#fictional transit systems are much more fun
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i will design a tram system for your city for free if you let me. also im gonna be completely obsessed with your city for months, this is a offer
please I'm running out of possible right of ways in my comparatively small city I'm desperate
#public transit#tram#tramway#i should focus on school but fuck that#fictional transit systems are much more fun
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Mine Forever
Heretic!Kai Parker x Vampire!reader
content warnings/tags ~ Dark fiction, Yandere!Kai, non-con (alluded to), murder, abuse, degradation, blood, choking. Minors DNI
word count: <400
I prefer to use Rosalina (nickname: Rose) Bennett as a placeholder for Y/N.
summary- Kai forces an unwilling reader to turn so he'll never have to lose her
“Aw, Rosy is that all you’ve got?… pathetic…” Kai taunts maliciously digging the heel of his combat boot into the middle of her back. She let out a weak groan, clawing at the floor.
The last thing she remembered was the metallic taste of blood in her mouth. His blood. The wicked heretic force fed it to her then cornered her until she was cowering against the wall, hands raised in surrender crying and begging him not to go through with his plan. He wanted her to be his forever, his perfectly preserved Rose. His mind was made up and once Malachai Parker made up his mind about something, there was no changing it.
“Kai don’t-”
Snap. His eyes followed her limp body as it dropped to the floor.
He didn’t leave her side while he waited, rubbing the top of her soft hand in small circles to ease the anxiety that creeped in with each hour that passed. Even if he failed, he would go through his archives of grimoires and use every ounce of magic he can find to resurrect her. He is not letting her go without a fight.
She twitched before her eyes opened, locking onto him immediately before she flew upwards in a frenzy latching onto his face and neck, clawing and scratching at him viciously.
She felt different. Everything was heightened, including her anger.
“What have you done! You’ve ruined me. I’ll kill you for this!” she screeched in blind fury, snatching the floral lamp off the nightstand and breaking it over his head. He hardly reacted, grabbing her shoulders and throwing her to the hard floor. He pinned her down while she flailed weakly.
“Oh come on, Rosy get up.. oh wait, my foot is on your back,” he sneers applying more pressure until her bones crack and she cries out. “Tsk. tsk... still so fragile. You’ll be much stronger once you’ve got some human blood in your system and finalize the transition.” He kneels down and holds her by the throat, tenderly running his knuckles along her spine.
“I. hate. you.” she breathed out weakly.
“Shh-sh-shhh, it’s better this way. Now I don’t have to lose you or watch you grow old and wither away… I can have you like this forever, my pretty little Rose… and as a vampire, your enhanced durability will make our games a lot more fun dontcha’ think?”
#kai parker#kai parker fanfiction#dark!fic#tvd#kai parker x y/n#kai parker x poc reader#kai parker x reader smut#yandere#dark kai parker#the vampire diaries
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Any good non fic recommendations?
That depends on your interests, of course. I'm particularly interested in the Roman Empire at the transition point from Republic to Empire (which could also explain my enjoyment of Warhammer, but there may be other reasons for that). And here especially military and everyday culture. I'm less interested in politics, but of course a lot of private matters were also political at that time.
Although I have to admit that this point in time is very soft and fluid. I'm just as interested in the Bellum Sociale and the whole Sulla/Marius tragedy as I am in the later British campaigns. I'm really not being very scholarly here.
A few good books for starters here are:
SPQR by Mary Beard. A quick and easy read and a tour de force through roman history from the kings to the fall of the emperors. I found it entertaining, but you should start with it, since if you are already deeper into the subject it doesn't offer much new insight.
A few books by my favourite experimental archaeologist, Marcus Junkelmann. I don't know if his books were translated into English, though. This guy builds and uses all the equipment he and his colleagues dig up! He marched across the Alps and along the Limes in legionary equipment, fought as a gladiator (various styles) and trained military horses the way the roman legion did. He's fucking awesome!
Gladiatoren. A very in depth look on the equipment, its ties to the development of military weapon and armour from the same time and on the living conditions of gladiators. Very good! If you can read/understand German, this book's a must have!
Die Reiter Roms, part one to three by the same author. So many details, so much context for archaeological finds! So many practical tests! Loved that. If you want to know why a letter from London to Rome took only a week in the first century? This is your book! Interested in the mounted police of the north-eastern border? This book.
A lighter read: 24 hours in Ancient Rome by Philip Matyszak. Exactly this. A whole day at augustinian Rome. With all the religious, mundane and political stuff that happened. You want to know more about roman firefighters? The system of political influence? Medical treatments for the poor? That's your book!
Some more military history: Roman Britain's Missing Legion - What really happened to IX Hispana by Simon Elliott. So much detective work and a lot of context, especially with the fleets, too. Liked that!
