Tumgik
#i want to know what shes doing and thinking 24/7
i-cant-sing · 1 day
Text
Time Traveller AU pt 6
Part 1 is here. Part 2 is here. Part 3 is here. Part 4 is here. Part 5 is here. Time Traveller AU masterlist is here. Check out my MASTERLIST for more!
Its been a week since Baldwin finally came clean about the kiss with Charlotte, a week since you cleared of him "cheating on you", not that you cared if he did, and a week since you realised Guy tried and failed miserably to sabotage Baldwin through Charlotte.
Its also been a week over the due date you were supposed to return to Egypt to get your tools from Abbas, but its been hard to leave when Baldwin insists on spending time with you 24/7 because wants to make up to you for "suspecting his devotion to you".
He draped himself over your shoulders, caging you in his arms as he pecks your temple. "I'm sorry for making you doubt my love for you, princess. No, no- clearly, I'm the one at fault! Let me make it upto you~" Ugh, sometimes him being such a green flag is making it seem like a red flag. But you cant argue because... well, if you dont let Baldwin shower you in affection, then he might stop chanting "its my fault, princess" and change the narrative into "its your fault, princess and you need to be punished for doubting me- the KING, for slapping me- the KING, for thinking yourself so highly that you think i cant have all the women i want, me- the KING! To the dungeons you go, darling!"
Anyways, you both were now sitting down in the royal gardens, Baldwin's head laid in your lap as you worked your fingers through his luscious locks, absentmindedly braiding his hair while he made you tell some stories.
"And so, she found out her husband was cheating on her because she found out a jar of strawb- a jar of lard in her house." You looked down at his face, finding him already staring up at you, eyes full of awe. "And she doesnt eat lard. She hates it, so she never allowed it in the house."
Baldwin let out a small gasp. "And then what did this- Sharkerilla lady do?"
"Shakarina left Pickle. Divorced him." You told him, adding in small daisies in his hair. His face displayed pity. "Wow. And how do you know these people?"
You paused for a second. You cant explain to him how Shakira and Pique were celebrities and the concept of drama channels on youtube.
"We were neighbours." You hummed, patting his head. "There, I did your hair. Now I'm going-"
"No. Come on, we havent spent enough time." He whined, blue eyes looking at you pleadingly.
You scoff. "Baldwin, we've spent the entire day together. We ate breakfast and lunch together, we read books in the library, we looked at tiaras and crowns for the wedding, we even played chess." He lifted his head up from your lap and rested it on his palm as he leaned on his shoulder.
"And you lost all 5 games." Baldwin grinned, making you smack his forehead gently.
"I need to go-"
"Why?"
"Because I need to make arrangements for my trip to Egypt." You explained as Baldwin groaned, plopping his head face-first into your lap. "No." He mumbled against your dress.
"No?"
"No." He raised his head, pouting at you. "You're not going to Egypt. I miss you too much."
You gave him a lazy smile. "I'll be back soon."
"Not soon enough." He argued. "I have to go find my family, Baldwin." You continued on with your lie, raising a hand to caress his cheek. He sighed and leaned into your touch. "I can send the knights to find them." "They wont be able to. Only I will. Besides, I need to know what theyre like, if its even best to let them back into my life again, hm?"
He pondered over for a moment. "Then I will come along?" "What? Why?" He gave you a charming smile. "Because I dont want to part from you. Not for weeks, not for days, not even for-" He leaned up close to your face, eyes darting from your eyes to your lips back to your eyes. "-a minute."
Your face flushed and you looked to your side, using your hand to push his face away, making him chuckle as he grabbed the same hand and pressed a kiss to it. "You're so adorable, my little prude."
You shot him a glare. "I- I'm not a prude. But at least one of us should have a little shame."
He gave a chuckle, poking your still flushed cheek. "Shame? Whatever for? I love you." His eyes lit up in amusement as your head whipped towards him. Baldwin raised a brow at you. Its not the first time he's confessed, but... it still catches you offguard everytime.
"Did you hear me? I love you." He repeated, eyes still twinkling at how you continued to become flustered.
You opened your mouth and then closed it like an idiot, not knowing how to reply.
"Thank you." You finally said, looking anywhere but at him. He burst into a fit of laughter. "Oh god- I tell you- I love you and you say "thank you"? You really are something out of this world!" Baldwin teased you, making you huff.
"Lets not get off topic, Baldwin. You cant come with me to Egypt because you cant abandon Jerusalem. If your throne is empty, Guy- though he doesnt have the brain for it, or Salauddin or someone else will attempt to take your throne from you! You have a responsibility to your people! Keep them safe." You reminded him.
Baldwin stared at you before sighing, leaning back and resting his head on his arms. "You're always so smart, aren't you?" He smiled with his eyes closed. "I suppose it is a good thing that you care so much for your future subjects."
-
Next day, you were all set to leave for Egypt again. Baldwin and you stood at the gates of the castle as the kingdom all gathered around to bid you safe travels. You were ignoring Baldwin's stupid lovey dovey eyes boring holes into you, because there are people here and you dont want this blue orbed man to embarrass you.
But alas, he took your hand in his, making you look at him. He flashed you his dimples, bringing up your hand to press a kiss to it, the crowd cooing while you blushed (though it could be mistaken for anger with how hard you were frowning).
Tearing his eyes away from you, he addressed his people. "O people of Jerusalem! Your princess is going on an important journey. I ask you all to pray for her safety and well being!" The crowd looked on you two with awe, or more at Baldwin for being such a doting husband-to-be.
"While I know that your hearts must ache to see your princess depart from us for some time, I bring you good news to keep your hearts at peace as well." You looked at Baldwin in confusion. Good news? What is he talking about?
Baldwin smiled at you, the sunlight hitting his face at angle that made him look majestic.
"In 3 weeks time, the princess and I will marry!" Your eyes widened as the crowd erupted in cheer.
Baldwin hugged you close, and you whispered. "Three weeks? But I'll be gone for at least two! I wont have enough time to make-"
"Dont worry about a thing, princess. Sibylla and I will make all the arrangements necessary and trust me, it'll be a wedding for generations to remember." He pulled back, grinning at you as he pecked your forehead. "You just focus on returning safely, okay?"
Sibylla, Guy and their son were also there to bid you farewell. Sibylla pulled you in for a tight hug, promising to give you a grand wedding and that she'll keep your prefrences in mind. Their son ran off and Sibylla went to chase after him, leaving you alone with Guy.
"Bye." Guy gruffly said while you smiled tightly at him. "I know what you did, you buffoon." He looked at you slighted. "What the hell are you-"
"Charlotte? The letters? Yeah, we'll talk when I return. And you better not cause anymore trouble for me or else-" You turned to look at Baldwin, waving sweetly at him. Guy gulped, taking in your threat.
-
As usual, your first stop was at Salauddin's camp. You would go without stopping here, the knights Baldwin sent with you claimed to know the way but... you dont trust them to know how to survive the desert. And you knew you were right when some people from your caravan started feeling faint.
"Return to Jerusalem and take care of yourself." "But we cant just leave you, princess-" "You are not going to be able to serve me if you dont survive the desert. Salauddin's camp is near and with his guards combined with mine, I'll be more than safe. Go now. And tell the king that I insisted you returned." You assured them, commanding a few knights to guard them on their way back.
Looking ahead, you saw the sand hill beyond which Salauddin's camp was. Isabella, your lady-in-waiting, gave you your niqaab and chaddar.
-
"And then, he told me about who Charlotte was and what really happened. It was all a big misunderstanding." You told Salauddin as he moved his pawn.
"You believed him?" He raises a brow as you made your move.
"Of course! I already knew Guy was behind it. I figured it from the letters, and his face practically gave it all away when I confronted him about it." You reached under your veil to fan yourself. "Is it burning in here or am I just imagining it?"
Salauddin turned and brought you some cold water. "Guy could be a threat to you. Dont trust him."
You turned your head to the side, barely lifting your veil before bringing the glass underneath it to your lips, gulping it down as you let out a relieved sigh. "I know. Guy is a tool, and tools are meant to be used."
His lips quirked slightly at your words. Sitting back down, he played his move. "When do you plan on leaving Baldwin?"
"Soon. The plan is in motion." You took some time before moving your knight. Salauddin wasnt making this game easy for you this time and neither was the hot temperature.
He leaned forward, taking your knight with his bishop. "And how do you plan on doing that when your fiance has just announced your wedding date?"
You narrowed your eyes at him. "How did you- spies?" Salauddin's silence confirmed how news travelled so fast. "You dont need to worry. I'll be long gone before the wedding day."
"Care to indulge me on your plan?" He popped a date in his mouth.
"No." You replied making him glare at you. "If your plan involves relying on Guy, then you're even stupider than you look."
You scoff, pushing his king down. "I'm sorry, how many rounds have you won against me?" He smirks, though you suspect that he's just trying to cover up for being a sore loser.
"Maybe I just let you win so that you get to live." Of course, how can you forget his "win or you die" version of chess.
"Whatever you say, grandpa." His jaw clenched, making you chuckle. "Your existence gives me a headache. Leave."
As you walked out, you're suddenly hit with a wave of dizziness. Under your veil, your face is sweaty, you cant even use your hands to wipe it away because of how clammy they are, you even feel beads of sweat rolling down from your neck to your leg.
"Are you alright?" Salauddin came up behind you, eyes studying you stumbling a bit.
"Yeah- I'm just- hot..." You muttered, sweat gathering around your upper lip while your mouth felt like cotton. He watched you blink slowly as the sun hit you in the face, making you raise your hand to shield yourself, even though your muscle cramped.
"Y/n?" You heard him call you, but black dots clouded your vision and then in a second, you fainted.
-
You woke up to the sound of drums playing outside. Looking around, you recognised this to be the women's tent you had been in the first time Baldwin brought you here.
Isabella walked in, halting for a moment when she realised you were awake before rushing towards you. "Princess? Are you okay?" She poured you a glass of water, helping you drink it. "What happened?"
