#idek whats happening

[moomin279]

I dont understand or follow F1 so I just want to say that I agree with all of you

#lewis hamilton #f1 #Ferarri #?? #idek whats happening #but i heard this is like messi to madrid and that sounds bad

[birbfeeder2artisticboogaloo]

thousand autumns donghua, episode 10~

(just realised that the old man is called '晏无师' like 'yan….without master'??? is this??? his actual NAME or?? bc i feel as tho this wouldn't be terribly auspicious?? and parents wouldn't be happy if the name were suggested to them, would they?? so could it be a second name? an alias?? another title??? i wonder if shen qiao has got a courtesy name?? maybe he just doesn't like it lol. NAMES ARE. VERY CONFUSING. i like them a lot bUT THEY CONFUSE ME ;A;) ANYWAY ahhh chang'an looks like a very nice place!! pretty treessss omg ;A; OH FUCK THE OLD MAN'S SPOUTING POETRY 😳 HELP I'M HAVING AN EMOTION 😵 yws: heyyyy u should hang out with meee, want this flower?? shen qiao: no :/ new friend unlocked!! yuwen qing!! and his concubine yuzi!! wonder why he brought her along?? she cute tho ;A; BAI RONG TAKE A FUCKING HINT CHALLENGE. NOBODY LIKES U. GO HOME >:V lol the old man is beating this lass and somehow i'm on HIS side lol, what has my life come to?? 😩 it's THE CHAIN GANG. THEY'RE A GANG. OF CHAINS 🔗🔗🔗 bai rong: UR A BIG MEANIE. i told on u and shizun sent big tough guys >:( yws: *yawn* i'm too old for this shit. it's past my bedtime. xiao se??? and who might U be?? that's a nice fan. made of knives 👀 i'm so glad they're taking the time to quibble about sect matters like this while shen qiao sits in his cart and yuwen qing tries desperately to carry his gf away from danger THE SUBTITLES HAVE 'QI' ROMANISED AS 'CHI' AND I DON'T LIKE IT, IT'S CONFUSING ;A; shen qiao's got the shillelagh, everyone back UP!!! WHACK EM, SHEN QIAO!! GIVE HIM A GOOD WHACK!! >:V i love these martial arts sequences so much ;A; OH NO IT'S THE WHITE LADY!!! nobody likes U either, missy, so sod off unless u intend to kill bai rong 😤 xiao se: SHIMEI HELP MEEEE ;A; bai rong: *running away in the bg* OH SNAP. SNARED HIM LIKE A FISH ON A SPEAR 🐟 lol yan wushi tormenting his victims before killing them is very funny, for some reason. he's like the 'chasing u down the corridor' meme lol OH NO WAS HE STRUCK??? damn i can't believe she got a hit on him ;A; she didn't even face him in honourable combat, what a coward 😒 yws: *happy smile* OH A-QIAO!! COME HAVE TEA WITH MEEEE :D shen qiao: ….there was an assassination attempt yws: soooo is that a yes? :D '我们家阿峤' SIR U ARE IN PUBLIC!! UR JUST!!! SAYING THIS IN FRONT OF EVERYONE!! WTF yws: where are u going?? :((( is it something i said?? :((( shen qiao is the best, he cares about the fate of missing handmaidens even tho nobody else does ;A; ALSO he's fucking BLIND, and still it's HIM who goes looking for her?? nobody else can be bothered?? these fecking ppl lol white ladyyyy, the old man was just returning ur needle!!! why are u mad??? 'if u want somebody to love, u can love me :D' exCUSE ME shen qiao: if SHE'S not good enough for me, what makes u think U are?? >:( lmao roastedddd got emmmm!! 🤣🤣🤣 OOH A TOWN!!! look at the cute shops!! look at the cute lanterns!! look at the cute re-used character models!! :DDD ....aaaand the old man's disappeared again! i like to think he jumped onto the passing cart and rode away with it 🤣 shen qiao does a tiny smile bc he's CHARMED by these antics now lol BAI RONG??? UR BACK??? i love this donghua but the pacing is WACK in places tbh 😅 ohhh that shen qiao, always trying to believe the best in everyone.....….even the tart who keeps trying to kill him 😌 bai rong: tee hee ur so cute when u smile~~ shen qiao: do not touch me :) her outfit is fire tho!! cute shoes!!!!! idk what they're talking about rn. sometimes the subtitles are very cryptic. im just gonna nod and smile 😊 is she is she trying to WARN him?? was that a WARNING from bai rong?????? that's so weird o_O wait who is OH OH IT'S RUYUAN KEHUI OH DAMN HE IS WOW HE'S UH gOODNESS HE'S CERTAINLY ahem. he's. inch resting. what a voice 😳😳😳 OH HERE'S THE OLD MAN. TO CHASE AWAY SHEN QIAO'S SUITORS!! wait they're going to fight why are they going to what ok shen qiao is used to ppl constantly fighting over him i guess it's probably not very shocking anymore smh poor shen qiao 😔

