#i'm sorry but i am miserable and i am yearning

[piratekane]

28!

twenty-eight: how long has it been since you've slept?

trigger warning: character death

Beatrice is tired.

She carries a weariness that settles in her body, a bone-deep ache that wakes her most mornings. There are days where it hurts to open her eyes, stings when she breaths. Her hands, once her greatest weapon, seem to be her greatest weakness now. She drops things, can’t quite grasp them between her fingers. Her body tightens as she bends to pick them up, just to lose them again.

She is getting old. And she is tired.

She spends her days in the east wing and her nights in the west. She likes to track the path of the sun, seeing each day pass in a slow progression as it climbs higher and higher in the sky until finally, like her, it sinks back down into the horizon to fight for another day. She hurts more on the sun-less days when the clouds push at the windows, threatening to break them. But then the sun comes up again, she walks from the east to the west, and she says a prayer for another day.

At night, she dreams. Always the same one, always the same place. She’s back in that small apartment, stretched out on a lumpy mattress with her toes nearly hanging off the end. A blanket is pulled over her head and the air is hot and there’s hair sticking to her cheeks, but she is smiling and Ava-

Ava is always there. Ava is always smiling back at her.

Beatrice is old. And she is yearning.

“Bea,” a voice whispers.

Ava is here. Ava is smiling at her.

A hand curls around hers, strong fingers dancing over the peaks and valleys. Beatrice follows it for a moment, lost in the feeling, before she remembers Ava is the one the fingers lead to. She inhales, lungs aching at the pressure.

“Ava.”

Ava’s smile widens. “I always liked the way you said my name. Have I ever told you that?”

No, but she knew.

Ava walks her fingers over the thin skin of Beatrice’s wrist. “You grew up,” she says casually. “But I always thought older women were hot, you know?” She grins, all teeth. “Not that you were ever not hot. With and without the whole nun get-up. You were a… wait, I remember hearing this once…” Her forehead wrinkles as she thinks. “A smoke show?”

Beatrice laughs. “I don’t know.”

Ava shrugs, uncaring, but her voice quiets. “It’s been a while.”

“I grew up.”

Then Ava’s smile is just as quiet. “I tried, you know. I- I fought, every day. To come back to you. You know that, right?”

Beatrice drops her weathered hand over Ava’s. “I know you did.” She shifts in her seat, the soft back of the armchair she’s picked today easing the ache. “I know you would have if you could have.”

“I guess it’s the next for us, yeah?” Ava let’s go of her hand, settles for leaving her fingers curled in the soft sweater Beatrice chose today. “I just kind of hoped it was this one.”

There’s a million things she wants to say. It was this one for her. And it’ll be the next for both of them. But her thoughts get tangled, the words knot in her mouth, and a yawn escapes, unbidden.

Beatrice is old. And she is tired.

Ava’s eyes watch her curiously. “How long has it been since you’ve slept?” She strokes a hand down over the curve of Beatrice’s cheek. “You’re never good at taking care of yourself.”

Beatrice tries to remember, but she can’t. Maybe the last time she rested was years ago, tucked into the Swiss Alps and Ava’s side. Maybe it’s been that long, the peace in those moments never following her through the days and months and years since Ava. But Ava looks at her as if she knows.

“Come on.” Ava’s eyes, honeyed in sunlight, sparkle. “For old times sake?”

Ava doesn’t have to ask; Beatrice will say yes to anything, if it means Ava will stay close. It takes effort, bones creaking, but she manages to shuffle to the side, create a bit of space for Ava to slide in next to her, fitting their bodies together as if they were never apart.

She sighs, the tiredness ebbing away as a contentedness takes its place.

“Sleep, Bea.” A hand strokes into her hair, scratches lightly at her scalp. “And in the morning, we’ll be in the next.”

Beatrice, alone in her chair, closes her eyes for the last time.

#warrior nun #avatrice #ava silva #sister beatrice #WARNING: THIS IS NOT THE HAPPIEST OF PLACES #i'm sorry but i am miserable and i am yearning #covid is kicking my ass #which is already a tag i had #oh joy #and my other fic won't cooperate with me so here's all that's left of me #i'm sorry i am i need fluids

[creepling]

here are my headcanons that clash with the lore [aka ronnie hobb's headcanons he just makes up on the spot me thinks] i have for tcm game characters bc i have writer's block and i need out of it FAST.

danny does not go to university, i'm sorry. i know i know the home gives him a scholarship but he is a blue collar guy. he has to make his own living, he's a hands on guy and he's got COMMON SENSE. no working-class person in the 70s is going to college, they know learning on the job is both sustainable for living (plus he's in a situation where he has to leave the home at 18, so he gotta pay city rent prices to have a roof over his head) and better to learn a trade while getting a paycheck. he was an apprentice since he was 18, and is a year into working as a car mechanic in austin. he does night/weekend classes at the university, probs something in humanities or art. he frequents the student bars when he has his time off, and that is when he meets maria + the gang. he knows leland from fixing his car from time to time, and when danny sees him at a bar one night, hanging out with maria, he knows right away he's asking him to introduce him to her.

leland is NOT the mf that gets the friend group together. this mf has a lot of misogyny to unlearn from growing up in a southern suburb. he took an elective in an art just so he can be in a class with "hot chicks". he doesn't even consider being friends with women at first bc he used to think girls = protential girlfriends/future wives. it wasn't until he found out sonny (the first friend he made, his bff) was close with maria, julie and connie that he warmed up to the idea of all hanging out together. sure... his crush on julie played a factor on him wanting to stay, but being around such open-minded people made him relax and unlearn the shitty traditions he didn't like in the first place. now they're like sisters to him and he lets maria braid his hair when stoned and makes attempt at getting connie out of her shy shell. watching julie from afar, remembering her off-hand remark about not wanting to be in a relationship, keeping his feelings to himself; because he doesn't wanna ruin the bond they all have.

the reason why julie is not wanting to date is because she comes to the realisation of her sexuality. she realises she likes men because, men tend to like her first, and it's easy to love someone who loves you back (typical fire sign move). and she's never picky, she says she doesn't care about looks; it's more the personality. and that is true but, for a guy if he has good style and funny -- she's settled. then she will see a lassie and think "she is the most ethereal thing i've laid eyes on". the intensity of her love for women compared to men hits her overnight. she lets her love for women shine through her platonic relationships; connie, maria and ana are her first priorities (especially connie). she likes sleepovers, having the illusion of living with a s/o while sharing a bed and making breakfast in the morning. she loves showering her friends in compliments, giving them makeovers, taking any excuse to be close to them and show her adoration. her subconscious desire to be in a relationship with a woman lives vicariously through the platonic relationships she has with her feminine peers.

the only person who can see right through it is connie, someone who has her sexuality figured out. she went through the same self-discovery, after all. but loving julie means moving on from her lover who she left behind, so connie is tied at both ends. does she take the risk, find new beginnings, even when there is no concrete proof julie is capable of loving her? or does she keep her promise, return to her lover back home, even if that meant witnessing the promise broken on the other side? what if she found another fate, got married, had kids, kept the feelings hidden. and when she sees how men look at julie, and how boys looked at her past lover, the insecurity prevails. why should they take the risk for her, a singular person, when there is the familiar option lining up to be her husband? *queue Good Luck, Babe! by Chappell Roan*

#went from working class heroes to GAY real quick huh #i say i'm not a shipper then make the most angsty julie/connie headcanon SORRY #sorry i have a habit of queer yearning bc i am miserable #tcm game #danny gaines #leland mckinney #sonny williams #julie crawford #connie taylor

[spocks-kaathyra]

"ur repressed" okay well have u even considered that emotions r purposeless and only serve to cause harm to those around u and I have achieved a unique transcendent state beyond them. have u considered that

#joking but like. am I wrong though #yeah no one is able to overcome the inherent human flaw of emotion and anyone who thinks they can is in fact mentally unwell #except for me I'm built different I have actually managed to transcend emotion. this is a good thing and not a problem #I saw my father's anger and my mother's discontent and my brother's self loathing and my friend's yearning. #and I saw how it only made everyone more unhappy. and I decided I would be above them all and never let my emotions rule me. #I was scared of the dark until I realized that fear wasn't useful to feel. so I stopped feeling it #this is a good thing and I am a paragon of mental health I think #mmm alternatively I was made to play mediator in a family of traumatized ppl and learned to repress my emotions to the point of dysfunction #but I prefer to think I'm enlightened and have no problems. this is fine and will not blow up in my face #anyways. just now realizing that this might stem from my childhood. oops #also realizing that I'm probably not aro and I just learned to turn off romantic attraction bc I saw how miserable it made my friend?? #well. I still don't experience romantic attraction. but probably I should and I will if I ever sort out this repression thing. whoopsie #really she was ready to kill herself over some white guy and I looked at that and was like. nope. I'm never stooping to that level #mm might not help that my parents never loved each other and I never had a healthy romantic relationship modeled for me as a child #but still like really like what is the point. of having emotions. they're just not useful #oh hurr durr I'm angry at my friends for talking over a tv show. there is no way to act on this without damaging ppl and relationships #ohh I'm in love with this guy who will never love me back. THERE IS NO PRODUCTIVE WAY TO ACT ON THIS #literally emotions can only be destructive and I'm a better person for opting out of them #there are no downsides to being repressed! I can still feel positive emotions. I'm happy sometimes. sometimes I'm excited. it's fine #guy who is Unpacking Things live on ur dash. sorry #narcissus's echoes #vent

[lilgaeguli]

[ pairing ] ex-boyfriend ! Seonghwa x f!reader

[ sinopsis ] It will always be in the same place, same number, same floor. You knew who to call in the middle of the night.

[ wc ] 3.6k

[ genre ] smut, agnst & cheating

[ warning ] unprotected and a bit of rough Sex, kinda creampie, oral ( f receiving ), mention of pet names, bondage, bit of spanking, some dacryphilia(?), overstimulation, spanking, and I so sorry if I forgot something.

[ song recommendation ] It Will Rain — Bruno Mars, Happier Than Ever — Billie Eilish, 5 Stars — CL, Die for you — The Weeknd and Needed Me — Rihanna.

[ n/a ] This is the first time I post here, I'm used to writing with longer plots. I would also like to let you know that English is not my first language, although I am fluent. I apologize for any errors. Good reading!

[ ! ] Everything written here is merely fictional and does not represent the artist mentioned.

It was never too late, not for Seonghwa. The polaroids in his closet didn't lie, and the recent calls on your history confirmed it.

 What held that relationship together? It wasn't love, it couldn't be. No more. That's why you pushed him away. You didn't need it, but you wanted it anyway. Okay, you weren't the only one.

 Boredom consumed your time, which seemed to never pass. Even your cellphone cheered you up that day, and no matter how many times you unlocked the screen, you couldn't find notifications from your boyfriend. What if he forgot you?  Didn't he have a measly 5 minutes to send you an “I love you”?

 Standing still, staring at the TV light against the walls, every hair on your arms stood up as a cold breeze hit you. It was just the window open once again. You dropped the blanket over your legs, touching your bare feet to the floor. Walked hugging your own arms to the window then closing it. The dots on your skin became tactile, perhaps your loneliness too — miserable.

