#i'm so damn tired right now

[hiijet]

hey y’all! i’m peyton (she/they, 20, cst) & i’m here with moon eunsang, a character i’ve had for quite a while now so y’kno... maybe you’ve already seen him somewhere???? ummm he’s a basketcase in the process of learning how to behave like an average person and that’s really all there is to know about him, but some other info will be below the cut ^^ no pages for now because i haven’t had the time to get them together yet LMFAO

biog

born as the youngest of two boys in a middle class family on feb 9, 2001 - aka he’s a twenty-one year old aquarius! ummm his brother is 6 years older & was always the more outgoing & ambitious of the two

has had anxiety since he was very young but didn’t get diagnosed until later in life, so there were a lot of questions regarding him? why he never played with the other kids, why he was so quiet, why he got so flustered/upset over teachers simply asking him questions in class when they KNEW he had the answer, etc

stuck to himself, got very “comfortable” in solitude tho i would still say he did want to be close to other people, but didn’t know where to start

super intelligent. didn’t do much aside from read & study, so he was always at the top of his class, made perfect grades. the people in his life expected really great things from him, often saying his brain was their ticket to better days - if he could work with his brain instead of his hands, he’d be golden

anyway! he was a mama’s boy, spent a lot of time with her & she always made him feel more normal abt himself or whatever...

lost his mom when he was around ~13, retreated even further into his shell and his grades started slipping. never really came back up

he did sorta cope by fucking around with a guitar she’d left behind and this was the beginning of his love for music ^^^

ummm fast forward! he started making his own music, built up a small following on tiktok under the username “bugluvr3000″ where he tease/s/d snippets of songs he was working on & posted covers - not super active on tt right now because he’s trying to focus on “real life” and take a break from sns... has taken to busking locally tho!

he hardly graduated high school tbh so his family kinda thought he burnt out and that he wouldn’t get into college but he’s currently enrolled in [university tbd, not a good school really so no biggie] as a biology student. not suuuuper passionate abt education, really just went because he felt like he had to and because he knows he can’t count on music to pay his bills - w his current career path, he’s aiming to be an entomologist (bug scientist)

still pretty nervous & introverted, but he’s in a healthy, committed relationship that has helped him feel more grounded / confident and he’s working on feeling capable as an individual too! therapy every other thursday y’all

triv

if anyone’s curious abt his music, i’m drawing reference from goopy & boyhood! he des experiment w his sound quite a bit in private, has many many many demos on his laptop that will never see the light of day because they’re underpolished and overplayed but idk i think he’s really trying to find his niche

his anxiety is a big part of the reason why his music hasn’t actually taken off yet - he does busk & he occasionally posts his songs online, but when he starts doubting himself, he goes through “dry spells” where he won’t perform and he deletes most of his stuff. insecurity holds him back for suurrre but also i mean it’s not like he’s the next justin bieber or anything

works part-time jobs here & there to keep the bills paid. gravitates towards oddball jobs like costumed mascot work, setting pins at bowling alleys, cleaning rollerskating rinks - anything that’s to-the-point and not super social. can’t hold a job, has gone through 37 job interviews (and counting) and still gets nervous every time.

working on being more social. goes to parties/goes clubbing on occasion but 9/10 times he gets overwhelmed and has a breakdown in the bathroom so yknow it’s really just self-sabotage at this point!?!?!?

obsessed with bugs, classic teddy bears & clocks

conn

ummm detailed ideas coming soon tbh but people who follow him on tt, casual fans of his who always stop & watch him busk, some guy he met in a club bathroom and eunsang was crying so ur chara started crying too because of how stupidly drunk they (both) were, other students he studies with often because they go to the same spots anyway so Might As Well, someone he walks home from work because he’s usually free & they mentioned not feeling super safe??? whateva! 

#itsthq: intro #godddd #i'm so damn tired right now #i swear to yall i'll fix this up and get some pages done when i can ^^^

[dirtytransmasc]

Alicent and Aegon are so Virgin Mary and Jesus coded, in a sick and twisted way that it barely makes sense, but at the same time just... does.

a mother and her child born damned from the start, yet she loved him to her core, accepting her fate, accepting she would lose him and then herself.

she carried him, birthed him, raised him, loved him, devoted her very being to him... she lost him, grieved him, lost her mind in his absence. the gods her only respite, yet, when she needed them most, when she needed them to protect her son, her baby, her reason for being, where were they?