#birb watches #thousand autumns donghua #THIS DONGHUA IS WEIRD BUT I LOVE IT #idek whats happening #but i don't know that i care either #im having fun and that's all that matters :'D #birb still says #qian qiu

[perceabeth]

Hi,

In the honour of Rick ruining the characters and canon plus admitting that he is doing this as a publicity and marketing stunt let's just admit that most of the famous authors sadly are walking down this path.

It's Five Times Percy Jackson Cheated At School by @phykios

It's absolutely brilliant and Rick's inane plotline reminded me of this masterpiece.

ok !

#im sure its a top class fic #i just have no idea whats going on im not ya gal for this unfortunately #q&a #idek whats happening

[screachogreilige]

the oc-ification of desert duo (magical cowboys)

#desert duo #grian #grian fanart #gtwscar #goodtimeswithscar #gtws fanart #my art #screachog art #i have no idea whats happening idek how to tag this bc its like them but not them but is them but isnt them IDK. throws up on carpet #u know what im not gonna provide context anymore just take it as it appears to be

[ultfreakme]

All I'll say about the ATLA live action reducing the side quests is that Zuko is convinced Aang is a master of evasion, which is why he's so difficult to catch, and it is his job to crack the pattern. Then it cuts to Sokka saying "you have no idea where we're going do you?"

#ATLA live action #ATLA #netflix #avatar #avatar the last airbender #aang #zuko #sokka #katara #does this count as zukka? #zuko: Everything must be happening for a reason the Avatar has a 500-point plan which I will unravel #Sokka: bro idek when what we're gonna be doing for dinner today

[scribblemew]

NIMONA BECAUSE I LOVE HER ALSO CONGRATS ON THE OSCAR NOMINATION ABSOLUTELY DESERVED THIS MOVIE IS SO GOOD

if yall haven't seen Nimona yet, that's absolutely blasphemous and i think you need to do that immediately (it's on Netflix :))

#art #drawing #draw #fanart #digital sketch #illustration #netflix nimona #nimona #nimona demon #nimona art #nimona fanart #oooooooh i love her #so much #she is the coolest #congrats on the oscar nomination btw #idek what the oscar’s are for i just know it happened and that’s a big deal #i think? #movie fanart #movies #nd stevenson #this really may be my favorite movie ever #that might be a lie idk #regardless #it’s top tier

[nevvn]

was feeling down so i drew him to make me feel better

#obey me #obey me fanart #art tag #fanart #obey me solomon #that was few days ago im fine now #idek what happened #i usually draw him whenever im sad or just inspired #that explains why there's a lot of solomon in this acc and on my sketchpad jdfdjshjh

[sungbeam]

I'm low-key scared now 😔

bff y r u scared :0

#sungbeam strikes again #anon..? #i promise i shant hurt thou 😭😭 #idek whats happening

[spawnofmachine]

requested

#souyorise #was the request. but I'm not really good at explicitly shippy stuff sooo #idek what happens in dancing I just thiught they looked cool sorry team #souji seta #yu narukami #yosuke hanamura #rise kujikawa #investigation team #persona 4

[alukaforyou]

if nardo was a kdrama, this would be the mads photoshoot for 1st look / dazed / w korea to promo the hashimada vote episode.

#thats what methinks #perhaps even for elle #idek what those magazines are tbh but i always see nice drama promo pics in them #i was high key resisting the urge to put flowers in the water LMFAO and sparkles #im gonna have a hard time making that water look like water #anyways.. kicking off #madarapicmonday #thats the tag yall hopefully i can keep forcing myself to draw every week lol #naruto #the quality is always gonna be kinda bad until i post the finished version whenever that happens :( #uchiha madara #ah me personal tag for himb #mads #alulu art

[trans-androgyne]

Transandrophobia theory is not incompatible with transmisogyny theory. Look into my eyes and understand this, I’m begging you.

