#i thought you didn’t even like leaving | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wavesoutbeingtossed · 2 months

Text

The whole discourse about the privacy/secrecy/support thing has been sitting with me for a few days (I mean other than it always does to a certain degree) thanks to all the excellent discussion happening and I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said a million times before, but I think what we're seeing and what we're going to learn (e.g. from TTPD) is that it wasn't just the support issue, but how it was shown/handled.

We've all gone out of our way to show that introversion =/= lack of support. Someone can be shy, reserved, etc. and still show up for their partner, whether in public or at home. To chalk any of the differences up to the clash between introversion and extroversion is unfair to folks who count themselves among either tbh.

@thisisctrying said something the other day that hit the nail on the head about how if that support had been offered in private, there very well may not have been a Joever to begin with, or at least not at this point in time. (Sorry for loosely paraphrasing, and for namedropping you! Long time listener, first time poster.)

If this were a case where the "shy" partner said, "I am really uncomfortable with the spotlight personally and do not want to court it, but I will support you in your ambitions and offer you whatever you need to make them happen and make the glare bearable," I suspect that would have gone a long way to making Taylor feel seen and comfortable in pursuing her goals in the way that she now has. Again, that might have been more akin to the balance that seemed to have been struck around 2019 from what we can see, but even speaking in a general sense, there are lots of couples out there, celebrity or not, that have similar approaches where there are highly driven people and busy careers involved.

(A famous example being Dolly Parton's marriage. Tbh I know next to nothing about her and Carl, but she's always heralded as an example in this regard, because her husband is famously uncomfortable with the spotlight and hasn't accompanied her to public events in decades, but she's said that she never minded that because that was always work to her, and what was important was that he supported her in pursuing all her career goals and basically ensured she had a place to call home to return to at the end of the day.)

We're kind of in a brave new world with her current relationship because it felt like, at least at the start, we were maybe watching her figure out her boundaries in real time as to what she was comfortable with or not and adjust accordingly. Like so many have said, I fully believe the extreme privacy thing was initially driven by herself and her experiences in 2016, and she needed that quiet time to recover from all of the things and figure out how to exist in the world again.

Stating the obvious, it seemed like eventually privacy was equated with secrecy, turning the relationship and the celebrity into the elephant in the room and something to never be spoken of to the outside world. People are free to choose whatever works best for themselves and their relationships, and for some the separate public lives might work, but the “kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath” theme is all over her work and it’s clear that it’s a sore spot for her, because she’s been made to feel shame just for the life she leads so many times in the past.

What I’m trying to say is that it’s pretty obvious something Not Great was happening behind the scenes, which didn’t just amount to “she wanted to be a public celebrity and he wanted to be a private hermit.” (Also, in case anyone forgot, this is a person who also chose a public-facing career who also has to engage in press for it, but I digress.) As her career reached new heights post-folklore, if she had the support at home to do all the things without judgment and with encouragement, and in turn offer the same support to her partner, she may have very well lived just fine with that, not unlike Dolly Parton’s case.

By reading between the lines in all the press since, as well as comments on tour and general ~vibes~ with TTPD teasers, it seems like one of the issues was that that was likely not the case. There was all the stuff that we saw — the reticence to acknowledge each other in the media (particularly on one side), the lack of public support even at events at which they were both in attendance for their respective jobs, the great lengths they went to not to be photographed together at events they attended yet no problem taking pictures with other friends and coworkers, the jobs that separated them, the withdrawing from the public even for work accomplishments, etc. Which could all be manageable if a couple chooses to do so together and are not inherently a sign of trouble in themselves.

But what we’re seeing now I think is a reflection of the things we weren’t seeing then, and it seems to indicate some very deep hurt. (I know, call me Captain Obvious.) And like so many have been saying, it feels likely that that part of that hurt is rooted in that very lack of private support where a person would expect it from their partner. Obviously as a Taylor fan blog I’m going to be more inclined to understand her side of a story, but tbh, it’s also because… this is sooooooo common, and something I’ve experienced in my friend group. (@taylortruther is right when she says most breakups are the same one way or another lol.)

One partner is resentful of the other’s success, or resentful that the other’s priorities begin to evolve as new experiences unlock new goals, or feels the other’s ambitions are not worthy of pursuit, and coupled with perhaps their own struggles in the same domain, it’s easy to see where that can chip away at the other partner’s morale and faith in the relationship. I know I’m just speculating here, but I also don’t think it’s totally unfounded. (Again, because a) I’m picking up what she’s putting down and b) it happens to sooooooo many women even among us dull normals.)

