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starbuck · 4 years

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Terror Notes: “Go For Broke”

well… I guess I’m really doing this! Some proper, bullet-pointed notes for each episode of The Terror, starting with ep 1: Go For Broke!

I wrote these out last night (and edited them this morning to make them readable - you’re welcome!) so I hope that y’all enjoy my thoughts and assorted nonsense! I tried to save my comments for points I actually wanted to make because I feel like they bring something to the table but I still ended up writing A Lot lol

I love that Crozier couldn’t even be bothered to be present in welcoming Sir John and Fitzjames onto Terror, making Little and Hodgson do it by themselves. One could argue that he had important captain-y things to be doing at that time or something but I’m not 100% sure that wasn’t the case.

idk if it’s just the angle, but I paused the episode just as the shot of the officer’s mess is coming in from above and Hodgson’s hands make me so uncomfortable. They look so bone-y and weird. (Just what you came here for, I know. Hand commentary.)

Cannot tell you how uncomfortable it is, after many rewatches, to listen to Fitzjames recounting in a casual, lighthearted manner 1) shooting people 2) people catching fire (and burning to death), and 3) their burning flesh smelling “like roast duck” (so, like something edible) and it’s even more uncomfortable to have the closeup be on Hodgson’s face as he laughs at the ‘roast duck’ comparison.

On a lighter note: I love that Fitzjames felt the need to remind everyone what size cherries are by illustrating it with his fingers. In case they forgot, I guess? As someone who occasionally speaks unnecessarily with my hands, big mood tbh.

I LOVE it when Fitzjames gives Little that affirmative tap on the arm after he compares Fitzjames’s injury to Lord Nelson’s. My friend Eli and I refer to it as The Fitzjames Arm Tap. I would like a Fitzjames Arm Tap, pretty please.

God, Sir John loudly setting his hands on the table to try to dispel the tension from the ‘birdshit island’ debacle as he attempts to change the subject is so funny. I’m gonna stop just pointing out things I find funny soon, I swear, but I just cannot handle this scene.

Between Hodgson looking horrifically embarrassed by Crozier’s outburst at Fitzjames and Little looking nervous when Crozier shoots him a look as Sir John says that there’s no reason to be concerned about the ice, it really does seem that they were having to ‘manage’ him even back in ep 1 when his alcoholism wasn’t completely out of hand.

Personal sidenote about this: My Pop-pop is often rude to workers in stores and restaurants (he doesn’t drink thank goodness but he has Alzheimer’s coming on which has worsened his temper) so I very much understand the feeling of being on-edge that an outburst is going to occur and trying to deal with the fallout when it does. Just going by my own experience, I can imagine Little apologizing to Fitzjames for Crozier’s rudeness as soon as they were out of Crozier’s earshot (not that anything Little could say would heal the deep psychological wound that Crozier created but hey, it’s something).

The way that Sir John brushes aside Dr. MacDonald’s and Crozier’s concerns about moving Young when he’s in such bad shape never fails to upset me but also ~foreshadowing for hauling the ill on boats oooohhh~

I said I was done pointing out random things that amuse me but the speed and agility with which Des Voeux pops out of the hatch and onto the deck after Orren falls into the water is just so funny. I could watch that two second clip on repeat all day. Might gif it so I actually can.

Is this a good time to point out that there’s also a scene in Moby-Dick where someone falls from high up on a mast and drowns? It’s in a chapter all about bad omens experienced by the crew of the Pequod and The Terror definitely has some similar vibes going on with the sun dogs displayed in the establishing shot of Erebus in that scene and David Young, a “warning of things to come,” on his way over.

The second(?) time I watched the part where Young tells Stanley that he didn’t think anything of getting headaches since he’s always gotten them, I had this thought pass through my head that was like “oh god, I had chronic migraines for years so I’d never have known if I had lead poisoning either!” but then I realized that this probably was not a relevant concern I should have.

Not sure I have any deep commentary on this but as Gore informs Sir John and Fitzjames about the blocked propeller, he’s standing in the same spot, in the same room as Goodsir will stand next episode to tell them about his death.