 "Screw this"

 Forgotten in a cupboard was the bottle of wine you had received for Valentine's Day.  He said it was best saved for a special occasion. This was one, you were celebrating yet another date alone. You filled a cup until it overflowed. The liquid burned your throat, reminding you of a wound without a scar. Another winter arriving brought back the memory of a warm spring full of memories. Your heart sank, you wouldn't do this sober, but you tried, you called your boyfriend several times, all of them went to voicemail. You curled up on the sofa, staring at that lonely glass under the coffee table, sure that everything was going wrong.

 A thousand thoughts passed through your head and certainly all with zero basis. The only thing that emptied your mind was looking at the bright numbers on the wall, it was getting late and loneliness was looking for you. But you knew who to call.

 You picked up the cell phone from the large sofa, already understanding the recurring pattern, your fingers typing without thinking twice.You knew, he did too.Your heart didn't even yearn for an answer anymore, in a few minutes there he was curled up between your legs.

 – I thought you wouldn’t answer – liar. You know he always answers – where are you?

 Twirling the strands of your hair around the tip of your finger, you smiled contentedly, “I’ll be there in 20 minutes”, was always the answer and this time it was no different.

You took a deep breath, feeling a burden lift off your shoulders.

 Waited restlessly looking at every corner of the house, remembering each place where you were brought to your peak of pleasure and wondering what else you could do. It wasn't your fault, right? It was his.

 Their fault.

 Cracking suddenly became more audible.  Damn it. The rain closed the sky accompanied by the sunset. The flow of people on the streets gradually decreased, everyone running from the rain that came without warning. Would he still come?  Walking in circles you mentally asked for the rain to stop until the cell phone answered your prayer, “I'm at your door” was enough. What was once a concern has become lust.

 With hurried steps you went to the door, fixing your hair before opening it.

 – It took longer than last time – his damp hair on his forehead darkened the irises of his eyes even more

 Without the need for a verbal response you let an impulse guide you pulling him in, joining their lips shamelessly. It was like a chemical with a unique formula that you had, an addiction without recovery. He didn't care about fucking you while you were wearing your ugliest sweater, much less what your boyfriend would think if he found out. You helped him get rid of his wet jacket, leaving it right there on the floor. Holding his cheeks, they deepened that warm kiss, taking advantage of the situation, you slipped your hands under the tight t-shirt he was wearing, feeling his abdomen, urging him to take it off.

 Hastily separating your faces, he got rid of the piece, stopping only to admire your red lips, proudly returning to his task, attacking your mouth again. Taking you in his lap and walking to the sofa, laying you down carefully, taking off your warm sweater, getting a view of your naked breasts, admiring you like a piece of the most perfect sculpture. Excitedly, you intertwined your legs and hips. Maybe it was necessity, maybe it was homesickness, or one consequence of the other, but it was uncontrollable.

  Everything was going too fast, realizing something unusual, Seonghwa felt a bitter taste appear in his mouth. Clearly displeased, he walked away licking his lips.

 – Were you drinking, y/n?

 Already feeling an argument brewing, you got up, irritated, picking up your sweater from the floor and holding it in your lap.  Shit, once again the moralism began, as if the whole situation wasn't immoral enough.

 – it was just a little. Why do you care about this?

 The fog present in his mind always prevented Seonghwa from thinking rationally, but it didn't make him stupid. He walked in front of you, biting his lip to contain his sarcastic smile. Even angry, the son of a bitch looked fucking beautiful.

 – How can you ask me that? I used to do this before whenever we argued instead of talking. It seems like it's a way of avoiding me, or what I have to say.

 He approached slowly, it wasn't the same man with a passion in his eyes who walked through your door. Apprehensively, you took steps back, but never without lowering your head. That was you. His back hit the wall, taking advantage of the opportunity he placed one of his arms on the wall, taking the other hand to your neck, stroking his length. You would listen to him this time whether you wanted to or not.

– Why do you keep calling me if I seem so indifferent to you?  – His speech sounded with a hoarse purr warming you insides – what was it? Is your love worn out? Or do you just want a good fuck?  – He questioned, brushing his thumb against your lower lip.

 It was so strange, his unstable emotions were projected onto his face. He wanted to be angry with you, he really wanted to, but that wasn't his way. However, he wasn't that different from you. It was always what kept the connection between you.

 – what the fuck, Seonghwa! Stop complaining. You came. You speak as if you don't want that either.

 You growled, raising your voice, swallowing hard to get rid of the lump that gradually formed in your throat.

 – You overestimate your feelings so much. If you are dissatisfied, just don't answer my calls. Stop trying to correct me by trying to show me what would be best for me.

 Your body repelled his own speech. What were you referring to?

 Once again, that ironic smile of his. Even if it was a simple act, it always took you seriously. It was always the same reasons, same lessons but neither of them ever learned. Ignorantly he pulled the sweater from your hands throwing it on the floor making the muffled sound echo in the cold room.

 – So take off your clothes, let me love you the right way.

 He brought your faces closer until you could feel each other's warm breath and began a kiss slowly, breaking the tension that formed on your face, but this time you could feel resentment on his lips.  His strong hands slid from his waist under your soft skin, he calmly pulled down your loose shorts, when you just wanted to feel him right away, without too much foreplay or fighting first. Stupid. Have you forgotten how Seonghwa used to act? Even more angry. He would fuck your head until you could only desperately ask for him.

 He knelt in front of you, spreading your legs apart, always keeping his eyes focused on yours as if asking for permission. He ran his fingers under your covered slit.

 – My favorite cumslut is always so perfect to me – he purred.

 Excitement returned to circulate in your bloodstream with each simple touch of his, stimulating your clitoris, wetting the tissue that covered it.  You thrust your hips forward, rubbing against his fingers as he seemed to slow down his movements. His red lips seemed to call you.

 – Please, Hwa… –  begged, wanting to feel yourself filled

 He was on the right path.

 He pulled down your panties, finally passing his tongue under your slits. He started slow movements with his tongue and small sucks leaving subtle marks on your needy pussy. That feeling rising to your stomach. The obscene sound filled his ears, it was sweet, each low moan that left his throat made you even more thirsty.  That sight was one of the most beautiful you've ever seen.  His eyes are so submissive, his hair messy and lips glossy.  The cold tip of his nose gave you a shiver every time it touched his skin.

 He felt his two fingers invade you suddenly. It was inevitable that a muffled groan escaped your throat. Little by little he followed a rhythm, increasing the speed at which he penetrated you, sucking her clitoris. You grabbed his hair, moving your hips trying to cause even more friction.

 Your legs were about to give out, getting very close to their peak when Seonghwa simply abandoned you — scoundrel!

 You protested slyly, pressing your thighs together as your pleasure faded. He stood up expressively, running his fingers over the tip of his tongue, tasting its taste.

– Damn, seonghwa! You're doing it again – complaining between your teeth, resting your forehead, lightly punching his chest, not controlling your own frustration.

  He was making you create expectations just to destroy them. Without escaping a single word, he held your waist, taking his free hand to your chin, caressing your lips with his thumb.

 – I know what you want, but I want to hear you begging – he held your jaw, moistening his lips – I promise to make your bed an ocean.

 This was the basis of his fantasies, destroying your ego by making you nothing more than a desperate slut for his cock. Frustration crept across your skin, his eyes burned bright. You would have to let guard down, y/n.

 – I… I really want to cum. Please, Seonghwa – you mumbled – do whatever you want with me just for tonight – added, giving a proud look.

 It was this girl that Park Seonghwa had fallen in love with.  Your words gnawed at his senses, giving freedom to every wildest part of him to awaken. A reckoning. Roughly he grabbed your thighs and held you in his lap, walked to the room and laid down on your bed. He enjoyed every feature of your delicate face, gave two weak slaps to your right cheek, releasing air through his nose.

 – Oh sweet girl, you gonna fucking hate me – shit, his voice is so exciting

 He fixed your hair, placing a loving kiss on your forehead and stood up, untying the belt, a shock that ran through your body.

 – Don't worry, angel.  I'll not spank you with this.  I would rather leave my hands on your skin.  – He said in an attempt to calm you down – turn around and kneel down.

 It would have worked if his eyes weren't exuding a dark aura. You obeyed, turned to him, knelt down, sitting on your own legs. Not being able to see him move, you just felt his breath on your neck while he moved your hair to the side.  Your wrists were caught and tied very tightly together, the material of the belt caused some uncomfortable friction on your skin but nothing that would hurt. Without any care he rested your torso on the mattress holding your wrists. Your body shuddered as he felt his cock sliding into his wet holes — this was getting more and more exciting.

Slowly you felt your insides being filled, perfectly receiving every inch of him moaning heavily. He started his thrusts slowly, but gradually increased his speed.  Your uneven breathing against the sheet contributed to his excitement.

 – You look so beautiful in this angle – he said, placing a perfectly marked slap on your ass.

You bit your own lip, mentally cursing when you felt your skin pinch. The eager sound of your hips clashing together with his hoarse moans will haunt your head at unwanted moments. An anxiety mixed with agony flowed through your body, stopping at your belly, unconsciously opening your mouth letting what was stuck in your throat free itself. The only thing that disturbed you was not being able to see his face, he always looked so beautiful while cumming, you were always proud thinking about your good work.

 He grabbed your hair, twisting it in his own hand, squeezing it tighter, you murmured at the crude act.

 – shit, Seonghwa. What are you doing?  – Questioned, choking on your own breath.

 – shut up. I’m fucking you like you deserve – he teased, pulling your hair hard enough to lift you off the mattress a little.

 Feeling your peak approaching, you dug your nails into the palms of your own hands. Observing this, Seonghwa let go of your hair, bringing you a momentary relief and decided to change the positions a little. He grabbed your arms lifting you, on your knees not only were your bodies pressed together but your most sensitive spot was being hit harder. Your arms together were starting to tingle from the tightness and position but your senses were suspended each time his cock slid into you. Deep down you knew that no one else could fuck you as well as him.  He was the one who knew his body as if it were his private property.

 Suddenly your body failed, unable to support your own weight, he took you to the limit, finally that sublime sensation flooded your senses. His insides heated up as his cum stuffed you.

 – You are such a pathetic bitch. Look at you, I bet you can barely reason – he growled

 In fact, your body seemed to have been destroyed but terribly empty. Slowly he laid you on your side, resting your back. You closed your eyes and sighed until you felt him invade you again.

 – you didn’t think I was finished, right?

He started to thrust into you with more force, holding your waist and forcing one of your legs up, adjusting to you.

 – Always making me fall for your lies.  Does he know this?  Does he know how dirty you are?

 What was he saying? His nerves started to bubble, but you felt so guilty for enjoying it.  A storm of questions began to surround your mind, as that impending agony grew on your body. Your little pussy was suddenly so sensitive to the point of making you want to scream. You swallowed, staring at him with your mouth open. A sudden urge to cry took over you, even though you tried, you couldn't control the tears.

 – Hwa… please wait.

