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samwisethewitch · 1 year

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Herbalism in Times of Turmoil

I've recently returned to my roots (pun intended) in folk herbalism to supplement the work I'm doing with my therapist. It wasn't an intentional thing -- in our current round of EMDR, we've uncovered some deeply buried trauma, and bringing that trauma to the surface has shaken the foundations of how I see myself and the world around me. I feel very raw and vulnerable. I feel disoriented and fragile.

I find myself drawn to plant medicine as I navigate this trauma with the help of my therapist. I think a part of me longs for the sympathetic magic of plants -- by taking them into my body, maybe I, too, can become firmly rooted, supported by the earth and nourished by the sun. Maybe I can relearn the magics of stillness and connection. Maybe I can reintegrate into the earth's cycles of death and rebirth.

Some of the plants I'm partnering with in this work are old friends. Others are new allies, recommended by professional herbalists for the type of trauma I'm processing. All of them are supportive in different ways, and all of them have important lessons.

Obviously, I am working with herbs as a compliment to the work I'm doing with a professional mental health counselor, not as a replacement for medical/psychological care. I recommend you do the same, especially if dealing with complex trauma. Even if money is tight, you may be able to get free or low-cost counseling through local social services, nonprofits, university hospitals, etc.

How I Work with Herbs

As an animist, I see working with herbs both as physical medicine and as a working relationship with the spirit of the plant. I don't like to say that I "use" herbs, because that implies that they are just tools. When I say I "work with" an herb, what I mean is that I am partnering with that plant as a living, thinking being that has kindly chosen to support my healing process. I try to honor that relationship in every part of my herbalist craft.

One way I do this is by verbally thanking the plants that I consume as medicine. If I'm drinking a cup of linden tea, I'll say something like, "Thank you, linden, for aiding in my healing today."

I try to use herbal preparations that allow for a sensory experience to help me connect with the plant spirit(s). I don't like taking capsules full of powdered herbs, because that doesn't allow me to see, touch, smell, or taste the plant. I like teas because they allow for a much more intimate connection with the plant's spirit, and I use tinctures when I feel like I need more concentrated medicinal compounds.

I'm a witch who loves plants, but when I'm working with herbs internally, I do not choose them based on their magical or spiritual correspondences. When choosing herbs, I look for quality scientific studies that prove their medicinal benefits, but honestly a lot of plant medicine hasn't been sufficiently studied yet. Because of this, I also look at the way plants are viewed in traditional healing modalities like Western herbalism, Ayurveda, Traditional Chinese Medicine, etc.

While I don't pick them based on their magical properties, I do think studying how these plants are used in magical practices can add an extra layer to my work with them. This helps me to have a more nuanced, deep, and complex relationship with the plant's spirit.

And of course, I always research contraindications and drug interactions before using an herb. For example, I don't recommend Saint John's Wort to anyone taking any kind of pharmaceutical medication because it really messes with the way your body processes your meds. It's also important to research how herbs might interact with other herbs and supplements you're already taking -- that's also a type of drug interaction!

I also try to remember that when we're moving through grief or processing trauma, this changes the way herbs (and drugs, for that matter) affect our bodies. I highly recommend the book The Trauma-Informed Herbalist by Elizabeth Guthrie to learn more about this.

My Herbal Allies

These are the herbs I'm taking focusing my practice on right now:

Ashwagandha and Tulsi are two plant friends that I love pairing together. They're both adaptogens, meaning they can help manage the body's stress response, and come to Western herbalism by way of Ayurveda. I've been working with both of these plants for years, and although they do have different uses, I think they work really well together.

Ashwagandha is really helpful as a pick-me-up for the endocrine system (the system that produces hormones) and nervous system. I find that it has a very grounding effect and is especially helpful for when I feel overwhelmed or burned out. It's a great ally for building resilience when you feel like there's just way too much going on and have no idea how you're going to handle it all. It has a very bitter taste, so I usually add it to coffee or another very bitter beverage.

Tulsi, also called Holy Basil, is a lot more gentle and laid-back than ashwagandha, at least in my experience. It's one of my go-to herbs when I need emotional support. According to herbalists Katja Swift and Ryn Midura, "Tulsi has traditionally been the herb of choice for 'stuck emotions,' whether that's depression or PTSD or just a case of the grumpies." It has a delicious taste somewhere between basil and mint, and I love preparing it as a hot tea. This is one of my favorite herbs right now.

In Ayurveda, ashwagandha is classified as a Rasayana, which means it rejuvenates the body and can promote long life. It is also a Bhalya, meaning it promotes strength, and a Vajikara, which means it promotes healthy sexuality. Tulsi is one of the most valued herbs in Ayurveda and is even called the most sacred plant on earth in the Vedic Puranas. It increases sattva (light, clarity), uplifts the spirit, promotes joy and harmony, and increases prana (vital energy; similar to the concept of chi in China). They're sometimes used together because they're believed to support each other and enhance each other's effects.

I add ashwagandha and tulsi tinctures to my morning coffee and to other hot beverages throughout the day. I also really like tulsi as a tea, and tulsi tea is one of my go-to tools for replenishing my energy after a long day of tarot readings. That being said, I'm considering changing the way I consume these herbs to be more in line with traditional Ayurvedic practices, but I need to do more research first.

Cannabis is, honestly, one of my personal miracle workers, which is a little bit ironic because I also think it's waaaaay overhyped in the wellness industry right now. Cannabis is not a cure-all, and it is not recommended for everyone. There are several different types of cannabis, and each type has its own medicinal uses. For example, the cannabis I use in my personal practice is hemp, which is legally defined as cannabis with little to no THC, meaning it does not produce a high. Marijuana, the type of cannabis with THC, is powerful medicine for some people, but because of how my body and brain work, I personally don't use it. While marijuana use may be illegal depending on where you live, hemp is legal in most places.

I started working with cannabis several years ago to help manage anxiety and insomnia, but nowadays I mostly work with it to help with inflammation and chronic pain.

I find that my body really holds on to trauma in the form of tension, inflammation, and chronic pain. When my trauma response is triggered, I usually feel it as tension or pain, especially in my hips, pelvis, and lower back. I find cannabis really helpful for that stored trauma. It doesn't make the pain go away, but it helps me feel into it and navigate through it. I also find cannabis is really good at relaxing my body and helping me let go of that stored up trauma, almost like unclenching a fist.

Cannabis was historically used throughout the ancient world for divination and religious ritual. It's associated with connection to the spirit world, and may have been used in magical practices like the Norse practice of seidr. Scott Cunningham says hemp is associated with love spells and with Midsummer.

My favorite way to work with cannabis is with a cannibidiol (CBD) isolates. Since I live in a place where THC is illegal and have some health conditions that don't play well with THC, I like CBD isolates because I'm able to make sure I'm getting a THC-free product. I add CBD to my coffee along with tulsi and ashwagandha, and I feel like it helps me process the caffeine better. I also notice rapid relief for joint and nerve pain, anxiety, and intrusive thoughts after drinking this brew.

Meadowsweet is a new plant friend for me. I actually first came across meadowsweet when I was researching handfasting herbs -- it's a traditional inclusion in British handfasting and wedding ceremonies, and was historically used as a "strewing herb," which means it was sprinkled on the ground. It's also a traditional flavor in mead, and in fact the name "meadowsweet" comes from its traditional use in mead-making. (I actually have a batch of meadowsweet mead fermenting right now!)

In herbalism, meadowsweet is prized because it contains salicylates, which can be used to make salicylic acid, the main ingredient in aspirin. This makes it great for pain, especially pain caused by inflammation. It's also great for your digestive system, which makes it a powerful ally if, like me, you suffer from the dreaded "anxiety tummy."

Meadowsweet is a very summer-y plant for me, and its energy reminds me of summer sunshine. It's a plant that reminds me to find joy in the little things in life, and has a very hopeful vibe. This is a plant I associate with both Midsummer and Lughnasa. It's a great friend for when you just need a little sweetness in your life.

On a more physical level, I combine meadowsweet with cannabis, ashwagandha, and tulsi to manage chronic pain rooted in trauma. And, of course, for keeping the anxiety tummy at bay.

In European magic traditions, meadowsweet is associated with love, peace, and joy. Interestingly, Scott Cunningham also talks about the use of meadowsweet for protection from thieves.

I add meadowsweet tincture to my morning coffee along with ashwagandha, tulsi, and CBD. I also really enjoy it as a hot tea, and I think the flavor blends really well with tulsi.

Linden is another new friend for me, but I am obsessed. I don't think I've ever worked with an herb that feels this gentle, supportive, and nourishing to the soul. Katja Swift and Ryn Midura of the Holistic Herbalism Podcast call linden "a hug in a mug," and I think that's a perfect description of how it feels.

In Western herbalism, linden is most often used for heart conditions and to restore the cardiovascular system. However, it also works as a nervine, which means it has a calming effect on the nervous system. It can provide gentle relief for anxiety, tension, and even everyday stress. In Herbal Medicine for Beginners, Swift and Midura even recommend linden to "mitigate the side effects of drying, stimulating medications like Adderall and Ritalin." It is also recommended for nerve pain and damaged nerves.

Linden is wonderful medicine for the heart, both the physical heart and the emotional heart. I really do feel an improvement in my mood when I work with linden. It's soothing and uplifting at the same time.

Magically, linden is strongly associated with protection. It's also associated with love, good luck, and preventing insomnia. Scott Cunningham mentions carrying linden to prevent intoxication.

My favorite way to work with linden is by drinking it as a tea. It tastes similar to chamomile, but a little less fruity. I drink several cups throughout the day, especially when I feel like I need to unwind or calm down.

Rose is one of my favorite flowers. Maybe that makes me basic, but I really do love this plant. The scent of rose has been one of my favorite scents since I was very small -- I remember going to Catholic mass with my mom and praying with my own rose-scented rosary!

We usually think of rose as a decorative flower or an ingredient in perfume, but it also has culinary and medicinal uses. It's used topically to treat skin issues by promoting the growth of new skin cells and to treat rashes and eczema. It can also help soothe gut problems. Rose is also relaxing and anti-inflammatory.

In magic rose is associated with love and romance (duh), divination, healing, fast luck, protection, and connection to the divine. Cunningham recommends it for calming "personal stress and household upheavals" and says the flowers attract fairies. This might be because I was raised Catholic, but rose feels like a very sacred plant to me. In Catholicism it's associated with the Virgin Mary and with some other saints like St. Therese of Lisieux, but I personally use rose more in ancestor work (especially when working with queer ancestors) and for attracting friendly spirits in general.

