#i was having a shitty day but then actual food and the episode made it better

[livingbrother]

LO and it's portrayal of S/A

A rant by someone who just finished EP. 98 and is incredibly furious

Cw: Mentions of S/A, it's effects, too much swearing, ED mention, personal stuff that happened to yours truly, lots of other stuff too, just no idea what to tag it as

Don't read this if you're not mentally doing well, I don't want you getting hurt because of my post, I love you, feel better soon

Boy. Oh fucking boy. I just got through episode 98 of this shit show and, I'll just say, I am beyond furious. Livid, in fact.

For context, I am a survivor or sexual abuse and mental abuse, I have dealt with those who act sort of like Apollo, I was never raped, but I was molested as a child. I, as a survivor, feel nothing but rage at how Rachel portrayed Apollo being a rapist. The way he acts is incredibly unrealistic for an abuser, as somebody who dealt with two abusers with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (I'm not saying everyone who has NPD are villains, I'm just saying what I went through), I see what Rachel was trying, but oh so tragically failed, to do. He tried to control, manipulate, and gaslight Persephone. Only for none of it to work, that's not how ANY of it fucking works!

Where is the fucking control, other than just fucking raping her? I get he wants to take the power away from her and be the one to control her, but I've seen none of that! I get she has PTSD over it (I'LL GET TO THIS POINT AGAIN). I NEVER GOT THE SENSE THAT SHE WAS POWERLESS EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE SCENE. I HAVE NEVER SEEN HER QUESTION IF THAT WAS HIS INFLUENCE PICKING HER DRESSES, OR FUCKING EVEN HER FOOD! WHEN I WAS LIVING WITH ONE OF MY ABUSERS, SHE'D PICK OUT MY OUTFITS, ONE'S I HATED, AND I STILL CHOOSE SOME OF THOSE OUTFITS, TO THIS DAY! WHERE WAS HER LOSS OF CONTROL? SHE NEVER FELT ISOLATED, SHE NEVER FELT LIKE SHE WAS TRAPPED. YES. SHE WAS TRAPPED IN THAT ONE ROOM WITH HIM, BUT EVEN THEN! SHE HAD LEVERAGE OVER HIM WITH THE FUCKING LYRE. Ugh.

About her realizing she was raped, um. Excuse me? A lot of victims don't realize they were raped or abused until like, months or years later. I'm glad for the ones who instantly realized it, good for them. Given Persephone's personality and experience with the world, she wouldn't have known it was rape because she's not accustomed to dating and sexual culture. On top of that, she isn't really seen actually distressed when she remembers, oh, and lets not forget that she WAS FUCKING FINE WITH TOUCH AND PHYSICAL FLIRTING DAYS AFTER HER ASSAULT. Let me remind you that I have been through this thing myself, you do not just omg I was just assaulted! time to go let someone touch me! Nonono, you spend years jumping when people touch you, years of moving when someone tries to grab your shoulder, years of pushing someone's hand off your arm, years screaming when you get a hug. And then, maybe from flashbacks, maybe from googling things, you discover you were molested! And then it alllllll makes sense. I understand if she became hypersexual, cause same, but that usually doesn't set in until a good long while.

I also hate how Apollo is written, he should have stayed as a shitty ex boyfriend or whatever the fuck Rachel was gonna make him, he just comes across as a cartoonish villain than an abuser. The man just fucking rubs his hands together and fucking goes I'll get you next time my pretty! I fucking HATE his writing so goddamn much. I understand wanting to make him pushy, egotistical, and insecure, they're some of the hallmarks of the pushy nice guy she was going for. But when it comes to him being abusive, it's like watching a bad joke. Rapists don't usually, you know, CATCH FEELINGS FOR THEIR VICTIM (correct me if I'm wrong), unless it's to lure them back in to hurt them again. She made him so obviously evil it hurts, abusers don't usually act that way, they put on a pretty smile, act kind, and behind closed doors, act shitty. I respect 97-98 for getting that part right, but too many times, too many fucking times Rachel has gotten that wrong. I have dealt with this myself, my mother did this exact thing, she even put on the pretty smile for me so even I, somebody who knew he was being tormented, questioned whether or not I was being abused! We never see this with Persephone! We never see her getting gaslit with this, she never questions her reality! She knows everything that's going on for sure! I know what Rachel was aiming for, and she failed miserably!

God, on top of this, we never really get to see Persephone's PTSD unless the story fuckin says Apollo's here! She's never really fucking affected by her rape, we don't see her jump from touches, refuse sexual advanced from Hades, yeah, sure, we see her afraid of camera flashes, but that's about it!!!!!!!! She never really experiences the effects of s/a! I developed an ED and agoraphobia from my abuse! Where the fuck is that?! That would have been a lot more fucking interesting than the slop we fucking got!

I know I've missed some things, but I need to calm down before I pop a blood vessel. I might revisit this post when I'm less angry, I just needed to rant.

#lo critical #anti lore olympus #anti lo #rant post #rant #cw s/a #cw: ed #huge ass content warning

[koszmarnybudyn]

Its gross, its very gross.

#dndads #dungeons and daddies #teeny the teen #scary marlowe #hermie the unworthy #my art #i should have added more trinkets but oh well #normals locker is massive #this is my average kid hermie i suppose it looks a lot like my first drawing of him lol #i was able to draw something horay #i was having a shitty day but then actual food and the episode made it better #oh and i watched mutant mayhem it was really enjoyable #also there some really shitty movie about an alien on a school and the mc name is normal :[ #its very ugly tho

[autisticandroids]

i've been seeing ai takes that i actually agree with and have been saying for months get notes so i want to throw my hat into the ring.

so i think there are two main distinct problems with "ai," which exist kind of in opposition to each other. the first happens when ai is good at what it's supposed to do, and the second happens when it's bad at it.

the first is well-exemplified by ai visual art. now, there are a lot of arguments about the quality of ai visual art, about how it's soulless, or cliche, or whatever, and to those i say: do you think ai art is going to be replacing monet and picasso? do you think those pieces are going in museums? no. they are going to be replacing soulless dreck like corporate logos, the sprites for low-rent edugames, and book covers with that stupid cartoon art style made in canva. the kind of art that everyone thinks of as soulless and worthless anyway. the kind of art that keeps people with art degrees actually employed.

this is a problem of automation. while ai art certainly has its flaws and failings, the main issue with it is that it's good enough to replace crap art that no one does by choice. which is a problem of capitalism. in a society where people don't have to sell their labor to survive, machines performing labor more efficiently so humans don't have to is a boon! this is i think more obviously true for, like, manufacturing than for art - nobody wants to be the guy putting eyelets in shoes all day, and everybody needs shoes, whereas a lot of people want to draw their whole lives, and nobody needs visual art (not the way they need shoes) - but i think that it's still true that in a perfect world, ai art would be a net boon, because giving people without the skill to actually draw the ability to visualize the things they see inside their head is... good? wider access to beauty and the ability to create it is good? it's not necessary, it's not vital, but it is cool. the issue is that we live in a society where that also takes food out of people's mouths.

but the second problem is the much scarier one, imo, and it's what happens when ai is bad. in the current discourse, that's exemplified by chatgpt and other large language models. as much hand-wringing as there has been about chatgpt replacing writers, it's much worse at imitating human-written text than, say, midjourney is at imitating human-made art. it can imitate style well, which means that it can successfully replace text that has no meaningful semantic content - cover letters, online ads, clickbait articles, the kind of stuff that says nothing and exists to exist. but because it can't evaluate what's true, or even keep straight what it said thirty seconds ago, it can't meaningfully replace a human writer. it will honestly probably never be able to unless they change how they train it, because the way LLMs work is so antithetical to how language and writing actually works.

the issue is that people think it can. which means they use it to do stuff it's not equipped for. at best, what you end up with is a lot of very poorly written children's books selling on amazon for $3. this is a shitty scam, but is mostly harmless. the behind the bastards episode on this has a pretty solid description of what that looks like right now, although they also do a lot of pretty pointless fearmongering about the death of art and the death of media literacy and saving the children. (incidentally, the "comics" described demonstrate the ways in which ai art has the same weaknesses as ai text - both are incapable of consistency or narrative. it's just that visual art doesn't necessarily need those things to be useful as art, and text (often) does). like, overall, the existence of these kids book scams are bad? but they're a gnat bite.

to find the worst case scenario of LLM misuse, you don't even have to leave the amazon kindle section. you don't even have to stop looking at scam books. all you have to do is change from looking at kids books to foraging guides. i'm not exaggerating when i say that in terms of texts whose factuality has direct consequences, foraging guides are up there with building safety regulations. if a foraging guide has incorrect information in it, people who use that foraging guide will die. that's all there is to it. there is no antidote to amanita phalloides poisoning, only supportive care, and even if you survive, you will need a liver transplant.

the problem here is that sometimes it's important for text to be factually accurate. openart isn't marketed as photographic software, and even though people do use it to lie, they have also been using photoshop to do that for decades, and before that it was scissors and paintbrushes. chatgpt and its ilk are sometimes marketed as fact-finding software, search engine assistants and writing assistants. and this is dangerous. because while people have been lying intentionally for decades, the level of misinformation potentially provided by chatgpt is unprecedented. and then there are people like the foraging book scammers who aren't lying on purpose, but rather not caring about the truth content of their output. obviously this happens in real life - the kids book scam i mentioned earlier is just an update of a non-ai scam involving ghostwriters - but it's much easier to pull off, and unlike lying for personal gain, which will always happen no matter how difficult it is, lying out of laziness is motivated by, well, the ease of the lie.* if it takes fifteen minutes and a chatgpt account to pump out fake foraging books for a quick buck, people will do it.