 You low grunts instigated him even more. Another painful slap hit your ass. Torture.  He moaned lower, unraveling inside your hot interior. His legs almost closed in spasm, but he stopped, somehow you felt threatened.

 – wait, I want to see how pretty you're, princess.

 He returned. You hid your face in shame, not because of what he said, but because you didn't want him to see you so vulnerable, like a lost pet. He ran his fingers through your red bands smeared with his brilliant cum. Your heart calmed down only when he undid the knot on his belt, letting the blood circulate in your arms and lay down next to him, caressing your arms calmly.

 – are you okay?  – His voice now exuded sweetness.

 Seonghwa's duality was what you appreciated most, it was the perfect balance between the affection you were looking for and the dark desire to be fucked like a whore. It was love with a fetish. It would have been perfect if it wasn't for a small problem, and even though you knew it wasn't his fault, but you were too proud to admit it.

 You snuggled into his arms, burying your head in his chest. The unexpected act surprised him, normally you ask him to leave even when you don't even want to catch your breath.

 – can you hug me tight? – sounded more desperate than you would have liked.

 He remained silent, once again he seemed to have a million things to say but the words jumbled in his head prevented him from forming a logical sentence. You stayed there, together in mutual silence, respecting each other's personal time.

 – I was so afraid of losing you, y/n – the simple act of stroking his hair brought you security, but his touch felt rough – now I see that I never had you in the first place.

 After assimilating everything that passed through your ears, you looked at him, moving away a little. The black irises of his eyes shone like a thousand stars, but you knew it wasn't out of happiness.

– You are very intense, I didn’t want to hurt you –  replied slowly.

 – You’ve already done it, you’re just too selfish to realize it – right.

 For the first time you were having a conversation and not arguing. And for the first time you didn't know how to answer him.

 – Then why do you still come back to me?  Why do you try so hard to pick up my pieces?

 You lowered your head when you felt another tear cross your face. How humiliating of you. You were afraid of what he would respond, for a second you tuned out as every little memory of the 2 years you spent together flashed through your head. It was always like this, your head was your escape valve.

 – Because I needed you. I know you hate to confess but even though it's reciprocal there is no us. I don't think it ever existed.

 He would probably later regret the bitter words he spoke, but however much it hurt there was a bit of truth.

 – Sorry if your boyfriend doesn’t meet your expectations. But don't keep calling me and giving me false hope. I want to leave you, y/n.

 It was too much for you, that was why you avoided talking to him. It was fear. Scared to face how broken you were. You tried to get up, but he hugged you tightly, stopping you.

 – You are the saddest part of me, Seonghwa. I don't know where I went wrong. When did it all go wrong?

 He was a part of you that would never be yours. You don't fit in.

 – Now it seems so obvious, but I thought we could make up. You say I'm intense and that he didn't want something serious, when in fact you just don't want something serious with me.

 Stubbornness of your heart, wanting him even though you know you shouldn't. You only loved him when you wanted to use him, when you wanted a good fuck without hearing “what are we” in the morning. He felt like arrows had hit his back, while your emotions mixed together causing a heady confusion.

 – Go away… – you ordered. Your confused eyes alternated between anger and sadness – just… go.

 You didn't need to ask again. He stood up feeling the walls close in on him. Your naked body alone was a melancholy art. You kept your eyes fixed on your own hands containing the nerves as you tried to ignore him getting ready to leave. The sound of rain made it more difficult for your to hear the sound of his footsteps.

– Y/n… – he called, already dressed, sitting on the edge of the bed next to you – promise that when you get tired of making a fool of me, you will call me when the cold sets in?

 He didn't count how many times a knife could be in his back, he still saw hope for you. Destructive. He wanted to burn with you. No matter how much he hurt. But this time the tears he shed for you were his last gift. You appreciated every detail of his face pressing lips together, a bitter taste rose in your throat. You wished that wasn't true.

 – it's late, Seonghwa.

 No further answers were needed. It didn't seem to make sense, but Seonghwa felt like a burden was leaving him. He took off the leather jacket he was wearing covering you and then left a solitary kiss on your shoulder as he stood up.

 After that, you only heard the main door closing. Only then did you relieve yourself by crying until you lost your voice. You didn't care who could hear, it didn't matter.  You rested only when you fell asleep exhausted, with a sore throat hurting and head spinning. You recovered a little from a slight dizziness and went to the bath.  You didn't think about anything, nor did you want to, you just let the water wash away your intrusive thoughts.

 Crossing the dark room you saw your cell phone screen light up. It was him. Your boyfriend.  “Sorry. Full day.” was the excuse for his disappearance. You ignored it, going to bed. With a palpable frustration the whole conversation with Seonghwa kept replaying in your mind like a broken record. Was he thinking about you? He really loved you?  What is your problem?

 Ignoring any logic you called that old number.

 But went to voicemail.

Thank you for reading this far! all feedback, reblog, follow, and others are appreciated!

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀xoxo, Tate 𖹭

#seonghwa smut #ateez scenarios #ateez smut #ateez fanfic #kpop smut #ateez imagines #smut #ateez au #ateez fic #ateez x reader #atz smut #lilgaeguli 𔓕 #seonghwa fanfic #ateez #fanfic

[bas-writes]

Bas, I love your writing so much!!!! Im kind of embarrassed to say I have notifs turned on for your posts. I've never requested one, and I know you're probably inundated, but if you are interested, would you do nanami and 44 for the kiss prompt ask? I think it's tentative kisses in the dark?

Latecomers

Character: Nanami Kento Reader: gender neutral (ambiguous body and presentation, no gendered pronouns) CW: reader is wearing glasses, alcohol (both reader and Nanami were drunk prior to events of fic) Word count: 1560 Prompt: Tentative kisses given in the dark. A/N: After a horribly long break, I am finally pecking at the very old kiss drabbles request. If you're still here, Anon, I'm sorry for the unplanned long wait. I hope you will enjoy this little Nanami treat as much as I enjoyed writing it 🤭

The atmosphere was so dense it could be cut with a knife, and the unsettling environment was just a rather minor cause to blame. With nothing but cold hatred he felt towards the wannabe-suburban train stations, Nanami would still take its whole gamut of nuisances, if only he could face it alone. 

In contrast to the cold and alien station hall, your presence wasn't unpleasant or unwelcome—but the two of you wanted to be somewhere else so badly it was almost written on your faces. What a misfortune, not only you had been assigned a mission in the same area, but also both of you had missed the last train back to Tokyo, ending up stuck all alone for a few hours to come. 

Seated in an appropriate yet painfully close distance, Nanami was staring at the departure board, stubborn, motionless, as if a wrongly paced blink would delay the next train for an extra hour. Hands crossed in his lap, he fiddled with thumbs and fought against the urge to whistle or hum, anything to tune that deaf silence down. You both had attempted to lead a conversation, and both had failed miserably. Words possibly couldn't glue together, and your eyes kept wandering everywhere but each other's paths, what an unbearable pain in the ass. 

Nanami had at least the barrier of his glasses providing him succor, but what he could hide from you, had just been drilling him from inside instead. Whenever his glance grazed over you, the memory of the tangy taste of your lips, pressed against his and followed suit by a brush of your warm, wet tongue, hit him like a jackhammer. Even the dim, industrial lightning around had nearly the same taint as that izakaya you had gathered in to celebrate another week of life. A cheap bar, cheap cigarettes filling the air, cheap sake burning your throats—and hasty kisses exchanged through the stolen minute of solitude, awkwardly, leaving strain in his knees as he had leaned over the short table to reach you. 

Truly a spur of a moment, caving to his repressed yearning, a decision a drunk fool had made with consequences sober he had to face.

"Express train to—" Timeworn speakers barked into tar-like silence and the both of you jerked up and bumped your elbows. Nanami mumbled an apology, barely audible amidst the recording still echoing through the hall, and forced himself to look at you, as sincerity demanded. 

You were hunched-up in your seat, hands rubbing your tight-crossed arms, literally an inch from trembling, no mantle or even a scarf whatsoever. He had noticed you had been dressed a bit too light for a night to spend on railway station, of course he had, but the thought had been pushed at the back of his head as he had squared himself up for a different kind of battle. 

Now shame was burning his ears brighter than embarrassment. He had been sitting there all cozy while you suffered right by his side, within an arm reach.

"Do I look that bad?" You snorted, tad forced, as you eyed him struggling with his jacket. "I'm not freezing, don't—"

"I have a pullover." Nanami, dry as ever, threw himself over your words, and pushed a just stripped mantle into your lap. 

You opened your mouth, ready to battle for your point, but immediately shut it under the weight of his gaze sneaking over his glasses. 

Nanami immediately averted eyes but couldn't cover his ears from you as you, prolonging it awkwardly, cleared your throat, "Hey, lemme at least repay?"

An even dryer response was forcing its way to his lips. Nanami didn't need anything from you, desperately didn't want anything from you, but he couldn't quite bring himself, despite everything, to push you away, "I could use some coffee."

Not until you had got busy with the vending machine at the other side of the hall Nanami let himself take a deeper breath. The low thudding of his pulse drowned all the other sounds: his heart was racing so much he feared it might break free out of his chest and chase after you. He expected as much, the sight of your figure hunched under his jacket could be only powerful beyond imagination, so close and dear, and burning his eyes as you returned closer, with two paper cups in your hands.

"You look quite pale yourself," you tease, unconvincingly with the way your throat squeezed around words. "You sure you don't want your jacket back?"

Wary of the risk of your hands meeting, Nanami took his coffee and muttered a dry thank you. You hunched up again in your seats, the expected express train stopped with a screech somewhere behind your backs, but no one followed the arrival nor the departure. 

The hall remained empty and tense.

Coffee from the vending machine tasted horrible but it was warm and helped keeping lips busy. Nanami sipped on his half-heartedly, focused on easing pulse and breath, against his thoughts racing towards the memories he would gladly already forget. 

What now? What were you going to do with all of this? Should you act as if nothing ever happened? How can you ever act as if nothing ever happened? 

"Nanami—" Your voice caught him off-guard, with a cup right by his lips. His hands budged, some coffee spilled down his chin and dripped on his pullover.

"Ah shit, I'm sorry!" You sprung to your feet as if it indeed was your fault, fumbling with pockets of an unfamiliar jacket, finally seizing a handkerchief out of one. He tried to wipe himself with just a bare hand—but with a surprising resolve you pushed it out the way and dealt with the mess yourself.

"I'm alright," he tried to answer the unspoken question, couldn't bring himself to. The gentle but determined touch of yours left him paralyzed, enchanted, from toes to lips, itching at the faint memory of the kiss you had shared. 

The lamp over your heads flickered and your hand dabbed closer, from his chest to his throat, then his chin. Nanami's breath hitched, audibly, tickled at the tips of your fingers gently drying the last droplets of long-forgotten tasteless coffee. The sensation was familiar, was wrong, so inappropriate, so shameless in its simplicity.

You shouldn't do that to him. 

And he couldn't hold himself any longer.

Through the thin layer of handkerchief Nanami kissed your fingers, from tips to knuckles, and nuzzled his face into your palm. Begging internally for you to slap or punch him, he wandered towards your wrist, breathed the sweet scent of yours he had learnt by heart the day he held you close for the first and only time. He felt your pulse racing under your skin, swallowed its rhythm like starved, latched on this little vibration with his eyes closed, awaiting the inevitable doom and punishment.

