#idk I’m rambling I just needed to say it

[itspileofgoodthings]

Gosh not to whine because there is so much that is good and so much that was/is necessary and there’s so much that is right on the cusp of blooming but … I am still grieving not living at home. And that’s exactly what it is that I miss, without wanting to undo this move or regretting it because I wouldn’t undo it and I don’t regret it. I don’t live there anymore. The deep patterns of life that were a part of the home when we did live there are gone, broken irrevocably even though there is nothing at all tragic about what has happened and even though the breaking was probably (is) a step forward. And I just have to let that exist and let it be and just be sad about it sometimes. And just look the grief in the face and let it sit at my kitchen table, metaphorically. Because it’s there and it hurts.

#I’m really not romanticizing this. it was time. #especially with Nina going #I think me not going would have been a million times worse #and things were HARD. there was not the space I needed to be okay #it was weighing on me and wearing on me in ways I’d just gotten used to but also we’re getting increasingly heavier #so I know 100% that this grief is so much lighter and ultimately closer to happiness than my other choices could have promised #but it is still grief. #idk I’m rambling I just needed to say it #just —/////—-/////———-/wages earned and lessons learned but I’m right where you left me #you know? #just a little bit. just for now #it’ll pass no doubt sooner than [ expected ] to paraphrase Mr. Bennet #life just aches sometimes #and it’s fairly gentle in the realm of grief #this is not attacking my soul with an bare machete #just pulling up roots and feeling the empty spaces fill with rain and gutter water #sorry this is teetering on maudlin if not already there

[forourtomorrows]

me ? drawing ? i guess so..

#delislittledrawings #ace attorney #aa #phoenix wright #trucy wright #do i tag apollo and athena ?? naaaah #anyways. hi ! long time no drawing. but hehe i redesigned the aa characters and it was fun #also i used some old drawings as reference for the colors and i’m glad to say i’ve improved a little since then ! it’s always nice to see #some progress hehe #and i see that it’s another year and another trucy ! i will never stop drawing her she became part of my life now lol #and yeah i really like drawing phoenix and trucy hanging out because in canon they’re never shown interacting much like a family #idk how to explain it but in aa4 it was fine and in aa5 & 6 she was just… here because she needed to be. #like. i’ll be forever disappointed by the second cases of aa6 w/ the non-existent reaction of phoenix like… that’s your daughter sir.. #anyways i should stop rambling in my tags lol no one is reading that

[sonic-adventure-3]

dude i phrased that sonic v shadow post so wrong. in my head “more skilled” meant shadow relies on more specific skills like gunplay and chaos energy manipulation, and more theoretical knowledge, not that he’s generally more proficient. “raw power” is wholly undescriptive and invokes an image of brute force, which isn’t what i meant. sonic has significantly more actual experience and more honed movement. sonic is a very quick learner, and has dexterity and stamina off the charts. he’s most certainly not unskilled, not in general nor compared to shadow, so i supremely failed if i implied that.

in my head at least, shadow would’ve learned to fight in a controlled environment, if he had physical training at all. i imagine he’d be book smart, had a formal education and shit. either he learned and trained on the ark, or when gerald messed with his memories he implanted fighting knowledge too, baymax style, or something i guess. sonic learned to fight through actual experience, so sonic would be the one with far better battle sense and instincts, it’s like second nature to him rather than a studious pursuit. dude’s graceful as hell, makes everything look easy; no way in hell is he unskilled or less skilled than shadow. shadow’s skill is like, classical, whereas sonic’s is pure schmovement. but idk i’m just thinking aloud.

#rambles #shadow v sonic is more like. top of the class hard worker vs genius prodigy #they get similar scores but if the genius wanted to really apply himself he could be curing cancer or whatever #or something idk. my thoughts are hard for me to understand #more skilled was definitely misspoken. there’s a really narrow definition that i didn’t explain well enough where that rings true #in most other senses sonic is more skilled than shadow yeah #gah i hate realizing i’ve badly miscommunicated an idea i find fun #i need a disclaimer for every post i make like: #(THIS IS A FUN LINE OF THOUGHT I FIND INTERESTING. IT IS NOT ANALYSIS NOR DO I BELIEVE IT. IM PLAYING DOLLS) #dude i miss my old pinned post i’m just saying words recreationally #i don’t believe this post either i say shadow fights classically #but like i don’t know of any teachings that primarily involve kicking people in the back of the head and teleporting #it’s an interesting line of thought that provides an interesting contrast. regardless of if it’s literally true #i’m full of shit basically. i know that. i really don’t want to claim anything else #SORRY.

