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riiwrites · 5 months

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bsd men taking care of a cat

“Hello! Can I req for some headcannons about how Akutagawa, Chuuya, Fyodor, Sigma and Ada Dazai would react when their roommate brought home a stray cat? (They would be such cute cat dad's 😭)”

a/n : ofc u can! sorry for the long wait :(

fandom : bungo stray dogs

includes : sigma, dazai, chuuya, akutagawa, fyodor

all dividers i use belong to @/cafekitsune !!

masterlist | taglist | main page

SIGMA

• Sigma would just be minding his own business one day, doing something basic and essential like the laundry or cleaning while you were out shopping.

• He’d normally expect you to come in with a bag full of groceries and a big smile on your face, ready to tell him about what you had bought this time for him to try for dinner.

• What he didn’t expect however..was for you to not only do your basic chore of the day - but also bring in a fluffy little creature with its legs dangling as you hold it up in your arms.

• He’s a bit dazed for a second, eyes widening and his lips parted into a shocked 'o' shape as he tries to read what was going on in that head of yours.

• You both stand there for a few moments, the silence slowly turning awkward until you finally break it.

“Do you not like it?” You say with a pout. Sigma drops his washing cloth onto the table as he turns fully towards you.

“I mean..it’s a surprise.” He emphasises, a little chuckle escaping his lips at the end of his sentence. Your smile returns as you tilt your head to the safe, the little kitten coincidentally doing the same thing.

“Can we keep it, Sigma? Pleasepleasepleaseee..” You plead. He lets out a soft sigh at this, seeming unsure of what to do.

“Even if I had decided we could keep it, we don’t have the correct resources in order to properly care for it and we also don’t know what that poor things been through. It could carry all sorts of diseases!”

You gasp dramatically, cuddling the cat to your chest as you glare at your roommate from across the hall.

“Don’t say that to mittens..”

“You named it..?”

• After a while of your pouting and whining that lasted for about 10 minutes, he accepted the kitty with welcome arms.

• ..After it was given its shots and treatments.

• I believe Sigma is a fond cat lover when he gets used to having one around.

• He’ll bring it everywhere with him inside the house.

• He’d never let the cat outside unless it was in one of those cages..

• He’d get so worried if the cat were to leave home, even for a few hours!!

• He becomes so easily attached to the cat, it’s adorable.

“Y/N? Have you seen Mittens..?” Sigma appears at your side with a slightly worried expression, him fiddling with his fingers as he looks around anxiously.

You turn to him with a raised eyebrow, looking at his fidgety hands and then back at him. “I thought you had him with you?”

“I did..! I set him on your desk whilst I was working and the next minute I looked and then he vanished!”

He rakes his pale hands down his face, looking genuinely stressed for this little kitty you’ve both only had for a few weeks.

That was then, you heard the sound of a thud coming from upstairs. You both jump, Sigma having the worse effect of it since he was already on edge in the first place.

You both rush upstairs, Sigma behind you as you peak into your room ; nothing out of the ordinary, until Sigma taps your shoulder only for you to see Sigmas door a tad bit open as if someone had just slyly slipped through the crack.

You both peer into Sigmas room, only to be greeted with a sight that lights mostly Sigmas eyes up.

Mittens, splayed onto Sigmas king sized bed like a luxurious royal with a few knocked over picture frames that obviously had been caused by Mittens himself. But Sigma could only smile at the sight given the outcome that his- sorry, ‘our cat’ as he corrects, is safe.

“..I think you’ve grown an unhealthy attachment to this cat.” You say. Sigma only gives a mere shrug and a few embarrassed chuckles as he rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, not conforming nor denying that statement.

DAZAI

• I’m gonna be honest and say it - he’d be the one bringing the cat in..

• He’d see a homeless little kitty on the sidewalk and be like “Oh! you’re coming with me!”

• He’s like the classic stereotype of a cat lady who’s got thousands of cats living at her feet.

• So when he comes home with the white stray cat in his arms, you sigh.

“No.”

“What?! You haven’t even given me the chance to hear what I have to say!” He argues.

“I know what you’re going to say, Osamu, and it’s a no.”

“But..” He holds up the white fluff ball up to your face.

“He looks like Atsushi-kun..”

“…”

“Fine.”

“Yay!”

• At this point you believe the cat takes care of Dazai more than Dazai takes care of the cat.

• Brings the cat to work at the agency with him.

•Everyone loves the kitty, pouting and stroking his fur as he purrs. Everyone loves him! (Especially Kyokua and Kenji <33)

• Although Kunikida scolds him for it because of how the cat spilled coffee all over his files one time.

• He could only glare at the cat as he licks his paws and meows.

• “..I can always buy more..”

• Dazais definitely the type to play pranks on the cat

• Like, place cucumber next to it so the cat can absolutely shit itself and he’d post it everywhere cuz he thinks he’s funny (Chuuya dislikes every single one and calls it animal cruelty)

• The cat however, doesn’t find him funny.

• Ends up with scratches littered across his face and some down his neck by the time he’s out of his bedroom.

“What the hell..?”

“Don’t..ask..”

Which is why you’re now in this predicament, patching him up in your bedroom.

You place a plaster on his nose, patting it gently before sighing softly.

“You bully that cat too much..” You state.

“Nuh uh! He’s the one that brutally assaulted me, why are you taking his side?”

“Alright let’s not go say brutally here..” You huff out a laugh.

He sighs dramatically, before you both hear a freak coming from your door, noticing the cat pushing through the door and slowly making its way in. Dazai glares.

“No, oh no you don’t..” He gets up slowly, backing away.

“Oh my god stop acting like a child, sit the hell down!” You exclaim, grabbing his arm and dragging him to sit back down.

He huffs and sits down, crossing his arms and looking away.

“I have nothing to say to you!” He says to the cat.

“He doesn’t care.” You say monotone, rolling your eyes.

He glares only until the cat jumps on the bed, strutting over to Dazai and curling up in his lap, purring and nuzzling into him.

Silence fills the room only until it’s filled by Dazais sounds of high pitched noise and kissing sounds.

“Ooooh..I’m just so sorry! It was my fault wasn’t it..? Yes it was..It really was..”

You snort a laugh, chuckling as you smile at the sight, taking out your phone to take millions of pictures to send to the agency.

CHUUYA

• So we know he’s more of a dog person, but..

• Y’know the type of person to be so against the idea but then immediately love the animal like it’s their child?

• That’s him.

“Why are you giving me that face??” You ask with a pout.

“What is it with you and bringing goddamn fleabags back to our apartment?!”

You scoff at Chuuya’s complaint, rolling your eyes as you hold the definite disease filled cat to your chest.

“Don’t do that, you’ll get fucking ringworm!!”

“We don’t even know if he has it!”

“So it’s a he now?”

You nod instantly, seeming so sure. That’s when Chuuya sighs heavily, grabbing his car keys on the kitchen counter and swiftly brushing past you and to the door.

“Where are you going?” You ask with furrowed eyebrows.

“Where are we going ya mean..we’re getting that damn thing tested and you’re coming with.”

You smile, nodding, but then stop.

“..You’re not gonna put him down are you?”

He squints his eyes and gives you a dirty look, grabbing the door handle.

“The hell? I’m not a damn monster, come on..let’s go.”

• Turns out the cat didn’t have ringworm, the cat was just rather dirty and needed a wash up and a new home.

• Oh, and turns out she’s a girl!

“I could’ve sworn she was a boy..” You furrow your eyebrows, looking at the cat now resting peacefully in the cage Chuuya you had bought for it.

“I knew it was a girl.” Chuuya states matter a factly, keeping his eyes on the road. You give him a glare.

“Oh shut up, just because you want a dog.”

“Hey, I could buy a damn dog if I wanted to, but no, instead I have to put up with your ass bringing back unnecessary things like rats off the street!”

“It’s a cat..”

“Whatever.”

• Around a few weeks later, you come home and your nostrils are flooded with the mixed smell of tuna and cat food, your nose bunches up in disgust.

• You head towards the smell, the living room and your eyes widen in surprise at what you see.

• Chuuya, who was currently sitting on the floor pampering the cat, whilst she had the higher ground by sitting on a pillow which was placed on the glass table you both had recently purchased.

You stand there for a few moments, head tilting as you blink in surprise, then a little smile creeps up on your lips as you let out a snort.

Chuuya instantly turns to his side with an alarmed look, then seeing it was just you his expression softens and he rolls his eyes.

“Don’t look at me like that..” He says with an irritated tone as he looks back to the cat, now stroking her face with the back of his hand.

“I cannot believe I’m witnessing this right now..” You say to mostly yourself, covering your joyful expression with your hand to try and not irritate Chuuya even further, which of course fails due to your snickering.

“Get that stupid look off your face now.”

You roll your eyes playfully, rushing over to join him in pampering your cat.

“She’s grown on me.” He admits, a small smile placed on his face. You also smile, nudging him playfully.

“So you had to buy the entire pet store?” You ask, referring to the clearly high priced items he had purchased ranging from toys to beds and litter boxes.

“Shut your damn mouth..” He mutters, but you could’ve sworn you heard a chuckle escape past his lips just once.

AKUTAGAWA

• Akutagawa isn’t a cat person.

• Infact, he’s not an animal person.

• Not that he doesn’t like them, just that he’s rather..inexperienced when it comes to taking care of a cat.

• Like Sigmas reaction, he’d be confused and more irritated with the fact that the cat you chose had a resemblance to someone.

Akutagawa froze in place, looking at you with an expression of slight shock. There you stand, with a delicate little ball of fluff in your arms. You beckon for him to come closer with a smile on your face, he hesitates for a moment before approaching, hand covering his face but as he got up close, the neutral expression melts to one of annoyance and exasperation.