The lamp flickered, power whined in cables and died, leaving the both of you in darkness right as your lips finally met again. 

At first you bumped into each other awkwardly, glasses against glasses—the obstacle you tore out of your way almost simultaneously. In contrast to your first kiss, you moved carefully, barely brushing your lips, constantly asking, and never quite answering, and sharing breath in between chaotic breaks.

The unpleasant, chemical taste of coffee seemed to work against you—but as the even worse taste of sake hadn't stopped you back then, you quickly ignored it this time too. Nanami sipped it from you as if your mouth was filled with rose water, gladly swallowing your tongue finally pressing against his. Not until then he had dared to touch you, to pull you closer by the skirts of his own jacket, one hand cradling the back of your head. You snuck fingers into his hair; your nose brushed cute against his as you tilted head to the side, finally losing yourself into the sensation and pulling him into it with you.

The light flickered again, the hum of electronics returned, but you remained linked, catching up on days lost for the awkward dance of adults too skittish to be adult—until sharp fire in lungs forced Nanami to pull away.

With a thin string of saliva still connecting the two of you, you were heavily panting a mere inch away from his face. He felt your moist breath against his skin and already starved to steal it again—but, fighting against himself, he brought the same coffee-stained handkerchief to your lips and dabbed them dry. 

You exhaled through your nose, amused, and repeated his gesture from earlier, peppering his fingers with soft kisses.

"It tasted…horrible," Nanami broke the silence first after you recollected yourselves, words faster than the second thought. "The coffee, I mean."

"The kiss too," you admitted and tossed your cup into the nearest trash can, somehow not spoiling the remaining coffee. "How can they sell this crap to people?"

"I feel I owe you a proper one." Faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips, Nanami dared to scoot closer. You nuzzled towards him too, sharing the much-needed warmth eagerly now. "Once we're back to Tokyo, I'm taking you to a good place."

"It's a date?" The warmth in your voice, the timbre he loved so much, returned, no remaining trace of embarrassment left.

"It's a date. With breakfast."

More of Kiss Event! I if you liked it, please consider reblogging and/or leaving some feedback ❤️ | you can also support me on kofi! ❤️

#nanami x reader #nanami x you #nanami x y/n #kento nanami x reader #kento nanami x you #kento nanami x y/n #nanami imagine #kento nanami imagine #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jjk x y/n #jjk imagine #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #jujutsu kaisen x y/n #jujutsu kaisen imagine #bas writes #jjk #nanami kento #gender neutral reader

[sunnynwanda]

Could you do a story where a guard of a Supermax prison befriends a supervillain, because he treats him like a genuine human being instead of an animal; and later, all the power-dampeners suddenly fail; and all these villains just revolt against the guards; but supervillain makes sure he’s safe since he was always kind to him?

I understand if you don’t wanna write this!! 💜

Soulitary

It was silent. Excruciatingly so. Supervillain could hear his own heartbeat, the rustling of the fabric over his chest that accompanied every exhale, the strained motion of his eye ticking. He could almost feel the darkness surrounding him.

At first, it was painful. Supervillain was so reliant on his powers that getting deprived of them physically hurt him. His limbs were too heavy, his chest too stiff, and his body too weak. He couldn't move for a fortnight and barely ate anything until he had lost enough weight to be able to lift his body off the floor. Movement, as limited as it was in his cage, seemed to keep him sane. 

The pain subsided, drifting into the back of his mind over time. 

He adapted to the constant darkness of his cell, too. The initial nightmares of horrible creatures lurking in the dark no longer occupied his shattered dreams. There were no monsters with long claws and cold, slimy fingers reaching for his neck, looking to choke the last breath out of him. No, there were no monsters in his cage. The monsters were outside. Patrolling the corridors, mocking the beasts they were ordered to guard, spitting at them and laughing like hyenas, beating up anyone who dared to answer. Supervillain learned to tune out their voices and ignore their sneering remarks. 

But human nature is a terrifying thing. Supervillain got used to the weakness weighing him down. It was not as difficult to lift his head or hold a spoon to eat whatever animal food he was getting fed anymore. He came to terms with the absence of sunlight as his eyes grew accustomed to the darkness. He even went so far as to condition himself to tolerate inhumane treatment.

The only thing he could not adjust to was the isolation. Solitary confinement. The actual worst they could have done to Supervillain, who adored the confused commotion of his big family. He thrived in chaotic environments, where people talked over each other, laughed out loud and always had something to add to the conversation. 

Conversation. That was what Supervillain was bereaved of. And he felt it - the need, the yearning of human connection. As little as a hello would be enough. Just a word that was truly uttered – not conjured by his frenzied consciousness. 

When he first hears the gentle knock on his door, he doesn't believe his ears. The guards never ask for permission, they barge right in, not dignifying the captives with boundaries. Animals deserve no respect. Thus, Supervillain waits, allowing his eyelids to drop again. He doesn't know why he bothers to open them in the first place when it's pitch black around him, regardless. 

The knock comes again, this time louder. Then he hears a hushed voice. "I'm coming in." 

When no reply follows, the Guard (Supervillain assumes it must be a new one) turns the key, pushing the door halfway open and entering the cell. 

"God, why is it so dark? I can't even see where I'm stepping... Ouch!" He springs back upon stepping on Supervillain's foot and crouches down to place the bowl of food on the floor. "I'm so sorry, I couldn't see."

With his hands now free, the Guard reaches for the flashlight on his belt and turns it on. Supervillain has to cover his eyes - he did not remember light hurting this much - squinting despite his hand obstructing it. It takes him a few moments to adjust, then he wipes the tears off and focuses his gaze on the Guard in front of him. Too young for this miserable place, he thinks to himself while his captor studies him. It's only when their eyes lock, that the Guard comes to his senses, apologising profusely.

"I am so sorry! I did not see you there. I mean, it's hard to see anything in such darkness, but still. My bad." Supervillain is too stunned to react for a number of reasons. Since when did the guards apologise? It was part of the job to inflict suffering on their subjects. Did this one not complete the training? Or was this a trap? Was he acting deft to catch Supervillain off-guard and wound him unexpectedly? 

The Guard, however, keeps rambling. "I thought you would be asleep when you did not answer. It's not an excuse though. I should have checked. That's part of my job, is it not? Ah, you probably wouldn't know." He runs a hand over his face, clearly distressed. Supervillain is amused and too shocked to react. That's the most talking he has heard in months, and a part of him desperately demands to answer. The Guard rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. "Anyways, here's your food. I don't exactly know what that is, but you're so skinny, you should eat it."

Supervillain's mind is screaming at him, begging his mouth to talk, to say something – anything. God, move! Talk, god damn you, a word, any word!

But before he can squeeze out said word, the Guard waves him goodbye and locks the door, leaving him alone. 

He never touches the food, too consumed by the incident to think about anything other than the ray of light – literally and figuratively –that walked into the solitude of his cage. He spends the next several hours in feverish dreams bordering reality until the morning arrives, poisoning him with a blood-curdling idea that the Guard was nothing but a figment of his own imagination – a chimaera created by his delusional mind. Yet, despite his best efforts to convince himself it was an illusion, his memory opposes, bringing forth every detail of the interaction – albeit one-sided – that he managed to engrave in his brain. 

Supervillain is still deep in deliberation when a knock on the door attracts his attention. He freezes, breath hitching in his throat as he waits with desperation for it to come again. It does not. Instead, the key turns in the lock, and the door screeches open. 

"I'm going to turn the light on, if you don't mind," the Guard warns. Supervillain is dumb enough to nod in the dark. "Here we go." 

He flicks the switch outside the cell door; the bulbs buzz worriedly, and light floods the ascetic room. Supervillain looks around, seeing his dungeon for the first time. He notices his blanket in the corner and the untouched bowl from yesterday. 

"Hey, you didn't eat at all! Is everything alright?" The Guard chimes into his thoughts. His voice is laced with concern that feels foreign in this place. When Supervillain shakes his head, the Guard smiles – the room, somehow, becomes brighter. "It's bad, isn't it?" 

Supervillain nods, and the Guard chuckles, placing a new hot bowl in front of him. He looks up in surprise and is met with a shrug. "Figured it might taste better hot." 

The expectant gaze of the Guard is the only reason he reaches for the bowl. It's as shitty as before, but it warms his insides. He hums in appreciation, taking another spoonful. The Guard smiles again, now more cheerful. "Should I leave the lights on? Or do you like it dark?"

Supervillain finally finds his voice. "Light. Thank you." 

The Guard nods before exiting, and Supervillain curses himself for not saying more. He should have talked, for god's sake. This is the first person to treat him like a human being for the past eight months, and all he could muster were three words. 

He feels pathetic. This wasn't him, not really. The true Supervillain was voluble, articulate with his words and emotions and loud. Very, very loud. He loved the attention it earned him, loved being on stage. Performance was part of his persona, his public image of a supervillain. The presentation was what gained him the fame. The same fame that led him here. Alas, he sighs, leaning his back on the wall. 

At least he has light now. 

***

It's been almost four months since Supervillain's confinement changed - the granted light and occasional conversation made his exile from society feel less strenuous. His Guard would come in once a day, as per the rules. Aside from that, he gained a habit of sitting outside his door after the evening rounds, telling Supervillain about his day or the news. His cheerful voice would catch Supervillain off-guard at first, but he grew accustomed to it, as well as to the daily dose of prison gossip. The people in the city were dejected - mass arrests that were supposed to bring peace to the streets had a reverse effect. Supervillain couldn't help the foul smile this knowledge brought to his face. He did not comment. 

After two weeks of talking to the wall, the Guard was ready to give up. He had promised himself he would stop trying after the fourteenth night, which ended up being the night Supervillain replied. It was a short comment on the newly installed power dampeners that were to substitute the old ones. Supervillain pointed out that the old ones were more than efficient, leaving him drained of strength and energy. The Guard then asked if that was the reason he was so skinny, and so the conversation flowed. Supervillain told him about the thorny months of his captivity, how it took him countless days and nights to submit to the unfamiliar weakness. 

During one of the many conversations that followed, they talked about his past, the origin of his unnatural power and the reasons for his incarceration. Supervillain never denied being dangerous – he embraced it gladly, though he never used his power against innocent civilians. Sure, he had committed his fair share of crimes, as regarded by the authorities, irrespective of his cause. But there were worse things he could do.

The Guard told him of his past dreams and aspirations, all of which were crushed when he lost his parents and had to step up to provide for his younger siblings. He came from a household where no one got left behind, and Supervillain finally understood where his kindness stemmed from. 

One day, when the Guard came from the last round, Supervillain was the first to speak. They sat on the opposite sides of the door, back to back and separated by thick metal, yet connected stronger than before. 

"So, will you be leaving soon?" Supervillain fails to mask the melancholy in his voice. So much for being supportive!

The Guard pauses for a long moment before shaking his head no. Supervillain can't see him, but the reply is clear as day. "Your brother's graduating next month, is he not? You can stop working here and search for a new job. More suitable for you."

