#i should focus on school but fuck that

[ppyotrovich]

i will design a tram system for your city for free if you let me. also im gonna be completely obsessed with your city for months, this is a offer

please I'm running out of possible right of ways in my comparatively small city I'm desperate

#public transit #tram #tramway #i should focus on school but fuck that #fictional transit systems are much more fun

[petricorah]

what if i got really into haikyuu again

#its back on netflix and ive been watching it #still as good as ever #i stopped watching it in high school when i stopped playing volleyball because it made me too sad but now im back... #back to my roots... #scared to draw oikawa again after so long #also cant focus on anything because of this fucking tinnitus that keeps getting worse wtf #anyway...oikawa drawing...hopefully...soon #notmyart #someone send me good oikawa screencaps to practice #god i should read the manga too... #also completely unrelated but i was thinking about learning a bit of japanese again but i think i gave away all my books...ugh #'again' i say like i didn't read a really good hq fanfic that changed the trajectory of my life

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i forgot how much i like coding. makes me feel like less of a fuckup for once #like can i sit down and write for 4hrs? no. can i read for 1hr? no. can i get absorbed in R for 5hrs? yes absolutely #just give me data and let me code all day. its like doing puzzles and it makes my brain shut up bc i have to focus #but for som reason i cant do that with reading or writing. stupid #my life should b drawing. doing puzzles and becoming obsessed with media #but i am burdened with dyslexia and the necessity of reading #that should b a therapy goal for me. become less anxious abt how bad at reading i am #my mum says i got fucked over bc by the time my youngest sister was in school they were doing better interventions for #ppl with learning disabilities rip me i guess #my fault for picking a reading heavey career path lol #unrelated

[oatbugs]

the forest looks like heaven today i woke up feeling the heaviest weight at the top of my heart

#yesterday on the study they said they were dating two others and it was going well and i cant imagine fucking you but #you have great tits. they got upset at me not inviting them to a party. my research partner told me to write a 1000 word essay on why they #should come. they spoke about how much they wanted theiir ex and they wouldnt tell me much about who theyre dating bc #they thought i still had feelings for them which. god. theyre right but the assumption is so arrogant #the streams r rly beautiful im walking to a date and shes gorgeous and some of my friends know her but i look #exactly like ive slept on my friends floor for the past few days so . aaa anyway #god after that whole call i just felt so deflated like i felt over it but now its all . back. like seeing them being happy w smn else #inflicts active misery upon me which means ii think im becoming a worse person bc of them. i called my friend and i just . idk i walked home #i kept wanting to weep but . woah the sun is so pretty #there are petals and dandelion seeds floating in the air #med school students walking to their lectures #she does biochem btw. the person im meeting now #there are two butterflies dancing together. i cant make this shit up the past few days have looked like actual heaven #ive spent them being on survival mode and not even bc of my studies like ok focus on log functions while the person kn the screen #tells u abt how if her ex were to call shed fold immediately and the new girl is a singer and its going well and maybe ill tell you #more abt it in a few months. SO YOU KNOW IT HURTS ! SO WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME YOUD MAKE OUT W ME AT THE CLUB WHY WOULD U FALL ASLEEP NEXT TO #ME WITHOUT CLOTHES ON ! WHY WOULD YOU CARESS YOUR OWN SKIN LOOKING AT ME IN THE MIRROR !!!! #anyway im like . sane. #i just . felt like it was over #i realised i kept seeing ppl who i thought were more attractive etc etc than her bc i needed to prove to myself #that im attractive enough to be liked or that i can be liked at all and a part of me wanted to prove it to them too #its just a horrible mindset to have and yh not only do they not care but they also bring out the worst in me actively like . I DONT KNOW #BUT THEN WHO ELSE KNOWS THAT THE GOLDEN HOURS IN TEHRAN ARE PINK AND LILAC WHO GOES TO TECHNO RAVES AT THE BASE OF DAMAVAND #WHO CAN PIN YOU AGAINST A WALL LIKE THEM !!! #anyway #standing up it just feels so #exhausting #like this the most exhausted ive felt from all this ever

[sunflowersolace]

the dungeon meshi english dub is good you guys just never got over the weird sub elitism thing weebs have

