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writer-in-theory · 2 years

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payback is a bitch. im payback - all of them.

you know...i should've seen this coming.

who is/are your comfort character(s)? well fuck. um, luna lovegood, alec lightwood, spencer reid, billy hargrove to name just a few

lighter or matches? LIGHTER. oh my god i hate matches. i use them for labs all the time and for some reason everyone around me is terrified of them so i end up lighting about 12 bunsen burners on the fucking daily.

do you leave the window open at night? FUCK NO. but i also live on the ground floor in the middle of the city, so you know.

which cryptyd being do you believe in? MOTHMAN MOTHMAN MOTHMAN. also there's a cryptid like 5 minutes from my hometown that i'll message you about on discord so i dont literally dox myself.

what color are your eyes? green !! i also have central heterochromia so there's some gold around the center in a ring.

why did you do that? i mean the usual answer is bc im a chaotic bitch lmao.

hair-ties or scrunchies? scrunchies !! i have thick curly hair and elastics leave bad indents in it

how many water bottles are in your room right now? none. coke bottles? twelve.

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee? cold what the fuck is there another answer?? although when i'm walking to class and its cold as shit outside, hot ig but only for survival purposes.

would you slaughter the rich? eat the rich fuck yeah buddy.

favorite extracurricular activity? laying on the floor blasting music in my ears at maximum volume to stop thinky. but also writing, ig.

what kind of day is it? well i depression napped for 7 hours today then woke up only to actually freak the fuck out about a fic i posted earlier in the day sooo

when was the last time you ate? around 7 sooo five hours ago ish??

do you love the smell of earth after it rains? thats one of my favorite smells of all time. i also love the smell in the air right before it rains

are you a parent? (all answers qualify) fuck no im not qualified enough for that

can you drive? noooope. im trying but its very hard :c

are you farsighted or nearsighted? nearsighted and i have astigmatisms

what hair products do you use? god so many. leave-in, mousse, curl cream, oil, and on some days a bit of gel

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails? hell yeah i love painting nails. i used to do nail art !!

do you say soda or pop? soda soda soda soda-

something you’ve kept since childhood? i have a penguin stuffie my grandparents got for me as a kid. it's gone everywhere, to all vacations and everything. i also have a little note from my first boyfriend from when i was like 8 or 9. he told me i was pretty and that everything would be okay and its just so innocent and sweet i had to keep it.

what type of person are you? an angry one who has no idea what they're doing 97% of the time

how do you feel about chilly weather? i hate it. i hate it so much. i love fall clothes but i hate being cold and i hate ice and i hate snow.

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing? drinking and sharing stories probably. i used to love climbing out onto my rooftop and drinking cheap whiskey with people.

perfume/body spray or lotion? i can't say both?? but fine, i can't live without my cerave so lotion.

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times? whenever i get upset i imagine what a first book signing would look like if i can publish a popular book. it replays a lot lmao

about how many hours of sleep did you get? last night? none.

do you wear a mask? YES YES YES. i'm immunocompromised like fuck so always.

how do you like your shower water? hot as fuck. i better be burning and i better look like a lobster when im done.

is there dishes in your room? nope. i leave bottles but my line is dishes that had food on them.

what type of music keeps you grounded? sad music or anything with sounds that scratches the brain nice

do you have a favorite towel? nah not really i have cheap ass towels so idc

the last adventure you’ve been on? i went to ikea?

is there a song you know every word to by heart? oh so many. there's this irish folk song that has an important meaning to me that ive known the words to since forever.

what’s your timezone? eastern !!

how many times have you changed your url? none, surprisingly. i just really love the one i came up with first i feel like it perfectly captures me

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years? yep!! i have an internet friend that i've known for exactly 10 years now.

a soap bar that smells good? i have one that's sandalwood and vanilla that im in love with

do you use lip balm? yes constantly. burt's bees!!

did you have any snacks today? yeee i had gushers and cheetos.

how do you take your coffee? if i'm making it at home i put a bit of creamer in it then hazelnut syrup, usually.

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site? i feel like im on discord constantly anymore

what’s your take on spicy foods? i'm...so bad. i cant handle spicy at all which is so tragic. like it's embarrassing and laughable lmao.

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it? he knows who he is.

can you remember what happened yesterday? uhh i worked, went to ikea, then talked Tea with cj and serenity lmao

favorite holiday film? okay im a bitch for cheesy romcoms. i love the holidate, holidays in handcuffs, and if we're going not romcom then the nightmare before christmas.

what was the last message you sent?

when did you first try an alcohol beverage? i was very young when i had my first sip. but my first whole drink on my own? i was sixteen.

can you skip rocks? yesss that was like a must growing up where i was. easy way to pass the time, you know?

can i tag you in random stuff? always.

#ask jay #ask game #cj 🌙

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chococookiez · 5 months

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nightly ptv posting in random places until i see them live (123 days left!!) - not in the greatest place rn as this cold covid continues to fuck with me both physically and mentally so im gonna get really sappy and talk about how significant each album is to me cause i could write a whole essay on this. under cut cause this is gonna be long

collide with the sky was the album that got me into this band. one of my irl friends was reposting tiktoks about them, i heard the hell above transition and instantly ran to them for recommendations cause i was HOOKED. that night i think i listened to them for around 3 and a half hours straight, i think i went through the entirety of collide, selfish machines and afftd (im not sure if i finished afftd or if i looked at misadventures yet) and the only thing that stopped me from continuing the binge was a massive headache that came over me. hold on till may inspired two of my ocs as i imagined them taking the roles of both people in the song, their personalities and how that'd fit into an existing universe we (me and my friends) had. they're still the two ocs i think about the most since i connect them with ptv very often and - yknow, hyperfixation. fun fact: i timed the "im sorry but ive made up my mind" in bulls in the bronx to happen when it hit midnight on my birthday. no clue why, just thought it was cool ig

the jaws of life was the first album i owned physically, accidentally managing to acquire both the cd and the vinyl on my birthday (cd was spotted in hmv, vinyl was my grandma's gift. there's a certain cashier at that hmv that i think happened to be working that day who shares my music taste, they recommended my dad listen to them since he said he got the cd for me lmaoo) the songs on that album were the first ones my parents heard, as my dad's car has a cd player so i popped it in on the way back home. much later on due to some shenanigans involving a shitbox car thats best music source was cds and oh look ptv is the one band my mum didn't mind listening to and i had 2 of their cds (i'll talk about that later), it ended up becoming her favourite album of theirs so we'd very often listen to it on journeys even when she got her car back as it was one of the few things we shared taste wise after i took a dive bomb into rock/metal, so while its my least favourite in terms of songs as im writing this (i don't dislike them!! some of my faves are on there!!), im incredibly sentimental towards it regardless.

misadventures was the second album i owned physically, finding the cd buried in a local record shop (it has the acoustic bonuses on it!!), and i think i can sorta call it my favourite album of all time. almost every single song in that album has been put on loop at least once (i mean that very literally. every single one. except sambuka? idk, just wasn't in my head as much...) it was also involved in the shitbox car shenanigans which might have influenced my love for it too. the divine zero in particular had (and still has tbh) a strong chokehold on me, being a little too relatable for me as i was going through a very dark patch in life that im not sure is entirely over yet actually, though it at least feels like it might be. i still can't listen to that song only one time whenever it comes on, i have to replay it at least once. it was my top song on spotify and i barely even fucking use spotify. can you tell im normal about the divine zero?

tl;dr - ptv are cool. im normal about them. thumbs up emoji.