"You fainted from the heat. We were going to take you back to the kingdom but Sultan Salauddin advised us all to stay put here because the air was only going to get hotter for the rest of the day. And by night, it would be too cold for us to make it back." She smiled gently. "He was kind enough to offer us stay here."
You nodded and sighed. For sure none of you wouldve survived if you were to return to Jerusalem today.
You walked out of the tent to see it was night now. The drums you heard earlier were being played by some men of Salauddin's, accompanied by few women clapping and having an overall merry time around the bonfire.
You didnt spot Salauddin with them, but you suppose he's probably either working or resting.
The temperature had indeed dropped as night fell, and you wrapped a shawl around before joining the camp fire. You sat down on the ground with some women, smiling as they immeadiately welcomed you warmly. The one on your right was quick to show you her baby, and you recognised him to be the one you saved.
"Jibrael." She told you his name. The baby was almost a month old, and his chubby cheeks made you coo. Jibrael- or Gabriel, is an angel who acted as an  intermediary between God and humans and as bearer of revelation to the prophets, most notably to Muhammad (PBUH). In Christianity, Gabriel was the archangel announcing the coming birth of Jesus Christ and John the Baptist. In Judaism, Gabriel is a helper to Daniel and a warrior angel for God's cause.
You played with the baby for a while before handing him back to his mother to be put down for sleep. It was getting cold now and most had already left to go to bed now. You wrapped the shawl around you closer, snuggling into it as your eyes gazed at the dancing flames. You felt someone sit next to you.
"How are you feeling now?" Salauddin asked, keeping his eyes ahead.
"I'm fine. Thank you for catching me."
"I didnt. You fell. It was funny." You turned to glare at him (the respectable gap between you two did not go unnoticed... or unappreciated by you.) and perhaps for the first time you saw him smiling. Genuinely.
Though his thick beard covered most of his lower third of the face, you could see his sharp jawline that sculpted his face. Strong. Hard. His lips, bottom one appearing to be plumper than the upper one, were resting in a relaxed smile.
The moonlight seemed to soften his sharp features, but his kohl lined eyes adorned with luscious lashes shone with amusement and... something in the orange hue of the bonfire.
He turned his head to you. "What?" You were thankful for your veil covering your expression for being caught staring at him like an idiot. You shake your head, dismissing him, turning your head back towards the dying fire.
"What are you going to do once you leave Baldwin?" Salauddin asked, stoking the fire.
"Leave."
"To where?" You shrug. "Anywhere. Maybe try finding my family. Or venture somewhere else."
"He wont give up so easily." You rolled your eyes. "Yeah yeah, because he loves me and all-"
"He wont forgive your betrayal." Salauddin cut you off. "He wont forgive you for the embarrasment. He wont forgive you for the insult of rejecting a king. He wont just- let you go." He looked at you, his tone haunting as he uttered the next words.
"Baldwin will hunt you down. And he will make you wish you were dead."
You stared at him, processing his words. Baldwin would... hurt me?
"Are we talking about the same man?" You ask him with a light chuckle, though your throat has ran dry.
He nods. "I know he seems like he couldnt hurt a fly, and physically, he couldnt until you cured him. But I've seen him on the battlefield. I've had him as my enemy and I've observed him obliterate people who just tick him off." He offered you some dates, and you took a few. You were hungry, and these looked pretty good right now.
"Baldwin is smart, calculating. He's the king, he has the power to end his enemy very easily. At the drop of a hat. But he doesn't. He waits for the perfect moment, or rather creates the perfect chance to torture any man who had the misfortune to be on the receiving end of his anger. And he does it with a completely cool, clear mind." And even though Salauddin has fought Baldwin many times, they both know they're only fighting for their people, for their religion. Its nothing personal, so they're technically not enemies.
"So what do you suggest I do to not piss him off so badly? I've already tried rejecting him respectfully."
He stayed quiet for a few moments, stoking the fire. He smiled when he felt your curious eyes on him.
"There is a way." He said.
"Which is...?"
His smile widened even more. "You're not ready for it yet." You frowned. "Drop the act, Salauddin. You came here by yourself because you wanted to tell me the plan. Stop teasing and just tell me." He chuckled hearing you become frustrated.
"In due time, Y/n. In due time." You roll your eyes, standing up. "I'm not going to beg you to tell me. But your "plan", which I dont think exists, it better not mess with my escape." You stomped back inside your tent, and Salauddin snickered as you tripped a bit on your chadar on the way in.
He stood up, giving a nod to the rest as they all settled in for the night.
-
"Salauddin!" You cried out, your eyes full of tears that he could see from a mile away, even if your were wearing a niqaab. He could feel your agony, your distress. You were standing in the middle of the desert alone, the boiling sun along with your black chadar covering you from head-to-toe, would only be increasing your body temperature. Why were you all alone? He left you with his caravan. Or did Baldwin leave you in this harsh enviorment to die? Did he find out you were going to leave him?
"Salauddin!" You called out to him again, your voice wet from all the crying. This time, he rode his horse towards you. Fast. He needed to get to you, even though the galloping hurt his shoulder. Yes, he got wounded while he was fighting. He sustained many injuries, many gashes, so much so that by the time he reached you, his white armour had turned bloody. But he was not bothered by it, no. He needed to reach you. You. How long have you been out here? Arent you dying of thirst?
Your arms were still wide open, though drooping from the lack of energy. He could hear you sobbing as you called him again, and he all but ran towards you, bodies colliding as he pulled you into a strong embrace. Muscled arms wrapped around you, comforting you that he's here now. You're safe now.
Salauddin looked around as you bawled into his chest, trying to see if everyone had really abandoned you here and... left you die.
You pulled away from him, but Salauddin didnt remove his hands from you. And thats when he felt the cloth you were wearing. It was too thin. The sun must've burned your skin now. Is that why you're crying? You're in pain?
In a blink, he removed his own thick black chadar that rested on his shoulders and wrapped it around you, pulling it over your head to stop more heat damage.
"Y/n?" He spoke softly as you continued to cry so brokenly as he adjusted the cloth over your body. "What happened?"
"Y-you left me!" You blubbered. He shook his head. "No. I- I left to go in battle. I couldnt take you along. It was dangerous-"
"You left me, Salauddin! You left me here! Baldwin- he hurt me! He hurt me so badly! And you weren't here to protect me!" You sobbed out, your eyes red and swollen from the tears. "I am a part of the ummah! I am a Muslim! You- you were supposed to keep me safe! On your honour, I was in your care! Why didnt you save me, Salauddin?"
Salauddin felt his heart being crushed at your words. He failed to keep you safe? But... he was at war. What was he supposed to do?
He grabbed your shoulders, pulling you to his chest as he rubbed circles into your back. "I'm sorry." He whispered, shushing you as your body shook from tears. "I'm here now. I promise to keep you safe, Y/n. I will never leave you again. I will never let anyone hurt you again. I swear, Allah as my witness, I will do everything to keep you safe." You pulled your head back from his chest, your red eyes looking at him weakly.
"You're too late, Salauddin." You whispered and a sharp sound whooshed through the air, making your body jolt in his arms. You both looked down and thats when he saw it-
An arrow. Poking through your chest.
"Y/n?" His voice trembled, watching the life drain out of your eyes.
You fell, and so did Salauddin, catching your body. He couldnt- he couldnt believe it. He cradled you in his arms, readjusting the chadar over you again, softly calling your name.
Wake up. Wake up, Y/n. Return to me.
Footsteps approached him, though he couldnt bare to tear his eyes from you. He already knew who it was.
"Why?" Salauddin asked him.
Baldwin kneeled down to his level, staring at you for a moment before yanking his arrow out of you, making a stream of blood gush out. Salauddin panicked, tried to cover the gaping wound with his hand. He looked at Baldwin in disbelief. This... this was not the Baldwin he knew. Baldwin was never so cruel- so heartless.
"She deserved it." Baldwin stated before stabbing him in the chest.
Salauddin continued to hold you in his arms, watching Baldwin leave on his horse as you two bled out to your deaths in the middle of the desert.
Salauddin woke up with a jolt, his forehead sweaty as he breathed fast. He could feel his heart beating against his chest loudly.
Nightmare. Thats all it was. He was still in his bed, in his tent.
He got up to fetch himself some water, taking sips to slow down his heart. Judging from the darkness, he knew it was still nighttime. It was quiet, everyone was asleep except for a few men he left to guard them.
It was quiet. Too quiet.
Salauddin whipped around just in time to knock the shadowy figure standing behind him with a sword. In a second, Salauddin had overpowered and snapped his neck, only then realising more shadows moving outside his tent.
"We're under attack! WAKE UP!" He yelled before grabbing his two swords and running out to defend his caravan.
-
You woke up to screaming and Isabella pulling you out of bed.
"We're under attack!" She says, yanking you out of the women's camp that was set on fire. Your eyes were wide and for a moment, you were frozen as you took the scene in front of you.
Fire. There was fire everywhere. All the camps were ablaze, along with some people being burned alive. Haunting screams echoed the entire area. Time slowed down as you saw Salauddin's men fighting... some people. You couldnt figure out who they were, but you knew they werent the knights Baldwin had assigned for you. No, you saw them fighting these mysterious figures as well. They were covered in dark clothes to blend in with the night, had hoods and masks covering their faces but they fought skilfully and very fast.
"Princess, we must leave!" Isabella caught your attention again, dragging you away from the chaos. You saw her following a knight- your knight, who led you towards a horse for you to escape with.
Salauddin... where's Salauddin?
You looked back frantically and you spotted him in the sea of flames, cutting through multiple armed one with his two swords slicing them brutally.
For a moment, your eyes met and then in the next, he screamed your name.
Isabella had pushed you away just in time as two men came at you with swords. You knight yelled at you to run. Again, Isabella pulled you to make an escape but it wasnt long before you two got separated by a woman who was on fire, running in between you two.