Also regarding this scene, I love how Gore waits for Fitzjames to give him the go-ahead to leave before actually going. I know that Fitzjames is his superior officer too but, since Sir John already dismissed him, it seems like waiting for Fitzjames’s approval isn’t really necessary, yet a nice thing to do. Perhaps this is a legitimate formality, but something similar happens later in this episode in the command meeting when Crozier asks Gore how many sun dogs he’s seen; he looks to Fitzjames and waits for his nod before answering Crozier. He doesn’t look to Sir John, he looks to Fitzjames. I know that we know essentially nothing about Gore but like.. underrated ship???? Just saying…

Ten nights ago, I was unable to get to sleep for at least an hour because I started thinking about David Young’s saying “I want to go to my grave as I am” and, of course, that ultimately doesn’t happen for him but also, this, like all things about him, is a “warning of things to come.” I’m pretty sure that no one else was properly buried until, arguably, Fitzjames and ironically, that was explicitly not what he wanted done with his body (and, since his grave was later looted by Hickey, similar to the way that Young’s autopsy ultimately achieved nothing, it didn’t really matter anyway).

I know that this happened exactly ten days ago because I forced myself to wake up and write it down in my notes app, lest I forget, which only prolonged my sleeplessness. I suffer for my analysis.

Ah yesssss Tozer’s lesbian haircut. We love it! Why does my hair not look like that when I take a hat off? I’d like to file a complaint.

Was just thinking the other day about how Hartnell being the one to notice that there was something up with the ice in ep 1 is followed up on with Blanky complimenting Hartnell’s ability to read the ice to Crozier in ep 7. I wonder if Blanky ever gave him like. ice-reading lessons after becoming aware of his interest and natural talent at it in ep 1? That makes me happy to think about.

The two people who we’re shown awoken by Young’s screaming are Sgt. Bryant and Morfin and like. Do I even have to explain why that’s an Oof?

The way that Goodsir hesitates before knocking on Stanley’s door and Stanley irritatedly closing his book before answering the knock in an exasperated voice would be comedic in any other context. If I’m being honest, it still makes me laugh. As does Stanley’s “As if that weren’t plain.”

I’ve pointed this out before but mmmmm... that shot of Stanley in profile with the open candle flame in the background… the foreshadowing in this ep is thicker than the smoke at… Oh alright, I’ll stop.

God, the autopsy/dive scene…. Collins being lowered down and entering the water paralleled with Goodsir’s initial cutting into Young’s corpse, the breaking up of the ice paralleled with the cutting of the bone-saw. But most significant to me is the parallel of what is seen/not seen and the long-term effect that this has. Collins sees Orren’s corpse (and then presumably never tells anyone about it), reinforcing his guilt over Orren’s death, the beginning of his mental health decline. Goodsir doesn’t see the cause of Young’s death in his autopsy and this not knowing about the lead poisoning until it’s too late to do anything about it is the cause of many of Goodsir’s later problems as well. And, to finish it all off, both the autopsy and Collins’ dive were ultimately for nothing (considering a spinning propeller is useless when your ships are frozen in).

Crozier and Blanky’s simultaneous face journeys as Sir John rambles on about how there’s nothing to worry about and they’ll find the passage any day now are truly legendary.

I wrote some pretty extensive tags on this already but man… Crozier’s comment about how not all of Sir John’s men returned from one of his previous arctic expeditions is just so nasty and awful. Like, yes, Sir John is wrong to undersell the danger they’re in and Crozier is advocating for the correct position here, but that was completely uncalled for and horrible to say, particularly in a command meeting, in front of so many people. And Sir John looks legitimately upset by it too. He gets over it quickly, at least on the outside, but I still feel really bad for him (and I NEVER feel bad for Sir John so this is weird for me).

“But of course we will not be abandoning Erebus, or Terror…” Let’s check back in six episodes and see how that’s going!

Crozier slamming his fist on the table to prove he’s not being melodramatic reminds me of this one post (that I sadly can’t find rn) about Jesus Christ Superstar that’s like “‘CUT OUT THE DRAMATICS’ Judas hollered dramatically.” It’s such an Overall Mood.