a flair for the dramatic and selfish machines, while not having a big long story behind them, have been incredibly important to me during The Cold Covid as their songs are the main ones im obsessed with currently. some noteworthy songs off them are she sings in the morning/yeah boy and doll face (ok this one's kinda silly: i found out people found the first song through osu which i hadn't played in ages and these two was some of the first plays i got in a very long time so i currently hold them very close. fun fact: i like rhythm games!), wonderless/chemical kids and mechanical brides (INCREDIBLY calming to me, go tos when i need to lower my energy levels), million dollar houses (very closely connected to one of the two hold on till may connected ocs) and fast times at clairemont high (ok it's just a banger to me. the high notes make me fucking feral and i listened to the song 10 times in a row once. oops)

#and today on cookie's ramblings #this one's truly a ramble #yea sure i'll tag this #pierce the veil #ptv #im in like 3 different kinds of pain rn #still feeling kinda miserable #but writing this out and putting on my 2 ptv vinyls is helping #oh yea i didnt even mention i have collide as a vinyl too!#its on as im writing the tags! tangled in the great escape is playing :3 #i wanna make more fun nightly posts but ive been in an absolute state lately so you get ramblings again #at least its coherent this time... shudders at the last nightly i posted here #nightly ptv posting

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three-bunnies-in-a-trenchcoat · 11 months

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OK ok. many things 2 say. i just woke up and read ur answer so bare w me i have a lot

first of all. yeah people really fuck with malons character and the tropes they stick to her are boring at best and misogynistic at worst and it makes me Very Upset. shes one of my favs and shes actually rlly interesting if u squint (im abt to make 2 posts abt that lol) but noooo shes Time's Wife and The Boys Mother and nothing more . when it comes to Time L/U its weird bc it takes the heroes shade into account (which is fine! it is canon!) but imo the heroes shade completely fucked her character to shit and disregarded her entire story of oot and mm and. hhhh. i dont like that version of her becoming the Main Interpetation. please stop making her a brooding asshole please consider her as shes written pleaaaase 🙏🙏

i dont blame u for finding oot and mm dull. theyre long and old and not quite story-heavy as sksw and botw but im just insane about its themes and characters so if u ever have questions i can prolly answer them (and itd make me super happy lmao 🕺💃)

i didnt even know the shortened names were a completely fanon thing what !! hell world ig aaaagh

and OK THANK YOU!!!! there is a MASSIVE difference between tired and sleepy and he is TIRED if anything !!!!!!!! the entire game is about how devoted link is to saving zelda that it caused the reincarnation cycle OF COURSE HE WOULD BE TIRED. OF COURSE HE WOULD SACRIFICE SLEEP FOR THE SAKE OF HER. OF COURSE!!!!!!!!! i will say that there is this interesting thing w sksw in that, like... you start out being told link is someone who is very carefree and almost lackadaisical. he lives with his head in the clouds and takes things at his own pace and he likes to stop and smell the roses and whatnot (see: everything zelda says at the beginning of the game abt him not practicing and not rlly taking it seriously and etc etc etc). hes too late to see her at the forest temple and impa tells him he was too late to SAVE her and THEN we get that iconic "am i late?" "no. youre right on time." scene, and then it ends w ghirahim saying hes "far too quick" at the end of the game. what im getting at is that hes trying so, so hard throughout the game to be the hero zelda needs, and he gets better and better and better (albeit at his own expense). i DO think the impa scene was the major turning point and fucked up his view of himself ("why would i need to take care of myself when she still needs to be saved?") but point is. he is trying so hard. yes hed be tired and itd almost certainly be self imposed but sleepy? LAZY??? did you play the game past the opening .

you and me have the same brain abt sksw link i think. no more sleepy soft sweetheart link i want sksw link with a good heart who is still ultimately so sooo tired and weary bc he is putting everything he is into saving his friend but who also wont pass up the opportunity to fuck with people or wreck shit if he wants to.

ok sorry for the long messages. Why am i not following you what hang on

Dang :/ you really can't have anything in this place, huh? (Also I'd love to hear what you have to say on the hero's shade (even if its just in the context of lu), because I do quite like him (although the version that exists in my head is admittedly a bit-- different))

It's not that I don't want to watch it its just that I know after about three hours I'll be giving up (yeah I can replay a game I've already finished three times for six straight hours but GOD FORBID I try to watch a new show or listen to a podcast :/)

Yeah the names are shortened. yall could've been creative at least? It feels like it reduces them down even further, if that makes sense

YES he's getting faster and faster but at what cost!! Buddy you're going to make yourself sick!!! Take a break once in a while!!! (I say while actively writing several fics in which he Does Not Take A Fucking Break)

At this point sksw link simply has no shits left to give. Like yeah he'll help people but. Wouldn't it just be so much easier to give this love letter away as toilet paper? And also like I know it's just restrictions on how many words they can get in the boxes. But he seems like a pretty blunt guy. I think someone who's a quote unquote "soft sweetheart" would at least be willing to use more than three words at a time (and he wouldn't walk closer to better hear a private conversation, cough, pipit and his mom, cough, and then lie about it)

#the main thing that interests me in ss isnt like. the characters and such. but rather the lore and the fuckery of the timeline.#so im not as qualified to speak on it as i would like :/#also im just bad at grasping stuff thats not laid out directly in front of my face #mb and strawberryrosewood scream about hats

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moramaisis · 1 year

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Tagged by @a-hulder Aaaa! Thank you!♥ Nickname: I don't have any, people just use my name. When i was a kid, i had many. Mom called me mermaid and some other things that are awkward to translate. Some classmates called me "the artist" for a short amount of time. Sign: Scorpio

Height: 1,75 m or 5' 9" Last thing i googled: sketchyfinch (Grace Winstead on ig) Song stuck in my head: Rockwell- Somebody's watching me Number of followers: 284 Amount of sleep: I need 8 hours at minimum, but it's hard to get it because of insomnia. It's always changing. Lucky number: I don't have one. Or luck in general. Dream job: I always wanted to be a vet. Or a biologist, zoologist if it didn't work out. Just working with animals. Wearing: Knitted socks (mom made them!), leggings, t-shirt and a bathrobe. Movies/books that summarize me: Oh wow, never thought about it ....ummm... Books: Lydia Koidula's death poetry (she wrote about two main things, her love for her country and death.) Sügispeeglimäng - Ellen Niit (a poetry book) Jane Eyre - Charlotte Brontë Black Beauty - Anna Sewell Haruki Murakami's novels The amber cat - Hilary McKay Countless fairy tale books we have with stories from all over the world. Really love old creepy ones! Our folk tales and fairy tales.

Movies/tv shows: Hercule Poirot (David Suchet is the absolute best!) Miss Marple Midsomer murders The Thing (1982) Alien franchise (I have a special thing for Ellen Ripley, but the new films are okay too) Sleepy hollow Hannibal Princess Mononoke Howl's moving castle Hellboy Crimson Peak Jane Eyre (2006) Bram Stoker's Dracula Favorite song: This is hard... i listen to a lot of different genres, usually to one song until i'm tired of it. So, i'll list some songs that i was obsessed as a teen and could replay a hundred times now. Vanessa Mae - Destiny, Toccata and Fugue in D Minor, I feel love, The Devil's Trill Sonata, Bach Street Prelude, Embrasses Moi (You Fly Me Up). Anything by My Chemical Romance. Full stop. ABBA - Lay all your love on me, The winner takes it all, Gimme Gimme Gimme, Voulez-Vous, SOS. Röyksopp- What else is there. Their new stuff is fantastic too! I'll give a few ones. Stay Awhile (feat. Susanne Sundfør), Lights Out ft. Pixx, So Ambiguous ft. Jamie Irrepressible, Me & Youphoria, Oh, Lover ft. Susanne Sundfør. Favorite instrument: The organ, violin or Cello. Aesthetic: Alternative. All black and accessorised when i'm going out, but a comfortable style when walking the dog or at home. Loose T-shirts, leggings or loose trousers, knit socks. Favorite author: Haruki Murakami. Jane Austen. Favorite animal noise: The sneeze! The sound when they shake their fur, yawning. Random: I have three cats and a dog. The third cat was unplanned, i found her as a kitten in 2020. Bottle fed her for a week and she's my daughter now 😈. Her tail is bent in a spiral shape and she's a tortoiseshell from hell who rips wallpaper off the walls. Tagging: @likopinina