Right now, my favorite way to work with rose is in aromatherapy. The smell of fresh roses is so uplifting, and it makes me feel like I'm surrounded by gentle, loving protection. I'm sure there are probably health benefits to working with the pure essential oil, but real rose essential oil is VERY expensive, so I use a mild rose-scented perfume instead. (I'm very sensitive to scents and often get headaches from artificial fragrances, but right now I'm wearing Pacifica Beauty's Persian Rose perfume and I haven't had any issues with it.)

Sources:

Herbal Medicine for Beginners by Katja Swift and Ryn Midura

Queering Herbalism, 3rd edition, compiled by Toi of the Herbal Freedom School

The Trauma-Informed Herbalist by Elizabeth Guthrie

Cunningham's Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs by Scott Cunningham

All episodes from the first season of The Trauma Informed Herbalist podcast, but especially the two-part series, "How Trauma Changes Us"

"Herbs for Psychological First Aid" from The Holistic Herbalism Podcast

"Herbs & the Holidays: Emotional Support" from The Holistic Herbalism Podcast

"Working With Herbs For Chronic Pain" from the Holistic Herbalism Podcast

"The Centuries-Old Secrets of Gender-Affirming Herbalism" by Leah Kirts

"How To Incorporate Hemp In Your Materia Medica" by Heather Saba

"Cannabis: Potent and Versatile Medicine" by Sue Sierralupe & Candace Hunter

"An Ayurvedic perspective on Marijuana" by Shilpika Devaiah

"Who shouldn't use medicinal cannabis?" by Corinne Hodgson

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novamirmirsblog · 2 years

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Steven's Mom

Genre: fluff/angst/smut +18

Pairing: Natasha x reader

Word count: 3874

Request: no

Warnings: poorly written smut, cheating

A/n: This literally took me a good month to write, so I think it's safe to say this may be a little bit shit. If the punctuation seems off, it's cause Grammarly keeps being weird and making suggestions -_- BUT ENJOY! Cause I'm not sure when the next fic will be finished XD Yes, smoking is bad but holy shit is it hot when the right people do it.

Masterlist Natasha Romanoff masterlist

Relationships.

That word has always scared you.

Your friends would talk about their recent boyfriends and how they were going on cute group dates and where was your boyfriend Y/n?

Your answer was always that there was no point in settling down with one person when you were yet to try them all. Especially seeing as you had only just reached your 23rd birthday.

Sure, some may have seen that as 'flighty behaviour' and yes, perhaps you should have gotten a therapist when you were a lot younger - but you were always told you were going to be a heartbreaker and the long trail of flings you left in your wake was testimony to this.

Perhaps heartbreaker was a strong word. You were sure that only going on a few dates with a guy hardly led to their hearts being broken but you were pretty and could accentuate your almost forgotten accent which made all the boys fall into a line.

You had moved to America with your family when you were 16 but due to your desire to fit in, you had worked extremely hard on switching your native accent for an American one. It felt as if you were betraying your family but it was too late to break that habit 7 years on.

Using people as a means to an end is never a good plan. Especially when that person was a friend but when Steven had asked you out, you couldn't help but see a goldmine of opportunities.

Steven was sweet. He was the kind of all-American guy that was shoved down the western media consumer's throats. He played baseball throughout his school career and taught the little leagues on weekends. He had the body of a god and the heart of a saint.

For all intended purposes, Steven was perfect.

Steven would be your salvation.

~~~~~

After 3 weeks of non-stop dating, your university friends wanted to see the boy who had managed to keep the notorious serial dater interested for more than one date. You decided to introduce them all, telling your university friends that Steven was a friend from high school.

Obviously they all swooned.

You truly were living the 'American dream'. However your American dream all came crashing down one Tuesday night.

It had been two months since the first date and Steven had invited you over to his house after seeing a movie. You took your shoes off and hung up your jackets before you both made your way to the kitchen. Steven backed you up to the kitchen counter, kissing along your neck using too much tongue. You were a strong believer that neck kisses should be mostly teeth. The tongue was reserved for other acts. The sound of heels filled you with relief. You liked Steven but he needed to work on his game. It seemed that Steven was too engrossed to realise his mother was standing in the doorway.

You locked eyes with her and let out a soft gasp. You thought you saw her left eyebrow twitch but you couldn't be sure because as she took a step towards you, the trance broke and you pushed Steven away.

"Babe?"

She cleared her throat and Steven spun on the spot, his jaw dropping in a comical way before closing again as his face went red. "I can explain..."

"No need to explain Stevie, just don't do it in my kitchen please."

"T-this is Y/n, Y/n, this is my mom."

"Natasha." She extended her hand for you to shake.

"It's nice to meet you Mrs Romanoff." You shook her hand.

"Please dear, I've been divorced for years. It's Ms now."

"Of course. Sorry." You apologised, the urge to wipe your boyfriend's saliva from your neck was growing the longer this conversation went on.

"No need to apologise lyubov."

"Well, we're just gonna go up to my room now..." Steven gave his mother a kiss on her cheek before leading you out of the kitchen.

~~~~~

You stayed the night with Steven but when you awoke, you were in an empty bed. To say you were disappointed would be a lie but you were a little offended that Steven had left you to wake up on your own. Just because you weren't utterly infatuated with him didn't mean he could leave you in his house without so much as a goodbye.

You debated whether or not you should wear the clothes you had from yesterday or steal one of Steven's many, many hoodies. You decided on the latter. One benefit Steven bought was the fact his hoodies absolutely engulfed you, the bottom of the jumper comfortably resting just above mid-thigh.

You crept out of the house, not realising a pair of eyes followed you the entire way down the drive, cigarette smoke obscuring her view.

~~~~~

You didn't see Steven till the following weekend. Personally, you felt it was too soon to be seeing him again, but you had put him off for longer than he would have liked, so you indulged him. The two of you decided to get milkshakes before going on a walk about the local park. It was a predictably mediocre date, and your mind drifted from Steven's blonde hair to a deep auburn. You weren't sure why you were thinking of red hair till you remembered that was the colour of Steven's mum's hair. You hadn't even realised Steven was talking to you till you saw him looking at you expectantly.

"Sorry babe, what was that?"

Steven laughed "Are you ever here Y/n? I was asking if you wanted to come back to my place?" He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you in.

"Sure. I wanna drive though." You smirked at him, knowing there was no way he would let you behind the wheel of his precious baby.

"Ha ha." Steven mocked "Get your pretty ass in the car."

~~~~~

The first crack in your perfect American dream life happened when Steven left you alone.

Steven had forgotten he was supposed to be at baseball practice. You were flicking through Netflix, Amazon and Disney+, unable to choose anything, when you heard the front door open and close. You assumed it was Steven coming back, but the slender fingers that slid down your shoulders made you tense and turn around. You strained your neck, looking up at Natasha, her hands still resting on your shoulders.

"No Steven?" She asked, her eyebrow gently raised.

"He" You cleared your throat before continuing, hoping to focus on something other than her hands.

"He..." Natasha prompted you to continue, her thumbs gently creeping up to where your top exposed your neck.

"Had to do something with the little leagues." You rushed out, trying to stop the heat in your cheeks.

"And he left you all on your own, poor thing." Natasha said, drawing shapes along your shoulders as you tried to suppress a shiver.

You weren't sure who the 'poor thing' was. Whether it was you, or Steven.

"You know, I hide my accent too." Natasha said, her lips felt dangerously close to your ear as she let her Russian accent coat her words. "How about you let me hear your real accent too?"

You watched as she moved around the sofa, coming to stand in front of you.

"Um, I mean, I don't know what to say..." You said, your own voice sounding foreign to you as you spoke in your native accent for the first time in years. Not even Steven had heard your true accent.

Yet here you were, showing it to a woman you had met twice.

"krasivaya" Natasha reached under your chin, tilting your head up at her.

"W-what?"

"It means beautiful."

You swallowed, unable to move as she let her fingertips run down the front of your neck.

"Natasha..."

"Yes, sweets?" She responded, her eyes held a gleam that her words did not reflect.

"I don't think this is appropriate."

"What isn't appropriate?"

That made you pause. You weren't sure what made this interaction inappropriate, but you were certain it wasn't. The way your heart pounded in your chest in a way it never did with Steven confirmed that idea. Although your words said that this was wrong, your body didn't want this to stop. With every movement Natasha's nails made against your throat, more goosebumps erupted.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"...no"

"What was that?"

"No." You said with more confidence than before.

"That's what I thought." Natasha bought her fingers back up to your chin as she leaned in, closing the distance between the two of you till your lips crashed. She moved to sit on the sofa next to you, and you put your leg over hers, moving closer to her. You sat on her lap, fiddling with the top of her mom jeans as she ran her hands through your hair, getting lipstick all over your lips. You rested your arms around her neck as she ran her hands under your top, making you moan into her mouth. She shuffled under you, making your hips bump against each other. You bit her lower lip, and it was her turn to moan, the sound travelling down your throat. She pulled away after that, resting her forehead against yours, her eyes still closed as you opened yours.

You weren't sure how long you sat there with Natasha underneath you, but it was long enough for the sun to dip below the horizon. The two of you didn't say anything, but you didn't need to. It was a kind of peaceful silence you never had with Steven.

Your phone buzzed, breaking you out of your peaceful bubble.

It was your brother.

"Fuck. I've gotta go." You stood up, instantly noticing the lack of warmth you suddenly craved. You grabbed your coat and left the house, shouting a hurried goodbye to Natasha.

~~~~~

You received a text later that night from an unknown number. The only thing that gave the identity away was the sign-off, 'сладких снов'. You looked it up.

It was Russian.

Natasha had wished you sweet dreams.

~~~~~

There was something off with you, and Steven was beginning to notice. Steven usually hated his name; he was named after his mother's close friend. A close friend that had led to the breakdown of his parent's marriage. He hated it until he heard you say it. It sounded like peaceful autumn afternoons. In fact, you often reminded him of autumn. To begin with, it was your sweet laugh that reminded him of warm autumn colours, but as time went on, he realised while you were like autumn, he was summer. As often as he wished it wasn't true, Steven knew the thing he had with you could never last.