Quote from Julia Serano’s 2021 article “What is Transmisogyny”: “For others (e.g., certain nonbinary people, trans male/masculine-spectrum people), misogyny may intersect with transphobia in different ways that aren’t adequately articulated by transmisogyny. This doesn’t necessarily make transmisogyny ‘wrong’; it may simply mean that we need additional language.”

From her 2016 article “Articulating Transmisogyny”: “I have observed people using ‘trans-misogyny’ as shorthand to suggest that ‘trans men are privileged, and trans women oppressed, end of story.’ I reject such oversimplifications.”

We are not on opposite sides. There are large misunderstandings at work here. Transmascs are as capable of (trans)misogyny just as much as anyone else, AND they have experiences with the intersection of transphobia and misogyny. These things can both be true.

#I sincerely haven’t seen anyone arguing transmascs cannot perpetrate misogyny/transmisogyny #I have to assume that’s happening somewhere or idek what’s going on. but it hasn’t been from transandrophobia circles that I’ve seen #she also disagrees with the ‘all men are evil all women are virtuous’ brand of oppositional sexism #which is what those who believe in NON-SYSTEMIC androphobia are trying to articulate as it’s a problem in queer/trans/feminist communities #transandrophobia #transmisogyny #intracommunity issues tag #mine

[slugcatt]

i think i broke something

#rain world #rain world downpour #rainworld #rainworld downpour #rw dp #rw downpour #rainworld dp #idek what happened tbh

[maxcuntstappen]

checo spends more time than anyone with lestappen what with cooldown rooms interviews, barging into Max’s drivers room unannounced etc etc

So he just, accepts Charles presence as The Constant in the world. And So when lestappen can’t talk right away he actually finds himself in interesting strat convos with Charles. Leading to them talking abt random stuff until Max steals charles away once again

So recently, with Charles being gone. He’s a bit confused? like max is but slightly less. Like?? who’s he supposed to talk to now?? Max? All they’re gonna do is talk about Charles!!

Well, that doesn’t sound to bad actually. So they do. And whoever the third is just has to sit there and take the convo of the two red bulls lamenting about how they miss charles and charles should be here and charles is so cool and on and on

(idk also in my mind they go out for drinks after races sometimes :) for funsies)

"Sooo..." Checo starts, before awkwardly trailing off.

Max blinks at him, once, twice.

And then Checo needs to look away because there's only so much time a man can stare at Max's nearly-too-blue eyes without finding themself stuttering and stumbling.

Checo has had to learn this the hard way.

The race has only just finished. A Red Bull 1-2. A good day at the office.

There's just one thing missing.

The wrong colour race suit hovers around them.

Maybe Checo had begun taking Charles' presence for granted.

Relied on him being around too much, too often. Being way too comfortable with the other two doing the talking and socialising and letting it wash over him, chipping in if he wanted to.

But otherwise, just chilling out.

Neither Max nor him know what to do now.

Standing around in a loose circle, shuffling their feet, waiting for the interviews to begin.

The silence is anything but comfortable.

Checo needs to do something.

Needs to say something.

Now.

"So, Max, what about Charles' last lap overtake, huh?"

The effect is instant; blue eyes lighting up, hands taking flight.

"Mate," Max begins, and then he's off, talking a mile a minute.

And it's comfortable. Familiar. Checo cannot help but smile, relaxing into it.

If either of them had paused, or perhaps even cared, to notice. They would notice the third place man grumbling as he walked off, "You have to be fucking kidding me."

#idk i just had to #lav's ficlets #idek #??? #idk what to tag this!! #lestappen #of course #f1 fic #i guess #whats the name for checo max n cha #is it just lestappen + their most popular third wheel?? #i just had to okay!!! #ask #sorry n thank u anon #does this count as chestappen #if yes #wow #never thought that would happen for me in this lifetime

[roninreverie]

Going through some personal grief, so let’s everybody be cheered up by some baby turtle doodles!! 

I headcanon Splinter did a lot of turtle research and they had a little kiddie pool with a UV light to keep them healthy in those starting months down in the sewers.