“Must you have picked that one out of all of them..?” He questions, his arms crossed with a look of disgust placed on his face.

You smirk, holding up the bicoloured kitty in your arms and shoving it in Akutagawas face, with which he instantly turns the other way. You laugh.

“..You did this on purpose didn’t you..?” He questions again. You could only snicker as he lets out an exasperated sigh.

• At first, he lets you handle the kitty, almost like he’s afraid to touch it.

• Stands atleast a few feet away from you whenever it’s with you.

“Are you..allergic..?”

*cough cough* “Yes.”

• He infact, was not.

• However, you don’t let him escape this easily.

• One day, you decide to leave the kitten on his bed whilst he was still sleeping as you leave in the early hours to run your own “errands”.

• It’s safe to say, he wakes up with a fright.

• He let’s out an annoyed groan as he reads the note on his desk.

• “Spend some time with your son! Have to run errands, buhbye~ (￣▽￣)”

• He calls you.

“Hello?”

“You idiot, why would you do this?!” He exclaims.

“Uhh, why would I as a decent human being have to go run errands and keep our home life cozy?” You ‘cluelessly’ ask, biting back a smirk although he can hear it evidently in your voice through the phone.

“No because I know you don’t have any plans to run any ‘errands’ any time soon, what do you take me for some damn fool..?”

“Oh lighten up, Ryū! You never know, it might be fun!” You reassure him, pausing for a moment.

“..But seriously, I really do need you to spend time with him because I read somewhere cats can become depressed if you neglect them for so long, do you want our cat to be depressed, Ryū?!”

“…”

“Don’t answer that..just- haveagood time okaybyeee!!”

“Wait- Y/N!!”

• He ends up awkwardly staring at the cat for a while, before actually getting up and putting in atleast some effort.

• He has to google ‘How to take care of cats’ on your computer and even going out to the library to try and find some books on them.

• A few hours later you stand outside the front door, taking a deep breath as to prepare yourself for the wrath you’re about to receive when you walk through that door.

• But instead, you hear a cough from behind you and a quiet voice speaking.

“Ah, Y/N, you’re home.”

You turn around and your eyes widen.

Akutagawa, had the kitty attached to a leash. You stare, absolutely dumbfounded and shocked. Akutagawa looks at you with a confused expression.

“..Why are you looking at me like that..?”

You shake your head as you put your fingers on each side of your temple, rubbing furiously.

“Okay okay, pause..what are you doing with our cat?” You ask. He looks at you and blinks before responding, looking down at the kitten.

“Oh, well..I read that some animals, especially cats prefer to be outdoors than indoors, so I bought a leash and took him for a walk.”

You stare at him, trying to process his words.

“You..took the cat..for a walk..?”

“..Yes.”

“The cat..for a walk.” You say again, trying to get it through his head.

“..Yes.”

There’s a ring of silence for a few moments, before Akutagawa breaks it.

“What else was I supposed to do?”

“Cats are more preferred to go out on their own, not tied to a leash.” You explain.

“..Oh..is that why some people were given me strange looks whilst I was walking doing the street with him?” He asks.

“I suppose.”

He looks down at the cat, nodding slowly.

“Just..” You start, opening the door for you guys with a slight smile. “Come in, I’ll help you with untying him.”

He nods again, picking up the kitten gently and you notice that’s the first time you’ve ever witnessed him getting as close to touching him. Your smile grows.

He brushes past you as you open the door for him, he stops just as he enters and turns to you, hesitating to ask something, but then he does.

“Did I..do good..?”

Your smile grows once more, before carefully placing your hand on his head, which he flinches slightly, but doesn’t stop you.

“You did great, Ryu.”

FYODOR

• Fyodors not too fussed on having a pet.

• Although he believes some could be a distraction to his work and plans, he wouldn’t mind them all much.

• But, would probably not pay much attention to them..

• That is until, you put one in his lap.

“My my..” He starts, looking up at you and looking down at the little black cat placed on his lap, now pawing at his desk. “What have we here?”

“A gift, and one more problem for you to deal with!” You say with such happiness in your tone of voice, he had almost chuckled.

“Funny, truly.” He says with a slight smile. “But I won’t be putting up with such.”

You raise an eyebrow in confusion. “Huh?”

“I won’t care for it.” He says, referring to the cat. You gasp, furrowing your eyebrows as you glare.

“You’re joking?”

“Have I ever?”

You cross your arms, scoffing at him.

“I bought this just for you, you know? How ungrateful!”

“But, I didn’t ask you to buy this for me, did I?” He says with a smirk, your expression was baffled as you scoff again, slapping your hand over your heart.

“I’m hurt you know.”

He looks at you once more before turning back to his work, ignoring the cat who was still trying to paw at his desk.

You had a sour look on your face all day until the same night as you were walking to your room, you couldn’t help but hear a jingle of bells coming from Fyodors room? Curiosity grew in your bones as you slowly approached his room, peeking through the crack of the door.

There he was, jingling a little bell in-front of the same cat he had ‘claimed’ he was going to ignore with a slight smile on his face, actually seemingly enjoying the cats company as it leaps up with its paws to try and catch the bell.

You couldn’t help but pout as your heart melts at the scene, scrambling in your pocket to find your phone to capture this moment.

However, curiosity did infact kill the cat (you) when you open the photo app and look up, you notice Fyodor gone, and not only that, but he was now behind the door, poking his head around and looking down at your phone.

You jolt up, throwing your phone and covering your mouth with your hand, he smirks. You only glare.

• Soon after that, you had your phone privileges revoked and kept from by Fyodor.

• And surprisingly enough, pays attention to the cat more than you now.

• Always jingling some sort of key or bell infront of its face

• Always having it on his lap.

• At this point you believe he’s just doing it to annoy you.

• But in all honesty, you found it sweet.

• Fyodor had bought the cat an outfit, one that matched his, the hat and all.

“Y/N, come have a look at this.” He says, hand motioning you to come forward. You nod, standing up from your place on the couch and approaching him. You think he’s just going to show you his layout for his current scheme, but no.

It’s the black cat hearing a little shrunken sized version of Fyodors hat and coat and you melt once again.

“Ooohhh..Fyodor you have to give me my phone back so I can take photos please!!”

“Fine.” He says almost instantly, which you find odd at first but quickly brush it off.

You open your phone and open your camera and take lots of photos of the kitty, then going on the photos and scrolling through them until you see some you had never taken before..Fyodor had taken them. You smirk.

“So much for not caring for it huh?”

He merely shrugs, typing on his computer.

“He’s my new sidekick, you’ve been replaced.”

You furrow your eyebrows as you kick his leg.

“I pay the bills, stupid.” You retort, glaring.

“I cook, ‘stupid’” Fyodor shoots back.

The only noise that can be heard is his typing on his computer and you snarl, looking him up and down with daggers as the kitten meows, nuzzling it’s cheek against Fyodors cold hand.

“Yes, i know malen'kiy kotenok (little kitty), they are rather annoying are they not?” He says to the cat, you narrow your eyes.

“Ew.”

@/riiwrites - reblogs are greatly appreciated ❤︎︎

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rizzyu · 2 months

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Hello! I'm new here and I just saw your one shot fics about the BSD men getting sick… I was wondering if you could write that same fic for Akutagawa, Fyodor, Ango, and Oda. If not, I totally understand. Remember to stay hydrated, rest when you need it, and don't forget to eat!

▵▿— When They’re Sick pt2

— Akutagawa, Fyodor, Ango, Oda x gn!reader

Category: Fluff, a bit angsty depending on which way you look at it

CW: Light mention of Akutagawa’s disease :(

A/N: thank you so much for the requeeeeeeeeeeest! And thanks for reminding me to drink water lmao

PART 1 ▶ Dazai, Chuuya, Ranpo, Atsushi

AKUTAGAWA —▵▿

“Ryu! You’re back from your mission!”

Akutagawa coughs into his hands as he strode towards you. Finally after a painfully long time, he returned from his 2 week long mission. He was so busy that he didn’t even have the time to call you. “How was the mission?” Akutagawa closed his eyes and took a breath. “It was fine, wasn’t that difficul—” He was suddenly cut off by another series of coughing.

You rushed towards him and placed a hand on his trembling back. “Are you alright? You haven’t been working yourself to the bone again, have you?” Akutagawa breathed in sharply and clutched onto his own coat as you slowly guided him towards the nearest seat. “I was just doing my duty, I’m fine.” You sighed and clutched onto his slightly quivering hand, “You have to take care of yourself! What if you worsened your disease?” He avoided your gaze, unable to respond to you as he sighed.

You silently patted him on the head before going to the kitchen, and returned with his medicine and a glass of water. You kneeled in front of his seated figure and gently held his chin. “Say ah.” Akutagawa opened his mouth as you fed him the medicine. “…It’s bitter.” You smiled, “It’s good for you though.”

“Promise you will start taking care of your own health from now on."

FYODOR —▵▿

“Have you been working all night again…?”

You looked at Fyodor with a concerned look on your face. He got dark circles under his eyes, must’ve not gotten any sleep for a long while. You lifted his bangs before pressing the back of your hand against his forehead. “Ah, I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me, my dear.” You crossed your arms and pouted. “No! You have a bad fever, I’m not boutta leave you hanging when you’re sick.”

How did he end up here? He still has work to do but here he is, laying on the sofa with as you hustled and bustled around him, bringing him water and getting him towels. Fyodor closed his eyes and began sorting his thoughts and strategizing his next steps for his mission. You tucked his hair away before placed a wet towel on his scorching forehead. “Hey how about taking a break from thinking for a while, you’ll get a headache.” You gently cradled his head in your hands as he looked up at you with exhausted eyes.