[lumiilys]

.

#I’m gonna go on a petty rant now please excuse me #and I might delete this later #but I just saw the words ‘cw edstede’ and I’m 99% it was a joke #but I’m just being reminded of the fact that there are people in this fandom who genuinely don’t like Stede and Ed and a couple #and I’m just like ???? what are you even still doing here #the show is literally centred around their relationship #I’m not gonna say ‘how can you stay in the fandom if you don’t like the main characters’ #cause I have plenty of shows I like where I dislike the main characters #but those shows are also usually much much longer with way more characters and plotlines #meanwhile ofmd is literally only 18 episodes and is mainly about Stede and Ed #so idk what there is to enjoy about it if you don’t like them #this isn’t to say the side characters aren’t cool too #they are #but it’s just #idk how to explain lol #I personally can’t understand staying in a fandom if I straight up dislike the show or a major part of the show #my brain literally just loses interest and I leave #I have plenty of criticisms of most of my interests but I still actually genuinely like them #where was I going with this? #ummmmm #I need to pee #ollie rambles

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

i am not the same person i was before i listened to one man band

#i’ve finally recovered enough from being ill with covid to actually be able to listen to music again #and OH MY GOD #THERE ARE NOT BIG ENOUGH BLOCK CAPS FOR HOW I’M FEELING RIGHT NOW #it’s so gorgeous and authentic and full of heart and has IMMEDIATELY found its way into my top favourite albums ever #i need time to process before i can flail in more detail but for now can i just say: #RANSOM?? #HEAL??? #FUCKING - ALL OF IT???? #god i’m so so happy for him and this wonderful thing he’s created #it’s lovely to hear him sounding - idk so at home in himself?? #he’s made something so special 💗 #right i’m going to stop rambling to no one now and go and listen to it all over again (and again) #miles kane #one man band #lulu posts

[unnamed-proxy]

I’m tired of seeing sweet baby cinnamon roll mer dcas show me a fishy boy that’ll tear a whale apart cuz they feel like it. Show me an abomination of nature. Show me a literal sea terror, I want in universe pirates to tell tall tales about these guys and how they’ll destroy ships and slaughter the remaining crew

SHOW ME A DCA KRAKEN. SHOW ME A SEA MONSTER

#most self indulgent post ever made #this is literally just my mer au idk why I’m saying this #I am cooking my own food here #sweetie pie mers are cool too btw no hate on them #I just need some animalistic monsters of the deep some times #berryboxed #proxy rambles

[ryderdire]

One of These days I will claw my way out of my depression hole, but let me rest on the way up please.

#ryders rambles #idk sometimes it feels like if im not constantly making efforts to get better or whatever im failing or even my progress is coming undone #it’s exhausting. #and honestly when it feels like that it feels eaiser to just stay in the hole cuz I’ve been here so long #sorry for venting on main #I’m aware that’s a flawed mindset but getting out of those is hard as well #but feel free to reblog #idk thought you guys might relate #so I put it here #vent post #mental health #depression #personal #unrelated to anything #just tend to think about my mental state and stuff while on my nightly tumblr rounds and idk I felt like I needed to say this

[heartpascal]

guys IM SORRY im at 7.7k words for pt 2 of is it freedom BUT TIS NOT QUITE DONE YET IM DOIGN MY BEST !!!

(i have no idea what im doing idk where this fic is going rn but erm. im just gonna have to hope that you guys enjoy whatever goes on next)

((but i can say there JS more gwen angst w arachnid-universe gwen sorry sorry sorry but that’s where it’s gone and who am i to stop it))

(((going to sleep now and having a lie in tomoz (for the first time in like. FOREVER omg) but hopefully i can get a good chunk of writing done tomorrow!!)))

#heartpascal says #it’s gonna be done soon #i hope #idk #i don’t know where i’m going with this one #but it’s ok #only the second fic in the spiderverse… verse so yk #need to chill w my expectations omg #i just hope u guys enjoy the angst i’ve got going on rn even if it’s like. not exactly what we expect idk #or maybe it is what we expect #my point is #i have no idea what i’m doing #i’m just going w the flow #doing my best #but j HAVE been researching more spidey villains so i hope y’all notice some of them #i say some of them #i’ve got like one different one #anyway #i’m rambling but i AM tired so it’s allowed #it’s been a busy few days i’m sorry this fic is taking so long #but i will promise (kinda) that it will be out before july #which is only like 3 days away so #unless there r unexpected circumstances #but yes #see y’all soon stay safe stay well i love you #and goodnight from user heartpascal #🫡 mwah