That's just a small slice of the cake - that field is vast and so much fun.
But if you are interested in some very good military fiction (backed by the most recent archaeological finds - so constantly changing, I'm afraid), you should absolutely take a look at the "Under the Eagle" series by Simon Scarrow. Very Warhammer in its own way. Great characters! The hard-ass Centurio Macro and the survivor of roman palace politics, young scribe-turned-Optio Cato become unlikely friends. And have lots of adventures. Blood and stuff.
And here's some roman AU Lucius as a treat.
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It has been an age since I’ve done one of these! So I’m just making up my own thing.
This is the first year I’ve written fanfic since 2019. It’s been really nice returning to something fun and low stakes that doesn’t have the same pressures as my original fiction. Writing for myself is something I lost over the last few years and it’s been so nice getting that back. There’s something really powerful about having your own little blorbo just for yourself and pursuing the things that speak to you.
All of my fanfic this year was FFXIV related and it was so nice sinking into a new world and rummaging around. I love that I get to know Aureia better the more I write her, and her journey is very near and dear to my heart. I haven’t finished anywhere near to all the stories I want to write about her, but she is very clear in my head Aureia’s been through hell, but she’s also my favourite blorbo so I’m not going to apologize for making her suffer.
Overview
Fandoms: 1
Total Fics: 10
Fics Published: 9
Fics Unpublished: 1
Words: 103,788
Highlights
✦ Divergence of the Heart
Rating: Explicit
This is probably my favourite fic I’ve written this year, if not my favourite fic I’ve ever written. I started it in February of this year and finished it in December. It was the multipart that just kept growing. It was supposed to be two chapters, then three, then four, then five, then seven—by the time I wrapped everything up the way I wanted to, it had landed on eleven.
Aureia’s relationships with Aymeric and Thancred have eaten away at my brain for most of this year. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this, but one of Thancred’s lines in the Heavensward patches fuelled and idea and now I’m here all these months later fully invested in a love triangle that has been way too much fun to write. This fic was an opportunity to explore asexuality in a particular light, so there’s a lot of myself in here. The writing in later chapters is some of the most vulnerable I’ve allowed myself to be lately and I’m very proud of how everything has come together.
I also think “No Greater Calamity Than the WoL’s Love Life” is an excellent use of the AO3 tags and I endeavour to use it more.
✦ Bound by Faith
Rating: Explicit
I love this fic with all my heart. It’s my second favourite thing I’ve written this year and would have been my favourite if I hadn’t finished Divergence of the Heart. I am very enamoured with late game Aureia and Thancred—how much they’ve been through and how many times their relationship has been reset. I like writing them as a little older, a little more mature, a little more grounded. They’ve both been through shit and come out stronger for it, and I needed the get the moment where they are finally together out of my system.
Also writing Thancred and Urianger banter is extremely fun and one of the most enjoyable things about putting this fic together.
✦ To Ash and Ember
Rating: Mature
Listen. I had an unexplainable feral compulsion to write Aureia’s fight with Lahabrea. It wasn’t going to leave me alone until I did. I think this fic set the tone for so much of her characterization and development; this moment—both in the fic and in-game—was character defining and it’s where everything came together.
✦ A Question of Desire
Rating: Explicit
This started as a prompt and then turned into my first FFXIV smut fic. It had been a while since I had written erotica, and it was nice to visit that kind of scene with Aureia and Aymeric. Their dynamic is very soft and sweet (especially in the time period of the late Heavensward patches), and I’m very pleased with how the second part came out—especially with the hint that not everything is all right with their relationship. There are cracks, they just can’t see it yet.
✦ Bitter Frost
Rating: Teen
The transition from ARR into Heavensward is one of the most powerful moments in FFXIV for me, partially due to the attachment Aureia (and me) had to Ul’dah. This fic was a scene in my head almost immediately after playing it. I wanted to spend some time when she was at an absolute low, and develop a bit of her relationship with Alphinaud—and experiment with some ways that black mages may attempt to fend off the cold, because why not. Let a magic girl be magic.
✦ Far from Happenstance
Rating: General
I like this one! I think it was fun revisiting the very early moments of the Ul’dah questlines from Aureia’s perspective. I had a better handle on her voice here; I hadn’t entirely figured out her backstory at this point (she was keeping it a secret from me), but she started to feel like a fully-fleshed out person here.
✦ Sand and Stone
Rating: General
This was my first FFXIV fic! I wrote it shortly after finishing base ARR and I was madly rotating the final fight with Lahabrea in my head (I’ve been ruined by the Worst Ascian since that cutscene and it doesn’t even make sense!! Am I mad (affectionately) about this? YES, OF COURSE I AM. Could have chosen literally any other villain but no, this is where I had to peak.).
