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angeltrapz · 3 years

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SAW ask time 💚 wld love to hear abt chainshipping + Adam bein autistic— maybe like what Lar notices abt Adam’s stims, things he does for him/ways he helps when Adam needs it. Also for Eric/Adam, maybe any thoughts on Eric finally like.. realizing he’s got a special interest?? ik we’ve talked abt how hard he masks but bein around Adam (n Mallick) helps him relax abt that, so like maybe how does he react + what is th special interest? anything u wanna dish abt!

thank u it’s always SAW ask time in my heart <33

!!! I was just thinkin abt tht!!! our minds 💫

I think th first time he rly sees Adam stimming (i.e. flapping his hands) he’d be like “what’s that?” but not in a rude way - genuinely a tone of “I want 2 know more abt this thing, pls tell me” rather than anything anywhere near condescending/annoyed/mean-spirited like Adam has dealt w fr YEARS at this point. so he’s definitely put on edge a lil bit bc he can’t help it, maybe he starts to like wind down and force himself into quiet hands, but Lawrence is immediately like “no I wasn’t making fun of you!! u don��t have to stop doing it!” which kinda stops Adam short like. what r we doing here. usually when ppl ask me tht they’re also telling me 2 stop. finally Lawrence says “I was just wondering what kind of stim tht was,” like he didn’t almost (accidentally) uproot Adam’s whole shit + is currently Doing So Now by using actual terms tht Adam didn’t know he knew, n so he like takes a moment to absorb tht comment n then he’s like. “oh. it means I’m happy or excited?” and honestly? when Lawrence hears tht? he’s like “oh... so then you’re rly happy? 🥺” n it’s just like. a moment fr both of them lol. (Adam feels Much safer discussing things after tht too, in several ways. it definitely helps w building trust between them!!)

after that though Lawrence definitely takes notice of more things! he’s not afraid 2 ask questions, so tht’s smth tht’s rly good fr them - Lawrence being able to seek information (he also does his own reading + research) to better understand, n not in tht shitty mommy blogger “I know yr in there somewhere” way. he doesn’t want 2 change Adam. he wants a better grasp on wht Adam’s experiences r like so he can help n minimize stress abt certain things. fr Adam tht’s definitely like.. foreign territory, bc as u’ve mentioned b4 + my personal hc as well, his parents didn’t really care 2 get him formally diagnosed + even acted like there was No Way he cld be neurodivergent in any sense, so 2 have some1 who is interested n respectful is So important 2 him. (personal hc time: I hc Adam as both adhd AND autistic like me so there’s tht!!)

so like he takes notice of th way Adam likes 2 roll things btwn his fingers (shirt sleeves, shirt hems, hoodie drawstrings, blankets, soft fabrics he likes the texture of, etc.) n is just like Oh Idea. I like 2 think he gets Adam one of those bead lanyards (like this one,��which I also have!) fr him to fidget w n he kind of presents it like “I thought maybe u wld like smth like this?” n honestly he’s a lil nervous abt what Adam is going 2 say. but Adam takes it n holds it fr a minute, rolling th beads n messing w th lanyard itself 2 kind of test it, n he just looks up n smiles n he’s like “I love this. u’ve been paying tht much attention??” n fr Lawrence it’s just like “yes? of course? bc I love u?” like it’s th simplest thing in th world n Adam’s just. Huh. no he does Not tear up, if Lawrence told u tht he’s lying. he’s just Rly not used 2 ppl who want 2 know more without wanting to “get inside his head” or belittle him fr it (ties into my hc tht fr th most part, Adam hasn’t rly had any Good friends...) so it takes a lil getting used to.

another thing!! Lawrence does is ask 2 listen 2 Adam infodump abt his special interests - esp photography!! like they do this thing where if it’s not too late at night by th time Lawrence comes home frm work, Lawrence will take a quick shower n then get into his pajamas n into bed (just fr some quiet quality time b4 they go to bed, bc he still tends 2 come home a bit late), n he’ll have Adam sit next 2 him n he’ll be like “what do u want to tell me?” bc tht’s another thing tht Adam was entirely unused 2 - having ppl who didn’t just tolerate his infodumping, they wanted to hear it. Lawrence might be th first person to not actually give him shit fr it/tell him he’s being annoying/shut him down completely. again, it takes Adam a lil bit to b fully comfortable w it, but once he is he adores having tht time to be excited abt things w another person! who he knows Wants to listen!! (if we’re going th route I personally like 2 think abt sometimes too, where Lawrence is autistic as well, I feel like they infodump back n forth abt photography n medical stuff. do either of them rly know what the other is saying? not rly. are they listening happily bc that’s their partner n it’s smth they’re excited abt? oh absolutely!)

I think Adam has a tendency to eat a lot of th same foods bc they’re safe n he knows he likes them/doesn’t mind their texture (which is a big issue w trying new foods fr him), which is smth tht Lawrence also takes note of and as such, he likes 2 make sure they’re regularly stocked up on at least some of tht stuff. it’s not even smth he tells Adam he’s doing, bc it’s rly tht simple 2 him - Adam likes these things n therefore we shld have them at th house - but fr Adam it’s just One Of Those Things, y’know?? he got so much shit as a kid fr being such a “picky eater” n got shit fr it as a teenager too bc “why don’t u ever try anything new??” was smth his friends/parents Loved 2 say. it’s th fact tht Lawrence rolls w it so easily, doesn’t poke or prod for reasons he eats th way he does, and doesn’t get upset w him fr it/try 2 force him into things he isn’t comfortable w. it means a lot to him, more than he’ll ever have words 2 say (but he does always kiss Lawrence’s cheek when he gets back frm th store n he sees some of his same foods, which is just as good). it’s loving tht he’s autistic because it’s a part of him, a fact, not despite or in spite of. tht’s what’s so nice n kind of healing abt it; feeling safe 2 express yrself as u are w a partner who u know u can trust. who maybe words questions a bit funny sometimes, completely unintentionally, not out of malice (where allistic Lawrence is concerned, anyway). Adam feels Safe, n tht means a lot 2 him.

as fr ways he helps him!! a big thing is tht Lawrence is observant, esp as they spend more n more time together. a lot of th time, even when it’s just th two of them alone, Adam might have trouble maintaining eye contact fr an extended period of time, n Lawrence might not know how much it Actually helps, but he doesn’t mind tht Adam doesn’t always look at his face when they’re talking. it’s smth tht takes a little getting used 2, but he was never shitty about it w Adam. the way he sees it is if it makes Adam more comfortable, why shld he get upset abt it? it’s not like he doesn’t know when Adam’s talking 2 him anyway, or tht he can’t tell if Adam is listening; Lawrence knows both of those things, so Adam not making eye contact isn’t a problem, y’know? it’s okay. n I rly don’t know if Lawrence is fully aware of how much Adam appreciates tht.

another thing is he’s patient + understanding when Adam is nonverbal, whether it be bc he’s having a shutdown/meltdown, sensory overload, or just plain Difficulty w speech. it kinda depends on what I’m writing at th time, but I feel like Adam might have picked up at least a lil bit of sign language here n there; mostly simple phrases tht get th point across. I like 2 think Lawrence learns what they mean so he can take tht stress off of Adam’s shoulders, but most times, Adam is just comfortable sitting in silence w someone he cares abt.

OH brief thing Lawrence is RLY good at helping w pressure stims. he gives amazing bear hugs n I feel like he’d also probably let Adam lay on him if they’re on th couch/in bed. I just Feel It.

OHH I think abt Eric finally developing a special interest now tht he feels more comfortable w doing so a lot. honestly I kind of rly like th idea tht his special interest might be info abt rats! it kind of hits him when he catches himself writing down lil facts (tht might not even be related to pet care!) in his notebook so he’ll remember them + always being excited 2 learn more n share what he’s learned. it makes Adam SO happy to see him being comfortable w tht aspect of himself, esp now that he’s safe to explore it w ppl who understand n who won’t discourage him/belittle him for it,, Mallick too of course, but Adam knows how much Eric struggled w tht kind of thing for such a long time so he’s just. Ah. 🥺🥺

like they’ll all b chilling on th couch (Eric, Mallick, n Adam) n Eric will have his head against Adam’s shoulder while his hand is on Mallick’s chest, who has HIS head in Eric’s lap w his legs dangling off th armrest, n he’ll be like “did u know tht when rats r happy, they grind their teeth together? it’s called bruxing n then sometimes their eyes move in their sockets rly fast while they’re doing it. tht’s called boggling.” n Adam will be smiling so wide when he says he didn’t know tht but it’s rly cool!! n then Mallick will start asking questions n he n Adam just listen while Eric infodumps fr probably th very first time since he was very very young, before it was masked out of him by his parents. n he finds tht he Doesn’t feel so bad abt it anymore, not when he’s around ppl who want him to be happy and want to see him be happy - esp ppl who encourage it n let him know it isn’t smth he has to hide/keep locked away. it’s hard 2 b ashamed of himself when Adam n Mallick r looking at him w genuine interest in their eyes n so so much love.

he might still like, slip back into masking behaviour every now n then, bc it’s something he’s still dealing w n learning 2 leave behind, but after he discovers his first special interest it gets a little easier, letting go of that way of life. it was smth he was forced into by adults who didn’t actually want th best for him like they said they did when they put him through “therapy,” but w partners he knows understand n who are even autistic themselves, Eric slowly learns 2 be more comfortable w it. it’s slow, but it’s progress. bit of a learning curve. he’ll get there.

#just if anyones curious yes I am also autistic #I know I mentioned tht in th response itself but U Know!#saw #adam #lawrence #eric #mallick #asks #god I love getting asks frm u u Understand me #tysm!!!! I appreciate it a whole lot things have been sort of rough #oh another note I kind of write adam at least w a lot of my mannerisms/experiences #it's what I know lol

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manicr · 3 years

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Stayed at home for a mental health day, had worked up enough anxiety to get a migraine, and I seem to have the emotional fortitude of wet paper at the moment. I feel drawn too thin and and the waterworks just burst at any provocation. Been molotov-ing it for too long and I just end up feeling shit. I spend so much energy on other ppl on the daily that I just can’t today.

I’m autistic and many people think I’m NT until I do something ‘weird’ -- and sometimes my world crashed down on me.

I don’t want to feel like this. I see how other ppl expect me not to, and still tell me that it’s ‘normal’ but then judge me so hard when I crash, when I show emotion, and when I fail to be 100% reasonable and logical. It’s like a constant catch-22 of being yelled at or distrusted for being too emotionless/cold/reserved/controlled and then being scorned, belittled, and hurt when I do show emotion.

I know that with AST my emotions are prone to higher intensity or high control, but there is no winning for me. I can’t tell/feel/estimate what’s a reasonable NT amount of emotion when I’m feelings things. Only times ppl seem even a little happy with my responses is when I’m acting. When I feel nothing and fake/mirror their emotions or what I’ve learned from watching ppl. They like it and understand when I behave NT, but I’m not, and sometimes they then get mad bc I’ve faked shit.

It’s not fair on anyone. I understand (I’ve studied and studied and studied) that people have a hard time understanding others who are different. That ppl don’t have the inclinations to be patient and stop and think, it’s disinterest and ignorance instead of malice, and that hating them for it is pointless, but it hurts and hurts so much that I never can quite expect anyone to get it. It’s not fair on me.

And I know shits not fair. But that doesn’t take away the pain. No amount of logic or reason takes away the pain of never quite fitting in because my brain is wired different regardless of how brilliant and capable I am that with make people understand or like me being different. And even the ones who try won’t get it right all the time or think that they can change the way my brain works by enforcing their realities on me.

My sister and mum spend my entire childhood telling me how to be and I failed over and over again and suffer for each failure, and in their world it was ‘helping’ me not be a ‘freak’ and to do what they though was right.

But being screamed at, called a liar and untrustworthy, every time I failed eye contact didn’t make me better at it. It made me obsessed in having data to back my claims. Being yelled at if my clothes, hair, and body weren’t fashionable didn’t make me ‘look better’ it made me hate myself and loathe anything to do it it. I was bad at talking to people or said weird things, was criticized for that and stopped talking all together, got penalized for that, talked a lot and got penalized for that too. When I tried to toughed up to deal with the constant criticism they deemed help, I was instead hurt and badgered until I cried or showed what they thought was ‘appropriate’ emotion and THEN penalized for making it a big deal.

News flash, aspie kids don’t lean norms, moderation and feeling the room from yelling. They learn fear. It took me years of studies, patience, care and help to learn some of those things. I try to teach my students these things without teaching them fear.

This is the shit I still live with. 15 years later, as a grown as woman, I still having that in the back of my head and some days get so shit because of it. I struggle so much to let all of that go. To unpin the emotional responses, defensive mechanisms, and fears that were badgered into me every fucking day for 18 years. And some days I can’t. Some days I’m 13 again and wanting to die because I’m never good enough and always get hurt for everything I do. It pops up when I least want it too. I know my family are triggers, and that they won’t change because they refuse to see anything wrong with what they do, and I try to take a distance. But sometimes all it takes is a look. A casual comment.

I’m not OK, but I will be. Right now it just hurts too much.

#ramble #personal #i don't feel good #need to vent

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papers4me · 4 years

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Fruits Basket, SE02, Ep19

A rare ep divided between mom-tohru & real-girl/woman tohru!

-The sohma’s moma role (ending?) :

Once again tohru is shown as a mother figure. I know this is the backbone of the show & reason of its existence, but it’s been dragged so long now! It’s time the show graduates from this concept & moves on to deeper analysis of the characters. But since the writer impersonates yuki most of the time, I think the show/story itself will stop playing/showing mama-tohru card when yuki moves on/admits his feelings. Yuki can grow in front of our eyes but tohru won’t be allowed much growth unless her mama role is done completely. Kinda similar to a young mom raising kids, once they grow up, the mom will start to see herself as a person with interests, excepts tohru isn’t really the sohma’s mother, so the longer it takes to move her character beyond this role, the longer this role itself becomes stale & known as long last impression. However, it is promising that this is a first where a person finds motherly love in tohru yet sees her as teen/equal/friend in the same ep they discover her motherly charm!, so I guess the story/ show is getting ready to let go of moma-tohru & welcomes woman-tohru!! Moreover, this ep is divided between tohru & rin as equals! Rin acknowledges tohru’s motherly appeal but she quickly moves from it, since rin herself is treated as an adult within the show (intimate with haru), so her initial child-like attachment to tohru is treated as rin needing one last hug/break down before she reconciles/lets go of her motherly issues. We see the result right away, all rin’s interactions with tohru is based on equality as BOTH bush each other in a unique way within tohru’s journey in sohma land.

