#idk what else to tag im swooning

[lvnesart]

brainrot over falin led to inevitable brainrot over monster kabru

im madly in love with both like SICK IN LOVE

#dungeon meshi #falin #kabru #idk what else to tag im swooning #raise your hand if these two being my faves was predictable lol

[taegularities]

Gosh what can I say, CMI really has a special place in my heart like we’ve come a long way to come to this point!! Again I took down my favourite moments because it makes me tear up 😩

“Pulling out all the stops and making things better with you, I mean. I wouldn’t wanna do it with anyone else.” This is love, this is love. Like even if you’re happy, sad or angry with each other it doesn’t matter as long as its with your person 🥹🥹 I suddenly remember that song called I’d Rather by Luther Vandross ❤️

“Which is you for me. I’m building a home with you.” All I can say is the best is yet to come. I’m so excited for the home and life they’ll build together!! *ehem* kids included *ehem*

“My baby is the prettiest ever. Ever, ever.” Cmi jk makes me swoon 🥰🥰 MY BABY ugh 🙊

Iron Man socks. Obviously worn a hundred times; so, so him. — nauurrr but I do remember kook wearing the iron man socks when they got pranked though 💔 he was a baby 😭😭

“And this… This is my girlfriend. She’s even prettier in real life… that’s right.” Come onnnn!! As if cmi jk cant be more perfect. Im still reeling at the fact they’re together cause cmi jk wears the boyfriend tag like a badge of honour 🥰🥰

“Don’t say these things while they’re here, baby,” he warns, although as tenderly as anyhow possible, “you’ll give me a heart attack, I mean it.” I love it when oc teases him!! He’s down bad! I actually wished oc did something naughty hihi

Much like the flowers towards the downpour, Jungkook and you reached for each other while being watered by gloom — but unlike the flowers, you’re still sprouting and thriving into something vivid and fragrant. Not beaten by the agonising shower. - THIS IS MY MOST FAVOURITE PART. I cant remember how many times I read and go back to this particular paragraph. Your words are so beautiful its painful to think about it ❤️❤️

And in the end, him and you aren’t tragic like them. You will never wither — only bloom. - THIS ONE TOO 😭😭 When I read this I felt like gosh this line holds so much promise. I trust you Rid to never break them apart again 😐🤞🏻

And when I come home now, the first thing I think of is you. What we’d cook tonight. Or what we might watch or talk about. - I wish I have something like this to think about also AHA HA HA HA.. 🫥

“And that’s you. I don’t want anyone if I can’t have you.” Its you for me, and me for you kinda thing. No one can ever come between them ❤️

“Wanna dance with you. And kiss you under the lights.” They’re so sickeningly romantic my gosh I feel my single-ness so much when I read cmi 😩 like idk if they’re the type but when I think of cmi couple, they’re like the ones who would dance to mellow music in their living room with only fairylights on, maybe some wine. Enjoying the night as if they’re the only ones awake and sharing a secret only they know 😩❤️❤️❤️

Thank you Rid for our new year’s gift!! You’re so so incredibly talented and hope you know how special you are as a writer and person!! This new year, i wish you can feel comforted as much as we feel comfort from you and your stories. Love you my darling ❤️

gosh, cmi really has come a long way, huh? 😭 1.5 yrs of beauty, and it shall continue for just a bit longer <3 you're so sweet for highlighting your favourite parts :((

i think one of the reasons i truly love these two so much is that they take every emotion in their relationship as an important and natural part of it. like, we haven't seen that bit yet, but it is in my notes – the way they'll handle jealousy, anger, sorrow, trauma will be so incredibly… mature? and very sweet. and they wouldn't wanna do it with anyone else, yes 🥺

not the kids, plsss 😭 (also im just noticing, but i wanted to call you by a name and only came up with koalashark?? lmaoo is there a name i can call or tag you with? 🥺)

THE IRON MAN SOCKSSS AHHHH i immediately felt bad thinking about the AHL incident bc that was so terrible to witness but… the fact that jk had iron man socks at all :( and he'll be wearing them again just bc oc told him to heheheheh <3

HE DOES WEAR THE BOYFRIEND TAG LIKE A BADGE OF HONOUR AHHHHH he's so proud to be hers 😭 and smth naughty huh? fret not. oc will drive him insane in cmi12/13 lollll. also, ty ty tysm for talking about the flower part. i agonised over it for such a long time, so your praise means a lot to me <3

"Its you for me, and me for you kinda thing"… yes. yes yes yes 🥺 :(((

they're truly both romantic ugh. like, i feel like oc isn't as hardcore of a romantic as him, but that love makes her just that for sure. or idk. i really cannot say who of them is more romantic i just ughghhgjdkshfgjkdfsk :') and yes babe you're right, they're the type to slow dance to mellow music and hold each other close, and her head on his shoulder anddddd… you're not too far off bc we might see this someday 😭

thank you so much for reading, sweetheart <3 you're so fkn sweet for always giving me feedback like this and for making me and the story feel special. i do feel so much comfort, so thank you for this 🥺 love you 🤍

#manifesting a love like this for us too!!! we'll have it too so dw 🥺 #notes for rid 🌹 #chaotickoalashark #fic: colour me in #long ask

[treysimp]

You’re writing is sooooo good!! Like, I’ve read my fair share of literature, fanfics and books alike (English major life ayyy lmao), and I’m being 100% genuine when I say that yours is some of the best I’ve ever seen!

And the newest Diasomnia fic blew me out of the water! Everyone’s characterization (and all the other boys in the other dorms as well) was completely amazing and spot on. I have to specifically praise you on Sebek’s part. As you can tell by my pfp he’s my favorite boy lmao, and the way you wrote him was wonderful and such a breath of fresh air! He’s one of the boys that tends to get mischaracterized a by a lot of of people, and while I understand that he’s definitely not the most likable of the cast, it’s sooooo nice for someone to completely understand how he is.

And the way you have him balance his romantic relationship and his knightly duties? Mwah amazing. The line “While I am fae, I’m also just a man”? I SWOONED, IM ON LOVE YOUR HONOR.

Anyways, I’ll cut my little rambling here haha. Just as some final thought, you’re writing is soooo good and I can’t wait to read what else you have in store in the future! (And if you don’t mind be tagged as well hehe). Have a wonderful day~!

I’m sobbing thank you this is such high praise.

Sebek was actually the first one I wrote after doing the Savannahclaw ones because I feel the same way! I understand why people wanna meme on his obsession with Malleus (and let’s be real he deserves it haha) but there is so much potential for really interesting depth with a character who is fantasy-bi-racial in what seems to be a highly hierarchical society.

Silver is human too, so obviously he would have baggage as well but he would be completely othered by default. Sebek has to grapple with being too inhuman for humanity’s comfort and too human for a fae. Where does he even fit in? We don’t even know how relatively common or uncommon half-fae children are as far as I’m aware. He is fighting for his life to keep Malleus safe and sound, imagine what would happen if something happened to Malleus?

“That’s what happens when a king trusts second-rate retainers such as he! General Lilia has become too soft on him.”

I feel like imagined words like that keep Sebek up at night.

No idea if that is every touched on (I don’t have a lot of Sebek cards as sad as that is so idk if there’s more stories for him)

He’s so obsessed with Malleus because his job as his knight is also heavily tied to his legitimacy as a person, especially as a fae! He calls people “human” to other himself, literally point out what they are in order to deflect from what he is not. I feel like him falling in love with a human would be complex for him because if they had children they would be even less fae than he is, and how scary is that! How would they even be treated?

Okay I’m gonna stop ranting but this sweet and insecure boy has sooooo much potential for depth and it really claws at your heart, you know?

But again thank you I am gonna save this ask to re-read any time I feel sad this is really so wonderful thank you thank you

#sebek zigvolt #twst headcanons #asks

[girlarmand]

@cithaerons tagged me to share some quotes that live in my head rent free to the point where i have them memorized. shes really smart so i feel like these have to be good

“why do girls always stand on the sides of their feet, as if theyre afraid to plant themselves?” animal dreams, barbara kingsolver

“do you think that because i am poor obscure plain and little” all the way up through “i should take the bleeding inwardly” jane eyre, charlotte brontë

“bright star, were i as steadfast as thou art/not in lone splendor...hung aloft the night? idk but it’s pillowed upon my fair loves ripening breast and then the end is or else swoon to death” bright star, john keats but whats really rent free is the movie bright star (2009 dir. jane campion)

“so i was selling my wares. and i walk past this old creepy castle and i think very old and creepy. um actually i dont remember the next sentence but the creature bit into my neck and just at the point of death forced me to suck its foul blood. then it hovered above me screeching ahhh now you are vampire!! and it was petyr. and were still friends today.” what we do in the shadows, taika waititi

the entirety of bust a move by young mc. literally. i dont think you want me to put it all here but my favorite is the last verse. this is the only one on the list that i have perfectly memorized

im not gonna tag anyone bc this is so late

[inside-of-a-fangirls-mind]

The White Wolf’s Dance; Chapter 3

Request; I needed some heat between the two and a bit of a dramatic cliff hanger. 

