#i spent so long hiding from myself that now i'm like. well now what. how the fuck do i try to exist again in the physical world

[peribirb]

...

#i really. really want to get to a point where i can be comfortable in my being trans #a point where getting my picture taken or looking in a mirror doesn't send me spiraling #i dunno i just want to be able to present myself to the world without feeling awful! #it's unfair because i know every other trans girl has to go through the same shit but like. fuck i wish i could at least fake it better lol #i dunno. tdov has me feeling a kinda way #jealous of those who were able to start earlier than i did. jealous of those who found their style and voice and know how to share it #i'm trying not to let it get to me because i know the only answer is. well get on hrt now (i tried!) #and i know it's “never too late” and i sincerely believe that but it also really really stings how much stuff i'll never get to make up for #i spent so long hiding from myself that now i'm like. well now what. how the fuck do i try to exist again in the physical world #ughhhhhhhhh #delete later

[touteslespetiteschosess]

Is It Over Now? || Kylian Mbappé

Plot: Kylian and y/n have been fighting for so long, she's not even sure she knows what they're fighting for anymore. Angst.

Warnings: toxic relationship

Word count: 3458

Masterlist

y/n well done on your goal, amour x will you want dinner when you get home? i'm making myself some pasta so i'll do extra for you x do you know what time you'll be home? i've left some food in the fridge for you x kylian can you reply please? i'm worried it's getting late, where are you?

A deep frown was etched on her face, she stared at her ignored texts, the oldest sent five hours ago and the most recent nearly an hour ago. None of them had received a response and neither had her calls.

She hadn't been able to go to his match today, as she'd already arranged to go out for her friend's birthday in the morning. Kylian hadn't minded though, it wasn't a particularly important match and she rarely missed any of his games, so she could be forgiven for this. Surely that wasn't why he was ignoring her. Well, knowing him at the moment she could easily conclude that there was no reason behind the radio silence. He was just being Kylian.

Dick.

She knew he probably had no reason to ignore her; he was most likely just over at Achraf's and didn't value her emotions enough to dain her with a text back. Still, having been alone in the house for so many hours with only her thoughts to keep her company, she couldn't stop her mind from wandering. It only felt natural to pick up her phone and she really couldn't help herself from opening Instagram. Her thumbs had a mind of their own, opening one of his fan accounts.

Then there he was, grainy footage of him on their story at some club in Paris, surrounded by his teammates. And then there was somebody else. Some girl sat at his side- on his side more really- his arm flopped lazily over the back of the booth behind her.

She was saying something and he was laughing. He was laughing in a way that he never did with y/n anymore. Wow, he was really laughing- surely nothing she said could be that funny.

The video was short, maybe five seconds, but she restarted it, watching it again, feeling a fire raging within her. The next story was a photo that some stranger in the club had taken. The pair were on the dance floor, none of his friends were in sight now. Her hands were up in the air and only now did y/n notice the girl's outfit. She wore a little red dress, just like the one that hung up in y/n and Kylian's shared closet. It was his favourite dress and she knew it.

At the sight, the fire that burned within her suddenly settled, an eery calm setting over her. After a few moments, she headed upstairs and drew a bath, watching the water slowly rise up the tub's sides. She loved that bath; the tub was huge, yet elegant, and sat right in front of a huge window which gave the most amazing view of the Eiffel Tower. Besides that, she and Kylian had spent some memorable nights in this bathtub. Not for a while though, she thought.

Now that she really considered it, she wasn't sure how many good memories she had with Kylian in the last six months. Maybe after three years together, she'd just grown used to the knowledge that she loved him and hadn't considered if he still deserved it. Maybe she hadn't considered if he still deserved her.

Maybe she'd been so caught up in the idea of the perfect man she'd met in that bar three years ago. She still remembered that innocent smile so vividly, the way he'd lift his glass to sip, almost hiding behind the thing. How every time she'd flirt with him, he'd blush like a schoolboy, and then suddenly shoot back with the most outrageous comment.

How a month after they'd started dating, the pandemic hit, and he'd turned up at her door, much to her disapproval. Then, he'd immediately asked her to move in with him. She still remembered his words.

Take a chance. If we're gonna go down, let's go down in flames. I don't wanna forget you, baby.

That aged like room-temperature milk.

He'd convinced her so easily, his charming smile and smooth words always getting the best of her. And he'd been right. Those had been the best few months of her life.

And even after lockdown, when she was back at work and football became more full on, everything had just seemed so right. He just seemed so right.

Every time he'd go away for matches, he'd always find some stupid trinket to bring home for her. The tradition had started the week they'd met, when she'd asked him out on another date and he'd had to turn her down, as he was playing away in Italy. He'd brought her back a little keyring- a pizza with Italia written on it. It was so tacky and so cheesy that she immediately fell in love... with the keyring. Their fridge was still littered with far too many magnets to count, very out of place in his black and white, minimalist kitchen.

Of course, she remembered the first gift, and she remembered the first time he'd forgotten. It was after an away match to Manchester City. An away match that had knocked PSG out of the Champions League- in the semi-finals.

It wasn't that she'd been expecting a gift- no, she completely understood. It was difficult for him; he'd been injured and therefore couldn't play the second leg. He'd had to go all the way to Manchester and didn't even get to kick the ball. He just had to sit on the bench and watch his dream fade before his eyes.

Despite not playing, she knew he blamed himself. He always blamed himself. For the injury. For not scoring in the first leg. For everything.

At the time, she hadn't been upset that he hadn't bought her some shitty magnet for their already cluttered fridge or a bottle opener for their already stuffed drawer. Besides, Manchester didn't have much to offer in the tourism department besides football, so she could forgive him for not wanting to search through shops full of his opponents' memorabilia, just to uphold their tradition.

Looking back on it though, that was the moment he snapped. Three weeks later, he'd returned from Reims empty-handed; when she'd playfully questioned him, asking how she was supposed to sleep at night without an 'I <3 Reims' t-shirt, he'd grunted something about being busy with work and she tried not to let her face fall, wishing he'd have just made some stupid joke in response.

Y/n, I can't afford to keep buying you all these presents.

Honey, nobody hearts Reims.

Well, I had some grapes for you but I got peckish.

But no, he'd just grumbled some excuse and gone up to their room. They'd won the game too. The last match of the season. Sure, they hadn't won the league but that fate had been sealed weeks ago.

Of course, at the time, she hadn't sat up at night, tossing and turning because her relationship was over. She'd understood. For him, she'd understood.

Then, the trinkets began to come every other away match, then once a month, once every few months, and then they stopped coming. The last remnant of their once-sacred tradition still sat on her fridge. He'd brought it back after an unremarkable league tie against Nice. A little magnet in the shape of a palm tree, in the colours of the French flag, with two words on it.

Trés Nice!

What did that even mean? Neither of them were sure. She loved it.

After that, however, the keyrings, and magnets, and bottle openers, and t-shirts, and pens had suddenly stopped. Not trés Nice!

The bath was full, the bubble bath she'd added working a treat. Slowly, she eased herself into the warm water, sighing as she settled back in the tub. She didn't even have her phone but she really didn't care. For what must have been an hour, she stared out the window at the city below her. From his castle, she watched his kingdom, knowing she didn't have a place in it anymore.

She stared at the dark streets they used to haunt, giggling hand in hand as they snook out of their apartment for late-night strolls (though it was always technically morning) down streets that at any other hour would be packed with hundreds of people, pointing at Kylian. Or when they used to go to tourist attractions in the middle of the winter and he'd pull on a balaclava, dragging her up the Eiffel Tower or the Champs Elysees, insisting her liked the thrill. In truth, so did she.

She liked standing hand in hand with him, knowing the crowds around them had no idea Kylian Mbappé was in their midst, and they never would because he was her Kylian. For that moment, at least.

It was late when she heard the door downstairs, the security system blaring loudly. She didn't panic, as it quickly turned off. He didn't say a word on his arrival. She could hear him drawing closer to their bedroom, his feet heavy on the stairs, in the hallway, in their room, approaching the bathroom door.

She thought he'd let his guard down when they first met, telling her his worries and fears, but maybe he only truly knocked down his walls that night in the bathroom months ago, showing his true self.

Maybe she only truly got to know him after Qatar, when he really snapped. When she'd tried to comfort him and he'd yelled at her because she'd never truly understand what he was going through. She'd told him she was sorry. She'd apologised. For what? She still wasn't quite sure.

Maybe she only truly knew Kylian when she'd been struggling at work, doing overtime to catch up on her ridiculous workload at home. She'd missed his match and he'd lost; then, when he returned home and she hadn't been in the mood for kisses and cuddles, he'd been furious. He'd said it was her fault she was stressed- she'd brought it on herself. She could quit her job any day and never worry about money again. She'd tried to explain but he couldn't comprehend her need for self-reliance. If anything, he was insulted that she didn't trust him enough to let him take care of her. He'd never been overly traditional or had an obviously fragile masculinity but that night she'd questioned everything she thought she knew about him.

Of course, he'd apologised the next morning and she'd forgiven him. They were both stressed and there was no reason to let one pressure-fueled spat escalate into more than it needed to. Then those one-off spats became more and more common until they were the norm. If they weren't in silence, they were fighting.

They only found peace when they were fucking. Even that physicality wasn't what it once was, no longer the same slow, gentle love-making. Now it was always quick, desperate, his once soft kisses now left bruises and his whispers of sweet nothings had morphed into wordless grunts and moans.

Is that all this relationship was anymore? Physical.

Light flooded the dimly-lit bathroom, as he swung the door open carelessly. He looked almost taken back at the sight of her, his eyebrows raising a little, as though he hadn't expected to see her here- in her own house.

Then again, maybe it wasn't her house. Sure, she'd lived here for almost as long as they'd been together but it was never really her house. It was Kylian's house in Kylian's city, and she was here too.

He stared at her for a few seconds before smirking, "Hey." he mumbled, already stripping down to join her.

She sunk further down in the tub, allowing the thick layer of bubbles to give her back her modesty. Silently, she watched him, her lips a flat line, her eyes on his face, not his naked body. He wasn't looking back at her. He was too focused on hastily ripping of his trousers and his shirt.

Without hesitation or any more words exchanged, he climbed in the tub and she leant forward as he slipped behind her. She wanted to be held in his arms just one more time, to feel his body against hers. He positioned his legs on either side of her, his arms flopping over her shoulders, as he pulled her back into his chest. Resting his face on her shoulder, he let out a noise, somewhere between a contented hum and a whine.

She ignored him, turning her head to stare out of the window. The city's skyline was dark and at this time, the tower's lights were off. Now, it was just a dark silhouette against a dark horizon, only made visible by the bright light of the full moon.

"What are you sulking about?"

As he spoke, she could smell the alcohol on his breath and she almost wretched at the scent. Her voice was calm and steady, as she asked, "Where have you been?"

Her voice sounded like she had an innocent curiosity in the question as if she didn't already know the answer, or she was merely asking to make small talk.

"Oh, some of the team wanted to go out to celebrate the win."

He didn't lift his head from her shoulder, placing a soft kiss on the damp skin. He lied with such ease. Well, he hadn't entirely lied, just withheld some important elements of the truth. Maybe she'd have preferred it if he'd just lied to her. At least then he would have had to make a conscious effort to deceive her. No, this felt so much worse; he spoke with such ease, as though it was the whole truth, and maybe he too believed it. Maybe he believed that she didn't need to know about the girl in the red dress, just like he'd believed she didn't need a text back, or a kiss goodbye before he left the house this morning, or a goodnight before she fell asleep last night or the night before that or the night before that.

"And who was that girl?" she asked, her voice still chirpy, not a hint of bitterness showing in her tone.

"Huh?" he twisted his head, the side of it on her shoulder, gazing up at her face.

"The girl you were with. She was in a red dress, like the one I have. Blonde hair and-"

"Oh," he cut her off quickly, "she's one of Ousmane's friends, I think."

"You think?"

"Mhm, I don't really know. I didn't speak to her that much."

Now, that wasn't a half-truth, that was simply a lie.

"Oh, okay. Just 'cause you seemed really friendly with her."

He scoffed, lifting his head, his tone suddenly switching, "What, were you stalking me?"

"No, but you didn't reply to my texts and you came home seven hours after the match finished, so I wanted to make sure you weren't dead in some ditch."

"Of course, I wasn't. Can I not have a night out with my friends?"

"Yeah, that's fine but you didn't fucking text me back and the next thing I see you've got some random girl in your lap at the club and you don't even have the courtesy to tell me about it."

"It wasn't like that! Why would I come home and tell my girlfriend that some nobody had been coming onto me in the club?" he snapped.

"Because you were coming onto her too! Don't you think I deserved to be warned that people were going to post pictures of my boyfriend with someone else! It's fucking humiliating!"

She stood up and climbed out of the bath, wanting to get as far away from him as possible. She quickly grabbed her robe from where it hung and wrap it around herself. She sat on the little ottoman in the corner, hugging her arms around herself.

"What are you saying? You know I wouldn't cheat on you!"

He yelled the statement as though it were a fact. Maybe he believed it. He seemed to believe a lot of things. Maybe he just didn't think about her perspective much.

"No, I don't! What reason have you given me to trust you?"

His face fell into an expression of fury, "What are you talking about?"

"I don't know, Kylian!" she almost yelled and almost sighed, somewhere in the middle, "I don't know. What are we even doing this for?"

"You tell me! You're the one picking a fight for no reason!"

"No, not this just... why are we here? We keep fighting and I don't know what for."

He stood up, "What..."

"I'm not happy! You're not happy! What's the point!"

Wrapping a towel around his waist, he rushed over to her, "I'm happy, of course I am!"

"Well, I'm not." she murmured, standing up from the seat and heading for the bathroom door.

"What are you doing, where are you going?" he asked, panic setting over him.

"Away," she muttered, heading to the closet.

"No, you're not." he declared, chasing after her, "Look, baby, I'm sorry, okay?" Ignoring him, she began to change into some joggers and a hoodie. "Y/n, you're not leaving me."

"Why not? All we ever do is fight! There's no point in us being together if we make each other fucking miserable!"

"I told you, you make me happy! You make me happier than anyone else in the world!"

"Why don't you treat me like it then? Why don't you treat me like I'm worth anything? Like I'm a fucking human being!"

He was quiet, watching her as she grabbed a bag and started to toss clothes into it. "Y/n, I love you. I-"

"Do you, though? Really?"

"I do. Look I know I've been busy with work but you know how stressful my job is. I'm trying to be here for you and do my best for the team-"

"No, you're not. I know how hard you work but I have needs too. I can't keep doing this."