#waaaaaaaaa they used words that weren’t in the direct translation waaah you say that about every fucking anime #some of us can’t fucking focus on things if the audio is in a language i don’t speak i won’t understand the show #it’s like when i was in middle school and being told that i should fucking learn japanese instead of watching dub #maybe i’m a loser westerncel that doesn’t understand your based japanpilledness #but i’ve never seen an anime where people DONT tear the dub to bits #so maybe you guys don’t hate the dungeon meshi dub maybe you just hate dubs because you think you’re cool or something #damien haas is absolutely killing it as laios i can’t imagine a better va #he’s the whole reason i got into dunmesh in the first place #bc i love his work #and i can’t stress the importance of having laois voiced by an autistic actor

[bangcakes]

.

#personal #keep being like. if Only i had talked to him sooner. if Only i had been Friendlier sooner. but its like #Realistically.... probably wasnt ready. and also like. itd have to happen after school was over anyway bc 1. um i need to focus on school #and 2. how Awkward if i asked him out n he said no. or say we broke up or soemthing #like there were weeks i saw him every day. aint no way... i could handle the awkwardness of that #so ok ok ok. everything is fine JFJFJKFKFKFMFMFMFMFMF #i just have to remember not to get in my own head about it #like if i wanna message him i just should..... #its just..... hhhhHHhhhhh whyd this have to happen to me at 29. i could have been a happy spinster thank u NFJFJFJFJJFJFJFJF #but now ik what having an actual crush is like and oh wow is it painful. but also beautiful n fun. i just...... and lets face it this is #more than a crush. like its definitely Like like but i dont wanna say the Real L Word bc it seems..... idk JDJDJJDJD #but ive definitely um.... fallen. ya. ew JDJDKDJKDKDKDKDKS #but im just gonna follow my gut or whatever the fuck has been guiding me bc things have worked out so far #and like it wouldnt have without his participation. like ya.... #im just like... what if he Forgets about me or like everything fizzles out #but then its like i Know if i see him again itll all come back. #bc in the summer i tried so hard to get over him (and kinda succeeded)... only to see him again in class and be like oh fuck oh no and the #n That Dinner. that was the final blow. i was so overwhelmed i got lost on the way home #which... the restaurant we were at is less than 10 mins from my house so you can imagine the uh Overwhelmingness #i cant even remember the original point of this but. i think we'll find a way ....... i say we but i should say 'i' bc until he tells me #that he likes me im gonna have to like Not Assume. hhhh #it doesnt help either that ppl were bringing up 'hes just not that into you' on twt bc Now im like #oh God. am i in that kind of situation???? i doubt it tho. i think hes just reserved. GAH. whatever happens happens

[camelspit]

how am i expected to have hobbies when there is homework

#im sorry i cannot with this #girl i get home at like 5:00 every day since school lets out at 4:05 and the buses are always late as hell #and! it does not help that i am the last stop #i cannot be expected to bave a hobby when by the time i finish things like dinner and shower and homework #it is like. 9:00. #and thats without accounting for time to study!! like!! #i should not have to wait till like 10 fucking pm to actually do something i enjoy sorry #lmao. anyway thats sort of why ive been posting less art </3 #but im also like barely keeping up with reading rn as well #i simply cannot focus on my silly little books when im about to collapse with exhaustion

[devotioncrater]

i'm quitting my job on tues & i'm booking a flight & i'm packing my things & i'm going to start over in another country far far far away from my mother

#fuck her fuck her fuck her fuck her #i really am doing this btw. i'll live with my oma for a month or two until i can find a roommate or apartment or something #i'll get a translator job until vocational school starts next august #the only shitty thing about this is that. my dog has to be left behind. #i have to vet foster parents for him. i'll come back in 6 months/1 year to get him tho #because by then i should be settled enough to care properly for him #but honestly if he's better off with his foster & they love him to the point they want to adopt....maybe that'll be for the best #who knows. i'll cross that bridge when it presents itself #for now i'm just going to focus on getting out of here #once i'm out & not constantly triggered i #will be able to think clearer

[bunnihearted]

