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vagrantblvrd · 3 years

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I’ve seen posts where people think Sebastian Stan should be cast as Luke for future space adventures? Which believe me, are amazing and I would 100% watch the hell out of?

But also please to consider this:

Din comes across this character played by Sebastian Stan who gives Din what is obviously a fake name. Because Antilles, right? One of the most common names around and he might as well have not given Din a name at all, but it’s not like he’s going to call the guy on it or anything, right?

Din’s out hunting down Imperial remnants that have anything to do with the experiments on Grogu and finds this Antilles guy in a cell at one of the bases. He’s clearly had a rough time of it if the look he gives Din when he opens the door to his cell is any indication.

Just this...shock and surprise and something like grief before he tucks it all way behind this oddly familiar smile.

Antilles has clearly been treated to Imperial “kindness”, in that he’s bruised all to hell and can’t walk on his own - almost falls when he insists he’s fine, no really - so Din gets to play human crutch. (Might have been there a while, because he’s all scruffy too, unkempt beard and hair, and anyway, he’s not had an easy time of things.)

Which is fine because Din dealt with most of the Imperials by the time he found Antilles, but! They hit an intersection while looking for the labs and a couple of stormtroopers coming from the opposite direction.

This moment where they all stare at one another in that uh, situation? kind of way but haven’t had the time to react just yet.

Thing is, Din and Antilles happened to trip over their feet just before the troopers walked up, are untangling themselves but Din’s not in a good position to draw his blasters or any of his other weapons. Is like of course this would happen now and resigned to using himself as a human shield, because Antilles is in rough shape and Din’s armor, and anyway.

Doesn’t matter in the end because he feels this tug at his hip and Antilles ducking under his arm and pew-pew-pew, down go the stormtroopers, felled by incredible aim and Din’s blaster and Antilles who gives him this little smirk that is also oddly familiar.

Antilles shrugs, says something about his dad teaching him to shoot or whatever and when Din gets them both back on their feet apologizes for grabbing his blaster. But since doing so just saved their lives, Din’s not all that bothered by it.

Anyway, they get to the labs and Din parks Antilles in a chair while he digs for anything helpful. Scrounges up some datasticks and destroys the rest and when he turns to collect Antilles on the way out -

The guy’s got this look on his face. Complicated, because angry and wistful and a whole bunch of other things Din doesn’t have the time or luxury to unpack.

They get back to Din’s ship, and Din catches the - he doesn’t even know - expression on Antilles’ face when he sees it.

Some of the grief is back, and the wistful nostalgia and weirdly enough, Antilles pats the hull of the ship as Din gets them up the ramp and he swears he hears him say something like long time no see, old girl, and anyway. Din has stuff he needs to get back to Lu - to Skywalker to see if he or his New Republic friends can make sense of it.

He gets Antilles patched up and there’s clothes for him to wear - old bounties who didn’t need it anymore or gifts from people Din helped in the past an he didn’t know what to do with them and anyway.

Antilles looks better after he’s patched up and cleaned up, wearing this mishmash of clothes but he’s not complaining. Seems more grounded, settled, too, than he had earlier, like he’s had time to sort things out for himself.

Shaved his beard, but kept the mustache and just shrugs when Din notices it, just an observation on his part and doesn’t ask because it’s not like matters and anyway.

They run into some trouble getting back to Skywalker’s school, but Antilles isn’t useless. Knows how to fly, is a damn good shot - impressive, really - and knows his way around both jungle and desert in survival situations.

Because that trouble they run into and crashing and continuing to not die after the crashing is done because Imperials or other baddies, and anyway.

Antilles is far from useless and also snarky as hell and Din actually starts to like him.

Wonders a little at how sad he seems sometimes, the two of them sitting at the fire they’re cooking that night’s dinner over and Din looks over when Antilles isn’t expecting it.

Staring at the flames and sad, the kind that runs deep.

Din doesn’t ask, though, doesn’t think it would be appreciated because there’s something...brittle about Antilles in the right conditions and anyway, he doesn’t ask.

Antilles gives him little pieces of himself here and there, though. Mentions his parents, the one who taught him how to shoot, the one who taught him how to fight. Both of them arguing about who was going to teach him to fly until his aunt and uncle had enough of the pointlessness of it and taught him themselves.

(”I learned to fly on a freighter,” he tells Din, cutting through an asteroid field to avoid Imperial TIES after them like it’s nothing. “Corellian make, fastest thing around.”)

Apparently Antilles knows a whole lot of things besides all that, knows how to cheat at sabacc well enough Din almost doesn’t catch him at it. And when he does, the man gives him this wide-eyed look of innocence like who, him? cheat? he would never that is so painfully familiar Din has to look away because there’s a reason he’s out here on his own, isn’t there.

(All these inconvenient Feelings and no chance that Skywalker would ever return them, because Jedi and also look at Din, okay, kind of a mess of a human being and Luke is Luke.)

Anyway.

Eventually they make it to Luke’s school and Din can’t help but notice how quiet Antilles gets as they come in for the landing approach. Hands whit-knuckled in his lap, and he’s trying to look like everything’s fine but his jaw in clenched and he’s got that look in his eyes again and anyway.

Luke comes out to greet them with Grogu running ahead, and both of them stop short at the sight of Antilles.

“Din,” Skywalker says slowly, in such a way that Din realizes something is going on, “who’s your friend?”

Din explains meeting Antilles in the cell of an Imperial remnant base and their many adventures getting back to the school and so on.

The entire time Skywalker (and Grogu) are staring at Antilles, and Antilles is staring back at them, and Din is just like this is Force nonsense again, isn’t it.

And then Antilles is like, So I Have Something To Tell You.

At which point he tells them that he’s from the future - because of course - thanks to some doohickey in the ruins of a Jedi temple he was investigating - because of course it’s to do with Force nonsense - and also he’s here to set the timeline right after a sith or whoever got their first and meddled with the original timeline.

Because of course he is.

There’s a whole Thing in which Antilles and Skywalker go off to talk Jedi stuff.

(Oh, yeah, apparently Antilles is Force-sensitive, probably actually a Jedi himself and Din is like, of course he is because that’s his luck, isn’t it?)

Anyway, Din goes off to check on Luke’s students with Grogu and everyone’s happy to see him, pepper him with questions about what he did while he was gone and he tells them the parts that don’t involve killing people, because wow, no.

And then later on when everyone’s asleep or supposed to be asleep Skywalker finds him and they just kind of enjoy a moment of quiet, peace, while they can.

Comfortable the way things are around one another, and Din’s traitorous heart goes all soft and squishy when Skywalker gives him this warm smile as he catches Din up on happenings at the school while he was gone.

(How many frogs Grogu’s eaten - too many to count, honestly, I’m starting to worry - and so on.)

Din feels guilty at how much he enjoys these moments with Skywalker because they’re not something he gets to have, and anyway, yes.

Shenanigans in which Antilles is clearly in league with Skywalkers students and just about everyone in shoving Din and Skywalker together until finally one of them breaks and confessions concerning Feelings are had and convenient that they’re locked in a storage area because no one else to see when Din presses his forehead against Luke’s and they both do that breathy little laugh that’s all soft and surprised and only for them, and anyway!

Then the Serious Shenanigans happen in which the sith (or whtatever) Antilles was after pops up and does an Evil Monologue in which it’s revealed they were responsible for killing Antilles’ family in that original timeline and also ushering in a new era for the Empire and oethr bad stuff.

Oh, and also, Luke and Din are his parents because those experiments on Grogu and that time both Din and Luke got caught and had blood samples and the whatnot taken and anyway.

He’s cloned from them or something equally dramatic, idk how science works, and they rescued him and raised him as their own and the mustache of his should have been a bigger clue, really, it’s been staring them all in the face (literally) the whole time, what fools they’ve been not to realize!!1!

Emotional fallout and sacrifice plays with one of them being no, bad, don’t try that again or I’ll be Disappointed and the good guys winning the day as the timeline is set right, and all that good stuff.

Din, Luke, Grogu, and Antilles go to where the Jedi ruins are with the time travel doohickey to send Antilles - he still won’t tell them what his name is.

There’s emotional goodbyes all around and then poof, off he goes back to the future where he belongs Din and Luke and Grogu like wow, that was a thing, huh?

But also.

The thing where they’ve both been captured - together and separately - by Imperial remnants and had blood samples and the whatnot taken and Antilles could exist in their timeline right now.

Realize he never told them where they found him or how, and are like oh, no, because what if they don’t find him now? What if they never find him???

So of course Artoo trundles over and plays this little holomessage of Antilles.

Looks nervous as hell and that sadness they knew the reason for all over him, must have recorded this before he told them who he was, and anyway.

He doesn’t know where they found him exactly, just the name of the system and his best guess at when it happened, and then he gets this look on his face like. It’s too much like the one Luke gets sometimes, like Din’s when he’s in a bad place, and anyway.

They go looking where he told them and they find this kid, tiny, adorable, scared kid who can tap into the Force and he’s got Luke’s eyes and Din’s hair and other little small things and he’s just.

“Would have been helpful if he told us what we named him,” Luke says, but he’s kind of an emotional mess the way Din is, and anyway, yes.

(Also, though. Grogu is the worst influence on their kid, but an awesome big brother.)

#star wars nonsense #dinluke #time travel shenanigans #because reasons #technically not a fic #vagrant fic #¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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i-will-physically-fight-you · 3 years

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Are you going to finish the Tiny Virgil AU? Cause the last chapter ended on a cliffhanger. If you don't feel like finishing the whole thing, you could maybe give us bullet points of what was supposed to happen?

Ahaha whoops, I kinda forgot that fic. at the rate I'm going, it'll take like ten years for that or any of my other fics to get finished. Tbh, I actually have a whole outline for that one? Acantha (@theeternalspace) and I brainstormed the rest ages ago and then I took our thoughts and bullet-outlined it out.

The thing is? Like, emotionally I want to hold onto my thoughts and finish it, but if I am to be completely honest, realistically it probably won't happen. Because I wanna prioritize Gibbous over it and all.

so tldr: I'd like to write more installments, but in the case I never finish it and/or you don't care about spoilers, check the read more for what happens.

warnings: hurt/comfort, crying, morally grey sides (all sides are present so beware idk its been awhile im not up to date with how the fandom handles this sorta thing)

Chapter 5

Anx cant believe he forgot about Thomas!

He was so caught up in Creativity wanting to play with him, he's forgotten about his whole purpose

He goes to the real world, worried about all the things that could've befallen his host without his guidance

Anx is confused to be faced with adult Morality and another...side?

"Thomas?"

Thomas is big, Anx is not

This can't be real, can it? How can he protect Thomas like this?

Roman shows up, but the damage is dealt (Ro and Pat converse a bit)

Virge starts panicking and panics even more when he sees Thomas affected by it

Ro & Pat try to comfort Virge but no use

It's Thomas who gets to him. Who is...helping? Why?

"Wh-why are you so nice? I'm bad, I hurt you--I do bad things."

Thomas looks sad at that. He tries to explaining that he doesnt think Virge is bad, he can be good

Virge doesnt really understand but at the same time...Thomas loves him??

Thomas offers him a hug and he accepts it. Still so confused but at least his host loves him.

Chapter 6

Virgil ends up tuckered up in Thomas' arms

"Crying is exhausting, don't like it" He complains to Roman.

"I know. You've been very brave, little prince."

It's not that late but Thomas seems nervous. "I should go to bed." (Basically feels like if he doesnt adhere to his childhood bedtime, he'll get in trouble aka lil Virgil's influence)

Patton asks if he'd like for him to accompany him and Thomas nods

Roman and Virgil end up back in the mindscape with Patton promising to follow soon after

Roman tucks him into bed

Patton comes back, looking tired, and both Roman and Patton agree to talk with Logan in the morning about things

in the morning with Virgil still asleep, Lo, Pat and Ro talk briefly

Logan shares some theories (Age regression maybe?)

Patton tells them what's up with Thomas

Roman decides to bother the Dark Sides. "If this happened before in the past, they would know, wouldn't they? And if they're behind it this time then I can get them to stop it"

They decide to have Patton look out for Thomas again and for Logan to watch over Virgil while Roman ventures out to the Dark Sides

Chapter 7

Logan mulls over what is happening

Grateful that Thomas is going to bed early at least

He is not worried, he is Logic

Tries focusing hard on his book

Virgil wakes up, disappointed to see Logan and not Roman

Roman ventures through the dark mindscape

infodump detail on how it differs vs. the regular mindscape, quiet, silence nobody is around

"HELLO" Roman screams as his brother pops up

"What do I owe brother dear for this visit?"

Virgil is worried about Roman, but Logan placates him a bit

The two end up doing a puzzle

During which Virgil randomly hugs Logan

When Logan asks why, Virgil explains "You're scared. Hugs make me feel less scared"

Logan thanks him for the sentiment but insists he is not scared

"You're scared, I can feel it. It's okay, I get scared lots of times so you don't have to." Virgil says

And then Logan's fear dissipates

He stares at Virgil, shocked, because did tiny virge take his fear away??

And if so, if tiny virge knows how to do this, has adult Virgil been doing it without them knowing??

Chapter 8

"I know you did it" Roman growls. It makes sense really. Remus did random things for sh*t and giggles

Remus blinked "Oh! You found out about ____, didn't you?"

"What no!" Roman says, disgusted. "I'm talking about Virgil."

"Wait, you think I did it with Virgil? Mr. Emo?"

"NO!" Roman snaps. "Stop playing dumb!"

The two have a scuffle, ending up with Remus having a sword at Ro's throat (who is stuck in green goop)

"I really don't know what you mean." Remus says, "What is it exactly do you think I did again?"

Logic must hate him, Anx thinks, otherwise why would he be looking strangely at him?

but its okay, even if it really really really hurts, Anx has done it before and would do it again to keep from any of them feeling pain

He asks if Anx took his fear away and he nods

surely this must be a happy thing but Logic seems even more upset

the fear grappling tiny virge is foreign. It's so different than fears he's taken before. He finds himself drowning in it. he doesnt quite understand most of it. But there's fears about himself, Logic being scared for him, not of him. (basically oh boy adult fears are much harder to process for a child Anxiety)

Logic grips his hand and asks for his fears back

"I can't" Tiny Virge says, shaking like a leaf

Logan asks it again. Virge shakes his head "I can't, I--I don't know how!"

He really doesnt know how. Usually he just holds it all in until it explodes.

Logic echoes some of what the fear is telling him, that Logic cares for him. And weirdly, it means a lot for him to hear that Logic actually cares.

But noooo he must only care because of Thomas, right?

Anyways this is resolved somehow idk lmao and then Logan is called to help with Thomas

Virgil promises Lo he'll be okay, not wanting to stop him from being able to help their host

Logan promises he'll back momentarily

Virgil squeezes Zola and tries his best to stay calm

Previously on Rem and Ro

Roman spills the beans on whats up

Deadbeat silence

Remus then babbles about how he has no clue what Roman is talking about, but is super intrigued and wants to check this out for himself

He sinks out as Roman grabs onto his ankle, but isn't enough to stop him from sinking out.

Chapter 9

"Hiya!"

Little Anx squeaks, shadows gathering at his feet, ready to strike at....

A Green-Dressed Creativity? He dresses fancily like him.

"Princey?"

Green laughs. "No, I'm The Duke! Princey's my brother!"

And Lil Virge is kinda confused but rolls with it because Creativity pretending to be someone else/splitting himself into two is a very Creativity thing to do and isn't too worried about it.

Roman shows up, fuming

However, because of Virgil, he has to play nice

They end up having a pretend tea party

Roman finds himself shocked that Remus is decent with kids? Or at least a Kid Anxiety??