#rottmnt #rottmnt baby turtles #turtle tots #rottmnt leo #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt raphael #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt splinter #I did start my ROTTMNT obsession by researching turtles a month ago... yes. #dont come at me for those hands... IDEK what happened #roninreverie

[polaroidcats]

Ugly crying & the marauders generation - a pseudo-scientific approach (my marauders crying PhD abstract)

Abstract

In recent days, there have been a variety of claims as to who the prettiest and ugliest crier in the marauders generation could be. This paper aims to address the recent surge in opinions on the matter, and categorize different approaches as well as add a new approach to the scientific examination of ugliness/prettiness when it comes to crying. I hope to provide readers with an overview of the current state of research and encourage all marauders scholars to add their own and I intend to make a contribution to the discourse by committing to the bit and writing a pseudo-academic paper about it instead of actually working on my thesis.

Introduction

In the following paper, the discourse about 5 marauders era characters will be examined in regards to their various levels of perceived ugliness whilst crying. Scholars who may ask why Peter [Pettigrew] is not included in this analysis are advised to refer to acclaimed marauders ugly crying scholar @lynxindisguise's (2023) original poll on the popular blogging website "tumblr.com" which did not include Peter, but rather two non-marauders characters named Lily and Regulus. This paper will follow that approach, since Peter is the nastiest skank bitch I have ever met, I do not trust him and he is a fugly slut. The characters included in this approach are as follows: James Potter, Lily Evans, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Regulus Black.

Following the scientific criteria for ugly crying, as stated by lynxindisguise et. al (2023), the question of the ugliest crier can be answered by observing the crying person and assessing their ugly-levels on the following parameters: (1) unbecoming facial expressions, (2) facial swelling/blotching, (3) unsettling noises, (4) snot factor, (5) tear volume, (6) general loss of dignity, (7) glistening eyes/lashes, (8) Victorian heroine factor, (9) elegant tear-wiping, (10) post-cry glow (ibid).

Criteria (1)-(6) can be categorized as the ugly crying parameters whereas (7)-(10) are pretty crying parameters, creating a false binary between ugly and pretty crying, which may be problematised and addressed in another the paper. In contrast to lynxindisguise’s original 10 criteria to measure the aesthetics of crying, this paper proposes to add (11) explosiveness of cry as another ugly crying parameter, in order to get a more clear assessment of where on the ugly-pretty crying scale a character falls.

The ugly crying parameters

(1) Unbecoming facial expressions

James Potter is mentioned in this category by several marauders scholars: @jaylienpotter talks about his red face and ugly sobbing, @artbyace mentions his “scrunched up cry face” and @sectoren claimes “james (…) is that one handsome guy that when the waterworks get going becomes like. Cartoonishly ugly”, raising the question of upkeeping toxic masculinity in order to avoid having to witness more of James Potter’s crying “mug”.

Though James Potter features heavily in this category, another character who is also mentioned just as often is Remus Lupin: @kaaaaaaarf, @appreciatedmoron and @http-starboy all emphasise that Remus Lupin is the one with a red and blotchy face.

(2) facial swelling/blotching

While there is a definitive overlap between the categories of facial swelling/blotching, unbecoming facial expressions and snot factor, Sirius’ and Regulus’ victorian heroine complexions, which give them an advantage in the homonymous category, may be to their disadvantage in the “blotching” category. This will require further research by other scholars.

(3) unsettling noises

James Potter is mentioned in this category by Jaylienpotter (2023), claiming he not only hiccups when crying but also that “his cries are one of the most heartbreaking things you’ll ever hear” and similarly, artbyace states that “James loves and feels so loudly”, whereas “Sirius is silent”, both sentiments are reminiscent of znelda’s (2023) statements that James “was allowed to feel his emotions freely in a loving household” and “Sirius (…) [is] used to hide [his] feelings and [has] become stoic”.

With several other scholars, among them also @jamesunderwater (2023) raising the point that James may be the ugliest crier due to him being “the only one well adjusted enough to have access to his feelings” this raises the question of possibly introducing another category, maybe of emotional awareness/stability to be able to measure this parameter more efficiently, though emotional vulnerability may also just be a part of the unsettling noises parameter, suggesting that there is a correlation between noisiness and the existing environment being welcoming to and accepting of various expressions of emotions.

(4) snot factor

The most popular winner in the snot factor category seems to be Remus Lupin, with several scholars agreeing that his sobs are the dampest and snottiest out of all the candidates. kaaaaaaarf (2023) writes “he turnes all red and blochty and snot drips out of his nose (…) he cant (sic) not cry with his mouth open as well so there is a lot of spit”, and appreciatedmoron (2023) agrees with kaaaaaaarf on this.

