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#i'm too emotional right now
hailsatanacab · 8 months
Note
For the prompt ask game!
9. Sleep deprivation and/or 37. Secret Relationship and/or 40. Identity reveal/major secret reveal
(I selected a few so you can chose the one that resonates the most.)
For any DPxDC characters. <3
*emerges from a google docs, covered in blood and panting* i did it... it is done.
thank you for the prompt!! because i love a challenge, or because i can't stop myself, i went and did all of them!! for everyone!! everyone is sleep deprived and everyone is revealing secrets ^^'
Danny/Tim, mentioned Jazz/Jason
(๑•́ ₃ •̀๑) enjoy!! prompt ask game
kid napping
“Red Robin, sound off. Status?”
“All good here, Oracle. Everything okay?”
It’s been a slow night, never a good sign. Pent up energy itches under his skin and he stretches when he stands, preparing for whatever Oracle is going to throw his way. It’s going to be something, he can tell.
“Good.” Relief briefly colours her voice answers, before she becomes serious again, keys clacking away in the background. “There’s been a report from Agent A. It appears that one Timothy Drake has been kidnapped and is being ransomed for five million dollars and a helicopter. I’m tracing the call now.”
“A helicopter, too? Kidnappers these days, used to be they just wanted their money and that would be the end of it… a fucking helicopter, wow.” Red Hood scoffs, and Red Robin can’t help but join in the laughter over the comms.
“Doesn’t exactly sound like these are the brightest tools in the shed now, does it, Hood? Wonder what poor schmuck they’ve got instead.” Nightwing says, slightly out of breath. 
The smile slips off Red Robin’s face and clammy, cold dread shivers down his spine. A stone settles in his stomach. He wets his lips and clears his throat. “Oracle, can you pull up the CCTV on my apartment near WE? Any closer to tracing the call?”
“Still on the trace, they’re using a jammer. Agent A is cooperating so they should phone back soon, which will help.” she reports, falling into silence as he finds the video feed.
“You know who it is?”
“I hope not.”
It’s tense, he taps his feet on the rooftop, fingers tightening over his grapple as he fights the urge to fly off the roof and check for himself. It better not be him. Please, dear God, don’t let it not be him.
“What are you thinking, Red Robin?” Batman growls through the comms. Red Robin can hear the wind under his words, whipping fast as he no doubt makes his way over to his position.
“I had a, uh, a friend coming over tonight. From behind, he… he could be mistaken for Tim Drake.”
The jokes fall silent, the comms growing serious as they pick up on his tone.
“Well, fuck.” 
“Eloquent as always, Hood.”
“Shut up, bat-brat.”
“You were right, Red Robin, it looks like it was your… friend they caught, instead. About two hours before the call came in. I’m following their van now, I should have the destination soon. In the meantime, it looks like they’re heading towards the docks.”
Red Robin throws himself off the building, shooting his grapple as low as he dares to get the fastest swing he can. 
They have Danny. 
Worry gnaws at his gut even as gravity pulls it into his throat with another swing.
Danny is… And Red Robin means this in the nicest way possible, but Danny is fragile. They haven’t talked about it, but RR knows that Danny has health problems. Something plaguing him since he was young, that’s landed him in the hospital more than once. A weak heart, far too slow to be normal, possibly chronic fatigue—he’s always so tired, falling asleep anywhere he can.
Sometimes, he doesn’t even need to put his head down. Once, when they had gone to the corner store to get some popcorn to enjoy their movie (which Danny had explicitly and repeatedly promised he wouldn’t snore through this time), Danny had rested his head on Tim’s shoulder while they were waiting and he’d just… gone. On his feet, asleep, just like that.
He’d laughed, when Tim woke him up. Apologised. Said Tim made him feel safe enough to fall asleep just about anywhere and—
Red Robin grits his teeth and corrects his course as Oracle updates them with more precise coordinates.
Tim had carried him home that night, piggy-back for four blocks, but by the end of it, he wasn’t tired at all. And that’s another thing, Danny’s just so light. It’s concerning.
They never did watch that movie, but it’s a night that Tim can’t help remembering fondly all the same. They’d ended up rewatching some old sitcom that Danny’s seen countless times but Tim’s never really bothered with, Danny drifting off to sleep again and Tim eventually following him, because… sleep is easy with Danny.
It’s the same for him, he thinks. He can’t explain it, but he feels safe enough to sleep with Danny, too.
He needs to be alright.
“So… Is this friend just a friend? Or a friend friend?” 
“A friend, Nightwing. Now hurry up.”
He’s not in the mood to play these games, not now. There’s a reason why none of them know about Danny, and this is one of them. His family, as much as he loves them, are just too damn nosey for their own good.
“You know that doesn’t answer my question at all.”
