#i wasn’t actively part of the fandom but i was obsessed

[dontneedmyheart]

x

#can i be petty for a second #it really bothers me when someone compares 911 to spn #like the memes are fine and all i’ve laughed at them too but #seriously comparing the two doesn’t sit well with me #because i was there gandalf i watched spn from 2011 to 2015 #i wasn’t actively part of the fandom but i was obsessed #i saw it all i saw the way the creators treated the fans #i didn’t even ship destiel but i fucking saw misha collins be the biggest fucking troll there has ever been #he made shipping jokes he said something that made the fans go crazy that wasn’t even true #it happened on the show too #they kept joking about it like the show is full of haha they think you are gay jokes #i saw the creators basically punish the fandom just because most of us happened to be women #and they seriously thought they were making a manly show for manly men #so yeah just #don’t ever actually compare supernatural to 911 in front of me #like #jensen ackles fucking wishes he was anything like oliver stark #yeah i said what i said #okay rant over sorry i just had to be a hater for a second there #and actually #i don’t even mean this in a way that supernatural sucks but it has barely anything in common with 911

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AMITA for lying to everyone I know about my identity’s as a queer/neurodivergent person?

I (18M) am a bisexual, transgender man who is also autistic, ADHD, and OCD. When people hear this about me, even if they know me, I feel like they build up this image of me as an awkward, “cringy” 11 year old who’s obsessed with “cringy” fandoms. And while i have a qualm with this because I know they are looking down on people who are just less masked/higher support needs, I also dislike that they do this because it’s just not who I am. Without the labels, I mostly seem like just a normal dude, if not a bit nerdy.

I also used to be extremely bullied as a kid (7-12) to the point of a suicide attempt, mostly due to homophobic, transphobic, or ablest remarks about me. Since then I’ve completely changed community’s and do not talk to anyone i knew before high school.

When authority figures (Teachers, Show Directors, Investors of the teen programs I lead) apply ablest/transphobic stereotypes or prejudices to me, they also tend to be less,,, normal? around me. Less kind compared to other kids, call me an “inspiration”, or they’ll coddle me when I’m incredibly capable. I do a lot for someone my age- and I know the connections I make now at conferences and whatnot will help me in the long run. My dad’s family is poor, and my immediate family is more comfortable but not that much. I know I’m smart, and I can weaponize that to get a better life for my family by getting good scholarships and jobs in good fields. I can’t just let people who could be very important to my goals look down on me. So i just.. don’t tell them anything about me. They might assume Im odd or “not normal”, and for the most part I let them assume whatever, but if i’m ever asked directly about anything I deny it. Especially in relation to me being transgender; I have the very privileged ability to pass without any medical intervention, and I use that to pretend to be cisgender. Living in the deep south of USAmerica, most of who I am could make my social life very uncomfortable to downright miserable.

Here’s where the problem starts happening. when my social and (what i consider to be a) “professional” life occasionally touch, I wouldn’t be able to be out everywhere socially without someone I don’t want knowing finding out. So i don’t tell any of my classmates/friends/peers about any of my identities either. I hang out with queer and straight people, never be actively homophobic/ablest, and will be very vague about the two questions i’ve ever received about any of that stuff. It’s very, very exhausting to pretend all the time, every day, especially pretending that I’m cisgender because it’s a tricky game, but I can’t really back down and I’m afraid that I might get bullied again if I was ever open about it with classmates.

A few months ago, I was dating this guy, who i’ll call Kai (17M) Kai is also a transgender man, but does not pass at all and is comfortable with it. He’ll get shit sometimes, but also has essentially no straight friends. I told him I was queer when we became good friends, and then told him I was trans after we started dating. I also told him why I lie about being cishet or neurotypical, and while he didn’t seem happy he didn’t push it at first. I told him that I understood if he didn’t want to be in a secret relationship, but because of where we live and what I want to do I wasn’t comfortable with being out again. He said he still wanted to date me, and claimed he would support me, and we had a pretty good relationship overall.

A month after that, he started bringing it up again. He told me that I was more than my identity, and if people didn’t see me for who I am instead of stereotypes, it isn’t worth talking to them at all. And while I agree with the sentiment, it’d never be possible to just not hear someone if they were harassing me, and while I truely dislike a lot of the authority figures that I engage with, they are in the professional fields I’m interested in, and I’m incredibly lucky for getting where I am so early. Kai also said that since I am well known in our very small school (only 300 kids), being out could be a positive influence on what people think about autistic people or trans people. In a particularly heated fight, he even said I was doing a disservice or betrayal to my community by not representing or being proud of being apart of them publicly.

We broke up pretty soon after, but I think about what he said a lot. I know that I wouldn’t be the only out person at my school, and that my school is actually a lot better compared to most local schools, which are a lot larger and… dramatic, but I just don’t think I could be out without going back to how I used to be mentally. And Kai was right about how I could be a good influence on some of the meaner classmates- I do think some of my peers who I ingenuinely connect with might reconsider their prejudices if they knew I was transgender.

I’m intentionally choosing not to take the opportunity to do better. It wouldn’t ruin ALL my relationships with the authority figures I consider to be important holding, since it would just be my school, It might dampen one or two of them. Plus, I’m lying to pretty much everyone who knows me. They build relationships with a false idea of me, and I feel like an asshole sometimes because I’m not honest.

TLDR: I’m a transgender, autistic guy in a very bigoted community. Everybody thinks i’m cishet and neurotypical. AMITA for not being proud of who I am because of potential social losses, and AMITA for lying to people and giving friends/peers false ideas about who I am even if they would not be friends with me if they knew?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

[crossmyheartandhopetofly]

[butyou-callmewhenyourebored]

This Must Be My Dream - Ross MacDonald Imagine

Summary:In which you meet the bassist of your childhood best friend's band at a wedding and pretty much fall head over heels for the handsome musician.

Warnings: None really. A few swear words. If you'd like a warning for them!

Author's Note: I love Ross. I literally go feral every single time I've seen him in the flesh for the past seven years! We don't get enough Ross love in this house. (fandom) Whilst you've all been thirsting over Healy for the past ten years. I've been over here falling in love with Ross and scraping the barrel for Ross content for the past decade! So I've taken it into my own hands! I hope you enjoy! p.s already writing a part two!

2.2k words

The first time you met Ross Macdonald properly was surprisingly not through your mutual friend Matthew but rather the day before your friend from university’s wedding. When she had called you up several months ago and asked you to be one of her bridesmaids, you couldn’t turn down the offer. After all she essentially kept you sane during your time at university. She was your best friend during those three years and although it had been a good few years since you really got to hang out due the nature of life. Rachel still classed you as one of her nearest and dearest.

During your time at the University of Manchester studying fashion marketing, you knew quite early on that you would need to find an extra curricular activity that wasn’t drinking your own body weight in cheap vodka. You needed something that would stimulate your mind but also keep you fit as you were sure that the further you got into your degree, the less time you would have to time to go the gym.

So you stumbled across cheer at the activities fair during your first year and you had seen Bring It On! It looked fun and it was would keep you in good shape, plus you were already a dancer from a young age so what could go wrong? Ohhh a lot could go wrong! You had to be strong mentally and physically to be a cheerleader, you had once watched a girl from an opposing team fall from a great height and break her ankle during competition one year and physically drag herself off the mat so she didn’t get trampled on by the rest of her team. It was brutal!

Going to practice twice a week whilst you trained in the gym was something you really enjoyed and looked forward to after a long week in lectures. It was there you met Rachel. The two of you instantly clicking from the first time you met. The decision to sign up to cheer led you to the woman who encouraged you to keep going when your degree was getting on top of you, stop you from wanting to strangle your idiotic housemates and drank her body weight in wine with you when you got fucked over by boys that weren’t worth your time in the first place.

You owed her your sanity. So when she asked you to be one of her bridesmaids, you just couldn’t refuse. It was the very least you could do for her. You went with her to every wedding dress appointment, beaming with joy when she found the one. Cried with overwhelming happiness when you both got too drunk on her hen do, about how you were so happy she had found David. 

You of course had met David over the years she had been with him and loved him to death too but you didn’t know anything about the men he had chosen for his groomsman. All you knew was that they were called James, Mike and Ross. What your friend had failed to mention when you turned up at the wedding venue the day before was the aforementioned Ross was an international musician and bandmate to your childhood best friend Matty.

You didn’t of course disclose that you had a mutual best friend and had essentially followed his career from the beginning upon first meeting. You didn’t want to overwhelm him and have him think you were an absolute loon who was an obsessed fan because he seemed so sweet and you didn’t want to give the handsome stranger the wrong impression. So you introduced yourself with your best smile and flick of your long brunette hair over your shoulder and told him it was great to meet him before moving along to greet the other groomsman.

You had all spent the evening before the wedding eating dinner, drinking wine, laughing and conversing with the rest of the wedding party and discussing the itinerary of the wedding day. Guessing what their first dance was going to be to and who was walking down the aisle with each other. You had been partnered up with the tall, handsome brunette currently sat opposite you.

The next time you saw him was the morning after as yourself and the other bridesmaids made your way towards the hall in which the wedding ceremony was taking place. Greeting all the gentleman with a warm smile as you got ready to walk down the aisle yourself, to watch your best friend get married to the love of your life.

You stopped in front of Ross. Your breath catching in your throat a little as you drunk in the sight in front of you. He looked devilishly handsome in his suit, a bright smile on his face as he leant down to greet you properly. A soft kiss to your cheek. Goosebumps prickling up your arms as his hands pressed against the small of your back.

“You look beautiful.” He whispered before pulling back. Standing up straight and offering you his arm, just as the welcome music started to play and you were making your way towards the groom who was waiting for you all.

It had happened so quick, you didn’t have time to melt into a puddle on the floor as the words replayed in your head because now you had an audience as your best friend was now walking towards the alter.

The next time you got to speak to him was whilst you were getting your photographs taken before the wedding breakfast. Naturally Rachel wanted the bridesmaids stood next to their partnered groomsmen whilst they took their group photos. You couldn’t help but laugh as he whispered, “I feel like we’re going to prom!” into your ear, as he hands sat loosely on your waist. It took everything in you not cackle like a witch, like you usually do whilst you tried not to ruin the photos for everybody.

Rachel had seated you right next to Ross for the duration of the wedding and the more the day went on and the more you learnt about the man next to you, the more comfortable you felt by his side. You weren’t sure if it was all the wine talking or if it was the fact he was the sweetest (and incredibly handsome) human you had ever met but being next to him just felt right.

During the speeches; you had felt yourself turn naturally into him, leaning against his arm that was lying across the back of your chair as you listened to their family tell their favourite stories about the couple. Your hand even slipped onto his thigh as the room laughed along. It was in the way he didn’t flinch but pulled your chair closer to his without batting an eyelid, you knew that it was okay.

Your hand stayed comfortably on his thigh even as the desserts came out. This angel of a man even letting you try some of his because you had ordered something different and his just looked insanely good. Anyone that didn’t know the two of you would have watched him feed you a spoonful of his dessert and think that you were a couple yourselves and not having met twenty four hours earlier. And you know what you’d let them because you hadn’t felt this giddy around a man in so long, you didn’t care. There wasn’t a moment throughout the day that you didn’t feel fully submerged in happiness caused by him.

When he spun you around the dance floor, the two of you beaming as you sung along to the Backstreet Boys’ As Long As You Love Me together without a care in the world. When he didn’t think twice to pull you into his warm body, his large hand pressed against the small of your back, holding you close as the DJ asked for everyone to join the bride and groom on the dance floor after their first dance and you swayed in his arms to the love song that was playing with a warm blush flushed across your cheeks. 