“Just focus on this moment alright?” You cuddled up against him as he chuckled quietly. “You seem more clingy when I’m sick.” “I just wanna accompany you.” Fyodor smiled at your response.

“Thank you dear.”

ANGO —▵▿

You focused on typing away on your computer, drowsiness almost consuming you before you heard a bang from behind you. Turning around, you saw Ango throw his glasses on his desk before cradling his head, brows furrowed in frustration. You strode towards him and peeked over his desk to check up on him.

“Ango, you alright?”

You sat on his desk as you watched him sigh for the ninth time today as he pitched the bridge of his nose. “Why is there so much work…?” You chuckled, “maybe you should take a break?” But that was when you noticed Ango’s abnormal breathing and sweating, you pressed your hand against his forehead to feel his temperature. Ango, without a thought, pulled back with a flushed face and stuttered. “W-w-what are you doing…??” “Hey I’m just measuring your temp! Hold still!”

You mentally winced at the burning heat radiated from his forehead. With a concerned look on your face, you asked, “Are you still working even though you got a fever?” Ango sighed in frustration. “There’s still so much work… you expect me to slack off now??” You stood over his desk, hands at your hips and brows furrowed. “Yep! You’re taking a break now!” Without another word, you dragged him to the staff break room and had him lay on the couch, before getting an icepack and water for him. Upon returning, you had him chuck down the water and gently placed the icepack on his forehead. You leant down to press a kiss on his mole as you smiled at him.

“As your subordinate, I have to advise you to take work off for the rest of this week.”

ODASAKU —▵▿

“Big brother!”

The children all rushed towards Oda, hopping around him trying to catch his attention. You, sitting at the back of the room, chuckled at the wholesome sight. “The kids missed you a lot, yknow.” Oda kneeled down to pat each child on the head. The man may always have a poker face and doesn’t talk much, but for so long, he had taken good care of you and all the orphans. This time everyone worked their hardest to return their gratitude by taking care of him after he fell ill from the previous mission.

“Yu, can you help get some tissues?” You asked one of the kids to help you grab stuff as you wrapped Oda in a warm blanket. “You know you don’t have to take care of me like this, right?” He huddled close to the soft blanket and flashed you a concerned look. You placed a finger against his lips as you shushed him. “Shh, you’re sick. Don’t worry about it and let us take care of you.”

For the rest of the day, you and all the children kept keeping Oda accompanied, taking turns telling him stories as you cooked dinner for him downstairs. At night, all of you would cuddle up against each other as you ate dinner in the bedroom. Eventually, you put all of the children to bed before returning to Oda. You pressed a kiss on his forehead before threading your fingers through his red locks. “Are you feeling better?” Oda hummed as he leaned against your touch.

“Get well soon, alright?”

#riyugu writing #yorutenshi riyugu #bsd x reader #bsd #bungou stray dogs #akutagawa ryuunosuke #akutagawa x reader #fyodor dostoevsky #fyodor x reader #ango sakaguchi #ango x reader #oda sakunosuke #oda x reader

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gaoau · 3 months

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you'll never resemble a human, so stand up on your claws and kill your own God

theory of the two demons warnings — this is set in the bsd beast universe, so if you havent read/watched that, i do not recommend reading this. theres spoilers and it probably wont make much sense anyway if you dont know what the fucks going on for everyone else that has read beast, have fun word count — 5.5k note — bonus 😝😝

prev.

"have you ever heard about the theory of the two demons?"

"i haven't. what does it say?"

"that to combat a great evil, you need an even greater evil. say, for uprisings against the government, the government can suppress the people with forced disappearances, for example."

"so it's bad against worse?"

"precisely. it cancels out. it reaches a point where evil is just the norm. a demon against another demon; do you get it?"

"i see. like… fighting fire with fire. only a demon can kill a demon."

"yeah, that's… that's a good analogy."

"where did you find this theory? it seems interesting."

"that's not important. i just thought you'd like to know about it."

"why's that?"

"so you don't resent me after i'm dead."

"i'd be surprised if you're actually mortal at all."

"now that's a very cursed thing to say, [Name]."

"my apologies, boss."

[Surname] [Name] is not required for his plans by any means, Dazai knows, but there's a needle of an unnamed feeling pricking him on the back of the head. he sits in Mori's office, reading old newspapers from two or three years ago. it's his latest special interest, so Mori doesn't question it and keeps supplying him with new material. but Mori also questions it, because Dazai doesn't give anything that isn't worth it the time of day. it is an interesting topic, he admits, but it raises his suspicions just as much.

strange murder cases across Japan are not uncommon, what with ability users running wild. he tries not to think much of it. he can't, though, not when Dazai excitedly gasps, "Mori-san! this one could be useful!" as he points to a particular article from Nagoya. spontaneous deaths concentrated in a relatively small radius—likely the work of an ability. an interesting one. one that Dazai knows he doesn't need. one that Dazai hears murmurs of from unilateral memories.

Mori hums, "what is it?" he wonders what could have possibly caught the demon prodigy's eye. but as soon as he glances over to the newspaper and the bold kanji from two years ago, a chill runs down his spine.

"spontaneous deaths, no signs of physical trauma or any diseases, unrelated and irregular victims," Dazai starts listing off. Mori knows this case like the back of his hand. "it's clearly an ability user, wouldn't you agree?" Mori's had his eye on this one for the past two years. "probably a child, too, seeing how erratic they are."

Mori thinks Dazai is aware of a lot more than he's letting on.

"we should fetch them like we did with Q. they might be an ability worth having in the mafia's arsenal."

Mori blinks blankly at the cunning child staring right back into him with an unassuming grin. suggestions of a mind with normal thoughts, those abnormal people wouldn't be able to fathom. because Dazai is not special, however his schemes may play out. he offers him a smile, a bit more strained than he wishes to express. "okay, Dazai-kun, i'll leave that to you."

and a parallel story comes to life—a story where kids can't cry, but they can pray for their lives.

it's easier to find something when knowing exactly where to look for it. Dazai doesn't waste any time paying a visit to the ruins of a research facility in Nagoya. whatever shall be rebuilt from these remains, he'll make sure it doesn't impact his plans. admittedly, he doesn't know what is waiting for him at the next location on his to-do list. among the rubble and the blood, he finds a stainless steel bracelet. he knows who it belonged to and he knows where to keep it for the sake of repentance.

after his short detour, he makes his way to Shizuoka. he's all smiles and innocence when he speaks to the lady in charge of orphaned children. when he's allowed inside and the woman calls [Name]'s attention, he hears the echo of a gunshot ringing in his ear. he remembers cursed words meant to follow him in every new page.

[Name] is sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall and taking up space as their legs are stretched out. one of their little brothers—Dazai doesn't know which one—sits against them, holding a book. as soon as the woman calls their name, [Name]'s head shoots up. they pat their sibling on the shoulder, chuckling at their childish whining, before approaching their beckoning mother. she introduces the two to one another with a warm grin and promptly leaves them to talk in private.

as they're sitting outside, watching children of all ages play with a ball, Dazai presents them with the cheap bracelet. "do you recognize this?" he prompts them to take it, but they don't budge. they scan the jewelry with their eyes briefly. then they shake their head. Dazai sighs, returning the bracelet to his pocket.

he lets silence settle between them, leaving space for [Name] to ask any questions. without stained walls and dying children, he wonders what this version of [Name] has to say to him. how sharp are their teeth? how deep do they bite? how much do they burn? but they don't look at him as they say, "i don't know who you are or what that bracelet is." they flinch when one of their siblings falls face first on the grass. their eyes are soft, without any trace of fear. "why are you here?"

amiability and [Name] are dissonant, Dazai thinks, but truth stands that the looming cloud of anger clinging to their shoulders doesn't exist here. he considers the many paths he can take them down, between violence and comradery. "listen," he starts, choosing to stand neutral where he knows he shouldn't disrupt, "it's your choice, but the ability you have—" [Name] snaps their neck towards him, "—is very useful, and a lot of less than nice people will come to get you for it."

the last time [Name] used Mirror Mirage was two years ago. the last person to ever know about it was a man in a lab coat. "i'm past using my ability. it's been long enough." with their family and their life, they hardly feel the need to steal from others anymore. they look Dazai in the eye with a passive stare, harmless, curious, willing. the stare of an older sibling scolding him for acting so childishly.

"about that…" he trails, rising from the bench. he can't see [Name] from his peripheral vision. he knows [Name] has no hostility within them unless he gives them some. "i was told to burn this orphanage down just to get you. but i'm being nice about it." and he won't give them any reason to bare their teeth. he's learned his lesson. he knows better from his own parallel mistakes. "you're a smart kid, aren't you?"

"are you extorting me?"

"not quite, i'm just looking out for you." a chuckle slips from his tongue. there's a fine line between his lies and his benevolence. it seems he cannot change his ways—he can only make them softer.

[Name] purses their lips in thought as they ponder over his words. "will everyone here be safe if i go with you?" they crane their neck to look up at him. he's not that much taller than them, even while standing up, wearing nothing but black, hiding behind his bangs and bandages. he still feels unreachable, too big and too lonely, like he takes up too much space whether he wants to or not.

"you can watch over them yourself," Dazai reassures them. he takes a step and turns to face them, offering them his bandaged hand.

"okay then." without a moment's hesitation, they reach for his fingers. they rise to their feet. "i'll go with you."

"welcome to the Port Mafia, [Name]."