She dropped to her knees, zipping up the bag, packed with enough clothes for a few days. He stood in the doorway, blocking her exit as she tried to get her toothbrush from the bathroom.

As she stood in front of him, he took her hands in his, "Please, baby, I'll change. I'll do it for you, I swear."

"It's too late, Ky," she said, shoving past him. He didn't budge, "Kylian, get out of my way."

He clutched her hands as though his life depended on it, placing soft kisses on both of them, "I need you. You can't leave me."

"You should have thought about that before, shouldn't you?"

She shoved him out of the way and grabbed a few things from the bathroom before heading for the front door. He chased after her, his mind racing and his heart pumping a mile a minute in his chest. He swore it was working so hard he could hear his heartbeat in his ears- or was it the sound of her feet on the stairs?

"Y/n," God, her name sounded so right on his lips, he wanted to say her name forevermore, "she meant nothing. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have entertained her like that." Tears were forming in his hazel eyes, he watched her putting on her shoes, "Y/n, you can't leave me, I love you. I- I don't want to live without you. I don't want to be on my own."

"Kylian," she stood up and cupped his cheek. Her hand was so warm and fit so perfectly around his face, as though it was moulded just for it, "you know I'll always love you."

Covering her hand with his own, he shook his head, a single tear rolling down his cheek, "Don't do this to me, amour."

She hated seeing him like this: he barely ever cried. In all of their time together, she'd seen him cry maybe four times and it had never been because of her.

Her soft thumb wiped away the tear, "Don't cry. You'll be okay."

Then she was gone. The door was open and then it was closed. She was there and then she was gone.

He watched the space she'd been stood in for far too long, as though she'd swing the door open at any moment and declare that she'd had a sudden change of heart. But she wouldn't.

She was gone. It was over.

Masterlist

#kylian mbappe #kylian mbappe x you #kylian x reader #kylian fanfic #kylian imagines #kylian mbappe x reader #kylian mbappe x y/n #mbappé #mbappe #footballer #france #fanfic #football #french

[jikookuntold]

The Untold Truth of "Letter"

Back in 2021, 2022, or even early 2023, if someone had told me about the possibility of JK having vocal credits in Jimin's solo album, I would have called it wishful thinking at best. But it happened, and we got the song "Letter" (AKA Dear Army) as a hidden track in Jimin's first solo album, FACE, with back vocals by JK, and his name written invisibly in the album book.

The perfectly matching vocals of Jikook, with the heartfelt lyrics and soft instruments, undoubtedly made one of the most beautiful songs of the year, which could break many records for Jimin and his album if it was released in the streaming and buying services. The release of Letter as a hidden track in Jimin's solo album raised many questions and debates among Jikookers, and as someone who barely scrolls in the Tumblr app, I know I'm a bit late for the party, but I may or may not have some notes to add to the already made discussions. FYI, these are my analytic views and speculations, I am fully aware that this song has been named "Dear Army", and Jimin called it a "Fan song" on different occasions. So, I do not intend to ignore that and diminish Jimin's expression of love for his fans.

What's a Hidden Track?

Before getting into "Letter", we need to understand what a hidden track is. Well, the definition is pretty clear; When a song is not listed in the official track-list of a music album, but it exists in (some versions of) the physical printed CD, cassette, or LP, it's called a "hidden track". 

Hidden Tracks of BTS

There are several techniques and reasons to "hide" a track in an album, but in the case of BTS discography, the hidden tracks exist for a specific reason, and I'm going to explain it with the only examples we have. The debut album (2013) and Love Yourself: Her (2017), are the only BTS albums including hidden tracks, and if we ignore the skits in each album, "Path" and "Sea" are the only hidden songs BTS ever released. So, these two songs must have something(s) in common and different from the other BTS tracks that caused them to end up as a hidden track. To find that common factor, we need to check their lyrics first:

Path

[Intro: RM] Yeah, wassup? You know, time flows like stars (Check it, check, check, check, check it out) [Verse 1: RM] I started from imitating Eminem, Garion, Epik High To writing my own raps Now I see that I’m already at Hongdae My lyrics back then were all (****) Bossy But we dunno, we dunno When I dreamed without anyone to stop me Reality tied me down and trapped me inside Oh, my youth trapped me My hot heart lost to my cold mind (Damn) As I blindly told myself my decision was right I don’t know whether it’s an angel or a devil, but it says to me "Do you really have any plans to rap properly?" (Yes or no?) I didn’t have more time to hesitate and didn’t want to be stupid So I came here and three years passed by Some say art is long, life is short But for now, art is life Life is sports, just do it, uh [Chorus] If I had chosen a different path, would have I been any different? If I stopped and looked back (Oh hey ya, hey ya) What will I see at the end of this road? Where you should’ve been standing? (Oh hey ya, hey ya) [Verse 2: Suga, Suga & Jungkook] A long time passed and by 2013, I was a trainee for three years I was a high school student who grew overnight (I became a child) White hair grew from my desires and one by one my many friends (Parted ways with me) I spent my time in Seoul alone without a family (That was my third spring) I thought my worries would disappear with my debut ahead of me I closed my eyes to the present that had nothing to change But the reality was different, even as my family and friends tried to stop me I walked into the tunnels that shed no light on my own I thought I would be alone (Why?) As it turns out, there weren’t seven bare feet but we were wearing the shoe named Bangtan We’ll have to go forward, take one more step, become newer And that’s how I spent my fourth spring in Seoul (Whoa) [Chorus] If I had chosen a different path, would have I been any different? (Hey) If I stopped and looked back (Hey) Oh hey ya, hey ya What will I see at the end of this road? Where you should’ve been standing? (Oh hey ya, hey ya) [Verse 3: J-Hope] 2010, the year I walked towards Seoul! I just loved to dance, and now I’m standing on top of the stage Until then, I overcame many pains and scars to prepare myself I survived with my belief to bend, not break, and ran for three years Let the stars inside my heart shine! Now shine on me differently Write “Bangtan” on the paper world I walk my future with more lights on Give a smile to that far future (Ha, ha)

As you can see, the lyrics are simple and self-explanatory, so I guess we don't need any lyrics analysis, and the description section of the Genius translation I used here, says it all:

“길 (Road/Path) follows the member’s decisions to become idols in the Korean music industry. They recall their different upbringings from listening to hip hop in school to the hard years of being trainees under BigHit Entertainment. BTS pose the questions of how their lives would be different if they made a different decision, and they ask themselves what the future entails. A very introspective track about their career for a debut album, BTS display their thought processes as they enter the music scene.”

Sea

[Intro: Jungkook] Oh, ah, yeah [Verse 1: Rap Monster] I just started walking and ended up at the sea I'm looking at the coast from here There's endless sand and the rough wind I'm still looking at a desert I wanted to have the sea so I swallowed you up But I'm even thirstier than before Is what I know really the ocean? Or a blue desert? [Refrain: J-Hope] I don't know, I don't know If I'm feeling the waves right now, yeah I don't know, I don't know If I'm being chased by the sand wind, yeah I don't know, I don't know Is this the sea or the desert? Is this hope or despair? Is this real or fake? Shit [Pre-Chorus: J-Hope] I know, I know, my hardship right now I know, I know, I'll overcome I know, I know, open me up It's the place I can rely on Think positive, I'm swallowing my dry spit Even if I'm nervous, even if I'm in a desert I'm in the beautiful Namib Desert [Chorus: Jimin, Jin] Where there is hope, there is always trial (4) [Hook: V, Jungkook] Where there is hope You know, you know You know, yeah yeah (2) [Verse 2: Suga] I thought this was the ocean but it's a desert A medium-sized, ordinary idol was my second name Countless people get cut from broadcast But someone's empty spot is our dream They say some of these kids can't make it cuz their agency is too small I know, I know, I know too Times when the seven of us had to sleep in one room With foolish hope that tomorrow will be different before we fell asleep We saw the mirage in the desert but we couldn't grasp it Praying that we'll remain in this desert till the end Praying that this isn't truly our reality [Verse 3: Suga] In the end, we reached the mirage and it became our reality The scary desert became the ocean with our blood, sweat and tears But why is there this fear in between the happiness? Because we know too well that this place is really a desert [Refrain 2: Suga] I don't wanna cry I don't wanna rest No, who cares if we rest a little? No no no I don't wanna lose It's always a desert I told you everything Then I'll just be more depressed [Chorus: Jungkook, V] Where there is hope, there is always trial (2) [Hook: Jimin, Jin] Where there is hope You know, you know You know, yeah yeah (2) [Bridge: Rap Monster] Ocean, desert, the world Everything, the same thing Different name I see ocean, l see desert I see the world Everything's, the same thing With a different name It's life again [Hook: V, Jungkook] Where there is hope You know you know you know yeah (2) [Chorus] Where there is hope, there is always trial

Compared to “Path”, we have more innuendos and metaphors in “Sea” because of Namjoon’s lyricism (it was supposed to be in his mixtape at first), but as the description says:

"It discusses the hardships BTS has experienced since debut, particularly struggling to compete with groups from other, larger agencies. In this song, BTS reflects on these hardships, fearing that their global fame and success could leave as suddenly as it arrived."

Common Denominator

These two lyrics have one big thing in common, and it's the topic they are discussing. They talk about the members' struggles, fears, hopes, and dreams career-wise. I was thinking maybe these issues are something they can only share with their longtime fans, not the general public, therefore, they decided to release them as hidden tracks in the physical album for their real fans who buy them, something like the difference between Weverse and Instagram, I guess? Then I realized that’s something Namjoon has mentioned himself to Billboard Magazine, in LYS: Her interview:

And if fans are so lucky to own the physical album, they’ll hear two hidden tracks at the very. Why keep them secretive?

"I think they’re hidden because you have to be a real fan of BTS to understand them. Otherwise, you won’t. Otherwise, you’d like to be, “Why are they feeling so confused about things? They’re good?!? They’re No. 1 somewhere, they have so much stuff, why are they worried?” People always talk about that. But if you are a true fan of BTS and you buy the album and you listen to the hidden track — if you are an Army and we spent time together from 2013, 2014 — they could understand. It’s kind of more special, more closer, to our true hearts"

What about "Letter"?

In conclusion, hidden tracks for BTS, are something between them and their real fans who know about the path they have wended, therefore they can open up to them through lyrics and talk about their fears and struggles and ambitions without being judged or misunderstood. Also, we have to debunk some of the misconceptions going around (especially after the release of FACE) about hidden tracks. For example, some claimed that Letter is made for fans because hidden tracks are always supposed to be “gifts” for fans. This claim obviously can’t be true when you are able to listen to a hidden track legally, only by purchasing the physical album. Gifts are supposed to be free of charge, like Promise, Still with You, Christmas Love, My You, and so on. 

Then what about “Letter”? Why this song is a hidden track in Jimin’s first solo album? Did Jimin want to say something by hiding this track in FACE? To answer this questions, we need to pay attention to the lyrics and how the song was made:

 [Verse 1] What should I say? And how should I convey it? I'm really not getting my words right I know it sounds so clichéd So that it's not taken lightly Let me say it to you properly [Chorus] I say oh-oh, I hope you can be happier You, who stretched your hand out to me whenever I fell I say oh-oh, I'll hold it now (I'll hold it) So when you feel like crying, you won’t fall [Verse 2] After all this time has passed Will we still be the same? Just like we were when we first met, hmm-mmm If we are together, even the desert could turn to a sеa Just like how we were then, oh-hoo-ooh [Chorus] I say oh-oh, I really hope that it’ll last forever You, who felt like a warm spring to me in a cold winter I say oh-oh, I'll always cherish it All those moments between you and I [Refrain] Baby, don't leave Just stay by my side, yeah To you, who see me bigger than what my little self is (to you) So that I can give as much as I’ve received (oh-oh) So that I can keep my word (oh-oh) Don't worry, just stay by my side, yeah (Yeah) We don’t know what the future holds (holds, yeah) And that’s scary and makes us afraid (oh-oh) But don’t forget that we’re always together (don't forget) [Outro] I know it sounds so clichéd So that it's not taken lightly Let me say it to you properly

The Feelings

If you compare these lyrics to "Path" and "Sea" you can clearly see the differences, and except a mention of "sea and desert" there's nothing in common between them. Letter is not a monologue about career issues, it's a romantic song. These lyrics are expressing the feelings and addresses them to an audience and appreciates them. But how was this song made?

According to Jimin, at first, SMF Pt2 was supposed to be the last track of his solo album, but in their YTC promotion and recording era when they announced that they have planned to put their group activities on rest, Jimin decided to express his feelings of the moment through a letter, and turned that letter to song lyrics. Producers liked the song so much and decided to add it in his album and that’s how “Letter” was born. Although Jimin didn’t explain much about those “feelings” and left the conclusion to us like a true artist, we all know that this song is totally different from the other tracks in his album.

All the tracks of FACE are dark and sad. Jimin’s first album is all about himself, and he talks about the painful emotions he had as an artist and a person in the past few year, but with “Letter” there is a different story. Recording Academy admitted this and wrote:

“Though the EP is technically only six songs, the physical version has an additional “hidden” track called “Letter”. The song provides an intimacy that stands out from the other FACE tracks, capturing Jimin in his best form. The lyrics are poignant and vulnerable as Jimin pleads for someone to stay (“Baby, don't leave Just stay by my side, yeah”) The biggest surprise though? Fellow BTS member Jungkook contributes vocals to harmonize with Jimin.”  

A Fan Song?

“Letter” being a “Fan Song” is a stated fact by Park Jimin himself, and there can’t be any arguments about it, but that fact doesn’t mean Jimin made this song with the thought of fans in his head and all about them. In one of my old posts, I said that a faceless crowd can’t be the muse for a romantic song, especially when that song has a "standing-out intimacy".

Another reason for calling "Letter" a fan song, is the fact that it starts at 6:13 of the album, the numbers that remind us of the debut date of BTS. We can't call this a coincidence because we know how thoughtful and punctual Jimin is. But don’t forget that 6.13 is more of BTS time than ARMY time. So, as much as you call this track a song for fans, it can be called a song for his fellow BTS members.

Why JK?

Now, let’s address the elephant in the room. Why JK was a part of this song? Did it mean something for Jimin, or did he have no other options? Jimin said that FACE is an album about himself, and he didn’t feel right about featuring other artists in it, that’s why he decided to record SMF Pt2 all alone and do all the rap parts by himself instead of featuring Yoongi in it. He collaborated with several producers and songwriters (including Namjoon), but there was no featured artist in the whole album.