You were happy and you didn’t want to think about if Rachel and David paired you up with another groomsman or they hadn’t invited Ross to the wedding at all because in your hectic life and with too many fuckboys than you can shake a stick at. Today was honestly the happiest you had been in so long, it made you feel dizzy thinking about how this had even happened with a guy you had only known from afar in less than twenty fours.

Pulling him up to the bar for more drinks. After successfully (and very easily) convincing him to do a tequila shot with you. You finally told him that you had a confession to make. You watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed in anticipation of what he thought was you confessing you already had a boyfriend back home. You automatically reached out to rest your hand on top of his before letting him in on your secret.

“You know I said earlier that I knew of your band and I was a fan?” You watched him nod silently. “Well the reason is not because you’re the biggest band in the world right now. But I’m actually a friend of Matty’s.”

You had watched his face immediately fall and with the fact that the two of you both knew Matty as well as you do. You knew exactly why a frown fell on to his face the way it did and you needed to put his mind at ease because you also didn’t want other people to think that of you.

“No. No! Not like that. Christ no! Matthew is gross!” You chuckled, shaking your head at him as you looked at him with a soft smile. “Tim and Denise are my god parents!”

You watched Ross’ shoulders drop with relief, letting out that glorious laugh of his that had been making your heart flutter all day. Amongst over things. After explaining your reasons for not wanting to seem like a crazy person by dropping you knew his bandmate really well within ten seconds of meeting him and that you wanted to get to know him by yourself. Ross nodded appreciatively, a content look on his handsome features as he smiled back at you. He wasn’t weirded out. Thank God. 

Holding out your hand, he instantly wrapped his hand in yours as you dragged him through a throng of people as you headed back to the dance floor to dance with the bassist. He naturally pulled you into his arms to slow dance along to A Million Love Songs by Take That that was nearing its end and transitioning into a song they both knew all too well.

The opening bars of The Sound echoed through the reception hall. A few people made a noise of appreciation on the dance floor, some got up to dance along. Ross immediately entered flight or fight mode in an attempt to escape the dance floor. You knew he was going to do this so your smaller hand wrapped around his larger one, instantly tugging him to a halt, you looked up at him with your best doe eyes.

“Please.” You begged softly. “I love this one.”

Sighing over dramatically. Ross made his way back to you, the smile you had grown accustomed to throughout the past eight hours you had been by his side was back on his face as you sung the words obnoxiously loud to try and make him laugh again. Succeeding pretty quickly; you wrapped your arms around his neck, hanging off him as you danced goofily with one another. His hands around your waist as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

The pair of you stayed on the dance floor, avoiding the smirk on Rachel’s face as she glided on past you during another slow song until all the guests were called outside for the fireworks. Without hesitation; Ross slipped his suit jacket around your shoulders before you naturally leant against his chest; his chin resting on top of your head, arms wrapped around your shoulders as you watched the firework display together.

After the rest of the wedding guests started to disperse either back inside or off home. The two of you stayed there under the stars, just basking in the last of the warm summer air before you called it a night yourselves. It felt like kismet that you two were to meet. Maybe it was today. Maybe it ten years ago. Maybe in another life time. But turning in his arms; arms already tucked round his middle as you looked up at him to catch his gaze. Ross ran a hand down the side of your face, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear as he cupped your jaw. Your heart thumping as you longed for what you hoped was about to happen.

“I can’t believe Healy has kept you from me all this time.” He chuckled softly.

“Believe me. I’m going to be having words with him.”  You told him with a smirk.

“I’ve had the best time with you today. I’m glad it was you.” 

The grip on your jaw tightened ever so slightly as the oxygen hitched in your throat at the action. “Yeah, I suppose we should thank them at some point.” You mumbled; pausing a moment before pushing yourself up on your tip toes as he leant down and met you in the middle. Your lips connecting in the sweetest kiss. The pair of you pushing up against one another as your kiss got deeper causing you to groan into his kiss before pulling back for air.

“Fuck!” You let our a breathy laugh; forehead resting against his. Staring into his glistening brown eyes, he responded with his infectious laugh. 

“Yeah" Ross sighed against you. "Fuck!” He grinned before pulling you into another deep kiss.

#Ross MacDonald #Ross Macdonald Imagine #Ross MacDonald fic #Ross MacDonald fanfiction #ross macdonald x reader #the 1975 imagine #the 1975 fic #the 1975 x reader #the 1975 #Ross Macdonald #Matty Healy imagine #Matty Healy #George Daniel imagine #George Daniel #Adam Hann #Adam Hann imagine

[sleepingdeath-light]

yandere hcs + complacent s/o hcs ; emmet

requested by ; anonymous (17/07/23)

fandom(s) ; pokèmon

fandom masterlist(s) ; here

character(s) ; emmet

outline ; “I NEED YANDERE EMMET PLEASE RAAAAGH!!! 😭‼️ (and an s/o who’s ok with it because they take it as “awwww he loves me” but they don’t understand that this man is at “I’d kill Arceus for you” levels of love 😂)”

note ; this isn’t as overtly yandere as some of my other posts, but i can’t see emmet going the whole way and slaughtering people for his s/o so much as he just gets a bit obsessive over them (also i haven’t written for him in a while so apologies if this is a bit shaky lol)

warning(s) ; yandere!emmet, obsessive behaviour, possessive behaviour, unhealthy dynamic

emmet had always been a peculiar character in your eyes, even before the two of you became an item, so you never really thought to question some of his more outlandish behaviours when it came to your relationship

his possessive streak and obsession with you were, to you at least, as normal as his unwavering grin or his repetition of ‘i am emmet’ whenever he was speaking to someone — they were just another part of him that you accepted as any loving partner would

(it’s also not the most obvious to others unless they know him extremely well, such as his brother or their mutual best friend, and even then he typically just dismisses their concerns and goes back to being his energetic, ever-smiling set without ever really addressing how different he gets around you)

he still talks about you as his partner to anyone who will listen — and even to those who are very obviously not paying any attention to a word he’s saying — but his remarks take on a much darker and more possessive, even obsessive, tone that’s easy to miss if you don’t pay him much mind during battles

for example, he’s made a great many remarks to other trainers about how he’d do anything to keep you safe and by his side — remarks which include him being more than willing to battle, or even outright kill if it came down to that, any legendary (even arceus himself!) that came between the two of you

(a couple of trainers that managed to see the disturbing genuineness underpinning those statements have gone out of their way to find and warn you about your boyfriend’s obsession, but ended up being even more put-off by your response to their worries — that being anything ranging from neutrality, acceptance, or endearment at his ‘love’ for you)

although he’s still as passionate about trains and pokémon as ever, you’ll find him much less likely to talk about himself with you in favour of just sitting and listening to everything you have to say as if it’s the most interesting thing in the world (even if it’s something as objectively mundane as talking about what you almost had for lunch a few days ago) — he’ll interject every now and then with encouragement and questions that range from cute to concerning (e.g. ‘i am emmet. what did you do after that? i am emmet.’ or ‘i am emmet. that sounds very frustrating. would you like me to talk to them for you? i am emmet.’), but still it’s incredibly rare that you’ll get to hear about his day once his obsession with you has truly taken hold

he only ever addresses you by name or as his spouse (husband/wife/partner/whatever your label of choice is) even though you’re not actually married — legal distinctions don’t matter to him and he already knows that you’re the love of his life so he sees no point in waiting for some ceremony to show you off as ‘his’ to the world

before his obsession set in he was already very comfortable with public shows of affection and wasn’t ever embarrassed to do things like link arms with you, peck you on the cheek/lips, or anything else like that around others unless he was actively engaged in a pokémon battle — but now it’s like he’s gone from an eight to an eleven and you’ll never go long, when you’re around him at least, without him touching you in some way

an arm around your waist, pulling you against his side or chest, linking your arms, holding your hand so tightly you fear it may just break, peppering your face with kisses, etc. — all of those displays are common place for the two of you, and he’s even happier when you’re the one initiating and reciprocating (especially if you’re around others as it appeals to that possessive side of him that likes letting others know that you’re not just taken, but that you’re happily and eagerly taken by him, emmet, and nobody else)

he hasn’t yet been given a reason to kill someone for you, and in the moment he may not even go through with it, but he’s certainly offered to do so on multiple occasions whenever you mention someone annoying you, flirting with you, or otherwise making you uncomfortable — he’s also been known to go harsher on trainers that have shown interest in you in battle whenever you visit him at work (partly to show off to you and partly to put them in their place)

#sleepingdeath #gender neutral reader #yandere hcs #yandere x reader #yandere pokemon #yandere pokemon x reader #pokemon x reader #pokemon emmet x reader #yandere emmet x reader #pokemon black x reader #pokemon white x reader

[acradelius]

Hello! I'm the anon who requested the daddy Roadhog scenario and I absolutely LOVE it!!! I literally can't stop reading it. I was wondering though if I could request a similar scenario but instead of calling Roadhog Daddy the reader calls Junkrat Daddy?

"Just Like That, Daddy!~"

Fandom: Overwatch

Pairing: Junkrat (Jamison) x Reader

Rating: Lemon [🟡] (NSFW!)

Warnings/Mention Ofs: Illegal Activities, Hair Pulling, Verbal Teasing, Intercourse, Implied Voyeurism/Voyeurism Kink, Biting, Daddy Nickname Usage

Word Count: 690 Words

Author's Note: Sexually Feral Junkrat makes my brain go "BRRRR"

Referenced Post: Acradelius — Could you do an NSFW scenario where a... (tumblr.com)

There’s one thing that’s quite obvious when it comes to everyone’s favorite most wanted explosive obsessed freak is that he has difficulty controlling himself, especially when he becomes excited. Now, the term excited can relay meaning to multiple things with this man. There’s excitement for the anticipation of planning a substantial heist, especially when it’s at a plain-in-sight bank that declares to the public that they have “the most top notch, impenetrable security” that just screams that they’re looking for someone to try to break in. Following that initial feeling of excitement is the added-on excitement from the actual heist itself, blowing through supposedly impenetrable security and through walls to reach the grand vault, intimidating or plowing down anyone that got in their way. To end the excitement cycle is the ending excitement, making way throughout the seemingly unending number of law enforcement on their tails. The excitement of spoiling themselves with the riches and expensive things to buy with said riches afterwards. Yet, there was only one thing. Whenever Jamison became excited, he also became aroused. 

That excitement cycle leading to immense arousal brought the two exactly to this moment, one that (Y/N) definitely should’ve expected: being bent over an employee’s abandoned desk, one of Jamison’s hands having a grip and pulling on their hair while the other hand was gripping (Y/N)���s hip, making sure that they couldn’t escape the harsh movements of Jamison thrusting his throbbing cock inside of them. “That’s right, my little firecracker~ All nice and tight, all for me~” Jamison teases, enjoying the frantic breaths and broken words that escaped from (Y/N)’s mouth. This wasn’t exactly a part of the plan, at least until afterwards, but the arousal had apparently become too overbearing for Jamison to handle, him deciding that he needing to fuck (Y/N)’s brains out right then and there. He knew that they should be on the move to rendezvous with Mako, but the excitement, along with the now thoughts of them being caught by others, just made him have to deal with it right now. He’d deal with getting scolded by Mako later on. 