-New bond with new friend (female power!):

Tohru is the person with most friendships in furuba. Each of these friendships are unique with the other person. There are friendships with motherly/ dependent hint as of yet in the story: yuki/kisa, friendships strengthened by kyoko: hana/arisa, light friendships: haru/hiro, equal friendships: kyo/momiji (It shocked me looking back at momiji’s friendship with tohru! he was never dependent on her & he shared time & interests with her! cute lil boy!). so why is tohru’s friendship with rin any different? Tohru befriends rin based on mutual feelings of loneliness & abandonment at first, then mutual goal, mutual strong desire to fight & protect loved-ones, mutual stubbornness & mutual need to keep the quest hidden from others. The biggest differences between hana/arisa friendship with tohru & rin’s is that the former was established in the tender age of early teens & fueled by the three’s admiration & attachment to kyoko. Hana/arisa tend to care for tohru & shower her with love, pretend to not see her mask, respect the distance tohru puts in her heart, fight for her at times & always try to protect her which is awesome & sisterhood goals! but rin is different. Rin acknowledges tohru’s weakness & doesn’t see it as cute or endearing!. Seeing someone being overly kind for their own good breaks rin, she hates seeing such kind ppl taken advantage of, she challenges tohru with care wrapped in harshness, she fights back tohru’s tendency to take care of her & isn’t afraid of scratching tohru’s mask by stating the truth! Rin is harshly frank & doesn’t sugar coat her words. (sth she shares with kyo). Moreover Rin’s friendship is sth tohru makes in her youth/early adulthood years. soon, tohru is becoming an adult woman who needs to stand up for herself & her desires in the harsh world & fight back to get what she wants. It is amazing that the story is acknowledging the importance of new bonds without belittling old ones. Tohru’s friendship with rin shouldn’t be compared or put above or under her other friendships. We need/give different things from/to different ppl. I love that!

-Tohru the Real Woman:

While the ep contained a moma-tohru reference, tohru was more herself than most eps so far!! her inner thoughts were blocked again but she was given space to interact with others, a space to be a girl/a woman! Glimpses of tohru’s real character with hints of growth!! was shown this ep:

She yelled at rin demanding answers. Didn’t like to be pushed over or ignored!! YES! Showed rin that she too has things to fight for. She stood her ground to the point of making the boys leave their rooms shocked! tohru shouting & demanding selfish needs & fighting shrewdly!! “I have things I can’t give up, just as you do” You go girl!!

She interacted with kyo like normal teenage girl in love for the 1st time pleased with how much he was paying attention tor her & they flirted openly like the young dorky oblivious teenagers they are!

She talked frankly with rin abt the curse & the two bonded over their desire to break it without teaming up together. Rin wouldn't want to endanger another “haru”.

Tohru’s core was shaken with one direct question triggering past/deeply buried trauma. we saw glimpses of real vulnerable tohru as opposed to the bright always 100% optimistic persona introduced since SE01.

-Tohru’s Mother nightmare:

That was chilling, creepy & weird. it was triggered with rin’s “why do you want to break the curse?” which is odd cuz we know tohru wants to save the zodiacs, then “ what can’t you give up? What’s the most precious to you?”..then Akito is shown... weird!!! if her mom was shown, as she’s the most precious to her, then, fine. If kyo is shown, I’d say perhaps he’s the new most precious to her?.. but Akito?? Obviously, Akito’s pic doesn’t mean she’s the most precious o tohru. perhaps it calls to sth Akito said?...what tho??.. that day they only talked abt kyo’s confinement, & zodiac never ending banquet... I don’t get it? what’s so triggering abt a speech Akito said ages ago & tohru moved from it since then. Why NOW it is triggering?

-The nightmare tells us YES, her mom is the most precious.. why Akito mattered then?? The nightmare showed that tohru still hasn’t moved on from her mom’s death & perhaps still feels guilt, which is very common for ppl who suddenly lost a loved one. The “if only I said goodbye, if only I kissed you one last time or even worse if only we didn’t fight that day”... al these guilty feelings are common symptoms of not letting go yet. But what comes after the nightmare is the chilling part! Her haunting face.. what is tohru looking for outside her door? she’s trying to see if her mom is still there? ouch!

-Rin’s monologue/voice-over is giving us exposition of what tohru is feeling & what she needs. Rin notes that tohru is falling apart & breaking down. Baring the burden of everybody’s pain on top of her own buried lid! Tohru needs a haru-like person. someone who sees the real her as haru saw the real tormented rin. someone who smiles warmly for her & gently pushes her forward. Oh I get it now! Rin said tohru needs someone who opens the door! we saw tohru herself open the door after the dream. meaning that this person is yet to be admitted in tohru’s life! Off course we know it is kyo~ duh~ but it’s not this easy or simple. Tohru needs to acknowledge kyo as this person even if he really is. Her realization is her door to opening the lid.

Side Notes:

I know that the scene of kyo/tohru flirting is shown from yuki’s perspective & is essentially made to be used to further yuki’s development abt his own growth & how he sees tohru vs how kyo sees her. but I really wished that visually the scene would be given double importance. show it from yuki’s perspective & show it from tohru’s. You can do that. You actually can show multiple characters equally in one scene & hit two birds with one stone. further yuki’s growth & show us glimpses of tohru’s. Not everything regarding tohru’s development needs be shelved for later. We saw kyo’s face, but the scene moved quickly & tohru was giving her back to yuki when she blushed meaning giving her back to us. (don’t mind me, just slightly disappointed abt tohru NON-mom-mode screen time/focus that could’ve been adjusted better). no big deal..T_T.

Yuki got a mother-nightmare. Then tohru, does this mean kyo will have one too? Does this mean that their lid opening will follow the order of the nightmare appearance? yuki,then tohru, then kyo?

Haru acknowledging, blessing yuki’s growth & new friendships is cute!

I hope this isn’t the last time we touch upon tohru’s personal feelings this season. Give me hints, symbolism. Doesn’t have to be full story. T_T.

I hate/love how hot shigure is!

Shihure’s “ the sound of breaking” is epic! his schemes are paying off & he knows it. My wish is for the curse is to break without any magic involved or any big thing tohru needs to do! it would be best if it even breaks without tohru!!!! I kinda feel a hint of “depend on yourself for your wishes” subtle theme here, so tohru breaking the curse for the sohma’s negate that. Moreover, the hell with the curse & the sohmas!!!! why should tohru bear others’ burden till her last appearance in the show! I want her to let go of everything & focus on herself!! what SHE wants/needs for HERSELF! That’s an epic message for a self-denying & excessively altruistic character like tohru! but yeah..seems it’s curse-breaker tohru story.

Haru wearing kyo’s red shirt!!! which means that is after, Se01, ep.9. he wasn’t a high school-er then. (I’m not gonna calculate how old was he when they did it. lol)

I relate to rin’s feeling towards overly kind ppl!

I don’t like tohru’s elementary style pigtails in an ep where she’s more womanly than she’s ever allowed to so far..=/. Nothing against woman doing pigtails!! but we are speaking abt using visuals to express change in character & growth! C’mon show!! however, I’ll give them credit for drawing tohru more grownup/older/mature in her hospital walk scene with rin. =D! plus her clothes are awesome!

Who thought that the kindest, cutest & most precious character would say the most cryptic, haunting & chilling words “ together..always”.. tohru continues to hide her pain.

#Fruits Basket #Anime Only #amused paper #tohru honda

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chekhovs-harpoon · 3 years

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tct final thoughts

oh boy this is gonna be a long one,,, i’m gonna begin with the things that i liked so that 1) it doesn’t feel like i just wasted my time when i could’ve been listening to literally to any of the hundreds of other podcasts im subscribed to and 2) this show did so many things right, i wouldn’t be as emotionally invested and fired up about it as i am if it was just a purely garbage show

everyone in the cast gave just stellar performances especially adam and caleb’s actors,,, gosh that final confrontation in ep 19 where they had that big long talk about their feelings and it was so raw and real and genuine,,, how having mental baggage really just can fuck with a good healthy relationship no matter how much the people love each other and mean well

going into this show, i wasn’t looking forward to hearing about adam and caleb having been broken up cuz that just seemed, so out of character from where we last saw them in the original series,,, but i was pleasantly surprised with just how enjoyable their new dynamic as awkward exes that are still just completely in love with each other,,, i love this drama,, i love seeing these disasters inadvertently hurt each other (honestly it kinda worked too well cuz,,, more on that in the negative section)

CAITLIN! I love caitlin so much!!! and i just love her dynamic with adam,, i mean like, fried rice nights, shared google calendars, stressing out over essays that aren’t due for months,, i love these two!! also it’s so fresh cuz like,, usually it’s just the one nerdy loner character,, but here we get two and they’re just lovely for each other,,, lol i can totally see these dudes just moving in together and just getting married if they’re still both single by age 40 for the tax benefits

she was only in a couple of episodes,,, but i love love hearing joan again, especially that bit where caleb just infodumps at her all the shit he’s going through and she’s just 0_o that was such a fun throwback

minor thing, but the confirmation that the bryants are asian (when mark got oliver to take off his shoes when entering his house)

the soundscape and music was phenomenal! one of the most well done soundscapes i’ve ever had the pleasure of listening to,,, and the theme was stuck in my head all week

now,, all the things that i hated:

super mixed feelings about the bu crew,,,, im a fan of ride or die friendships, like what they were trying to go for here,, but like,,, the characters here aren’t very likable,,,

frankie’s flirting at caitlin came across as creepy rather than charming and it frustrates me so much that they got paired off by the end

i don’t get what ben’s deal is,,, i didn’t get much of their character outside of them being kidnapped and being a powerful atypical as plot device

and sadie’s just,,, she’s such a dick to adam and caitlin, constantly belittling and invalidating their feelings,,that line about her getting to be angry at adam and caleb but adam not being allowed to,,, just made my blood boil

also the characters act like she has just Very Good Takes:tm: on life and the human condition when they’re very much Not

honestly overall i don’t get what their deal is,, like what they’ve been through as friends, why they care for each other, how they got that way,,, and i don’t really have much reason to care for them

the adam caleb drama was so fun and like,,, honestly i was rooting for them to stay fucking apart by the end of the series,,, the weird pacing this show was going for made their ending feel super fucking rushed,, and they have way more fucking shit to deal with and talk about,,, and we’ll never get to see that cuz the show thought a tacked on ancient atypical cult conspiracy was more interesting,, which is a real fucking shame cuz what appealed so much about the original show is all the talking about feelings,,,

everything about the time fucking book and the atypical cult was not very compelling and felt forced and rushed and tacked on and there are so many plotholes,,, like,,, what are a bunch of fucking college kids gonna do about a conspiracy that’s been going on for generations,, and apparently even people like the am or the order can’t deal with them,, cuz they’re super hidden or whatever,,, but ppl just randomly hanging out in the library can fucking overhear all their bullshit

i was never given any believable explanation about why they can’t just ask the am to deal with this nonsense,,, when two very powerful people in the am care very deeply about the characters in the midst of this dangerous plot,,, and they already knew about it but did fucking nothing,,, and they keep fucking lampshading it but not actually address it. this whole nonsense felt like a ploy to get adam and caleb to talk to each other again when they seriously didn’t need it

blackwell was such a bad villain,, he was so melodramatic but not even in a fun way,,, and uggh,,, i can’t help but compare the new villains, this blackwell and hellen(?i can’t even remember her name) with the ones in the original series, wadsworth, agent green, damien,,, and the new ones feel like cartoon caricactures compared to how much nuance and depth and humanity the old antagonists were written with

also like,, the more information about the wider atypical world that’s laid out, the less fun and the less sense it makes,,, atypical secret societies are a thing??? and it’s also possible to find atypical communities online??? that just cheapens all of damien’s angst about being alone and not even knowing the word atypical until he met joan,, as well as how the order and the am value keeping knowledge of atypicals top secret, it doesn’t add up

it bothered me how they mentioned it should be impossible to turn a normal person into an atypical when like,, hello??? frank’s right there???

fuck oliver,,, there’s nothing fucking likable about this asshole,,he’s selfish, manipulative, a coward, smug,,, and not even in any charming or sympathetic ways,, he feels super tacked on,,, like he’s only there cuz the bullshit ancienty conspiracy plot demands it and i do not for one second believe any of the characters care about him

mark was just,,, so fucking under utilized,,, the characters always talk up caleb and mark’s brotherly bond, about how much they care for each other and how much he’s helped him out,, that’s really interesting i would actually like to fucking see it please,,, overall mark feels like his main point in this series is to just be an accessory to oliver

what the fuck do you mean that mark considers him his bestfriend?!?!? ano po?? tangina,, sam’s right fucking there,, and oliver has never shown in any genuine that he cares about mark and i don’t fucking see what mark sees in this guy

you know,,, all that fucking forced ship tease between these is literally the final nail in the coffin of my enjoyment of this universe,,, like you’re telling me that these two are actually gonna get together?? fuck that noise good fucking bye i want nothign to do with this series anymore

conclusion: i am just,, completely fucking done with this universe,,, honestly,, normally im not one to hate listen,, if i don’t like something,, i’ll just drop it and say it’s not my thing and move on..and im not one to just angrily yell about it into the void. but i can’t with this show,,, the original show really just meant the world to me,,, it was with me at some of the darkest points in my life and was one of the things that got me through em (cuz hey i can’t afford therapy and this show made a p good substitute at times asdkfljsad)..

i felt so betrayed,,, i really opened up myself to this one for all that. i should’ve learned my lesson after the disaster that was tama,,, the needless killing agent green was an indication of things to come,,, but i was cautiously optimistic for this show,, cuz it seemed they were going back to their roots by doing a story that’s more on just characters learning how to person and talk about their feelings,,, but oh god how badly was i mistaken,, they shoehorned another bs thriller action plotline when the characters by themselves were enough,,, and it seems that this is the direction this universe is taking,,, i want absolutely nothing more to do with,, im gonna unsub to the original feed and just block out all the tags and pretend i never interacted with this franchise in the first place

#podcast blogging #i get very very salty again be warned #this is very messy and incoherent but i spent mroe than a fucking hour just letting all the salt out i cannot be bothered to make it all nic #promise this is the last you'll hear from me about it i got it all out of my system i think #liveblogging

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normal-thoughts-official · 4 years

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ok not to be That Magnus Stan but seeing your last ask... how do you think adhd/sensory issues might intersect with kink for Magnus? (You don't have to answer jkjljljljkllljlk)

i mean pls be That Magnus Stan tbh, and id be more than happy to answer it 👀👀👀

also the ask you’re referring to is no longer my last ask because it took me a while to finish this up, but anyway

ok so there's plenty of things that apply the same way to the both of them - like hyperfixating on their characters when planning roleplay, definitely the whole thing about how domspace (well, subspace for magnus, but u get it) feels a bit like hyperfocus? like his senses are just honed in and particularly for an adhd person that's just great news. like usually his head is all over the place but when he's in subspace he gets that quiet and he's just focusing on his own pleasure and everything else quiets down for a bit

in that sense i feel like it's the opposite of what anon said about being overwhelmed, like, i feel like the enhanced sensations are good for magnus because again adhd = brain desperately looking for stimuli at all times, so when he's engaging in like, orgasm delay/denial, gangbang and the like, he has a clear thing to focus on, sometimes even more than he can really process, and that kind of satisfies his brain?

