#i will never pose this many sims at once ever again

[emperorofthedark]

#sims 2 #ts2 #simblr #pleasantview #angela pleasant #lilith pleasant #mary-sue pleasant #daniel pleasant #cassandra goth #herb oldie #coral oldie #gvaudoin tricou #fricorith tricou #brandi broke #skip broke #dustin broke #darleen dreamer #dirk dreamer #i will never pose this many sims at once ever again #my game was surprisingly well behaved for the duration though #plutonian shores 2.0

[yooniesim]

Small Simblr Saturday Appreciation Post 💜

Hey y'all! Since @tau1tvec came up with the idea for this event, I thought I'd shout out some of my personal favorite always free creators :)

To start it off though, you know I gotta recommend @alwaysfreecc, the finds blog currently managed by myself, @superflare, @nicatnite88, and @toastie-sim! We only reblog cc creators that are always free (no exclusive or early access) and use the tag #alwaysfreecc to find your posts! If you're an always free cc creator, please use the tag and/or mention the finds blog so we can get your catalog reblogged there 😌 now, onto the list~!

@xiuminuwu - a creator I've really been loving lately! they have a variety of cute cc, including poses and unique, fashionable clothing~

@hexcodesims - a very underrated creator with tons of clothing edits for masc frame sims, I also love their big bud press palette~

@herecirmsims - makes amaaaazing unique poses for a variety of situations

@adelarsims - has awesome ideas that you wouldn't think of, amazing variety of cc like hello

@janjumjam - adorable cc for kids, gives me happy feels and nostalgia

@ceeproductions - some of my fav cc on this site, great variety for both masc and fem frame

@powluna - super cute items for kiddos... a staple in the mods folder

@ssspringroll - occult cc for daysss, cool sliders and presets, they got it all

@nicatnite88 - yes I'm biased, but the variety and hustle cannot be denied, just look at the amount of cc!

@bobnewbie - hairs, facial hairs, accessories, gorgeous sims... what else could you want?

@darlyssims - UNIQUE. really cool ideas for hairs, accessories, and more

@cliffirem - clothes and hairs with an alt twist i really enjoy

@sammi-xox - beautiful skinblends and super useful skin details

@warwickroyals - gorgeous formalwear, especially good for all you royal simblrs!

@marsosims - cute cute cute all over... hairs, clothes, even build/buy cc!! we stan

@whyhellosims - lots of stuff for kids, build buy cc, and a slant of humor!

@creamlattedream - masc cc staple in this house, lots of cute recolors and casual wear

@pluto-sims - the cutest patterns EVER, adorable kids clothing, posters and walls~

@deathpoke1qa - unique is my word for the day bc my lord... it's popping off! alt staples you can't miss

@icchixxxxxx1 - hairs hairs hairs... and more cute hairs! if you like the cutesy anime look but still mm, go here

@mellosakicc - so. many. t-shirts. but also other clothing, tats, and hairs! another alt cc maker with work ethic for days

@whirliko - cute bright recolors... we have no choice but to stan the pop of color

@shandir - conversions, historical, occult, variety... hello??? get going

@mangosimoothie - the ideas are popping... once again things that would never pop into my brain but are brilliant... just go look and see what I mean

@igorstory - facial hair... a totally unrepresented niche of sims cc.. I have all their stuff... download it

@madameriasims4 - CLASSICS. STAPLES. I use their clothes all the time and they also got build/buy stuff.

@aniraklova - alt & punk vibes to the tippy top, fallout, chains, mohawks, whats not to love??

@pixelunivairse - ONE OF MY FAVS. use their cc constantly for my fem frame sims. uses tons of cute patterns that I love

@demondare-sims - cas cc i love, I use it pretty much every time I play, mm and practical

@fiftymilehighclub - talking about work ethic, it's here... so many recolors in bomb palettes that you'll never download them all... or can you??? try

@sforzcc - retired from cc making, but I gotta recommend, bc I use their wardrobe sooo much... brilliant

@casteru/@woosteru - also retired, but same as #16, I use their cc every day!

@xldkx-cc - am I just listing staples of my mods folder now? yes!! I am not biased!! go and get all that cas cc and poses and deco sims NOW!!

@a-luckyday - if you don't know ms a luckyday poses u have not lived in life!! they have a huge amount of them, solo, couple, group, accessories, and more

@gothoffspring - really cute and vibey recolors, I use them a lot, also some build buy items too!!

@jellymoo - we love the clothing... mm aesthetic to the core and cute af

@gladlypants - lotsa adorable items I adore, variety of patterns too

@birksche - tons, I mean TONS of hairs bro, years worth, always free... a treasure trove

@teekalu - supreme maxis match, vanilla vibes that are so lovely... ideal for low cc players

@honeyssims4 - poses, honey!!! the variety will shock you. and they ALL look good

@sewerwolfx - really cool stuff with alt style, some recolors and some from SCRATCH, we love to see it

@historysims4 - historical cc from many different eras!! iconic

@hamsterbellbelle - some of the most unique scifi cc i ever seen... idk how they even make some of that stuff! must see

@surely-sims - beautiful legendary amazing gorgeous never been done before... their fallout inspired cc made me weep and almost solely furnished one of my households, work

...annnndddd I hit my limit!!! I guess thats it for now but maybe a part two... 😉

#ceci speaks #text #smallsimblrsaturday #alwaysfreecc #i tried to put a lot of ppl i havent seen mentioned as much #but theres still so many to love #can u tell my mental state deteriorating as the post went on #it is currently 6 am i am going to bed #hopefully this is coherent when it posts from the queue LOL #alwaysfreecc creator boost

[scythesms]

Tag Game for Historical Simblrs!

1. What has been your favorite time period to play in or which one are you most excited for?

The 20s because it’s so soon, but mostly the 50s-70s. 

2. Do you have a favorite piece of historical cc? (CAS or BB)

Very very hard to choose but these two hairs have to be at the top of my list

3. Who is your favorite sim currently?

Edmund! you wouldn’t think so bc I’m putting him through a lot rn but I truly adore him and I’m excited for what’s to come in his future 🤞🏽🤞🏽... Rosalyn is a very close second

4. What is your favorite world?

Windenburg at the moment.. so many lots ❤❤ Even though she’s irritating me bc I’ve been stuck there so long I can’t wait to get out Otherwise, I’d choose San Myshuno or Brindleton Bay.

5. Are you more gameplay or story focused?

Once upon a time it was both but recently I haven’t had much time to play :(( so story driven it is

6. Do you like to play with pets in your historical saves?

Yes and no. They’re cute but forgettable. This gen was actually supposed to have three dogs bc they had the vibe of a three dog family, but it felt like a hastle with how many babies they keep birthing

7. What’s your biggest immersion breaking pet peeve with the game?

The constant phones, checking on toddlers/infants, and the endless townies i have to delete -- although I’m sure there are mods out there 

8. What’s your favorite in-game historical item? (CAS or BB)

From the frames to the paintings I love em all

9. What would you like to see as a new pack or asset to the game?

Not too historic but bands. Playable saxaphones, flutes, drums I need it

10. What pack do you think is invaluable as a historical simmer?

Idk what I’d do without Cottage Living or Get Together/Cats and Dogs (for the worlds)

11. Do you have a favorite mod to enhance historical gameplay?

No fireplace fires!! bc the 1890s was hell omflgjf The timeless mod is also mwah

12. What’s your ideal family size for playing?

However many members the story insists :’)) I really enjoyed gen 1 with only 5 family members. I was forced to play with 9 up until the lung came around - which is the biggest it will ever be bc never again

13. Do you use poses?

Heinously.

14. Do you use any overrides in your game?

Yess, a few for homework, brooms, vaccums, books (my fav), mops etc etc

15. Do you, or did you, play off-the-grid during your game?

Never.

16. What lifespan do you play on?

Long with a few fixes. 

17. What inspired you to start playing a historically?

My sister and I were talking about how much we wanted a good black period drama and that led into us into talking about the lack of black history shows/series set before the 80s. I was also watching some older movies at the time while going through one of my sims phases, leading me to historical cc, simblr, and thus the decades challenge. it’s now consumed a year of my life 👩🏽‍💻

thank you beloved @antiquatedplumbobs for tagging me <33

i tag every and anyone 🎉

#ask game

[izayoichan]

Get to Know Me - Sims Style

Thanks for the tag @dandylion240, always kinda fun to do these things.

What’s your favorite Sims death?

I think death by wohoo has to be my favorite, although as I only use the game for storytelling and even with that mostly screenshots, I don’t really see much to any death in the game.

Alpha CC or MaxisMatch?

I play with a mix, although my hair is always Alpha as I just am not a fan of having hair that looks like its made of clay. Other than that, my taste in cc is very very simple, if I like it, it doesn’t really matter what type of cc it is. I do lean towards alpha more than MM most of the time, but there is a lot of nice mm cc out there too.

Do you cheat your sims weight?

I never play with my sims, they just get to take screenshots these days, so yes, if they somhow added 100 pounds of weight somehow or suddenly go super skinny, I would. If I played with them, and it was not story, then they would have to handle it themselves if their weight randomly changed

Do you move objects?

All the time

Favorite Mod?

MCCC, Playable pets(its a lifesaver when you pose pets) and Wicked Whims and thats about it. I have very few mods.

First Expansion/Game Pack/Stuff Pack?

The Sims: Livin' Large as the first sime game i had was the original. And that was the first pack that came out. You really see the difference of what Sims is now, compared to back then, when you look at the amount of packs.

Do you pronounce live mode like aLIVE or LIVing?

I say Live mode as in aLive, the other way around is just wierd to me.

Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made?

Hmh.. Christian (Chris) I think.. a lot because without him, the legacy I now have running would never worlk

Have you made a simself?

I did once, hated it, and never ever used it again after the first use.

Which is your favorite EA hair color?

White, if they have it, white has always been a haircolor I have a thing for

Favorite EA hair?

None, as I do not use any EA hairs.

Favorite life stage?

I honestly think their all kinda lack-luster, so it’s hard to say. Specially since I do not play the game at all anymore. I guess young adult story wise as that is when a lot of things tend to happen.

Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?

storyteller.. with occasional “build” which is more outdoor lots and nothing else. 

Are you a CC creator?

Nope, I have 0 skills like that. (If I could manage it, I would love to learn to make poses, but bad hands and blender is not a good combo, I tried 😂)

Do you have any Simblr friends or a Sim Squad?

I have made some friends here, which I am very happy about.

Do you have any sims merch?

No.

Do you have a YouTube for sims?

Nope, I have a youtube channel, but its not for sims

How has your “Sims style” changed throughout your years of playing?

I started fairly vanilla like most, and went more and more into the alpha cc, so I guess they have evolved into for me better looking sims. I also went from making mostly female sims, to now preffering to make male ones

What’s your origin id?

Izakins I think, and there is afaik nothing on there, as I do not share anything there as everything I make is full of cc.

Who’s your favorite CC creator?

Poses: @simmireen and @herecirmsims  Build: @kerriganhouse

There are so many, but those are the ones that instantly came to mind, and the three I always end up using stuff from. 

How long have you had simblr?

Ehm... yes.. some years now, I can’t quite remember when

How do you edit your pictures?

I don’t

What expansion/ gamepack is your favorite?

Pets (cats& dogs atm) and seasons. No sims game is good without either of them for me.

I know everyone I know has already been tagged, so I am going with the other way of doing this, if you want to do this, feel free to say I tagged you. 

#get to know me by sims #i do like these #I am just bad at doing them unless someone tags me #which is funny when I do not tag anyone myself #yep #thats the way it is

[acetrainerjess]

So I watched Action Button Reviews Tokimeki Memorial, but now I wanna ask if I should play it (using the fan translation). I intended to before watching the review, but the review made it sound like a more intensive experience than I expected and one where I could end up in a fail state fairly easily. But that's just what I guessed from all the bombs and managing expectations, so I defer to the expertise of the only tokimeki poster I know of in asking am I too fearful of this dating sim?

I think I’m about to reveal the most shocking twist in this blog’s history…

Despite my profuse love of Shiori Fujisaki, I’ve never actually played Tokimeki Memorial. Nor do I ever intend to (for weird, personal reasons; tldr, I like action button reviews’ version of Shiori so much that I can never play the game. I have too many thoughts and feelings about her that playing the game would feel like betraying everything I love about my tragic cyberpunk girl. Once again, this is entirely my own weird personal hang ups, and I’m aware how insane this sounds saying it out loud without full context).

That being said, to answer your actual question, I must pose you another question: what kind of experience do you want to get out of the game? As far as I’m aware, all the other girls have far easier ending requirements than Shiori, so if you want to romance any of them, it should be an easier time. If you’re okay with not being an experiential purist, then you can use save states to make life easier, or even look up guides online if you’re comfortable with that (although I’m not sure how many English language resources are out there, but surely there’ll be a few thanks to the new fan translation releasing). Or if you’re dedicated to reenacting the true experience, are you cool with potentially ‘losing’ ~8hrs of your time just playing by ear and seeing how far you get, kicking back and having some fun, or mentally planning out how you might do better next time?

Without having played it myself, I can only speculate how difficult the bomb system is, but I don’t think it would be too difficult to get *a* good ending with one of the girls (like the phone dude’s little sister, who has super high affection for you, or library girl who seems rather easy to predict the best choices for). But once again, if you’re comfy with it, I’m sure there’s some less-spoilery ‘tips and tricks’ guides out there you can read before playing. Maybe even give ‘em a read and see if it still sounds intimidating after that?

The world is your oyster, my friend. Go forth and romance some cute girls or die trying (and have a laugh as the bombs detonate and all your carefully laid plans fall to ruin). If you so dare, you might even try your hand at winning the heart of the bestest girl of all, the mighty queen herself, Ms Fujisaki 💖

#kirbymongerr

[nectar-cellar]

Reminiscing about The Sims

Share how you discovered the Sims franchise & the very first sims game you played (e.g ts2). 

Thank you for tagging me @nocturnalazure !

Long, meandering post ahead 😂

Have some spicy pictures of Amir to make up for it. He’s thinking. It’s on theme.

@thesimperiuscurse you are responsible for pic 1 btw

The very first Sims game I ever played was The Sims 3, on the Xbox 360 console, when I was a teenager. Back then, TS3 was one of the bigger and newer EA games of the time, and it was everywhere. I spent hours in front of the TV, playing my households with no CC or DLC, wrapped up in my own imagination, no consideration for picture-taking, nothing! Just pure self-indulgent fun. I wasn’t a PC gamer and I had no idea CC or Simblr even existed. It was a much simpler time.

I think it was around the final year of high school when I first stumbled across sims CC somewhere on the internet. (Someone had posted screenshots of their very attractive male sim, that I do remember. Explains a lot doesn’t it?) I can’t remember the exact time. It might have been on my personal Tumblr account (all my friends had one and we thought we were so cool) or even Google Images lmao. My mind was blown. I never knew you could make hot sims. I immediately bought a Sims 3 CD and installed it on my Dad’s laptop. The PC version of TS3 was so much better. That was also when I started a Simblr, to follow others and share my own pics... this very same one!

After I discovered CC and Simblr, I never played the game the same way ever again. My interest shifted to character creation and ~fashion~ I guess. The endless amount of simspiration and CC spoiled me and ruined my appreciation for the game in its untouched form. I wanted my sims, my builds, my pictures, everything to look perfect, and I was never satisfied. I viewed my game and my content through other people’s eyes, not my own.

I remember being so in awe of everyone else on here. At the time, I only had the base game, I didn’t know how to torrent anything, my Dad’s laptop could barely run the game, I didn’t have money to buy dlc, and I had no idea how to make any kind of CC other than the simplest graphic edits. All I really did was make sims and pose them for photoshoots. Obsessively downloaded a shit ton of other people’s CC. Wrote a little bit here and there. Played my household once in a blue moon. Everyone else, with their cliques and fun legacies and bachelorette challenges and CC creations and intricate builds and amazing editing, seemed so much cooler than me. There were so many different websites and forums and blogs. The TS3 player base was huge. I was amazed by all of it. I couldn’t believe we were all playing the same game. I couldn’t believe people were so creative and talented. It was an odd mixture of admiration, envy, and feeling like an outsider compared to the “big” Simblrs of the time.

I made some simple cc here and there to contribute to the community, but I didn’t know what I was doing and I didn’t take it seriously. I wanted to create better things but it all seemed so complicated, and I didn’t think I was smart enough to learn.

Then, I went off to university. Away from my Dad’s laptop, I lost interest in the game, and became preoccupied with other life things and other console games. I wasn’t really around for the release of The Sims 4. I was busy, and it just didn’t have the same magic. For a few years, I didn’t even log into this Tumblr account. I didn’t pick up TS3 again until right before the pandemic happened, on a nostalgic whim. 

When I first started posting again in 2019/2020, I didn’t expect much. A lot of my previous Simblr mutuals/friends were no longer here. Every post on my dashboard was about TS4. Most of my followers from years ago were no longer active. There were only a few familiar faces left. It was lonely, coming back here only to see how everyone had moved on, and I was nobody. But still, the game was just as fun as I remembered it, with years’ worth of new CC to check out, so I kept playing and posting and catching up on all I had missed, and slowly I started finding community again.

Now that I’m a bit older, I find myself appreciating the game a lot more, in ways I couldn’t before. The beautiful scenery. The open world. The Create-a-Style tool. The maxis-match aesthetic. The humor. The dated yet charming look of the clothes and the townies and the worlds. The time in my life when the game was still new.

I also feel like it’s easier and less stressful to participate in the community now that I have a little bit more maturity than when I was 18. It feels freer and more fun. When I read posts by simmers talking about how they feel like their content is not good enough, or comparing themselves to others, I feel sad. I used to feel the same way. But being “good” at Simblr/social media, and having fun with the game (in whichever way you define fun), are two very different things. I hope that makes sense. It took me some time to learn how to not let comparison steal my joy, and give myself permission to just do what I wanted to do, regardless of whether other people might like it or not. When I look back on my older posts, I feel like I’ve grown so much, both as a simmer and a person.

Well, maybe I haven’t changed that much. I still love my hot pixel men.

I’m so glad I came back to Simblr. My simming hobby has turned into a much bigger thing than I ever thought it would. I mean, I learned how to make CC that other people like? I’ve made so many new connections? My sims have become OCs I’m attached to? I see the TS3 community being revived again as EA drives TS4 into the ground more and more each day? Who would’ve guessed 😆 

I love this game, I love the creativity it inspires in me, and I love the wonderful people that make up this little corner of the internet. ✨💛

#sim spice #the sims 3

[1kook]

EXPLORER

jjk x female reader

FOR GCN’S ❝ 23 | JUNGKOOK BIRTHDAY PROJECT ❞ ! Alien AU | “I want to have your last name!” | “I like when you do that, it makes me crazy.”

summary; Jungkook does not want to impress the frankly tyrannical ways of his planet on you. He just wants to stay here and keep your couch warm for you, hold your hair back when you wash your face in the morning.  warnings; smut in the forms of cunnilingus, loss of virginity, unprotected sex, anal, tit play, and all that jazz bc surprise its tentacle porn rating: mature (18+) miscellaneous; FLUFF, strangers to friends to lovers, curious alien kook, there’s a saber tooth tiger mention, virginity is a social construct, they both have skewed perceptions of sex and love, and idk what else word count; 17.8k

notes; someone said once “all u ever do is write college aus 😃” and i was like lol true but i was also a virgo and was like “i’ll prove u wrong” and next thing i knew i was writing a 17k alien au clap for me lads

special thanks to; my savior and editor rumu ( @kigurumu​ ) who very politely tells me when im making up words n also when shit doesn't make sense but lets me make stupid final decisions that will come back to bite me in the ass<3 and also my gf yeji @suqakoo​ who watched me crash and burn about ten times while writing this monstrosity of  fic and just laughed her support amazes me<3

BEFORE READING SEE HERE; body marks, under eye marks, sixam that i stole from the sims 4 

He comes with the sole purpose of populating this uncharted territory with his seed. 

Jungkook has been on many missions abroad. He’s visited about every planet in Sector 76 before this, the largest collection of neighboring galaxies known to exist. And because of that, he likes to think he’s well educated in extraterrestrial affairs, quite knowledgeable in the barbaric ways of the foreigners. They see, they mate. Pretty simple. 

For the past couple years, as leading field researcher of Sixam, Jungkook has been exclusively studying every creature he comes across. He enjoys cataloging their habits, their mating cycles, and the unique culture they develop, sometimes intentionally and sometimes not. 

Granted, he’s never been on a mission like this. 

This type of mission has never been his. 

When the great planet of Sixam wishes to settle colonies of new species— Sixamian bred with whatever other species that have deemed suitable —they usually task people like Namjoon or Seokjin, both high ranking generals of the Sixamian Intergalactic Corp. with a near immaculate genetic makeup. Their genotypes carry strong traits, and are oftentimes most reflected in their phenotypes as well. Beings like Namjoon or Jin are the epitome of what it means to be Sixamian, which is why Jungkook is surprised when they ask him to place his seeds on Planet 43 Z-7 of the Via Láctea solar system, otherwise known as ‘Earth.’

It wasn’t that Jungkook had major self image issues, nor did he think he was particularly bad to look at. In fact, Jungkook thinks he’s pretty amazing. Of course he doesn’t compare to Namjoon or Jin, but quite frankly, the comparison is skewed by the fact he works in a different field than them. You cannot compare black holes to asteroid belts; in a similar fashion, you cannot compare military generals to scientific researchers. 

Anyway, Jungkook has never been to Planet 43 Z-7, but some of his coworkers have. They all claim it is a beautiful place, filled to the brim with life and culture never before seen. 

Frankly, Jungkook doesn’t believe it. 

He’s seen hundreds of planets, thousands of species, so he hardly feels amazed anymore. There is nothing enjoyable about other planets when he comes from Sixam, quite possibly the most intellectually advanced one in the universe. And he says this having met Yoongi of Planet 732 T-1, another being near immaculate in terms of cognitive abilities.

But not as perfect as Sixamians. 

Hoseok says Planet 43 Z-7 has all sorts of unique artifacts, like these edible arrangements called ‘hot dogs’ you eat between two pieces of raised yeast. Planet 43 Z-7 has been unmarked for eons now, but is a popular hideout for rebelling Sixamians during their early years. Jungkook was never one of those types, but he has a handful of friends who were. 

Needless to say, Jungkook isn’t looking forward to his mission. He asks Namjoon and Jin for tips on how to approach the reproductive members in the species, if there’s any protocol he needs to follow, but they simply laugh it off. They’ve both had the pleasure of, well, pleasuring some of the most beautiful creatures in the universe, so Jungkook’s incompetence must be a sight to see. 