#the catholic guilt and angst is getting to me #the mommy issues I used to project on The Mother Mary are now being projected onto Alicent #Aegon and Jesus are literally the same person but also not and they parallel one another perfectly but its also an insult to say they do #two side of the same coin??? #two sons damned by their fathers two mothers damned by their sons both only having each other #maybe #I don't know anymore #it just feels right in my gut #and I'm so tired and just feeling... things... and this post was born #aegon ii targaryen #aegon targaryen #alicent hightower #pro alicent hightower #pro team green #hotd #house of the dragon #tw religion #tw religious themes #tw religious imagery

[ruelpsen]

I fucking overdid it tonight y'all. I had a whole pizza and a liter and a half of soda. It's been an hour and a half since I finished dinner and the pain's only finally starting to subside now. I haven't stuffed myself this painfully full in months and I forgot how much it can suck. At least I'm now getting back towards feeling comfortably full, but fuck, this hurts. If only I had someone here to rub my aching belly and tell me how impressed they are with my voracity...

#the fullness started to get pretty uncomfortable when i only had a little soda left #at that point i decided to go through and finish it since i was so close but damn #things got painful right after i finished #i'm so tired now from all the digesting my body's doing #stuffing

[morewyckedthanyou]

anyways idk what is happening, maybe i'm just coming down with a bad flu or something, but i have been SO tired for no reason for several days now and today at work i also felt really ill. i drive around in a car about 6-7 hours a day at work these days and today i had to pull up two times on the side of the road because it felt like i was going to throw up. i didn't, it went away, but it was a close call.

#and yes i felt nauseous the whole damn day #i also developed a bad headache and it still hasn't gone away really #and i'm just so. fucking. tired. #after work i've really just been lying in bed mostly in this kind of a trance #not really asleep but not really fully awake either #i don't have enough energy for anything i usually even enjoy right now #ok i'll shut up now #just had to vent a bit #and now i'll head back to bed #i think i'll actually take a sleeping pill tonight maybe knocking myself out totally for a night will help some #personal

[sweet-star-cookie]

so i finished the teal mask dlc

#i'm not okay #i'm dead fucking serious i have never been so disquieted by a POKEMON GAME PLOT like this before and i don't like it #i'm so upset #look. LOOK. listen it has been established that the player's choices in pokemon do not actually matter outside of mild dialogue changes #i'm totally fine with pokemon moving towards more consequence-based stories #but if you're going to do that here then you NEED TO ACTUALLY /GIVE THE PLAYER A CHOICE/ #THIS PLACE SUCKS I JUST CAME HERE FOR A GOOD TIME AND I'M FEELING SO ATTACKED RIGHT NOW ;;;;;;;; #FUCK YOU CARMINE I HATE YOU #I HATE YOU I HATE YOU #TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN AND I WILL DECK YOU IN THE FACE #YOU FORCED ME TO BE A BAD FRIEND TO THIS SWEET LITTLE BOY AND THEN WE TOOK AWAY HIS ONLY CHANCES AT FRIENDSHIP WITH ME /AND/ OGERPON #ABSOLUTELY HEINOUS #CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT #HE TRIED SO DAMN HARD THE ENTIRE TIME AND DID NOTHING WRONG AND I WILL /DIE ON THIS HILL/ #I'M SORRY KIKI ;;;;_______;;;; #literally he had his completely justified joker moment at the end and my friend was like 'yeah sorry he's evil now' and I just paused #and then turned to her and said 'never love anything' #this is unrelated but if Iruma in M!IK ever turns actually evil like this at any point ever I am defenestrating my tv #i am SO tired and i am betrayed SO often CAN'T HAVE SHIT IN DETROIT ;;;;;;; #WHY CAN'T MY SWEET LITTLE GUYS JUST STAY SWEET LITTLE GUYS FOR ONCE #Kieran is my SON you can't DO THIS TO ME!!!!!! #also i would die for Ogerpon btw #she is my daughter and i love her #i want to squish her little face and hold her in my arms forever #i need a plush of her right the fuck now #if any of you villagers or tourists scare her or make her sad again i will cut you and that is a THREAT #my art #kind of lmao #pokemon

[sergeantnarwhalwrites]

"I'll write when I'm done," Said the guy who'd rather go comatose for a month minimum.