udhdudndid that sounds stupid but i hope you understand what i mean, like, of course sensory issues could become bad and he might need to safeword but when he's in the proper headspace and he just allows himself to be washed over by the pleasure and let go, it feels like finally his mind is clear. i don't know if i have adhd, but it definitely feels that way for me. also, he might actually need the overstimulation in order to focus and feel pleasure, sometimes. like anything less he just.... wanders away jdhdudjdi i also feel that way

also, warning again just in case! im not saying "wow ppl with adhd are subs". im just conjecturing about how a person who happens to have adhd and be into subbing (and like, specifically the kind of adhd and kinks i hc for magnus) would feel in regards to how those things overlap and change their experience with their pleasure. or well, magnus specifically, not just any person with adhd. but anyway

also that thing i said about following orders and just letting go, like- usually his mind is going a mile a minute, and as a political leader and someone who's been on his own most of his life etc he just worries all the time. how to present, gesticulate, speak, what to say, what to do, he's always hyperaware of his own movements (because he has to) and worrying about others and their pleasure and comfort and shit, so to get to just lie back, not move - be unable to move, even - follow orders and be a good boy? that's some A+ shit right there

you know? he doesnt have to be anxious about anything or try to keep his thoughts and movements in check and guess ppl's reactions or even worry if he's just following orders - orders he knows he'll enjoy, that he's agreed to, planned for, with someone that he trusts - and feeling the pleasure that comes from that. a huge part of his usual thoughts is finally muted and that helps him feel relaxed and mellow and get into subspace. which again, he craves, because usually adhd brain is just aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAA and so subspace is a very welcome and even needed break

even from a neurological standpoint, like... adhd is basically lack of norepinephrine in the brain, and orgasms, especially intense ones, release a lot of that, but I'll try not to nerd out too hard here. tho i might have to go back to that in a minute

isnt it performance art that i had a genius thought that i loved and halfway through finishing the last sentence i just forgot it

oh yeah! thinking specifically about rsd and how this comes into play for someone who's into humiliation kink. there are several psychological analyses that postulate that one of the things attractive about bdsm is that it allows you to explore fears and generally bad situations in a controlled environment. kinda like reading fiction or doing extreme sports. so in that sense bdsm is attractive because it allows you to act on those fears and turn them into something 1- safe, 2- under their control, instead of the other way around, and 3- pleasurable

and like... dont get me wrong it's not that magnus is into being told "ur ugly and no one loves you" or something lmao but in a way humiliation kink is enacting a fantasy of rejection/belittling, except turned inside out? like "you're my good little fucktoy, you were made to be fucked like this, you slut" is degrading and belittling and on the verge of calling someone worthless... except positive. because that's what makes them so great to fuck? so in a way this kind of play flips the tables on many concepts because being a "slut" or a "toy" feels like a compliment. and in this process of degradation you are taking the fear of being worthless and making a scenario where that being true is exactly what makes the person worthwhile

idk i might be reaching a bit here cuz i think im into humiliation that's way more hardcore than i think magnus would be like i straight up enjoy being called worthless lmao but i feel like that makes sense, the way that humiliation/degradation play takes your fear of rejection or shortcoming and is like "but if that were true.... that would make you good" like o shit can't argue with that

and again like.... obviously that's all a very careful line as you're dealing with some sensitive stuff, which is why doms need to go through training to be able to deal with the physical and mental implications of what they're doing. and none of this is conscious of course, i don't think magnus is out there thinking this through deeply or anything, im just saying it's a part of what makes bdsm subconsciously appealing to some ppl. but my point is, rsd might play a part in why magnus is into that mix of praise and humiliation. like i think he needs the praise for reassurance even during play, which alec is more than happy to provide ("you're so beautiful, look at you, so perfect like this, i love you,"), and that kind of play where rejection, praise, and pleasure are all kind of one and the same is appealing because it just makes it all the more overwhelming without actually being negative and your mind is just lost in the almost contradictory stimuli but the pleasure and the positive wins out and you just feel so relaxed and good? yeah

but there's also like, the way that impacts the negative possible outcomes of bdsm. namely, rsd and subdrop

rsd is kind of obvious so i'll try to be brief: it's a sensitive issue and if he's not in the proper headspace for it, it can have the opposite effect and go very wrong very fast, because his reaction to rejection is hyperamplified by it. so if it has the opposite of the desired effect - rejection overpowering praise and pleasure - it might go south so fast he doesnt have the time to yellow. like he can't prevent it before it happens, you know? which is also why i think he wouldn't go Super Deep into humiliation and why the mix with praise is key - which is another way in which they are compatible because alec sure does love praising him

as for subdrop: if you don't know what that is, basically BDSM play is very intense and releases a fuckton of endorphins all at once very fast, so, sometimes, the sub doesn't come down from their orgasm as much as falls facefirst back to earth. meaning, their brain empties itself of endorphins, which leaves them feeling hollow and depressed, sometimes also moody, hypersensitive/prone to crying, fatigued, and just generally bad

which is one of the many reasons aftercare is important! and also proper dom training! with proper aftercare, you can prevent that drop from happening, by keeping the sub feeling positively. reassurance, touch, and other forms to bring physical and/or psychological relief and/or pleasure helps keep their brain from just crashing once the rush of endorphins is over, so it lasts a little longer and they can come down from the high gently. work those neurotransmitters yall! keep them up and running!

so anyway i feel like subdrop is not only a bigger deal for ppl with adhd (because adhd is already a lack of neurotransmitters so fucking up your balance even further is Very Bad), but also more likely to happen if you're not careful, because the "regular" adhd brain already has a lack of neurotransmitters, which keep those endorphins running. so adhd ppl might "run out" of them even easier

NOTE: i'm not affirming that, this is a shot in the dark. i have no data or research to back that up and im nowhere near an expert in neuroscience, i just know the basics. so don't take this part too seriously and definitely don't quote me on it

but anyWAY yeah. my point is, subdrop can be a problem so it’s something that he tries to be prepared for, have some snacks before and after, do proper aftercare, etc. like i said, it’s mostly preventable, although sometimes stuff like this happens even if you do your best. but anyway

and there’s another thing too, which is that one possible sympton of subdrop is feeling rejected and alone. which is super fun when you have rsd! so yeah. subdrop can be very bad for magnus. and like, don’t get me wrong, i’m not saying it happens every time or super frequently or something, but it IS something he has to watch out for possibly more than others haha man thinking about how camille didn’t care about this at ALL. he knows it can be bad, but he’s also learnt how to prevent it for him, and as the healthy bastards that they are, magnus and alec talk about that in length. during alec’s Research™ he comes across that concept and he brings it up with magnus and makes sure that he knows everything there is to know about how and when magnus experiences subdrop and how to deal with that. he also makes magnus promise to let him know if he ever has it, because alec WILL drop everything to go and give him extra care. and it’s sweet

on a better note! BDSM has been shown to be associated with lower levels of rejection sensitivity among practitioners. so that’s nice? like obviously magnus won’t find the cure for his rsd with BDSM or anything, but i like the idea of magnus opening his eyes one day and realizing that hey, ever since alec and i have been doing play more often, i’ve been feeling a little less affected by rejection?

also like, BDSM as a whole helps enhance trust and communication in a relationship (obviously it needs to already be there for the BDSM activities to take place and like please everyone everything i’m saying here is on people who enjoy it. how you perceive these actions is heavily influenced by whether or not you enjoyed them so i’m not saying that BDSM is great for everyone, i’m saying that it’s great for people who are into it. so don’t go thinking BDSM will do your relationship good or something, k? k) for obvious reasons, so that also helps magnus feel more secure you know. so that’s a positive way that these things interact too

and okay, i think that’s all i have? not that this isn’t gigantic but like you know. i don’t know how to end this other than uh i had fun answering that ask! also, again, i’m not a psychologist or a neuroscientist and there is actually pretty little research on the psychological effects of BDSM as most of the discussion seems to be centered on “is kink a disease?” due to stigmatization, so like, please, i’m doing this for fun, alright? i tried to make it as accurate as possible and also i get Into It and dive deep into research sometimes so while this is a somewhat educated guess, don’t take everything i say here as face value

in short, thanks for asking!

#ask #anonymous #hooo boy this is long and i've been at it for a while but it's here at least #sh #shadowhunters #magnus bane #sub magnus bane #adhd magnus bane #malec #meta #magnus bane meta #dirty mention #long post #also this is officially my 41.000th post #yay!"

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hordakin · 5 years

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On the Subject of Hordak, His Parallels with Catra, His Bond with Entrapta, and the Possibility of Him Getting a Redemption Arc

Obviously this is a subject of MUCH controversy within the Spop fandom, and I'm probably just going to stir up even more issues, but the aforementioned things are subjects i find INCREDIBLY fascinating and dammit I want to talk about it, because as usual (almost*) everyone else is glancing over it and not giving it all the in depth analysis it deserves.

Just a preface, my 'screenshots' are probably going to be absolutely hideous because I do not have the time nor the resources to get high quality ones--sooo I'm just taking pictures with my phone!

I'm no good at keeping my posts organized, so please forgive any other messiness as well--I'm hyperfixated and filled with frantic energy.

Lets start out simply with the Juiciest meat on the bone--Hordak's Could-Be Redemption Arc!

This is the topic that has the most people in a tizzy--for completely valid reasons, to be fair! Hordak, as of right now, is a horrible person. There's no skirting over it, there's no sugar coating it, he's a grade A piece of shit manipulative dictator, and things he's done are unforgivable.

What joy it is, then, that being forgiven has absolutely nothing to do with redemption!!!

Redemption is about changing your ways, and doing what you can to FIX or make up for the villainous things you've done--NOT being forgiven for them, which is what seems to be the hang up for a lot of people who are against the idea of a Hordak redemption arc, the people who don't like his sympathetic backstory.

I've seen more than a few posts of people Screaming in fury, proclaiming their anguish and disgust that the writers are trying to make them """forgive""" Hordak, when.... That's. Literally not what the writers are doing. They are just giving a character a backstory and human characteristics. So he'll be relatable. You know, like characters in media are SUPPOSED to be. Funny how that works, right?

Anyway, his frustrates me immensely, especially when these are the same people still pushing for a Catra redemption arc (to be fair, i am still one of those people too, but her choices in the last season have severely lowered my enthusiasm and hopes for it. There’s a long, tiring road ahead of her, as well as for us as an audience, if she is going to be redeemed at all). It frustrates me because of Hordak and Catra's lifestory parallels. These people act as if they are leagues different, when they really... Really aren't. If Catra still deserves redemption because she was abused into thinking the way she does, then so does Hordak, because he was obviously abused too.

The way I see it, Catra is like... A younger Hordak. Hordak right before and during Prime discovering his defects and sending him off to die. For a lot of season 1 and 2, she was in her prime in regards to her standing as a member of the Horde. She became force captain, and she did her work well, just as Hordak had once been Horde Prime's top general--but then they showed some kind of weakness, some kind of incompetence, and then they were cast away;

And it doesn't even stop there! Because right after being exiled, guess what they both do? They take over and begin to Rule the local denizens of the place they were exiled to--Hordak forms the Etherian Horde, and Catra takes one look at the Crimson Waste gangs and says "My City Now".

The main differences I see between Hordak and Catra are, Firstly, their friendships. The bonds they've formed (and broken) during the series (as well as if/how they changed them).

Hordak --

Total number of friends, past and present: 2 or 3 (Entrapta and Imp, 3 if you count Emily)

How much he values them: given his tract record of abandoning and belittling people, he doesn't belittle or mistreat Entrapta or Imp, in fact openly showing affection for/praising both of them rather openly--which is to say, he must value them a lot.

How he treats them: like i said up there--with open praise, affection, and respect. He takes care to never actually harm or yell at them in a way that targets them--when he yells or snaps, its not because hes mad at them, its because of something else. On top of that, he keeps it limited--he does not go on rants. He shouts his bit, takes a breath, then turns around and asks them to leave. Which is something i guarantee EVERY person on the face of the earth has done before. Ppl lose their tempers, it's normal, and does NOT make them abusive.

Catra --

Total number of friends, past and present: 6 or 8 (Adora, Lonnie, Kyle, Rogelio, Scorpia, Entrapta, and 8 if you count Kyle 2 and her four armed Lizard friend)

How much she values them: this is tough one. Clearly, her main priority is Adora--shes Catra's endgame Bestie, the person she really WANTS to be friends with the most. She puts effort into her relationship with Adora. Second comes Scorpia--Scorpia is very slowly weaseling her way into Catra's heart, and it shows, especially on this last season. Catra starts to show more vulnerability around her, and they have more emotionally charged interactions, that clearly have a positive impact on Catra. Catra is BEGGINING to put effort into her friendship with Scorpia, but it is a s l o w process. Everyone else.... Catra frankly couldn't give less of a shit about. They're an ontourage to her, not friends. But they see her as their friend. She doesn't put any effort there--everyone else does.

How she treats them: just like i said above again. She doesn't not care about most of her relationships. She fixates on one or two, and leaves the others in the dust until she has a use for them, because she doesn't see them as friends, she sees them as lackeys.

Secondly, another difference is their motivations and the choices they make because of them.

While they were both originally seeking recognition and praise from their superiors--Hordak trying to take over Etheria for Horde Prime to prove he's still useful despite his defects, and Catra...:

And then, after that, the Shadow Weaver issue comes to Catra’s attention, and Catra’s Motivation shifts COMPLETELY, because she hasn’t been given the time she needs to heal and let go of that portion of her baggage.

--I’m losing shitloads of eloquently worded paragraphs sharing my points over and over again so I’ve moved to desktop now because i am NOT giving up on sharing this, let me try again, sorry if it suddenly feels offtrack, i swear the connections are still there--

Now that their current motivations are in play, let’s talk about how their CHOICES (and their friendships) tell us which of them is more ripely suited to a redemption arc at this point in the series.

Hordak makes a friend. This is most likely the first friend he has EVER truly had, but they make it work, because they have similar interests and there is no sense of hierarchy between them--She is very clearly not afraid of him, and he is long past trying to make her afraid. She doesn’t push him to be better, no--She thinks he’s fine the way he is. She has no desire to ‘fix him’, because she doesn’t see anything wrong with him being a ‘bad guy’. However, I will say that (albeit unintentionally) she is... Gently nudging him towards being neutral. Hordak’s goal since day one has been to contact Horde Prime, because he likely had been brainwashed or indoctrinated to believe that there WAS no other option than to do so. Seek approval, and nothing else. “For the Horde” and nothing else. Because he hasn’t fully realized... That Horde Prime can’t touch him. He’s like... A young adult, who just moved out of his parents house--You know the posts! He’d become so accustomed to the lifestyle he had before, that now when he goes shopping and thinks “Hey I want ice cream for breakfast tomorrow!” he deflates and walks on to the veggies aisle because of the parental voice telling him “You can’t have ice cream for breakfast” in his head, but now... The parent isn’t there. He CAN have ice cream for breakfast, it just hasn’t hit him yet. Then, Entrapta shows up. “For science!” she says, and Hordak probably quirks his eyebrow, because she is odd, and thats an odd thing to say--but that, right there, is the little thing that starts to help him realize that, ‘hey.... Horde Prime isn’t here. I can do anything I want!’ And tat Anything can easily include turning around and becoming a better person.

Catra makes a new friend. Catra has had many friends before, at least one of which she cared about VERY deeply, who has since then left and moved on to other friends. She tried to get Catra to follow her to the better, healthier side of life that she’s found, to make friends with the other people too--but Catra refused, and it would not be a stretch to say it was because of jealousy/possessive feelings. Catra is like that toxic friend who lurks on the social media of someone who’s cut them off, simultaneous seething with anger and looking for reasons to hate them, while also vying for the chance to be friends with them again, and go back to the way things ‘used to be’. Now, she has that new friend, who cares about her just as much if not MORE than the last friend did--she sees how Catra wallows in self pity and negative emotions over the last friend, and how unhappy it’s really making her. Scorpia wants to help her move past that--to live her life free from the reigns of her past, and to embrace the happiness that other, new parts of life can give her. But Catra. Doesn’t. Listen. She doesn’t care. She sees the possibility of happiness, dips her toes into it (Crimson Waste party), but then decides “No, I don’t want this. I’d rather be spiteful. I’d rather be vengeful. I’d rather be unhappy, and I want everyone else to be unhappy too.”