Dazai feels in their hand the moment they realize exactly who he is and where he comes from. they blink owlishly at him as he smiles back without a trace of animosity. [Name] relaxes their muscles, now knowing they've made the correct choice. later that same week, they meet again with the man in the lab coat; the head of the Port Mafia itself.

it's fleeting, [Name] realizes, but it's very much there—the unadulterated, baseless animosity creeping up their legs. when they walk into the training room on their first day, Dazai is waiting for them while leaning against the wall. they see it in his eye as he turns his head to look at them. it's a hollow stare, a bottomless pit of strife, reaching out in echoes from the sobs of a child. his lips curl into a small smile. [Name] feels the hairs on their nape bristling in alarm, like there's a bigger threat looming nearby, but all they can see is Dazai.

and Dazai, with that look in his eyes and that simper on his lips, is not a threat at all.

when he's standing so close to them, when he isn't hiding in the sunlight, he feels much smaller. it's almost as if they could see his hands shaking. it's almost as if they could see the tears wanting to overflow. there's a stirring in their stomach where pain bubbles, purely and innocently. Dazai is so, so far away.

he pushes himself off the wall and stands across from [Name]. stepping closer, he finds it unusual to not see their muscles tense in alarm. then he remembers the usual hasn't been established yet. "those scars…" his sentence dies down as he tastes the words. they feel familiar on his tongue, so he finds a way to flip them upside down. "do you want to die, [Name]?" his eye casts down to their uncovered arms. they look the same.

"i'm sorry?"

a sigh tumbles from his lips. "your scars, those are self-inflicted."

"ah." instinctively, [Name]'s fingers reach up to touch their neck. Dazai doesn't look at them. "there was a time, back in the labs. i've grown out of it." they speak nonchalantly, shrugging their shoulders and acting like craving death was nothing more than a short phase. a little something they tried for fun and stopped once they got bored of it—it doesn't follow them, it doesn't cling to them, it has left them alone because they don't want to die anymore.

"why?"

"what do you mean?"

"why did you want to die?"

he sees how [Name] stops to give it some thought. their eyes flicker down and to the side briefly, then return to him, alive. "i'm not sure. it was just easy."

"those tests they ran on you," he prompts.

"yeah." they blink and something flashes in their eyes. it's unnoticeable, but Dazai can see it clearly. he considers briefly, just briefly, keeping his mouth shut. [Name] continues with an explanation that only makes sense to normal people like themself and Dazai, "living things became trivial."

"and by consequence, so did you."

[Name] nods. it's odd, they think, how easily he understands without them explaining a jumbled mess of forgotten thoughts. maybe it isn't that odd, especially considering he's read their files already. "do you want to die, Dazai-san?" but they see him as soon as their question slips from their tongue.

"yes."

in a quick answer with no hesitation, [Name] sees the innocent boy on the verge of tears. he's gritting his teeth and covering his ears with trembling hands. [Name] grimaces, because the closer they try to step, the smaller he becomes. so scared, so lonely, so vulnerable. they feel sorry for him. they pity him. he feels just like another little sibling from the orphanage, one [Name] could easily hold until his breathing settles down again. but as soon as they blink, he fades away, melting into the shadows where they can't reach. in his stead, they meet Dazai's hollow stare.

[Name]'s fingers twitch on instinct. "can i ask why?" they think, ignoring the bristling hairs on the back of their nape, that Dazai has been standing alone and alienated for far too long.

"some may call me a fool," he answers, voice light and airy, shrugging it off like it's something he's heard a billion times before. but then [Name] feels it again, when he looks them right in the eye, the unnerving animosity trying to drag them down. it's as if he's looking at someone else—looking at words he's heard from the same voice, but not quite the same person. "others," he emphasizes, "may call me a coward."

[Name] recoils. they take a step backwards. that statement—that complaint—was not directed at them, [Name] understands, but it was directly for them.

Dazai lets a chuckle drift into the silence. he recognizes he shouldn't be speaking anymore. he recedes and takes his contempt off [Name] with him. "is that enough of an answer for you?"

"i think… it's your choice." ([Name] tries—wants—to understand.) "whether you want to tell me or not."

they don't bite. "you're a lot more agreeable," Dazai hums. in a world in which he hasn't stolen anything from them, [Name] has no reason to bite back. if he hadn't been so childish, maybe they could have held a conversation like this in the right story.

[Name] contemplates asking for clarification, but they keep their mouth shut as Dazai steps closer. he feels small again. he's a kid. he's nothing but a kid, all over again.

with weightless steps, he stands a few feet away from [Name]. "attack me with all you've got."

Dazai can recite this scene from memory. [Name] hesitates, argues, and he makes sure they understand where their loyalties should lie from the get-go. he's long decided to teach them the same lessons in a different way. their attack is as predictable as the first time; he wastes not a single second striking his leg against their ribcage. as [Name] bounces off the wall, Dazai sighs to himself.

"lesson number one," his voice echoes through the training room, "don't rely on your ability alone." he watches unblinking while [Name] struggles to pick themself up from the floor. "you're gonna need a lot of martial arts training."

[Name] can barely register any of his words when their mouth is overflowing with blood.

Dazai gives them time to stand back up on their feet. quietly, he turns towards the door. "that's all for today." [Name]'s blurry eyes follow him as he begins heading out. his back is so, so small. "the closest infirmary is on the ground floor. same time tomorrow, yeah?" he stops at the door, glancing over his shoulder.

finding support on the wall, [Name] clutches the forming bruise on their side, stumbling in an attempt to stay balanced. their head spins, but they answer, "…yeah, okay…" despite the sickening taste of blood on their tongue.

"i'll use a gun, so be ready."

"…gotcha."

[Name] listens to their own choked breathing and takes a moment to properly stabilize themself. Dazai hears an echo in his brain, voices from the dead he has never heard, but he nonetheless remembers. it haunts him, whether he wants them to or not, because wisdom only has worth when a writer is dead. he takes it upon himself to not stress [Name] out too much. promptly, he exits the training room, leaving the door wide open for [Name] to follow once they gather their bearings again.

they think, while heading for the door, that Dazai is simply a lonely kid drowning in future regrets.

Dazai knows better than anyone—or rather, he's the only who knows—that he cannot interfere where he isn't allowed. the best example of this is [Name]'s natural gravitation towards Chuuya. he lets the years pass, working for things to play out the exact same way, changing the course only where it's needed for his plan. while he's busy throwing a quiet tantrum in a former assassin's apartment, he leaves [Name] in Chuuya's hands.

Nakahara Chuuya has read [Name]'s files—only the most relevant ones, because it would take him a lifetime to even scan through everything that has been documented since the moment of their birth. empathy simmers in his chest in the face of another humane monster built from experiments.

that which resembles a human. resembling humans, all of them, dancing on a chessboard in someone else's pocket.

however smart Mori may be, however much respect he may have for the boss, Chuuya believes leaving a kid with suicidal tendencies to a suicidal bastard is undeniably cruel. [Name] is nothing like Dazai, because they value life, because they don't regret being born, because they don't taunt death in an attempt to free themself. and yet despite knowing they are so, so different from the demon prodigy, there still is something. there is something, and Chuuya doesn't know what, but it's very much there. something in their eyes, something very deep in a parallel mirror; something on the scar on their neck and something in their voice.

something, whatever it is, making [Name] feel horribly similar to Dazai.

Chuuya has seen his friends die time and time again. that's just the way the mafia works. he fears he's going to see [Name] end up being another corpse in a pile of distant memories.

after a strenuous day of training, he offers them a cigarette. the more they take from him, the less they'll follow in Dazai's footsteps—he hopes, at least, because Dazai has a plan. Chuuya doesn't know what it is or why he's so determined to see it come to fruition, but he does know no one is safe. so he leans against the wall, taking another drag, listening as [Name] explains their experience in the research facility. out of curiosity, out of concern.

if there's an input, there's an output.

[Name] shakes ashes off their cigarette. they finish their retelling with a closing thought of, "at some point, the concept of life became trivial, as Dazai-san put it." it sounds natural and it rolls off their tongue with the tone of an older sibling. Chuuya argues that it sounds dissonant; that agreeing with Dazai shouldn't be a willing choice. "i could kill anyone and anything, but i couldn't kill myself. they wouldn't let me."

he sighs heavily, "that explains why you feel so much like that lousy suicidal bastard."

with the way [Name] turns to blink owlishly at him, he'd think he's offended them. their brows furrow in thought for a moment, before they chuckle sardonically. "i think Dazai-san's in a league of his own." as a pained afterthought, they add, "sadly." they cast their gaze down to their shoes, a grimace twisting their face. pity burns on their tongue. "there really isn't anyone out there to feel so much like him."

"hopefully," Chuuya snarls, rolling his eyes, "there really shouldn't be."

"do you hate him that much, Chuuya-san? i know he's a lot to handle, but he's just throwing a tantrum." the laughter that falls from their lips is ironic. they don't mean it. they're at a loss. the cigarette between their fingers slips and bounces off their shoes.

Chuuya clicks his tongue. "he's just a cunning bastard with a plan to fuck everyone over." he flicks his own cigarette off to the side to emphasize his words.

[Name] lets his snarky remark swim into their ears, processing each sound with careful consideration. they stare silently at the floor as they take into account everything the mafia has shown them for the past two years. they're well aware Dazai is always slithering around, a heavy presence looming over everyone's shoulders to make sure everything goes according to plan. they know he's doing something, whatever it might be, and it's very important. that's why he's been gone for over a week already. from where [Name] stands, it simply seems capricious.