“Then why don’t you ask something intelligible, rather than continue with your childish antics?” Robin snarks, and for once, Red Robin has to agree with him. Or, rather, he’s grateful for the distraction that it gives him.
Tim has secrets. He’s sure that Danny does, too, and so far—aside from the standard background check he always runs on new friends and friend friends alike—he’s done very well to respect them. He just can’t say that his family would do the same.
They can be overwhelming, to say the least, and Tim has tried his best to protect Danny from that.
Only to fail to protect him in every other way that it counts.
“How long have you guys been ‘friends’?”
“Nightwing, save it, please.”
“What’s his name?”
He ignores him.
Red Robin lands on the building first, thank goodness. He wastes no time in finding a skylight that can be pried open fairly quietly, slipping inside without a second thought.
“Wait for backup, Red Robin, that is an order!” Batman says, when he lets them know he’s in.
“Negative, Batman. I’m getting him back.”
“Red Robin!”
He weaves silently through the desks on the second floor of the warehouse, always moving, always keeping a trained eye on the shadows around him.
When he reaches the stairs, he hears voices.
“Looks like three of them, armed. The-the hostage is tied to a chair in the middle of the room, he…” Red Robin takes a steadying breath. The person has a burlap sack over their head is slumped to the side, from where he is, Red Robin can’t see if his chest is moving. There’s blood on the floor. “He needs medical assistance. Another two on the northside entrance.”
The comms explode in admonitions, everyone pleading with him to stay where he is, to wait for help, but fuck that. With a tap, he switches them off and he can finally, just about make out the words of the kidnappers as he creeps down the first few steps.
“—shouldn’t he have woken up by now?”
“I don’t know, man, you’re the one that hit him! Do you think he’s—”
“No! I didn’t even hit him that hard, I swear!” the man cries, holding his hands up in surrender. “I just couldn’t take any more of his stupid jokes!”
If there was any doubt in Red Robin’s mind that they picked up Danny by mistake, it’s gone now. Yeah. If you get Danny, you get his stupid jokes, too.
He creeps closer. 
There’s some storage crates between him and Danny, if he can get behind there without being seen then that leaves him in a good position for when whoever’s next in takes out the guys at the front. He can’t do anything without them gone first, not without risking them taking shots inside and endangering Danny.
The man that hit Danny circles round behind him and grabs at his hands.
“What are you even doing, Pat? Who gives a shit, leave him alone.”
“I’m just checking! I just gotta see!”
“Fuck’s sake, guys, who cares? We just gotta get our money, that’s it—”
“And our helicopter!”
“And our—”
“Shit, I can’t find a pulse! Shit, Frank, I killed him, I—”
Jason told him once that when the Pits overtook him, he used to see green. Instead of blacking out, he’d be swimming in that putrid Lazarus colour and he’d slip into that rage and bad things would happen.
He’s heard of people seeing red, too, but really, he thinks that’s more of a literary device.
Tim doesn’t see anything aside from his targets.
A barrage of birdarangs take the guns from the guys at the front, the three around Danny startling badly enough that the guy that kil—that’s behind Danny—stumbles, losing his footing.
Only one of them shoots.
Amateurs. 
There’s a round of curses on the comms as the shots come through. Oracle must have turned them back on.
“Fucking hell—Nightwing and I are at the front, Red Robin, don’t worry about them.”
Red Robin’s barely listening.
He spins, kicking the largest guy in the stomach hard enough so that he doubles over, wheezing. Following through the movement, another kick lands on the side of his head and he’s down. 
The second one, Frank, gets his wits about him and raises his gun, spraying wildly. He’s a shit shot, going wide in panic, and Red Robin simply ducks and rushes forward, keeping low. Tackling the guy, he grabs the gun off of him and uses it to smash him across the face, once, twice, three times, before he stops moving.
“Oracle, get police and paramedics on scene, now.” Batman says, the displeasure in his voice evident. “Red Robin, Robin and I are coming in from the top.”
Pat hasn’t even made it up off the floor yet, scrambling backwards, fear plain on his face. 
Red Robin stands, breathing heavily, gun still in hand.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I swear I didn’t mean to do it! Please—please, don’t, please!”
Red Robin doesn’t kill.
Well, no, Red Robin doesn’t normally kill.
No, that’s not quite right, either.
Red Robin has killed. Red Robin will more than likely kill again. Red Robin sees no problem with killing.
The gun is up, pointing towards the guy without any real thought about it.
Footsteps rush behind him, the familiar heavy footfalls of Batman and Robin, so he doesn’t bother turning around. The gun follows the guy as he keeps pulling himself backwards, snot and tears mingling down his face.
“Red Robin,” Batman says, softly.