Words; 3,022

Warnings; Nudity, cursing I think, LOTS OF FEELS, and geralt is very hard to read. Nothing else really?

Pairing; Geralt X Elf/Reader and oh boy spiceee

Notes; I don’t know when I will have chapter 4 up. I haven’t even started writing it but hopefully it will be within a day or two. Im trying to be good and write a lot more. But in the future it might take even longer idk. Tuesday-Thursday are gonna be the days I probably can update the most cause I don’t work so bare with me guys. Im try and keep up with at least 2 chapters a week though if not more. I love yall so much!

——————————————————————————————————–

(I do not own anything witcher or any gifs, all rights to the creators.)

TagList; @yuminyg @andyl394 @grumgoblin

(If you wanna be on the tag list comment below or drop an ask un-anon. And I got you.)

                       *Chapter 3; Gates Of Temptation*

When you came to, you were in the last place you expected, laying in an unfamiliar bed, half-naked and all stitched up. Your head was pounding and your body felt like you hadn’t eaten in days. How long had you been out? Your hand shot to your head but there was a bandage wrapped around your head hiding your ears.

At that moment an unfamiliar face walked in before shouting down the hall. “she’s awake.” The unfamiliar female was a gorgeous blonde and soon left the door. Geralt appeared in the doorway shortly after, arms crossed.

“S-so I guess you know my secret now..” you chuckled dryly before trying to reach for the water on the side of your bed. Geralt was across the room in a second holding the cup to your lips. You take a deep drink.

“I told you not to die on me kid.” He sighs and sits beside you on the bed.

“Well last time I checked I’ve still very much alive. Bleeding but alive.” You smirk and look over him. “Thanks though.. for uh. Carrying me down a mountain and..” your fingers lingered in the headdress on you. He gave a short nod before staring at the floor.

“I’ll be in this town until you heal. Jaskier.. uh. Wants to stay close to make sure you’re okay. Seems you’ve had quite the impact on him.” Geralt stands up and starts heading for the door.

“That why you’re in here and not him?” You smirk before lifting your hand to make a gush of breeze whip through his hair. “I see you’ve taken a bath. Any chance I can?”

“Can you do it alone?” His voice was challenging but you just smirked and let your eyes roam over him.

“I’m sure I could manage. If not I know a certain Witcher who could carry me out.” You throw him a wink before closing your eyes and relaxing back against the pillow. Geralt grunted before shutting your door.

“So.. how is she?” Jaskier asked as he rounded the corner. “doing okay?”

Geralt nodded before looking over him. “she wants a bath. Why don’t you go get it ready? I need an ale.” And with that, Geralt headed out the door and towards the local inn.

Jaskier went to open his mouth but Geralt was already gone, he walked upstairs to the bathing room and began to fill the wooden tub with water. Once it was all set up Jaskier knocked on your door with a smile. “Y/N your bath is all set up.” He hummed out.

“You can come in.” You hum as you finish putting on your robe sitting on the edge of the bed. Your hands tie the band around it as the door opens and Jaskier struts in.

You glance up at him with a smile before holding out your hand to him “Be a gentleman and help a lady up. No magick this time I promise.” You hum softly. He wastes no time and walks over taking your hand and helping you up. Your hand wraps around his shoulder and his around your waist. “As long as you don’t try and seduce me again all will be well.” He teases before slowly helping you to the bathing room. “Geralt left in a rush what did you say to him?” He questioned glancing at you.

“He questioned my ability to take a bath on my own, I told him if he was so worried he could join me. Upon that he left. I can quite well handle myself, but yet he seems to doubt my ability to bath alone.” You chuckled softly before squeezing Jaskier’s shoulder. “Guess he can’t take a joke huh?”

Jaskier chuckled as well before shaking his head “He probably isn’t used to the teasing. Most find him rather,” He thought for a moment on what word to use. “Strange..” Though what people actually said about him was very different.

“Strange indeed, but surely, the woman can’t keep their hands off of him. He maybe a little scary but he is attractive under all the blood and dirt.” You smirked at the idea of Geralt truly all cleaned up and dressed in something other than black. He would look rather gorgeous.

“Oh no,” Jaskier helped you into the room and sat you on the edge of the wooden tub. “Don’t tell me you have feelings for our dear Witcher.” He teased before laying out a few towels for her.

“Oh Gods no,” You rolled your eyes at the thought, though you might feel a little something towards Geralt. Jaskier unquestionably did not need to know that about you. “Just saying if he actually took a bath more than once a month and honestly spoke. Women would be falling at his feet. Not many men like him in this countryside.” You twisted on the edge of the tub so your feet were now in the water. Slowly pulling your robe off as you slid into the tub.

Jaskier didn’t turn around under you gave him the okay. The water hid your body under the water. Not like you would mind Jaskier seeing you naked, he just wasn’t your first choice.

“That may be true, but Geralt. He’s well,” Jaskier paused to think a moment before sitting on a stool. “He’s difficult. Doesn’t need anyone, or so he says. If he didn’t need anyone I wouldn’t have had to apply a cream to his rear end before.” He chuckled at the memory.

“Oh, I would have paid to see that.” You laughed at the thought of the mighty Witcher asking for help with something like that. You ran your hands up through your hair. “Can I get a little help?” You asked pointing at the water pitcher on the other side of the room.

“Anything for the lovely lady.” He chimed before grabbing the pitcher and filling it with her bathwater before slowly pouring it over her hair. “I wouldn’t mention this to Geralt though. He might think you were trying to seduce me again.” He teased as your hands raked through your hair, washing out the grime and dirt.

“Oh, I didn’t plan on it.” You hummed before relaxing into the warm bath. Jaskier chuckled before setting the pitcher by the tub. “I’ll be back, the kitchen has no good booze and I think we could all use a drink this evening. Think you can manage for a little while without me?” He teased before leaning on the doorway to make sure you would be okay without him.

“I think I’ll get along just fine. Hurry back though. Once the water goes cold I might need help getting out.” You throw a playful wink his way before he puts his hand to his heart pretending to swoon.

“Anything for the darling Y/N” He sighed out dramatically before chuckling softly. “What’s your favorite poison?”

“Anything strong,” You smile at him before closing your eyes to rest int he tub. “Oh and Jaskier?” You open one eye to glance up at him. “Thanks.” He grins and offers you a playful bow before shutting the door and leaving you in the room and home all alone. Though you don’t mind. You softly sing out as you wash the layers of dirt and blood from your skin. “Toss a coin to your witcher, oh valley of plenty. oh, valley of plenty. Ohhh Ohh oh oh.”

After a while, you can see the water turned a deep brown from the dirt and blood coming off of you and decide it’s fitting time to get out. “Jaskier you back yet?” You call out loudly but after no answer, you shrug it off. Surely you could get out by yourself, after all, you had gotten in alone.

Putting your hands on either side of the tub you try your best to lift yourself out, but just as you almost had it a loud tear rips out in the room and you cry out in pain. Falling back down into the tub. Your hand flies to your shoulder were you could feel blood running from the wound there. “Of course I ripped my stitches. What’s a girl gotta do to get a good doctor nowadays.” You mumbled through the tears and sighed. Surely Jaskier would be back soon, he had to be.

Just as you were about to try and get out again you heard the door open and someone walks in. “Oh! Jaskier! Up here!” You yelled, your voice rather full of pain.

You here running up the stairs before looking to the door as it opened to reveal Geralt himself. Your eyes meet his as you mentally curse the gods for doing this. Sure you talked a big game, but he had made it pretty obvious he wasn’t interested.

“Fuck.” He murmured before walking over to you, kneeling beside the tub looking over your wound. But he didn’t say another word. You did your best not to look at him, but when he was this close and you could feel his breath on your bare skin it made you shiver.

He gave you a strange look before you sunk a little in the water, “It’s cold. Been in here a while.” You mumbled before glancing at his hands on your shoulder. They were big and strong and you could only imagine the things they could do to you. You clenched your jaw trying not to think like that. You weren’t sure if it was the excitement from him being able to catch you naked or nervousness since your heart was about to pulsate out your chest.

“Your heart rate is high, you’ve already lost a lot of blood. I got to get you out and stitch you up again.” He didn’t even give you a chance to process his words before his shirt was coming off and arms dipping into your bathwater.

“Hey! Oh hey! Watch your hands!” You nearly scream out, your hands on his bare chest to stop him from getting any closer. Your heart was racing now, your eyes glued to his. Knowing if you looked at his chest you would most likely lose your mind. “In case you didn’t notice I’m naked.”

“I did.” He stated flatly before moving his face closer to yours. “So you’d show yourself to the bard but not to me to save your life?” His eyes seemed to almost twinkle with his smirk.

You looked away from him a moment thinking it over before sighing loudly. “Only Jaskier never saw me naked.” You scowled at him trying to seem like you would end his life if he dared but you knew he could feel your heart racing. “Close your eyes.” You whispered.