*also part of this is how easy it is to make things look like high effort professional content - people who are lying out of laziness often do it in ways that are obviously identifiable, and LLMs might make it easier to pass basic professionalism scans.

and honestly i don't think LLMs are the biggest problem that machine learning/ai creates here. while the ai foraging books are, well, really, really bad, most of the problem content generated by chatgpt is more on the level of scam children's books. the entire time that the internet has been shitting itself about ai art and LLM's i've been pulling my hair out about the kinds of priorities people have, because corporations have been using ai to sort the resumes of job applicants for years, and it turns out the ai is racist. there are all sorts of ways machine learning algorithms have been integrated into daily life over the past decade: predictive policing, self-driving cars, and even the youtube algorithm. and all of these are much more dangerous (in most cases) than chatgpt. it makes me insane that just because ai art and LLMs happen to touch on things that most internet users are familiar with the working of, people are freaking out about it because it's the death of art or whatever, when they should have been freaking out about the robot telling the cops to kick people's faces in.

(not to mention the environmental impact of all this crap.)

#ai art #ai #chatgpt

[an-idyllic-novelist]

Angel Dust with Violet Evergarden!reader platonic fluff scenario

Warnings: spoilers up to episode 4, possible triggers. If you do not feel comfortable venturing any further, please leave now and read something much more pleasant.

For everyone else, welcome to this small piece of fluffy goodness! You guys might know me from my other blog, @forbidden-sunlight . You have sent me your ideas for future Violet Evergarden!reader scenarios for Hazbin Hotel, and here is one of them! :)

Sit back, relax, and let us dive into a chaotic afterlife, where even a bit of reprieve from dishonesty and hypocrisy isn’t possible…until now.

Angel Dust's first impression of you is the following: a cute weirdo who dressed like a doll and didn’t smile much. What was even more tragic is that you actually believed there is a chance for sinners to be redeemed, and that the only to do that is complete Charlie’s half-assed rehabilitation program. You still do, even your progress hasn’t gotten you one step closer to Heaven’s pearly gates and the next Extermination is in six months. Five months actually, but who's counting?

That was around the time when he had to go back to work. He didn’t want to, but he knew if he didn’t…well, he didn’t want to think about it. Valentino is a psychopathic freak. He promised to make him, Angel, a big star in Hell’s entertainment industry, and instead fucked him over six ways from Sunday with false promises.

Long hours, shitty pay. No time to even take a nap in his dressing room because of course Big Daddy Val had his favorite toy’s schedule booked until he couldn't walk anymore and needed a stiff drink. When his afterlife seemed to take a nosedive for worse, and after Husk knocked some sense into him, he started finding letters under his door.

At first glance Angel could tell that they weren’t from his fans. No one’s gonna go out of their way and buy expensive paper to type it on, shove in an envelope, and put a wax seal on it just to praise him for his acting skills and share their wildest fantasies starring yours truly. No. This was….someone else.

He honestly didn't know how to describe the context of these letters because he had never received something like this from anyone who did not expect anything from him in PS or PPS. The sender would write either a short or long letter. The short letter was about half a page long; the sender would ask how he was feeling and ask him one question. What was his favorite food? What is the color he would never wear? The sender included a little about themselves too, as if to encourage him to respond. The longer ones started the same, with a greeting and almost the same stuff written in the shorter ones, but they shared how their day went with him, even the stupid, mundane shit they do every day as a part-time clerk at an antique shop and when they come home. The longer ones were at least two pages long. Some stuff made him roll his eyes, made him laugh…but it was the closing sentences, even as they vary from letter to letter, always jerked his heart in a way which made him both sad and happy at the same time.

I’m happy I’ve met you.

Thank you for being here.

Good night and have pleasant dreams.

You are stronger than you think, Angel.

I hope I can receive a letter from you someday.

You made a lot of progress today in Charlie’s exercises. I’m proud of you.

You’re doing great.

Angel might be a bit of a dummy….but he could tell right away who had been sending him the letters. The bit about Charlie’s exercises…there were only a few people attending that day. Vaggie, Sir Wet Noodles, and you. Vaggie wouldn’t write this kind of shit, and definitely not the wannabe overlord. You. You’ve helped him get through it with these letters and you never expected him to reply back. It’s as if you just wanted your words to reach him through Val’s sickly red smoke and hold his hand in your gloved one.

Naturally…the best way he can say thanks…for caring about him in your roundabout way…is to write a letter back. Maybe have a drink at Husk’s bar and talk about shitty coworkers or why Smiles never stops smiling? He’s not sure, but he’ll figure it out somehow. Sex isn’t the only thing he’s good at. And he’d like to get to know you a little more too.

Taglist

@angelltheninth

@tired-of-life-86

@nixie-writes

@frompeach

@riddle-simp

@likesugarandcyanide

@witch-of-the-writing-desk

@22carolina08

@angel-tsugikuni-kamukura

@justamegafan

@saltyfruitbat

@lanxianschoenheit

@trecllllllll

@vikkirosko

@imperfectbloodmoon

@theunknowntravel3r

@thatstonedwriter

@isuckatwritingsobenice

@chroniccorvus

@food-theorys-blog

@doc-tooth

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel x you #hazbin hotel angel dust #an idyllic novelist #violet evergarden!reader #violet evergarden #character!reader #fluff #hazbin hotel fluff #hazbin hotel spoilers #hazbin hotel episode 4

[ukranianacearo]

(Doom x reader/mitsuri) 🙏

Can you do it? Please

Mitsuri!reader (wrote with feminins pronouns in mind)

Words: idk 😔

Genre: Fluff (angst at the end)

Tw: just mashle usual type of violence and mention of death, spoilers for KNY

Tag: @futuristiclanddinosaur

Synopsis: Misuri!Reader as Doom's lover

Author's note: I have only watched the first 2 or 3 episodes of KNY... So idk if this is good or bad 😔 I had to do a quick research on more of Mitsuri's character so I could write this better. Sorry for any mistakes and hope you enjoy! More under cut

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♪ | You probably knew each other from the time you got lost in the woods around his house when you both were younger.

♪ | He was surprised that someone as shy and timid as you entered the woods.

♪ | He talked to you a bit and then walked you to the main exit.

♪ | You apologized profoundly about wasting his time and that you would come to see him again with something to thank him for his favor.

♪ | He wasn't all that eager for that and probably thought that you were joking or not being serious, but he also didn't stop you.

♪ | Guy was so stunned when he heard from you again. And you brought him some homemade food (for the sake of the plot let's say you did pancakes) and a self made necklace.

♪ | You were already surprised when he didn't comment on your pink and green hair (you didn't know that he was just blind), but you were even more surprised when he accepted your gift. Although, somehow hesitant, but he accepted them nonetheless.

♪ | After that, you would just go out to those woods to hang out with him. It really didn't bother him much when you came to hang out and he was still training with his sword.

♪ | You actually were exited to see him practice and cheered him for being strong, mentioning that you also have strong physical abilities and that your wand is in your sword too.

♪ | He was intrigued and said that if you wanted to, you could train together some time. Man wanted to see how strong you were

♪ | He was definitely surprised when you could keep up with him. But it was a pleasant surprise nonetheless.

♪ | After that you guys just hanged out a lot, telling stories, training, etc.

♪ | He slowly, but surely, was getting a little big crush on you.

♪ | He loved every aspect of you; your caring and loving attitude towards your friends and family, your dedication to protect others, your fighting techniques, everything.

♪ | Your voice soothed his worries like nothing else.

♪ | Man was so grateful for you, he appreciated that you still were friends with him even after learning who his father is, how much people he had to kill, etc. He was surprised that when you learned that he was blind since birth, instead of being uncomfortable about it, you were even more amazed of his skills.

♪ | Imagine his shock when he learns that you were supposed to be wed with a man you barely knew.

♪ | He was more angry about the fact that the guy always critiqued you, the said guy seemed to have problem with everything you did and had: your hair, the fact that you train (in the guy's words, "that wasn't feminine), your strength, your personality, etc

♪ | He already was pissed enough at your parents for being shitty af, but now they not just allowed, but encouraged their own daughter getting married to a man who does nothing more but critique her? He was ready to add names on the list of people he killed.

♪ | He doesn't do it just because you said there was no need.

♪ | He might never have seen your hair, but he would stand on that it was pretty nonetheless, just like the rest of you.

♪ | He was surprised that one day, when you came to hang out as usual, you were crying. He didn't know how to console you, so he just patted your back and then rubbed circles on it with his hand.

♪ | That was enough to easy your feelings a little bit and eventually you calmed down and told him everything

♪ | You told him that the guy started critiquing you again as always, and at this point you couldn't handle it no more. You were very upset, but didn't want to do anything too dramatic, so you just took the papers that confirmed that you were engaged to him and destroyed them in his face. Then you just walked out the house.

♪ | Doom acted calm about it, but still let you express your feelings freely.