It’s always weird hearing Batman’s voice like that. It’s not the first time, obviously—Batman can’t use his scary intimidating voice on victims or children, after all—but having it used on him is weird. 
“Breathe.”
“He’s dead. They killed him.”
If hearing Batman’s voice was weird, Red Robin can’t even recognise his own.
Distantly, he realises he’s dissociating. There’s a tightness in his chest, it’s hard to breathe, a growing buzz drowns out any noise in his ears and he can’t think, he can’t—
A heavy hand squeezes his shoulder, jolting him out of his thoughts. Batman reaches around and gently removes the gun from his grip, and Tim feels the instant loss of it. He should have done it, why hadn’t he done it?
Robin takes care of the last man, his crying cut off by a swift kick to the head. Nightwing and Red Hood join them, zip-tying the men on the floor and starting to drag them back to the entrance of the warehouse one by one.
No one says a word.
Shrugging off Batman’s hand, Tim moves towards the chair.
Shaking, he takes a deep breath and removes the sack. The small part of him that was left hoping it wasn’t him, it couldn’t be him, please dear God let it not be him, shatters.
Even dead, he looks peaceful.
Tim’s seen death. He’s no stranger to it, he’s seen what it can do to a person. There’s some blood coagulating over his eyebrows, but otherwise, he looks peaceful. Is that comforting? That he didn’t suffer?
Danny’s head lolls to the side as the sack comes completely away, his hair flopping over his eyes. Tim’s been on at him to get a haircut lately, he thinks it’ll be nice tidied up a bit, just on the sides. It’ll get rid of that permanent bedhead. Help him with job interviews, he’s got to be thinking about that now that he’s in his last year of college.
It’s about the only thing that’ll hold him back, Tim thinks. Danny’s brilliant. Any employer would be a fool to turn him down because of his shaggy hair, but employers are stupid so it makes sense to put your best foot forward and—
Tim falls to his knees.
Fuck.
He’s dead, he’s really—Danny’s skin is horribly pale, cold to the touch. Gone is his bright, cheerful smile. 
“Danny, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry, I—” 
He stops himself with a deep, shuddering breath. He can’t break down here, he can’t, he can’t, he can’t.
Instead, he tips forward to rest his head in Danny’s lap, arms curling around himself. They were too late. They got here as fast as they could and they were too late.
 “Danny, I’m so sorry…” he whispers. “I… I love you, I love you, I’m sorry.”
Dimly, he can feel the others standing around them. Someone crouches down beside him, resting a comforting arm over his back, but he doesn’t turn his head to see who it is. He squeezes his grip on Danny’s legs tighter.
“Come on, baby bird. Let’s—”
They’re interrupted by a huge, honking snore as Danny jerks himself awake.
Tim’s head snaps up, staring at Danny with wide eyes.
“You were asleep?” Red Robin springs up, several different emotions rapidly flip flopping through him.
“Wha… What?” Danny heaves a yawn, blinking blearily down at him. “Sorry, I’m just… they were shit kidnappers, man, really boring. Honestly, worst abduction yet.”
“You were asleep? I thought you were dead!”
“Not mutually exlusive, you know.” Danny says through another yawn. He rolls his neck around with an almighty crack and glances at everyone. “Didn’t think I’d warrant the whole Bat brigade, though…”
“The kidnappers thought they had Tim Drake.” Batman supplies, while Red Robin tries to work through the emotional whiplash.
“Ah, makes sense… wait.” Danny sits up suddenly, squinting at Red Robin. “Did you say you loved me?”
“No, of course not, why would I—”
“Tim? Is that—are you—are you Red Robin?”
“Everyone, hold the fuck up!” Red Hood shouts from the other side of the warehouse, having finished securing the perps to a streetlight outside. “Double R is dating Danny fucking Nightingale?”
Well, there goes his identity… Oh, who’s he kidding, Danny’s smart. There’s no way he could have salvaged that. This was not how he thought the night was going to go.
“Cranberry, is that you?” Danny twists in his chair, somehow delighted to see Red Hood rescuing him, too. “I thought I smelled you lurking about!”
“Shut it, you little shit. Since when were you dating this dweeb?”
“I’m sorry,” Red Robin pleads, hands in the air to try and slow down the onslaught of information and insults, “you two know each other?”
“Cranberry?” Nightwing echoes, looking as lost as Red Robin feels.
“Yeah, Cranberry—The Cranberries—zombie, zombie, zombie-ie-ie. Obviously. Also he’s wearing a big, fuck off red helmet.”
“Yeah, sure, makes sense.”
It’s about the only thing that does.
“And please don’t call my boyfriend a dweeb, Cranberry. Especially when he just said he loves me for the first time.”
“He only said it because he thought you were dead.”