About the background vocals of the album, he did most parts by himself, and for the other parts, he worked with artists who already had credits in his album, such as BLVSH, Sumin, and James Keys. But JK didn’t have anything to do with Jimin’s album. Jimin was fully capable of doing the background vocals of Letter by himself, as he did for the first parts of the song. Jimin never really explained why he decided to have JK in the song, other than saying their voices match. This known fact doesn’t give us much information, but we can have our speculations. 

Closer Than This?

Another thing that questions the idea of “Letter" being inspired by fans, is the existence of “Closer Than This”. The newest release of Jimin is the exact definition of a fan song, the lyrics are straightforward and directly address the fans and leave no place for speculation. If CTT is the result of Jimin getting inspired by his fans, then “Letter” must be inspired by something different because these two songs are not comparable. 

The difference becomes more obvious when we look at the initial version of the Letter lyrics in Jimin’s drafts. I wonder what the Grammy journalist who called the final lyrics of “Letter” intimate would have said if they read this: 

You hugged me tightly Only you who protected me Hold my hand, hold my hand tightly You who reached out my hand You held out your hand to me

We don’t know what was going on in Jimin’s mind when he wrote these, but we can see that the initial lyrics have been moderated, and the intimate parts, which clearly refer to a person, didn’t end up in the final lyrics. FYI, I’m doing a lyric analysis here, and this is not a complaint or conspiracy theory because Jimin said that he liked the way the final version came out, and it's all that matters.

For Fans, Not About Fans

So far we made it clear that "hidden tracks" are not about fans, they are for fans like any other BTS song, but the hidden tracks are a secret between the artist and the fan, something that only the true and dedicated fan can understand, and this applies to Jimin's "Letter".

Jimin gave up on many records for streaming and buying by releasing this song as a hidden track in his album. So, there must be an important message in this song that he wanted to convey to the true fans. He did his share of being thankful to fans by CTT, and I don't think he needed to do it twice in a year.

Maybe you prefer to think Jimin just made this song for ARMY and hid it in the album as a surprise or because it didn’t match with the whole concept of FACE, and you might not be wrong about any of that. But, don’t forget that he didn’t explain anything about this, and we both are just making assumtions.

Yes, maybe Jimin didn't acknowledge JK being a part of Letter in his promotion era, but JK did everything he could for his share. A few hours before the release of FACE, he started a live and played a part of it with his guitar, and months later, he watched Jimin's live performance for Festa while harmonizing with it and reminding us that he knows the lyrics very well. In Jimin's documentary he was very supportive and even teased for a live performance with him in future.

Why Just Jikook?

Jimin and Jungkook are not the only members of BTS. But I don't know why everytime Jimin or JK do something with romantic undertones, the fans (OT7 ARMYs, to be more specific) immediately try to label it as "About ARMY". I usually don't see this energy with the other five members. I'm perfectly sure they are also very grateful for ARMY, they have released several songs about them, and they would have loved to collaborate in a fan song with Jimin, too.

Then why Jimin only included JK in Letter? Why he wanted to sing for "ARMY" with him? Unless we assume Jimin's gratitude towards ARMY has connections with JK, and I don’t even want to bring up 2019 "I am army" jokes. But "Letter" is the song the most optimistic Jikookers didn't expect to exist. You may try to ignore and normalize it, but you can't deny the fact that Letter proved Jikook's unbreakable connection as two harmonic colleages, long time friends, and inseparable souls.

#jikook #jimin #jungkook #letter jimin

[sunny44]

Marriage (Part 8)

Pairing: Max Verstappen x ex fiancée!reader Mason Mount x Fiancée!reader

Warnings: fights and that’s it

Summary: Max leaves his fiancée y/n at the altar on their wedding day but after years of regretting what he did, by a miracle of fate (or Lando) she appears in his life again.

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

I didn't have the courage to take the test.

It had been two days since the event, and I sat on the bed, staring at a pregnancy test kit, trying to gather the courage to use it.

Mason was at training, and despite being invited by Red Bull and wanting to avoid Max, Mason's media team insisted that attending the Monaco GP would be good for his image.

That was the reason for our trip.

I used the opportunity when I needed to pee and took the test. Once done, I put it back in the box and tossed it into my bedside table.

I spent the day working to distract myself. I only realized it was evening when I felt a kiss on my forehead.

"Been here all day?" he asked.

"Yeah, had a lot of work," I replied.

"Have you eaten?"

"I only noticed the time because you arrived," I said. He chuckled and kissed my forehead again.

"Well, then I'll get something for us to eat, and you stay right there."

I continued working until he left, only stopping when he returned and we had dinner.

After we finished, we went to the bedroom. I took a shower while he got ready to sleep.

"Love, can I borrow your charger? Can't find mine." he asked.

"Sure, it's in my bedside table, first drawer." I shouted back.

After drying my hair, doing my skincare and getting dressed, I went to the room. Mason was sitting on the bed with a paper in hand and a displeased expression.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Mind explaining what this is?" He stood up and practically threw the paper at me.

It was the letter.

I took a deep breath, realizing Mason had found the letter. The atmosphere in the room shifted, filled with unspoken tension.

"Mason, I..." I began, but he interrupted.

"Just explain what the hell this is." he insisted, eyes fixed on the letter.

I walked over, took the paper, and glanced at the content. I hadn't read it since he handed it to me. It probably contained words and apologies Max wanted me to know, and my heart raced.

"It's a letter." I stated the obvious, trying to buy time to gather my thoughts.

"I can see that." he replied with a touch of frustration. "But it's a letter apologizing and also a letter saying he still loves you."

Taking another deep breath, I decided to be honest.

"Max wrote this letter to me some time ago."

"How long ago?"

"Do you remember when I told you I became friends with Lando?" He nodded. "We hung out that time because he insisted on introducing me to his best friends that ended up being Max and Daniel."

"What does that have to do with the letter?" He asked, frustrated.

"After the party that he introduced us he talked to Lando about what happened. He made him help him meet me to apologize. So, he said he wrote this letter and handed it to me, but I didn't have the courage to open it."

"And why did you keep it?"

"I don't know. I thought maybe one day I'd have the courage to read it and that’s why I kept it. Perhaps I felt I needed a reminder of how things were before."

His expression changed from frustration to anger.

"You kept a letter from your ex in our house? Are you serious?"

"I was unsure what to do with it and couldn't bring myself to throw it away, so I kept it. It's a piece of the past I kept hidden."

"Why hide it, then? Why keep secrets from me?" Mason's frustration grew. "You lied again about this. Not long ago, you argued with me for defending you and then you do this, keeping his things."

"I thought I could handle it on my own. I didn't want to burden you with my past." I explained.

He sighed, clearly upset.

"Y/n, we promised transparency. Keeping something like this from me... hurts."

"I'm sorry, Mason. I should have told you about this and I know this now." I admitted, feeling a pang of guilt.

"But it's always going to be like this, isn't it? You lie to me about him, and it makes me think you still love him even after he left you at the altar like an idiot," he said angrily. "You were supposed to tell me about him years ago and then when I found out on the internet I’ve try to be cool with it because I saw how much it hurts you, even if I was angry that you e lied to me. And now this, im your fiancé and u was supposed to be the one you trust to tell me this things but apparently lying to me it’s easier for you.

“I’m sorry.”

“I honestly don't know if I can still do this."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know if I can marry you." I felt tears fill my eyes. "I don't know if I can marry someone who lies to me."

"Mason, I..."

"I need some time." He left the room, leaving me there alone.

Bonus scene!

Yourusername Instagram stories

“So much work that I’m starting to get crazy”

Taglist: @ironmaiden1313 @dudenhaaa27 @christianpulisic10 @gaslysainz @fanboyluvr @urgirlceci @justdreamersdream @aundercoverosh @newlifeforus @depressedriches @topguncultleader @luvrrish @tyna-19 @esposadomd @formulas-bitch

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[eisdendrobium]

fly high, my little dove

pairings : ayato x reader summary : you've loved ayato for so long yet never once had he return the feeling, so with a heavy heart you decides to let go.

"i like you, Lord Kamisato."

you could see his eyes widened and a surprised chuckle left his mouth. "what is it that you like in me?" strong yet curious eyes stare at you, waiting for your answer

"well.. you're kind and.. charming, i mean you could protect inazuma and fight,, it's really cool you know..?" you answered with such uncertainty in you.

i mean, it's not that you're making up excuses for liking the Yashiro Commissioner, it's just the way his eyes stare at you so intently with an expression you couldn't read.

he opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out for a second-probably thinking what he's going to say.

"what makes you suddenly say all of this to me?"

"i- well.. i made a bet with Miko, she said that if i got accepted at a company in sumeru i should confess to you, and... i got accepted"

he nods his head, and stays silent for a moment before speaking again. "but you're just confessing right? not..." your eyes widen and you shake your head "no! of course not! ...i'm just confessing"

suddenly an unexpected adrenaline runs in you and you muster up your courage to ask him your last question,

"well... how about you?"

"well i don't really have any plans on leaving inazuma right now.." a way to make the situation more awkward ayato.

"no- i mean.. do you see yourself dating..." you mutter, eyes casting downwards, suddenly losing your braveness

"pardon? could you please repeat that? i didn't quite catch it"

"do you see yourself dating, Lord Kamisato?" "i'm sorry?" if it weren't for the suffocating atmosphere you were sure you'd strangle this man to death for making you repeat that three time. but you repeat your question anyway, making sure it's louder this time.

and how you could see the way his face fell into hesitation, he turns his head to the side and let out a breath "uhm.. i'm sorry, but.. i don't see myself dating anyone right now"

ouch.

you inhale a deep breath and plaster a big smile on your face "oh, yeah! it's fine, i totally understand!"

Ayato gave you a small sympathetic smile "sorry" and proceed to leave the scene.

Miko, who's waiting not far from the scene went out of her hiding spot after Ayato walks away. You could see the sad smile on her face as she embraces you.

tears starts pouring out of your eyes while you try so desperately wipe them off but it never seem to stop flowing anyway.

you tell yourself that it was better to tell him now and move on later than never telling him how you feel, over and over again yet somehow, it hurts. so damn much.

Miko tries to comfort you yet it just made you feel worse "shh... it's okay.. let it all out.. it's his loss rejecting an angel like you.."

his words of rejection keeps playing inside your head, and oh how your heart broke even more every time you remember. You feel like a fool. Loving a Yashiro Commissioner and thinking he would feel the same way as you.

---

ever since that day, you starts to avoid ayato at all cost, i mean how could you not? every time you look at him you feel the urge to break. So, you disappear, always leaving the scene whenever he enters or hiding amongst the crowd whenever he's around.

the only time you see each other is when it was work. even at work you tried your best to avoid looking at his figure. and so did he.

---

sometimes you overthink, about him, about you. What is it that you really love about him? years you've spent loving him yet never once did he gave you the same loving feeling. Small, fragile, awkward, and disappointment. that was all he ever gave you - all that he made you feel.

loving Kamisato Ayato is torture, a torture so addictive you couldn't escape it. Falling harder every day even when all he gives you is his cold gaze and fake smile.

you could see how he laugh and smile around thoma and the traveler. You also heard one of his speech a few weeks after that day.

"if an opportunity comes to you, treat it like you would treat something dear"

it felt like a void was sucking you in and you couldn't help but chuckle. Of course, if you were an opportunity he wouldn't treat you like how he did all these time. If you were an opportunity he would smile and laugh with you like he did with Thoma and the traveler.

---

finally. it's the day of your departure, three months after that day. You could finally be free. Bidding your last goodbye to everyone, you stops when you were in front of him. "i guess this is it, thank you for everything Ayato" you look up at him, seeing how his violet orbs are dancing around, reflecting the sun.

this was the very first time you've ever called him by his actual name, not the usual 'Lord Kamisato'.

"yeah, thank you for everything too" he replied, eyes darting away from you to the ship you're boarding.

and right after that, you left.

---

a year had passed since you left inazuma. happy to say you've moved on from Ayato, your life is amazing, you love your job, you've met loads of friends, and.. you may have met a new person to put your interest on.

but you missed your homeland, so you decides to take a visit there.

arriving at inazuma you were greeted by Miko and Thoma. greeting them and everyone else you knew along the way before finally meeting him again.

Thoma gesture him to come when he sees you. Walking towards each other you finally lock eyes with Ayato. after many years not being able too.

Thoma and Miko seemed to understand something and stops their track to give you and Ayato some time alone.

"Ayato." his name came out so smoothly out of your mouth, yet you keep your tone firm.

"[name]" he spoke softly in return, violet eyes never leaving yours

you give him a small nod

"...you finally say my name" you said breathlessly.

a/n : reblogs are greatly appreciated! and please feel free to comment what you think about this fic ^^

#ayato x reader #ayato angst #kamisato ayato #genshin impact #genshin angst #kamisato ayato angst

[pixiemunsons]

hiii what about steve harrington x reader where steve with all of the girls he slept before he can't manage to cum -like he only cums when he's alone and like it feels kinda humiliating to him to cum in front of someone bc he's really noisy and it's reader's first time and she manage to make him cum 👀

stop the world (i wanna get off with you) sh

stevie learns that sometimes, you just gotta let go (3.1k words)

anon i'm so sorry i missed the part where u said first time however it is their first time together. my first steve fic!! also don't usually write dom!reader so v new for me. thank u for requesting<3 this is set sort of between s2 and 3

light sub!steve/dom!reader, caretaking, handjobs, vulnerable/embarrassed steve, mentions of him sleeping w other girls but no jealousy, first orgasm w a partner, p in v sex, gentle sex, lots of sweet talking and reassurance, this is a very sweet little thing w very very little angst. no use of y/n or appearance description. no spoilers

‘sorry, can you say that again?’

steve blushed bright red, running a hand through his messy hair as you stared at him, wide mouthed.

‘baby, please, it’s so humiliating!’ he threw his head back into the pillow, hiding his hot face in his hands, and it took almost all of your strength to gently prise his fingers away from his eyes.

‘no, s’not. just wanna make sure i heard you properly.’

steve sighed deeply, looking at you tentatively.

‘no one else has ever been able to make me cum before, just myself. happy now?’