#about me #tagged #personal #anyone reading this is tagged #if you want to of course

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ladydeznutz · 3 years

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When He Loved Me (Peter Parker x Reader)

A/N: My first fic and it's angst that came into my head around 3am. I've always wanted to write fics, but I didn't like how I wrote and I was embarrassed. First time writing for others so I tried to keep away from using just she/her pronouns, but if that's what you'd like just lemme know

I can write for other fandoms, and imma make a list of the fandoms I like bc I have so many I forget. I'll also add some other things if it interests me. Not comfortable with nsfw just yet so apologies. Anyways, enjoy the fic ig and please give me criticism if you see something wrong

idk how tumblr works with spacing and all that so hopefully this comes decent looking

Prompt: Please, don't leave me.

TW: S**cide mention

Every day had started to feel the same to you for a while now.

It started when he began missing date nights with you. He was always so excited about them, and then they were happening less and less often. You still saw him on occasion, but it felt more like "business" than anything else.

You didn't get the same giddy feeling you used to get when you'd see him; it felt like going out with him was more of a chore. You couldn't even complain to him about it even if you wanted to. Anytime you did see him long enough, he was always gone within a second, always in a rush. You never knew what he even did with himself or if he was thinking about you at all.

It definitely didn't help that you'd always catch him hanging out with his friends. You confronted Ned about it, but he was always so dismissive. Hell, you had even talked to Michelle about the whole thing. At first, she sympathized, but then it was as if a switch was flipped. You used to go to her to vent about Peter and the relationship. Now, she was practically telling you that you were overreacting.

----

You felt like you were going to have a mental breakdown.

Learning about a loved one's passing is always one of the hardest things for anyone to deal with, especially when it's someone you deeply care about.

You had just received the news that your best friend had killed himself a couple of hours ago.

You didn't know how to feel.

You couldn't wrap your head around it. There was no warning.

You and he had been friends since childhood, and you knew each other so well that neither one of you could even remember a time when the other wasn't around.

Your hands shook as you picked up the phone to call Peter. Your tears finally fell as you listened to the constant ringing of the phone, and you knew he wasn't going to answer. Rage grew within you as you heard his voicemail message causing you to throw your phone across the room. It crashed into the wall and broke, but you didn't pay any mind to it as you fell to the ground and let out a wailed sob.

Why did this have to happen?

You could barely catch your breath between sobs.

Your body shook.

You didn't care about anything anymore.

You didn't care about Peter anymore.

----

Weeks had passed, and Peter was exhausted.

Tracking down a gang, taking them down, and meeting another Spider-Man had just been a lot for him to take in. He was so tired, he didn't even want to think about it anymore. His back ached as he climbed through his window.

He was just so damned tired.

He stripped out of his suit, took off his web-shooters, and placed them back in his closet. Then, he took a quick shower.

His job was a bit easier to have Ned and MJ know he was Spider-Man. Now he just had to tell you.

Peter stood in the middle of the room and weighed out what would happen. He felt sorry for lying to you, and he knew that he was being distant. He just didn't have the courage to deal with any of it because he was worried about you. He couldn't lose you too.

As Peter lied down to finally get some rest, he wondered how you were doing. Karen had said you tried calling him, but he couldn't answer he had been in the middle of a stakeout.

He got up and rummaged through his book bag to get his phone, turning it on to scroll through his messages. He sat up as he realized how many he had gotten. Had something happened?

As he scrolled through, his heart broke. So many people had posted about the loss of Jay and were gossiping about why he did it. When he finally went through them all, he looked at your one missed call and gulped.

You had called him that day, and he didn't pick up.

He clicked the voice mail and listened to the message. All that he could hear were your pained sniffles, a shout, and then the line cut off.

He felt sick as he replayed the message.

Peter already felt awful about lying to you; he had to fix this. He quickly texted you, put his web-shooters back on, and was ut the window.

He knew the way to your house, so it took him no time to et there. As he was getting ready to knock on your window, he did a double-take and took a closer look.

Someone was sitting in your room; it looked like he had been waiting for you. Peter quirked an eyebrow as he looked at the guy. He was wearing a red and green jacket with shorts and sneakers. He also looked like he was wearing tights?

Suddenly, you walked into the room, so Peter backed away from the window to hide in the shadows. You seemed to be upset as you were wiping your eyes quite a bit.

"I'm sorry Miles. I didn't think I'd start crying like that," you said as you sat on your bed.

"Hey, it's okay," he replied as he stood up and moved closer to you. You sniffled as you tried to regain your composure. Peter didn't quite know how to react. Who was this? What was going on?

"I just...he..." you groan out in frustration as you grip your hair. Miles' eyes widen as he sees tears start flowing from your eyes again.

"You wanna talk about it?" he asks as he wraps an arm around your shoulders. You shrug as you shake your head.

"It's complicated, and besides, that's what our therapy's for" you chuckle dryly. Miles' eyes wander the room as he tries to think of something to do to cheer you up. "How 'bout we go out tonight?" he suggests.

"I don't like the tone of that voice" you sass as you turn to give him a look. Peter watches Miles turn around, and his eyes widen. Miles was wearing a suit, a Spider-Man suit. The same Spider-Man he saw the other week.

"Any place you wanna go to, we'll go" he adds with a cheeky smile. "Really? You're not busy?" You cross your arms as you stare him down.

"Nah, night's been quiet. Besides, I might be busy tomorrow, then you'd miss your favorite person in the world" he winks as you begin to smile. Peter's heart sank as he realized what was happening. He thwipped a web to the building across from yours and sat down on the edge of the roof. Pulling out his phone, he sent you a text.

Can we talk tomorrow?

Giggling could be heard from across the street. Peter looked up and bit his lip as you glanced at your phone and threw it on your bed. You got onto Miles' back, and you both swung away.

----

After you tried calling Peter that day, you stopped reaching out to him altogether. You decided that you'd wait to talk to him until he finally realized you weren't there. It had been about five weeks, and in those five weeks, you had gone to therapy and counseling.

You met Miles in counseling. He was sweet but seemed to get off topic a lot. When you were getting ready to leave one session, he had come up to you, put his hand on your shoulder, and let out a simple "Hey." One thing led to another, and you had both bonded over your losses. You went to Miles' uncle's funeral, and he went to Jay's funeral with you.

You were currently sitting on a swing at the playground as you waited for Peter. It was taking him forever to show, and at this point, you wanted to get this whole conversation over with.

Frowning, you looked around, wondering why he was taking so long. He should've been here by now. Maybe he decided not to come after all.

When that thought crossed your mind, you scoffed and stood up. Before you could go anywhere, however, you felt someone gently grab your hand. Looking back, you saw Peter staring at you with a small smile on his face.

"You came."

"Of course I did"

Peter pulls you towards him and wraps his arms around you. You take a deep breath as you stare off towards the slide. He pulls away when he realizes you're not hugging him back. The both of you pull away awkwardly as you look at each other.

"Peter-" "(Y/N)-" both of you speak at the same time.

"I- I have o tell you something" he starts with a stutter. You wait patiently as you motion for him to continue. "I know th-that I've been....not here for you for a while-" he cuts himself off when he hears you scoff.