Airship handler Jimin is the last face he sees on Sixam. He’s as relaxed as ever, strapping Jungkook into his travel pod like this is just another one of his research trips and not his first ever population operation. He pats his shoulder once, tells him to bring him back something called a ‘Nintendo DS’ that his partner Taehyung has been begging for since the last time they went to Planet 43 Z-7, but Jungkook has no idea what that is. 

And then he’s off. 

Jungkook has long since grown comfortable with the emptiness of space, a desolate feeling that oddly made him feel at home. But, as he hurtles towards his destination, there’s a newfound sense of anxiety that consumes him at the thought of this unknown planet— this ‘Earth’ that his fellow Sixamian friends speak so highly about. 

He lands in a field. Well, ‘lands’ is a bit of a stretch; his pod comes to a stop a few feet above Planet 43 Z-7’s surface, hovering over the natural flora that seems to grow in abundance in this part of the planet. It’s… dirty, compared to the sleek skyscrapers and glowing structures of Sixam. 

He steps out tentatively, the vegetation crunching beneath the boots of his skintight spacesuit. The folks back at Sixam had told him that whatever the residents of this planet breathed in was compatible with Sixamians, but he still hesitates to click off his helmet. 

The planet is quiet, save for the quiet chirping of some creature underground. The AI on his helmet pulls up the information before his very eyes, the advanced technology quickly tapping into wherever it was these beings stored their information. A mole cricket, he reads, first documented by a researcher about two hundred human years back. Very annoying. 

His pod seals itself shut again, presumably heading back into orbit until Jungkook calls for it again. With it gone, he’s faced with the vast nothingness of Planet 43 Z-7, just grass and trees with very few things in between. He’s beginning to suspect Jimin might have sent him to the wrong coordinates, a void space on the planet with nothing but vegetation for miles. 

Part of him is frustrated, beyond annoyed that he cannot even complete the one thing he came to do if there is no being in sight. But another part, the part of him that had been nervous to even accept this mission, feels grateful. Well, there was no use complaining about it now, he thinks. He pulls up his virtual journal, ready to catalogue every bit of vegetation he can set his eyes on. 

After a while, his helmet becomes stuffy, the digital screen that plays over the glass piece fogging up with his breath. So Jungkook takes his chances and clicks it off, the sudden wash of oxygen filling his lungs quickly. It’s fresh and moist? It smells like his laboratories back on Sixam, the ones that took years of countless trips around the universe and meticulous gardening to cultivate. Yet here on Planet 43 Z-7, this type of phenomenon is common, and apparently, ignored by its residents. 

One man’s trash was another man’s treasure, he supposes. 

He’s scanning a peculiar organism, reddish and dome-shaped, when he hears the first crack of a twig. Immediately, his defenses rise. Jungkook was by no means a skilled warrior, but most Sixamians fared better than other creatures in the universe. Save for the few barbarian, primitive species they’ve encountered, 9/10 times any wild encounter was in their favor. 

His eyes scan over the perimeter of the field, scanning, scanning, scanning— until he spots two, huge, glowing yellow eyes from distance. His eyes widen, flicking on the retractable blaster from his wrist and pointing it at the creature. 

It’s bigger than him, with eyes that look over only a short distance before gradually dying down. He wonders if that’s the scope of its field of vision, crouching down along the vegetation. He creeps closer, rounds the bright beams until he can see the creature’s side, an oddly shaped thing, almost like a shell. It has wheels, he realizes, mentally jotting down the fact this species is advanced enough to develop such technology on their own. 

Right as he’s beginning to lower his wrist, deciding this metal creature posed no threat from its lack of movement, something smaller moves around it, carrying a compact version of those glowing eyes. 

Jungkook panics, wildly clicking through the modes on his wrists. He jumps from his blaster to the thermal detector, and the smaller creature that moves around the metal beast has a heat signature he’s never seen before, warmth that begins at its core but doesn’t drop drastically as it fans out. And then he’s switching to his electroscope and is startled to see that the smaller creature even carries an electric charge beneath its outer membrane. 

This is terrifying, he thinks to himself, wondering why his friends back home had decided to trick him into believing Planet 43 Z-7 was remotely safe. 

Before Jungkook can act rashly and accidentally kill that terrifying creature, he’s blindly stepping into a hole in the ground, a dip in the field. An uncontrollable yelp tears itself from his throat at the roll of his ankle. 

Immediately, the yellow eye is upon him, flickering over his kneeling form in the vegetation. Jungkook freezes, caught in the all-seeing rays of the yellow eye. He wonders if this is the end, the end of an undoubtedly legendary run, as the creature slowly approaches. 

Its figure is shrouded, the blinding eye turning them into just a silhouette that closes in on Jungkook fairly quickly. He squeezes his eyes shut, wishing he never stepped out of his pod, when the beam flickers off. 

“Hello?” a hesitant voice calls out, and then he’s met with you. 

You had always believed holding out until marriage would come as an advantage. You played it safe your entire life, always did what you were told. You had grown up in a relatively traditional household, always following the rules like a good kid. Your parents said no dating until seventeen? You waited until seventeen. Your health classes in school said practice abstinence? You practiced abstinence. 

Following the rules was what got you into a prestigious university. Following the rules is what got you your first, quite admirable, job. Following the rules is what had gotten you into your first serious relationship with your boyfriend, who became your fiancé, who would become the man to cheat on you three nights before your wedding. 

Being a virgin— that symbol of purity —was supposed to make you desirable to men, you thought. It was supposed to protect you from bad experiences, keep you perfectly polished until the time came. You had many a friend who had engaged in sex at a young age, experienced mind blowing sex that would never be topped, even by their own future husbands. You had saved yourself from disappointment by saving yourself in general. 

Except that concept, that meticulously followed tradition, was what ultimately drove your fiancé away.

Three days. 

Three days before you would marry and lose that treasured thing you had been carrying around for the past twenty-five years, flushed clean down the drain all because he couldn’t wait any longer. He had managed four years with you, four memorable years where he had religiously told you he loved you every chance he got, regardless of your lack of sex life. Just to blow it for some barely legal chick at a bar. 

Needless to say, you were done. Absolutely finished with him and your friends who claimed they “weren’t surprised” only after the fact, or your parents who had urged you to try again. You were done with this saving and waiting all for a man who ultimately did you dirty. You needed to get away from it all, and the only way to do that was to leave the city all together. 

Your parents were uncomfortable with the idea. They said it was too brash a decision to give up after one try. But your whole future had been riding on this one try, and to have it completely ripped away from you crushed not only your hope but your pride. 

On the other hand, your grandmother and her lifelong experiences with men understood you just perfectly. She was old, living in a retirement home near your parents’ home in one of your city’s many suburbs. There was a house out in the countryside, about a two-hour drive from the city. She had grown up there, and even though she hadn’t lived there in years, she simply couldn’t bring herself to sell it off. So she gave it to you. 

It was a cute little thing, a stereotypical farmhouse surrounded by miles and miles of nothingness. Well, your neighbors were about half a mile off on either side, but who was walking half a mile for a cup of sugar? No one. 

You loved it. 

It was peace and quiet, long days of focusing on yourself and your tiny garden outback. There was no societal pressure to act right, or forced ideologies to make yourself the ‘perfect woman.’ It was just you and a stray cat that visited now and then, spending day after day reading and writing, working from home. 

The trips into the city were far and few between. There was a general store close to your house, nestled into a quaint little town you visited every so often. And the mailmen still had to make their stops through here, so everything was practically at your fingertips. The only thing you had to do in the city was drop by the main branch office of your job. Your work had mostly been over a computer before, so moving to work at home was rather easy. However, there was still the occasional board meeting to sit through. 

So here you were, three months into your new living situation and on your way back home from the city. The evening sun is beating down hot on your yellow Beetle. You were in desperate need for a check up, but you kept pushing it off and telling yourself tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. It seems tomorrow should have been today, because by the time the sun is setting, home is still another thirty minutes away and the temperature gauge is climbing to unhealthy levels. 

The Beetle pushes for another two minutes before wheezing to a stop in the middle of nowhere, your angry slaps against the dashboard doing nothing to revive it. With a muttered curse, you switch the car off. The front lights remain on even as you round the dead car, angrily kicking the tire with your heel. It doesn’t budge. 

You sigh, sinking down to your knees beside the opened door you came out of. The nearest mechanic was still a forty minutes’ drive from here, and you doubt anyone is still open. The con of small towns is that most of the businesses close after sunset. One glance at your phone lets you know it’s way too late to call anyone for help. You contemplate just walking to your house, but it’s dark and far, and your heels were only meant to be worn for an hour or two during your meeting. Not for an entire transcontinental trek back home. 

Sighing, you decide your best bet is tinkering around yourself. You weren’t a total idiot, so you hope whatever is wrong with your car is something you can fix on your own. You shoot back up to your feet, patting the blood back into your face as you round the car. 

There’s nothing but you and the Beetle for miles on end— or so you think. 

Just as you flicker your flashlight over the expanse of grass, there’s a startled shout that scares the living daylights out of you, flashlight fumbling in your hand in your haste to see what it was. 

Great, so not only were you stranded in the middle of nowhere with nothing but your heels to carry you to safety, but now there was also a man out there, hiding in the tall grass like a voyeur. 

It’s a terrible idea, but you approach him anyway. There’s a huddled figure, a gleam of a bizarre outfit that has you shaking in your heels as you step closer to the edge of the road. And when you finally get close enough, the light shining over their figure, you’re not exactly sure what you’re looking at. 

“Hello?” you call out, and are met with the most violet eyes you’ve ever seen in your entire life. 

Jungkook thinks you are an odd creature. 

To begin with, you carry an electrical charge at your fingertips but are unable to revive your rickety metal ride with said touch. It is undoubtedly a trait he does not remember cataloguing in any other species before yours; it might rival the Sixamians’ aura sensing abilities, the little triangular markings beneath their eyes that allowed them to alter another’s emotions. Electricity beneath surface, he mentally notes for the nth time that night. 

The inside of your vehicle is disgustingly mediocre, a mixture of old clogs and pipes he’s only seen in ancient Sixamian textbooks. Still, they’re devastatingly easy to figure out. One simple twist of a lid later and your car is revving back to life. You squeal and clap, clacking around on the frankly terrifying footwear you call heels that are practically knives as stilts. 

Amazing, you cry, moving like a mini tornado around him. You don’t seem the least bit phased by his appearance, despite the initial shock you’d gotten when you first made eye contact. Actually, Jungkook thinks you might be the quickest extraterrestrial being to accept his existence as fact. He has to wonder what exactly goes on here that has these Humans, as Jimin has called them, so desensitized to the appearance of otherworldly figures such as himself. 

You invite him into your moving death trap, not the least bit concerned with the chest piece of armor he removes and tosses into the seats behind him. Jungkook has been in a lot of near death situations, and somehow your manner of driving this metal box marks high on the list. 

“My home,” you tell him when you finally pull up to a tiny shack of a house. It’s about the same size as his personal lab back on Sixam, so he wonders just which one of you is being deluded by the size. The car engine shuts off with a practiced flick of your wrist, and then you’re making your way up the front steps without sparing him a glance. 

“Lovely,” he says at the entrance. He moves to travel deeper inside, but you warn him to remove his shoes. He does, hesitantly, bare feet padding along the wooden floors behind you. “Forgive me,” he apologizes, watching you bumble around a small space with a standing cooler and heat box. “I haven’t asked your name.”

You hum, tugging out two cups from a hanging cabinet. You fill them with a white substance, followed by a light brown powder that almost makes you sneeze, before shoving them into the heat box that begins suspiciously counting down. “__ ___,” you offer. 

Jungkook frowns. “You have two names?” he asks skeptically. In Sixam, rarely anyone had two names. “Are you a government official?” 

You laugh. “No, but I do work for an office. I have one name, and then my last name,” you explain. 

This only perplexes him more. “A last name?” he repeats. “What is the purpose of this last name?” 

You shrug, and the heat box beeps loudly. Jungkook twitches, ready to aim his blaster once more but you calm the beeping box with a gentle click that has the front opening, the most heavenly scent wafting into his nostrils. Oh Jungkook definitely needed to take that back. Much to his surprise, you hand him one of the handled cups, the sweet smell making his eyes roll into the back of his head. 

“Well,” you say, seemingly unaware of the way you just changed Jungkook’s entire life. “I have my name, and then I have my family’s name. Like, to show we’re in the same group, kinda,” you explain. “And it also helps sort of differentiate you from other people with the same first name.” You settle down on a seat in front of the counter, carefully blowing across the liquid contents of the mug. Jungkook doesn’t get why until he tries to take a sip and the liquid scalds his tongue. You laugh. “Gotta cool it down, silly.” 

He feels silly. In fact, he feels beyond embarrassed that someone who is not a Sixamian is looking at him with the same eyes you look at an infant with. He has a strong need to reinforce his superiority over you. 

“Well I am Jungkook,” he announces proudly. “Jungkook of Sixam. The only Jungkook of Sixam, because we do not believe in sharing something as intimate as our names with another,” he huffs. You scoff, a genuine look of amusement crossing your features that Jungkook simply does not understand. 

It’s with a practiced grace that you set your cup down on the counter, face coming to a rest in in the palm of your hand as you watch him talk over himself about the intricacies of Sixamian names, and how each one is carefully selected at one’s first celebration to honor the first long year of life they overcame. That look on your face, that disgustingly entertained expression does not melt away, even when Jungkook hastily calls your people imbeciles to your face. 

“Yeah, well,” you shrug, staring deep into the contents of your hot cocoa, as you had called it when offering him a second cup, as if you don’t seem to disagree in the slightest. “Humans are like that. 

There’s a quality to your voice, a rather melancholy tone that curls around your words that stops Jungkook’s tirade against your race for a moment. There’s a look in your eyes, hollow and alone, that he cannot place. He wonders if it’s from past experiences or from a shared Human trauma. Either way, he does not understand. 

It’s with a shake of your head that you look up at him again, sweet smile back on your features. “Humans are selfish creatures, Jungkook,” you say. 

He is not sure if he believes you. 

Jungkook has traveled to many parts of the universe, has visited places your tiny Human brain may never comprehend. Yet he has not always received this treatment. There have been missions where he has been picked on and abused for his curiosity, rudely ejected back into the vast emptiness of space just because he wanted to know more, learn more. Not every planet welcomes him with a soft smile and a warm place to stay. 

Despite the initial unimpressed confusion he felt upon entering Planet 43 Z-7, there is something about the quirk of your lips and gentle tapping of your fingers that intrigues him. 

Huh, he thinks, subconsciously cataloguing your mannerisms in his head. He will write about this later. 

You let Jungkook sleep in your quarters, a small area with a mattress that he sinks into with delight. There’s a change of clothing you set out on the edge of the bed, a rather shabby set that matches yours. He is reluctant to peel away his bodysuit, even more so when he realizes he is standing naked on a foreign planet with a very strange creature clattering around downstairs. He hurries into the clothes. 

You peek your head into the room later on, carefully flicking off the lights as he settles onto the mattress. Jungkook is beyond tired, body fatigued from hurtling thousands of light years through space in such a short amount of time. The abundance of breathable oxygen is still something his body has to grow accustomed to. Your voice is soft as you whisper out a goodnight farewell that he can only sleepily mumble back. 

Jungkook is quite literally the most gorgeous person you have ever seen. Well, person is a stretch considering you’re not entirely sure what he is, or where he’s from. When you found him, sadly crouched in the middle of nowhere, you wanted to convince yourself he was some random college boy lost on his way to a costume convention. But he’s not. His big purple irises are oddly bright, practically luminescent, and that’s definitely not something one could achieve through stage makeup. And he’s not a college student either, despite how youthful he looks, but a foreign being at least three times your age. 

Or so he says. 

Honestly, you’re torn between wanting to write him off a nutjob or believing he is this highly intelligent extraterrestrial being. In the case he is the latter, you find it odd that of all the planets in your solar system— a whopping eight, maybe nine —he chose crappy old Earth to visit. 

Jungkook moves like a fine tuned instrument, graceful limbs wandering around your home and backyard the next morning. His little head piece, a unique accessory that wraps around the base of his skull like a microphone headset or something, seems to keep him in constant communication with his fellow brethren so long as he wears it. So he wears it all the time. 

Still, you’re able to differentiate between his messages back home and his mindless mumbles. Those usually happen more often than not, soft muttering as he inspects your garden, vivid descriptions of the plainest things like an onion. 

“Lemonade’s ready,” you call, stepping into your backyard. Jungkook peers over your rosemaries like a bunny, wide eyes scanning the pitcher you set out on your back porch’s table. Carefully, he steps around your meticulous rows of vegetables. He’s wearing the clothes you lent him last night, a pair of shorts and a shirt your brother had left when he visited a few weeks ago. They fit him nicely, shorts just shy of his knees. 

“This is lemond-aid?” he asks quizzically, tentative hands reaching for the quickly perspiring glass. He has unique markings that begin at his hands, twisting and curling carefully around his arms. They’re gold in the sunlight, contrasting softly against his relatively peachy skin. There’s a matching set on his knees that wrap over and around his thighs, beneath his shorts. He looks every bit the celestial being, yet here he is marveling over the lemon slice balanced on the rim of his glass. 

“Lemonade,” you correct, sitting down on your rocking chair. Your floppy sun hat protects you from the brutal rays of the sun, practically scorching in this summer heat. It reminds you of the honeymoon you were supposed to take a few months back. You stomp out the memory. 

Jungkook takes tentative sips, stopping every few seconds to smack his lips at the taste. Then, suddenly, he’s plopping down on the wooden planks of your porch criss-cross applesauce. The bracelet-like contraption he had removed from his suit is sitting on his wrist by itself, with Jungkook rapidly tapping some unseeable button on it until a blue hologram appears between the two of you. 

“Woah,” you gasp, the projection flawless and stable. Jungkook gets to work tapping at it, unrecognizable symbols appearing on the screen. His glass of lemonade is by his knee, ice tinkling inside. 

“Lemond-aide,” he repeats, mouth moving awkwardly around the world. He glances at you for confirmation. You shake your head. Frustrated, he scoots up beside you, pressed against your leg like a puppy. “Say it,” he commands, tapping at his screen once. 

You clear your throat. “Uh, lemonade?” you offer. Jungkook nods, clicks something else, and then your voice is repeating itself back to the two of you. He looks for your approval once more. “Perfect,” you nod, slightly bashful to hear your own voice played back like that. 

Content with your approval, he gets back to work, clicking and typing wildly at the screen until it’s filled to the brim with those strange symbols. When he’s done, he says his name and date into the same recording device and shuts off his hologram. “It is an interesting thing,” he says quietly, bare feet swinging over the edge of the porch. “A sweet drink procured from a tangy fruit.” 

You nod, can’t stop the smile that consumes your features at his childlike wonder. You know it’s not his fault that such simple things astound him, but there’s something about Jungkook’s genuine curiosity and snarky tongue that make you feel young again. Like a teenager in her prime, sitting with a silly high school boy. Not a woman sitting on the cusp of thirty, alone and untrusting of the world. 

“What are hot dogs?” Jungkook cuts in abruptly, turning to face you with those purple eyes of his. You can’t help it; you laugh. 

“I have some in the fridge,” you answer, leaving your rocking chair and him on the porch. Jungkook doesn’t sit still for long, quietly trailing behind you inside the house. The stray cat is here today, slinking around your ankles as you scour the fridge for the hot dogs. It’s a perfect day for a barbecue, you think, with hot dogs and lemonade. 

The cat wanders over towards Jungkook, sniffing at his ankles before nuzzling against him too. “You also have smilodon on your planet,” he comments. “You are comfortable with such murderous beasts in your home?”

You furrow your brows. “It’s just a cat,” you shrug, leaning down to pick up the furry baby. He purrs against your chest while Jungkook glares at it. 

“Have you taken its teeth for your own?” he asks. 

“What?” you laugh. “He has all his teeth.” 

Jungkook frowns. “No, his unusually large canines,” he explains, mimics two giant fangs with his fingers. “Is this a kitten of a smilodon?” You have no idea what he’s saying at this point, rubbing the cat’s back gently as Jungkook talks over himself. He does that a lot, you realize, ramble about facts you would otherwise see as of little importance. 

The afternoon is spent grilling hot dogs, Jungkook carefully trailing the cat he has taken to calling Smilodon. You watch from the grill as he follows the cat around the garden, gently shooing it off when it gets too close to your broccoli plants. He’s cute, you think, watching him maneuver around your plants with the grace of a trained dancer. 

He absolutely adores the hot dogs, spending another twenty minutes typing out one of those funky journal entries into the computer in his wristband. He asks about the Nintendo DS, something that makes you laugh boisterously at the absurdity of the question. 

When it gets dark outside, he stands in one place and stares up at the sky, rendered motionless at the sight. Jungkook doesn’t like coffee, but he loves hot cocoa. He settles in to watch the nightly news with you, every five minutes filled with an abundance of questions about your planet— which he refers to by a unique set of numbers and letters you’ve never heard before —and what you like to do. Every tidbit of information is documented in his wristband. 

He sleeps on the couch this time, feeling shameful to have pulled you away from such an amazing mattress. He says goodnight shyly from the bottom of the stairs, followed by a tentative wave he saw you give the mailman that morning. You say it back and fall asleep, the alien in your living room not making a peep. 

Thus a whole week passes with Jungkook of Sixam.

On the seventh day of his stay, Jungkook is woken up by the quiet beeping of his headpiece. It’s Chief Kim Namjoon, calling to ask how his population operation of Planet 43 Z-7 is going. Jungkook stills, the quiet chirping of the birds outside your window filling in the space. The water is running somewhere inside your house, signaling your conscious state. 

His answers are quick and sharp, nervous laughter falling from his lips as he rushes to end the call with Namjoon. He manages to do so just as you appear in the living room, skin nice and dewy from your morning shower, eyes still showing signs of your peaceful slumber. 

“Good morning,” you rasp quietly, a soft ruffle of his hair as you pass by Jungkook on your way to the kitchen. His face feels warm, under eye markings surely glowing a vivid red at the gesture you have gradually ingrained into him, one that makes his heart rev up like an engine preparing to shoot off millions of light years into the distance. 

Jungkook enters the kitchen behind you, your pet smilodon greeting the two of you with a gentle head butt against his ankles that is unlike any other smilodon he has encountered before. He sits at the counter as you work on breakfast, the faint scent of your cucumber body scrub wafting by with every turn you make in the small kitchen. 

And then he’s thinking. 

There are a few crucial bits of information that Jungkook has come to realize over the past week, some of which he hears directly from you, others he picks up from watching your ancient projection in the living room. 

One: of the variety of human genders that exist on Earth, you are one that seems to carry the specific set of bodily structures necessary for reproduction. He’s inspected you carefully the last few days, watching the way you move and carry yourself, just to ensure such is true. By finding you right away, Jungkook was halfway to his goal of settling his seeds on Planet 43 Z-7. 