───

when king steve harrington had first asked you on a date, you thought he was joking. you’d barely ever spoken at school; helped him get through a bio test once when he was in junior year and you were a sophomore taking an advanced class, but outside of that, you’d barely interacted. 

that is, until you had nipped over to jonathan byers’ house to drop him and his mother a tray of mac and cheese and ask how the search for will was going and had found him, nancy and steve beating the shit out of an alien.

it had all sort of snowballed from there, really. nancy and steve started dating again not long after the incident, before she bounced on over to byers, and while you were really happy for your friends, it had been you that was left to pick up the broken pieces of steve harrington’s heart. well, you and the ragtag bunch of thirteen-year-olds that you had sort of acquired over time. you learnt a lot about steve over the months you spent together; he was a serial dater, though they never seemed to go anywhere - despite the girls seemingly chasing him for weeks after he’d turned them down. he loved ice cream and cheesy rom-coms and the songs from west side story. steve harrington liked driving the kids around, even when he denied it, and listening to dustin talk about d&d, and so it turned out, he really, really liked you.

he’d asked you to go on three dates before you started to believe that he really wanted you like that, and even then he’d had to ask twice more before you agreed to go. you had heard he was a bit of a fuck ‘em and chuck ‘em kinda guy, and the dynamic you’d built up wasn’t something you were willing to ruin for a quick fumble; even if you had heard that said fumbles were nothing short of magnificent. he’d done things properly though; picked you up and opened the car door for you, told your mother he’d have you home on time, taken you to enzo’s, the nicest place in town. he’d made you laugh with his stories all night, ignoring the way other patrons looked at you, and when you reached for the cheque at the end of the night he had brushed you off as if you asking was an insult in and of itself. and then he’d taken you home fifteen minutes before curfew and asked you permission before pressing a chaste kiss to your lips, driving away and leaving you leaning breathless against your front door.

being with steve was a lot different to how you expected it might be. it was just like before, really, doing everything together like best friends. but you caught the way he looked at you now, really looked at you like no one else did. saw how he took in every scar, every mark and cherished it, loved it as a part of you. and even though you hadn’t quite said those words yet, hadn’t quite taken it there, you knew it was true for both of you. there were other things about steve that you hadn’t expected, either; how his room was still the blue colour he’d painted it at twelve, how he could cook a really decent spaghetti. and how, five months into your relationship, he’d never taken it further than making out.

you hadn’t intended to get onto the conversation. you were just talking about how tommy and carol were hooking up again even after their latest break up, and steve had said he thought tommy was dating paula morgan from their graduating class, and about how steve’d gone on a date with her once and she’d left a hickey so big he had to tell his folks he got hit with a volleyball in gym. you knew there was a reason paula kept giving you the shit-eye when you went into the grocery store where she worked. 

‘tellin’ you, i got off lucky! danny rogers, you know from the year above me? he told me once that she gave him a handy and twisted it so hard he was bruised for weeks! scared me off of her for life.’

you laughed, half thinking as he spoke. he had hooked up with loads of girls at school, you knew that, but the more you two spoke about your histories the more you were finding out; secret rendezvous' with girls under the bleachers, in the back of his car. he’d even confessed that he let sheila richards give him a blowjob in mr davies’ empty maths classroom. but it’d been months and the most the two of you had done was heavy petting over the clothes and making out before he’d push you gently away to get back to whatever movie you’d rented that weekend, even if you could feel how hard he was under his jeans. you hadn’t really meant to bring it up at that point, but surely it was better to tell him how you were feeling?

so you’d asked what was going on, and he’d stared at you for so long you thought you might burst into flames of embarrassment, desperately worried you’d said the wrong thing, when he came out with a whisper so tiny you almost didn’t hear it.

almost.

───

‘but-but what about all the other girls? you’ve been getting it left right and centre by every girl in your year, and i’ve certainly never heard any of them complaining.’

steve looked at you and drew a deep breath, shrugging his shoulders.

‘no, babe, they’ve been getting it from me. i mean, i’ve had a few… favours, but i’ve just never, like, finished. i find an excuse, like that i can hear someone coming or whatever, and then i go home and… sort myself out.’

‘so, you can come? just not when other people try?’

he nodded his head, seemingly more calm now that it was out there in the open.

‘is it a physical thing, you think? or a mental block?’

steve shrugged his shoulders again.

‘bit of both, maybe? i think part of it is that i’ve never been that bothered about cumming? i know it sounds silly, but i’m not usually in the sex for myself, and when you end up with a reputation like mine, you gotta find a way of keepin’ it up. so i just do what i need’a do to get her there, then deal with myself later.’ he felt silly now that he said it aloud, wringing his fingers in front of him. it had been part of the reason he’d never moved on you; he was too worried you’d think he didn’t find you attractive, didn’t want you, and the thought killed him.

‘you ever fucked someone you really care about, before, stevie? who really cares about you?’

he looked up at the change of tone in your voice, and saw that you were climbing up his body so your faces were level. he was going red again, gulping as you leaned down over him.

’n-no? never.’

you cocked your head to the side, frowning. ‘what about nance?’ steve shook his head solemnly.

‘no, w-we never… what are you doing, babe?’ he asked as you crawled onto his lap, thighs now either side of his hips.

‘stevie, i think the reason you were never bothered is because they weren’t. they just wanted to fuck the king, have a piece of him. but i don’t want the king.’ you laid a soft kiss on his lips, smiling as you pulled away and steve followed you for more. ‘i want steve harrington. and i wanna make him feel good. y’gonna let me do that?’ you were almost purring, playing with the hem of his t-shirt, and steve couldn’t even find the words to express how he felt other than god, baby, yes please.

you started by kissing him real, real slow. moved your lips over his languidly, tongue running gently over the seam of his lips in soft, caressing strokes that had his head spinning and his chin jutting forward for more. his mouth opened, and you slipped yourself in, running your tongue over his own. steve moaned gently into the kiss, grinding his hips up into yours, and you pushed them back down gently.

‘not yet, baby, tryna make this good for you. just calm down, take it slow. we got all the time in the world.’ he hummed against your mouth, settling his hips down while his hands explored your body slowly. you sat with him like this for a little while; one hand playing with his hair whilst the other sat on his stomach, pressing tender smooches to his lips, his nose, his cheeks, ears, forehead, eyes, until eventually you worked a trail of lip gloss down his neck. your teeth came out at the base of his throat, only gently, marking him inconspicuously as yours, and he almost whimpered under you.

it wasn’t often that you took your time with steve. it was hard to show your appreciation for him sexually when he was always resisting, refusing to let you in. so you were definitely having a lot of fun taking your time tonight. you stripped him of his t-shirt, straddling his hips and feeling his hard cock pressed against you through both of your jeans as you leant forward. your lips shifted from his neck to his chest, nipping at his collarbones as you moved down his stomach.

‘stevie, y’ so pretty,’ you whispered from his happy trail, nose nudging at the curls that lay there as he whined under you.

‘you’re so beautiful, babe, so gorgeous.’ his hand dropped from his chest to your face, stroking at your cheek gently with a thumb. you turned to kiss his fingertips gently, and he moaned when you took the very tip of his index finger into your mouth and sucked gently.

‘’m gonna get you all ready for me, stevie, use my hand and get you worked up, then i’m gonna get on top like you like it and make you feel good. no pressure, if y’can’t cum it’s all good, we’ll just try again when you’re ready. i jus’ want you to know you’re safe with me, nothin’ bad’s gonna happen, i’m gonna take good care of you, yeah?’ you were running your fingers over the top of his jeans, dipping into his boxers ever so gently, and he nodded, fingers grabbing for your t-shirt.

‘yeah, but can you take this off, too? please? don’t wanna be the only one sat here naked,’ he half-chuckled, half-moaned when you stripped the garment away, bra following so you were clad in your jeans alone.

‘can you go in the drawer, babe, get the lube please?’ you asked sweetly, and he passed it down with a kiss pressed to the top of your head. you manoeuvred your position so you were sat facing steve, his face level with your boobs as you straddled his thighs, giving you enough room to pull him out of his jeans and boxers. and, wow, was he hard. and big. his red tip was leaking, almost painful looking, and you pumped some of the lube into your right hand before rubbing it together in your palm, warming it up. he let out a hiss when you finally made contact, hips bucking up into your palm. you simply eased him back down again, pressing a kiss to the bicep of his right arm.

‘shh, baby, i said i got you. how do you usually like it?’

steve cocked his head to the side, blushing red. ‘what do you mean?’

‘you said you make yourself cum,’ you grabbed his hand, guiding it on top of yours. ‘so show me how you do that. maybe it’ll help you relax a little.’ he was nervous, you could tell, so you kissed him gently on the mouth, nodding gently to encourage him. slowly, his hand tightened your own around his cock, moving at a much slower pace than you anticipated he’d like. not that you minded; having him show you how intimately, gently, he liked to be touched was getting you wet, and it was taking a lot to keep your mind on the task quite literally at hand.

steve removed his hand once you seemed to be getting the hang of it, letting his head flop back against the pillows behind him.

‘o-oh, baby, just like that,’ he was writhing under you, leg bouncing up between your thighs in a way that made them clench. steve noticed, reaching out to touch you, but you carefully brushed his hand away.

‘not right now, stevie. we’re gonna think about you for now, we can worry about me later, ’s okay,’ you whispered up at him, flicking your thumb over the very head of him and watching as his head dropped back once more, eyes rolling into his head.

‘f-fuck, that’s so… fuck.’ he seemed to be relaxing, finally, letting you make him feel like he deserved for the first time.

‘you’re doin’ so good f’me, babe. such a good boy,’ you hummed, and steve’s fingers were white knuckled and wound into the bedsheets. he moaned, high-pitched and needy, and the sound went right between your legs.

‘’m gonna c-cum, babe, fuck, stop,’ he whimpered, and you cocked an eyebrow.

‘why stop? everything okay?’

‘wanna- fuck, wanna cum in you.’ his words sent a shiver down your spine, and you swallowed the moan making its way to the surface.

‘you sure? you won’t lose it if i stop now?’

steve shook his head vehemently, pushing your hand away from his leaking cock and reaching to undo your jeans, yanking them down to your knees. you leant forward to kiss him, gently pushing his arms back to his sides.

‘there’s no rush, steve, we can take our time. here, keep touching yourself f’me. there you go baby, just like that.’ you stripped yourself slowly, pushing your lace underwear down your hips and kicking them off with your jeans so you were bare in front of him. you’d usually be nervous, first time a boy saw you like that, but steve? he was something different. his hand was pumping up and down his cock just like he’d shown you he liked it, eyelids drooping as he revered your naked form above him.

‘want me on top? or d’you wanna do it?’

steve groaned again. he had no idea how he’d managed to swing you, but right now, he definitely wasn’t complaining. ‘can you do it, babe, please?’

his puppy dog eyes were so disarming, so loving, you couldn’t help but to lean forward and run a thumb over his lips, watching as he ran the very tip of his tongue over the pad of your digit.

‘i just want you to know that there’s no pressure, honey. if it doesn’t happen, we don’t force it, we try until you wanna stop and then we try another time, okay?’ the concern in your eyes had him almost in tears, so he just nodded as you lowered yourself onto him for the first time.

the sting was uncomfortable but not unwelcome, his thick cock stretching you out just enough for it to hurt whilst still feeling good. you moaned together when you finally had him all the way down to his thick base, buried so deep you could feel it everywhere.

‘’m not gonna last long, sweetheart,’ steve grunted, hips meeting yours mid-thrust and you couldn’t bring yourself to stop him, not when he was bumping up against a spot that had you seeing stars.

‘stevie, so good, so fuckin’ big and perfect for me,’ you were half-crying on his cock, trying to keep a rhythm going.

‘where d’you - fuck - want it? s’comin’ babe,’ steve was grunting through gritted teeth, and you just had time to cry out ‘stomach, shit’ when he was pulling out, head poking out from his hand as he fisted his cock, warm splashes of cum spurting out to paint your tummy.

‘oh baby, oh my love, fuck, so good!’ steve was almost shouting through his orgasm from under you, and he was the most beautiful person you’d ever met. head thrown back, hair messy, chest red and mouth forming an o as he rode his orgasm out in his hand. you were still hovering above him, up on your knees, when he covered his face with his hands once more.

‘stevie, what’s wrong?’ you asked, worried you’d taken it too far. he peeked out from between his fingers, eyeing you.

‘that was so loud, s'embarrassing,’ he whispered, and you pulled his hands from his face like you had not half an hour earlier.

‘you kidding? that was so hot!’

‘shut up, don’t be a dick.’

‘steve, i’m being serious!’ he peered over at you, intrigued, as you started ranting. ‘fuck, i can’t believe i’m the first person to see you like that! i mean, i’m glad i was, because holy shit, that was a religious fucking experience!’ the look of wonder on your face soon became something a little more teasing. ‘i can’t wait to make you do that again.’

it was your turn to be surprised when steve looped his arms around your thighs, yanking you forward so you were still on your knees, now situated with your pussy directly over his mouth. a smirk spread across steve’s face at the look of wonder on your own.

‘well, not right now, you won’t sweetheart.’

he pressed a trail of kisses down your right inner thigh, short nails scraping at the skin of your ass.

‘you’ve shown me what a good job you can do. now it’s time to show you what i’m famous for, baby.’

#Steve harrington #Steve harrington smut #Steve harrington fluff #Steve harrington angst #Steve harrington fanfic #Steve harrington fanfiction #Steve harrington imagine #Steve harrington headcanon #Steve harrington headcanons #Steve harrington x reader #Steve harrington x you #Steve harrington x f!reader #Steve harrington x female reader #Steve harrington stranger things #Steve stranger things #stranger things 4 #Stranger things smut #Stranger things fanfiction #Stranger things fluff #Stranger things x reader #Stranger things x you #Stranger things x female reader #Stranger things x f!reader

[ellebakers]

☆ I love you even more (+18)

Jake Seresin x reader

Summary : When your ex, Luke, tries to get you back, Jake, your friend with benefits, is ready to fight for you.

Warnings : +18 smut, language, fluff.

Monday morning is something you hate, but today is worse. You have cramps everywhere due to the frenzied evening you spent the day before with Lieutenant Seresin. You didn't know how it was possible but even your scalp hurt like hell, in fact, you knew how it was possible, it was probably due to the violence with which Jake had pulled on your hair when he took you from behind against the kitchen island. As you reminisced about the night before, someone sat down next to you.

"Hello my dear" You know this voice, it's the same one that, less than 24 hours ago, whispered to you "You're so perfect like that, screaming my name"

"What do you want Bangman ?" Jake leaned slightly towards you "Just remind you that you forgot that at my place" You frowned and looked down at where Jake had been pointing. You stifled a cry of horror when you saw your panties in his left hand, panties that he obviously ripped off of you last night.

"Hide it ! are you completely sick or what ?"Jake laughed, but put what was yours in his pocket.