People get so mad that Hordak is a trying to take over Etheria, trying to RULE over everyone on it--They call him ‘genocidal’ even though, by definition, he’s literally not--and demand that people admit how bad he is because of it, as if we weren’t already. Yet... The only people I see condemning Catra for doing something SIGNIFICANTLY WORSE for just as selfish a reason, is most notably NOT those people demanding we condemn Hordak left and right. The hypocrisy is extremely thick in this fandom right now--let’s leave it at that.

Point is; As of right now in canon, Catra is LITERALLY a worse person than Hordak, and when you really look at their actions, it’s easy to see that there are many more realistic and easy ways for Hordak to be redeemed than their are for Catra, and that’s the fuckin’ tea!

#hordak #catra #entrapdak #spop #shera princesses of power #spop spoilers #spop meta #hordakwrites

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ikiruwill · 4 years

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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE ; mun & muse - meme .

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

my muse is: canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated? YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO.

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

how strictly do you follow canon? 　i try to follow canon as much as possible for shinji in nge. for rebuild, mostly, only bc nge is my main version of shinji. it’s been a while since i read the manga, and there’s definitely stuff to like about it, but imo sadamoto’s writing there isn’t as good as anno’s is in nge ( and rebuild... to an extent ), so i’d probably end up changing some details for manga!shinji with whatever headcanons if i wrote him more often / went into depth about things? but it’s still interesting to see how different shinji and kaworu ( + other characters ) are in the manga, and new dynamics can be fun!!

SELL YOUR MUSE! aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals. lemme try and sell you nge first unless you’ve already sold your soul to it LOL join me.... tldr it’s a classic anime and still relevant today despite it being like 24 years old ( with tons of merch now most i would shamelessly buy ). there’s so many characters that feel real and human in nge. hideaki anno poured too much of his heart and soul into it, the reflections of himself and his personal feelings feel very raw. i could also try to sell you like every nge character bc they’re all so well written but mha;lskdjf on to the last point. being the main character for eva, shinji is iconic too... he’s among the best leads i’ve seen in anime. most critics will agree and have agreed with this for decades ( if you only ask me, he’s number one for everything bc i’m biased af ❤ ). i talk too much about how he’s bby / cute and does his best, but probably not enough about how flawed he is as a person too, his deeper wants and needs, and when those things go horribly wrong. the duality is really what makes shinji complex and human. also bonus points!! he’s frequently scored at the top for fav anime characters in japan since ‘95 in newtype and stuff n_n

now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting ( even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think? ). next to louder and more colourful characters like asuka, for example, shinji can come off as quiet and boring ( especially compared to traditional hot blooded mecha protagonists in general ). shinji isn’t a genius or leader. he’s super passive, introverted, shy, and bad at fun conversations. he saves the world and tries to do the right thing, so by definition, he’s a hero--- but he’s also just a boy who’s gone through a lot. he has a lot of depth and hidden anger / feelings in general, but it would take a lot for him ( i.e. pressure, circumstances ) to express that outwardly--- daily shinji isn’t really like that. fandom wise, i think shinji recently came in 4th in the NHK eva popularity contest, so that’s pretty good, people do like him there. kawoshin is also as popular as ever ( and i’ve also seen more shinji fans in the western side too ). meanwhile old nge fandom be like ‘shinji u loser get in the fucking robot!!!111 ur surrounded by hot chicks every single day and still cry wow’ but that’s more like an ironic meme nowadays LOL

what inspired you to rp your muse? i finally watched eva properly like two years ago?? ( too late 4 kawoshin 2015 fandom q-q ) it was good so i sold my soul to it and shinji mhasdflkj

what keeps your inspiration going? eva being my fav anime and shinji my fav character, seeing fanworks of eva, and ofc everyone who interacts with me here on my blog q-q bless u and thank u

some more personal questions for the mun .

give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO.

do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO ( sometimes )

do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO.

do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES / NO.

are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO.

are you confident in your writing? YES / NO ( sort of?? )

are you a sensitive person? YES / NO.

do you accept criticism well about your portrayal? yes to respectful and constructive criticism!! but i’m still pretty circumstantial about it for my comfort ( just to avoid random ppl being rude etc ), so i think i’d prefer to reblog a meme for that and / or ask for opinions and tips from my mutuals!

do you like questions, which help you explore your character? yesss, i think most of us would love that n_n both unprompted and reblogged memes work for me

if someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why? i’m a private blog, so if it’s more of a plot based headcanon that a mutual wanted to discuss for fun and in a friendly way, then ok! i think there’d be room for constructive discussion there ( ah yes eva and its 24 years of pepe silvia meme.png complex lore discussion still going strong )

if someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it? 　similar to the above and the constructive criticism thing, i’ll only care / be open to discussing that kinda stuff if we’re mutuals and if you’ve seen eva, etc.

if someone really hates your character, how do you take it? as seriously as a funny meme when it comes to randos LOL buuuut long answer too: i’ve also seen passionately mean spirited, usually terrible and equally as unironic takes about shinji on the internet bc that’s the internet sometimes rip. this version of hate is more annoying and can suck just to look at, especially if it gets lots of attention in the form of agreement ( it usually makes me think, did we even watch the same show ). but also arguing endlessly with whoever wrote it / believes it would suck even more ( being a waste of time for one ). i guess that’s one reason why i care more about the personal safe space i’m trying to create on my dashboard etc. and people have very different opinions about anything in general. but basically, in general, this: if someone hates x or y fictional character with such a burning passion, and they won’t be satisfied unless they try to convince others to hate them too, or say that fans of x or y character are bad people irl and belittle said fans for it on their own time ( or openly harass those fans ), and if they’re crusading this idea, constantly?? block, blacklist, report for harassment if noted, filter it out--- it’s definitely better to stay away from that kind of negativity ( also bc it’s absurd and necessary ). i question anyone who finds joy / importance in trying to police the content and comfort of others, but i also know that they wouldn’t have fun hanging out with me LOL kaworu vc surround yourself with people who love shinji ikari

are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors? sure, once in a while is fine, especially if i made a typo or something that makes the context or anything confusing / unclear!

do you think you are easy going as a mun? i try to be!! despite that longer rant just now mhas;ldkfj thanks for reading this far if you still are LOL

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

tagged by: @skyvar aka the creator n_n thank you omg?? this was awesome!! tagging: if you wanna!

#meme ; 𝐑𝐏 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬.#good questions!! this was fun #and i ranted a little 1000/10 #long post /

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sunsetsover · 5 years

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Talk about yesterdays episode.. tell me everything you enjoyed in detail lol.

first of all lemme just say i’m SO SORRY this took me so long to get to i know i said i’d answer this like last sunday but sometimes shit happens!!! but you asked for me to go into detail so i very much went into detail so!!! buckle in!!!

i’m doing this in bulletpoints for clarity otherwise it will just be an incoherent mess lmao

(also for reference this is abt the 8th nov ep aka the ‘you’re my boyfriend’ ep!)

ok so let me preface by saying i fuckin adored this ep it’s like god tier for me rn i love ben and pam’s relationship so mf much i hope she comes back soon

like the fact that she just knew!! she knew smth was going on w callum and ben more or less straight away and ok granted those two were not exactly being subtle what with the domestic they were having in the middle of the albert but u know... for all she knew callum was straight and had just broken up w whitney so the fact that she knows ben well enough to just be able to Know smth was goin on despite all of that?? i love that it says so much abt their relationship!!

and then her being the nan that she is and taking it upon herself to fish for information with jay like ‘callum seems nice.... shame abt whitney 👀’ and then jay covering for their asses by not saying anything but pam is Not Stupid and jay was also tellingly vague so she was instantly like i see 👀👀

and then ben entering the parlour shouting about ‘bring out your dead’ or w/e it is he says like the little shit he is and pam rolling her eyes and just the easy affection of that whole interaction like her gently slapping his face and calling him a little devil like ur damn right he is!! almost literally!! but there’s sm overt affection and love there and it’s so nice to see bc ben doesn’t really get that from anyone else (he does from callum now, and jay in certain situations, but it’s just different u know?? like u dont even see that energy from his own mum v often so it’s just... nice to see idk)

like i just love her she has such nan energy and it’s so comforting and warm and she needs to be around forever not just for ben but for jay and lola and also callum like ? pls come back forever pam

ben innocently trying to help callum out by getting him promoted to manager when he hears jay is gonna take a step back like!! he was really just tryna help bc he knew callum was struggling w money... and alright, he probably shouldn’t have meddled and i get why callum wasn’t happy abt it (i’ll get to that) but i also truly believe that that wasn’t him tryna control the situation or interfere or whatever but him genuinely trying to help out his bf and jay was gonna take a step back anyway so it wasn’t even like he was the one to suggest it or anything idk i just thought as misguided as it might have been it was very sweet and thoughtful

also the fact that ben’s reaction to jay being like ‘i suppose callum could be ready to be a manager’ was basically ‘yeah man have you seen him in that suit!!! he makes my dick hard!!!’ like !!!!!!! he was so sincere and enthusiastic as well like he’s fucking diabolical i love him sm ..... pair that with jay’s reaction basically just being like ‘........................ anyways’ sdkfjsdkfsl iconic scene

and then later!!!! you’ve got ben practically chasing callum into the parlour when he sees him go in there!! he’s so excited to see callum and tell him the good news abt the promotion!! bc he’s done good!!! he’s helping!!! bc he knows damn well he’s in the doghouse bc of what had happened with pam and like the energy he radiated when he walked into that parlour was very much ‘i am coming to u w my tail between my legs bc i know i fucked up but instead of saying sorry i’m going to give u the sad eyes and hope u relent’ and like u can see he was practically buzzing out of his skin as he waited for jay to tell him abt the promotion and he’s looking at callum like ‘look! look at what i did!! i’m fixing it! i’m making up for my mistake!’ bc this is obviously how he thinks he can fix things instead of idk having a conversation and talking abt things but!!! i love it ben’s so cute

but ofc it backfires bc callum doesn’t want ben to fix things!! he doesn’t need ben fixing things!! he can look after himself! and we the audience know it wasn’t like ben went to jay and was like ‘you need to promote callum bc he’s struggling with money’, it was more of a two birds one stone situation. but ofc callum doesn’t know that, and it comes across very much as ben meddling and also - as callum says - very hot and cold. like ben can’t tell pam abt their relationship and will ignore him for hours but will (seemingly) wade in like some kind of knight in shining armour bc callum said he’s having money troubles? nah. i said it at the time but i completely agree w callum’s reaction, i would have reacted the same way if i were him. and maybe on any other day callum wouldn’t have reacted so strongly, but after what had happened that morning w pam it’s completely understandable why he goes off on one.

and like poor ben is so confused like he obviously really thought this would be good news and put him back in callum’s good graces but ofc it doesn’t bc what callum needed was an explanation and apology. and you can see how confused and crestfallen he is bc he doesn’t want to fight w callum and he really didn’t want to make things worse but he evidently has and not only that but jay is there witnessing his massive fuck up in action. and u can just tell from the body language that he straight up doesn’t know what to do or say so he’s just kinda floundering bc he really thought he could fix what had happened with pam bc what? he half talked jay into giving callum a promotion? bless him lmao

then he goes full grovel mode - even if he is still very ben about it - and is leaving him voicemails (meaning he’s tried to call him multiple times, he probably tried texting too lmao) and moping abt in the cafe looking all sad and stressed and it’s just so good bc he knows he fucked up and he’s trying not to let it fester which is a v good and v adult thing to do. plus the juxtaposition of ben being like ‘u know ur gonna forgive me so stop being a diva and call me back’ and then that soft little ‘please 🥺’ tacked on the end??? delicious

and then pam walking up to him and standing there and just sighing. like not a word, she just stands there and sighs like dkjfkjsdkfjlsdkf mood !!

no but ok that whole scene of ben and pam in the cafe really had me welling up like just. everything about it. the layers to it all. and i won’t sit here and dissect every little thing even tho i probably could bc we’d be here all day but like just. all of it.

like pam’s exasperation at ben not telling her about him and callum (bc obviously she’s found out from someone - probably honey, who wouldn’t think to lie abt it if pam asked outright), ben not even being marginally surprised that she knows bc even he must know how obvious he’s been, and she was bound to find out from someone. the fact that he jumped when she raised her voice and pointed at him - i could make a whole separate post about that honestly that just. says so much about ben. but yh.... the fact that she knew without him even having to open his mouth that ben was gonna say it was to spare her feelings (like that’s essentially what he says to callum later in the ep). the fact that he didn’t really have a good excuse to offer her and he knew that. his sad little face and the fact that he made himself smaller and ducked his head like just his body language in general (max bowden is SO good at playing on that shit, he has a way of making ben seem physically smaller in certain situations and i love it sm). ben being like ‘idk i thought it’d be easier’ and pam immediately being like ‘yeah for u not callum!!!’ like the ‘u silly boy!!’ was so heavily implied throughout this whole scene u can practically taste it.

and pam! pam manages to effectively have a go at ben and call him out on his shit without belittling him or being cruel or nasty (and no naming names but like. certain mothers could learn a thing or two 👀) and actually have ben listen to her. because she listens to him and hears him and respects and loves him and he respects and loves her so she can have a go at him and his back won’t go up and he won’t lash out because he knows she’s not going to try and hurt him or be unnecessarily harsh. and that’s why their relationship is so special. also i’m still v bitter abt the way kathy handled calling out ben’s shit as opposed to how pam handled it but 🤷🏻‍♀️

like it’s such a little thing but it’s the way she waited for ben to speak. ben said ‘i didn’t-’ and then cut himself off, obviously either struggling to find the right words or struggling to say them out loud, and she just waited for him. waited for him to find the words, to figure out how to say it. she didn’t rush him or try and put words in his mouth or anything, she just sat there quietly, patiently waiting for ben to explain himself in his own time. that is the difference between her and everyone else, and that’s why ben listens to her. because she listens to him - and i mean really, actually listens rather than just hearing the sound of his voice ygm

and then they get too the root of it all: paul. he says he didn’t want pam thinking he’d forgotten paul - which is only half true, imo. i think he was (and maybe still is) just as scared that he’s going to forget paul. i think he has a lot of unaddressed issues when it comes to paul and what happened in general. and i think he definitely needed permission specifically from les and/or pam that it was ok for him to move on now - bc other ppl have tried to tell him that but u can tell from how he’s reacted in the past that he doesn’t like ppl who didn’t really know paul talking abt what he would or wouldn’t want. but pam did know paul, probably better than anyone. and she’s telling him that it’s ok. that she wants him to be happy, and that’s exactly what paul would want too. and she would know - she’s his nan. so ben can allow himself to listen to her. he trusts her, trusts that she would know what paul would want, how he would feel. and now he has permission to let go of the past a little bit and finally start moving on.

and that’s hard!! like as much as he might like callum, that’s still a hard thing to do for him!! you can see on his face that it’s hard for him to digest and accept what pam’s telling him - that maybe it’s finally time to let go. it’s just as hard for him to confess that yeah, he does care about callum - he gives her the tiniest nod of the head because he can hardly even bring himself to say it, but he can’t deny it either. and it’s hard for pam too, is the thing. you can from the way her voice shakes as she tells him it’s time to start showing callum that he cares how hard she’s trying not to cry. not because she’s not being sincere, not bc she doesn’t mean it or she doesn’t want ben to move on and be happy, but it’s still a hard thing. the world has moved on without paul, and now ben - the last link to him in a lot of ways - is too, and as necessary and as good as that is for him, it doesn’t make it any easier for them. grief is a weird and difficult thing and i think they both did a good job of portraying the struggle of it in this scene.