He still says outrageous things but Virge giggles at them (Basically kids really have no baseline for moral right-or-wrong, they find talk of murder funny)

Roman feels a bit guilty/regretful realizing he never played much with Remus growing up

Eventually, Logan pops up slightly frazzled

He's relieved to see the twins there looking after Virgil

Explains the situation w/ Thomas to Roman while Remus and Virgil play

Patton pops up, looking slightly weary, leading Roman and Logan to insist he take a day off from watching Thomas

Upon seeing Logan & Patton, Virgil runs up to hug Logan, but shies away from Patton

Patton tries to hide his disappointment about this

Remus tries to leave upon seeing Lo and Pat are here

but Virge clings to him, insisting he stays

The Others agree, and Remus perks up a bit.

Somewhere, there's a discussion about Virge again, late at night?

Logan reveals Virgil taking fears from him

At some point it's decided to leave Janus out of it as it's unknown how little Virge would react to him and the fact that Janus most likely knows what's up and has chosen to stay out of it

It's decided that Remus and Roman will traverse the Imagination to see if there's a solution there

Logan will be with Thomas

Meanwhile Patton will look after Virgil

Chapter 10

Patton's POV

Little Virge is upset about both Remus and Roman leaving

they try to placate him but it does little. (Telling him how they'll stay safe and they don't want him going because they want to keep him safe)

Patton's heart breaks but he has to holds back Virge.

Eventually the two have heart-to-heart

Apparently the two had a classic childhood spat, that means a lot to Virge even tho poor Pat doesnt remember the spat at all.

Pat tells them they're the best of friends now, even shows him evidence

Virge feels a little better

Sees a snake stuffy in Pat's room, asks about Dee

Patton deflects

The two end up making cookies together

The Imagination is a bust, although the twins return squabbling in a good mood

And Remus has a "present" for Virgil, who delights in it.

They chat, when suddenly Virgil screams

Chapter 11

Virgil's POV

He's been trying his best to stay calm, to hold back the anxiety gained from Logan and also the other fears swelling inside of him

But it's too much, and push comes to shove. A burning sensation occurs

And it explodes

He has a panic attack and realizes it extends into the real world

Overwhelmed and upset, he runs off.

He runs off to his hideaway and sits there

Getting bombarded with fears

He's there for what feels like hours when--

"Oh my dear Anxiety" A crooning, unfamiliar yet familiar voice says

Virgil looks, surprised, to see Deceit!! There's a lot more scales and he's wearing a funny outfit but it's him

He is happy to see him albeit sobbing into his capelet because of what happened.

Dee holds onto him going, “Shhhh everything’s alright. Shhh it’s not your fault. It’s my fault, I’m sorry—“ and Virgil interrupts shrieking it can’t be his fault, because in his mind Dee would never do anything bad and it hurts Dee to know that young Virge has so much faith in him.

"You'll hate me" But Little Virge refuses to accept that. "You're lying, you don't mean that"

"Okay, you caught me. "We stay best friends forever" OR something along those lines

Dee convinces him to bring back to the others, that they don't hate him

When they return, the others "freaking out" is a mild understatement.

Dee slowly produces tiny Virge out of his capelet.

Hisses at them to keep their distance because crowding Virge will only freak him out

Apologies and misunderstandings are made clear

Thomas summons all of them and they all have a sleepover

Virgil falls asleep snuggled between Remus and Dee

Chapter 12

Maybe Roman's POV?

Along with Thomas, they have a discussion

Dee waits a bit, before revealing that he's behind the reason for Virge's current state.

As his role Deceit, he has access to both truth and lies. One lie is that Virgil believes his kid self died and is no longer a part of him--attempting to actively repress those memories

He then points out the childish aspects of each side's function. (Maybe Logan input something about growing up and stuff)

P: "But why would Virgil think this?" J: "oh gee, I wonder why. It isn't like he was made to feel like an outcast from a very young age or anything"

Instant Guilt for all

Anyways Dee explains some mishap occurred, thus reverting Virgil back to this state

You get the sense Janus isn't telling the whole truth.

Janus says he has a way to fix things, and that's when there's a noise

"Anx?"

Virge is there, standing incredibly still, slightly heavy breathing

"Anx, it's okay, we're not upset"

Little Virge heard everything and is upset but he understands

He knows Thomas needs big him, and the others reassure him that they'll be there for him, each having a small moment with him

Then he starts glowing brightly, causing them all to be alarmed, Janus included

Chapter 13

Virgil is back and boiiiiiii is he freaked the heck out

The Others including Thomas are all there, F*CK how can he ever recover after they saw him like that?

He's both embarrassed and mortified

Not to mention it hurts to have two sets of childhood memories rattling inside his head. One that was lonely and painful, and the other that was happy but fake

He snaps at Janus and ends up fleeing in his room

He doesn't duck out

He cant do that

He just doesnt....go out. He doesn't want to hear the jokes start. He doesnt want the babying or the pitying to start.

He does his job and that is that.

(inwardly he knew this would happen, but not like this)

They try summoning him (Thomas included) but he wont come out. His door is locked.

Patton slips a note under the door but Virge refuses to look at it.

Blares MCR

Somehow Zola appears in his room, and he'd like to tear it apart or something, but he can't help but squeeze the stuffed bat tight and cry for the childhood that never was.

A week passes, and there's a very sad prince at his door

Virgil ends up letting him in because look, he's not a monster

it's very...awkward at first

but they eventually have a heart-to-heart and some snarky banter

and Virgil is very confused when Princey feels the need to apologize to him

They also discuss Janus and Virgil very reluctantly agrees to talk to him

Virgil ends up talking with Janus over tea

Janus doesn't really look at him, staring at his teacup as he explains himself

and dammit, Janus has hurt him (but then again so has Virgil hurt Janus)

But a part of him really misses him. A part of him that has always missed him.

Janus explains he just wanted to know where he went wrong in their friendship, that he went the round-about way because knew Virgil wouldn't talk to him but messed with things he shouldnt and accidentally caused Virgil to revert to the age before their friendship started fraying by accident.

He admits that he almost wanted to leave Virgil that age, to take advantage of it as a way to start again, but ultimately couldnt let himself take advantage of virgil in that way

He also apologizes, telling Virgil "Showing weakness isn't bad. I told you once that you had to stay strong and not let anyone see it, but I was wrong" and that he understands if Virgil doesnt accept his apology right away or if ever

And Virgil doesnt completely accept, not yet, but he's willing to try

It ends happily with them going down to dinner with the others. (possibly Virgil having moments with the others??)

the end

BONUS, Written Scene from Chapter 11 w/ Virge's and Janus's reunion because I was self-indulgent and wrote ahead

“Oh my dear Anxiety,” A silky voice croons, so achingly familiar.

He sniffles, raising his head to meet eyes with the much older face of his best friend; Deceit. It has to be, there is no other side whose left side of face is reptilian in nature. He’s crouching beside Virgil, only one set of arms present at the moment. He’s wearing a funny outfit, but then Deceit has always dressed funny, just like Creativity. Neither of them have ever been worried about standing out.

“Dee!” Anxiety cries out, all but flinging himself onto the older side. The velocity of it flattens the two onto the ground, with Deceit letting a small grunt from the impact. He’d be more worried about possibly hurting Deceit if he wasn’t too busy bawling his eyes out into the strange cape Deceit is wearing.

Deceit strokes his hair, so soft and gentle. Then two sets of arms hoist Anxiety upwards, settling him onto Deceit’s lap. Deceit hugs Anxiety, cocooning him in a warm embrace. For a moment, everything feels normal again. As if they’re all kids still and Anxiety had sought Deceit for comfort after a bad nightmare.

Then Deceit speaks, saying words meant to be comforting. They are comforting at first, until Deceit says things that don’t make sense. And Anxiety knows Deceit is a liar, that he says things that aren’t true. But he knows when Deceit isn’t lying. They’re best friends after all.

“Shhh, it’ll be alright. Shhh, it’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s not your fault. It’s mine. I hurt you and I’m--”

“No!”

“No?” Deceit repeats.

“No, it--it--you didn’t do anything bad, you wouldn’t!” Anxiety says, nearly shrieking, “You’d never, ever, hurt me. We’re best friends and best friends don’t do that.”

A strange, choking noise erupts from Deceit. Anxiety looks to see Deceit’s human eye glistening. His best friend’s lips quiver, like Anxiety gets when he gets too scared to speak. Except Deceit is never scared. He always knows what to say in a situation, confident in ways Anxiety could never be.

“Oh, I’ve forgotten what you were like at this age,” Deceit whispers, so low that Anxiety thinks he wasn’t meant to hear it. Then Deceit shakes his head, a weird laugh escaping him. “You’re going to hate me, Anx. Or rather, you’re going to hate me more after this is all over.”

“You’re lying,” Anxiety accuses, his fingers tightening around the fabric of Deceit’s cloak, “You don’t mean that. I love you, Dee, you’re my best friend and--and...Big Me is still best friends with you, right?!”

Deceit inhales sharply, as if there’s something stuck in his throat. Before Anxiety can even grow concerned for his well being, he breaths out a long dramatic sigh.

He rolls his eyes, smirking, “Alright, you caught me.”

“I did?”

“Yes. I was only lying to scare you out of crying,” Deceit assures him, “I didn’t mean to scare you into thinking we weren’t best friends still. Of course we are.”

“G-good,” Anxiety huffs, “don’t scare me like that, Dee, I don’t like it!”

“I won’t do it again, I promise,” Deceit says, his smirk fading a bit as he takes on a somber expression, “it still isn’t your fault for what happened, Virg--Anxiety. Neither I or any of the others think it is. They certainly despise you for it.”

“Despise?” Anxiety’s heart jumps a bit, “Oh! You mean...you’re saying...they don’t despise me?”

“I don’t know,” Deceit raises an eyebrow, “Why don’t you try reaching out? See what their fears tell you.”

Anxiety closes his eyes, sticking his tongue out in concentration. If he thinks super hard, he can envision everyone's fears like spider webs, branching all over the mindscape, interconnected in some ways and in others, completely disconnected in each side's little corner.

And he is the itsy bitsy spider, that scuttles about and maintains the webs to some degree. Because a little bit of fear is good, it helps keep Thomas alive. So he traces the webs and searching for what Dee suggested. There is one thread present, in every nook and cranny of the web, he searches, even in the splinter-offs. One fear that repeats and loops through the whole network that he has never seen before.

"Oh." Anxiety breathes, eyes widening. They're not afraid of him. They're afraid for him, worried about his safety and wellbeing. Anxiety doesn't know what to think of that.

#kat answers #anon #tiny virge au #and yeah this is basically how I outline fics and stuff sorry im not too funny unlike some others in their outlines

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melwritesstufff · 4 years

Text

Damian crush headcanon

Absolutely nobody asked for this but headcanons and stuff like this help me get a better Understanding of characters. I’ve never written for Dami before and it’s been a bit since i’ve written so this might be a bit bad. Please leave any advice or criticism for me!

You and Dami first met through him being forced to attend school by Bruce. (Bruce wants him to have somewhat of a normal childhood, even if it’s barely a sliver of normality)

He doesn’t even notice you until you are paired up to do a school project together

He absolutely hates it, and you, at first. He tries to bribe the teacher to let him work alone, but it’s a project that requires a partner. And apparently, you were the only one willing to work with him

So now he’s stuck with you. He decides to just get things over with as fast as he can, telling you he’ll do all the work and you can just piggy-back off of his work and take credit for half of the project

You have some dignity, though, and you weren’t about to let some snobby rich boy push you around like that. Especially after you offered to work with him when nobody else would

So you yell at him persuade Damian to let you work on at least some of the project, despite his whole “I work alone” speech that he seems to give everyone, including teachers.

Finally, he gives in and tells you he’ll work with you

Long story short, after the project, Damian learns that you’re actually a very driven, smart and good person. And for some reason, he finds himself drawn to you

So he ends up hanging around you and inviting you to the manor quite often, although he would never admit that he actually enjoys your presence. Only that you’re “the only person in this whole academy that I can tolerate” - his exact words, btw

While you visit the manor, Dami introduces you to his abundance of pets, and is quite surprised when they all seem to like you. Even Alfred the cat; and he doesn’t like anybody. I mean he’s a cat. But when Alfred rubs on your leg and purrs instantly upon meeting you? Dami can’t help but feel impressed. And he didn’t know it yet, but this was the exact moment he fell for you. And believe me when I say he fell hard.

It takes him quite a while for him to realize his feelings, and even longer to admit it out loud.

His upbringing was not an easy one, and he was taught that such feelings were bad, a sign of weakness. So that’s what he took it as. A weakness. He started pushing you away and only when Dick noticed this and gave him a huge scolding did he stop.

Dick sat him down and forced Dami to talk to him. After doing so, Dick told him that having feelings and emotions wasn’t a weakness, and is often seen as a strength. Bruce, Talia and them may be emotionally stunted, but that doesn’t mean their children have to be stuck in the same loop. Dick hopes you’ll be the one to bring Dami out of that loop.

So Dami starts hanging out with you again, after finally caving in to three straight days of Dicks advice and scoldings

It’s nice, and for a while, he can ignore his feelings. He can ignore how when you look at him his heart races. Or how you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever met. Or how when you talk about the things you're interested in, your eyes light up and your voice gets a bit higher. Or how you’re one of the few people who actually make him feel something. That last one is a big one for him, and it gets pretty hard to ignore sometimes.

So Damian finally admits he has a crush on you, not to you, but to himself. The only problem is he refuses to admit it to you. No matter how many lectures he gets from Dick.

That is, until you see him as Robin.

You had met Robin on a few other occasions, and every time he seemed weirdly familiar. The reason was one you could never put a finger on. Until you saw it.

One time, you had forgotten your backpack in his room. When you went to get it back, you walked into his room to find Damian in full Robin suit. All except for the iconic domino mask.

He completely froze when he saw you. Weren’t you supposed to be gone? On your way back home? Why are you still here? How did he not hear you? He was an ex assassin trained by the best how did he not notice you?

“Uh, I just forgot my backpack.” You broke the awkward silence, grabbed your stuff, then left.

The incident wasn’t brought up again until a few days later when the weekend was over and you were both back at school.

Damian almost bailed, scared on what you would say, what you would do. But, like he always does, Dick butted in and forced Dami to go. So he did, reluctantly though.

Throughout the entire school day, you and Damian ignored each other. Everyone hated it. You hated it because you just learned your best friend was out every night fighting crime and putting himself in danger. Damian hated it because he could lose you, both as a friend and a romantic interest, though he feared losing you as a friend more. He could deal with being rejected romantically but losing you as a friend might just push him over the edge of emotional instability. The rest of your classmates hated it because Damian was acting especially cold to everyone. The energy in every room the two of you were in was suffocating and quite awful. Nobody liked it.

You decide to put a stop to it though, and pull him aside during lunch. Finally deciding on something to say.

Damian thinks you’re going to stop being friends with him, or blackmail him, or something awfully similar. He hated himself for making such an easy slip up. For being so weak as to open up to you. For letting you into his heart.

Those worries and thoughts are put on pause though as, as soon as the two of you are in the privacy of the rich school's huge courtyard, you hug him. You throw your arms around his neck and almost knock him over.

His heart almost breaks as he hears your soft sniffles while you cry into his shoulder.

“Y/n I-“

You cut him off before he could say anything

“Thank god you’re safe! God, Dami, you have no idea how much I’ve worried about you the past few days. Knowing who you are, what you’re doing every night? It was terrifying. It is terrifying. I was so scared something was going to happen to you. I-i just, i..oh god Dami I’m just so glad you even showed up today.” you just burst into tears and this time his heart does break. He felt so guilty for what he did, or really for what he didn’t do. For what he didn’t tell you.