"Alright, let's get to the point, today we're going to welcome a new member" exclaimed Maverick who had just arrived in the shed. "Welcome Lt. Duke "Rider" Cameron"

Holy shit…

Phoenix, your best friend turned to you, with wide eyes. It couldn't be, it couldn't be him. Not the Duke who broke your heart years ago. A rather muscular man with brown hair approached Mav and shook his hand. As he nodded to your colleagues, his gaze fell on you. As your heart raced, you felt not one, but two pairs of eyes on you. Indeed, Jake had noticed that something was wrong. He didn't like this guy, he didn't like the way he was looking at you, no one had the right to look at you like that except him.

"Who is this ?" he whispered to you

"My ex"

Hangman clenched his jaw at your answer. "What is he doing here?"

"No ideas…"

Phoenix, who had listened to your conversation and knew what was going on between Jake and you, turned to you "He may have come here to win you back" She knew Duke was a bastard, but what she also knew was that making that kind of comment would piss Hangman off, which might finally make him confess his feelings for you. She had no idea how her plan would work..

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Once the meeting is over, you fasten to go to the locker room, but Duke, who had every intention of winning you back, followed you, what Jake noticed.

"Y/n" Keep walking, don't stop, you thought. But Duke grabbed your arm and turned you to him.

"What? What do you want?!"

"Talk to you"

"No, now get off me"

"Y/n, I screwed up I know it and I blame myself. But if I came here it's because I knew you would be there, and I really want you to give me a second chance"

You looked at him like he was crazy "Do you honestly think I'm going to give you a second chance, after what you did!"

Duka sighed "It was an accident and-"

"Oh you mean you slept with my sister by accident? Like, you slipped and fell cock forward inside her"

"I-"

"It took me a while to get over it Duke, but now I'm happy, so stay out of my life"

"Happy? Really? Y/n I know it's not true, you may be happy at work, but not emotionally -"

"How do you know ?"

"Please, you haven't even been in a relationship since-"

"Angel, is everything okay?" Duke and you turn to whoever just spoke, it was Jake.

"Yes do not worry"

The blonde got next to you and put his arm around your waist, which surprised you, usually Hangman wasn't demonstrative, which made sense since you two aren't in a relationship. He smiled at Duke and held out his hand. "Pleased, Lieutenant Jake Seresin, callsign Hangman and" He paused before continuing to take the time to push a small lock of hair out of your eyes. "Her boyfriend". There was a long silence, Duke kept looking between you and Jake.

"Well, delighted. Lieutenant Duke Cameron, callsign Rider, and, Y/n and I were-"

"I know"

As you were about to speak, Rooster approached you. Noticing how close you and Jake were, he frowned but didn't ask.

"Y/n, Mav wants to see you"

You sighed "Ok, thanks roos"

You turned to Jake and Duke

"Excuse me"

"See you later baby" Hangman exclaimed.

The two men watched you walk away, and once you were a good distance away, Jake turned to Duke, his gaze dark.

"Look, I know why you're here, but I'm stopping you right now, she's out of reach for you. You had your chance, but from what I understand you were dumb enough to screw up. But I should thank you, your loss, my luck. So stay away from her, or you'll have to deal with me, okay?"

"Okay" And with that, Duke walked away, fist clenched and ego shattered.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

An hour later, you're sitting on the locker room bench as Phoenix tells you, word for word, the conversation she overheard between your ex and Jake. Once finished you shiver "Why did Jake tell him that?" Phoenix rolled her eyes "You moron! Bangman is in love with you"

"What? No, you're wrong"

Again Natasha rolled her eyes "So when you do something and your eyes are elsewhere, he looks at you as if you are the most beautiful thing he has seen. He is the one who proposed your small arrangement, all just because he's afraid to confess his feelings to you and it was the only way to have you all to himself, then today his jaw was so tight when he saw Duke coming towards you, whom she almost broke. And without forgetting the number of times he asked you to come and spend the evening with him, without sex, just you and him, and you tell me i’m wrong about the fact he’s in love with you ?"

"I don't know Nat"

"Do you love him ?"

"You know very well that, yes"

"So ! What’s the problem ?"

You groaned getting up to change "The problem is, let's say you're right. Ok Jake loves me, but what if he ends up getting bored, I don't want to go through another breakup, it hurts too much"

"Honey, if Bangman ever breaks your heart, I'll break his bones." You laughed at that "But seriously, you're one of the best pilots, you're hot, smart, nice, how could he get bored. You were made for each other"

"Nat–"

"Do you want to know something?" You nodded "I promised Bangman not to say anything, but you need to hear it. One evening at the bar, he came to get drunk because you had argued. I asked him his intentions with you, he m said, and I quote: She's the most beautiful thing that's ever happened to me, I can't get her out of my head. I think about her all day, and when I manage to sleep, I dream of her, I dream of being able to introduce her to my family, of asking her to marry me! Me who chained sex plans before meeting her. I only have eyes for her. She's so perfect that it scares me, scared that one day someone will take her from me."

You bit your cheek to stop yourself from crying, so it was true, Jake really loves you "Thanks Nat" You hugged her, once separated, she laughed lightly and said “He also told me that you are the best sex of his life” You laughed while wiping away the tears that had, despite your efforts, flowed.

"I love him so much, if only he knew"

"I think now he knows" The brunette told you. You frowned, not understanding what was going on.

"He's been on the phone with me since the beginning"

"What ?"

"He's in the gym. You should go join him"

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Natasha was right, Jake was sitting on a bench in the gym, when you walked in he turned his head towards you. He stood up as you approached him.

"Y/n I–"

You cut him off by kissing him. When you pushed yourself to breathe, he opened his eyes slightly and licked his lips, you rested your forehead against his and closed your eyes.

"I deduce from your kiss, that everything Phoenix told you is reciprocal"

"Why didn't you tell me" Jake took your face in his hands "I was afraid, afraid that you didn't want me anymore" You looked up at him "Lieutenant, I will always want you, I love you more than anything" Jake pressed his lips to yours. He pulled back slightly and whispered to you "I love you even more". Jake kissed you again, then moved his lips to your neck. He sucked the place he knew would drive you crazy and you moaned slightly.

"Jake" He hummed against your skin and slipped his hand under your top "We will not fuck here"

He looked up at you "Angel, we won't fuck, we'll make love from now on"

You shook your head laughing "Then we won't make love here"

He snorted "Like we've never done it before".

You laughed harder and Jake couldn't help smiling seeing you.

He put a hand on your cheek and kissed you again.

"Damn, Coyote you owe me $20" You heard Rooster yelled. You turned around and saw Bradley, Payback, Bob and Phoenix standing by the door with big smiles.

"Damn, he finally had the balls to tell her he loves her ?" Coyote says running in the direction of the gymnasium to come and see.

Jake frowned and spread his arms quizzically. "Would you mind if you left us some privacy" The group growled but obeyed anyway "Privacy." sneered Rooster "Like we never heard them fucking" He said it softly, but you heard it anyway.

Jake closed his eyes "I'm going to kill him"

You shook your head smiling.

"What if you take care of me instead Lieutenant" Hangman bit his lip, then picked you up, put you on his shoulder and slapped your ass.

"I love it when you call me that".

#hangman x reader #jake seresin #jake seresin x reader #top gun x y/n #top gun x reader #jake seresin x y/n #hangman x y/n

[grandlinedreams]

This is totally calling myself out with (why I’m anon 😭), but would you be comfortable doing unexpected pregnancy trope w/ Law. Or just the pregnancy trope in general. I absolutely adore it, but I do know a lot of people don’t/aren’t comfortable with it

Ough i have a request in my drafts that I'm working on that's got a tad more of an angstier spin on this so I'm gonna use this one to give him the happy ending we all hope he'd get :')

[Heads up!: fluff, married!law makes me wanna gnaw my arm off, afab/fem aligned reader, I think Law'd do his best to be a good dad and I will die on that hill]

Truth be told, Law never thought he'd make it this far. There have been a hundred odds stacked against him, tipped the scales in their favor over his ㅡ and somehow, he's still here.

There are days where he wonders if it's worth it, if he's worth it ㅡ and then he remembers Sengoku's words about Cora's sacrifice for him.

"Don't ever attach a reason to the love you've been given."

He's been loved ㅡ by his parents, by Lami, by Cora. By his crew, his friends ㅡ and you. You, who've been patiently by his side this entire time, fighting for a future that's worth sticking around for.

And now he has it. The metal band around his finger is still new to him sometimes, and he fiddles with it when he's lost in thought, rotating it as the little stones shimmer. It's not anything extravagant ㅡ but neither of you had wanted that.

"Who cares about rocks and the money for them when I have you?" You'd said when he asked, staring at him with such conviction his chest hurt.

"Law?" Your voice brings him out of his thoughts, finding you standing a few feet away from where he'd been zoning out as he stared out the kitchen window over the sink. The house the two of you own is modest, but it suits the two of you and Law still has a tough time accepting the fact that he owns a house now, rather than just a submarine. (For man who's spent most of his life uncertain he'd get a tomorrow, he's settled into domesticity surprisingly well for the most part.)

"You were gone when I woke up," he says by way of greeting, catches the nervous fidget of your arms, tucked behind you as you rock back and forth on your feet. "Where'd you go?"

"Town," you answer and when he frowns, you sigh. "I wasn't there long, and I've never once seen a wanted poster. We're not pirates anymore, you know."

"Can never be too careful," he intones, watches you mouth the words with him in a way that suggests it's far from the first time you've heard him say it. (It's true. He's said it a lot.) "Does it have to do with what you're hiding behind your back?"

"Maybe," you singsong before you bring your arms out from behind you, a neatly wrapped box extended towards him. He blinks, then his brow furrows.

"Did I miss an anniversary?"

"No."

"Is it your birthday?"

"No."

"Is itㅡ"

"Just open it, Law." There's an undercurrent of nerves to your tone as he takes the box from you, watching him as he sits down at the table to unwrap the thin bow of red ribbon around it.

You wait with baited breath as he sets the ribbon aside, pops the lid off of it ㅡ and pulls the contents out. You know exactly what it is, having spent the last few days trying to come up with the perfect way to tell him.

Law stares at the cloth in his hands. It's small, made of soft fabric and little metal buttons at the bottom, spaced between where two legs should go ㅡ oh. Oh.

And all at once, it clicks.

"You're pregnant?" He doesn't mean for it to sound like an accusation, only that he's aware neither of you'd been really trying yet ㅡ content to take one day at a time, together.

You nod. "I'm way late on my cycle, and given how lousy I've felt recently..." You watch him stand, leftover nerves making you ramble as he approaches. "I mean I know we've talked about kids but haven't wanted to really try yetㅡ"

His arms wind around you, holding you to him gently. There are a thousand thoughts that race through his head, of what-ifs concerning your health, the baby's ㅡ the fear that he's somehow passed on the disease he's long since been rid of.

He exhales against the top of your head, pushes the worries and fears back. He can deal with those later. Instead, he focused on what he can handle right now. "How far are you?"

"Not sure," you answer. "If we go by cycle, a month or so? Could be earlier than that."

His grip tightens. "You're pregnant," he mumbles, almost to himself. "We're having a baby."

You nod, letting yourself cling to him the way he is to you. "You're going to be a dad, Law."

The thought of fatherhood both excites and terrifies him ㅡ what if he's a horrible dad? He knows absolutely nothing about babies beyond what he remembers from when Lami was born, which is hardly much of anything.

"It's okay to be scared, Law." Your voice is soft, whispered against his chest. "I am too. But we'll do this together, okay? We'll be fine."

Law holds you to him, presses his lips to the top of your head as he thinks of the future. You, him, and the little piece of you both, growing inside you.

"Yeah," he finally says. "We'll be just fine."

#ㅡmine. #one piece scenario #one piece x reader #trafalgar law x reader #law x reader #ㅡanswered. #anonymous

[readychilledwine]

Eris Week - Day 2: High Lord | Heir

Relief

Prompt - How does Eris de-stress and cope with his new responsibilities as the High Lord? Does he have any personal hobbies, rituals, or places of solace?

Summary - Amelia has begun to notice Eris is hiding away in the library more and more as his duties as high lord begin to pick up. Hoping to reconnect with her mate and husband, she offers him the one outlet she knows has always brought Eris calm and relaxation.

Warnings - unedited (as always,) alcohol use, sexual situations (not full on smut)

A/N - Happy day two of @erisweek2023 my fellow Vanserra lovers 💜 I'm welcoming Amelia back into my posts. I'm excited to bring the story of these two lovers to life soon.

Eris leaned back into the oversized chair he had begun to sit in nightly. He always found the silence of the libraries late into the night was one of the only things that calmed his mind, but it had become his haven now after days of long grueling meetings, fights with his brothers, and court relationship repairs he felt were never ending.

He sighed as he read the history of his family one more time. A note pad of things the long line of Vanserras had been praised for or that improved the court was littered with his quick scratched handwriting. He jotted down a long note regarding a great great grandfather's laws on the yearly tithe versus a slow taxation system that allowed fae to pay taxes over the year instead of in one lump sum. He had been praised for it, and Eris desperately sought that praise from the fae in his realm.

He felt the bond tug in his ribcage. He waited before tugging it back, hoping his mate would just stay in their room tonight. He had so much work, and even if he knew this was beginning to eat at their relationship, he needed to finish it. They had not spent a night together since Beron's death, they had not laid together since weeks leading to his death. They hardly ate together or saw each other in the past month. Another harsher tug came, and he ignored it.

The large oak door opened, causing him to pause slightly before continuing his cross research from a book Helion had loaned him on Day Court tax practices. His staff would leave the young High Lord. After he had accidentally snapped at a poor kitchen girl, they knew to allow their budding High Lord moments of silence and time. His mate, however, she had no shame in bugging his husband. Another tug came from the bond, closer this time, causing Eris to pause mid page turn. Amelia smiled softly at him as he looked up from his book.

She slowly pulled the crystal decanter of whiskey and glass out from behind her back. "Would you like this?" Eris was frozen as he took in Amelia's outfit, or lack of. Her tanned golden skin was exposed. Red lace adorning her curves along with a silky red robe. Her long sandy blonde hair was falling in waves around her reaching her hips. Pretty black heels graced her feet, making her legs look even longer.

The double meaning to her words did not slip past his mind. He felt his throat going tight as he swallowed thickly. "Of course I do. What did I do to deserve this lovely treat?" He had hoped his voice was hiding how aroused he was.