Steven knew something was wrong. He just couldn't quite put his finger on it.

~~~~~

Natasha came to your student accommodation on a chilly night in October. The two of you had been texting non-stop in a way you had never experienced with anyone else you had met. She was like an addiction you didn't want to quit.

The two of you wasted little time undressing, and you found yourself hitting the bed with the back of your legs as Natasha ran her hands through your hair, kissing you fervently. She placed her hands on your lower back, easing you onto the bed as she climbed on top of you, legs slotted between yours comfortably. Your neck burned as she kissed her way down it, letting her teeth graze against the soft skin.

"No marks." You panted out, pushing your chin to the ceiling so she could get better access to you.

Natasha made an almost growling sound, the frustration clear as she shoved two fingers into your wet core with little warning.

"Just wait till you're completely mine, printsessa. Everyone will know who gets to leave marks on you."

All you could do was moan, the sound brushing over Natasha's ear.

"Shhh, printsessa" She took the fingers that weren't currently pumping in and out of you to your lips, "we don't want your roommates hearing. They'll wonder why you're enjoying it so much." Natasha scoffs before adding, "There's no way you sound like this with Steven."

The sound of your boyfriend's name leaving her mouth felt wrong, but you didn't have time to feel guilty when you felt Natasha's tongue licking long stripes along your clit. You fell into bliss as you bit your lip hard to stop Natasha's name from escaping. The tinge of metal that spilled onto your tongue made you almost cum again. Natasha looked up at you, her hair beginning to stick to her forehead as she winked.

You panted as she kissed her way up your body.

"How about you make me feel good, darling."

It was your turn to slide down the length of her body till you got to her hot core. Your limbs were heavy, and while you wanted to lie peacefully, you wanted to make Natasha cum more. You had a feeling it wouldn't take long, judging from the way her hips bucked ever so slightly as your breath tickled over her. You grazed your teeth gently over her clit, making her moan before leaving a hickey on her inner thigh.

"Hey!" She let out breathlessly, digging her nails into your scalp and pulling you away by your hair. "What makes you think you can leave marks on me."

"But you look so pretty with them." You pouted for a beat, seeing her expression stay stoikly unimpressed, before adding "Mommy." Her pupils blew even more, and you could have sworn she let out a whimper. Her grip tightened momentarily at the title and you took it as a sign to continue.

You continued to lick and suck, putting two, then three fingers in. You watched as she arched her back and moaned out your name. When she was finished, You took your fingers out, licking them clean as the two of you refused to break eye contact.

You lay there in her arms as she drew patterns across your back and gently scratched your neck. "It's late."

Natasha hummed in agreement.

"You should probably stay the night, right?"

You craned your neck to try to see her expression. Natasha put a finger under your chin and leaned down. "That's probably a good idea." She said, her cocky grin stayed on her face till she gently captured your lips.

That night the two of you slept more peacefully than you had in years.

~~~~~

You lay stomach down on the bed, Steven's voice echoed through your room. He smiled through the screen.

"Baby, I'll pick you up tomorrow at 7:30 for dinner." he grinned. He knew something was off but wanted to hold on to the dream for a little longer.

"Yay! I can't wait!" You were lucky the American accent made just about anything sound enthusiastic

Natasha stirred, turning in her sleep, rustling the sheets gently as she re-adjusted.

"Who was that?" Your boyfriend asked.

"Oh, just one of my friends staying over." You rolled onto your back, accidentally giving Steven a glimpse of silky hair. The movement gently jostled her, disturbing her sleep, causing her nose to scrunch up as she began to wake.

"Okay baby, I've got to go now. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Love you, see you tomorrow." You hang up the FaceTime just as you felt a gaze burn into your skin.

"Morning." She grumbled out, sleep making her voice husky.

"Good Morning." You smiled at her as she rubbed her eyes, waking up fully. "We have to tell him."

"Hmm." She closed her eyes again, you were half convinced she had gone back to asleep.

"Not tomorrow though." Her plump lips seemed even fuller from both last night's activities and sleep. "Tomorrow, you have your date." Her mocking tone did not go over your head. She searched the nightstand for the pack of cigarettes she had left there. However, she quickly gave up, settling back down in bed and closing her eyes again.

"Are you jealous?" You asked, a smirk twinging your lips as her eyes snapped open to look at you.

"Of course not. I just didn't think my son was the romantic type, that's all." She said, before kissing you softly.

These early morning kisses were your favourite.

~~~~~

Date night arrived. Or at least it was supposed to. The booking Steven had made got cancelled, so he drove you back to his house, much to your dismay.

You looked hot. Your hair was up, accentuating your long neck and your red lips contrasted beautifully with the black dress that hung lightly off your figure. You were underdressed for autumn, but the previous night with Natasha made you feel beautiful and powerful, and that dress was begging to be worn.

You were confident when you chose that dress but going to Steven's and the thought of having to see Natasha in said dress filled you with dread.

It wasn't that you didn't want Natasha to see the dress; you just didn't want her to see the way Steven looked at you.

You were right to be worried.

It was Natasha who answered the door just as Steven was about to put his key in. The gasp was audible but she played it off as shock that the two of you were back rather than how she felt about you looking like that with him.

"Hi mom. The booking got cancelled." Steven said, his shoulders hung low.

"That is a shame sweetie." She said, rubbing his arm and ushering him into the kitchen. "Good job I just finished cooking."

You and Steven sat opposite each other as Natasha bought the plates of food out. Once everyone had a plate in front of them, she sat next to you. You bit your lip and refused to look up from the plate.

You bit into what looked like a little square pasty and suppressed a moan. Letting out the sound you wanted would only cause more problems than needed. "Wow, this is delicious."

"Thank you krasivaya. They're Pirozhki." Natasha said, her accent bleeding through in a way you knew was deliberate.

You tried to cover up the growing heat in your face by shoving more food in your mouth. Your leg jumped as you felt Natasha's hand on your thigh. You glanced up from your plate, your eyes meeting Steven's as regret punched you in the gut. He was so sweet and didn't deserve what you were doing to him.

This was wrong.

You wanted to move your leg, not wanting to be a cheater. Not in front of the man you were supposed to love. The only thing that stopped you was the wet patch growing in your panties from the way manicured nails traced along your skin.

You let out a sharp sigh, disappointed in yourself and feeling incredibly guilty about how you found out you liked girls. You were hurting an innocent man.

"You okay babe?" Steven asked, his voice full of concern.

Tears pricked at your eyes, and you couldn't take it anymore. You looked at Natasha, and the concern in her eyes was as clear as day. You just hoped she wouldn't hate you for this.

"Stevie, I can't do this anymore." You looked at his beautiful eyes. Eyes that should have been the ones you felt giddy about.

Steven smiled gently "I know."

A sob got caught in your throat. You weren't sure why you were about to cry; whether it was from relief or sadness that you couldn't be what Steven needed, you couldn't tell.

"How..." You trailed off, not sure what you wanted to ask or even how to ask it.

"You've been acting off Y/n. You have been for a few months now. Someone else has caught your attention and that's okay. I just hope they make you happy in a way I couldn't." Steven stood, most likely getting ready to go for a drive.

Tears rolled down your face freely now. The incredible guilt was ten times worse now. He truly was the sweetest man you knew.

"I just need to know, who is it?"

You froze, not wanting to tell him it was his own mother who stole your gaze.

For the first time throughout this entire conversation, Natasha spoke. "Do you really want to know?"

Steven pulled his eyes away from you, his expression turning steely. His jaw clenched, and fear flashed through you briefly. "I can't believe you."

Natasha's nails dug into your leg slightly, the only indication that she was nervous.

"Steven," You desperately let out. You weren't sure how to make this better. It wasn't like you were fucking his friend. This was his literal mother.

"No. No. I, I need to go. I can't stand to look at either of you right now."

Just like that, Steven left your life.

~~~~~

"Well, that went just about as well as could be expected." You sighed, glad that everything was out in the open, but a heaviness still weighed in your chest.

Natasha was standing on the back porch, leaning over the rail, looking into the darkness of the back garden. You had gone out to join her after you had collected yourself.

"Yeah." Natasha said quietly.

"I'm sorry." You weren't sure which bit you were apologising for. Was it the way you strung them both along for so long? Or was it the fact that you had broken a mother and son bond? There were countless crimes you had committed and not enough time in the world to apologise for them all.

Natasha sighed. "It's not your fault. I knew this would happen eventually."

There was a pause before you spoke, you weren't sure if you wanted to hear the answer to your question. "Do you regret it?"

She opened up her cigarette pack, lighting it and taking a drag before she answered. "No." She blew the smoke out from her nose.

"Those things will kill you." You said, watching as her plump lips crawled up into a smirk before blowing a particularly large smoke ring at you.

"Not if you kill me first sweetheart." She closed her eyes and allowed the moonlight to ease away any stress she was holding.

"Do you want to stop this? Before I kill you?" You knew the answer to this question before Natasha even began to speak. Her thoughts hadn't been a mystery to you for a long time now.

"Don't even ask that Y/n." She said, the panic slipping into her words. "I adore you."

"I adore you too."

With one last drag, Natasha snuffed out her cigarette, closing the box and throwing them over the railing into the bin below. She stepped towards you, trapping you between her and the railings. She kissed you harder than she had ever kissed you before, with more desperation than you had ever known.

"Why did you throw your cigarettes?" You asked, shocked that she would throw away the thing that had always been with her.

"I don't need them anymore. You're my new addiction."

#natahsa romanoff #natalia alianovna romanova #natasha romanov #natasha romanoff #natasha #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha romanoff x reader #black widow #black widow x reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff x you #natasha x you #natasha x y/n #natasha romanoff smut #natasha romanoff x fem!reader #black widow x you #black widow imagine #black widow angst

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enihk-writes · 8 months

Text

[日久见人心]

characters: present!chung myung + afab!she/her!reader

baek cheon x afab!she/her!reader (implied and one-sided from the reader's end because they are not the main plot point for this fic lol)

summary: old habits die hard, even when you are born in a new body. to his credit, he does try not to seem like he is the reincarnation of the plum blossom sword saint, but his subconscious actions said otherwise. he didn't think you of all people would notice.

word count: 3.85k

author's note: the phrase 日久见人心 (rì jiǔ jiàn rén xīn) is part of the full saying 路遥知马力，日久见人心 (lù yáo zhī mǎ lì, rì jiǔ jiàn rén xīn) and i vaguely remember it was something my mother tongue teacher back in secondary said we could use in our composition essays or whatever,,,, and recently i saw it on those cringey rise-and-grind motivational crypto bro ig pages my ex-classmates are reposting on their stories which kinda gave me an idea lmao.... anyways the meaning of the quote is that we need to take time to understand a person's character (also the fic is the result of my caffeine overconsumption lol and not related to my previous cmxreader because i needed a break from all that angst romance i've been writing wwwwwwww)

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chung myung has been starting to think that you were cut out from the same cloth as yu iseol.

quiet, aloof and always watching.

if someone said that you both were twins, he wouldn't be surprised. but then again, there were differences. the most obvious one was that iseol had more talent with the blade than you did, and the other was that iseol had no talent in actually taking care of herself. you were barely managing, but compared to your senior sister? it was far more decent. the two of you had tang soso to thank for not dying as fast as you could have.

chung myung. bowl.

he looks up to see your hand outstretched, waiting to pick up the empty bowl he'd cleaned off long ago. chung myung grunts and hands it over, propping his arm up and resting his head on it as he watched you go around the dining hall to collect the dinnerware.