“Are you kidding me?” He started, shifting back a little his eyes wondering to your shoulders curious to see what the bloody water hid.

“Either you close your eyes or I shall wait for Jaskier to return. He at least is a gentleman!” You half screamed at the white-haired man. Your arms moving to cover your chest and sink a little lower into the water. His eyes on you excited you but you were not about to give in to what he wanted.

“Fine.” Was the only word he said before closing his eyes and sliding his arms under your legs and around your waist. His arms were warm despite the chilly temperature of the water. You found yourself leaning onto his chest as he grunted and lifted you out of the water. Your arms clinging around his neck your eyes tracing out his facial features. The strong curve of his jawline, the subtleness of his facial hair, the plumpness of his lips. And that only made your heart pound faster and your head gets light. He stood there just holding you for a minute, his warm embrace felt like nothing you could describe. It was almost like coming home after a lengthy journey, you inhaled his scent as a smile smeared across your lips. Even covered in sweat he never smelled bad.

“I have to open my eyes to get you to your room, you know that right?” He questioned, keeping his eyes closed for the moment being. “Unless you wish for me just to hold you naked until Jaskier comes back?” His voice had a playful tone and you almost had a heart attack. The witcher had a sense of humor?

“I.. um- oh.” You muttered to yourself before looking around. Spotting the towel Jaskier had so kindly laid out for you. “Take one step to the right and three forward then slowly set me down. Jaskier left a towel on the stool for me.” Geralt’s brow furrowed but he did as she said gently. It was different not being able to see as he tried to move around the wet floor. His footing was almost lost a time or two but he managed.

Once at the stool he slowly leaned over and set your legs down on the floor tracing up your thigh to your hip to steady you. Another shiver ran up your spine as you bit your lip to hold in a gasp. But he didn’t seem to notice. You bent over to grab the towel, accidentally pushing your backside right into him. You let out a pitiful yelp before standing up and wrapping the towel around you in a quick sloppy manner. A hot blush covering your cheeks.

His eyes opened at the yelp but thankfully you had thrown the towel on fast enough for him to catch nothing but a glimpse at your bare back. “I can see how you got Jaskier to fall in love with you, with your accidental brush-ups. Watch yourself.” his eyes narrowed at you before wrapping an arm under yours and helping you back to your room. You didn’t say a word, utterly mortified.

He sat you on the bed and grabbed a pitcher of water to pour on your wound to clean some blood away. Then grabbed a needle and thread. “This is going to hurt.” His voice was monotoned, and without waiting for a response he started to stitch up your wound again.

It took everything in you not to move, not to scream. Your hands grasping the towel around you until your knuckles turned pale, your teeth sinking into your lip and your jaw clenching so hard you were unsure if you could open it again. A blast of wind flew around the room making the sheets flail a little around you, your hair blowing almost straight up and Geralt’s all in his face.

He stopped his hands pushing you back to lay on the bed. “You need to get it together. If you can’t I will have to put you under.” He snarled his tone sounding threatening. You nod and grit your teeth together forcing your magick to control its self. Trying to take your mind off the searing pain you open your eyes and watch Geralt. His face is in pure concentration as he fixes you up. You study his face, a rush of tranquility overtaking you.

Before you know it his amber eyes are staring straight back into yours. A blush crawls back over your cheeks as you open your mouth to say something, anything. His face is dangerously close to yours and he hasn’t moved away. Maybe just maybe you had a chance. Your eyes darted to his lips before back to his with an almost neediness. His eyes soften as his other hand rested on your forearm as if he was debating to pull you closer to him.

And you would have found out if he would of but at that moment Jaskier walked in the room with three bottles of ale. “Y/N I’m back- oooh oh oh what do we have here?” His self-satisfied smirk kills whatever might have been happening. Geralt stands and walks towards Jaskier then around him to the doorway.

“See to it she’s not left alone again. She tore her stitches.” He mumbled before leaving.

You didn’t realize you were holding your breath until then, a long sigh left your lips as you let your head fall against your pillow. “So, what did I walk into miss I don’t have feelings for him?” He chimed as he walked over to look at your new stitches.

“Jaskier- I” You groaned out in annoyance before covering your face with your hands. “I don’t like him. He was fixing me up after I was stupid. That is all.” You murmured into your hands but you could feel Jaskier’s smirk.

“Oh, I’m sure that was all. And perhaps care to tell me why he was shirtless?” He teased before popping open a bottle and nudging it against your arm. “Here you need this.”

You pulled your hands away from your face to take the bottle and take a long sip. “It’s nothing leave it be. Though he did say you were very in love with me?” You smirked a little wiping your mouth on the back of your hand.

“Not with you, but with that rather visionary lady you had me spend the night within my dream.” He rolled his eyes before patting your head. “She was wonderful, you’re a little dangerous though.” That made you giggle softly before taking another swig.

“Good to know.” You hum before handing him back the bottle and sighing. “I think I need a nap now. It’s been a long morning.” You whisper, Jaskier happily takes the bottle and nods. Making his way to the door before turning around to you.

“I’ll wake you in a few hours. Geralt wanted to discuss something with all of us. Probably the coins you owe us but now I’m not so sure.” He taunted before closing your door and leaving you to wonder what. Especially after everything that happened in the bathing room.

You sighed softly and closed your eyes, you would deal with what it was when you awoke right now you needed to regain your strength so you could heal yourself faster. 

Chapter 4

#the witcher #geralt x reader #geralt fanfic #geralt x you #geralt x y/n #geralt of rivia #jaskier x you #jaskier x reader #jaskier #witcher #reader insert #witcher reader insert #the witcher tv #the witcher game #henry cavill #family deaths warning #slow burn #eventual smut #smut #tag list #geralt is daddy #witchers don't feel #that's a lie #they just don't talk about their feelings #The White Wolfs Dance Fanfic

[lavenderbyun]

These people can't change the course of the show. They're just being loud and hypocritical but the drama is obviously going in one direction like I feel you should just not go in the tag and enjoy the show on its own. That's unfortunate but it seems to be upsetting you and idk what else there is to do 😔.

Even if I personally don't understand caring about opinions from sls having people, i just kind of laugh at it tbh, i know that you and others do and you really enjoy the character being smeared. But you can't change their minds. I guess I just wish the people that did enjoy it weren't having their time ruined by other people. I'm upset seeing you and other people upset when you should just be enjoying the show lol. I guess I'm more affected by other people than when I'm actively involved. And I'm not even watching the show!

Are they posting on your gifsets too or clogging up your inbox still? You might have to temporarily block people in that case y'know? For all you know they might act up again if they're being like this right now. Idk what else there is to do. I'm really sorry you and other fans have had to deal with this.

i wish it was as easy as avoid the tag but honestly? 

i click a soompi article and its in the first comments, i open youtube and the swoon’s made a sls video dedicated to jipyeong, twitter is full of shit, tumblr keeps promoting jidal posts to me and im like!!!fucking bitch!!!!, i dont even use reddit and i know they’re off their rocker 

so its like?? do i just avoid the internet? well, it cant and wont lmao

i mean no one can ruin my watching the show bc i know they’re full of shit and wrong lmao but i’ve always been one to feel strongly about characters and feel a certain attachment to them - so my rage was inevitable

i would love to be indifferent about dramas, but unfortunately i cant STAND WHEN PEOPLE CHAT SHIT lmao 

#stupcom #Anonymous #replies**

[serenity-the-firefly]

in ur tags on the post about how the whole fandom relates to quentin.. would you elaborate on ur thoughts (if you want)? bc i really agree but i can't exactly put it into words

hello!! thanks to you and everyone else who takes the time to read & respond to my tags, which is in fact my GREATEST dream as a blogger.  

(Note: this ended up being…a lot longer than i meant. sorry?)

Anyways, while this is my first time really engaging with fandom, I have been on this godforsaken website since 2011 and have been on the sidelines for MANY a fandom, so I feel pretty confident in saying what I’m about to say: the magicians fandom has a very specific tenor, largely due to 1) being relatively small and 2) the fact that everybody here identifies with quentin coldwater.

This show attracts a very specific audience, and that is an audience that identifies with quentin coldwater, a.k.a. a bunch of people who are queer, depressed/dealing with various mental health issues, and emotionally immature former gifted students who hyperfixate on fantasy as a means of escape. And that in turn creates the fandom experience, both the good and the bad! 

Let’s do the bad (not good? mostly neutral?) first, so we can get it out of the way and leave y’all with a good taste in your mouth. (For the record, most of this isn’t actually bad so much as lightly annoying. a minor flaw, if you will.):

-This fandom hyperfixates! This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it can be overwhelming at times how one track mind-y it can get. (For example: Todd. like back when people were theorizing that he was eliot’s brother? I never got that. Tbh, there have been times where I was a little afraid to type the words “actually, I don’t care that much about Todd.”)