Two: unlike most humans of Planet 43 Z-7, your body seems oddly… preserved, to say the least. He knows you are familiar with their reproductive rituals as he’s watched a few of said rituals on the projection box in your living room with you. They were very normalized among your people, with almost every broadcast including at least one mention of them every day. Despite that, your body shows no significant reaction to the scenes, and one sneaky scan of your vitals shows Jungkook that you have yet to participate in this ritual yourself. 

Lastly, Jungkook has come to the terrible, godawful conclusion that he does not wish to rope you into breeding with him for the sake of Sixam’s colonialist ways. There’s something about you and your people that does not deserve to be seized by Jungkook and his people. A sort of untouched quality of the progression of your species.

As the oldest and most advanced planet in quite possibly the entire universe, Sixam holds significant power over everyone else. Their higher order brains have helped many a planet follow the right path in attaining the same level of perfection. They were saviors of some sort, touching every planet they visited with the finger of a god. While there were certainly some Sixamians who did not believe in this way of life, of stretching their hold across entire galaxies, others did. 

Jungkook had always fallen in the middle. He had no particular desire to reign over the planets he visited, because his interests had always laid with the existence of the individuals on said planets. He was a researcher, not a military official like Namjoon or Jin. But he has to admit that time and again his research has procured the same results; while there were certainly other planets where the beings were more beautiful or the landscape more stunning than that of Sixam, there was not a single planet that matched their advanced mental capabilities. 

Until now. 

Your civilization moved in a rather fluid way, always changing and never settling. There were eras he learned about on TV, revolutions where one invention rose to prominence, where one sub-race rose to power. Even now, a simple scan through your news broadcasts leaves Jungkook curious. For the first time in a long time, his countless journal entries of information do not lead him to a plausible conclusion. Would you make it right and settle your disputes? Or would this endless fighting, sometimes carried out passively and through words, other times with the use of advanced weaponry, continue until the end of time? Jungkook didn’t know. 

And it was wrong of him to ask you to carry the burden of introducing an entirely new species— a Human and Sixamian at once —for the sole belief that it would somehow “fix” your planet. For the sake of your people, it was best if Jungkook just bugged off. 

And yet, the soft scent of your body lotion, the gentle brush of your hands against his scalp, the delicate way his name rolls off your lips like you’re tasting it for the first time, they all make his heart beat unnaturally fast beneath his skin. They make him yearn for a feeling, an emotion, he cannot quite describe. 

He was in trouble. 

Ovulation creeps up on you early into the next week. 

You hadn’t been too focused on it this time around, mostly just worried about your period and how awkward it would feel around Jungkook of Sixam. Preoccupied with stockpiling pads and finding your heat pad, you forget about the few days before the period. The time where your libido rages like an animal that has been poked at one too many times. 

The realization dawns on you slowly. Jungkook is sitting on the couch, avidly watching a documentary on ancient civilizations. He’s got one hand in a bowl of popcorn you set out for him, another mindlessly toying with a stray thread on a throw pillow. It’s when he looks at you with those big purple eyes, lips pouty and pink, that something distinctly carnal flickers on inside of you. 

You ignore it. You wrap those feelings in a box and shove it deep into the recesses of your mind. 

But Jungkook was devastatingly handsome, that much you’d known from the moment you saw him. When he’s not in the sun, those Sixamian markings wrap around his body in charcoal streaks, peeking out from the hem of whatever clothes you find for him everyday. For the most part, he’s been running through the pack of plain shirts you picked up from the general store, and the same two pairs of shorts on rotation. His body is artfully toned, thighs big and bulging, but waist small and tapered. His lower lip is the juiciest pink color you’ve ever seen, plush and soft, framing two rows of pearly white teeth. His hair is jet black, part favoring one side more than the other. 

His hands are firm on the rare occasion he touches you; on your hips when you stumble around the kitchen, on your shoulder when he’s pointing out a particular constellation to you. Jungkook’s presence slowly begins driving you to insanity. 

The worst thing is, you cannot tell if his curiosity comes from your status as a potential partner or his overall interests in your species. You want to convince yourself that he is just as interested in your body as an individual as you are his, but those hopes are dashed with every question he asks. Where does the sink drain? Where does the chocolate powder come from? How far is the nearest government official? 

So you calm your thoughts, push them away with the same practiced ease you’ve mastered from a young age. Your purity remains untainted by others, only teased in the shower when Jungkook is wandering around outside. Then and only then do you offer yourself a reprieve, press your fingers down between your thighs and wonder what it is like to have someone else there. 

You picture two purple eyes peering up at you from below, a pink tongue carefully licking against your puffy folds until you’re shaking. How well endowed was a Sixamian? You didn’t know, but you imagine them to be quite big if the subtle shifts you catch of Jungkook every now and then are any sign. 

One finger wiggles past the tight ring of muscle surrounding your hole, the intrusion makes your knees buck. You sink along the shower wall, huffing and puffing as your fingers dance along your swollen clit, thumb swirling hurried circles around the bud until you’re cumming, body spasming from the force.

The water rains down on you, washes your shameful acts down the drain. Vaguely, you wonder if Jungkook is still outside or if the heat drove him into your air conditioned home. Did he hear you? For all his curiosity, you’re certain there are some aspects of the human experience that Jungkook did not want to see. His roommate/caretaker/only-human-friend masturbating was probably one of them.  

It has been years since your fantasies included any other man, faithfully revolving around your ex-fiancé until the very end. It is scary how quickly the mere idea of Jungkook riles you up, how that violet gaze is enough to tear you apart. 

When you resurface in the living room, the house is still. The only sounds are that of the grandfather clock in the hallway and the occasional creaking of the pipes. Jungkook is still outside, you sigh in relief, catching his fluffy head of hair bounding across the front yard with Smilodon on his heels. When he turns, you catch his eyes and he pauses. He offers you that same cute wave he learned last week, gentle smile gracing his features. 

It’s the soft curve of his cheeks, eyes crinkling at the corners, that make the rapid thumping in your chest settle. You raise your hand, waving back through the window. All was well. 

For now. 

The next morning brings with it an overwhelming sense of anxiety. Namjoon calls him again in the morning, and this time Jungkook cannot skirt around the truth. He hurriedly tells his friend of his findings, of the beautiful society that flourishes on Planet 43 Z-7, and the never-ending personalities he has the chance of encountering. There is an author fansign, you told him, of a book he thoroughly enjoyed taking place next week. There is a woman in town who can fix any technology sent her way. There is a group of children who pass by and sell you food, these flattened things called Girls Cout Cook Ease. There is so much to see and so much to learn that it has Jungkook unconsciously projecting his excitement via his under eye markings. 

You come downstairs mid-call, smiley and ditzy. You were normally a bubbly person, but this much excitement can’t possibly be yours. It’s the sign Jungkook needs to settle down, but Namjoon offers him one too. 

Much to his chagrin, he warns Jungkook against getting too comfortable, tells him to finish his operation and scram as quickly as possible. The Higher Sixamian Court does not take kindly to Sixamians becoming enamored with other planets, especially if they are as advanced as Jungkook claims them to be. He’s rushing out information, begging Jungkook to finish or abandon his mission, anything but stay too long, and before Jungkook can respond, their comms are abruptly shut off. 

He’s left blankly staring at your coffee table, Namjoon’s caution ringing loudly in his ears. 

After the effects of his accidental influence wear off on you, you shake yourself awake, confusedly glancing around the place before shrugging it off. “Morning,” you say, the same as ever, patting his head softly. Jungkook watches you begin your daily routine, the kettle running on the stove as you get to work preparing his hot cocoa. 

For a moment he wonders what it’s like to be like this, to live like this. Free from the standards of Sixam as you go about your morning. There is no drive in you to conquer everyone, no overwhelming need to ‘fix’ those around you. You exist by yourself in this tiny house outside the city, like a moon always circling but never interacting. He knows you have your own circumstances that drove you here, issues where you suffered that same grueling past of people forcing ideas and beliefs upon you as Jungkook. But now you’re here, housing an extraterrestrial being such as himself without any payment. 

He wants to be like you. 

He wanders over towards the kitchen, returning your sleepy smile when you catch his gaze. Jungkook likes this. He enjoys seeing you in the morning, still trailed by the remnants of sleep, with skin tender to the touch. The smell of cocoa filling his nostrils, the chirp of the birds outside your window. He likes Smilodon and the mailman, and the woman half a mile from here who brought you peaches the other day. 

Most importantly, Jungkook likes you. 

Not as a breeding partner or convenient hostess, but as a person. Your laughter makes him feel warm inside, like he is genuinely appreciated as is. You’re gentle with your words, and even more so with your touch; hands pat his head, hold his arm when he stumbles too close to the garden. 

Jungkook does not want to impress the frankly tyrannical ways of his planet on you. He just wants to stay here and keep your couch warm for you, hold your hair back when you wash your face in the morning. 

He wants to remain beside you. 

It’s a little stuffy inside your house today, a problem you solve by cracking open the kitchen window. A nice breeze flows over the two of you, pushing the scent of the cocoa and your coffee his way. But a sweeter one follows, something thick and earthy that rolls off of you in waves. Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut, tries to ward off those sounds he heard from you just yesterday afternoon. 

Those whiny sounds, airy whimpers that had drifted down from upstairs. A wet squelch that had registered a little too loudly to his superior ears. It had haunted him last night on the couch, made Jungkook twist and turn until the fuzzy image of you relieving yourself went away. 

Jungkook wanted to help with that too. He wanted to put his hands and his mouth in places you needed him most, pleasure you like you deserved. 

But how could he tell you all this and more? Did he even have the right as an invader to profess his infatuation to you? This Planet 43 Z-7, this Earth, was filled to the brim with interesting things, yet you remained at the very top of Jungkook’s list. He couldn’t leave, not now, but he couldn’t stay either. His entire presence in itself was a ploy to spread his seed, a fact you continued to be unaware of. 

Namjoon’s words bounce around his brain, twist and wrap around him until he’s shakily reaching for his mug. He couldn’t stay here any longer under this false pretense. He couldn’t lie to you another day, another second more. He was tired of being a sheep. It’s with this conflicting resolve that he commands himself to confess this to you at once. 

So he spills it all out to you. 

From the complex history of the Sixamians to his assignment of this mission. You listen quietly as you munch through breakfast, nodding along to each new point he brings up that changes the story. He tells you about the population mission, about how he was sent here to spread his superior genes over the land, but how he’s let that sit on the back burner while you taught him all sorts of new things. If you are unimpressed with Jungkook and Sixam, you don’t show it. 

“So you came to... breed?” you ask when he has finished, hands neatly folded on your lap. Breakfast is finished, plate scraped clean. 

Jungkook nods shamefully. “I was asked to contribute to the reconstruction of Planet 43 Z-7,” he says, repeating the practiced reasoning every Sixamian has heard at least once in their life. But in front of you, it makes him cringe. 

The grandfather clock in the hallway clicks along quietly, the soundtrack to Jungkook’s desperate read of you. Your eyes are focused on the plate before you, lost in thought at the abundance of information he has just thrown on you. He could easily switch his influential abilities back on, brighten your mood like he has been taught to do with countless other species since the beginning of time. But it feels wrong to subject you to that, to strip you of your emotions, even if it would save him the discomfort. 

Instead he sits in silence. 

Jungkook waits patiently, even though every fiber in his being is telling him to get up and make a run for it. Escape before he can see a look of disgust aimed his way. But he has come to value your opinions as equal to his, and the thought of leaving you by yourself does not sit well with him. So he waits. 

It takes a few minutes of contemplation before you grace him with an answer, nervously rubbing your hands over your thighs. “I understand, Jungkook,” you exhale tightly. “But I don’t think I’m the partner you are looking for.”

“No! I was not— It was not my intention,” he stammers, waving his hands all over the place in his hurry to explain. He sucks in a sharp breath. “I do not wish to force such a burden on you, __,” he manages, “I would not do that to you.”

He is about to pat himself on the back for his save, when suddenly the corners of your lips take a sharp drop. “Oh, I see,” you mutter, arms self consciously wrapping around your frame. “So you don’t see me as a suitable partner?” 

Jungkook’s eyes widen at your drawn conclusion. “No,” he chokes, and your frown deepens. “I mean, yes, I do see you as a viable partner to engage in reproductive activities,” and now he’s spiraling, the surprised look on your face only fueling his pea-brained ramblings, “I just—I assumed you did not enjoy that? 

His excuse sounds so unbelievably weak even to his own ears. 

“What made you think that?” you ask. At the rate this conversation is going, Jungkook fears his brain will soon fry itself out. 

His mind is a spinning mess, like the inside of a vacuum that rumbles and turns with each new thought that enters. What was he supposed to say? That he’s heard you in your most intimate moments, moments where you hid from him? Or that he’s done countless scans on your body when you weren’t looking and came to the same result every time; that result being that you have never been touched by another before? And what was he supposed to draw from these conclusions if not that you abhorred such intimacy?  

“I-I heard… you,” Jungkook admits quietly. “And, I felt your emotions. They were nervous.” He does not need his thermal detector to feel the heat that floods your face. “I did not want to impose on such a fragile moment,” he continues. “And I apologize if my actions have made you uncomfortable.”

“No, no,” you wave off, pressing the back of your knuckles to your cheeks. “I apologize for doing something so inappropriate with you in my house.”

Jungkook’s brow furrows. “Do you not enjoy participating in sexual activities, __?” he asks curiously. 

You gulp loudly, obviously startled by his question. Which part of it, Jungkook doesn’t know. He nudges your knee with his, urging you to answer. A shaky exhale, and then you’re rambling. “I-No, I do,” you rush out, avidly avoiding his gaze. “I, um, I just have never, uh, been with anyone.” 

“Oh,” Jungkook blinks. “Is that why your reproductive areas are strangely well preserved for a being your age? I was beginning to wonder about the complexities of Human reproduction after meeting you, __. Is there a certain tradition one must follow to copulate with you?” 

“No, no,” you rush to correct. Jungkook has obviously said something that upset you, because when you speak again your aura is tainted with the hints of irritation. “Tradition is stupid,” you explain slowly, a sense of heartache consuming him at your rather lonely figure. He is beside you, yet feels a thousand light years away from your heart. “I was just a fool.”

His gaze softens, carefully placing a hand on your knee comfortingly. He doesn’t have to say anything more, just let you know he isn’t far at all, and you understand. You lean against his shoulder, the same sad look in your eyes. The grandfather clock ticks on in the hallway, in sync with the slow rhythm of your heart. Jungkook places a kiss to the crown of your head. 

The day drags on. 

Your morning chores are finished quickly with Jungkook at your side. He obsesses over the plants and plays with Smilodon. You make apple juice today with the fruits that fall from the tree out front. Jungkook enjoys it, but not as much as lemonade. Still, it gets its own entry in his log. 

He asks more questions about your world, straying away from the ones he had last week that seemed to exclusively revolve around the fauna and flora. Now, he is interested in your Human way of life. The TV confuses him, and he doesn’t quite understand the difference between dramas and news stations. So you explain as best you can for him. 

His main issue lies in his inability to comprehend the constant strife within your planet, especially when you explain to him topics like poverty or homelessness. Sixam is nothing like Earth, he says, because everyone on Sixam is looked after and taken care of as deemed appropriate. There is no division of classes because deep down, every Sixamian acknowledges they are superior to the rest of the universe. It sounds like a utopia to you, but you’ve read enough books to know how those usually turn out. 

That fact intrigues Jungkook as well. How Humans can be aware of so many altering concepts and beliefs, yet desensitized to all. He doesn’t get it, and explaining the concept of fiction existing on a separate plane only confuses him more. 

Eventually you bring it back to tradition, somehow, that dreaded word you’ve come to abhor. Jungkook enjoys learning about your culture and your way of life, little things you do here and there. But as most things do in your life, the conversation circles back around to your failed marriage. 

“Ah,” Jungkook says. “So it is tradition to save your first reproductive act for the one you ‘marry’?” You nod, toes tucked up into the couch. It’s a little before sunset now, the orange hue of the outdoors leaking into your living room. “And then you take their last name? That is very confusing, __. I thought this last name identified you to your fellow Human, how can you so easily change it around?” 

You laugh. “It's complicated,” you offer. Jungkook chuckles as well, obviously overwhelmed with all the new information you provided him with today. 

Jungkook nods pensively but you doubt he understands. “I see,” he mumbles, fingertip tapping against the armrest he’s leaning against. It’s a tell tale sign that he desperately wants to document what you’ve said in his supercomputer bracelet but is holding back for the sake of this moment. You think it’s rather sweet. “So copulation does not always secure you a partner.”

You shrug halfheartedly. “People have different drives,” you say. “Some of them want love and some just want sex.”

“And you?” he asks suddenly, big purple eyes swirling with entire galaxies. “What would you like?” 

A lot of things, you think, but when it comes down to it, when Jungkook asks you with his pretty eyes and pouty lips, you can’t find the right words. “Both,” is your measly reply. “What about you?” 

He seems just as thrown off by your question as you, eyes widening as he leans back. The living room is bathed in warm splashes of color, the last of the sun’s rays painting Jungkook in a rather romantic light. You can’t look away. “I too would like both,” he admits, idly tracing the tip of his finger along the markings that decorate the tops of his knees. “This notion of attraction beyond the physical realm is not common in Sixam,” he answers. “Sixam is very… strict about what a relationship entails. 

You set your mug down on the side table, shuffling around until your toes poke his hip, arm thrown over the back of the couch. “How so?” you ask. 

Jungkook’s lips push out into a frown. “The Higher Sixamian Court has long since ruled that mating rituals between citizens are strictly limited to those that will produce the most immaculate genome,” he says, as if that is just another simple, everyday fact of life. It is for him, but not for you. 

“So, are you like… assigned?” you press, suddenly wondering how a being as curious and sentimental as Jungkook has survived so long in a place like Sixam. “And like, do you raise kids together?”

“Until the end of their first era,” Jungkook supplies, as if that makes the slightest bit of sense. “And sort of. Sixam is not that oppressive,” he jokes, but there is something about his eyes missing their usual glow that tips you off. “I have yet to copulate for reproductive purposes.”

You pause. “But you have for… fun purposes?” 

Jungkook looks at you seriously. And then, ever so slowly, the little marks beneath the corners of his eyes, the little triangles that usually flare blue, fade into a lovely pink shade. “I-“ he stammers, obviously flustered by your question. “I have.”

Your mouth parts into a little o. “With other Sixamians? Or….” Jungkook flushes, nods meekly. His expression seems off, like it isn’t a particular fond memory he carries. “Was it bad or something?” 

He sighs. “It is… very lacking. Nothing like the scenes depicted in your projection box.” He nods towards the TV, you barely contain a giggle at its name. You reach for your mug instead. “There is no,” he waves a hand in front of his face. The last rays of sun catch on his hand and turn his charcoal  markings a pretty gold. “No expressions of adoration beyond what is necessary. And I do not particularly enjoy that.” 

You nod understandingly. “You're soft,” you tease, watch his little triangles light up again at your words. “It’s okay,” you reassure him, “so am I.”

He says nothing, just stares blankly out the front window as the sun disappears behind the horizons, leaving thousands of glittering lights in its wake. Not man made but natural; right. “I think your last name is lovely,” he suddenly announces. You chuckle against the lip of your mug, but Jungkook doesn’t find it amusing. He turns to you with that sparkling purple gaze, like you’ve hung those stars outside yourself. “There is no other __ ___ like you.”

Your face feels warm, and you’re not sure if it’s from the coffee steam rising from the mug or Jungkook’s unexpected reassurance. It makes your heart tender, sends a shock through your system that leaves your body buzzing. “Thank you,” you say sincerely, covering the palm he rests over the couch with yours. 

Jungkook doesn’t say anything else, but he doesn’t need to. 

Ovulation ends, but your blossoming feelings for Jungkook do not go away. 

The next morning his comms remain shut off. Jungkook has never had his communications back home cut off, save for the time in his first era where he brashly spoke out against his superior in a lab. He was young and had much to learn, took too many risks and didn’t consider the consequences. He guesses he hasn’t grown much since then as he watches you tend to your garden. 

“Smilodon urinated in the closet,” he announces, witnessing the smile slowly slip off your features. He lets you revel in your annoyance for exactly two seconds before following with the phrase he heard on your box the other day. “Just kidding! You are being prank’d. 

Your frown is nothing like the expression the program’s contests exhibited following their supposed pranking. “Jungkook, that’s not funny,” you huff and his heart sinks. A soft snort. “Okay, maybe a little,” you concede with a terribly contained smile. 

He bounds over, kneels down beside you, and begins pulling the overgrown weeds out with you. “I saw it on the projection box the other day,” he explains excitedly, tossing the weeds into the bag between you two. “I did not know such pleasure could be received from silly broadcasts like that.” You nod, say something about all kinds of dumb shows existing before a pout taints your lips. “What's wrong?” 

A long sigh from you. “I think the sun isn’t reaching these,” you tell him, lifting the stem of a sad looking tomato plant. It’s the closest one to the house, often covered by the house’s shadow when the sun shines best. “They’re sad.”

He tilts his head to the side quizzically. “Sad?” he repeats, reaching for his wristband before he can stop to think. If his extensive journaling reads right, your planet’s vegetation follows similar patterns to that of another’s, requiring allotted amounts of sunlight and water to flourish. “How can it be sad?” 

Caught up in his notes, he doesn’t realize you’ve migrated to the other side of the garden now, dutifully picking out more weeds. “Well, it looks sad doesn’t it?” Jungkook glances back again. The tomato stalk is significantly droopy and malformed, smaller than its brethren who sit only a few inches away in direct sunlight. It’s colors are dulled and almost… sad. Huh. How peculiar. 

He chances one glance back at you, deems you far enough, and then channels the entirety of his energy towards the tomato plant. It wiggles a few times, kind of like it’s dancing, before you’re calling his name from the other side. “What’re you doing?” you ask, hand on your hip. Jungkook stills. 

“Um,” he drawls. The plant returns to its sulky state. 

Garbage bag full of weeds, you pass by him with a shake of your head. “Don’t do anything weird to my plants, silly,” you chide. Jungkook huffs, follows behind to take the bag off your hands. You thank him, join him for his walk around the house until he tosses the bag into the garbage can out front. Before he can retort and engage you in a playful argument regarding his superior abilities, you’re crouching down by the spigot out front. It’s making a weird hissing noise that has Jungkook frowning as he walks over. 

Right as he approaches, you make the amateur mistake of turning the handle, water spewing out from the gap between the spigot’s mouth and where it’s supposed to meet the hose. You screech, and Jungkook can’t shut it off fast enough. 

In the end, both of you are drenched. 

“Ugh,” you groan as you walk around the house to the unlocked back door. Jungkook trudges behind, just a teensy bit annoyed by the mud that quickly stains his rubber sandals. “This is so annoying!” you complain loudly, shaking yourself off like Smilodon when it accidentally fell into the sink the other day. “Ruined my day.”

