#i would do unspeakable things for a studio version of this song but i do like hearing the different lyrics | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thatmultifandomhoe · 3 years

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Knitting You a Home - 5

Pairing: Wolf Hybrid Namjoon and Human Reader

Word Count: 2,745

Genre/Rating: Hybrid AU - Established Relationship - Angst - Fluff - Smut - PG-13

Overview: Things have changed for you and Namjoon. It’s been a year since the two of you got together, and despite a rocky start, it was impossible to deny the bond and love you shared for each other. But ever since Hoseok had been separated from his Mate, Namjoon has been withdrawing himself from you and doesn’t come home until late at night.

With questions far larger than either of you imagined, you can’t help but wonder if he’s let his past and old fears come back to haunt him. You had shown him that it was possible to have a home and be loved once before, but will you be able to do it again?

Warning: None

Playlist:

Main Master List:

Knitting You a Home Master List:

Mated Love is Never Easy Series Master List:

Sneak Peak - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13 - Part 14 - Part 15 - ?

©thatmultifandomhoe Do not repost, translate, or use my stories without permission.

The outside world faded away from Namjoon as he sat in his studio, scratching out lines that he’d previously written, trying to find another way that explained the way he was feeling that flowed with the song.

He had been like this for the last several hours, biding his time as Yoongi and him waited for the artist to arrive and listen to the tracks they had prepared, and to give them the input they needed on that one song.

“You know, as nice and passionate as he seems to be about his music,” Yoongi murmured, scrolling through his phone like he had been for the last few hours. “I really hate it when people are late and don’t bother to call and give a heads up.”

Namjoon hummed in agreement, not even bothering to check the time. Instead, he chewed on his bottom lip, sighing as he once again drew a harsh black line. The page had slowly filled in with more crossed out lyrics than when he started rewriting it this morning.

He had felt bad leaving you in bed this morning, again. Like clockwork, he’d leave the house by seven thirty to guarantee he’d make it to the bus stop to get to work ten minutes before eight, but this morning had been different. Those few moments you shared when he did crawl into bed hadn’t happened this time, and it left him feeling off centered. You had ended your day not knowing if he came home, and were going to start it off waking up and wondering if he had come home.

Then he ended up not being able to go visit you during his lunch break, because by a stroke of luck, Yoongi had called him over to Genius Studio to go over an idea he had on the unspeakable song. They had nicknamed it that when the rapper turned down another version that they had for it this morning.

It was only a quick and short text that he was able to send to you before going over to Yoongi’s studio, feeling even guiltier. If his math was correct, then you hadn’t seen him since yesterday at lunch. Which was one thing if the two of you lived in separate houses and were only dating, but you lived with each other, shared the same bed, your paths should have crossed more than once.

Not hearing a reply from Namjoon, Yoongi lifted his head, shifting on the couch to see that his friend was still leaned back in his chair. His feet were propped up on the drawer of his desk with the notebook against his legs.

Yoongi’s tail lightly thumped against the couch – not even Namjoon’s ears flicked in his direction – and he glanced at the time. It wasn’t late like yesterday, only eight, but just like the other day he wanted Namjoon to go home. He was concerned about his friend and thought that he needed to get away from the studio and spend some time with you.

Maybe by being with you, Namjoon would realize that it didn’t matter whether there was a ring on your finger, or a Mate Mark on your neck, you were the love of his life and he was yours, and that was all that mattered.

“Mixtape?” He finally asked, curious as to which project Namjoon was working on.

Namjoon nodded, finally turning to the next clean page to write out what he had. Maybe if it wasn’t surrounded by scribbles and cross outs, he’d be able to figure out the next few lines before the chorus.

Namjoon reached out and tapped on his phone out of habit, curious if you had messaged him. The lock screen photo made him smile, taking a moment to admire it before going to his messages. It was from the morning after one of his heats and naturally, he had woken up before you. Sunlight had streamed through the curtains, highlighting your body in an otherworldly glow as you slept. The only adjustment he had made was when he brushed your hair off your neck, revealing the – at the time – Mate Mark that was only a couple days old.

It was a picture that relaxed and sent a wave of pride through him. While the day that you officially adopted him was one of the happiest days of his life, this particular moment in time was forever ingrained in his heart. He had found the one person meant for him.

When he finally pulled up his messages, he smiled as he saw an unread text from you.

From Angel:

Don’t worry about it Joonie! I have some news to tell you when you come home, so I’ll see you tonight. Love you!

He hoped you hadn’t gone overboard with dinner, but knowing you, you probably dug out the cookbooks and decided to try a new recipe. Without a doubt there’d be a plate fixed up for him waiting in the fridge for him when he came home. The gesture was sweet and while he was thankful for you thinking of him, it only made him want to come home at a normal time to eat it with you, when it was done cooking.

A knocking at the door captured his attention, forcing him to slide his notebook closed with the flyer for the underground rap battle serving as a bookmark back into the drawer when Yoongi opened the door. Namjoon hid his surprise when not only the rapper entered the room – apologizing for being so late – but a woman entered with him, her hand clasped in his own.

One inhale and Namjoon was gripping the arm of his chair, feeling like he had gotten run over when the scent of her overbearing perfume hit him, along with the rapper’s scent coming from her as well.

In some shape or form, these two were together, and they hadn’t been late due to dinner as he was telling Yoongi.

“Well,” Namjoon spoke, clearing his throat as he shook hands with the artist and then his, friend. “Why don’t we get started.”

As everyone got comfortable, Namjoon glanced at Yoongi over their heads, raising an eyebrow at his older friend.

Yoongi simply scrunched up his nose, tail flickering in agitation at the humans overpowering scents.

It was going to be a long night.

“Knit one, pearl two,” you softly murmured, reading over the knitting pattern. Dinner had long since been put away and the dishes cleaned up, a plate already made up and set aside in the fridge for Namjoon for when he came home.

Since you were officially on vacation, you were sitting on the couch with a pattern you had printed out God knows how long ago. It was for a baby blanket, and as you had been rifling through your binder of patterns, you couldn’t help but linger on this particular one. It was too soon to assume – with Hoseok leaving for a year at the end of the month it certainly wasn’t going to happen – but you couldn’t help but think that Sarah would need it. If not now then she would one day for sure. Something told you that her and Hoseok weren’t going to have only one child.

And if not, it’ll make a beautiful display for the shop, you thought, writing a check mark in your notebook next to row one, continuing on to the next one. Right now, it just looked like a long section of yellow yarn. Give it a few days and it would look like the picture, a baby blanket with a seashell design big enough to wrap the baby up in or to put in the crib.

Sighing, you glanced at the clock on the wall, not surprised that Namjoon wasn’t home. It was only nine, too early for him to even consider leaving work.

It hadn’t always been like this. He used to come home at a normal time, or the latest at least eight pm. That had been when he first started working for the music company. With Yoongi by his side guiding him, Namjoon had managed to work his way up and was able to produce music alongside with Yoongi. The promotion had surprised even you, but you didn’t care. All that mattered was that Namjoon was doing a job that he loved, and from the stories he told you with bright smiles, the hours he spent at the studio were worth all the late nights.

Of course, you missed him. You missed teasing him as he tried to help prepare dinner, and curling up on the couch when the dishes were done. Tender moments of when the two of you were in separate worlds, him lost in a story or new book of poetry and you knitting up a new project, but always connected as he pulled your legs over his lap and would run his palm along your bare skin. Those were the sweetest memories that you missed.

Tonight, was nearly identical to those precious moments. The TV was on low, your legs stretched out on the couch as the knitting needles clicked together. The only thing that was missing, was Namjoon.

Namjoon pressed down on the back of his neck, groaning as he entered the house. The night had gone exactly as he had thought, and they were still left with the unspeakable song to do. Every idea and suggestion ended up crumpled up and thrown in the trashcan.