"You have been working so hard," Amelia set the whiskey decanter and fine crystal glass down on the table next to him. "Locked away in your office for hours at a time," she moved his book out of his hands, setting it down as well before straddling his lap. "Forced to deal with cranky old males who feel you aren't doing well enough," she kissed his lips quickly, "I felt your stress peaking today during the meeting with your advisors, and I thought to myself, "hmm what does my mate love? What would make him so very happy?" And then I remembered this pretty little thing, and I may have stolen your favorite whiskey from Rhysand. And the glass. And the decanter."

Eris chuckled slightly, his eyes lighting up at her smile. "You stole from the Night Court uncaught?" She hummed and nodded before kissing his lips lightly.

He then groaned, his head falling back as Amelia turned slightly, brushing against him just enough to cause the High Lord to lose himself and his composure. She poured the stolen whiskey into the crystal glass and set the decanter back down, her breasts near his face as she reached.

"I want to help you destress," she handed him the glass, watching as he brought it to his lips, eyes glued on her. He watched as she lowered her lips to his neck and began to slowly kiss along his pulse point.

He needed to regain control of the situation. The thought of anyone, a male especially, seeing his mate like this was enough to make him want to burn the world down one place at a time. "Amelia, we are in the library. We can-"

One of her fingers came to his lips as she ground down on him. "Just relax, Eris. The servants are all in bed. I banished them for the night. I told them to all go enjoy a night off at the tavern on us." He threw his head back, groaning loudly again as she began to grind down on him again.

He took another drink. Sighing contently as her small hands began to unbutton his shirt. Her long nails ran the pale skin of his chest. Digging just enough to make him moan out again. He knew what she was doing, what she was offering. And in this moment, Eris was more than happy to take it from her.

"If you want to help me relax, little bunny," Eris paused, gripping her hip tightly with one hand and pulling her long hair with the other. "Then get on your knees." He smirked as she got down and went between his knees, watching as he untied his leathers to free himself from his pants.

Her hands went behind her back, like he had trained her to do, and she looked up at him, eyes wide in submission. "Such a good girl for your high lord," Eris purred as he ran his hands through her hair and held it in one hand. "Now open your mouth."

#acotar #acotar x reader #eris vanserra #eris vanserra x reader #eris x reader #erisweek2023

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

Francis Drake Main Story

This is simply a fan translation and is not intended as a replacement for the game. Expect grammatical errors.

This is just a rough translation.

One year later.

Mitsuki: "Well then, I'm off to go shopping."

Sebastian: "Okay. Take care."

Dazai: "Be careful not to trip."

Mitsuki: "Hehe, I'm not a child, you know? But thank you."

Mitsuki returned the residents' smiles and left the dining hall.

Isaac, who was eating, watched her leave with a thoughtful gaze.

Dazai: "What's wrong, Isaac? You seem concerned about Toshiko-san."

Isaac: "It's nothing. I just hope she's okay."

Isaac: "The other day, I saw her gazing at the boat on the Seine River, so I got a little worried."

Dazai & Sebastian: ".........."

The three of them thought about the person she must have been thinking about, a man who lived in the mansion for a while a year ago.

Sebastian: "It looks like she still can't forget about him."

Dazai: "Yeah. They say time heals sadness, but no one can ever truly replace someone."

Mitsuki: "Alright, I didn't forget to buy anything."

I checked the contents of the shopping bag and nodded to myself.

(I finished shopping pretty quickly, and there's not much work at the mansion today, so maybe...)

(........)

Before I could even think about it, my feet naturally moved toward a certain place.

Over the past year, I found myself visiting the places that held memories of Drake whenever I had the time.

One was the Seine River, and the other was a room with a domed ceiling and bookshelves. I removed the padlock that hung on the entrance of the building and stepped inside.

(Of course, no one's here.)

The only things present in the room were the light coming in through the window and silence.

This place was apparently his hiding place.

And at the back of the room, that door was still there.

(It still won't open, huh?)

I lightly put my hand on it and pulled, but the door remained motionless.

Over the past year, the door has never been opened. Despite that, Comte decided to manage this place to ensure that the door wouldn't be forced open or misused by someone.

I was given a special key to the building and occasionally came to check on it.

(I'm visiting this place out of nostalgia, but deep down, I'm still hoping he will come back.)

(I can't completely get rid of that faint hope.)

Even after a year, I still love him.

No matter how much I distract myself with other things, he always remains in my heart.

(There's no one else I've loved deeply or who has stirred my heart like he did.)

Whenever I recalled the days we spent together and the events that occurred between us, my feelings for him intensified, never fading.

(Even if I don't say it, everyone in the mansion seems to care.)

(I know it'd be better if I forgot about him, but...)

(I still want to hold on to these precious feelings he gave me.)

Even if someday they sink deep into the sea of my heart and become painful memories, for now, I want to embrace this love.

As if to confirm the presence of those feelings, I pressed the center of my chest tightly. Then, as I turned on my heel, a creaking sound came from behind me.

(Huh...?)

Turning around, I saw the untouched door slowly opening before my eyes.

Mitsuki: "Kyaah!?"

Then, with the sound of wings flapping, something flew out from the gap in the open door.

I followed the afterimage and saw a parrot with bright red wings.

Mitsuki: "Draco!?"

The moment I called his name, someone pulled my body backward.

???: "The woman of destiny."

(No way, it can't be.)

Hearing the whisper up close, I anxiously turned around, and my gaze met his clear, aquamarine eyes.

Drake: "Fawn."

Mitsuki: "Drake?"

There was the person I had always longed to meet.

The person I still love dearly.

Mitsuki: "Drake, Drake!"

I called out his name and embraced him with an uncontrollable impulse.

(Why is he here?)

(Ah, but that doesn't matter anymore.)

Overwhelming joy replaced my surprise and doubt.

Drake: "Mitsuki."

He called my name and wrapped his arm around my back.

Drake: "Ah, damn it. Even though I tried to act cool when we said goodbye, I still find myself longing for you."

The hand that was gently touching me gradually increased its strength and held me tightly.

Surrounded by his warmth, the overflowing, unstoppable emotions turned into tears streaming down my cheeks.

Mitsuki: "I missed you, Drake."

Mitsuki: "I thought I'd never see you again. I thought you had gone to some distant world."

Drake: "I also thought I'd never see you again."

Mitsuki: "Still, you came back."

Drake: "Yeah."

Drake: "It looks like I couldn't hide my true feelings."

He muttered with a faint, bitter smile, and I looked up at him, confused. He then narrowed his eyes and gently wiped my wet cheek with his fingertips.

Drake: "Behind the door, Galileo and I made a bet this time."

------------Flashback-----------

Galileo: "Drake, I'll go on alone from here."

As they used the door to travel through eras, Galileo suddenly stopped in front of Drake.

Galileo: "Don't follow me until you can't see me anymore."

Drake: "Ha? What the hell are you talking about?"

Galileo shrugged off Drake's question and glanced at the hallway lined with antiques.

Galileo: "The destination of this hallway responds to our desires."

Galileo: "If your wishes and mine overlap, we will meet again in one of the worlds."

Drake: "........."

Galileo: "However, if meeting that girl, the woman of destiny, has changed your wish, then the destination you will reach will also be different."

Drake: "So you want to bet on whether I'm seeking the same fate as you based on the destination of this hallway?"

Galileo: "Yeah."

Galileo let out a faint sigh. It sounded like he was already anticipating what was to come.

Galileo: "If our paths differ, then there is no need for a companion anymore."

Galileo: "You can do as you please."

---------Flashback Ends--------

Drake: "So I crossed the hallway alone and arrived here."

Drake: "To where you are."

Mitsuki: "........."

Drake: "I lost the bet. Even though I tried to avoid it to establish boundaries, in the end, I couldn't betray my own desires."

(The door led him to what he wanted.)

His eyes, looking straight at me, conveyed that I was the one.

Drake: "Mitsuki."

He took my hand and put it in the center of his chest.

Drake: "I will never betray the feelings you gave me."

Drake: "Even if we never meet again, I thought that believing in you would be enough."

Drake: "But touching you like this won't work anymore."

He tightly gripped my hand, touching his chest.

Drake: "With this hand, I want to claim you. I want you."

Drake: "I love you, Mitsuki."

Mitsuki: "Drake, me too."

My honest words of love were swallowed by his lips as we exchanged a kiss that I had been waiting for for over a year.

A few days later, in the afternoon, in the mansion's garden:

Napoleon: "It feels good to hang the laundry in a weather like this."

Sebastian: "Thank you for your help. Hanging out and doing chores with you is really a dream come true."

Sebastian savored the moment while spreading the freshly washed sheets.

Napoleon: "You're exaggerating. I don't mind this much."

Napoleon: "Mitsuki had the day off today, right? Did she go out?"

Sebastian: "Yes, she went to see that person. She plans to stay overnight."

Napoleon: "I see."

Napoleon smiled gently, thinking about Mitsuki's recent happy demeanor.

Suddenly, Sebastian muttered a few words beside him.

Sebastian: "The mansion was fun when Drake was here, though I don't think he'll come back anymore."

Napoleon: "…......"

The day Drake reappeared in this world, he visited the mansion with Mitsuki.

------------Flashback-----------

Drake: "No matter what, I can't get along with you guys."

Drake: "However, I won't lay a hand on you anymore."

Drake: "There is still a possibility that your existence will have an impact on the world. So I'll be watching your lives as a vampire, hoping for the possibility of your demise."

With that bold declaration, Drake seemed refreshingly resolute.

---------Flashback Ends--------

Napoleon: "No matter what his thoughts may be, we just have to see that Mitsuki never cries again."

With a determined gaze that wouldn't lose to Drake, Napoleon looked up at the sky.

Above his head was a blue sky as deep as the azure sea.

As the crescent moon rises in the night sky, we exchange words in a planetarium-like place with beautiful lights scattered on the ceiling.

Mitsuki: "Coming back and immediately working on the Seine River is so typical of you."

Drake: "You either earn your own food or steal it."

Drake: "So, how was it to be back on Captain Drake's luxurious cruise ship after a long time?"

Mitsuki: "It was fun, but, as always, your tour-guiding skills suck!"

Drake: "Haha, I'll work on it."

He lightly leaned against the armrest of the sofa, where I sat, and laughed openly. When I quietly sighed in relief, he seemed to notice the subtle change in my demeanor and tilted his head.

Drake: "What's up? You seem oddly relieved."

Mitsuki: "Yeah. I'm just happy that you're by my side."

Mitsuki: "Because you're the kind of person who might set sail on a ship and disappear when I'm not looking."

Drake: "........."

Drake was like a ship that crossed the sea without being fazed by the high waves of a storm.

A person who set sail and navigated through the open sea without the need for any landmarks.

Perhaps, after testing whether I would betray him and experiencing a separation once, that impression became even stronger.

(It's probably just me being anxious, but...)

I lowered my gaze, and he pulled my head gently against his chest.

Mitsuki: “Drake?”

Drake: “This time, I need to make you believe in me.”

His voice echoed gently from the spot where my cheek touched, and my heart raced with excitement.

Drake: “Hey, Fawn. I don’t get along with the folks in the mansion, and I don’t care what happens to this world.”

Drake: “I honestly thought about going through the door again to chase after Galileo since I’m the only one who can accompany him on his journey, but...”

He murmured with a hint of loneliness.

Drake: “When I met you again, I realized I couldn’t live a life I didn’t want.”

(Drake...)

Drake: “So, for me and Galileo, I decided to be the gatekeeper here.”

Mitsuki: “Gatekeeper?”

He deepened his grin like a mischievous child.

Drake: “I’ll prevent anyone who tries to use the door he created and interferes with his journey.”

Drake: “Even though we’re far apart, I could at least do this much.”

Drake: “I betrayed Galileo in the very end. Even though he said he didn’t need me anymore, I will betray his intentions for leaving me behind.”

Mitsuki: “Hehe. Is that your way of getting back at him?”

Drake: “Yeah.”

He narrowed his eyes and chuckled.

(I'm not sure what his relationship with Galileo was like, but I'm sure he was also carrying something that resonated with his despair at the world.)

I wonder if I'll ever meet him again.

Suddenly, he tilted his face and peered into my eyes.

Drake: "That's my conclusion. From now on, I'll be by your side."

Drake: "Believe me a little, little fawn."

As he looked at me, seemingly gauging my mood, a ticklish feeling welled inside me.

Mitsuki: "Yeah, I believe you. I trust you."

(He didn't even believe in himself, but now he's telling me this.)

Drake: "Thanks. I have to live up to your trust."

Returning my smile, he patted my head and climbed down from the armrest, placing his hands on the backrest and pinning me from the front.

Drake: "But be prepared, okay? Because I won't let you go anymore."

Drake: "The next time I leave, I'm taking you with me."

(I really can't compete with him.)

Just when I thought he was showing a boyish smile, he suddenly put on a serious expression, confusing me.

Gently and intensely, just like the waves, he has continued to stir my heart since the day we met.

Mitsuki: "Yeah. Take me away."

Mitsuki: "I want you to take me wherever you go."

Mitsuki: "But, you know? I might be the one to steal you away. The outcome of our bet is still uncertain."

Drake: "----!"

Drake: "Haha, you really know how to catch a pirate's heart."

Intentionally teasing me, he laughed playfully and swiftly stole a kiss from my lips.

Mitsuki: "That's so sneaky!"

Drake: "Sneaky? But that isn't enough."

He drew close to me again and pecked me two to three times.

As the kisses gradually deepened, my chest grew warm and pounded faster.

(I don’t want to be separated from him anymore. I’ll follow him wherever he goes, even to the ends of the sea, even if destruction awaits us there.)

If the world were to crumble, I would face it with Francis by my side.

If the future is filled with hope and connection, then he will be mine.

This is our never-ending gamble, a promise that will never be betrayed.

In between our kisses, he suddenly removed his cape.

Suddenly recalling something, I gently pushed his chest back.

Mitsuki: “Wait, there’s something I’ve been wanting to return to you.”

What I took out of my bag was his golden gun. I had brought it back and kept it with me all this time.

Drake: “Ah, that. It’s fine. You can keep it.”

Mitsuki: “Huh? But...”

Drake: “You’re prone to getting involved in danger, so it’s better for you to have a means to protect yourself.”

Drake: “Well, if anything happens to you, I’ll always come to your rescue.”

His reliable smile gave me an absolute sense of reassurance, making my heart skip a beat.

Mitsuki: “You’re right. I believe that you’ll always come to my rescue, no matter what.”

Mitsuki: "But you might be the most dangerous thing for me."

Drake: "Me?"

Mitsuki: "Yes. Because you're a pirate who is so destructive and could even make my heart pound so hard it could break."

Drake: "Heh? Well then, you better aim for me before it breaks."