I don’t have a developed commentary on this at the moment but it’s an interesting reverse-parallel that Sir John had no concern for Young’s well-being when he was alive, ignoring Crozier’s concerns about moving him from ship-to-ship when he was in such poor health, yet now that he’s dead, Sir John is the one to recommend that Young be buried which Crozier is surprised by, and seems to feel is unnecessary.

There’s been so much amazing commentary already made about Young’s burial scene so I’ll skip it except to say that Hickey’s irritated sigh when he hears footsteps coming towards the grave is SO funny. That’s exactly how I feel when I know that someone is about to tell me something that will annoy me.

Goodsir was really getting into the emotion of Sir John’s “eulogy”/motivational speech before he remembered the promise he made about Young’s ring. Also, what triggered his memory was Sir John saying “We shall earn our loved one’s cheers and embraces,” so no doubt a reminder of the traumatic “Your loved ones will be there in Heaven to welcome you! :)” “I never knew my mother or father” exchange (or maybe just a reminder of the fact that he was supposed to get Young’s ring to his sister but just let me scrape a little humor out of this. God knows I need it).

The shot of Bryant praying in his hammock the night before they get completely frozen-in is honestly deeply upsetting to me. Especially considering he’s a marine so he Did Not Ask To Be Here, yet there he’ll die.

According to Melville, ship’s compasses occasionally spun round-and-round when a ship was caught in a severe storm and this was an incredibly upsetting thing to behold because of how disorienting it was. So, considering that, Fitzjames keeps his composure pretty well but he clearly has some reservations about how things are going and Sir John has no comforting-sounding remark about ‘Magnetic North’ to offer him now.

The bit where Sir John “sees” Crozier, on Terror, turn away from him with a half-smirk on his face is interesting because there’s no way he could have possibly seen Crozier’s expression at that distance and I’m doubtful that he’d even have been able to make out the identity of anyone he might have been able to see on Terror’s deck. So really, it speaks mostly to Sir John’s mental state; his seeing their getting frozen in as a loss against Crozier and imagining that Crozier would see it as a victory for himself.

Ugh the final shot is making me think about @catilinas’s post comparing a shot of the two ships stuck in to the shot of the ink drops from ep 3 and I am LOSING IT but I was losing it anyway because it’s 2AM now and my entire body feels like gelatin.

THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT!

SEE YOU NEXT TIME!

#the terror #i'm REALLY proud of these!! this was so fun to do!#i definitely intend to do this for each episode #no promises for the timing on that but i legitimately have nothing better to do so lol hopefully ep 2 will happen soon!#hope y'all enjoyyyyyyyy #feel free to add comments if you like or you don't have to! whatever is good - i just appreciate anybody slogging through this lol

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auckie · 4 years

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my left leg has been on and off numb since weds. i had a real bad ingrown hair, its resolved now but the area around it was sorta pins/needly, and that’s supposedly normal. Tuesday i went to the beach and swam a shit ton, and the day after i noticed my leg, from my hip, groin, and down to my ankle, just sorta hurts. throbbing feeling, warmth in areas. dvt type symptoms but MILD so mild. and prolonged. idk if i pulled something, but afa preexisting conditions go i know my hips are unaligned, and i regularly have had pain in the bottom part of the arch of my left foot for like uh, two years. i try and do yoga and sleep a certain way to fix it, exercise helps too, but since quarantine i think it’s been getting worse due to my lack of access to a gym and more time spent sitting/laying. sometimes my arm and jaw and eye on the left side will randomly hurt, like shooting pain, which is freakin me out! considering that like maybe 5ish years ago i took birth control for FIVE DAYS, while smoking, and had to stop bc my blood pressure sky rocketed and i developed IIH (idiopathic intracranial hypertension, sometimes called psuedotumor cerebri due to it mimicking the symptoms of a tumor) wherein i was producing too much csf (spinal fluid) and it was putting pressure on my brain in a way so that i was having migraines and vision problems in-- you guessed it, my left eye! i went to a neurologist who informed me i had blood clots as well, so i took warfarin and diamox and anti seizure meds for like a year before he suddenly proclaimed the clots where gone. and then proceeded to flee the country. every doctor ive been too since has been like yeah i dunno if you ever even had blood clots but youre fucked up in general. i have pcos, empty sella, and am at vague risk for retinal detatchment bc of all this shit. it’s hard to say what caused what, what is comirbid, what was congenital. but anyways! you can get why im unnerved, i mean numbness is a bad sign with anything. and what with covid? people losing limbs and having strokes due to clotting. im sooo paranoid. so i was calling my various doctors offices to see if they accept my new poor people medicaid and lo and behold they do not. it’s going to be SUCH pain in the ass finding new offices NOW, and then having the older one cooperate in sending all the relevant medical history over.