With all the pointed mentions about how much Taylor feels supported in her current relationship and how she in turn loves to offer the same show of support to not only her partner but other loved ones, how she’s stepped out more in the last year to a whole host of events, how she’s mentioned feeling like she locked herself away for years and she’s just proud of her partner and happy she can show up for him even if the chaos around it is unsettling, it paints a picture of what perhaps was happening before last year.

To feel like you’re all alone in carrying the weight of the relationship (or burden of it), of twisting yourself into knots to accommodate the other person’s boundaries (or insecurities) but not feeling reciprocity for your own has to be so painful. (The idea that it may have been even darker and to have a partner not only be unreceptive to your own needs but even perhaps resentful/dismissive/belittling of them is even more painful to think of. I guess we’ll find out when TTPD comes out if that was the case, too.)

At a certain point, that lack of acknowledgement will force your hand to be able to reclaim yourself. And it feels like the further removed Taylor in particular is from it, the more she moves from being sad about the life she felt she gave up by leaving, to angry at the life she felt she was giving up by staying. Especially being in a relationship now where it seems like everything comes much easier, where she can be open about the person she’s with and show up for them, all the stuff that seemed as challenging as climbing Mount Everest in her past is nothing more than a molehill at best in her current life.

TL;DR: I don’t think it’s privacy that inherently spells doom for a celebrity relationship like this; it’s the mutual support and respect that does. If Taylor had felt that in the later years of her previous relationship, I think we could be seeing a different, though not necessarily unfulfilled, person right now in 2024, who’d be happy on tour but whose personal life would look a little different. But it seems like by losing that support she lost parts of herself, and we’ve seen her reclaim that in spades in the last year, and perhaps to degrees she didn’t even realize she could from before all the Bad Stuff started happening in her young adulthood.

I know this was extremely long-winded and unnecessary, especially about total strangers we only know through scraps fed through the media, but I just always bristle at this idea that issues like these boil down to “personality differences,” as though one person wants to live in a city and the other on a remote island, or some shit like that. The whole support (and gender tbh) issue is one that’s just very close to my heart because again, I have seen it play out with so many of my friends in long term relationships and marriages and I just think people in relationships (and women in particular in some circles) deserve better than to feel like they’re being, well, tolerated.

#thisisctrying and taylortruther sorry for tagging you two!#can remove if needed!#but you guys made me think a lot #this was inspired by a conversation i had with a friend the other day #where she relayed an argument she had with her partner #who basically felt slighted that he wasn’t getting acknowledgement for all the housework he does — which is. just. the dishes #and she was like ‘wow congrats you’ve done the dishes — i do every other fucking thing to keep this household afloat in ways you see #and don’t see and i never ask for praise because it’s just stuff that needs to get done because that’s how you support your family’#and it just reminded me that some partners (and a certain kind of man in particular) just… think their struggles take precedence #when their partners drown in them everyday but keep things afloat out of necessity and are never recognized or supported for it #(my friends have shitty husbands/boyfriends can you tell lol)#long post #again the way i just feel like i know the vibes of ttpd in my bones are 😵‍💫#i feel like i have a lot more thoughts but I’m trying to be more gracious and less parasocial so #also just want to again defend the introverts of the world by reiterating that being introverted does not mean unsupportive #being a shitty partner does though!#writing letters addressed to the fire #it’s also just like… i feel like if Taylor had had even a modicum of the support in private and even public she needed #she’d probably still be with you know who and wouldn’t have considered leaving let alone doing it #because it would have felt like enough and like it was what was needed for both of them #whereas we’re seeing a completely new side of her open up now because this is the first time she’s ever had that support from a partner #in her adult life at least #and it’s like it’s opening up things she didn’t know she needed or wanted

43 notes · View notes

rodentjazz · 1 year

Text

*out of breath, bloodied clothes, tears running down face* I finished apotheosis

#jrwi #jrwi apotheosis #rodent art #jrwi fanart #if you squint you can’t see how rough this is #leaving my apotheosis thoughts in the tags #the finale was actually perfect #and still the only member of the jrwi podcast who has made me cry every campaign is still grizzly #Elena’s character exploration in the finale alone #rolling on the floor shaking my fist sobbing #the ONLY thing I disliked is that we didn’t see enough of the world #it felt like condi had made a really cool world but we only got to see a slither of it becuase it’s a mini campaign #but the character development and the world we did see was amazing #even listening to it almost a year later i can tell it’s changed the standard of the entire podcast #(ina good way)#apotheosis spoilers