The vulgar words and commands slipping past (Y/N)’s lips edged him on, giving his own groan as they let out a soft cry from him leaning down and biting roughly at their shoulder. “Mine!~Mine!~ Mine!~” He started his mantra, his thrusts and grip becoming sloppy and frantic, giving a hint that he was close to cumming. He wraps an arm around (Y/N)’s waist, pulling them off from the desk and hoisting them into the hair, bucking his hips as he begins to bounce them against the length of his cock. His other hand reached around to pinch and roll their nipples, chuckling lustfully at jerking motions that he was causing to (Y/N)’s body. “F-Fuck, Daddy!~ Just like that!~ Fucking give me more of your cock!~” Jamison had to wrap the arm that was fondling (Y/N)’s waist to make sure that he didn’t accidentally drop and hurt them, but had gone silent out of what could be considered as shock. 

(Y/N) struggled to focus on the fact that Jamison had gone quiet when their body seemed to take control, rolling their hips to create friction of Jamison’s cock inside them, being on the verge of reaching an orgasm themself. “J-Jamison~” (Y/N) stuttered out his name, glancing up to his face whenever he started to speak once again. “Daddy, hm..?~ Firecracker’s Daddy~ Oo, I love the sound of that!~” He gave his usual giggles, now looking down at (Y/N) as he began to pick up the pace of his thrusting, a sinister grin forming on his lips. “Does Daddy make you feel so good, my Firecracker?~ No one else can make you feel as good as Daddy does~” He continued to verbally tease the trembling (Y/N), who was babbling out nonsense at this point, but he was now eager to finish up and get to the rendezvous point. He couldn’t wait to inform Mako that he was now a Daddy~ 

#jamison fawkes #overwatch junkrat #junkrat smut #x reader #lemon rating #requests?! thank you<3

[andro-dino]

Genuine curiosity: what got you here? What decisions in your life lead you ended up having brainworms for this funky spinning top commercial series? /aff /lh

it all started when I was but a wee lad in the second grade and saw Beyblade Metal Fusion on Netflix. The first time I watched it, I actually watched the third episode first because it had wolf in the title and I was a wolf girl growing up. After that I became enamored with the show. Created the first version of Essi on ms paint with a mouse (may god rest her soul (she died with the rest of my old art on my family computer one day 😔)), rewatched it a couple times, at least one of which I imagined essi in like every scene in the show, and was effectively obsessed with it. I didn’t have the abilities to draw ship art at the time but I did become very kyomado pilled during this as well. I actually didn’t know there was more after Fusion because Netflix didn’t have any of it (or I just never bothered to look for it idk).

After that, a couple years went by, and I think around 5th grade I decided to revisit it, had a blast, redrew Essi, and I was happy to leave it at that but then I was talking about it with a guy on my bus and he was like “oh yeah I really liked it have you watched fury?” and I was like “THERES MORE??????” and so I went out in search of More. I watched like half of masters on YouTube, but I didn’t retain like any of it. genuinely the only reason I know I got as far in as I did is because the only parts of it I remember at all were yu being more prominent and hikaru’s ptsd breakdown, but besides that, literally NOTHING stuck with me. I also discovered the existence of shogun steel during this time period from seeing adult gingka on google but knew nothing more about it.

That was the last of beyblade endeavors until summer of 2021. after splatoon 3 had been announced that year it had me very nostalgic for things I was into when I was younger, which started with me ranting about splatoon 1 stages I missed on twitter, which then led to me thinking about sonic underground and trying to find where to watch it bc it wasn’t on Netflix anymore. in doing this, I downloaded Tubi and saw fusion on there and I was like “omg I forgot I was obsessed with that!” I then similarly ranted my fond memories about it on Twitter and i ended up dropping my sonic underground rewatch and watching that instead. That is when the snowball began to form. I looked up the watch order and was telling my friend about it and how I was trying to find something that had all the seasons (bc at the time Tubi had fusion and fury but not masters) and then he sent me a pirating website I could use and I was like HOLY SHIT. And then from there, I watched the whole series, got obsessed with it, starting drawing fanart on my own time and looking up fandom stuff online, and then upon realizing most of the active fandom was on tumblr, dusted off my tumblr account and made my first post, and from there it’s only gotten worse.

#axel’s silly little thoughts #can I just say this was a very funny ask to see only the first few sentences of in my notifs #’what decisions led you to this point in your life’ FUN QUESTIONS FOR THE TUMBLR ASK BOX #I’ve joked about this with irl friends before but I have no idea when a hyperfix graduates to a special interest #but I think beyblade would probably constitute that for me atp #in all seriousness I’m glad to be here :] #this is the first time I’ve been part of a fandom where I’ve actually been seen and interacted #and not just been watching everyone else from the sidelines #and it’s been a very enjoyable experience I’m glad to have made the friends I have bc of it

[fangirleaconmigo]

A big part of taking care of someone who is sick is just keeping them company because it is so isolating.

So I have sped through a lot of media this past few months while sitting with my sister. And I’ve read while waiting in the hospital and doctors offices.

Here’s the new stuff I’ve just watched and read: (if you wanna talk more about any of them hmu in the ask box. It may take me awhile to answer but I want the asks even so!)

Watched

Barbie. I loved how weird this was. We need more weird blockbusters. I loved seeing a creative team with so many women win so big.

The Bear. This show was a little too real but so well done. I would die for Syd. My sister and I have incorporated “Heard, chef” and “Yes, Chef” into our daily lexicon.

Good Omens S2. When I tell you I was SCREAMIN at the finale. Season three is not a want, it is a need. Right up there with oxygen. Bless Tennant, bless Sheen, bless Gaiman, Netflix hear our prayers.

Breaking Bad rewatch. My thoughts could fill a novel. If anyone wants more, drop an ask. But for these purposes, my only thought is that I will never comprehend people who watched this for Walter White and not for Jessie Pinkman.

Justified Primeval: Deeply enjoyed watching Raylan Givens tussle with a child just like him 😂. Also his chemistry with Carolyn was fuckn fire, I loved the ‘grown an sexy’ vibe. And YESSSS to that epilogue.

What We Do in the Shadows (tho not the finale yet) I will be completely honest I watch this for Guillermo de la Cruz. No thots head empty just Guillermo.

The Witcher S3: My sister actually actively dislikes the show 😂😂😭 so I wasn’t gonna watch it to the sound of her unsolicited critique. So, I went to my friends house to watch it. But turned out my friend’s Husband Joined Us. He is nice but he talked over it SO MUCH. (Like did you know that some of the buildings don’t have windows in the wide shots but then in internal shots, windows galore??) Bless his heart. Point being, I need to watch again.

Ladies First. I’m a big fan of women in hip hop so this documentary series was a MUST. It was great but it left me wanting more. I want a series for every year of women in hip hop. Incredible. Also I found some new artists to listen to.

Pacific Rim rewatch. The movie is just as much fun ten years later. The concept of drift compatibility is top fucking shelf my friends. Top. Fuckn. Shelf. Also, is this the only GDT movie where the monsters are actually the bad guys? 😂 I think it is.

Heartstopper. I watched this mostly because I wanted to spend time (virtually, alas) with my fandom wife and she is obsessed with this show. Glad queer teens have this. The main actors have amazing chemistry, and are super lovable and talented.

One Piece live action. I needed something lighter after being gutted by Breaking Bad so I turned to this show. Am now obsessed with Roronoa Zoro.

I Read:

Pageboy, Elliot Page

Under the Whispering Door, TJ Klune.

Velvet is the Night, Silvia Moreno Garcia

I am Spock, Leonard Nimoy

The Entire Murderbot Diaries series re-read for like the seventh time. This is like my therapy. By Martha Wells.

#the witcher #opla #breaking bad #justified #good omens #the bear #pacific rim

[bookish-bogwitch]

Trope Grading Game aka Grope Trading Game

Thanks for the tags @artsyunderstudy, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, and @aristocratic-otter! This seems like a lot of fun.

@ileadacharmedlife @moodandmist @facewithoutheart @skee3000 @ivelovedhimthroughworse @cutestkilla @thewholelemon @raenestee, and everyone whose fic is mentioned below and everyone reading this, consider yourself tagged if you haven't gone!

Rules: How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

-10 -> very dissuaded

0 - don’t care either way

+10 -> very enticed

nope -> if it’s a hard no and you’d never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you’d insta click out of the fic if it wasn’t tagged

Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it’s conditional.

Age gap: -2

Not into it at all for younger characters, but I don't mind for older ones. I haven't read a lot of couples with bigger age gaps but I wouldn't rule out enjoying it in the right context--though I can't see being into it for the sake of the trope itself. (I love you for you, Malcolm Grimm.) Codependency: Interdependency: +7

The template asks about codependency but I finally looked up what codependency means and it's about an uneven relationship where a partner, friend, or family member subsumes their own needs in the course of accommodating / enabling another person's destructive behavior. Is that anyone's jam? There's a reason Rainbow skipped the 12 months between the CO epilogue and the start of WS...

But if we're talking interdependency, then I'm super into it. Octavia Butler was right: "dependency is sexy if it's chosen and not coercive. Symbiosis is a kind of dependency. A dependency of equals is best." Snowbaz symbolizes this with the whole hot/cold body temp thing, which is #sharingabedgoals, and there's lots of great fic in this fandom exploring it, my all-time fave being @fatalfangirl's stunning Bound and Determined.

Obsession/Possessiveness, jealousy: +2

Obsession, sure, sign me up. What is Simon at all those football practices if not obsession?

And I can get behind jealousy as a device for revealing the depth of otherwise hidden or even denied feelings. But active, power-and-control-wheel possessiveness? Gross.

Opposites (grumpy/sunshine etc): +5

Yeah! I love watching the grump's walls come down. But with the caveat that the sunshine can't be a one-dimensional, manic pixie dream character, because the that's just boring and I don't care about them.

Enemies to lovers, Enemies with benefits: +5

What snowbaz fan isn't into this? But a key element for me is that there has to be some reason behind the initial enemies dynamic besides one or both of them just being an asshole. Maybe they think that's what's up at first and then learn otherwise, but if their enemy status is based on something real, like they genuinely hate each other based on accurate knowledge about each other, I find it implausible and probably also difficult to like one or both of them.

That's part of why Snowbaz works for me: Baz and Simon's enemy status was imposed on them by a fucked up political system and abusive caretakers. Left to their own devices they'd probably never have been enemies. The reason for their animosity is not the core of who they are.

Friends with benefits: +2

Ehhh is it benefits to full on love? I don't really connect with allo perspectives on sexual relationships, like I get them intellectually but I don't jive with them on an emotional level, so there has to be that emotional draw for me, that underlying romance. I mean tho, @fatalfangirl stacy is writing an excellent fic on this premise right now that I absolutely love because there are clearly feelings involved. But it also might fall more into the realm of the next trope on this list ... which is ...

What Ashton said 😂 also props to fandom for teaching me that I am demisexual, and that this is not a default mode of existence.

Sex to feelings: [phone]

It's the fucking BEST. You get to read all the smut and then the climax ISN'T "and then we did it," it's "and then we were emotionally intimate." You get to be horny and a sap.

I also think this trope inherently pushes writers' creativity because the relationship's progression can't follow standard mainstream romance beats. And the sex scenes usually have narrative significance by showing how the relationship is changing, which produces great writing.

Fake dating/relationship: +5

Yes, especially if there's lots of pining along the way! @captain-aralias's Unintended is a great example.

Friends to lovers: +3

I wouldn't say I seek this out specifically but there are so many great fics with this tag. Here are a few (but not all) of my favorites: I'd Gladly Eat You for Breakfast by @whogaveyoupermission What Remains After the Storm by @hushed-chorus Sixty Seconds by @artsyunderstudy Petrichor by @martsonmars And again Unintended by @captain-aralias

Found Family: +1

It's fine? I love moving proofs of love and affection outside of romance, but whether it's in something that fits the label "found family" or not is important to me.