"I can't," his voice comes softer than a rustle. He presses a clammy hand to his forehead to calm the burn beneath his skin. 

"Why?" In all honesty, Supervillain does not want him to answer. He doesn't want him to go either, but keeping him here feels blasphemous. Despite the cell draining his life force and loneliness ravaging what's left, Supervillain would rather be forlorn again than allow his friend to waste his youth here.

"I can't, Supervillain," the Guard repeats, even lower now, not trusting his voice to speak louder.

Supervillain curses under his breath. "Why not?

Do not say what I think you're going to say, they plead. I don't think I have the strength to alienate you or push you away to make you go. 

"Because I won't leave you here alone." The Guard gets up, walking away to avoid being lectured on the stupidity of his reason. He lacks the nerve to be any bolder. 

He doesn't return until later at night. Supervillain is stiff against the door when he hears approaching footsteps and shuffling. Then comes the soft voice. "I'm sorry."

Supervillain sighs, rubbing his eyebrows to ease the tension. "You did nothing wrong." The claim is met with silence, so he adds. "Apart from getting attached to the wrong person, that is."

The Guard chuckles, shaking his head and bringing his knees to his chest. "Are you the wrong person?"

"I'm a convicted criminal." A fact he had to remind himself daily when he first got here. You are a convicted criminal, and the guards will treat you as such. Except the treatment was far worse than that, until his new friend showed up.

"Doesn't mean you're evil," the Guard chimes into his thoughts, dragging him back to the present. 

"You don't know me," he notes, though it's not entirely true. 

The Guard smiles, leaning forward and placing his chin on his knees to rest his neck as he mumbles. "I think I know more than anyone else."

***

The wailing of the sirens forces Supervillain awake in the most unsettling way. The alarm lights under the ceiling flicker red, alerting him further. He springs to his feet with a speed he hasn't had in a long time and then stops in his tracks because it strikes him. The overwhelming force that hits him right in the middle of his chest, spreading all over his body, obstructing his lungs with suffocating constrictions, rushing through his veins and reaching the tips of his fingers and toes to erupt in sparkles of sheer unrestrained raging power. It's surreal. All-consuming. Galvanising. He revels in the agitation that washes over him, wave after wave. His senses are overstimulated and raw. 

He feels lightheaded as he attempts to focus his eyes on his prickling fingers. It takes him a moment to identify the cacophony of sounds outside. 

And then the realisation dawns on him. 

The power dampeners are off. 

In a prison with the worst criminals of the damn century. He closes his eyes to tune out the noise and think, but his mind is too frantic to concentrate. The moment the inmates realise their powers are back, all hell will break loose. Supervillain knows they will revolt. He would, too – after spending months being treated worse than an animal.

The Guard. The image flashes through his thoughts so fast it almost burns him. With renewed anxiety, he bangs on the door. There's no response, and the ideas running through his head coat his stomach with dread, hot and muggy. He knows it's about to get dirty, and, in all honesty, those guards deserve it. But not his Guard. Not him. Anyone but him. 

He presses his palms against the door, channelling all his fears and worries into heating the metal till it melts under his fingers. It drips down to his feet, forming a pool. When the lock is soft enough, he whips the door open, but as he is about to step outside, someone crushes into his chest, pushing him back and shutting the door behind them. 

He lets out a sigh of relief as the Guard presses his back to the door, holding it closed. 

"That's not going to work." 

"Please don't go out there!" 

They speak at the same time, and Supervillain can't help the smirk that fights its way to his face. "Scared I'll harm your friends?"

"I'm scared they'll hurt you." His eyes are enormous as he stares up at Supervillain, who looks much healthier now. He looks alive. His skin is no longer grey, his lips and cheeks are coloured in pink hues, and even his eyes sparkle with new vigour. He takes hold of Guard's shoulders, pinning him further against the door to stabilise his shaking form. 

"Stay here. Be quiet." The Guard shakes his head no, grasping Supervillain’s arms with an unspoken plea. Supervillain softens. "It's okay. I will keep you safe. I promise." 

With that, he moves the Guard to the side and exits the cell, sitting down against the door – roles reversed from hours before. From time to time, the Guard hears people come and run the moment they spot Supervillain's menacing form.

It's only four hours later that the military arrives, clearing the area and arresting the surviving prisoners. As they bring order to the facility, checking floor after floor Supervillain opens the door. He is met by a tear-stained face and hard stare of his Guard. Supervillain huffs out a laugh and draws him into an embrace before pushing him out the door.

"Try not to forget me when you leave," he jokes half-heartedly, but the Guard shakes his head with surprising firmness. 

"I will get you out of here no matter what it costs me."

He never steps foot in the prison again but manages to keep his oath three months later. When Supervillain exits the gates with release papers in hand, he does not expect to be met by a mixed bunch of his siblings and strangers who all seem to be acquainted. It's moments later that he notices another familiar face he failed to spot for lack of the usual uniform. He shakes his head with a cheeky smile and rushes towards the kindest people in his life. 

Supervillain never has to endure silence or solitude again. 

Alright, there's a lot to unpack here :) First of all, thank you for the wonderful request. It turned out longer than expected, as well as took me longer to finish, but then again, the idea deserved to be worked on. I enjoyed crafting this story immensly. So thanks for that as well. I know other writers have been doing the request too but avoided reading their stories to keep mine clear of influences.

I hope you enjoy this despite the delay. Once again, thank you! xo Sunny

Masterlist

#supervillain #guard #supervillain and guard #prison #captivity #isolation #solitude #malnourishment #sensory deprivation #whump #dark vibes #cruel guards #powerful supervillain #morally grey characters #mental health #imprisonment #creative writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #requested #requests open #sunnynwanda #enemies to friends

[iheartgracie]

jude duarte badass quotes

Instead of being afraid, I could become something to fear

The odd thing about ambition is this: You can acquire it like a fever, but it is not so easy to shed.

I kissed him on the mouth, and then I threatened to kiss him some more if he didn't do exactly what I wanted.

Vivi is right; it cost me something to be the way I am. But I do not know what. And I don't know if I can get it back. I don't even know if I want it.

I'm not a monster, I'd told her, back when I said I would never hurt Oak. But maybe being a monster was my calling.

You put a curse on that girl over there,” I tell him. “Fix her immediately.”

“She admired my ears,” the boy says. “I was only giving her what she desired. A party favor.”

“That’s what I am going to say after I gut you and use your entrails as streamers,” I tell him. “I was only giving him what he wanted. After all, if he didn’t want to be eviscerated, he would have honored my very reasonable request.

“If I cannot become better than them. I will become so much worse.”

“Sorry if you can’t read my handwriting,” I say, grabbing the notebook. The page tears, leaving most of my night’s work shredded. “But that’s not exactly my disadvantage.”

“I brush myself off. “Are you calling me out? Because then it’s my right to choose the time and the weapon.” How I would love to knock her down.”

“I don’t feel particularly miserable right at the moment.” I can’t show him I’m afraid.

His mouth curls. “What happiness do you have? Rutting and breeding. You’d go mad if you accepted the truth of what you are. You are nothing. You barely exist at all. Your only purpose is to create more of your kind before you die some pointless and agonizing death.”

I look him in the eye. “And?”

He seems taken aback, although the sneer doesn’t leave his face.

“Yeah, yeah, sure. I am going to die. And I am a big liar. So what?”

“You had the advantage of me twice, and twice you gave it away. Good luck getting it again.”

“Perhaps someone will ask for your hand and you’ll be made a permanent member of the High Court.”

“I want to win my place,” I tell her.”

“They talk about honor, but what they really care about is power. I am good enough with a blade, knowledgeable in strategy. All I need is a chance to prove myself.”

“Take a big bite.”

“Make me,” I say before I can stop myself”

“She can show us how sorry she is,” Cardan drawls. “Tell her she doesn’t belong in the Summer Tournament.”

“Afraid I’ll win?” I ask, which isn’t smart.”

“Nicasia's wrong about me. I don't desire to do as well in the tournament as one of the fey. I want to win. I do not yearn to be their equal. In my heart, I yearn to best them.”

“I don’t care if they don’t like my being in the tournament. Once I become a knight, I’ll be beyond their reach.”

“Do you know why Madoc won’t let me try for knighthood? Because he thinks I’m weak.”

“Jude,” she cautions.

“I thought I was supposed to be good and follow the rules,” I say. “But I am done with being weak. I am done with being good. I think I am going to be something else.”

“Cardan’s gaze catches mine, and I can’t help the evil smile that pulls up the corners of my mouth. His eyes are bright as coals, his hatred a living thing, shimmering in the air between us like the air above black rocks on a blazing summer day.

“Have you lost your wits?” Taryn demands, shaking my shoulder so that I have to turn to her. “You’re making everything worse. There’s a reason no one stands up to them.”

“I know,” I say softly, unable to keep the smile off my lips. “A lot of reasons.”

She’s right to be worried. I just declared war.”

“Give up.”

“Never,” I say.”

“I leave my books and cross the grass toward them. Cardan half-turns, and I shove him so hard that his back hits one of the trees. His eyes go wide.

“I don’t know what you said to her, but don’t you ever go near my sister again,” I tell him, my hand still on the front of his velvet doublet. “You gave her your word.”

“I’m not withdrawing from the tournament,” I tell her.

“Even if it wins you nothing but more woe?” she asks.

“Even then,” I say.”

“My good intentions evaporate on the wind. My blood is on fire, boiling in my veins. I do not have much power, but here is what I have—I can force his hand. Cardan might want to hurt me, but I can make him want to hurt me worse. We’re supposed to play at war. When they call us to our places, I play. I play as viciously as possible”

“You’re no killer, Madoc said.

Right now I feel that I could be.”

“Get down on your knees,” Cardan says, looking insufferably pleased with himself. His fury has transmuted into gloating. “Beg. Make it pretty. Flowery. Worthy of me.”

“Beg?” I echo.”

“You think because you can humiliate me, you can control me?” I say, looking him in those black eyes. “Well, I think you’re an idiot. Since we started being tutored together, you’ve gone out of your way to make me feel like I’m less than you. And to coddle your ego, I have made myself less. I have made myself small, I have kept my head down. But it wasn’t enough to make you leave Taryn and me alone, so I’m not going to do that anymore.

“I am going to keep on defying you. I am going to shame you with my defiance. You remind me that I am a mere mortal and you are a prince of Faerie. Well, let me remind you that means you have much to lose and I have nothing. You may win in the end, you may ensorcell me and hurt me and humiliate me, but I will make sure you lose everything I can take from you on the way down. I promise you this”—I throw his own words back at him—“this is the least of what I can do.”

#judeduartequotes #badass jude duarte #jude duarte soft #jude duarte badass #judecardan quotes #jude duarte quotes #judecardan #judeduarte #jude duarte #jude x cardan #the cruel prince #the folk of the air quotes #the folk of the air

[geralts-yenn]

2023 character wrapped

@deandoesthingstome knows too well I get a little obsessive over some characters - let's see if I can make it to nine (or if I can stop at nine 😁 a look onto my masterlist that's barely a year old tells me we will get there)

Here we go...