“I am dead, so it counts.”
“Only half, so I’d say that puts you at a solid ‘like’. Tim’s—and savour this, Tim, because I’m only going to say it once—Tim’s intelligent, so I’m sure he’ll come to his senses soon.”
Danny just throws Red Hood such a shit-eating grin. A level of feral that Tim’s only seen before in Damian. 
“That’s what I used to say about Jazz, too.”
Hood scoffs in offence, and to be honest, Tim’s not sure where he should go from here. What the hell is happening, how do they know each other?
“Come on, is anyone going to untie me or am I really meeting your family mafia-style?”
“Do it yourself, Slimer.” Red Hood laughs, crossing his arms.
“Ugh, you suck so much. I’ll fucking slime you, just you wait. Can’t believe Jazz even likes you, I preferred it when she was dating Johnny.”
And then, without Danny doing anything other than muttering obscenities at Red Hood, the ropes fall to the ground. In one swift motion, Danny stands up and stretches himself to his full height of 5’6.
“All of you need to explain, now.” commands Batman, and honestly, Red Robin’s very much on his side of it.
“I can’t believe it… Jason and Timmy are both in secret relationships? That’s… How come no one told me?” Poor Nightwing sounds the most shocked out of all of them. He turns to Damian and clasps onto both of his shoulders. “You’re not secretly dating, are you, D? Please tell me you’re not, please tell me you’re single, please?”
Of course, Robin just clicks his tongue and pushes his hands away. Really, Red Robin doesn’t think that Nightwing’s in any danger of that happening, he’d be surprised if anyone could stand Robin enough to actually date him.
He shakes his head and turns to Danny, who’s staring right back at him, worry clear on his face.
Fuck, he... He's alive. He's really alive.
Tim pulls him into a bone-crushing hug, fingers buried deep in his NASA shirt. Tucking his face into the crook of Danny's shoulder, he laughs wetly with the joy of it. He's alive. He hasn't lost him. He's safe.
“I’m sorry I haven’t told you before now, starshine, but…” Danny breaks the hug and softly pulls away from him to rise on his tiptoes to place a kiss his cheek. The skin burns cold where his lips touch. “I love you, too. Also, you’re gonna wanna sit down. This is going to be a lot.”
#dpxdc#dead tired#anger management#(barely but it's there haha)#dcxdp#hailsatanacrab🦀🦀writes#i'm sorry this has taken a while but also this week has kinda sucked and i'm still pissed off about that#so writing has been a nice little break from that!!!!#i hope you enjoy it!! i'm not fantastic with writing romance/ships so like... hope it's alright haha#also i feel kinda bad about not putting the whole phantom reveal too but like... we get that all that time haha#idk maybe i'll continue it#OH SHIT I FORGOT MY WRITING TAG HOLD ON#must admit - i do like that you can edit the tags now even though the new post maker sucks#anyway!!!!!!! i had this whole bit from danny's pov in the beginning where he just decided to go to sleep but realised that fucking sucked#it was so boring haha#so we got this instead!#hope the emotions came across - i feel like i have a tendency to just go cold and clinical when emotions happen#idk#oh! danny and tim met because danny's a part time barista and when tim ordered his monstrocity of a drink danny just winked and said#'ah the walking dead special coming right up!' and added another three espresso#jason and jazz met before they did though - and none of them knew they were dating the other's family#danny and jason have a bit of a rocky relationship - he's not good enough for jazz!! she deserves way better than some two-bit gangster!!#jason just thinks he's a cute overprotective brother - he really envies their relationship and wishes he could have something like that#he likes to rib danny and tbh danny is really warming up to him too - now that the gross stinky ecto is starting to filter out#(which is thanks to him and jazz - which jason does know about and is extremely grateful for)#(he really does love jazz and is a little bit jealous that tim told danny he loved him first)#(jason goes home that night and dips jazz into a kiss and whispers it into her skin over and over again)#(he loves her he loves her he loves her - and who the fuck is johnny?)#once tim gets over his shock he's doing good! of course he accepts danny there was never any question of that#he meets ellie and then introduces her to kon and the rest of the team and ellie decides she might like to do some superheroing for a bit
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ky-the-squiddy · 1 year
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Every so often I come across people going on about 'queer is a bad word, I'm not a terf but we shouldn't use that word in community/academic/etc settings, don't call me queer' and just
Okay
You're not queer
I won't call you that, no one should call you that, and anyone that does is being an asshole regardless of their identity or minority status. It doesn't matter what reasoning you have behind not wanting to be labelled as queer, what trauma you may or may not have, what you've identified as in the past and present, and whether or not your preference just comes to not liking the vibe of the word for entirely inscrutible reasons. No one has any right to pry.
If you say you're not queer, then you're not queer, and that's okay.