Laughing, Francis untied his hair and grabbed my wrist, pointing the gun I held at his own chest.

Drake: "I don't mind getting shot or betrayed by you."

Drake: "I love you enough to feel that way."

(Francis.)

When we first met, I wanted to trust him, so I believed.

When I said I was okay with being betrayed, he shot me with a terribly cold gaze.

But now he was saying the same thing as me.

(Love seemed to surpass the sorrow of betrayal.)

Mitsuki: "I love you too."

Mitsuki: "If I were to shoot your chest, what I'd put in there wouldn't be a bullet, but love."

Drake: "Haha! That sounds perfect!"

His eyes, clear as the sea, which embraced both joy and sorrow, reflected me.

Drake: "If I betray you again, don't hesitate to pull the trigger."

Drake: "I'll die with your bullet in my chest."

Will this love be pierced by betrayal?

I hesitated to believe and suffered from my nearly broken feelings, yet I still couldn't betray him because I ended up falling in love.

(No matter what happens, I will believe in you.)

(And...)

In the love that exists between us, a love that will never be betrayed.

Previous Part ╎ Masterlist ╎ Dramatic End

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikevamp drake #ikevamp jp #ikevamp francis #francis drake #ikevamp translations #cybird

[mirai-e-jump]

UTB (Up to Boy) Magazine, February 2024 Issue (Vol.334) ft. Hirakawa Yuzuki Interview and Photo Shoot (translation below)

Publication: December 22, 2023

Immovable Upside

Currently appearing in "Ohsama Sentai King-Ohger," the currently airing Super Sentai series, actor Hirakawa Yuzuki-san makes her second appearance in our magazine. She's changed her hair, having it cut into a shorter style, as she presents her pure and mature duality, which has become even more transparent.

-We've been rushing through the year-

"You've cut your hair short, and your look is totally different from the last time we saw you. Personally, how do you feel about your current short hairstyle?"

Hirakawa: Before I started acting, I always kept it short, so it somehow feels nostalgic. I cut it because of my role, but I thought it was abit of a waste since it's been that long for about 5 years (laughs). Still, I think it'll be fine since it grows quickly.

"Starting from episode 27, the second chapter of King-Ohger is set two years later. We think the change in hairstyle made it easier for you to make changes in your performance."

Hirakawa: That's true. I think I'm able to show more strength. I think that after two years, they're more aware and prepared as a king, and that they have a greater sense of responsibility.

"Now that the story has progressed considerably, are there any memorable moments from the episodes that have been broadcast so far?"

Hirakawa: In episode 25, the sense of distance between Rita and their retainer Morfonia, or rather, the values of their relationship have become much closer. It was a time where Rita gathered the courage to take another step forward on their own, so that episode left quite an impression on me. From there, the way they interacted with Morfonia changed completely, so I think it was a turning point for them. Also, in episode 38, they reveal the face they've been hiding up until that point, and showed all kinds of facial expressions as an "idol," so I hope you enjoyed it.

"It's already aired, so if you haven't seen it yet, please catch up and watch it…..! By the time this magazine comes out, filming for the final episode will be underway, right?"

Hirakawa: In about another month or so……"We've got such a long time before it starts!," is what I thought, but only for a moment. I think it was more instantaneous after the Summer film ended. Until then, we weren't used to filming, and everyone was in a state of just trying to figure things out. The cast members have been good friends since the beginning, but since we spent alot of time together, including during the regional promotional campaigns for the Summer film, we became even closer, and that time really flew by.

"For those who view things similarly, the "loss" seems to be intense."

Hirakawa: It might be because me and the rest of the cast are starting to become aware of the end, or maybe it's because some fans are also like, "It's coming to an end….?" I still go out to dinner with all the cast members after filming, so I think we'll still probably see each other again ever when it's over. We've been together for a year and we've gotten to know each other very well, so when I imagine the end of filming, I feel incredibly sad.

"As a fan, I'm going to miss seeing everyone's friendly conversations on Toei Channel very much……Now, 2023 will soon come to an end, looking back, what kind of year was it?"

Hirakawa: We've really been rushing through the year. I've been working hard during the filming of King-Ohger in order to make it better and to help myself grow. I was able to experience many things this year, as there were quite a few jobs that came about as a result of King-Ohger, and it was the most thrilling year for me as a performer. Of course, there were many things I worried about, but I think it was also an extravagant year, filled with many happy and frustrating experiences.

"What kind of year do you want 2024 to be?"

Hirakawa: I think I'll be apart of King-Ohger until the first half of the year, when we perform at G-Rosso, but after that, I'll have to move forward on my own. I'd like to "polish" my inner self and become a more appealing person. As for my work, I'll do my best to continue to appear in productions without taking any breaks inbetween.

#yuzuyan... #ohsama sentai kingohger #kingohger #super sentai #my scans #my translation #rita kaniska #rita kanisuka #hirakawa yuzuki #yuzuki hirakawa #toku cast #kingohger cast #tokusatsu #ohsama sentai king ohger #king ohger #up to boy #magazine #interview #fashion #the first outfit is cute #but I love her in the black dress #we're really at the end huh...

[bi-bard]

Interrogation - Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto Imagine [The Bear]

Title: Interrogation

Pairing: Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto X Reader

Word Count: 831 words

Warning(s): cussing

Summary: Richie decides that he wants to be a protective cousin after he finds out that Carmy has a partner coming around the restaurant.

Author's Note: I need to write about this show more. I mean, look at him. He's so pretty.

------------------------

I took a deep breath as I walked into the restaurant. I hadn't been down there yet, moving had consumed most of my time.

I met Carmen back when he was working at some high-end restaurant in New York. We had been neighbors. We grew close quickly. Almost concerningly quick.

Being with him just felt natural. Like I had known him forever.

To put it simply, I was in love with him. Completely, utterly in love with him.

And he was in love with me. Granted, he was a little more hesitant to say it. I didn't care. He showed it enough for me to be happy.

I had dreamed about having a love like this.

After his brother passed, Carmy told me that he was going back to Chicago. He expected me to leave him when he told me. I could remember seeing the shocked look on his face when I asked if he wanted me to go with him.

We had been together for a while. I had thought about living with him. It just felt right.

It took some time, but I got everything transferred over to Chicago and I moved into a small apartment with him.

I understood the chaos that Carmy was dealing with at the restaurant. I felt guilty for dealing with stress at my new place of work. I spent the first few weeks there dealing with settling into a new job and trying to help him as much as I could. Until he told me to stop trying to hide how exhausted I was. Then, it got a lot better.

When I finally had the time to make it down to the restaurant, I wanted to make it a special thing.

I went down and got a small thing of flowers. I placed them in a small vase and made my way down there.

I could hear the noise in the back. I kind of stood there for a moment, scared that I was going to make a fool of myself.

A man came walking out of the back. "Who the fuck are you?"

"I'm (Y/n)," I said. "I'm just looking for Carmen?"

"Carmy! Someone's out here for you! With some flowers!"

Well, there goes that part of the surprise. I chuckled as I placed the vase on the countertop.

"(Y/n)," I smiled when Carmen walked out from the back.

"Hey," I muttered, hugging him when he made it over.

The man from earlier was staring at us. He was clearly confused.

"Oh shit, (Y/n), that's Richie, my cousin," Carmen explained. I nodded. "Richie, this is (Y/n). My partner."

"You're the one that followed him from New York," Richie asked. I nodded. He walked over, leaning on the counter in the hopes of intimidating me. "Listen. Carmy's my family, got it?"

"Richie, shut up-"

"Hurt him, you deal with me," he cut Carmen off.

"I wouldn't dream of it," I replied. "You have my word. I'm in this one for the long haul."

"Watch yourself."

"Richie, go the fuck away," Carmen pushed his cousin toward the back. "I... am so sorry about that. I'd like to say that won't happen after he gets to know you..."

"It's fine," I chuckled.

"You say that now," he mumbled. "What are you doing here?"

"I don't wanna pull you away from work for too long. Just wanted to drop these off."

I motioned at the vase.

"You got me flowers?" he seemed skeptical as he looked between me and the vase.

"Yeah."

His eyes fell on the vase, focusing on them like he wanted to memorize them.

"I just... I thought these would look nice in the office," I explained. He didn't respond right away, so I started rambling. "But you don't have to take them. I know it's already cluttered back there, and these will only take up more room. I can just- what are you doing," his hands held the sides of my face before he leaned in to peck my lips and stop my rambling, "...oh."

"I like them," he promised.

"Okay," I muttered. I bit my lip and looked away from him. He chuckled at me. "What?"

"You're cute when you're nervous."

"You're an asshole," I mumbled and pushed him backward.

He caught my arm and pulled me into another kiss. I kissed him back for a few moments before stepping.

"I'll see you later," I said.

"Please don't wait up for me, it never works-"

"I can still try," I called as I walked to the door. "Bye! Love you!"

"Love you too," he awkwardly called back, waving at me when I turned to face him on my way out.

As the door closed, I heard a chorus of 'aw' and fake barfing noises, which were quickly followed by Carmen yelling at all of them to shut the fuck up.

I chuckled as I walked away.

Yeah, I was pretty sure that I was in this one for the long haul.

------------------------

Navigation Guide

What I Write For

Some Original Characters

#carmy berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto fanfiction #carmy berzatto imagine #carmen berzatto fanfiction #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto imagine #the bear fanfiction #the bear x reader #the bear imagine #the bear hulu imagine #the bear fx imagine #imagine #fanfiction #x reader

[v3nusxsky]

heey✨ I was wondering if you could do platonic lesso x student reader where r has a fainting disorder but hides it from lesso until she faints in front of her maybe in her arms 🥹 and then lesso steps into motherly mode immediately

thank you have a nice day/night you’re the best🤍

Good catch

*Authors note~ i hope this is okay for the anon because I’m not so sure on it :( and I must say I had to research for the condition so I'm sorry if it's not 110% factually correct.*

Trigger warnings~ Occupational syncope (fainting) scared r protective Leo

Prompt~ see ask^^^^^

After your parents abandoned you because of your condition, you learnt to keep it very close to your chest. After all you couldn't risk losing anyone else now. As you grew in your age you got a lot better in managing the faints. Knowing your triggers made it easier to hide and that's how you managed to hide for such a long time at the school for good and evil.

Despite being an Ever, you were very close to the Dean of Evil, now the schools had combined there wasn't much of a restriction on bonding with Nevers. Leonora always seemed to want to help and support you, you thought it was because she felt sorry for you. Instead, it was because she sees so much of her younger self in you. Half of her wished you'd been placed in her school, so she could guide you more, but the other half wanted you to stay so pure and kind.

It was insane to think the schools would join together without any problems, after all both sides had been taught to avoid the other. In your case you didn't seem to be well liked by certain members of your own school, let alone the Nevers, that's why you often spent time alone studying. All that studying paid off, you just so happened to be top of your classes. But little did everyone know what was going on behind the scenes.

Standing up was a challenge for you, no matter how slow you got up, your vision would blur and it would feel like your body had an electrical current racing through it. On a few seconds to a minute long but enough to make you feel like complete rubbish. Other times, you'd be rubbing a tad late and would have to dash from one class to the other, you'd be left red faced, throbbing head as your vision dipped in and out. Sometimes you even saw spots. But sitting down and placing your head between your knees helped you to regulate.

The day Leonora found you was an accident. You'd accidentally annoyed the queen bee of the Evers. You'd beat her grade again, and apparently she was prepared to chance you down and make you suffer. Very un Ever like. But then again she'd been spending a lot of time with Hort. The running to escape was what triggered you off, you could feel the tale tale signs of a faint, but no opportunity to stop and listen to your body. You felt your consciousness leaving your body and your whole body falling forward, all you could do is let it happen. But instead of the cold, hard cobbled floors you feel into the one and only Dean of Evil.

Now she may be Dean of Evil however, seeing you faint like that caused her heart to clench painfully. She couldn't allow you to be hurt and acted on impulse to catch you and gently lower your body to the ground. From there she turned you on your left side (paramedics have actually done this to myself at 13 in a more embarrassing situation) running her fingers through your hair, hoping to rouse you back to consciousness. At that point the reason for you running almost ran straight over you, but thankfully the sight of the put together dean on the floor was enough to give them a pause.

When you came back too, you immediately tried to sit upright only to be held down by a strong hand, "shhh darling stay okay? Im sure your probably scared, have you fainted before y/n?" It was undeniably Lesso. "Mhm" you mumbled, blinking rapidly to take in your surroundings. There you saw Dovey with the few students who'd been chasing you, Lesso sat with you to ensure you didn't move and a few Nevers who'd been with the Evers. It took a lot to annoy the Dean of good, after all she radiated love and happiness so to see her so furious would've terrified you if you had enough energy to actually be scared.

Slowly but surly you sat up with the Deans help. A few orders barked at the others had them all scampering away, leaving you Clarissa and Leonora in the hall. "What happened lovely?"  All you could do was shrug, "it happens sometimes. I'll lay down and be okay soon." Your half attempt at soothing them but also yourself. "Are you hurt?" You shook your head negative before Leonora chuckled, "only cause I caught you my dear."

You aren't sure why, but you leant on the red headed woman and closed your eyes, not asleep but resting. A few quiet words exchanged by the older women had Clarissa leaving you and Lesso to it. From there she helped you return to her office, laid you down on her sofa with a blanket. One simple instruction, "talk to me dove." And for some reason you did. You told her everything, a luxury no one else had ever had. And instead of leaving, she allowed you to rest your head in her lap and get some rest, she'd sort things out for you to help now she knew. You'd never be alone or left for this. You couldn't control it. And you'd always have a safe spot in her office to come and rest should you need it. Unknown to you both, but from there on out Lesso would be your unofficial mother, until one day she made it official. You would officially be hers.

Word count~ 1023

#anon answered #v3nusxsky answers #fanfic #anon requested #lady lesso #sfgae #leonora lesso #lady lesso x reader #lesso x reader #lady leonora lesso #lady leonora lesso x reader #lesso #dovey x lesso #leonora lesso x reader #dean of evil x reader #dean of evil #dean of evil mother

[crescencestudio]

2023: A Year of Connection

Hi everyone!

As I told you last month, this month's "devlog" will be more like an end-of-year recap. For those of you who have known me a while, you'll know that I get ~in my feels~ and Very Nostalgic at the end of the year. And this year is no exception to that.

Looking back on this year, I realize I did much more than I thought I did. The year was filled with so many waves of uncertainty, burnout, and ruts, that I felt like I wasn't accomplishing anything in the moment. Now that the year has actually wrapped up, I can see that was Once Again my imposter syndrome whispering words of sweet nothings into my ears.