anyways. anyways. even if i could go to the doctor rn idk if id want to yknow? mainly posting this as a way of having a record of like. yknow...everything. in case shit goes down lol! and also to air my complaints. anyone have similar stories or pertinent info on this? my mom suffers from sciatic nerve and the doctors say its bc she needs to lose weight, and she has similar symptoms to me but i’ve been at a very stable weight for some time and have never had this problem, plus i GENERALLY eat well and try to exercise. im super insulin resistant but NOT diabetic or even pre. ive been trying to manage this with intermittent fasting, avoiding gluten and dairy as much as i can, lots of water, apple cider, cinnamon, mag/calc/zinc, ginger, tumeric, vitamin d, and b12. i used to take metformin but it didnt do shit. so also...any uh. advice with that? im trying to avoid processed sugars and shit too but its hard when you live with your parents and are pissed about the fact that you live with your parents fresh out of college like. what do i have to live for if not a little dark chocolate dipped banana huh?

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couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name · 5 years

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Molly, you got an autograph from the guy that played Jasper?! Can you post a pic of it? How excited were you?

GOD it was such a dramatic day.

So I'm going to need everyone to, tragically, remember the live action Avatar: The Last Air Bender movie, because he played Sokka and this was a press event for that movie.

So he and the girl who played Katara (Nicola something?? She was a sweetheart) were on the promotional tour (idk why the Aang kid wasn't there) but the thing was. Twilight was already relevant so people heard 'actor from twilight' and went batshit insane even tho everyone knew TLA would suck. They were doing this Q&A and a meet and greet down and Penn's Landing. We got there EARLY and there was literally like 500 people it was fucking crazy.

So, more to the point, I'm not confident I would've bothered going if it was like, Ashley Greene or Kellan Lutz. But this was Jackson Rathbone. Jasper was my absolute favorite of all the Cullens and I was 13 and Jackson has a very nice jawline and pretty eyes. I knew it was a Last Airbender press event, but my mom had given me a shirt from Hot Topic with Jasper on it a couple months prior, and yes I did wear it in public often, so it only seemed appropriate to wear it that day.

My downfall, of course, was that it was a black shirt. And it was July. 103 degrees out. Under the beating sun for hours. In an ever-growing crowd of at least a thousand people. I was pms-ing. I've literally never been the same since.

So anyway, the event was supposed to start at like....1, or something. But then it gets to 1:30. And then it gets to like 2. And then at 2:15 some dude makes the announcement that they....lost the actors??? HELLO

To this day I don't know if their car took some wrong turns or if they just got lost wandering the water front killing time before the event started but it really took them until almost 3 to find them....again we're all out in the sun, there's no seats at the venue, I'm with my arthritic mother and her angry old man cousin who complains about everything. I developed a migraine. It was a whole thing.

They FINALLY make an appearance and are clearly trying to just rush through the Q&A as fast as possible so they can just sign the autographs and get everyone home- I remember Jackson answered a question I wrote in and I was excited but at the same time it was such a rushed non-answer that I got a little annoyed lmao.

Then they start lining people up for the meet and greet. Except as the line forms the security guards make it VERY clear that no meeting or greeting is allowed lmao. They sign your poster, you move, no pictures allowed and if you hold up the line at all you get kicked out (and I guess they took your poster too?? wack). Like, I understand wanting things to move quickly, but they didn't even want you to say 'hi' or a simple 'excited for the movie' in case it took up too much time. Mouths zipped. You could see everyone getting progressively more annoyed and you could see the actors signing as fast as they could and looking bored out of their minds.