Hurt/Comfort: +10

PUT IT DIRECTLY. INTO MY MOUTH. I am a fucking sap for hurt/comfort. It gives me the swoops. There is fucking nothing I like better than lovers (or almost lovers) comforting each other and taking care of each other, emotionally, physically, spiritually, whatever. It's sexy to me. It affects me deeply.

#WhatAshtonSaid. I literally have a WIP going where someone says "who did this to you??" just because I love it so much. I'm pretty sure Nightmares and Excuses was the first fic that made me cry. (It's not hard to do.)

Love Triangle: -8

Not my thing if there's genuine heartbreak / unrequited love floating around. That just bums me out. I get a kick out of the Agatha-Simon-Baz's confusion in CO, but only Penny thinks that's actually a love triangle. I think the only book I've ever loved with a "real" love triangle is Emma and even [SPOILER FOR 208-YEAR-OLD-BOOK] Harriet's not actually in love with Mr. Knightley, she just thinks she is.

Poly, open relationships: -4

Only if it's porn without plot and even then it's pretty rare that I'm into it. I'm not usually interested in sex scenes without a romantic/love element (even if that element is deeply repressed) and am personally very monogamous and have a hard time connecting with poly relationship themes. Which obviously does not mean that poly =/= emotional or romantic connection, not at all, it's just a tough one to wrap my head around.

@skee3000 nailed this for me in Minos, by having Simon and Baz connect with each other even as they have three-way with Mr. Minos, but now I'm conflating a threesome with poly/open relationships. Go read it anyway.

Mistaken/hidden identity: +2

Not sure I can think of a Snowbaz fic that focuses on this, although I'm sure there are some. I do like it when characters meet for the first time and are drawn to each other, only to learn that each other's larger identities make that complicated. And the trust issues that brings up. There are a couple of KJ Charles novels that deal with this really beautifully.

Monsterfucking: +5

I really love when monsterfucking is used as a way to celebrate difference and work through a character's feelings about their own body or its changes. This fandom does a great job with that. Otherwise I'm not drawn to any particular monsters for their monstery sake (but see: Minos's horns).

Pregnancy: -2

+8 for mpreg, -10 for other pregnancy.

I stalled out for two weeks on this post, wondering how to explain this without getting darker and more personal than I'd like. And then realized I don't have to explain 😃.

Second Chance: +7

Love it! I don't always have the heart to read the actual breakup, or falling out, or lost opportunity etc., but I love fics where that has already happened and we're seeing them put themselves back together. Some examples, that may or may not have this tag but definitely have this theme:

What's Left by @cutestkilla This Will All Go Down in Flames by @facewithoutheart There's Be Peace When You Are Done by somekindofpath Once More, with Feeling by fox_pitch

And probably countless others I'm forgetting.

Slowburn: +10

Yeah! I know I said I love sex before feelings but I love this too. (And I think they can be successfully combined into slow-feelings-burn.) There's nothing like a satisfying, well-earned payoff. I also admire well-executed slowburns because whenever I write a get-together fic I have to actively resist mashing their faces together in the first 100 words.

Soulmates: -1

In theory I don't love these. The red string, etc. It can just feel played out, and also the emotional logic of it is kind of alienating. I have a hard time putting my head into a world where people have these predestined connections and are trying to find each other because it's just so not how I see relationships. BUT when an author critically and playfully messes with the trope, it can be lots of fun. All This Soulmate Shit by half_witch mashes up a dozen different soulmate tropes to make something that's brilliant, funny, sexy, and feels like they are actively choosing each other rather than obeying destiny. I also adore Bound and Determined by @fatalfangirl for how it plays with the idea of free will and consent, which feel like soulmate-related theme. But it's probably not a coincidence that this fic doesn't have the "soulmates" tag.

That's a lot of me me me and what I think. What do YOU think, friends?

#tag game #trope grading game #navel gazing #simon snow fandom meta-talk

[yandere-sins]

The Knight’s Squire [Part 5]

Aaaand also done! No happy endings this Sintember it seems lol, but hey, those two were very fun to write ^-^ I did envision this to go in a different direction but I am not unhappy with how these two turned out to be!

Fandom: Original Work   Pairings:  M!Yandere!Squire (Alec) x F!Darling!Knight (Reader)       Warnings: Yandere, Sexual Activities (Non-Con, Multiple Orgasms, Forced Orgasms, Fluids, Creampie, Scratching/Biting, Slapping mention, Degradation/Insults, Cockwarming, Preventing Cum from leaking, Fingering, Overstimulation, Exhibition), Arranged Marriage/Marriage of Convenience, Degradation, Obsessive Behavior, Possessiveness, Jealousy, Mindbreak, Gentle Yandere

Prompt: @sintember Healing, or so they say - Why did it hurt to be fixed. Did they make you perfect just to ruin you again?

»»———————— ♡ ————————««

Your wedding night took way too long.

Hours, days, weeks. You didn’t even leave the bedroom to bath, a bathtub being brought in and filled for you when you could barely move. Food was placed on trays and set down on the bed while you were sweating under no coverage but Alec’s body and hands. The maids didn’t even make an expression of disgust, leading you to believe they were used to the prince’s unsavory actions that you had never known before.

As a knight, you had installed fear and submission into many soldiers, mercenaries, and peasants. But you never know that submission could look very different than fearful eyes and pleading for your life. In fact, as you looked into the mirror for the ten-thousand time this day, you saw nothing on your face but a different kind of submission and heard nothing but your gurgles and moans as Alec kept playing with you. Even he got tired from time to time, but you felt dead—inside and outside.

“Alec, it really is time for you two to make a public appearance before the king,” his father reminded him. The first time he came to Alec’s bedroom, you had still been so ashamed to be seen like this by your father-in-law, but aside from a quick glance, he had never shown any interest in you. You reckoned you might not have been anything more than a whore in his eyes.

You certainly looked the part.

With a deep sigh, Alec pulled back, his cock half-hard after using you as a cockwarmer until he was ready to go again. You watched his reflection in the mirror turn around and sit down against the pillows behind you, grabbing his wine chalice and taking a swig. His free hand fell to your ass, and you flinched, an overstimulated whine escaping you as he slipped his fingers lower, playing with your entrance that was seeping cum, slick and abused. Hot and ready.

“Fine,” he finally relented, annoyed, sounding extremely inconvenienced by the nagging of his father. At this point, being unable to recognize your face in the mirror’s reflection, you didn’t care anymore what happened. Even if Alec stopped forcing you into submission, breaking your body and your already shattered mind, you wouldn’t be able to go back to your old life. You’d live like an insane woman wandering the streets, being shooed away, and no one would hear you out. There was no way to heal you.

After all the pain, misery, and frustration, there had been only pleasure. And then… nothing. You had become so detached from everything, forced orgasms shaking your body and Alec feeding you delicacies only nobles got to enjoy, but you felt absolutely nothing. No joy and no relief. Time had become a concept only. You slept when he slept, ate when he ate, bathed when he did. There were no days to count, nothing to look forward to. It wasn’t the life you envisioned you’d have after marrying him. It wasn’t a life at all.

“She’s almost ready anyway,” he announced, sounding somewhat proud as he popped his fingers out of you, unleashing the flood of cum he had carefully filled you with. At this point, it would have been more surprising not to be pregnant, but you didn’t even care about that, either.

“Really, Alec…” his father sighed. “When I told you to ensure she’s obedient, I didn’t mean breaking her.”

“What do you know, old man?” Alec replied, unfazed by his father’s comment. You watched him grab the wine bottle next to the bed, popping off the cork. Just seconds later, you felt the rough material rubbing against your entrance, being coated in your and his juices before slipping in almost a little too easily. You barely stirred, your exhaustion just so much bigger than the sensation. Still, Alec grinned as he stuffed you with the cork before sliding his fingers over your pussy one last time appreciatively and giving you one final slap to the ass.

“You were always happy with your cheap whores like my mother. But look at my wife. Isn’t she the most beautiful pussy you ever saw? Not like you’ll ever know what she tasted like.”

The mockery didn’t seem to sit well with his father. He tsked, turning around, and you heard the footsteps echoing away from you. “... whatever,” he grumbled, and you clenched your muscles down below, your body intuitively knowing to squeeze around penetrating objects after all of Alec’s demands.

“Just make sure she’s dressed and ready to be presented before the king. Don’t embarrass me now, Alec.”

The door closing behind him caused both a sigh from you as well as Alec. His in annoyance, yours in relief. It was bad enough to be with your husband. You could take a pass on the nagging family and their strained relationship. Alec was quick to devote himself back to you, leaning over you and kissing your shoulder and down your spine. “You’d never embarrass this family, [Name],” he mumbled against your skin. “People will be honored to just be in your presence.”

His hands roaming, he massaged your body, its stiffness similar to rigor mortis as you laid head first in the blanket, nuzzling your tired features into the smelly, dirty satin. “Alas, we’ll have to attend this one,” he grumbled as he worked his warm palms into your body, soothing the achings he had caused with uncomfortable positions and his need to mark you with his nails and teeth.

A curt whistle slipped from his lips before he quickly brought them back to your skin, kissing and tending to it. You heard the door open and had no doubts the maids were heaving the heavy wooden bathtub back inside again, their footsteps soon followed by the sloshing of water as they filled it.

“Let’s get you clean and dressed, okay? I know you’ll be on your best behavior today.”

Alec sounded confident, and you couldn’t blame him. Rolling you over, he lifted you up like a large doll, holding you in his arms and kissing you briefly on the way to the bathtub. You had no strength to resist. No will to struggle. You wanted to close your eyes and not open them again… ever. Forget all the shame and misery you had to experience because of Alec and his twisted, sick desires.

When he lowered you into the bathtub, the warm water surrounded you like a gentle embrace.

Making you wish to sink lower and lower, below the surface, and never come up again.

»»————— ♡

Of course, Alec—who happily bathed you and himself—wouldn’t have let that happen.

It was a wonder that you could still stand on your feet and walk with your feeble legs. Just like you couldn’t recognize your face in the mirror, you felt detached from your body as you watched yourself getting dressed up by the maids. Layer after layer, they pulled over your head, Alec stalking behind them, making sure there were no unnecessary touches while you were cared for and prepared quickly and efficiently.

He once cut off a maid’s hand for pouring water over you, and you flinched because its warmth irritated a fresh wound. Perhaps that was why he was overly protective of you now, and all the maids looking a little… tense. However, once they shimmied away, Alec put his arms around you from behind, telling you how beautiful you were as he squeezed you tightly. Over and over did he kiss the back of your neck, making you out to be the most beautiful woman in all of mankind while you stared at yourself in the mirror, seeing nothing but an empty shell in a beautiful dress.

At this point, you wouldn’t have complained if he sent you out in his bedsheet, either.

As you two stepped through the grand hallways of the mansion you owned now, your gaze never raised from the ground. Even when Alec pointed out all the vases with your favorite flowers and how he had the maids redecorate to match more things to your liking, you didn’t even bother replying to him. Even tortured people used to talk once it got too much, but you were broken beyond repair.

The drive to the palace passed you by in a blink. It might have been hours of Alec blabbering about this and that, always making sure to compliment you in between, hold your hand, kiss you, and restrain himself from pushing up your skirt and fishing that cork out of your cunt to eat you out. But you barely noticed how long it took. Just like you didn’t know if it was day or night back in the bedroom, you now didn’t recognize that any time had passed at all.

You didn’t really have to do anything, your hand glued to his arm with his other palm pressing on top of it. No one addressed you so directly so that Alec could speak for you, and he navigated you around the celebration so you didn’t even have to look up. Your ears were buzzing with voices from all around you, but you couldn’t focus on them. You truly had become the epitome of the silent, pretty wife, so many of these disgusting aristocrats wanted, and Alec was showing you off proudly.