you lived in mount hua, sure, but you weren't the fighting sort. maybe because anything you did could get you sick — if the weather dropped or rose a little too quickly, your body would tremble and shiver. did you move a little too much today? did you happen to sleep later than you were supposed to that night? by the next morning you were down with a terrible fever that kept you in your room for the rest of the day. but now that tang soso was here, she would drag you down to the medicine hall, grumbling under her breath, all while you looked at her teary-eyed and apologetic.

maybe it was out of shame or embarrassment that made you try to be yourself useful in other ways, though you would often fail and cause more trouble. everyone would just sigh and pick up after your mess, ushering you out to do something else.

during those days, he'd find you hunched behind the baths, sobbing in frustration. chung myung didn't know what to do or say, he'd always talked more with his fist before his heart, so he'd end up hiding in the trees to watch over you instead. and once you've cried it all out, you would stand, wash your face and go to bed. trying something else tomorrow.

chung myung gives credit where credit was due. for a sickly kid, you sure had a thicker skin than the others.

eventually, you stuck with being the cleaner. your weird, meticulous habits somehow working well in this job. the cups and plates were wiped till it shone, silverware were polished until you could see your own face and that hard-to-scrub dirt on the grout would be pristine and white when left in your hands. chung myung wonders secretly if maybe you'd picked this talent up from that neat freak baek cheon.

what are you thinking about?

he almost hits you out of instinct. you really were cut from the same cloth as yu iseol.

he lets out a shaky breath as he turns to face you, who had been sitting behind him. you look at him owlishly and he would have thought you weren't breathing if not for the movement of your nostrils. crossing his leg over the other, he juts his chin at you in acknowledgement.

what is it?

you're quieter, and thinking a lot more than normal today.

ah... this kid... how does everything that comes out of that mouth sound like an insult? chung myung tries to reign in his short temper, he didn't want to hit a frail person for no reason, and he knows that you just happen to always talk like that.

hm. i was thinking about you.

woah. pervert.

ah... maybe he should hit your head just once. just once and he'll never hit you again.

i'm kidding.

really? were you now?

i'm really kidding, don't go and look like you're going hit me like you do with our senior brothers.

okay, you were off the hook. for now.

hmph. you shouldn't tease your elders.

what elder.

chung myung forgets that you were the same age as him. well, in this body, not spiritually. but if he were to talk about life experience and reincarnation, he was the older one but fuck! you didn't know that! he didn't tell anyone he was the plum blossom sword saint ugh!

chung myung, are you going to have an aneurysm?

shut up!

═══════════════

winter in mount hua was really cold. and chung myung, surprisingly, didn't do so well with the cold. though, he would rather die than let anyone ever find out about that.

he wakes up early to train as usual, but the cold this morning was so biting, he was tempted to just stay in bed, it wasn't easy being an old man. ah, but the other disciples would be celebrating if he didn't appear for morning practice and that was no good. after all, the future of the sect still depended on him, didn't it?

he got dressed and stepped out of his room —

chung myung.

fuck! couldn't you talk to people like a normal person? why do you love to sneak up on people like this? cheong mun sa-hyung please, please, please give him patience and strength.

you look cold.

he was! great observation! chung myung wants to yell that to you with gritted teeth. he was still, unfortunately, very unnerved by how he couldn't feel your presence.

follow me. i have something for you.

you didn't wait for him to reply, instead grabbing his hand as you dragged him to the kitchen. he didn't try to resist, letting you pull him wherever, like a parent going to see what their child just found.

the two of you walk across the training grounds that had been buried under a blanket of pristine snow, the dim light of your paper lantern showing you the way. treading past and leaving two sets of footprints behind.

you push him into the kitchen, hanging the lantern up on a hook in the wall. chung myung notices the fire in the stone stove, you had already started it before going out to find him, probably because you were boiling something in that pot standing over the fire. chung myung sits on the ground, huddling before the blaze, it felt warm and comforting in the kitchen. the sound of water boiling in the pot and the crackling of the charred wood its heat blowing across his frigid face was, unsurprisingly, giving him a boost of energy.

you carefully move the pot to the side, removing the lid to check the contents in it. looking pleased with the result, you take out a bowl still steaming into your hands and placed it on the ground between you and chung myung as quickly as you could.

he looks over curiously. it looked like some kind of pudding, he doesn't think he's seen it before —

it's milk pudding, with lotus seeds and almonds

oh? he pondered, eyeing the bowl as you handed him a spoon.

aren't these ingredients used to make mooncakes?

chung myung asks, folding his arms. he notices that you were avoiding his gaze. don't tell him you...?

did you steal these from the warehouse?

hey! steal is a strong word!

oh i'm sorry, your highness, did you perhaps take the ingredients from the fucking warehouse?

he scoffed mockingly, exaggerating his manner of speech in mild irritation. he laughed at your grimace and pouty expression. ah, he feels like he's making fun of a toddler, he should be ashamed for bullying a kid at his age.

hm, he hasn't done something this juvenile in a long time. it was oddly nostalgic, in a way. he mused, digging into the soft and smooth surface of the pudding with the spoon, trying to scoop up the lotus seeds and almonds in it too.

mmh. 's not bad.

wow, i didn't know you knew how to compliment people

should i take that back then?

i'm sorry.

═══════════════

you had been working hard in cleaning the floors for spring cleaning. but the boys were so heavy-footed and honestly far too uninterested in their surroundings that the well-polished wooden floorboards you were really proud of was always dusty.

should you just barricade the entrance of the dorms until nightfall? just so they wouldn't walk all over your hard work?

you sit on the steps, your hair tied into a scarf, head resting on the propped broom you held between your legs. thinking long and hard over your predicament while looking over at the training grounds where chung myung was drilling down on everyone else.

the sun hung high in the cloudless afternoon sky, its rays casting down on the compound harshly. you were beginning to feel dizzy and closed your eyes, hoping to relieve the pain growing in your head.

you didn't hear anything outside the constant ringing in your ears, so one can only imagine your surprise when the reddish tint you saw while your eyes were closed grew dark.

who?

you cracked open your eyes to try and make out the person standing before you, wincing when the bright light nearly blinded you.

a familiar chuckle graced your ears as the ringing grew quiet. ah, it was senior baek cheon.

he taps the bamboo flask against your forehead, the water in it swishing against the walls. you take it, grateful, chugging down the contents, choking on it a little when a few drops went down the wrong pipe.

hey, hey... slow down... no one's going to take it away from you...

you cough, turning away in embarrassment. baek cheon sits down next to you on the steps, watching your antics in quiet amusement. you didn't want to look at him, not when he was practically topless, with his hair tied up high and swept over his shoulder.

chung myung looks at the scene from afar, not really clocking anything in his mind until he sees the way you were trying to scoot a little further away like a snail touching salt and your hands covering up your cheeks.

oh.

oh?

so you and baek cheon huh?

chung myung feels the cogs in his brain turn. at times like these he wishes he had someone to talk about this with, maybe tang bo. he would have loved to hear about petty gossip like this, and they could have teased the kids like the old men they were.

so you think something is going on between her and baek cheon sasuk too, huh?

jo-gul's voice comes up from behind, and chung myung didn't need to look over to see the guy's eyes trained on his targets.

if you have so much free time to discuss other people's love lives, i think we can continue with our training right, sahyungs?

chung myung called out loudly for everyone to hear.

jo-gul you fucking bastard!

you and your big mouth...

ugh... i can't get up...

the poor guy could only hang his head in quiet embarrassment. baek cheon laughed at the antics of the others, getting up to walk back to the training grounds. but not before he reached out to tuck a stray strand of your hair behind your ear.

if you're going to rest, do it in the shade. i don't think you want to fall ill again tomorrow, do you?

he asks, and you shake your head in response.

mmh. i'll see you around?

see you...

you wave meekly as he left, your insides going through an entire acrobatics routine. wondering what that short exchange was all about. it couldn't be that he liked you back? or did he catch onto your growing crush? you wanted to throw yourself off the cliff.

═══════════════

i didn't take you for a guy that had habits like this.

chung myung gulped down the last of the warm water in his cup, setting it down on the counter, and looked at you quizzically. your elbows were propped up over the edge of the counter and you were perched on the stool in a rather un-ladylike manner.

it's good for your health you know.

psh... isn't that an old wives tale?

he scoffs and shakes his head.

haah...

he sighs.

the young people these days.

you look at him, head tilted in confusion. humming for a bit, you let your thoughts simmer before you decided to pose the question.

hey, why'd you speak like that?

chung myung pauses.

like what?

you know... like an old man?

he sucks in a quick breath. there was no way you of all people would have figured it out, right?

he felt like he was spiralling into a bit of a panic.

hey.

you snap your fingers in his face, moving to stand beside him while he was deep in thought.

earth to chung myung?

he looks at you.

he takes a good look at you.

you were not the brightest bulb in the bush, or however that saying goes, at least when compared to him. there was no way you connected the dots and figured out he was the plum blossom sword saint. yeah, this was for sure a case of the right formula and the wrong answer.

he had to divert your thoughts before you start to think deeper.

i think i hear baek cheon sasuk coming over.

huh?

it was your turn to panic a little, and he darts out of the kitchen to escape what would have been your incoming torrent of scrutiny. you realise just then that you had been completely bamboozled by the bastard chung myung.

running to the door, you yell out a string of curses at the run-away instigator. ah, your blood pressure...

═══════════════

you think chung myung might have been raised by old people. because there was no other plausible reason that he acts the way he does.

sometimes he walks with his hands behind his back, and while most people your age would stand straight and position their arms in a stiff way, chung myung puts his hands on his lower back — like he was supporting it. you know who else does this? the sect leader and the other elders. and it doesn't help his case that he was always slouching a little.

another thing you notice was how his taste in food was a few notches blander than the rest of you. he wasn't fond of anything too salty or sour or anything undercooked. he'd always pick out the softest parts of any cooked meat, saying it was the juiciest, which was somewhat believable. but then wasn't it also nearest to where the animals organs used to be before it was gutted? wouldn't it taste bitter?

speaking of bitter, chung myung liked to eat food that made you squeamish. he'd nag at the nutritional value of them and when nobody wanted to try it out, he'd mumble something about kids these days not knowing what's good for them and scarf it down by himself.

that was another thing about him, why was he always calling you a kid when you were the same age as him? it wasn't that big of a deal for you. but calling the other seniors kids? you wondered if it was his way of showing his martial superiority in a twisted way, or if it was another underlying reason.

surely, it must be because he was raised by the elderly.

god, you were so smart, weren't you? connecting the dots like that?