"I.....I had these things, and I should've told you as soon as we started dating, and I'm sorry. I know I've been an asshole, more than that actually" you roll your eyes and shake your head as he continues.

"I just.....I love you, and I want you to know that even though I don't show it a lot" he finishes as he rubs the back of his head nervously.

The good thing about coming to this park was that there was usually no one here, and you were glad no one was here right now because boy were you fuming. "Told me about what Parker?" Your hand goes to your hip as you glare at him.

"W-Well....uhm......that guy that you talk to.......I'm like him I guess. Spider-Man." Your eyes widen when you hear the first part. "How the hell do you know I've been talking to someone?"

Peter stumbles with his words as he realizes he's been caught red-handed, "Uh...I was gonna visit yesterday, and I kinda....saw you..talking to him....." You narrow your eyes as you pick up a stick and throw it at him. He ducked before he could get hit, but you were already in his face.

"You were spying on me?!"

"I-I wasn't trying to! I was just-"

"Christ Peter!" All this time of you not being here, and now all of a sudden you just wanna show up out of nowhere because of what?! Jay?! Is that why you're finally talking to me?!" Panic stirs in Peter's eyes as he tries to come up with an excuse.

"I tried so hard to get you to talk to me, and you only wanna talk now because of that shit?! Peter, I can't do this shit with you anymore. I don't care if you're Spider-Man; what was the point of not telling me in the first place?! We live in New York for God's sake!!"

Your face is red as you frustratingly wipe away your tears with your forearm. Peter stays silent as he watches you; he can't say anything right now because you've hit the nail on the head.

"Y-You know what, fuck this. I can't do this shit any-anymore, Peter. But please tel-tell me; w-what did I do wrong? I di-did my best to keep both of us h-h-happy. Please, just tell me what I did wr-wrong." Your words are barely recognizable as you hold yourself to keep you're shaking body still.

Peter steps forward, but instead of stopping him like he thought you would, he cups your face gently as he looks into your eyes.

"(Y/N).....I'm so sorry I made you think this was all your fault. You did make me happy; you still do. I just...I've been so busy being Spider-man that I've neglected you, and I'm sorry for that. But I do still love you, (Y/N). I swear I'll stop doing everything just for you. I-I'll give up being Spider-Man."

You watch him unravel as he keeps talking. You can't bring yourself to care, however, as he spills his heart out. Too much disappointment has built up over the months.

"Pete...."

"Please......(Y/N), just give me another chance. I'll do anything, just please, don't leave me." His voice is soft and insecure as he begs you, almost quivering as he says it. It doesn't invoke any sort of feeling in you though. His sad eyes watch as you pull away from him,

"I'm sorry Peter" you whisper softly as you turn around and walk away.

He doesn't run after you or even shout.

Peter simply watches you walk away until you're out of view. The only thing he can hear is your footsteps as they fade into the distance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Alright so...this whole thing was based on how I could see him being Spider-Man in the beginning ig? Imo I feel like between him and Miles, the latter would be the first to tell you he's Spider-Man

And I always felt like him being away like that with no real reason would make an s/o feel like it's their fault or sumn. Like, I've always seen fics where he and the reader always make up about it, but I wanted to try the bad ending where even though he had good intentions, he's just not ready to handle being a hero, student, and partner.

#peter parker oneshot #peter parker x reader #peter parker fic #peter parker fanfiction #miles morales #miles morales x reader #marvel mcu #marvel imagine #marvel one shot #peter parker imagine

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dumbass-mha-simp · 3 years

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Elliott x GN!Reader

Your New Playlist

Kinda sad? Ig angst but not actually like, bad angst yk.

1k words

Stardew Valley

Warnings: crying, mentally beating yourself over a crush, self-sacrificing but not in a death kinda way, cussing (I think like one f word), Elliott is a theater kid you can't convince me otherwise,

I wanna do a part two, would anyone be interested? I know how much us Elliott simps want fanfiction. I'm probably gonna start on it anyway lol.

Yes I actually made this playlist smh ikik, you don't have to listen to it ofc but his aesthetic really fits my music taste, at least I feel so. I write my fanfiction as gender neutral as I can but if you ever spot any mistakes I'd love to fix it!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elliott's POV

My feet took me across the path leading to Leah's house. The gentle cotton clouds stretching their wisps across the blue sky, bright enough to blind me as though it were the sun that it surrounds. The gentle new Spring breeze froze my cheeks lightly as my eyes closed to avoid the same chill from the past winter.

Fresh Spring flowers and hidden vegetables encircled her yard as I made my way to knock against the dark wood door that always seemed thunderingly loud.

Leah peaked through the window by her door before I can see her face light up and reach for the door.

"Hey, c'mon in!" She opens the door wider to let me pass through. "How are you doing?"

"If I'm honest, a little troubled." I sigh looking forlornly to the floor.

"Come sit." Leah pulls me to her table and sits in the accompanying seat. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"Leah, what does it feel like to you before you admit you fancy someone?" I look up into her listening eyes before her face changes into slight shock.

"Hmmm." She brings her hand up to her chin as she ponders. "Well, you miss being around them when they're gone. You constantly find ways to connect anything back to them, like `oh they'd love this`, or `I should check up on them.` You care about their opinion more than others and you want to learn about them, even if it's the uninteresting things."

I slide my arms down onto the table, placing my head on top of them. That sounded exactly like what's happening. I had read about it a million times, falling gently in love with a close friend. Perhaps that interest to become friends was always attraction.

"I can't get enough of Y/N." I muffled through my folded arms sighing once again as I turned my head to finally look back up at Leah, the light stinging my eyes.

"Well maybe I could help you with getting more of them?" Leah smirked as she grabbed her phone from her pocket.

I lifted my head slightly panicked. "What are you doing?" I rushed out.

"Relax, I'm not telling Y/N. But they shared something with me. They have a wide music taste yes?"

I had heard some of their music. While they made us lunch, while they partake in their hobbies, when they hum near silently late at night on the beach. I nodded back thinking of how they never seemed to be signing along to a song similar to the others. Unpredictable, and absolutely captivating.

"Well one of their tastes in music is very folk-y and they mentioned how those songs reminded them of you. So they made a playlist of songs that remind themselves of you." Leah said looking down and scrolling through her phone.

They made a playlist about me. They actively want to remember and listen to things that remind themselves of me. I feel I might faint. Was this something that was common among friends? Was this nothing more than an act of kindness? Or something they decided to do on a whim?

"Here give me your phone I'll send it to you." She holds her hand out expectantly.

I quickly go to pull out the hardly used device. I had never had much use for it but if it could bring me any step closer to Y/N I wouldn't hesitate to learn.

Leah downloaded a music app, laughing at how I had no applications. Before leaving it opened on the playlist. "The Lonely, Ocean-Accompanied, Writer." It read. I reread it a couple times to convince myself it was real. A lovely name, but is that how they see me?

"Chill out, Romeo." Leah giggled. "I can practically see you overthinking everything. Just relax and listen to the songs, maybe they'll tell you something."

I wrapped my arms around her neck, hugging her closely before leaving to listen to the playlist.

~~~

As I shut the door behind me I pressed my back against it. I've never felt so scattered before. I looked for the volume button, turning it up before hitting play.

The songs, quiet but emotional. As though you had just lie down on the grass to cry or relieve tension or reminisce. They felt like a memory I had trouble recalling.

The songs seemed to renew me, before I heard one I distinctly remembered hearing before. From high-school theater club, a time in my life that was fond to me. I do remember Y/N telling me they loved musicals, hearing them hum along to Heathers while I wrote.

A song unlike most others on this list.

"When He Sees Me" from Waitress.