By the time the artist and his girlfriend left, both him and Yoongi reeked of the perfume she wore, and Namjoon was growling in irritability because his studio no longer had his scent. He had spent the last hour trying to rid the room of hers, but it was no use. The only female scent that belonged in there was yours, and he was debating on having you come by one day to help restore order. Until he got a shower and smelled like himself again, scenting his studio was absolutely pointless.

He stopped short in the living room however, his thoughts hitting pause as he walked around the couch to see you asleep. The basket that held your knitting was placed on the floor next to the end table, the throw blanket that was usually over your chair half haphazardly covered your body.

The sight of you sleeping eased some of his distress, but it only raised a new worry now. Crouching down, he gently brushed back the hair that had fallen, a soft smile appearing on his face as he gazed at you. There was probably a good reason you were out here instead of in bed, but like a quick fire, guilt plagued him at the thought that you had been waiting for him. He remembered that you had wanted to tell him something, but he didn’t think it was serious enough for you to camp out on the couch.

“Angel,” he softly called out, running his knuckles against your temple. “Wake up sweetheart, it’s time for bed.”

A soft groan came from your lips, making him chuckle, but he continued on. “Come on, you know an angel like you isn’t meant to sleep on a couch.”

You tiredly smiled before opening your eyes, relishing at the sight of Namjoon. “The only angel I see here is you.” You stretched a hand out to cup his cheek, sighing at the content sound of his growl.

Namjoon ducked his head down, chuckling as he gazed lovingly at you. A wave of deja view had him taking a trip down memory lane, recalling another time when he had come home to find you sleeping on the couch in an attempt to wait up for him.

“Why weren’t you sleeping in your bed?” He hoarsely asked, watching you unfold the towel and settle it on his hair, all while being mindful of his ears. He hadn’t expected the rain and he was soaked as a result of the sudden storm.

You didn’t answer for a few moments. Instead you were focused on drying his hair and gathering your thoughts. “I was waiting for you to come home,” you finally answered, moving the towel off his head. His wolf ears lifted up, bringing a soft smile to your face despite the serious situation at hand, and began to carefully dry them as well.

His eyes burned with tears and despite biting his lip and trying to think of anything else, he couldn’t. Never before had a place been a home for Namjoon. The feeling was foreign and it scared him. The idea of there being a place where he felt safe, cared about, and loved terrified him, so he ran.

He ran until he realized there was no-where he wanted to be than with you, that the only person he wanted was you. He loved the things that you knitted him, he enjoyed starting his weekend off with you on the couch drinking coffee and watching those wedding shows.

He loved the way your house always smelled like something was being baked, and he sincerely appreciated that after he woke up from a nightmare, you were there to coax him out into the kitchen where you prepared to make tea or coffee and a late-night snack to take his mind off of his memories. You never forced him to, but he knew that you’d listen if he wanted to talk about it.

Without a second thought, he wrapped his arms around your hips, pulling you closer so he was able to rest his forehead against your stomach.

The tears slid down his cheeks as he sobbed, his grip tightening the slightest when he felt you move. But it was only to set the towel on the table as you wrapped your own arms around his shoulders, gently rubbing your hands in circles on his back.

“It’s okay Namjoon,” you softly spoke. “You’re home now. It’s gonna be okay.”

Shaking his head, he gently slid an arm underneath you to help you sit up right. “Are you awake enough to tell me about that news?” He teasingly asked.

You frowned up at him but realization dawned on your features, resulting in him chuckling as you nodded. Holding your hands out, Namjoon took them in his as he pulled you up, immediately leading you to the bedroom.

“Well as of today, Grandma has declared that I’m on vacation,” you told him. He slid his arm around your waist and you leaned into him, your nose scrunching up at the citrus smell on his shirt.

“She finally got tired of you?” He joked, not noticing the way your face fell.

Licking your lips, you frowned as a headache began to form behind your eyes at the scent. “She says that we work too much and don’t spend enough time together.”

“Was there the mention of us having kids?”

“That we should be in a certain room in our house more than we are.”

Namjoon snorted, watching as you sat down on the bed before going to his dresser and pulling out a new pair of boxers. “I need a quick shower but I shouldn’t be long.” He smiled as he walked back towards you, kissing your lips briefly before heading to the bathroom.

The water was heard instantly. You were staring at the doorway, wondering if he had known. He had to know that he reeked of another woman’s perfume, his own sense of smell was heightened incredibly compared to yours but yet, he didn’t say anything. There was no explanation for why he smelled like that.

Reaching up to touch the side of your neck, you shakily inhaled as you forced yourself to dress for bed, curling up under the blankets on your side.

It was the first time that he was home before midnight. The first time in so damn long that the two of you were going to bed at the same time, and he smelled of another woman. While you figured there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for it, your heart seemed to hang in your chest.

By the time he crawled in behind you, burying his face in your neck and softly kissing the skin, you couldn’t erase the venomous thought that there was no other reason for why he was staying so late at the studio anymore.

Before you had wondered if…now you were wondering just who wore that disgusting perfume.

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slxyangel · 5 years

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Pain and Noise (Duff x Reader)

Summary: I was fed up with just about everything that constituted my life, so I started playing.

Warnings: Unprotected sex, mentions of violence, swearing, panic attack.

Wordcount: Almost 5k

A/N: First fic I ever write, I am nervous and this was originally in Spanish, so be nice with my best try of a translation. Enjoy :)

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!

Masterlist: https://slxyangel.tumblr.com/post/189625800403/masterlist

The pain in the back of my hands was intense, searing, and growing worse with every minute I spent holding the drumsticks and unloading my rage over the drums in the studio. The accumulated tension stiffened my fingers, the muscles in my arms were numb and it had been a while since I started feeling my nails spiking my own skin because of the pressure I was putting on it. I didn’t care; I preferred to feel that rather than the anguish that had been threatening to rip off my chest these last few weeks. I don’t know how much time I spent like that. What I do remember is the pain. And the noise.

I also remember sitting on the stool during a little while the guys were out, I’m not sure what for, maybe to grab some food or take a break. They had been working on the album for months, and these days of polishing, re-recording, fixing and tuning everything up for the final version were being especially hard; they deserved a breather. “And so do I”, I told myself while I held Steven’s drumsticks and gave it a second thought, maybe it wasn’t a good idea. He, as any other percussionist, didn’t like it when someone else fiddled with his instrument, not to mention if it happened without him being around to control it. I could only hope that he didn’t show up in that very moment and caught me, because I don’t think I would have the strength to explain him every thought that was circling my head the moment I decided to play his drums, and even less not to drown the whole story with my tears. I mean, come on, it was only going to be a little while.

I had been working with the band practically since the recording process for Appetite for Destruction began. I was in my last year of university, and needed an internship to complete my learning agreement, and, I still can’t comprehend how, my best friend’s father got me plugged-in in Geffen Records. They were the ones who decided that the best option for an audiovisuals student was in the recordings for a young rock band’s debut album. This is how I ended up being Mike Clink’s personal assistant and hanging out with Axl, Slash, Izzy, Duff and Steven. The chemistry had been practically automatic, I got along with them pretty quick and, even though I started being basically the coffee girl, I was always very comfortable in such a creative and carefree environment.

I remember those first days in which Mark, my boyfriend, used to drive me to the studio in his car. I could drive, of course, but my new job seemed almost more exciting for him than it did for me, so he insisted in getting me there, picking me up and making me tell him every little detail of my brand-new work life. He was thrilled when I told him how I had spent twenty minutes of my first day talking with Slash and he had shown interest about my studies, my reasons to be there and my general life. “If we’re gonna work together, we might as well be friends”, he said. The guy told me that he had a snake, that his parents were artists and that’s why he had always been so involved with music. He also said he got his first guitar when he was 15 and that he and the guys ended up together out of sheer coincidence, but they had realized they were the perfect combination, so they were really excited about their new project. It was there that I realized I was in the right place and, even if, worst case scenario, the rest of the band hated me, at least I had a new friend.