"i think he's a little kid," they speak up with a hint of hesitation. a knot in their throat tries to keep them from spitting words a parallel story would set them on fire for. they clear their throat, turning to find Chuuya's eyes. "doesn't he feel like a neglected toddler to you?"

immediately, Chuuya throws his head back and cackles from the core of his chest. he pats [Name]'s shoulder harshly, shaking them in a fit of pure amusement. "ha! that's your best joke so far." he pretends to wipe a tear off his eye. the moment his laughter fades away, a peeved frown pulls his brows down. "that shitty asshole's a demon that's been alive for centuries. i wouldn't waste pity on him." as if it were an unimportant discussion about ants on the ground, Chuuya shrugs his shoulders. he's done with his smoke break and he cares little about sympathy for malicious intelligence.

[Name] watches him head back into the Port Mafia building. the demonic crown Dazai wears weighs on him more and more as the years go by. centuries upon centuries of living in isolation should give a demon like him all the wisdom in the universe, and yet he's nothing but a child. even Chuuya is only a child with issues of his own. they all are. and when kids are scared, some cry, some bite back, and some simply cower in a corner while gritting their teeth.

with a sigh, [Name] crushes their struggling cigarette with the sole of their shoe. they follow after Chuuya once the fire has died.

it's strange, Dazai thinks, and it rattles him for a moment. he only has the memories of what will happen, but he's convinced he can still feel frail bones crushing under the pressure of his foot. the moment he sees [Name] in broad daylight, crouched over in an awfully familiar alleyway, he stops dead in his tracks. his fingers twitch. he almost wishes [Name] would try to hide away in the shadows. he doesn't have to even look past them to know there's a box with three puppies in it.

"what are you doing here, [Name]?"

[Name] cranes their neck back, finding Dazai's eye staring down at them with a blank gaze. "hello, Dazai-san," they greet him normally, because they don't know and they can't guess. they step to the side to let him see the three dying dogs, huddled together for warmth inside a humid box. Dazai blinks. these puppies don't just look frail, they look sick.

"what are you doing?"

[Name] turns back to the box. with one hand, they keep searching for a way to help these dying creatures; the other one offers a sense of comfort—or as much as they can—scratching their heads gently. "i found these guys abandoned here. i was thinking of getting 'em to the vet, they don't look too good." when [Name] removes their hand, one of the puppies stirs. it tries to call out in a faint cry. it barely has the strength to breathe.

"oh." Dazai hums in understanding. he doesn't like dogs. he doesn't care about what happens to these dogs. something is probably eating them from the inside out and he knows for a fact they will not survive a ride to the vet. they're on the verge of death already; [Name], this time, is too late. "yeah, that's a good idea." he doesn't care about what happens to these dogs or to [Name] themself, but he lets them do whatever they want. it is not a dare. it is not a challenge. it's simply him taking a step back.

"do you know of any vets nearby? i can't find anything on my phone."

"…i don't really like dogs so i don't know anything." he lies. he does know. he cannot step back more than this.

it's fleeting, but [Name] feels that same baseless animosity trying to drown them. "i see." they pretend it's fair. they don't pry. with a grimace, they turn again to look at Dazai. "do you think they'll make it? they might be a lost cause."

"you should try."

the longer they consider it, the more pity simmers in their chest. when they scan their eyes over the puppies one more time, they're agitated, struggling to breathe. "i'd rather not put 'em through that… i'll just let 'em pass peacefully." an orange glow surrounds their body as they use Mirror Mirage to steal the dogs' lives from them. painlessly, the three of them grow weaker until they ultimately die.

Dazai glares quietly. he watches with a hollow stare as [Name], with their eyes closed, claps their hands and says a short prayer to the lives they've taken.

"i'll find a place to bury them. excuse me, Dazai-san." picking the box up from the floor, [Name] bows their head to him. he trails his eyes after them while they disappear down the sidewalk.

Mori Ogai knew eventually Dazai would take his place. evil expects evil from others. when he finds [Name]'s hand around his throat, he chuckles. he figures this is exactly why Dazai wanted to take them from their orphanage and bring them into his arsenal. he's not given much choice and lets the children do with him as they see fit.

at age eighteen, Dazai Osamu becomes the Port Mafia's boss.

[Name] doesn't mind the changes in the mafia, especially considering they aided the new boss. there's a hefty weight of unbearable responsibility pressing down on their shoulders. they're aware Dazai isn't their problem, and neither do they feel the need to interfere. he is doing something—[Name] doesn't know what it is or why, but they hope he can accomplish it so he'll finally sit down and breathe. they know better than to meddle. but the duty of an older sibling compels them to at least check in on everyone around them.

(Chuuya isn't content. they've heard all of his complaints again and again over cigarettes and drinks. he says he doesn't blame them for helping Dazai out in taking Mori's head. they hardly believe him.)

Dazai calls them into his office. something feels off when they step inside, bowing as per usual, speaking politely like they did with Mori. he's leaning back on his chair and reading a book. the cover is worn, but they can make out the characters for war and crime. the look in his eye darkens considerably as he lets it flutter shut before dropping it in his trash bin.

he leans into his desk and towards [Name], an empty smile curling his lips. "i have a task for you, [Name]." he gathers documents scattered around, brushing off a paper airplane that falls off the edge. [Name] takes them from his hand with a nod. "i'd like some information on this orphanage."

"of course, boss."

they bow one more time to excuse themself. Dazai considers letting them go with their task, but curiosity gets the best of him. he can't keep his mouth shut. "say, [Name]," he starts. [Name] stands up straight, listening attentively. "have you ever heard about the theory of the two demons?"

[Name] blinks, brows rising. it doesn't ring a bell. "i haven't. what does it say?" Dazai knows it doesn't ring a bell.

"that to combat a great evil, you need an even greater evil." it's taken him years to understand what this theory entails. it's taken him memories that do not belong to him to wrap his head around nonsense such as this. the best experience comes first-hand. "say, for uprisings against the government, the government can suppress the people with forced disappearances, for example." he cannot pretend to laugh at this anymore.

"so it's bad against worse?"

"precisely." Dazai snaps his fingers. there's a childlike ring in his voice, like he's happy to finally hold a conversation with the [Name] he's known. "it cancels out. it reaches a point where evil is just the norm. a demon against another demon; do you get it?"

"i see. like… fighting fire with fire." they're close. "only a demon can kill a demon."

like saying long time no see to someone he's supposed to have never met. like stabbing his own leg for someone he knows doesn't have the choice to stray. like offering lies to someone who cursed him in a different story. like babbling words that are not his. "yeah, that's… that's a good analogy." like a corpse smiling back at him. (like animal blood staining his shoes.)

"where did you find this theory? it seems interesting."

Dazai glances at the trash bin only briefly. "that's not important." [Name] doesn't catch on. "i just thought you'd like to know about it."

"why's that?"

"so you don't resent me after i'm dead." he's always known they aren't anything like him.

[Name] lets an innocent chuckle slip, "i'd be surprised if you're actually mortal at all."

"now that's a very cursed thing to say, [Name]." he offers them a smile. it's the smile of a child, innocent and ignorant. it's heavy.

"my apologies, boss."

Nakajima Atsushi is a mellow boy. it doesn't take a genius to realize he wasn't as lucky as [Name] was when drawing straws in the orphanage lottery. he's been blessed with a powerful ability, but he's also been cursed to never tame it. Dazai seems to have been prepared for this inconvenience since the day he was born. [Name] considers that's probably exactly the case.

they analyze the collar Dazai has given them, before their eyes fall on Atsushi. he's mellow and he's scared. he sits quietly on the floor, hugging his knees close to his chest to make himself small, hiding his face in search for safety. [Name] crouches by him, wearing the same gentle simper they used for their youngest siblings.

"i'm sorry about this, Atsushi-kun," they speak softly, careful not to make unnecessary loud noises, "but Dazai-san said it's to keep your ability in check."

"i know. i understand. it's okay." he lifts his head up only slightly. he meets [Name]'s pitying eyes.

they frown. the theory of the two demons states that, in order to take down a great evil, one requires a greater evil; [Name] thinks this is what Dazai meant when introducing them to such a wicked theory. a sigh tumbles from their lips, "it's not okay, but it's necessary." it burns on their tongue, rotten words they should swallow.

they purse their lips and clasp the collar around Atsushi's neck. somehow, they wince harder than him.

Dazai Osamu has completed his plan.

he hits the ground, blood splattering and staining the ground a crimson red, because even in death, Dazai can't keep himself from being a nuisance. his body twitches as the last remnants of life slip away from him. it's unexpected—not that he managed to fulfill his own goals, but the way he chooses to celebrate. in the moment, [Name] thought their words were ironic. as they catch a glimpse through the corner of their eye, they think they spoke too much.

they freeze, shoulders taut. with wide eyes, they find Chuuya's glare across from them, seemingly just as perplexed. both turn towards the wall of windows; neither dare take a step closer to confirm their suspicions.

"…Chuuya-san," [Name] speaks up with a hesitant tone. Chuuya doesn't answer. "Chuuya-san, was…" their voice trails off, unsure of what to say in the face of suicide. "Chuuya-san, was that Dazai-san?" by the time they manage a coherent sentence, Chuuya is no longer by their side.

[Name] watches from up high in an empty hallway. from this height, Dazai's bleeding body is nothing more than an ant out of line. they sigh heavily, eyes closed. they clap their hands together and say a short prayer for the life that now sleeps forever in solitude.

—あごす (agosu) • 2023

#theory of the two demons #bungou stray dogs #bsd #dazai osamu #dazai osamu x reader #dazai x reader #chuuya nakahara #chuuya nakahara x reader #chuuya x reader #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #nakajima atsushi #mori ougai #bsd beast #bungou stray dogs beast

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jounosparticles · 3 months

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this feels really odd to ask but but what do you think the hunting dogs' thoughts are about death? specifically if they die and how? cause I feel like all of them share a variation of "I will go down guns blazing and with glory"

fukuchi definitely feels it and I feel like jouno as well. they've both had rough and violent lives so I feel like they've always thought death was just right around the corner.