#personal #unbelievablely fucking tired #My room is flooded with all the shit from my dorm so I'm trying to focus my energy on that #And I am broker than a damn joke right now #Needs a job -> No transportation to get to said job and being both under and overqualifies

[innerthoughtsmonologue]

"Before we collide" WIP

Does this count as a #WIP ?

#omg its fcking 12 am in the morning I'm so fcking tired but there you go #thoughts #inner monologue #inner thoughts #feelings #writer #writeblr #writers on tumblr #writers #Before we collide #OUT NOW AT INKITT AND WATTPAD #Before we collide (SPANISH version) #Before we collide (ENGLISH version) #WRITE WRITE WRITE #JUST DO IT #Damn I probably should sleep more #BISEXUAL RIGHTS #Lgbt #lgbtq community #queer #pride

[medicinemane]

And maybe you'll be like "but if you don't trust businesses, how can you trust welfare?"

I fucking don't. My mom trying to get on food stamps fucked me up because a lady I never met without my permission got my SSN from my mom and started editing my files. My heart still races to this very second whenever I think about it, it kinda messed me up bad and I'll never ever ever see any kind of recourse

And I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose my medicaid just cause I inherited some money from my grandpa

And I've never even applied for disability cause it kinda doesn't matter finding out if I'd qualify or not cause of my depression, when the rules are so restrictive I don't know if I've even be allowed to keep my house

I do not fucking trust these things on a personal level. I feel like out of a lot of people I have the most to fear from them cause I'm on the edge of having things work, and that gets you punished

...but I need medicaid in order to have insurance (and when you strip out the finance side of medicaid, I love medicaid... they're honestly incredible insurance... I just... I just... dental is like 90% of why medicaid is so important to me, ever since I found out this state pays for it I've actually been able to do cleanings which is important to me cause I can't always get myself to brush)

And I think things like disability and food stamps are pretty damn important on a personal level, and honestly are also good for the economy cause they get people spending... it's practically a free cash infusion into the economy, cause these are people who need to buy stuff

There's just so much important stuff welfare does that it's worth dealing with government

No, what I want is more accountability so if someone gets my SSN from a 3rd party like my mom they're held to HIPPA styles standards where that's not ok to access my files without my permission (She changed my fucking address and tried to get medicaid to investigate me for fraud! Never even met me)

Like have some accountability there and in every situation

Secondly I want less punitive focused rules. I'd frankly prefer bezos get on disability than smack down some poor sod cause they got $2000 in the bank or cause their friend lets them live with them for free

If there's gonna be a cut off on these programs, it needs to be a solid step above the poverty line, cause... by definition I assume poverty line denotes kinda the minimum expected income people can reasonably live off of, and if you take away benefits people are gonna lose a chunk of money to covering that stuff themself, so you need a buffer before you kick people off

I don't fucking trust the government for a second, I've actively been fucked by them and on a personal level I avoid everything but medicaid and only that cause everything but the money is pleasant to deal with and I kinda need it (honestly if I was rich I'm not even kidding that I'd rather give medicaid like $400 a month than some insurance company, I sincerely like them as insurance)

But I'd trust them a lot more if they were less punitive, less out to hunt me down and gut me cause someone handed me a fiver or cause I started to get on my feet, and if government employees had concrete rules they had to follow that were actually transparent and enforced

Like 90% of my problems with welfare go away if they're held accountable and there's less "catch the welfare cheats" mentality going around

I don't trust the government in the slightest, but sadly there some jobs it kinda has to do, so I'd just rather force it to be an open book where the public can keep an eye on it and if they step out of line there's consequences (sort of like I don't trust most mega corps but happen to sometimes need stuff from them... did you know literally every cell service provider has been illegally selling shit like your location data to random people like bounty hunters, and the FCC just slapped them with a fine that's 0.02% of their yearly incomes and debated even doing that? I even can offer a source on that)

...I don't trust much of any authority cause they constantly fail me and kinda screw me. Don't trust doctors either, but I still gotta go to them, you know? ...they're just... they're real bad at listening... so many systems need systemic change