-The overwhelming presence of queliot, to the point where it’s hard to find anything else. Once again, not a bad, and i realize there are very valid reasons for this, but you can’t deny that it’s a everywhere. Idk, normally my main ship is a minor one globally speaking, so it’s kinda weird to me some days that queliot is the end all be all of this fandom. 

-We overidentify with the characters & therefore get irrationally over defensive, which leads into the next point:

-i dont think i’ve ever seen legitimate criticism of quentin from anyone, except maybe @coldwaughters ? (who as per usual is doing god’s work over there bringing a different perspective to the table.) We all, myself included, tend to woobie-fy quentin because we all identify with/love him so much that we want him to be above reproach!

-For me, the one serious flaw is that at times this fandom can seem pretty cliquey, which i think is because a lot of us are on here as a means of escape and to get affection and validation so….people clique VERY HARD as a way to feel accepted and then we end up with a kind of echo chamber situation.

Now on to the good, which in my opinion far outweighs the bad! :

-This probably goes without saying, but there is some really lovely open discussion of mental health stuff. I think this fandom can act as a safe space in the best sense of the words because everyone here has been/is going through Some Stuff, and wants to help however they can. One of the core messages of this show is, I think, “Just because you are traumatized doesn’t mean it’s okay to lash out at others; you can be hurt and still try to help and be kind” and the fandom has taken that to heart, or at least tries to. 

-I haven’t seen fanworks organization on this level since, like, homestuck circa 2012. and the degree to which collaboration is encouraged! swoon. There are so many organized fan challenges, and @neitherlandslibrary and @themagiciansreccenter are INCREDIBLE resources the likes of which I’ve rarely seen even in the largest of fandoms. And people actually participate in these challenges! shout out to all of you for being incredible!

-this fandom is so incredibly, INCREDIBLY supportive. Now im gonna say something a little mean, but bear with me, okay? I think a lot of the stuff (my stuff included!) produced for this show (art, fic, etc.) is not that particularly impressive. But here’s the thing: people like and compliment and promote these works anyways. And I think that is 100% tied to the fact that we all know what it’s like to feel damaged in some way, and we want to alleviate that feeling in others, even in the tiniest of ways. And this is such a powerful and beautiful aspect of this fandom! People interact with each other, people encourage strangers! 

Fun fact: I hadn’t willingly written anything since approximately the fifth grade. Joining this fandom and seeing people like and compliment works that would have been panned in other fandoms is what gave me the confidence to start writing fic! And that attitude, i think, leads to a whole lot of creative inspiration and artistic output that wouldn’t occur anywhere else. Who cares if i write shitty fic? i had a fun time, and a handful of people were kind enough to read it and comment! 

So maybe this fandom is a little…neurotic, a little claustrophobic, a little over-invested. Possibly it lacks critical thinking skills, and definitely shares one collective braincell. But if those things are true, it’s because these other things are true as well: people pour their hearts and souls into this fandom. they support each other and accept people as they are. people here try. it’s as simple as that.

#hahah whoops this is way longer than i meant #ended up being a quasi love letter to this fandom? idk #the magicians #the magicians meta #(not really but that way i can find it again)

[sweet-sugar-sunsets]

Tag game

Tagged by @caseyk112 and @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold ❤️❤️

Name: Mia

Gender: Female

Star Sign: Virgo

Height: 5′6

What image do you have as your lockscreen: me and my friends

Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? yep second grade i had this really hot teacher (like she’s still stupid supermodel hot) and i think she may have been my first girl crush??? idk

Where do you see yourself in ten years? let’s see i’ll be 25 so probably working at a starbucks or smth and living in a shitty apartment idk

If you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be? at the beach alone at dawn

What was your coolest Halloween costume? ooo little red riding hood seventh grade year my grandma hand sewed my cape and i had a corset and everything *swoon*

What was your favorite 90’s TV show? charmed

Last Kiss? my girlfriend last week when i saw her

Have you ever been stood up? no but i have stood a person up cuz im a bitch

Have you ever been to Las Vegas? nope

Favorite pair of shoes? my black converse high tops

Favorite fruit? apples or peaches or mangos

Favorite book? the fifth wave

Stupidest thing you’ve ever done? oh theres so many how can i choose hoe bout fucking crashing a golf cart into a TELEPHONE POLE and CRUSHING MY GODDAMN ANKLE the Day before my dance review and then proceeding to NOT go to the hospital and dance on it anyway therefore PERMANENTLY DEFORMING MY FUCKING ANKLE or... shoplifting $80 sunglasses in front of a security guard (which i got away from i mean sandra bullock where was my call for oceans 8) or.... breaking into an abandoned crackhouse and then proceeding to get CHASED OUT and almost STABBED by some old junkie dude and oh so many more why am i like this i stg

not tagging anyone cuz i am yet again fifteen years late

#tag game #why am i like this

[mygh0stcrush]

Monbebe Tag!

@jooheoniie tagged me for this! sorry i took so long to answer this orz

1. Who is your current Monsta X bias? Jooheon

2. Who was your first bias in Monsta X? when i just got into kpop and introduced me to MX they did it via those funny moment compilations and Minhyuk was in almost all of them lmao so i liked him first

3. Favorite Monsta X song? hhhrrngg i hate qns like this lmao bc im so indecisive but ive been listening to no exit a lot the last few days. i also really like spotlight i really wanna see them perform it live lol like thats ever gonna happen for me

4. Who is your Monsta X bias wrecker? im not sure if i really get bias wrecked bc i p consistently get jooheon tunnel vision at any point in time but i guess wonho would fit this title best?

5. What is your favorite Monsta X music video? Shine Forever bc Kihyun in a sheer blindfold is my Aesthetique and light brown hair Changkyun and white haired Jooheon and Minhyuk 

6. What were your thoughts when you watched No Mercy? i wasnt here when that was airing but my friends were so they told me about that time and i gotta say thank the gods i wasnt there lmao id be a wreck. i watched it knowing full well who was gonna stay and go but im very emotional so i was still p emo. i miss Gunhee a lot pls i wanna see him more @ starship what do we gotta do to see him 

7. Favorite Monsta X meme? idk man but i guess anytime the camera cuts to Hyungwon looking sleepy or just Gone bc i relate so hard. or those where they have guns in their hands lol

8. How long have you been a Monbebe? really new like just this January? but ive known about them since early last year i just wasnt into kpop unless they were girl groups until like my new friends introduced me to B*S first (deepti is still salty im a Monbebe first before A*my lol shes such a baby i love her)

9. What is your favorite Monsta X album? I really like THE_CONNECT rn! but before that during my mad scramble to learn their whole discography within a week, i gotta say i liked The Clan pt 2.5 Beautiful

10. If you could befriend one member of Monsta X who would it be? gjksjk i wanna say all of them bc cmon. (heres another) but if i gotta say, i think id be really good friends first and fast with Wonho bc hes so readily heartfelt and kind and creative? those are what attract me to my irl friends first

11. If you could marry one member of Monsta X who would it be? being Jooheon biased ofc i’ll say Jooheon

12. How did you fall in love with Monsta X? idk i could never pinpoint when i started loving any particular thing. i guess when i started going through their mvs? Minhyuk’s smiles in the Trespass mvs make me smile so much. Kihyun’s vocals in any song make me swoon and want to sing out to a crowd too. Jooheon’s duality on/off stage makes my heart do somersaults. i could go on but this is alr a long paragraph lmao

13. Favorite Ship? i dont really do shipping? like i know people do it respectfully here in the fandom but idk it still just leaves a bad taste in my mouth lmao ive been on tumblr too long (not to mention lj before all this lol) but i do like seeing them just being together in pairs like any JooKyun/JooHyuk interaction makes me melt bc best friends, im really fond of ShowKi tho bc of No.Mercy and its just really nice to see them go from that to being such close friends my heart is too soft and MX is constantly attacking it idk why i chose to stan them in the first place ugh

uuhhh idk who i can tag but here i go (you dont have to do this if you dont wanna do it) @xiaofeilushang, @ilovemxwithallmyheart, @joohoneylee, @oppalisagonebad, @weightlesslikejellyfish, @putriyuju idk who else i can tag orz so if you see this and wanna do this, pls do so and tag me so i can see your answers!

#tagged #monsta x #monbebe #long post #sorry #trizia talks

[metricanxiety]

for diamonds do appear to be just like broken glass to me

Genre: oneshot- idk. 

Pairing: Phan. (dan and phil in case you didnt know that already.)

AU: Highschool/sixth form. Whatever you prefer. 

Warnings: Swearing, underage ??, mentions to sex 

Summary: After two years of heartbreak, Dan ends up sleeping with Phil off a drunken decision, and old, unexpected feelings come back up. 

Author’s note: i am aware that this is really crap, but i am trying to improve, so please send me requests of prompts, hc’s, etc, because I will write them for you when I get the time. I’m kinda new to posting on tumblr sooooo. PLease keep this out of the main tags, (i.e danielhowell, danisnotonfire, amazingphil, philllester, etc) because i did not write this for them to see. If you are uncomfortable with mentions of gay sex/same sex relationships then im pulling a mannymua and telling you to please dont fucking read it. 