"H-help her." You told Isabella who took of her shawl to put out the fire. In the middle of all this commotion, you heard a distinct cry.
A baby's cry.
Jibrael!
It was coming from one of the tents. You ran in, looking around for the baby before spotting the bassinet. You grabbed the crying baby and held it close to your chest, trying to shush it as you walked towards the exit only to halt when you saw who was blocking it.
The shadowy figure. He was wearing dark hood and mask, while the rest of his armour was made of leather. He was armed with swords, daggers and a satchel.
It clicked. Assassin.
The assassin stared at you with dark eyes taking a step forward. You backed away, holding the crying baby protectively to your chest. He tilted his head at you, and for a second, you thought you saw amusement in his eyes.
Slowly, he walked out of the tent without saying a word but he stood right behind the curtain of the tent. You saw his shadow pull out his sword before standing there still.
What is he doing?
You turned around, hoping to find another exit but thats when you saw it. Two more shadows stood outside the tent and then they dropped something on the tent walls.
Fire. They lit the entire tent on fire and stood outside with their swords, giving you the choice to either die by their swords or burn yourself alive.
The fire spread fast, burning the flammable tent easily. Dark smoke started to surround you making you cough. The baby continued to cry harshly and you pulled him under your chadar to protect him from the fire and smoke.
But you didnt realise it until it was too late. Your chadar, your clothes had caught on fire as well. You screamed for help, screamed in agony as your skin burned. It felt like you were being branded, felt like someone was ripping your skin off.
Is this it? Is this how it all ends for you? Suffocated, skin charred, body naked? In a period where no one knows who you really are?
You fell to your knees before hunching over the baby, cradling it in your arms as its harsh cries burst your ears, protecting him from being burned for as long as you can.
Allah... Allah... Allah...
Through the thick smoke, a figure ran and covered your body with a thick cloth, patting down to put out the flames.
He picked your trembling body up, your arms still wrapped around the baby protectively. He walked through the ablaze tent, his face still covered by the smoke, or perhaps your vision was too blurry.
He exited the tent, the smoke cleared out and a gush of air filled your lungs. But you were burned, suffocated and exhausted.
The last thing you saw before your world faded to black was Salauddin's face.
-
You woke up to the sound of Quran recitation. A gentle, steady voice read the words beautifully.
Fluttering your eyes open, you looked around the room for the source. To your side, you found Salauddin reciting the Quran with his eyes closed in concentration. Was he a hafidh? (Hafidh is someone who has memorised the Quran completely).
He opened his eyes when finished reciting, looking stunned for a second to find you awake before a small smile graced his lips.
"We're in Egypt now." He informed you before concern washed over his face. "How are you feeling now? I changed your bandages in the morning, but I think its time to replace them." He grabbed the bowl of water and bandages on your side.
"B-bandages?" He stopped before understanding your confusion.
"You were in the tent when the assassins set it on fire. Your... clothes caught on fire, which stuck to your skin and burned it as well. I had to remove the remains of your clothes to treat your burns-"
"What?!" Your eyes looked down to confirm his words, he had indeed changed your clothes. "Why did you-" Your hands touched your face, heart sinking as you realised your veil was not there.
"You removed my niqaab?! My clothes?!" Your fury was only a disguise for your fear of what he'd seen, what he'd done to you in your vulnerable state.
He shook his head. "I had to do it as soon as we were safe. You were hurt-"
"Why? Why did you have to do it? Why not Isabella or any of the other women?!"
His face turned solemn. "Isabella... was gravely injured. She was in no position to look after you. Most people- most women from my tribe did not survive. The few who did were also wounded. The men... I just thought you wouldnt prefer someone you didnt know to look at you in such state." Salauddin looked at you, his eyes clear. "I did not do anything unbecoming of a man. Allah as my witness, I did not touch you with ill intent."
Perhaps it was the way he said it, or perhaps you just wanted to keep your mind at peace but... you believed him.
"How's Isabella now?" You let him change the dressings on your arms, watching him like a hawk as he moved quickly and carefully, no unnecessary touches or lingering that would make you uncomfortable. Even when he treated the the burns on the back of your legs, he worked fast, applying some balm on the red areas. The balm was like a cool gel against your irritated skin.
"She's better now. Just needed some rest." He replied as he finished wrapping the bandage on your legs. "Your back." Salauddin softly asked. You hesitated.
He sighed. "Y/n... I need to apply the balm or your skin will scar." You slowly turned around, holding your breath as you removed the robe from your back partially.
If he wanted to, he could've done anything when you were unconcious. You calmed yourself.
Again, Salauddin's hand worked fast, applying the balm quickly and placing some gauze over the marks. He pulled your robe over your back again, letting you turn around with a flushed face.
"My... my face?" You asked cautiously. You did not know if damage had been done there as well.
Salauddin understood you. "Fortunately, your face was save from the flames." He stood up and went over to the wardrobe to grab you a white chadar, handing it to you so that you cover your head with it. "Maybe when you were ducking over Jibrael, your arms covered both you and him from the fire."
"Jibrael...?" You asked. He smiled assuringly. "He's fine. You saved him... again." You sigh in relief. At least this wasnt all for naught.
Salauddin sits back down in the chair and though you've covered your hair with the shawl, he keeps his eyes trailed down on his hands in his lap. "I must ask you of one thing." You peeked at him before keeping your eyes focused on your lap as well.
"Will you... tell Baldwin about this incident?" Why would you when it would only cause Baldwin to panic and prevent you from leaving the castle, or his sight at all? You still need to come here to get parts for your time machine and even if the machine was working, you need to be able to use it without Baldwin or his army of knights breathing down your neck.
"No. It will only cause misunderstandings between you and him and I need to punish the real culprit for it."
He frowned but didn't raise his gaze. "And who might that be?"
"Those men... they were assassins, right?" He hummed. "Judging by how vicious they were, I think they were Ismailis."
Ismailis were a sect of Shia Muslims. Basically, like the great schism of Christianity into Orthodox and Catholic Church, Islam also had a schism that divided it into Sunni and Shia Islam. Shia Islam further had divided into different sects, of which one was Ismailis.
Sunni and Shia Muslims have been at war with each other since the beginning over religious differences. And considering Salauddin was not only Sunni Muslim but also targeted many Ismaili assassins so that they would not oppose his rule, it would be an understatement that they wanted Salauddin dead.
But... you know Salauddin had already gotten rid of most of the assassins and established his dominance over them. You're sure he's already had a peace treaty with them.
"Salauddin, you have an agreement with the Ismailis, don't you?" You watched his eyes widen slightly. "You're on peaceful terms with them at the moment?"
"How did you know?" Of course, the great Sultan Salauddin, an orthodox Sunni, wouldn't want the world to know that he spared the Ismailis. No, that would stir rumours that Salauddin has empathy for Ismailis, for the Shias, and which would lead to the rumours of hum being a Shiite Muslim.
You waved him off. "I know your character. I know of your mercy. Besides, I know both you and the Ismailis have a bigger common enemy- the Christians. Its more than likely that the Ismailis are supporting you so that you defeat Baldwin and claim Jerusalem, then they can focus on you. Plus, if the Ismailis wanted to kill you, why wait until now? They know you've been camping outside Jerusalem for months now." Salauddin was... impressed by your deduction skills to say the least. How are you connecting the dots so fast? Just who are you, Y/n?
You rubbed your chin. "So that means that someone not only hired the assassins but also wants us to think that the Ismailis were behind it all." Who could it be? Someone who wants to harm Salauddin but... they also wanted to harm you. It couldnt be the Roman Catholics or other Christians. No, they'd know better than to interfere with Baldwin, their Holy Emperor's war. Especially not with his wife-to-be in harms way. Who... who would know that you're with Salauddin and still attempt an assassination-
"Guy." You muttered, pinching the nose of your bridge. Of course, its fucking Guy, shit for brains Guy who cant sit still and wait his turn to play king.
"Guy? Why would he attack me when you're still here?" Salauddin's mind immeadiately gives an answer as soon as he asks out loud.
"Because I am here." You groan. "He's trying to eliminate us both, or at the very least- me, while I'm with you so that he can provoke Baldwin to go to war with you because you "killed" his future wife. He would tell Baldwin that it doesnt matter if they were Ismailis or not, we were all Muslims and this is just how Muslims are! He'd send Baldwin off to not only go to war with you but rather go to war with Muslims everywhere! And knowing Guy, he probably hopes that Baldwin dies in the process of his rampage. If you, me or Baldwin are all dead, or even one of us is, then Guy will only have to worry about dealing with one less person. His best bet was probably to get rid of me and you both, then have Baldwin go to war with all the Muslims who killed his fiancee. He's using all of us as pawns so that he gets to sneak on to the throne and be king!"
You heard Salauddin sigh. Perhaps he agreed with your theory. Perhaps he didnt. Whatever he may think, you know he will still conduct a thorough investigation of his own to find out who the real culprit is,
"Dont worry, I will deal with Guy. In fact, I'll let you have him to slaughter as you please." Of course, Salauddin will kill Guy. He has to pay for the blood of all his people.
Salauddin watched you get up from the bed and walk towards the vanity. "How long will these take to heal?" You asked, referring to your burns. "Usually take about a month, but the balm I used will significantly fade the marks." Good. You dont need Baldwin freaking out over them.
He stood up to take his leave. "I'll check on what information they've been able to gather from the assassin we caught. You-" He pointed towards the bed. "Rest. I mean it. These burns will only get worse in the heat outside, thats why I gave you the coolest room in the palace." He continued to glare at you until you finally sighed and sat on the bed. "I have to go see Isabelle-" You tried but he raised his hand. "No. You are to stay here, in your room. No one gets in, and no one gets out. I dont trust anyone to not try to kill you, not even in your own entourage- whatever is left of them. My men are stationed right outside. If you need anything, you tell them. But you are not to leave your chambers."
"I'll see you at dinner." He left and you saw the guards stationed outside your door.