However, my worries couldn’t be any more unfounded. Once I had talked to Saul, the rest of it went smoothly. Axl was quite a character, for instance, a guy you felt like looking at. Wherever he was (because he couldn’t stand still for a second), your eyes would be glued to him. He had an enviable magnetism no matter what he did: singing one of their songs, bringing order to the mixing desk, finishing off half a liter of Jack Daniel’s… He was the kind of person who seems out of reach from every one of us mortals but, deep down, is a cinnamon roll. Our first interactions (mostly his, let’s be honest) were filled with double intentions. In any case, now that I see it in retrospective and compare it with the way he treated other girls, I came to think that this was his way to know women in general, his default mode. Actually, those anecdotes of conversations I had with the vocalist were worth a fair dose of laughing for Mark and me during our more than usual supermarket-pizza, Ben-&-Jerry’s-ice-cream dinners in the flat we shared. Over time, Axl’s phase of blatant flirting with me faded away, making room for a really close friendship between the two of us.

Izzy, on the other hand, treated me almost as if I was an experiment. Do you know the feeling when you arrive to a new school but the year has already started and everybody is curious about you? Well, that was more or less how the guitarist reacted to my incorporation. He had never been too talkative, or, at least, not as much as the rest of them, so my first days with the brunet can be summed up to him joining conversations between me and someone else, to learn a bit more about me without having to ask directly; to my hand-waving gestures and his responses raising his chin or his eyebrows; or to him offering me drags of his cigarette from time to time, while we waited for the rest of the guys to record their tracks so we could all go partying together. It was interesting. It was entertaining. It was even funny to see us unfolding, adapting to each other until we gained full trust. We could argue that his more reserved, almost wary personality and my own, more explosive and versatile, complemented each other as two puzzle pieces; one had what the other lacked.

And, while Izzy complemented me, Steven understood me. We were two peas in a pod: energetic, chaotic and jam-packed with energy. Basically the kids in the team. Like two naughty twins, we loved to terrorize the studio. We threw stuff at each other, we laughed like crazy, we yelled from one corner of the room to the other the dumbest, most absurd shit you could imagine… One of the activities I enjoyed the most was to scare away the chicks from him. Some afternoons when he was chilling on the couch, unaware and concentrated on hitting on whatever girl he had just met, I arrived, seated next to him on the couch and went full on clingy-ass-girlfriend with him: handsy and unbearable. I interrupted the groupie and put up with Steven’s deadly glares until, after a while, the girl took off, sometimes walking towards one of the other guys, sometimes straight to her house. The drummer always got mad at me when I did this to him, but his anger never lasted for more than ten minutes.

And then there was Duff. He was something else, something different. I had never had such a connection with anyone, and even less with anyone I had met for so little time. Duff had his own light, like an extremely bright star, and I was flashed by it but, at the same time, he irradiated a delightful kind of warmth, too nice for me to voluntarily step away. He was fun, he was compassionate, he was sensible, he was a little bit mad and he made everything unspeakably easy. The rest of the band spent their days saying that we should have sex or betting on whether we were or weren’t conscious of the sexual tension they assured was too obvious between us. At first, we either told them to fuck off or went along with it, but without giving it much of a second thought. At the end of the day, I was dating Mark, who I adored, and Duff knew it. We were nothing but friends, like the rest of the guys.

Weeks went by and I kept getting closer and closer with the bassist: we talked about everything and anything, we told each other countless anecdotes from our lives before arriving to L.A., and he even sometimes helped me with the paperwork. More than once, even though smoking was allowed in the studio, the two of us stepped outside to do it, and a break that was meant to last for 10 minutes ended up being one hour long. When this happened, Slash had to come out for him, wielding his guitar and threatening to smash it on his head if he wasn’t back inside in the following fifteen seconds. In fact, some of those days when it took me longer to finish my job he would stick around and offer me a ride home before he headed to the club, so that Mark didn’t have to come pick me up that far that late.

Of course, it was all being too good to be true. The first day this happened, when I arrived home in “some other dude’s car, instead of a fucking taxi”, Mark’s own words, I found a version of my boyfriend that I didn’t like one tiny bit: wary, silent and mean. When I asked what his problem was I already saw the answer coming, but I just refused to believe he was going to get all possessive over such a nonsense, he had never behave like that. That night we went from yelling at each other to the silent treatment in a matter of a few hours, and the next day, when I got to the studio in my own car for the first time since the guys knew me, that place looked like goddamn press conference. They took less than two minutes to notice I was a little bit off, and less than five to tell me “Dump him, fuck Duff”. I couldn’t help but laugh. I hadn’t broken up with Mark, we had just argued; I would speak to him and we would fix things; that’s what couples did. Bitch, you thought.

For the next few days everything seemed to have turned back to normal: my boyfriend and I were okay, he said he was sorry and begged me to let him apologize by being my chauffeur again. I didn’t quite feel like rocking the boat after that night, so the idea of not driving myself to work didn’t seem that bad, until the days Mark started arriving a little earlier each day. Five minutes, fifteen, half an hour before my cutoff time, as if he had to make sure I went back home with him, as if he had to keep an eye on me. In fact, one of the days in which he arrived with a bigger margin of time, he decided it was a good idea to wait inside the studio while the band was recording, and argued that “it would be a lot more boring to wait in the car”. Over the last days, the guys had noticed how pissed it made me the fact that he was chasing after me, behaving like an asshole and little more than tying a leash around my neck, so Axl stepped up and asked him to leave, since the guy wouldn’t listen to me. I have to admit I was surprised with how calmly the vocalist took the intrusion, taking into account his normally short temper. He told Mark that “it wasn’t his problem if he wanted to be his girlfriend’s chauffeur, but he couldn’t simply burst into a private property as if it was his house, and even less when they were working.” To be honest, that was one hell of a comeback, because if the singer had exposed the real reasons why he wanted him out, the other one would have clutched at straws to the philosophy “She is my girlfriend, you don’t get a saying on this.” But on his argument and on his turf, Axl had the upper hand.

Despite all the efforts, Mark told him to mind his own business and that, if the redhead kicked him out of the studio, he would be behaving like a total dick. Then, as if the destiny was trying its best to fix things, sarcasm be sensed, Duff showed up in the anteroom where we were. As soon as my boyfriend saw him, his eyes started blazing, and it only took the bassist telling him he had to leave and that I was still in my working hours so I wouldn’t go with him, for his fist to connect with Duff’s jaw in a nasty jab. And hell was fucking raised.

Axl pushed Mark, who was holding my arm with the same hand he had punched the blond with two seconds ago. Not letting go of me, he tackled the vocalist, mumbling something I can’t remember. Then he walked towards the front door, grabbing me with him. “Let’s go. Now”, he ordered. His fingers dug into my skin with such anger and despair that I could already feel the bruise forming underneath, and I was half shocked, half scared shitless. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to get in the car with him and I didn’t want any more punches either, but in any case my limbs were not responding to the commands my brain tried to make, whichever they were. It was then that, halfway across the room, before reaching the door, Mark stumbled and fell, finally releasing my arm. The first thing I saw when I lifted my eyes was Duff standing there, with his mouth covered in blood, shaking his right hand once and breathing heavily.

- If you ever touch her again like that, I’ll kill you.

While Mark was trying to get up, Slash stormed in from the recording room. He had seen the events of the last two minutes from his position behind the glass, and he wasn’t going to take any more of that shit. Right before the other one went ballistic attacking the bassist and blood started to hit the fan, Saul grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and kicked him, literally, out of the place. Once the metal door had closed between Mark and us, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I vaguely remember I started hyperventilating, on my knees, on the floor, and the sound of punches hitting metal on the outside was all but helping me calm down. As tears streamed down my face and I frantically run my fingers through my hair, a hand started trailing my back. It was a soft touch, slow, really slow. Making its way upwards and then going back down, over again. The noise level had considerably decreased, and now all I could listen to were whispers, the sweetest whispers coming from the mouth of one single person. “Shhhh, easy. You’re having a panic attack. It’s okay, you’re okay, I’m here. Breathe.” Little by little my quick and superficial breathing became steadier, and after a few minutes I was able to stand up to sit on the couch. The beating on the door had stopped, and I realized all the guys were surrounding me, worried look on their faces, as Duff, seating beside me, still had his hand in my back.