“Pretty pretty.” Phil kissed the dimple adorned on the boy’s cheeks, making them turn a deep crimson. It wasn’t often they could be alone, where it was just the two of them, and they could do whatever they wanted. Dan was completely content. He was wrapped in the arms of Phil Lester, the guy that he’d completely fallen for. And although they were only young, he could sense something really strong between them. 

Phil was warm, having his Adventure Time sweatshirt pulled over him, and a blanket draped over his legs. Dan rested comfortably between Phil's knees, back to his chest. The blanket, which they were sharing, was up to Dan’s chest, as he didn’t have a hoodie on. Phil’s arms crossed over Dan’s chest, with no plan of letting go. It was moments like these that Phil longed for. He couldn’t wait to have someone special to him, so they could be entertained just from the company of one another. And he finally had it. 

Dan couldn’t help but to think about how lucky he was in that moment. Normally, on Fridays, Phil would be off with friends, spending time with them, but due to a holiday trip, they weren't going to be doing anything all together this summer. Which meant Dan had Phil all to himself. 

Phil leaned down, pressing his lips to the skin poking out of Dan’s tee, and it may have been the cold, but Dan shivered under the touch. This was all new to him, he’d never been in a proper relationship before, or had anything romantically special with somebody before. So he was still growing accustomed to the constant affection, not that he didn’t like it, but everything was so new. 

Dan turned his head slightly, only to see Phil, resting his chin on his shoulder. Phil tilted his head to look at Dan, and they both smiled, bumping their noses together. 

It was Dan to finally close the gap, kissing Phil, just because he could. 

- 

When Dan was awoken this early morning, he wasn’t aware he had company. His eyes fluttered open when the rays of sun washed over his face, blinding him. The curtains were never closed the night before, because well, he didn’t even remember half of last night. The sun light lit up Dan’s bedroom, making the edges of his desk shine bright with the natural highlight accentuating the sharp corners. His plant drank up all the light it could get, as it never got much in the first place in it’s dark corner of the room. The pictures that littered his wall had a glare, making the faces unidentifiable, but Dan knew them well enough to know who was being blurred out. 

Dan’s hand formed a fist, and rubbed both eyes, as if it would help him wake up, wipe away his constant feeling of restlessness, but alas, it never worked. He yawned, leaning over to check his electric that sat on his bedside table. The numbers lit up in read told the brunet that it was half past six. Dan groaned, throwing the white duvet over his waist, as he swung his legs over the side of the bed, getting ready to be up for the day. A chill washed over his skin, giving his goose flesh up and down his arms, realizing that, yes, he was completely naked. Not a cloth bared on his back. 

Dan decided that maybe a few more hours of sleep would do, even though there was probably people piled in his downstairs level of his house from last night’s endeavors. They’d be okay for a little while. 

Dan was known for his awesome parties, that’s the only thing keeping his name high in the food chain at school. And lat night was special: the first party of their last year of sixth form. It had to be amazing, because there was now a countdown to the very last party of their secondary school life. Everyone knew Dan would do well with this important night, and judging on what he remembered, he nailed it. 

He tugged the duvet back up, flopping down onto his side, and was startled when he saw a body directly next to him, in his own bed. 

And it wasn’t just a random stranger from his class, no, it was Lucifer himself. 

Phil Lester. 

Dan couldn’t believe it, because holy fuck he actually gave into this bastards antics, after two goddamn years of rejection, Dan finally gave in. And he hated himself for it. 

You see, Dan never got on with Phil. At least, that’s what Dan told himself. When they were both sixteen, they had this fling over the summer, but they never took it farther than cuddling and holding hands. But, before school started, Dan thought he was finally with the guy of his dreams, but then dumped because friends got back from holiday. Specifically, Phil’s friends. 

Dan was so heart broken, he didn’t ever think he would be able to leave the safety of his bedroom ever again. He never thought that Phil, his Phil, would ever hurt him after what happened between them. Sadly, however, people make promises that the probably will not keep, which Dan had learned the hard way. 

Ever since, Dan watched Phil, seeing that he wasn’t the only rose petal being ripped apart by Phil’s hands, he wasn’t the only broken heart in the school. Poor, sweet, Liz Brekell, thought Phil was the love of her life after being asked out by him. She swooned over his exterior, and, even Dan admitted, was pretty fucking hot. Phil had muscles in all the right places, with straight, black hair that swept to the right, and his fucking smile, it definitely stole the show. But sadly, Liz was dropped for well, the net girl to drop to her knees. It was disgusting to Dan, that he too, had fallen for the scumbag called Phil Lester. 

Dan gasped, brown eyes met blue, one screaming out of horror, disgust, the other of smug, and satisfaction. Phil had a fucking smirk spread across his cheeks, and Dan tugged his duvet away, covering his modesty. Phi, however, didn’t budge. The look in his eyes began the memories to flood back into Dan’s mind. 

The alcohol, the kissing, the dancing, all the way until They stumbled into Dan’s bedroom, lips attached, zippers being pulled, buttons being ripped. Everything happened so fast, Dan felt as if he couldn’t breath. 

“Morning, sunshine.” Phil’s voice was deep, raspy from its lack of moisture, and the strum of his vocal chords was probably the most sexy thing Dan had ever heard in his entire life. And if he didn’t have self control, he would have melted in Phil’s fingertips right then and there. Instead, he built up his walls of defense mechanisms. Last night was a mistake, he decided. 

What Dan didn’t know, was that Phil thought it was hilarious that Dan hated him. He loved it, actually. Phil always liked a challenge. But when the rumors spread, about Dan and him, he was broken to have known Dan was no longer interested At least, that.s what Kyle Lockins said. So Phil did what any man would, moved on, and tried to make him jealous. He only succeeded at one of those things. He only really wanted the boy he had grown close to that one summer, the boy he kissed for the first time in the flatbed of his dad’s truck, under the stars of the country side. 

A true night to remember, one of the best nights of Phil’s life, and he let the precious diamonds slip through his fingers, mixing with sand after returning to the rocks he was used to. Dan shined brighter than any gem in the treasure chest of their student population. But Phil could never say that out loud. Picking up pieces of the diamond you lost is more difficult than thought. 

Phil shifted closer to Dan, trying to edge himself to the point of human contact, just to be able to touch him, but Dan had other thoughts. Dan did not want Phil any closer than the 38 centimeters they had between them, and ended up falling off the bed on the process. In some degree, Phil was hurt, but at the same time, he needed to take the situation in Dan’s perspective. He, as dd Phil, barely remembered last night, and was woken up to be naked in the same bed with the person he hated for two years now. He had to give the guy a little space. 

“Oh my g-” Dan couldn’t even finish his sentence, before covering his entire face with his hands. the duvet flopped down over his waist, but was still half on the bed, over Phil. Dan wasn’t a monster, so he left it. 

Phil too had his defense mechanisms, his just wasn’t as effective as Dan’s. He hid his emotions through flirting, being an asshole, basically turning into someone he isn’t. It was a barrier that very few people had broken down, but unfortunately for Dan, they built back up for him, without a realization he’d even torn them down. 

Last night, Phil didn’t even know how he convinced Dan to sleep with him, because any time Phil tried to get Dan’s attention, he’d get shot down. Fuck, he wasn’t even personally invited to this party, like everyone else was. (Phil had no idea how Dan had talked to so many people to invite them to a party, because usually the entire class, plus more showed.)

“Dan, let me-” Phil began, but was interrupted by a sudden jolt, seeing the boy that was in his arms not ten hours ago, hide under the duvet. 

“Just get your clothes and go.” 

His beautiful voice, in Phil’s opinion, was muffled by the thick fabric separating the oxygen into two. He could never have Dan like this again anytime soon, but had to respect his wishes. Phil rolled off the bed, sliding on a pair of boxers, followed by his jeans. He didn’t want to waste too much time, as the embarrassment of the situation was worsening by the second. 

Dan heard the door slam shut, and took it as the all clear. Well, not really. Nothing was cleared but his room. His mind had no source of ever being the crystal form of relaxation ever again, even if he only had that at rare times. 

He had just broken every single rule in his book. That is, he only had one rule, (never fall for Phil again) but he seemed to be having trouble with that. You may be thinking that two years must have been enough time for these two to recover, and get over the bridge of heartbreak, but their connection was so special, Dan thought about it all the time. Sure, Dan had dated a few guys since, but they all just seemed to be short, no longer than two month, flings. Phil was no different, the only thing keeping him out of this category is the fact that Dan and Phil were never dating. Phil was never Dan’s, and Dan was never Phil’s. Yet, it seemed to be the opposite at the time. 

The time Dan and Phil became a thing, Dan had just turned sixteen, and Phil brought him on a date as a birthday present. They’d been talking quite a bit before, but Phil thought this would be his big break with Dan. He was head over heels for the curly brunet, and only wanted him to be happy. He truly was the diamond in the rough in Phil’s eyes. 