♪ | He knew it wouldn't be the best idea to let you in his house with his crazy siblings and his father, but he also couldn't leave you outside.

♪ | That was when you officially net his family. As a friend thought. Which wasn't Doom's favorite thing, but it wasn't the time to get upset about something like that. And Doom is a patient man, he can wait.

♪ | It probably was chaotic but most didn't pay a mind. Maybe Famine or Delisaster teased Doom, but mostly they didn't care. Innocent zero did say something along the lines of "Don't be carried away from your missions" or "Don't let the girl get to your head, you're just going to delude yourself and the girl". But if it didn't interfere with his plans he wouldn't give a damn. Maybe he'll use you to his advantage thought.

♪ | After some time, you were used to living there and opened up more. Doom was happy to know that you're living better than before, even though you now count as a criminal.

♪ | At some point you just left your hair have it's natural colour and started wearing clothes that you liked and not the ones your family deemed "more important".

♪ | I feel like, when Doom would realize about his feelings he wouldn't know what to do, but would be chill about it

♪ | Mostly, just because he knows that if he let's it shown you'll be in even more da ger than you already are

♪ | And also because he knows that neither Delisaster nor Famine will let him live it down.

♪ | Domina might start to see you as his older sister ngl.

♪ | I think Doom wouldn't be very touchy, but he still would like to have some physical contact. Might pat your head, or put his hand on your lower back, something like that.

♪ | Might at some confess to you, but I think that he won't. Just to keep you safer, I guess.

♪ | If he does confess and you accept him, he'll be very happy and will show it through a small smile.

♪ | Likes to play with your hair. It's so soothing to the touch and long. He likes to run his hand through it (and if he can't, he likes to twirl it or braid it).

♪ | If he confesses, it means that he is certain that no matter what happens, he won't let you die. Even if he has to give his live in exchange and even if it runs against his father's plans. He has respect for his father, but you were the first person to be there for him at all times, through everything, no matter what piece of new information about him you learned.

♪ | Now, if he doesn't confess

♪ | Oh boy

♪ | Regrets not telling you about his feelings when you die on the Eclipse Day.

♪ | You were fighting against an opponent who had an ability that contra attacked yours very good. And while you did defeat that person, you were left with serious injuries that lead to your death. Your two of three braids were cut shoulder length, one of your arms cut off and your leg injured.

♪ | He held you in his arms as you passed away. He didn't want to believe it, but he knew that you didn't have much time. You, too, knew it.

♪ | As your time alive grew shorter, you felt more easy, knowing that you'll die I his arms and not in the arms of the cold wind.

♪ | For the last time, you decided to chat with him. You made sure he promised that whatever he wanted to do next, he had to finish it in time.

♪ | Feeling brave in your last moments, you asked a question that was based off your assumptions.

You cough blood while trying the bravery and the words in you. Doom's big and warm hands held you bridal style as he was standing near the place where you fought the enemy. It felt comfortable, to know you'll pass away in this away: in the hands of the one you love the most, the one who helped you a lot and the one you wanted to see again. Suddenly, Doom felt your hand, that wasn't cut off, cup his cheek gently and weakly, as you had almost no energy already.

- "If we're going to be reborn..." - you started, coughing out a little bit more of blood. - "... Let me be your bride, okay?" - Doom felt his heart sink at your question. How could this feel so beautiful yet tragic? He didn't know, he didn't need to know. Because all he needed is a little more time with you.

- "If you let me have you, I'll find you and marry you in every one of the timelines. No matter how much time it will take me to find you, or how bloodied will be your or my hands, if you just let me be with you... I promise to put a ring around your finger." - Your heart flutters hearing his determined tone. You smile and let a loving sigh leave you mouth as you feel weaker. Doom notices that and his grip on your waist and lege tightens slightly. He doesn't want you to disappear now, and neither do you, but you're both aware that this is your last minute. Your hand let goes of Doom's cheek and slowly fall to your side as you pass away. Doom's heart sinked completely.

♪ | Don't worry, you're later revived with Innocent zero's spell after he got defeated by Mash.

♪ | As you met with Doom again, you couldn't handle the level of your happiness and just started crying while hugging Doom. Doom hugged you back.

♪ | Anyway, happy days in the prison lol <3 Idk how long his sentence is, but if you guys leave the prison after all, he'll be more than happy to spend the rest of your lives together <3

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This is my take on writing Mitsuri!Fem!reader, sorry if it isn't accurate enough 😭 anyway, I hope you enjoyed and bye bye xoxo

#anime #mashle #anime x reader #mashle x reader #Doom #doom mashle #innocent zero #manga #manga x reader #mashle magic and muscles #x reader #doom x reader #Doom x reader

[teddie-bear420]

CHARLIE AND VIVA

The princess of hell and her trusty knight are on a mission to save sinners souls!

Doodles and rambles under the cut, and I mean like walls of text

be aware I make shit up a lot, I was very high on drugs and gay sex

Welcome to the show I’ve made in my head, ok where to begin? I guess with how boring I find Charlie nd vaggie in the show proper, I like them, they just don’t have any real spice to them. Charlie is a just a girl, she has no real friends and just surrounds herself with others problems. Check out the beginning of episode four, husk just says that out loud, we saw it once with angel dust and then they totally drop it for the rest of the show. I wanted to see Charlie fail and get back up again, but we don’t see that! Idk maybe I want more out of the text but I hated to see Charlie act like a baby, not a young woman, I makes me so mad that she isn’t really friends with anyone, no fun dynamics, Charlie kinda just looks at her guests and ‘employees’ but she never sees them. I mean like give me some bff moments with Charlie, she has no friends, she a loser baby!

Vaggie is the best better at making friends, and enemies honestly she is the second protagonist. I hated her until I saw her fuck ass bob. I fell in love

Ok so I made a prequel hazbin design that I just fell in love with, here she is. Ok so girls is bugs, vaggie is a moth and lute is a mantis, they grew up together in heaven. Being raised to be an exorcist was pretty sweet except for the military indoctrination!

Wonderful lute convo here

So vaggie is now in hell and is saved by Charlie, who believes that vag is a sinner. Eventually they get together romantically and start working on the happy hotel project, then they get angle dust as a guest. You know the deal, but how did vag get with Charlie? Who asked who out? I love how loyal vaggie is to Charlie but WHY is she so loyal? I think because Charlie wanted to ask about vaggies life and she took the opportunity to become a new person !

I think having char be the ray of sunshine in such a violent place attracts the lost and broken to her is cool. Vaggie tells ridiculous lies about her human life like being ran over by a horse. And being a pirate captain. Vaggies colors go from green to purple, aesthetic goes from Joan of arc lesbian to a captain Ching Shih lesbian yknow what I mean?

Charlie is taken in with this eccentric woman and befriends her. And also when Charlie and vaggie start to get closer char gifts her the red ribbon that vaggie wears all the time. The pink red is Charlies color and it sticks to all of her friends! Like when angel and Charlie get really close she gifts him the hot pink gloves and he wears them for the duration of the show. (I’ll write about that in another post lol)

MY CHARLIE loves to feed people food she’s made, so she just keeps feeding vaggie and the she starts to beef up, buff 5’4 vaggie lets gooooo. They cook food together and help sinners together. I forgot to mention that Charlie in my perfect world does actual charity work, she works down at the soup kitchen and cleans up the parks and gives people work, Charlie is just constantly busy and never gives herself a day off. Vaggie does her best to help while constantly working on her prodigious.

These girls also work at the local theater! They do a lot of dress up! And i really liked the idea that Charlie is astanged from her dad and is no contact with him. So she isn’t some princess that’s throwing money at the poor. She builds her own motel for the happy hotel project so that when it is destroyed they can build the hotel proper and have an actual emotional impact.

A little comic I sketched of out, Charlie was calling her dad for help with the hotel but he completely shuts her down and calls her idea dumb, I liked when Lucifer was a shitty dad that called Charlie a failure, instead of some sad loser who forgets to call his daughter, like I have a shitty dad and he tore down lots of my ideas and then is confused when I don’t talk to him.

Like idk how there are so many characters with daddy issues but they all are poorly written…

What else is there? Ermmm, I suppose I like Charlie as a demon that looks the most human out of the cast, like sure she has clown makeup as skin but giving her round ears and a demon tail looks super cute. And in the first few episodes Charlie hides her tail and uses it as a belt, and as a show of faith she reveals her tail to the hazbin gang!

#teddz stuff #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel critical #hazbin hotel charlie #hazbin hotel vaggie #chaggie #charlie x vaggie #vaggie x lute #hazbin hotel redesign

[napakmahal]

“ Did all this happen because I left?”

Pause girlies because this is actually kinda serious. I just got out of a depressive episode and just really wanted to give the depression girlies a lil treat. Remember: you need other people in your life when you have depression. Make friends not resources. I love y’all (angst)

How can something be so painful yet so numb at the same time? The human brain is one of the most complex systems in the universe, aside from the universe itself. How it can feel so many polar opposite things simoultaniouly, and in that creating an entire civil war within itself. How could the brain, the thing meant to be in charge with your care and wellbeing one day just decide to decrease its own activity and make you miserable? It was the worlds greatest betrayal.