_________________

It had been two weeks since that day. After the incident, I sure as hell wasn’t going to be under the same roof as Mark, and even less with the fight still recent. Who knows what he would do to me as soon as I crossed the threshold… The guys profusely insisted that I could stay with any of them, but they let me use their phone to call my best friend when I told them I would be in very good hands with her. Laura received me with a warm hug the moment she saw me, and that night, at her home, we cried, we ranted and we ate ice-cream until we couldn’t take any more. I have to admit that, given the circumstances, she managed pretty well to get me into bed feeling kinda happy. But of course, nothing lasts forever. I was about to graduate, with no home (the foster-bed in Laura’s house didn’t count), no boyfriend and no plans of work, projects or future in general; ahead of me there was a massive precipice with seemingly no ending. Besides, the production process for Appetite was coming to an end, and so did my internship and the months of togetherness with the band. Now was the time for press conferences, concerts and, if it all went well, the tour. To be honest I was super happy for them. I had seen the birth of that album, and I was blindly certain that with such a masterpiece they were bound to success. It was inevitable. But in any case, that meant the end of what had given me the most joys in the last four months and, if apart from all the financial and emotional stability I had gained during my college years, someone took that away from me… what did I have left?

__________________

After that much time hitting the drums, I had ultimately interiorized the beat so much now I was just reproducing it on loop, with my eyes closed and breathing heavily. I was so self-absorbed that I didn’t realize the door had opened and someone had stepped into the studio. Suddenly I felt how, behind my back, two hands softly landed on my shoulders. I didn’t stop playing. My arms moved now with less vigor to the beat I had marked from the beginning, while those fingers gently traced small circles in the back of my neck, comforting me.

Duff.

It had to be him, I was certain.

Little by little I reduced the speed of my movements, gradually, until I completely stopped playing. When I left the drumsticks on the snares and turned around in the stool I saw him. He was standing there, right in front of me, asking with his eyes, a calm and expressive look on his face. An almost imperceptible sigh escaped my lips. He was worried about me.

- Good thing it was you who entered, and not Steven – I said, half jokingly, as I stood up, hoping to relax the tension built up between us.

- Yeah – he laughed softly. – Had it been him he would have ripped the drumsticks off your hands and hit you with them.

I laughed too, quietly, bitterly. This was too much for me. The words we never said were floating around, like a thousand needles falling into a tailspin above us; eventually, they would have to land. The worst part was that I didn’t know if I craved that moment or, on the contrary, dreaded it.

It looked like he had read my mind when he slowly, almost asking for permission, held my hands. I startled a bit with the contact, but I let him go on. Duff looked at them for a second before he noticed the tiny wounds I had unconsciously inflicted on myself digging my fingernails too hard a while before, at the drums. Without saying a word, he started caressing them very softly, as if he wanted to calm, more than my physical pain, the sentimental one. He was breathing deeply and slightly frowning. He was concentrated in trying to make that feeling disappear, the confusion, the guilt, the fear… the stream of emotions that had been threatening to break me for some time now. He looked me in the eyes. In that very moment, the temperature inside the room raised a few degrees. We were really close. So close I could feel his breath on me, listen to his heartbeat accelerating with every second that went by, see how his lips lightly parted, practically not at all, only a hint of the thought that filled our minds in that place, in that moment. Then, almost involuntarily, as an instinctive reflex, I stretched my neck upwards. That was the only sign he needed to make the already scarce distance between our lips disappear, and kiss me.

The contact was slow, sweet and full of longing. Our lips moved rhythmically, perfectly fitting on each other’s. Duff was still holding my hands, and I could feel my breath accelerating progressively. I released one of my hands and placed it on his neck, stroking the hair on his nape and helping myself keep balance in my tippiest toes. He saw my struggles and moved his free hand to my waist, firmly holding me so that I wouldn’t fall. All of a sudden, I felt the urge to be closer to him, even more. Everything that I hadn’t been able to do and that had bottled up inside of me was now too overwhelming, and I didn’t want to fight it anymore. Our kiss intensified, we hungrily enjoyed each other, panting. The next thing I knew was that Duff had placed his hands on the back of my thighs and lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and leaned my arms on his shoulders, so I could keep kissing him while he crossed the room and sat on the leather couch, with me straddling his lap. He ran his fingers up and down my thighs, slightly lifting the hem of my dress, as if he was testing some boundaries that I hadn’t set and, at this point, I didn’t plan to.

I was euphoric, nervous and loaded with desire. In a burst of braveness or lust, I’m not entirely sure, I started to buck my hips, back and forth, following a slow path at first, which progressively accelerated. The friction of my underwear in direct contact with his leather pants was about to drive me mad, and I couldn’t stop. His hands, which a moment ago were on my hips, guiding them, started moving over my lower stomach, tracing the edge of my panties in painfully slow motions. His breath was also heavier, somehow ragged, and I felt him hardening beneath me. His lips were stuck to the base of my neck, lightly sucking as I, with my eyes closed and lips parted into a silent “O”, gently pulled his blond hair. My core grew more sensitive by the minute, and when I thought I wouldn’t be able to hold the moan trapped in my throat anymore, his fingers touched my most sensitive spot, turning my steadily rocking hips not that steady for a moment.

In a matter of seconds, and with his hand working wonders between my legs, I got rid of the dress, which only bothered, and the perspective of my almost absolute nudity on top of his entirely dressed body made me shake with arousal. His free hand took care of my breasts, now exposed, as I dug my nails into his shoulders, underneath the sleeveless shirt he was wearing.

- Take it off – I managed to blurb between gasps.

- What? – Duff seemed confused, too concentrated on something else for having been able to follow the road of my own thoughts.

- Your shirt, take it off. I want to touch you.

A shit-eating grin lit up his face right before he separated in a quick motion from that piece of clothing and threw it somewhere else. Immediately after, in a total change of the atmosphere, he laid back on the couch and, placing his hands behind his head, said:

- Then touch me.

I didn’t hesitate for a single second. My hands flew to his shoulders, his arms, his shoulders again and went down his chest as I peppered kisses all over his lips, jaw, neck, collarbones… I took my sweet time while swinging my hips against the fabric that separated my pussy from his erection, and my nails traced a descending path down his torso, really slowly. I could notice how he was growing desperate; I felt his breath, now turned into a subtle growl, against my hair; I realized how shortly he had managed to keep his hands off me, since now he was caressing my flanks, my back and my chest. When I reached the cord of his pants with my fingers, I slowly undid the knot that tied them together and slipped my hand underneath, without stopping my hip motions. The very moment I found the base of his length, a soft grunt escaped his lips. He was driving me insane.

After a while arousing each other, we couldn’t stand the teasing any longer and Duff took the first step to getting rid of the clothes that were still around. I stood up and took off my sandals so that he could slide my panties down my legs, grazing my skin along the way. He also let go of both his pants and sneakers, tossing them on the carpet. Our moves were clumsy thanks to eagerness and anticipation. I once again sat on top of him, in our initial position, only now there were no clothes in the middle of the road. I could feel him against me. Touch. Friction. Desire. His expert fingers moved now freely over my core, as he left little love bites under my left ear. I kept on rubbing his cock, fully hard and a bit wet, while, with my other hand, I held on to his hair for dear life. We were close, really close. It felt as if every centimeter of my skin was on direct contact with Duff. He was everywhere, every corner, every goosebump, every scar… With all this overstimulation, my moans filled the room, and I didn’t have enough sanity to realize anyone could come in. I was a mess.All of a sudden, right when I was seconds away from cumming, his hands disappeared from my core. Even though I couldn’t see myself, I was sure in my eyes one would be able to read the anticipation and confusion.

- Wait – he said in a desperate whisper -. I want to feel you, I want to be inside of you.