He hadn’t kissed Dan until three weeks into the summer, when his dad finally let him borrow the truck. There was a scheduled shooting star shower happening that night, and it was the perfect setting to finally feel Dan’s lips against his own. Phil thinks about that moment every night, to this day. The electricity shared between the two could have lit up a city. And if I’m honest, things may have gotten heated, but Phil never pushed Dan. He was younger, and barely sixteen, and Phil was like, the third person to commit to him. (Dan doesn’t consider the other two important because he was so young.) 

Phil regrets every decision he made by the end of that holiday, however. His friends hated that he was spending too much time on a boy that wouldn’t last, so he kicked Dan to the curb. Rumors spread, and that was it. Yes, he did find it funny that Dan hated him, but there was always apart of him that wanted to prove to Dan that he wasn’t the piece of shit Dan had mad him out to be. 

Dan kicked himself, for he didn’t even remember the feeling of the touch of Phil’s lips against his own last night, Even though he didn’t plan on going back to Phil, he wouldn’t trade what they had for the world. Maybe he needed a reminder, how he felt with him, even if those feelings are no longer adamant. 

But for god’s sake, he fucking slept with Phil. He’d done something that his sixteen year old fantasies were based upon, and he barely remembers it. 

Dan threw his duvet back up onto his bed, walking over to the closet that held his clothing. He felt the same as he did two years ago. Betrayed. Used. Desperate. Feelings he hasn’t felt with anyone else, and he gets so drunk on it. The taste is so bitter, yet so addictive. 

Pulling up a pair of sweat pants, Dan thought he’d kick everyone out now, so he’d have the house to himself. He didn’t want to deal with his feelings, but pushing them away would only make then blow up in his face later on. He didn’t bother with a shirt, nor boxers, but it’s not like he wasn’t going to try and scrub off all of his shame in the shower in ten minutes. 

The minute Dan opened the door out of his bedroom, he regret every substance he allowed into his house. Because not only was there a pungent scent of alcohol lingering in the air, he could smell the weed that people decided to smoke in the living room, which meant he had to wash the fabric until it was gone. Fuck. 

Dan wasn’t really one to say no at parties, but everyone knew they had to at least ask. For example, the first time somebody brought alcohol, they asked Dan if he’d allow it, because it was his house after all. Until it caught on that yes, Dan wants you to bring all the alcohol your heart desires. Other questions consisted of if body shots were allowed, stripping, cigarettes, and now, I guess, marijuana. He doesn’t remember denying the question of weed, so he must have taken a drag last night. Usually he’d be against the whole ‘drug use’ thing, but when he’s drunk, his decisions can be unpredictable. Hence, the fact that he slept with Phil. 

There wasn’t as many people sleeping on his floor as he expected, making his job much easier to complete. He stepped up onto his coffee table, bringing his hands to cup around his mouth. 

“Everyone out!” He yelled. “My parents are on their way!” 

And yeah, he may have been lying, because his parents both traveled for a living, so he still had four days until they’d be home. It was the best solution to get people to wake up, and scatter. People thanked Dan as they headed out the door, a thanks for an amazing night and a night to remember, a party that can only be topped by the final one. He put on his most believable smile, giving brief, friendly hugs to the last of the fish in the sea that was his own home last night. 

The door clicked shut, and Dan immediately fell against the wall. His back slid down to the floor, and he pulled his knees up to his chest, as if he was protecting his heart from shattering, which, in some ways, he was. It took Dan so long to accept that Phil chose his friends over him, that now, it just felt like Phil was hurting him on purpose. He was slowly shattering into millions of pieces of heart break, all over again. 

Dan felt sixteen again, going through the same process of regret, and hurt, all starting with shame. 

He was really glad that last night was not the night he lost his virginity, because that would have made this situation even worse. Even though, that guy wasn’t all that great either. 

His name was Henry, and he was the person to comfort Dan in his mourning over Phil. And, Dan was brainwashed, thinking that some guys are better than the one he fell for, gave him everything he had, but not four weeks later, did the end things. Dan thought he was doomed ever finding any sort of real love. Because even though Dan had Phil for a few short months, he still felt something more than just attraction. 

He wished he remembered last night, to feel how Phil touched him, kissed him, felt him. How they connected in a way that they’ve never before, but both under the influence of alcohol running through their veins, making decisions for them before their minds could interfere with all the consequences that would follow. 

Dan just felt like crying, because all of his feelings for the boy who had taken him for granted were flooding back like tidal waves, and if he just hadn’t fucking slept with him everything would have been fine, you dumbass, I can’t believe you-

He dragged his feet back up the carpeted stairs, just enough to turn the tap on his shower. Dan hadn’t quite seen himself that morning yet, so the surprise bruises scattered around his neck was quite the scare he saw in the mirror. 

Hickeys were never something Dan liked, his neck was too sensitive for him to allow people near it, but well, Phil was an exception, he guessed. The marks were deep purple, fading into a red, then his skin tone. They were fucking dark. And they went from his neck, around his collar bones, to his V-line. The thought of having Phil’s mouth all over him made his skin crawl, and shiver. When he was sixteen, he dreamed of Phil’s mouth all over him, and now, after it happened, he only wanted more. 

Phil was always so talented with everything he did, especially kissing, Dan decided. His plump lips were always so smooth against Dan’s, and the one time he actually moved to Dan’s neck, he never left a mark. Now, his neck is sensitive, and his actual skin is no different. He was so surprised when Phil pulled back, leaving no evidence that he was even there. And god, did Dan want proof Phil actually kissed his neck. 

Looking at himself in the mirror now, was like a dream. This was his past self’s goal in life, to be marked up, claimed by Phil Lester himself. Dan had a sudden urge for more, to be covered in hickeys that Phil would have to suck and bite him to leave. Every sad emotion he was having before just turned- dirty. He wanted Phil to come back over, and have sex so they have something to remember by. It could be his teenage hormones, or it could be his crazy talking, but we all know it was both. 

It would have been so easy to just ring him back over, logistically, but Dan had literally kicked Phil out earlier, so he wouldn’t be surprised if Phil hated his guts now. Could he blame him though?

Suddenly, after two years of telling himself no, Dan was saying go for it, despite his rule. Because maybe this was his shot again. Maybe Phil wasn’t an asshole, and had actual reasons to break up with Liz and every other person to ever date him ever, maybe Dan was different. 

All this hype, and confidence, made Dan take the fastest shower he’s ever taken, because ohmigod he was actually going to do this, he was going to make the first move, he was going to invite Phil back over-

He was going to get Phil back. 

Just the though made the sixteen-year-old Dan squeal, and tap his toes on the floor out of impatience. He denied his feelings for Phil every day, and suddenly, his entire path changed. It took a complete 180, because he went from hating Phil with every drop of blood in his body, to trying to get him back. 

Even if it ended up only being sex. 

Dan couldn’t stop staring at himself in the mirror. The marks on his skin, he knew, would turn into some type of drug for him. He loved it. He wanted to look like this all the time. The feeling of being claimed really turned him on, which was, apparently, a kink he had discovered this morning. But it wasn’t just being marked up, and claimed, he wanted it to be done by Phil. 

A simple, comfortable outfit, would have to do for Dan, because, if Phil were to come over, he would need something easy to take off. Joggers and a t-shirt was the best he could do. And as Dan lunged for his bedside table to text Phil, tell him to come back over, he was notified that well, Phil had beat him to it. There were two notifications waiting to be read on his lock screen, both next to the simple name, of just Phil, no emoji, or anything to mark him as someone special. 

Dan- sorry for last night, i understand if you need some space, but i really need to talk to you 

text me if you decide you want to, i guess

Dan’s heart sank like a rock being thrown into the ocean, floating all the way to the bottom before being engulfed by the murky water, making the ocean floor not visible. Dan could’t just invite Phil over now, I mean, it hasn’t been forty minutes since Phil has left, and now things would be awkward, especially since Phil needed to apologize face to face, Dan thought that had to be the reason. 

Then the memory of Liz, having her heart ripped out, and thrown in the garbage, right next to her v-card, by Phil was drawn back into his mind. Liz, who cried for months over Phil, probably never got an apology. What Phil did to Liz, was probably going to happen to Dan, for the second time. 

The urge he had for Phil still remained, however. So Dan did what any person would do, wait it out. 

Phil, on the other hand, was also freaking out. He too, still had feelings for Dan, obviously, and he doesn’t even know how he finally convinced Dan to give him a chance. He thought that after they reconnected, (literally, in this case,) he wouldn’t feel guilty, and everything would be great, and Dan wouldn’t hate him any more than he already did. 

Except not really, they were both drunk and happen to hook up. It wasn’t really Dan giving him another chance, but more so, not saying no. 

Phil could see it now, the broken pieces were coming together, but only if he doesn’t fuck up like he did again. 