and then them having this moment right at the end at the end where they’re just smiling at each other w their heads rested together and it’s not an easy thing and they’re both obviously a bit upset and broken but it’s so sincere and warm and she just pulls him in and kisses his head and he just lets himself be comforted by her and by this point i had a big lump in my chest bc it was a very real and important and sweet moment and i was a lil overwhelmed

the tiny mick and callum scene!! i want more of them!!! we haven’t had a proper mick and callum scene since before the wedding i think and i know realistically it’s bc danny dyer has been doin other stuff and hasn’t been filming much and then when he has been filming obv the focus has been on the ollie/linda stuff but!! i miss them and it was so good to see them acknowledge that they haven’t seen each other much and for mick to acknowledge callum’s relationship w ben (calling it ‘matters of the heart’ 🥺️) it was just Good i love their relationship sm and i miss them and i need more!!

mick being so happy to see pam was just !!!!!!!!!! like everyone loves pam!!!!!!! please can she come back and stay forever pls

ben’s face when he tried to approach callum only for callum to turn his back on him like that boy was CRUSHED and he didn’t know what to do like he just stood there for a moment unsure what to do w himself and it was Gud

the shot of callum drinking his beer looking all mopey and dejected with ben staring at the back of his head obviously pining even if he wasn’t in focus and then pam telling ben to basically get his shit together and fix this and practically shoving him towards callum while ben’s lookin like he’s trying to psych himself up and mick’s just there looking between all of them trying to figure the whole thing out??? high art

ben approaching callum looking visibly nervous and out of his depth... and then callum seeming genuinely surprised that ben had come over... bye

the fact that the first thing ben said was ‘i’m sorry’!!! ben saying he understands why callum flipped out the way he did!!! callum saying he understands that ben was just trying to help!!!! ben acknowledging that callum is hurt and upset and then explaining why he did what he did and how he felt but still acknowledging that he hurt callum!!! the fucking communication!!!!!!!! like honestly it hasn’t been smooth sailing for these two so far but they always seem to be surprisingly good at communicating and talking when smth is going wrong, at least after the fact (esp ben) and i LOVE that it’s so healthy!!

callum doing the very callum thing and being like ‘it’s fine, i get it’ even tho he’s clearly still upset bc he doesn’t wanna rock the boat but then ben being like ‘no, it’s not fine! what i did is not fine! you don’t have the pretend that it is!’ and callum seeming lowkey taken aback by that :-(

(pam and mick just watching on in the background of all of this like the pseudo parents they are like honestly??? maybe the best part of the scene LMAO)

that little bit of nervousness before ben says ‘you’re my boyfriend’ like he said it in a very sure way but you could tell he was nervous bless him... and then the way callum’s face lit up but he tried to hide it and not smile and play it cool with his ‘you’ve never called me that before’ but then it cuts back to ben who has the biggest smile on his face but u can tell he’s tryna suppress it a lil too but failing miserably AND THEN shy ben makes an appearance w his little ‘well you are, aren’t ya?’ like he just wants to be sure!! he wants to ask so callum has the opportunity to say no (though judging by both of their faces he knew callum wasn’t gonna say no lmao) but he’s still ben so he’s gotta ask in this roundabout way... man it’s so cute

combine that with callum’s little pout and squint like he was pretending he really had to think abt it and the tone of his little ‘yeah’ like he was like ‘i suppose so’.... the subtle banter of it all i love it.... but he can’t keep it up for long bc then he’s the one with a massive smile on his face like bro... the sun doesn’t even shine that bright

and then ben’s little disbelieving ‘yeah?’ like he had to make sure :-(

AND JUST PAM AND MICK BEING LIKE AWWW WHEN THEY KISSED AND MICK BEING LIKE ‘HOW LOVELY’ AND JUST STANDING THERE SMILING AT THEM IT TOOK ME OUT FR

ben asking callum if he’s happy and callum tapping ben’s chin and telling him he is...................... the two of them looking at each other Like That....... talented brilliant incredible amazing etc

pam being like ‘my work here is done’ i love HER

ben making a point of being like ‘pam i want you to meet my boyfriend’ he’s so fuckin cute i love him

the whole pam and callum exchange from the hug to her holding his hand and telling him how lucky he is to have ben and then telling callum that ben has the biggest heart of anyone she knows but saying it to ben bc she knows he needs to hear that too bc like... when has anyone EVER said that about ben?? when has anyone ever thought that about ben?? but she sees through all the bullshit and sees him for the kind, soft-hearted, loving but equally damaged boy he really is and she wants callum to know and understand that but also for ben to know that too and i’m crying just thinking about it bc you can see ben’s face change and how emotional he starts to get not only bc it’s pam and everything that must be going through his head abt paul, but also just?? someone being kind to him?? saying smth nice?? god i’m broken

like pam really almost had me in tears in this scene genuinely esp when she was clearly getting emotional (as was ben) and she took both of their hands and told them to look after each other, given everything that happened with paul, and them both saying ‘we will’.... like that really fucked me up.... it felt like a Moment.... and then follow that up w pam and ben resting their heads against each other and whispering ‘i love you’ and it was so warm and full of love and adoration .... the ‘i hate goodbyes’.... the palm kiss.... the fact that ben looked like he was abt to cry as pam left... i was a broken woman truly

and then they just went on as if nothing happened and they didn’t just have a very significant relationship moment with the ‘i am lucky’ ‘i’m glad you realize it’ banter lmao

ben being like ‘u have the support of ur boyfriend 🥰️’ when callum was explaining he wanted to leave the parlour like he really couldn’t keep that word out of his mouth huh 🥺️

and the way he grabbed callum’s hand but only managed to get 3 fingers and then callum putting his hand on top of ben’s like for some reason that really fucked me up......... like gays and hands am i right

the journey ben’s face went on when callum told him he wanted to join the police.... the way it went from ‘haha good joke’ to ‘..................... wait he’s being serious’ to ‘oh god what the fuck’ was amazing lmao

and then him interrupting jay and lola w his massive dramatic freak out was so fucking funny like the way jay just shoved lola off his lap when ben come in KILLED me honestly and like ben’s on the verge of a breakdown and his brother and the mother of his child are just taking the piss and laughing at his expense.......... i love family

yeah so perhaps i went a bit overboard w this one but i did make you wait like a week and a half so perhaps this will make up for it lmao ??? but rlly tho i loved this ep sm there was so much good abt it and i want to keep pam forever thank u for ur time 💖💖

#ballum #eastenders #i fully went overboard with this looking at it now but i have a lot of pam feelings allow me #anon #question

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gimmesumsuga · 4 years

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steph, i met this guy last week and we went out ONE time and we had so much fun. he's the total opposite of me and i feel completely in love with him. and that's extremely unusual cause i take the longest time to feel comfortable around ppl. he told me he doesn't want to date for while, he had a bad breakup 2 yrs ago. i'm someone who doesn't date at all, but like.... idk i want to date him.. he's moving to LA this month, we live in boston rn. I feel so heartbroken for some reason. [pt1]

idk why I'm feeling this way. i wish i could make him happy, he's such a precious person i don't want him to feel sad ever. we talked about everything, i never laughed so much in my entire life. he's a musician and he showed me his new song, i was the first person to ever hear it! i'm someone known to be cold hearted and not give a fuck about feelings. i'm so confused. my heart hurts so bad, i don't want him to go. i wish i was good enough to make him feel the same way. make him like me. [pt2]

********

Ah, my sweet anonnie *squishy hug* It sounds like you're going through a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions right now. I imagine everything feels really big and really new if you've never felt this way before, and a lot to process and get your head around.

Before I say anything more, please please don't think I'm belittling your emotions or attempting to patronise you - that's the last thing I want to do. But, take it from a person who has a nasty habit of always falling in 'love' too fast in the past, what you're feeling right now most likely isn't love at all.

You've said yourself you're not a person who usually feels like this, so I can easily imagine how it would feel that way especially the first time around - that sudden excitement and infatuation you experience when you meet someone new who just... sets something alight inside you! It's so easy to get blinded and preoccupied with it, but try not to let it take a hold of you completely.

Now, I'm not saying just ignore these feelings and forget about him! It sounds like the two of you get on well, but you have to respect what he's said about needing some time after the relationship he's just gotten out of. What you certainly don't want is to keep perusing him romantically and inadvertently ending up as a rebound. And I'm sure you already know that there's nothing you can do to make him like you if his head isn't in that space.

If you're serious about hoping for something with him in the future - despite the fact that he's soon going to be moving away - the best thing you can do right now is be his friend. Get to know him more, keep the lines of communication open, and if you guys are meant to end up together I'm sure eventually it will happen.

Be careful, though. It makes me worry slightly that despite saying he's not ready to have a relationship, he's still gone out with you regardless. I'm sure he's a nice guy - but even nice guys can be douches when they've just had their hearts broken too. Do NOT fall into the trap of offering him your heart in return for nothing, on the understanding that he's 'not ready' to offer you more yet. Don't settle for that, because even if you say you're fine with it, it sounds as though you're already getting emotionally invested and that really is a good way of getting your heart broken.

*deep breath*

Anyway, I'm sorry if this sounded preachy and you were just wanting a space to vent rather than get advice. I've just... had my fair share of falling in love too fast and getting strung along and used - more than enough for one lifetime - so I'd hate for you to go through the same thing.

Sometimes I think I miss all that giddy excitement you're feeling right now, and then I remember all uncertainty etc that can come with it and I realise how glad I am that those years are far behind me 😂

Anyway, best of luck, anonnie. Take care of yourself, and I hope however things end up with him, they turn out for the best 😚💕💕

#anonnie answers

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mysticpenguincreation · 5 years

Text

MTV The Challenge 34, ep. 5 recap

I wanted to post many little snippets as usual, but I watched with a friend and couldn’t pause the ep.

Now I’m too tired to parse this one huge note I made, so I’m gonna recap the highlights of this ep in points.

1. ‘Don’t play Paulie’s game, play your own game Josh’ (c) Johnny Bananas. Kind of hypocritical to say that, because by saying that you’re essentially manipulating him into playing YOUR game. It’s nothing new because this is how this game IS PLAYED. In fact it is A GAME, so this tactic is, in fact, is a GOOD game tactic. However, if Josh doesn’t understand he’s being played, he’s got no brainsells whatsoever.

2. This is basically a verbal tug-of-war between Johnny/Paulie and Josh is like a rope between them. It’s hilarious, but at the same time I feel so bad for the poor boy, he looks like he’s gonna explode 😬😬😬

3. I remember how in the very beginning when Bananas tried to recruit Zach, the latter literally screamed how he wants to stay out of huge scandals and play his own game. (Considering his constant shif talk behind ppls’ backs, he’s not doing a very good job). He was recruited anyway to be Bananas’ cannon fodder. Supposedly, Zach is not in Bananas’ alliance now after his shady business with Wes last season? So, he’s basically now on his own, it’s what he wanted since the very beginning. But at the end of the day, when it comes to voting and plotting, he is STILL one of Bananas’ votes. I really wanna bet how long Zach will last until he becomes Johnny’s bitch again.

4. Zach belittling Ninja. Zach belittling a woman. What’s fucking new. Sometimes I imagine picking up a very dirty sock and shoving it down his throat until he chokes 🙄

5. Let’s again ‘assume’ that someone should be THE BEST at certain things, or better AT EVERYTHING, and drag them through the mud for that. A.k.a. everyone against TURBO OF ALL PEOPLE. The literal beast and cinnamon roll all in one package. He is not SUPPOSED to be a superhuman and be perfect at EVERYTHING. It’s funny to see how mediocre people (read between the lines: Zach) are degrading him for doing THIS ONE THING decently, but not excellent. Or Tori screaming at Turbo, like you’re good, but not that good, so shut the fuck up. Or Jordan. I genuinely like Jordan most of the time, but we all KNOW that you are in Top 3 best swimmers on the Challenge and this man you’re making jokes about is swimming long distance for the first time in his life. As any physical activity it takes TRAINING to be the best at something. Don’t tell me you were miraculously granted the gift of swimming like a dolphin the first time your body touched the water. It doesn’t happen like that. So, please, kindly. Shut it.

6. Bear gloating about ‘smoking’ Leroy in swimming Challenge is honestly is one of the most pathetic things I’ve ever seen. Like, Leroy several times pointed out that he is not a good swimmer. In fact, on the first few Challenges he didn’t even know HOW to swim and even made jokes about learning swimming by watching videos on YouTube. It’s not like Leroy of all people would be so hard to beat in a Challenge that involves mostly moving through water. If anything, I would like to point out how fucking PROUD I am of Leroy actually keeping up with Bear! The man is doing good, he really does care and prepares himself for these things.

7. Is it a shock? I honestly would have been surprised if Jordan hadn’t won. As I already said, he’s up in the Top 3 swimmers, after all.

8. I wish Wes was still around SO BAD. Both in general, AND for this Challenge. I LIVE for Wes + water challenges. It’s also so hot how he almost never wears lifesaving jacket in those. Ugh, love this man. Miss him so much💔 At least, we’ve been blessed with one water Challenge + Wes this season 🙏🏻

9. Wtf? I thought it was obvious UK won?!?!?!?! How come USA are still on top after fucking up so greatly?

10. Cara’s ex-friends: ‘Paulie is bad and toxic for you. You’re not you around him. He maipulates you. You’ve changed for worst’.

Paulie’s friends: ‘Cara is bad and toxic for you. You’re not you around her. She maipulates you. You’ve changed for worst’.

Me: ...Seems like match made in Heaven to me. They really deserve each other, don’t they?🙄🤦🏼‍♀️

11. Another precious thing we lost to Paulie: Cara/Bananas friendship. They were doing so well!!!😭😭😭

12. Rogan and Theo comparing dicks are frustrating and boring.

13. Cara silently making that face during other team’s discussion —-> 😏 .....ugh😣

14. Seems like Kyle... got brains? Who knew.

15. Don’t see lots of Kaileygh this season 😑🤔

16. I’m so fucking tired of people voting their own teammates in🙄😐😠

17. I am genuinely surprised that Jordan believed Paulie and didn’t see his betrayal coming. Paulie’s always been Cara’s puppy, going after people that are ‘against her’. Jordan definitely should have figured it out 🙄

18. Theo is too fucking huge for this cage. Is he even able to untangle his limbs?

19. Laurel looses to a technicality. Bananas looses to a technicality. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not upset about them leaving. This trope is just getting old.

20. Nany supporting Bananas is cute ❤️ No matter what.

21. TJ seriously helped Bananas? Is he even allowed to do this?

22. I would have wanted Johnny to stay just to see him switch teams.

23. Bananas wanted to win for Leroy? Don’t make me laugh. You’re trying to win for MONEY. They all are. Let’s at least be honest about that. Also it is quite insulting to Leroy. Bananas literally implied that without him Leroy won’t make it to the final. Not that it’s completely untrue, but Leroy’s always been a good competitor, I just think he doesn’t put serious effort into the game, that’s all.

P. S. FINALLY, I want Paulie to lose SO BAD 😫😫😫

P. P. S. I really am not interested in watching after Wes gone, but I do it anyway out of habit.

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herefortheace · 6 years

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Masterpost: People in “Ace Discourse” DO Hate Aces and Aros

And it’s despicable and scary and it needs to stop.

I’ve made most of this post before, but I’m creating a new one because 1) I didn’t expect how long it would get and failed to include a by now much needed “read more” at any point and 2) tumblr won’t let me update the old post anymore via reblogging.

So before I copy the old links and add new ones, a not so brief explanation of why this is necessary.