(You know who I really don't trust is the cops. I could point to so many examples. My uncle doesn't trust cops either, and he's an ex Fire and SWAT paramedic, he worked with them and we still got into a long conversation where he basically tore into them far better than I can)

(I don't trust authority that's not accountable)

#anyway; if I'm a lousy cheat or whatever least they can do is give me a gun so I can solve that problem #shit makes me wish I was canadian so I could take advantage of their sick implementation of assisted suicide #what should be a system that gives people a choice about the quality of their life; and I don't think should be relegated to terminal illne #...there was... think he was dutch; had been burned by his girlfriend all over his body; was in constant pain #and he ended up using assisted suicide in the end cause he was just in constant agony... think that's his choice to make #but of course the canadian system concretely pushes people; mostly the poor and disabled; to kill themselves #not theoretically; as in literally says word for word to them 'you should really kill yourself; just sign here' #it's sick; it truly is #but for any americans that want to dunk on it; I'm telling you we're no better #we have the exact same miserable desperation and people (again; mostly poor and disabled) into despair #only difference is we don't offer assisted suicide #the underlying issues in the US and canada are so damn similar; so much of what's happening ends up being the same #you can't act smug just cause you only make people want to die instead of also offering to help #that's like saying that you're the good guy cause while you did everything you could to drive someone to the brink #get them fired; slash their tires; just cartoon level villain stuff to personally harass this person... at least you won't hand them rope #we have such similar systemic issues to canada; and I am explicitly telling you that like the people in canada that have said #'I can't take it anymore; disability doesn't cover my expenses and I can't get any help... I'm at my wits end so I'm gonna go die' #I'm telling you that I feel that same way; just without any eugenics agency I can call up #I'm really working to get things stable; but it feels like I'm teetering on the edge of falling into permanent failure #and... and I'll actually tell you the amount even though I don't like to mention money... makes me feel guilty #my gramps left me $27k; which sounds like a lot; but I got 20 windows that need redoing (house has a lot of windows) #...if they ended up being 1k each; that's most of the money gone; if they end up being more... #and I got a whole lotta other stuff I've been putting off like plumbing around here; need to replace that faucet #it's an amount of money that helps; but it's an amount of money that isn't gonna last #...that's like a year of bills; and my mom already needs me to pay like $400 to the propane bill since she got behind #I want to use it to... to try and really get my feet on the ground; but it might loose me my insurance... it makes me want to die #and not to be a selfish bastard; but if I could I'd like to try and take and invest a bit to maybe build some passive income #given that... that a job never seems to work out for me cause I fucking suck and cause like... my insomnia has me up at 5:30 am right now #mm tag so i can find things later

[lilypheria]

I keep feeling like shit and I'm so tired of it lmao

#lily.txt #i'm so damn tired every day and so many things makes me anxious it's ridiculous #right now i don't think even writing will help with this

[theghostofashton]

not to overreact on main but.......why do white people go to actual effort to engage in microaggression like i am genuinely so.

#this man is just flat out calling me by my last name no title in front of it nothing #he did it in his first email and that was whatever he may not have known but when i replied i signed off w my first name #he used it once #and now we're back to just addressing me by my last name and like......idk i hate it #it is genuinely easier to use my first name to use the name i signed off with why are you not #and this is why posts about how we need to be kinder bc white people are 'trying' regarding our names just bother me bc it's like #it is so often laziness #so often people not giving a shit and not bothering to check #i can tell when it's laziness and i can tell when someone's genuinely trying #i would never get on someone for genuinely trying #but if you demonstrate being able to address me correctly and then.....stop doing that #what am i supposed to think lol #this happens so often i'm just tired. why am i supposed to suck it up when you can't get my damn 4 letter name right #delete later #sorry. it's been a Week lol

[hypnogoopgardennerd]

So, Good Omens season 2 just dropped after 4 years. At least in my country it just dropped right now, that would be great if right now wasn't the middle of the night (28th July at 2:00 AM). Whoever that programmed the date of release to 28th July at 2:00 AM is such a vile genius...

It's so funny because I want to watch this right now so badly but I'm also so damn tired.