[purplepenntapus]

Im sorry I love the Zoro Mihawk Perona dynamic but the fandom trend of turning it into “Mihawk adopts Zoro and Perona as children and raises them” makes me want to die

#the fact that it pervades so many au fic is another reason I rarely read one piece aus #first of all I’m not a fan of changing characters’ backstories in such a drastic way #Zoro in canon and Zoro raised as mihawks child would be two very different characters #second of all it’s indicitive of a very odd trend I’ve noticed where fandom takes character with non traditional family dynamics and #creates a narrative where they have what more or less boils down to a nuclear family dynamic #like Zoro already has a family #the straw hats #but bc zoro is one of the only straw hats that you can’t point to a specific character and say ‘that’s his father figure’ ‘thats his sister’ #people feel the need to give him a Proper Family with a Dad™️ and a sister™️ #which is particularly odd in the Found Family Anime™️ #it’s giving superfamily #idk it wouldn’t be bad if it was just a fun thing now and again but god it’s like every single zoro-centric au I see #rambles #sorry I had to rant about this because I just closed out of a fic because of this and I’m just -Keanu smoking meme- #it’s very hard when you dislike a very pervasive fandom trope #if this ends up in the tag and you’re mad about it I’m sorry I don’t want to sensor every word tumblr might pick but I’m not tagging #it myself so please don’t yell at me blame tumblr

[ilovedthestars]

honestly the biggest Competing Access Needs issue that I personally have run into in online spaces is this:

people need, deserve, and should have space to complain and critique. that includes critiquing things that I (and they!) care about and find valuable, in order to make them better. those conversations are often necessary and healthy, and they should be allowed to happen.

however, I find those kinds of conversations incredibly stressful, often outright upsetting. especially when it involves people I like/respect arguing with or criticizing other people I like/respect. my instinct is to try to mediate and smooth things over and acknowledge the points of both sides, but often that’s either not my place to do or would be actively unhelpful. so I just end up torn in the middle of what feels to me like a barrage of negativity, filled with the unhelpful desire to be like “can’t we just all get along????”

the only and best solution to this is for me to just remove myself from conversations like these, and I’ve gotten better at that, but. It’s still difficult for me to deal with, even though I know that despite my hangups, it’s sometimes better for those conversations to happen than not.

#stars rambles #yes this is partly about convos that have happened on discord but I want ppl to know that I’m not @ing anyone specific about this #like i don’t think anyone’s in the wrong here #even though I would like to avoid any semblance of conflict. I know that would be bad for other people #but I did want to say this because I feel like. idk. in the moment the best thing I can do is shut up and walk away #so I wanted to express this outside of that very charged context #it’s not just about discord to be clear #sometimes it’s about things I see on Tumblr (or complaints on Tumblr that have been exported from discord) #sometimes it’s about irl organizations that I’ve been a part of where I’m like #I love this space deeply #and I know it has flaws and that there should be room for critique #but I want to defend what I love about it #this is definitely an area for personal growth for me too #but it’s not gonna go away overnight #and i've also seen it come up with other people in ways that just aren't avoidable #sometimes you love something and want to talk about how you love it #and someone else is annoyed by it and wants to talk about that #and there's no easy way for both of those conversations to happen in a way that doesn't hurt someone #and i don't feel like that kind of competing need is one that i see brought up a lot #anyway #vent #drafted this and left it to sit and now i am queuing it for the future so it will not seem associated with any one conversation #because it's not really about one thing #q2q

[critterishere]

don’t know what to post so here’s this drawing i have of these little guys that have been sitting in my drafts for two days

#my art #oc art #traditional drawing #self insert #wishing that monsters were real rn😭😖 #need to find a name for the spider dog creature #might post deltarune stuff soon #also getting used to posting more self insert stuff and not cringing at myself #i feel great👍 #that one drawing i posted with me and jun tho 🤨🤨🤨 #why do i say that like it was really bad or something the drawing was literally just me hugging him from the side #i need to calm down bout the jun post #also side note idk why i like making weird tiny pet creature versions of my characters like idk it’s fun #ok i’m gonna stop rambling now bye 👋

[ritterdoodles]

Losing my mind at this one commissioner taking days to respond, not actually say anything about the art, then fucking off for another 3 days, all while changing their Discord pfp with startling regularity

#idk if they’re just too nice and don’t want to say they actually hate the thing but then Why the Fuck even comm me in the first place #fuck this i’m only doing google forms from now on #ramblings #sorry i just really need to vent this thing could have been done in 2-3 days tops but it’s taken a month just from trying to communicate

[blupengu]

Y’all is Hollow Knight hard or do I just suck because oh my god??