My no 1: No surprise here - Mikey

He's my precious silly boy and I will never stop loving him. As part of a family of lunatics here or here, as our best friend, or as the cute neighbor who steals the heart of Nina and Mel

2. Melot

I blame @raccoon-eyed-rebel for introducing me to the slutty lil' braid boy. Just look at that grumpy, miserable little guy. I can't help but thinking about how to make him feel better. That's why he gets the love from not only one but two lovely persons in my Hearts Too Big universe. He's still not quite happy as a vampire in Believe in Me, but I swear we'll get to it.

3. Syverson

Not much of a surprise - how could I not love him? He's the character I read the most this year, for sure. But I also loved to write him into my bonfire story and it's follow up. I was yearning for him and I imagined him as a daddy 🥰

4. Evan

Oh, he was a surprise for me. Even though I liked his character in the movie, I didn't intend to write for him. Until a lovely nonnie put him into my brain and started to fuel my obsession with him here, here and here.

5. Walter

The grumpy bear was always a favorite of me when it came to reading but I was a little scared to write him by myself. In the end, I'm quite happy with the outcome when I finally dared.

6. August Walker

Another one that I love but didn't dare to write. Until it was too tempting to add him as the vampire king in Believe in Me. And then those little pieces of smut here and here with the vampire king were surprisingly easy to write.

7. Napoleon Solo

I love the smooth spy. I had so much fun to pair him up with the lovely Amina and I totally plan to get back to Leon sometime in the future

8. Charles

I wish I had more time to explore his character. I love him so much - especially when he's put into a modern AU. I kinda did this to him as my sidekick for Melot. And I have a wip in my folders, sleeping for way too long, where he's the most annoying and yet adorable duke. I really hope I get to the point where I can introduce him to you.

That's everyone I have written for this year. But I surely don't stop here with obsessing

I won't count Geralt, Will and all the other characters of Henry Cavill because this post is already too long for anyone to read, lol.

But I surely have to count the man himself

9. Henry Cavill

Yes, I am obsessed with this man and I am not sorry! I guess I won't ever get back to the unfinished RPF that got me into writing at all but I will not stop loving the adorkable man that he is.

And then there are still some guys that don't look like Henry:

9. Dean Winchester

I had almost forgotten how much I loved him. Until I introduced the teenager to Supernatural and spent a lot of evenings this year watching that stupid little shit 😍

10. Billy Russo

One of my favorite roles for Ben. And so many good fics out there that I need to explore at some point.

11. Jack Reacher

Very recent addition to the hunks in my head. I love the new season and I'm definitely not immune to that man's visual charms.

I think I will stop here, even if I could name probably another 12...

@ellethespaceunicorn @peyton--warren @gummydummy19 @jvanilly @ronearoundblindly @ylva-syverson want to talk about your favorite characters?

#tag game #2023 character wrapped #Sorry #I know this is unhealty #but I love them all

[gardensofthemoon]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by the lovelies @ettelene and @tilion-writes, many thanks! Sorry for the late response, been busy with real life commitments.

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 10

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 38,319 words

3. What fandoms do you write for? Currently, Silmarillion and MDZS/The Untamed, though I haven't posted anything yet for the latter.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Fëanor posts on r/amitheasshole

Capodopera

Family Dinner

Immortal Longings

uprooting

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes, always! And I ramble a lot.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Hm. I write quite a bit of angst, and I can think of at least three fics of mine with sad endings, but I think Cardinal takes the cake. It's a bleak end, miserable, made even more so by the relative tenderness of the main story.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Probably Fëanor posts on r/amitheasshole, because it's crack. Nobody dies; is that the low bar for a happy ending in the silm fandom?

8. Do you get hate on fics? So far none, but I expect to get some in the future as I want to write about darker themes. And I'm mentally preparing for posting in a new fandom that's known for its toxicity.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yes, and I plan on writing more! I love shipfic, I love romance, this is the main genre I read in fanfic, so. If I had to classify my style of smut, I'd say it veers into porn with feelings territory. The main sentiment behind my writing, behind all my writing, smutty or not, is yearning. What intrigues me is what the characters are feeling, their thought process, building the tension and portraying their dynamic. I don't think I can write smut just for the sake of smut - and there are so many facets of the characters' personalities that can be explored through their kinks, their bedroom attitude, their emotions and insecurities. Also, I write slash, though I'd like to try my hand at femslash as well.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? No, but I've thought about it. The logistic aspect of it ruins the fun, unfortunately.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? No.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not yet.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Not sure if they can be considered "all-time" favourites since I got into fandom less than a year ago, but the ships I'm completely obsessed with are Curufin/Finrod for the silm fandom and Jiang Cheng/Wei Wuxian for mdzs/cql.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? My Curufinrod in Valinor fic that I talked about on here. It's a long project and I'm used to writing one-shots, so I keep telling myself I'd work on it and post it once it's finished. Not sure when or if that will happen.

16. What are your writing strengths? Story concepts, comedic timing, eliciting emotions. Prose if I'm feeling confident.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I am always obsessing over sentence structure, conveying tone, and word choice. English not being my native language doesn't help either. Technicalities aside, probably dialogue and longer story arcs.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Ambivalent.

19. First fandom you wrote for? The Silmarillion! Best fandom.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? The second chapter of Capodopera (which is composed of two mirroring one-shots). I think I managed to write precisely the story that I set out to; I'm pleased with everything about it, from the prose to the characterisation, to the escalation and the power shift, to the smut scene. And it doesn't hurt that it's the most self-indulgent thing I've written for my silm otp.

I'd like to tag two of my favourite writers @crackinthecup and @tobermoriansass, I'd be super curious to read your answers!

#tumblr games #fanfic #elio writes

[hikachin]

"Place Your Bets" Translation

After quite a while of not translating (around a year), I am back. This time I translated Makonyan's new single, "Place Your Bets". The jazz and rock melody really grabs your attention and showcases his maturity.

This single is released to celebrate his 5th artist debut anniversary. As a way to give back to his fans, he brought us "Place Your Bets". Yes, he did write the lyrics.

According to Seigura July 2023 issue, this a parallel of "Miserable Masquerade". With the theme of it being "counter attack". It is about a man out for revenge. I will not try to explain too much cause I'll probably TL the article when the copy is in my hands.

Rainy Day is also another song he wrote the lyrics for. I'll most likely TL Rainy Day, too.

Before you start reading the TL, please do note a few stuff. I am no expert in Japanese and I am still learning it. I am sorry in advanced if there are any mistranslations. With that being said, please enjoy this masterpiece 🙏

"Place Your Bets" ~ Furukawa Makoto [古川慎]

Oh Lady, ready? Crazy, I don't miss you

In an unforgettable flavor

My heart is beating for avenge it

The curtains open to a showdown-like frenzy

The dress that wrapped around the scarlet memories

The lies that burn to ashes, a trampled resolve *⑴

A fragile relationship (visage) ignored *⑵

(Let's) Start this game like a kiss *⑶

A yearning gem

The hand that can't reach the cry of the past

The messiest, sweetest room

(An) unravelled spell

"Place Your Bets"

(I) love you so much to the point that it destroys (me)

The night blooms as you ridiculed me with a "it's been a long time" *⑷

The captured, traveling innocence that was imprisoned *⑸

Stirred up fakeness

I've gone insane as I'm being exposed

Sepia painted endorphin

Daring lips, the wheel of reunion

The needle that moved will not be able to stop

(Break this, your jail

my oath, my faith)

The misérable noise of the bell

That surrender

Never disappearing mutterings

"Goodbye masquerade"

It's beautiful because it doesn't satisfy at all

The poker face facing the table

The unavoidable, undeceivable final blow of the last phase *⑹

A raise of intertwined gazes *⑺

Destroying each other until we're mad

I've arranged one of the best parting gift *⑻

Right in the middle of your heart,

I just stabbed it

The game is over

Notes:

⑴ 「踏み締める」means to harden by treading. I use trample just cause it's easier for many to understand. It's also not too long, unlike the original definition.

⑵ This starts the saga of "Furukawa Makoto using different furigana than the actual furigana of the kanji". 「関係性」is read as 「かんけいせい」(kankeisei). But the furigana says 「カタチ」(katachi). From what I have found, 「カタチ」means visage. Take this information as you will. I believe the visage of the relationship is the one that's fragile.

⑶ Similar situation to ⑵, 「勝負」is usually read as 「しょうぶ」(shoobu). But in here, it's written as 「ゆうぎ」(yuugi). 「ゆうぎ」can be written in kanji as 「遊戯」and 「遊技」. First one meaning "play" and the other meaning "pasttimes". Again, take this info as you will.

⑷ I did my best with this one. But this is just how much I can translate the sentence.

⑸ Same situation with ⑷, this is just how much I can translate the lyrics.

⑹ 「トドメ」here is written purely in katakana. So no kanji or anything which made it confusing. Other than translating to "final blow", it could also mean "stab".

⑺ Same situation as ⑷ & ⑸. This is seriously the best I can do for this sentence.

⑻ Has a similar situation here where he used straight up katakana [ハナムケ]. Further confusing which kanji it is. In the end, the only fitting meaning I found is a "parting gift". The other meaning has something to do with a horse's nose.

If you'd like to support me, you can do so by donating to my Ko-fi down here ^^

#Spotify #furukawa makoto #seiyuu #古川慎 #声優 #translation

[m1yabi]

"Bewailed"

Hyunjin x Fem!Reader

Genre: Angst

(Kinda inspired by the song "Ex by Stray Kids")

Hyunjin wasn't the best boyfriend. He was immature, treated you wrong, made you feel lonely, and most importantly, made you despise him. He greatly regretted his decision after a day without you. He's pining for you, craving your touch every second, yearning your presence all the time, and wishing that he had known better. 3 years later, he meets you again in a nearby cafe as a barista.

(Hyunjin's disgusted face before scrolling)

2019, April 24th

"Hwang Hyunjin, I don't think this is working out." You said along with a sigh. "Likewise." Hyunjin huffed out with anger. "Since we both know we aren't compatible being together, why don't we just break up?" Hyunjin finally snapped. You both had a huge fight. Ever since Stray Kids won their first reward for their comeback, "MIROH" Hyunjin got very busy. He came from canceling dates to full on neglecting you. Due to his lack of sleep because of the heavy schedule he's on, he tends to have mood swings and you sometimes are affected by it.

You had enough of this. You did not want a boyfriend who would treat you like this. This wasn't the first time this happened either. Ever since he became an idol, he has been busy. You can't blame him, so instead, you realized you and him were not compatible with each other.

After tears stream down your eyes from his words, he had regretted everything. He went to hug you, but you pushed him away. "I'll pack my things tonight. Goodbye." You said with a broken voice. As you shut the door, he fell on to his knees and sobbed. And sobbed. And sobbed. He knew more than anyone else that he was wrong. Letting out his anger at you, neglecting you, canceling dates, acting cold towards you, the list goes on.

He didn't have the strength to even stand up anymore. You were his best friend, his sidekick, his significant other, his other half, his soulmate, his lover. Or should he say, ex lover. Losing someone he had known for many years before his fame was devastating.