“I… I’m sorry, Habibti. I should have told you I know. I was, I’m just trying to keep you safe. If you knew, it would put you in danger. I just want you to be safe.”

This is the first time you’ve ever heard Damian apologize, and he was surprisingly good at it.

“Don’t you think i worry for your safety too? It’s just, Dami, I’m your best friend. Don’t you trust me?” You broke the hug to look into his eyes, almost trying to look for the truth.

“Of course i trust you, i just-“ you cut him off

“What else have you been hiding from me? Please, just tell me. I need to know, especially if it puts you in danger”

At that moment, Damian knew exactly what he wanted to tell you. He wanted to tell you everything. From his terrible upbringing to his nightly adventures as Robin. So he did. He explained everything, and hearing all those terrible things he was forced to endure was incredibly saddening and it was difficult for you not to just tackle him in a hug. To tell him you were sorry he had to go through all that. To tell him you love him and you’re never going to let anyone else hurt him like that. But you didn’t. You just sat across from him and let him talk. Let him explain everything.

At the end of it all, you were both crying softly. There was a long silence after Damian finished explaining everything. But there was one more thing he needed to say. He already told you everything else, so he might as well tell you this as well.

“There’s one last thing, y/n.”

“I… I’m in love with you. At least, I think I am. I’m still not quite sure what love is but i think i feel it for you. I understand if you don't feel the same. I can just-”

You cut him off with a soft kiss on his lips

It was short, but you could still taste the salty tears that ran down to his lips

“You idiot, of course I feel the same way.”

“Really? But, being with me would put you through so much danger. It’s not safe to be around me, I’m not safe to be around. I’m an assassin, Habibti. You have to understand,”

“I do understand, Dami. And I don't care. You’re worth being in danger for. And I know you would never hurt me or let me get hurt. Assassin or not, you’d never let it happen.”

Then the bell rings and you two have to go back to class, but you make an agreement to meet up after school and go to the mansion.

When you two arrive, Dick is happy to see you both getting along again. And seeing that the two of you are holding hands as you walk in just makes him even more ecstatic.

When Bruce sees the two of you, he smiles. Like an actual genuine smile. He’s proud of his son for breaking the cycle and opening up to someone.

It’s like 4am rn and I’m too tired to wrap this up so i hope y'all enjoyed this. I’ve never written for Damian before so idk if i did him right. Please leave any criticism or advice for me y’all’s have. Thanks so much! Bye bye :)

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hopeswriting · 3 years

Text

KHR Jujutsu Kaisen AU Part 2

About the Vongola Tenth Gen and the Kokuyo gang. Spoilers for JJK.

Here’s part 1 with the Arco.

Here’s part 3 with the Varia & Bianchi & Dino.

WORDS: 1814

Yamamoto scouts Tsuna to become a member of the Occult club on the promise they’re just chilling and not actually doing anything.

Tsuna accepts because 1) not doing anything, and 2) “See mom and dad? I’m in a club, I do have a school life and here’s are my hopefully-to-be-friends club members, so please get off my back and thank you.”

(Yes Iemitsu is a present and good dad in this.)

(He retired from the Jujutsu Sorcerers (JS) business when Nana got pregnant and never looked back.)

(He does deal with low level Cursed Spirits (CS) on the daily if only to keep their neighborhood safe.)

Yamamoto and Tsuna are on “clean the instrument shelter” duty (or something lol idk), and find the cursed charm.

Tsuna instantly has a very very bad feeling about this.

“Yamamoto please don’t pick it up.”

“Yamamoto please don’t open it.”

“Yamamoto I’m begging you don’t bring this up to Gokudera-kun and Haru-chan.”

Yamamoto laughs it all off and doesn’t listen. He brings it up to Gokudera and Haru. Gokudera and Haru instantly want to unwrap the charm.

Tsuna does not meet up with them at school that night, and only feels a little bit guilty about this. (Listen, he did his best alright?)

He does run into Hibari on his way to the grocery store.

Hibari says very little and doesn’t explain shit but makes it clear his friends are about to die.

Tsuna runs to school with him.

The cursed charm is a disgusting weirdly clean eyeball Tsuna ends up swallowing because this Hibari guy is losing and they’re all hurt and it’s pretty obvious they’re all going to die.

(In a parallel universe of this AU Haru is the one who swallows the cursed charm because she’s batshit crazy like that and never shied away of the consequences of her batshit craziness, and all I’m saying is some fun things happen in this parallel AU too.)

(But it’s not the AU we're talking about right now.)

The CS the eyeball belongs to is Byakuran.

It’s BYAKURAN OMGGG ASDFGHJKL!

(I’m sorry but the idea just punched me in the face and just fits this crack treated “seriously” AU and I’m a fucking genius actually.)

(Anyway Byakuran revives and all over Japan his Guardians do too.)

(I will not elaborate this side plot further.)

Byakuran deals with the CS and then beats up Hibari, and it earns Tsuna Hibari’s everlasting interest.

Tsuna, not Byakuran.

This is not a good thing.

Tsuna doesn’t even want his interest.

It’s the worst fucking night of Tsuna’s life.

(Except it’s only just the beginning asdfgh.)

------

Iemitsu badly hints at Tsuna he’s a retired JS and if he ever needs help for anything he can just let him know.

Tsuna doesn’t catch the hints and never let him know of anything.

Yamamoto, Gokudera and Haru aren’t exactly invited to the Tokyo school but good thing they don’t give a fuck about that. Wherever Tsuna goes they go.

(Also Tsuna saved them and it’s all their fault to begin with, and they aren’t about to let him go into this mess alone.)

Ryohei and Kyoko are second years at the Tokyo school.

Former-rich-boy Gokudera and from-the-countryside Ryohei instantly rub each other the wrong way.

Haru “I’m weak for pretty faces that hide slyness and cunning” and Kyoko “batshit crazy is the only normal I want in my life” hit it off right off the bat.

“Predictable and simple man” Tsuna instantly gets a crush on Kyoko.

Hibari is a third year student, the third year student, and doesn’t leave Tsuna alone. It has the unfortunate consequences (for Hibari) of him getting acquainted with the rest of the Vongola Tenth Gen (VTG).

Mukuro is a third year student at the Kyoto school. He meets the VTG during the Goodwill Event.

------

Both Ryohei AND Kyoko are the Aoi Todo of this AU. Except Kyoko keeps it strictly to the battlefields while it’s just Ryohei’s default state lol.

Ryohei is the immovable object while she is the unstoppable force.

Ryohei specializes in the medical field because of his technique that allows him to overpower cursed energy damages by the sheer strength (and healing properties) of his own cursed energy and effectively canceling them (or something lol idk), so he’s not that often on the battlefields.

But when he is and Kyoko is right there by his side and they team up against a common enemy?

Oh boy, no one ever knows what hits them.

They proudly represent Japan countryside and intend to honor it.

------

Hibari is a Gojou who doesn’t have any techniques (but does have cursed energy), and uses cursed tools to fight, and had to prove his worth all the way to being the top student of the Tokyo school.

Mukuro is a Zen’in and a prodigy like the clan didn’t see in a long time and was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.

Mukuro overpowers Hibari during the Goodwill Event and wounds his pride.

Hibari backs him in a corner during round two and wounds Mukuro’s pride.

Thus an everlasting rivalry between the two is born.

No one else gives a shit about it and they sure as fuck don’t try to intervene.

Round three just keeps happening again and again because of course they’ll never agree on who’s the best between them.

------

Gokudera is the only one among the VTG who doesn’t have cursed energy. He doesn’t let that stop him.

He reads all of Verde researches from beginning to end and then backwards and then makes his own researches, and it ends up not mattering much at all.

(Also he becomes a Verde stan second, and a human being third.)

(He’s a Tsuna stan first and foremost.)

He projects his insecurities onto “natural born JS” Yamamoto and one-sidedly starts a rivalry between the two. He thinks Yamamoto choosing to fight with a cursed tool when he has perfectly working cursed energy is a jab at him.

But “simple man with simple needs” Yamamoto simply is not interested in fighting monsters if he doesn’t get to have a cool sword while doing it.

Also he doesn’t really mean to but he is a competitive guy in nature, and kind of throws oil in the fire and gets involved in the rivalry too.

Meanwhile Haru thrives in the JS business. Fighting monsters? Saving people? Fighting for the sake of humanity?

Yes please, let her just design and handmade her own coolest outfit first.

She’s a high level gymnast so she wants to specialize in close quarter combat. Asks Fon to teach her because she wants the best and nothing else.

Fights using hoops and I don’t know how practical it would actually be and Idc because the image in my head right now is really cool.

------

MM is a CS and Mukuro has to exorcise her. They sass each other during the whole fight and become buddies by the end of it.

Mukuro proceeds to announce to the whole JS business Kyoto (and Tokyo) branch he’s keeping her and no one is allowed to exorcise her.

It's a big no-no for everyone.

“But Skull-sama is literally keeping Reborn? Humanity biggest threat?”

It's a less of a big no-no but still a no-no.

“Fine, let me improve my clan technique in a way that was never done before and turn MM into my shikigami without exorcising her.”

It works.

Mukuro proceeds to also not-exorcise Ken and Chikusa.

But Ken is dumb and always forgets to create the curtain, so one day the fourth of them just crash into Chrome’s living room.

They think they can get out of that with just an apology and the fact they saved her life from the CS that followed them, but no, they really can't.

Chrome barely manages to pay for her apartment? She’s an independent broke ass student?

“You will give me the money for the reparations right here and now or you’re not going anywhere.”

They bring Chrome to the JS’s Kyoto school principal so she can be compensated.

Daniela sends them to the Zen’in clan head because “No Mukuro, we’re done with your shit financially wise, learn how to behave or get your own clan broke, thank you, goodbye.”

Chrome is compensated by Lancia, but then she just never leaves.

And becomes a JS.

It sure as hell pays better than the part-time job she was doing until now.

------

Tsuna’s first mission is to exorcise 5yo CS Lambo and his twin sister I-Pin.

But it’s simply not happening.

Byakuran thinks it’s the occasion to fuck with him and he tries to take over his body to make him exorcise them anyway.

Tsuna shuts him the fuck down.

“I will kill you. And I do mean you only. I will find a way to kill you and you alone.”

“I will find all your stupid disgusting eyeballs, and crush them under my foot, and smear them on your stupid wings I would have first rip off of you, and roll them into a ball, and shoves them straight in your guts, and burn you to smithereens.”

“I will murder you with my bare hands in the slowest and most painful way, don’t you fucking dare harm them.”

Tsuna brings Lambo and I-Pin safely back to his school.

Fon steps up before anyone can disagree because holy shit, it’s actually the first time he sees baby CS and they’re cute as fuck??

Yes, of course they’re keeping them.

It starts a trend.

------

They’re all very proud of their CS Task Force against others CS they’re building little by little.

They begrudgingly agree to let 16yo Mukuro be in charge of it because he is the one who started it all after all.

Also the OG Task Force is the Kokuyo gang and they wouldn’t listen to anyone but him.

It’s a disaster because Mukuro’s only 16yo and also a smart dumbass but the results are there anyway.

The higher-up aren’t so happy with this Task Force.

No one else gives a shit.

Everybody is ready to fist fight them if they even think of dismantling---let alone harming---their awesome Task Force.

They make sure the higher-ups get the hint.

I wanted to add some others characters (namely Bianchi and Dino) but unfortunately I have assignments to do. Well, have this for now, in the hope you enjoy it!

Here’s part 1 with the Arco.

Here’s part 3 with the Varia & Bianchi & Dino.

#katekyo hitman reborn #khr #khr au #vongola tenth gen #kokuyo gang #khr jjk au #jujutsu kaisen #jjk spoilers #whelp here's part two #let's beat the muse while it's still hot am i right?#also about tokyo school principal #i didn't mention them because i didn't know who it could be #i thought of shamal first but fuck him actually #then i thought some more and nono is right here #and is still related to daniela #but he wanted to step out of her shadow so he aimed for another school than hers #or something whatever lol #mine

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thinger-strang · 5 years

Text

no one dies and everyone's gay au

Nancy finds Barb when she gets stuck in the Upside Down when she's in the forest with Jonathan (don't ask me about the logistics) and so Steve ends up finding Jonathan and Barb in Nancy's room? And he's confused because at first he'd just seen Jon and thought Nancy was cheating but then he saw Barb walk into the room? (traumatic sleepover time! except Jon stays on the ground and Barb and Nance cuddle on the bed bc they're best friends and BARB WAS MISSING FOR LIKE TWO DAYS I THINK? she deserves snugs)

But Tommy and Carol started talking about how Nancy was probably sleeping with both, everyone knew Barb was the biggest d*ke in Hawkins, Nancy probably got curious about the other side!

He doesn't necessarily agree but still doesn't stop Tommy from spray painting the theater (because Nancy still lied to him? Lying generally meant there was something? going on? idk Steve's just confused and a little hurt rn)

The rest of the season goes pretty much the same, Barb's just there trying to not die and trying to help the Gang™ find Will and fight this bitch ass demogorgon (I don't think she's really be part of the Nancy and Jonathan luring it to the house and fighting it, she'd help with set up and the plan but I think she'd fuck right off when it comes down to facing it, she's had enough monsters for one life time thx)

But she'd so wanna help get Will out so she's there with Joyce and everyone talking to El while she's in the bath finding Will and talking Hop and Joyce about the Upside Down

(and she's been to the hospital, she didn't get a face sucking monster thing so she recovered quicker? idk don't ask logistics again lmao)

But she and Will end up getting along and sometimes when she's hanging out with Nancy and the party comes over she'll say hi to Will and like ruffle his hair

(also I want a little scene after the big monster hunting trip scene where a) Nancy and Jonathan explain everything to Steve and b) where Steve sees Barb again and pulls her into the biggest hug and starts like apologizing for not paying attention that night and for letting her get taken and even though she assured him it wasn't his fault he still feels guilty about it, it was his house, he should have helped her bandage her hand or something? idk but this right here is the beginning of the Barb/Steve friendship and the start of the "fall of King Steve")

cue s2

and so the four get really close, Jonathan and Steve are actually friends (idk what s2 was pulling but they're friends) and Barb talks to Nancy about Steve and Jonathan and Nancy ends up breaking up with Steve way earlier (bc you know none of that drama would have happened if Barb was there so)

But they're all still good friends, Steve's cool about the break up, and Nancy and Jonathan get together but it's not like right after? so it's all chill and they all went through a dramatic experience together so they remain close knit yeah

and Barb eventually comes out to them (everyone's supportive obviously) and Steve's is ready to throw down with anyone for her

cue Billy

the four of them are sizing up the new guy, Nancy doesn't really care, Jonathan thinks his hair is a little ridiculous (which I mean, that first day? when he steps out of the Camaro? yeah it was a lil rough), Barb can see right through his macho bullshit, and Steve? has a little bi meltdown. bc this kid has definitely had boy crushes before and knows he likes both (kid listens to queen of course he knew he was bi lmao)

blah blah blah s2 happens, Barb, Steve, and Billy have the same English class and Billys generally quiet during school, kinda stand-off-ish, only really bugs people during gym/basketball, but he literally sits in the back and does absolutely nothing during class and still somehow has the highest grade