People, for some reason, after years of blatant evidence to the contrary still claim “ace discourse” has NOTHING to do with anyone hating aces and aros, that not even a single person involved (or anywhere) does. By blatant evidence for people here hating aces and aros, I mean everything from pathologizing our identities to comparing us all to violent misogynists and white supremacists to wishing harm and death on us. Yet the anti-ace/aro crowd will claim we’re just making it all up because we’re hysterical liars who “wanna be oppressed”. It’s a blatant and nasty silencing tactic, but sadly not ineffective because people fall for that shit.

Which is why I originally made this post and am now making it again.

A too influential bunch of people on this site have spun a wild narrative wherein aces and aros are this super privileged group of people who essentially can’t be harmed and whom it’s therefore funny to treat like shit. They also act, over and over, as though asexuality and aromanticsm are some sort of evil idoelogy rather than minority orientations.

A lot of us - most of us I see around - belong to various oppressed groups, but the anti-ace/aro crowd has worked hard to erase that, because it becomes very obvious very fast that it’s not funny to sexualize aces and aros or compare us to Trump or claim our orientations give us an “oppression fetish” when you keep in mind who exactly they are saying it to (I’ve spoken at length about the anti-ace/aro crowd’s efforts to erase aces and aros of color and how they make me furious as a WoC here, but you’ll find plenty proof among the links below). This is not just incredible bullshit, but harms especially the most marginalized of us.

As does the more general willingness of the anti-ace/aro crowd to throw misogyny, racism, ableism and all sorts of bigotry around as a weapon against us. A ton of the links here contain some seriously dehumanizing shit.

Whatever else you may believe, asexuality and aromanticism as identities do not confer any social privilege and do not make people impervious to or deserving of harm. And frankly I should not need to say this.

But apparently I do, and I also (after all this time still) need to prove we’re not just making it all up for attention or to trick people, so here we go. I’m mostly copying the old parts (1-8) of the list as-is because I don’t have time for anything else. Also, while my point definitely isn’t that every single person involved loathes aces and aros, this crap didn’t suddenly come into an already existing “ace discourse” (by that name) either - it’s a huge part of how it got started and was a deliberate move by many to make it gain traction.

This is by no means a complete list, but the shit the anti-ace/aro crowd on this site has pulled includes:

Comparing aces and aros to Trump (and pretending this is funny)

Comparing aces to Pence

Comparing aces to Ronald Reagan (and pretending this is funny)

Comparing aces to a literal slave owner

Making fun of aces not being accepted by their parents and of aces finding this upsetting (making it into a crytyping “joke”)

Making aces feel shitty/shaming them for telling their parents they’re ace because it’s supposedly “unnecessary”

Saying if we tell family about being ace, it’s no wonder if they send us to therapy

Doing their best to sexualize the orientations of aces, in so many cases. The link before these two is also connected to that. They treat our orientations like (graphic) details about “our sex lives”, frequently acting like if we want to talk about them ever we’re gross/creepy

This one is also “nice” re sexualizing aces (one of many examples of ppl also engaging in sex-shaming while they’re at it, saying only one’s partner should know anything about one’s “relationships with sex”. Except this person goes kinda even further)

More sexualization, when I say this freaks me out as a WoC, I’m told this white person gives no fucks and wants me to be miserable

Another person who says the identities of aces but also of aros need to stay between them and their Partners because they’re “TMI” and inherently sex-shaming somehow

Oh yeah did I mention, much the same with sexualizing aros and ppl frequently link our identities to misogyny and to using people while they’re at it

Making light and fun of ace WoC asking to not be sexualized because don’t we know aces have done Bad things and so we deserve it/don’t get to complain

One of many examples of white people who hate aces+aros talking over PoC and trying to erase us from our communities (+usually when we call that shit out they don’t care. This is actually one of the more cordial responses I’ve come across despite the lack of apology lol.

Another example of white ppl in the anti-ace/aro crowd talking over aces and aros of color here complete with that person condescendingly lecturing a PoC about racism

People like this saying outright they hate aces

Saying sex ed shouldn’t teach about asexuality

Outright stating they think being ace/aro gives people privilege (because supposedly aces+aros both benefit from conservatives pushing for abstinence)

Outright invalidating the identities of aces (who don’t have the attitude towards sex they think they should have)

Calling asexuals demons

Outright calling aces and aros a “plague” and saying aces/aros regardless of other identities all need to be kicked out of the LGBT+ community.

Erasing the identities of people who speak out against anti-ace/aro shit to declare them “straight” or “cishet” …or saying that treatment is what they get for being “traitors to their own community”

Ignoring the boundaries of aces/aros who have them blocked and don’t want to be vagued to make fun of them …

…or even to continue sexualizing them after they have made it very clear that shit freaks them out (cheerfully doing this to a WoC)

Someone saying asexuality does not exist and “encourages slut shaming”

Spamming the ace positivity tag with vile hate (ppl have talked a lot about how this harms and endangers especially mentally ill ppl)

“aces are embarassing“ in the positivity tag

Posting nsfw content in the ace positivity tag and being completely unapologetic, apparently using the reasoning that our identities are inherently nsfw anyway (see the “TMI discourse” aka people sexualizing our identities)

Calling aces and aros a “sexuality fandom” while pretending we’re a group full of people with every privilege imaginable, bored of being accepted by everyone and of having no Actual Problems in our lives. This kind of nasty erasure constantly goes on and is a big tactic in this mess tbh

Wanting aces to be “exterminated”. For good measure putting this in the ace positivity tag

This disgusting vile shit that I don’t even know how to sum up but it includes wishing death on someone

Talking about wanting aces/aros dead after somehow misunderstanding(?) a post that was very clearly not about asexuality or aromanticism

Graphically telling aces to die

Specifically telling ace kids to kill themselves

Did I mention that many people in this mess have wished death on aces and aros and that they often put it in positivity tags. Some of the most messed up shit I’ve seen is missing because I didn’t reblog/respond to it at the time or can’t find it right now

And I know anons don’t count as hard “proof” for anything but have the less graphic one of the death/rape threats I got in my inbox for speaking out against anti-ace/aro shit (still kinda eerily detailed though. Not linking the other one because it is extremely graphic)

Part 2:

Comparing aces to a literal white supremacist (in the positivity tag)

Again someone invalidating the identities of aces who don’t have the attitude towards sex they think they should have

Sexualizing aros again, not caring about how it affects particularly aro PoC. And here two other ppl sexualizing and demonizing aros, like in posts further above claiming (non-ace) aros just use people for sex (said on positivity post).

Someone sexualizing aces again and engaging in sex-shaming at the same time, as usual with the claim that literally no one but a partner “needs” to know our orientations

Those Rachel Dolezal comparisons I mentioned made by non-black/white people who want to use antiblackness for what they call “ace discourse”? Yeah here is one white person doing it and here is another, even worse example where a white person goes “this is like if I pulled a Rachel D. and put on blackface and used the n-word…” (paraphrasing here). Here is the latter person utterly dismissing me being upset by their antiblackness (because black ppl’s pain only matters when it’s useful)

[For ppl who don’t know: Rachel Dolezal is a white woman who pretended to be black and built her career on it. White people sure as hell do not get to compare this shit to anything that is not antiblackness and use black people’s pain for their own purposes.]

A white person using antiblackness as a weapon against aces and aros in general (aka “ace tumblr”), acting smug regarding how supposedly we’re all so racist and “get triggered” by black people existing. (I am so tired of white ppl using racism as a cheap “gotcha” against aces and aros - groups which include PoC. And who then ignore or belittle PoC who call them out)

White person randomly informing WoC aces/aros can have white privilege

Again someone claiming ace privilege exists and here another person doing it adding to the post further above, claiming aces/aros have privilege for being ace/aro and that this is the case bc people who don’t have sex are privileged (wrong definition of asexuality… also of aromanticism??… and also no. No.)

What I mentioned about ppl telling us asexuality/aromanticism are not orientations but only ever modifiers? It’s happened a lot but here’s one example. And here’s someone outright saying aro aces don’t have an orientation but only modifiers.

Here’s the same person who said aro aces don’t have an orientation later turning around saying the orientation of aro aces is determined by how they behave and who they have sex with.

Another person putting nsfw shit in the ace positivity tag (link is to nsfw text)

And people try really hard to justify despising aces and aros by pointing to shitty people who share our identities/orientations. Honesty is secondary in this. Here you have someone taking a shitty post from an obvious nasty troll blog to say this is why ppl hate aces, and later when having the troll thing pointed out to them saying they already know. The post got over 3k notes.

“asexual shouldn’t even be a way people identify themselves”, with a second person in the thread agreeing

Part 3:

Someone saying they hope all aces “get checked out by a doctor” first (holy shit)

Saying asexuality is not a sexuality aka more invalidation like in posts further above

Someone calling aces a “turbo virgin club”, then declaring if an ace gets upset about it this shows their immense privilege

I’m 96% sure this is a troll and/or worse but here’s someone using absolute bullshit reasoning to claim asexuality is an inherently racist/antiblack identity (…on a black person’s post)

Speaking of racism, someone claiming vile crap and utter bullshit about aces including that we are all white

Once again a white person trying to use (extremely vile) antiblackness for so called “ace discourse”

Another incident of a blatant troll post getting nearly 3k notes because people wanted to use it to demonstrate how horrible aces/aros are, since we supposedly made up the fake slur “arobot”. Explanation in link, but basically no, “we” didn’t, it was an ancient pretty blatant troll post.

Again someone linking aromanticism to misogyny and to using people for sex

Someone in our positivity tags basically claiming aces and aros in relationships are selfish leeches who demand things but don’t give anything back. Talking as if we don’t deserve “time, effort, attention and love” and as though people in relationships with us are to be pitied

People spamming the ace positivity tag with nasty negativity and hate (once again)

Someone repeatedly wishing rape and like so often death on aces and aros (among other things) in our positivity tags. This person also put nsfw content there and spammed the tags

Again someone specifically wanting ace kids dead, talking in the positivity tag about hoping they get hit by a bus

After someone in this thread talks about the worry of being sexually assaulted for being ace, a person responds with the vilest victim-blaming, claiming shit like “it is easy to learn how to defend yourself“ and worse that I don’t want to put here. If you want details check the link

A number of screenshots of extremely vile posts, out of which two older ones weren’t listed here before: one is about wanting aces/aros to have “full blown panic attacks” and “cry themselves to sleep” over being marginalized/erased by society;

the other utterly disgustingly talks about wanting aces/aros to face torture and medical experimentation and death (the person brings in concentration camps)

This anon was also among the screenshots just now: extremely graphic torture and death threat I got from someone because they hate all us “ ~uwu~pure~smol~aceys~”. There’s wanting to peel the skin off my body as well as gun violence and sentiments that echo the post above

Since we’re already talking anons, somewhat graphic rape/death threat I got in my inbox, this time using the “dare I say meme” that is frequently employed to shit on aces and aros (still leaving out the most disgustingly graphic threat I’ve received bc I don’t want to link it)

Part 4:

“I would actually fucking slaughter aces if I could“

Listen this crap is terrifying and at this point I’m just tired. I could add the same sort of shit to this list over and over. Yet there’s still a huge crowd here denying any of this is happening, who’ll come to posts about ppl hating aces and aros to declare that no one does and we’re all just making it up or too clueless to understand what’s Really Being Said, because that’s how they like to paint aces and aros and anyone who supports us. It’s unbelievable and so so horrible and draining.

It needs to stop. I hate putting this negative crap on ppl’s dash but what’s going on is just so harmful and there’s not much else to do about it I can think of. Aside from people condescendingly explaining to us all the time none of this is happening (or outright calling us liars the moment we don’t put the links directly on a post and claiming we’re making this all up to make other aces/aros feel unsafe holy shit), I’ve also had ppl come to this very post (the original version) saying it’s just “mean words on the Internet” so I shouldn’t talk about -isms here and ppl literally wishing us dead.

Please help get word around that this is happening and a serious issue if you can? (But also if you can’t please don’t feel bad about that)

Part 5:

Someone saying ppl only get to headcanon extremely privileged characters as ace/aro

Someone spouting the incredible, unironic line: “isn’t that the point of being ace?? to desexualize yourself??“

Telling aces to date non-aces otherwise they’re automatically abusive for “taking sex away” from their partners (holy shit)

As I mentioned, if we speak about the anti-ace/aro shit on this site, ppl love to try and shut us up by coming to our posts acting like we don’t know what we’re talking about or are deliberately lying for example because they’ve not personally seen what we’re talking about, and they can get really utterly horrible about it

Someone making up an insult (”stiff”) for aces to mean “a prude who cant keep their trap shut abt it “ (the person also posted a screenshot of a dictionary entry of the word in the positivity tag where “a dead body” is listed as one of the definitions)

Same person saying aromantic means “a boring person nobody will ever love”

Yet another person sexualizing aces, making fun of how supposedly we constantly talk about wanting to “fuck”… and about wanting to be led around on a leash in public

Two people defending hating all aces and comparing this to statements about privileged groups like white people, because ace/aro privilege I guess

A white person mocking me having experienced racism in “ace discourse” while heavily implying I must be lying (while demanding proof and no I’m not saying asking me for links is the problem)

Another person outright defending hating aces, except it’s okay and not bigotry according to them because it’s… not our existence that’s the problem but us existing as aces??

Part 6

Saying ace/aro identities belong in the DSM

And also a post I really want to talk about that made me add to this post again:

Saying asexual/aromantic people are “weird” and “ugly as fuck” and we id as ace/aro because “no one wants us” (I got an extremely vile anon once that made a similar “argument” and this line of thought is neither new nor harmless)

The thing about this post that makes it especially horrible and made me put it here almost right away? The notes. There are tons of people who responded to that post with approval and if you check, you’ll see them acting like aces/aros being treated like this and getting upset about it is just one big joke. There are many people going “lol that’s mean but true” and “lmao careful they’ll use this as proof they’re oppressed haha” (paraphrased) and otherwise talking nasty shit about aces and aros. This is fucking vile and the kind of shit you’d expect from anti-sjws, but nope, “ace discourse” everyone

Someone saying ace awareness week should not be a thing because they’re already “painfully” aware we exist

Did I mention when we talk about any of this people immediately in big numbers rush to silence us, dismissing and mocking us out of hand and painting us as hysterical liars who “just wanna be oppressed“ because who gives a shit about aces/aros saying they’re being harmed

As a bonus, let’s return to the anons for a moment, which I’ve not talked about much before:

Someone telling me to die after I made more posts calling this sort of anti-ace/aro shit out

Someone telling me they want to ally with conservatives and shoot me and also other aces, calling aces a “plague”

Someone telling me sending the above to a black person has nothing to do with racism, and also that asexuality is a symptom of mental illness/trauma that needs to be corrected, not a sexuality. They tell me to “get fucked” so I’ll be fixed

Right after these asks I also got a nazi in my inbox (”88″ is nazi code). Make of that what you will

Another person coming to my inbox calling aces a plague and wanting us all dead

“Tumblr aces are deserving of every drop of loathing they get”

And now back once more to the posts people actually put their blog names on (aka most posts by far on this list, so no one skimming better try to claim this is primarily about anons just because I put a few in)…

Reacting to hateful vile anons by claiming we must have sent them to ourselves (why? because they say so), such as graphic anon rape/death threats. Nasty on so many levels and encourages people who hate us further to send shit like that

Part 7

People thinking it’s appropriate to tell a black ace woman (me lol) she has an “oppression fetish” just based on her minority orientation, in response to her asking ppl to not do EXACTLY that

Someone comparing asexuality to a kink to mock the idea of and paint as gross aces talking to family or anyone not involved in “their sex life” about their orientation

Same person in a wild post calling all aces “demons” (as ppl keep doing)

Someone not only as so often comparing aces to Trump with a moodboard, but also including the word “fascism” in ace colors in it (this is an older post)

Someone coming up with the wild conspiracy theory that people upset by aphobia (along with inclusionists) are actually largely the alt-right trying to disrupt activist communities wtf I can not make this shit up (the person being ace themselves does not make this better or any less anti-ace/aro. This is fucking vile)

Someone mocking all aces by calling us “aceys” and talking about wanting to fight us, and another person approving of this and calling aces speaking out against it “dumb” and my legitimate anger “cute”. Also apparently being upset by this at all means I’ve “deluded” myself into thinking I’m oppressed

Same person who said the above claiming aro aces are somehow straight

Mocking aro terminology and aros for calling their partners (who they may or may not be married to) anything but “friends”

People (once again) painting aros as monsters who by virtue of being aro treat their partners without basic respect and decency. Also making aro identities all about wanting to “fuck” people without loving them, or caring about them in any shape or form. This shit is both sexualizing our identities (as usual) and nasty as hell in general

Another person outright saying they hate aces and trying to justify this by comparing it to venting about a privileged group, as if ace privilege exists rather than asexuality being a minority orientation

Someone (as too many ppl have done) comparing aces to “incels”, dangerous misogynists who are frequently rape apologists/rapists

Silencing tactics still include viciously mocking aces/aros speaking out against any of this shit and painting us as irrational, Senselessly Angry, and evil like in this bullshit “parody” post of what I (and two others?) have supposedly been saying. Apparently when I make posts like this one, that is what the OP gets from that… somehow. People keep doing shit like this to me, and painting black women as hysterical and angry for no reason when we’re legitimately upset is not a new move?