~~~

Y/N's POV

"Oh, Yoba. What if when he sees me, I like him and he knows it? What if he opens up a door, And I can't close it?" I belted out the lyrics as loud as I wanted, the tears streaming down my face unwavering.

The good side to owning your own farm is you could scream along to your songs without people to complain. You had been replaying this part of the song for awhile now. He was all you could seem to think about.

Your head was swarmed with thoughts of Elliott. Some where he reciprocated your feelings and others where he shut you out. Every time you built a daydream where he loved you unconditionally you trampled it with the thoughts of his rejection.

You brought your knees up to your chest, resting your head between them as you cried.

~~~

Elliott's POV

We had had conversations about musicals, perhaps that's why they chose this song? Maybe they thought since my school had a play of Waitress that it'd fit. But I know they liked other Waitress songs, why weren't those added? Only this one.

After that song came another, "I Hear A Symphony" one I've never heard. As the song started all I could see was Y/N. I could hear them singing along, their smile, their eyes averting to mine for the thousandth time.

Y/N was my symphony.

The powerful, breathtaking ocean couldn't compare to the awkward farmer that ran across town just to give me their best sweet pea flowers and be the first thing I saw as I left my quaint cabin.

They brought the motivation and inspiration for 8 hour writing sessions, they brought me food when they knew I'd forgotten to eat between writing the book and planning on what to write next.

They were something I could never dream of losing. I wished to live the rest of my life with their support.

If telling them my feelings means I'd lose them, then I couldn't dream of making such a selfish decision.

~~~

Y/N's POV

I trudged my way into town. After last night's crying session my eyes still felt a bit dry, if I'm honest I cried when I woke up as well. The loneliness felt suffocating in such a lonely little house. But I needed some new seeds. The stone path drawing all my attention as I walked.

As I walked into Pierre's it wasn't hard to tell that people could see something was off. After buying my seeds I felt a hand on my shoulder, turning around to find Elliott.

"Y/N are you feeling alright? You look as though you've been distressed lately." You motion to him to follow you and walks out of the store behind you.

You take a deep breath as you start to tear up a bit more. He reaches for your face as he lifts it up, looking at the pooling tears.

So many things, the things you could have said. But they didn't come up. Instead a vision of his face of discomfort at your confession. You couldn't bear it. You couldn't tell him.

"I've just been stressed. I'm sorry for worrying you, Elliott." You sigh, attempting to put up a fake smile as you wipe your eyes. He retracts his hand as he looks guilty. Fuck does he feel like it's his fault?

"Well I'm willing to listen to your troubles if you ever need." He also puts on a strained smile as you both part ways.

"This is for the best." They both whisper as they leave.

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wqlfstqr · 3 years

Text

◟𖥻 ♡⃕ ៹ ·˚ ༘ ◡̈ she wasn't you ཿ remus lupin

▰▰▰ pairing(s): young!remus lupin x fem!reader, young!james potter x fem!reader (platonic)

summary: remus realizes that he was looking for y/n in other people

warning: a little jealousy ig, probably some grammar mistakes since english is not my first language :)

a/n: this is my first post and is honestly such a mess, I didn't even know what I was writing half of the time but I really liked the result so here ya go!!

words count: 1868

slightly inspired by this scene from secret admirer

ㅤㅤㅤy/n had always loved hogsmeade, especially in snowy times, there was something about the town that used to made her very happy and excited about the days they were allowed to visit the place. However, that saturday morning she wasn't as thrilled about the trip as always, and she was even willing to stay at bed all day while her friends went to have fun.

“cmon, you never miss an oportunity to go to hogsmeade” pleaded james while the girl covered herself with blankets up to the neck

“y'know what they say, there's always a first time for everything” she shrugged.

“is this about remus?” potter ventured to ask, making the girl freeze in her spot.

“what about remus?” she asked back, trying to act nonchalantly, the boy raised his eyebrowns at her in pure disbelief.

“I know that you know that he has a date, y/n/n” he said cautiously, waiting to see the reaction of his best friend, who hid further under the sheets as a response

"really? didn't know, guess people find out new things every day huh” she kept acting like she didn't know, like that wasn't the reason she was in bed at two in the afternoon, but she was a pretty bad liar and the way james knew her, probably better than anyone, didn't help at all

“listen to me y/n, I know that you fancy him and I know it's been like this for a while but this is probably for the better” james sighned, sitting on the edge of his bed, where she was laying with the covers covering most of her face “I love moony, and i'm very happy for him, but you deserve more than being sad in bed for someone that doesn't see how amazing you are”

y/n poked her head out of the covers, a very little smile crossing her face as she extended her arms towards james who quickly understood and took her in his own arms, hugging her and stroking her tousled hair with a smile. she felt safe, she always felt safe being with james, as if her worries were silly and there was nothing in the world that could hurt her.

“I still don't want to go to hogsmeade” she mumbled, her face hiding in the crook of his neck “I appreciate what you're doing for me, really, but I just want to sleep and forget about all this, just for today”

“then I'll stay with you” james replied, laying down and dragging y/n with him, determined not to let her go.

“but you should go, you deserve some fun and peter and sirius are waiting for you, you guys probably had a lot of plans for today.” she babbled, shoking her head.

“I'm pretty sure they can survive a few hours without me” james insisted and y/n knew he wasn't going to give up.

“can they? 'cause I bet sirius would die after fifteen minutes without you” she said jokingly, closing her eyes with a smile peeking out of her face as she heard james laughing

“he can figure how to survive just for today, I'm not gonna leave you alone drowning in your own misery” he joked, but the determination was clear in his voice.

y/n didn't bother to reply, knowing he would keep insisting, James Potter was for sure stubborn as hell and once he had proposed something, it was impossible to get the idea out of his head. So she sighned and, without talking more, she made herself comfortable in his arms, her eyes still closed as the world began to disappear around her and a feeling of peace started settling in her chest as the minutes passed slowly.

“shut up, you're gonna wake them up" sirius' voice flooded y/n's ears, followed by the sound of a door being opened

"no need, you already did" replied peter watching at the bed where his two friends were laying.

indeed, y/n began to slowly open her eyes while letting out a small yawn but remus was too frozen in his place to even react to that, a very strange feeling hitting his stomach as his head replayed over and over the scene his own eyes had witnessed seconds before; y/n laying on top of James, her face hidden in his chest while the boy hugged her around the waist, both of them fast asleep over the messy sheets.

“hey guys, how was hogsmeade?” she said, releasing herself from james's grasp to sit next to him, a tired smile crossing her face as she watched the other three marauders.

“it was pretty boring withou-” peter's sentence was left unfinished and the words lost in the air as remus spoke above him.

“we spend the whole afternoon looking for you two” he looked angry and y/n's tiredness disappeared quickly, being remplaced with surprise at the actitude of the boy.

“the hell's happening?” muttered james, his voice sounding sleepy as he narrowed his eyes at his friends

“we can ask you the same question" replied remus bitterly “did you even think how bloody worried we were?”

“moony what the fuck, It wasn't a big deal, we just fell asleep.” james was still half asleep, maybe too much to deal with the situation.

“you know what, prongs? I just remembered we bought a bunch of stuff from zonko's” sirius was fast to intervene, walking towards potter's bed “why don't we go watch it? I thought we could think of some way to use them”

before james could even respond, sirius lifted him completely out of bed and dragged him to the door, james tripping over his own feet while trying to walk on his own as peter didn't waste time following them. y/n got up too, with the intention of following them but sirius quickly closed the door before she could even get to it.

she understood the message very clear, exhaling before she turned to look at the only boy left; remus put his hands to his own face to hide behind them, letting out an exasperated sigh. the girl approached him quietly without saying anything, the two of them falling in a silence for some very long minutes.