That was until you heard it.

“[Name]?”

A voice so familiar, so sweet. Gentle like the wind in spring, tingling through every vein in your body, every muscle, and elevating every heartbeat. It filled you with new life, and finally, despite Alec being in conversation with someone, you looked up. Not at them, but at the man you had wanted to be with for the rest of your life. The only one you ever truly loved and saw at your side.

Just… as his eyes took you in from head to toe, there was no love for you in them. They were cold, appalled, maybe even disgusted. It dawned on you that he must hate you for breaking your promise and his heart. But still, he was the only lifeline you had. The reason you had even become like this. If not for him, you might just have been cast out, but you were protecting him by enduring everything.

Your arm reached up and out for him. A spark of hope, a glimmer of a chance rushing through you. Surely, he could see beyond your broken parts, right? If he so much but touched you, maybe everything would be okay again. Perhaps you’d be able to endure it longer if only you got to hold him again. You were dying of thirst, but he was the oasis in the endless desert of your life.

And you were so, so desperate for just one more chance at living.

Alec’s hand slammed hard into your arm, pushing it down as he swirled you around, pressing you to his chest. He gave your ex a derogatory lookover before greeting him through gritted teeth. “What a pleasure to see you again, Sir. I would appreciate it if you didn’t get so close to my wife.”

A threat enveloped in mockery as he had to remind your former brother-in-arms of who you belonged to now. You pressed your palm into Alec’s chest, wanting to get away from him and pursue your chase. Where Alec was nothing but darkness incarnated, your lover was the light you wanted to be kept in. But he strengthened his hold around you, and with missing so many days of training, you were sluggish, to say the least.

“I didn’t intend to get close to her. I was merely greeting a fellow former knight as it’s appropriate.”

Around you, the people had started to whisper, noticing the tension in the air. You couldn’t hear them at all. Only his words rang in your ears. Didn’t intend to get close. Former Knight. That’s how he saw you now, didn’t he? You meant so little to him he wasn’t even going to try and stand up for you. Of course not… why would he? All he knew was that you ditched him for a more affluent husband. He had no idea you were forced and broken-in to become this picture-perfect wife. No one knew, and if they did, they turned a blind eye to your misery.

You were all alone.

A sob built in your throat, and as if he knew, Alec pushed your head into his shoulder, announcing. “Very well then. As you can see, my wife is unwell, so I’ll take her outside for a bit to rest. Please excuse us.”

You hadn’t cried in weeks, but it was as if the pain of all this time was crushing down on you as Alec hurried you out of the room, not even saying goodbye to the host before he urged you into the carriage, having it quickly disappear into the night. He held you the whole time, soothing, gently comforting you, allowing you to ruin the expensive clothes that didn’t mean anything to him. You were inconsolable, crying, whaling, and gurgling from so much built-up pain that was unleashed. It didn’t even stop when he carried you back to your bedroom.

Every time you woke up after passing out from exhaustion, you cried. It went on for longer than you could remember, and Alec was always there, tending to you and patiently waiting for the time to pass. And once again, the numbness returned. The tears dried out, and you were stuck in the misery and horror that was your life. You never had to face a battlefield as scary as this, yet only you and Alec seemed to exist on it.

“Do you understand it now?” he asked you one day, stroking your hair as you laid in his lap. “I only have you. And you only have me.”

“But… why?” you croaked, your throat so dry from not drinking anything in a long time. Taking a cup from the nightstand, Alec elevated your head, having you sip from it. Cold water rushed through your body, but it didn’t help you wake up from this nightmare. Nothing could stir you anymore. Or so you thought.

“You wouldn’t have chosen me otherwise,” he explained, strangely aware of the truth at that moment. “But I couldn’t choose someone else. Do you understand?”

You couldn’t muster a reaction to his words, but it didn’t seem like he needed it. He just kept stroking your hair, entangling the strands with adoration overflowing in his eyes. “My heart is all yours, and I did what I had to do. And isn’t it okay this way? You and me, and no one else. Once you accept it, it’ll stop hurting, my Beloved. It will be perfect and fun for the rest of our lives. I’ll make you happy, I promised.”

Hah. Didn’t he make it sound so easy? As if all this pain and misery he caused could be soothed by his words and little actions of kindness when you knew exactly how much he enjoyed breaking his promises. But you were done fighting. You were done feeling. But you knew he wouldn’t end it for you for as long as he lived. Because he loved you. You understood that now.

He loved you more than anything or anyone in this world. And Alec would destroy anything that would unbind you from him, be it the kindness, love, or affection of others or even your own healing. The realization hurt, knowing that if you weren’t his way of right, he’d keep ‘fixing’ you. Completely and utterly ruin you in the process too. No matter how long it would take.

“This is madness…” you whispered, no tears left in your body to cry.

“Yes. Yes, my Love, it is. I am mad—madly in love with you. But tell me, Darling…”

His fingers caressed your cheek, a warm, gentle touch. One that didn’t hurt for once, didn’t disgust you anymore and forced you to pull away. Instead, you closed your eyes, letting him gently brush his thumb over your lips, lowering his head to breathe a kiss against them before tenderly uniting you two. Packed with love and a promise to treasure you and fulfill your wishes.

His wishes. Your wishes?

You opened your eyes, meeting his gaze just as the kiss slowly ended. The last remains of tension fled you as you looked into the depth of his soul, so full of love and affection. And of victory. For Alec knew he won. As he watched you lean into his touch, giving up the few feeble restraints you put on yourself and got comfortable in his touch, he opened his mouth again to finish the sentence he started.

“You, my Darling. Aren’t you mad too?”

#Yandere Squire #Yandere!Squire #Sintember 2022 #yandere #yandere imagines #yandere headcanons #yandere scenarios #yandere fanfiction #yandere writing #yandere stories #yandere oneshots #yandere oneshot #yandere drabble #yandere x reader #yandere x darling #Yandere TW #OW

[nhasablogg]

Doll

Fandom: MCU

Characters: Tony/Bucky

Summary: Bucky calls Tony “doll” in bed and Tony is a little obsessed.

A/N: Found this half-finished in my documents and decided to write the rest. I hope you like it!

Warnings: Nothing graphic, but discusses activities in the bedroom.

Words: 700ish

Bucky had whispered it into Tony’s skin. Something small, nearly a secret. Doll. Tony shivered from just the thought of that word now, stirring creamer into his coffee as the rain painted streaks over the kitchen windows. Bucky was good at marking his body, with fingers and lips. It always astounded him how quickly the marks faded, and yet the word had been etched onto his hips.

Doll. Never before had Tony cared for that nickname - had never before been called it - and now he felt he couldn’t let it go.

“If you continue you’ll stir that coffee to death.”

His voice was hoarse in the mornings, although the huskyness was different than in bed. Tony felt silly, all lovesick and giddy, but he couldn’t help it as he turned to look at Bucky and his ponytail, the slight stubble he’d felt on his cheek only minutes prior as they’d peeled apart in bed.

“You know how I am about my morning coffee.”

“Oh, please.” Bucky moved closer, pressing his body against Tony’s and trapping him against the counter. “If you could consume it through an IV you would.”

Tony rolled his eyes, but the way his cheeks heated overshadowed whatever sass he was trying to portray. Bucky had that effect on him, and combined with the flashes of memories from the previous night Tony felt entirely at his mercy. Bucky took advantage of it so beautifully, but that morning his grin was playful yet calm, and left little space for anything else but a suggestion for breakfast.

They ate slowly, although Tony’s coffee disappeared nearly before Bucky had finished buttering his toast.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked as Tony stared into the empty cup.

“You,” he admitted. “It’s usually you after- well, night’s like last night.”

“You liked it, huh?” But it wasn’t really a question. Bucky knew exactly how much he liked it.

Tony felt his cheeks heat up, so unlike his usual portrayal of self confidence that nearly bordered on arrogance. “Yes,” he said, for there was no point in pretending otherwise.

Bucky hummed and twirled his half-empty cup in his hands. “What exactly did you like?”

Oh, he was cruel.

Tony looked down at the table, but Bucky reached over to gently force his head up again. “No. Look at me when you tell me.”

“Well,” he started, clearing his throat. “I liked it when you kissed my hips.”

“You were so ticklish, though,” Bucky replied with a grin. “Could barely stay still.”

Tony flushed all the more. “Maybe that was part of why I liked it?”

“Oh, I know, I’m just teasing.” He stroked his jaw. “Tell me more.”

“You’re being self indulgent.”

Bucky let out a laugh. “Naturally. I do enjoy making you squirm, in many ways.” He curled his fingers under Tony’s chin, making him recoil with a yelp. “It’s so satisfying.”

“You’re mean,” Tony said, rubbing at the sensitive skin to get rid of the ghost tickles.

“And you’re stalling.”

“I liked it when you told me to keep still.”

“Which was damn near impossible.”

“I liked it that you had to hold me down for it.”

“I see.” Bucky leaned back to look at him more properly. “And did you like that you had to endure my ticklish kisses?”

“You could barely call that kisses.” 

“Answer the question.”

“Yes. I did.” Bucky’s mouth had been everywhere; kissing and sucking and marking and whispering. It had been a strange combination of unbearable and intoxicating. “I liked it when you said things. Into my skin, I mean.”

“Oh?”

“It felt-” Tony gestured vaguely with his hands. “-secretive. Like each word was all mine.”

Bucky visibly softened, his hand reaching out to grab one of Tony’s. “It was all for you,” he said. “All of it.”

Tony grinned. “I know.” A breath, and: “And I liked it when you called me doll.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Is that so?” He was all but purring now.

Tony shrugged, an attempt at nonchalance. “You’ve never called me that before.”

“Well, you’re so fucking pretty I couldn’t help myself.”

Tony blushed again and Bucky laughed properly now.

“I really just gotta tickle you and compliment you to turn you into a flustered mess, huh?”

“Don’t abuse that power.”

“Oh, only in the bedroom. Unless you’re not behaving, that is.”

Tony huffed, but accepted Bucky’s kiss. “I always behave.”

“Of course you do, doll.”

#tickling #ticklish!tony #tony/bucky #winteriron #winteriron fic #tickle fic #doll #n writes

[cynopoe]

heyyy idk if you remember but I once asked u about your inspiration/how you learned anatomy/draw etc. and I wanted to ask if you have answered that already. ofc you don't have to (you don't have to answer this one either, if you don't I'll just assume you didn't) ig you posted stg about not having time etc to reply and again: i love your art

Hey! I distinctly remember something like that although I don’t think I answered. And I can’t find it in my inbox either. Either I responded it and it got lost in the void or I might have deleted the ask when I was cleaning the box from all the porn bots. Either way I’m sorry for losing your ask 🥲

I will answer it now

I started drawing digitally when I was 15 on an old wacom tablet. I didn’t stop doing traditional stuff until I bought an ipad and got lazy with the endless options it offered me. I still use the ipad with procreate and CSP interchangeably. In my experience Procreate has a better coloring tools be it the colors itself or the brushes, the editing tools. Blending modes are, in my opinion, slightly better than CSP. and CSP inspires me to do more sketches and comic style stuff. I recommend them both.

What I will say now will stay between you and me. Alright? I learned doing anatomy from drawing filthy, filthy pornography. I wasn’t any good at it in the beginning, but honestly it is the best way to learn it, in my experience. I developed so fast when I was doing nsfw art. A lot faster than if I had only been drawing normal stuff. Many of those drawings will never see the face of day, but they’re there. And they helped me a lot.