You’d been lying in your bed for the past week, and you might have gotten up twice a day. Once to use the bathroom and the other to get some food and bring it right back to your bed. Everyone said it wasn’t a big deal because you were young and you were probably just in a bad mood because of your hormones. Hormones were evil enough to suction blood from your reproductive organs (usually) once a month, they couldn’t possibly be cruel enough for this.

On your overheated and whirling computer was an endless loop of lousy reality T.V shows you’d watched over and over. There’s been therapists that have said that in these times of depressive episodes, you should revert back to adding some life and movement back into your brain. Which meant doing things like crossword puzzles, working out, math games, and reading 200+ page books. All things that you could totally do and things you liked to do. But not right now. Now all you wanted was junk food and shitty TLC shows. Not some slow burn, or some huge mystery TV show that required you to remember tiny details from the beginning of the season. Reality TV was entertaining, effortless, and on loop but you’d be lying if you said everytime you heard the freaky eaters intro a little more of your brain died.

That’s the funny thing about depression. Because even though you can feel yourself slipping and drowning in total misery, there’s nothing anyone can do to save you. So you get stuck in this endless loop of self detructive behavior hoping that the pain you experience on the outside is enough to kill the thing on the inside.

You were clinically depressed, and nothing nobody did was ever going to change that. But these episodes weren’t always like this. For a while, episodes were bearable. Your ‘friend’ made them better.

You’d known Hiro for a while, meeting him on the downtown bus during sunset on a spring saturday. You thought he was cool, he thought you were pretty. But the whole girlfriend-boyfriend thing seemed uncomfortable and the labels meade things weird.

Granted you were each others first kiss. The two of you had tried to convince each other it was just because you got asked out to your eighth grade formal and you wanted to be prepared. It also didn’t help much that the more you described the dude that asked you out, the more Hiro wished he hadn’t skipped all those grades.

You never told anyone about that. Sure you could say it was a one time thing but it was hard to use that as a defense when you’d made out with him because you were bored under the dock near the beach during the summer carnival, and when you were just playing video games in his room, and when you were sitting on the steps of the museum of Japanese artifacts while sharing a soda, and the time you two were at the skatepark after it closed and you two were making out- only except that time he’d taken off his jacket.

Sure you were both fifteen but you watched people make out in the hallways at school everyday. Kissing didn’t seem like this massive thing. Hiro grew up isolated from the true highschool experience, he didn’t know. All he knew was that making out with you was cool and pretending he only did it because he was bored (and not because he would swear on his teen hormones that he loved you) was even cooler.

His aunt and brother had liked to tease you for it, but that’s all it was: teasing. The two of you would never live down the torment you’d likey face if they found out about your “I’m bored, let’s make out” sessions.

Speaking of, your mom didn’t really know you and Hiro were like that. She was only partly sure you liked him and you only thought that because one day after she caught you being particularly smiley that night after having him over to stream a new song she came into your room, played with your hair and said: “So you and Hiro are friends? That’s nice, he’s seems nice. Just, make sure he doesn’t make it worse.”

That was also kind of a silly depression thing: People and their influence could make it worse for you, others, and even themselves. Bad influence already makes bad people, but bad influence on people with depression tends to make them miserable, desperate, and self loathing.

But contrary to what your mom had said, Hiro didn’t make it worse. He made it better and she would soon figure that out after you’d tried texting him multiple times despite knowing he was at an expo outside the city. And he’d respond as fast as he could with the best messages, but when he’d go dead silent for almost ten hours each day it just dampened your mood. You’d kept reminding yourself not to be selfish, that your lack of ability to be happy shouldn’t stop people from living their lives. But from the hours of 7 a.m. - 5 p.m. you were left with no friend and a fat headache.

——————————————————————————

The intro to a show you couldn’t remember the name of played for the tenth time that day, drying out your eyes and causing an endless headache. You were surprised you hadn’t at least gotten a stomach ache from all the Tylenol you’d been taking. Someone knocked at your closed bedroom door before gently opening it.

“Y/n,” Your mom squinted through the darkness of your closed blinds and at the glowing computer screen. “There’s someone here to see you.”

With your back faced to her you couldn’t say anything other than a low, “Oh.”

She left for a bit as you continued to lay there, helpless almost dead. Thinking about death is something everyone does up to a certain extent. Questions like: How will I die? What comes next? Are ghosts real? All normal.

But when you and people like you thought about death it wasn’t like when other people thought about death.

Suddenly, your door creaked open and you didn’t even have the energy to look back but you just knew. Hiro had looked around at your depression room and sighed. He hadn’t even been around you for more than thirty seconds and he already wanted to cry. This was bad- so bad. The boy gently crept up to your bed and sat down. You felt the dent of his body in your mattress and still didn’t move.

��How are you?” His voice was quiet.

You responded barely above a whisper, “Fine.”

“When’s the last time you left this room?”

You didn’t even reply. At that moment, breathing was too much work. Having to think about the air going through your lungs and exhaling it out was a chore.

Hiro leaned over your body and shut the laptop closed before moving it off your head and placing his body in it’s spot. You two were now face to face, laying on your bed like the lovers of valdaro. It was bad this time and everyone knew it. Guilt had been eating him alive since he read the shift in your texts. How could he enjoy himself at this expo while you were there suffering?

“Did all of this happen because I wasn’t here?” He whispered.

You grabbed onto his hand. “No. I’ve always been like this.”

“Do you promise?”

“I swear it.”

“But it’s never been this bad before. If I was here then-”

“You couldn’t have done anything.” You cut him off. “Hiro I’ve been like this all my life. And you shouldn’t feel obligated to hold yourself back because I’m not normal.”

Once while playing around at the park at midnight you told Hiro that a therapist you had said these episodes will wax and wane. In the good there will be bad and in the bad there will be good. But there would never be moment where it would just be good. You’d be this way for the rest of your life, sad, in pain, and left with a feeling of mania and worthlessness. And there was nothing he could do about it.

“Do-” Hiro’s voice started to shake and a tear from my eye scurred across his face. “Do I at least make it any better?’

The thought of making it better by being there would in turn make him feel a little less guilty about not being able to be with you all the time.

For the first time in a week, you gave him a weak smile. No teeth, just lips. Before you leaned forward and gave him a prolonged kiss. In return, he brushed your hair from your face and started petting your head.

“Yes,” You whispered. “You do.”

#baymax #big hero 6 #big hero six #hiro hamada #tadashi hamada #bh6 x reader #disney #fanfic #hiro hamada x reader #napakmahal

[doll-r-t]

A Weird Position to Relax in

Syverson x autistic/ADHD!reader

(No race or body type explicitly stated! And written by and actually autistic/ADHD person)

Summary: you have the habit of getting into weird positions to relax and just hang out. (Inspired by the pictures I saw on Pinterest)

LEAVE COMMENTS AND REEBLOG PLEASE!

We need more disabled/neurodivergent Fics! Please Reeblog to make sure other people can find this fic and hopefully find joy and comfort!!!

Masterlist

Pictures found on Pinterest and mood board made by me. Credit to the people the photos belong to!

Syverson loved living with you for a very weird and specific reason. Something he had not noticed prior to living with you. Every time he came home, especially late. He would wonder how he would find you this time? 

Yes you had the weirdest habit when it came to well… positions. 

You could relax or sleep in the weirdest positions. It looked so uncomfortable to him but you looked more than fine. 

You called it things like floor time. Needing to just lay on the ground. You had no idea why but it felt so good. You would sometimes just lay there and stare at the wall. Not in sadness or anything. Just, you know, hanging out. 

When he first saw you in q weird position he just looked at you, exclaiming: "what the fuck are you doing?" He was amused. 

Soon creating a game in his head: how would he find you today? 

On his way home he would decide which room, couch floor or bed, and which position he would find you in.

Yet, most of the times you still surprised him

That is why he loved you, you made him laugh as soon as he stepped into the flat

And although you were not aware of his game, he was giddy every single day to come home to you, excited to see what kind of weird position you came up with 

One time he had found you in a small nook with you body almost bend in half on your hip, this was one of the weirdest one 

“How are you comfortable?” 

You just looked confused at him, your phone in your hand, shrugging your shoulder 

One time he woke up in the middle of the night and you were not next to him,

he went in search for you and found you in the small pantry/guest room in your house

The house was not big but you insisted of having another bed in case anyone ever needed to stay over 

You were sat on the floor next to the bed in your PJs 

just when he entered you had taken a big bite from a take out pizza 

Smiling through a full mouth you held up the pizza carton, 

“You want some?”, mumbling through your bites 

“It's 3 a.m.?!” He looked at you bewildered. 

“What are you doing?!” 

You just shrugged and took another big bite

“I woke up and was hungry.” 

“How did you get this stuff?” 

Looking at him like he was an idiot you held up your phone, waving it around 

“I did not hear the doorbell.” 

“Didn’t want to wake you so waited until I saw their car then went outside.” 

He rubbed his eyebrows, Sitting down on the floor as well, 

It was a tight fit but he took one of the slices anyway 

“Don’t go out next time.” He said after a bite 

“Either let them ring, don’t care if it wakes me. Or tell them to put it down at the front door and then wait until they leave.” After a pause he went on 

“Actually, just get me.” 

You smiled softly up at him, “Okay.” 