#not gonna inflict my ramblings onto someone else’s post so just making a text post for myself #but oh my god #what the fuck? #maybe I’m not a hardcore metroidvania fan but I like them well enough #do I suck that badly at games now?? am I old to the point that my hands can’t do this shit???? #did I just somehow fuck myself at some point??? #because wow this feels kind of sadistic???? #and not even in the fun kind of way????? #like I think I’d rather submit myself to fear and hunger again rather than continue where I am now in hk #idk maybe I’m missing something #but I just got wall jump and was so happy until I fell down to where you can challenge those mantis dudes #got myself out of there but then as I was exploring northwest I keep dying and reviving from the fucking bouncy balls over water #and the normal mantis mobs are also kicking my ass? #and dont even get me started on the weird tentacley nuclear bomb mushroom things those are just bullshit #AND THEN AS I WAS HAVING A GOOD TIME EXPLORING HEADING TOWARDS A SAVE BENCH I GET DROPPED INTO DEEPNEST?????? #WHAT KIND OF JUMPSCARE BULLSHIT?????????? #AND THE FUCKING COCKROACHES THAT NEVER SEEM TO STOP SPAWNING KILL ME #and then I see how fucking far back I’ve been dropped in the corner of fungal wastes #and I try jumping through the fucking bouncy balls again #and I die and lose my money #I can’t fucking do this shit anymore y’all holy fucking shit #the number of times I’ve died and restarted from that fucking fungal wastes bench I am so sick of it 💀 #legit I think this is the first time I’ve rage quit a game #it’s been a while since a game’s actually made me this angry I want to fucking throw something 😂 #the willpower and self control I needed to not chuck my pro controller across the room… #if I didn’t have neighbors and a unit below me I’d be throwing shit for sure though #but instead I must smack pillows against my mattress in a rage 😂 #I think I hate the ‘go back to where you died to get back your money’ punishment system… like legit I actually really really hate it. #I do think the game is fun and I know I’ll probably quickly gain the money… but it feels like the game’s telling me I fucking suck lmao #suffice to say I will not be playing any more hollow knight for the foreseeable future 💀

[ibithesnail]

current mood: appropriately stimulated

#not overstimulated. not understimulated #but a secret third thing #/j #idk. i feel like my brain is running 100mph but as a result i’m kinda just able to think #not act tho. i’m sitting on the kitchen chair writing down ideas bc i was meant to be doing the dishes and listening to princezam vod #i keep pausing tho bc i need to focus on the ideas #i would say i’m hypefixated but i think i’m fixated a normal amount #ibi’s ramblings

[sophiewagentje]

.

#Y’know tho I really like the p1 boys sometimes their opinions of Max are so weird #Like they’ve been pretty harsh about Max’s move on Charles saying he just does shit like this cuz he gets away with it #and someone should not quite do something about it but something does need to change #And I’m just like? Have you even listened to Max’s explanation about that or did you look at the replays #and made your mind up about it? Idk I’m probably overly irritated but I just don’t really get them #soph’s rambles

[gregmarriage]

feel like i always have to have something to say™️ when i text my friends, but like, i always have to remind myself that i could just say hi, or like send funny image™️ and it will be fine ☺️ <(clenching fists)

#gwen attempts friendship #<title of my extremely unpopular memoir #i feel like i have to say big things™️ #like something needs to be happening #i need a topic #and i also have to remind myself that my friends love me and don’t find me as annoying as i think they do #it’s fine!!!! #*bites inside of mouth until i draw blood* #anyways i’m a adult and i’m soo normal at human bonding x #idk i’m having weird brain time™️ again lately and i’m just dealing with that #or trying to in the healthiest way i can #people enjoy talking to me #people like me and even love me #said to the bathroom mirror as i grip the sink so hard my knuckles turn white #i feel like i’m avoiding my friends but it’s also fine if we don’t talk 24/7 #they will not forget me #their object permanence of me isn’t that bad please calm down #we will catch up at a later date and it will be nice #it’s only bad if i’m deliberately isolating myself #and i’m not so it’s fine #just kinda dissociating and forgetting to reply or that i meant to tell them things etc #honestly it’s my object permance that’s the problem #i’d literally forget my brain if it wasn’t inside my head #it’s fun <3 #anyways another fun gwen ramble for y’all