Other than that I also recommend studying real life. Try to understand where body parts start and where they end. Try to study the “line of action”. Try to remind yourself a body is a 3d form. Foreshortening helps, although I’m not the biggest fan of it. Trace photographs- and I’m not saying like go over like by like. Study photographs. There are many reference pictures online. I often find mine on pinterest.

Redrawing one pose over and over again until you can do it with close eyes, helps, and will drive you up a wall. You will want to break your pencil. But it will help. Compare what you draw with the reference picture. Remember to flip the canvas often. Our eyes get used to our art, good parts and the mistakes.

Sleep on a pose if you can’t get it just right. Your eyes will be kinder to you in the next day.

Yeah using references and being very mindful of them will help you a lot. There are some youtube tutorials. This streamer has been my favorite lately.

About finding inspiration… I’m sorry I can’t help you much with this one. You see, I’ve lost mine and I have been looking for it for a year now. Idk. Get unnaturally obsessed with a media? Get into a moderately large fandom? Have some people around you to keep your interest alive? Idk I haven’t been active in any fandom in years. But when I was, I saw that social interaction of it helped me to stay motivated to create.

Keep your mind sharp: read, study, interact with anything out of your comfort zone. In my personal experience, keeping in my walls never really gives me that rush, that eureka of inspiration. I often get this desire to create when my mind is active. I don’t know if it will be the same for you though.

Thank you for this ask! And thank you for being incredibly patient. I’m sorry again for losing your ask before. I hope I could help even a little 🖤 stay creative, friend.

#asks #anonymous

[mademoiselle-red]

Reading the Renault fandom dissertation, part 4: the online TC fandom analysis begins…

An academic decided to write about us, online fans of Mary Renault’s works, for her phd dissertation in 2018, and as the subject of her research, I will be covering & commenting on what she wrote over a series of posts ✍️📑 (Here is part 1, part 2, part 3, part 5, and part 6)

For part 4, we begin to delve into Chou’s analysis of the online TC fandom, which she calls the “millennial fandom” because it sprung up in the new millennium (the mid-2000s).

“While Renault’s works have mostly lost their relevance for readers of historical fiction and gay literature, Renault has found a new fandom in internet communities. On LiveJournal.com, the social networking website that has been a platform for many fandom communities since 1999, there are two major communities devoted to Renault and her works: maryrenaultfics (since 2004) and maryrenault (2005). While these communities have become less active due to decreasing popularity of LiveJournal itself, Renault fandom is still active on more recent fandom platforms such as Tumblr and Archive of Our Own”

So far this checks out. These are all the places we have congregated in.

“Renault’s new fans are not the “older gay men” who have gone digital, nor are they the “serious-minded teenagers” interested in classical times, or the academics who are finally paying the author her long-overdue attention. The cult popularity that Renault’s works achieved in the community of online fan “prosumers,” especially for those who are interested in “slash”—fantasy about male homoeroticism largely produced for and by women—demands a renewed examination of how Renault’s works could be reread and re-evaluated.”

I’m pretty sure there are middle aged men, academics, and serious minded history-obsessed teens among us. But cis women (and bisexual folks) do comprise half of the fandom (according to an informal poll I ran a while back).

“According to Fanlore Wiki, one of the largest Wikipedia websites about English- speaking fan activities, one of Renault’s LiveJournal community has been in existence since 2004, aptly named “Mary’s Handmaidens.” On the Fanlore page about “Mary’s Handmaidens,” a passage describes the gender and sexual constituent of the online community: “The community includes members of both sexes, with (by comparison with many other fandoms) a notable contingent of men, though the majority of writers of fan fiction are women. Various sexual orientations are represented among the membership.” The statement about a “notable contingent of men” is a curious one compared to the “handmaidens” in the title of the community. Despite its consciously inclusive taglines (“the community includes members of both sexes”, “various sexual orientations are represented”), the community adopts a female persona as its identity.”

This is a fair point! The handmaidens group name really wasn’t inclusive. And cis women did and still do comprise the largest group in Renault fandoms (and slash fandoms in general).

“Another example of Renault’s Internet fandom is The Theban Band’s fan arts based on Renault’s novels (see fig. 4). Among fan artworks on Renault’s works by The Theban Band, one piece based on The Charioteer illustrates serial lines of flights from the fans to Renault, from Renault to her characters, and then from her characters to antiquity (see fig. 5). The artwork demonstrates the fantastical disposition of the simultaneous disidentification and cross- identification with otherness, which in the scene depicted is embodied in a leap to another time and place. This artwork captures the moment in which Ralph and Laurie’s flirtatious book-exchange takes place in The Charioteer.”

What about this above image demonstrates disidentification and cross-identification with its subject matter? It appears to be a just a faithful visual rendition of the scene from the novel.

“If Ralph is attempting to initiate Laurie to homosexuality, it is interesting that the knowledge of homosexuality that he passes on (instead of homosexuality itself) is explained as a fantasy. In this scene of erotic initiation of a young boy, the only physical contact between the two characters is through a book that is “just a nice idea.” In the same scene, the two are depicted as dangerously close to a kiss In the passage, Ralph merely makes an “outward movement” and then steps back. What takes place in between, the “[h]alf-remembered images” of “the tents of Troy, the columns of Athens, David waiting in an olive grove for the sound of Jonathan’s bow” preoccupy Laurie’s mind strangely more so than the immediate presence of Ralph.”

I guess she is on the no-kiss team for chapter 2. 😚

“Together with the Phaedrus that Laurie physically receives, the fantasy of a homoerotic past mediates the modern, homosexual relationship between Laurie and Ralph throughout the entire story. In this sense, Phaedrus functions for the two characters much like how Renault’s books function for her readers. The Charioteer is an adoring look to the past clothed as a story about the inner struggles of a modern homosexual, or, more precisely, about how the struggles must be negotiated through a fantasy of the past. Renault’s books were for her mid-century gay readers “a badge of homosexuality” in much the same way Plato’s Phaedrus is for Ralph and Laurie: a communication about desire in the present through a collective fantasy of a past that contains the ideal form of that desire. […] Laurie looks back into a mythical past in order to contextualize his homosexuality, and Renault herself turns to the idea of Greek Love to write about male homoeroticism. In a similar way, the 21st-century fans locate in Renault’s works a kind of male homoeroticism that seems unavailable in the here and now of post-gay sexual politics.”

What are post-gay sexual politics? In what way precisely is the kind of male homoeroticism in Renault’s works, and in TC in particular (since this passage focuses on TC) no longer available in the here and now? While things have improved a lot for queer people, especially here in the west, homophobia has not gone away! Do all LGBTQ people in the Americas and Europe (where Renault’s books are published) no longer face familial and social ostracism after coming out? Readers both in the old livejournal and here on tumblr have mentioned how they could relate to TC because they come from homophobic families and communities. Through TC and the Greek novels, people can read about characters experiencing similar emotions and situations, across time, space and sometimes gender, and feel comforted, knowing that they are not alone, that this love exists, it is real, and it will find a way.

“The three-fold leap in time for Renault’s millennial fans constitutes a fantasy that is thrice removed from the “reality” of sexual desire. If Ralph and Laurie could be said to negotiate their own identity through an ancient Greek philosopher, and if as critics have argued, Renault masks her own lesbian identity by male homoeroticism located both temporally and cultural distant from her own, it is much more difficult to argue that there is a sexual truth being filtered through Plato, Renault’s characters, and finally Renault herself for the millennial fans.”

While Laurie & Ralph and the mid-century gay readers use The Phaedrus / The Charioteer to communicate their sexuality through “a collective fantasy of a past that contains the ideal form of that desire”, the “millennial fans”, according to Chou, are too far removed from the “reality” of sexual desire to receive “a sexual truth.” This assumes that the millennial fans do not use The Charioteer to explore and understand their own sexuality and cannot relate their own sexual realities to the same-sex desires depicted in the novel. This, as I said in the paragraph above, is not true, since many readers in these online communities do identify as LGBTQ+ and can relate to LGBTQ+ experiences. It is true that many of the millennial fans are not specifically gay men using these gay books to reveal their sexualities to each other. And there are indeed straight women among us, but in my experience, we are definitely NOT a majority straight-women group. Most of us are queer people who, like Ralph/Laurie and the mid-century gay readers, have found each other through this book (as friends and as lovers ❤️)

My commentary on Chou’s online TC fandom analysis continues in part 5, and a tumblr username familiar to many of us here makes a surprising appearance in the dissertation 👀👀👀

#the charioteer #fandom writes back #mary renault

[iamafictionfreak]

Tantric Healing and Tawan?

(Right. I wrote something at the start of the week that work, and family made impossible for me to have the time to upload. At the end I rambled a bit about what I think is to come in the latter half of the show. You don’t have to read it but since I took the time to write it I might as well reveal how the show’s screwing with me. Also, only ten gifs per post? How are we supposed to obsess appropriately??)

Let’s talk about this fandom’s favourite subject: Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeex

No, SERIOUSLY. Let’s. Talk. About. The. Sex. Stuff. This girl can’t get passed it. Don’t you understand how incredible that scene was, how significant? Let’s not skip how they took a very base, very COMMON, very normal activity and elevated it into something so beautiful, something special, despite the circumstances.

Hand jobs can be as much an act of love as they can be a quickie in a bathroom.

This was no quickie in a bathroom.

This was a conversation – this was a mutual back and forth, a very passionate, explorative, exciting expression of the EVERYTHING both were feeling and goddamn, I don’t recall any other show – focusing on whatever sexuality – that has managed to so realistically pull something like this off.

It was so intimate, I felt like I was an intruder, except they were inviting us in as witnesses.

That moment was simultaneously a ‘how to’ for two men who want to fuck and evidence that a hand job can be seen as a dirty, base act in human sexual activity, just as it’s fundamental to the exploration of your love. It’s as much an act of love as sex or kissing. It’s simply more exposed. More intimate. More revealing in some ways.

With these two, these old hats when it comes to sex and the like, it shouldn’t be anything more than an act and it wasn’t. Let’s celebrate.

Kinn knows Porsche views sex as practical and a monetary earner and knows he’s never been in a relationship, just as Kinn knows he entertains escorts for stress relief and hasn’t kissed anyone – and meant it – in a long time. They both use sex for practical reasons because they don’t know how to trust people, and themselves, with more.

Saying Porsche is loose is as much a smack against Porsche’s self-neglect - and neglect in general - as it is against his feelings for Kinn.

Did Tawan cheat on him? Did Tawan abuse the trust Kinn put in him?

There has to be something beyond Tawan being his ex-boyfriend who he clearly loved, because Kinn’s behaviour is showing a massive scabbed over but never allowed to heal wound.

But back to casual sex. Porsche would have done anything for his brother. Nothing he necessarily regrets because it got his brother closer to his dream. Porsche knows Kinn understands that. To deliberately demean Porsche, was so far passed what he thought Kinn could do there.

It ties back to the way he’d fooled Vegas, the way he’d looked so content with Kinn’s entrance: he thought Kinn would read him and the situation and come up 10 out of 10.

Except Kinn is being battered on all sides: it’s no mistake that Kinn’s one area of freedom - Porsche - is where Kinn erupts, because he can trust Porsche with this, reveal this broken component that will always be part of him, that can’t help but be jealous, that twists situations because he’s been betrayed before. He’s being betrayed now, by his father. By Vegas. By his bodyguards.

Kinn ran away with himself on this haze of anger and mistrust – he knows Porsche hasn’t done anything, but he doesn’t understand why he wouldn’t.

Kinn’s a pain in the ass. He knows he’s difficult, impossible even, to handle at the best of times. It would take a very special man to want to stay with someone like Kinn.