At that Jungkook frowns. He does not want your day to be ruined, especially not by some faulty spigot outside. You were too good for such emotions, too perfect in his eyes. Sadness and the like did not suit you; they had no place ruining your beautiful features. You’re huffily patting yourself down at the back porch now, distress prominent on your features as you most likely consider the second load of laundry you will have to do today. 

The tomato stalk glances at him sadly from the ground, and before Jungkook can stop himself, he’s breathing in deeply and pushing his generally relaxed attitude onto you. You can be mad later, but right now Jungkook doesn’t want to see you sad. It’s effective immediately, your gloominess quickly fading away. You breathe in deeply, eyes falling shut, and when you open them again you’re offering him the most gentle smile he has ever seen. 

And a soaked through shirt that highlights the shape of your red undergarments. Jungkook’s eyes widen, unconsciously flicking down to the sight you present him with, and a different emotion floods his senses. 

It’s quite possibly his biggest mistake. Because while he can easily look away, it takes longer for those emotions to fade, and soon they’re being reflected on you. 

“Wow,” you exhale, shaking your head in confusion because these aren’t your emotions— you probably know they’re his. Jungkook feels terrible instantly. 

“I’m sorry,” he rushes out, scrambling up the steps to guide you inside. Simultaneously, he’s shutting down his influential abilities, scolding himself for slipping up with you like this. You most certainly did not want to feel this way around Jungkook, yet here he was quite literally projecting onto you. “Please, let’s go inside.” 

You nod, jolt when his hand touches the small of your back as he guides you in. “Oh,” you gasp, and Jungkook has to bite his lip to force himself from making the situation worse, from thinking thoughts you would not approve of. “Why— what's happening?” you ask in a breathy tone, lingering by the staircase Jungkook tries to push you up. 

He sighs. “I— I was trying to brighten your mood,” he admits, metaphorical ears pressed against his head like when Smilodon gets scolded for knocking down a plant. “And, um. There was— the, um, sight of your undergarments distracted me for a moment.” You glance down and seemingly become aware for the first time that your bright red bra is on display, shyly covering yourself with your arms. 

“Distracted?” you mumble softly, leaning against the banister of the stairs. Your skin is radiating more heat than Jungkook ever recalls, face demurely turned down towards the floor. He could have sworn he stopped projecting minutes again— why were you still behaving like this? Did he break you? Did he exude more energy than he meant to, accidentally extend the length of the emotions? “I’ll go upstairs now,” you announce quietly, touch his arm almost sensually as you pass by. 

Your skin is warm, that heavenly scent that Jungkook craved rolling off in waves— but he was certain he’d stopped himself before anything became too overwhelming. Were his emotions stronger than he had fooled himself into believing? There was no way he had felt or looked as riled up when he accidentally influenced you. So where exactly were these emotions coming from? What exactly was making you behave this way even after he’d withdrawn his influence? Could it be...

Jungkook watches with wide eyes, almost certain that your behavior, though sparked by his initial slip up, was entirely your own at this point. 

There was a lot of weight behind that. 

The water turns on upstairs, and he has to strain his ears, still his breathing, just for a hint of your sounds. But they’re there, quiet successors to the louder moans you’d let out the other day. They make him shiver, melt against the staircase as his cock twitches in his pants. His body comes alive, something distinctly carnal twitching beneath his skin, blossoming out at the base of his spine. 

And still, as he grinds his hand into his palm, it is not merely the sight of your red undergarments that render Jungkook useless. No, the ghost of your smile at his poorly executed prank follows, brands itself into the inside of his eyelids as he slowly falls apart. 

Was it your own emotions that had made you like that? he wonders, sinking to his knees in the hallway. If you came down right now, you’d certainly catch him. But Jungkook can still hear your muffled cries from upstairs, and furthermore, Jungkook wanted desperately for you to catch him. He knows you won’t, but the idea makes him shiver, has him coming in his bottoms shamefully. 

“What the,” he huffs, sweat trailing down his forehead. His brain replays that look in your eyes. That emotion you displayed that, although it may have been planted by him, was taken by you and magnified. Had you been just as excited by the sight of Jungkook’s wet body as he had yours? And if such was the case, was your attraction to him limited to the physical realm?

He doesn’t want to delude himself, but your words from the other day ring loudly in his ears. Soft, you had called him, for wanting something both physically and emotionally intimate. But you were the same, or so you claimed. 

Was it so wrong for Jungkook to think that ideology applied now?

That night you join Jungkook outside for his routine stargazing. He sits on the porch while you sit on your rocking chair, mugs of hot cocoa in hand as Jungkook retells his adventures across the universe. 

Space is bigger than you thought, with a culture far more complex than Earth’s. It makes you wonder how Jungkook, who has quite literally seen it all, can become so enamored with this place. There’s bigger and better somewhere out there; planets that won’t force terrible traditions on him or task him into ungodly missions. Yet he lingers here, in this quiet space between your garden and your house, head on your lap. 

His hair is soft, almost like silk, and he enjoys having it touched. “I do not wish to leave,” he admits quietly, empty mug long since set aside. You hum, encourage him to elaborate. “The beauty of the universe lies entirely on Planet 43 Z-7.” 

You snort. “No way,” you say, trace your hand down his jawline. Jungkook says nothing of your wandering hands, skin warm to the touch. Some of his markings decorate his neck, curl around the pale skin in perfectly symmetrical swoops. They creep beneath the hem of his shirt, and you wonder what they look like down there. 

You flush those thoughts away, that afternoon’s events still fresh in your mind. From your understanding of the events, Jungkook had been excited at the sight of your body, so he obviously had to hold some attraction towards you. But how much of that was purely physical and how much was emotional? 

“I want to have your last name,” he announces suddenly. You choke, breath caught in your throat from the randomness of the statement. Your reaction makes Jungkook pull away from your touch, stare at you with wide eyes like you do him. 

“I— what?” you stammer, having gained back your composure. Or at least some of it. “Jungkook, I don’t think you know what that means.”

He frowns, shuffles around until he’s facing you, and lays his head across your lap again. This time, those purple eyes that dance with nebulas and stardust zero in on you. His hair tickles your bare thighs, makes you unconsciously press them together when his warm breath fans across your skin. “You amaze me,” he murmurs, eyes glazed. “I have never seen a being like you, who lives so far off from society, thrive in their own bubble— is it too much for me to want to live like you? Be with you?”

“Huh?” you ask, ever so eloquently. 

Jungkook smiles, turns his face to hide it against you. Pink lips brush against your skin, your hands unconsciously shooting into his hair to guide him away. When his head rolls back, he’s got this rather melancholy look on his face. “The beauty of the universe lies entirely on Planet 43 Z-7,” he says again, “and I am looking right at her.” 

Your face burns. 

Heart hammering in your chest, palms sweaty, you don’t know what to say. He looks at you with that vibrant gaze, drinks you in like you’re the finest of wines and your heart absolutely cannot handle it. Your brain fumbles for a response but by then Jungkook is standing up, head tilted downwards cutely as he observes you. One hand in his, thumb gently swiping over your knuckles. “I would like to show you every expression of adoration possible, __,” he murmurs, presses a kiss to your knuckles before disappearing back inside. 

You stay outside, turning his words inside and out, backwards and forwards, until you deduce that Jungkook of Sixam most definitely harbored the same feelings for you as you did for him. It’s odd, because it is exactly what you want but the idea scares you to death. The last time you let a man into your life under a similar guise you ended up wasting years of your life, clinging to this grand finale you never got. And now this foreign being was proclaiming his feelings for you, possibly propositioning you for the same thing. 

Did you want Jungkook? Yes, undoubtedly yes. He was free from the shackles of tradition that had held you down so long, didn’t believe in this twisted notion of your body being “sacred.” He was a breath of fresh air, unlike anyone you’ve ever met before (although part of that was due to his alien heritage).

However, he was not free of flaws, and perhaps that is what entices you more.

Jungkook, though he looked and spoke like the perfect man, was a being of his own, with struggles of his own. He too had his own handful of painful memories, toxic ideologies that followed him around. But Jungkook was willing to learn, to change. And you admired him for it. 

Tip-toeing back inside, you find the house shrouded in darkness. The steady tick of the grandfather clock lessens the rapid beating of your heart. Jungkook is sitting on the living room couch, legs pulled to his chest. Muscle memory has you reaching out for the top of his head like always, ready to pat his fluffy hair as if you hadn’t just spent the last twenty minutes outside doing just that. He turns around just as your fingers touch his soft strands, purple eyes meeting yours. You trace your hand down the side of his face, knuckles brushing over his cheekbones; he puckers his lips, bestows a second tender smooch against you. 

“I like when you do that,” he says, voice unexpectedly loud in the otherwise silent house. As he speaks, he shifts to the side, arm thrown over the back of the couch to look at you completely. You swipe your thumb over his bottom lip and he gulps. “Makes me crazy.” 

You chuckle, releasing him to round the couch. Jungkook’s got this sweet smile on his face, hand outstretched for you. When you take it, he tugs you onto the couch, flush beside him. Your thigh is practically thrown over his, his other arm wrapped around your shoulders. You heart flutters and you can no longer look him in the eye. 

But that’s okay because Jungkook can. He ducks down, dark hair tickling your skin as his breath ghosts over your lips. “May I?” he asks softly, nose bumping against yours. “May I have the honor of pleasuring you?”

Your breath catches in your throat, answering with a tiny nod that makes his lower lip brush against yours teasingly. “I-If I am suitable,” you mumble, tingles spreading all over your body. 

Jungkook smiles, pretty and bright, as he turns his head to slot your mouths together. “No,” he says, “if I am suitable. You are more than enough.” Lips brush against yours, shaky breath meets yours, and then he’s kissing you. Slow yet suave, carefully molding against you as if he is afraid of breaking you. His lips are like two soft pillows, moving against yours in a practiced rhythm that makes you tremble against him. Every bit the measly virgin, but Jungkook likes you just so. 

He pulls away with a pop, his figure shadowed by the darkness of the room. But his eyes, purple irises, glow brightly. Like two pools of cosmic dust swirling around his dark pupils. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him like this before, but you hardly saw Jungkook in the dark anyway. He hides them too soon, eyes fluttering shut as he leans in again. 

The second time, there’s a faint flick of his tongue against your bottom lip. The action makes you gasp quietly, lips parting for a fraction of a second. But Jungkook is quick, slips his tongue past your lips. It’s lewd; his breath mingles with yours, tongue pushing against yours. Slick and dirty, spit traveling between your two mouths, but Jungkook makes sure you’re okay, sinfully wrapping his lips around your tongue when you get too brave. A moan escapes you, fingers squeezing around his. 

Jungkook squeezes back, pushes forward until you’re pressed against the back cushions of the couch. “This okay?” he husks, low-lidded eyes meeting yours when he pulls away. You nod, words caught in your throat. Jungkook’s gaze lasers in on your mouth, and he seems to have an internal debate before eventually pulling away to kiss your neck. 

You tilt your head back, choppy exhales creeping out from between your lips as he kisses down the column of your neck, untangling his hand from yours to press against your hip instead. It’s with a devastatingly slow speed that he eventually slinks away, finds himself kneeling between you on the floor with hands dancing over the tops of your thighs. Your heart is beating a thousand miles in your chest, threatening to rip itself right out when he meets your eyes a second time. 

He pushes your legs apart, not once looking away as he gently encourages you to raise one. Lips pressed against your knee, slowly trailing down the skin of your thigh. Your hand squeezes at the couch cushions. Jungkook pulls a startled yelp from you when he tugs at the backs of your knees, makes you slump down the couch with your legs perfectly spread out for him, feet flat on the floor. Then he’s back to kissing you, languidly pressing smooch after smooch against your scorching skin until he’s reaching the apex of your thighs, stilling once to look your way. 

“Go ahead,” you choke out, hands clutched over your chest, as if that’ll keep your heart from up and running away. Jungkook takes your admission and moves on, puckered lips meeting your mound through your clothing. It’s the first time you’ve ever had someone else so close to your most sensitive areas, and rightly so, you whimper. 

“Shh,” he soothes, thumb pressing against your hip as he carefully hikes one of your legs over his shoulder. You’re quivering like a leaf, lower lip bitten raw between your teeth as you watch him move between your legs. “I don’t wish to hurt you,” Jungkook murmurs. 

Another press of his mouth against you, this time right over where your bud hides, and the sensation makes your eyes roll to the back of your head. His fingers tighten around the waistband of your shorts, take your underwear with them when he begins pulling them down your hips. You push yourself up briefly, let him slide them down your legs and bare yourself to him for the first time. 

Your cheeks flood with warmth, hands unconsciously reaching to pull your shirt down, but Jungkook catches you. Fingers tangle with yours, warm breath fanning over your slick folds. Unconsciously, you tense up at his proximity, the stark realization that this was the moment you had waited for for a good chunk of your life suddenly hitting you. Jungkook seems to notice you crawl inside your head, drawing you back with a squeeze around your hand, luminous eyes meeting yours. 

“If you need me to stop, I will,” he reassures you.

The blood is rushing to your ears, his words nearly lost in the madness. “Aren’t you scared?” you ask quietly, voice wobbly, holding his hands so tightly you’re surprised he doesn’t complain.

Jungkook shakes his head. “No,” he answers. “Would you like to know how I feel?”

Hesitantly, you nod. Jungkook’s eyes flutter shut, but the little triangle markings beneath his eyes begin to glow. Like fireflies in the dark, two little lights that intensify as he exhales.

And then, suddenly, you’re flooded with a new wave of emotions, similar to yours but not. They feel like yours, but are distinctly his, make you arch against the cushions with a soft groan. 

At the forefront, lust that swarms your senses and makes your body melt into the couch beneath you. It makes you shiver, nipples peaked beneath your top as his feelings and their intensity grow on you. It feels like drowning, like swallowing a thick and sticky substance that lingers in your throat and refuses to go away. It’s how he feels about you at this moment, so strongly it could drown him. 

So overwhelmed with that sensation alone, you almost don’t recognize the second emotion that Jungkook takes and pours into you. 

Warm and comforting, like being embraced by a thousand doves, kissed by a swarm of butterflies. It’s different from the first, doesn’t tap directly into your physical body, but wraps around your heart, creeps into your thoughts. Until you’re rolling your eyes back open and meeting his, the feeling so plainly spelled out across his features. 

Sheer and utter adoration. 

“Oh,” you breathe, face scorching to the touch following the emotions Jungkook’s just revealed to you. 

He grins, shy, and squeezes your hand. “What do you want to do?”

Biting your lip, you take initiative and hook your knee over his shoulder, the same way he had shown you just moments prior. “Please,” you murmur, “show me more.”

And Jungkook does.

A soft kiss against the inside of your thigh, nose running along your skin teasingly. And then he’s faced with your puffy lips, pink skin slick with arousal. Jungkook sighs softly, tilts his head as if he’s analyzing his next course of action, and then carefully places his mouth against you. 

“Mmmh,” you whimper, hips instinctively bucking into the touch, never having felt such intense pleasure before. Jungkook doesn’t mind as he languidly kisses your folds, eyes shut as he loses himself in the motions. The first swipe of his tongue makes you twitch, arms flailing but Jungkook holds them down, entwined fingers pressed against the couch. 

His tongue is an entity of its own, wet muscle pressing and licking at your most sensitive areas like it was made specifically for this. Never mind talking, Jungkook’s tongue was made to lap at your pussy like this. He licks a long stripe up from your quivering hole to your engorged clit, curling at the end as if you were nothing more but a sweet for him to mindlessly play with. 

Your muscles clench up, the leg thrown around his shoulder unconsciously pulling him closer until his nose is pressed flush against your clit. Jungkook breathes in deeply, moans softly but it sends earth-shattering vibrations up your core until you’re a whimpering mess. “O-Oh,” you cry, sweat clinging to your skin as Jungkook continues lapping at your folds. 

He releases one hand, uses it to push your other leg further away to properly slot himself against you. You take the opportunity to wildly reach for him, grabby hands lost in the silky waves on his head as you urge him closer to where you need him most. You’re not even sure where that is anymore, your clit or your entrance, but Jungkook switches between the two just fine. 

That warm tongue prods at your entrance, tip sinking inside just enough to make you gasp. It’s a new experience for you, someone’s tongue touching and stroking you there, and it feels like an entirely new door opens from that action alone. You whimper his name, dig your nails across his scalp like maybe he’ll grant you a reprieve and pull away. But you don’t really want that, and so you’re happy when he stays where he is. 

The hand that had rested against the juncture of your hip glides up, lays flat over your mound with his thumb idly swirling around your clit. The combination of his tongue breaching your hole and his fingers playing along your clit makes you spasm. “Wait,” you sob, the muscles in your thighs twitching as he licks away. “I-I’m gonna—“

An overpowering wave of relief floods your senses shortly before that last syllable can escape your lips; everything goes tight and then suddenly you’re on a cloud, cum spilling from your heat and onto his waiting tongue. Jungkook licks it all up, slurps loudly against your clit as the last waves of your orgasm run their course. “Beautiful,” he murmurs, kissing up your navel, t-shirt pushed away as he goes. 

When he reaches your face, you’re quite embarrassed to find the area around his mouth to be glistening with your juices. “You’re incredible,” he says, easygoing smile on his lips. But there’s something hard and heavy against you, snuggled between your thighs, that makes your face heat up all over again. 

You can’t find the words to respond, and lose the opportunity when Jungkook captures your lips with his again. He’s more assertive this time around, roughly pushing against you until you’re certain you’ll bruise. But it feels good, makes you wrap your hands around him as Jungkook grinds down against you. When he pulls away, he’s got this dark look on his face, out of place against such bright eyes. 

He says nothing as his hands creep up your waist, push your t-shirt and bra out of the way, until he’s cupping your breasts in his palms. Experienced hands massage them thoroughly, roll the soft skin between his fingers. His mouth is against yours again, tongues pressed together; Jungkook groans and the sound shoots straight between your thighs. He pinches a nipple between his fingers and you whimper, break away from his kiss to hide your face against his shoulder.

His cock is heavy against your folds, the thick material of his pants slowly stimulating you again. The cotton brushes against you, most certainly picks up your wetness as it goes, and Jungkook lets it as he continues to grind down against you with his hands on your tits. Your hands tear their way down his back, fist the material of his shirt in your hands. “Off, off,” you plead, desperate to feel more of him against you.

Jungkook complies, sitting up to yank his shirt over his head. You were right about his markings, dark swoops and circles that decorate his chest and abdomen before tapering down around his waist. Your mouth salivates at the sight, blindly reaching for your own clothes as if one look away will make him disappear. 

He doesn’t.

In fact, the removal of both your tops only makes Jungkook hungrier, completely abandoning your lips to suck your breast into his mouth instead. “Jungk— fuck,” you wail, slipping further down the couch as you lose yourself in Jungkook’s embrace. His teeth nibble at your swollen bud, roll the sensitive skin around before pulling off with a wet pop. 

Your breath jumps when he reaches behind you, corded arm locking around your waist as he repositions the two of you, unsatisfied with the previous position. He lifts you up with his undoubtedly superior strength, one palm beneath your thigh as he plops you down across the couch more comfortably, head neatly resting on a throw pillow. 

Your heart is in your throat, desperate to memorize the man before you, inked skin, lean and meaty, vibrant violet eyes that focus solely on you. Before he can join you on the couch, Jungkook steps away, tucks his thumbs into his waistband and swiftly removes them. His engorged cock, bigger than any you’ve seen in any erotic video— and that was saying a lot —springs up against his navel, flaming tip glaring right at you. Your pussy quivers at the sight. 

“Come here,” he husks out as he moves towards you. You welcome him with open arms, a soft groan of his name against his lips as he shoves his tongue past. His hands are everywhere now; one squeezes at your breast, hand molded to the flesh, while the other runs along the underside of your thigh, guides it over his waist. And another tickles around your navel, soft—

You shriek, eyes snapping open as you tug Jungkook over you as a shield. “What was that?” you heave, wide eyes roving over the dark living room, like maybe you’ll find Smilodon traversing the carpet and it was his silky tail that came too close. 

But Smilodon doesn’t usually appear at night, nor is there anything else in the living room with you and Jungkook. Your heart hammers in your chest, carefully meeting his dark gaze until something thin and distinctively alive appears over his shoulder. Another scream tears itself from your lips.

“Hey, hey,” Jungkook shushes, pulls away to cup your face in his hands. “Forgive me,” he says tenderly, “we are so similar, I forget you do not possess extra arms.”

You pale. “E-Extra arms?” you choke, eyes focused on the thin ‘arm’ that slinks out from behind Jungkook, almost screeching again when a second one appears on the opposite side. And then a third, a fourth. 

It is no arm, but rather… a tentacle? Sans the weird suction cups. They’re thin little things, no thicker than his wrist, that dance behind him as if they have a mind of their own. They move as if suspended in water, soft lilac skin tenderly touching yours. You shiver, its smooth skin odd against your supple flesh. Jungkook relaxes, but draws them back anyway. “Forgive me,” he says again, taking your hand in his to press a peck against it. Your heart flutters at the gesture that was slowly driving you insane. “I shall keep them at bay.”

You nod shakily, but cannot deny the curiosity that picks at you when they slink back into the base of his spine, blend seamlessly against his skin. “What… what do they do?” you ask tentatively. 

Jungkook hums as he descends upon you, featherlight kisses against your shoulder and up your neck. “Hmm? They help me out,” he explains mindlessly, pulling you flush against his cock again. A moan tears itself from your throat, eyes fluttering shut as you force yourself to focus on the moment again. 

But your hands unconsciously wander down his spine as he kisses you, circle the skin where your swear they had to have disappeared beneath, until Jungkook is pulling away with a confused expression on his face. “Would you like to see them again?” he asks quizzically, sweat forming along his hairline. 

You cannot play it off any longer; meekly, you nod. “I— they were interesting,” you admit in a quiet voice, nervously twiddling your fingers over your chest. 

Jungkook says nothing for a second, until he’s lightly chuckling and pressing a kiss against your cheek. “Okay,” he concedes, and goes back to rolling his hips against yours. 

About to protest, the words are robbed from your throat when something soft and blunt tickles your thigh. “Oh,” you shudder, prevailing through the initial shock as Jungkook’s ‘arm’ slides around the diameter of your thigh to brush against your cunt. It’s silky and smooth, pushes against your lips until it’s emerging past them, slipping inside of you.

You gasp, head lolling backwards as the sensation gets to you. It feels the same as your fingers do when you’re in the shower, but it moves differently, gauging your reactions as it curls within your walls. Jungkook muffles a low chuckle against your chin, kisses spread over you until his tongue is back down your throat.

“Feels good?” he asks, hot mouth against yours. You nod jerkily, hands digging into his biceps. Another appendage tickles around your waist, dips into your navel and makes you giggle. It’s a sound that’s frankly out of place amongst your moans and whimpers, but it makes Jungkook smile. It eventually moves away, continuing its soft caresses elsewhere. 

