainstream culture’s understanding of sex and sexuality. 

Bevin Branlandingham wants to change the way we think about bodies, beauty and... banging.

The 38-year-old self-described “queer fat femme,” who owns a blog of the same name where she “chronicle the relentless pursuit of her joy,” writes about body liberation, travel, plus size fashion, sexuality, relationships, spirituality, authenticity and sex. Fat sex to be exact.

In fact, Branlandingham is the creator of Fat Sex Week, an eight-day (”Fat Sex Week was obviously fatter than a regular week,” she said) blog series dedicated to sex, love and relationships for fat people and those who appreciate them.

I recently chatted with the writer, emcee, drag, burlesque and comedy performer about proudly identifying as fat, the difference between fat sex and not-fat sex, what we can expect from Fat Sex Week XXL, the upcoming follow up to Fat Sex Week, and more.

The Huffington Post: How did you come to define yourself as “queer, fat and femme”? Bevin Branlandingham: I kind of came out as all of those things at the same time. I fell in with the right crowd and I realized I had these new words to describe who I was and that was my point of liberation. That’s why still to this day my blog is called Queer Fat Femme and I really use that moniker as an empowerment tool to talk about a life lived fabulously at the nexus of these oppressed identities.

You use the term “fat” as opposed to other terms that people might consider more “politically correct.” Why do you prefer that specific term? A lot of people who are fat don’t use the term. I’ll actually use all of the labels because it’s fun to have different ways of describing your body but I think “fat” is the most important to me because I think it’s the most stigmatized, and so reclaiming that is super empowering. Really, just being in my body and owning my body [is empowering]. I had a pretty significant weight loss — I call it a non-consensual weight loss because I didn’t intend to lose weight. I was addressing chronic inflammation and chronic disease in my body and I ended up losing a lot of weight. But I was still fat — that was the thing — I got a lot of art out of that because I was talking through the shift in my body and how people were interacting with that. It feels like the important thing is that I’m still owning my body and how I describe it and how I own it and I wasn’t “not fat” — you lose weight when you’re fat and you’re still fat… that happens all the time. 

Tell me about Fat Sex Week.  I’ve done a few different sex weeks — I’ve done a fat sex week and a femme sex week. Because I had multiple ideas around fat sex I think I just thought, Oh, I’ll just do a week. As a blogger doing a week of things is fun: it gives me a writing prompt and then I can just farm content from my friends’ too. The first fat sex week was just like that — I had a bunch of stuff to talk about and share with my readers. The next fat sex week is called Fat Sex Week XXL as an homage to the movie “Magic Mike XXL,” which was much better than the original.

I have a friend who loves “Magic Mike” and he says the same thing but I have a really hard time believing either of those films are very good. Am I’m wrong? Do I need to see them? [Those films involve] amazing performances of masculinity. It involves gender performance all the way. It’s easier for [mainstream viewers] because it’s cisgender men but there is just so much gender performance happening. I feel like that’s where the actors are coming from — even if they don’t know it. It’s like a drag show.

OK. OK. I’ll consider watching them but back to Fat Sex Week… It’s a series of blog posts. I do some interviews. I’m always trying to curate diverse expressions of fat sexuality, so I find interesting people and things and then find interesting ways to tell those stories. My friend Substania Jones does an amazing series, called “The Adipositivity Project,” that involves taking pictures of fat people’s bodies and she’s been doing it for 10 years. Thinking about body liberation 10 years ago — it was a really different landscape. I started out doing this work in 2002 and I just didn’t think it would come this far so fast. It’s really impressive. What’s great about Substansia’s series is that it really just shows fat people who are loved and who have partners or who have sexual partners and it’s permission-giving for fat sexuality. I really wanted to highlight that so I interviewed a couple who were featured in this year’s Valentine’s series. Another thing I’m doing is there’s a new sex toy that’s an “[Female to Male] masturbator” — basically it’s made for F to M bodies and I’m having a fat F to M person review it for my blog for fat sex week.

  "I don’t want somebody to want me because I’m fat and I don’t want someone to want me in spite of being fat. I want someone who sees in the whole picture and thinks I’m hot."

Maybe this is a dumb question but is Fat Sex Week only for people who identify as fat? My blog is for everybody. That’s one of the best things about being a blogger: I know I’m probably the weirdest person a lot of people know, whether they’ve ever met me in person or not. I give people a view of the world that they don’t otherwise have access to. I think that humanizes people and I hope that makes a difference and has some kind of social impact. For Fat Sex Week, I always aim it at other fat people who want to have better sex but it’s also helpful to show people who are not fat that fat people are sexual and deserve sex and all bodies are deserving of sex just as they are. The idea is to do a little bit of activism but also to present some really interesting facets of fat sexuality.