Okay, we really need to go back to Tawan. Either Kinn knows he's alive, Kinn actually thinks he killed him/he’s dead, or daddy dearest took him out. Either way, Kinn loved Tawan and somehow it went to shit. Receiving the love of a Mafia Don in training would never be easy, but it can’t be that simple, not THIS story. He betrayed Kinn or Kinn did something that embarrassed the family because of Tawan. Whether Kinn knows Tawan’s alive isn’t a concern here – it’s that Kinn has been here before and I do think Porsche returning is significant precisely because it’s the opposite of what happened with Tawan.

Kinn could never, would never, engage in a relationship after that where the other party responds the same way. People are already trying to compare Porsche with Tawan, but I don’t think that’s right. I think on the surface, they appear that way and Kinn will be judged as having replaced one with the other. But Kinn is getting to know Porsche. He came back to Kinn of his own volition. He came back knowing Kinn can’t be 100% himself with him because of the responsibilities he has to his family.

Sensitive to this, Kinn has been moving slowly with Porsche. Genuinely terrified that Porsche made a mistake or will retract his overture because Kinn doesn’t know how to navigate this.

Notice how they haven’t had sex yet? Trust me, they didn’t off screen. It’s important.

Kinn knows his father is against this, for whatever reason. He’s waiting for Korn to respond in full – so far, his father has given Kinn verbal warnings, but eventually he’ll do more. Why he’s set against Kinn having a heart is beyond me: it can make you stronger, but clearly Korn has suffered because of it.

Unless he’s testing Kinn and hoping Kinn takes a stand against him. It’ll reveal that he’s ready to rule. But for now, Kinn doesn’t know how to do this. It went tits up last time and though he’s learned a lot since then, he still doesn’t know how to protect his partner without paradoxically exposing himself and vice versa.

He doesn’t order Pete to spy on Porsche because he distrusts him, he does it because he knows Vegas, and Porsche is tempting. Pete really didn’t help, he just stoked fires. All week, or longer, Kinn’s been the most helpless he’s ever felt: he’s had to watch this man he knows he’s fallen for be pulled away from him.

If Kinn were at the level of a Don he’d just tell everyone to fuck themselves and then he’d pull some stunt out of his ass to prove why pushing him is a mistake. But as it is, he’s even had to pretend that he doesn’t care whether Vegas poaches on Porsche. Much to Porsche’s dislike. Seriously, Porsche hates Kinn’s apathy.

Kinn’s not remotely apathetic in that last scene.

Porsche makes Kinn very aware of how not free he is, just as he provides Kinn with that route to freedom.

In an instant, that old fear erupts in an angry, toxic green mess of jealousy, loneliness, self-hate, and anger. Suspicion. As if he’s been betrayed again.

It’s just so much easier to guard himself and lash out. He needs to vent – and Porsche is supposed to get that, to see the problem with Vegas and know psychically what Vegas will do before he does it!!

He doesn’t allow himself to see the way Porsche relaxed on his arrival, but he does see the hurt in Porsche, and he wants it. He wants Porsche to be hurt and lash out at him, he wants this argument. In arguing, the truth can come out – it isn’t necessarily healthy, but it’s miles better than how they navigated their emotions in episode 5.

He wants to argue because he’s repressed every-fucking-thing and it’s at a boiling point. This is all desire and insidious levels of jealousy and fear. He can’t vent the way he wants to because until he knows Porsche is 100% in, he won’t allow himself to go there with him physically.

I think Porsche bringing up Tawan, in THAT moment, was incredibly interesting: like he’s deliberately pushing Kinn. Porsche wants Kinn riled to hell. But Kinn’s already there. Porsche is in front of him, shirtless. Another man had been all over him. KINN’S ALREADY THERE.

Notice the way Kinn reacts to the mention of Tawan. Whatever once happened, Kinn’s past it in one way. BUT. Kinn needs closure. Kinn has unresolved issues to the maximum. Until he gets it, his past will always be a weapon against him; one his father wields cruelly. One Vegas has tried to use to pull Porsche from him, much to his failure.

Porsche wasn’t supposed to use it against hm too. Even here.

Kinn doesn’t lock down, he rises like a fucking cobra and goes for the jugular. Believe it or not, again, it’s such an improvement to episode 5 because they’re leaning into the chemistry between them as opposed to pushing the other away. Here, they’re violently drawing each other in.

And he gets slapped for it. Gets to see the damage he caused in the one person who doesn’t deserve it. It pulls him out of a very dark spiral of history. Kinn doesn’t want to be the same as he’s been for so long; distrustful and too sharp for his own good.

(GIF by @liyazaki )

Kinn doesn’t let Porsche leave, they’re way past that. And he can’t. It’s instinctive now.

Porsche doesn’t want to leave; Porsche isn’t that weak: he’s a stallion. No, he lets Kinn pull him back.

There’s no way Kinn’s hands are lifting, not once they’re on Porsche’s skin; Kinn’s already gone on the guy, now he has a physical handhold. Unless Porsche makes it clear that he no longer wants Kinn, Kinn’s routed.

And he’s in agony.

Look how his eyes are closed here, how he knows he’s fucked up. But he also knows that Porsche isn’t running, knows that Porsche isn’t pushing him off either, like he did with Vegas. Kinn would let go if he did. Porsche is simply hurt.

( GIF by @laurenkmyers )

And he’s waiting.

That’s how they work. Porsche has the control in this area. Kinn pushes and pushes and pushes and Porsche lets him, antagonises him even. Kinn pushed too far in his effort to reach the truth and Porsche is still letting him keep him there, because he wants Kinn to make it right, because he wants to understand Kinn, as much as what he said hurt.

If Kinn does what Porsche needs him to do, it’ll prove that what Porsche has been feeling from Kinn is accurate: that Kinn’s in this with him.

The way he curls in on himself, expecting Kinn to respect his space whilst giving Kinn space to make this right. And Kinn unlike Vegas doesn’t force Porsche around, doesn’t press kisses where they aren’t wanted.

I know episode 6 made people feel like their relationship should be solid but for me, it was the opposite. Episode 6 broke open their world’s. How deep it goes is about to be revealed.

This wasn’t what Kinn wanted tonight, and Porsche walking out would ruin him. And he’s so fucking sorry for making a bad situation for Porsche, worse. For not being able to control old habits in time.

Porsche means everything to him and it’s terrifying but Kinn’s dying to connect.

I meant it. Kinn needs to reach Porsche in all the ways he knows. The ways of sex but he wishes he knew another way - he’s been holding back since the clusterfuck following their first time, because he did everything wrong and he’s scared of doing that again, of taking them some place further when Porsche isn’t ready. Kinn really needs to sex this guy up. Or down. Repeatedly.

@lutawolf once told me that sex is Kinn’s love language and I'm so gone on it.

Porsche too has held back. He’s figuring this out too, he’s learning Kinn, but he’s avoiding the places where it hurts.

Kinn desperately wants to show how much Porsche means to him, but he doesn’t know how to with words.

And Porsche is so still. Waiting for Kinn.

( GIF by @dingyuxi )

But notice as well how the atmosphere between them doesn’t dissipate. It’s still right there: not even just a pulse, it’s an entire weight of heat and want and fear and love and regret and a plea. And it doesn’t crush, it envelops them.

Devotion written on his skin; we haven’t seen Kinn be like this yet. Has Kinn worshipped before? It looks like worship.

It looks like love.

This scene was filled. There’s just so much there, in that tiny moment even – never mind the rest of the scene.

The apology Kinn writes on his skin with his own.

Feeling the truth of it, Porsche turns and then they’re both stood in the light. There’s this little noise Kinn makes as Porsche turns – turns slowly, like he understands how on edge Kinn is and is telling him that he’s not leaving – and it’s desperate, worried, hopeful.

On seeing what this really is, Kinn relaxes into his relief… but he doesn’t stop touching Porsche, breathing him in, taking him in, showing him just how much he’s feeling through touch and sensation.

He’s so full of feeling here – it’s all for Porsche.

Porsche’s scent.

His skin.

His hair.

Porsche’s attention.

Porsche.

Porsche isn’t leaving and Kinn’s just… seeing him… wanting him… pleading.

Kinn’s felt love before, but this is different – this is an altogether new traverse and words are failing him.

Wanting to prove he’s sorry, Kinn starts slow. Uses his mouth, mouths regret on Porsche’s skin even as he lavishes attention upon it. The way he inhales and laps at his throat, like he wants to eat him, like it’s not enough and then the kiss…

Kinn wouldn’t reach for Porsche without Porsche’s say so here. I’m going to skip the whole ask and nod thing because the fandom wrung that moment dry the other night.

(GIF by @moerusai )

I will focus for just a moment on Porsche’s hips and Kinn’s thumbs as they skate over them again. Porsche is delicious. He has beautiful hips; they could make models cry. Kinn’s very aware of his body: it’s his most favourite thing (yes, it helps that Apo is an Adonis and that the crew know that, but there’s a difference between knowing it and utilising it to its fullest here and Mile’s done wonderfully). You can see it in the worship of his hands, the respect in them.

(GIF by @namchyoon )

The way Kinn watches Porsche’s face as he jerks him off almost had my own eyes rolling into my head, Jesus. It’s CLEAR – God, is it – that Kinn’s extremely aroused just from Porsche’s pleasure, from Porsche letting him do this. The way Kinn’s relief has led him to letting go, led him to loving him and feeling each movement of his wrist as if he were him with the grip on his dick. And Porsche would never let him do this if he hadn’t forgiven him if he wasn’t accepting. It’s bliss.

Porsche has missed Kinn. These past weeks where he’s worked with Vegas, he’s shown in little ways that he really doesn’t want Vegas’s attention and he utilised an effective tactic to discover why. But the whole time, he wanted to go back to Kinn. I’m firm in the belief that he didn’t wear underwear because he was planning on visiting Kinn after a few drinks – drunk Porsche can be lush Porsche too, but he’s well acquainted with himself whilst he’s drunk, and he hadn’t drunk anywhere near enough for him to be that. No, he wanted to enjoy himself and them… go to Kinn.

To see his face, feel his touch, hear his voice, and not have to worry that Kinn will pull away.

He’s not pulling away.

He’s giving, but this time Porsche wants to show Kinn that he understands his regret, he forgives him and wants him. Very much. Wants to see him come undone more than he wants it for himself.

So, he opens Kinn’s pants, takes him in hand and surprises the shit out of Kinn who’s been more than willing to place Porsche’s pleasure about his own. He’s been waiting for permission to touch him again, but he hadn’t thought Porsche would…

Okay, Porsche kissed him in the middle of nowhere. That kiss could have ignited a thousand stars, but it’s not this. Porsche reciprocating is beyond anything that Kinn thought he would have here.

Porsche not only reading Kinn but wanting to give this to him? It releases the need in Kinn and watch him go brainless for a moment, watch his hand stop moving, watch him pull around to see Porsche’s face, to confirm why Porsche is doing this and-

( GIF by @tiedankelstotheocean )

It’s clear as day: the smug, happy, carnal desire in Porsche’s face from watching Kinn letting him reciprocate, from watching Kinn feel.

You know, I don’t think Porsche immediately took them both in hand – I think he started with Kinn and Kinn, so blown away and breathless enough to start that incredibly intoxicating gasping, had to let go of Porsche. Let Porsche take over.

And just like Kinn, Porsche is getting off on touching Kinn and hearing Kinn and watching Kinn, but it’s a very different kind of pleasure. He’s so quiet in comparison to Kinn, his long sighs almost drowned out by Kinn’s desperate, breathy moans.