The great thing about Egyptian palaces was that they had big windows to allow for ventilation. So you were already out of the window and climbing along the edge. You were about to jump when you heard someone call you.
"P-princess?!" Isabelle looked at you in horror. Apparently, you had climbed down near the balcony of her room. "Oh hey, Isabelle! How are you now?"
"I- I'm fine- princess, please get down from there!" She practically begged, fearing for your life. You climbed over her balcony and hugged her. "I'm so glad you're okay! Because I need you to do me a favour." You gave her a sweet smile while she looked at you in confusion. "See, I need to go out for a bit but Salauddin has told me to stay in and rest. So... I need you to cover for me again, just like last time."
"I- what- princess-"
"I wouldnt ask you if it wasnt of grave importance." You pleaded, finally making her give in. "Okay, I'll go to your room-" You stop her when she begins walking away.
"You cant just walk in there. There's guards stationed there and they wont let you in."
"Then how am I supposed to get in?"
You smiled at her. She didnt like that smile. It wasnt... well meaning.
"Well..." You looked at the balcony and she followed your gaze, almost immediately coming to tears.
"Princess please-"
"I am right here. I will help you, I promise Isabelle! I wont let you fall."
-
After helping a trembling Isabelle climb into your room, you had finally made your way to the madrassa. You had covered your face with your chadar and sneaking inside was no feat.
Abbas jumped out of his seat the moment you entered.
"Y/n! I thought you forgot all about me- wait what happened to your hands?" He referred to the bandages.
"I had an accident while conducting an experiment." "What experiment? Can I be a part of it? Please please please-"
"Abbas." You silenced him. "Business first. Did you make the tools I asked you to?" He quickly ran to his desk and pulled them out from the drawer. You examined them. They werent the best but you could make do with them. You nodded before asking for a paper so that you could draw the last few bits you needed.
"I need these by the end of this week." Abbas chuckled. "Oh I thought you were joking. How do you expect me to build- whatever this is! in a week? No way. I would need to get all the material and-"
"Abbas. I need it this week. I dont care how, but you have to do it."
He looked at you suspiciously. "Maybe if you could just tell me what it is that you're making-"
"No. I cant. And you will make me this by the end of the week, if not earlier because I have a very good reward waiting for you."
Abbas rolled his eyes. "I dont need your money-"
"I will let you ask me anything you want. Any question on any topic you'd like." You knew Abbas's thirst for knowledge.
You saw the twinkle in his eyes. "I will still take the money." "Of course, but I'll pay you after you make me this." He sighed and agreed.
"Wait- check this please?" He handed you his journal that had some math equations. You huffed, grabbing his pen and working on the mistakes. "I'm doing this just so that you do my work." You gave him some other math problems you did in grade 8 and handed it back to him.
You turned to leave before pausing.
"Abbas?" He hummed. "I think... we should set some security measures." You whispered.
"Whatever for?"
"Just in case someone came looking for me or my work. You know you're not supposed to tell anyone about this."
"I couldnt even if I wanted to." He tilted his head. "Why would someone come looking for you? Are you in trouble?"
You shake your head. "No. But you're aware of how other... scholars are eager to steal ideas." He nodded, being a victim of such crime.
"What do you have in mind?"
-
Salauddin was informed when you had returned to the palace. Of course he knew the moment you left. This was his Egypt. Not a bird flies without his knowledge here.
He sent out a spy after you, both to keep you safe and to follow you around. He couldnt help but let out a huff when he was told of your daring climb out of the window. Didnt he tell you to stay in bed?
"This girl..." He grumbles.
The spy told him that you went inside the madrassa. Why? What business could you possibly have there?
Perhaps you're creating a poison? To kill Baldwin? No, there would be easier ways to get poison. You did tell him and Baldwin that you were going to Egypt to find your family, but he has a hard time believing that.
Just what were you upto?
He'll find out soon enough. This is his kingdom, he finds out things. And he'll find out your secret too.
He knocked on your door before entering. You were sitting on your bed, your face now covered with a niqaab and your hair with his white chadar. His clothes. He felt something warm in his heart at the thought.
"How are you now?" He asked, his hands clasped behind his back.
"I'm fine. Just bored waiting here all day." You sighed exasperatedly.
Such a liar.
"I apologise for not being able to entertain you. I was busy with the assassin." You looked at him in anticipation. "He didn't reveal much but he did say that they were hired. I suppose that would bring us closer to your theory."
He watched your eyes narrow in thought. "It has to be Guy. He knew I was going to the desert to you first. He needed to get rid of me without anything to come back on him. Coward."
The door was knocked.
"I hope you dont mind- I had them bring dinner up here." Salauddin explained, letting the servants in. They set down a dastarkhawan in the balcony. A red table cloth was set on the ground, onto which many dishes were placed. You both sat down on cushions, the area was lit up with candles placed. You were busy admiring the view of the pyramids from your seat while Salauddin poured you some ginger kehwa.
"Here." You lifted your niqaab a bit to sip the hot tea, a sigh escaping your lips. Salauddin's lips quirked a bit but he, like you, kept his eyes focused on the pyramids.
You picked up the plate of dates from your side, knowing how fond he is of them. "Here." You mimicked his voice, making him smile as he grabbed a piece.
You both silently ate, admiring the view and enjoying each others presence.
Some time later, you were both done with dinner and just sat in silence. That is until Salauddin spoke.
"I'm sorry." You looked at him. "For letting you get hurt."
You exhaled, trailing your eyes back towards the night sky that was littered with gleaming stars.
"I know. But you shouldnt be, Salauddin. I'm not made of porcelain."
I know. I saw you jumping off the palace walls with the confidence of an assassin and the grace of a headless chicken.
"Still, you're under my care. I am responsible for you-"
"I free you of this burden." You're not a burden. "I am not that hurt and I am not scarred for life. If anything, all that incident made me question is just how far would man go?" Your eyes glazed over as you recalled the incident in the tent, where the assassin left you and the baby to burn to death. You could understand killing you, but a baby? He was willing to let a baby burn?
"It makes me believe just how barbaric people were to the Ahl al-Bayt (family of Prophet Muhammad PBUH). How easy it was for them to slaughter his lineage, how easy it was for them to keep water from them, how their hearts did not halt for a moment when they heard the cries of Ali Asghar- who they killed with an arrow in the neck." Your eyes glistened. "A baby. He was just a baby. How would've his father felt in that moment, holding his dead son in his arms, knowing he had to bring him home to his wife?" The battle of Karbala was one of the most heart wrenching tragedies of Islam and whats worse is that Prophet Muhammad knew of it years before it happened. He knew his own grandsons will face martyrdom years before it actually happened, when they were just little children in his arms.
"Man is cruel." Salauddin stated.
"But Allah made man. Why... would he allow man to be so cruel? Even animals are not this merciless." You wondered.
"Because man cannot see God." He says. "There are signs of His existence, signs for those who wish to be guided. Animals can see God. Angels can see God. Humans... Allah has made us with the ability to think, to choose. Man chooses to be cruel when he forgets that Allah is watching, that these things- the stones, the trees, everything around him? They're all living beings who will testify against man." He smiles. "But that is why the true believers also have a greater reward in the hereafter. What do you think of the reward, of what you'll get when you enter heaven? You dream of wealth, of food, of all luxuries. But there's a greater reward waiting for us. Do you know what that is?"
You gave a slight shake of your head.
"The true believers will see Allah. They will get to meet their Lord, their Creator, the One who saw them through it all, the One who knows their secrets and kept them hidden, the One continued to shower His blessings upon them even when they were not grateful." Those words... they comforted you. How peaceful it is to the heart to hear that your Creator waits for you. The One who has seen you shed tears and took care of you in this world will also take care of you in the next. And at the same time, this is such devastating news for the sinners too. Those who act selfishly, who forget who their Lord is, they will end up in hell and will never get the opportunity to see their Creator again, to ask of mercy from the most Merciful.
"Still..." You mumbled, wanting to find an excuse for such wickedness.
"It is not our place to ask why, Y/n. Allah does not owe us answers, explanations. He already has given us His book for guidance, his prophets for example. But know this- everything happens for a reason. Maybe the battle of Karbala was just to show us how quick man can turn on his own. Perhaps in the future, a time will come when people will kill many women and children, slaughter men so brutally while the entire world watches and yet... no one does anything. And then people will wonder- surely, man is not so evil. Surely, man wouldn't kill innocent children. Perhaps then they will remember history."
-
Salauddin woke up with a sigh. He had gone to sleep after he left your room last night, but he woke up from yet another dream he had of you. You. You. You. Since that night in the desert, he's been having constant dreams about you. Its either you dying at the hands of Baldwin or Guy, or its you asking him to help you. Tonight, he dreamt of you two celebrating Ramadan together, with you picking up the plate and offering him dates, however unlike dinner, you were sitting much closer to him in his dream, by his side. So close, he could see himself in your eyes.
Salauddin wasnt vain enough to admit it to himself- he had feelings for you. But what were they?
Lust? Not really, he's seen far prettier women than you. Beauty... is subjective and Salauddin is a firm believer in "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".
Admiration? No. He admires your intelligence and your wit but Salauddin also has those qualities.
Infatuation? Sure he does think about you often during the day but not enough to call it obsession.
No, its love. It has to be. His heart doesnt know what exactly it is about you that draws him in. His mind doesnt comprehend why he feels like you belong with him but his soul, every fibre of his being screams that you do.
Allah has created someone for someone. He created Eve for Adam, He creates a woman from the rib of the man.
Salauddin touches the side of his chest, just above his abdomen.
Perhaps you're his missing rib.
You were smart, you were daring, you were also stupid enough to put yourself in harms way but it was... endearing. More importantly, you were the only person who could bicker with him, stand your ground against him and get away with it too.
He sat down on a chair, looking out at the pyramids. Like the man he's named after (Prophet Yusuf/Joseph), Salauddin believes in dreams having meaning. Perhaps its a way for God to talk to you, to warn you or guide you.