If he hadn’t stopped touching me a moment before, I am sure that sentence would have sent me to the wildest of orgasms, but it wasn’t the time for my sweet release. Not yet. He put his hand right next to mine, on his cock, and, with an almost unbearable slowness, he brought the tip of it to my entrance. A trembling sigh fell from my lips and we looked into each other’s eyes. Then, I gently let my hips descend on his lap, and he completely slid inside of me, letting escape an unearthly growl that gave me chills. He had dropped his head back, leaving his neck and collarbones exposed to me, but I had my eyes closed as I tried to control the delightful contractions that were about to take over me. I felt him inside of me, extremely deep. As if we were two pieces of the same puzzle, as if we had been manufactured specifically to be together. Now THAT was overstimulation. Once my body had adjusted to him, I started motioning my hips up and down, holding on to his shoulders so that I didn’t lose the limited balance I had left. He once again was looking at me, with his hands on my waist as I kept the path. Close, very close. His arms slid around me and I kissed his lips eagerly. Our moans died in one another’s mouth while the movements became faster, erratic, frenetic. It was becoming more and more difficult to keep my sanity, I was almost raving with pleasure, and the moment our lips broke away to take air and we looked at each other, nose to nose, without stopping for a moment, I couldn’t hold it any longer. I came with a flashing intensity, pronouncing his name countless times, asking God knows who for this moment to last forever. I couldn’t stop screaming, and when Duff begged my name and I felt his liquid warmth filling every bit of me, I saw white.

_______________

His hand stroked tenderly my naked back while my breath came back to normal against his neck. The same as that day, but at the same time entirely different. I was still on top of him, he was still inside of me. I hadn’t yet gathered the strength to pull him apart from me, but he didn’t seem willing to get separated either, so we stood like that for a while, I don’t even know how much, but I don’t care. This felt utterly intimate, intense, extremely ours and totally apart from the rest of people, from the rest of things. It was a parallel universe inside of a crystal ball. It was the embodiment of all that was right. What we had been, without knowing or admitting it, even to ourselves, waiting for all this time.

#duff #smut #angst #guns n roses #duff mckagan #oneshot #imagine #fanfic #reader #fem reader

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ktaebwi · 7 years

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[TRANS] BTS Shukan Josei Magazine (1/2)

Part 1: Group interview | Part 2: Unit interview (RM-J / SG-JH /JM-V-JK)

JPN - KRN © mondomizel1, rn_rn_rn KRN - ENG © ktaebwi

BTS - Seven men with rising heartbeat

V: Born on December 30th, 1995. 21 years old. 178cm. AB blood type. Vocalist. Currently appearing on Korean drama “Hwarang” (broadcasted on CS DATV in Japan from March). A handsome 4D. The interview took place at quite an early hour so everyone was a little bit sleepy, but he hummed by himself and went into the studio. Asking “Where do we do the makeup?” with fluent Japanese, he showed us his passion in everything, but as the interview were coming to an end, his actions slowed down. It was like he was fighting with sleepiness (laughs).

JUNGKOOK: Born on September 1st, 1997. 19 years old. 178cm. A blood type. Vocalist. He’s called “Golden Maknae” for his outstanding dancing, singing and athletic ability. During the group photo shooting, J-hope pointed out “Your legs are trembling” since he was doing a difficult pose. He just grinned at the staffs who were trying to think of a solution and said “I’m okay!”. The sight of the Golden Maknae (saying such manly words) was heart-fluttering.

J-HOPE: Born on February 18th, 1994. 22 years old. 177cm. A blood type. Rapper. He’s so talented that he has made a name for himself as a street dancer during school days, and is now leading the group as the dance team leader. J-hope was also the one who shouted “Let’s start!” and help us start the interview. It was impressive how he practiced Japanese with the staffs during break time with a smiling face full of hope.

SUGA: Born on March 9th, 1993. 23 years old. 174cm. O blood type. Rapper. A music genius who does both group activities as well as solo activities under the name “Agust D”. Suga said “I’m the type to only work when working, and only rest when resting. While waiting to get makeup at the studio, he lay down on bed with Jimin and did his self-analysis. He’s great.

JIN: Born on December 4th, 1992. 24 years old. O blood type. Vocalist. The oldest in the group and a handsome guy with big appetite. Rap Monster told Jin, “I’m really jealous with hyung because he doesn’t get stressed.” “No matter how tired I am, I forget everything after sleeping for a night (laughs). Is that tea mine? (laughs)”

JIMIN: Born on October 13th, 1995. 21 years old. 173cm. A blood type. Vocalist. Being one of the top enrolling students at the Modern Dance Department of an arts high school, he possesses a prideworthy and beautiful ability of expressing himself. There are times when he’s sulky, so he has the nickname “Chimchim” too. Before the interview, we told him that his jaw line looked sharper, so he smiled brightly and replied “I’m on a diet right now”, then delightedly told Jungkook “They said I lost weight!”.

RAP MONSTER: Born on September 12th, 1994. 22 years old. 181cm. A blood type. Rapper. He is also active in solo activities such as collaborating with other artists. A […] leader, but he’s actually very clumsy. [T/N: illegible] He went into the studio and said to the staffs “Please take care of us… A-ah!”, then stumbled on the stairs and almost fell down. He’s a good person.

Q: You just released the first best album “THE BEST OF 방탄소년단” synthesizing 2.5 years of promoting in Japan, is there a song that’s different from the others?

J-hope: It’s “For You”. It’s the first original song to be officially released in Japan so I think it’s quite meaningful. Suga: I think it’s “I NEED U” Japanese version. The Japanese lyrics are a little bit different from the Korean one, so I like it.

Q: A memorable thing from your promotions in Japan up until now?

Jin: There’s no exact thing that makes me go “This is the one.” I always look at the whole stadium whenever I sing the last song at any concert. I don’t know if it’s happiness or sadness, but in those moments, I have some sort of unspeakable feelings. The lingering taste of the ending is the most memorable to me. I’m always overwhelmed whenever I perform. Jimin: We performed in front of 500 fans in our first showcase. As our number of live performances goes up, the venues get bigger too, and recently we got to meet many fans through our Arena tour. I’m always touched at those times. Suga: It was really fun being able to participate in big music festivals like Summer Sonic or A-Nation.

Q: You received the award for most exellent artist, “Artist Of The Year”, at Asia’s biggest award ceremony “2016 Mnet Asia Music Awards” last year. You cried on stage.

Suga: I was listening to the acceptance speech and kept thinking about the memories in 7 years since my trainee days. The hardships, the happy things, all kinds of memories kept lingering in my mind and I was overwhelmed. I cried unknowingly too, since I couldn’t hold it. Jungkook: I cried because I felt so grateful to ARMYs. I planned not to cry on stage no matter what happened, but my tears came out looking at our fans. They bore hardships with us and supported us. I was so touched that I cried. I… We are really lucky. Rap Monster: We were very happy, so we went to eat together after returning from Hongkong! We ordered pasta and pizza… J-hope: The day we received the award was right about Jin-hyung’s birthday too. V: So we celebrated both. Jin: We ate rea~lly delicious things! (serious face) J-hope: We ate and talked about the old days. Jimin: It was fun.

Q: Aside from receiving the award, the Korean album also landed 26th place on the America Billboard chart, and placed #1 on the Itunes charts of 27 countries. 2016 became an unforgettable year for you.

Suga: We went to countries on the other half of the world like Brazil and felt the love for us from fans in those countries, I think we benefitted from this era. It seems like we’re really lucky. V: But still… I want to receive more love in Japan too. Woof! (holding out hands like a puppy and pretending to bite Jungkook’s arms, who was sitting next to V) Jungkook: (dodges V as if he’s used to it) Yeah, I think so. Rap Monster: It’s really amazing. Every time we perform overseas, people who have different nationalities from us and speak different languages all sing along to our songs. V: That’s quite something. Rap Monster: This year, a new era for both us and our fans has started. Jimin: Actually, there’s a performance I’m thinking of right now. A performance that anyone looking at it can see the cool and fun side of us. I’ll work hard for that goal. Jungkook: I want to grow more! So that that growth will become our weapon.