268 notes · View notes

alyona11 · 13 days

Text

The duality of man is when you love Hadestown so much that you hate Hadestown

#me being me #idk something something show getting generic #like it’s still a good show but a good show and 4/5 and 8/10 rating for a show such as hadestown is shameful #I do think that hadestown should hit like a life changing event that made me fall in love with it #not like some generic Broadway/WE show that you see and vaguely remember liking a year after #and like it’s kinda sad to understand that it doesn’t quite hit like this now #either because of acting choices of some folks (which tbh not fully their fault and I wrote a post about it)#either because Anaïs decides to make a lyric change which is like the most obvious downgrade #that it makes me think ‘oh the show thinks I’m stupid’#instead of idk making the one change people have been complaining for years #like even fuck it just idk leave what works working #idk I feel like seeing WE made me thinking about it more #and I did enjoy the show a lot and I had fun #but also I keep thinking how some small bits didn’t fit and the show didn’t hit as it should #which makes me feel of people who will experience ht for the first time and might not understand the show’s full impact like I did #idk just thoughts

27 notes · View notes

coredrill · 1 month

Text

so like. how many times do you think smith has heard isami say he doesn’t trust bravern and then tried really hard to change that when he becomes bravern only to wind up with the same outcome every single time

#it’s just. like. i love you. i love you. i became this because i love you and you shut me out now that i’m like this #and i’m not brave enough to admit that it’s ME you’re turning away from because it will hurt even more if you know it’s me #and you still turn away but i love you and our hearts match now because i want to keep you safe in mine forever #and i know i can’t be you so i’ll be your armor; your partner; your knight because i love you #and i couldn’t stand the thought of leaving you so our souls brought me back and now i’m this and i’m HERE #i’m right here but you don’t know i’m here and i’m so scared to tell you because what if you don’t want me here?#not like this; not after everything?#jesus fucking christ with enough concentrated essence of super robot anything really IS possible #even getting me to give a shit abt romance. LMFAO #EMBARRASSING!!!!!!!!!#a: bravern #ch: lewis smith #bravern spoilers #t.bbbb #i knew this show was gay but i didn’t expect it to be so queer too #ill-advised post to make probably but ehhhhhh

28 notes · View notes

softestepilogue · 7 months

Text

full offense but fandoms are unbearable because y’all are unlikable. y’all are so weird and i will die on that hill.

this is like the third time i’ve been in a fandom where a white male SIDE character is heavily favored by the fandom and they start jumping through hoops, and grabbing reasons out their asses, to prove why the main poc character is a terrible person. they will also ignore any wrongdoing of the side white male character.

it’s so fucking weird and exhausting.

#ed teach #Ofmd #our flag means death #i did a dumb thing and went through the ofmd tag #i usually don’t go through fandom tags cause like i said most of y’all are unlikable frfr #but anyway i’m seeing things like ed is an abuser and i’m like???#did we watch the same show??#and then of course i see the reason why #izzy hand stan’s of course of fucking course #coming to be the annoying part of the fandom because they found a white male they list after not being given attention #like this show isn’t even that serious to be sayin all of that #i should’ve known that the lack of discourse wouldn’t last but i was staying in my little bubble and imma go back there #but i just need y’all to know how unlikable y’all are and how borderline racist fandoms are and how exhausting it is #it’s truly truly exhausting #like please like your white male character you wanna fuck and leave the pov characters alone just shut up #i didn’t even dislike izzy. i didn’t care about him at all. i thought he was a loser funny little man #but now i hate him cause of izzy stans woobifying him and demonizing ed #10 points to anyone who can guess the other fandoms #there’s probably a million but there’s only been a handful i’ve been in #and they’re saying disliking izzy is ableist and classist and i’m like y’all really do not live in reality #please get off the internet. y’all are embarrassingly chronically online #op

27 notes · View notes

deimcs · 7 months

Text

I have to admit, the media literacy abilities I see some people displaying all around social media when it comes to Baldur’s Gate 3 is so irrevocably in the negatives it’s almost jarring.