“what happened to you?” she hesitated before asking, eyeing him with discretion.

“do you like him?” the answer was obviusly not expected by y/n, who seemed to have been taken by surprise “I mean james, do you like him?”

“what are you talking about?” she laugned with disbelief, but when she saw how serious remus was, she sighed “of course not”

“it's you who I like, prat” she wanted to tell him, but she bit her tongue just in time not to let go of anything that she would regret later, falling silent as she watched remus nooding slowly with his head.

“why do you care anyway” she questioned instead, crossing her arms under her chest.

“you two are my best friends, of course I care” y/n felt the disappointment roll her stomach at the answer. That was not the answer she was expecting.

“how was your date?” she quickly changed the subject, even though a part of her didn't want to know the answer.

“oh great, yeah, she's great” He rambled on, glancing at y / n sideways before speaking again “but...”

“but...” she encouraged, biting her lower lip while looking at the floor.

“but...” remus hesitated, scratching the back of his neck as a million thoughts ran through his head “she was great but she wasn't you”

she quickly raised her head, allowing remus a view of her tear-filled eyes but she didn't care about that, her biggest concern was the way her heart was starting to beat fast, almost as if it was treatening to jump off her chest in any moment.

“what do you mean?” she gulped, feeling a lump in her throat that didn't allow her to fully form the words.

“she was talking about all those things and she was really interesting you know? or so I thought, because I wasn't really paying attention” he admitted, shutting his eyes for a minute “I wasn't paying attention 'cause the only thing I could think about was that she wasn't you”

y/n had always liked remus, and she really didn't think anyone could blame her for it, was there really something not to like? Remus was pretty, kind and incredibly charming, he was a great friend, extremely smart and responsible when it was necessary but at the same time he could be so much fun when he was around the people he felt comfortable with. if anyone thought about the perfect human prototype, then the closest thing to that would have to be remus lupin.

so being there in that exact moment, standing in front of him after hearing what he had to say, she felt all the words get stuck in her throat as she locked eyes with him.

“it just wasn't what I thought it was supposed to be” he continued, feeling nervous as the time passed and there was no response from her “I expected her to be like... you.”

she had dreamed of situations similar to that for so long, she had waited for something like that for years and now that she had remus telling her all that, looking completely serious, she didn't know how to respond and that made her feel slightly frustrated, because she could see the desperation growing in lupin's eyes as time passed.

“I just want you to know that I don't expect you to feel the same, but I just can't keep it all to myself anymore” he kept babbling and was only interrumpted when y/n finally reacted.

and she did the only thing that crossed her mind, approaching him and pulling him by the collar of his shirt to bring their lips together in a kiss that caught remus off guard and he only reacted seconds later, realizing that everything was real and not just a product of his imagination; his shoulders relaxing as he raised one of his hands to her chin, the other hand resting on her waist. Their lips danced together for a few seconds, fitting perfectly, almost as if they were made for each other and everything around them disappeared, the world stopping its course during that moment.

“I don't like james” she repeated, as she had done minutes before, her breathing was agitated as she rested her forehead on his “I don't like him because I like you, you idiot”

remus smile grew while he leaned to give her a little peek on the lips, only to be interrumpted by a sniff coming from the entry of the room, the two of them quickly pulling apart to put their glances towards the place, only to find three people standing right there, each one with the same smile on their faces.

“well aren't you two adorable?” teased sirius, with a grin on his face.

“you guys seriously don't know boundaries, do you?" y/n asked, only realizing her mistake once she saw sirius smiling even more.

“we siriusly don't”

#remus lupin imagine #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x y/n #james potter x reader #harry potter #harry potter imagine #marauders imagine #remus lupin fanfiction #marauders fanfiction #remus lupin one shot

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shutterbug2012 · 3 years

Note

Euro Report!!! It's actually going to be pretty mild this time...

so France 🇫🇷 was eliminated 😞Mr. Jean Oxfordshire is probably very sad and in a lot of pain (the emotion, not the food haha). I hope he got emotional support and lots of cuddle from Louis, even tho we know he probably was being a brat because England is still in the game. I wonder if Mr. O is now supporting England (oh, the things we do for love!) or another team? Germany perhaps? Then the competition is not over!

Talking about England, I was expecting to wake up today to tweets and/or a jersey IG pic from Louis but alas 😕😕😕😕

At least England's twitter is still heavy on the double entendre....some of their recent tweets: "Matchdays don’t get much bigger" 🍆 and my favourite: "Edging closer to matchday" 💦. 😏(at this point they do it on purpose, right? right? 👀)

Daddy Gareth (🥵) is quoted saying "Relish the opportunity" and for some reasons that makes me think of Louis' Fish Fingers Butty Sandwich... this man is occupying WAY too much space in my brain help. (BTW I hate to admit it but I've been thinking that if England wins against GER (they won't tho), I might take for England for the rest of the cup????? England winning would make L so happy and that's all we want so... yeah i truly need help 😔)

I feel like this report is boring and not my best work, thus I leave you on this hot TikTok of Footie!Louis... thinking about him in shorts, running around...it's gotta be horny louies hours somewhere!!!

ps: also please enjoy this...interesting...picture of Manuel Neuer 🇩🇪*sigh* why is football so homoerotic 😌

everyday clem wakes up and chooses violence in my askbox 🥰💖 good morning bestie <3

i saw that France got eliminated omg (watched the repeat telecast a while ago) it was such a thrilling match?? poor Mbappe tho he did his best and i feel bad that it might be weighing on him that he's responsible for them not qualifying 😐 also poor Mr Jean 🥺 i hope he's coping well and using those trademark soft Louis snuggles as much as he needs <3 and who knows? maybe he's team England now 😏 i sure hope Louis tweets today to maintain the consistency!!

England's twitter sounds like a mess JDKSHFFGJLS and your interpretations 😭 i'll admit it really does seem on purpose skdjfhslf

my guess is Gareth would agree with Louis' strategy of confidence and momentum, don't you think 🤠 "relish the opportunity", lads, it's the "most important thing" for today's match (on a sidenote whenever i read help my brain starts playing help.mp3 so there's that) (also i hope that Eng wins today, maybe it'll summon him online?) and thank you for the tiktok and the picture of Neuer lmao <33 i've been replaying the reel for a while now maybe he has a hold on me too 💆🏻‍♀️ who would've known 💆🏻‍♀️

#clem's mission reports my beloved <3 #mail #berlinini #i hope sanju and miss icarus see the tiktok too jksjfhfgsk #im hyped for the match!! lets gooooo!!!#thank u for ur service clem <3

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shelby-love · 4 years

Text

JAY HALSTEAD

“The start of something amazing”

Requested: yes

Prompts: none

Warnings: none

Authors note: This is my "most famous" work ig. I wrote this when I started this blog back in November 2019 and I've gotten MUCH better at writing so I thought why not edit it?

MASTERLIST

"Ambulance 61, truck 81, squad 3. House fire West Street Lane 54 45."

Upon hearing the announcement boom through the fire house, Gabriela Dawson found herself standing frozen. The sudden loudness made it clear of what awaited beyond those doors, getting the members of 51 on they feet.

Hopping to your feet, you made your way outside, though stopping in your steps upon noticing Gabby's posture. Tapping her shoulder, you gathered her attention. "Don't worry Dawson," You smiled reassuringly. "Casey and I will be right behind you."

Gabby was nervous, that much was obvious. Making it to truck took a lot of effort and strain on her part. She didn't want to feel so frightened, but she couldn't help the fact that every call gave her big nerves.

"Your boyfriend is the lieutenant," You joked casually. "You'll be fine."