You knew he was worried about strangers coming to your home at night and you coming to harm 

He mustard you for one more second before nodding at your phone 

You pressed play on the episode your were watching and you two sat their just eating 

Although it was a bit uncomfortable, sitting like this for him after a while he could not bring himself to care 

He had not done this since before his military career

Just sitting down in the middle of the night with a bunch of junk food and a cute girl while watching TV on your shitty phone 

Shitty, because you constantly dropped it, the screen was slightly chipped and it just looked worn out 

He wanted to get you a new one but you waved him away, 

“It’ll just end up looking like this anyway.” 

He made sure that you were able to call him or the police in case you were in trouble and when he was confident your shitty phone could he had let it be 

You eventually fell asleep on the floor, seemingly fully comfortable and your tummy full with food

He waited until the episode was finished just looking at you in amused fascination that you could just sleep like this 

“You would be a great army personal” He thought, they had to sleep whenever and wherever they could 

Groaning he stood up, stretching himself 

Picking you up he made his way back with you to bed

One of the funniest ones was when he came home and you were working on the computer, the small fluffy kitten you had adopted from a shelter, laying on your head

He was not too fond of cats but he could never say no to you, so when both you and the cat looked up at him with big pleading eyes, he finalized the adopted 

You cuddled her to you and talked about you were its new mummy and the big rough looking guy driving the car was its new daddy

He liked the sound of that and melted even more when you reassured the kitten that he only looked scary but he was a big warm cuddle bug 

So when he came home to you working on the computer with the kitten on your head happy as ever he barked out a laugh. 

“Oh God she is you in cat form.” 

However, he soon only called the little kitten “Princess” or “little miss” when he was cross, giving you a glimpse at how he would be with a daughter

Now he would come home to you, his beloved everything and his furr daughter in weird positions 

And eventually he would just lay next to you on the ground or, whatever weird spot you were and would hang out 

You’d put your blanket around him and the little kitten would snuggle up with him, purring at his warmth 

“I think I get it now.”

LEAVE COMMENTS AND REEBLOG PLEASE!

We need more disabled/neurodivergent Fics! Please Reeblog to make sure other people can find this fic and hopefully find joy and comfort!!!

Taglist:

@tumblnewbyy @irishprincess899 @wheretheriversrunintothesea @amberangel112112 @sofiebstarar @omgkatinkaa @enchantedbytomandhenrynry @snowbellexx @daddys-littlewhitegirll @pjkimrn @zealoushoundd, @lunedelorientt​, @tragicphoenix13​, @alexa-fangirl-forever​, @vhjlucky13​ @bourbonwithicee

#captain syverson x reader #syverson fluff #syverson imagine #captain syverson smut #captain syverson angst #syverson x reader #syverson fanfiction #syverson x ofc #syverson x you #catain syverson #henry cavill #henry cavill x autistic reader #henry cavill x autistic!reader #henry cavill x disabled!reader #henry cavill x reader #Henry Cavill x ADHD!reader #Henry Cavill x ASHD reader #sand castle (movie) #captain syverson #syverson #captain syverson x you #captain syverson imagine #captain syverson headcanon #captain syverson x autistic!reader #syverson x autistic!reader #syverson x autistic reader #captain syverson x Autisitc reader #syverson x ADHD!reader #syverson x adhd reader #captain syverson x female reader

[lesbianpolar]

I like to divide my manic episodes up into "Fun Mania" and "Shitty Mania". Everybody always talks about Fun Mania, but you hardly ever hear about Shitty Mania.

During a Fun Manic episode, I might do a bunch of home improvement projects

During a Shitty Manic episode, I may START a bunch of home improvement projects, but I jump from project to project so quickly that I don't actually finish any of them. Usually, I will lose interest once I have spent as much money as possible and made as big of a mess as possible.

During a Fun Manic episode, I will eat large amounts of expensive food because food has never been so delicious before, and I am deriving endless amounts of pleasure from even the most mundane of tasks.

During a Shitty Manic episode, I will eat nothing either because I am too busy and it is a struggle to commit to sitting down for 10 minutes straight, or because All Food is Bad and Probably Poison. Also, I have ascended humanity and become God. That floaty feeling? That's me ascending.

During a Fun Manic episode, I am So Famous and Important. Everybody loves me and wants to know every detail about my life. All of my doctors' notes are about how delightful I am.

During a Shitty Manic Episode, THEY are after me. Who is They? We don't have time to discuss. They hear everything and know exactly what I am thinking. Better throw them off my trail by thinking nonsense for the next twenty minutes.

During a Fun Manic episode, I do thorough research into The Best cat foods and decide that none of them are good enough, so I buy everything that I need to make my own and start a rigid feeding schedule. I spend several days focused on nothing but cat food

During a Shitty Manic episode, I forget that I have cats that need food. They cry and scratch at my pant leg that it's Time for Dinner, and I don't notice because I am too busy scraping at a spot on the wall. It's a stain, but I'm sure that if I scratch enough, it will go away. It has been over an hour.

During a Fun Manic episode, I feel perfectly refreshed with only a few hours of sleep.

During a Shitty Manic episode, my eyes ache and burn, and my body demands rest, but my mind will not allow it.

Both Fun Mania and Shitty Mania have disastrous consequences, but when we only talk about Fun Mania, we begin to think that maybe those highs are WORTH the consequences. THEY ARE NOT. Mania is as much of a lying bitch as depression.

#bipolar disorder #mania #manic episode #actually bipolar #actually manic #my cats are okay btw #i have an automatic feeder now that will at the very least dispense dry food #so they are not going to starve #they just won't get their favorite wet food

[romanarose]

Leather and Lace: Will's Perspective

Santiago Garcia X Fem!OC

Masterlist

Previous Chapter : Next Chapter

Summary: Will mules over his thoughts on of the last few months, Benny, Laci, and Santi.

A/N: I just HAD TO put Will's perspective as bonus chapter. I had too. This isn't necessary to the story so if ur not interested, you can skip. But I wanted to get Will's side of the story. Takes place around the end of the next chapter so it also serves as sneak peek into the next chapter!

“Would you stop fucking fidgeting for two fucking seconds? Or do we need to get you back on the Adderal?” Will irritatedly asked his brother.

“I’m sorry!”

“This is why we haven't finished the goddamn show, Ben.”

“Son’s of Anarchy is 7 seasons long, soooooooorrryyy we have’t finished it in a week” Ben retorted, but was smiling. He loved this. He loved that his big tough brother insisted on watching this show with him, he loved that he wouldn’t watch it without him.

Secretly, Will felt the same. He loved Santi and Frankie, that was his family. He loved spending time with all the guys, and Laci when she was there, which was more often than not. Santiago was a man obsessed, that much was obvious. But he also loved just spending time with Ben. Nothing would change the fact that Ben and Will were actual brothers, with a whole life that came before the others. Will wasn’t always the brother he could’ve been, that was for sure. But after watching Ben get shot those months back, after thinking that was going to be it, he tried to make a fresh start. Especially after he was called out on his less-than-great coping mechanisms.

He didn’t mean to take it out on the girl. She was just an easy target. Santi and Benny were quick to pin Will as “heartless” during their escapades, because whenever things got complicated or went wrong, Will was the one who could keep a level head. When Tom was killed, they needed to keep moving. Will would never say it, but Tom had it coming. Tom’s greed had gotten Will shot, made the entire heist go to shit, and resulted in the death of way more men than they planned on killing that day. It was supposed to be Lorea, that’s it. Will knew the exact numbers, but he dared not share them with the others. The numbers were his burden to bare. Will wasn’t going to let Tom’s death cause him to lose Pope, Fish or Ben. So they had to keep moving.

When they found Laci, Will knew immediately it would be a problem. It wasn’t that he wanted to leave her, quite the opposite. He’s not heartless, he’s practical. He wanted to get her and them out of there, but no, Santi wanted to find her papers, get her food and water. Santi’s time wasting could’ve killed them all. He knew Ben getting shot wasn’t Santi’s fault. Him being there probably wouldn’t’ve  made a difference. But his anger problems got the best of him, and it needed somewhere to go. And that was at Santi and Laci. Santi had said at the night of the cookout ‘knowing you, you’ll start feeling really shitty about it’ and he did. There was no part of him that took pleasure in being mean to a sex trafficking victim, but it would just… come out.

After him and Laci talked, he felt they had an understanding. Santi, Benny and Frankie dealt with their issues in different ways. Frankie with coke, Santi and his endless projects, Benny with the drinking and fighting. Will? Will kept it together. Until he didn’t. And when he didn’t it was bad. He’s thankful he never did more to Laci than being passive aggressive, it could have been worse. Will wasn’t proud of it all, but he was trying. The point being, her and him had an understanding. She said she struggled with anger as well. He wondered how long until she burst.

She was sweet. Almost too sweet. Not that she wasn’t a welcome break from all the shit from the world, but he couldn’t help feel she held back. She was still quiet around the group, still slipping into “non-verbal episodes” as Benny called it. She never was anything but kind, soft, sweet. And that’s just not normal. It would reach a boiling point. Occasionally, Laci’d make a sarcastic comment, but only too Benny. She clearly wasn’t the most comfortable around him or Fish, not casual enough to be sarcastic. With Santi, he sensed a different reason. Santi was her world right now, as she was his. Santi would never, ever say that she owed him anything: sex, money, kindness, nothing. But, from Laci’s possition, he was in control. He could take the entire life she built back away from her. Santi housed her, clothed her, fed her. When she was sick, he was going to pay for the ER visit. She would be nothing but sweet to him. Even if he had no intention of hanging it over her head, a girl who had been through what Laci had would feel like it was. Where she came from, no one was kind for the sack of kindness. The protective selflessness and passionate love of Santiago Garcia didn’t exist in that world. 