The hand grip on Porsche’s hair, Kinn’s seat. His point of stability and control as the rest of him looses composure, and he does lose composure. It’s another point of freedom – his smiles are as wide if not wider than they were then they were both in the forest together, trusting Porsche who gets bolder and bolder, who eventually takes them both in hand and I don’t believe for a second that Porsche needed much after that to join him.

(GIF by @earthmix-myonethousandstar

But yes, the hand – keeping Porsche right there, both where Kinn wants him to be and where Porsche wants to be.

(GIF by @akindofemotionaltether )

When they both reach their mutual climax, Porsche’s is quiet, soft and easing whereas Kinn’s feels like his was ripped out of his gut.

Again, with Porsche in the driver’s seat, he pulls Kinn closer – seriously, they don’t give a shit about their surroundings: their penises are touching, and they’ve just orgasmed. They’re good where they are – because contact contact contact and the beautiful whimper from Kinn tells me he loves it too and please don’t stop wanting me Porsche.

It’s not surprising that Kinn’s quieting gasps turn into little sobs and pleas for comfort. Kinn really needed this. To have all the ugly feelings he was experiencing, destroyed. To feel like everything’s simple for a moment, to feel Porsche.

It wasn’t only Porsche he hurt.

What’s Next?

So, I went on about the sex – OF COURSE I DID – but not much about Tawan.

I think what we all need to breathe in and accept about Kinn’s history is that Kinn both learned a lot about himself from Tawan and that Tawan almost succeeded in ruining him.

Kinn’s love of bathing? That’s Tawan’s influence.

Kinn being a total Dominant? It’s likely that he either learned that he was one with Tawan or he became one because of Tawan.

Kinn’s distrust? Tawan in the physical personification of it.

Whether we like it or not, Tawan is going to be a huge roadblock for our leading couple.

Do I think that Kinn is still in love with Tawan?

No. As said earlier, I think Kinn’s issues all tie back to Tawan – the issues not revolving around his own parents, that is – and that Tawan might have power over him because of it. Of course, this won’t last, but if it’s accurate, Porsche is in for a rough time.

If Tawan can twist what Kinn is seeing, I think that Tawan might either push Kinn to fear his own feelings for Porsche – feelings that threaten to make his past love for Tawan look like Childs play – or he’ll push Kinn to tighten his control over Porsche and take steps back emotionally.

Or – and it’s just as bad – Tawan will make Kinn question whether Porsche is the mole.

The bitch.

We are not supposed to like this character. He’s here to make Porsche feel uneasy, unsafe and hurt. I'm guessing here's here because he wants Kinn or wants to destroy Kinn.

I’ve mentioned before that Vegas – obsessed as he is with Kinn – should be investigated to see if he’s poached on Kinn’s lovers. Like all of them. If we’re all right about him, Vegas is probably working with Tawan, which makes Vegas just as much the enemy I’m afraid.

Two potential sadists working together… fuck.

KinnPorsche have a ways to go yet before they’re working together to combat this. I’m extremely nervous about all the angst to come but I know we’ll get to a good place with them after the fact.

But I feel like the next episode is going to really lower our defences. After the bathroom scene – seriously, how audacious was it of them to do that in Vegas’s bathroom, talk about showing him whose boss – we’ll see our leads be more open about each other, more besotted. Happier.

And then, with the entrance of Tawan, it might shatter.

But. There’s hope.

So, we were all wrong about the pool scene following on from the ‘I’m by your side' moment. Pool scene happens episode 8/9 and from the way the fandom has once again broken down every piece of media we’ve been given, we now know that Apo’s favourite line won’t be happening till closer to the end of the season.

In Porsche returning to Kinn, it suggests he leaves Kinn. Kinn’s reaction – to pointing a gun in Porsche’s face – tells me that he might have lost Porsche’s trust and then has asked for Porsche to trust him anyway and Porsche has left him. I highly doubt that if this is factual, it’ll last more than one episode simply because they don’t have time.

This is an epic romance precisely because KinnPorsche are going to beat the odds, so don’t lose heart.

We also know that Mile’s favourite moment is Kinn’s profession of love… why do I think Kinn does this twice? Like, there’s more than one moment where he tells Porsche he loves him. The first moment preceding the pool scene, in private, and the second moment…

Guy’s, I do think that there’s going to be a scene – in front of God, his father, his bodyguards and everyone in existence – where Kinn openly declares Porsche as his equal, his love, his all. It’ll be the moment that ends the niggling insecurities in Porsche and it’ll show Kinn’s readiness to lead.

What else, what else…

Oh, the Mole. Who I still think is Big. Or Ken. Or both of them.

It’s not because they’ve taken to actively disliking Porsche from the get-go. It’s because Big’s already shown both an ability to be dubious and a need to please those with more power than him. He’s subservient to everyone – Big shows his respect and love through acts of service, but these acts of service are based on predetermined rules. As such, they have no value to Kinn and for Kim, Big’s just another weasel who can be bought.

It leads me to believe that Big is a little delusional and a lot blinded by whatever he’s feeling for Kinn.

Look at how he deals with Porsche when the little shit rubs it in his face that he’s just been to the spa with Kinn.

Firstly, Porsche CAN read Big and knew exactly where to target to have an effect.

Secondly, in retaliation, Big sends Porsche to take condoms and lube to Kinn’s room, knowing that Kinn’s right in the middle of entertaining his ‘guest’. He does it in the hopes that Kinn being gay will push Porsche away. The fact that Big automatically believes Kinn being gay will repel Porsche tells me more about Big than Porsche.

Is Big passively homophobic? Or is just that he has a deeply negative opinion of everyone who Kinn comes into contact with, because, you know, jealousy? Or is it because that’s all he’s known his entire life? Has he had to deal with dislike for being gay in the past?

I do think it centres more on Kinn than Big’s past and it backfires on the blind fool. When I say he’s delusional AND the mole, I mean that – IF I’M RIGHT – everything he’s doing, he thinks is for Kinn’s safety and happiness. It means he’s lying to himself. It means he’s very selfish. It means he doesn’t really see Kinn at all, he sees himself. It means he’ll miss certain dangers and allow others to continue. It means he’s actively participating in a plot to make Kinn miserable and more trapped than ever.

It means he, Vegas and Tawan are in cahoots. It means Big has been unknowingly preyed upon by two predators.

I only include Ken because he’s the biggest mystery of them all and that they seem to work together in almost everything.

That and they aren’t seen in the footage of the big shootout that we know is coming towards the end of the season. It’s extremely suggestive. It's also all conjecture.

Added at the last minute:

Lets talk about sex some more!

So, we have the upcoming pool sex which is delicious, but according to Apo and Mile’s, there’s a scene where they were the most nervous and it doesn’t involve the pool – it involves red lights??? Which, we haven’t had yet… unless you consider the warm glow of their first sex scene to be red lights- except it’s not, is it? We have more to come. Pun intended.

Considering they were jerking each other off just now, I’m a little afraid at what would make them the most nervous???

But also, you know, GIVE IT TO ME!

I do think we’ll get sex in the last two episodes. It’ll be the reuniting of our main leads. I also think/hope we’ll get felacio and we’ll have Porsche worshipping Kinn’s body at some point.

We know we’re getting a VegasPete scene, and I don’t think we’re prepared for that either.

I don’t think we’ll get a KimChay scene. I think they’ll kiss. Anything else… season 2?

Whelp, I’ve wrung this dry 😊

#kinnporsche #stupid work #stupid me #kinnporsche meta #stupid brain #THERE ARE MUCH BETTER METAS #this came through late and it's my bad #but I can now move on from that freaking scene

[gendrie]

you are one of my favorite arya accounts and i absolutely love all your metas or just theories especially new ones for twow and bravoos. I get really excited to read them and just think about what could happen next to arya in details. what fan were you before and what made you love arya and asoiaf? i feel like people who are “hardcore” in a way or just very well read and into so many things tend to be fans of Arya’s character. She is so underrated and not maybe the first choice for people to stan and theorize about. But those who do are very creative and I love reading about her so thank you.

thank you!!! this is very very sweet bc i do typically feel like im screaming into the void here. which is fine but sometimes it is nice to know somebody is listening!

there really wasn’t anything that i was a “fan” of before asoiaf. or since. at least not nearly so intense nor long lived. ive never been active in any other fandom. my 12 yr long obsession with this series is not my norm. i actually tend to lose interest in stuff pretty quick. and tbh asoiaf has kinda ruined a lot of things for me because im so invested in this story and its characters that other fictional worlds pale in comparison. ive read other fantasy series but they never effect me the way asoiaf does.

its not that asoiaf is perfect, because its not, but there is......an addictive quality to it. with all my recent twow speculation it feels like a puzzle and i just can’t stop. i reread these same chapters over and over and always notice new things, new connections.

i think what makes asoiaf such a good fantasy series is the tension between the magical world and the ordinary world. arya’s storyline is a standout for showcasing both. she has magic in her blood with a soul bonded direwolf and she’s training to become a face changing assassin, but her arc is built upon a very gripping story of war and identity. and i love the approach grrm takes towards power whether its magical or political: its costly and its dangerous. “this will hurt but pain is the price of power” the kindly man tells her!!!!!!! arya’s arc revolves around the single greatest power in any world: not king not god not coin but death. theres nothing realer than that.

she's definitely not the first choice for theories or meta. mostly because arya’s nonconformity just confuses the hell out of fandom. thats why they’re literally incapable of coming up with a decent theory. they think that since she’s not going to accept her role as a passive ornament than theres no place for her in westeros’ future. she doesnt fit in the old world....but the entire concept is that they're going to build a new world! wake up sheeple. arya will be a part of that. her willful, unconventional nature is exactly why she won’t just abandon her pack and her home in the end. arya doesn’t know how to back down. 

#sorry for the TANGENT #that nobody asked for #i saw ''arya will travel!'' shit today and it annoyed me lmao #but a lovely ask! #thank you again #ask

[perfectly-imperfect-me23]

Hi Emma!

I love your tumblr name ❤️

My question for you… how did you come to find yourself here? Did Pedro bring you to tumblr? If so, was it because of a character or the man himself?

Hi Kat 🫶

Thank you! I thought I would try to embrace my imperfections - of which there are many 😆

Thank you as well for such a great question. The short answer is that Joel Miller brought me to Pedro and Pedro brought me back to tumblr. I’ve been here before as part of another fandom but that got pretty quiet and I stopped being as active.

The (much) longer answer is that I saw TLOU advertised (a giant billboard near my house that I did not make the most of at the time 😏) & it looked like my kind of show. I watched the first episode, saw Joel and thought 🔥🔥🔥 my GOD! WHO IS THAT?!?! 😍

I went straight online to find out more about the character & the actor & that was it… obsessed!

That wasn’t enough though, I needed more & I remembered about tumblr so here I am.

Joel is by far my favourite character & not just because of how good he looks in those jeans or loading a gun 😉 but also for the emotional rollercoaster he takes us on as we get to know him & as he adjusts to the life he finds himself leading & the people that become part of that life.

Got to give a special mention to Frankie though who I cannot resist either ❤️‍🔥

And as for Pedro sigh that utterly gorgeous man has absolutely charmed me - there is no hope for me now. I am besotted & I could not be happier about it hehe. Of course it’s not just about his devastatingly handsome looks - the respect & support he shows for others, his values, how much his family matters to him etc just add to his appeal. Honestly, I could go on!

Thank you again for the question, I’m always looking for ways I can be more active in the fandom so have loved doing this.

I love talking all things Pedro so if you or anyone else ever wants to chat (or scream, giggle and thirst) with me then please do send me a message 💌