Also, if someone read this post and thought "I'm going to watch it right now" and it wasn't posted yet in their country, I'm sorry. It will probably be released soon, thought.

#good omens #good omens 2 #prime video #david tennant #michael sheen #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #i want to watch this right now but I'm so damn tired

[therhythmismyblanket]

.

#being ace can be so damn alienating sometimes I can't even put it into words just makes me feel like shit and want to cry #idk maybe I have to try and find some ace people to talk to in person irl but I'm lowkey scared of not fitting in / vibing with others #just really tired sad and frustrated right now and had to vent

[idsb]

I just can’t believe I’ve wanted to be here my entire sentient life and I’ve accomplished it and like. Lol sorry we’re Qantas & we’re incompetent and now u got no clothes1!!1!1!1!1

#this is just like insult to injury atp but #I bought new underwear bc I have none right #and well guess what!!!! #h&m forgot to take the FUCKING anti-theft device off #so now I've gotta go back into the city like this to get them to remove it and I'm just #I'm just TIRED #like idk how to explain it but #I knew I had to do a lot of life maintenance stuff when I first arrived #but all of these added baggage headaches and the stress on top of it is just making this completely defeating #idk like. how to figure out what I want or how to get moving in the right direction #when my mental health is in the pits because I have no damn belongings

[imaginary-wanderer]

Mental health is going downhill, I'm not sure how to handle that right now... The end of the year feels more and more lonely at the days pass.

Cherish your loved ones, make sure they know they count in your life.

#i'm trying so hard to keep myself busy #but it's mentally tiring to have to produce anything to feel like I'm buying my right to exist #without this... why am i even here? #if I'm not producing anything i'm absolutely irrelevant in this world #'it's the anxiety speaking' you bet it is and it's damn right #i have no purpose no one will miss me when my parents are gone #i'm still here because i don't want to ruin their life #what happens when the only people you're relevant to disappear? #i'm taking up space and ressources that could go to someone else #would therapy help? to learn to lie to myself into thinking 'we all deserve to live'? #live for what exactly? be a waste of space? be so deeply useless? #if i disappeared right now my job would replace me my pets would go to my parents #and that's it #that's everything my life is made of #and it's no one's fault #but maybe we're not all made to live

[faytelumos]

Playing Nice

This is a short one for me. It's supposed to have a second scene, and I might eventually add it as a part two.

This takes place like a week before part one of Illusory.

cw: repeated mentions of child abuse

directory

---

Black Ice adjusted his tie, trying to find the right balance between well-dressed and choking. He touched his thin briefcase reassuringly, trying not to bounce his leg. He settled for tugging on his slacks and picking a hair off of them.

It was amazing how stressful normal shit could be sometimes. Hand-to-hand sparring with someone twice his size? Easy. Racing other flyers to avoid the stick? A laugh. Going to an interview to get accepted onto the heroes roster?

He was fucking dying.

"No way," someone said from down the hall. Black Ice looked up to the speaker, and he felt the stiff kick of adrenalin to see two black, armored uniforms staring at him. Just his luck. He mustered up a friendly, polite smile, and the two enforcers started cautiously towards him. "Are you… Black Ice?" the one asked. She wasn't wearing head gear, and as she got closer, Black Ice could see the crow's feet and fine lines on her face.

"Hopefully not for much longer," he replied, chipper. He looked down and patted his brief case, then smiled back up at the two.

"Wait," the other enforcer, a man closer to Black Ice's age, said.

"Yeah," the first one griped, gesturing stiffly to him, "this is the little bastard that blew up Genesis Labs."

Great.

"Now, hold on," Black Ice began, pulling on his best smile. He stood slowly, holding up his hands when both enforcers touched the stun guns on their hips. Black Ice hesitated, looking between them, before meeting the woman's eye. He turned up the charm, making his smile crooked and more playful. "I think we can all agree that that place was unethical."

The man shifted, glancing to the woman. Black Ice held her gaze, tilting his chin down slightly. She looked him up and down in a flash before meeting his eyes again.

"I reacted unethically, and I'm ready to admit that," he went on. "But given the circumstances, can you see how my response was appropriate?"

The woman tensed her jaw, anger flaring in her eyes. "I don't know," she challenged, taking a step closer. "Johnson? Do you think it's appropriate to kill forty hard-working men and women for a kindergarten freak show?"