The one that plays in your pussy has your eyes rolling to the back of your head, jaw slack. Perfect for Jungkook who pushes and prods until his saliva is dripping down your throat, catching in the corners of your lips. It impossibly fattens inside of you, makes you choke just as a different one dances around your neck. “I— I,” you stutter, boneless beneath him as the soft tip traces around the column of your neck tenderly, lovingly. 

There’s so many different areas to focus on: one rubs comfortingly beneath your breast, while another fucks into your cunt. The contrast has your head spinning, unsure of where to look. 

There’s something about the one inside of you that makes you feel so sticky and wet, more so than before. Like it’s oozing something out, making the glide against your walls smoother than before. It makes your body tingle, sends a feeling down your spine that you’re almost certain isn’t normal. 

At the same time, there’s a brush along your thigh again, a tight coil around the flesh of your skin tightly that encourages your legs apart. More room for Jungkook to squeeze in. It wraps around you, slithers past its sibling and prods against your ass. Your heart skips a beat, buck into Jungkook’s embrace as it slips between your cheeks— you gasp. It releases that same substance that makes everything so wet. You tremble at the touch, body already so overwhelmed. 

Your attention is snatched away before anything can happen, Jungkook tugging you closer until the ridges of his cock are running along your folds, each push sending his goddamn tentacle deeper inside of you. You moan, hands shakily traversing his skin until you’re cupping his face in your palms. “More,” you hoarsely whisper, dazed eyes meeting his. “Please.”

Jungkook nods, presses one more kiss against your lips before shuffling around. The appendage inside of you swiftly recoils, has you shivering from the way it slips out of you so easily. As it finally emerges from your folds, you find it’s slick with cum and something slightly pink, sparkly and wet as if it’s got precum of its own. The sight amazes you, makes you want to touch it. Before you can, it’s moving again. Much to your surprise, it doesn’t go away, doesn’t return to hide within Jungkook’s body, but wraps around his cock tightly. Purple tendril against engorged skin, makes him sigh at the squeeze. 

He holds the base of his cock, tongue prodding against the inside of his cheek as he regards you with an unrecognizable look. One hand on your thigh, fingers gripping tightly even before he’s done anything. “Tell me you want this,” he exhales, “please?” 

You nod hurriedly, hands reaching for his hips to urge him closer. “Want this,” you assure him, quiver when the head of his cock presses against your folds. Bigger than your fingers, bigger than that damned appendage, and it was going inside of you. “Want this so bad,” you whimper, drawing your bottom lip between your teeth. A squeeze around your breasts, a flick against your nipples. It’s not Jungkook’s hands, and that fact makes you shiver. 

They curl around your breasts, frame the mounds gently before the flatted tips meet your nipples, tease them with featherlight nudge. 

Eased by the certainty of your words, Jungkook relaxes. He places a hand on your hip, the other still holding his cock as he lines himself up with your throbbing entrance. You’re so wet, dripping in your own cum and whatever that tentacle released, thighs slippery and shiny. The anticipation in your chest swells, pushes against your rib cage until you’re afraid it’ll break. The little markings beneath his eyes flash and suddenly it’s gone, replaced with a sense of comfort that only doubles when he flashes you a tiny smile.

The first press of his cock makes your back arch, has you knocking every throw pillow off the couch as he slowly eases his way in. “Oh god—“ you sob, the sudden intrusion being questioned by every muscle in your body. Immediately, two of his tentacles snap forward, release their soft grip on your neck and their wrap around your breasts to caress up your sides, smooth ends practically kissing your skin with their soft nudges. 

They by no means lessen the pain, but their butterfly touches are a nice distraction that tickles your skin, makes you whimper softly as Jungkook slowly sinks into you. 

Jungkook ducks over you, tip of his nose against yours. “Breathe for me,” he instructs, even though his breath is labored against yours. One appendage cups your cheek, curls softly around your ear to hold your head still— you feel so spoiled with all the attention. You make an effort, breathe in swiftly through your nose as Jungkook pushes in deeper.

Slowly, the discomfort fades away. It melts and in its wake you’re left with a dull numbing sensation that starts in your toes and magnifies as it reaches your ears. It grows until the weight of his cock inside of you has you drooling, eyes unfocused as you watch Jungkook push himself to the hilt, the ridges of the tentacle wrapped around his cock making you jolt with every push. 

At the same time as his cock thrusts inside of you, a sneaky little thing continues it’s dance between your cheeks, pokes and kisses at your hole like it’s testing you. It is, really, because you've never had anything up your ass before— up until a few moments ago, you had barely had anything in your pussy. 

This was your first time, yet two seperate holes were begging to be filled, clenching tightly at Jungkook kisses along your chest, hands wound beneath the small of your back. The playful tentacle near your behind does just that— plays until you gently reach back for it, trembling hands giving it the go ahead it needs to finally plunge itself within you. Like an excited little being, it flutters against your hand a soft, kiss-like press against your palm before returning to its favored spot. 

It chooses the perfect moment to press in, takes advantage of Jungkook’s first few slow thrusts to slip its way inside. A loud moan tears itself from your throat, and Jungkook joins along. “I-I’m sorry,” he pants, mouth against yours. “I-I just want to feel you.”

You shake him off, body twitching from the utter fullness you felt, the weight in between your folds and your ass that moves in opposing strokes. His cock, wrapped in those bulging ridges, pushes in just as the tentacle in your rear pulls out, and the sensation is enough to make you whimper and sob. 

It feels good, amazing even, and you almost can’t believe it’s happening. Jungkook’s lips slot against yours, slow and lazy as he lets your body grow familiar with the stretch. He kisses you until the cat-like grip you have on his shoulders weakens, replaced with wandering hands that trail down his spine. The base of his spine where his protrusions appear is unique, makes him buck against you when you wrap your hands around one appendage.

“S-Sensitive,” he says as an apology, never mind the fact you want him desperately to fuck into you like that again. You voice such thoughts and Jungkook groans against your skin. “Really?” He chokes out, “I can move?”

One nod and then he’s off, for real this time. 

He’s slow at first, like he’s hesitant about hurting you, but you tuck one leg around him, pull him closer until he’s forced deeper inside of you, and from there everything is a downward spiral. You forget Jungkook of Sixam is superior for more than just one reason, harsh reminder given in the strong snap of his hips that would have otherwise sent you flying off the couch if that same strength wasn’t channeled into the arms he held you with. 

You reach for his hair, desperate to feel that comforting silk between your fingers, but then there’s something wrapping around your wrists. It pins your hands down, twists around your wrists twice before snaking up and curling along your fingers. Like it wants to hold your hand, wants to fill the spaces for Jungkook. The thought makes you burn, insides a boiling mess as he fucks into you, hands held down above your head.

“Jungkook,” you sob, squirming in his hold. It’s like whenever you move, there’s something there, holding you down or fucking you senseless. He responds with a grunt, roughly thrusting into you over and over until all you can manage is a series of hiccups. 

The ridges around his cock, the added thickness lended to him by his extra appendage, has every shove past your lips sending tingles like an ascending xylophone shooting throughout your body. The rhythmic stretches make you huff like a dog against him, brain fuzzy and overwhelmed. 

At the same time as he delivers killer grind after grind, another arm, the one that had been left out of the fray, slithers around your chest, looping twice around your frame and caging your breasts between them. Like bondage, except it’s Jungkook’s own body holding you down. 

You don’t think about the absurdity of it too much, couldn’t anyway. Your brain is a scrambled mess of Jungkook’s lips and incandescent eyes, lost in the purple galaxies and stars he holds, slowly slipping away from reality with each brutal thrust he gives. His name tumbles from your lips, and yours from his. He holds you like you’ll slip away, sweaty skin pulling you impossibly closer with each roll of his hips.

The thick appendage buried within your ass makes you squirm. It’s a tight fit, one you don’t get too stuck on because for every reprieve from its maniac thrusts you are met with the equally ferocious slam of Jungkook’s cock. So it stays in the back of your mind, this curling tentacle that stretches the tight rim of your ass apart. 

You were stuffed to the brim, eyes rolling back as you struggled to keep up. A soft brush along your jawline makes you gasp, before your mouth is tentatively filled with something soft and pulsing. Oh, you would die, you think, mindlessly sucking around the tentacle squeezed between your lips. It fattens in your mouth, pushes roughly against your tongue in rhythm with Jungkook’s cock. You cough, gag even, but it doesn’t move away. It drips a thick substance down your throat, disgustingly sweet. 

“Please, please,” he pants, quiet and lost among your own higher-pitched moans. Your leg hikes itself further up, accidentally brushes at the base of where two of his tentacles protrude, and Jungkook jolts against you. His cock presses so deep into your walls, you swear you feel him kiss your cervix. “__,” he pants, tongue lapping at the skin of your neck, picking up the sweat and replacing it with his thick saliva. “Be mine, please.”

Your heart pounds with the beat of a marching band's pace, loud thundering that competes against the slapping of Jungkook’s skin against yours. You whimper around the weight in your mouth, the idea he places in your head only fueling that lifelong dream of yours. Your grip around the appendages that hold your wrists down tightens, its faint heartbeat-like pulse felt between your fingers. 

“Let me be yours,” Jungkook moans, pulls out once only to slam his cock past your folds, hold himself there as your brain scrambles to rewire itself. As he says this, your mouth is freed, saliva and that sticky wet substance sloppily splattering across your lips and chin at the rather harsh exit. “And you will be mine.”

“Yes, yes!” you choke, dribbling drool down your chin.

It ends too soon.

Jungkook reaches a hand down, thumb feeling for your clit, but he’s pressed so tightly against you, it takes a second before the rough pad makes contact. That simple swipe, one half circle, is enough to make you unravel. “J-Jungkook,” you wail, biting down against his shoulder, “I’m—“

Your orgasm swallows you whole, his tentacle in your ass joining alongside you. It bursts inside of you, makes your ass leak with cum when it finally pulls out. 

“I’ve got you,” he shudders, stills when your pussy clenches down around him, creamy pleasure dripping down around his cock. Your cries fill the air, body falling slack against the couch as you struggle to recover. Your head is a foggy mess, clouded by the slow snap of Jungkook’s hips as he reaches his arousal. Each push against your folds feels even more intense now, overstimulated walls fluttering wildly around him as his cock slips in. 

His body stiffens and he swiftly pulls out, every ridge of his cock sucked back by your pussy, and when he finally frees himself— from your clenching walls and his tightly-gripping tentacle—he spills over your abdomen. Sticky and pink, like the strawberry lube you keep in your drawer, except its come out of Jungkook as a result of your rump in the sheets. 

As quickly as his body locked up, it slumps just as fast, heavy muscles and long limbs crashing down over you before you can react. 

“Jungkook—“

The sun shines in through the front window, wakes him from his slumber slowly and then all at once. He accidentally shifts into a patch of sunshine, the blinding light irritating his eyes until Jungkook is forced awake. His body aches but has never felt better, a weird sense of relaxation flooding his senses. For a moment, he is confused.

Eyes scan over the room, purple irises carefully calculating every bit of information until he catches sight of Smilodon’s furry tail and the memories of last night come swarming back in. He sits up quickly, whirling around for any glimpse of you, only to find you’re nowhere in sigh—

“Morning.” A small hand atop of his head, fingers stroking against his scalp. Instantly, Jungkook melts into the touch. 

You walk past him and into the kitchen, where you get to work making the usual breakfast for you and Jungkook. He watches you from the couch, naked beneath the blanket you’ve so graciously covered him with. The sun leaks into the kitchen, paints you in soft shades of orange as you amble around the area. 

The scent of hot cocoa fills the air, calling him to the space behind you after he dresses. “Good morning,” he says shyly, presses a kiss against your shoulder. Hesitantly, he lets his hands slide around your waist, lock over your navel. You don’t push him away, simply pat the side of his head as Jungkook snuggles into you. 

You don’t speak about last night and neither does he. You eat eggs for breakfast and Jungkook playfully knocks his foot against yours beneath the table. “Don’t play footsies with me,” you laugh. Jungkook quite likes footsies. 

Morning chores are skipped, pushed off in favor of sitting in front of the couch. You sit beside him, flush against his side, but Jungkook doesn’t mind. The projection box tells him about the weather, says something about a stock market, but other than that, it is relatively quiet. 

There is no mission to complete, no tradition to uphold. It is just Jungkook in this new and not as scary world. The mailman always visits, and Smilodon shows his face every now and then. It is a routine he adores, but not as much as the Human at his side.

He doesn’t remember taking his headpiece off until it beeps from its spot on the coffee table, three distinctive chirps that signal an incoming call from the Higher Sixamian Court.

Copyright © 2020, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.

#goldenclosetnet #bangtanhq #networkbangtan #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook smut #jjk smut #jungkook x reader #alternative ending by rumu omits the last paragraph and we all pretend to live happily #but im evil so we suffer together #jeon jungkook x reader #jeongguk smut #jeon jeongguk smut #jungkook fic #bts fic #bts smut #mine

[romanianwilkinson]

MONSTER CAMP QUOTES STARTERS

A collection of sentence starters from the game Monster Camp. Feel free to change words and pronouns as desired. CONTENT WARNING(S) FOR: Monster Prom/Monster Camp spoilers, suggestive, cursing, crude content

“ I just have it here because [NAME] insisted that I offer it, as a marketing stunt. ”

“ And lastly, super-horny-type players no longer get a charm buff against tsundere types! ”

“ War machines don’t turn me on or anything! ”

“ I don’t wanna be weird, but do you mind if I climb inside of you and play around with your main turret? ”

“ A wine to DIE for, you say? Well, darling, don’t threaten me with a good time! ”

“ This one just says ‘ hmu with that reaper dick, daddy ’. ”

“ You on your phone, as always! Probably making blogposts on your Tik Tok page. ”

“ Yeah, you really don’t want to witness a repeat of the last time [NAME]’s diehard fans went without a selfie for fifteen minutes. My tailbone still hasn’t completely healed. ”

“ Now hold still, this will only hurt for a moment --- ”

“ Yay! You found a shenanigan! ”

“ My poems all have two or three emotions in them, AT LEAST. ”

“ CRYING IS OBVIOUSLY A COMPETITION TO SEE WHO CAN SQUEEZE THE MOST WATER OUT OF THEIR EYES! ”

“ No way, really? The way to WIN at poetry is by LOSING at life? ”

“ I dunno, maybe fall in love with someone who’s married and develop an opioid addiction? ”

“ HELL YEAH, SPEEDRUN! ”

“ It’s morbid, but... kind of romantic? ”

“ GASP! Google+? Are you kidding me? The psychopaths behind that global tragedy are here?! ”

“ Prison has changed me, [NAME]. Would you like to trade me some cigarettes in exchange for my fundamental dignity? ”

“ Undermining the laws of reality, subverting life and death, that’s the kind of stuff my followers expect. But CHEATING? No way. ”

“ Though we are imprisoned in chalk jail, we are free in our hearts. But our hearts are also imprisoned in chalk jail. ”

“ Um, no, I am NOT groveling. I am posing a dignified query to [NAME] that just so happens to be performed on my hands and knees. ”

“ I didn’t know you condoned playing the friend card to get free labor, [NAME]. ”

“ Ah, but saving the world doesn’t put avocado toast on the table. We indie seancers and necromancers need to pay our rent too, you know. ”

“ And as you know, I am illustriously Internet-famous, so if you could shower me with adoration and give me the pizza that would be fabulous. ”

“ Do you wanna fuck the pizza or not? ”

“ Are you ready to go swimming? I must admit, darling, I’ve always wondered what you would look like while... wet.”

“ Did you turn this date into an orgy without consulting me? ”

“ Gosh, I love it when you insult me! Please do it more! ”

“ Now who wants to make a baby? ”

“ What if she puts a curse on me that makes me magically forget the location of the clitoris?! ”

“ Hey, don’t knock wacky decisions that endanger us all! That’s how I always manage to stay a step ahead of my nemeses! ”

“ Oh gods, I’ve killed so many monsters, just for being monsters. This is making me question my entire moral foundation. I NEED MORE THERAPY. ”

“ I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: fish give better pedicures than people! ”

“ You’re not tricking me into parenting a stupid egg. I’ve never fucked even ONE chicken! The egg is not my son! ”

“ You came to visit me at camp, Daddy! ”

“ Don’t be ridiculous, I know your brand of horny, [NAME], and this ain’t it. ”

“ I thought we both agreed to be nothing but vague and haughtily aloof about our past dalliances. ”

“ Point EAST, compass! EAAAAAAAAST! You dumb fuckboot!!!! POINT! EAST! ”

“ One time I was told a soul’s worst fear was bugs and I inadvertantly sent The Beatles. It happens to the best of us... And the worst of us. ”

“ SOMEDAY I SHALL DEFEAT YOUR FIVE STRANGE FEET! ”

“ Why do you keep suppressing your monster half? Embrace your true nature! ”

“ Wow. I didn't think this was possible, but I guess I was... wrong? About social media? Oh dear God, is this how grandparents feel?!?! Am I a GRANDPARENT?! ”

“ I don’t know! I was relying on my friends to cover up my bold and idiotic statement! ”

“ ... I ate the oars. ”

“ PSYCHE. The ocean can eat my ass. ”

“ So pucker up, [NAME]! I'm about to declare mouth war on your FACE! ”

“ YOU FOOLISHLY FOOLISH FOOL! You're showing our inexperience! YOUR HONOR, THE ENTIRE LEGAL TEAM PLEADS THE FIFTH! ”

“ That's right. I'm talking about a classic Transylvania Hot Tub, a Seth Brundle, and a REVERSE Reverse Romanian Wilkinson. ”

“ Sorry, I was in your ribcage seeing if I could use it to cut strips of crepe paper into confetti and then I got lost in your kidneys. ”

“ There's nothing sexier than a doomed romance between a dating sim player and a hot fictional character. ”

“ That's right! I secretly replaced one of you with a bear while no one was looking, to teach you a valuable lesson about the art of disguise! ”

“ Enchant my armor. I’m going into the lake. ”

“ For VIOLENCE REASONS! ” 

“ This stupid lake monster called me short the other day, but I was too low level to crush him like he deserved. ”

“ That dumb wet dinkhole won't know what hit him! But it will be me! I will hit him! ”

“ No, YOU'RE a fuckshark! Also, what does that even mean?! ”

“ You seriously didn't notice the enormous needles those interns jabbed into your veins as soon as [NAME] got here? “

“ It all makes sense! The Camp Dome is just an elaborate ploy to distract us from the giant mouth that eats campers! “

“ This is the BEST show I've ever seen in my life, which is now at an end! “

“ Am I high, or did he just tell us EXACTLY how to foil his evil scheme? “

“ What, like a few severed heads and visions of my grandpa screaming in horrendous pain are gonna freak me out? Where I'm from, you can buy that stuff at IKEA. “

“ ERROR: Due to the sixth mass extinction, the slaying of leprechauns is inadvisable. “

“ Then why do I have half-finished scarves, decoupage, pot-holders, friendship bracelets, and a taxidermied rabbit in my skeleton? “

“ The wang elemental. ”

“ I also have an uncle who works at Nintendo as a copy machine! “

“ What flavor of ice cream AM I?! Now I gotta know. HA! You know what I should be? 'Pistachio.' Because my outside is HARD, but I'm full of NUT. “

“ I mean, life is a bit like... this sandwich! No, stay with me, I'm going somewhere good with this. “

“ A survival situation without any sexy fun time isn't worth surviving in the first place. “

“ Rut the RUCK?! ”

“ The ' ambulance of the heart ' is just a regular ambulance! Ambulances treat all organs! ”

“ Yeah, that's why I made sure that my so-called ' emotional armor ' was also ' actual armor '. “

“ And being yourself is the key to living your dreams, which is the key to self actualization, which is the key to being really good at sex! “

“ So hot I'd buy that even without free shipping. 10/10, call me some time. “

“ Hi, quick question: does it count as kidnapping if I'm abducting you so you can help me do a thing you already agreed to help with? “

“ I could be wrong, but are you just upset because you DON'T have a skeleton that's inside your body? “

“ I'm gonna get SO FUCKING RELAXED MY HEAD WILL EXPLODE! “

“ Whoah, whoa, hold up. You're fucking my grandma? “

“ No, [NAME], that is a popcorn bag full of more dynamite. Put it down. “

“ I hear that at least 70% of people on Patreon aren't murderers! “

“ If you want cash, just rob banks like the rest of us! “

“ Did it work? Do you feel any less horny? ”

“ FUCK YEAH, LET'S PUNCH THAT MOUTH IN ITS MOUTH! “

“ Yes... incidentally, we are no longer allowed to enter Italy. “

“ Is anyone else turned on right now? ”

“ Yes! Yes! I know what you're feeling! I suddenly see how marrying a corpse isn't okay! “

“ JUST LET ME IMPROVE YOUR SELF ESTEEM, MORTAL! “

“ Look, choose whatever you want, but I'm not responsible for whatever you put in your mouth. ”

#rp starters #rp sentence starters #roleplay meme #roleplay starters #rp meme #ask meme #rp ask meme #monster prom #monster camp #monster prom rp #monster prom roleplay #monster camp rp #monster camp roleplay #mine

[idhrenniel]

BLINDED BY THE GLOW.

➴ Summary: feelings last, even when the hollywood sign blinds you.

➴ Pairing: JP Cappelletty (Rook) / fem!reader (3rd POV).

➴ Warnings: Angst, 18+: sex.

➴ Wordcount: 1.8K

➴ Tagged: Homie as usual @angelaiswriting​

➴ Author Note: Hi! I’ve opened up a Ko-Fi page. If you like my content and would like to support me, you will find the link to it in my bio. You can also search my name (renmartell) up on the Ko-Fi page. Thank you!

(Y/N) doesn’t know where she is. In some loud club in downtown LA that is giving her a headache. She can see Joan somewhere in the crowd, dancing with strangers… Martha is long gone. She sits in the bar and waits for the night to be over so she can return to the hotel and sleep what’s left of the trip.

It’s not that she’s ungrateful, she’s just… tired. When Joan told her she had planned a weekend in LA before the wedding, (Y/N) had thought it meant sunbathing and shopping at rich people’s stores, not a tour through all of the clubs this shithole of a town has to offer. It’s been a long time since (Y/N) gave up this kind of life for a more tranquil, domestic one, and not once has she regretted her decision. Not as much as Joan has in her behalf, at least.

A weekend isn’t much: that’s what she tells herself as she turns around to order a drink. She can do it. If she lets go a little bit, she might even like it. What’s the worst that can happen, right?

“(Y/N)?” An old, forgotten voice calls from behind her.

Oh, the voice in her mind exclaims right before it starts to panic. (Y/N) freezes on her spot, drink on mid-air as she blinks in confusion. “What’s the worst that can happen?” she repeats, mocking herself and cursing whatever is up there that has chosen her to be tonight’s Sims game.