-

Phil scrambled for his phone, as he had left every conversation on do not disturb, except for the only person he cared to talk to, and his phone had finally chimed for the first time in two weeks. And it was exactly who he wanted. His beautiful diamond had finally shined over the sand again, and his was so grateful. Phil couldn’t get Dan off of his mind, because unlike Dan, Phil actually remembered that night with Dan more as time went on. And god, did he want Dan like that again. 

He remembered having Dan all laid out in front of his, and he only wanted to kiss him, mark him, because he knew Dan loved it. After two years of trying to get him back, (well, trying to get him to go out, but he was never good at expressing that, as in, he attempts to make Dan jealous) this could finally be it for him. Phil wanted to kiss Dan like he did when they were sixteen. 

He wanted to go back to that summer and change his decisions, so maybe he could have had Dan for as long as he wanted. Because even though Phil dated a few people, he never liked them, and appreciated them, as much as Dan. And they were purely to try and get Dan’s attention back on Phil. It never really worked. 

“Hello?” Phil slid the screen so fast, it may have seemed desperate to Dan, with how quickly he answered. 

“uh, hi, Phil. Look, I’m really sorry about kicking you out the other day, I was overwhelmed and I didn’t know what else to-”

Phil interrupted the sweet voice he had fallen in love with, even though he didn’t want to cut his time short from hearing it. “It’s okay, Dan, I came on too strong, and it was your house, you had the right to do it.” Phil exhaled. He seemed to talk faster and faster as his sentences dragged. Phil could hear Dan’s voice stutter, as if he was about to laugh, but held it back. 

“In the text you sent me, um, you said you needed to, um, talk?” Dan could barely spit out his words. This moment had him so anxious these past two weeks, he basically forced his hand to hit the call button. And even then, he nearly hung up immediately. 

Phil’s eyes lit up, because Dan actually remembered, but Phil didn’t. He couldn’t for the life of him remember what he needed to tell Dan. Of course, he could go with the plain obvious, and just fucking say how hopelessly head over heals he was for Dan, but there was something more, something that was perching on the tip of his tongue, but couldn’t quite spit out. 

“Phil? If you don’t have anything to say, then I should probably-”

“Wait, sorry, just, uh, can we, um, meet?” Phil stumbled. He got onto his knees to attempt to search for his shoes under his bead, eventually pulling out the worn black converse. He held the phone between his cheek and shoulder as he awaited a reply. 

“Like, now?”

“Um, yeah? If that’s okay?” Phil laced up his shoes, and shrugged on a light jacket- the England weather had turned quite shit, with rain being the most common in their area, oppose from the lovely sunshine they had a little bit ago. 

“I don’t know, Phil, I-”

Yeah, two weeks ago Dan was literally ready to have Phil back, but he was glad he gave himself time to think. Because maybe he didn’t want his fucking heart broken again, by the same person that ripped into pieces in the first place. He couldn’t make it that easy for Phil to just waltz back into his life.

“Please? I can be quick, i just don’t want to do this on the phone.” Phil took a deep breath, about to walk out the front door of his house, still not remembering what he had to say to Dan. 

“Fine.”

Phil cut the call, running out to his car, and speeding to get to Dan’s house. 

Dan hadn’t been to keen on letting Phil come over again, but he needed closure, and if having a cup of tea in the awkward silence of his living room meant closure, then so be it. The marks on his neck had faded drastically, but you could still see the ghosting of where there was one before. That wasn’t fun explaining to his parents. 

He really just wanted to take back everything that happened at the party, because it brought up old feelings that he really didn’t want anymore. Dan sighed, running a hand through his hair. What was Phil Lester doing to him?

Dan had his music on the speaker in the leaving room, trying to calm his nerves as he waited for Phil to arrive. And all that was running through his mind was  ohmygodwhy on repeat, but it was too late for him to cancel. He didn’t even know what to expect from Phil this time, if he was looking to just hook up again, or if he was going to apologize, he had no idea. 

Dan tried to distract himself, counting the freckles going up and down his arms, rearranging the cushions on the couch, changing his outfit for the billionth time, he just had to keep himself busy. 

Dan was feeling so anxious over this, he couldn’t stay still, so when he heard the doorbell, his jitters intensified, and he could barely walk to the door without stumbling. He yanked the door open and it looked like Phil was in the same state of him. 

He was wearing all black, and god, did he look so hot, in that form fitting t-shirt, and when he saw Dan, his smile was just so- calming, knowing that yeah, this is Phil. This is the Phil that he care for so deeply two years ago, he was standing right in front of him.The eye contact they shared, it made Dan feel like they were sixteen, both with very awful taste in clothing, inexperienced, and much shorter. 

Dan had forgotten how much Phil actually meant to him, as all he did was suppress the pain he went through when Phil left him.The only reason he didn’t grab Phil’s face, and kiss the life out of him, is the fact that Phil came here to talk. 

“Dan, I-” Phil started, but Dan flung the door open, letting him in. He didn’t want Phil to talk while standing outside, because A) its rude, and B) he didn’t want Phil to just be in and out. 

Phil smiled, walking in, letting Dan lead them to the couch. “Do you want some tea, or anything?” Dan asked, procrastinating this talk even more. Phil chuckled, grabbing Dan’s hands, and pulling him down onto the couch. Dan took a deep breath, trying to relax himself. It was just Phil. 

And that thought scared him. 

Even though he was looking at the Phil he fell for, two years ago, he couldn’t forget about all of the awful things he had done in the time between now, and when they broke off. He just wanted his Phil back.

 “Dan, I wanted to talk to you about what happened between us,” Phil started. Dan sat on one of his leg, so he could face Phil better. He sighed, running a hand through his curly hair.

 “It was a mistake, Phil. We were both drunk, and our bodies did things before our minds could inter-”

“I wasn’t really talking about that. I meant, um, two years ago.” Phil gave a small smile, and Dan’s face fell.

 Dan didn’t really like talking about him and Phil a whole lot, he didn’t want to remember what he felt for Phil, so his solution was to just not say anything about it with people. He hated remembering how happy Phil made him, because it only made him feel responsible for all the shitty feelings people had when with Phil, even though he had no reason to feel that way.

 “Oh.”

“Yeah. I just, I couldn’t stop thinking about you after I made the clearly wrong decision. You were always on my mind, everything I saw reminded me of you, and it was like anything just screamed ‘Dan Howell’ to me, and it honestly was destroying me.“But I couldn’t just go back to you, no, my fucking choice was to try and make you fucking jealous, and end up hurting you more, and I was hurting others because I just, it didn’t feel the same. 

“Now don’t get me wrong, I loved the fact that you hated me. I have no idea why, it was just, I don’t know, I found it so hot that you didn’t like me, or some god awful reason, and it was like a challenge for me to win you back.” Dan’s frown was slowly turning into a smile. 

Phil wasn’t even looking at him as he spoke, but his hands were moving all around, expressing so much passion into this conversation as he rambled. Dan couldn’t believe that this was all about him, Phil was talking from his heart, and he was falling for him all over again.

 “And I thought I was over you, I really did, but when you started dating someone, it would make my skin crawl.” Phil laughing slightly when Dan did, and Dan moved a little closer to Phil, laying his arm across the back on the couch, as if he had his arm around Phil, without touching him. “I couldn’t even imagine somebody holding you under the stars like we used to do, because I was supposed to be the person doing that. I was supposed to be the person holding your hand in the car as Muse blasted through the speakers, I was supposed to be the person running my fingers through your hair when you were stressed, and couldn’t deal with anything else. I hated the fact that I had taken the connection we had for granted.”

Dan blushed, looking away from Phil. His words were magic, and he could tell Phil had thought about this a lot. Phil grabbed Dan’s hand, bringing his attention back to him. And Dan let Phil hold his hand, something that Phil thought he would never be able to do again. His slightly calloused fingers slotted perfectly into his, and he swore he felt sparks when they touched. 

“And then we fucking slept together. We slept together, Dan! I barely remember anything, but I knew I had convinced you, I had kissed you, and I hate myself for it, because I didn’t have the guts to tell you how much I fucking like you sober. Because I do, god, I do. And I just, I’ve wanted you back since that summer. Since our summer had ended.” Phil had moved himself so they were almost on top of each other. Dan’s mind was racing, everything he had just said made him want to cry. Nobody had ever spoken about him that way, and the feeling was so indescribable.

They sat there, remaining eye contact with one another, hand in hand, processing the feeling just exchanged, and Dan did it. He launched forward, smashing his lips against Phil’s, nearly knocking him over. Phil responded immediately, letting go of Dan’s hand, and bringing them to his back. Dan brought his hands around Phil’s neck, and pushed him, so he was laying on top of Phil. 

Both of them laughed, when they separated for air, bumping their noses together. Phil leaned back up, pressing their lips together. They had forgotten how amazing their kissing was, electricity was flowing through their bodies, sparks were flying, because fucking finally, they realized hoe meant for each other they were. Their lips moved together as if it were natural, like they were made to do this together. 