It only seems right to me to include spit in the snot category as well, seeing as they’re both crying-related bodily fluids that add to the ugly-cry factor. http-starboy (2023) also mentions snot in regards to Remus Lupin, which compared to both their comments in (1) opens up the question of how unbecoming facial expressions, more particularly redness of the face and snot factor may be related, as several authors seem to write about both specifically in relation to each other. Whether this is just pure coincidence or not would need further research, for which we currently do not have enough funding. This is only one of the many research gaps in the relatively new field of marauder’s ugly crying studies, which cannot fully be addressed in this paper.

James Potter is also mentioned in the snot category, namely by the marauders scholar artbyace (2023).

(5) tear volume

Artbyace (2023) claims James Potter is “full on bawling” which can only be assumed to refer to tear volume, but the most convincing argument for tear volume comes from the acclaimed marauders scholar @fruityindividual (2023), stating that “tsunami warning tones go off in sirius’ brain anytime remus is close 2 (sic) tears” which already indicates high levels of tear volumes. The author then goes on to specify the volume by claiming that “indeed the ocean wishes rj lupin would jump in and help contribute 2 (sic) rising sea levels”, further emphasizing the volume of Remus's tears.

(6) general loss of dignity

@pastaplatypus (2023) writes about James Potter not being able to do a Melodramatic Bollywood Cry, which is perceived as inherently racist by the crier.

I would like to argue that Sirius Black also deserves to be mentioned in this category. While as of today, with less than 1 hour left to vote, 15.5% of voters agree that Sirius is the ugliest crier, the more outspoken voices all argue for different ugly criers. Due to their upbringing, I am tempted to name both Black brothers in the “loss of dignity” category and look forward to reading future contributions to this discussion.

The pretty crying parameters

(7) glistening eyes/lashes

Undoubtedly Sirius Black deserves to be mentioned in this category. I believe his dark lashes and glimmering eyes are part of what makes him the prettiest crier. Whereas Remus’s eyes also sometimes glisten or appear red, and it is usually attributed to be caused by drug consumption, which more often than not is a wrong assumption, but he happily goes along with the pretense of being a weed-smoking bad boy in order to hide his ugly crying damp tendencies.

(8) Victorian heroine factor

It almost seems superfluous to even mention Sirius (and, to a lesser degree, Regulus) Black in this category. This category was made for Sirius, as is apparent when reading lynxindisguises (2023) description of the victorian heroine factor, in response to a question by the scholar @plecotusauritus:

“the Victorian Heroine Factor is a deeply scientific assessment of the Vibes. Is this person giving tragically beautiful, windswept Victorian Heroine, sobbing gently into their hands while sprawled across a boulder or a well or a fountain of some sort? When they look up at you, do their tear-plumped lips part elegantly as a single tear slides down their cheek?”

(9) elegant tear-wiping

There hasn't been a lot of research in this area, but I would like to propose handkerchiefs with embroidered initials and family crests as another potential factor in favor of the Black brothers scoring high marks in this category as well as the Victorian heroine factor.

(10) post-cry glow

Artbyace (2023) claims “lily is always beautiful (…) even when crying”, which is echoed by znelda’s (2023) earlier claim that “Lily (…) [is] a woman and no woman is ugly when crying.”

Sirius is the other popular choice by marauders scholars for this category, with @in-flvx (2023) stating that he “handsomely handsomes while dying after 12 years of torture hell and another year in shackles”, which would mean that “a few tears would[n’t] stop him from being the hottest person in the room at all times” (ibid).

Additional parameters

I am suggesting to introduce an additional metric in order to further specify and better assess the ugly-crying levels:

(11) explosiveness of cry

@felixantares (2023) introduces the idea that Remus “is the type that very few people have been seen cry because he ignores every difficult emotion hes (sic) ever had (…) and it all explodes at once and its horrible to watch when he breaks down”, a sentiment shared by several of the other authors mentioned above in various other categories.

Further opinions & conclusions

The most popular consensus seems to be that Sirius cannot be the ugliest crier, sometimes also in direct comparison to his brother: @spindrifters (2023) answers the question of the ugliest crier with “obviously it’s regulus”, elaborating that “at least [it’s] definitely not sirius bc (sic) reg is canonically less handsome in all ways” which brings up the question if regular beauty plays into ugly crying. This is contrasted by lynxindisguises argument, that Sirius may be an ugly crier because he’s so gorgeous, and his ugly crying subverts the expectations of beauty:

“the most beautiful man alive looks hideous while crying, and his deeply awkward and perpetually damp bf (sic) is literally in his element while crying – dampness becomes him, you might say.”