“(Y/N)!” He calls again, closer to her ear this time. Close enough that she can smells him.

She turns around, feigning confusion. As if she has not recognised his voice… which, after so long she shouldn’t have (but that’s not something she’s going to think about tonight). She gives it a couple of seconds, one good look at him and then…

… the act begins. “JP? JP Cappelletty?” She exclaims, laughing as she tries to ignore how the side of his mouth curves downwards for a split of second at her words. Not what he had expected, for sure, but all she has to offer after so many years and a lot more than what he deserves.

He’s quick to recover, laughing and opening his arms. “That’s me!” He engulfs her.

She wants to die. She wants her life to end in this exact moment. Because then, she won’t have to let go of him again.

As he pulls back she finds herself missing the contact. She almost grabs him to pull him back against her… but when she lifts her hand the ring glows under the club’s lights and he is quick to catch on it.

JP smiles through a tornado of emotions. “Congratulations.” All happiness is gone from his voice. She nods, lowering her hand and accommodating it in her back pocket.

“Thanks.”

There’s nothing that can make this conversation return to normal (or as normal as it was), but sure as hell he’s going to put through the discomfort and keep it going. “Who is he? Do I know him?”

“No. How could you?”

Her words were innocent… right? Yes! No… she isn’t sure. It’s the truth: she met him in college and the last time she and JP saw each other was in high school. So, how did the truth sound so mean?

JP sighs, dropping his facade and sitting in the stool next to hers. “Ouch…” he laughs. “I guess I did deserve that one, huh?” She nods again. “I waited for a call… it never came.”

“Oh, was I the one supposed to call? I thought being the one still in school and with a decent schedule I was supposed to wait until the rockstar was free to be worth of some words. My bad, I guess.”

(Y/N) shrugs her shoulders and takes a sip from the now watered-down drink she forgot she had. If he is going to drop his facade and talk the real talk she’s going to do the same, and he ain’t gonna like it.

Not one bit. “And since we’re at it. I did call, but I never got a response. I even went to a concert back in Cleveland.”

He frowns, his pose becomes more rigid and he grabs the stool until his knuckles turn white. “What?”

“Yes,” she turns her head back to the crowd, looking for Joan to get her out of here. “Saw a couple of girls headed towards the bus and one of them threw herself at you. You said: “I’ve been waiting for you baby.” And got into the bus with her.”

(Y/N) lets the drink in the bar, sighing. She has turned herself towards him and is now looking right into his eyes. She had forgotten how pretty they were (and she curses herself for thinking so and for the way her cheeks redden at the sight). She rises a brow, waiting for a response. Coming from him, it wouldn’t be a surprise if she never got one.

JP swallows, looking regretful. He tries to speak a couple of times, but when nothing comes out he gives up and orders two new drinks. “I was young and stupid.” It’s his excuse.

Young and stupid doesn’t mean heartless or cruel, no matter what people might think. He was old enough to go around touring with a famous rapper… he was old enough to cut things and not let her hanging from a string of hope like an idiot.

“I was seventeen and pregnant, Johnny.” And you left me alone throughout the process, she wants to add, biting her tongue to avoid doing so. No point in remembering a painful past when she has a future waiting for her at home. Right?

“We decided on not having it.”

“We also decided on not leaving me alone at the abortion clinic.”

Their drinks arrive. JP empties his in less than a second. (Y/N) takes her a small sip of hers and puts it down, not losing sight of it. You never know… people aren’t good. She has to be cautious.

With each passing second, JP becomes more and more nervous.

Whatever he’s holding inside him is asking─no, begging─to be let out. It also looks as if he wants to throw up (which she can’t blame him for, giving how much and how fast he’s drinking).

(Y/N) tries to change the conversation to a lighter one. It doesn’t work. He keeps going back to their past and his mistakes and her fiance. She’s not sure she wants to know what’s going on in his mind.

At last, he rubs his face and then faces her. “I fucked up. But not a second has gone by that I haven’t thought about you and the life we could have together. And believe it or not, I still want that (Y/N).”

In all seriousness, this is the most serious she’s ever seen him. Even when he drums he likes to fuck around and not give it importance… but now, now the truth is out there and he’s laid his cards.

Hers? You want the truth? Well, here it goes: the truth is that she wants to beat him up as much as she wants him to take her to the bathroom and fuck her until she forgets her own name.

He’s a lot stronger than she is… so she scratches the first option and grabs his hand, leading him away from the bar and into the back of the club. She opens the door to the bathroom, making sure no one is in there, then closes it and pushes him against the door.

His lips feel familiar and their bodies move in flow. As if nothing had changed. Just the two of them rushing to become one. JP turns them around so that now she’s the one against the door. He unclasps his belt and then presses himself against her. Her dress going up by the second.

“Wait─I don’t have a condom with me.”

“You clean?” He nods. “Me too. Now shut up.”

He doesn’t need to be told twice.

(Y/N)’s hands find the hem of his trousers and the pushes them down alongside his boxers. His, at the same time, are pushing her dress up to her waist and discarding her panties somewhere in the floor. Not that she’s going to need them (or retrieve them, to be honest. Her dress is long enough to cover). JP grabs her waist with one hand while the other grabs her face and he forces her to look at him as he enters her. (Y/N) tries to bite down her moans but it’s impossible, as her walls stretch to accommodate him, she pleas and curses and wraps her legs around his waist so he can reach deeper inside her. She can’t feel but pleasure, the guilt that tried to make her reason is now gone, not even buried, just gone. Right now it’s him and how he’s moving to pleasure her. How he feels as if he belongs where he is. She moves her hips in sync, kissing his lips as he murmurs words she can’t or wants to understand. Faster, harder, deeper, the sounds emanating from her throat echo in the bad-lighted bathroom. Johnny lets himself grunt, sometimes a moan escapes his lips as well and she clenches at the sweet sound. He trembles, her legs lose strength. It’s not long until he finishes inside her, making her back arch as she herself lets go and feels the wave of pleasure take over her, cumming all over his cock.

He remains inside her for a couple more minutes, until he softens and she’s able to maintain herself on place without falling. His semen now runs down her legs, but she makes no deal out of it.

(Y/N) lowers her dress and brushes her fingers through her hair. She tries to fix her makeup to no avail and then turns around to face Johnny. He’s got his trousers up now and is ready to leave. She had expected him to be gone… but he is waiting for her.

“I’m getting married next Friday.” She walks up to him and gives him a kiss. There’s something in her that’s begging her to not let go. She doesn’t listen to it. “It was nice seeing you. Goodbye, JP.”

As she leaves the bathroom, she notices a pain in her stomach that she can’t ignore. She walks, walks and keeps walking. She doesn’t even stop to tell Joan. If she stops, if she looks back, there’s no way in hell she’s leaving without Johnny. No matter the tears that fall, the weird looks, or the way she can’t hold back her cries, she can’t look back…

… or can she?

#idhrenniel: my writing #jp cappelletty #jp cappelletty x you #jp cappelletty x reader #jp cappelletty imagine #jp cappelletty one shot #jp cappelletty fanfic #rook #rook x you #rook x reader #rook imagine #rook one shot #rook fanfic #mgk #machine gun kelly #estxx #hotel diablo #tickets to my downfall #lace up #binge #gts #bloom

[morgynemberisagenderfluiddaddy]

All of them *^*

Heya Ash!! Oof you're giving me a project lol thank you so much for the ask!!!

1. How big is your mods folder?

That is a really great question. I couldn't tell you off the top of my head, but it got to the point where I had to put all my mods on a thumb drive and only move them around as I need them because I'm computer was running so terribly. So I'd say it's a lot 😅.

2. How would you describe your style?

Uh, I would say very graphic novel type vibes. I'm a huge graphic novel buff and the story I'm actually working on I intended to be a graphic novel, but it really got away from me and is much too big for that now (not a brag, just my legitimate crack head antics) so when I got into Sims editing the thought was always to kind of keep the drawn/comicbook-y feel to it.

3. What is your favorite challenge?

Thus far it's been the stereotype challenge ! It was a lot of fun and I got to do it with four of my OCs who ended up fitting the criteria pretty well! I just think it came out really well both as an edit and as my OCs.

4. Do you make CC?

Aahahaahahahhaahahaah!!!!!! No. I tried to make poses one time! One singular time and it ended so poorly that I decided to swear off making anymore off my own CC for the distant future. Maybe I'll try it again, maybe I'm scarred for life, only time can tell!

5. What type of CC do you hoard?

I had answered this one before, but I FUCKING LOVE POSES!!!! And like I said I didn't have the best experience making my own so I prefer to use downloaded ones. But I never really clean out my poses in case I need them for something else! So my pose folder is astronomical at this point.

6. What default eyes and skin do you use?

You know.... This really is a question I should have the answer to but I'm totally drawing a blank right now so I'll go ahead and put a link to the eyes here and the skin here when I can look it up! ✌

7. How many URLs have you had, and what are the meanings behind them?

On this blog I've only had the one? And I feel like it's pretty self explanatory, I love Morgyn because 1.) They're the absolute best 2.) Untamed magic? Yes ma'am! 3.) They're gender fluid / nonbinary like me!! And 4.) They're an absolute snack!!!! So it was a perfect fit for me.

8. Who is your favorite gameplay blog?

Why would you do me like this??????? I can't choose!!! I love them all and I'm friends with all of them because they're absolutely amazing people that I love so much!!! I don't have a favorite! 🥺

9. Favorite story telling blog?

Please see above answer!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS ALL SO MUCH I AHDHAHSGA I CANT!!!!

10. Who is your favorite CC creator?

I don't really want to answer this one either 😭 but I think the only person I know that makes CC is the awesome @barbieaiden they made a really kick ass emo glove CC that I absolutely love and you should check out. (Sorry if the rest of you make CC I'm sure I've probably seen it, probably even downloaded and reblogged, but this is all I can think if right now 💜) Also my go to for all pose stuff is the glorious @katverse they do incredible poses for pretty much anything you could think up, highly recommend.

11. How do you edit you photos?

This is certainly going to get a few gasps, but I make all of my edits on my phone!!!!! I use just a basic free photo editor app and kind of bend it to my will to get what I want out of it! I'm really bad at figuring out stuff like Photoshop and I'm not willing to pay the expensive price when I can do it and get just as good as a result as I want from something free easy and portable.

12. What's the last screenshot you took?

Once again it has to do with an edit I'm working on so here's the last one I put up if you're interested.

13. What do you do when you are unmotivated?

Honestly, this! Editing and the Sims are my escape from the real world. It helps me when I'm having a hard time with my anxiety because it gives me control over something, it helps me a lot with writer's block I can't tell you how my stories have been inspired because of it. But I guess if I'm bored in the game I usually just start a new save or play another game for a bit, I always come back after like a day though! To be fair I haven't been doing this long enough to feel unmotivated yet, maybe we should revisit this when I've been doing this longer than two months 😅

14. Who is your current favorite Sim?

Ugh!!! As you guys have found out about me I don't like to play favorites......... But if I had to say maybe my OC Parker's Sim, he just came out perfectly and is just spot on.

15. Who is your current favorite Sims that isn't yours?

Guidry!!!! He's frickin' hilarious and just so great. I honestly didn't expect them to put as much into him as they did but I'm glad they did!!! He's the best!! He's no Morgyn, but he's pretty great too.

16. Recreate someone else's Sim in your style.

So this sounds like a lot of fun! But I really don't want to change anyone else's Sim, I know how much we all put into them and they're basically like our babies. They mean a lot, so unless I get explicit consent from someone saying I can use their Sim in my style I'm going to pass out of respect this time.

17. Do you talk about the Sims with people in your life?

Yes! One of my really close friends is the whole reason I'm into editing and mods and stuff! She showed me everything I know and is totally awesome for that. (@jennifermakesstuff on Instagram, go check out she's absolutely amazing and a crocheting god, go do it)

18. How many packs do you own?

.......... I don't want to answer this..... It's honestly a problem..... But I have them all.... Minus the star wars one I just I cannot bring myself to get it, it just looks terrible. But yeah I collect the packs and it's a problem 😅 but if you need advice on what pack to get next I'm your person!

19. How many posts do you have on your blog currently?

141 👀 I uh.... I have nothing else to say about that lol

20. How many drafts do you have currently?

Too many. But they're all like ask games and stuff for my OCs so yup!

21. How many posts are currently in your queue?

Only two 🙃 I need to get back to editing so I can hopefully have some more but I'm sick right now so... Maybe it's time for me to start that gameplay I've been threatening.

22. Have you ever moved blogs?

Okay yes, but not intentionally but I've moved three times? I had a blog for when I first started on tumblr it was for music stuff but I forgot to pass code to it so now it's just there, the other one I had was for my art & make up stuff but it wasn't doing good at all so I just turned it into my personal blog, and then from there I moved to this one! Also I'm avoiding my personal one like the plague right now because of a whole disaster that happened with someone I followed and I don't have the balls to unfollow them so I'm just pretending that account doesn't exist 😅.

23. Are you in any Sims related discords?

Yep! This one right here by the very amazing @clumsyghostie I'm really new to discord so it's the only one I've been apart of (EVER) but everyone has been really nice and friendly!!

24. What are your thoughts on the most recent pack? (Paranormal)

I like it! It added more to the gameplay than past packs have, but I always felt it left something to be desired in the way of CAS and build mode. Spoilers starting here if you care: Also it would've been cool if you could have had more interactions with Temperance like you can with Guidry, and if the specters did more that would be cool too. Either way I think it's good, I wouldn't say it's groundbreaking for the game experience, but it is fun.

25. How many hours have you played the Sims?

Let's find out 3,215 hours 😅 that's board line a problem hahaha if my math is right (it probably isn't because I'm gay and bad at math) that's a hundred and thirty three days straight? Jesus I might need help lol.

26. If you play gameplay, do you play with mods?

I used to! But I play on a regular laptop so it can't really run gameplay mods unfortunately so unless I'm doing edits my game is vanilla.

27. What's the furthest you've gotten on a challenge?

So I'm really bad at challenges! My favorite lately has been rags to riches it's a lot of fun but I always get bored after they get married and pregnant :/ I never know what to do after that because like the challenge is over but I'm so invested in these Sims 😅

Thank you again for the asks! This was a lot of fun 💖 I know I answered all the questions just now but feel free to send me an ask for whatever you want! I love interacting with you all, you're all so amazing 💖💖💖

#get to know the simblr #get to know me #izzy answers things #izzy speaks but i really shouldnt #lilypixels #love ya ash!!! #ask game #ask #send me an ask if you want

[tripstaysnoided]

Flow Just Like Water

Story and writing-related transparency update and my many shames...

The Question on Everyone’s Mind

“Hey you haven’t updated No Stars over Uptown in almost a year...”

Hmm, I hate it when you’re right. (This section has been rewritten ad-nauseam to curb back the bitchiness by the way)

So back in early/mid 2018, the idea was to divorce Uptown from a person who influenced it (and myself) heavily. She was my most important audience member, the closest friend I ever had, and unfortunately someone who used her power to bully, ostracize, and hurt others with my help. I cut contact when the hurt + some self-awareness finally reached me. Apologies were made and I feel like my work will never be done with it, but there was still Uptown.

Between censored comments, entirely recasting Axel’s save, different plot threads, and a load of disclaimers, there was nothing that would scrub her influence from the story. There was no way to cleanly drop everything because of how deep her influence went. It disgusted me to look back at it, and I had to private the blog because I feared what it endorsed, even if just in the past.

I pulled back from that sims writing community. I had its main thread on the Official Forums removed too (I guess if that was a mystery to anyone). It was a surrender that I never wanted to do, but I had it in my mind that if I was gone, then she wouldn’t be there either. Uptown became this cursed item, and as I quietly retired it, I noticed that she went quieter too. Not gone, but enough to make me sleep easier at night and even occasionally say hello to old friends.

And I hope deep in my heart that no one else is getting hurt in my place, but now this is gonna haunt me all day huh!

The two paths forward...

1) Complete Uptown rewrite that I’ve been threatening everyone with all year. While it won’t ever be clean because I can’t undo time, I do have a sound outline for a story that is much more true to my actual vision and how I’ve evolved, with a few necessary boundaries in place that are going to be there for all stories moving forward: no more casting calls and no more collaborative efforts. I am not going to open myself up to this happening again, even if the people have changed.

2) Same as above, but I continue the original Uptown as a favor to loyal readers alongside the rewrite. I would try to put the effort into it that I initially did, but with no promises on an update schedule and no advertising. I did ask myself “is there Patreon but without pledging money, just the private posts function” but it could operate as part of a private forum, a members-only part of a website, etc.

Also readers of the original would be beholden to a rule of “don’t spoil the rewrite for new readers, c’mon guys”. I mean, not really, but it is a good courtesy to extend to people.

Priority on this isn’t high but you at least will see what is!

I will probably make the blog public again either way due to the many broken links on my Tumblr but we’ll see. There are other things to deal with as I shall list!

Where Life’s Been Regardless

Been spending more time with my grandpa every weekend. Life’s pretty good and he’s warming up to my dogs.

Shiny New Webbed Site

Cucumber Fields Forever is a site I own now. We have a full domain, cucumberfieldsforever.com, a blog with one post, and the framework needed to host stories the way I want to and still through WordPress. The functionality of likes, comments, and following should still be the same but you know...I’ll take feedback too...

The main blog still has an undefined purpose though I do have drafts sitting around about:

The maybe/maybe not hoax band that was on the Metal Archives and the history of Funeral Doom Metal.

The curious case of when Sims 4 babies get their genetics and my only collaboration (read: was talking about it with a friend and might quote her if needed, it’s actually a bit of a doozy)

Amazon.com’s fake dried udon noodles, an actual issue by the way.

Things I’m reading! (This’d be a monthly feature if so)

For the sake of unity, I am thinking of solutions for hosting old and shameful content there including Uptown and for the real fans in my followers feed, Eight Cicadas...a world I totally have plans for too (not really). I don’t want them to be front-and-center, and that’s why I mentioned forums/members-only content. I finally have that power! Maybe.

Ooooh but what are the costs? Not too much to handle, that’s what. 😉 (Like really, I don’t need any hand-wringing about this, I can manage my finances)

Project Queue (In Order of Confirmedness)

Outrun the Scythe: have you seen me post out-of-context Sims 3 pictures? Did you want more? Did you hope it was Linda in Custody? If the answers are yes, yes, and “meh, whatever you want”, then you’re in luck.

Outrun the Scythe is a Sims 3-based tale of a young gay man and his zombie grandma, as they are both offered separate roles of being the undying intermediaries between the world of humans and the influence of a race of space daemons. It’s pretty familiar if you’ve been following me pre-Uptown, taking some cues from stories I’ve kept under lock and key like Eight Cicadas, The Chains of Lyra, and the not-so-locked-up Ironstar Immortals (of which Outrun is just the direct sequel to sans any retconning...ah the smell of early 2013 and performative heterosexuality)

Ah, back to my roots.

It’s a hybrid of gameplay, story, and lore about my little race of daemons with a lot of my own idiosyncrasies that I’m not really ashamed of: basing it off a super-polarizing Sims 3 challenge from a site I moderate, using a lot of EA’s pre-made townies and their genes, lots of unnecessary posemaking, stupid references. It’s a comfort to have in my roster.

While the first few chapters are in the middle of revision, I have around six in the queue and will be making this public when I have ten. I’m guessing December then?

Undocumented Black Widow Challenge: I just did this for fun/forum kudos (yes, in fact I have joined many forums), there was going to be a short story but it was quickly becoming something against my code of ethics. I mean, sims die and all. (read: I had to choose between “heterosexual widow” and “widow with some same-sex marriages that still end in tragedy, reinforcing negative stereotypes to the public for the sake of me not getting bored and detached during gameplay” so there were no good choices. Except for her affair with the mailwoman, 10/10) I hope to finish this before October ends and get my medal on Boolprop, I’m pretty far through it all. I might upload the sims involved anyways. This is for TS4.

I mentioned it because it’s keeping me busy. But not for long!

NaNoWriMo 2020: Dipping my toes into that again! It’s not sims-related, just a tale of lesbians, nosy neighbors, a haunted beach house, and some light murder and kidnapping. And I actually got my brother to scout out locations for me this weekend. If there’s any demand, I can share chapters as the rough drafts are finished, especially for the sake of proofreading.

Not saying I’m publishable, but wouldn’t it be nice? Will keep me occupied for much of November.

Untitled “Dear Diary” Challenge: Tired of feeling left out of the fun on the Boolprop forums, their “Dear Diary” challenge was the one that appealed to me the most on first glance. Why? Probably once I found an idea that let it be set in the early/mid-2000′s to begin with and explore some interesting characters through diary entries (which I have mixed feelings on as a literary device but I think that’s just me saying “well I didn’t like Dracula”, yes you get bonus points for writing it like a diary)

Also writing is the one skill I’m good at across multiple games. Wanna hear me bitch about the cooking skill tree in TS4 or riding in TS3? I’ll spare you.

I guess I could have included “spending time on Boolprop with old and new friends” in where my life has been. It’s a nice lil community if also a place with its own idiosyncrasies as well. So it doesn’t feel like I’m promoting another community if/when I make a thread there for Outrun the Scythe, I want to have a couple chapters of this ready to go by Outrun’s release, though it’s not gonna be the highest priority compared to it nor as long because I think I can blast through the gameplay quickly.

This one will be played in TS4 due to it having the easiest writing skill/I dunno variety is the spice of life. And hopefully another December release.

Defunded or Forgotten?: Oh shit I actually released stuff in 2020 and told no one? I do have a “mortifying ordeal of being known” sinking feeling whenever I get a site hit because it’s not my best work (but good enough) and veered sharply into issues I may be over my head in, though I try to be a good noodle with research and listening. Maybe hiding is bad after all.

Being based off a very flawed and incomplete Sims 3 challenge I found in the annals of the Official Forums, there’s a lot of behind-the-scenes work just making sense of things. And I’m scared of working on reconstructing the house but I haven’t abandoned the project yet. The story has eight chapters so far and is pretty game-based with some additions here and there. Scared of how long it could be though!

Date for this unknown.

Untitled Sunlit Tides Decadynasty: another year-long abandoned TS3 project with a much stupider reason why. Last update was about Hua getting ready for her wedding, and I wanted to do some poses for a bait-and-switch wedding chapter because to put it mildly, her real one was an absolute disaster.

Blender decided to fuck up its interface again, I got discouraged (this probably does account for some of the Uptown delays too), and when I decided to plow forward, it was for other projects instead.

Meanwhile I played all the way to Gen 5′s teenhood and the only thing stopping me is time (it takes almost 30 minutes to load the file right now, though they’ll be looking at moving towns in a couple gens) and maybe fear of the Logic skill.