I don't know about the rest of them though. teruko I feel shares the thought but not as intense as the other two, and I dont know about tecchou and tachihara.

anyway. it's a neat thought to me :3

ohhh i’ve been thinking of the best way to answer this for DAYS. this analysis will be long so ill put it under a readmore.

the hunting dogs and death - analysis

overall, it is shown that they can die. i assume due to their abilities and bodily enhancements that they do not die of injuries very easily. it makes me wonder how disease hits them? partially mechanical bodies may not respond to illness as well as natural bodies would? or maybe the opposite and they can heal more so internally? anyways here's my thoughts on how each hunting dog perceives dying!!

fukuchi

i see fukuchi as fairly self-preserving up until the end. he can't die in battle because he needs to make sure the decay of angels plot carries out.

remember that he was warned of this at nine years old. he had to spend his life preparing for this. he likely grew very wary of living recklessly and became great at fighting very fast and young; i assume that's why he went through dojos to fight as a child.

under no circumstances could he die until the world was safe.

i imagine he put on a selfless face and was willing to take serious harm in order to protect the peace, but i highly doubt he was ever willing to sacrifice his life until his plan worked out.

here we see his thought process and how things need to fall into place. his participation was essential because in no other situation would fukuzawa be the one able to get access to the one order. if fukuchi had died beforehand, the war would play out as the amenogozen warning claimed.

he had to leave the world to fukuzawa, the man he could trust most before facing his own demise.

of course, at this point in the series he has been killed since that was the final goal of his plan. a noble death for a fantastic hero.

jouno

im actually a little conflicted on his perception of death. i believe jouno is willing to sacrifice his life if absolutely necessary but is probably more self-preserving than the others. i believe he likely uses his confident and slightly arrogant attitude to hide this self-preserving mindset. someone who comes off as intimidating or nonchalant during battle is more likely to throw off the enemy whereas appearing nervous or angry will make them seem vulnerable. i believe jouno also sees himself as very strategic and able to get out of situations easily if needed. he's a quick thinker from what we've seen thus far.

lets look at when he confronted fukuchi.

he starts off very confidently accepting the offer. we know this is a facade but him immediately trying to throw fukuchi off guard seems so show he's pretty confident in his next move.

but when this doesn't work, he immediately tries to flee. this is fairly unique for a fight in bsd, many characters will often fight until they either get what they wish or they're too injured to move. despite jouno having an ability that could dodge fukuchi's, he still chose to try and escape instead of continuing to fight. this is a very normal human reaction to have but not one you see as often.

and at a disturbance, he begins to panic and needs to ground himself by reassuring himself instead of fighting back. he's not willing to put his life on the line to stop a global terrorism and his own escape is seen as a victory, which i see as him being more self-preserving. this all took place before the sword was set on fire, so it wasn't as if he had that threat to escape yet.

however, there's a chance he just didn't know how to fight the amenogozen; but his ability was definitely one of the best to fight against fukuchi with.

still, he's smart and made sure to plan adequately in case he was injured in the battle against fukuchi. he wants to keep himself safe, but he's still smart enough to take precaution.

i think jouno has probably been through a lot in his life and wants to spend a while living happily, making him more afraid to die than the others. this is even shown when he took teruko being angry as a threat while fukuchi laughed over it.

(as a small note, fukuchi's line in the anime was "haha. it seems our gremlin is angry today" which makes more sense in this context).

so tldr i think jouno would only go down if absolutely necessary and otherwise is fairly self-prioritizing.

tecchou

i believe tecchou would sacrifice himself if it brings justice.

however, he seems to see himself as one responsible for judgement, so i imagine he gives every single fight his all.

regardless of him acting as judgement, it's been shown that tecchou is willing to die if he fails at his work.

here he promises that if he were to fail he would commit seppuku (killing oneself via slicing through your stomach--an honourable death for a samurai fighter (which lines up with irl tetchou coming from samurai lineage)), which is an incredibly agonizing way to die. regardless, he is fully willing to do it if it is for peace. this shows a confidence in death and commitment to his sense of justice to an extreme manner.

and when he found himself in a situation where he was in the wrong, he immediately admitted defeat and asked his opponent to kill him.

he admits defeat, says his wrongs and is willing to accept the consequences.

he even jumps to the harsh conclusion that he isn't worthy of his title as a hunting dog. the stark white in his eyes show that his mind isn't corrupted and that he is doing what he believes is proper justice. incredibly noble.

luckily he was spared-and likely learned a lot about justice not always being as black and white as things appear.

overall, tecchou is a very noble fighter and is willing to put his life on the line for justice. he doesn't seem to fear death and will embrace it if he feels it is earned or deserved.

tachihara

i have less to say about tachihara than the others. i see him as the type that will go down over what's right and that's shown during his fight with fukuchi.

he isn't willing to fear death or beg for forgiveness. he will go down if it is worthy.

we also see that he keeps a argumentative spirit towards the enemy despite the circumstances. he will put down his opponent even in the moment of death, he just has the confidence to.

this panel also shows that he's more willing to die than to be defeated. he doesn't want to harm anyone and be controlled so he tries to kill himself first.

overall, he's a strong fighter who isn't afraid to sacrifice his life for what he believes in. his orders make him who he is, and if the orders are to win he either will or he will die trying.

(of course that last part doesn't really count when he was posing as a mafioso because he couldn't blow his cover by easily surviving everything).

teruko

much like tachihara, teruko seems to be very willing to put herself on the line to keep people safe. this is shown almost immediately in her introduction.

if ordered, she is willing to die. she's incredibly dedicated to her job and would go down if it saves people.

she's willing to go to drastic measures to keep herself alive as well, destroying her eardrum and continuing to try and fight sigma despite being under the directed resonance guns (which were made to destroy people like her). she didn't run, and she did absolutely everything she could have done in order to win.

she seems to also pride herself in fighting and being hurt in battle, likely to show her resilience and ability to do whatever it takes if it saves people.

she even goes on to call the hunting dogs "society's servants" and refers to the enhancement surgeries as "searing order into their own bodies."

this immense dedication makes me strongly believe that she would have no problem sacrificing herself if it is for the best. she killed fukuchi despite really caring for him, so i can see her being willing to put herself into that situation as well.

tysm for the question!!!!! this was super fun to read through the scenes again and try to piece together a logical guess on them all.

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bonefall · 2 months

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There are some scenes in BSD you could have fun with actually

A doctor becomes the leader of an organization by killing the last one, making it look like natural causes somehow with the witness being an apprenticed aged guy telling him to say that the former leader said that his successor was the doctor

Like that would be cool as shit in bonewarriors. Evil medic that gained power in a way that people can’t question but also like… should? Would be a hell of an exploration I think

Ok but like, that's Good writing. Good writing isn't as much fun to fix. From what you're telling me, Bungo is a Good series

If there was any anime I was going to beat with a hammer until it's a good story it's Naruto. That is the kind of anime that's so close to being good its ending will fold a protein in your brain wrong and become a prion disease

#if BB ever became an original project and I had to make things more different from WC I'd take inspiration from there #because with the village setup + kage/daimyo distinction + lineages...#it would actually be a fantastic setup for a longterm story about generational changes. Which is the biggest reason I love WC so much #it's not that because Kishi is like... uninterested in actual politics. still mad about the conclusion of shippuden.#but anyway I won't get too into my problems with naruto because this is a cat blog #i yelled about them once before lmaoo #I'll talk about Naruto more on bonebabbles if it's requested though.

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suckingsugu · 10 months

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Hello! I hope you are doing as good as Karl's spoiled raccoon life!

Anyhow, I low-key just found out that having kids of my own most likely won't be an option for me. Am high-key bummed out so, I was wondering if you could do head cannons of the BSD men reacting to fertility issues?

If not that's okay! Thank you for your time anyways! 😊

AHHHH TY TY IM DOIN GREAT SORRY FOR NOT SEEING THIS SOONER BUT OF COURSE 🫶🏼 HOPE YOU GET A MIRACLE AND GET URSELF A BABY💜💜 sending baby dust your way✨✨

BSD Men reacting to fertility issues headcanons!

a/n – there was no specific characters you asked for but feel free to comment/ask if you (or anyone else) want this with other characters!!

content – TW!! mentions of infertility, sensitive topic talked about, reader is afab, fem reader, fem bodied reader,, fluff, SPOILERS for tachihara, tachihara calls reader “baby girl”, akutagawa calls reader “dear”/“my dear”, dazai calls reader “belladonna”/“bella” ,i think that’s it lmk if i missed anything!

synopsis – tachihara, akutagawa, and dazai reacting to reader having fertility issues!