You start changing into your gear, glancing up at Gabby as you do so. Clicking your tongue, you say, "Look, after shift. Tonight; you, me, Casey and Jay. A double date at Molly's."

She smiles and follows you into the truck, "Yeah, I'd like that."

Your friends settled inside, scooting over upon seeing you climb into the vehicle. Sitting next to Mouch, you leaned your head against his shoulder, listening closely to what was being said around you.

"What do you think?" Asks Herrmann, shifting his weight until he got comfortable in his spot. "Is this some kind of a oh-I-forgot-to-turn-off-the-stove call or is it something serious?"

You've been in stronger fires, burning 20 or more story building that sorta thing, making this something that was supposed to be easy peasy. It's a house fire. They happen every day unfortunately.

"I hope it's nothing serious. I barely slept last night," You tell him truthfully, remembering the toss and turning you had to go through.

Gabby nodded in understanding, "You feeling okay now?"

You nodded with a grimace, "Must be the Thai Jay and I had."

"Anyway," you began. "Isn't Street Lane like the fanciest part of Chicago or something?"

"Yeah that's where all the millionaires live," Otis replied, glancing behind the steering wheel ever so slightly in your direction.

You felt Mouch shrug, the sudden movement had your head rolling off his shoulder, though you were quick to place it back, Mouch tapping his palm against your head.

After 10 minutes or so, that ended up feeling like hours due to Gabby's constant taps against the floor of the vehicle, everyone jumped out of the truck, giving you the impression that the truck itself is on fire.

Outside, neighbors buzzed with anticipation, stepping out of the way when told to. "Everyone let's open up the roof! Y/LN you're with Severide on this one."

You gave Matt a nod of determination before running over to where squad is prepped to enter the burning house. The modern 3 story home on normal occasions looked mind blowing, giving everyone in passing envy to feel.

But at the moment each story was decorated with blazing fire, sucking out the luxury. "Y/LN there's a scared kid upstairs, her mom says she won't talk to us. We need you to try for us. "

You nod, "Yes Lieutenant."

Kelly gives you a rougish smile, one that used to make you week in the knees, "Good. Now go. Top floor."

With Mouch aiming the long ladders to the top window, you start climbing them. After climbing them up and down numerous amounts of times, the thought of doing so felt like a second nature now.

For a brief moment, you remembered how scared you were in the academy. You shook your head immediately, not quite understanding where the sentiment was coming from.

Was it just you or were you drifting off to memory land more often lately?

You grab the window by its sill, ignoring the flashing memories and throw yourself inside.

Your hands grasped your radio immediately, "I'm in chief. Fire department call out!"

There's no response so you put on your mask and make your way deeper inside the room. Glancing around, you assess the room for possible hiding spots.

Only to find none.

The king sized bed, similar to the one at your own home, is on fire and so is most of the furniture surrounding it. You kick the door of the wardrobe with your leg only to find no one inside.

You walk outside and into the wide hallway, barely being able to see from the smoke and blazing orange flames. You call out again, though louder this time before kicking open the first door to your left. "Fire department call out!"

The voice that answers is so faint that if Gabby were inside, she would've surely missed it. But as someone with experience, the voice was recognizable and you knew that there was someone inside. "Call out!"

Somehow, while the furniture around the window, including the window itself, was being eaten away by fire, the furniture by the door being safe from the fire.

Not for long.

You spot a toy box in the only avaliable corner in the room, moving ever so slightly. Almost as if someone was trying to get out.

Toys of all shapes and sizes are scattered all around the box, urging you to slowly make your way to it before pushing it over the proper way.

A gasp leaves your mouth involuntarily.

The little girl looked around 5, her body too small and fragile to belong to a girl older than that.

She looked at you with bright blue eyes, catching you off guard with the electrical glow they had. A story of fear pushed through her irises, letting you know of the trust issues that colored her.

The girl shakes her head violently and coughs out whatever she can, breaking your heart with the actions. Without a second thought, you pulled your mask over your head, taking it off even when it tangled itself with your hair. "I need you to come with me, sweetheart. The fire is growing and it's not safe here anymore. Your mommy is waiting for you outside, come sweetie let me help you."

If you could describe her anxiety with words, you'd compare it with the fire. Overwhelming and strong. "Hey, hey sweetie it's okay...I'm going to help you, my name's Y/N."

She looked at you, giving you the impression that she was analyzing you. Eventually she did seem to come to a conclusion that she indeed was not safe inside.

After her nod, you didn't waste time by placing your mask over her head, pressing the button to release oxygen. After scooping her into your arms, the little girl wrapped both her arms and legs around you. Grateful that she trusts you, you ran into the hallway and toward the very window you came through.

But Wallace Boden stopped you before you could do so much as take a step toward the door. "Y/LN go down immediately! The house is going to blow!!"

You heart races for a tiny bit and you sprint to the staircase. You feel the girl shaking in your arms but you don't let that stop you for a second, the need to get out taking over. Brushing your hand over her dirty, smoke colored hair you whispered into her ear. "You're gonna be okay..."

The pressure the fire had on the upstairs floor finally gathers into an explosion. The force of the blow sends you flying down the stairs, urging you to wrap yourself tighter against the child, protecting her with every fiber in your body. You back hurts immensely but you manage to stand up, "Chief!"

Fire continues to grow, ignoring your whimpers and coughs. Your ankle seemed to twist in the process of falling but you bite down your bottom lip, chewing down on it until you drew blood and walk no matter the pain.

You spot the open window, and don't think twice before sprinting toward it even with an ankle being the way it was. The ladders are placed securely placed against window stills, allowing you put the little girl on them and let Hermann take her despite her whails of protests.

While waiting for her to be helped down the ladders, you turned around and slammed the door shut behind you. The pain in your back intensifies and you feel you lip bleed from both the inside and outside.

And then you see it.

The fire just under the door, you feel the pressure it has on the door. It's going to burst.

Without thinking, and in just the right time - you jump out of the window.

The moment you're out and flying in the air the explosion that was building up finally breaks, sending everything to chaos.

You catch the ladders by the cold metallic railing just in time, though it doesn't take a second before your fingers start to loosen their hold.

Knowing that the ladder will slip right through your fingers, you urged your arms to push you upwards but with no avail. The pain you sustained was intense.

"Y/LN HANG ON. WE'RE GETTING YOU DOWN!" You hear your Chief yell and true to his words, you were lowered down.

It was sudden, the feeling of losing consciousness. Everything that had happened while you were inside seemed to catch up to you with great speed. The pain in your back and ankle, your rigid breathing and tight lungs, busted lip and bruised face. 5 feet in the air and you finally lose the hold you had on the ladder.

You fall to the ground and before you could even reach it - you were out cold.

***

You wake up in the hospital, April hovering over you with a warm smile. You try to move but you feel sore all over, your attempts at moving being a twitch of your fingers. "Take it easy Y/N. I'll go tell them they can come see you now."

Your mind starts replaying images of what happened. You smile lightly. I jumped out of a freaking window.

"April, is Jay-"

Your eyes widen when you see Jay rushing in, before you could even finish your question. April points to him with a smirk, leaving you two be and giving you privacy by pulling the curtain closed.

"Jesus Y/N you freaked me out." Jay sighed, immediately leaning in to kiss you forehead. Your eyes immediately spot the badge around his waist, it glimmers under the light above you. "Did you ditch work for me, babe?"

"Damn right I did," Your boyfriend replied, quite proudly you noted, leaning toward your parted lips with his own. The kiss was sweet, filled with unshed worry that turned to relief after a moment. It felt as though Jay was reassuring both you and himself that you were okay. "I came here as soon as I heard what happened."