This fic established some repeat themes for Aureia, namely her close association with fire and the burns on her back, as well as her close friendship with Thancred and his nickname for her (Aureia was not a fleshed out character until she was Aur, nicknames really do something for me, apparently).
✦ Untitled Post 5.3. Fic
I haven’t published this one yet since I ran out of time to finish it (trying to finish another multipart in the last two weeks of December was not something I needed to add to my plate). But I am excited to work on fics set after Aureia and Thancred get married and dig a little bit deeper into how their relationship changes through marriage. There are still difficulties to be overcome, ways that they test and support each other. I really enjoy writing established relationships, so it’s fun to poke at the evolution of everything that has come before.
A little excerpt since it's not finished yet:
“No,” he murmurs. “I know what you’re doing—and I love you for it, never think that I don’t—but no. In this case… it does not help.”
She nods, swallowing the lump in her throat, and exhales a shaky breath. A dozen thoughts rest on the tip of her tongue, a dozen questions she wishes to ask, but she holds herself back. It’s not what he needs right now.
“One hundred and eleven,” Thancred says. “That is how many steps it takes to climb the battlements.”
She presses her lips together and turns her back on the aetheryte plaza, leaning against the parapet as she gives him her full attention. He glances at her, staring at her through the curtain of hair, and his throat bobs.
“I never knew that until today,” he continues. “In all our years here, all the times I have walked these battlements, not once did it occur to me to count the bloody steps. Not once did I imagine a future where it would be a near impossibility to reach them.” His gaze flickers to the aetheryte. “Not my first time being a fool, I suppose. I took my aether for granted once too.”
“It’s not an impossibility,” she says firmly. “You dragged yourself up here—”
“And I can barely stand. All my efforts and I have nothing to show for it save the reminder that I am…” He trails off, tempering his frustration before he says something he regrets out of spite. “Krile will give me a tongue-lashing for this, I know it. She will say I am pushing too hard. That I am being unkind to myself.”
“And maybe you are.”
“How can I not? If I must be sequestered off in a dark room and sit on my hands while the others return to their regular duties I will—well. I will…”
“What?”
He makes a face. “I would say ‘eat Urianger’s hood’, but he’s not exceptionally fond of those anymore, now is he?”
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In regards to your posts about ao3 and how vile it is in actuality, I wanna say thank you. I've not put much thought into the website I've been using but this has put things into perspective. I no longer want my work (work that I am proud of) on a website like that. Ao3 doesn't align with my values and I'm assuming many other people's who use the site.
Do you have any suggestions on a better site everyone can use?
(Side note: I absolutely adore your work!)
sure thing!
while there are no websites quite like ao3 in terms of filtering, curation, bookmarks, likes/comments etc there are a few alternatives out there!
Wattpad - I know people make fun of this one because it's where all the rpf for bands went back in the day but it is still operating and many people use it so you'll likely just switch viewers from ao3 to wattpad pretty seamlessly
Tumblr - you can always post directly on here! there is a character limit i believe of 4k so it's great for showing previews or even cutting up a small fic into parts 1, 2, 3, etc. a little clunky but it's an option if you only write short stuff! (Twitter threads can even be an option for this though again, a lil restrictive and works better for super short works!)
Google Docs + Linktree - if you have a linktree account you can always just link a view only (make sure people can't edit!) google doc of the fic! having the fics on a linktree still give people the ability to see all of your work in one place, and you can even see on linktree the click statistics for each fic! while it doesn't give the reader the ability to like/comment, you can always encourage those who do like it to leave a message on your tumblr!
Discord (or any groupchat tbh!) - similar to above you can always set up a discord server and post your fics view docs links there! it gives a curated experience and you can see the comments of people directly in the server
AO3 has seemingly made people believe that each and everyone one of their fan creations must be thrown out into the void where you hope everyone sees it and loves it. I think this has really stifled people's abilities to truly be creative in terms of making content of their favourite medias (and even with transitioning to making original work!) because you may subconsciously be adhering the current trends and whatnot of everyone else, even if you don't really like it yourself! I mean look at how common modern/high school aus still are today when I have yet to meet anyone who actually likes them. Look at how many books that have been published lately that painfully follow AO3 tag systems, where they don't even havea blurb anymore and instead just have "friends to lovers meet blah blah blah! read it now!". (Not to mention the quality of the books being published is fucking atrocious)
AO3 has ruined publishing and I am being entirely serious about that.