🚬🧸🧃🎀

#anyway so yeah im so sick of hating myself. of missing out on things and being too scared to go after things i want when i have the chance #so sick of almost being 25 and having spent almost 6 years alone in my room missing out on life #and my mom and sister might be moving in the not too distant future #so i have to try to get my life together for real now!!! or homelessness will be awaiting me :D #what i will try to do.. is start going to the gym (w my mom so i dont have to deal w the anxiety of an unknown place by myself sksk) #i'll workout 3-5 times a week. every week. i like going to the gym so if i just get started i dont have a doubt i'll not be able to do it #i'll focus on finishing my english class. hopefully in december even if i have the possibility to get it extended a few months #then i'll start my other 4 classes in january #i'll be patient and wait for my ultrasound and get the gallstone situation fixed (latest in january if i need surgery) #(and i have to try to make sure i eat properly so i dont wind up with b12 deficiency... i cant eat anything without pain but i have to..) #also i have an appt at the psychiatric in mid october. and im still waiting on what my healthcare center says. hopefully i can get cbt #if possible i will really really try to apply for jobs as a personal assistant sometime between january-may #if i have a job instead of being on wellfare i will 1) have way more money 2) not feel constabtly anxious abt being rejected and homeless #i'll stop caring abt me being 'old' and a late bloomer. the planet is dying. who cares if im 28 and start university???? #i'll take my time to finish high school. and the thing is i really should get a job before starting higher vocational education #bc the program i want to start i HAVE to have a laptop. and theres no way i can afford that now. cant even save up to it #also need to find and put myself up on waiting lists for student housing/apartments so i can actually move #i hate this city and i need to get the fuck out of here!!!! #but the world is crazy rn and it's super hard to find places to live and find jobs but it's not impossible so i need to try #i cant live like this & i have no idea how tf i'll manage to be a normal person and have a life but i need to try bc what else am i gnna do?

[killstreak-kritzkrieg]

i want to do something regarding my personal projects these two days off work

#getting addicted to videogames again i should focus on my projects #i need to fucking. revamp my patreon. i need money #i should probably switch my payout plan to manual #cause i sure am struggling way harder with getting #finished things out on a monthly basis #than i had imagined i would #i suck so much man. like i could cry #30 days sounds like so much time but it’s fucking exhausting to me #remember when i was a teenager and even though i went to school for 40 hours a week i would still write novels and make animations #and stuff? #good times. i miss that energy so much #sorry to rant/vent i didn’t mean for the post to get depressing #there’s just so much on my mind. i’m so scared of the future lol

[aspiringhorrorauthor]

So I saw a post about the whole Maths being taught in UK debacle that, while the article is was showing was clearly ridiculous, made it clear people don’t understand the issue and why British people (including myself! Hello!) dislike this whole “teach maths until 18” thing. So here’s the deal:

In England at least (not sure about the rest of the UK it’s probably similar), once you turn 16 you have four options: A-levels (exams for academic subjects), BTECs (qualifications for non-academic subjects), apprenticeships/diplomas (practical skills focused on specific jobs) and going into work. At this point, there is very little you do that you don’t actively want to do. Further education is a lot about choice and making the decisions about your future.

So once you’re at this level, you can decide to never study a subject ever again. I decided never to study dance, PE or geography again because I hated them, and for a lot of people, they would have decided never to study maths again. And that’s fair, at this stage we’re all Adult Lite and deserve a say in what we learn. At A level/BTEC you typically do 3-4 subjects, and diplomas/apprenticeships have you choosing one.

(Although some subjects will still pull in parts of other subjects you dropped and some diplomas will have you sit remedial lessons for subjects like maths and English if you scored poorly in them to bring you up to speed).

The problem with “everyone needs to learn maths until they’re 18” is that that really detracts from the choice, freedom and enjoyment of further education. It’s also a problem that the government is not saying “We need to assess secondary education to see where the failings in teaching maths is and provide funding and assistance to ensure all students get a good handle of maths by the time they leave secondary school”, which would be the reasonable and actually helpful thing to do for students. Instead, they’ve decided “Let’s take either free time or study time away from related subjects and the freedom of choice away from students”.

If you despise maths because you’re bad at it, being forced to learn it for two more years in an education system that needs help and not ridicule and punishment is not going to improve anything, except change your plans on what further education you may take to avoid this mandatory maths.