And from all his dreams about you, he's come to interpret it that he must save you from Baldwin... and everyone else. And he can save you- he can save you without you having to go through the trouble to be plotting against Baldwin and endangering yourself by working with Guy.
He could marry you.
If you were to marry Salauddin, you would become the queen of Egypt and the wife of the strongest Muslim leader of the time. Not only that but the entire ummah, Muslims around the world will come together as one to fight against Baldwin, against anyone who dares to harm you. You would be safe, you would be secure by his side as his wife.
But the plan is easier said than done.
Baldwin wouldnt backdown so easily. He would wreak havoc and if he's as obsessed with you as Salauddin has seen him, then he wouldnt stop at nothing to get you back. Baldwin will have to be dead for you to be safe from him.
Besides Baldwin, you yourself also are a hurdle. You havent shown any interest in him (which is understandable because you're engaged) but he doubts you're interested in marrying anyone at all. You're not one to be affected his wealth or status, you dont go for materialistic things. He's sure if he were to ask your hand, you would laugh hysterically and then maybe try mocking him. And Salauddin does not want to force you to marry him. He wants you to want him.
There is a way he could convince you. All he has to do is make himself look better than any man, especially Baldwin because you do seem to have a soft spot for him despite trying to sabotage him.
A sinister idea comes to mind.
What if Baldwin breaks up with you?
If Baldwin, for any reason, decides not to marry you then not only will you be free from him but a war will be avoided.
All Salauddin has to do is give Baldwin a reason to break up with you. He could send some concubines to him, but he doubts Baldwin would use them. And even if he did, it isnt reason enough for him to call off things with you. No, the only way Baldwin would break up with you is... if you're unfaithful to him. You dont need to cheat, dont need to sleep with any man. No, you dont have to do anything at all. All he has to do is make sure you're in the right place at the right time and Baldwin's there too, just enough to create doubt in his mind. And the ball will roll from there. Baldwin will continue to second guess your loyalty to him until he's driven himself insane. Then he'd leave you without ever punishing you for a crime he thinks you committed but has no proof of. Thats when Salauddin will swoop in as your knight in shining armour and you'll see that all men but him are shit and you'll say yes to his proposal-
No.
He sighed, rubbing his temples. Despite it being a perfect plan, the safest plan- Salauddin cant bare to stain your character. He cannot spread a rumor about you being unfaithful. He cannot have anyone talk badly of you, even if it will end up with you in his arms. You're important to him. And if you ever figure out that Salauddin was the one behind it all, you'd never forgive him. You would never trust him.
The thought of you not trusting him, just like you dont trust him enough to tell him why you sneaked out of the palace, it hurts him. He doesnt know why but he wants you to trust him- trust him enough that you come to him with your problems and have faith that he will solve them for you. He will keep you safe. He will protect you.
He will have to find another way.
Salauddin offered the morning prayer before reciting the Quran, asking Allah for guidance for his problems and good health for you.
He walked out of his room and turned to the corridor where your room was, only to find you sneaking out of the room with Isabelle. You were still wearing his white chaddar, and it engulfed your small body like a blanket as you hurriedly walked down-
You tripped on the bottom of the long chaddar and fell face first.
"Princess!" Isabelle cried out as she helped you up, but you quickly dusted yourself off and continued talking her ear off as if nothing had happened, the tail of the chaddar trailing behind you as Isabelle walked beside you to keep up with what you were saying.
"Idiot..." He whispered to himself, though he was smiling. He called a servant and ordered him to bring the finest chaddars and niqaabs for you. He cant have you tripping all over the place because you wear his chaddar that was too big for you, despite how adorable you looked in it.
-
You knocked on his door.
"Salauddin, I was going to the market-"
"And you came to ask for permission? Okay, granted." He waved you off with a smirk.
You rolled your eyes. "Where do you get the audacity- nevermind. I came to ask if you'd lend me a few gold coins? I need to buy some things, souvenirs if you will." You had lost your coin purse in the desert and you need to pay Abbas.
He raised a brow. "What do you need? I can have it brought to you here."
You pursed your lips. Why is he being difficult? "I dont know what I need until I look. Just give me some money, I promise to pay you back as soon as I can."
He stood up, walking upto you but you neither backed away nor moved your eyes from him. "Its not about the money." He pulled out a pouch and dropped it in your hands. "I worry for your safety. Who knows how many others Guy has hired to kill you? I'm coming along."
"Aww, you're worried about me? That's so sweet-"
"I wouldnt want my image to tarnish because a guest died in my care." Your smile dropped as you grumbled something under your breath.
"Whatever. I still dont need you to tag along-"
"Good thing about being the sultan is that I dont need anyone's permission." He cut you off before walking past you. You stomped after him. "Salauddin, dont you have work-"
"You can either come with me or stay in your room for the rest of your stay here." He stated.
-
"What?" He heard you snicker beside him. Your eyes twinkled with amusement. "Oh, its just these rags suit you a lot." Salauddin and his guards had worn disguises to blend in with the commoners. He didnt want to draw attention to you two.
He rolled his eyes. "I have to blend in for your safety-" "I have never looked more in danger than I do right now. Look around and see people staring at a lady dressed so modestly is surrounded by brooding men wearing rags." You giggled as Salauddin looked around to see some people were indeed looking your way.
You stopped at a small stall that was selling some jewellery. You were looking at some rings, trying to choose something for Sibylla. The shopkeeper, an old man must've seen Salauddin standing over your shoulder looking around for any suspicious men.
"Son, why dont you help your wife pick something? Focus on her!" The shopkeeper said, catching you both off guard. You looked at Salauddin and laughed at his surprised face. Continuing to pull his leg, you stared up at him and batted your lashes. "Well, husband? What do you think would suit me?" You asked raising two different earrings to your face. One had a ruby in it, the other had sapphire.
He looked at you for a moment.
"Neither."
Your smile underneath your veil vanished, and you placed the earrings back on the table.
"The blue opal ones." He nodded his head as the shopkeeper handed him the tear drop gold earrings that had the precious stones fixed in it. He brought the earrings near your face, never touching it as his eyes assessed his pick.
"They bring out your eyes." He said before paying the old man and giving them to you, all while you were looking at him in awe.
"Wait! Why did you pay? I had the money." You two had begun walking again. "You mean the money I gave you?" You frowned. "I'm gonna pay you back." He smiled. "You dont need to. I have enough. As for the earrings... consider them a gift."
"Gift?"
He hummed, his chest puffed up. "Part of the hospitality of the sultan."
You glared at him before smiling. "Thanks." You two continued to walk around the market, Salauddin gave alms to the poor he encountered. You were standing at another stall, watching in fascination as the man ground up the black powder and mixed it with oils to make kohl. He filled it up in a beautiful vessel before asking if you'd like to try it.
"Oh, I dont know how to." Especially not without a mirror, which the man didnt have. But he was persistent to sell his product and when he looked at Salauddin's kohl lined eyes, he offered it to him.
"Would you apply it on your wife?" This time, Salauddin didnt react like he did the earlier when he was associated with you. He took the wooden stick dipped in the kohl and looked at you for permission.
You gave a nod. He walked upto you, gently cupping your veil covered face. You thanked God for the niqaab, or else he would've seen how violently you were blushing.
"Chin up." He whispered before tilting your chin up. Your eyes shifted as they stared into his brown ones. "Open wide." He ordered, even though your eyes were already saucer shaped from the close proximity.
He began tracing the soft edge of the stick along the waterline of your right eye. He seemed to have noticed that you were holding your breath. "Relax." He softly commanded, patting your cheek with his thumb. That broke you out of your trance as you narrowed your eyes at him.
"Dont tell me what to do." You grumbled. "Open wide." He ordered again bringing the stick up to your left eye for a second coat. You hated the way he commanded you, hated that he seemed to be having his fun with this.
"Dont order-"
"If you dont listen to me, I will marry you today." Your eyes blew wide open in shock.
"What-?!"
"Hush." He smiled placing kohl on your now wide eyes. "Whats wrong? You seemed to enjoy playing my wife but when I joke to marry you, you dont like it."
He's... joking?
Without realising, you blinked causing the still wet kohl to spread in your eyes. Salauddin had pulled the stick back just in time to not poke your eye out.
You hissed in pain, raising your hand to rub your eyes but Salauddin caught your wrist pushing it down.
"Open your eyes, Y/n. Look at me. I said- look at me." You opened your eyes to stare at him, your vision blurry from the mixture of tears and kohl.
Salauddin grabbed his handkerchief and began to dab the excess away as he tutted at you to stay still. Once he was done wiping the excess away, he blew cold air on your irritated eyes gently.
"I swear... if you dont sit still, I really will marry you today." He threatened you as he watched your red eyes glare at him. He didnt like that you were in pain, even if your own stupidity was the cause of it. This time when he applied kohl, you didnt dare to move an inch.
Fortunately, he worked faster this time around.
He gave a nod of approval when he was done. You dont know whether it was because he liked how your eyes looked now or if he was admiring his own work.
Salauddin handed the man money before taking a few bottles of kohl.
For the next hour, you two walked around in silence mostly. The image of your kohl lined eyes occupied his mind, not only because of how beautiful they were but also all the emotions that switched in a matter of seconds. You could try and hide your feelings all you want but your eyes tell. The eyes... they're the window to one's soul.
He saw attraction, anger, mesmerisation, disgust and pain in your eyes. Or maybe he's overthinking this. Maybe it was all just momentary and you really do hate the idea of being married to him.
You were both standing at yet another shop, this one was selling dates. Salauddin walked inside the shop a little more to inspect the quality of the dates, expecting you to be following behind him but when he turned around, you were gone. He walked outside the shop, hoping to find you there but it seemed like you had vanished. Even his guards hadnt seen you.
And then, as Salauddin whipped his head around, he saw the silloutte of your chadar disappearing around the corner. He ran after you, hoping to not lose you in the crowd but as soon as he turned around the corner, he couldnt spot you anywhere. He ran down the street, looking left and right but you werent there.