While we’re on the topic of antiblackness and misogynoir, remember how ppl love to send me graphic anon threats? Yeah this person purosely invoked the image of lynchings while doing so, aware themselves it’s racist and admitting they don’t care, as long as they can tell a black person they’d like to “hang me from a tree” and then also all other ace ppl, because “ace discourse” has proven to them we’re evil apparently

Part 8

Saying there’s somethong “wrong” with aces and aros and that we need to get professional help, and that our orientations are “unnatural”. There’s way too much pathologization among these links

Comparing aces to Ayn Rand, a racist rape apologist among other things. Apparently it makes for a fun moodboard about how we’re evil (and hate poor people?? wtf)

Once again someone comparing aces to incels (for some reason people love associating aces with misogynists, rape apologists and rapists, hmm)

Someone sexually harassing a user for simply saying to ignore/block aphobes, putting extremely explicit sexual content into the post’s notes, very possibly trying to deliberately trigger the OP. This is disgusting af

Someone saying asexuality isn’t a real sexuality (again)

As usual someone putting negativity in the ace positivity tag like we don’t deserve to have positivity - this time about how we’re “idiot aces” and all “cishet”

Talking about how this masterpost that, you know, has literal death threats on it and not few of them is hilarious

Here we have someone after being linked to this masterpost defending the Ronald Reagan and Trump moodboards (while completely ignoring all the other shit on this list)

Someone spewing the old bullshit notion that conservatives love aces for our supposed “celibacy”, with the typical implication of ace privilege or at least the idea that being ace makes those of us belonging to various oppressed groups less oppressed (or that we don’t exist at all lol)

Here’s an older post where someone cruelly made fun of an anon on an ace blog non wanting to get a pap test, presuming it’s due to internalized oppression and treating that as funny and inherently mock-worthy (the post got lots of approving notes at the time), because haha aces “valuing their virginity more than their health”, even though 1) the anon said nothing of the sort and 2) even if they had, people not wanting to get health care due to messed up ideas surrounding “virginity” is not funny either. (And this sort of ridicule is nowhere near comparable to correcting actual misinformation)

Making Kylo Ren ace/aro moodboards because aside from real life fascists it’s fun to compare us to fictional ones

Since we’re on the topic, another, older post that has a lot of people comparing aces to various fictional abusers, mass murderers, fascists, etc., “joking” about how these are the characters we can have as “ace representation”. And then ppl going “lol it’s just a joke haha silly aces not getting the concept of humor” in typical bigot fashion, something the anti-ace/aro crowd does A LOT

Meanwhile once when I in response to someone comparing aros to Voldemort (based on him being incapable of love) made an aro-spec Hermione positivity post using the same meme the Voldemort post had used, emphasizing her good qualities/sense of justice, a whole wild mess happened that included people making jokes about (house elf) slavery on my aka a black woman’s positivity post and calling one of the most commonly hc-ed as black characters demonic and equating her to Taylor Swift… for among other things the evil trait of having an issue with, you know, slavery.

(Later a white person tried to in a separate post paint me as hysterical/irrational for getting upset about this, completely [and deliberately] erasing the fact that it was about race at all in that retelling of things. Not that it’s not bullshit and extremely telling to gleefully heap negativity on a positivity post like this in general, but damn.)

But back to comparing us to real life fascists, someone literally said “cishet asexuals act almost identical to white supremacists and nazis” because saying this about a minority orientation which includes aces TARGETED by white supremacists isn’t fucked up at all I’m done

For the xth time someone outright saying they hate aces

Here we get tons of misogynoir again from someone making a sort of Nicki Minaj ace moodboard that compares ace inclusionism to her breasts/”silicone implants“, and someone else approving of how hilarious that supposedly is. It’s pretty fucking gross tbh, the OP even put it in the Nicki Minaj tag

Fitting in with the above nicely: someone suggesting that subsets of aces and aros be called “breeders” (this is an older post)

Calling asexuality and aromanticism “cults” and comparing them to scientology among a ton of other vile shit including once again pathologization

Calling (non-ace) aros “objectifying assholes”

More demonization of aros, claiming as so often that being aro is the same as fetishizing and using people

Once again someone calling aces (or well just ace girls this time because misogyny is fun) ugly and claiming we’re all white (because racism is also fun)

Part 9

And here finally the new part that tumblr wouldn’t let me add to the original post the usual way. Not to repeat myself but I’m exhausted. And pissed. Remember these are all just examples. And I’d like to say there won’t be more in the future but who am I kidding.

Making light of comparing aces to incels, who are still dangerous misogynists/rapists/rape apologists. How dare aces and especially ace women be upset about it

Another person making light of (nasty moodboards) comparing aces and specifically ace teenagers to vile af dangerous bigots

Again someone comparing aces to incels (....who apparently no longer oppress women, at least if they’re ace)

They really love that incel comparison

They love it a lot. Yet another person comparing aces to incels (while defining asexuality as “not wanting to fuck”). Someone else joining in and going, “Is ‘turbo virgin’ better for u”

The same ppl as in the link above continuing to be horrible+apparently thinking ace and aro WoC are no longer oppressed by racism and misogyny. Did I mention I could not make this shit up

Also if you scroll a bit, there’s a link there to one of them telling an ace to “get laid” to be fixed (this link here leads to the same thread as the one above)

Once more comparing aros to Trump

White person thinking it’s a good idea to equate aces/aros of color upset about being compared to white supremacists with white ppl upset about jokes about white ppl

“asexuals go to hell”

Claiming it’s just “crying racism” and funny that I call call out, you know, all this pretty blatant racism, such as comparing aces and aros to slave owners/white supremacists to give just one example of the literal dozens here (even sth on the level of that anon wanting to lynch me apparently doesn’t count as racist for the OP there what the hell even)

Pathologizing our orientations, saying aces all have some “underlying issue” and that we just id as asexual as an excuse bc we don’t wanna “work through” said issues

Again someone claiming aces can’t have sex, making fun of ppl saying otherwise (apparently we physically can’t this is so wild)

Again ppl claiming aces and aros are basically all white, hurting (and pissing off) aces and aros of color bc that’s always fun. Also I’d argue some not that subtle misogyny there but decide for yourself

Among other things claiming aces are obsessed with sex which uhh uncomfortable+creepy. If ppl’d stop sexualizing us that’d be fucking nice

Another nonblack person comparing ace inclusionists to Rachel Dolezal (not giving a shit about black ppl’s opinion on the matter)... and then claiming antiblackness isn’t racism (when coming from other PoC)

Claiming asexuality is a “specific sexual preference” that no one wants to know about and also the same as “not fucking”. Literally saying (as ppl in this mess do so often) we should literally mention our orientations to NO ONE but our partners bc of this. AND not giving a shit about being told this sexualizes aces including aces of color

As usual pretending we make all the shit documented in this post up (and let me repeat this post was just meant to have EXAMPLES, there’s way more horrible crap out there)

Ace girls are apparently “like straight girls, only worse”. And that regardless of other identities

Using the term “acehets”

Another person referring to “acehets and arohets”

Apparently asexuality and aromanticism are “technically het” now

Calling aces (explicitly+deliberately ALL aces) a “cancer to the lgbt community”

Saying a black aro ace woman wouldn’t have time to be “melodramatic” (=make posts like this one lol) if she had more sex. I CAN NOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP it’s so incredibly sexist, racist, and creepy omg. There’s already examples further above of this person’s misogynoir BUT DAMN

Here we have some pro Trump, pro gun person after going “fuck tumblr ace culture” talking about how aces aren’t oppressed (especially those of us to whom guns or ppl like the president they support are an incredible danger I’m sure lol) and how dare we make our orientations “our entire personality”. This is all so wild help me??

Remember when we talked about how ppl like to when we talk about this despite all the easily available proof accuse us of lying/being hytserical/just “wanting to be oppressed” as a silencing tactic? Yeah here we have someone calling me speaking out against some of the (racist) shit listed further above “delusional”

Linking being ace to being a nazi (”Been noticing a lot of these “Asexuals” are also nazis”)

More linking being ace to being a nazi (”You can't spell asexual without axis power”). Did I mention the anti-ace/aro crowd is wild and despicable af

The solution to people being this horrible to us is CLEARLY for us to “log off” so why the hell are we whining

This white person wants millions in “emotional damages” from people with ace headcanons for characters belonging to various oppressed groups, including characters of color. Because clearly others acknowledging the existence of aces of color must be incredibly painful for them. Wtf is the anti-ace/aro crowd even. Also, this is what aces and aros of color mean when we talk about constantly being erased by ppl wanting to pretend our orientations are somhow “white” identities - frquently like here under the guise of protecting us from those evil aces and aros aka ourselves.

Putting “your flag is ugly and so are you“ in the ace positivity tag

Same person posting in the ace positivty tag about wanting subsets of aces to get hit by a bus

Okay I know further above I’ve directed you to such unbelievably vile anons they must be getting old but I’m gonna put just one in this part: wanting aces dead but it’s our own fault because the ace community on tumblr made them into a shitstain devoid of decency who thinks fondly of people dying based on them sharing a minority orientation!! They had no problems with aces before!! And it’s just if we’re on tumblr that they want us dead really!! Using this site like other people makes us... wait for it... “incel equivalents” apparently

Aaand here the nonblack ppl go again with the comparing ace inclusionism to antiblackness/Rachel Dolezal, one of them specifically complaining they got called antiblack for it when clearly this white person also doing it proves it’s okay

After as the anti-ace/aro crowd loves to do pretending none of this is happening, this person admitted that yeah sure their crowd compares aces and aros to misogynists and racists, but it’s not because of our orientations but because we’re Bad, and if we claim otherwise we’re manipulative and just wanna victimize ourselves!!

racism and comparing PoC (because their asexuality continues to not magically turn aces of color into white ppl) to their oppressors are apparently still funny (”date an asexual who thinks reverse racism exists“)

Someone talking about wanting “porn of aces” where aces are raped and turned into “hypersexual sluts”. The person adds, “ESPECIALLY if it’s real”. This shit is VILE AND DISTURBING AF HOLY CRAP

And apparently aces who have sex are by virtue of this themselves rapists now, along with anyone who consensually sleeps with people they’re not attracted to?? Wtf even. (These people REALLY want to villify us and for us to not enter relationships - if we don’t have sex with a partner, we’re absusive, but if we do, we’re rapists. We’ve had both these “arguments” now I fucking can’t.)

Again someone posting (in the ace positivity tag) about wanting an “ace concentration camp”

“asexuals get death challenge”

And listen I WISH I was making this shit up and that these posts all didn’t exist. Then I’d not have to deal with the knowledge that a ton of people here don’t even see aces and aros as human beings, constantly throwing -isms and nasty af shit in general at us and pretending when aimed at us it’s somehow okay. People are doing all this to us, and trying to claim we deserve it, based on our MINORITY ORIENTATIONS.

It’s wild, it’s despicable, and it needs to stop. And I’m going to say it as many times as necessary.

#ace discourse #aphobia #asexuality #aromantic #masterpost #crapcourse mess #rape cw #abuse cw #sexualization /#suicide baiting cw #death threats cw #rape threats cw #concentration camp mention //#victim blaming mention /#long post

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okietokiee · 5 years

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The Song of Achilles/Metalocalypse AU

ahh !! I commissioned a friend of mine (who is an incredible artist and specializes in custom/DnD art!! If you’re interested in her work her etsy is MadisonNicoleArt) and she helped me finally create an AU I’ve been obsessed with for a while!

Ok this is going to be pretty long, so bear with me !!

If you’re not familiar with The Song of Achilles it’s basically a retelling of The Iliad by Homer, but from the perspective of Patroclus, the right-hand man of Achilles. It’s a beautiful, magical tale and if you’re familiar with The Iliad the ending is (spoiler) gut-wrenching and heartbreaking. You spend the whole story knowing what’s coming, and you almost get lost in the enchanting beauty of Achilles’ and Patroclus’ relationship with each other.

Now when I first got into the Mtl fandom I was surprised there weren’t any Iliad AUs (BUT CORRECT ME IF IM WRONG AND SEND THAT SHIT MY WAY), because Achilles was a beautiful, golden demi-God (sKWIsGAar in a nutshell LOL) and Patroclus his stong, toned, gorgeous (im extrapolating here but...) right-hand-man/partner/lover/soulmate/other half who, though never prophesied by the Gods for greatness, had his own strengths and made his own name for himself following his heart (Achilles ;))

Here are just some ideas I’ve had about this:

Skwisgaar

- Serveta being a promiscuous Queen who has a one night-stand with a lower level God that left immediately. The God’s seed was so strong that after birthing Skwisgaar his mother became incapable of having any more children and she resents him for this.

- However, Skwisgaar was prophesied by the Gods to become the greatest/quickest warrier of his time with potential to become one of the Gods. His step-father (gentle Tyr) married Serveta and he loves her dearly, though she constantly cheats on him and neglects her only son.

- Tyr does his best to make it up to Skwisgaar, but obvious damage has been done.

- Skwisgaar’s real father is never revealed and it’s quite popular in town to make theories about which gorgeous God Skwisgaar is the bastard of. (Adonis is a popular choice)

Toki

- Toki being the only son of the cruel King Aslaug, a malevolent leader of a deteriorating village. Toki is a small/weak boy for his age and is constantly beaten, belittled, and humiliated by his father, and therefore has no respect from the village people despite being the rightful heir.

- He ends up accidentally killing a young bully his age (son of a noble man) in blind rage because he has certain freak episodes (episodes that likely led to his parents fearing/hating him??). (This is almost exactly what happened to Patroclus in TSOA)

- He’ s exiled from his home, loses his family name, and is sent to be a ward of King Tyr and lives with various other abandoned orphans/exiled princes in Skwisgaar’s father’s rich, plentiful kingdom.