In fact, this year, I find that I did Way More than what I did last year. Crazy, considering how busy I remember 2022 being. Let's take a walk down memory lane, shall we?

Writing

If there is one thing this bitch did, it's fucking write LFMASODIJ. For all my complaining this year of routes taking too long, getting creative ruts, etc., I still wrote (what I consider) a Very Good amount. While I may not have hit my writing goals that I had set out, I still ended up writing around 255k words in total this year. Most of this being for Alaris, and some of it being for my dissertation (LOL) and other side games, like Intertwine and Jam Games.

This number also doesn't include deleted passages, edited passages, etc., so the amount I've spent writing, reviewing, etc. was Significant this year. Here's to hoping that momentum continues into next year and finishing the rest of Alaris!

Side Games

Something completely unexpected, but that I'll forever be grateful for, was my decision(s) to join game jams this year. It all started with Otojam, a visual novel jam I'd wanted to join for a WHILE.

Intertwine was, without a doubt, one of my most memorable moments from this year. The friends I made/grew closer to during that jam. The people I connected with because of Intertwine. The people I got to work with. Everything about the experience surpassed my expectations, and Van and Summer 2023 will always hold a very special place in my heart because of it. Thank you to everyone who enjoyed that game. It was my first full game I ever released, and I couldn't have been more nervous about it (no literally. I wasn't sleeping and I was nauseous for a week before release).

Knowing there was no "revision" afterwards that I could hide behind or promise that there would be a "better"/"enhanced" version made the release terrifying. But the reception you all gave to it and support from so many friends made me feel so connected and grateful for the community.

The other three side projects were... well, Unexpected. LOL. Before these jams, I'd never wanted to work in team settings, mostly because I have Mad Imposter Syndrome, and I've always imagined I'd be dead weight in any given game dev team. My skills on writing, art, and/or coding alone aren't "exemplary" enough for me to think I, well, deserve to be on a team. But when a couple of short jams were being held by a friend, and teams were being made filled with other friends, I thought maybe I could help, even if it's just to QA/playtest. But I've walked away from each of these experiences learning so much from other talented people and with very dear friends.

Each of these side games truly tested my chops in terms of writing, narrative design, and coding. But I'm glad I challenged myself to take part in each of these experiences because I've walked away with so much more than I would've expected.

Alaris

My Heart. My Soul. And at times, My Worst Enemy.

As much as I may have talked about how I Wasn't making progress on this baby. I, in fact, made A LOT of progress:

Art: 15 CGs, Updated Sprites, Kickstarter Artwork

Commissions: 20 BGs, Complete GUI, Personality/Affection Indicators, Editing, Voice Acted Lines, Complete OST (8 Tracks!)

Writing: Three Finished Routes

Shipped Kickstarter Merchandise

I'm going to be Real with you all. I'm not in the mood to recap everything for Alaris in the way I did with everything else LAFKMSDFOIJWOEI. Main reason being, I do that Every Month, and at this point, I would feel like I'm repeating myself for no reason. But let me tell you, when the Enhanced Demo comes out, you will see what I'm talking about with progress made. And I'm excited for the next year when I start getting to show things off (read: Demo Release and Route Beta Releases) now that assets have really come together ^^

I will say, thank you for sticking with this project for so long. It's easy to get bogged down in development when a project like this is as big as it is. It's just as easy to think that no one will care about this by the time I release, or people will start losing their patience with me as development goes on. So I'm forever grateful for how kind, supportive, and patient you all are, especially this year <3

Connections: The True Theme of 2023

If you've made it this far, I'm extremely impressed with you. And to reward you, I'll give you a moment of honesty and vulnerability which, to be frank, I Don't Do as a person and especially with my dev persona LMFAOO ((Before I do, let it be known, CW: mention of death, grief, alcoholism, chronic illness, suicidal thoughts))

Something I don't talk about much is that for all of 2022 and most of 2023, I was not in a good place mentally. At the beginning of 2022, I lost three very important people in my life back-to-back (I'm not exaggerating when I say back-to-back it was within 2 weeks, three separate deaths lol). That, on its own, was hard to deal with. But on top of that, I soon found myself having to cope/help with a family member's chronic illness and another family member's mental health (read: alcoholism, suicidality).

While this isn't a particularly unique situation, it was one that I found myself struggling with pretty severely on top of a pretty demanding work life. And it was a situation I found myself in until about midway through this year. Things have lightened up. I navigate a new life with some pretty severe triggers, and without the presence of some of my most loved ones. But overall, I at least feel like I can breathe and function, which is a state I didn't feel like I could exist in for over a year (and started to believe I may never exist in again).

Because of this new room in my life, I was able to connect with people again, in a more genuine way. I've grown closer to a lot of dev friends, to the point I consider some of them genuine close friends. And IRL, I've been able to reconnect with some of my dearest loved ones. The main reason I bring all of this up is because this year, I felt unbelievably connected to people, whether that was dev friends in the community, people who support my games, and IRL people.

And sometimes, when you interact with people solely online, it's easy to think they don't care as much about you as you do for them. But this has been disproven to me time and time again this year. And I've found myself in a state of appreciation for so many of the people I've been blessed to meet and befriend <3 I felt this especially so during some of the game jams, with the Secret Santa gift exchange, and with my recent Holiday Tree.

So thank you for everyone who has let me take up some space in their life. You literally Do Not Know how much it means to me and impacts me. This year, while I started it in a state of slightly hopelessness and numbness, I find myself ending it with gratitude and connection.

I hope the rest of this year (the very few couple of days we have left LOL) treats everyone well. I'm excited for how we get to start 2024 and what we'll get to experience together <3 Thank you again for the memories and support, love you all very dearly ^^

#crescence cries

[ficcidio]

MATILDA

paining: bf!bangchan x reader

genre: angst, fluff, comfort

warnings: reader is anxious, talking about depression, mentions of food, insecurities, swear words, family issues, idk if there's anything else

a/n: i feel so bad because i lost my old account ( @straycidio ) where i had this posted originally. i really hope you enjoy it, tho. if there’s anything wrong please tell me <3

ᯤ now playing: matilda by harry styles

— 시작

he had seen it. everything. every time you were anxious, sad, when you felt like everything was wrong. he had seen it, but you didn't notice. chris really tried to help you, but you just didn't want help. you thought it wasn't noticeable, maybe for other people it wasn't.

but you boyfriend saw everything.

everytime you stared at yourself too long in the mirror, everytime you locked yourself in the bathroom for hours, when you came late from work, when you didn't have energy to work at all. he did notice. maybe it was time to do something about it.

"are you okay?" his sweet voice asked. you were in front of him, but you weren't there. you were barely touching the food he spent hours doing even after a whole day at work.

you looked up at him and saw his worried face. "i'm fine" you lied "i'm just sleepy" you hated to lie to him but you truly didn't want him to worry. not with everything he had to do at work and the comeback he was preparing. it would be too much.

"you're not. you seem so distant"

the confidence he used in that sentence surprised you. how could he know it? you've been hiding it so well. you probably just couldn't pretend anymore. " really am, don't worry" you smiled at him and he looked down to his plate, empty, while yours was still full. you observed him quietly for a few seconds when he decided to glance back at you.

"when will you stop pretending, y/n?" he said, touching your hand. your eyes opened wide and your mouth did the same to defend yourself, but he interrupted you. "you can lie to everyone, but not to me. please, do not lie to me"

your eyes watered at his words, you were speechless. you couldn't say anything because he was right. you couldn't lie to him. he would always find out.

"i…” you tried to formulate a sentence, but the worlds didn't come out. "i'm sorry" a single tear ran down your cheek. you quickly used your thumb to wipe it, but chris grabbed your wrist and he did it instead. your eyes were connected and you somehow you felt the warmth you've wanted to feel all this months. the protection you needed.

"hey, no, no, it's okay" he said, standing up and walking to you. he leaned towards you and kissed your head. he later took you in his arms and sat on the couch to sit you on his lap. "what's wrong, baby?"

you tried to explain, but you just couldn't put the words together, it didn't make sense. he watched you struggle, and decided to pat your head. "you're okay, hm? it's okay, we have all the time you need" he comforted you with a gentle kiss on your cheek and hugged you while you let out more tears. your sobs started to become louder and your breathing quickened. you hid your face in the crook of his neck, his t-shirt started getting wet. "please, talk to me" he asked one more time "what's wrong?"

"everything is wrong! i-i just can't do this" you sobbed. he didn't answer, letting you more time to continue. "life keeps sending me lessons b-but all i want to do is brush my teeth and shower normally... i can't even do that! i... just can't." you vented

"no, you can" he said surely "you're so strong, you can do it. you might feel like you're dying but you're not. it will be fine"

"that's what i've been saying for years now... but it keeps worsening" you tried to catch your breath between your sobs and cries "my family, myself... what it's wrong with me? why am i like this?"

"like what, y/n?" he asked sweetly, analyzing your face all the time "like horrible!" you yelled, and when you watched his face you tried to calm down. "not even my own family likes me, chris" you whispered.

"let it go. it's not your fault. you can let it go, love" chris said, connecting his eyes with yours. "it is-" you were interrupted by him "no, it is not. it's been years and it hasn't changed because you don't want to let go. you don't feel capable and keep punishing yourself. but i don't believe that time will change your mind. in other words, i know they won't hurt you anymore as long as you can let them go"

"but i'm so sorry for them.." you tried your words to make sense, but they just didn't.

"you don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up. anywhere you go, you don't need a reason 'cause they never showed you love. y/n, you don't have so be sorry for doing it on your own"

after half an hour of crying, your breathing calmed down and his arms felt more comfortable than they ever had. your eyes felt heavier each time and chris noticed. though your cheeks were still wet and you eyes were still red, something felt different. you felt better, your chest didn't hurt anymore, it was easy to breath. chris kissed your face sweetly and when you smiled at him, he did the same.

"my beautiful girl" he whispered next to your ear. “let's go to sleep" he then lifted you up and carried you to your bedroom. he grabbed one of his sweaters and put it on you, to later open the bed and get you inside.

"thank you. i'm sorry" you sighed. "you don't have to be sorry" he said gently, to kiss your face multiple times and later cuddle with you

"i love you" you muttered. you waited for an answer for a few minutes until you gave up and you focused on sleeping.

"i love you more"

#bang chan #bangchan fluff #bangchan angst #bangchan comfort #skz angst #skz fluff #skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz x reader #stray kids #skz #bangchan x reader

[dutchess-of-fear]

Secrets

Jonathan crane x reader

Warning: angst but fluffy at the end

Masterlist

Jonathan crane was late again going back home, for the two weeks he had been coming home late whenever you are sleep and then goes off to work before you even wake up, you do understand the importance of his work at Arkham Asylum but this was getting ridiculous.

I decided to woke up a little early to talk to Jonathan, when you went to the kitchen he was surprised by you awake, "my dear? Why are you early up?" He then offer you coffee which you accepted "well apparently this is the only time to see you" I stated drinking the coffee that was quite too bitter for me, I heard him sigh for a bit as I went to add some sugar into my coffee.

"My dear you know how it is like working at a place like arkham, you would expect days I be gone for a long time at work" he began to explain his reasons but stopped talking when he see me upset by the lack of time we spent together, "look Jon.. I know this job takes a lot of time from us to be together I understand, but...I just like to see my boyfriend, from time to time" I replied placing my cup down on the kitchen counter and talking to him directly "but I have patients I have-"

"to work with and need you're upmost attention but don't you think you're girlfriend need just a small bit of attention too" I felt tears stinging my eyes as I try to hold them back.

I don't want to be like that's girls that are desperate for attention but now I started to act like them, Jonathan then held my hand in his and his other hand held my cheek as I look into my lovers eyes, "I'm so sorry, I made you feel this way, I try to be back home early as I can" he kiss me softly on my forehead as I relish in the feeling I had missed for so long, but it ended all too soon as he had to get to work, let's hope he kept his promise.

Timeskip

(Jonathan Crane Pov)

I promise (Y/N) that I be back early this time around but I don't think I won't be able to keep my promise if this Batman give ups, But is just wishes that will never come through.

But maybe my wish did came true as I had the chance to give him some of the fear gas, which in turn worked as it startedto take effect on him, and it was my chance to get away and run back to my home, I just hope (Y/N) isn't too mad.

The house was dark I check down on my watch and seen it was 11:35, weird she would be awake at this time, she must be tired, I unlocked the door and slowly got in and close the door behind me, I only realised I still have my scarecrow mask on so I need to get to the bathroom and remove my mask and hid my briefcase before she would find it in the morning.

I care for her too much to lose her now, "Jonathan you were late again" I suddenly heard for the living room 'shit!' I mentally said to myself  "I'm sorry my love I was late, I am just going to the bathroo-"

"No! Jonathan, you are going to explain to me what have you been doing that you are always late home?" She said and I can see in the dark, tears in her eyes and it hurt me seeing her like this.

"Are you cheating on me Jonathan?" My eyes widened as I look over to where she was in the living room "My darling would never, ever do that to you," I softy said to her hoping it will calm her, "then let me see your face so I know it's not true" she went over a switch the light on as I think of how do I explain this.

((Y/N) pov)

I turn the light on and saw my boyfriend with some sort of mask that would resemble some sort of scarecrow, I stood there confused as my boyfriend hung his head low, "Jonathan why do you have a scarecrow mask on? Are you- Uh.. you" I stumble over my words as I slowly go over to him as I lift the mask from his face, he didn’t had his glasses on as he looked sad 'is this what he was hiding from me? That he is the scarecrow?' I place my hand on his cheek and he nuzzled into my touch.

"Well at least I can say one thing...is that you didn't cheated" I softly spoke as he smiled very softly as he finally looked into my eyes "but this is a lot to take in" I said as I see the sadness in his eyes, I walked over to him and caress his cheek softly smiling to him

"but I am willing to accept for who you are and what you do and would stay by your side" his eyes brighten with happiness as he held my hands "thank you, and you should know I would never hurt you, your too precious to me" he said kissing my hands.

My heart began to rapidly beat and butterfly's appeared again inside me like the first time me and Jonathan met and I feel in love with my man even more "oh! Jonathan I know you wouldn't hurt me. I trust you very much" he then finally kissed me as he held me close, with this kiss it was feel with love and care for me, as I melted into the kiss leaving all the worries for another day.

#jonathan crane #the dark knight #batman begins #cillian murphy #jonathan crane x you #jonathan crane x reader #scarecrow #dc comics #nolanverse #the dark knigth rises #the dark knight trilogy #scarecrow x reader