This statement raises yet another question – does regular crying make the crier more or less ugly? Can an ugly crier become a pretty crier by practice or are we all born either ugly or pretty criers, condemned to this fate for life?

While this paper has given an overview of the current state of research to ugly crying/pretty crying, it has also raised many more questions. Other topics which may be addressed in future papers also include the philosophical question whether ugly crying is in the eye of the beholder and if it is possible to ugly cry without being perceived, and if it is possible to ugly cry if the person perceiving you doesn’t find it ugly. Since the research field of ugly crying is a relatively new one, we can only hope to read many more opinions on these and other topics in the future, and I look forward to reading different scholar’s approaches to these highly relevant topics.

#marauders #idek what to tag this as lol #i don't write fic i only write pseudo scientific papers on fandom analysis (apparently) lol i had so much fun writing this #even if just 1 person reads it i'll be happy i know it's ridiculous #scientific analysis of ugly crying #akso i tried to tag everyone i mentioned to make it feel more like i'm actually quoting them (which i am) but if anyone doesn't want to be #tagged in this lmk and i'll remove it haha #anyways okay i'll post it now #this is what happens when i go on tumblr during work hours and then keep thinking about how much more fun editing papers would be if they #were about the marauders instead of the things i have to read/edit at work #hp #remus lupin #sirius black #james potter #lily evans #regulus black #(this thing has almost 2k words and i wrote it in 2-3hours) #idek what that says about me #that this is how i chose to spend my tuesday evening #but i love it

[rillils]

rils, absolutely nothing hurts more than bucky saying "its fine, im used to it, ive had worse.." whenever he gets beaten up a lot

It’s the simple, matter-of-fact way he says it, that makes it all the more heartbreaking.

If he were crying, if he were slamming his balled-up fists into the wall, screaming, rioting at the unfairness of it all, Steve thinks it might be just that bit easier. Then, at least he could wipe Bucky’s tears away, dull the sharp knife-edge of Bucky’s grief with his own hands, hold him in his arms until all the parts of him came back together.

But Bucky keeps his grief under the surface, silent; private, except for those glimpses his body lets slip sometimes, in the traitorous set of his tense shoulders, or the blanching of his knuckles digging tight into his thighs, or the painful clenching of his jaw.

He brushes off the bruises, the cuts, the dark blood crusting his suit, shrugging his shoulder as Steve coaxes him into the chair he pulled up for him from the kitchen table.

“I’m fine,” he says, his jaw blossoming purple and blue in Steve’s cupped hand. Says ‘I’m fine’ and means it, just the same as Steve meant it when he used to say ‘I can take it’ after each beating in a piss-rank alley, back in the day. He recognizes it; the intimate need to believe it, to make it true, speak it true, even on the days when it started to taste like a lie.

“I’m used to it,” Bucky assures him, speaking softly in the homely kitchen glow, hand squeezing Steve’s knee with gentle purpose – as though that wasn’t the worst part. As thought it wasn’t the cruelest piece of truth.

He’s used to it.

He’s grown used to it.

There are so many things humans can grow into. Grow better. Grow kinder. Grow older. But Bucky’s grown into the pain, was raised into it, shaped into it, until pain became a natural presence lingering under his skin, twining its ancient roots around his ribs.

“You shouldn’t be used to it,” Steve murmurs, dabbing iodine over the tender-looking cut cresting Bucky’s cheekbone.

He shouldn’t have to be used to it.

Habit can turn even the most terrible things into day-to-day routine, given enough time.

Habit will see the hurt and whisper, It’s okay, it’s just another Tuesday. It doesn’t matter. But it does. It matters so much, so much it’s all Steve can see right now. That’s what he tries to tell Bucky, with the swipe of his thumb over Bucky’s good cheekbone, seeking the places where touch won’t hurt, where the caress will stir only warmth, no lurking aches: It matters. That’s the salve he spreads on Bucky’s bruised cheek, before slipping the band-aid into place, smoothing it over with the pad of his thumb, tender like a naked heart: It matters.