#ari.txt #text #this is just me thinking out loud and in no ways i feel somehow superior to these people #but it’s honestly sad to me how some of them #found a way to have beef with every single character they don’t deem fuckable #just cause they put zero effort in understanding their story #and i mean everyone should play in their own way. it’s meant to be fun sure #and if you dislike someone it’s your opinion #but man #i keep seeing these weirdly heated and hateful comments about idk gale or lae’zel recriminating a bunch of things that leave me kinda??#why are you worked up if you clearly didn’t even try to understand the narrative lmao #dudes wanting to fuck shadowheart for her pretty face but getting zero context for her actions and still calling her a bitch #people hyperfocusing in on astarion and saying horrible things about the others #again. you do you but maybe it’s not really the flex you think it is #you can like that one character without bashing (OR STRAIGHT UP IGNORING LIKE WYLL) the others #idk just some thoughts i have about the god awful terrible takes i’ve seen around

24 notes · View notes

anotherhumaninthisworld · 9 months

Text

Story time with Lucile Desmoulins compilation

The Violet It was the first day of spring, and I walked out, descending into a valley filled with willows, which, alas! were not yet green. I turned away my eyes from the sight of those melancholy trees denuded of their leaves, and thought only of seeking amid the fresh-springing grass for the first flower of the fairest season. I walked a long time without finding anything, but at length, as far off as my sight could reach, I perceived a violet, one single violet! Oh, how beautiful it was! I flew to the spot, and was about to pick it, when, (what was my surprise!) the humble flower stirred, and seemed to endeavour to extricate itself from beneath my fingers! Fearing to deceive myself, I stretched out my hand. Then a voice, as sweet as its perfume, made itself heard, ”What are you doing, Lucile,” it said to me; ”why would you tear me from the earth? Alas! suffer me to live yet awhile; no one here treads me underfoot; you will soon find thousands more beautiful than I; in a bouquet I should be lost, mixed up with others, and I should add nothing to its size; let me end my days here.” Touched by such affecting language, I replied: ”Fear nothing, gentile flower, I would never be so cruel as to destroy you; let me only inhale your breath.” Then she lifted her odorous head, and her leaves unfolded themselves. Moved to tears, I allowed one to fall into her calix. She said to me: ”Your tears recruit my strength; I shall live longer than my fellows.” Then I said, ”I will come every day and moisten your leaves with sweet pure water.” ”Come,” she replied, ”but come always alone.” I promised her this, and every day I went to tend her, and to inhale her delicious perfume. Alas! I shall never see my friend again! My charming violet — one evening — in vain I sustained her bending stem, in vain slightly sprinkled her with water drops to revive her; her last hour had come. I shall visit that valley no more, but I shall ever think of my sweet violet.

First cited in Camille Desmoulins and his wife: passage from the history of the dantonists by Jules Claretie (1876) page 128-129

What I would do if I were in her place If destiny had placed me on the throne, if I was queen, and, having brought pain to my subjects, a just death for my crimes had been prepared for me, I wouldn’t wait for the moment when an unrestrained population came to tear me from my palace to drag me unworthily to the foot of the scaffold, I would prevent their blows, I say, and would like by dying to impose them on the entire universe. I would have a large enclosure prepared in a public place, I would have a stake erected there and barriers surrounding it, and three days before my death I would let the people know my intentions. At the back of the enclosure and opposite the stake I would erect an altar. During these three days I would go to the foot of this altar to pray to the great master of the universe, on the third day I would like all my mourning family to accompany me to the stake, this ceremony would take place at midnight by light torches.

First cited in Les Autographes et le goûts des autographes en France et à l’entranger (1865) page 301-302

The Aviary Cloé had only seen the revolution of the twelve months of the year twelve times. Her only occupation, her only amusement during this happy period of her life, was to look for nests in the woods and to see these young broods growing under her eyes and by her care. The little birds had grown big, she didn't have the courage to get rid of them; she kept them all and fed them as best she could. Her parents, who were not wealthy, were forced to interfere with their daughter's innocent pleasures. The aviary had become considerable and required a fairly large quantity of grain, which the young shepherdess obtained only with great difficulty. She had even had to steal more than once. One morning the young Cloé had gone out to find some new broods. What a sight awaited her on her return! She arrives very happy, in her hands a pretty nest of warblers. She runs to her aviary: the door to it was wide open, and not a bird inside... The merry finches, the bullfinches, the frank sparrows, the goldfinches, the tender warbler, the nightingale... and you too, faithful pigeon, all had taken their flight: not a single one had awaited the return of their poor master! How to paint Cloé's despair? At first she remains motionless and mute. A moment later, rage seizes her, she tears out her blond hair, she is flooded with tears; then she overturns and breaks the cage under her feet; she goes, comes, walks out and returns almost immediately. Several times one sees her following the birds in the air with her eyes, hoping to distinguish some of those in her aviary. She can no longer eat, and throws away all the objects that could remind her of too dear memories. At twenty, she was no more distressed when she learned of the infidelity of her beloved shepherd. One hears her exclaim: “Ah! Alas! They gave up their beneficence… Even though nothing was missing. These ingrates! What had they to desire? I shared with them the bread that was given to me for myself alone. I made them eat it out of my hand. How many times didn’t I go to the garden to pick up for them the fruit that had fallen from the tree! I spent whole hours looking for new worms for them that they love so much! How many times have I exposed myself for them to the reproaches and threats of my parents! Every morning, every evening I took care of them, as a mother takes care of her little children. I caressed them in turn; I warmed them in my bosom. How many times have I disturbed my sleep to go discover some companions for them at dawn, through brambles and thorns! They were all my pleasures. Near them I forgot the hour of the dance. They even recognized me and returned my caresses. During the winter, when the snow covers the fields, where will they take refuge? They will die of cold and hunger… if the bird-catcher does not trap them to give them to cruel children, or else the inhuman hunter… O my poor little birds, how I pity you! Alas! You miss me. Cruel parents, it is you who cause us all these evils!”