-

“Are you sure it’s tonight?” Phil asked, he hugged his hoodie closer, as Dan practically dragged him to the pickup truck in Phil’s driveway. Dan rolled his eyes, throwing the blankets into the flatbed. 

“I promise. Now c’mon, I don’t want to miss it.” Dan threw the keys at Phil, who caught them with surprise. 

Today was the day Dan was supposed to throw the last party of sixth form. Everything was planned as well, Dan’s parents were out of town, again, Phil had helped spread the word, and they had a shit ton of food. But when Dan found out about the meteor shower happening, he dropped the party like a hot cake, and was dragging Phil out to the county at eleven p.m. 

They were relaxing on the couch, with Dan’s head in Phil’s lap. Dan was paying attention to the anime on the telly, but Phil had his eyes on the iPhone game, while the other hand played with the curly locks of the boy he loved, when Dan suddenly sprang up, remembering the exact reason he had cancelled his party that night, why they were at Phil’s house instead of Dan’s, and dragged Phil out the front door, leaving the warmth behind, and entering the bite of the cold outdoors, even though it was June 

Phil didn’t mind though. The only thing he cared about was the beautiful diamond that he had to hold in his arms tonight, because he finally collected all the pieces he had lost. It was nice to call Dan his after so long of a disconnection, he’d do anything for his Dan. And if that meant going out to sit in the middle of nowhere to see shooting stars that probably won’t be very visible, then he’d damn well do it. He’d do it just to see the little crinkles in Dan’s face when he smiled, the sparkle in his eyes when he’d finally see what he was looking for, or the way he’d get jumpy, and excited during times leading up to plans. It was Phil’s favorite. 

As Phil drove, he realized that he lived for these moments with Dan, he couldn’t imagine his life without Dan by his side anymore. All his future plans revolved around him,(but Dan didn’t know that) Dan was the actual reason of his existence. Just the thought of not waking up in the morning and not having his usual ‘good morning, love’ text from Dan made his face fall. 

Phil really didn’t know what he was missing out on during their two year gap. 

But all that mattered now, was that he was heading out to go watch the stars with his favorite person on the planet, and he couldn’t have been more happy to say that. 

//hello hi this is the end. I really tried w this one, but i didn’t like the end result as much as i hoped, sorry the quality went to shit after the first bit lol. tanks for reeading :) also the theme didnt really keep up but its whatever im sorryyyyyy

#phanfiction #phan fiction #phan fluff #phan smut #phan angst #dan and phil fanfiction #fanfiction #phan oneshot #metricanxietyfics

[kag-san]

happy valentines day, pals!!! this is a list of the wonderful people ive gotten to know through inuyasha, and boy there’s a lot of them! under a read more to keep from flooding dashboards so read on to see me use words like “i love” and “like” and “omg” and “!!!” 1000 times!

@inukik i LOVE your edits like if i could gush rn i just love everything u make!!!! your gifs are so smooth and the colors are always so soft and lovely!

@kago-bae you’re so kind i love reading your tags!!!! and ur edits are SO QUALITY and your manga coloring?!!! so amazing you’re like a talent machine!

@mirsan ANGIE UR THE WHOLE REASON I HAVE THIS BLOG!!!!! u left such nice tags on my gifs from my main blog and ur blog opens a gate to iy hell again lol but ur so open and friendly and ilysm!!!! i always end up scrolling through days of your blog omg

@sinuyasha sinny ur sososososo SWEET!!!! i love literally everything u post bc we p much love the same shows!!! and you really love rumiko’s work and like ME TOO ASDJGDKLASDF!!!

@shelynite UH OK SO UR ART IS LIKE BEYOND GORGEOUS?!!! you’re so talented like you’re my watercolor hero!!!!

@narkik AMANDA UR SO DANG COOL?? WHY IS SOMEONE THIS COOL MY FRIEND?!!!! ur ridic talented with your writing like i could and have spent all day reading thru your drabbles and fics

@kagomehigurashi 1ST OF ALL IM SO #BLESSED TO BE MUTUALS W THE ACTUAL REAL KAGOME!!!! ur edits are AMAZING, i ADORE your minimalist style and your coloring skills are incredible!!!

@inukag-4ever ur absolutely the sweetest angel!!!! i love seeing your posts about the series and anything you reblog!!!!

@gobodosama ART ANGEL!!!! my jaw DROPS any time ur art hits my dash, and somehow it keeps getting better? even when its already perfect??

@tenseigaa OMG I CHECK OUT UR BLOG SO OFTEN!!! i love your sense of humor and hearing your opinions and SEEING UR ART AND READING UR FIC PLEASE just asldfjkasl;kdjf ur so cool like the absolute coolest

@inuyashs YOUR EDITS ARE SO GOOD I LOVE THEM!!!! and you always reblogs such a cool variety of iy stuff, i can always find something amazing!!!

@kaze-ranna GODDD your edits are always SO CLEAN AND MAD PROFESSIONAL, i can tell you put a lot of work into them! they always turn out beyond incredible

@bakaryuha u have such a good eye like your blog has the best iy posts!!! i love looking through your blog!

@kagkik ur such a positive person to be following!!!! u leave the nicest tags and are so friendly!!! i get a happiness contact high whenever i see your posts!

@sess-kik OK SO UR LIKE THE FUNNIEST PERSON EVER?? those bingo cards? iconic. but ur also so cool and i get excited seeing ur username whenever you post or reblog something!

@kongosoha you’re an actual darling!!! you leave the sweetest messages in tags and you have the BEST headcanons!!!!

@sesshaken MY FELLOW SESSHAKEN SHIPPER!!! not only do u have good taste in ships but i crack up everytime i go through your blog bc your commentary is fantastic. and im always here for trans iy characters!!!!

@sankontesu WHAT A SWEETHEART AM I RIGHT?? you write the most uplifting things in tags on fanart and your headcanons are so good and im just honestly blessed to be mutuals w you!!!!

@darlingdontletmego ur so sweet!!! like the absolute sweetest!!!! and ur blog def reflects that! u always make my dash 10000% cuter!!!

@sesshoumaruismybitch def my fav username to see lmao and as if that wasn’t an indicator, you have so many hilarious posts like i can’t look through your blog without grinning!

@inukag ur like the iy blog professional!!! look at ur username!!! u leave the kindest tags and your edits are E V E R Y T H I N G like holy heck

@little-known-artist your tags are so sweet!!!! and i love seeing your art, you’re so talented and draw everyone so adorably! im esp loving how you experiment with colors in your work!

@yellowis4happy OMG MY QUEEN!!!!! everyday im not worthy but im so happy were friends!!!! ur art is straight up INCREDIBLE. idk what else i could say about it, it’s literally like award-winning incredible and im basically stunned anytime you post your work!

@coquinespike im always so happy to see you in my activity and dash bc you’re so cool!!!! u have such awesome taste and u have such interesting posts on ur blog!

@lovely-taijiya UR ART STYLE IS SO CUTE OMG plus ur blog has no shortage of sango appreciation and you know i am all for that!

@togenkyoo I CAN ALWAYS RECOGNIZE U BY UR ICON i rly love that pic of sango! ur blog is like an iy classic, i try to not overdo it on reblogging from u but its so easy!

@justafewsmallsteps i love the variety in your blog!!!! of course the iy posts are great but you also reblog some great art and i get a lot of inspiration scrolling thru!

@macabre-and-cheese you’ve always been so nice and ur blog is SO fun to go through! we share the same morals (ideology?? idk how to put this lol) so i always read your posts and am like “OMG EXACTLY YES”

@inuparents YOU MAKE ME LOVE THE INU FAMILY EVEN THOUGH I KNOW NOTHING ABT THEM!!! your art makes me swoon and you’re absolutely wonderful and i love ur personal blog too!!!!

@bakusaigaa I LOVE HOW MUCH U LOVE SESS like just scrolling thru ur blog makes me sweat he’s so beautiful

@meselfandwhy i love any iy related post you make or reblog, but im also loving you love for YOI (which i also love!!!) also ur art?? flawless amazing i hope u never have a shortage of commissions when you open them

@nesaal i love your blog bc i can both find stuff for my humor blog that and get hit by iy emotions for the price of one!!!

@kristicles ur art is SO stunning!!! your shading alone is just breathtaking!!!!! if sango were real she’d look EXACTLY how you draw her!

@onikik MICHELLE MY LOVE. MY DARLING. MY TALENTED ANGEL. i can’t believe the stars aligns and our paths crossed like what kind of amazing luck is that!!! your passion for art is so infectious, and you bring us incredible art when god knows we all need it in our lives right now!!! you have such a strong, kind aura that if i can feel it talking to u over im or texting, i can’t imagine how much you’re radiating irl!!!! im so so so lucky to be friends w someone as amazing as you!!!!!

and to all my followers, i cant believe you like my stuff! how rad is that! thank you so much, ilu!!!!!

#i hope i didnt get anyones usernames mixed up!!! #and i KNOW ive missed some ppl and im sorry if i missed you! #im probably going to edit this to add more ppl as my brain catches up #iy