═══════════════

chung myung was sure you were dropped on the head as an infant.

you had cornered him in the toilets. broke down and the door and everything, just to ask him who he was raised by. it was ridiculous, the scene that was folding out right then and he chooses to ignore that your weak body had somehow broken down a fucking wooden door. he has to ignore that, for his own sanity.

you were on the walls, hands clawing and feet digging on the rough surface. chung myung shirks away, exasperated. somewhere in the afterlife, he thinks he could hear the loud cackle of his friends at his predicament.

chung myung.

he tries to evade eye contact.

chung myung.

oh man, look at that spider on the ceiling spinning a web.

hey where are you looking? i'm over here.

he finally looks at you turning his head slowly.

uh... i think... you might be a bit too close...

a bit too close was a forgiving statement. your head had craned forward far enough that your face was almost less than a centimetre away from his.

you lean back at his reply. still not keeping your eyes off him. after all, he still hadn't answered your question.

you know that i'm an orphan... right?

yeah. so am i.

i wasn't raised by anybody...

oh.

you step back, pondering for a moment. chung myung feels the breath he was holding leave his lungs. you caused him so much anxiety. remember when he thought you were cut from the same cloth as yu iseol? he stands corrected, but you were insane in the opposite direction.

okay. so who raised you?

chung myung feels his eye twitch. why were you asking the same thing? he already told you!

i'm telling you—!

nuh-uh. that's not what i want to know. i want to know if you grew up with old people.

then you should have asked that from the beginning!

i panicked, okay?

he sighs, deeply, and covers his face in his hands. he feels his miraculous second life leaving his body at this exchange.

to answer your question. no, i didn't.

huh. i see.

you answer simply.

chung myung peeks at you through his fingers, surprised at your unusual silence. you, on the other hand, had grown more confused by his answer. if he hadn't been raised by the elderly, then how would anybody act the way he did? not to mention, he had knowledge of niche historical facts that nobody other than a person living in that time would have known of.

can i go now?

huh? oh yeah... sure...? oh! wait—!

you had answered too absentmindedly! you weren't done questioning him! shit! the slippery bastard had gotten away!

you jog out the door, only to bump into someone when turning a corner. a pair of arms catch you from falling. looking up you were met with baek cheon's worried gaze, which morphed into confusion when he realized at the same time as you did that you had ran out of the boys' toilets.

uh... wait... i can explain...

you wondered if a lighting bolt could strike down in broad daylight.

═══════════════

you were sulking in the kitchen.

the guy you had a somewhat infatuation with caught you in an embarrassing moment. you had convinced yourself all chances you had with him were ruined. this was all chung myung's fault. every time you had the slightest inconvenience you would secretly curse him out a little in your heart. you used to feel bad when you still had a working conscience, but not anymore though.

speak of the devil, and he comes walking in.

chung myung came in to ransack the cellar behind the kitchen for wine. he had been craving it for the past few days after his own stash ran out. he had waited for everyone else to be asleep before sneaking in as quietly as he could.

so one can only imagine the shock he felt, even though he swears he had already seen it all, when he finds your shadowy figure sitting crossed-legged on the counter and your two eyes staring right back at him in the darkness.

keugh—!

chung myung bites back a scream. fuck! can he please have one, one. peaceful day where you didn't fuck around with his psyche?

you didn't know he was coming in so soon. but you didn't care much since you had something to give him anyway.

shoving the lacquer box engraved with floral designs into his chest, you motion for him to take a look inside. chung mying complied, hesitantly lifting off the lid to find rows of thin mooncakes, without the egg yolks probably, and another layer under that was filled with a flaky-looking biscuit.

it's called tau sar piah.

he hums, taking the round ball out to inspect it. shrugging, he popped it into his mouth and chews down on the pastry. the flavour, it was familiar. he thinks, was it—?

dried mung bean paste?

you nodded, grinning.

what's this for though?

don't tell me you forgot.

forget? what did he forget?

it's your birthday you goon. well, in a few hours but still.

oh. he had forgotten, momentarily. you really were a good kid, remembering this old man's birthday and making something for him. shit, chung myung thinks he might tear up. was this what it was like to have grandchildren? he thinks he understands why cheong mun sa-hyung might have suggested he take on disciples of his own, or well, trusted him enough to babysit the children of the sect back then. ugh, he was a grandfather after all, and you were somehow his most troublesome child.

he sniffles. closing the lid on the box and grabbing the wine. well, it would be lonely to eat all of this on his own, and waking up the others would be too much of a hassle. suppose you would make do as his drinking buddy tonight. hooking an arm under your knees, he slings you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. the other grabbing the food and drink.

he jumps on the roofs until he brings you to a spot where the moon felt the closest. he drops you on your feet as you balance yourself on the uneven shingles. chung myung plopped down, leg crossed over the other, as he began to down the wine straight from the bottle.

he hands you the lid of the box, picking out the mooncake and biting into it.

wow. tastes kinda ass.

ugh, ungrateful much?

i never said i wouldn't eat it.

can't you just say your appreciation like a normal person?

a pause.

...thank you.

chung myung replied in a softer voice.

hmph. see? that wasn't so hard?

you huffed, teasing him.

chung myung only scoffed and rolled his eyes.

the night drudged on, and you spent the time talking about everything and nothing. things that happened that week, gossip you've heard, events that had happened in the past, antics of the other sect members...

chung myung feels his eyelids grow heavy. was it alright to rest his grieving heart for a while on his birthday? cheong mun sa-hyung and the others' surely wouldn't mind.

and as he feels himself drifting off to sleep, your voice quips up.

hey, do you think i should confess to sasuk?

psh—!

chung myung spits out the wine in his mouth, choking on the liquid that went up and out his nose. it felt as though he was vomiting out blood from that question alone.

you were really his most troublesome kid.

#enihkwrites #return of the mount hua sect #return of the blossoming blade #return of mount hua #cheong myeong #chung myung #rotmhs #rotbb #can yall tell who my favourite hwasan boy is lol #i have another chung myung x reader fic that im currently marinating (angst possibly no comfort)#all i can say is that its a “what if?” scenario where he survives his injuries but chooses not to go back to mount hua #btw my cycle started... i guess that explains all the angst ive been cooking the past few days huh #reader's health issues might have been my self-insert unconsciously djhfsfkjsjklhsadkkkkk #i read scholarly articles for the history of almond imports #this is how i choose to cope with project moon news #im so drained i can't have shit man

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ephhemeralite · 2 months

Text

writing pattern tag game!

post the first line of your last ten posted fics and see if there's a pattern! thanks for the tag, @ful-crum !!!!!

not quite sure how i got here, real glad i've got more than ten fics posted (if only barely), excited to see how it goes

"Aziraphale bustles back into his shop with all of the energy of a raccoon holding a goodie they never expected to stumble across." – no skin like the skin you woke up in (gomens canon divergence au)

"Ed has spent the vast majority of his life as a pirate. Get as old and experienced as he’s gotten – far older and more experienced than he ever expected, mind you – and you form some opinions, about salt and the sea and the way of things." – and i feel so proud when the reckoning arrives (this is two lines so it's cheating but whatever 💚. very dumb black sails/our flag means death crossover)

"The first time Dick notices himself call for Batgirl and the wrong sibling respond, he doesn't think much of it." – no difference between the past and the ground (dick grayson thinks he's going crazy until he realizes [REDACTED])

"Tommy thinks that finding himself stuck through the Blood God’s sword – stuck through – should come as more of a shock to him than it does." – this is mostly what happens in dallas (au of my dsmp hero/villain major character death series where the major character death doesn't happen but it's still not great! hence the wtnv if he had lived title)

"Wilbur drops onto the couch with a groan and some sort of weird, histrion-type flail." – a gaze blank and pitiless as the sun (dsmp hero/villain au, companion piece to the actual mcd, probably my best piece of posted writing)

"He isn't looking for trouble today, but he isn't surprised when the blade of a sword finds him regardless." – the truth is like a sickle (it'll cut you to the middle) (dsmp hero/villain au with the mcd)

"The flickering lights of the tavern seem soft, in the late hours of the night." – drunk in a field (on dandelion wine) (unfinished 5+1 from a folk witch!jaskier universe that i got super super attached to but eventually let go of because my life kept getting more insane and the concept more intricate)

"Peter had spent a lot of time trying to psychoanalyze Neal Caffrey before his capture." – acquainted with the saint of never getting it right (white collar/batfam crossover, dick grayson is neal caffrey, my most popular fic by a chunk)

"Geralt can already tell that Jaskier plans on dragging them both out tonight, probably with quilt, to force him into a night of 'stargazing and communing with nature like we used to!'" – it could feel like an end (to have to keep going) (immortal/modern times geraskier au fic i haven't read since i wrote and posted it in a day. i think it's contemplations on mortality, helplessness, and the climate crisis?)

"Briefly, he contemplates sitting up on the couch to give himself better lung capacity for his incoming tirade, but figures that he may as well put his vigilante training to good use, and continues to lay back." – more like me (less like you) (technically the second line of an emotional conversation between dick and jason, but the first line was dialogue and it is too early for me to mess with quotation marks like that)

so, full disclaimer that i don't post a ton (no skin was last updated in august of last year and more like me was posted in july of 2021) so a lot of this writing is kind of old, but! i did notice that i've tended to open in media res, but recently i have been incorporating more exposition. i've never tried to make my first lines great hooks — i'm honestly more concerned with giving myself a good jumping-off point than anything else. it also struck me how many fandoms i've written for that i no longer engage with, basically at all. maybe i've just been really focused lately, but i don't think a few of these fandoms would hold my attention anymore! ironically, i'm talking about the more recent fandoms like dsmp/gomens/ofmd and not the older stuff like the batfam or the witcher.

this was really fun, i loved looking back through my work like this!! thank you again ful-crum for tagging me :)! i'm gonna tag @doingthewritethings, @b10000p, and @alavenderleaf !!!!!!