You squeeze his hand in gratitude, watching with teary eyes as he brushes a few misplaced strands of hair out of your face, tucking them softly behind your ears. Jay's brother Will, come in the room soon after. Behind him stood Jeff, a very close friend of yours.

"Hey guys." You greet them, rather brightly after Jay wiped a fallen tear off your face. "Jeff how's the med life been treating you?"

You missed seeing Jeff at work, daring to admit it felt lonely without him to a degree. "Eh, good enough. I miss the fire."

Will slapped his shoulder lightly.

"Yeah, I bet you do," You said with a chuckle, before gesturing to yourself and your body with a hand that wasn't held tightly in Jay's. "I mean, how could someone not miss this."

Everyone laughed at your words until Will deemed appropriate to speak up in regards to your medical condition, "Well, Y/N... You and your baby are going to be just fine. I'll get started on the discharge-"

Baby? "Baby? Will what did you say?" Jay asled, his face looking the same level of confused as yours.

"I said that Y/N and her baby are-"

"I'm pregnant?" You asked in disbelief. How?

"Yes Y/N you're 9 weeks along." said Will with a smile, "Congratulations you two."

We were careful, was your only thought. Not that the news were bad.

Just surprising.

"But I'm on the pill-" You started, only to remember the medication you took a few months ago as a way to fight away the sickness you were feeling.

You weren't a paramedic, nor an doctor in any sense. But it wasn't hard to put two and two together.

"Will...Can certain antibiotics dilute my birth control and stop it from working?"

Will creased his eyebrows, but deciding to answer nevertheless. "Yes. It depends on which ones you use but most of the time that's the case," Will confirms your suspicion. "I'm guessing you didn't know."

"We didn't," answered Jay for the both of you.

You didn't even feel the onset of tears that rushed down your cheeks, "I'm going to be a mom."

Happiness surged through your body, making it the moment you knew that you wanted this. Your pregnancy might have been unexpected but you wouldn't change it for the world. One look at Jay, who had his face nested against your twined hands and all was confirmed.

You pull yourself up into a sitting position, kissing his head until he rose his head to meet your eyes with the same amount, if not more tears in his blue eyes. Jay pulled you in for a passionate kiss, not caring about the company. "A mini us."

Your smile reached the sky and you put a hand to your belly as a result. Something so beautifully pure and innocent grew inside of you, being the gift of love.

You're having a child with the man who loves you like the night sky loves it's stars.

But then, so suddenly guilt washes over you. The air around you changed, making Jay furrow his brows. You could've lost the baby today. A baby you didn't even know you were carrying. If you knew, there was no way in hell you would've walked into that house and continued working no matter how much you loved your job.

"Your mommy and daddy love you." You whispered, running your free hand over your slightly swollen stomach, "Your mom is so sorry for what happened today."

Jay kissed your temple, reassuring you that none of what had happened was your fault. A moment later, you found yourself smiling. You met Will's eyes. "Will you're gonna be an uncle."

The older Halstead shrugged, but the pride and joy was flickering in his eyes as he scanned the monitor. "You bet. I'm happy for you two, man really I am."

"Don't worry bro. Your time will come too," Jay told him before he stood up and hugged his brother. You wouldn't be surprised, him and Natalie are an adorable couple.

"I'm happy for you Y/N. Congratulations." Jeff rubbed your shoulder. You beamee at him. "I'll go and get them."

By them he meant your colleagues; family.

Silvie and Gabby were the first ones to be rushed in, followed by the rest of the fire house until the trauma room was crammed with pure muscle. "Y/N are you okay??"

Jay, who had left the room with Will to sign some papers pushed through to stand by your side once again, "They're okay."

You tried your best to not laugh at their confused expressions, barely even holding it in when Kelly muttered something about how Jay wasn't even injured.

On que Will turns on the ultrasound (perhaps because the brothers talked it through in the hallway) and gasps are heard all around, filling the small room with emotions that ranged from surprise and disbelief to pure joy for you and Jay.

With gel on your belly, Will starts moving the transducer and soon a small baby can be seen on the screen, a really small baby, but a baby nevertheless. Tears in your eyes piled up once again and you squeeze Jay's hand joyfully. You could hear Silvie say, "I think I'm going to faint."

Life just became a hell of a lot more exciting and you couldn't wait to experience every part of it with the man you love most on this world.

Rounds of congratulations happen after that, each and every one of them saying different things once they're left alone with you.

Mouch asked Jay to send a kiss to Sargeant Platt; Hermann got Cindy and his kids on video chat, continously welcoming you to the family life; Severide actually had gloss in his eyes because he was so happy, though he did everything in his power to not admit to it.

Gabby and Casey canceled your double date at Molly's because they want you on bed rest. They said they'll bring takeout to your shared place instead.

"Just no Thai, please."

#chicago pd fanfiction #jay halstead #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead imagine #chicago fire #chicago pd #chicago med #chicago fire imagine #chicago

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angocanhha · 2 years

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creative morning writing

there's probably other places that i can put this but i love tumblr and i am excited by the possibility of your attention. i should probably think more about those.

anyywayys.

it's monday, the mindfulness bell is going off for 8:15A and i was thinking about just typing away for thirty minutes to an hour. probably more on the thirty minutes.

i've changed my ig to nowpanna. i was planning on writing a post about it, but this morning, i thought. maybe i'll just not. i've been thinking about whether this is a bad move, changing my name more than a lot of ppl, and for sure time will tell. i don't know for sure now.

would this qualify as creative writing? it is my first time and it is monday, so i'll give myself those excuses.

i keep thinking about the script i wrote about how i go to the supermarket w my parents and then turn into a robot. sometimes my thoughts surprise me. i didn't think that it affected me so deeply, the wish my mom and parents(?) have for me to be like everyone else. so when i wrote that script, and think back on it, it just keeps replaying in my head.

there was another time when i thought to myself, just in passing, if only i was a machine, so i wouldn't need to sleep and could work all the time. i wouldn't have feelings that would stop me from working. i just remembered that there are some folks (cough cough) who turn to work to avoid their feelings. that's not me. do i wish that were me... (question for another time.) i think my feelings stop me from doing work. maybe in the past, they've also hid my feelings, but when i had this thought of wanting to be a machine... i was surprised again. i think of myself as someone who likes to have 'work-life balance,' so why would i just want to work? thinking deeper about this mental formation, i see that i acknowledge my humaness. that's as much as i can think about this thought path right now.

creative writing. i've been watching a lot of boy love content / queer asian pacific content on netflix. it's been watering all sorts of seeds, some unwholesome seeds i think. but it's also opened up some hurt from the past. hopefully opened up so i can heal better, and not to just fester and add more water to the ocean of tears. (wow, poetic?)

2020, it was an explosion. it doesn't stand alone but i can't deny the magnitude of the drama trauma. 2021, uncoupling, and learning to be my own soulmate, learning how to live. and now we're in march of 2022, the first quarter of the gregorian year about to be finished and in the past.

i need to be specific about my goals. well, i just wanna say, thank u for making a website for me. don't feel obligated or pressured. be well my friend. let go, even if // especially if, it's me.

goals. my wellbeing is the most important goal for me. it seems quite obvious and simple that without my wellbeing, i can't have anything else well, but w that realization, i am fortunate to see that i've taken my wellbeing for granted. i think i can sacrifice that for half of other successes. and now i choose. do i want to choose suffering and a tainted unhealthy vision, or can i sit still, and know.

we'll see how things play out. i make plans and some happen and some don't happen the way i planned.

good luck my love, have a wonderful day. i am here w you. the night scares me, so i'll probably need to take care of that. taking care of my present i take care of my future. i love you <3 see u later~

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