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tachihara

tachihara lost his brother young, so he never really got to experience the big brother type of love

so he’d always wanted have kids!

and when he met you?

the woman of his dreams?

oh he thought he’d have his whole life planned out.

he’d leave the port mafia as an undercover agent

go back to being a hunting dog

get his monthly surgeries to stay alive

and finally get the life he’d always wanted

with the love of his life🫶🏼

and even before he’d been able to leave the pm

you two had tried

and tried

and when nothing happened no matter how many times you guys tried?

you both decided to go to a fertility doctor

and learned that you, the love of his life, was infertile.

tachihara felt his heart break

but not for him.

no, he felt his heart break for you.

the woman who’d been so happy to try over and over again with him for a child

the woman who’d sat beside him when given the news and even if you didn’t cry, he’d heard the sharp inhale from you

even on the car ride home, he’d began to think about what you were thinking about.

and later when the two of you got home to your shared apartment, you’d immediately ran off to your shared room and he let you

he knew you needed time to process, so he started working on dinner

he made the only thing he really knew how to make; spaghetti

maybe it wasn’t going to be good, but he didn’t want to subject you to cooking or the take out food you were definitely thinking about if it added to your condition.

he’d walked into your room with the dinner in his hand and found you curled up in a ball in the middle of the bed

even if he didn’t hear you crying, he heard your sniffles and saw your shaking shoulders

he immediately put the two plates down on a dresser

he laid down behind you, wrapping his arms around you in a spooning position

“it’s okay, baby girl, don’t cry.” he cooed toward you. maybe he wasn’t a good person outside of this home, but when he was with you it was like he was that one puppy at the pound that wouldn’t jump up at any person that walked in– until it came to you. you brought the light into his life, and even if the two of you most likely couldn’t have children, you two could keep trying. if it never happened for the two of you, there was children in this world that needed to be adopted– he’d seen how orphans getting taken into big mafia groups, and he would hate for that to be any child. “i can’t give you that big family, michi-”the affectionate nickname rolled off your tongue with a heavy heart. you’d always dreamed of that with him, and now because of you (in your mind),the two of you couldn’t have that. “no, baby girl, it’s not your fault. now we can choose our own family♡”

akutagawa

ryunosuke akutagawa never envisioned kids in his life

before the port mafia, he thought he was simply going to die young due to his disease(cries in chapter 88)

and then he’d met you; a woman so beautiful that not even the feared diablo could hide his affections for you.

but even when the two of you started talking about being in a relationship; kids never came up

he never wanted any and he thought you wanted the same

and you had!

kids was never something you had wanted much in life either.

until, you had a pregnancy scare.

but it wasn’t actually scary for you,

you felt this rush of happiness and that’s when you realized what you wanted in life

to be a mother.

you already had the maternal feeling that most mothers didn’t get until they’d had a kid

you were empathetic

you knew how to calm akutagawa down even when no one else could

it was like you were born to be a mother

so you told ryunosuke your new found passion,

and i admit; he was a little taken aback by this sudden change in your attitude

but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t try with you.

“if it happens it happens.” that was your motto to each other.

but then it…didn’t happen

and it never happened.

you didn’t tell akutagawa, but you were upset

how were you supposed to tell him? he didn’t want children much!

so you secretly went to a fertility doctor

you didn’t bother asking akutagawa to come along, he’d either be noticed from his constant being on the news or catch someone staring too hard and rashomon would cause yet another death

but maybe you should’ve risked it because no one should’ve had to hear what you heard while alone

“i’m sorry ms y/n, but you seem to have some fertility issues. there seems to be an ovulatory disease that you have…”

the rest of the doctors words just droned on, but you couldn’t hear anything

it was like you had become the victim of a cruel prank by fate

the one thing you had slowly come to accept that you wanted - was ripped away before you could even grasp the idea of it

you couldn’t even go into work after the news was given to you, you sat at home waiting for akutagawa to get home

but how were you supposed to tell him? just blurt out you couldn’t make him a dad?

you decided to hold off on telling him, but your boyfriend wasn’t stupid

when he came home and you weren’t immediately jumping at the chance to talk about what the two of you did today he knew something was wrong

“ my dear, what’s wrong? ” akutagawa asked as he leaned himself on the door of your shared bedroom. usually when he stepped into your shared apartment he was met with the brightest toothiest grin from you, one of his favorite parts of the day, so when you didn’t greet him at the door he knew something was up. he walked into the room the two of you shared to find you curled up into yourself, visible tears that had dried on your perfect face. “ ‘m broken , ryu…”you sobbed out, causing the usually cold and stoic male to break the mask he’d worn all day while at work. “ what? dear, you’re not broken. ” he said simply, walking over to the bed and sitting beside you, rubbing your back. “ tell me what’s wrong, dear, please? ” he sounded so desperate to help you feel better about yourself. “ i cant have kids, ryu, i’m broken. ” your voice cracked as you looked back at him, mascara smeared off of your eyes and onto your under eyes. “ doctors said i cant have babies…” you hiccuped as he had to sit and process the words you said. “ oh my dear, it’s okay, we already have a family. the mafias our family.” he said softly as he laid down beside you, allowing you to crawl up into his arms. he quietly shushed you as he rocked you to sleep. even if you couldn’t make your own family, akutagawa would love you either way.

dazai

dazai and his weird obsession with finding a beautiful woman to commit with was what led him to you.

you had been a new hire in a bar that he’d liked to frequent after spending hours at work

when you came up to him to see if he was just going to stare at you or get a drink , he’d taken the leap

he immediately grabbed your hands, eyes sparkling as he looked up at you

“ would you like to commit a double suicide with me? ”

you were on the verge of tears because of how stressed you were from the other patrons, so laughing at this silly man made you feel much better

his face fell as he looked at you, but your laugh was just so enchanting

“ my belladonna…would you not like to commit with me ? ”

and that’s how you ended up in this now two year long relationship with osamu dazai

over the past two years you’d moved in with osamu and switched your job from bartending to work in the cafe below the armed detective agency.

you’d seen many kids come in and out with their parents during your shifts

and they’d never really made you feel anything…until recently.

everytime you saw a child come in with their family it made your chest feel strangely tight and achey

and then you realized, that you really really wanted kids

ones that looked like dazai and didn’t have his personality, preferably.

and when you brought it up to him, he just teased you-

“ my bella, you just want what leads to the babies, don’t you? you shouldn’t have to even ask for that.”

it doesn’t get through his thick skull that you really do want kids until you just straight up tell him

“ osamu, i want kids. bad. ”

and for a man so smart, he sounded so dumb

blabbing on and on about how you’d look so pretty pregnant, but with a suicidal fool like his child? he couldn’t imagine it!

but wouldn’t osamu be mean if he didn’t give his cute little girlfriend what she wanted 🫶🏼

so you tried for months and months to get pregnant

and it just never happened for you

you decided that maybe the two of you had some other factor leading to the constant negative pregnancy tests

so you both went to the doctor and had check ups on your sexual health along with dazais sperm counted and your uterus checked to see if something was wrong

the two of you were even joking around about not being able to have kids and how silly that sounded

oh how you wished you could take it all back

the doctor came back and gave the news quite swiftly

“ i’m afraid miss y/n has a factor we have yet to determine that causes her chances of successfully carrying a child to significantly drop. i’m so sorry. ”

you tried your best to seem stoic and unwavering, but your vision clouded even more by every second.

the doctor left to give you two some time together.

and that’s when the real tears came

“ oh, my bella…”dazai frowned as he looked at you, trying to hide your glassy eyes and quivering lips. he wasn’t dumb, he knew how you were- so brave and so strong trying to keep your composure. the male wrapped his bandaged arms around your body. and that’s when the tears finally came flowing out, your whole body shaking as you clung to the man you so desperately wanted children with. “i’m useless , ‘samu.” you cried into your lovers arms. “i can’t even do the one thing women are supposed to do!” the male rubbed your back, trying to console you, but how could he? the dream that had just started to grow in your mind had been crushed with one simple dream. “no, no , you’re not useless. you’re the farthest from useless.”he cooed into your hair, one hair rubbing your back continuously while the other was holding the back of your head. “ we’ll grow our own family, my belladonna. i promise you. ” and dazai osamu was a man of his word.

i really didn’t know much about infertility so i did some research, and i know it’s not the deepest dive into it; but i hope i did it justice!

if anyone would like a part 2 with other characters feel free to request it or just comment!

likes, comments, and reblogs are greatly appreciated ;3

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ettaevie · 7 months

Text

Reflecting a bit on the way that sskk basically became dead weight by the end of the DOA arc and... am I the only one who feels like sskk has yet to be shown to have a real reason for existing?

Like how can they be the "next generation" of skk if skk is still active? Not to mention the non-existent age gap between the duos. Frankly if Akutagawa's lung disease is still a factor then sskk will be forced to retire before skk. And Dazai must be aware of that.

As a duo they haven't really done anything that couldn't have been accomplished by Chuuya with time to spare.

I'm assuming that the reason Dazai created them is so that they can play an important role in taking down the final boss of bsd. But we're 5 seasons/100+ chapters into this and idk I just feel like we should have been given at least one storyline where they felt necessary by now.

Don't get me wrong, I love Atsushi and Akutagawa and think they have important roles to play. But is there a reason they needed to be explicitly paired off into a duo like this? It feels more than a little contrived. Perhaps the series just needed to throw in some shonen tropes for marketing purposes.

#late night ramblings #yeah I think it's the shonen tropes #bsd #bungou stay dogs #shin soukoku #sskk #bsd atsushi #bsd akutagawa #bsd dazai

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wildflowerteas · 15 days

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do you have any bsd fic recommendations ive reread your works 39299292 times i need sometjing new 😭

RE-READING MY STUFF IS CRAZY WHAT THE HELL . . . THANK YOU SO MUCH I'M SO GLAD I COULD CREATE SOMETHING YOU COULD GO BACK TO THAT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

oh gosh, fic recommendations. let me pour myself a cup of tea and ponder.

I'll call your name by caramelt - comfort fic, sskk sillies, i go back to this one time and time again.

for a little while by ninanna - also sskk, pre-relationship ( also. tea. what is wrong with me oh my god ), the kind of fic I read while clutching a pillow and lying on my side in bed.

where your loyalties lie by writingfromtheshadows - Yakuza AU. to me, one of the best skk fics out there. impressive attention to detail ( especially with regard to the original characters ), amazing action, and excellent pacing. I think it's been almost six years now, but it just gets better with age. the ending is incredibly satisfying. - writer's envy

i feel obligated to include the bsd fandom classic that is

I was screaming your name through the radio by electricsplatter - teen soukoku in this one has my entire heart. their shenanigans, heavier moments, and the construction of the AU are so good.