Santi was a good guy, one of the best he’s ever known, save for his brother and his grandpa. But Satiago was a lot. Years and years ago, it had taken a lot for Benny to get over his crush, because once Santi pulls you i, you’re trapped. As Benny began spending more time at Pope’s he was concerned the crush was back, and Will wasn’t sure he could pull Ben out of another drunken stupor over it. Then, when he realized most of his time was spent with the girl, a whole new problem arose, especially after he mentioned they were going to be going to the mall without Santi.

‘What’s going on with you and Laci?’

‘Whaddya mean?’

‘C’mon, you’re over there every other day. I don’t think you need to be getting involved with her right now’

Ben had scoffed at that ‘Are you still being a bitch to her?’

‘No! I just mean her and Santi clearly have something going and you probably shouldn’t be dating until you get the drinking under control’

This had exploded into an argument where Ben insisted he didn’t have a drinking problem. He did. But that wasn’t the point. Benny explained later that he thought Laci needed a friend. He knew Laci and Santi were probably in love, even if they wouldn’t admit it to each other, and that’s why she needed a friend. He, of all people, knew how Santi drew you in, how he could make everything else around you irrelevant, how, with one look, nothing else mattered except what Santi wanted. Will knew Pope never intentionally manipulated people. He never led Benny or anyone on, he was completely, blissfully unaware of Benny’s crush and the cult-leader power that he held. But Benny wanted to be there for her. Will, Frankie and Ben all thought they’d make a good couple. Laci softened his edges, and Santi made her smile. She just needed to be able to see clearly and not get lost in him.

“Oh shit” Benny said out loud, eyes going wide as concern spread over his face.

Will immediately went to worse case scenario. “Is is Frankie?” It was an unspoken, general agreement. Will handled Benny’s drinking, Pope handled Fish’s coke. If something happened with Frankie, they’d get a call from Pope.

So why did only Ben get it, and why was it a text?

“No” Ben replied quickly, knowing where Will’s head had gone. “Sorry man, I gotta go”

“What? Why? What's wrong?” 1000 worst case scenarios were floating through his head now that the main one was out.

“It’s Laci” He was pulling on his shoes. “I’m sorry, it’s important.”

Will stood up, following his brother. “Is she okay? Did she get hurt?” Will knew as well as anyone else the effect ptsd and trauma can have, did she hurt herself or try to?

Ben turned to him, expression softening when he saw Will’s worry. “She’ll be okay, her and Santi got in a pretty nasty fight. He’s being a fucking dick, I’m going to get her.” A fight? Maybe Laci’s boiling point had been reached. He couldn’t imagine a one sided fight with Santi, he wasn’t the type to pick fights, especially not with women, and he wasn’t the type to go after someone who wasn’t firing back. More than likely, Santi had said or done something stupid, Laci finally called him out on it and it escalated. Ben had told him about how Ben and Pope got into it the other day, how Laci had finally stood up for herself and Ben, even just a little bit.

“Maybe you shouldn’t get involved.” Will suggested, knowing Ben and Santi were the most hot headed of them, and a small fight could easily escalate.

Ben shook his head, hand on the door “I’m not leaving her, she’s my friend.”

“So is Santi-”

“All she has is me and him. I’m going to get her.”

“Okay just…” Will rubbed his face. “Text me when you’re home”

“I will” Ben nodded and dashed out the door. Santi’s place wasn’t far, he’d be there soon. Laci and Santi in fight bad enough Laci needed Ben to get her. The two of them looked at each other like they hung the stars in the sky, he couldn’t imagine what had gotten them to that point. Especially Santi. Santi treated her like something precious, like a doll. He wondered if that was why Santi called her muñequita, little doll, or if that was unintentional. When he saw them together the day he brought her pedialyte, the sight warmed his frozen over heart. There was his battle hardened friend, leader of the Delta squadron, laid up in bed with a sick girl, not caring if he got infected. He was absolutely whipped in the best sense of the word, and they hadn’t even fucked.

And not even 2 weeks later, they were in a fight.

He couldn’t help but mutter to himself as he watched Benny hop into his jeep.

“Well I’ll be damned.”

******************

hopefully a new chapter of Sunshine Starlight Sweetheart Brightside will be out this week, and then a full chapter of Leather and Lace latter this week or the weekend. I have like. 7 things due on Friday, a day I have to work bc it's a mandatory work day for olive garden (we give free meals to vets) and I still want to make Shabbat services

so

we'll see how this week goes.

I feel like i forgot to add someone in this tag list...... if I forgot to add you lmk

@littlenosoul @bensolosbluesaber @milkymoon2483 @gogh-with-the-flow @itspdameronthings @trinkets01 @p0edameronswife @welcometostayingawake @spxctorsslxt @username21mk @lucianadraven32

Spotify pla ylist

#santiago garcia #benny miller #will miller #will ironhead miller #santiago garcia x oc #santiago garcia reader #triple frontier #triple frontier fanfic #triple frontier fanfiction #santiago garcia fanfiction #will miller fanfiction

[daintydurdencokedupwaif]

Control: what is it

I've made a discovery that's allowed to eat 1290 calories today even though I binged yesterday and probably will tomorrow. Control, what is it? Since my obsession with becoming full blown fucking anorexic, I've heard countless confessions about the anorexic's real craving, control. I estranged myself from this concept, even during my honeymoon phase and since then I've been in our of good weeks and shitty ones, managing to lose some but also gain. Then today, I decided to lean into the psychotic episode and mental breakdown and actually talk the demon making me binge (myself.) After doing this, I decided that if I would genuinely give being skinny up for a cupcake then I wasn't ready to get to 38kg. I hate the not being ready but I also don't think so I am. I'm launched into states of depression or caffeine highs or sugar highs or cravings yet the only time I feel okay is when I can control things.

Counting calories

Monitoring my weight

Cutting up food

Throwing away food

Venting

Skipping meals

Eating when I want

Working out/toning my fat

Purging up food

Bloating myself with ONLY water

Constant weight loss

Subliminals

A lot of the time it kills me the idea anyone around could lose weight or is skinnier than me. It kills me that I waste away days or time moves so fast. It kills me I feel certain ways about things which then affect my actions. It kills me I don't hate food. Mostly, it kills me I've damaged myself so much that I dont have the heart to love myself. I know I won't stop, I can't go on and live a normal life with normal meals and a normal bmi. Not with this world. Being skinny would solve the pain and even if it didn't I would feel less like I existed so I could disappear easier. When it all bubbled up I'd feel so close to being nothing I could pretend I am. But I can't do that, until Ive brainwashed myself into food hatred, until sugar makes me physically ill and I only get joy from fasting and starving. I just hope it doesn't take too long, but I guess once it's dead, it's dead.

#anarec1a #4norexi4 #edbllr #4norex1a #pro a4a #sk1nn1 #a4a diary #ed but not sheeran #a4a #i want to be small #restrictive ana #ana goals #tw ana shit #tw ana diary #ana trigger #m34nsp0 #disordered eating mention #mealspø #mealsp0 #tw skipping meals #tw ed diet #thin$po #i want to be slim #th1n #i wanna be thinner #th1n$po #th1nsp1r4t10n #disordered eating thoughts #th1gh gap #th1nsp11

[stormblessed95]

Hi! I’m the anon who asked about the ‘I’m sorry for my fault’ thing, thank you so much for your explanation! I’m hoping you don’t mind me asking another question, although this one is probably a bit more complicated. I’m still making my way through run bts and I’m noticing a lot of jokes (seem to come mostly from Jin but I might just not have a large enough sample size) about JM’s weight, and thinking about what I’ve recently learned about JM’s extreme dieting and overall body issues it’s left a very sour taste in my mouth. As an example, the run ep where they have to do that ‘I see’ game where they confess things to each other (I think ep 15 or so? I’ve been binging them sorry lol) and Jin tells jimin he looks like a pig, and then continues with the joke multiple times even after JM seems visibly upset to the point where Jin even apologizes after the game ends. But then he comes back again with another comment like that just a few mins later! Idk I know it’s meant to be taken as a joke but I just can’t understand why this seems to be a thing (that ep is not the only time I’ve noticed it) despite how much they all obviously love and care for each other, and how much the others were all worried during JM’s diets. Is this something you can offer some insight into, being in this fandom a lot longer than I have? Is this something I should expect to continue seeing throughout run? I’m not sure I want to see that, to be honest…. I appreciate anything you can tell me, thanks ❤️

Hi anon! I talked a bit about the issues of diet culture in this post here, in case you didn't see that the other day.