It just also means that if I, a queer person, talk about the queer community, then I'm not referring to you. If an academic refers to queer history and queer texts written by queer people about other queer people, they're also not talking about you. If a corporation starts using 'queer' in their ads then they can eat shit because fuck 'em, they have no fucking right to use our words when they aren't and have never been one of us, but if a well-meaning ally uses 'queer' as a one-syllable shorthand for LGBTQIA+ in a verbal conversation, then there's no reason for you to get any more annoyed at them as you would if they used the word 'gay' instead.
You have every single right to be labelled or not labelled as you like, and I will stand behind you all the way. If someone is trying to shove 'queer' on you when you really don't want it? Then I will happily, metaphorically, deck them in the face for you. We are still family, whatever you choose to call yourself, and it's important that we stick together.
But
If you aren't queer, and you get frustrated when you see queer people talking about the queer community, take a deep breath, and consider:
They aren't talking about you
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turtledotjpeg · 1 year
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This started out as just "hey I like both of these characters what if they interacted," but after seeing Melody crying about Kacho in chapter 400 I really wanted to draw her with someone who Gets It
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if no one else will give them a hug... can they hug each other :'(
Oito & Melody both have a tendency to freak out a bit in stressful situations, so I wondered if they might amplify that in each other haha. But on the other hand I could see them empathizing with each other and maybe being able to comfort each other? (or maybe I'm just a bit delusional lol)
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henrybelly · 7 months
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honestly when i tried to figure out why some fans are so mad at ivypool these days i was looking through avos and. the scene where ivypool apologises to twigpaw for not supporting sending a patrol for skyclan is genuinely very sweet??
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i actually saw someone characterize this as "ivypool forcing twigpaw to forgive her". is it crack you smoke. is that what you smoke. you smoke crack?
#she apologises THREE SEPARATE TIMES#she acknowledges that dovewing and tigerheart's situation made her ignore twigpaw's feelings#she reassures twigpaw that this is the right thing for the clans. she tells her she's proud of her & tc is lucky to have her#you guys do understand that to apologise you have to Do Something Wrong?? or is that the part that's so unforgivable?#i am fASCINATED by the treatment of dove and ivy by the fans in recent years#i'm still pondering it but i think there are a few root causes#1) I think a lot of people read oots as kids and hated dove & identified with ivy because of the underdog storyline#maybe this fandom worship of dovewing is kinda part of that? wanting to feel like you've grown out of fandom misogyny?#but i also feel like 2) tigerdove has really increased dovewing's popularity#and i think because ivypool is so staunchly opposed to their relationship people then have to villainise ivypool#3) is maybe too spicy of a take but to be honest#i think people are subconsciously way more comfortable with a woman whose story ends in heterosexual marriage and childrearing#dovewing's mom role in TBC to shadowsight probably helped her popularity#so ivypool whose relationship w Fernsong & her kits is much less of a focus. and is mUCH less maternal#and who still exhibits Ugly Female Emotions like anger and hurt#and who God Forbid now holds a position of authority...#is too complicated to fit into :) she's such a good mom :) she's such a good mate#dovewing is easier to like because she tends to be a victim of circumstances (🤫 and often lacks agency in her storylines)#since ivypool regularly uses her agency to Fuck Up#fans revert to idealising dovewing because not only is she too good to do bad things. she also doesn't do Things in general#never mind that ivypool is the one who sacrifices and apologises#anyway <3 i think if i made a full analysis of ivy and dove post OOTS i would get too many spicy anons so i will cower in the tags
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doriana-gray-games · 1 year
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Random non spoilery lines
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crimeronan · 2 months
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A fun thing about Willow completely demolishing Amity in a fight is that Hunter is definitely not the type to give her the typical 'you went too far' crap. Also an injured Amity can lead to Hunter (tenderly) treating her wounds, while shit talking her all the while, and thinking about it makes me smile.
this is honestly adorable. i realize "adorable" is probably not most people's reaction to willow being absolutely fucking terrifying -- and she WOULD be terrifying. willow is the epitome of "starts biting you hard and it's not cute teeth teeth teeth"
hunter would be dry-mouthed about it obviously. he's like hoooooly shit i am experiencinfg. feelings. about willow. knormal feelings. i'm feeling normal. hokay
willow emerges from her rage like "ohhh no oh no, this is exactly what got me in trouble in the first place, i've just made everything So Much Worse for myself, what if my dads hear about thissss, AAAAAAAA"
while hunter is like THAT WAS AWESOME. I'VE NEVER TROUNCED HER THAT BADLY. hey blight how ya doin. you look like shit. why didn't you just use your natural talent to block her. isn't that your whole Thing. GOD i love being alive willow can you hang out around her FOREVER-
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bumblingbabooshka · 13 days
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Janeway in 'Nothing Human' vs Tuvok in 'Resolutions' There's something here I know there is I can almost wrap my teeth around it.