Take your heart by riley_writes - phantom thief dazai / detective chuuya AU - comfort fic, writer's envy, a mystery that kept me on my toes, and skk banter that kept me smiling the whole way through.

and last but most certainly not least, I love everything I've ever read by halfbloom.

not a super long list. these are just some of the ones I've got from off the top of my head, and unfortunately, most of the fic I read is not BSD-related ( I'm neck-deep in Star Wars fic at all times. there's DUNE wips and clone-wars fix-it in my writing-dump-google-doc too. it's a disease. )

I'm actively trying to get out there and read more stuff in between writing my own, especially since I've met so many amazing writers since becoming more active in the fandom.

just, before i end this. thank you so much. i truly never fathomed someone re-reading/revisiting my works ( especially WIA which makes my tummy hurt just thinking abt it ) so this is just absolutely insane to me.

i hope you enjoy the ones listed here. they deserve SO much love.

#ask

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aguacerotropical · 4 months

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tell me about vnc. the existence of your google doc full of references intrigues me (<- guy who has been studying vampire media for a While now). what is it about this manga series that compels you so. and what is it like, tonally. it does not look like horror but perhaps it is

oh DAMN now that’s a question that’s a bit hard to answer. Sorry for the huge almost-essay. It is my fave series after all.

First off, please start with the manga: https://thecasestudyofvanitas.com/ The pacing and tone is better. Newer chapters can be found on MangaUp and the raws are in some people's blogs. Just DM me.

Now, I don’t want to give too much away, although if you checked out my doc, there’s already a lot of spoilers and theories there. (There will also be a blog for references soon).

The manga is essentially a memoir, presented as a “case study” of Vanitas, a man who wavers between vampirism and humanity. He, we are told in the first issue, has been killed by the author, Noé, after, it is implied, turning into something not-human. Noé is a vampire and coded to be gay. Vanitas is heavily coded to be bi and queer gender-wise. They are both obsessed with each other to a degree that is unhealthy, fascinating, and not very straight.

(and there are many other queer characters, including nonbinary vampires and canon sapphic vampire couples who are key players in the series. It is weaved into the narrative).

The manga diverges from other stories in the fact the vampires do not need blood to survive and are more like reinforced humans. But there is an illness that creates uncontrollable bloodlust and results in beheading of its victims by other vampires. The cause is the main mystery. Vanitas, one of our two protagonists, is a vampire doctor who saves vampires from this disease with the help of Noé. So that’s a huge inversion of traditional tales right there, since most of them are about killing vampires, not saving them.

but while it inverts it in that sense, it follows up with almost every iteration of vampirism, including extremely fucking obscure references. Like, do you know what a Kresnick is? (if you do, i am in awe of you!)

And like my fantastic mutual @neversetyoufree (link) highlighted recently, there is the presence of vampirism as most of its past versions: disease, objects of prejudice, racist aristocrats preying on others, queerness, corruption of natural death, sexual assault, eroticism, psychic vampirism etc.

The neat thing about all these references is that they are well-thought out and woven into the tale. It isn’t BSD where it’s just There without any deeper meaning.

With regards to the tone, I wouldn’t say it’s quite straight up horror, but it does have many horror elements, as can be seen in the themes above. Like there’s various civil wars, characters have been abandoned and/or lost someone in horrific deaths, etc.

I guess it’s mostly presented as a tragedy. There’s exploration of griefs in all its forms.

And it is very very campy. It gets very silly and comedic sometimes, in between the fucked up parts of course. Tbh, that put me off at first, but I grew to adore it.

Personally, I find the queerness, the campiness, the takes on vampirism, the rabbit holes caused by obscure references, and (mostly, because I too lost someone) the explorations on grief to have been the parts that got its claws into me and never let go.

If you are interested in delving into it, please read the manga first. The anime is good, but it leans more into comedy, which is fine, but I think you would enjoy the manga’s tone more. The pacing is also much better. Newer chapters are on MangaUp, and there are blogs here that provide the raws.

Sorry for the essay, it is my favorite series! Hope you pick it up and enjoy the nonsense and chill fandom around it!

#vnc #vanitas no carte #the case study of vanitas

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daz4i · 8 months

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please please please share dazai fear analysis 🤲

hehe well i'm not gonna get too in depth (mostly bc my brain isn't at 100% atm) but a short version bc i don't wanna leave you hanging,

i'm basing this on no longer human and yozo, like most of my dazai analysis hehe. in nlh he talks often about how painfully afraid he is of p much everything, because he doesn't understand people, and he doesn't want to get caught if he does anything wrong, too afraid to say no because he doesn't know how the other person will react, etc

i think. if you apply this reading to bsd dazai, a lot of his behavior makes sense, as well as adds depth to him and his more questionable actions

a p obvious example: the whole meursault arc, i think he is genuinely afraid to die, because he knows if he does then fyodor will come out on top and hurt his loved ones, destroy the whole world even. clearly, he is afraid of losing the people dear to him (but that's a very normal reaction lbr lol)

a general example: his constant acting like everything is fine to hide his real emotions - which, during his early mafia days, took form in looking blank and emotionless - can be a fear response of not knowing how other people will react to his true feelings, either due to past trauma where his emotions were dismissed or he got hurt for expressing them, or imo, more likely, due to a lack of understanding other people and not quite knowing what'll tick them off

(which might sound silly, bc he purposely ticks people off and looks to annoy people. but, this is a way to have control over the situation. that if the other person gets mad at him, he clearly knows why, he knows what he did to cause this, so this is like a precautionary measure to make sure he's not caught off guard. his fear isn't quite of their anger, or even getting hurt by their anger, but rather a lack of control or understanding of the situation)

a possibly controversial example: the way he acted with akutagawa during the dark era. i think, if you look at his actions as "basically a kid who is afraid to see this kid he found get hurt in combat, so he tries to make him stronger no matter what, and in the meantime is afraid to get attached in case the other kid does die so he tries to distance himself from him emotionally" it ofc doesn't excuse his actions, but imo, makes them. a bit more understandable, in a way. at least enough to somewhat empathize with him more

[this might be a slight side tangent but i have this hc i firmly believe in, that dazai caused ryuu's lung disease by injuring him somehow (given how he doesn't have it in the beast universe), and one of the reasons he's more gentle with atsushi is because he's afraid to hurt him too. not the main reason, but i do think it may add some depth here]

i do think he eased up after being in the ada for awhile - life became mostly predictable, nothing he couldn't handle - but. things changed, and now he's on edge again (turning you to story's lovely analysis that i keep referencing in a lot of my own dazai analysis bc it's so so good). fyodor coming back into his life certainly didn't help, either

now. since i can't not bring up his relationship with chuuya. i do think he has an easier time trusting chuuya because he knows he can handle himself. he doesn't feel the need to control him - always leaving him a choice in their plans - because he's not afraid of what could happen to him, he knows chuuya will be fine. also, their relationship started in such an awful way he doesn't need to hide his emotions around him :P this is why i think he has an easier time being with chuuya really, he's a momentary break from being in constant fear. this might also be why he's so obnoxious when chuuya's around lmao (idk how much of this is actual analysis rather than "if you read them this way it adds a nice depth" so feel free to take this part with a grain of salt, i will always be the first to admit i'm not the best at reading skk hehe)

and while i didn't finish sb yet he does seem to be. really afraid in a lot of the scenes he's in, from what i read so far askjdfg bc now chuuya is in real danger! in a way he can't predict! this hasn't happened yet! (but i could ofc bc very wrong abt that lol)

(also i gotta say. i think this is what odasaku was for him too - ofc in addition to other things - bc he knows odasaku wouldn't hurt him or react in a bad way even if he did anything outrageous. and that's in part what made his rejection in beast so devastating for him, bc it shakes up one of the only safe things in his life)

i'd say, dazai's fear isn't paralyzing, at least not for more than a second a time. it makes him active, makes him overthink, over-analyze, over-prepare. and at the same time, he does it mostly from behind the scenes, through nudging and subtle encouragements, because he may possibly fear that if he went at it with full force, the people he already got attached to will reject him (bc at his core, i think he doesn't want to be alone, but that's a topic for another time). but more importantly - that he will become like fyodor, or like mori, who see people as disposable if it helps them further their goals

^now this is more of his current self, at least. i'd argue mafia!dazai's fears were different, more of a direct fear from people and how they might hurt him, so it's best for him to go along with what they say. and, a fear of a lack of meaning. he does constantly look for a reason to live, and that may come from a fear that his existence is truly meaningless (and while for most people this fear may express itself as fearing death as well, in dazai's case it's his suicidal tendencies. kind of like proving his fear is real, the way a kid might look at the monster they think is scary to convince themselves it can't hurt them. he will die and prove his existence WAS meaningless, but that idea can't actually hurt him at the end of the day if he chooses it. idk if this analogy makes sense to anyone but me tho lmao sorry)

i. don't know how clear this is. i may have lost the plot there at some point. again let me clarify this is obviously not a "this is how dazai is and any other reading is wrong" but more like "if you apply this reading it changes the context of his characters and explains his behavior and how i personally see him". also a lot of projection 👍 ajsdfghj feel free to see it as just a thought experiment if it doesn't quite fit your perception of him :)!

#and ofc as usual it's awesome and poggers if you disagree but be respectful about it 🙏#dan rambles #me: i will keep this short / me now: hm.#i just. kept finding more things to say. but. i think that ended up making this post very messy i'm sorry 😭#i might at some point clean it up and organize it and add more points and turn it into a real analysis 🫡#(also a disclaimer abt the brief mori mention: this is how i think 22!dazai sees him. not necessarily how he actually is)#(i know he's more complex than that asdsfjgh)#long post

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