What are some of the things that you concentrate on? What’s different about “fat sex” when compared to “not-fat sex”? There’s the rub, right? There’s some acknowledgement that things are different to have sex in a fat body. I don’t think that’s necessarily a negative thing and sometimes people think that having accommodations or doing things differently than what straight cis thin people do is like somehow bad because it’s different. Frankly, I think that queer sex is more interesting than straight sex because there’s more variety — there’s nothing that’s off-limits. You just do what feels good. It’s not about procreation, which is just so limiting because of the “penis and vagina end game.”

Do you consider fat sex to be queer sex? I know too many normal straight fat people to say that [laughs] but fat sex is definitely very much part of queer sex and I think that even heterosexual people can be queer and can have queer sex. What we’re really talking about here is this very complex venn diagram [overlapping queer sex and fat sex] because if you’re sexually liberated or “weird,” that’s definitely queer — even if it’s happening in a cisgender heterosexual way. Even then, fat sex is different because different positions work better. For example, if you’re two people in a fat relationship and you both have vulvas and you both want penetration, you’re going to need a different size toy to do a double penetration situation between the two of you than you’d need for two thin people trying to accomplish the same thing. You just need more length. So there are just differences that are necessary but the approach to having good quality fat sex is the same as the approach to having any good quality sex: being open to adapting and creating in the way that creates the most pleasure for everyone involved.

Is it O for a not-fat person to use the term “fat” to describe other people or identities? Great question. I think you need to be mindful of your audience. Understanding that “fat” is a term that is often used for empowerment purposes — you want to listen to your cues. Someone who knows me for even 20 minutes is going to know that I identify as “fat.” That’s just so much a part of who I am. You don’t want to call someone “fat” who hasn’t destigmatized that word for themselves. If you’re working on behalf of body liberation and you’re saying things and you’re confronting things and you’re talking about “fat” from an empowered place, that’s OK. But if you’re just saying “fat people yadda yards” and you’re not using it in that empowered way, then I would say you don’t get a pass on that. It’s like straight people using the word “queer”: it’s more mainstream than ever before but you also need to be careful about how you’re using it, in what context and who you’re talking to when using it.

I was reading something you wrote that really intrigued me about “fat appreciators” or people who are admirers of fat people and the complex configuration of emotions that can exist when you’re on the receiving end of that appreciation. I’d love to talk a little bit more about that and can you also tell me what’s your preferred term for someone who is attracted to or appreciates fat people sexually and/or romantically? I don’t have a preferred term yet — I haven’t settled on one — but I do really like the concept of “fat appreciation.” There’s so much fat fetishizing that happens. Any of my fat friends who are interested in having sex with cisgender men who are on Tinder will tell me how much bullshit they have to put up with because of the way in which many men treat their bodies or talk about their bodies — there’s a lot of not seeing [my friends] as human because it’s all mixed up with fatphobia and fat loathing and then because they find fat women attractive, it comes out in this super gross objectifying way. Some people like to be objectified and that’s totally cool but for me, it’s complex. I don’t want somebody to want me because I’m fat and I don’t want someone to want me in spite of being fat. I want someone who sees in the whole picture and thinks I’m hot. I want to acknowledge the struggle that happens for people who appreciate fat bodies and who are attracted to fat bodies in a fatphobic society while also recognizing I’m a person who is oppressed in our fat phobic society and therefore have more oppression than them. It’s not the Oppression Olympics but let’s eradicate fatphobia first and foremost because fat people are worthy of the full experience of humanity and sexuality. And then we can deal with the people who feel like they have some stigma because they’re attracted to fat people. It all just stems from fatphobia.

What is the biggest misconception about fat sex? That fat people are not fuckable. I think that fat people are wildly fuckable.

What do you want people to take away from your work? I want people to know that they are worthy of love exactly as they are. There’s nothing that they have to change about themselves to be worthy of love. I focus on issues that important to me but ultimately what I want to do is heal. I think that we’re stuck in this feedback loop that’s created by our media, our society and our system in America — and in our world — which is the idea that we’re not enough, so we need to buy stuff to feel like we’re enough but we’re never enough and it’s a constant feedback loop where we pay money to corporations who pay money to the media to sell stuff to us so that we pay them money. I want people to feel liberated from that and know they’re worthy. With Fat Sex Week, if I can empower one person to feel more confident and to feel more entitled to their own sexuality and to feel open to trying new things or exploring something new and interesting with their bodies or just feeling more confident to be in the world as a fat person or as a person with any other difference — that’s exactly what I want to happen. I just want people to feel good in their bodies — because we deserve it.

For more from Bevin Branlandingham, including her upcoming Fat Sex Week XXL, visit her site, Queer Fat Femme.

This interview was edited for length and clarity.

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