#I can't watch Nothing Human bc the puppet really disconcerts me#but I cannot believe Janeway really came into B'Elanna's room after all that and the FIRST thing she says...her OPENER is#'Wow it smells awful in here~!'#DUDE....................TIME AND PLACE#HEHEHHE#C'MON MAN#B'Elanna: Is [putting it behind us] an order? / Janeway [normal!]: Yes.#'And what emotion is that?' C'MON MAN!!!!!!#Janeway & Tuvok#Kathryn Janeway#Tuvok#I can see why she and Tuvok are friends#'I understand you're upset but fall in line'#You can be upset but not if effects your work#<- Something which would be fine on a regular ship but is very difficult on Voyager#I think Janeway's certain coldness or ruthlessness which can be aimed at either friend or foe is an interesting#aspect of her personality#Ex: She and B'Elanna COULD have feasibly had a more touching scene together to close out the episode but they don't#I don't know if I'm explaining myself well right now I'm a bit ill and more than a bit tired#Something about uhh maybe....people under their command vehemently and emotionally disagreeing with them/their decisions??#you can disagree with me but not if you don't follow me anyway#Voyager a ship full of contradictions#they have to all work together and they are all closer emotionally than any other starship due to their situation#but they are also still 'at work' and are expected to follow orders. It's like a 'casual' hierarchy but it's still a hierarchy#and you can't fall too far out of line bc you're someone dear to me#but you're also a valued cog in the machine#and even though you ARE valued you ARE still a cog in the machine#but you're also my dear friend. and all of these things are true at once.#all of that of course but also Janeway & Tuvok are displaying a very particular kind of shared leadership style in these moments#Janeway is obviously on the whole MUUUCH more charismatic and understanding than Tuvok but still - when push comes to shove...
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b4kuch1n · 23 days
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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crownedwille · 1 month
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I've come to the conclusion that loving young royals doesn't mean I can't be critical about it, maybe especially bc I love the show so much I have such strong feelings about it, good and bad and I can love parts of canon and agree with it and appreciate it but I don't have to love it all. I have accepted that it's okay if I don't accept the ending and I don't have to force myself to support it. It's okay to not agree with all of canon and it's okay to not side with all of the creators' intentions/views. Loving a show doesn't mean you have to take everything the writers say on face value and that's the only version that is allowed to exist. Canon isn't everything and fandom is about curating your own experience that makes you happy and not miserable. You don't have to dismiss canon in every aspect and ignore it entirely, that's certainly not what I want but there is a fine line between being canon respectful, allowing some parts to exist and sometimes, yes, you just have to say "fuck canon" and move on for your own sanity and wellbeing
#especically in the first two weeks of a new release everyone is feelings lots of intense emotions ranging from ecstatic to angry#everything in between is a part of it and i know i'm also feeling very strongly about it right now#i always try to stay levelheaded and rational and see things from an objective pov and be diplomatic about discourse#i don't want any of what i say drift off too much into meaningless hate instead of the constructive criticism it's supposed to be#but when you feel so strongly about something and sometimes you really just wanna say yeah i fucking hate it lol#but i always try to explain why and give understandable arguments and not just blindly hate on something#for example - I'm aware there are fans who have some problems with s2 and don't love the season whereas i do and it's my fave#and there is a difference between expressing some criticism and justified concerns which you can understand where it comes from#and those who are just like 'oh it's a horrible season. it was so shitty and we should get rid of it' which is dumb hate and just not true#and i can't support people like that and take them seriously#i can have my own issues with s3 from a subjective pov which can also include some justified criticism as well#but also still acknowledge it as a truly good piece of tv media and the quality is top notch#and that's why you have such high expectations and have critique because it is so good and sets such a high standard#yrtalk#with that being said i understand ppl not wanting to see any critic about it if they are riding the high of happy wilmon endgame#but that doesn't mean that i can't express my own opinions on my own blog and i will continue to do so#and maybe one day i will feel differently and accept or even like the ending who knows#but it doesn't have to happen. it's fine if it does but it's also fine if it doesn't
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unpretty · 11 months
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i'm not cut out to read contemporary literary fiction
it just makes me want to read nonfiction instead :(
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amethystina · 3 months
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hello there! Niki here. just wanted to congratulate you on hitting 400k words on WHtD! 🎉🎊🎂👯‍♀️💕 I wanted to make sure to celebrate this great achievement of yours even if I need to wait a couple of days before reading the new update 😥 I’ll make sure to enjoy it and then leave my big-ass live-reaction later on, but for now have a big 💜 from yours truly :) well done! great job! :D have a marvelous weekend!