(FUCK him and Barb get paired for a project and she fucking calls him out? like she's just like you're gay I'm lesbian you can cut the crap around me and they become...not friends? but they have solidarity, they're cool)

and I'm a slut for this trope but BILLY FIGHTS DEMODOGS WITH THEM lmao he hears Max sneak out and follows her and finds her in the junkyard armouring up a bus with fucking Harrington and a couple of nerds? and like the sun is setting and he needs to get Max home so he's like "Maxine! I don't know what the fuck this is and I don't fucking care, we gotta go!" and the four are like yelling at him to either leave or get in the bus! and he's so confused, I'm not here to play games Max! and Steve's running out of the bus with a FUCKING NAIL BAT WHAT THE FUCK HARRINGTON? And Steve's like behind you! and swings at a demodog. Billy has a borderline panic attack before he finds like a fender or exhaust pipe or whatever and starts swinging too

the dogs run away and Billy rounds onto Steve like what the living shit was that? and Steve has to explain everything with Dustin and Lucas interrupting and Max shrugging and trying to understand too? it's a mess

s2 continues with Billy and with HOPPER NOT BEING ABLE TO STAND HIM bc he's caught him speeding and underage drinking and shit and Billy's nervous as hell around cops which makes him mouthy and ITS A MESS

they're all at Joyce's (Barb's there too bc Will's possessed and they need to check up on her too? and she's concerned for Will anyway yeah she's in this too) and El shows up and Steve and Billy are just like what? another one? who the fuck? like Steve heard about her but this isn't a tiny child without hair??? idk it's funny

BILLY WITH AN AXE IN THE TUNNELS

(obviously Steve isn't passed out and the kids don't drive the car, it's Billy's awful impulse control that leads to them going into the tunnels)

okay I couldn't decide where to put Barb here? so I left her with Steve and Billy to babysit and she ends up in the tunnels too? and she's def handling it better than the boys are fuck yeah

Steve has his bat and is in front and Billy found an axe in the pile of shit from the Byers' shed and he pulls up the end

it's awesome

yada yada Steve and Billy end up becoming weirdly good friends by the end and he's good with him and Barb, idk about Nance and Jon but eh

s3 now

Billy ends up getting two jobs; lifeguard and cook at Benny's (bc he's alive too, fight me bitches this is the ultimate fix it) and Barb ends up working as a waitress there too (and working together builds the weirdest bonds so they are besties now)

everything in s3 is pretty much the same but with diner scenes too? and like all the Hawkins moms swarm Benny's too and leave lipstick stains on their kitchen tips and "send my compliments to the chef *wink*"

Billy eats it up but Barb can tell he also kinda hates it bc he's barely 18 and not even remotely into women and it makes him super uncomfortable but publicly he "loves" it (he starts wearing tank tops to the pool and tries to hide out in the kitchen but it really doesn't work)

he still gets caught up with the mind flayer but it's not bc he's about to sleep with Karen bc ew, idk why he's driving out by the warehouse idk maybe he's out on a drive bc he can't sleep yeah

anyway he gets caught up but like he knows, or kind of knows, what this is and calls in sick to both jobs and talks to Hopper bc WHAT THE FUCK isn't the gate closed? I got face fucked my an interdimensional monster so unless you know where the fuck that came from?? and they deal with it earlier (most of the shit still happens but it's less...messy? like Hop and Joyce are more involved in the Billy shit and Steve knows about it?)

Steve still gets caught up with the Russians (I don't think he'd have a chance to tell anyone (specifically Hopper) bc he finds out about Billy then the elevator stuff happens like right after and yada yada)

so for most of the season it's them trying to actually help Billy! and they end up saving a lot of people? (specifically Heather bc she was really nice to Billy and I want he to live fight me it's my au)

but enough people get melted and shit that starcourt still get destroyed blah blah blah!

but Billy makes it and so does Hop and Alexie (no one dies au) and they all end up doing the thing in the mall like they did in the shed with Will? like breaking Billy out? Barb talks about working at the diner and their secret and Steve talks about them hanging out and playing basketball and the tunnels and Max talks about Billy buying her a new board and them scream-singing along to ACDC in the Camaro and the kids mention him giving them rides and shit and yeah! El talks about his mom and that's it! Joyce and Hop close the gate while Billy's holding the one arm (he doesn't get stabbed in the chest, as cool as that scar would be, no...but he gets some on his hands and upper arms and his sides?)

(also Billy's drinking like bleach rn so they try and reverse that as much as possible while he's possessed so that he has a better recovery later bc no! chlorine is not good for you! and Billy tries so hard to not drink it but sometimes he can't fucking stop? idk but he has a support system now!)

and Robin came out to Steve and Steve comes out to her too? like kinda? he alludes to it vaguely bc he's so not ready to be out to anyone FUCK

And Billy comes out to Steve (he was planning on doing it earlier that summer but shit happened)

and Robin becomes friends with everyone (ITS ROBIN X BARB HOURS BITCHES)

(OKAY small like side shit? Benny and Hopper have known each other for years and Benny's like one of the only registered foster parents on Hawkins so he ends up fostering a lot of wayward kids while Hop figures out legal stuff (he hasn't adopted anyone yet but him and his husband (yeah Benny's gay deal with it) really want to? they just haven't yet, all the kids they take care of end up in their care temporarily) BUT Hop finds out about Billy and Max's home life (I know a lot of people write that Neil wouldn't hit Max but...nah son not how that works? idk but he needs to get them out? and Neil's bad to Susan too (he's the worst to Billy but still bad to Max and Susan) anyway Hop helps Susan leave Neil (it takes a while and Billy and Max end up with Benny for a little bit while the divorce is going down and all the legal shit yeah it's safer out of the house rn) long story short Billy ends up staying with Benny after everything and ends up getting adopted (they're like we know you're 18 and you don't need a guardian but if you want we can be your dads? and Billys like yeah sure that'd be nice and yeah) Hop ends up being a weird like uncle figure? idk like I said him and Benny are close and they both adopted kids so yeah? and Billy ends up considering El his little sister and he still visits Max and Susan and yeah?)

ANYWAY everything kind of calms down, Hop and Joyce get together (I just realized I forgot about Bob so...idk I guess this isn't an everyone survives au? no no that's weird um idk him and Joyce end up breaking up idk why) but yeah Hop and Joyce get together and like it's kind of fast but they've been in love for a long time so it's kind of fine? like idk but yeah

Barb and Robin get together (ITS FUCKING CUTE they go to aquariums and have paint dates where they sit on some old sheets and paint while listening to Robin's records ITS CUTE!)

STEVE COMES OUT TO EVERYONE! he definitely cries bc fuck he was scared! bc he likes both and he wasn't sure if that was a thing or whatever for a while and Billy's like oh yeah, like David Bowie or Freddie Mercury? and that's when Steve's cries bc oh thank God you guys get it and you're cool with it oh fuck and YEAH

UM Max is bi too, Will comes out as gay (listen I know none of this is like 80's realistic but everyone's gay and alive and happy, fuck off)

Um it takes forever for Billy and Steve to get together, it's awful. like Barb and Robin have to deal with their pining and shit? and like Robin hears about it from Steve at work and Barb hears about it from Billy at the diner and they put their knowledge together and make a Plan ™

it's like elaborate and dramatic (shut up they're all like 18-19) and shit? BUT LMAO okay one day they're all hanging out at Steve's (bc I've also hopped aboard the neglectful parents train sorry) and idk Steve and Billy are there before Robin and Barb are so the girls walk in on them arguing over whatever and like Billy's talking really fast and Steve's talking with his hands and idk what it's about but Billy ends up yelling that he loves him BUT THEY KEEP ARGUING FOR LIKE A SOLID MINUTE AFTER THAT BEFORE IT HITS THEM and Steve gets all quiet and is just like you love me? and Billy doesn't fucking know what to do?? he's like bright red and frozen and Robin and Barb are by the door trying to not like break the spell (bc it's been months guys) and Billy's like of course I do asshole and Robin thinks Steve's about to have a panic attack but he like rushes forward and cups Billy's face and kisses him senseless and it's like the best thing Robin and Barb have ever seen

and they're resting their foreheads together, Steve's still holding Billy's face and Billy has his hands on Steve's chest it's really tender but Robin's like yeah congrats and shit but you guys ruined our Plan™! and she gives them a long ass rundown of their elaborate scheme and Steve and Billy are like still touching and bumping into each other as they listen and Barb interrupts and says that this was better and Robin rolls her eyes but agrees

and they're watching a movie or whatever, cuddling in their respective couples and Steve fucking jumps up randomly and rounds on Billy like hey woah fuck I love you too, I didn't say that earlier! and Billy's looking up at him like yeah I know that asshole and yeah

#okay this is s u p e r long sorry #but also not #harringrove #robin x barb #fix-it #stranger things #the ultimate fix-it #pls ask me stuff about this im so down to ramble about this?#pls #fic #my stuff #also idk how to do keep reading thungs so sorry 😬#also i barely mention nancy jon the kids or the adults #this is about my gay quad #buckland #bobin #my writings

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hellbabyfromhell · 4 years

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i was writing a small thing and then it became big... just my thoughts about my life as of today.

the asks people sent when i told my whole stupid story about my dumb ass life were really very kind and sweet.... i read through them sometimes.... im not trying to Fish for anything when i say this but like... idk the situation i was in made it really hard for me to leave without feeling bad, and they’d thought up every way to in some way make me guilty even though objectively there wa literally nothing..... idk just, me personally i take every bad emotion a person i care about is feeling or might possibly be feeling or may feel at a future time and i soak it in like a sponge.... so they knew if they made me feel bad enough it’d make me stay.....i guess i kind of already made a post about this but some people sent asks about having gotten through situations like this, and people generally like.... expressed pride in me... lame but ever since i disconnected from everyone i ever knew before my dad died excluding maiya and online friends..... i guess what im saying is ever since my dad died and i lost that familial feeling of living in dc because i had to move, and i was far from anything i knew... i felt so, so so weak and frail, and living in my old situation was crushing me up into a tiny ball.... i feel stupid saying it but it feels good when people are proud of me ; _ ; and im proud of me too.... i really felt so small, and i was like genuinely despondent and ready to die, but i realized like.... with all the crazy ass shit that had happened to me, it would have been so easy to just Die..... and for 2 years i was barely present, but i like....survived.... and really, that was a bad time. i used to scoff when people would say i was strong for that, because i’d think: “what’s so strong about not dying...” because it felt like a suspended plan frankly (grimace emoji im typing) but i also decided that i would try as HARD as possible to NEVER act like teen me again. because right up until my dad died, i was a brat who was unwilling to take in feedback.... i wasn’t Bad or anything (questionable) but i’d go to therapy and goof off because i was very flippant about it in a passive aggressive way.... like, CLEARLY this STUPID BULLSHIT wont help me so ill be REALLY sarcastic about it! im cool! i kind of realized it after my dad died but LITERALLY i never did ANYTHING to help myself! like, i’d get really sad, but i’d make no real effort to change that, and i thought it was ANGST and MALAISE and ENNUI, and it was that, but it was also my unwillingness to step into uncharted territory: developing myself as a person consciously lol. at therapy i never took anything in and was too busy trying to make light of my situation that nothing ever got done, and i realized i never took any advice anyway.... like, when people say “try meditation”..... like Duh thats a stupid reply but also like.... Have you? i hadnt until recently.... and guess what! it didnt work at all! but i am like willing to try literally anything (within reason) and i want to ACCEPT everything just like....

i was SO ADAMANT about rejecting like...... idk Norms?????? as a teen , i really dont know what my aim was but it wasn’t working and i was making people annoyed because i’d whine and whine over my problems but never do anything to fix it, and i’d go and say “NOBODY CARES ABOUT ME!!!” with like 5 people messaging me. idk just, life was handing me little tools with which to improve and better myself and i refused. i was a fool at therapy and i was annoying and SOOOOO depressed but weirdly comfortable with it simply out of unwillingness to change my habits.....you know? and after my dad died, like... everything i previously felt was just......i just realized how incredibly petty it all was? NOT t say im not petty now, but i was like GOD DAMN i was suicidal.... over that? like i was really crying and freaking out over THIS? my two years of like PTSD cocoon smoothed it out to the point that it almost just feels like i was thinking for a really, really long time, and only came to when i felt the answer coming on. i’m not saying i don’t still grapple with self pity and stuff but i kind of blinked and absorbed the WORLD for the first time...... i really wasn’t living life yet. i was 19 which is Older than 18 and i lived with my dad and his gf and i was fresh out of high school doing a little community college.... like i was walking around dc and having a grand old time going to the cliff and the woods and then id go home and talk about how badly i wanted to die..... i just like.... i decided that i CANNOT waste any more of my time acting like that because i wasted my most precious time, time with my dad, acting like a crybaby. i’m just disgusted thinking about how many opportunities i had to be happy and have a good time that i DECIDED not to take. and i can’t even really explain why still, but i just know i can never ever be like that ever again oh god the bird is tweeting its mornign sorry im back... just SORRY that was my roundabout way of saying like... i guess i have changed and like a LOT, and i DO feel strong... so thank you for caring about y progress!! AHH!!

#it gets a little depressing sorry but im okay just thinking.#and appreciating u and appreciating the good in my life

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cosmonaughtt · 4 years

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wes + val halfa au - cold storms

like. ok. i think i came to a decent idea.

during some Ghost Hunting Shenanigans™ Wes and Valerie end up really injured. I know that intense energy and ectoplasm are what creates halfas-- see Danny and Vlad, ex, w the ghost portals-- so it’s obviously a lot of energy and they both end up hospitalized

Danny knows something happened to them he couldn’t prevent and he feels so GUILTY so while they’re both recovering he remembers to visit them. just as Danny for Val but as both for Wes (Wes knows, Val doesn’t). the more time he spends with them, the more memories he gets from his own accident and he might have a realization that

well, Val and Wes might not be 100% human anymore.

so yeah now the world has to deal with TWO new halfas

Danny’s nervously trying to figure out how to approach the subject to Val especially because he knows that she’s got the vendetta against ghosts (which is more likely just a vendetta against him) and trying to figure out his wording with Wes when Wes just. Knocks on his door a few weeks after his accident and demands to know what exactly Danny is.

He knows that Danny is Phantom and knows the two rings can make him be all ghosty and stuff, but he doesn’t know how, and doesn’t know how Danny is alive and dead, and now so is he

Danny explains it-- not the whole “four score seven years ago i was in an accident” but pretty much just goes “yeah that accident i was in freshman year did this to me, i’m pretty sure you and val both got zapped enough to be like me to”

“Val hates ghosts, though. She’s gonna be pissed.” “Yeah, trying to figure out how to break it to her without her breaking my face in.”

eventually he just has to. bite the bullet and tell valerie. this whole thing happens over like spring/fall break so they have time to approach her before school begins again, so Danny grabs Wes (as backup/because Wes doesn’t stop bothering him with questions about existence now) to go approach Valerie

who has pretty much been in a chronic state of Crisis™. She hasn’t told her dad about anything yet but Valerie is pretty confident that something with the accident with Wes definitely changed her somehow, but she doesn’t know that how or why everything seems to just be freezing around her? And why she can walk through walls, disappear and fly??

oh yeah happens in the electric core danny au and stuff so he just has electricity powers

When Danny and Wes come knocking at her door it makes her slightly more nervous, but the weird ghost sense she suddenly has goes off around the two of them which makes her confused.

Danny sits her down and pretty much explains everything.

“Look, you’re not going to like this, but uh you’re half ghost now.”

“I’m-- what?? How is that possible?”

“I don’t know, but welcome to the club.”

“Danny, what do you mean?!”

He nervously changes into Phantom which makes Valerie pissed, not because he’s Phantom and wow, Wes was right, and also now that she’s seen it wow Fenton and Phantom do really look alike, but mostly because she was hunting one of her only friends left

Like yeah she’s really angry because Danny is partially the reason why she and her dad were in their situation, but also “what the FUCK i tried to KILL YOU multiple times!!!1!”

“Yeah, well, so has everyone at this point.”