Q: Your endless effort has made BTS into the group you are right now. Is there anything that has changed, or hasn’t changed now compared to when you debuted?

Suga: Something that hasn’t changed since pre-debut, first of all, it’s the attitude to think of singing and performing as our priorities. Even if our members each have something they want to do, we all think of the directions we shouldn’t do and where we should go as a team first. I think that’s one of our strengths. Rap Monster: And another thing is practicing. Practice first and practice second. If it took us 10 times to do something before, now we can do it within just 5 times. I think we got to do it more efficiently.

Q: Seeing your performances, you have such fierce choreography so it seems to be quite tiring.

Suga: (with serious face) Honestly, it’s hard. Everyone: (laughs) Rap Monster: But that hard practice is what made us who we are right now, so we can’t stop. V: We must not stop!!

Q: We’d like to suggest stopping and resting sometimes.

Suga: Recently we have to perform songs with hard choreography continuously so it’s really tiring. Until about a year ago, I would just blindly practice, but then I got to know that if I keep doing like that, it’d cause harm to my body, so now I’m taking health products and supplements, as well as taking care of my body. Jungkook: You have to build your stamina. Suga: That’s right.

Q: Coming back to what we were talking about earlier, is there anything that changed?

V: When I just debuted, I didn’t know anything. I couldn’t do anything except for doing my best at what I was told to. But now, I’d do it while figuring out the meaning and think about it on my own. Jungkook: Uhm… I got to think more deeply now. Other than calling it a change, I’d say it’s more like my attitude has matured. Jimin: My thoughts about fans and performing has changed too. J-hope: My personal growth, as well as my attitude towards performing, fans and many other things have changed. I’m always aware that “I’m a professional”, at what can be seem from the outside as well as what can’t. Jimin: “I’m a professional”… That’s right. Everyone’s appearances have changed a lot too. Rap Monster: It feels like when we were trainees, everyone’s singing, dancing and fashion senses were all messy (laughs). But I think we look like celebrities now.

Q: You’ll continue to grow as artists and be the “rising BTS” [T/N: referring to the title of “진격의 방탄” (Attack On Bangtan/Rise Of Bangtan)] in the future too right.

Jin: We’ll continue to rise. Rap Monster: We can’t stop now. (laughs)

#bts #bangtan #ot7 #bts interview #shukan josei #translation #trans:interview #someone explain to me why tae pretended to bite kook's arms when he was talking about receive love in japan #i'm gonna frame that and hang it on my wall #also part 2 will be up before run bts tonight (hopefully)#also yoongi lay on bed with jimin and did self-analysis wtf

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call-me-rei · 7 years

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This Week In Music

I think I’m gonna address the biggest news…

AFTER LAUGHTER WAS RELEASED!!!

That’s right P-more fans, After Laughter has officially graced our ears and whatever sites we get music from. I listened to the new record and I’ve got to say, I’ve missed being in my feels this much. I’m not gonna bore you guys with my opinion in this post, other than saying that I really like the record and it deserves to be heard by all. It’s such a fun album with lyrics that are kind of “woah” (in a good way). The band beared their hearts and souls on this twelve-track masterpiece and the reviews have taken that into acknowledgment.

What do you think of the record? Have you not listened to it yet? Well fear not, I’ve got you! You can acquire the record on iTunes, Google Play, or Spotify.

But wait, there’s more exciting Paramore news!

The band announced the return of Parahoy! What’s Parahoy you ask? To put it simply, it’s the greatest time on a ship that you could ever have!

Parahoy was started by the band back in 2014 as a way for fans to spend some time with each other and get to know more about Hayley, Zac, and Taylor through four days of interaction.

Presale tickets are available through the cruise’s site so if you’re interested buy a ticket. It’s sure to be the best vacation of your life!

***

Now, I’m gonna step away from all the P-more excitement and go on to newer things. Like, the new sound that’s hit the airwaves.

A man by the name of Gary Gorski relaxed his debut song, “Summer,” this week.

Who is Gary Gorski? If you follow Palisades then you’d know him as a very close friend of the band. He’s a crazy guy with a big personality, and now a new song.

Like the title suggests, the song is about summer love composed of summer vibes. I imagine listening to this song while on the beach or driving around in a convertible with the wind blowing through my hair.

How do you see yourself enjoying the song, and Gary’s voice? Haven’t decided yet? Well, make a decision! Maybe you haven’t heard it yet. Why don’t you listen to it on Spotify or buy the track on Amazon and tell me what you think? Maybe you can even recommend the song to a friend. Support good music!

***

Since we’re on the topic of new music let’s talk about some more releases. Not only did Gary grace the musical world but so did Blink 182, Chapel, and Miss May I, and a band you might not know very well.

Yup, these bands all released new songs this week. Chapel blessed us with their new track, “We’ve Got Soul” as well as the accompanying video which features “unspeakable, unforgivable breakfast things“ (Jenna Marbles). Despite the pancakes with Fruit Loops and the addition of orange juice, the song is an upbeat, catchy, sure-to-get-stuck-in-your-head track that’s sure to be the feel-good song of the summer. Check out the video and stream the song on Spotify.

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***

On to Blink 182!

Those boys released a song that was deemed Enema of the State and California’s love child by Billboard and the band themselves. According to the band on their website:

“Think of your favorite song from Enema of the State. Now think of your favorite song from California. Now imagine them falling in love and starting a family of their own. That’s what this song is.”

I’ve gotta say, the song is just that. It’s a throwback to the songs we’ve loved but with a taste of something new, different, and well, just plain fun. The song’s called “Wildfire” and you can listen to it below.

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Blink 182 is also releasing a deluxe version of their album, California on May 19. You can preorder the record on iTunes and Google Play.

***

Miss May I released a song this week as well, along with a new video.

The song, “Shadows Inside,” is the title track from their upcoming album set to release on June 2. Now, I don’t actively listen to this band, but I enjoyed this song. The opening rip is what got me hooked. Really hooked.

You know it’s a good song if it gets stuck in your head for a while after you turn it off. Will this be a good song to you? Why not find out?

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Preorder Shadows Inside on iTunes and Google Play.

***

The last song on our new releases of the week goes to Consider Me Dead. The band is actually a duo with members Chris Brewington and Brandon Pettitt. Although CMD isn’t a household name, the boys have made major strides in the scene. Their newest one is a track called “Better Off Without You”.

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The song has a techno feel and a F-you to whoever wanted to cross them. I would call this song the breakup song of the summer. You could dance to it or dedicate it to your ex at prom. I don’t know, just listen to it! It’s worth the three minutes.

You can also stream the song on Spotify or buy it on iTunes.

***

Is that still not enough music for you? Wish you could listen to more new tracks by your favorite artist? Well you’re in luck! Machine Gun Kelly released his new record, Bloom.

The record came out on May 12 and has received rave reviews from fans and critics alike. It has that sound and emotion you’d expect from MGK with beats you can vibe to. It’s a deep record and I’d be lying if I said that the first song didn’t pull me in. This is the kind of record that you have to sit back and listen to without skipping.

Let me give you the opportunity to do that. Stream the record on Spotify or purchase it on iTunes and Google Play. Vibe with MGK and let me know what you think.

***

There’s something else in the works that we can all look forward to. What am I talking about? Well, if you follow Tyler Carter on Snapchat then you’d know.

A couple days ago the Issues frontman announced on his account that he would be in the studio for twelve days. Doing what? Recording a solo LP, that’s what! Yup, TC is working on his first solo LP, and if you’ve been following his snaps then you’ve seen the 30 seconds of one of the tracks. (Note: it’s really good.)

There’s no word on a release date or a title but it’s Tyler Carter so we’re going to be on the edge of our seats awaiting any kind of news. And if the record is anything like Leave Your Love then we won’t be disappointed.

***

If you haven’t been paying attention to my recent posts (that have nothing to do with Band Love) then you haven’t noticed the Waterparks x Rock Sound posts. If not then keep reading.