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Thank you! 💜
Though, to be honest with you? I didn't realise I would be passing 400k until I had already posted the chapter and looked at the total and I honestly felt my soul leave my body there for a second. Because DEAR LORD what am I even doing?
Especially since I know we're nowhere near done. Like, I have my notes, sure, but certain passages in my planned timeline are just one sentence and I know that one sentence might actually be half a chapter all on its own. So I really can't judge how much is left. I am HOPING we're at least halfway through but who the fuck knows at this point? Certainly not me x'D
ANYWAY. Thank you so much for wanting to celebrate with me! And, as always, take your time and feel no obligation whatsoever! I'm really happy that people are reading this fic and enjoying it as much as they are, but none of you owe me anything :)
Take care and I hope you have a marvelous weekend too! 💜
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rillils · 3 months
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no bc at the end of the day, when steve and bucky were on the helicarrier, and steve already stopped it from killing a bunch of people, steve didnt fight back
because at the end of the day, he took every single one of bucky's punches thinking that its his fault that this happened to bucky
because at the end of the day, Steven Grant Rogers just stood there while he was getting beaten up
because at the end of the day, James Buchanan Barnes knew him
NO BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY, STEVE WAS WITH HIM TIL THE END OF THE LINE
oh god THE FEELS, honey, why do you do this to me 😭
oh. oh no. darling I must ramble, I just, I can't help it, I can't *shrieks*
just. how relieving it must be for Steve, to know that he doesn't have to fight Bucky anymore, that he doesn't have to hurt Bucky anymore. now that his mission is complete and the world is safe again, Steve doesn't have to be Captain America anymore, and you can see the shift in him the moment he lets himself leave all of that behind - the world, the public, his mantle, his duty. it's like a weight has been lifted off his chest and he can finally breathe.
he physically divests himself of all of it: he takes off his cowl, lets go of his shield, and stands before Bucky as only Steve Rogers - because at the end of the day, that's the man Bucky knew, that's the man Bucky saw whenever he looked at him.
it's kind of like that day, in that bar, 70 years before, when Bucky told him that no, Cap wasn't the one he was ready to lay down his life for: Steve was.
what Steve is saying now is just, the other side of the coin. Captain America might have other priorities; he might have to put the greater good first, and worry about the rest later. But Steve's number one priority is Bucky: everything else is just background noise. and the man standing before Bucky now is Steve, as vulnerable and true as he can be.
he's not an ideal, or a symbol, or an abstract concept: he's a man made of flesh and blood, and he's in so much pain, and he's stubbornly forcing himself to stand upright rather than curling in on himself like his body desperately wants to, because there's no agony worse than knowing that Bucky's right here, and still just out of reach.
you know, we always say that Steve stops fighting back in this scene, but that's not quite true, I don't think. Steve is still fighting, just not in the same way as before. and what he's fighting for now, is for Bucky to come home.
Your name is James Buchanan Barnes, he says. You are my friend. You've known me your whole life. Come back to me, he says, I'm here waiting for you.
this is how Steve's fighting back against Bucky's rebuttal: not with his fists, not with his shield, but with his heart. each time Bucky hits him, vibranium against mere human flesh, breaking skin, bruising bone, desperately trying to make Steve shut up, resorting to violence because that's the only way Bucky can defend himself against the nightmarish reality that's coming down around him, Steve responds with love. with all the incommensurable love he's been carrying in his heart for Bucky all these years, through time and death.
Steve responds with the only thing he's got left to give, after he's given all of himself; and, incidentally, the thing Bucky has been denied the most, ever since he fell out of that train.
what Steve is saying to Bucky, in every way he can, is: I love you.
You have a name. You're not a machine, you're not a thing to be owned and used. You are a person. You are Bucky. I know you.
and how many times have we said that to know someone, to really know them inside and out, is to love them?
I know you. I've shared my whole life with you. I love you.
but even more than that, I think he's telling Bucky, You know me, too. You loved me, too.
because Bucky may have been told otherwise for 70 years, but he too has a heart. he too is allowed to feel, to care, to love, to think, to just- be. to a man who has been brutalized beyond all comprehension, weaponized, dehumanized by any means possible, Steve is saying, You are human, and they cannot erase that, no matter how hard they try.
and I think this is where I start crying, 'cause gsjdkfldkg
choosing to echo Bucky's own words from when they were younger, that's, god that's just.
first of all, it tells you just how important those words were to Steve, how deeply they touched him, and how much he cherished them all his life, if they've stayed with him until now. second, it's easy to assume that possibly, nah, probably, nay, definitely, it didn't happen just the once -- Steve must have heard Bucky say it time and again, right? every time Steve got too stubborn, when he thought he should shoulder the weight of the whole world on his own, Bucky must have reminded him of his vows, and told him that he would never be alone.