Wes gets an “i told you so” somewhere in there

Val and Wes both have ghost designs that mirror what they were wearing at the time of “their death”. For Valerie it was her Red Huntress suit, which doesn’t change much between forms weirdly (because it was already powered by ectoenergy, it just enhances her durability more than other halfas).

Other than being more durable than most ghosts, she also has an ice core-- because of how icy she is towards ghosts (ba dum tss). in my head ghost cores usually form out of death/strong emotions, and since Val hates most ghosts... Ice. Danny is electricity because... Well, obviously.

Wes was only wearing a hoodie and jeans at the time. His design is the only one I have cemented in my head really?? like (mostly fanon)danny is blue/green wes is kinda purple/lilac in his ghost form?? glowy freckles also, can’t forget those. I kinda want him to have some kind of wind/air core?

Because he’s really light on his feet as a basketball player and all, it would make him a much faster flyer than anyone else and he can kinda Vibe more with Vortex and stuff. if he really focuses maybe he can low-key control weather, but not really. Idk how he gets this core.

yeah that’s it

#danny phantom #dp #danny phantom au #dp au #cold storms au #dp cold storms au #the cosmos speaks

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makeste · 5 years

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BnHA Chapter 192: The Only Path Forward

Previously on BnHA: Dabi confronted Endeavor and Hawks following Endeavor’s victory over the High Brow Noumu. But then my girl Miruko the rabbit hero showed up, so Dabi fled the scene courtesy of some very familiar black ooze warping. We then cut to the League’s mysterious hideout, where MOTHERFUCKING HAWKS was meeting up with Dabi after the fact to complain that Dabi pulled some bullshit with their AGREED-UPON SECRET PLAN by attacking in the middle of a city with an experimental Noumu. Dabi in turn accused Hawks of playing games because he failed to mention Endeavor would be involved, and he also managed to prevent even a single casualty during the resulting chaos. So neither of them fully trust each other, but in the end Dabi sent Hawks off and agreed to call on him again. We then learned that Hawks is actually working undercover at the request of the police, who need eyes and ears within the League to prevent another disaster like Kamino. Hawks agreed to this knowing it would mean he’d have to make some hard decisions and turn a blind eye to some of the League’s antics. It’s implied he’s feeling guilty over what happened to Endeavor, so I have completed the adoption papers and had them notarized. Oh yeah, and speaking of guilt, for some reason Dabi is standing out looking at the night sky and being weirdly sentimental. So yeah, I basically have no idea who is on whose side at this point, but I’m fucking living for it you guys.

Today on BnHA: The world moves on from this latest incident of high profile villain destruction. Recovery Girl heals Endeavor and Hawks accompanies him to the train station while the two of them discuss the suspiciously coincidental appearance of the Noumu. Hawks manages to dismiss Endeavor’s suspicions, and Endeavor bids him farewell, but not before suggesting that Hawks should find somebody to help him with his investigation. We get an extremely intriguing Hawks flashback and learn that he was groomed to be a hero from childhood due to his talent, but that he never wanted it and longs for the day when society doesn’t need heroes anymore. We then cut to the Todoroki house, where Endeavor greets his three Children With Known Whereabouts and has an unpleasant confrontation with Natsuo, who hasn’t forgiven him despite his seeming change of heart and lets him know that in no uncertain terms. Shouto thoughtfully says that “Endeavor the hero” is amazing, but as far as Endeavor the person goes, his feelings are in line with Natsuo’s. However he wants to see what kind of dad he’ll become from here on out. Endeavor realizes that his new purpose is to secure a good future for his children, and that the only thing he can do is continue to move forward. That night we cut to Deku, who finds himself in a strange dream with his body is covered in black smoke. Shimura and the other OFA users are there as well. And then all of a sudden he’s watching a scene from the past -- All for One standing against his younger brother, the first OFA user.

This chapter is so fucking good and this recap is so fucking long you guys lol. because it’s just so good ahhhhhhh.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 212 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

Izuku got the cover of Jump on account of the BnHA movie premiere! congratulations Izuku

and young All Might is in the upper right hand corner looking like a vintage Ken doll as always and weirding me out

I still like young All Might, but idk you guys, there’s just something about the black sclera that just cranks it up to 11 for me. really is a shame that only happens as a result of his injury

and there’s a page with some blurry clips from the movie, and then this awesome color spread celebrating 4 whole years!

it just hit home that I have less than 30 chapters left until I’m all caught up oh shit

fourth popularity poll! YOU CHUCKLEFUCKS BETTER SHOW MIRIO SOME FUCKING RESPECT THIS TIME AROUND YOU HEAR

I see Bakugou is wearing a clip-on tie here. for fuck’s sake you’re sixteen years old learn to tie the damn thing already

what the actual fuck is happening with Todoroki and Deku’s pants. and for once, not Bakugou’s. like seriously what the hell, this is unnerving

okay guys, poll time: which of these hand gestures indicating the number four is most valid. is it Deku’s, even though he’s doing it with both hands and thus arguably indicating the number eight instead? Ochako, who has the opposite problem and is going for a 2+2=4 thing? or Jirou, who opted to be asymmetrical and do three on one hand and one on the other?

why do only the girls have hats. and did Deku really insist on wearing his trademark red sneaks even though they clash so fucking horribly. why did the others allow this to happen

(ETA: you know what, given the outfits they wore during the A Band performance, they probably did not give one single fuck)

anyway, I love this page from the bottom of my heart, but we came here today to learn more about Dabi’s weird angst and to find out how screwed Hawks is and exactly how hot Endeavor is going to be once that scar heals over. so let’s get to this

so now it’s two days later and Endeavor is all healed up thanks to Recovery Girl! the perks of being a U.A. alum and the number one hero whom everyone now loves

oh mama

okay guys but I need someone to tell me right the fuck now how this man still has an eye. and an eyebrow. you’re telling me they could heal the eyeball just fine but not the rest of his face

(ETA: I actually got an ask explaining this, but I haven’t gotten a chance to take another look at the scene where he gets wounded yet. but thank you anon!)

it looks like he actually did lose half of his mustache though omg

anyways I fucking knew he was going to come out of this just unfairly hot. and just fucking look at him. smdh

as for Miruko, she just fucked right out of there to continue doing her thing afterward. lol I’m glad they bothered to tell us but honestly I wasn’t that curious, that’s basically what I assumed already

son of a bitch

dsflhlk okay JUST STOP, Horikoshi. who the fuck do you think you are making Hawks apologize so fucking casually even though we now know that in truth, he actually is responsible on a level Endeavor has no clue about, and actually has some grounds for feeling guilty even though he wasn’t to blame. like, here he is slyly making it out to be an apology for calling that meeting where they got attacked, even though in reality WE KNOW THE TRUTH

speaking of that meeting, I wonder if Endeavor has put the pieces together yet that Something Was Not Quite Right About That

also what the fuck is in this giant wheely suitcase. is it his suit?

anyway, so he’s telling Hawks that his injuries are his own responsibility

and Hawks is all “ooh that’s a good response, can I use it next time I’m injured”

ah here we go

look, Endeavor may be a lot of things, but he’s not stupid

Hawks is all “lmao fuck my life”

well you’ve had two whole days to come up with some kind of story so let’s see what you got. if it were me I’d tie it in to your investigation

he says that they were bound to draw some attention as the #1 and #2 heroes, and they probably just caught the villains’ eye

and he’s thinking to himself that that’s the whole reason why he drew so much attention toward them while they were out, so he’d have an excuse

this sounds considerably less plausible when you just got attacked by a goddamn Noumu though you know. and clearly a new breed of them no less

now Endeavor’s telling him to be careful with his investigation

don’t mind me, I’m just sitting here trying to figure out whether this has a double meaning

probably not -- I did say he wasn’t stupid, but I doubt he’s that smart to have figured the whole thing out either. still, this gave me pause lol

(ETA: yeah, on my second readthrough this just reads to me like “if you ever need backup, call me before you go and do anything stupid.” tsundere affection from someone with almost no prior experience in showing that he cares. I don’t think he has any idea what Hawks is really up to, but I think he has an inkling that there’s more going on than meets the eye, and he wants him to be careful.)

Hawks’s reaction is interesting too

and now he’s grinning in that you-like-krabby-patties-don’t-you-squidward way

he just cares about you and you’re young enough to be his son so he’s looking out for you

SPEAKING OF HIS SON are we gonna get to that anytime soon. is that where you’re headed off to now Endeavor? to be with your family? oh to be a fly on the wall during that meeting. oh wait, we’re reading a manga and I’ll literally get to read all about it in just a couple of pages, probably. fuck yeah

so Hawks says that he’ll be back on the job once all his feathers grow back

“it’ll probably be another day or so” holy shit. that’s some crazy fast recovery time

and now he’s bidding Endeavor farewell

...did Endeavor just adopt Hawks too

(ETA: he sure did. this is not a man who just waves at people. this is a dad wave. it’s weird you guys, it’s so fucking weird, but that’s what it is though! at least that’s how I read it)

don’t tell me I’m gonna have to co-parent this in-over-his-head too-smart-for-his-own-good bird child with the world’s second worst dad (yeah, Overhaul’s still got that #1 on lockdown for the rest of eternity though)

now we’re flashing back to that meeting with the cops when they first told Hawks about the undercover assignment

they’re calling it a “proposal” and Hawks is mildly objecting to that term

(ETA: “despite knowing I can’t possibly refuse.” oh my god I have so many feels for this boy. he has no choice in any of this. I just want to wrap him up and keep him safe and just let him rest and chill out and play video games and eat tacos and not have to worry about villains and secrets and keeping his damn guard up all the time and being discovered or killed or getting someone else killed. HORIKOSHI. PROTECT HIM!!)

the woman says she won’t deny that Hawks coincidentally not being in Kamino worked out well for them

oh shit! now we’re cutting to a car accident scene, and at first I thought ‘oh so is this why he wasn’t in Kamino, was he saving these people’ but no!

so this woman basically sponsored him to be a hero then? interesting

holy shiiiiit

so he genuinely does want that, what he was talking about before. but it’s because this is all he’s been doing for his whole life, and it’s simply because he felt obligated to do it because he had the talent and was pushed into the “with great power...” mindset

like, he didn’t really have a choice, is the vibe I’m getting from this? it was the right thing to do and it’s what everyone wanted and he was good at it. but that doesn’t mean it’s what he wanted. but because it’s what was needed, he went ahead and did it

jesus christ. no wonder he can’t muster any genuine starry-eyed enthusiasm for the profession the way all of the other hero characters seem to do. it’s not his dream. it’s his burden

(ETA: yeah so. imagine saving someone’s life when you’re still just a child. being put on the spot and acting without any training, but doing your best because without you these people would die. and imagine that as a reward you’re told you have an obligation to take up the most dangerous occupation there is, and sacrifice your freedom and potentially your life in order to serve the greater good. and having no choice, because you are a good person, and so you can’t just refuse, knowing that there are more lives that you could save.

and as far as everyone else is concerned, you’re a prodigy, young and bold and gifted and living your best life. living a life that many others would envy. but the reality is you’re trapped, with no possible escape in sight other than the precarious hope that one day things will be good enough that your services will no longer be needed.

ladies and gentlemen, if I may hit you up with a blast from the past for one moment, please consider this quote from All Might all the way back in chapter one:

Hawks may have never been much of an All Might fan, but as it turns out, the two of them may have more in common than he ever realized.

yeah, so needless to say I’m watching you very closely Horikoshi, and if you so much as sneeze in a way that looks like you might be considering doing our lost little Icarus any harm, you and I are going to have words.)

and now we are cutting to the Todoroki home!

look at these sweet angels

Endeavor how did it take you so fucking long to realize what you had. you had it so fucking good, dude. these kids are all beautiful and smart and kind and talented and yet you either ignored them or treated them like absolute shit. god, man, you fucked up so bad. this is a second chance that you arguably didn’t deserve! but here you have it anyway! do not fucking waste this, dude

also loving that the Todorokis have such a traditional house but they still have the big flat screen TV right there. because they may be traditional but they still like to watch the cooking channel while they eat

so Endeavor is cautiously saying “long time no see” because you gotta start somewhere, huh

OH MY GOD

AIZAWA DROVE HIM HERE. AND THEN WHAT, JUST STAYED OUTSIDE TO WAIT?

(ETA: because who the hell would want to go and talk to Endeavor when you could stay outside and play with a cat instead)

DID THEY HAVE A MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION ON THE WAY OVER. OR WAS IT QUIET AND AWKWARD. PROBABLY A LITTLE OF COLUMN A AND A LITTLE OF COLUMN B. OH MY GOD. someone better have written fic about it!!

OH MY GOD

TODOROKI SHOUTO IS THE SASSIEST FUCKING CHARACTER IN THIS ENTIRE GODDAMN SERIES CONFIRMED. PACK IT UP BOYS. AIN’T NO ONE EVER GONNA OUTSASS THAT

ENJI I LOVE YOUR FUCKING KIDS SO MUCH YOUR FAMILY IS PERFECT YOU DON’T DESERVE THEM GODDAMN YOU

“JUST BECAUSE YOU HATE HIM”

oh shit Natsu’s getting to his feet and apologizing to Fuyu and saying that he just can’t do this

and he’s walking out the door, but Endeavor’s putting a hand on his shoulder as he leaves and telling him that if he has something to say to go ahead and say it

YOU GO AND PREACH IT, NATSU. YOU DESERVE TO GET IT ALL OFF YOUR CHEST AND HE NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND JUST HOW BADLY HE HURT YOU OR YOU ALL ARE NEVER GONNA HEAL

and I mean, damn. if he didn’t even know Shouto’s favorite food was soba then that basically means he never so much as spent five minutes together with his little brother. Shouto fucking loves soba in the same way Deku loves All Might. it’s probably the purest love in the entire series

yet again the series gives us a glorious scene of Shouto eating food during a time of serious discussion. hungry boi Todoroki Shouto. Todoroki “are you going to finish that” Shouto

and Natsu’s thinking back to what Rei said about Enji trying to face his past and his family head on

but he’s not that forgiving

OH SHIT!?!?

TOUYA. THE FINAL TODOROKI CHILD. AND JUST LIKE WE SUSPECTED, HE IS THE OLDEST

and I get the feeling that whatever happened there is the real reason why Natsu has so much rage built up toward his dad. not that the rest of it wouldn’t be more than enough to make him feel that way, mind. “mom screaming and Shouto crying” holy shit. this family has so many fucking demons

this child needs some hugs people. not from you Endeavor. but maybe Fuyu can go comfort him later. you are valid Natsu and this rage is completely justified. 100%

oh my god this scene, though

this, right here, is the difference between redemption and forgiveness. I’ve essayed about this before. but here it is, vividly on display. Endeavor is actively working toward redeeming himself now, and yet he may never actually be forgiven. he can’t change the past and he can’t erase the hurt emanating from his son. pain that he himself caused. Natsuo may never forgive him, and he’s justified in hating him

but at the same time the only thing Endeavor can do is try anyway to be a better person. he came to all of these realizations much too late, and the damage was already done. but it’s not too late to do whatever he can now. and he clearly is trying to do that

just, it’s such a sad situation, and some really poignant writing, honestly

anyway, Natsuo’s just sarcastically screaming “oh, is that so?” and then storming out and tossing a belated apology over at his sister and thanking her for the food

wonder if he’ll run into Aizawa on his way out. Aizawa will no doubt be in for another interesting conversation with Shouto on the way home. someone write this fucking fic. if they haven’t already. holy shit

now Fuyu is holding her head frustratedly and saying that she was hoping that somehow they would finally able to become a proper family after all this

hey. don’t put this all on Shouto. he has even less reason to forgive Endeavor than Natsuo does. don’t pressure him, let him sort out his own feelings goddammit

...