Date for this also unknown but it’s easy to pump out updates once I’m in the groove for it. My third heir had a difficult life so maybe I’m just trying to bury it.

Also I just noticed the view count there was really good and probably because I linked it here on Tumblr last year. Thank you so much guys. I can’t really fret over views on Carl’s forum these days thanks to the years-long death spiral pretty much every forum anywhere has been riding on. But it’s a nice surprise. And it’s an alright little challenge recap to read during your lunch break or whatever.

The Wawas

I figured I’d end on the real news everyone wants! Both the chihuahuas are a year and a half now and reached their adult size around a year ago. For the most part, they are happy and healthy dogs.

#state of the uwunion #long post

[windermeresimblr]

The Scotsman and The Mystery of El Bosque Del Fauno: Chapter Seven

Alasdair’s tour was abruptly cut short at that remark; he was instead hustled into what looked remarkably like a prison cell. It had a fine soft bed, of course, and a strange contraption he was able to determine to be a water closet, and even a sink that did not need a washbasin to fill, and overhead lights that didn’t involve candles or gas. Nevertheless, it was a prison cell. There was a strange door at the front of it, with glowing beams that smelled of ozone; he did not wish to speculate on what would happen if he inadvertently crossed it. (It bothered him only slightly that the door was perfectly transparent to everyone; then again, the Army had not been over-eager to allow privacy while washing or answering the call of nature.)

And there he spent the majority of his day. Three times a day the door opened, allowing a mechanical being to bring him a tray of food. He was allowed out once, in the morning, to wash himself at a line of overhead taps, but they were not overly insistent on his doing so. (He went, of course; he was not a man who preferred to smell like a pigsty when he had a choice not to, and at least he got to see something that wasn’t his room.) 

The remainder of his time he spent waiting. He watched the others across from him, as much as was proper--there was a lass across from him, with auburn hair and a sad face; to her left, there was a tall and dark-skinned man with thick black hair and the most startling blue eyes; and to her right, there was another dark-skinned man who sat on the foot of his bed as if it were a throne, his mustachioed face looking out impassively at the strange world they lived in. He had neighbors next to him, as well, although he could not see them often except for his morning trips to bathe, and therefore he was unfamiliar with them.

When he tired of watching his neighbors, or propriety demanded he stop,  he would watch the light from his door flicker on his ceiling, trying to think about anything but what had happened to him. How many cousins he had who were named either Fergus or Jean, for example. Every Scottish king in order of how old they were when they ascended the throne. How he’d navigate from John O’Groats to Tierra del Fuego without putting in at any English port of call. How many pearls his mother had in her favorite necklace, even. But even with mental diversions such as these, he found the days blending into each other.

The lass across from him--who had developed a distressing habit of being ill in the mornings--was the first to vanish. One morning, she was met by two mechanicals and removed from the cell. Alasdair first thought that perhaps they had taken her to see a doctor. (Although he had a suspicion that she would need a midwife instead.) But minutes ticked into hours, and she never returned. Both of the men who had cells next to hers looked confusedly at him; he shrugged his shoulders back at them. 

“What happened to the woman who was across from me?” he asked the mechanical who brought him his dinner that night. “Is she well?”

The mechanical blinked its one eye at him, and said nothing. He sighed. “A lot of help you are, you heap of scrap.”

The next morning, another person was in the room--a different woman, with long dark hair that she seemed to endlessly braid and comb. His next-door neighbor was removed next, and it was only then that Alasdair had a very good look at her--an elderly woman who carried herself like a queen, her silvering hair and spotted skin only making her look more regal. She looked straight ahead as she was marched away. Alasdair wondered where she was going, where the lass from yesterday had gone--perhaps they were marching off to their deaths. While the mood in the cells had always been somber, it was now almost funereal; even the blue-eyed man, who always waved whenever Alasdair passed him to go to the baths, was sitting forlornly on the bed, barely looking up at anyone or anything. 

Then the man with the mustaches left; he squared his shoulders and puffed his chest out as he too was escorted to parts unknown, and Alasdair had a sudden image of the man he must have been. Perhaps some raja or sultan, fierce and brooding, surely someone you didn’t wish to cross swords with. He had nodded at Alasdair as he left, as if to say “we’ll see each other again.” (Or perhaps he had nodded to say “give them Hell,” and Alasdair decided that this was somehow reassuring. At least one of them did not wish to go meekly to their imagined doom. Not that he blamed the lass or the elderly woman for not doing so. But he’d disgraced himself in the faun’s grove; damned if he’d do the same again.)

The next day, they came for him. He was not even a foot out of his cell before he gave the mechanical on his right a head-butt that would have put a pub brawler to shame, and the one on his left a fierce elbow in what would have been a stomach if it were human. The new lass in the middle threw down her hair-comb with shock; the blue-eyed man cheered. Of course, the mechanicals did not feel the same effects as a human would have, and his sense of victory was short-lived. For his trouble, Alasdair was stuck with something sharp in the crook of his elbow, and the world swam before him.

Credits

Chof-Pixel’s kneeling pose.

@danjaley‘s excellent poses, as usual! 

@gaiahypothesims‘ Werewolf poses (although leaning up against the lasers like that is probably a bad idea.)

@ice-creamforbreakfast‘s Bhavan Singh. (He’s my second-favorite downloadable Sim of yours after Lady Marg! And my third-favorite Sim of yours ever after Cabbagepatch.)

Jowita’s Security/bouncer poses 

Memesplayssims’ Adult Portrait Poses

@peacemaker-ic‘s Waking Nightmare poses 

This recreation of Cheddar Man, who I could not help but rescue from the fate he suffered in reality. I didn’t try to save him from his facial hair, though. It kind of suits him?

#sim: Alasdair McCarrick #sims 3 story #sims story #sims 3 time travel #sims time travel #sims series the scotsman

[simlit]

On Sunlit Tides: Reflections

So, I stole this idea from notjustabooksims to do a reflections post when I saw her gen 2 wrap-up post a few months back. This won’t be nearly as in-depth, but I just wanted to write up a lil something, and also talk about my plans for after OST. 

This has been, without a doubt, the best and most rewarding experience I’ve had writing a sim story thus far. I’ve had others, and completed (2?) of them, but in the past I’ve found my experience being constantly marred by bad interactions, or feeling pressured to move the stories or characters in directions which I hadn’t planned. OST was the first story that I stayed genuine with through to the end, and had nothing but positive responses from all of you, and I’m incredibly grateful for it. What started as a silly foray into exploring the Island Living EP turned into a 7-month long adventure, and I had so much fun with this story at every point. Even when I took breaks or went off and did other things in the midst of it all, I still kept wanting to come back to it. Now that’s it’s completed, I get so nostalgic over the earlier chapters and just what it was like to be in those moments. I loved building all of the sets for this story, and I feel like I’ve learned a lot from this in terms of workflow that I can hopefully apply to new stories moving forward. 

Just for the fun of it, a few statistics from the story for my own records (approximate): 

Total Screenshots Used: 1231 Total Posts: 201 Total Story-Specific Poses Made: 527 - 600  Total Time Spent: 6 months 23 days 

I’m very sad to be retiring the OST world and characters, but I’ll still likely feature the sims sparingly on my main blog. I am, however, happy to be moving on. As much love as I have for this story, the amount of time I’ve dedicated to the project has been absolutely monumental. It consumed large portions of my days and overall mental space and I’m just really looking forward to a break. Which leads me to what happens now that the story is done? Will I be doing more stories? Will this blog go dark? 

Well, for now, and for a while, my plan has been to take a good, long hiatus from simblr. Likely I will be pretty quiet here on Simlit for the time being. I have a few meme things and ask tags to catch up on, but once I finish with those I will be jumping back over to my main for further posting. I don’t plan on doing much in the way of sims content for right now. I just want to relax, play my game at leisure, and that likely means I’ll just being doing interiors or sim pics sparsely when I feel the desire. I think I’ll take a couple months before I commit to something this heavy again. In the meantime, I plan on catching up on all of your stories and posts that I’ve let fall to the wayside while I hyper focused on my own project. Hopefully I can be generally more interactive now that my time is freed up. 

I’m also planning on doing massive pose dumps; I have tons of stuff in my story folder that I need to get organized and edit up a little bit, and I can post it over on my pose library for those of you who are on the list. Anyone reading this who is a mutual, interactive reader, and is interested in my sims 4 poses (and who are not already on the list obviously), please send me a private message. I’ll probably post some previews and things for you guys to yay or nay, because I’m not sure what all is worth putting up for download and what isn’t. But that’s neither here nor there. 

As of right now, I don’t have any plans or desire to continue the OST storyline. I do have a sequel outlined in the event I ever change my mind, and I set up the ending to allow for me to weave it in if I so choose, but that’s for Future Jade to parse out. Current Jade needs to sleep for 86 years and my interest as far as what story I’ll be posting next (because yes! there will be one!), will be an entirely new project. Having this secondary blog has allowed me a lot more freedom to do and post what I want without feeling boxed in, so I think I will definitely do another story once I’m good and rested. I’ve already started outlining and doing a bit of writing on it, but I will try to pace myself with it, because I just won’t have as much time to dedicate to the game overall this year. But! What I can say is that it’s going to be high fantasy and here be dragons.

My final note to close out all this babbling (sorry for the enormous post!) but I just want to absolutely thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for reading and following me over these months. I’ve met so many new people through writing this story, gained new amazing friends, and grown closer with old friends. This has been a wonderful experience reading your reactions and replies. Just seeing everyone getting so involved and invested in my crazy characters could make me cry. I feel absolutely blessed to have you lovely people as readers. You are all honestly the best of simblr, and that’s a fact. I’ve never been the type of person to want a lot of notes or followers. I prefer to have a small group of close friends, and I feel like I’ve finally found that here on this platform and it is a liberating feeling. I wouldn’t have had as much fun or as much dedication to finishing this project if it wasn’t for all of your support, and I just hope you can understand even a little bit of my gratitude. So thank you for reading, for putting up with me, for all your wonderful comments and interaction, and I hope to see you the next time around ♥

So much love, Jade 

#jade babbles #wall of text #saviorhide #nonsims

[sailormurkury]

History3: MODC review I guess?

Word Count: around 2,080

Warning: Potential Spoiler for POSE Season 2. I’m not sure if it’s been streaming globally yet, but I mention the death of a character.

I fell in love with the BL drama HIStory this past August. It was after coming across a video on twitter of two men embracing, kissing and both breaking down in tears on the floor of a lavish, minimalistic, bedroom. After a bit of digging in the replies, I learned the name of the show, History3: Trapped. One google later, I’m on VIKI and I find the entire first half-season which had just wrapped up two months prior. The rest of that month was spent binging it and the first 2 seasons (and The Untamed). This week the second half of the beloved drama’s third season which has been hailed the best BL drama of 2019, possibly all-time, ended with a thud on the 18th. Prior to this week it had a solid score of 9.5 on MyDramaLive where it now sits at 8.5. (Rating seems to be falling slightly every 2-3 days, now sits at 8.4.) This season’s love story focused on the story between Yu Xi Gu, an orphan, loner, and presumptive valedictorian of Zenren High and Xiang Hao Ting, the carefree Mr. popular of the school. The show also follows a side couple, HaoTing’s best friend Sun Bo Xiang and Xi Gu’s boss, Lu Zhi Gang. This season focused on the blossoming of these two couples’ relationships in such a way that most of us thought “Oh wow they’re going for full on happy go lucky in love” and while they met challenges like HaoTing’s homophobic parents and entrance exams they managed to fight for each other with their relationship getting stronger every time. That was until this week’s finale when we were served with a plate of Deadly Distant Finale with a side of Bury Your Gays and a glass Gay for You.

I initially thought that I was okay with the finale in a similar way to how I was with the finale of HIStory3: Trapped. That was bittersweet yet common sense. Shao Fei was a cop, Tang Yi a mob boss who shot an officer, he “had” to go to jail. Yet the more I thought about it I felt grieved, insulted rather by MODCs finale. So, like everyone else is doing on social media, I’m going to nitpick the hell out of it as part of my “healing process.” Also, while all of us are upset, unfortunately as in the summer, some fans are attacking the cast and crew. In the words of the master heart crusher, Shonda Rhimes, “Don’t tweet them your crazy,” or...whatever the weibo equivalent is. So, before the nitpicking, a caveat. My beef is with the lazy writing of episode 10, this entire cast was outstanding from Wayne and ChuanChih to the ZENREN homies to The Xiang Family just outstanding. Possibly the best History ensemble since H2:Crossing The Line. Thankfully, this season was not written the same writer of H3: Trapped that would have been way too much for me. (Although, word in the fandom is that MODCs screenwriter wasn’t fond of Trapped’s screenwriter, or rather her treatment for the finale? Alexa, Play Ironic by Alanis Morrisette.) Also in this review, I’m going to be using the VIKI episode count when referring to episodes so just 1-9. *wink*

 On to the picking apart, if you watched all of episode 9 last week, you probably had the same horrified realization as I that our first intimate moment in episode 2 where HT saves XG from getting run over by a moped was foreshadowing for the finale. I don’t want to dissuade anyone from watching the series again, I will, but with the ending we got? It’s going to be difficult to revisit that scene again without resentment. It’s bad enough that XiGu, the main character up to this point, dies off screen in a way that nearly renders him worthless. Especially in the way that this story said “meet this soft, pitiful, malnourished and overworked boy; fall in love with him as he allows himself to fall in love and watch as that love makes him bloom.” I haven’t been this upset over a needless character death since, well, I can’t even say that I have made peace with Candy’s death in season 2 of POSE and that was 5 months ago.

 I don’t know why the writer chose this ending that says “fighting tooth and nail for love is meaningless, yet the memories make it worthwhile?” I’m being petty, we know for HaoTing this love was not meaningless, XiGu’s death is not meaningless. If XiGu’s death was meaningless he wouldn’t have thrown himself into his undergrad studies and gotten into Stanford grad to continue XiGu’s dre…hold the hell on. Wait a damn minute, isn’t that…the dead love interest trope? So, in the POV of this finale, XiGu’s existence was to get HaoTing to mature and become a physicist? Remember, high school HaoTing didn’t really have a dream outside of being with XG 24/7. He became a better student and chose to become a Physics major solely to be with XG. During the show, this particular plot point had some fans noting, while sweet in theory, pinning your hopes and dreams on teenage love can be costly in real life.  

  Six years on, it seems the only people that have been affected by XiGu’s death are HaoTing and Lin Cai Chu, his ex-girlfriend?  I understand in real life we tend to be moved on after this much time. Yet, there was no mention of Xi Gu from the crew or the family, even when he was visibly upset around them. You could count Mrs. Xiang when she spoke to Hao Ting while he was packing, but she never names him, only implies, and,  I feel we had to dive for that meaning. Also, there was no significant interaction from Sun Bo or his sister Yong Ching, who were the closest with HT during this whole relationship. Yong Ching listens to her brother cry after their father tears XiGu and HaoTing apart and she plays messenger between them during their parting. However, in episode 10 she’s enamored with Phoebe’s style? Sun Bo is HaoTing’s brother in the battle for love they share everything about how their hearts feel about their guys. But when HT drunkenly pours out his grief after six years, and he kinda gives a “damn bro, that sucks” vibe for a good part of the talk? (Sidenote: Wayne acted his whole ass off in this episode, do you hear me?) In Trapped, ShaoFei knew everything about TangYi. When Chen Wen Hao and Sister Lizhen were revealed as TangYi’s parents he grieves with and comforts him back at home. (Bonus: if you watch that scene again you can see Jake break down with Chris when they pull apart.)  

  I’m not touching that damn doppleganger moment, why even do it? These decisions have been made, yet the way both XiGu’s death and HaoTing’s potential girlfriend Phoebe are hinted and implied at, yet never really engaged with or seen. Which, to me, signals fear on part of the writer. These are the decisions you felt comfortable making so why not go ahead and give it to us full out. Show us XiGu dying in HaoTing’s arms, HaoTing visiting his grave a la Trapped episode 10, or show us the moment when Phoebe meets the family. We could have gotten more thought or effort put into these plot twists on the part of the writer. We see the way HaoTing weeps over XiGu and how he just shrugs off the mention of Phoebe from his family. XiGu and HaoTing lined and called each other daily, Phoebe can’t even email to let him know where she is? Worse yet, HaoTing does not even attempt checking up on her? Is on a 13-hour flight or about to get on one? Don’t really know, damn sure don’t care.

 I “got” that he doesn’t think the love of his life can ever be replaced, but we also know through his actions that he doesn’t love her either. Even though he’s introducing her to his family, I ask, does he even like her? Where’d they meet? How old is she? Why bring her up if you aren’t going to flesh the concept of Phoebe out? If you really wanted to give a love story closure “well” you should have done all of this several episodes ago by breaking them up or even condensing the love story and killing XG earlier on rather than handing us this death/new gf cocktail in ONE EPISODE. So many HIStorians thought that the boys would split because of HaoTing lying about the rent, and this makes perfect sense as it’s a clear violation of XiGu’s desire to be as self-reliant as possible, even in a relationship. That could have given rise to the first big argument and potential breakup.

 At first, I thought that the most insulting thing about this finale was that we didn’t get a happy ever after, or at least a happy for now like Trapped. Happy endings are an unofficial mission statement of the series. However, the most insulting thing about this finale, for me, was that death became final. Three years in a series, where death has NEVER been final, or even an option for its leads at least since season 1. (Which HIStorians like, but don’t really talk about for good reason.) Now, you could argue about Trapped because Shao Fei does get shot twice and if any storyline was primed for death it was theirs. However, even with the action element, the Brooklyn Nine-Nine type comedy never gave it the gravity that MODC unknowingly had. We were presented the stakes, the murders of Old Tang/LiZhen, and knew the threat, Chen WenHao. In MODC, there was a quiet unease I had for most of my watch along the lines of, “this is perfect. I love it, but it’s too perfect.” The “challenges” XG/HT faced they pretty much steamrolled every time so I assumed they were in the clear until the last 5 minutes of episode 9.

 H1: My Hero and H1: Obsessed both had plots that dealt with the boundary of death, making it impermanent “because love.”  While we’re at it, let’s talk about Obsessed shall we. Even abusive ass, stalker ass Jiang Jing Teng, a man who by logic and common sense shouldn’t have, got a chance to love again. He got to say goodbye to, spread the ashes of, and reunite with Shao Yi Chen. After his beard, who it just so happened was also a witch/sorceress, brought back SYC from the dead, not once BUT TWICE?!? (First, from rebirth. Second, it was all a dream.) Yet YXG/SHT, the most loved couple since CTL, can’t get a similar twist of fate? Make it make sense, especially given that this is likely the final season for HIStory.

 That hurt to type, but, it looks like History3 is going to be the final season for the series. Since we haven’t had any official announcement from CHOCO. And with 2 major backlashes, the first based on misunderstanding with Trapped and the second due to MODC lazy finale, it’s looking like a done deal until the CTL movie comes out at the end of 2020. In which case, everyone involved is going to have to be on their very best behavior from now on. In the hearts of some HIStorians, this finale has done irreparable damage to MODC itself and the HIStory franchise. Which is sad, considering that up to this point HIStory was getting better and better with each season only to decimate that growth in one episode.

  *cue Mariah* I still believe that MODC is the best BL drama of 2019. It’s the best to come out of Taiwan since CTL. Most of that is due to the phenomenal work of the cast, and… yes, the initial episodes written by our screenwriter. Even with my frustrations with the finale, I was conflicted as I said on Wednesday night. I was very disappointed, but the performances I did get, specifically from Wayne, kept me engaged to the point that I still enjoyed it. Does it make up for the cruelty to Yu Xi Gu not at all, but the previous 9 episodes pretty much put it in my top 5 all-time early on. What now? I’m waiting for the dvd drop next year and reliving every blissful moment. Oh, and I’m rewatching episodes 5/6 for Christmas. 

If you made it this far, thank you HIStorians, you all have made this surprise journey most certainly worth it.  

Merry Christmas and Best Wishes to all of you in 2020,

 Jo

 PS: word from Mandarin speaking fans is that the novelization of this series has 2 endings. One happy and the one we saw on Wednesday which…*sigh* at least there’s a universe where the boys are happy. I also have some notes on issues I had with HaoTing’s family in episode 10 that I’ll likely touch on after Christmas.

PPS: I can’t believe we got blessed with multiple Duke Wu appearances!!!

#History series #history 3: 圈套 #History3: MODC #history3: make our days count #MODC #make our days count #History BL #History: Obsessed #History: Stay Away From Me #history the series #history 3: 那一天 #history 3: trapped #Wayne Song #Duke Wu

[applesaucesims]

@wirefish @sims-and-pixels

Answers under the cut because I talk too much.

†: Do you kill sims on purpose?

Well, I did kill the sims that died in the “war” in my decades challenge on purpose, but that was necessary for the challenge, so idk if that counts. Other than that ... I think I only very rarely do that. I once had a “survival” household where they all died off at some point cuz I didn’t give them anything. But that was an exception, so again, idk if that counts.

π : Your favorite/Least favorite world?

My favourite world ... although I haven’t played much with it yet, I wanna say Windenburg. It’s just so pretty and reminds me of home in some places. Also San Myshuno cuz I love apartments ... also, Sulani cuz it’s so pretty. Man, this is a hard question. My least favourite, of the ones I have in my game, is probably Oasis Springs. I just prefer playing in a mild climate, I guess.

ß : Least favorite expansion/Most favorite expansion?

My favourite is definitely seasons because having changing weather and a calendar and stuff just adds so much to the game. And my least favourite ... if we go only by EPs, then probably Get Famous. I don’t have it but I know that I don’t like the whole celebrity thing because I already didn’t in TS3. I just wanna play with my sims in peace without famous people being around. Although the actor career is really intriguing for me. If we go by any packs, I say My First Pet because why tf make an expansion for an expansion?

░ : What world do you play the most?

For some reason Newcrest? Idk I like having lots of spaces to build new lots in and not having premade families already living everywhere. Idk why. But also, I haven’t played that much with different households since I got my expansions and I can definitely see myself choosing Windenburg a lot.

§: Do you use cheats?

Duh! I use money cheats for building/interior at the beginning but when I play I like to have them earn what they get. Also, testingcheats because I need to reset and teleport sims a lot. And moveobjects because it makes building much easier. I don’t usually use mood cheats but sometimes I make sims happy if I need them to stay somewhere for story purposes and not walk away because of some needs. Or because I don’t want them to die away randomly because I was busy posing some other sims.

☺: How many sims games do you own?

Alright, let’s see. For PC, I own TS2 with some packs, don’t remember which, TS3 with loads of earlier packs but stopped at some point because it was unplayable so I never got to see the later ones, TS4 with like a third of the packs. But I also have TS2 for PS2 and DS (both some of my absolute favourites ever), TS3 for PS3, TS2 Pets and Castaway for DS and MySims and MySims Kingdom for DS. I also played Sims Freeplay on my old iPod and now I got Sims Mobile lol. I think that’s all.