#rishi sunak #uk #uk politics #tgeres probably more nuance this is just a rundown on the anti maths crowd #There’s a lot of better and more helpful solutions than what Sunak suggested #Also for the record: I ADORE maths. I took it to A Level. It was my fallback degree. #But I detest this plan of Sunak’s. #Also the ‘people are against kids learning MATHS’ thing is annoying too. Sure these are teens but they’ve been taught maths #Further education being Adult Lite means people should get to make their own choices on their education #And for the record this generally means as well ‘allowed to fuck up in their choices’ because you can just do it again. #Like once you leave secondary the reins are loosened. Once you leave college they’re thrown away #At this point a lot of focus shifts from the school responsibility to individual responsibility and deciding #How you want to spend your time and what you want to study is important for that

[doubletrucks]

back on my talking in the tags bullshit like it's 2015 🫡

#i am feeling very Ack lately because i have abt ten months left to pay off my stupid ass student debt #which is exciting! i'm ready to go back to school! #but i have noooo idea what i'm going back for and i feel like i need to start firming up a decision so i can kind of get my ducks on a row #but like. girl. it's HARD #i have approximately 5/8 of an elementary education degree #and in an ideal world i would just finish it and become a teacher. boom done. i love teaching i LOVE it!!! i really do!!! #and i'm fucking good at it!!! #but we do not live in an ideal world. lol. i love being a teacher in theory but the reality of becoming a teacher in america #at this current moment. #where im essentially putting myself in the middle of a culture war where i am being casted as a criminal for Being Visibly GNC in front of #people's children. is not really ideal!!!! #and nkt to mention the gun violence and the fact that increasingly parents think they know better than teachers what should b taught and #TERRIBLLE pay a d tons of extra work w no administrative support #it just sounds. nkt great. to be honest. #but like.. what else do i do. i like the idea of mass comm w a production focus but i worry that i'll get disillusioned or dislike it once #it's what i Do... #and i could go back for the science-y stuff i wanted to do as a teenager and that sounds awesome but also #i think i am too dumb. lol. and i would be starting completely from scratch because all my science credits are like #Biology For People Who Just Need A Credit. yknow #and starting over wouldn't be the worst thing in the long run but it's so fucking daunting #i've already dropped out twice 😝🫶 i kinda just wanna finish it all in one fell swoop yknow #ANYWAYYYY. i have time i have so much time actually [shaking and crying and throwing up]

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ok. this is the fucking bullshit thing abt grad school. u go to fucking grad school bc u r a fucking tryhard nerd freak #who is either naturally very smart or ur so fucking anxious u r incapable of allowing urself to get a bad grad #and then u go to fucking grad school and everyone's like: man fuck ur classes. if youre getting streight As then u aren't focusing on ur #research. and theyre right. but u still cant fucking let go of the idea that if u get a bad grad the world is gonna fucking end and u r a #bad person. u didnt try hard enough. all this to say i have a final project that i put way too much energy into and not even in a good way #i would just open the document. start sobbing. and then close it and spiral abt how i didn't want to work on it. so its bullshit #i mean. its a good project idea ans i probably sound like i kno wtf im talking abt bc i do. i worked on that topic for 4 years but like #i could make it wayyyyy better. its bullshit. i didnt even number the citations to give more page space. i made section headers. i didnt #wrap text. i could add like 4 more lines of text if i wanted but i think im not gotta bc fuck it. ugh. i dont even. i fucking avoide #stochastic stuff altogether which i kno im gonna have to fight abt but like fuck it who cares abt randomness. i just wanna focus on the #predictably aspect of community composition. fuck u. i shouldnt have picked this topic. i mean. i had to bc its like the one microbe thing #i could do but its also like the exact topic that makes me wanna rip my hair out and start screaming. like jesus christ who tf cares? ugh. #i think id give myself a B if it was an undergrad class. but the standard is higher in an all grad class. ugh. i hate this. i should just #send it abd be done. i dont even kno when its due tomorrow. before class i guess. idk i felt like garbage today. fucking vertigo bby. i feel #ok now tho. so maybe the allergic reacting is over???? fingers r still arthritisy tho. jesus. im falling apart #ive got a pretty good sounding excuse for being lazy tho: owo i had an allergic reaction to my antidepressants 🥳 but nah no excuses we run #this body into the ground. like the good old days. #unrelated

[barnbridges]

my most education major take is that people don't want you to parent your children anymore. people don't want mothers (and fathers) to give any sort of life-advice or care to their children. people have become so therapy-obsessed and the whole "intergenerational trauma" craze has made it so that you should actually pass nothing onto your child. you should just take your child to therapy and feed them baby formula until they're 18 and at that point, they're on their own. it's cruel and inhumane and the way people want to de-involve society at large in the raising of children, down to that they shouldn't even be parented anymore.