Todoroki Shouto are you honestly a robot though

now the TV is suddenly cutting to the news and talking about Endeavor! what a fucking coincidence!

and it’s showing all these people giving their opinions after the most recent battle

the newscaster is all, “as you can see, the voices of anxiety haven’t changed”

but! “on the other hand...”

oh my god, Endeavor’s awesome fan now has his own fans. GOOD FOR YOU, CAN’T-YA-SEE-KUN

oh my fucking god

we have reached the point of in-universe memes. this is amazing. this kid’s face is plastered all over the BnHA universe’s version of tumblr. he is the new must-use reaction image. people post their faves struggling followed by “CAN’T YA SEE?!” and they get 100,000 likes. oh my god. this is magnificent

do you all realize what this means. there are memes in the BnHA universe. that means that there is a good likelihood that a number of the U.A. kids, who as we all know have risen to quite the level of fame and prominence themselves in a very short time, have their own memes

the sports festival was broadcast on national fucking television after all. you guys. what is the likelihood that broken-arms Deku became a meme (similar to the way he is in real fucking life). or chained-to-the-podium Bakugou. Bakugou would have been the perfect reaction image for any number of “I don’t want to be here” memes. “when your girlfriend wants to introduce you to her parents but you don’t want to go.” “when you’re in the car and your friend puts on a song you hate and you can’t change it because you don’t have the aux.” “when you’re streaming something and the 30-second ad break comes on and you can’t skip it”

oh my god. Bakugou Katsuki is famous for all the wrong reasons you guys

his mom probably saved all of her favorites and spams him with them constantly

anyways. gotta refocus here lol

so the interviewed people are continuing to gush about the battle. they’re hyped not just about Endeavor, but also Hawks and CYS-kun. “everyone was like, in unison, ‘let’s cheer him on!’ it was crazy!”

so here at least is a little bit of comfort for Endeavor. maybe some broken things can’t be mended, but at least he’s finally learning what it means to be a hero! AFTER TWENTY FIVE YEARS Y’ALL. LATE BLOOMER OR WHAT

-- oh my god!?

he can’t make eye contact while saying it. but he still said it. oh my god

and yet the fact that he made a point of clarifying that he was speaking of Endeavor the hero and not Endeavor his father implies a “but” coming on

yep

what kind of dad. can you become a good dad. you’re finally starting to figure all this shit out, but now here comes the biggest challenge of all

also Shouto is so fucking pure and precious, holy shit. “I haven’t forgiven you for how you tormented mom.” not himself. his mother. he doesn’t even bring his own abuse up. even though he has every right to point out that Endeavor specifically made his life a living hell from the time his quirk developed until the time he went off to high school

and is it because forgiveness for that is not even on the table? or is it because he’s already forgiven him? or is it just that he doesn’t even want to think about it because he’s not ready yet? and I sure hope it’s not because he doesn’t realize just how bad it was, though

just, oh man. so much to unpack here as usual with this family

oh my god Shouto

ENDEAVOR YOU SON OF A BITCH YOU DON’T DESERVE THIS GENTLE, THOUGHTFUL, COMPASSIONATE ANGEL OF A SON

and it’s clear he has no idea what to say in response to that, so he’s just standing there while meanwhile Fuyu is tearing up and telling Shouto she’ll bring him some more soup

holy shit we’re getting Endeavor’s first person thoughts now oh my god

like I said, all of this was brought on by him finally achieving the thing he’d sacrificed everything to achieve, only to come to the stark realization that it wasn’t worth it. at all. so a pretty painful catalyst, all things considered, but if any asshole ever needed that kick in the pants it was this fucker right here

oh fucking shit, fuck me if I’m not getting Endeavor feels oh fuck

“for what reason”, All Might asks. and Endeavor realizes: for our children

oh fuck oh fuck

okay so while I so far have very much liked the delicate way this whole process has been handled as far as his children go, when it comes to his wife that’s a whole nother story. that’s going to be even trickier to pull off, and just. oh boy I’m nervous now

(ETA: still nervous tbh. but I guess we’ll see)

so he’s turning to leave, and Fuyu is like “DAD NOW YOU TOO??”

-- and holy shit, he’s apologizing

for everything

bastard finally got those words out. I can hardly believe it

OH DAMN

FUCK ME IF THAT ISN’T EXACTLY WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING THIS WHOLE DAMN TIME?

holy shit. holy fucking shit this is too damn good and I love it

oh fuck and now we’re cutting back to Heights Alliance. this may just be the one and only time I’ve ever been slightly disappointed to cut back to 1-A and their antics

and we’re cutting back to Deku, who’s wiped out from the day’s training and promptly collapsing into bed upon returning to his room

HOLY SHIT WHAT THE

WHAT THE HELL KIND OF SPOOKY FUCKING DREAM IS THIS. DEKU COVERED IN SOME KIND OF MYSTERIOUS BLACK FIRE??

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SHIMURAAAAA

HOLY SHIT, IT’S CLEARLY HER. AND DEKU HAS NEVER SEEN HER FACE BEFORE AND YET THIS IS UNMISTAKABLE

IS THIS THE PAST AVATARS SHIT AGAIN AT LONG LAST?? HOLY SHIT?

OH MY GODDDDDDD

IS THAT ALL MIGHT!?!?!?

and he’s remembering that he’s seen this before. and of course we all recall back during his fight with Shinsou when this happened and he was suddenly able to activate OFA and break Shinsou’s mind control

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HOLY SHITTTTTT

I HAVEN’T CLICKED TO THE NEXT CHAPTER THIS FAST SINCE FUCKING DEKU VS KACCHAN PART TWO. HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!! I’M NOT EVEN GONNA FUCKING ANALYZE ANYTHING, FUTURE ME CAN FUCKING DO THAT. I’M JUST HYPED!! YESSSSSSSS. DEKU’S DAD VS HIS UNCLE LMAO

(ETA: well, future me isn’t going to add anything either, since this recap is long enough as it is. but this really is a great ending to an outstanding chapter you guys)

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kinitstuffblr · 5 years

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WHO WANTS TO ANALYZE CRAZY DREAMS?!!

Aight bros this dream I had last night was INSANE basically because it made a lot of sense in a lot of different weird ways and I personally love hearing people’s dreams and helping interpret them SO I hope all FOURTEEN of you maybe-real-people will consider sharing YOUR dreams with me via asks/messages/comments/whatever (if you want other people to weigh in then go for it in the comments otherwise I don’t mind if it’s just one-on-one I really just want to discuss dreams). To get the ball rolling I’ll describe my dream and my analysis of it (But feel free to just skip reading that part and go straight to yours if you want! I’m half typing this out just to keep a record for myself)

SO my dreams lately have involved being lost, usually in cities, where I’m vaguely aware of where I should be and am trying to find my way toward that. AND lately my dreams have distinct beginnings and ends and relative themes throughout, which is not how they used to be. I’m going to break this one down into separate numbered sections to kind of establish the timeline and to highlight the key parts.

Part 1: I was in an empty mall; mostly empty, with the stores all dark, but not closed. Think small town, mid-day, but technically open so one or two stores are still available for shopping. I was just sort of wandering through with no real goal, like a lazy tourist, and I knew I was in my local Big City.

Usually I go to this Big City and sort of do a lazy tourist thing a lot when I’m getting ready to attend a con, which I am currently irl preparing for, so it made sense to me that I was in the area wandering around.

Part 2: I saw a theatre attached to the mall, where there was basically just a big entrance that opens up and there it is - but it was a stage theatre, not a movie theater. I could see the stage and all the seating just past the ticket counter. Next thing I know, I see several drag queens in powdered wigs and costumes filing out of a nearby door, which I guessed led to a green room. At the end of the line was a close friend of mine, the only anatomical female of the group, dressed as Marie Antoinette, and she was surprised to see me and invited me to come watch the show (which, of course, I eagerly agreed to).

First of all, she would SO take that role and she would SO be part of a drag show if the opportunity presented itself, so all that made lots of sense to me. I also adore this friend, and don’t hear from her much, so I’ll take every opportunity to be around her if invited. The problem is this doesn’t happen often, and I get stuck feeling like me reaching out to hang out with her will come off as needy, but also that maybe she would prefer I reach out more and is disappointed that I haven’t. Also, I think the last time we hung out for real was the time I’d elected to let her know about a year-long unrequited crush I’d had on her, so in the interest of never making her feel awkward again, I feel like I can never be the one to initiate a hangout, even though we’d had an open conversation that went very well considering the circumstances. Oh - at this point I was also aware that I didn’t have my hair styled, makeup on, or an especially good outfit - I looked frumpy, which I felt she noticed. (She’s gorgeous, not in a fake way, legitimately she always looks great but she also does fucking bomb makeup whereas I feel like I’ve never fully learned it/understood it.)

Part 3: At the drag show, I realize it’s a dress rehearsal. No biggie. I head to the bathroom, where a lot of the queens are now actually getting ready, some in the bathroom and some out in the hall. I’m nonbinary, but I only recently learned what that even is and started embracing it; in the moment, I can’t decide if I should go into the female bathroom or the male bathroom. I really don’t want to be in their way while they’re getting ready and though my instinct is to go into the bathroom opposite my assigned sex in an act to embrace my newer self, I immediately think of how non-nonbinary (not-androgynous) I look, and shamefully head into my assigned sex’s bathroom.

This is no mystery, I still constantly feel like even a group for ‘people who don’t fit into the other groups’ is still too exclusive for me to fit into it; Like I’m posing, and I should just be quiet and stick to my assigned sex, and nonbinary isn’t what I am because I’m not nonbinary enough?? It’s hard to explain but I feel like you get it even if I can’t put it into words well. I felt like an asshole trying to go into the opposite sex’s bathroom, but I felt like a coward ducking my head and going into ‘my’ bathroom.

Part 4: In the bathroom, it didn’t matter what I’d chosen because the drag queens were getting ready in both (which I should have seen coming?) While in there I was of course half afraid I’d be seen through various gaps in the walls and did notice someone getting high out of a CVS bag in a stall.

This is basic bathroom-related anxiety I face in dreams a lot, although the drug thing is new and I think related to how often junkies are getting high on the steps literally outside my front door every night when I’m trying to go to bed. In the moment I felt like I should let someone know but I didn’t because I’m not street smart and somehow that implies that street smart people don’t need me getting into their business?? Idk

Part 5: I found a former theatre club classmate to sit with to watch the rehearsal. I don’t remember the show at all but I remember that I was supposedly there for the whole thing and didn’t get to see or talk to my friend at all, so I ended up wandering out without saying goodbye.

Typical again - At social events with this friend, I feel like the norm has been that I don’t actually get to spend much time with her and that it’s not really noticed if I leave

Part 6: My cat was with me?? My cat, an FIV positive soft boi who I love with everything in me, was for some reason with me on this trip and I’ve just realized I’ve lost him in this mall. He doesn’t wear a collar and is easily spooked. Somehow I see him in an open area and swoop him up into my arms and tight against my chest; now I just have to not let him wrestle free while I find my way back to the car.

Again SO normal, but in a new, FUN terrible way! Combining my fear of losing my sick cat outside and not being able to find my car in a big city during an important situation. Both are repeat anxiety nightmares, but I’ve never had it structured like this before.

Part 7: I don’t remember where the car is or how far; I only have a vague idea; I also know there’s no way when I get there I’ll be able to open the door without losing him but right now I’m just focused on finding the car. Suddenly there’s a few people here and there in the mall and I’m really worried that someone will approach me to touch my cat or to offer help and only end up spooking him. A kid walks up to me and he has a gameboy open in his hands; I know he just wants to touch my cat but I explain I need to get him to my car and he offers to help, which mostly is just him following me while half-playing his pokemon game and half looking at my cat.

The boy is the same age/slightly younger than my youngest brother and looks exactly like him and acts exactly like him, he just isn’t him somehow - and he’s legitimately sort-of-trying-to-help in his own kid way. I appreciate the moral support. But I’m confused what this represents in my dream?? Me and my youngest bro used to be very close, but I was a little distant with him after I moved out and lately now that he’s in high school I feel like he doesn’t want my attention as much as he used to and also doesn’t want to spend time together.

Part 8: At one point I’m squeezing my cat so tight to my chest he’s gone limp and isn’t breathing - but I loosen up and check and he’s fine after just a second, although he’s irritated and a little squirmy. Somehow this boy with us has now gotten me to finding my car at the top of an open parking garage and I haven’t dropped the cat the whole way. I open the door and start putting my stuff on the seat (I had a purse this whole time). In the front seat, there’s actually already a cat. My cat?? I say out loud, ‘oh, I didn’t actually bring him in - there’s an unopened one right here!’. Because the cat in the car, my cat, has a San Pelligrino soda foil cap on its head. Also, I realize I dropped my cat - you know, the one I’d carried back? But no, there he is, and I pick him up and put him in the back seat. He’s also my cat. And somehow I’m still more worried about his well-being, even though supposedly, the cat in the front seat with the foil hat is mine.

The squeezing thing is a memory of the other night irl when I realized my cat was so deep asleep he felt like he’d stopped breathing and when I moved him to wake him he was completely limp and still; he’s fine now and was confused and irate at me for waking him before. But the two cats thing was throwing me off really hard; All I knew was that a family friend literally just put down her cat yesterday and that I’d seen pictures of her baby girl, and this girl cat looked exactly like my boy cat and was roughly the same age and had an illness. But I was certain that both of these dream cats were my boy, although weirdly I was more loyal to the one I’d been carrying.

My husband actually helped me figure out this crazy shit in a way that blew my mind (because foil hat was reaaally confusing me.) He asked what I usually do with San Pelligrino sodas, and got me to admit that usually, I don’t finish them. (I don’t always finish most drinks actually.) But it really sucks when I leave a San Pelli unfinished, because they’re expensive and they’re one of my favorites, so wasting it is a bigger deal than wasting other drinks, and I feel regretful because I didn’t get to appreciate them all the way to their end and guilty because I didn’t do all that I could to make sure they weren’t wasted. He said the cat in the front seat is a healthy cat - an ‘unopened’ one that I haven’t put in danger and that doesn’t have any predetermined threats to its well-being because it’s ‘new’. I wish desperately that I didn’t have to be constantly afraid of losing my FIV boy to an illness, but at the same time I would never want to replace him with a healthy cat even if they were exactly the same - his weakness has made me not only glad I have him in my own care, where I know I’d give anything in my power to keep him healthy and happy - it’s made me and my husband open to the idea of seeking out needy pets in the future that might not otherwise have chances with families. (We also know that we have to be ready for the worst; if a vet tells us our boy isn’t going to be happy or isn’t going to feel healthy, we need to be ready to let go and voluntarily put him down when his quality of life diminishes.) Basically, having the opportunity of the healthy-safe-front-seat-fresh-cat didn’t make me forget or discard the one I’d carried back with me, and I think that’s my brain reaffirming I don’t regret my boi and will protect him with everything I have until I literally can’t anymore.

That was the end of my dream - putting the rescued cat in the back seat safely while acknowledging the other cat. And I woke up with my cat snuggling me, of course. I’ve had a lot of these weirdly detailed dreams lately and I love writing them out. Watchyal got? Anyone??

#dreams #I once dreamt #dream meanings #dream analysis #dream discussion #share your literal dreams!

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mvrnic · 5 years

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*please be aware serious topics are talked about so tw for; miscarriage, substance abuse, relapse, mental health. please look after yourselves.