NOW the fantastic slow-burn begins. Because Toki can’t seem to fit in with the other boys and there are constant rumors about how he beat a kid to death for such petty reasons and the rest of the kids are scared of him and keep their distance.

aLL BUT SKWISGAAR! (and fuck i keep almost writing Achilles)

Who finds the new foreign boy utterly fascinating and is inexplicably drawn to him.

Skwisgaar is obviously popular with the fellow boys for he is a tall, strong child destined for greatness, and he basks in this fact.

Now I see Skwisgaar skipping training/class to wander off and play with a golden lyre in some hidden spot in the nearby woods.

The same spot Toki escapes to to avoid the blatant stares and loneliness. He’s shocked for a moment to see the golden prince lounging serenely on his favorite spot surrounded by flowers. But he’s stopped in his tracks after hearing Skwisgaar’s masterful Lyre playing and is absorbed in the music. He remember how, during his cold lonely years back home, an old wooden lyre was his favorite escape.

Skwisgaar spots him and is not surprised to see how this young boy is amazed by his playing because everyone is. He’s a Lyre God. But he is surprised when the young boy timidly asks,

“Cans I tries it?”

No one has ever had the audacity to interrupt him mid-play or the confidence to play anything that could match him. However, he’s amused and has been watching this new kid for a while, so he beckons him over and lets him play a song.

NOW THIS IS THE MOMENT! The moment Skwisgaar is sHOOK by how Toki’s fingers glide across the instrument and the gorgeous sounds he makes. It’s not exactly like Skwisgaar’s, but it’s something entirely his own. Something gut-wrenching and heartbreaking. And Skwisgaar feels something he has never felt before for any music other than his own.

And they end up sneaking off often and spending their free time like this, playing Lyre together and barely speaking. Eventually Skwisgaar tells his step-father he has chosen Toki to be his partner/right-hand-man (bc they did that in Greece, forgot what it was called??) and Toki is shocked and happy and can’t believe for once in his life he can be near the first person that’s ever made him so happy in his life.

Then obviously the growing up together thing !!!

- Toki becomes stronger and truly grows into himself. He’ll never have Skwisgaar’s natural swiftness of foot or affinity for combat, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t try.

- Skwisgaar is originally jealous of/shocked/impressed/aroused by how muscular/toned Toki grows up to become, but he constantly lords his impressive height over Toki

There’s so much more I feel is too much to add!!!

But the other mtl ppl too:

- NATHAN AS ODYSSEUS!! PLS AND THANK

- Murderface or Pickles would actually be a really cool Chiron (a satyr who has trained many Greek heroes)

- Abigail as Briseis !!! (wont talk too much about her role bc TSOA spoilers)

- I’m not sure yet who Charles would be but he definitely has a place in this AU!!!

- mAgNuS iS hECToR !!!ii!!Ii!!

And the boys have so many obstacles in the way of their relationship, society/expectations/responsibilities/themselves. And it’s hard and painful but so worth it as long as they have each other.

And stuff happens and the Trojan war breaks out...

I have so many thoughts for what happens to them, but ugh it’s too much to put in words almost. Just, I can’t help but think of these quotes from the book?!?! They scream Skwistok to me

“I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world.” ― Madeline Miller, The Song of Achilles

“He smiled, and his face was like the sun.” ― Madeline Miller, The Song of Achilles

and another quote that i can’t put up bc if i do ever get around to writing this i want it to be a heartbreaking shock bc just thinking about it makes me tear up LOL

Even re-imagining versions of these quotes in their broken english makes my heart hurt !!!

Just asadasfsd

end rant, I hope to add more to this AU in the future

ANd pls if any of you writers are inspired by these ramblings at ALL pls feel free to write something with this AU. Because i crave Ancient Greek Skwistok fics so much

#mtl #metalocalypse #fan art #skwistok #skwisgaar skwigelf #toki wartooth #nathan explosion #william murderface #pickles the drummer #au

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saitouh · 6 years

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why am i repeating another post? because some gintae fckers keep repeating their constant war-mongering behaviour. you’ve been amping up your shit for the entirety of this year when NO ONE on tumblr has bothered with you for years.

i made a post about the old gintama poster sorachi drew in 2016, and you wouldn’t stop talking about it for 3 whole weeks. i made a post about gintsuki events and menu items? u posted a tae food item and then mislabelled it as a “gintae” item. lmao. why are you trying so hard to "one-up" us? (and failing miserably)????

why is tsukuyo such a threat to you 24/7 if u find her so irrelevant? why are we such a threat to you if you claim most of japanese fans dislike her and gintsuki? why are you so salty when japanese artists popped 1947836 arts of tsukuyo’s new hairstyle the week the chapter dropped???

we told u more than once to stop bashing tsukuyo, but u kept going. and u keep stalking ME. what are u trying to find? receipts that i hate tae? sucks to be u, u can go back 7 years on my blog and you won’t find a single shit about me badmouthing otae, unlike aero aka gintamajustaway who shits on tsukuyo constantly since she was "11 years old" and disguises her insults as “objective” criticisms and then pretends she doesn’t shit on tsukuyo.

do u really think tsukki wants gin? do u not understand what u have read in this manga? hinowa is the one who told her to go for it, kyuubei told her it’s okay, too. but tsukuyo herself DOESN’T want to go for gin. she doesn’t want anything from him, either. she’s okay with helping him quietly without wanting anything in return. it’s sorachi himself who wrote all these things for our ship. for us. not for you.

gin is the one who finds tsukuyo attractive, he’s the one who groped her multiple times, he’s the one who told her that her face is beautiful with a scarless soul, he’s the one who told her that he would be hers and hers alone, if only she desires him to. she replied NO, ok? she said no. but then what? then he continued to come on very strongly onto her. he said he couldn’t hit on her like how he usually does to other girls because she is the one he really cares about. he said it to her and no one else.

but u’re all so butt-devastated u make up scenarios to comfort yourselves, and make up nasty gifs to belittle tsukuyo in gintoki’s life – IN YOUR OWN FCKING GINTAE WEEK. what kind of stupid, vile bitch does this?

you said you can’t even read or watch red spider because it hurts you. that’s fine. you like your ship. ok? no one blames you for hurting. and honestly that’s OK. but bitching at tsukuyo and her fans is a shit response to your hurt feelings. you should bitch at sorachi. blame him. we have NOTHING to do with u and want NOTHING to do with you.

u ppl sent asks to artists on tumblr who drew gintsuki, as recent as a few months ago. u fcking harassed them and insulted tsukuyo, u said she “brings” gin down, and in the same breath u said otae is better for gin instead, insinuating that gintae is the “power couple”. a great majority of people had seen this happening with their own two eyes so don’t you fcking deny it.

and that OT3 comment - LMAO - is a glorious example of how disgusting you guys are.

gintsuki arts have NOTHING to do with you. you don’t even have the basic decency to leave other people alone to enjoy their arts. you think i’m attacking you because of your ship? i’m whipping u out because of your behaviour.

don’t you dare to complain about reddit/facebook “bullies” for merely saying they don’t like your ship. ALL SHIPPERS GO THROUGH THIS. there’s a point in every shipper’s life where someone will tell us they don’t like our ship. you are not special. don’t use this as an excuse to target gintsuki and tsukuyo just because she is the biggest threat to your ship. and if she really isn’t a threat like you claim, then stop mentioning her altogether. disliking something like a normal person is not the same as constantly and obsessively BITCHING about tsukuyo for years on end.

and i’m warning you firsthand– don’t you dare to post a flurry of "b-but ginsues 😭😭😭"right after this post. don't u dare try to have a bunch of anons suddenly flocking to you right after this post of mine just to “prove” that “gintsuki fans so attack gintaes metas/art” to justify your shitty past and current behaviour. because i will know you sent them to yourselves.

i repeat. our ship has NOTHING to do with u, we have NOTHING to do with u and we want NOTHING to do with you. so in my most straightforward self to you - FCK OFF, stay fcked or whatever. go read my previous posts about you and then fck off again.

#x #i lost all enjoyment in this fandom thanks to these nasty relentless #dmbfcks #this is not like the occasional bursts of anger i have had over the years #u all really have done it now #notice in all this while i have NOT attacked your faves of your ships even once #i'm dragging u thru asphalt because YOU are responsible for the vile things u have written #about tsukuyo and about people #u want me to go on?#gintaes

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findsomeoneelse · 5 years

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This might be a very angsty thing to say but I kind of legit hate my dad. He complains all the time that my brother (who i think probably has depression or something rn) and I don’t help him around the house but 1) when we do he’s a huge asshole, literally calls me retarded all the time bc he’ll verbally tell me like 10 things in a row to do and my ADD ass can’t remember it like that and he often threatens me as well (and there have been incidents with physical violence between him and me). 2) gives us the most useless and asinine tasks i.e. vacuuming a BRICK PATIO or WASHING ROCKS. 3) will ask us when it’s convenient for HIM, my brother and I are 20 and 21 and have either a job or school and for a while I was doing both. 4) he is NEVER satisfied no matter how much we do.

And concerning the physical violence shit I have so much pent up feelings about it. As far as I know he’s never come after my brother like that. He may have hit my mom before but I’m not sure. I just know that once they got into a bad argument or something bc he was being really loud bc of a football game and then suddenly my mom was crying (she doesn’t cry a lot) grabbed us kids and went to our grandma’s. He’s also kicked every dog we’ve ever had, literally drop kicked one through a small tree bc it chewed the blinds and then left him outside to run away while he took off to who knows where to sulk. But my point is he has NEVER treated my brother the way he has treated me and it shows. My brother gets away with avoiding so much work and a fuck-ton of lying. My dad almost never invades his space or commandeers his stuff. I’ve almost failed several big school projects in the past bc he’d randomly decide to punish me or that his stupid yard work was more important and that it was my fault for not accounting for his random chores.

I literally keep a bug-out bag in my car and a knife by my bed bc of him. I spent my entire junior and senior years of high school with a stomach ache every single day and horrible insomnia from anxiety bc if he wasn’t threatening me with violence he was talking about kicking me out of the house for no real reason. His response to my worsening mental health was to make jokes or just ignore me when I managed to finally muster up the determination to say something. If my mom hadn’t taken action and helped me get help I’d most likely be dead now. I’m still trying to rebuild my self esteem that he destroyed. Then years after I was on medication (that he was opposed to and mocked, my mom was the only one on top of that) and doing better he had the fucking audacity to ask me about how I was doing. Me being like 16 yrs old I lacked the vocab to say that I feel that he forfeited the right to ask me those things so I just shrugged it off.

He insults and mocks every friend I have in some way shape or form. He also once told me that some older friends I was extremely close to at the time would eventually get tired of hanging out with an annoying little kid so I should get used to them not being around bc they would leave me. I mean he was right about that, and they were pretty toxic for me but that was really fucked up and I’ll never forget it.

I finally have a good romantic relationship now, with a boy surprisingly, and he’s so sweet to me. Every time he tells me anything remotely kind I almost fucking cry bc I immediately assume he’s lying or somehow delusional. We had our first sort of disagreement, it wasn’t even that big a deal he had just made a few jokes that had upset me, but I was so terrified to bring it up and was so ready for a fight that when he simply apologized for his behavior and promised to correct it I immediately broke down in tears of relief. I’m so terrified for him to meet my dad bc I don’t want him to belittle and invalidate us, or try and take away all our privacy in a weird attempt at policing my sexuality (he has tried something like this in the past with my brother). I’m also so scared my boyfriend will just assume my dad is a normal nice guy and that I’m crazy, bc my dad is good at appearances. We’re well-off but honestly the only reason my brother and I ever see any of that money is bc of our mom, she handles the finances (and p much everything else around here).

That’s another thing I hate is that bc I turned out okay everyone assumes he must be a good parent. I had to work so fucking hard to become who I am now DESPITE him NOT because of him. I had to work so hard to become a kinder person, and learn to motivate, comfort, advocate, take care of myself. I’m an intelligent person (at least i’ve been told I am) bc I work to teach myself, both in school and life. I had to learn all my emotional intelligence and social skills myself. I’m working to make my life good and full of the love I never felt from him and to a slightly lesser extent my mom. I’m still working at it. Which is why I’m just as afraid that he’ll be accepting of my relationship and be “proud” or whatever. Thinking he raised a confident and smart daughter. That he has any right to be a voyeur to my happiness or take any credit for it.

I work hard so work through so many issues he caused in me on my own. I work so hard to keep myself from sabotaging my current relationship bc I feel unworthy or like it will just vanish. I still can’t fully grasp that this boy could genuinely like me and feel like I’m worthy of his time and effort bc of how stupid and ugly my dad has made me feel my entire life. I have so many things I want to tell my SO but in the moment feel like I physically cannot get the words out for fear of looking stupid when he finally leaves me. I still have so many walls up with him and I really don’t want to but I can’t get them down bc I’m so fucking scared despite all the evidence he’s given me that he cares about me and just wants to know me. It’s honestly incredible how just having someone like him has changed me for the better. He makes me feel smart and capable, like I can have the life I want. He doesn’t see any of the shit my dad seems to see in me and hate. Like fuck the fact that I only seemed to need one stable and loving relationship in my life to succeed really says something I think.

I hate feeling like I can’t talk to my own parents, well mostly my mom, but they really make it impossible. My dad bc you never know what will piss him off or if he even gives a shit and my mom bc she will probably tell him whatever you tell her. I have other adults, my aunt (my mom’s older sister) and uncle (tho he’s a newer addition to the family, they married last year.) but I’m so scared to talk to them in case they slip up and let stuff slip to my parents. My aunt also just doesn’t Get a lot of things like mental illness so she can invalidate ppl and be mean. She does encourage me a lot tho, more than my parents EVER have.

My SO doesn’t have much of an idea of my relationship w my family other than it seems strained and we barely talk despite all living together. He sometimes half-jokingly tells me I should spend more time with them or make an effort too, and I don’t tell him that I’m not the one who fucked that up for us. I try not to talk about any of this with him yet, and I honestly don’t know when a good time is or how to go about it. He’s gotten little hints here and there before I change the subject. He has a relatively big family that he regularly spends time with, so I don’t know if he’d understand all this. His dad is a little similar to mine in the sense that he always seems to have weird projects around the house that he drags them into but it doesn’t seem like he’s violent. I honestly don’t know what to say about the physical abuse. I’m so scared of how he’ll react. I’m scared he’ll brush it off, I’m scared he’ll get super concerned or angry for me. I just don’t want it to change how he sees me. People seem to get the impression that I’m confident and that I don’t take shit, and it makes me feel so embarrassed that I let myself be pushed around by my dad.

If anyone actually reads this post and has suggestions for talking to an SO about this stuff (especially in the case of an abuser being good at manipulation/gas lighting) let me know any suggestions you have. I thought by this point in this rant I’d have some sort of clarity but I don’t really. My dad has been slightly better the last year or so, since we moved to a new house that’s bigger and we’re on opposite sides of it. After one of his worst outbursts (at the beginning of my senior year) I gave him a book about male abuse in an attempt at confrontation but I doubt he read it. He’s been better but I can’t let go of all these feelings. Older people tell me that eventually I’ll forgive him and move on but I honestly don’t want to. I don’t want him to just get away with treating us like garbage. Maybe that makes me petty and childish but I am barely 20 so. It be like that. Might make a separate post about my brother might not. I love him but dudes got issues rn.

#personal rant #family drama #don't read if you dont want to #long post

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