#tag game #me when ive been writing plenty of fic recently but not posting any of it so my most recent thing is gomens s2 cope fic......#and by cope fic i mean Make It Worse fic. for the record #augh i'll finish something eventually

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wsdanon · 2 months

Note

I'd love to hear the tragic character felps thoughts!

okay echo + anyone else reading this bear with me because i have lots to say and i'm not sure i can get it all down properly. it's worth mentioning my fic "it's not a fashion statement, it's a deathwish" is pretty much directly what i have headcanoned as felps' backstory. but for more detail and breaking things down:

firstly in canon while i think it's accurate to call felps not an active player, he was an active character in the plot. the reason he got kidnapped had a whole lead up to it \o/ one vod's worth (three videos on youtube), but still! he was heavily in character the entire time (even turning his crashing into a character moment--making his character paranoid that he was being watched)

that being said: felps doesn't log in as much. during the vod i mentioned earlier he said his gap was because he was in a mini-coma. i think he sleeps a lot! i've headcanoned him with a fatigue disorder of some kind, and the one month on ice just made it worse. i extrapolated on this idea and decided he'd have difficulty sometimes understanding what was dream and what was reality (i think i got this from narcolepsy? i haven't looked at it in a while but some of the symptoms of that was hallucinations and sleep paralysis I think).

this disconnect from reality was somewhat confirmed in his prison stream \o/ although since i can't pull up the exact quote/timestamp right now don't believe me too much

okay going under the cut now:

one of the "i like dropping that i think felps is a very tragic character" moments i mentioned was if him and pac actually got together, he'd have trouble believing it was real and not a dream. this is extremely self indulgent on the felpac side of things and i'll go back to just felps specifically but: presumably felps has been pining after pac for eight years! i think they're a mess of missed opportunities and both of them being too afraid to try and start anything, so if anything did happen it might not feel real

(the other tragedy is that nothing happens. and he stays pining forever)

back to felps specifically. in my backstory for him i have that he was killed and suddenly revived as a saint in a futuristic (for him) version of his town. this is incredibly alienating for him. he's very very lonely, and confused, and out of place and it's the building blocks for his and cellbit's friendship (as cellbit is also lonely, confused, and out of place). i've had some people mention recently that felps feels out of touch with reality in "it's not a fashion statement" and i'm glad because that was the intention!

first of all, he was dead for many years. second of all, everything is new and different. third of all, he's a saint. it's hard to process

regarding what we specifically see in canon: the "felps has a fatigue disorder" thing was a way to explain why he's away so much. but also… he's a saint. and in the prison stream he leant hard into that. there was no facecam or chat that entire stream. it felt really weird to me because he always has a facecam--or at the very least chat (he went live later on not for qsmp stuff with both). to me it felt like a way to showcase his disconnect from reality and kind of acceptance of his sainthood?

(another post before when i was talking about felps stuff i mentioned a lot of people praying to him is fucking him up a little--i think the more he gets prayed to and accepted as a saint the harder it is for him to grasp onto reality. saints aren't supposed to be alive, after all)

felps has had other occasions of disconnect from reality--he was one of the people to happily play into bad's denial when the eggs were missing. because one of felps' coping mechanisms is actually denial \o/ he doesn't go as full into it as bad, but you see him in other scenarios leaning onto denial. (after the one month on ice + in the prison stream learning how long he was gone for you can see him insisting he was only gone for a day or a few days and getting shocked/upset by the idea he was gone for a month/multiple months)

with felps logging on less, and having enough pieces in canon to explain away why (either he gets lost in his square, or he falls asleep) i think you can do a lot with the idea that sainthood is kind of claiming him and so he's not able to be present in reality anymore. which kind of freaks him out a bit. i said he was lonely in my backstory, and this kind of amplifies that. everyone's been through so much without him. he can't stop falling asleep and not waking up

anyway my final note of rambled felps characterisation is that he's also quite a paranoid character but he's not as loud about it as cellbit is. this is very messy but it's hard to get all my thoughts down about this. hope you enjoyed \o/

#wsd/c.haracterisation #wsd/a.sks #echotunes

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kuramirocket · 2 months

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I came across posts you wrote a long time ago about Piper Halliwell and had to reach out to thank you. It seems like literally everyone LOVES Piper Halliwell, praising her as not just their favorite Charmed one but one of the best TV characters ever, and finding someone else who dislikes her was honestly the most validating experience I've had on this site! I recently rewatched a bunch of episodes and couldn't get over just how awful Piper is past the very first season. Fans are like 'all hail our sass queen!' like it's somehow a good thing that she goes out of her way to be ridiculously mean and bitter. She never, ever, ever stops complaining about everyone and everything, and it's not just that she's always in a terrible mood---it's that she directly takes that mood out on Leo and her sisters constantly, insulting and criticizing them nonstop. (Can you believe some people here think Piper was "too good" for Leo?! The man is a saint for patiently putting up with that shrew!) And she's always praised for her heart, but while the other three actually care about innocents, Piper is always the one whining about just wanting a "normal life" and throwing literal tantrums over things like wanting a better wedding or which of two great guys she should choose while there are literal LIVES at stake lol. Speaking of which, on a show about women destined to be witches, who thought it was a good idea to have one of the three main characters whine about how much she hates being a witch in Every. Single. Episode?! She's just such a completely unpleasant character with literally the worst attitude I've ever seen, and I can honestly say she ruins the show for me. (Disliking the turn they took with Phoebe's character didn't help either!) She was unapologetically terrible even before Prue's death, and it blows my mind that fans hate Prue for being too "harsh" when Piper is like a million times worse! Thank you for bravely speaking out so that all three of us who dislike her know we're not alone!!

Hello :)

Wow, I cannot believe it's been 5 years since I watched Charmed when I made those posts. And I never did finish watching the rest of the series 😭 So, naturally it's on my to rewatch and actually finish it this time around watch list. Lol

And I'm glad I could make you feel validated. When you, unfortunately, hate or dislike a character for whatever reason, especially one a majority of fans like, it's always nice to find like minded people. It's why I'm not quiet in my opinions. I want people to have a fun and safe space in fandoms even if that's just to discuss dislike for a fan favorite! Which is why if I am anti a specific character I try to tag properly so fans who do like the character can avoid my personal thoughts. And ofc, this means also never directing said dislike towards the fans who like specific characters. I just let people enjoy what they enjoy even if I do not.

Anyways, I'm surprised people view Piper as sassy. From what I remember, I never saw her as sassy, just annoying her complaints and plotline. And yeah! Prue maybe was 'harsh,' but she's the eldest and had that responsibility of caring for her younger sisters. She had a lot of weight on her shoulders. It's why she was serious a lot of the times and seemed to be hit the hardest by their mother's death from what I recall.

I wish I could comment more, but since it's been years don't remember a lot of details.

This ask made me smile, tbh. Again, glad you were happy to find my rants validating xD

#asks #charmed #anti piper halliwell

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veliseraptor · 1 year

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Top 5 underrated books you love

oh man see this requires me to judge "underrated" though...challenge, that. but here goes let's see what I can come up with

1. Doctrine of Labyrinths by Sarah Monette. This is the obvious one for me. Out of print fantasy series published at the wrong time my beloved. I mean, admittedly if it was published now the discourse would be a nightmare (if...people read it, maybe it would still be underread), but god I love it so much. I recognize it has its "storytelling flaws" or whatever but this was the first series I read where I felt like the author was putting their hands on my shoulders, looking me directly in the eye, and going "okay, Lise, I'm about to come for you where you live." and then did it.

2. Coldfire Trilogy by C.S. Friedman. It's been a while since I read this one so I hesitated a little over including it, because, you know, "how much can I say I recommend something if I haven't read it in ten years" but part of my problem here is that I've met maybe three other people in my life who have also read it. Maybe if more people started reading it I would actually get around to doing my reread. An early "huh this really feels like it should've been gay, are we sure it's not" book. I'm still not sure it isn't.

3. Children of Time by Adrian Tchaikovsky. And Children of Ruin and Children of Memory is sitting on my shelf eagerly awaiting me, but this was the one that kicked it off and I keep trying to recommend it to people, but for some reason "it's about sentient spiders you guys" isn't as compelling a sell as I feel like it is. But it's about increasingly advanced spiders on an evolution fast track building a civilization you guys and also about conflict with the other and all that but. I'm really here for the incredibly fascinating worldbuilding Tchaikovsky does with the spiders.

4. The Player of Games by Iain M. Banks. I really want to at some point ask Ann Leckie if she's read any of the Culture books because...I just feel like there's something there. Not the same, but some kind of connection, and I felt it particularly reading this book. I remember enjoying Consider Phlebas (clearly, I picked up the "next" one in the chronology of this 80s space opera series), but this is the one where I read it and was like. Oh, fuck, you got me. In general I feel like this is a very interesting series worth revisiting - I wouldn't say it's obscure but I feel like a lot of more recent sci-fi/fantasy readers overlook it because "80s sci-fi" has a lot of connotations, deserved or undeserved. I will just say that I'm picky about my sci-fi and this one got me.

5. I went back and forth for a while about what to put here but I think I have to say A City of Saints and Madmen by Jeff Vandermeer, because I remember when I started seeing Annihilation and its sequels take off going NOW YOU GUYS FIND HIM (pleased and exasperated) and that book was my intro to his work. And I still in some ways like it (and his other earlier work) more. But just in general if you are into New Weird stuff, or enjoyed his more recent work, I recommend going back and looking at his older stuff, too. I happen to know that after being hard to find for a while FSG is now reprinting those books.

BONUS: I can't actually say Lymond Chronicles is "underrated" as such because it has a very devoted following and a whole crop of authors talk about it if you start looking, but still. The devoted following is not actually huge. And I love it very dearly.

#conversating #anonymous #sometimes i read things #top five meme

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saintadeline · 28 days

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Oh recently I've been thinking about "metanarratives" and the existence and prolongation of characters beyond their written media, as in, as they keep living on beyond their story and how the reader shapes said story, and its had me thinking about adeline, specifically of the way we talk about her. Because shes never referred to as saint adeline, thats what we (as in, a majority of the broader community) refer to her as, and it's interesting to me that we do, what is it about her that made us default to that word that adella does not have? Adella is a saint, but shes most often referred to as "sister", it's not a base game vs dlc (our pre existing knowledge carrying over) thing since blood saints are already very much known of, but it is true adella never refers to herself as a blood saint, it's left to item descriptions, whereas adeline says it outright, so it's possible it came from people that had not read said description and so defined her by what seemed most apparent about her status (a nun), and led to others using it as well and so forth. But regardless the word saint itself is a bit of a special case for Us it's absolutely not the same kind of signifier as a word like sister, and i think theres something to be said about the way adeline and adella are presented to us and how that factors into how we view and treat them, adella is simply a nun, a servant, she doesnt do much and doesnt say much about it either, whereas adeline is a martyr and presented as such, it makes sense that it would influence the names we would default to calling them. Anyway regarding the word saint, would blood saints ever be referred to as such (saint [name]) ? We dont know that much about religion in bloodborne beyond its basics and the more... Direct and complex relationships to great ones, we dont know anything about how it appears to everyday yharnamites, it raises the question of what a saint is, do saints as we know them exist in bb? I would be inclined to disagree in some way because i doubt the church would ever name the blood saints after something so holy, that would be giving them too powerful of an image, i think sainthood as a concept exists but is less... Extreme? Than what we know. And so, adeline is not a Saint in universe but we made her one by simplifying her character for naming conventions by the first thing she tells us about herself, she is not a saint but we refer to her as such outside of what she is, and in a way isnt that what saints are? To be canonized posthumously and have your life turned into a story to tell, your person turned into a concept, isnt that what she is to us?