Our Houston boys announced the other day that they were taking a huge step in the musical world. I’m talking about their FIRST U.K. HEADLINING TOUR!

Our little babies are growing up. *wipes tear* Please go buy tickets (here) and catch them on tour with All Time Low! Seriously, buy tickets, or else Rock Sound will be very upset.

Please buy tickets to see the people of Rock Sound play the triangle.

Well, that wraps it up for me. I hope you liked the highlights of the musical world for this last week. As always, support good music and buy tickets to your faves and those you haven’t learned to appreciate yet. Peace and love, y’all.

#Paramore #Gary Gorski #Chapel #Blink 182 #Miss May I #Consider Me Dead #CMD #Machine Gun Kelly #MGK #Tyler Carter #Waterparks #Band love

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theseventhhex · 7 years

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Swans Interview

Michael Gira

Following the unprecedented critical and commercial success of Swans' double-album masterworks ‘The Seer’ and ‘To Be Kind’, Michael Gira announced that the existing iteration of the band would only produce one more album and tour. ‘The Glowing Man’, as with its predecessors, is an expansive two-hour epic containing lengthy compositions that the band developed during their momentous tours. Throughout the latest release, Gira is less a songwriter than a summoner, channelling unspeakable amounts of energy into ritualistic spectacles. Many of the songs start out with tension-building drones, often utilising lots of percussion before ebbing and flowing with intense bursts, and eventually reaching ecstatic, trance-inducing states. There's no way this type of boundless energy can simply be retired or silenced, though, so the album serves as another exciting portal into the unknown… The Seventh Hex talks to the legendary Michael Gira about being self-critical, sequencing and Buddhism…

TSH: Since the inception of Swans to now, how rewarding is it for you to consistently and continually develop little worlds and atmospheres with your compositions and have listeners connect on a personal level?

Michael: Without sounding too sentimental, that’s the greatest reward. When I talk to audience members after the show, hearing their responses and how the music has affected them in some true way is really the greatest repayment. I mean, I certainly haven’t had overwhelming financial rewards, so I’ll take what I can, ha! You know, it’s just great connecting with listeners; it allows me to strive to be self-critical and push things forward as much as possible in a true and honest way.

TSH: Is it essential for your arrangements to be free of constraint?

Michael: Yeah, I mean I never look at something as finished. It’s always a starting point for something else to happen, even with extent material it just keeps getting re-evaluated and iterated in a different way. My approach recently has been to significantly transform ideas and have them open to change as we go along.

TSH: What sort of trajectories are you applying to get your desired outcomes?

Michael: There are usually two trajectories that I’ve used on these recent records: one of which is me writing songs on acoustic guitar and then developing the songs with the band, as well as other people who subsequently perform on these songs in the studio. The other is writing songs on acoustic guitar and taking them to the band and we start developing them to perform live, which is an entirely different way of working. When we perform live things morph into these longer pieces that garner new sections constantly, and we keep pushing until new things happen.

TSH: ‘The Glowing Man’ is yet another excellent Swans release. What was your initial approach as you fleshed out ‘The World Looks Red / The World Looks Black’?

Michael: That song was just me playing this figure on the guitar and singing nonsense really. In the end, I just thought of the lyrics which I’d written and given to Sonic Youth over 30 years ago. I just started singing those words and it was kind of preposterous, but I thought, why not. I’m really happy with the end result on that one.

TSH: The remastered version of ‘The Great Annihilator’ is also another recent release. Do you remember forming the striking ‘Mind/Body/Light/Sound’?

Michael: That record was made during a great time for the band. You know, like all Swans records it was quite a torturous process unfortunately. Not being a real trained musician meant I was starting out with notions and colours with regards to how to orchestrate a song. I started working with people and I’d tell them about my ideas or play a song to them, and often they’d suggest something or they’d play something that would inspire something in me - it all just sort of grows organically with further contribution from others. I guess that’s how that song must have come about, I don’t remember too much.

TSH: Knowing sequencing is significant to you, is it often a case of following intuition with this factor?

Michael: Yeah, absolutely. Something I started with ‘Soundtracks for the Blind’ and continued since is developing material that works as transitions between the pieces, based on a discreet amount of already extent pieces. I’ll start developing other bits of music that serve as transitions or segues from one section to another. On ‘Soundtracks for the Blind’ the segues ended up taking precedence over the original pieces. The sequencing is really important to me in order to make the record a total cinematic experience.

TSH: Is it a constant spiritual and high level experience for you when Swans perform live?

Michael: Most certainly. I view the records and live performances as two completely different worlds, I don’t qualify them as one being better than the other. However, the live element is the apex of my life personally. It’s when the music kind of becomes bigger than us and we’re just puppets that are playing. We’re right in there with the audience, experiencing it ourselves. I always like live shows when they surprise me and wipe away my expectations of what reality is. Performing live is embedded in my bones and when the audience gets it, that’s the highpoint which creates pure elation for me.

TSH: Does the urgency of existence and proximity of death still inform your subject matter?

Michael: Well, I feel both are important topics in life for anyone to think about. At my age, I’m only naturally going to have these issues in mind. Certainly for me these types of factors inform my thinking more than anything else happening in life or in the past. I guess talking about it trivialises the subject matter though, so I leave thoughts pertaining to this type of subject matter open-ended.

TSH: Is Zen Buddhism a way of life that you admire?

Michael: Well, I think it’s preposterous for anyone to say ‘I’m a Buddhist’ because that negates the idea of Buddhism. I’m interested in the Buddhist way of thinking for sure, but I don’t prescribe to any notion of reality or how things should be.

TSH: Is it distracting to find discipline with so much information overload in this digital age?

Michael: I try to find clarity, but I’m just about caught up in this digital age as much as anyone else, unfortunately. I personally feel that social media and this age of information overload is a pernicious influence. I realise that our initial hope for the internet was the democratisation of information, but it seems to me that it’s become a swarm of distractions and neurosis. It’s like one big mind eating itself.

TSH: Also, does your daughter still prefer Katy Perry to Swans?

Michael: Ha! Yeah, she still prefers the pop world and cannot stand any Swans music. I think she kind of likes ‘I Wanna Be Your Dog’ by Iggy Pop, which is pretty cool.

TSH: How have you been keeping your mindset fresh during your downtime?

Michael: I read a lot and I’ve been watching a lot of movies…

TSH: You finally got around to seeing ‘The Hidden Fortress’…

Michael: Yes, I did. Akira Kurosawa is an absolute master and the film itself was a real treat. You know, I came to the conclusion several years ago that the greatest artists of the twentieth century were filmmakers, not necessarily fine artists, but, yeah, I rank Kurosawa way up there.

TSH: Knowing nothing is ever finished for yourself, as you look ahead with Swans, is it very much a case of changing the conversation and keeping things fresh?

Michael: For sure. You know, this current version of Swans has definitely been the most pleasing period of my career, which is encouraging, but also we put in the hard work so it’s a natural progression. I mean it’s great be able to be in my dotage and still make something that has a severance of vitality to it. This configuration of individuals called Swans at the current time is the most fruitful of musicians that I’ve ever experienced, and I love working with these guys. However, at a certain point you begin to anticipate and know what each person is going to do, and so it can become too familiar. We’re still performing very well and discovering new things as we go along, but I just want to change it up. Looking ahead, I’m going to make records whilst gathering musicians - people I know from all over the world for each song, many of whom will be these guys, but the end result will be one of a more open-ended circumstance.

Swans Upcoming Tour Dates

Swans - “The Glowing Man”

The Glowing Man

#Interview #Swans #Michael Gira

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ricardosousalemos · 7 years

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The Notorious B.I.G.: Born Again

Born Again commences Biggie’s posthumous disemboweling. It’s the first project bearing his name that was conceived, produced, and completed after the Brooklyn icon had gasped his last breaths. By now, rap fans are deeply familiar with this baleful, unlovely creature—the posthumous collection of reworked demos, outtakes, and leftovers cobbled together by executives and hired guns, paired with a list of guest artists and of-the-moment producers. They reek of boardroom meetings. They usually fill you with a hollow, complicit feeling for even hitting “play.” It is hard to think of five such records in pop-music history that justify their existence after their first-week sales figures have posted.