The night was spent with tears from both you and him. You slowly opened the door to see Hyunjin shocked to see you, relieved even. "Y-Y/n..let's talk. please?" He said. Though you expected him not to care as he was the one who suggested you guys to break up, he seems just as miserable as you. Messy hair, red and puffy eyes, red nose, and even some broken nails from biting it.

"I'm sorry-" You were interrupted with a hug at your waist. He hugged you tight. "Y/n, I'm so sorry. Just the word sorry can't express my regret. I- I really am sorry. Please- give me another chance. You can hate me and let your anger out at me, so please-" You pushed him away.

"Hyunjin,.." This was the first time you saw him like this. So desperate and so pitiful. However, you have had enough. He has treated you the same way for 3 years. You'd be lying if you said you lost feelings for him, because you still loved him. But, you know, that he was not the one. "I can't do it anymore Hyunjin. I can't stand to see your face." Was all that you said.

Hyunjin felt his heart drop. Eyes widen at your words, and petrified. "I understand. I'll stay in my room till you are done packing. Please lock the door once you are done." He said with a forced smile. You really wanted to run to him, hold him, and forgive him, but you can't anymore. It was too late.

2022 October 23rd

"Have a great day!" You smiled at the costumer. "Fucking bitch she almost got me fired" you mumbled under your breath once the costumer walked away. "Y/n, can you fix the board outside? Some kids kicked it again." You co-worker said. "Ah, yeah yeah sure."

Hyunjin saw a eye catching cafe. Recently, he had been obsessed with coffee, having 3 cups a day. He saw the board and saw pictures of the sold coffees. He couldn't resist. "Felix, you guys can go first. I'm gonna to check something out." Hyunjin said his farewells and happily went to the cafe.

He came to a pause when he saw you, wearing a work uniform, and fixing the board you saw minutes ago. "Ughh those damned kids. I swear, everyone is stopping me from getting a promotion!" You groaned. "Excuse me" A man's voice was heard, which sounded oddly familiar. "Ah- oh, hello mamm sir, what may I get yo..." You were in shock to see him. Hwang Hyunjin.

"Long time no see, Y/n" Hyunjin greeted you with the happiest smile ever. "Hyun...jin? Is that really you?" You asked in disbelief. "Your one and only."

#hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #hwang hyunjin angst #stray kids angst #stray kids #hwang hyunjin x reader #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin angst #stray kids x reader

[sucharide]

.

Just a little miserable moment, let me be!

I just wish i was normal. I wish I could face the big bad world, i wish I wasnt scared of everything, I wish i didnt keep myself so closed off from experiences. Thats the truth of it, even though my evil brain is telling me I wish I didnt have to exist in the first place.

I am just too soft, too passive, to easily hurt. My head is too often scrambled, my memory isn't good enough to stand by anything I do or say. I know i'm all wrong but there's no way to get better. I live in fear of running out of other people's kindness. One day my living situation will fall through — I know my landlord has already thinking about when she'll sell — and I just, I won't have anywhere to go that isn't backwards. I wish I saw a future for myself. Something.

Some future where I feel secure and I am brave and I can make the choices I would make if I trusted myself. But I know most people in this era won't get to have security. It just doesn't exist for many people at this end of late-stage capitalism.

I guess I am just, I'm at an age where i've realised it's all gone wrong and I am not strong enough to fix it for myself. I'm not smart enough in the ways that matter to navigate this world.

I don't have big dreams. I just want to have a safe place and a job that doesnt hurt me. Unfortunately, 'job that doesn't hurt me' isn't something that really exists. Every workplace will chew me up and spit me out, that's just the nature of capitalism. I had a job that was meaningful and could have worked, but management was ruthless and ten hours of my day was too much for my body.

Now I am studying something that I think is meaningful and good, but there's no place in the world for it. My writing, realistically, wont go anywhere. And philosophy has no place in late-stage capitalism. It has a place in human society, but not one which secures me a home, and I think my brain is too scrambled and scared all the time to think clearly enough to meaningfully do philosophy anyway.

I just. Sorry. I think I am mourning something I never had. Or I am mourning the hopes and dreams for the future I once had but are now dead.

It's all just in my head. Unfortunately, that's where I am. I dont know how to do any of this, and I am not brave enough to try. I wish I was different. I wish I was anyone else. I deserved to be someone capable of living. I wish I didnt feel so defeated.

edit: and i just. it frustrates me that I have this sense that feeling loved and cared for would soothe so much of this pain in me. SO much of it. If I had a home where I could sit next to someone I love and rest of head on their shoulder, or cook them a meal and eat together and talk and feel mutually valued. But i know I just won't get to have that.

i know my current situation is pretty normal. and i need to stress that when i cry about this, I dont especially resent the world. I resent late stage capitalism which I think has made everyone's lives harder to live, but i don't think that I am suffering any more than any other single lower-middle class person. I think there are plenty of folks in my situation who have a more resilient brain than me, or who are better at connecting with people than me, definitely. But I know that my objective reality is an inherently privileged one.

I am just a person who is lonely and hurting, and feeling very defeated and hopeless.

i have friends who I cherish who I know care for me, and I don't know what I would do without them. They truly make my life worth living. I cannot articulate the love i bear for my friends because it would be too much for words. But the reality of it is that I yearn for a sense of family as well, and I can't have that as the person I am.

#roach rambles #roach vents #big vent

[lady-de-mon-coeur]

Skin to Skin

Ao3

Rated G. Words: 1,022. Language: English.

Adrien is desperately yearning for love and affection. Luckily, Marinette is there to help him,

or

Lots of perfectly friendly hugs, kisses and tooth-rotting fluff.

!Spoilers for Multiplication and Determination!

It was the 10th time in a row Marinette refused la bise and offered him a handshake instead.

Adrien should've gotten used to rejections a long time ago. But this was the last straw.

"Marinette, please," he said desperately, looking at her with puppy eyes. "I'm glad to hold your hand, but it's not enough."

She considered him, her eyebrows raised in surprise.

"You have no idea how touch-starved I am," Adrien murmured in a miserable voice. "Since my mother disappeared, no one gives me goodnight hugs or ruffles my hair. No goodbye kisses, no cuddles. I really need friendly touches, especially from such an amazing friend as you." He finished, looking at her imploringly.

Marinette listened to him, her expression changing gradually from confused to tender.

"Sorry, Adrien, I didn’t know how much you needed it," she said, putting her warm hand on his. "I'm here if you need me."

"Then please let me hug you and kiss your cheek sometimes," he said shyly.

There were two pretty cherry-pink spots appearing on Marinette’s cheeks.

"Of course you can do it anytime you want," she said eagerly, looking at him from beneath her pitch-black lashes.

"Would you mind me doing it now?" Adrien asked hopefully.

Marinette’s cheeks flushed even more, and she silently shook her head.

Adrien didn't waste any time. As soon as he got her permission, he immediately pulled her into a bear hug.

He could feel that Marinette was a bit tense at first, but she relaxed eventually.

They stayed like that for a moment before they pulled apart, too soon for his liking. Adrien retracted his hands very reluctantly. He wished he could hold her all day.

"Thank you, Marinette!" he said gratefully, feeling a wave of bliss running through every fibre of his body. "Wow, I feel so much better now."

"You're welcome, Adrien," she said with a coy smile. "Come get your daily dose of hugs anytime you need them."

And so he did.

In fact, Adrien took advantage of Marinette’s permission pretty often. He couldn’t get enough of her physical contact. The warmth of her hugs. The softness of her palms. The velvety skin of her cheeks. Her hot satin lips on his cheek.

He asked her to sit next to him in the school cafeteria so that he could be as close to her as possible.

He used every opportunity to cuddle with her during breaks, to place his head on her shoulder, or at least just hold her hand.

Marinette was a little uneasy at first and flinched every time Adrien took her hand, but soon the tension gave way to complete relaxation.

Unsurprisingly, their friendly activities didn't go unnoticed.

Nino was confused. Alya was ecstatic. Chloé was furious. Everyone else was nearly swooning at the sight.

Everyone around them kept asking if the two of them were dating each other. Did they really look like a romantic couple? Wasn't it usual for friends to give each other hugs and cheek kisses?

Anyway, Adrien didn't care what everyone was saying anymore. He needed Marinette in his life. She radiated so much warmth and affection. She conveyed so much love and tenderness through her touch.

Everything about Marinette was adorable, from the way she had to stand on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek to the way she ran her fingers through his hair when they were cuddling together.

Adrien counted hours and minutes until the moment he would see her again.

He started walking her home every day so that he could be with her and relish her closeness for a little longer.

Things went on like this for like a month or so until the day Adrien came to a fencing class, bringing Marinette with him.

By then, Adrien wasn't able to attend a fencing class without Marinette by his side anymore. To be completely honest, he could hardly go anywhere without skin-to-skin contact with her. Long, lonely hours at his mansion were real torture.

That's why he came to the locker room one afternoon, clinging on to Marinette.

Once there, he reluctantly let go of her tiny, warm hand. Then he finally said goodbye to her, but not before getting another cheek kiss and tight embrace from her and giving her an ever-so-soft forehead kiss in return. All in front of Kagami's questioning eyes.

A few moments after Marinette was gone, Kagami asked a question everyone had been asking them for quite a while now.

"Are you guys dating? Can I congratulate you?"

"No, it's not like that!" Adrien assured her. "She's just a friend. What you saw were just friendly hugs. I thought it was pretty normal for friends to act like that."

"Then why with Marinette? Not with any other friend?" Kagami asked slyly.

This question took Adrien totally by surprise.

Really, why exactly with Marinette?

He had so many friends who would be glad to give him all the hugs in the world. So why was he so attached to Marinette? Why didn't he get hugs from Nino? Why didn't he ask Alya to give him cheek kisses from time to time?

Adrien thought for a moment and answered in a very small voice:

"Because she's very special to me. I can't imagine my life without her."

Kagami smiled triumphantly.

"You see. That's what I’ve been telling you all the time. You definitely have feelings for her."

Adrien's cheeks flushed, and he passed his tongue over his suddenly dry lips.

"Do you think that I'm..." he stammered, trying to bring himself to say these words out loud. Then he gulped and tried again.  "Do you think that... I'm in love with Marinette?"

Once these words were finally uttered, there was no turning back for him. And he knew he wouldn't want everything to go back to how it was before.

Because this new world that has just been born—the world where he, Adrien, was in love with his best friend Marinette—was so wonderful that he wouldn't change it for anything.

Adrien looked up at Kagami with shining eyes.

"I think you're right, Kagami. I'm in love!"

#ml fanfiction #ml season 5 spoilers #ml multiplication #ml determination #adrinette #fluff #my writing

[looosey]

Film Review: Summer Movie Rec Masterlist

Getting this out early for @notesoncrocs, sorry I'll add more descriptors later!

There has not been a more apt time to post a list of recommendations, as a lot of us actual ihouse are apart from each other, away from home. I watched these in the past month, so best believe these are certified fresh.

Movies.

Asteroid City: artsy Wes Anderson film about science fairs and plays, and alien visitations with a star-studded cast.