Where are you, Y/n?
He began walking back towards the main street when in the corner of his eye, he caught the sight of a familiar chadar. He turned his head to the right and there you were, standing with your back to him under the shadow of the large canopy of the shop talking to some man.
He walked up behind you, the man you were talking to seeing him first.
"Y/n." He snapped. You turned startled before your shoulders relaxed at the sight of him. "Oh, its just you. Did you buy the dates?"
Dates? You're asking him about dates after you just made his heart stop for a few minutes?
"Why did you leave me?" Ya Allah, that came out way more desperate than he wanted it to.
"I was getting something from this man." He raised a brow, almost as if he didnt believe you. You sighed. "This is Abbas. I hired him to make some things for me?"
"Such as?" You narrowed your eyes at his accusatory tone before nodding at Abbas, who then pulled out a heaxagonal shaped board that looked somewhat similar to a-
"Its 3 people chess!" You exclaimed, bouncing on your feet as you handed it to Salauddin. "I designed it and had Abbas make it for you!"
"For me?" He asked, turning the board around as he tried to understand how it would work.
"Yeah. I wanted to thank you for saving my life. And for your hospitality. And for lending me money."
His eyes softened slightly. "You dont need to thank me, Y/n. Its... my duty. I'm responsible for you." You waved him off. "Yeah yeah. Look, just take this and I'll teach you how to play so that one day you could play it with your wife and... kid? Or maybe with your wife and Baldwin? Or two wives-?"
"Y/n, I appreciate the gift but I would appreciate your silence more now." You pouted at his words but never the less, you both left to return to the palace, unaware of the eyes watching you two.
The mysterious figure wrote down what he'd seen before using messenger eagle to deliver the note to Jerusalem.
-
It had almost been a week in Egypt. You and Salauddin were having lunch together when a guard came to him and whispered something in his ear, the sultan frowning.
"Whats wrong?" You asked him.
He looked at you. "Baldwin... he's coming to Egypt."
"What? When?"
"He's crossed the desert. He should be getting here today, in a few hours." Salauddin was still frowning. Why is Baldwin coming to Egypt?
You shook your head. "Baldwin wouldnt ever leave Jerusalem, not unless..." Your eyes widened at the realisation.
"He's coming for a war." Salauddin confirmed.
Fuck.
Tumblr media
410 notes · View notes
thalialunacy · 2 days
Text
[for the @calaisreno May Promptasmagorah; cw for schmoop like whoa.]
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15) (16) (17) (18) (19) (20) (21) 22: (k)night (23) (24)
John, for a split-second, thinks he's hallucinating. He's knackered to the point of swaying on his feet from a double shift followed by-- because apparently he'd been a bastard in a past life-- a bloody 'morale building' staff meeting that had made him want to gouge his eyes out.
Alright, he also might be a bastard in this life. But the point is, he hears Sherlock's voice despite there being no Sherlock in the room.
'Ibn is a rather naughty horse, isn't he?'
The sound is tinny but discernible, and John fwumps down into his chair to eye the baby monitor. The camera is aimed at Rosie's cot, of course, so it's mostly Sherlock's shoulder as he leans over with a book. John's tired brain flips through the rolodex of bedtime stories until it hits upon the one with a big white horse named, of all things, Ibn Rafferty.
'But he is fun to ride, and nice to everyone while being ridden.'
He hears Sherlock pause. 'Do you know, Rosamund, that's arguably the first definition of chivalry.'
John blinks. Not where he'd thought that was going, but all right.
'The word "chivalry" is derived from the Old French term "chevalerie,"' Sherlock continues. 'And it was meant to describe soldiers who fought on horseback.'
John snorts. His daughter is brilliant, obviously, but there's not a chance in hell she's understanding this. Unless Sherlock is drawing some truly impressive illustrations off-camera. Which, he supposes, is disturbingly plausible.
'These soldiers became standards of good behaviour, you see. On a horse, you're much taller than everyone else, aren't you? And horses can kick, or be otherwise very rude. So, the guideline for chivalry became, essentially, don't be rude to people who don't have a horse.'
'Don't be rude,' Rosie echoes, and John supposes that's what he'd want her to get out of this lesson, really.
But Sherlock's not finished. 'It had many iterations, of course, but eventually became a ritualised outlook on romantic love.'
John's brows shoot up. He'd've thought this subject to be one Sherlock would delete. Courtly love will likely never solve him a case, after all.
'One of the rituals, for example, was the High Minnie.'
Rosie is interested enough to ask through a yawn: 'Minnie Mouse?'
Sherlock chuckles. 'No, m-i-n-n-e. German. "Hohe Minne" colloquially means "high love."'
Yeah, clearly Sherlock is aware John can hear him. Even he's not going to use the word "colloquially" for the benefit of a toddler.
'It's when a knight-- the person on the horse-- goes through a series of trials to prove their love to someone. For instance, being willing to sacrifice themself to save the person they love. Making a long journey fraught with peril and hurt. Taking on a mighty monster.'
John's tired old heart clenches in his chest. Sherlock knows he's listening, all right.
'Now,' the detective continues, 'in the stories, after all these trials fail to win their beloved's heart, the knight finally accepts that their love is unrequited.'
He pauses. Rosie, John can see in the monitor, is languid with sleep, caught by Sherlock's rich voice and about to go under.
'And when love is unrequited, it can hurt very badly. But the knight knows those sacrifices were worth it, in the end, regardless. Because that's simply what love is, sometimes.'
John rubs absently at his chest. It's too much, he's so tired and so in love that it's almost too much.
On the monitor, Rosie's little brows seem to scrunch together, and she moves, rolls a little towards Sherlock. Who chuckles, wry but warm, as he rubs her tummy. 'It's alright, little bumble. Sometimes the knight does get their love, in the end. And it's the best reward in the world.' The shape of him on the screen leans in and kisses Rosie softly. 'Especially when it comes with little girls named Watson.'
John finds he has to look away from the monitor. His eyes are stinging, and now it's not just from exhaustion.
'You're a menace, Sherlock Holmes,' he calls quietly as he hears the stairs creak faithfully under Sherlock's socked feet.
'I know,' the detective says as he crosses the room. He leans on the arms of John's chair and kisses him briefly, their mouths clinging. 'But you found me worthy, in the end.'
'In the end, in the beginning, in the middle,' John counters. Sherlock raises an eyebrow. 'Alright,' John concedes. 'Maybe not in the middle, there, for a bit.' His smile is slow but genuine. 'But you prove yourself with every nappy, every boring case, every time you think before you throw yourself to the wolves.'
'I do try,' Sherlock deflects, his skin heating up. They've both about reached their limit for sentiment for the evening, John thinks.
'Then shut up and try this, you bastard.' And he pulls Sherlock down once more.
[❤️]
[I did mediaeval re-creation for 15 years, so this is where my brain went when I saw the prompt. The book Sherlock's reading from is 'Our Animal Friends at Maple Hill Farm' by Alice & Martin Provensen. I learned of hohe minne in Leverage 4x15, 'The Lonely Hearts Job.']
59 notes · View notes
ghouljams · 3 days
Note
Honestly I'm occasionally too scared to read about Moon and Soap because the thought of being loved despite thinking deep down that you never could be, despite lashing out at every gentle hand? Being so deeply known and seen by another person, yet loved for your true nature all the same? It's a terrifying thought! Being that vulnerable? Unable to scare him away because he knows you're just a frightened little kitten that needs some time to learn to trust? It's too real!! It hits too close!!! I want to cry over them 24/7!!!!
Yeah... YEAH!
There's something terrifying about being known, about all your defenses being shot down so handily because the other person knows all the walls you've so carefully set up at just for show. Something about having Soap look at the well crafted labyrinth around Moon's heart and simply climbing over the walls...
It's all very scary. The mortifying idea of being known, being forced to admit to yourself that perhaps you're not so unworthy of love after all, terrible. Why do you think Moon fights so hard against him? How dare he know her so well, keep reaching out to her, keep trying despite being pushed away. Doesn't he know he's not supposed to want her? That she's mean and awful and undeserving? (He knows she's scared and slow to trust, can see in her eyes how badly she wants to take his hand, hear in the tremble in her voice that she thinks she's doing him a service in turning him down. What a stupidly sweet girl, he thinks, doesn't she know that he'd love her even if all of that were true, but loves her all the more that it isn't?)
50 notes · View notes
soaps-mohawk · 2 days
Note
RE: chapter 22
First of all, Kyle and the reader falling asleep in THAT position?! 11/10 writing. They must have been beyond exhausted to end up like that, and I can almost feel the back and leg pain.
Also, can we get a professional pedicure session with the reader and all the guys soon? A little self-care/funny moment (and probably some ticklish feet) would be perfect after all the angst. They definitely deserve it! And taking care of their omega by going to self-care appointments with her sounds adorable—like those little acts of service, such as filling her plate for her. Still hoping Simon will start doing that (or other similar acts) soon. I would just MELT.
The training scene? I’m DECEASED. SCRUMPTIOUS. There’s definitely drugs in your writing. Impatiently waiting for my next dose, but please take your time to marinate the next chapter in your wonderful brain.
Can‘t believe Simon couldn’t be late just ONE TIME? Like, PLEASE. What’s going on in his brain? (Not so subtle request for more Ghostly thoughts.) (I wouldn’t say no to Soapy or Gazy or Pricey thoughts either—I just want to dig into all their brains and soak up everything. How did they all feel when the reader and Simon came into the mess? No jealousy at all? Not even Price? Any reactions from other people that the reader missed but they noticed?)