It's a very fair thing to have left a sour taste in your mouth. And it's not just Jin, it's all of them, even Jimin. Horrible jokes made at times even though it's also very clear they geniunely are worried AF for each other when someone takes it too far too. With the run episode you mentioned, I'm not a huge fan of the game they played. They played it before in other shows and it wasn't one I enjoyed then either. But the purpose of the game is to try and offend each other basically. And the longer the game goes, the worse it gets as each tries to win. Because you are wanting to make the other person react. So Jin hit below the belt there and won. And also pretty clearly wants to make sure Jimin is actually okay. It's not a game I'm a fan of. Lol

And I do think that's the worst of it with those jokes though honestly. Unless I don't remember, which is very possible. I could've blocked other jokes/comments out as I don't enjoy them. But mostly it's just lowkey comments and jokes about diets and shitty remarks to each other about calories at times too, but not in a mean way. Just in a... I'm worried about how entrenched they are in diet culture because of the industry they live in and how that affects their mental and physical health.

But there is also more often content of them making sure their other members eat. That they rest. That they feel loved and worthwhile. That they aren't too hard on themselves. That their jokes are never done in a mean spirited way and I do think that if a boundary was drawn, the members would've respected it and not made the jokes anymore. So I trust in their friendship there too. Encouring them to eat more sometimes and sharing food and feeding each other. And bringing them meals to eat together is one hadn't eaten In a while. But I fully understand that those jokes just don't hit well when they are made. So I get it.

I know that's probably not super helpful. Lol but it's what I've got. You are also free to DM me if you want to talk specifics more too. Thanks for the ask. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful and the reply took awhile.

[londonspirit]

Rant

... like MASSIVE because I need to get that out here too, otherwise i might just blow a fuse or something!!!

I've watched most of DT's work more or less whenever new things come out; some things I skip or mark down for later, some I watch right away (usually depends on the amount of screentime he has).

So naturally I started Inside Man when it came out. That was almost a year ago. I never managed to finish the second episode. Today I FORCED myself through the rest just to have watched it. (Plus, I love a grumpy bearded DT!)

And now I am pissed. I'm actually MAD at Moffat for making me watch this!!!

I have NEVER IN MY LIFE seen such utter BULLSHIT and such absolutely INSANE STUPIDITY in a show!!! I mean, I know he's not best loved for all sorts of reasons, and up until now I was like whatevs - I like(d) his stuff, I love Sherlock (yes, even the last season, sue me!), that show gave me some of the most wonderful friends so how can I be mad at him; I could watch most of his stuff without any issues. Nobody's perfect.

But this?!?!? GOOD LORD MAN WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU SMOKING?!?! The whole fucking premise was CRAZY!!! It made absolutely no sense at all - and it only got worse from there. What did my friend say: it's a car crash on top of a train wreck!!!

I've watched LOTS OF bad tv/films for favs, endured hours of shitty stuff to get a glimpse at the people I like.

But I have NEVER seen anything like this. It wasn't just bad, it was an insult to the actors!!! I have NO idea why DT (and Tucci and Lydia, who I adore!) did this. They must've read the script beforehand and noticed how utterly TERRIBLE that show was!!!!

I mean... the whole setup was just as wrong as WRONG can be!!! NO SANE PERSON would act like that - hell, even the silliest FANFIC blorbo wouldn't do shit like that!!!

I'm still in shock that anyone would read, let alone produce and film this!!!! Up until now there hasn't been ONE bad thing in DT's work catalogue - even his early stuff was good, because HE is good! But even his acting was utterly underwhelming! (well, can't make gold out of shit, not even my beloved Scot can do THAT!!!)

So yeah, from here on out Inside Man will be on my ABSOLUTELY SHITTY TV list for the rest of time and NOTHING will ever change that!!!!

So yeah, if you consider to watch it, just fucking DON'T!!! It'll ruin your day, you'll lose four hours you'll never get back and if you're like me, your respect for DT will at least wobble a bit (I only allow this because I know that he's a fan of his work and there's LOADS of other, wonderful work that can balance out the absolutely rubbish I've watched today! Still: WHY???)

/rant over (for now, I need food or Imma collapse out of sheer annoyance!)

#personal #rant #DT #inside man

[mercurybluewrites]

Fingernails Chapter 1

Hello all, my first time posting fanfiction since 2014 (lmao!) All fics will be posted on AO3 and will be posted there 1st! Below is the link to it on AO3. Happy reading and please remember to interact and reblog!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/41220963

Fingernails

V rummaged around the cabinet underneath the sink looking for a very specific plastic tub. Between working any gig that she could get her hands on and trying to find a way to evict her brain parasite without dying, V had almost no downtime. A point she has made very clear to said parasite many times and was now regretting that.

“Jesus, V. How many times have you said ‘We don’t have time for this, we can’t stop, I gotta take this gig, blah blah fuckin’ blah.’ Now you’re painting your nails like some corpocunt”, Johnny taunted.

V rolled her eyes and placed the tub of nail goodies on the counter, accidentally spooking Nibbles from her nap in the sink bowl. “First of all, I said we had very little time to relax. So we have some,” V smirked at Johnny and continued after soothing the poor cat. “And corpocunts wouldn’t paint their own nails, they get color-changing nail implants or some shit. At the very least, they’d pay someone to do it for them. God forbid they actually lift a finger.”

Johnny snorted out a laugh at that and materialized a fake cigarette. He puffed on it for a bit while he watched V pick out a nail color and gather her tools. “You know what I’m about to ask next,” He said, moving closer to the merc and tossing out the digital cig butt.

That was the ‘fun’ part of sharing a mind. It was more than what Vik said of becoming one person, it was knowing and feeling everything about each other. Including what they were about to say to the other person. They figured out at some point that if they focused hard enough they could hide things from each other. However, it wasn’t a passive thing to do - it took actual effort and so most things passed between the two connected minds.

“It’s…hard to explain why I like taking care of my nails. After all that crap with the Voodoo Boys, you know how important my mom was to me. We used to paint our nails together all the time before…well you know,” She let out a sigh before pushing those emotions to the side. “Plus nail polish and shitty drug store makeup were stupidly easy to klep when I was with the Bakkers,” V grinned proudly.

Johnny gave V a small smile, “Ya know talking to you sometimes is more depressing than kicking a puppy with progeria. Now grab a nail color and let’s watch some shitty TV, Samurai.”

And V did just that. She grabbed a dark purple color that had flakes of slivery glitter swirling around in it and flicked on the TV. Watson Whore. Neither of them liked modern TV, the corpo propaganda wasn’t even hidden and the acting was worse than atrocious. However, V would sometimes indulge in a guilty pleasure of consuming really really awful weeknight dramas. She would only catch every other episode so she had no fucking clue what was going on. Right now the lead girl was in a really expensive-looking bikini and sobbing over some hunk of a guy with a crazy amount of stab wounds.

“I swear if Maxtec or some other corpo comes bursting in to save her night, I’m taking over and changing the channel,” Johnny grumbled as he popped up next to V.

“If I smoke a cig or two will you shut up?”

“Yes.”

V lit one up and started puffing on it. She started by cleaning the old polish off and clipping her nails as the nicotine entered her bloodstream. Johnny finally seemed to settle down. A weird sense of peace also settled in - or peace as much as Night City would allow. It was funny in a way. Just a few hours ago, V was dodging bullets and separating Tyger heads from their bodies. The scratch she made was disappointing, to say the least, only a little over 6K eddies for all that work. Enough for rent and some food at least but not much else. So a nail day was much needed to say the least.

She lifted up a nail file and inspected it. It was an old metal one that was starting to dull on one side. V was too comfy to get up a grab a new one, plus Nibbles decided her lap made a much better bed. She flipped it over to the other side and started filing away. While she enjoyed taking care of her nails, she wasn’t creative and just shaped them into the standard oval shape. Being a merc doesn’t allow for nail creativity anyway.

V ashed the cig as she grabbed the cuticle oil next. She poured a generous amount on each nail bed and massaged it in. She rubbed the oil in slowly, both to actually let it absorb into the nail bed but the act also released the soreness from her overworked digits. V paused and briefly wondered if the oil could smooth out the callouses on her hands. Her trigger finger was…bad. That didn’t even start describing some of her scars. Hell, the road rash down her leg was horrific when she wiped out on a sketchy-ass bike when she was 17.

“Oh come on it's not that bad!”

“Jesus fuck!” V jumped hard, no longer relaxed and neither was the cat. The oil bottle swiped across her knuckles (she’d find out if cuticle oil would help after all) and landed on the coffee table, “I thought you said you shut up?” V leveled a look at him and stamped out the dying cigarette. Even Nibbles seemed to give the digital ghost a look before deciding her food bowl was much more interesting.

He smirked, bastard enjoys messing with her. “Pipe down, I got bored. Plus when did you get so concerned about looks?”

“Johnny, I think it’s fair to say anyone in NC is obsessed with looks. Kinda the first part of the battle when it comes to decent street cred.”

“Heh, I guess not everyone is blessed being able to look this good this easily,” With his signature grin, he leaned back and folded his hands behind his head. The only thing V could think of is that if Johnny is going to be in the passenger seat much longer, Vik would have to give her some blood pressure meds along with those blockers.

Instead, V just shook her head and lit a 2nd cigarette. She briefly considered fixing herself a drink, they were taking time to relax for once, but as much as the digital brain parasite annoyed her… He’s definitely grown on her. A part of her wonders if that was the relic rewiring her brain or if they were actually getting along. Rouge and Johnny never shared a brain (Thank God, even if that would be the most entertaining thing of the century.) and they meshed well in their own way. Sort of.