#again im childfree maybe im way offbeat but i think way too many of the expectations that are placed on parents esp mothers #come from people who never have or want children #im not trying to say pass all your shit to your kids like you're in hereditary #but you SHOULD pass things and life principles and likes and dislikes onto your child #i think people nowadays are obsessed with emotionally well children and don't think that sometimes #you have to lack things as a child to develop into an adult that has will and capacity to survive #idk #you can say this is cruel and anti-therapy or whatever the fyck you want #but grandparents and schools and aunts and uncles used to be so involved in raising children. #there USED to be a village for every child #it was NORMAL for your child's teacher to discipline them and teach them not school but life principles #nowadays apparently nobody but a fucking phone and a therapist can raise children #which i think is contributing to the way mothers are treated in our society #if we don't acknowledge it's fucking hard to raise children and that you SHOULD be individual in it and focus not just on needs #and random pop psychology but also on what the human in front of you is growing into #i think it's bullshit and it in the long run would not be good for our world

[10-dutchies-12-bicycles]

having a terrible time bc the past few months i accidentally kinda maybe 90% cured my adhd...? no im not making this up im srs

i need a support group for ex adhd peeps but unfortunately. yanno. thats not a thing. or at the very least a "how to focus as a neurotypical" article or sth 😭😭😭😭

#like??? do i just. focus? and then it works? i probably wont be able to hyperfocus for 6 hrs straight anymore right? #or will i? is that just a me superpower and not necessarily a me with adhd thing? do i need to take breaks??? how often?? #how do i get back to focusing AFTER each break?? how will i face my high school classmates at the 10 year reunion like #'yea so i got an adhd diagnosis. yea ikr you never wouldve guessed huh! yea so also i cured my adhd 3 yrs ago' ?!?!??!?! #on a related note i am nowadays frequently like 'i think emptying the dishwasher would be a fun activity to do!' #YES emptying the dishwasher yes or no is one of the metrics i use to measure how bad my adhd is on any given day the past while #ooooooo now that you mention it i should get out of bed and go empty the dishwasher that might be fun!! 🤔🤔🤔 :3c #<- SEE???? SEE WHAT I MEAN????? WHO THE FUCK /ARE/ YOU AND WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME #i need to vaccuum today #whoops byeee #mine #need to go asap

[pallases]

submitted my first app 😖

#😭 didn’t plan to start this early but they said to do it by tonight and now i am worried abt when other companies want their apps in. i #should have asked them #i don’t think they all want them in now tho bc one of them told me she doesn’t start responding until january which. probably means i can #wait a bit right?? i don’t know 😭 #personal #the engineering chronicles #feeling pretty okay abt how today went actually one employer told me i have a very high gpa and that she thought she read it wrong and #another i was talking to abt how even though they’re not a primarily medical company they do do medical stuff and i named and spoke abt the #things they’ve worked on and he seemed impressed by that knowledge. so #really worried tho bc. there are hardly any medical places my school has approved to apply to for this and companies that dont do medical #stuff don’t want biomedical engineering interns even if everything but my electives is the same as an ee’s coursework. bc we’re not going t #stick around for them to hire post grad. like ppl from these companies are straight up telling me not to bother applying or that they don’t #accept apps from ppl in my major etc. which fucking sucks especially since in ADDITION to that the vast vast majority of the companies #that Do have medical stuff going on are mechanical or manufacturing based not electrical. like. what do you expect me to do here #there is one company (the one the guy seemed impressed w me abt) that does electrical and coding stuff and i am really really interested in #them. but as i said the medical stuff is not their main focus and they’re more an all around place. and they also won employer or the year #or whatever a couple years ago. which means Everyone is going to be applying to this company. ugh