Oop- that was a lot. But this was so much fun! Thanks for the asks!

#reply #sims-and-pixels #wirefish #ask game

[skypxllar]

[OOC] Confessions

//Alright guys. I’ve been silent and taking hiatuses left and right and slightly alluding to my problems to many of you without going into detail, but I think I’m just going to talk about it here and now, one take, and without much editing (lest this message not go out just like the many other OOC posts that I’ve been planning to make for a while)

//If you want to understand what’s going on or read more, read under the cut. This is going to be a long one so buckle up.

Firstly, if you actually clicked under the cut to understand what’s going on, I want to thank you for actually reading this and being willing to hear what I have to say. To be frank, I’m mostly writing this so everything can come off of my chest at once in the hopes that my analytical self can once again take over and work through everything that’s going on, but it’s nice to learn that there’s someone out there that care about me enough to learn everything.

Now, onto the subject at hand.

This past year has been stressing me out, much more than any other year. Despite finally getting back on my feet, getting a stable job, getting a car, and actually working on a plan to return to college to finish it, my mental state has been as unstable as ever. I’ve had spouts of getting myself together and suddenly being the team-carrying dragon that I’ve always been, times where I’ve seemingly returned back to my prime: making a game in a game jam, working on remixes, actually working on my Pokémon Dating Sim game... but, no matter how close I get to finally breaking out of my depression to go off and live my life, something brings me back... something

What’s going on? Well, it’s a combination of things, really, but the main source this year has been Pokémon.

Before I get in depth, I want to start off by answering a question that I posed the day before Pokémon Sword and Pokémon Shield released in the United States. If you haven’t seen that question, you can find it here.

Here is my answer:

The most important thing that I find in a Pokemon game is the worldbuilding. No matter the generation, Pokemon has developed characters and Pokemon who resonate with me, and presented a world that, frankly, is a place that I’d rather be in: a world where I could venture the world at a young age with only my wit and my trusty friends, friends who care about me as much as I do for them. I became invested in the themes of camaraderie, sportsmanship, and of communication. No matter what was happening in my life, whether it be bullying, abuse, or drama, I could always boot up my portable system and gather people together to rave about a world and a game that we all knew and loved. Even today, as I’m talking to you now, I have entire discord servers dedicated to Pokemon talks, roleplays, lore theories, etc. Pokemon has become a part of my life because its WORLD has become a part of my life, and there would be very little that could happen that would make me leave this franchise for good, even with its caveats and decade-old design. The thing that would make me quit? Attempting to pray on my emotional investment in this franchise in the main games would force me to quit. I have left entire companies due to their actions on their series, whether it be loot boxes, gambling mechanics, or other things of that nature. If Pokémon truly went out of their way to destroy their game series, especially if it were for a quick buck, I’d no longer be a part of this series. I would mourn, but I would cease being called Bagon… delete my blog… even lose a part of myself so I would not ruin my life over this series, even if doing so would eliminate who I am.

I wrote this on Sunday, after clocking in 100 hours of Pokémon Shield, completing the Pokédex, and brainstorming a team for the upcoming Galar Beginnings competition (icy boy and stealth bomber are best boys btw). This was written to preface a review of Pokémon Sword and Pokémon Shield, a review that, frankly, I will never come up with the strength to finish. This review was one of the 13 drafts in my draft box that I planned on making throughout the year so I could find a way to finally talk about the controversies about the National Dex removal, animation reuses, accusations about GAME FREAK’s ethics and treatment of fans, etc. (I’d be here all fucking day if I list and addressed everything now), but I can’t muster the strength to finish and publish them. It’s not because I don’t believe in what I wrote or because I was wrong or because I expected more backlash than I already fucking get. It’s because this entire controversy has both become overwhelming and overly personal for me.

Now, I want to quickly give another excerpt of that review preface so those of you who are not aware of who I am/how I work can have the groundwork.

I’ve been watching Pokémon closely for anywhere between 6 and 9 years now. Back in Black and White, I recall getting into debates with my friends about the fact that we were “forced” to play the game using only Generation V Pokemon, with even Pikachu not existing until late-game. I was there for the weather wars, when Dream World Politoed ruined the competitive metagame and when Dragon-type Pokémon had no counter. I remember Pokemon X and Y when Mega Evolution split the fan base along with the timeline, completely destroying the balance that GAME FREAK went out of their way to try to maintain, and the outcry when Charizard received two Mega Evolved forms. I participated in the “7.8/10 too much water” memes that became popular thanks to the IGN review, until the fanbase turned on that game as well due to no Battle Frontier and all of Zinnia. I complained about a lack of a Pokémon Z too, even though I expected it not to come. I recall when the Fire/Fighting debates heated up when Incineroar was leaked and when Kanto was being “pandered to” when they were the only Pokémon who received Alolan variants. I recalled the NERVE the company had when even announcing Pokemon Ultra Sun and Pokemon Ultra Moon, instead of developing remakes of Diamond and Pearl (despite just getting a remake last generation) or a game on the Switch (even though the generation literally just started, the Switch JUST released that year, and the fact that it all came from this one random news article from a gaming journalism site DESPITE how silly it would be in hindsight). Heck, the debate of whether Let’s Go Pikachu and Eevee were nothing but Kantonian cash grabs to poison the main games was just last year.

I wanted to share this to show that this isn’t nearly my first rodeo with Pokémon controversies and outcry. In fact, this shit happens every year with every Pokémon game with such predictability that I almost call it three months in advance.... 

So why did this entire National Dex controversy get me so upset?

Frankly? It shouldn’t have. Actually, in my personal opinion, this entire National Dex controversy gotten out of hand, and, over the course of all of those months, it’s become overwhelming. Non-Pokémon YouTube channels are covering the controversy of the games almost every other day. My twitter is filled with people outcrying GAME FREAK and the Pokémon Company.... Being the “Pokémon Guy” out of all of my friends and coworkers hasn’t helped either. Every time there’s even the smallest update on the controversy, 3-5 people message me either while I’m at work or while I’m asleep flipping their shit about the games. People at work have even approached me asking what the big deal is about some “National Dex” is and why GAME FREAK are being hounded at. Heck, there are people who, to this day, I cannot even BRING UP Pokémon Sword and Pokémon Shield to before the conversation quickly derails to a regurgitation of something Distant Kingdom, Dreamcast Guy, and others have ragged on the games since July. Oh, and don’t get me started on the damn leaks (which, by the way, stop calling Nintendo incompetent because a couple of Mexican stores wanted to break street date), the week leading up to SwSh (The fact that the GameFreakLied hashtag trended more than the Impeachment Hearing over some fucking character models and animations is beyond me), the review backlash (do not harass IGN over the fact that the journalist gave the game a 9.3/10 over his fucking opinion. No, he’s not a Nintendo Shill either. That’s not how that works), the story backlash (which, by the way, upon reflection, still the most fun I’ve had in a campaign), the competitive time limit shit, and SMOGON AS A WHOLE (6v6 single battles was a mistake by the way)...

Like I said previously, I’m fucking tired. This franchise is stressing me the fuck out... no. The fucking community and fandom is stressing me the fuck out. 

Let me be clear about something: I didn’t care all that much about the National Dex. I never went out of my way to complete a National Dex because it’s such a hassle, and always has been since Generation 3. Pokémon is the only franchise where, in order to get the full grasp of the games that I’m playing, I have to have played, finished, and caught every single Pokémon in every game from the dawn of time, not to mention now have to have a yearly subscription to a cloud service to transfer and not lose those Pokémon. I’m not the one going out of my way that has a full Living Dex of Pokémon that originated from their original regions, or someone who had an attachment to their shiny Tropius in Generation III that they worked hard to get and bring all of the way up. In fact, I’m the person that was always concerned for the health of both the franchise itself and the competitive scene due to the fact that there are just so many Pokémon to balance and to take into account so that the new games can matter without taking away the viability of old Pokémon. So, when I first heard that the National Dex was cut, I was sad and concerned that my favorite Pokémon wasn’t going to be in the game (which, by the way, he isn’t, but I have a new baby boy so it’s okay), but I understood. I knew that, in order for this franchise to continue with the trend of going to 3D and then to HD, the National Dex was eventually going to be something that was going to put too much of a strain on the developers (by the way, if you think it’s easy to just import all of the Pokémon from game to game and from console to console, you’ve never developed a video game before, have you?) and that there was eventually going to be a point where, no matter how many people they employ or how much time they’re given, it’s just not feasible to keep a National Dex going. So, I accepted the new reality, curious of what they’ll do from here now that they’ve gotten rid of the restrictions.

I’m still in that curious state, but fuck am I too tired to wait and see.

There was a point where I almost reached my breaking point with this controversy. A week before the games came out, I almost made a choice that would have not only affected myself, but of everyone that I’m around. I was on Discord under the edit user screen, crying on my desk. I wanted everything to stop: the fighting, the bickering, the controversy... the drama with my friends and ex-friends, the people that won’t leave me even the vaguest bit alone because suddenly it’s my favorite franchise that’s the target of backlash....

I was going to delete my discord account, delete my blogs, cancel my preorder, and quit the franchise for good.

I can assure you that, if that had happened, I would never had come back. I have endured enough suffering over my lifetime to write a book about it, and now the thing that I use to cope and as a sanity check was driving me insane. Some of you may gawk at the idea. Some of you may not believe that I would have done this. Heck, there may be a group of you that are likely saying that I would have returned. Trust me when I say that I would not. I will give up everything to get my life together again: my friends, my personality, my boyfriend... I would have left you all had I gone ahead and made the choice, and I would have stuck with it, and, perhaps, it would have been for the betterment of my health. I’m done with my emotions being used as a way for me to “understand” that GAME FREAK is a terrible development company... that they’re suddenly as vile as EA or Activision because they cut content for a “mark up”... that my years studying the company, their actions, and the progress of the games is for naught because the games aren’t the Breath of the Wild Pokémon, Dragon Quest XI of Pokémon, an MMORPG, Kingdom Hearts Pokémon Edition, Pokémon the anime the game, or whatever people have in their fucking heads of what they believed that the franchise should have gone to despite everything leading to the contrary, all because the Switch is a home console now. I hate how people try to use my thoughts about microtransactions and shitty practices that are used by other companies and try to say that GAME FREAK is suddenly just as bad, that they’re selling back the content that was in their game... that cutting the National Dex is somehow the equivalent of introducing children and teens to lootboxes and gambling mechanics.... 

I’M FUCKING TIRED OF PEOPLE TREATING DEVELOPERS AND GAMING STUDIOS LIKE SOME COGS IN MACHINES, THAT THEY’RE NO LONGER HUMAN JUST BECAUSE THEY REMOVED A SYSTEM THAT THEY LIKED!

...Let me calm down before I have a panic attack and waste what? 2000+ words of work again?

Remember my answer to my question from earlier? Remember the thing that I said that would make me quit this franchise? 

Attempting to pray on my emotional investment in this franchise in the main games would force me to quit.

That’s... honestly how I feel about the fandom. I feel like my emotions and investment of the franchise was toyed with all year. It’s... weird to say that I have been more frustrated at a fandom and a community than I am at a company and a gaming studio. 

Am I saying that you in particular manipulated me to push your own agenda about this entire issue? No. Not at all. I’d be a fool to accuse anyone in particular. Everyone is entitled to their individual opinions about a game or a piece of artwork or whatever you have an opinion on... but I think we, as a people, have reached a point where there’s too many opinions going off at once. With only 10 minutes and access to the internet, anyone can create a twitter account, find the things that they like or don’t like, and make a post giving their “unique” take on what goes on in the current world, whether it directly affects them or not. While the accessibility and freedom is what I honestly love about the internet, when everything concentrates to a single point, it becomes overwhelming. Suddenly you have people on the street that you just met talking to you about a certain piece of drama that’s gone wild lately. You have influencers that use their platform to either spread misinformation or to “echo” the thoughts of hundreds, thousands, or even millions. You get echochambers where everyone in a specific clique agrees to everything everyone else says or risk being kicked out. You have people to wake up and stop being sheep when they’re being herded by the shepherd of whatever YouTuber or Instagrammer or journalist that told them to outrage about that day.

You have individualism without individuality.

I think that’s probably my underlying problem. I have my own individualized thoughts on this game that I want to share with the world, but, no matter where I turn, I either risk being lumped into two or three groups that I honestly don’t belong in. Do I want the games to get better? Of course I do! Do I think these games are hot garbage or something? Actually, I think GAME FREAK has outdone themselves with the quality of life changes, interesting features, and ways to make the games both familiar and new. They’re honestly my favorite games to date. Do I think that the new changes and everything we’ve seen was worth the cut of the National Dex and a 20 dollar price increase? Now that’s the type of leading questions that starts to put me in the aforementioned camps. No matter how much I play the game, no matter how much I enjoyed it or been frustrated at it or got annoyed by it, in the back of my mind, there’s always the thought that I must answer those questions not only to have others make up their mind about me, but so I can see for myself if I truly fall in one of the camps.

Yet, I don’t want to fall into any of them, because the camps don’t truly define how I feel about the games.

So, there I sit... there I go to work wit the questions bogging my mind. There I go, not talking to people that I considered as my friends before this mess started, going another week without talking. There I go, going on another hiatus on this blog because maybe the next appearance will be the time where I’m dragged into the mud. There I sit, being told to take action over a cause that I really don’t believe in. 

Can you understand how this has become overwhelming to someone?

....Oh? Did you think I was done? I wish. Unfortunately there are more things that have been grinding my gears for the past several months.

Like everyone else, I have a personal life... kinda. I have friends both online and offline that I speak with consistently (or, at least try to). I work 40 hours/week with a plan to return to school so I can finally become a game developer or a general-purpose programmer in some fashion, with a place over my head and a car that I have to care for so I can use it to actually drive 45 minutes to my job out in the middle of the state to put food on my plate and continue to live.

What if I told you that that’s been falling apart this year as well?

Oh yeah, before I start: I know that there are people that scoff that I’m complaining about “regular life things” because there are those that are less fortunate than me and that I should be grateful of where I am. To get ahead and address you assholes (because every time I talk about my issues, I get people that discredits me because I’m some privileged rich kid):

I worked to get here. I crawled my ass from poverty and foster care so I can get away from the shameless and endless cycles of a black man living in the neighborhood that I lived in, so don’t you even start.

People like you are why people like me don’t go to therapy, or to address their mental health. People like you are also why those “less fortunate” feel stuck in their endless cycle in the first place. You can fuck RIGHT OFF.

Anyway (sorry. I’m getting EVERYTHING off my chest today)... I’m... not doing so hot in my personal life either. I know that I tend to keep this shit off Tumblr because everyone has their own shit that they’re dealing with, and that I’m also putting myself out there for trolls, anons, drama, and other things, but I want to give you all a clear picture of everything that I’m going through.

Firstly, my friends. I... have not spoken with many of my real life friends. Heck, with a few exceptions, I wouldn’t be surprised if they still called me their friend. To be frank, I’ve become... lonely. I’ve been lost in my thoughts for hours on end, relying on people that either is in my job or are in another state (or country in some cases) than me to shoulder my pain. In fact, the few people that I can reliably call my friends are either busy getting their lives together, and/or are in college. No one lives near me. Everyone’s barely making end’s meet. I’m one of the only ones with a car and, thus, does not have to rely on the wilderness that is Public Transportation. So, I haven’t even bothered to hang out with anyone. No matter how many times I message my pals and say that we should catch up, either I’m busy, they’re busy, or we don’t have to funds to do something. So, I eventually stopped messaging them, choosing to talk to my online friends.

My situation with my online friends has been... messy to say the least as well. I refuse to go into any detail about any particular situation and, heck, even bringing any of these up in the first place is against my stature alone. However, I have lost two people that I used to call my friends over drama. I have considered distancing myself from a few others as well, whether it be over additional drama, the aforementioned Pokémon shit, their behavior, my behavior, etc. Heck, I even have been distant with my boyfriend and hesitant to talk about this shit because I didn’t want to become more of a burden to him than what he’s been shouldering himself, even going so far as to consider breaking up with him because I’m enough of a burden to myself, let alone one to him, and, honestly, I just don’t think I’m ready to shoulder a relationship with my mental, emotional, financial instability.

Don’t even bring up my family, either. With the exception of my grandmother and brother, I’m either a consistent outcast of my family members or have such ingrained disdain of other members due to their treatment of me. Even then, I haven’t spoken with my grandmother or older brother since my birthday. I’ve been so busy and stressed that speaking to her would probably cause me to break down at an inopportune time. She’s already going through enough with her dead beat daughter and absent granddaughter. She doesn’t need to hear about my woes as well.

Finally, even work has gotten me on my last legs wanting to regret even existing. You see, I had just gotten in an incident with my car running over something on the highway while I was trying to safely and temporarily park. I have no idea what I hit, but the resulting collision had destroyed my entire back passenger wheel and messed up the rims of my front passenger one. I was stuck in the middle of nowhere on the highway for 3 hours after midnight while I called my insurance company TWICE to get a tow. Then, when I took the car to the dealership, I was footed with a 350 dollar bill MINIMUM to get a new wheel and realigned so I can take the road again, and EVEN THEN, I was told that I wouldn’t get the car back until Friday at the very earliest AND that there was a chance that the collision may have messed with the suspension, which would costs SO MUCH MORE. Then, because my insurance company counts the incident as a collision, my deductible is currently not low enough for my insurance company to foot some of the bill. So, I’m up a creek without a paddle, likely spending some of the money I was going to use to move to somewhere safer and cheaper to fix my damn car, AND without a reliable method of transportation without either relying on another coworker or spending 78-80 dollars PER DAY on Uber outright, or trying to find some way to combine Uber with public transportation in some creative and expensive way that’ll take me 2-3 hours to get to work and can fail at a moment’s notice.

Oh, by the way, while writing this, I got a message from my supervisor telling me that I’m getting a no call no show for work today AND a failure to notify on my record because, even though I texted the attendance line like my company asks me to do, someone didn’t fucking see it and assumed I’m being some sort of delinquent. The LAST thing I need right now is to get fired over someone else’s incompetence.

...Wow. I think that was a lot more than what I wanted to share. Fuck it. I’m going to leave it all in.

Anyway, if you’ve read everything up until this point, thank you. I know that I tend to write A LOT and I know that this was so much to take in, but I want to let you know that I honestly appreciated you listening to everything that I had to say. I... honestly just need a good and hearty rest, both mentally and physically. There’s just been so much on my plate that I can’t even see the bottom anymore. I’m still in an extreme amount of emotional pain and am super exhausted, going through every negative emotion in my body all in a single post... but I’ll manage... somehow. No matter how shit I feel or how much I want to stop existing from the face of the earth, there is always some part of me that refuses to give up. I want to be a full-time game developer one day, making games that people would love and enjoy... creating worlds that people want to live in and characters that others can relate to. 

...There’s a cult/religion in the world of League of Legends that really stuck with me. For those who know (or don’t): it’s the Faith of Nagakabouros, the religion that Illaoi shares. The main belief of the faith is that everything lives to chase their own desires. To put a long story short: the part that struck me is the idea that, no matter what you believe in, no matter what you want to do or what you want to achieve, as long as you give your all into your passion, you are progressing the world forward, and are being the best person that you can be. No matter what happens... no matter what tragedy I face, there is always a part of me that works to follow that idea, to push myself forward and get myself to be that game designer that I’ve always wanted to be and become strong enough to theoretically stand the test of a fictional woman who worships a fictional god in a fictional universe. Perhaps that’s what’s been keeping me going all of this time... in a “best way I can explain how I drive myself to move forward even though it likely makes no sense” sort of way.

Thank you for reading all of this, even that weird part.

So, before I close out, I wanted to say something to very specific groups of people that I want to reach out to.

Firstly, for those who have read this and want to help in some shape or form, I want to say that the fact that you’re willing to read until the end was as much help as I could have asked for. Having the knowledge that someone is willing to listen to everything that everything that I had to say about my feelings honestly helps my sense of loneliness and I couldn’t appreciate it more. You’re an amazing person and I love you (in a platonic sense of course).

Secondly, for those for FOR SOME REASON still want to help, allow me to give you an alternative. There are those on this website and on other websites that may be suffering through much of the stuff I’ve talked about today. There are three things that I ask for you to try out:

Talk to AND LISTEN TO your friends and peers. The world is a scary place, and even scarier now that we’re all connected in some fashion. Sometimes, we think too much about ourselves at the cost of others, who then do the same. This doesn’t only stifle healthy communication, but creates a community of people who believe that the world is against them. Please talk with those who you care about. Talk to them about your feelings, and listen as they tell you about theirs. Do not invalidate their feelings because you believe that they’re misinformed or because you don’t think that’s the right thing to do under your personal moral compass (unless it’s something clearly illegal. I can’t help you with that one, chief).

Support artists and content creators that you like. There are so many of you that are super cool and talented in many different ways. Do not let their hard work go in vain. If there is someone whose content that you like, spread the word about them. If they made something cool, direct people to them and show them the cool thing (with credit of course). If you’re feeling generous and have money to share, consider supporting them through whatever platform that they have, whether it be Patreon, PayPal, Ko-Fi, etc. Heck, you could even commission them and, if there’s nothing that you have in mind to tell them to do, commission them to do something that they’d always dreamed or thought of doing but was too focused on their work. You have no idea how much of a smile someone’s face would have if someone that was friendly helped them get a cup of coffee or even make that little bit extra to make their rent comfortably. 

For the monetarily inclined, donate to charity in some shape or form. There are people out in the world that want to make a difference in the world, whether it be through helping those who cannot help themselves or for the benefit of the planet. I know that we hear a lot of shit about charities that suddenly become some type of Super PAC to drive a political campaign (or some other wild thing), but charities in general are one way to show support for people in general in any type of scope. If you can’t think of any charity that you want to donate to, then I have a suggestion for you. If you enjoy PC games at all, there’s a website called Humble Bundle that sells games on its storefront and whose proceeds partially go to charities such as St. Jude. They even offer bundles of games and software that you can get for MUCH CHEAPER than the asking price thanks to lovely developers that give bulk codes for this exact purpose. Consider going there and buying something that you’d like, or even keep an eye on it in case there’s a bundle sale that you may like. 

Okay... I think that’s enough typing for one day. Again, thank you for reading all of this. Perhaps this is the first step for me to get better. Now, if you excuse me, I’m starving, there are some unwashed dishes with my name on it, and there’s a tiny dragon baby in my copy of Pokémon Shield that I want to squeal about and train. Later, and thanks again!

- Bagon

P.S. The Pokémon Sword lore-a-thon stream/IC run is still on. I’m thinking of doing it next Friday, but I’ll make a separate post about it.

#ooc #mod #out of dragons #long post #very long post #negative #//i have finally completed one of these #//i hope this all made sense to someone #//i'm tired