In the two years since Biggie’s death, his mentor and corporate svengali Puff Daddy had already found several ingenious ways to siphon cash and attention from his dead protégé. Puffy's solo album, long in the works, was retitled No Way Out from working title Hell Up In Harlem and overhauled after Biggie’s death, emerging full of gothic dread and intimations of ready-to-die-ness. Its biggest single was his Police-sampling, “I’ll Fly Away”-interpolating “I’ll Be Missing You,” a maudlin tribute to The Notorious B.I.G. that spent 11 weeks at No. 1.

The following year, he released the debut album from The Lox, a hardheaded trio of Yonkers rappers with a deafening street buzz. Puff decked them in shiny suits and dropped them in front of Hype Williams’ fish-eye lens, where they looked about as comfortable as middle schoolers stranded at prom. The album included the less-heralded, equally maudlin tribute, “We’ll Always Love Big Poppa.” In the video, baby-faced Jadakiss, Sheek Louch, and Styles P poured their hearts out to their dead friend, while Puff Daddy stood behind them, pointing meaningfully at the camera. It was clear that whatever Puff thought of the grief process, he didn’t see much need to keep it behind closed doors.

Somewhere in there came the announcement for Born Again. Initial reports promised a sort of Biggie bildungsroman, pairing narration from Biggie’s mother Voletta Wallace with unheard demos and unreleased material. Rap listeners had been busily copping and sharing Biggie exclusives from a steady stream of mixtapes, freestyles and unfinished cuts dating back to 1993, but those traveled in rarefied circles, and the idea of a studio album bringing this stuff to the masses was enticing. But the story changed quickly, and often; a full-page ad in the September ‘99 issue of The Source promised some intrigue, including a track that would posthumously reunite Biggie and 2Pac and a new remix of “Party & Bullshit” that foretold an appearance from Will Smith. For better or for worse, this never came to pass, and what ended up being released was a jumble of some older, less well-known verses and some recycled material from already-available releases.

Born Again wasn’t Biggie’s story. Sure, it spawned one or two lasting cuts: the flashy, Duran Duran-sampling “Notorious B.I.G.” and the vicious early pre-Ready To Die demo “Dead Wrong.” But the real story it tells is about Puff Daddy—how he flailed into the spotlight after Big’s death, how he treated his protégé’s legacy. He immediately sought to cast himself as Biggie’s equal: You can see the video for “Victory” as a sort of prelude. Biggie’s verse play is just background music for shots of Puff Daddy running slow motion in front of explosions in the rain.

This is the kind of Biggie album Puff made without the stubborn, strong-willed Wallace present in the room to dig in his heels and say “no.” The production for the album makes no sense—it made no sense for a Biggie album in 1999, and it makes even less sense in 2017. The dank, chaotic original “Niggas” from 1993, produced by Mister Cee and gloriously scarred up with frenetic scratching, gets cleaned up and “updated” all the way to 1999, sounding tame and inert. The Timb-boot funk of that basement session evaporates completely, and the song loses all of its meaning transferred into major-label sunlight.

Similarly, it’s nice to think about Mannie Fresh and Biggie in the same room with Biggie alive—they were both inventive, antic minds that loved surprising word choices and unpredictable flows. But hearing Biggie’s second ferocious verse stripped from the original version of “Dead Wrong”—a song, remember, that appears elsewhere on this album—laid over Fresh’s bouncy instrumental “Hope You Niggas Sleep,” and followed by verses from all the members of Hot Boys and Big Tymers, only underscores how dead Wallace was.

His verse from “Dangerous MCs,” meanwhile, was meant to appear on a song from Busta Rhymes’ The Coming, produced by J Dilla. It was scrapped purportedly because of some veiled threats at 2Pac lurking in it and the album’s makers were leery of tossing any more powder into the keg. With them both dead, Big’s incendiary lines detonate harmlessly over an airless, functional beat from Nottz: “Catch my drift/Or catch my four-fifth lift/At least six inches above project fences/Turn meat to minces/Jumps turn to flinches/When I rain I drenches/Cleared your park benches.” Hearing one dead man launch subliminals at another dead one is perverse, particularly since the producers arranged some East Coast/West Coast unity kabuki elsewhere on the project, bringing Ice Cube to rap a verse on “If I Should Die Before I Wake” saluting Biggie as the “King of New York.”

Is any of it worth it? Tough to say. Without this album, you might have never heard “Relax and take notes while I take tokes of the marijuana smoke.” That’s a canonical line, and it introduces “Dead Wrong,” the only near-classic here. The original, produced by Easy Moe Bee, is a giggly and profane game of Dozens, Biggie indulging his filthy imagination for all its worth: broomsticks get used for unspeakable purposes and Lucifer is laughed out of the room. On the new version, the stakes are higher, and the music sharper, a sideways-jerking, always-falling-off-the-beat thing that samples the Rev. Al Green, of all people. He didn’t even fuck it up by including a new verse from a pissy white kid named Eminem on it, a rapper Big had never heard of who had mostly become famous at that point for making fun of his mom and boy bands. It all sounds a little tired in retrospect—“cannibals and exorcisms, animals havin' sex with 'em”—but at the time, it was a revelation.

The decision to bring Eminem in said a lot about Puffy’s shifting priorities. Mark Pitts, an executive producer on Born Again, likened the project to “building Frankenstein.” Even shortly after working on the project, he sounded queasy about it: “The only thing that bothered me was the [guests artists] on the album. He would’ve respected them all, but he wouldn’t have worked with them all. Just because they’re hot doesn’t mean they mesh.”

Soon, he would accompany artists he wouldn’t have even respected: Korn comes to mind. The trail of artists who can technically claim to have appeared alongside the Notorious B.I.G. has only grown more disheartening with time. “I did real songs with Big, no made-up shits,” Jadakiss sneered at 50 Cent in their 2006 battle. By then, having recorded a song next to Biggie Smalls was no longer rarefied air, and these were the first unreal songs with Big. In that sense, they inaugurated a long and sad tradition.

From Hendrix to Elvis to Nirvana, none of this death-industry stuff is new. But in hip-hop, a music tied so closely to the inhuman ravages of the drug war and the carceral state, the charge pulsed a little hotter. Nineties gangsta rap always smelled of sulfur, of various deals cut with sundry devils, and its most potent tracks gave those who confronted them a mortal thrill. Alive, Big could inhabit this archetype and artfully squirm out of it in the same line, and it only took his presence—no more, no less—to set this animation in motion. “Excuse me, flows just grow through me/Like trees to branches, cliffs to avalanches,” he deadpanned on a throwaway line from Ready To Die’s “The What.” You could lose an hour, or a year, thinking about the imagery there, plumbing the mind that casually bundled those two thoughts together. “We dress up like ladies and burn ‘em with dirty .380s,” he proposed on the Life After Death cut “Niggas Bleed.” These lines are well-worn by repetition that they should, by all rights, have lost their strangeness. And yet they have not: Imagine Big, all 300 pounds of him, packing heat, dressed in woman’s clothes; once your mind’s eye has seen that, you won’t ever lose it. It’s indelible.

On Born Again, he is immobilized, and can thus perform none of these tricks. You can feel the absence of his animating touch—his hot breath, his shrewd eye, his capacious ear. This is when the mortification of his body was complete, and he was rendered as just a voice that others could manipulate without his consent. He has nothing to do with the music and no way of playing against his environment. As a result, there’s no inner music at work, nothing much to listen harder for. A good artist leads you into their genre from some other, outside place, showing you the familiar shapes through the warping lens of their mind. Their individual predilections and quirks become elemental laws of physics, rules. Biggie’s voice is all over Born Again, but you feel the absence of his mind. Here, he is just a gangsta rapper, the nimblest one that ever lived.

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