An elderly shepherdess, her neighbour, had heard the lamentations of the young Cloé. Touched by her good heart, she came up and said to her, embracing her:

”Console yourself, beloved child, do not cry over the fate of your lost birds; all your care did not make them happier...

”My dear, what more did they need? I could have given it to them.”

”Liberty, my dear daughter: it is the greatest of goods. For her, we face the rigor of the seasons, the traps of the bird catcher, the gun of the hunter. For her we forget her benefactress, and the benefactress has no right to call ungrateful those who prefer only liberty to her.”

”So you mean that, free, they can be even happier than they were with me?”

”Yes, Cloé.”

”You assure me, my dear?”

”Yes, beloved child.”

”Well, if it is as you tell me, I am willing to forgive them.”

First cited in Paris en 1794 et en 1795: histoire de la rue, du club, de la famine, composée d’après des documents inédits, particulièrement les rapports de police et les registres du Comité de salut public, avec une introduction par C-A Dauban (1869) by Charles-Aimé Dauban, page 335-337.

#i like how the first and last sound like lucile thought:#”if one day i get condemned and executed for something i didn’t even do i better leave behind a story #that sounds like it could only have been written by a person with a completely pure and innocent heart!”#and then there’s the ”i hope you kill yourself in an excruciating painful way marie!!!” story…#lucile desmoulins #desmoulins #marie antoinette #i wonder if max liked or disliked the bird story…#what! you’re anti aviary lucile!#if i had a nickle for everytime a frev woman told a depressing story about a pigeon i’d have two nickles #frev compilation

32 notes · View notes

eliotquillon · 8 months

Text

i think some of you need to sit down and interrogate why you dislike sabina so much because from where i’m sitting a lot of it is just thinly veiled misogyny. you don’t have to ship her with alex and you don’t have to like her but i’m so tired of people treating her as nothing more than an obstacle to their ship of choice and then trying to shift the blame onto horowitz for writing her poorly when there are literally dozens of male side characters who we know nothing about that get more fandom attention than sabina does. she’s not some evil irredeemable wench for struggling to support alex after the events of eagle strike. she’s a fifteen year old girl whose entire life was upended and has to watch someone she cares about be blackmailed into putting himself in danger again and again. if you can forgive yassen for sending alex to scorpia or k-unit for treating him like shit in brecon beacons, why can’t you forgive sabina for pulling away and trying to live a normal life. you can find her annoying or boring or pointless as a character, but alex very clearly cares about her. acting like he doesn’t says more about your attitudes towards female characters than it does horowitz’s lol

#alex rider #i’m not going to deny that she was badly written at times #especially after eagle strike #but that’s not her fault as a character. that’s on horowitz for being weird about women #the truth is that sabina is one of the only characters to point out alex’s own hypocrisy to him #she was the only person who suspected something was going on before he told her #her family literally took him in after he thought jack died #i can totally understand not shipping her with alex.#but you cannot deny that they care about each other. alex didn’t leave san francisco because he didn’t care about her #it’s not sabina’s fault that he’s traumatised and it’s not her fault for wanting to move past her own trauma #she didn’t do anything wrong. and like i’m sorry but this is anthony horowitz we’re talking about #he erased the mention of a gay couple just EXISTING in christmas at gunpoint when it got reprinted in secret weapon #i promise that even if sabina never existed yalex/tomlex/fredlex still wouldn’t be canon #she’s not getting in the way of anything.#so please stop fucking punishing her in fics where those ships DO get together #just stop punishing her in general. you dont have to write about her if you dont like her

34 notes · View notes