but- but we don't even need speculation here, do we? we have proof of that.
when Steve asked Bucky if he was staying in Europe to keep fighting, didn't Bucky tell him he would follow him, yes, even "into the jaws of death"? when Steve tried to tell him to save himself, didn't Bucky scream No, not without you? and isn't the true meaning behind those words always one and the same? I'll be by your side until the end, no matter what.
that's a lifetime's worth of loyalty, of love, of selfless devotion that Steve's offering back to Bucky now. This is who we are, you and I, Steve says with what little strength he's got left. This is who we have always been. We don't give up on each other, we don't leave each other behind.
and if it's true that Steve's Bucky is gone forever, if it's true that he died a long time ago, broken over and over, then the least Steve can do is stay with him, with what's left of him, until his own dying breath. because that's what they promised each other. besides, Steve's already lived in a world where he'd lost Bucky; he's not going to go through that again.
Then finish it, he says. If you must, if that's what you need from me, then kill me. If your hands are cold, lay me on your fire to keep them warm. I'm not letting you down again.
and when a glimpse of recognition finally appears in Bucky's eyes, moments before the glass pane under them crashes and Steve falls, and you know that Steve's words have finally broken through the programming, then--!!! *SCREAMS*
for a second before he falls, just for a split second, Steve looks up and there's Bucky looking back at him. doesn't that just kill you??? that Steve probably thinks he's dying, just when he'd finally got Bucky back? must they always be just out of reach of each other? must one of them always, inevitably fall, ripped away from the other?
but. but Bucky gives their story a different ending, this time.
Bucky jumps after him. with a dislocated shoulder, a possible concussion, several bruises, and a fucking storm raging in his head, he dives into the Potomac and grabs onto Steve for dear life, dragging both of their spent bodies back to the shore.
he has to go; but first, he makes sure Steve's still breathing.
and and and and and honey, just, the way he pauses and looks down at Steve for those endless seconds, without saying a single word, just lingering there for a while, I'm- I'm getting emotional just thinking about it.
what is he seeing? does he remember Steve's name, has it come back to him? is he fighting off a different image of Steve, resurfacing from the back of his mind? does he want to reach out, touch Steve again just to make sure he's real? is he wondering why he jumped in the first place? is he struggling to understand? to figure out where this instinct to protect Steve comes from? is he trying to commit Steve's face to memory, afraid that he'll forget again? is he saying goodbye? is he hoping Steve will wake up and beg him to stay, tell him more, call him by that name again?
ALL I KNOW FOR SURE IS I'M CRYING AGAIN
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stillcominback · 2 months
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really underestimated how much i missed rick grimes let me tell you
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tennis-kittens · 2 years
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Rafa having Casper sit next to him for emotional support because he knew that whatever would come out of Roger's mouth would wreck him 😭🤧💔
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Thinking about Kim meeting Chay. Kim, who hasn't known affection, who hasn't been touched (aside from stylists and hairdressers and makeup artists) without violence or ulterior motives since the day his mother died, meeting a boy who touches him without any other reason than the fact that he wants to.
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xray-vex · 2 months
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HOW YOUR EMAIL FINDS ME
#literally. re: email from my ex this morning#every day it takes every ounce of mental and emotional strength i have to get my ass out of bed and face the day#today i begin packing to move the fuck out of here#everything fucking hurts and i hate this so much#i'm not feeling brave about any of this#one of the worst things about a breakup is that it damages you for any potential future relationships#in the sense that “how can i ever trust anyone with my heart and my love ever again?”#as if it's not bad enough losing someone you thought would be in your life forever#but the deeply cutting betrayal of finding out that this person you actually trusted with your literal life had led you on FOR YEARS#ESPECIALLY in the sense that this whole scenario is giving me intense flashbacks to the ending of another relationship#that broke me so bad it almost killed me#and it's easy for them to say “i hope you find someone who makes you happy” when they have someone new in their life#if i believed i had prospects for a new romantic relationship then it would be a little easier for me to collect myself & regroup & move on#but i don't think i have it in me to go thru any of this again#and that gives me even more layers of anger and rage and grief#as if it wasn't enough to betray me and break my fucking heart#but it broke me FOR ANY FUTURE LOVE AND HAPPINESS TOO#i know it's not productive for me to think that way#but right now i am fucking drowning in my fucking pain and fucking grief and fucking rage#i wanted stability and love and trust and someone to come home to every night and someone to come home to me every night#i just wanted to love and be loved#i wanted someone who i could call home#I JUST WANTED TO BE LOVED#rage#grief#trauma#edward teach#our flag means death#ofmd
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