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lingshanhermit · 8 months

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Lingshan Hermit: A Tale from the Borderlands

In the planet we live in, there are hundreds and thousands of cultures. These cultures vary in levels, some being of high moral standard while others low; some are good and some are bad. In recent years, the most preposterous story I have read regarding cultural differences is this: A person migrated to Polynesia in the Pacific Ocean. One day she took a public bus to go shopping in the city. After boarding the bus, she found there were no vacant seats left. A local girl stood up and offered her a seat. After sitting down, the girl looked around and then casually sat on a man's lap in a natural manner. At first she thought the man was the girl's boyfriend, but then more and more women got on the bus and each of them chose a suitable man and sat on his lap. Both the women and men seemed comfortable with this and showed no discomfort. Only then did she realize this was part of the local culture. However, the author did not criticize this practice. On the contrary, she even admired this culture, feeling that as an East Asian, she carried too much cultural baggage and was far less unrestrained compared to these natives. I'm not surprised by this. I'm just curious whether she would be affected emotionally if one day she saw her own husband intimately holding a strange woman on a public bus.

In recent decades, people all over the world have been bombarded by all kinds of media and self-media. So it's not surprising they have developed this kind of mindset and way of thinking. To demonstrate their tolerance, modern people tend to respect all kinds of trashy cultures. (There are also many such "goddesses of mercy" in Buddhism. They say everyone should be equal and non-discriminatory. Although they have an ordinary person's body, they speak like a saint. Remember, if you are still an ordinary person on the path of cultivation, speak like one, from the perspective of an ordinary person, based on the truth of causality, and be clear about what is good and evil, what should and should not be done. Do not spout nonsense about non-discrimination. Unless you can casually chop off your own leg and feed it to a tiger, don't speak words of the saintly state.) But I have never been this kind of person. Those familiar with me know I look down on white leftists very much. So I don't intend to respect this custom or culture, nor do I want to exhibit broad-minded tolerance. The reason many people are tolerant of this culture is because they do not see its impact on your life and cultivation. If they could see the consequences it would bring, their tolerance would vanish instantly.

Now it's the 21st century. You can fly from Beijing to New York in just over ten hours. So this is no longer the time of Mirror Flowers and Moonlight in the Tang Dynasty. In those days, how those distant islanders lived their lives was irrelevant to you, because they would not appear in supermarkets near your home. Their children would not go to preschool with your children or marry your children. But now the situation is completely different. Every day, hundreds of thousands of people cross borders into the United States. They come from South America, Africa, the Middle East, all over the world. In the past decade, Guangzhou, China has added over 500,000 African immigrants. These people bring their lives, cultures, eating habits and worldviews to their new countries. When there are enough of them, their cultures will influence or even replace yours.

I have never been a supporter of multiculturalism. I've always said it's a scheme of the demon king. The confusion of values multiculturalism brings makes right and wrong no longer right and wrong. Perhaps in the not-too-distant future, you'll see the scenes on Polynesian buses happen on subways and buses in Guangzhou. Some say those islanders act that way because they are carefree, but that's not carefreedom, that's shamelessness. If you want to cultivate, you must first know what is shame. This is not only the foundation of cultivation, but also a standard for defining your humanity.

In recent years I have seen multiculturalism running rampant around the world. Through movies, music and media, they reshape mindsets worldwide and slaughter the traditional cultures of nations. The biggest victim is women. Thirty years ago, if a woman with a boyfriend had a male friend, she would be condemned by many. But now this is no longer unusual news. Many women righteously proclaim it is their right. And many support this claim. This is the result of the intrusion of backward cultures. If multiculturalism continues to develop, it's not impossible that one day you'll see the Polynesian bus scene happen on subways and buses.

We are all victims of multiculturalism. Although that shocking Polynesian scene has not occurred, other things are slowly happening, greatly impacting your life and cultivation: They make you unable to find a husband, unable to truly trust others, unsure of how to get along with people or communicate, unsure of how to be a disciple. Multiculturalism, under the guise of inclusion and equality, is causing you to gradually degenerate into a barbarian, crumbling the foundation of cultivation built by sages over thousands of years.

Written by Lingshan Hermit on September 3, 2023.

Copyright Notice：All copyrights of Ling Shan Hermit's articles in Simplified and Traditional Chinese, English, and other languages belong to the natural person who owns "Ling Shan Hermit". Please respect copyright. Publishers, media, or individuals (including but not limited to internet media, websites, personal spaces, Weibo, WeChat public accounts, print media) must obtain authorization from Ling Shan Hermit before use. No modifications to the articles are allowed (including: author's name, title, main text content, and punctuation marks). We reserve all legal rights.

灵山居士：关于边地的一个故事

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caesarflickermans · 9 months

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I have, perhaps, a strange question, but does Virgilia's hairstyle have a connection with the elaborate hairstyles of ancient Rome and Greece (kinda braided hair with many different braids) ... I'm just wondering, there is a very interesting reference here 👀

Weeeell, it depends on the braid.

My original inspirations was based on cults and is meant to be an overarching metaphor for freedom. Still historical in what it is based on, but much more recent.

Cults can obviously vary in how they perceive women and especially hippie cults do not determine dress in the same manner as conservative ones do. In particular, I want to point out the FLDR cult which is a sub-section of the Later Day Saints (Mormonism). This cult lived under extreme patriarchy, displayed through their plural marriage system and the idea that women are sinful because of Eve. The wives must dress in a traditional manner and wear their hair in braids:

(Suspiciously they are all white, huh)

All cults praise their leading figure to a high extent, which is something they often have in common with totalitarian systems, but this one in particular stood out to me in how they dress.

This isn't to say that FLDR is the sole cult which gave me the impression on how extremely patriarchal men like to see their women, but I think it's a very exemplary case.

Another such case that I remember watching and that shaped my image on how such conservative cults function is a TedTalk by Lilia Tarawa. I'm sharing this with a timestamp of a visual impression of the cult itself, but the whole story is worth the watch.

(BTW none of this is to say that I picture Virgilia with such hair or in such dress, just that it makes you think on how controlled body and hair is, and how the latter seems to be restricted)

The overarching metaphor I wanted to establish was freedom. Virgilia doesn't get the freedom to decide that she prefers braided hair. It's something she has been taught from an early age onward that carried into adulthood. It's what she must do, as a woman, as a (future) wife. It's a restriction on who she might rather want to be. Think of tree shaping. It's done by human hands, it's the fundament all the latter parts of a tree are based on. It's never changing and will forever be their earlier life stages.

The moments we see Virgilia without her braided hair are, of course, very important. First when Plutarch catches sight of her late at night in a nightgown with her hair undone, and it's a haunting gaze, it's a human in their rawest form. Then a second time when they have sex which, of course, is highly intimate.

And this is important about Virgilia's hair: It's full updo. It's controlled, and that's not something true to half up half down, or even fishtails or, well, open hair.

SPOILER ALERT/ For the second part, I have already envisioned more of such moments, but the pivotal idea is that there is an undoing of Virgilia's braided hair. That there's freedom associated with letting her hair down. And we get some more Plutarch being fascinated by it, and a different way to perceive her hair through that lens, too /END SPOILER ALERT

So to return to your question regarding Ancient Roman/Greek inspiration.. I mean, kind of? I know there's roman braided hair such as this:

And to that: Yes.

But I've also seen styles like those:

And that's a no. Simply because those are "too free".

When I picture Virgilia, it's mostly more modernised versions of updos, but not those where the hair is free and flowing through the wind and 50 strands have already fallen out, cause it's about no freedom which inadvertently is a lack of control.

And Google has kindly provided me with some modern versions of Ancient Roman/Greek hairstyles that I definitely can see Virgilia having done in the past, such as:

(The last one only if it doesn't fall apart when wearing it. I have no concept on how to braid hair whatsoever)

So yeah, hope this long post was uhm.. insightful. I did ramble a bit off topic but I hope that's okay! :)

#she smelled like white roses #virgilia snow #inbox #pollinarys #thank you so much for this question 😭#i love talking about virgilia she's so <3 <3

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quincyhorst · 7 months

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Inazuma Eleven Champions League

For those who don't have/don't use Xitter much, there is quite a promiment modding community in regards to Inazuma, with the Great Road mod being the most well known (And with a reason, since they've managed to combine GO + AreOri + extras in the IE3 ROM). As a way to promote itself, the main account has been hosting a simulated Champions League tournament, with both original and mod-exclusive characters filling the well known european teams.

youtube

I cannot describe enough how incredibly well this project has been handled so far, and I really want to give a shotuout to both the organizers as well as the whole modding team for their efforts. I'll leave their YT channel + Xitter account below!

https://twitter.com/IEGreatRoadMod

At the time I'm queueing this, the last Round 2 match has ended and we'll be into the final now, meaning we'll have some proper eliminations soon enough. That being said, before that happens I'd love to dedicate at least one post to this project.

Obviously with the focus being european teams there's found to be some Euro B characters here and there, sometimes having relevance for the better or the worst. I'll use this post to share my favorite moments of these first rounds so far - alongisde linking the original videos/matches.

Real Madrid vs Manchester City

In this ROM, Querardo gets the fanmade move Lion Gate... Which is from Li Hao's team..... Hahaha................... 🥲

(I have conflicting feelings about seeing him on Real Madrid, but that's beside the point...)

He also got Matador Feinto'd LMFAO

Inter Milan vs Paris Saint German

Jonas has quite the participation on Inter Milan, he even gets to collaborate in some shots :')

Not EuroB perse, but... Angeloooooo 🥺👼 (Also, battle of the tiny :3)

Barcelona vs Liverpool (+ Atletico Madrid vs Manchester United)

Matching pictures for you and your bestie who only serve as to be ridiculed by rival hissatsus :(

(I don't really get why Rafael got added on Barcelona, I just cannot see him there at all. Oh well... There are worse choices here, like Clario being at Real Madrid)

Ajax vs Manchester United

Julien doing Aikido with a demon (Typical)

I've never seen this keeper losing animation before, AND I ADORE IT ASKDÑKAFSDÑF. IT GOES SO WELL WITH FER!!! ♥️♥️♥️♥️

Though if you are a Fermín fan like me, I don't recommend watching the match at all; the whole thing felt like this:

Paris Saint German vs Chelsea

Hezekiel :3

Blud thinks he's Fermín Sánchez 😭🐂

Unironically this goes hard

(Both Thorsten and Hezekiel did so much this match, it's painful to see....)

Porto vs Barcelona

Inspired by recent events, Kidou decided to teach Rafa how to fly like a superhero (?)