DISCLAIMER/PSA/IDK; THIS ALL TECHNICALLY HAPPENS AFTER CHRISTMAS BUT DANI IS ON A WEEK HIATUS BEFORE THE CHANCE/MIA WEDDING AND ITS THAT WEIRD PERIOD WHERE EVERYONES A LITTLE BUSY SO I PRESENT TO YOU

THE TEGAN AND DANI FUCKS SHIT UP AGAIN SHOW. okay so previously on “some fuckery we pulled” marnie and angel lost their second child in a miscarriage, first trimester so it was pretty early but a horrible experience for them both. obviously. in the events of this marnie stopped taking her BPD medication and went down into a really bad mental health period and angel has relapsed into his alcoholism and substance abuse. (please be aware the breakup is intense but they will get back together bc mum and dad) so after angel gets into some car crash and totals his car marnie has to come and pick him up from the police station, the following is a recount of their breakup that we wrote last night bc we’re headasses.

guilty. that was definitely a good way to sum up how he was feeling right now, nervously pacing around the holding cell of the station, absentmindedly fumbling with the rings on his fingers. drunk was another way to describe him too, but he was doing his best to mask that fact. it wasn’t too hard to tell though. his eyes were bloodshot and he already looked like a broken shell of himself. he let out a sigh of... relief? but also panic? as marnie walked in. he avoided eye contact until it seemed nearly impossible, a tired, half-assed smile upturning the corners of his lips. “hey.” he didn’t really feel like explaining himself, but he knew he wasn’t going to have much of a choice. not when it came to marnie. marnie didn't let shit slide, that's why she was good for angel, she called him out but she stayed by his side to help work on things. she wanted him to grow, she knew life was hard and healing wasn't easy --he did the same to her. they helped each other. it was a last minute rush to mia and chances house asking to mind xander just for an hour or two, she knew she could count on them for these last minute things especially at such a stupid hour but there wasn't a chance in hell she was bringing xander to the fucking police station this late at night to see his father in a state. she walked in with exhausted looking eyes, licking over her lips as she looked at him looking like a caged puppy who had done something wrong. "hi," she responded in a near whisper looking to the cop as they unlocked the cell. there was something sickening about seeing him behind bars, "...okay...well...lets get you home i guess." angel hates being this person. especially in front of her. he couldn’t even imagine being anything like this in front of xander. in fact, the thought made him sick to his stomach. he’d done such a good job at separating his current self from the person he used to be in the past, but now, having to be led out of a jail cell, it felt an awful lot like stagnancy. he’d never really changed, had he? his head hangs low as he exits the cell, and he keeps his hands shoved in his pockets, not making a move to grab her hand or her waist. he didn’t want to touch her— to hurt her. because that’s all he ever did to people. it was almost laughable at this point. he’d been doing so well, and he’d went and fucked it all up in the blink of an eye. “im sorry.” he muttered under his breath. he was on such a good road, he had been doing so well and she had been so proud but the second something in their personal bubble seemed a little hard he freaked out. but that was what a relationship had to deal with, there would be hardships and he couldn't do this every single time, it wasn't about him getting 'fixed' it was about him healing and they were two very different things but until angel realised he didn't need 'fixing' he needed HEALING there wasn't going to be a change. but weirdly enough the blank i'm sorry and lack of effort to physically or emotionally reach out to her was what got her. "i know." every time something went wrong, he snapped right in two, and marnie had to be there to pick up the pieces and stick him back together. he’d voiced his concern before about her being a crutch for the rest of her life, and although she insisted that that wasn’t the case, it sure felt like it was. god, he felt so stupid right now. she deserved so much more than him— so much more than he could give her. she was way more mature than him most of the time. he couldn’t fathom why she insisted on staying with him. maybe he’d just played her right... played her like every other person he’d let into his life. he’d went and sucked the soul right out of her because he didn’t have one for himself. just the thought disgusted him. he didn’t want to be a shit person— not to her— but he didn’t know how to fix this. he brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose, reaching to hold open the door for her, and gesturing for her to exit. he couldn’t even think of anything to say. he didn’t want to talk to her. he didn’t want to be around her. not like this. her eyes were glued to his hand as he opened the door, she was going to be there for him that wasn't even a question in her head, when she said yes to his proposal she has said yes to a lifetime with him. she'd said yes to the ups and the downs and weathering out the storm together. but she had just lost their baby not long before and she was going through it herself, this time she didn't have the strength or the energy. this time she needed him and he wasn't being her crutch. the silence between them was awkward, which was a bad sign because their silences were almost never awkward. over the past week the mood of their house had dropped, which she had expected considering losing a child when you wanted them on this earth more than anything was the hardest thing to go through. what she didn't expect was losing angel too. "how much have you had to drink?" she knew, it would've been stupid for angel to think marnie didn't know him like the back of her hand at this point. his features twitched in annoyance at her questioning, and he stayed silent for a moment, waiting for her to step out of the building so he could follow suit. “i don’t want to talk about it.” he finally retorted, his words a bit snappish in tone. if marnie knew him, she’d know he was bound to get hot headed right about now. it almost never failed. he just felt an overwhelming need to defend himself against... well, he didn’t really know what. he just felt the need to argue and make stabbing remarks at the first person he saw. hating on other people was better than hating himself. “—- let’s just get in the car and go back to the house, yea?” he’s growing impatient, as evidenced by the way he’s toying with the chain around his neck. he couldn’t even call it home at this point. that’s not what it felt like. all it did was make him feel anxious and small. wrong time to snap angel, that'd be the only advice anyone could give him. she was tired, she had to beg a friend to mind THEIR child while she picked up her grown ass FIANCE from the police station, after going through what may have been one of the worst moments in her life. "you don't wanna talk about it, okay," she scoffed turning on her heels. "no we're not getting in to the car, answer my fucking question, how fucking drunk are you angelos?" her brooklyn accent always got thicker when she was angry, livid might be a better word. "you're not going anywhere near xander when you're like this." he was an asshole. he knew it; now he just had to accept it. maybe it’d be better to be just that. it was his most authentic self. it was who he always jumped back into being the moment something got the slightest bit tough. that’s who he was. an asshole. a scoff escapes him as she uses his full name, his eyes involuntary rolling along with his words, “who the fuck cares?” he hisses out, “can’t stop me now. get the fuck over it.” maybe it would’ve been different had he actually reacted to his own words slipping past his lips— had their been any hesitance... but there was nothing. every last syllable escaped him easily, and his expression remained stoic. “i don’t want to be around him.” not like this, “—- fuck this. im calling a cab. whatever. see if i care!” she didn't believe it at all, she knew who angel was when he was comfortable and content what he needed to work on was his coping mechanisms. hurting people wasn't how you cope. but marnie grew up on the wrong side of town, you just didn't fuck with her and her fire was as lit now as it was when she was younger. this was dangerous. "roll your eyes at me one more time i'll slap your fucking face," she threatened before her nails started to dig into her palms, a habit angel had to know too well, he had mended the bleeding and pierced palms before. "i fucking care you absolute moron," she hissed in return . god she was angry, she didn't have the chance to even be hurt by his words because every ounce of pain she had been feeling over the last week was being lashed out on angel. this bitter, disgusting laugh coming from her lips at his words. "you don't wanna be around your son," she said slowly, but her words were full of venom. she was vicious at this point, you could see her seething. "you call a fucking cab and you don't take it to the house." angel had grown up having everything he could ever possibly want handed to him on a silver platter. that didn’t mean he didn’t know how to be cruel though. it made him an expert. you didn’t make it in high society if you couldn’t fight back. searing comments were all he’d ever known. he’d only ever received backhanded compliments from his parents. lashing out like this felt mundane. he met her gaze, holding it for a moment to make sure that she was paying attention to him before he gave another roll of his eyes. she could slap him. it wouldn’t be the worst thing he’s felt today. he already had a huge bruise on his cheekbone from smacking his head against the window as his car crashed. he almost has to laugh at her demand, a cocky, shit-eating grin taking over his features as he looked down at her, taking full advantage of his tall stature to loom over her menacingly. “i’ll do whatever the fuck i want to.” he begins, “that’s my house. i bought it. and your fucking lambo? that’s my car. you...” he begins, gesturing towards her. “... you don’t get to tell me anything.” and that was the first time he’d ever alluded to being above her in any way. he’d never wanted to dehumanize her before, but he was just shooting for the lowest possible blows now. she wasn't sneaky, marnie had never been conniving or backstabbing, she was just straight up and straight forward to your face. if it came across rude, that's your problem. but marnie wasn't nice, that was just fact. but angel knew she kept her word, she wasn't empty that was one thing that was both good and bad. and almost as if on queue at his eye roll she brought her hand back and swung it right across his face. she was tiny but boy did the girl have a strong hand. he was scary, he was tall and broad but marnie had dealt with worse men. "okay take the fucking house, take the fucking car...your money and your purchases don't mean shit to me angel," she retorted. now she was starting to feel hurt, he was acting in a way he'd never done before and suddenly she hated who was in front of her. this wasn't angel, this wasn't the man she was going to marry and she refused to believe it. a low hiss of pain escaped through gritted teeth as her hand made contact with his skin. he brings his own hand up to his cheek, unable to stop himself from wincing as his fingertips met the tender spot on his face. he was still human, after all. no matter how much of a god complex he could have. he was human. and he hated it. he hated being vulnerable like that. his arm falls back down to his side, and his hands are balling into fists as he stares her down. “take your fucking kid and all your shit and get the fuck out of my house then.” almost as soon as the words left his lips, he regretted them, but he wasn’t letting that on. his glare remained icy. “ask me if i fucking care.” he pauses, shaking his head slightly. “—- i don’t.” she flinched at those words 'your fucking kid' and her gaze upon him lost any and all love in that split moment. he was her soulmate, she was still sure of it, but those words made her cold and suddenly she was the marnie she was to absolutely every man that had ever hurt. and she simply stared at him, there was literal disgust in her eyes. she dangled the keys and dropped them at his feet, "there's the keys to your fucking kid" she said harshly, "drive yourself home...maybe you'll crash again and finally feel something in that cold fucking heart of yours." that hurt. he couldn’t deny it. all he’d ever wanted was to be a good father, but he couldn’t do this when he was so susceptible to breaking like this. to his drunk mind, the logic made sense: leave marnie, leave xander, hurt her so she’d never come back... it would just be less pain in the long road. and he’d get to happily waste his life away on drugs and parties and hookups and not have to worry about hurting anyone. that would just be his brand. “fuck you.” he shot back, bending down to pick up the keys from the floor, squeezing them in his hand with an iron grip. “you’re so fucking stupid.” he growls, pointing a finger at her. “im drunk, and im still smarter than you. good fucking luck taking care of your kid.” he lets out a bitter laugh, refusing to call xander by his name or even refer to him as his son. that would hurt him too much. he’s not trying to be hurt. now she was deathly scared, she didn't know how to be a mother by herself. she didn't know how to do this when every time she looked down at xander she was looking at angel. if he thought pushing her out of his life was good for her he was fucked in the head because now she had a constant reminder of everything he tore away from her. a partner, a best friend, a father to their child....home. "i'm stupid?" she retorted, that might have been his lowest blow yet, that was something she was so desperately insecure about and really angel was one of the only ones that had ever made her feel a little more comfortable about it. but crying wasn't something she could do right now, he didn't deserve her tears. "you're the one who pushes the good things out of his life only to blame everyone else for leaving," she said stepping into him, "you're the one that isn't smart enough to stay sober," if he wanted low blows, marnie could throw low blows. "you're the one thats losing something here...i'm the best fucking thing that has happened to you," she gets closer, "i'm the best fucking thing you'll ever have....and you're dumb enough to lose me," if he knew her, which he did, the look in her eyes wasn't hatred it was pain. it was the angry pain she held when she knew she was going to cry because hated crying. "and i'm smart enough to walk away." his eyes lacked any and all emotion; his features were hard as stone. the worst part was that he couldn’t even deny it. she was the best thing that had ever happened to him. she was the best thing that ever would happen to him. he knew, looking down at her now, that he would never find anyone that could replace her. never. but he couldn’t be with her. because she was right. he wasn’t smart enough to stay sober, and he couldn’t risk being this version of himself around xander or around her anymore. “—- then go.” he states firmly, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder to push her away from him. he still couldn’t touch her with anything less than softness, though his eyes read something completely different. “we are fucking done.” she hated how he was standing there lacking anything and yet she still couldn't hate him. she was sure she'd never be able to hate him, she could act cold, fuck, she could feel cold towards him in that moment but unlike everyone else that has come and gone she couldn't hate him. he was, would always be, her person. it might have been gentle but it was the meaning behind it. her own touch to smack his hand away harsh. "don't fucking touch me, you piece of shit," she hissed. "you don't get to ever fucking touch me." but fuck he had a hold on her. "yeah, we are, and i hope when you wake up in the morning you realise what the fuck you've done," she said backing away from him but then as it hit her she couldn't control the single tear that escaped. marnie instantly wiping it away, pulling out her phone to order an uber. oh and there he was with xander as her screen background, she closed her eyes and stood still for a moment. but she wasn't going to talk him through this time, beg him to see her side, she just ran her fingers through her hair and actually walked away down the street. @ofangelos

#( marnie x angelos. )#HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR TRIP WITH US #WE'RE SORRY WE'RE LIKE THIS

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tylerwritez · 3 years

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Saturday, June 19 2021

I dont know how I feel about the day yet cos right now its only 10:13. I dont post these exactly on the days I write them, but I write them on these exact days nonetheless.

My throat still hurts, my ass hurts, oUch,.... I'm sure you know why. Like, when you suck dick, it takes throat strength to make sure you don't fucking vomit everywhere and like. I OBVIOUSLY dont have that strength since I had to wash vomit outta my hair this morning

Hes so hot tho oh. My god.

Whatever. New day. So we talk about new things.

Star seems kinda sad but I dont really know why? She said on her story that people dont really go outta their way to talk to her... idk. I shot a good morning dm and now I'm here. I made my bed. Packed up my shit. Every time we pack things up my parents rage cos they always find shit they dont want to see: monster cans, evidence of my self harm, etc.

We have 1 more week then school is OVER and I move outta this house cos of the divorce. Jay will be gone too... I still have his insta, but I might ask for his number... just in case. I always get weirdly attached to people I fuck even if there was never any romantic part of the relationship. We are just friends.

Apparently we are going to the pick n pack today with my friend let's call her Zara. It's notfar off from her real name but whatever. Basically pick n pack is where you go to a vegetable garden and pick vegetables

I have a test soon but idk if I'll study for it. I NEVER really put work into studying or pay attention in class and I'm holding an 82 average. I got a 39 once, so once I retake that quiz I might be in the 90s. Sorry Mr. Renal, I simply can't bring myself to care about your class 😢

I LOVE my art class tho. It's just doing ART!!!! ART TIME!!!! Art is the best and I would post some of mine but my irls would proabably find me then. Like my name isnt ACTUALLY Jude Shepard. I'm just using it as a penname and also cos that's what they called me in my dream. But other than that everything I tell y'all is real. I'm making buttered toast rn.

3:38 p.m. sat june 19th

I've decided to include a song recommendation with every entry. Today's recommendation: A Match Into Water by Pierce The Veil

Okay so it turns out we didnt go to pick n pack with Zara. Instead we went to downtown... White Ave. It was sunny n we walked a bit, got lemonades and a bit of candy, went into stores, idk. BUT. The notable part of this is that next to the farmers market there were all the usual activist groups: falun gong, vegan, whatever... but one of them looked like it was a LEFTIST GROUP, possible marxist.