‘Nope…’ V thought to herself. Tonight is supposed to be relaxing and following that line of thought is the opposite. To remedy that, she grabbed the chosen nail polish color and unscrewed the cap. The familiar chemical smell that comes with any bottle of nail polish flooded her senses. Most hate the smell or at least think it’s too strong, but V loved it. Could it be because that smell was present during a time of her life when things were safe and ok? Probably, but right now it was as effective as synth-lavender.

V is no nail tech but she knows a few tips and tricks from years of nail care. She dipped the brush in the swirling liquid and pressed it on the bottom of her thumbnail. Not all the way down though, don’t want to flood the cuticle. She then smoothly and gently pulled the brush up to the tip and angled it so it would cover the edge of the nail. Always wrap the tip.

“That’s what I’ve said for years,” said Johnny. V at first wanted to berate him but couldn’t help but laugh.

V repeated the motions until the thumbnail was covered. The purple and silver glitter complimented each other nicely. She held it to the light. It made it sparkle brilliantly and the purple shimmer with an iridescent flare. She hummed to herself in approval and continued on to the next fingernail. V entered almost a meditative state as she focused on covering each nail, not noticing her parasite was watching intently as she went along. The two minds were finally relaxed and contented for once.

The episode of Watson Whore ended as V finished the last stroke on her pinky finger. There were a few mistakes where she accidentally got some paint on the skin around the nail but overall, her fingernails gleamed. Besides those bits would wash off in the shower. She grinned and looked over at Johnny. Much to V’s surprise, he was also admiring her nails. She expected a joke or a comment but instead…

“Ok damn. I’ll admit it V, I’m impressed,” He said while gesturing for her to show off her other hand.

V was flabbergasted for a second before composing herself, “Too bad you’re a ghost or I could make you look so pretty,” She joked.

“Tell ya what, we both somehow make it out of this… You can paint my nails, V.”

“Wait, what? Really?!”

“I’d cross my heart but I’m fuckin’ dead.”

“Even the gaudiest, loudest shade of neon green?”

“V, I know I’m an asshole but be reasonable.”

She laughed a true and deep laugh, feeling in a great mood for a rare time, “Fine. I think a nice shade of blue would look hella nice on you.”

“I’ll hold you to it, Samurai,” Johnny said as he dematerialized for the night to some dark corner of her mind.

For a moment, V almost missed the presence of Silverhand until she realized it was almost 1 in the morning. She placed all her nail goodies back in the tub and then under the sink. Nibbles was already a step ahead of her and was curled up asleep next to V’s pillow. Still feeling relaxed and just in a good mood for once, V slid under the covers and sunk into the bed. V drifted off to the sound of Nibbles purring up a storm. Of course, there would always be the lingering stress of what tomorrow would bring in Night City that any resident has but tonight things are ok. In fact, they were so ok that the nightmares left them alone as well.

#fanfic #cyberpunk 2077 #cp2077 #johnny silverhand #v #fem!V #f!v #Johnny silverhand/V #johnny silverhand x v #v x johnny #tw smoking #fluff #tw mentions of violence #tw gun mention #mercuryposts #nomad!v #nomad v

[taegularities]

Hiiii Rid, I had another dream again. Yes hi it’s me dreamgirl. I swear they just happen??? So I wanted to tell you before I forgot it.

So it starts with me trying to buy tickets for a Seventeen concert and then actually succeeding. And then when I’m getting ready for the concert, I double check the tickets and it turns out I bought tickets for a beauty product launch???? But hey, they’re giving away wine and cheese (I don’t drink😔) AND a bottle of their new eel serum ig??? yes… eel

So yeah I’m suddenly having a shitty day because I guess I wanted to see Kim Mingyu with his titties out??? (OKAY BEFORE YOU ASK WE R GETTING TO THE BTS PART I SWEAR)

So I go to my classes (I guess the scene switched lmao) and continue this shitty mood and sit next to my classmate Park Jimin and his super smart and stuff and suddenly we’re having a quiz on food safety??????? Hello when did I start studying food related modules? I remember panicking because they wanted us to calculate the sodium content of a chicken breast. Like WHY DO I REMEMBER THAT SPECIFIC QUESTION FROM MY DREAM QUIZ.

And Jimin, my lovely seatmate Jimin is sitting in a way so I can’t copy his damn work, like dude is covering is work with his whole body smh and the kid opposite me is just highlighting their entire sheet so I’m panicking because I don’t want to fail but then all hell breaks lose in the class and we get a power cut and the lecturer is standing on a desk yelling about notebooks and I’m so upset because what a shitty day AND THEN everyone goes quiet and coos because

OUTSIDE MY CLASSROOM IS MY MFCKING HUSBAND AND HE IS HOLDING OUR (HIS) MINIMES AND EVERYONE IS LIKE “Awwww”

And yes… it’s none other than the love of my life Jeon Jungkook and I remember him wearing that one outfit from an episode of Run BTS (they’re at that Hyundai museum I think?? He had a jeans and Prada boots) and the youngest baby is dressed like him except his shoes were silver? idk idk. And the slightly older but still cute and adorable son is wearing like this floral overalls with a matching bucket hat but he’s cute as heck and they’re all waiting for me with their big doe eyes and the babies with their chubby cheeks and my day feels so much better and then I guess I woke up but suddenly I miss my dream babies that I had with my husband Jeon Jungkook😔😔😔

I’m sorry I know this dream is not as entertaining as the others lmao but I suppose you dream what you dream hehe. Anyway lovely, I hope your day is going well and you’re doing good and just know that I adore you and your writing and your kindness too!! 💗

dreamgirl !!!! c'mon, all your dreams are entertaining as fck, even this one made me smile (as always) :') first of all, dang it, what's with the svt concert tickets tho 😭 cheese n wine are great but.... 🤨 i hope the eel serum... was a good one, though :')

food safety 💀 i do wonder what your brain was trying to tell you... i also wonder why meanie jimin wouldn't let you copy his answers, like help out a girl in need, mister park 😔 and you know what? i can understand all the tumult that came after, bc I'D REACT THE SAME IF JEON JUNGKOOK WAS STANDING OUTSIDE, especially this one.

DREAM HUSBAND AND DREAM BABIES, dreamgirl i'm actually so happy for you and that you had this whack yet endearing dream 🥺 floral overalls with a bucket hat... sounds like jk fr 😭 i think even i had a jk dream last night, but can't remember anymore :')

and lovely, my day went well, i was out most of today, thank you so much 🥺 i hope yours was pleasant, too, and that your mind thinks up another cool dream tonight !! i luuufffff you, you're the kindest <33333

#i love that you told me before you could forget !!! it's like dream journaling but with me 🥰 #notes for rid 🌹 #dreamgirl anon 💭

[typhonnixsworld]

Animal suicide

So I was walking home today after my night walk and felt a little sad you know the general amount of sadness. Partly because I just finished a BoJack Horseman episode and partly because there's this girl I see everyday walking the same path as me and I think she is pretty cute but I don't know how to approach her and I never will. Also I'll be going back to college in few days so I won't be able to see her or able to walk there like I have been doing daily for 2 weeks. And that made me sad and now I'll have to eat the shitty college food again, at least I'll be alone there I guess, for few days till my roommates come back.

Anyway then I was walking back home and I saw a kid and thought I wish I was still a kid but then I remembered my horrible childhood and other half of me went "NO YOU DON'T". When I was a kid all I wanted to do was grow up, live by myself and then I wouldn't have to take shit from anyone. Honestly I'm still looking forward to that. In few months hopefully I'll have a job and then I won't have to ask money from my parents and I'll actually feel free and my own person. If I get a job.

Then I saw a dog sleeping peacefully and went I wish I was a dog, no care and all and of course then I thought about the awful things that could happen to you as a dog. People could abuse you, having a bad owner must be pretty awful. And so I thought about animals being sad and I thought to myself the poor dog wouldn't even be able to kill itself well unless if it jumps from a high place. Then I thought can animals even do suicide, do they even understand it. And I actually went pretty deep in it.

So there's no clear answer to the question. We know animals can get sad, depressed and anxious but we don't know if they are capable of understanding the concept of suicide. so apparently there was a monkey or chimpanzee or something which stopped eating after it's mother died and died after a month. Now that sounds like suicide but we don't know for sure. Maybe the monkey doesn't even understand the concept of death and just stopped eating because of sadness.

The animals probably have some sense of death but do they know how to cause their own death is the question. Well I was reading this article about it (I'll the link in the end). And I came across something really horrible called Bear bile milking. To extract bile which is thought of as medicine for certain stuff in some Asian countries these bears are treated horribly, kept in really small cages, performed surgery on. Even the images look so scary and something out of a horror movie.

Well in the article there was a story of a "Bile Bear" who broke free from her cage and killed her kid and then killed herself by running into a wall. It's a really scary story. We don't know if it's true but it is really sad, nerve wracking and human.

Well I looked more about "biling" and I saw Vietnam as one of the countries doing it and it reminded me of Diane(from BoJack Horseman). And I imagined how against it she would be and how angry it will make her.

Sometimes I want to do things like Diane, take down big awful people, it sounds really exciting and noble. But I can't, at least now, I'm gonna need to gather some money first before I discover myself. I don't know what was the purpose of writing this, I just felt like writing it.

Anyway the animal suicide is a pretty interesting topic. The bear story is pretty crazy though, I still can't get over it.