Black Ice's smile fell instantly, hatred and rage rising to a boil in his chest. The lab had been full of kids, little kids to teenagers, who had done nothing wrong. Kids who were just trying to survive that fucking place. Kids who were sweet, and good, and did everything they were told, and still got the fucking knife because they were different.

Black Ice bit down hard on the snarl trying to twist his expression, but the younger enforcer still took a step back. Black Ice kept his gaze on the woman, fighting the urge to drop his temperature until she couldn't breathe his air. She was nervous now, too, gripping the handle of her stun gun as he took a step forward. He couldn't do anything to this woman, to anyone. He had to be added to the hero roster. He needed to get back inside S.A.I.

"Do you think it's appropriate," Black Ice growled, leaning in closer, looming over her, "for forty-two grown men and women to muscle around a bunch of children? To watch, while sixty-five kids are beaten, starved, terrorized, and caged?"

She kept glaring at him, squaring her shoulders like she somehow still had the moral high ground. He didn't let her reply.

"I did what I did because I was trying to save people," he rumbled. "You people are just a bunch of glorified mercenaries."

"You have no idea what we do," she snapped.

"Enlighten me."

"We're the reason people like you survive as long as you do," she hissed, jabbing a finger into his chest. He clenched his fists, baring his teeth, but not using his powers despite the burning need to. "Without us, you and every other entitled mutant would be mincemeat on day one."

"Funny," Black Ice spat, his eyes deathly sharp, "since a fourteen-year-old made such easy work of you."

She grabbed him by the throat and slammed him into the wall, both hands wrapped around his neck as the chair clattered behind him. He was already holding her wrists, ready to get up and yank her off of the ground, when the door opened.

"Hey!" another woman shouted. The enforcer stilled, but she didn't let go of Black Ice. He tried to soften his expression, clenching his jaw and tamping his roiling hatred down to a simmer. "Is there a problem?"

Black Ice watched the enforcer, a smug sense of satisfaction creeping in. What was she going to say? Yeah, there's a problem, this asshole killed a bunch of people a decade ago? This bastard has a smart mouth? He provoked me from all the way across the hall because he was just sitting there minding his own fucking business?

Black Ice smirked. The enforcer let him go, her expression tightly pinched.

"No, there's no problem," she said as Black Ice tugged his rumpled suit back into rights.

"Then please don't assault anyone," the new woman snapped. Black Ice just kept smiling at the enforcer as she tried to glare a hole into his face. "We're ready for you, now, Black Ice."

He finally broke eye contact with his assailant to pick up his suitcase, which had fallen to the floor during her little outburst. He turned to her again, offering her the most disgustingly sweet smile he could muster. "See you in the field, ma'am," he said through his teeth.

"I'm looking forward to it," she growled.

#Fayte writes #writeblr #writing #hero agency #sassy villain #oc: Black Ice #barely edited #I am so tired #I am so tired all the time #I freaking love Morning Frost not gonna lie #he's trying so damned hard even if he's not really doing the right thing #I want to write more about him before and after #maybe when my battery holds a charge #going through Illusory again just reminded me that I really enjoyed that story #and now I'm trying to put out more bits and bobs of it for funsies #Morning Frost has a lot to him and I know I could make another story about him #maybe #maybe maybe maybe #anyway

[i--am-ironman]

you know you're "not doing well" when you can't manage anything more than a weak smile upon seeing sewis together again

#by not doing well i mean fucking depressed to the point of needing to drink to keep The Thoughts away #i'm so worn thin that the most minuscule shit is tipping me over into a panic attack weekly now #i'm just damn tired of having a constant knot in my stomach and questioning myself and the meaning of... well everything #also cheers to the adhd clinic lady saying while smiling at me that 'you're just more of a sad character right?' #it that shit exists it means i just have to accept that and live this way and honestly just get fucking fucked #nobody is supposed to feel like this #and me writing this on social media where everybody can see is fucking pathetic and i feel even shittier #but putting it only in my diary with the rest means avoiding people even more and all that'd do is just push me further into my own head #i just... want to stop thinking about the chances of achieving my dreams #and what i am and what i should be #personal