Anywaysss - Back to the topic: Ghost definitely knows what he did, right? There’s no way he doesn’t notice her scent when walking to the mess, especially after inhaling it so directly from her neck for what felt like quite some time. You can't tell me he didn’t get a little drunk off it (as Price later mentions, "a mixture someone could get drunk off of"), but apparently not drunk enough to be just A LITTLE LATE. UGH. WHY?? (You’re torturing us!) (Price ignoring his alarm made up for it slightly (also him being in charge so he can be late without consequence, YES), but pleaseeee gimme more Simon pls pls pls)
The last scene? Straight out of a movie. Heavy pouring rain, unsaid feelings, the angst. Loved it, hated it, need more.
He’s so straightforward and quick with how he’s telling her and just leaving right after, not wasting a second. Painful, but it makes me wonder if he’s almost "fleeing" to avoid dragging it out and making it harder on the reader—or even himself. Maybe he’s trying to just focus on doing his job and coming back as soon as possible?
And then the reader trudging back, soaked and miserable, with Johnny holding the door open…he definitely saw the tears, right? Even though her skin was already wet from the rain. Plus, the reader was probably giving off some scent of sadness. So hiding the tears wouldn’t really do much. What happens after??? And when will she finally tell SOMEONE about the cameras that were in her room?
Can you tell I live for this story?
💚
Aaah first of all, thank you!!! I'm so glad you've been enjoying it so far!! 💚💚💚
I've fallen asleep in a similar position (not doing that) back when I injured my back and 0/10 would recommend. The cramping and pain in the hips and back and legs is not worth it 😭
Omg that would be so cute. Just four big, buff men walking into a nail salon wanting pedicures 😂 I love it. Ugh it's the sweet little things that get me (can you tell my love language is acts of service??)
Would you believe the training scene was one of the first I wrote for this chapter?? It was like the only idea I had for it when I started writing lmaooo. Oh trust me, it's marinating. I also think about this fic 24/7.
Simon has a schedule to keep, ya know?? Lmao I'd write the entire fic from Simon's POV in a heartbeat. 😂 I'd probably write it from all of their POVs if I had enough time and energy.
Simon may have been a little scent drunk 🤭 that's why things got as far as they did. (I realized I'd been neglecting Price for a while and had to throw in a little tidbit for him to make up for it lol)
I may or may not have been channeling The Notebook (which I've only seen once believe it or not) a bit in that scene. Pouring rain, strong emotions, someone leaving for an unknown amount of time. Delicious.
Oh Simon definitely wanted to stay and he was rushing to avoid talking himself out of leaving. He knows he has a job to do, and he's a loyal soldier, but so soon after he finally allowed himself to develop this relationship with the reader? Brutal.
They'll find out the whole truth soon, don't worry. It is coming...soon. Soon. Soonish. Ish.
Eventually.
25 notes · View notes
angelicstalker · 3 months
Text
Omfg
0 notes
queenofbaws · 27 days
Note
hey queenie, just want you to know that you are severely appreciated. not only are you just a great friend–your comments make me laugh and i always look forward to what you have to say–but you're an incredibly talented writer and i am always so grateful i stumbled across you and your writing. genuinely your writing evokes such emotion, and no matter whether it's fluff, angst, or character study, i always feel at home reading your fics. thank you for being you 💕
🥹
jdksdhajksdhsAJKDHJKASD QUILLLLLLLLLL-UH you can't do this to me!!! i have a spooky image to uphold over here, and you're making me all wibbly wobbly omgggggg!!! the internet is going to think i'm like, a sap or something if they catch me CRYING IN THE CLUB LIKE THIS!!!!!!!
you are too, too, tootootootootoooooo kind (pretend that doesn't read 'toot' over and over, ok? thanks), and coming from YOU??? someone whose stories have had me on the edge of my seat, gnawing my nails, guffawing like a fool, gasping like a soap opera star, and pacing around my room tearing at my hair to walk off some of the tension???????? genuinely this is the highest praise. genuinely!!! thank YOU for being YOU - all your support, your kindness, the JOY you spread, for bullying all the same characters i do, all of it!!!!!! you truly have nooooooooo idea how much your kindness means to me, OR how much stupid irl crap your stories have gotten me through!!! <3
now if you'll excuse me, i believe there's somethING IN MY EYE 😭 WHERE IS MY HANDKERCHIEF
8 notes · View notes
thedreadvampy · 6 months
Text
so me and Sam FINALLY watched the last season of Capaldi's Who
and tell me how, after literally over a decade and for perhaps the first time in his fucking career, Steven Moffat wrote a not just tolerable but really actually good two-parter and fully stuck the landing. like the editing and pacing were still a bit off but the storyline was original, fun, interesting and emotionally invested, and most importantly, rather than ending on a damp fart or the most furious autofellatio in history, the final part didn't fumble it and ended in a way that felt emotionally satisfying and like it made sense for the characters. like the last time he successfully wrapped up a multiparter in a way that didn't feel cheap and hollowly disappointing to me was literally The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances, and a) that was in 2005 and b) tbh The Doctor Dances is about a tenth as compelling and memorable as The Empty Child.
so after 12 years of either hackery or great ideas that fall apart in the second act, Steven Moffat writes what I would genuinely consider to be a memorable Good Doctor Who serial. it ends with bittersweet pathos, a solid closer for all the main characters, and sends Moffat's showrunning career out on a genuine high despite failing ratings and budget cuts (and the fact Doctor Who hasn't been consistently good since about 2009). good job Steve. with grudging respect I admit you pulled it out of the bag on this one.
wait what's this there's one more episode left? and it stars Mark Gatiss? and you literally spend the whole episode inexplicably just shitting all over the legacy of Doctor Who by inventing a version of the First Doctor that bears literally no resemblance to the character that William Hartnell actually played, just so you can spend the whole episode saying misogynistic things to run yourself off to how much more Totally Feminist your version was than the version you made up in your head of what Doctor Who was like in the 60s? and it added literally nothing to the season except to take all the wind out of the sails of the actually good finale you already wrote?
even when he writes a good episode this fucker still finds ways to disappoint me.
#red said#as I remembered it is by a LONG shot the best that Doctor Who has been under Moffat and I do think giving Capaldi more creative control#helped a lot. cause he's a massive nerd and also he approximately knows how to construct a story.#bill is the first female companion Moffat has ever written with an actual fucking personality#(even if being mean that personality is maybe kind of just what you'd get if you put rose Martha and Donna in a blender)#(at least she's not a blank slate with the words SASSY. SEXY. written on it)#matt Lucas is genuinely surprising bc despite hating the man it's kind of impossible to not like Nardole by the end??#michelle gomez finally gets some room to get her Anthony Ainley on and be the Master PROPERLY#i was hooting and clapping my hands at the John Sim Master's dumb disguise#like the cast is GREAT#(and while he still can't shut the fuck up about her at least Moffat isn't shoving River fucking Song down my throat 24/7)#buuuuuuuut uhhhh the politics are. incoherent and the vibes are rancid in a lot of the episode plots.#they clearly WANT to do Social Commentary but weirdly keep bringing up colonialism and capitalism and then taking the side of the baddies?#how are you doing to do a piece about the British Empire colonising Mars with a posh villain and a whole comparison to the British Raj#then come down on the side of the British state? same with the ninth legion piece? and the zombie spacesuit one is fun#but it wraps up with 'and then they complained to upper management and capitalism ended forever the end'#uhhhhh in the one with the microbot colony again we conclude the Morally Correct Answer is colonialism#don't get me started on the monks plot which is a) literally just ripping off the Year That Never Was but without the emotional impact#but also b) has some really weird and genuinely fucked up ideas about both geopolitics and uhhhh consent????#so yeah the philosophical core is either incoherent or Fucking Horrendous in almost every episode#it's frequently derivative but tbh that's often to its benefit bc it vibes like trying to figure out what actually makes episodes memorable#and the budget is clearly cut to the bone bc the visual effects look worse than 2005 and the post edits are really weird and janky#like the pacing and ordering is weirdly off and a lot of the shot to shot transitions are awkward or confusing.#plus the sound design in the first few eps is. unhinged. it sounds like offbrand versions of standard stings it's all just Slightly Wrong#but for real i liked it more than I've liked any other season of Moffat Who. it's messy incoherent and often politically INFURIATING#but it has some actual heart and energy. and it feels like doctor who. and i would say moffat is spending like 10% as much time#wanking over his own past triumphs (and Alex Kingston)#and a lot more time like. trying to write something which works. he's not like successful 100% of the time. or even 50%.#but there's a lot more warmth and creativity. mackie capaldi and lucas have actual chemistry as a core cast#and i think it helps that everyone in the core cast is SO PSYCHED TO BE THERE. like it just wasn't a slog like all Moffat's other seasons.
19 notes · View notes
jackalhadrurusluvr · 1 month
Text
born to play games with other people forced to play them by myself
5 notes · View notes
citrine-elephant · 10 months
Text
do you think ada would comment on leon's "cake", only for him to be extremely confused and ask, "what cake? i don't have a cake? where did you find this?"
and then be convinced someone was trying to poison him, so now he's worried ada is in danger because he doesn't know if she ate any or not?