Past Lives: a slow-burn angsty A24 film about 인연 (in-youn), a Korean American girl and her childhood crush reignite sparks as they live their separate lives throughout the years and reminisce on what could've been. I thought some parts were funny, but movie overall just made me think that ordinary love is unspectacular but still moving/spectacular.

Pride and Prejudice: the classic enemies-to-lover story. I don't know if Mr. Darcy wooed me as a watcher, but I will say the movie captures the feeling of "yearning" really really well, much better than Past Lives.

The Roundup: No Way Out: stellar action movie from Korea. I am a sucker for these.

Barbie: Hilarious and fun for my eyes. Some scenes really hit for me, a deep fear of the world as it is today. Made me think of Virginia Woolf's writing:

"The most transient visitor to this planet, I thought, who picked up this paper could not fail to be aware, even from this scattered testimony, that England is under the rule of a patriarchy. Nobody in their senses could fail to detect the dominance..." - Virginia Woolf's, A Room of One's Own

Nothing Serious: a nerdy columnist is tasked with writing a sex column, so he dives into hook up apps and meets a girl, a low-key sex addict. I liked the blend of fun in the movie, casual sex, and the more moral questions, ethics of surveillance.

Argo: Action movie about the CIA operation in the 1979 Iranian hostage crisis that put together a whole fake Hollywood alien movie script/company in order to extract 6 Americans who escaped the embassy and were hiding in Tehran for months.

TV Shows.

Atlanta: College dropout (Donald Glover) sees his cousins rise as a rapper as a way to change their lives. The humor, the colors in the shots, the range of the fundamental human experiences covered, and the crazy crazy episodes that leap out of the story line, make this show like no other I've ever seen.

My Mister: Written by my favorite kdrama TV-writer, a girl in her early 20s lives a miserable, lonely, guilt-ridden life, chased by loansharks, burdened her ailing grandmother, and with no hope for any better. She enters a 9-5 company as a temp, and meets an older married guy who is as miserable as she is. She likes him a lot and the drama teeters around her morals and their ill-adjustment to society.

My Liberation Notes: Same writer, this time a depiction of what it's like to be in the outskirts of Seoul life, but quite literally/geographically. A girl in her late 20s finds little meaning in what every one in her Seoul office find meaningful, nor her family in the country side. This ones as equally about familial love as it is about romance, about hatred.

Beef: Y'all have all already watched it already. I'm watching it again with Hanu and Diego.

#movie recommendations #tv recommendations #tv shows #kdrama #netflix

[jonesyjonesyjonesy]

ok so this is weird but i felt like you would maybe understand me and i needed to rant. so i'm in my 20s, and i've always been attracted to older men, old rockstars, fictional characters, famous people, you know the stuff. when i was younger it was more normal cause why would i crush on a 16 yr old boy right? i've had a relationship and a few flirts but nothing actually real happened. fast forward to my 20s, i start to actually have feeling for people in my age group. but anytime i have the massive crush on someone i can never get them to crush on me back. and i'm like, social, have hobbies - you know, i'm not like i'm isolating myself from people. i don't know how to say this without sounding weird but i don't think i'm particularly unattractive either. i mean i'm no VS model but you don't need to be that to experience love, right? each time i get my hopes high up about finally my crush/s liking me back it never happens, i get over them and go back to my old ways - obsessively crushing on rockstars and famous people. making playlists and pinterest boards for people i'll probably never even meet in real life. and it makes me feel like such a loser because i'm a grown ass adult. people my age get married and have babies. and i'm not one of those people who believe fandoms are for teens only but at this point it's not even that much about the art for me anymore, it's purely romantic and sexual. i'm pretty certain it's a coping mechanism for the lack of intimacy and sexuality in my life. i've basically wasted my young years without experiencing teenage love and turns out my 20s aren't different either. i feel like i'm the only person in the world who's in this situation and at this point i feel like i'm just not meant to experience romance of any kind. i'll just spend my life yearning for people i'll only get to touch in my dreams and that's it. sorry i just needed to get this off my chest, i hope you're having a good day x

Oh my dear...the 20s are a truly horrible time. I'm in late stage twenties and i'm only starting to really love life. 27 was my turning point.

The great thing about our blorbos is that they'll always love us back even if they don't actually know us. It's the Almost Famous of it all.

The truth is, these obsessions can coexist with our irl romantic life. But I understand the pain of wanting to have that chance at romance and it not feeling like it loves you back.

You're doing great. I bet you're beautiful. And people who are already getting married and having kids, that's their journey. I sometimes get jealous, particularly of women who already have kids because I want to be a mother so badly but I also know I'm not ready.

I'm sure there are people who look at you and think, wow what I would do with all that freedom.

i'm pretty certain it's a coping mechanism for the lack of intimacy and sexuality in my life. i've basically wasted my young years without experiencing teenage love and turns out my 20s aren't different either. i feel like i'm the only person in the world who's in this situation and at this point i feel like i'm just not meant to experience romance of any kind.

I can guarantee you're not the only one feeling this way. There's actually a sociological thing happening where people are avoiding relationships, especially women because now we aren't going to fucking settle for emotionally unintelligent men (assuming you're looking to be in a het relationship).

I am sure people will see this post and be like damn yeah that's me too. I wasn't in my first relationship until I was 22 and that was only a year and a half. I've dated so fucking much on dating apps and been miserable over. I've just gotten into my first relationship in almost five years because I just couldn't suffer fools.

You're stronger than you know. I know how isolating it can feel.

The joke about dating and crushes is you can't use the notion that "insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result". You have to keep that hope alive, have to keep showing up and having an open heart.

I've been rejected so many times. But I've learned over the years actually it's not a me problem. It's a them problem. You are wonderful in so many ways, anon (I just know it). You just haven't found the person that is ready for that. All it takes is one.

Don't give up. My asks are always open. Sweet bean, I love you!

#anon #ask #send love to anon #i know what it's like to be in the shit like that

[hoshi-y]

Hey 👋 how are you? If you don’t mind me asking may I get headcanons of Tsukasa and Mitsuba with a s/o acts like Zenitsu and nezuko from demon slayer I dont know how to explain nezukos personality but I can explain zenitsus if you need he’s a coward (sorry zen) he cries alot and is afraid of everything clinging to people and such and is a simp asking people to marry him 24/7 he doesn’t want to be alone he doesn’t really like himself he also is a badass when sleeping anyway hope your safe hoshi ❤️

An S/O that acts like Zenitsu and Nezuko from Demon Slayer

Genre : Fluff

Characters : Yugi Tsukasa, Mitsuba Sousuke

TW : None

A/N : Hello! Sorry it took so long to do you request, I am currently not feeling that ok HAHA but writing is my coping mechanism so this is fine, and of course!

Personality :

Mmm according to wiki fandom, She's a very kind and caring girl!

I hope you enjoy!

Oohh so you like me THAT much huh?~

You had a very kind and gentle nature

Everyone around you had a very easy time to approach you

Well behind that kind and caring nature of yours is a very chaotic, simps 24/7 kinda attitude

You laid eyes upon a certsin choppy haired boy in the class next door

and he was absolutely STUNNING

You would do anything to grab his attention

but of course you failed

miserably

Tried doing the things he liked

Meh could do better

Would suck it up and purposely enter the classroom he was in

No reaction

Even went as far to befriend his Older Twin

"You.. Want to be friends with me?" Amane asked as he held the book his hand tightly "Why tho?"

"A-ah well you see—"

"Stop, If you're just trying to befriend me because of my twin I would rather not." He got up and went away making you drop your head down

The things you do

But you didn't give up!

Your goal is to befriend Tsukasa and possibly and not planning to make him fall inlove with you—

I mean, who wouldn't simp for him?

His pretty amber eyes

His cheeky smile

His black choppy hair—

You bumped into someone interrupting your daydream "S-sorry I wasn't... paying.. attention.." You looked up and came face to face with the very person you yearn to atleast have a short conversation with

"Tsukasa"

"??? How do you know my name? Have we met before?" He tilted his head which strucked you with an arrow because of cute he was doing it "A-ah! Umm w-well.." You stuttered as your face began to redden and your eyes swirling

Man is it THIS hard to talk to the person you like?

You heard him chuckle as you looked back up, He had a smile on his face that made him 1000x attractive, Goodness you wished your heart won't give up just yet

"I'm kidding~ I also know who you are, I mean, how can I not know the person I like?" He inched closer "Hmm?~"

'Oh lord oh dear lord if this is a dream I am gonna commit arson the moment I wake up'

"You must really like me THAT much huh?~ Your face is redder than a tomato~" He pinned you down by a nearby wall and that is where you exploded "UWAAAHHHHHH"

He loved the reactions you gave him everytime he'd come close to you

So this is how you can grab his attention? If so you can sign yourself up cause you got a date with this fine gentlemen

I-it's nothing.. Idiot..

You and Mitsuba had been friends for 4 years now

And he just can't get you to be mad at all

Not even your insults affect you

But your kind nature affects him what

He hasn't SEEN you mad at all

Well as the saying goes, don't fuck with someone you haven't seen angry yet

so he dropped the whole 'I want to piss you off' Thing

But your kindness... Is burning his eyes

"Thank you so much for helping [L/N]!" Yokoo said as he grabbed the rest to place it somewhere else, You waved as you went on your way

Where? Mmm well you didn't have anything else to do and you usually hang around your best friend Mitsuba! So you set off to find him which was easy to do, His pink hair stands out so much it was practically so easy to spot him

Not even 10 minutes into finding him you spot him at the practice garden taking photos of the sunset or the newly bloomed plants

"Sousuke there you are!" You jogged up to him as he oy hummed in response "What are you doing?"

"Pfftt can't you see I am taking photos?" He sassed biut it really had no effect on you "Oohhh, You shpild take photos of people too and not borong objects"

"No way, No other person can be a cuter subject than me" He pointed at himself as he cocinued on with his activity

This photo taking activity of his took HOURS as he kept complaining he doesn't know which else will he take photos

Well you suggested that he took photos wirh a person in it but he was too stubborn

"Come oonn Sousuke, You already circled the whole school! Just try it~" You said as you opened the rooftop doors

"Ugh for the last time I wont!" He hissed but you just hummed and walked up to the rails and rested your arms as you looked down at other students below

Your figure was portrayed perfectly thay Mitsubas picture perfect instincts kicked in, he slowly aimed his camera at your direvtion without you knowing and took a photo

"Maybe.. I do want to start taking photos with people int it.." He mumbled, You turned around as you poked his cheek "Wadya say?"

He bursted into a flame and gently slapped your hand away turning around and walking to the staircase "I-its nothing.. Idiot.."

Well, you didn't need to know as you already heard it, You chuckled and followed him "Wait for me!"

The next few pictures he took it had people in it

And most of them

would be you in it

I HOPE I really hope I got their personalities right, I Stopped watching Demon Slayer after I finished the 1st season 3 years ago 😭

#toilet bound hanako kun #jibaku shoujo hanako kun #yugi tsukasa #tbhk tsukasa #tsukasa x reader #jshk mitsuba #tbhk mitsuba #mitsuba sousuke #mitsuba x reader