Here's Mikel on Porto ò_ó I love seeing him there!!! It does give me validation to my "Mikel is part portuguese" headcanon LMFAO

He also got to shoot, and even if he failed (And was partially mocked by the live chat) I'm still proud of him 💔

Seeing Mikel and Rafael oppose each other is painful, too..........

If Real Madrid and Porto ever get a VS then idk what will be of me. I will be watching a real life divorce unfold or smth

Manchester City vs Borussia Dortmund

YEET

...Yeah, no way Ern lived after this. (Also wtf Jan betraying your former teammate)

No context for this but it also goes HARD. It's the power of the kartoffelsalat for me 🫡

I'm sure there's more moments with EB out there, but... I don't remember. Watch the matches by yourself, and tell me what you find, okay? ~

#euro b talk #red matador #rose griffon #brockenborg #orpheus #the great horn #too many characters to tag so i'll just put the teams #Btw I only like Querardo in Real Madrid as to antagonize Clario #...Yet the tourney seems to be DEAD SET on keeping Clario on RM too. Why....?#Maybe they don't want to divorce over a match; who knows (????????

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pigeonwit · 6 months

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👨‍👩‍👧🏅🖊️ hiiii pidge here are 3 emojis for u

hiiii sneep my beloved!!! welcome welcome!!! we haven't spoken in ages i'm so swamped with uni but you're lovely and thank you for the ask!!

👨‍👧‍👧 Do you tell people in real life that you write fic?

yes actually! it depends on the people of course but my closest friends, including those i met outside of fandom, know i wrote and still write fanfic. but i'm not gonna tell people that i do unless i know and trust them. paranoia babyyyy.

🏅 What is something you recently felt proud of in regard to your writing (finished a fic, actually planned for once, etc).

i'm really really proud of my descriptive voice!! i used to find it kind of,,, basic? basic and simpering. but in all the reading i've been doing for university, i'm seeing some similarities to my own work and it's making me very confident! i have room to improve of course but i'm very proud of my metaphorical and narrative abilities :)

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP.

sneep you devious bastard, you!

“Look,” Crutchie sighs, “I think when folks said all that shit – ‘God don’t make no mistakes’, ‘God’s in all-a us’, whatevah – I think we took it a little too fancy. I don’t think some big guy made all-a us, planned out our whole lives – trust me, I’d give him some choice words about what he was thinkin’ when he made me,” he scoffs, a little self-deprecating, but not ashamed. Davey’s always admired that – how Crutchie can acknowledge the truth of who he is, the strain and the difficulties of it all, without being ashamed of it. “But I think maybe...” Crutchie wiggles the tip of his tongue between his lips, scrunching his brow as he fits the pieces together. “I think we all got a little bit o’ somethin’ holy in us. Somethin’ we can’t explain, somethin’ that makes us do good things when we know we don’t gotta. I mean – lookit me, Dave,” he scoffs, twirling his slingshot in his hand, “I ain’t no saint, Jack can tell ta that much. But man, when I think of just layin’ down and quittin’, when I think of just – treatin’ everyone like shit, ‘cause y’know, why shouldn’t I?” He shrugs. “I’m the one who got dealt the crappy hand, right? But I just…” He sighs, something on the edge of wistful, and gazes over his newsboys as they run and yell and bicker through the lodging house. “I just can’t do it.” He chuckles. “No matter how hard I try. And what else can I call that but God?” Davey watches him for a moment, a pensive smile toying at his face – and shuffles past the space between them, nudging his shoulder against Crutchie’s, just for a second. “You,” he says firmly, “would do numbers at my synagogue.”

ask game is here!

#i promise run boy run gets better #i have the better parts planned out i just need to weave them all together #sneepsnoopboopideeboop #ask #ask game #run boy run #pigeon scribbles

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revasserium · 9 months

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What do you do when your writing style changes? I'm trying not to fight it but I feel kind of disgusted 😅. I'm usually more detail oriented, thoughts from the character and observation and wanted to work on dialogue. Well now recently it's been more dialogue and less of the other stuff. I'm a bit more thankful because it brings the word count up but I feel like the less detail is making me seem more idk... Juvenile in my writing. I try to go back and add more but it just feels like it doesn't fit if I don't write it in the moment. I feel like maybe if I can just get in the zone of writing the details will come again.

Any advice?

"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

so first of all, don't feel like just because your writing is more sparse and more dialogue-oriented that it isn't good. there are countless examples of truly great writers who use that to their advantage -- just off the top of my head i've got haruki murakami and chuck palahniuk. george orwell too -- he's famous for saying something like "never use a long word when a short one will do" LMFAO which -- i mean, i def DO NOT live by those words but it seems to have worked out well for him

i guess for me, my writing style kind of changes depending on the story that wants to be told, and the story itself will kind of dictate how much or how little detail needs to be there.

i think my biggest piece of advice is to not stress too much about it -- writing style is a hugely personal and subjective thing; if ur current style is changing, then take it as a sign of you maturing as a writer, of you developing a different kind of voice.

if you've wanted to work on dialogue in the past, then embrace this new dialogue-driven style! lean in! sink your fingers into it and let it become you for a while; and think about it this way, the writing that you've produced in your past will always be yours. that style is still inside you somewhere. maybe the muse for it just got tired and another muse stepped up to take it's place so the first one can get a lil rest u__u

but if you really did want to get into the headspace of more descriptive writing, i usually watch slam poetry before i start writing or i read a lot of poetry or really poetic writing that's heavy on description and in the style that i'd want to write in :)

for good slam poets -- rudy francisco, sarah kay, phil kaye, clementine von radics; they're a few of my favs !

#Anonymous #writing advice #hope that's helpful! :D

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elvenbeard · 1 year

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Get to know me

I've been tagged in three separate memes with that title by @timaeusterrored and @katsigian, thanks a lot for thinking of me! :D For brevity's and simplicity's sake I'm just gonna throw all of them together in one post ~ Won't be tagging anyone in particular, but if you read this and feel inclined to share some stuff about yourself, pick and choose from the questions listed here and feel free to tag me in your posts! :D

Favorite color: Purple, Turquoise, and Black

Relationship: single

Currently reading: when I'm not re-reading my own stuff for editing purposes, I currently just really enjoy reading everyone's Cyberpunk drabbles and OC lore posts because I live for that stuff! for having been a very bookish kid I don't really read much anymore admittedly D:

Last song Played: "A Dialogue In B Flat Minor" by In Flames (it's on my V playlist and a very Vince and Johnny song to me XD)

Song Stuck in my Head: "Gloves" by Saint Punk (I'm obsessed with it because it fits Vince so much and I'm working on something inspired by it)

Last Movie: oooof... I think it was "The Shawshank Redemption", I was recently in the mood of rewatching some 90s classics while drawing!

Last series: If youtube series count, I'm currently rewatching Buzzfeed Unsolved: True Crime for the 11th or so time XD I've loved true crime stuff for as long as I can remember and BFU is also just really nice as background noise for when I'm working on something for a few hours at a time. Looking forward to diving into Mystery Files xD (the last "actual" series I watched before that was "Better Call Saul", rewatched it from start to finish in English for the first time xD)

Sweet, spicy, or savory: ooohhh hmmm.... dammit, I guess I'm too much of a sweet-tooth to not pick sweet xD

Favourite Food: Pizza with lots of different cheeses

Craving: to quit my dayjob, because objectively, it would just be really fucking funny to do. We're chronically understaffed and simultaneously also being forbidden overtime to catch up on the backlog, so it's just extremely exhausting at the moment.

Tea or coffee: Coffee, but tea is nice too :3

Dream Trip: everywhere... but my top 3 are Japan, Iceland, and Canada. I'd love to go to Japan during cherry blossom season, spend one week in all the big cities and another more on the countryside, going hiking, looking at temples, forests, and spending a day or two at a ryokan with onsen. Iceland I'd also like to see as much of as possible, I'd actually love to do a guided tour on horseback across the country xD And honestly, same for Canada (without the horses though), also a trip across the country visiting all kinds of sights and cities along the way would be awesome.

Last Thing I Googled: 2023 Conventions Germany

Currently working on: the final stages of my new Kerry x V drawing, editing some VP shoots, writing Vince's background lore fic (6 chapters done, about 6 more to go!), started writing a post-canon fic (but only have a few paragraphs), and my ongoing Cyberpunk 2077 Let's Play videos XD cause I always wanted to make a full Let's Play like that and given my current obsession it works. Looming on the horizon are also some short comics and ideas for mods and even more VP!

Are you named after Anyone?

After an OC of mine, if we go with Elven as the name I'm predominantly using atm XD Long story short, but "Elvenbeard" was an elf OC I once cosplayed as and who got his name from a friend of mine during a very long and funny train ride to the convention we were headed to. Good times XD

2. When was the last time you cried?

A couple of days ago. I think it was a mix of stress and having too many feels about Kerry xD

3. Do you have kids?

Nope, and don't want any. Unless pets count.

4. Do you use Sarcasm a lot?

I would never do such a thing.

5. What Sports do you play/ have you played?

None xD I was the short fat kid that got relentlessly bullied by my PE teacher for years which completed ruined any interest in sports I might have ever developed.

6. What's the first thing you notice about other people?

Honestly... I think I've gotten quite good at picking up people's vibes first. Picked up a very bad "stay-far-away-from-them" vibe from someone a couple of days ago, and when I met them again a little while later one of the first things out of their mouth is transphobic bullshit. I (sadly) felt rather validated with my first impression.

7. Eye Colour?

Hazel.

8. Scary Movies or Happy Endings?

Both can be good! I don't like overly gory movies or stuff that relies heavily on jump scares, but a scary film with a good story and some unexpected twists I really like (some of my faves being "Hush" and "The Conjuring"). I'm also a sucker for Happy Endings though. Best thing overall? Angst with a Happy Ending.

9. Any Special Talents?

Does hyperfocus count as a special talent these days? XD

10. Where were you born?

Somewhere in rural Germany.

11. What are your hobbies?

Yes... Drawing, writing, sewing, crafting, cosplay, gaming... and the newest addition: virtual photography!

12. Do you have any pets?

Yess, a cat!

13. How tall are you?

160cm/ 5'2 - smol and full of rage

14. Fave Subject in School?

Art, History, and English as a secondary language

15. Dream Job?

Creating things that make people happy and being able to live off of it ooooor anything that allows me to finance that kinda "maker of all kinds of things" lifestyle I'm dreaming of. Ideally, if I have to keep a dayjob, I'd like one that only takes place in the timespan of Monday to Thursday, or Tuesday to Friday, and doesn't start at 5.30 in the morning, but at 9 or 10. Or just generally the option of home office would be nice. I don't wanna be rich, but I'd like to have financial security for myself and my cat, enough time to do my silly little arts and crafts, and travel somewhere cool once a year or so.

#personal stuff

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