7 notes · View notes
forbodium · 8 months
Text
i'm going to petsit at my aunt's house tonight and i'm so sad they declawed the youngest cat
5 notes · View notes
spiked-mall-goth · 1 year
Text
heyyyyyy <3 <3 i feel terrible.
i had planned to stay off longer but i genuinely have had like three nervous breakdowns since i left bc right as i decided it was abt time i just chill for a little bit everything started happening all at once. so i came back to see my silly little internet friends, but like the second i logged back on some ppl were talking smack abt me sooooooooo... ya know. my day (two weeks) be so fine,, then BOOM my entire schedule fills up and i become hollow on the inside! (hey sorry like vent post n tags i need to get things out of my brain)
#spikes rambles#i was happy there for a minute too :<#heres what its looking like rn....#i have three weddings. one of which i am a bridesmaid for and was left to get my own dress#but i cant afford a nice dress that matches. so i have to make one my damn self. and in two weeks.#i have a graduation.. and a graduation party both for different ppl#even tho i had to push back my own graduation by a full year bc things were just not going as planned. and now everyone thinks im a failure#im volunteering to teach at a kids summer camp like thingy. i was supposed to have a partner but i was told that she actually#wants nothing to do with me and was forced into this but i was under the impression that we would be teaching TOGETHER#and not her being an assistant. so now i have to call her and be like heyyyyy what the fuck is going on i need to know the lesson plan#im also volunteering for a church summer thing. if i could i wouldnt be doing this but my self made mother figure asked me personally#to help and i cant say no to this. we get to hang out and i get to paint like murals and shit and we've been doing this together for years#i have to spend the weekend with my bio mother to go to a celtic festival thing bc my younger brother wants to go.#i'm having some pretty severe best friend problems which i am honestly not well equipped enough to deal with and its eating me away inside#summer has officially started here so that means 24/7 headaches and sensory problems. straight up category 5 autism moments#i had to pick up the slack and become a paternal figure to my youngest brother. which is just sad that i have to at all#my dear beloved friend is trying very hard to make a young adult like hangout (???) thing in own town and really wants me to go#but i just dont wanna. i dont really care for social gatherings#hey guys btw all this has happened or was planned for next month in the two weeks i was gone#what the fuck.
10 notes · View notes
ghostdog1999 · 1 year
Text
is2g on everything unintelligible if stuff doesnt start making sense again once i start taking my meds again I'm gonna SUE!!!!!!
7 notes · View notes
pepprs · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
#to translate this post: someone liked this post i made (on the upper left) on AUGUST 28 having a moment of self awareness that i was running#away from my whole life and not moving or learni ng to drive or anything. it is now march 8. it has been almost 7 months. and i have made#basically zero progress. and there is nothing stopping me but me. i could read the drivers manual and whatever whenever i want. but i am not#doing anything. and i don’t know how to get myself to start.#purrs#i know it’s a cop out excuse but i truly do think it’s covid. i think being in lockdown for a year and a half made me just let go of any#sense of progress. made me scared to take steps forward. and i mean i did bc i lived on campus for a while after that but it’s like.. EVERY#part of my life is stagnant rn it seems. and it’s not just me it’s my siblings too. we’re all getting older but none of us is trying to move#out or gain our independence in any way and my brother isn’t even looking for jobs even though he needs one. we’re all just getting older#but we’ve lost (or maybe had knocked out of us by covid and our mom being so strict) any sense of moving ipward and spreading our wings.#forgotten we have wings at all. and ive done important things like going on a house tour or traveling with my besties (<3). but i have only#made it to page 8 of the drivers manual and i truly do not want to read the rest of it. i have only been on one house tour and im longing to#move out but how much am i really because i can’t bring myself to schedule another tour and start searching for a new home in earnest.#i just come home every day UTTERLY exhausted and spend all my free time trying to process or rest. and im not making room for myself to use#my wings. and it’s truly terrible. why are we all okay with living like this. my younger self would be HORRIFIED if she saw how much i had a#atrophied since graduating and moving back home. my brighton self would be HORRIFIED. i told myself i wouldn’t and then it’s exactly what i#did. and ik im being harsh and ive spread my wings in some important ways during this time but… these are so obvious. such low hanging#fruit in some ways. bc any 16 year old can take this test and pass it so why can’t i at 24? why won’t i let myself? dont i want a nice cozy#home i make my own where i can eat what i want and sleep when i want and have control over sounds? then why am i not running for it?#delete later#i am wasting my youth i am wasting my youth i am wasting my youth 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 my one precious life 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃#also LMFAOOOOO the next tag on that aug 28 post was that i need to get a new campus id card… guess who hasn’t done that either ♥️
11 notes · View notes
ggigigoode · 2 years
Text
i wonder what daya is up to :’) 
2 notes · View notes
sharknark · 3 months
Text
i'm the worst kind of bts elitist, i insist dark & wild is their best album, i brag about liking the prologue mix of butterfly better, i'm the bitch crying about how shit butter is and how "i miss when they were hip hop"
#dark & wild is so good#... man#what am i to you-- rm's vocal delivery in the latter half of the song is so goooood#danger-- she's a classic. the mv is so funny watching a bunch of teenagers in egregious eyeliner jump around but she has banger qualities#war of hormone-- this track is a crime against humanity and she's a banger while she's at it. jhope's part 😍#hip hop phile-- trust a bts song to start with an appalling beat 😭😭 i confess however i love this track#let me know-- kinda nasally i know the fandom really likes this one but eehhh . rapline is good as always tho#rain-- the spiritual successor to 13430 but more groovy. she bangs so hard. suga always whispering 'suga' before his verse 😭#cypher 3-- i like the other cypher's better this one suffers from having supreme boi on it. this has the suga bisexual line tho so W's ther#what are you doing now-- 40 seconds of groovy sounds what more do you want#could you turn off your cellphone-- A BANGER what can i say??#embarrassed/blanket kick-- this song gave us chaotic fake making out choreography#24/7=heaven-- jungkook gets a bad rep these days but boy can sing#look here-- this song is STRANGE it does not sound like a bts song at all but i still really like it#2nd grade/sophomore-- underrateedddd ass banger. the year after debut was so frustrating for them and you can really feel it in this album#do you think that makes sense?-- explain it guurrlll man i love this album#i remember when the persona album dropped i got hopeful it'd be a return to form with the intros/outros/interludes#uhmm kinda was but it was immediately followed up with butter. BUTTER. dude. BUTTER. i can't#i just have to accept at some point 2014 bts is long gone and they'll never make music like that again cry
1 note · View note
keets-writing-corner · 4 months
Text
Thinking a LOT about Lucifer in the latest Hazbin episode. Idk what I was expecting but not this??
As I was watching my immediate thought was just "huh... Lucifer is kinda of weird..." but as the episode went on I realized the issue
the dude is off the chain depressed, like he says it as a joke but holy cow it is SO BAD
He's manically just creating rubber ducks cuz his daughter really like it that one time but it's empty, it's never good enough but he keeps doing it, maybe cuz he doesn't know how to pass the time otherwise.
Tumblr media
like I get the feeling he HAS better things he SHOULD be doing than making rubber duck after rubber duck. At first I was like, "Bruh why isn't the king of hell doing anything?" aaaaand then it became clear...
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
The dude is disassociating so bad he can barely hold a conversation let alone remember information. He clearly WANTS to, he wants to be involved with his daughter so bad, he wants to care about the things she's doing so bad, but his depression keeps interfering. It's like he can only hear every other word and he grasps onto the ones he does hear semi-out of context. Like you can see every time he catches something that he hadn't before and he just "well shit I didn't catch that part"
and that's why he reacts so weird when people talk to him. He is struggling so bad to engage with the conversation he's only getting 50% of it
Tumblr media
does that look like the face of a man who knows what the hell the conversation is even about??? he is STRUGGLING
Tumblr media Tumblr media
like Charlie spent so long telling him about the hotel, and he STILL didn't understand what she wanted. Yeah it comes off as ditzy but literally I've been in that position where your brain just "nope, not doing this right now" and nerfs your conversation comprehension. So as someone who's BEEN in that position, to me it feels exactly like what he's dealing with. He's sorta engaged with the conversation, but only as much as his brain will allow
For example, when I'm dealing with this, this is what someone talking to me feels like this where the crossed out parts are what I missed and bold is what I catch, "Hey! You know I was thinking for dinner we could either make some chicken with rice? But if you don't feel like cooking, pasta is super easy and you love that right? What do you want to do?" you can kinda get that someone is trying to talk to you about dinner, and towards the end you get the impression that they asked something that needs your input so you can decently put 2 and 2 together and try and pass off, but crucial bits were left out, I would have no idea that either chicken or pasta is in the conversation only having heard "rice". When someone is just talking at me, I can decently pass off as being engaged but the second I'm required to participate in the conversation I'm screwed. Seem familiar? At which point I have 2 options, try to give a bullshit answer, or admit that I missed what they were saying and ask them to repeat
Lucifer, unfortunately, is trying so damn hard to hide that he's dealing with like 24/7 dissociation, so he can't admit that he's missing entire chunks of the conversation, hence his really weird replies. He does eventually get the full picture and then he and Charlie start having the real conversation
Also, the Alastor/Lucifer rivalry was hilarious but also really indicative of more of what Lucifer is dealing with
Tumblr media
Alastor is, unfortunately, really good at picking up people's insecurities, and thanks to Charlie's description earlier and watching Lucifer clearly trying to overcompensate, he immediately picks up on the fact that Lucifer KNOWS he struggles to be a good dad (we know cuz it's cuz of the depression, hard to be engaged when your brain keeps turning off) and decides to rub salt in the wound by pretending he's been acting as a surrogate father to Charlie. Now why Alastor decided to pick a fight with the king of hell is beyond me, I do not understand Alastor (and I LIKE IT) (maybe it's cuz Alastor thinks he's hot shit and was expecting Lucifer to at least have heard of him but Lucifer just treats him like a nobody? who knows)(why would Lucifer listen to radio anyways when he can't even pay attention to a conversation it'd just be white noise)
But yeah I just was expecting someone who oozed either charisma or presence and instead I got a depressed dad who's dissociating so bad he can barely function and be present in his life. The only thing it seems he CAN do is make rubber ducks cuz his daughter really liked it that one time
Tumblr media
Idk Lucifer is tragic to me. Whatever the full details of what heavan did to him absolutely broke him and he can't deal with it. He's aware of it, and he doesn't know how to fix it, so he tries to over compensate and sorta makes an ass out of himself but no one says or does anything cuz this guy is supposed to be THE king of hell
Suddenly it's making a lot more sense why he just rolls over and lets heaven do what it wants and even told Charlie to go in his place the start of the show. He's not in any headspace to hold a basic conversation let alone negotiate! He didn't even know who Alastor was, he's been so out of touch
idk I like him, he seems sweet, I hope Charlie brings some light back into his life. He really needs to get out of that rubber duck room
Tumblr media
14K notes · View notes