I wanted to talk to them so badly and wanted to see how I could help the cause. See, I'm a communist. AND IM NOT HERE TO DEBATE THAT. I'm here to talk about my days. Anwyays I wanted to talk to them sO BADLY. but my parents wouldn't leave me alone. And like. I hate political discussion with them. They just upset me and they get mad and I CANT AFFORD TO MAKE THEM MAD. I play everything that goes on with me on the Down Low, I dont talk about anything about myself because if I do, I get less freedom in my life. They have control in my life, so I have to appease them. Because of this, I unfortunately did not get to talk to the communists :(

Hopefully they're still there next time... I'm kinda mad >:(

Also Star replied to my good morning text... I told her to have fun shopping since that's what she told me she was gonna do... she just said "thanks" and I was concerned because THATS NOT HOW SHE TYPES? I feel like shes sad over something but i dont know what.

The day me and Jacob did stuff, I was supposed to walk her to her bus stop like I always do. But I didnt (duh) I took Jacob home.

But IT WAS ONE! DAY. And I told her my dad called me over so.... I apologized too and she seemed mad at herself, but in the way that's intended to make you feel bad.

I dont understand her sometimes. I LOVE HER. DON'T GET ME WRONG. I love her so so much shes such a great supportive funny attractive girl! But soemtimes she gets upset and I can never tell why: is it the depression? Is it me? Is it soemthing else entirely? And she'll never tell me.

Whatever, I'll ask her how she is tonight and maybe we can Talk :/

I might never tell her about Jay... :P I might never tell ANYONE about Jay. It's our little secret I guess >:))))))

Man see? I'm no saint. I guess that's what'll make this blog worth reading. I'm a bit conflicted about the whole thing cos I KNOW this is morally not right but. I'm doing it anyways. What can I say? I'm used to lying and hiding things for my benefit. I had to do it to survive and now? Now I do it for funsies.

I'm gonna pack some more stuff, TTYL ♡

UPDATE: we had to go look at houses for the move (since my parents r divorcing) and I didnt get to pack much of anything yet

I'm definently over my cal limit today...

Cold sweet or carbonated drinks help with my throat pain so I'm downing them like they're NOTHING and since we have no zero cal cold drinks I'm DEAD... and no, water does NOTHING.

Jeez, its raining out.

And FUCK JAY cos hes still on my mind.

Its 4:11 p.m. now.

Its now 7:56 p.m.

I kinda feel like an edgy main character in an edgy movie rolling up to the park and sitting #alone in the Treez like the emo band music video protagonist I am.

Sometimes its exhausting to talk to people I care about in a serious way or that I talk to in a more sincere manner like Star and Jay and others. Even if they're just friends. If our interactions are serious and not really casual and usually play out like long deep conversation, I feel like to respond to or even read their messages, I need to have like an hour allotted to conversation. Soemtimes I see the messages early and have to pretend I didnt see em cos I dont have internet to respond or time to respond its. Funny. Idk.

Anwyays I'm binging chocolate in a park alone and like. Rotting my fucking teeth OH WELL 🤷🏻‍♂️ whatcha gonna do.

Its 8 now so I should head home. I just biked to the s4ve 0ns to get my dad white choclate but. If I'm going to s4ve 0ns... YOU BET YOUR ASS IM GONNA STE4L SHIT. THAT PLACE IS EASY AS FUCKKK.

Also I'm kinda addicted to sh0pl1fting. The THRILL I get from it is so insane. It's fun! And you get free stuff! I know If i get caught I'm risking a lot. I'm aware. But I dont really care. Every step I take nowadays is risk taking. So why not take more?

I dont care about nonsense therapy. Fuck that.... actually I'll explain why i dont go to therapy for my shit:

1. I cant

2. I don't trust it

Anwyays yeah.

My throat still hurts. Idk, I just like to be in the sun and shit ALONE.

ALONE! It's so funny to me how now I like my time alone but as a kid I'd proabably kill for some positive attention. Well... it's more complex than that, but I wont go into it tonight.

Pls watch me die of diabetes soon from eating all this fucking chocolate.

My parents said to stop drinking monster and I wANT THEM TO TRUST ME so i can go out with my friends... but also I shoulda got monster outta spite. Heart palpitations my ASS.

Tonight I'll be talking to Jay AND Star. At the same time. Which is awkward... Which is MY OWN MESS TO CLEAN UP. I actually accept full responsibility. But also its awkward.

Whatever. I'll sort it out.

My parents arent being as complicated as usual. I guess they're tryna reverse all those years of... emotional neglect i guess? Something.

Something. Which isnt nothing.

But also I think they're guilty over the divorce. Like. Today my dad was like "do u ever feel sad? Blah blah blah... how do u feel rn" and I was like smiling tryna play off his question like it was absurd and I said "uhm idk... *fake laugh* normal?"

THE TRUTH WAS THAT I WAS A BIT CONFUDDLED ABOUT WHAT I WAS GONNA DO REGARDING. LITERALLY CHEATING. ON MY GF. WITH SOME DUDE IN MY ART CLASS. JUST FOR SEX.

But then he was like "this isnt normal." And he looked all sad. But on my way to the park here, I thought about it a bit more. And actually... it IS normal. The divorce rate is smthn like 60 percent in the states and 40 percent in canada... which is where I live.

Yknow... if my irls find this,,, all I have to say is sorry. Be as mean as you want.

I've already accepted my fate as a degenerate scumbag anyways lol.

Actually... how DO I feel? Hmm... laying in this field.

Urgency.

I have a lot of stuff to do.

Physical pain, but that's not. A FEELING.

I guess anticipation to TALK TO PEOPLE.

Regret from my binge... I better get home.

You know what's so funny to me? I cant purge on my own... but dick makes me vomit. Like the one time I DONT want to throw up, I do. Damn okay.

Well its 8:18 so I'm going home maybe. Soon. For now, I think I'll stay a little longer.

Yknow one thing I didn't expect to be sore was my arms... which I used to prop myself up to... yknow, suck Jay...

I still remember he said: "you're trembling." And I was like FUCK because I thought the trembling was HIM... •_• it's okay though I'll learn to do better.

Idk tho... I feel comfortable with him. Even as nervous as I am and embarrassed to be. Naked. In front of soemone else. And such. He makes me feel comfortable. Look, I did my best, DUH of cOURSE I did my best, I'm the type who will work hard at stuff even if they're getting hurt. I didnt mind honeslty. My goal in that part was just to make him feel good. Equal exchange, yknow? He did the same thing to me.

But like, he can tell when I gag and he tells me not to hurt myself and of course I keep going, I'm not about to SToP. But. I dont kNOW. Him talking to me like that makes me feel a lot safer doing stuff like that you know?

I like when he starts kissing me and touching me like he cant contain himself its almost animalistic and VERY FUCKING HOT

I feel like I talk about him too much but you gotta realize that was my FIRST time

1. Sucking dick

2. having MY junk sucked

3. Having anything put. Inside me. (It was just his finger but stILL)

So yeaH. Of course I'm gonna talk about it. A lot.

He said I was adorable. He said he likes how, when he leans over me, I take in a breath... how he could make me flinch.

THATS HOT ISNT IT.

I feel like I'm getting lost in his charm when I shoULD be tryna fix shit with my girlfriend. She seems sad and I'm worried.

But there isnt much more to say until I DM her tonight...

I really fucked up, didn't I? I totally fucked up and now my brain is all confused. But I have to remember that Jay is only about sex. He would be nice to cuddle, since hes fucking HUGE and I'm kinda on the short side, but he doesnt talk to me out of love. He does it out of lust. And yeah... I really only want sex from him too. But like. Star and I are COMMITTED. We got our feelings wrapped up together. Emotionally and romantically.

So. I should proabably like... stop fucking with Jay. Tell Star what I did. And hope she forgives me. That's the morally correct thing to do.

But like... do I EVER make the morally correct decision? No. Not really. I'm a piece of shit. Whatever. Its highschool anwyays we arent mating for life. IM NOT SAYING WHAT I DID WASNT BAD. IT WAS. VERY BAD.

but I'm gonna keep making bad decisions.

I DO FEEL BAD.... but look. If we're being logical about this and tryna maximize my benefit here,, I should keep Star as my girlfriend and TREAT HER WELL... but with Jay as a fuckbuddy on the side. Hes leaving the school soon anwyays so then we'll hang out less...

That's my plan, anyways.

I KNOW I'm a bad person. I'm aware. But it's just a fact of life.

I'm cheating with my cards here in so many places: stealing, lying, cheating, disobeying my parents, not paying attention in class.. IM KIND OF AN ASSHOLE KID. Idk. It's kinda whatever to me. I'm fucking harry Houdini, okay? I can get out of anyhting. This isnt me being cocky... I have historically gotten out of MANY tight situations, even some that risked my life, and I'm still here. I think I'm a walking lucky charm or SOEMTHING

Welp, we know if gods real I'm going to hell.

I dont really care. Idk. I guess I'm just at that risk taking phase in.my life. That doesnt justify anything... but it explains it. And it's possible to explain without justifying.

Man,,, I guarantee whoever reads this blog is gonna hate my guts.

Whatever. It's my fucking journal/diary lol.

I can sorta say whatever I'd like.

It's funny because I always thought I was trustworthy and had no commitment issues BUT HEY I GUESS NOT.

I keep telling myself, cut him off, YOU AVE A GIRLFRIEND, FESS UP AND APOLOGIZE... but then I picture his STUPID smirking face and I CANT.

Maybe I am in love double.

Doesnt matter if I am... i still did a bad thing.

DAMN.

Well... I'm headed back home now. 8:41. I'm gonna pack my shit, change, watch youtube,,,, I guess I should check my google classroom and like. do my fucking homework... cos I haven't done it yet.

Then I'll update yall.

11:51 p.m.

Hey guys I'm back with an update.

I talked with both of then... star doesnt seem interested in having an actual conversation,,, shes just talking about random bs. Which is fine but I dont rly get what shes saying half the time COS SHES NOT BLUNT ENOUGH. and then the other half shes going on about how much she hates life. Like.

I do love her. We've bonded. I AM concerned about her. But sometimes I feel like she doesn't really try. Like I can talk her down from suicide all I want but everything I say is wrong and cliched and based off my own experience with suicidal thoughts and like... my mentality has always been sorta toxicly masculine. Push through, and push through alone. I CANT ALWAYS HELP! And it makes me feel shitty. Idk. She'll be okay, I know so cos of her story posts and drawings.

I feel bad but I know I can't help much. We talked a little. Idk, we didnt get anywhere. I love her but shes acting in a way that tells me soemthing is wrong but I CANT FIX THAT THING. SO. yeah, theres not much to say. I wish I could take away all her pain but I can't.

I talked to Jay as well... I DONT KNOW WHATS HAPPENING BECAUSE I LIKE HIM SO SO MUCH. SO MUCH. HES LITERALLY PERFECT. sexy, kind and super considerate, he always makes sure I'm comfortable... I dont KNOW,,, hes sweet.

Hes not romantically interested in me. Which is a bit sad. Sometimes I want to tell him "I love you!!!" But then I remember that we are, in his words, friends with benefits. Fuck buddies. Two horny teenage boys who just wanna fuck... and be friends. That's all. That's us. We aren't romantically involved nor will we ever be. I hate how my brain gets so attached to anyone I fuck... especially since I kinda see Jay as an "older brother" figure, which makes no sense until you actually meet him and vibe with him... and like,,, I've always wanted that?

Tommorow I'm gonna ask for him to come over to watch a movie... but idk if I should actually ask because my parents kinda hate me now for fucking up so much. I'll do my homework and clean my room first... which will take up all my time proabably :( it's okay. Maybe some other time :(

I dont want him to lose interest in me though.

.... its 1:56 a.m.

Okay. Okay. I'll say it. I love him.

Goodnight, tumblr.

-Jude

#JudeJournals #jude shepard #tumblr diary #journal

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zenyattasperceptrons · 6 years

Text

one thing i struggle with a lot is like, the difference between opening up to others and burdening others? and... i do think some of it lies simply in.. frequency, and having a balance in that relationship (i mean unless you’re talking to a therapist or something then go wild) but i do think theres a tone to that conversation too?

idk i used to do it to myself, where i would be like “ugh im really sad about this thing” and then think about how sad i was about that BUT THEN ALSO how sad i am about THIS OTHER THING and THIS ONE and THIS ONE AND AND AND

and just pile shit on! over and over! and that’s... it’s ... weirdly satisfying in a way, because i think depression brain has this itch to feel miserable that i can’t really...explain that well (obviously i dont mean to say people Want to feel miserable! but uh, it can kind of, in some ways, be an improvement over feeling like. like nothing?) and it took me a good long while to just... notice im doing that and go ‘nope, uh uh,’ and yank myself out of it. and it was not a comfortable thing to do. but i dont really do that anymore! I developed different habits and don’t pile shit on like that! which is nice! in its own way

so i think you can... do that when you’re talking to friends. it turns into a dumping spiral and you just pile more and more on and you feel way worse for doing it and your friend probably feels. a little hopeless for not being able to do anything about it (because they cannot. they literally do not have the ability to do anything about that spiral)

and thats. eh. that’s not super great. that’s not even something you’re supposed to do to a therapist though obviously it’s not like, morally wrong, it’s just...not the right path to go down if you would like to handle feelings better.

the other way to do it feels more like... god it, takes a whole lot of like... knowing yourself? and realizing what it is youre upset about or even that you’re just feeling sad and aren’t actually upset about anything in particular (VERY HARD TO TELL THESE APART)

but i. the successful thing i had with this recently is i just. i realized i was upset about something but wasn’t really...equipped to deal with it at the moment. so i compartmentalized that away and BOY i felt super dissociated for the rest of the day! which was! sure an interesting thing to connect like, wow, denying your emotions actually has consequences and That’s Where That Feeling Comes From (this sounds sarcastic but that was legit the first time i put those two things together)

but i came home and i sort of, talked to myself about it? and went “Hey here’s what upset us, what about that was upsetting” and figured it out and wrote some stuff down and after a few paragraphs kinda, got down into it and went “oh okay, that’s why that feels so bad” and accepted that and cried about it and told myself “yeah that’s fucking rough, you’re right to be upset about it, though i do understand also why you might feel guilty for being upset, or guilty for your reaction. those are also reasonable things to feel even if I don’t think you are Obligated to feel them” and i

i didn’t feel Good afterwards, but i felt much more...genuinely sad? which is. hard to describe. but. like theres Depression Sad which is just kinda this slime that sticks on you everywhere and drags you down and just kinda sucks. But then Genuine, Honest Sad is. Like that thing you try to do by watching a sad movie? It’s this chilly bucket of cold water and like man it doesn’t feel Good or Happy by any means but like, you know for a fact that you’re gonna dry off and warm up again. You know you’re experiencing this now and not trying to pretend like you’re not and in a little bit it’s gonna go away and you’ll probably feel less slimy then, too, cause that icewater washed some of it off,

so i think that’s! the tone you can take with friends too? instead of dumping just. “i felt this and it really sucked” and they agree with you that it sucked and you have a cry about it and afterwards you say “thank you for talking to me about this i think i’m gonna be okay” (assuming, of course, that your friend is good at Listening and Support Words, which are difficult skills to pick up as well)

which. mm. i dont think conversations are always gonna go that way. i think sometimes you process something, or even get halfway through it and suddenly go “no no i can’t handle this right now” and that’s...fine too. that’s Morally Okay and simply a part of the process.

But... that’s kind of the ideal of the conversation. And I think keeping that in mind is a good template for when you want to Share A Feel but are worried about burdening someone.

(And also keep in mind it can feel really good for the other person to to have their friend trust them enough to talk to them about this kind of stuff. It brings people closer together and even if it’s a little bit uncomfortable at first, I think it feels really nice afterwards.)

#I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE THESE THOUGHTS ARE VERY SHORT AND CONCISE AND THEN IT TURNS INTO THIS #caps --#in any case... depression blogging ...#(recovery blogging.)#hiddenlayer.txt

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