So what if the black and blue will have faded tomorrow, leaving behind nothing but the olive skin Steve has worshipped longer and more fervently than any gods or holy ghosts? So what if the wounds will heal fast, and the flesh knit itself back together till there’s not a pale scar left behind? That doesn’t mean Bucky’s not hurting now. That doesn’t mean the heart won’t remember, even when all the evidence is gone.

Bucky must read his thoughts on his face, easy as leafing through a book.

“It’s nothing, I swear,” he insists, rubbing soothing circles on the meat of Steve’s kevlar-clad thigh, a small, lopsided grin slanted on his lips. “I’ve had much worse than this.”

He seems to regret the words as soon as they’re out of his mouth. Steve sees it, how the grin seals back up and Bucky’s eyes widen for a moment, as if he startled himself. The way his Adam’s apple bobs and his lips part and close and part again, hesitating. “Sweetheart.”

“I know,” Steve says. “It’s okay.”

Worse, in their two-people world, is barely a euphemism for the atrocities Bucky has borne, the likes of which Steve couldn’t have dreamed of even when he used to come home with more black eyes and fractured ribs than his stubborn body could afford to handle. Worse is a sore spot they only ever touch carefully, treading hand in hand on crumbling ground, and doing so takes its toll. There’s a time and a place for Worse, and tonight, Steve estimates, they both lack the spoons for it.

“Tell me something else you’re used to.” He wets his lips. “Something nice.”

Bucky’s eyes soften. In the dim, buttery light, his irises glitter like gems, startlingly pretty, and the corners crinkle just so, roped into a genuine smile. “Something nice, huh?”

His palms curl around Steve’s forearms, pulling him into Bucky’s space; and Steve goes, standing up from his chair only to step into Bucky’s inviting embrace, climbing into his lap, hoarded close in Bucky’s capable arms.

It’s precious, how Bucky has to tip his head back to look him in the eye like this. The way he looks up – looks up at Steve like he’s gazing at the stars, eyes full of wonder, of something soft like Oh, like How. How does something this beautiful exist. How does it bring light here, where the world is at its darkest.

Bucky’s flesh hand comes up to touch him, warm, brushing knuckle-first against his skin to stroke the soft underside of Steve’s chin, his fingers overlapping with Steve’s jawline, raspy with the day’s stubble.

“I could list you a whole bunch of nice somethings,” Bucky rumbles, gaze raking all over Steve’s face to drink him in, here, up close where he won’t miss a single detail. As though he could collect every freckle, every mole and laugh line and tuck them away for safekeeping, treasures that they are.

Steve exhales softly, feeling warmed through. Wanted. Desired. Craved, with that delicate, bone-deep hunger with which one craves a caress from their lover.

“Just give me the first one off the top of your head,” he prompts, whisper-soft, and tastes the word when Bucky breathes: “One”, against the curve of his lips, before capturing them in a kiss.

He lets Steve take the lead, and Steve moves them as he sees fit: slow and gentle, the bruises on Bucky’s face demanding that he take care, softly now, easy does it, as he tilts his head to the side and slips tender into the welcoming heat of Bucky’s mouth, dancing their tongues together.

His fingers sink in Bucky’s hair, cradling the nape of his neck as they part, lingering, close enough to breathe each other’s air.

“'Tell you a secret, though,” Bucky husks, breathing in with his eyes closed, his nose rubbing at Steve’s flushed cheek. He’s so warm, so warm all around him. Holding onto Steve with a need so deep, Steve is sure it’ll bruise him too, heart and soul. “I ain’t ever getting used to this, honey.”

Steve feels himself shiver, heat dripping down his spine. I love you, he feels, starting breathless in his lungs, tingling all the way into his fingertips, straining against the seams of his skin, too big to be held within. I love you, love you, love you–

In a cone of yellow light in their kitchen, he holds Bucky tight, and he doesn’t let go.

#stucky just stucky #but also #stucky #I'M SORRY HONEY THIS JUST HAPPENED I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW #I TOOK ONE LOOK AT THAT ANGST AND MY BRAIN WAS LIKE 'NOPE. WE SMOOCHIN INSTEAD' #AFSHDGSDFJKFGFLGKHJGHòLKJJK #i'm sorry idek what this is #it's so laaaaaaaaaaaaaate #and i only read it once so god knows what kind of nonsense is hiding in there #halppp #rillers scribbles #some 1200 words pulled out of my aeeeeeeee #it's the sleep deprivation i'm telling ya #*cries in under-eye bags*