Finally, after a million years I get up to the front- and like, I'm a goody-two shoes. And I'm also shy. I was fully intending to follow the security guards' rules and also barely make eye contact. But I got up to the front of the line, Jackson Rathbone took one look at me and his face lit the fuck up and he was like 'CAN I SIGN YOUR SHIRT?!?!' in the most excited voice I ever heard, and my soul left my body for one brief second before I crashed back to earth, forgot all about the security guard standing behind him giving me the evil eye, and yelled back in the same excited tone 'CAN YOU?!?!?!'

He literally lept out of his chair so I wouldn't have to stretch my shirt too far across the table. Nicola, the girl playing Katara was yelling 'YES! WE'RE TEAM JASPER HERE!'. They told me to take a picture with them? Hello?? The guard looked SO MAD but since I technically wasn't the one who started the disruption he couldn't really do anything.

We had a whole fucking conversation. He had never seen any merch for the series with his face on it before this and they were both clearly relieved someone was finally talking to them omfg. I guess no one had told THEM we weren't supposed to be talking, so they were getting pretty disheartened that everyone was just kinda ignoring them, but then I, An Obvious Jasper Stan In Merch Showed Up and he really was acting like I had just made his whole week omfg. It was just so nice and sweet and bitch I was close to swooning lmao. It was just. Such a bad, miserable day and in like 3 minutes he turned it into the best day of my little life.

I still have the poster they both signed, but I never unpacked after I moved so idk where it is right now. But here's the shirt he signed for me!

so yeah that's the time Jackson Rathbone Broke The Rules for his biggest fan and we made each other's day

#twilight #twilight saga #jasper cullen #jasper hale #jackson rathbone #asks #molly mumbles #molly's memories

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nerdymedzebra · 5 years

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@CCI Group

I just realized that I never posted my images in here! I'm going to an Eagles Syndrome ENT on Monday bc i noticed on my CT scans that my jugulars seem compressed, so I'm looking at my images again. I got all this imaging done for CCI through my GP but haven't actually had anyone look at them yet besides me.

Few of my symptoms seem severe compared with others, but added all together I'm a mess, but I don't know what's from what. You can skip (or skim, i bolded the important points!) it unless you think they'd be relevant:

(Some) Symptoms:

Dysautonomia (I can't be on my feet long at all, esp. if i'm standing still, + countless other dys. symptoms (including tachycardia but not POTS). A PT last year did manual work on my very painful and felt-crooked-and-smooshed-down neck & my presyncope SIGNIFICANTLY lessened, but now worsening again. All these images except the supine MRI were done after that.

brain fog/brain "shutting down" & exacerbation of my existant ADHD. My cognitive issues are my worst part, bc they don't calm down when I sit.

My neck at the CCJ hurts a lot, frequently, and, if relevant at all, my thoracic spine is always in pain, tho sometimes worse than others. I have "abnormal curvature of the spine", but not outright scoliosis.

I sometimes get pressure headaches that seem to happen the same days my vision goes blurry. Often the pain will stab through the back of my left eye. Sometimes I get SUPER sensitive to any sensory input and I have suspected "silent migraines" for a while. Tinnitus like WHOA. Especially the wooshy kind.

All my muscles are always constantly SUPER tight and achy. Sometimes i've felt myself lifting out of the passenger seat in a car because my leg/butt muscles are so tight. Everyday is a constant struggle to try to consciously force them to relax and even then it's so hard. In fact my neck muscles are so tight they've been causing significant, awful, crushing feeling against my trachea lately.

My top vertebrae feel like they slide forward too much. & When I flip up side down from the waist and let my thoracic vertebrae go THUNK THUNK THUNK back into place (idk whats up with that either) one of my cervical vertebrae punches me in the throat! & I also have vocal cord dysfunction, throat/sinus swelling

My right ear gets really warm/liquidy and it/the area of my neck below it gets super pressurey feeling.

I can't lift my arms above my shoulders for even a few seconds without angering the nerves & the blood feeling like it immediately drains.

Sleep apnea (effort related OSA, + 8 central apnea events -- then MANY unknown reasons) & insomnia

I'm sure there are other ones too but I usually group a lot of stuff in with dysautonomia, and also I forget a lot.

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