But back to where you wanna go with your fics now. Don't be afraid to restructure how you interact with your hobbies! It doesn't have to be so exposed and vulnerable to anyone and everyone having their say on it. I used to participate massively in fandom and I'll be honest, it made me miserable. I constantly felt like I couldn't keep up, that my ideas were wrong because another idea was more popular, and I really struggled. So I took about a hundred steps back and only interact with the media I like through my friends who also like it! And it's a lot better! You may not get hundreds and thousands of likes on fics from here on out if that's what you're used to, but I guarantee you'll have more meaningful interactions that you actually hold dear to you far more than any "a guest has left a kudos on your work" notification.
(Also just a pre-emptive thing of anyone who wants to defend AO3 on this post because "it's an integral part of fandom!" or "they need that much money because they run a site with no ads!", or you want to try and tell me that the fics on there are fine because it's fiction regardless of what the fics is (including literal fucking CSAM), just know you are completely unserious and I don't value a single thing you say. So don't even try it. How about you donate to a marginalised person's mutual aid for the first time in your life and you'll calm down.)
#anon#hope this helps a lil!#@ anon ignore the lil bit at the end this is for Everyone Else not @ you it was nice answering your question! <3
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Do you write original fiction as well or just fanfiction?
I was thinking of how to answer this, because my kneejerk reaction was one of self-justification - oh-I-write-fic-but-I-aspire-to-original-fiction-someday sort of breathlessly, which I see so often in fandom spaces. But then I was like: wait fuck that.
Because here is the thing anon and I don't think I would expect you to know this, but this is a space were I get to talk about myself and like. In 2019 I was someone who wrote (fanfiction) regularly and often, and felt like I was always working hard to balance art and work but managing, and doing a pretty decent job of protecting time for art. And then, I had the privilege of being in a healthcare job in March 2020. Which I talk about here but only a little, because this isn't really a space where I want to share a ton about the IRL parts of myself but basically: the experience of being Essential and being asked to Do My Part For Society Because It's A Big Crisis really dismantled my entire system of work-life balance and left it dismantled for uhhhh the past two to three years.
So that has been a time where I didn't have a lot of words to write. Not because I didn't have stories that I dreamed about or things to say - I had so much to say - but for me, writing is something that happens when it feels safe. Taking characters on emotional journeys, working through the puzzle of the highs and lows of connection and what that character needs and the gaps in the story and getting to fill them in - that's not compatible with a crisis, at least for me. That's slow and quiet and it requires time and space for slowness and silence to happen. And using 100% of my mental and emotional energy to Be Essential, For Society, took up all of the spaces where writing fiction would normally be.
And I bring this up because - I don't think it's after. I don't think it's going to be after for a long while if I'm being honest. But it's a season of late-pandemic transition, and a season of trying to reassemble the components that worked well for me for balance in the Before Times.
And one of the things I’ve done as part of reassembling the parts of my life that exist beyond my Essential Workerhood has been a lot of reframing to make more sense of what the pandemic has meant as a part of my life. While I'm in the midst of this, finding time to get my words out in a way that feels like play and feels like fun is a big, huge achievement. In a way that's hard to explain to folks who didn't have The Essential Worker Experience but that I want, very badly, to communicate well.
Right now, I personally am celebrating my success at being able to sustain play and wellness and the core things that I value despite the crushing stress I've had to work through. I'm so proud of the fact that last year and this year I've been able to turn towards rediscovering joy and processing the grief and stress of 2020 onward because that's what my soul needs and has needed. I’ve devoted so much time to working, and the thing that is best for me in my downtime is actually to intentionally add elements of rest and play instead of making my hobbies efficient or turning them into opportunities for side hustles.
I do think that I have original stories to tell, and I think that I'm still figuring out how the trajectory of my life will go to know exactly when but. At some point, I think it will feel really important to prioritize giving myself time and space to get those words out and maybe I'll publish something original. I’d really like to set up a pen name and submit some works to erotica anthologies and write weird romance novels.
But in the meantime, the best thing for my heart is to have writing and words be a place to play. And the easiest way to play is to take someone else's characters for a spin and have the best time with it, and that's what fanfiction is for me. So anyway: I just write fanfiction, anon, and I’m really pleased about it.
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Hello! First of all, I'm loving your writing, thank you for sharing it with us 😊 I think I saw that you had participated in an Odyssey writing workshop in the past? I applied for an upcoming workshop- I'm a published poet but have had a hard time finishing a novel/fiction in general. Is it a program you'd recommend for someone looking to switch genres? Thank you!
Hey there Anon!
It's hard to answer your question directly without a deeper knowledge of your specific goals.
HOWEVER, if I may wax poetic for a second, the Odyssey Writing Workshop is where you go, in my opinion, when you want to achieve 10 years of genre fiction writing development in 6 weeks. If I had to say when one should attend it, I'd say it's a pretty advanced course, one I'd recommend to writers like fanfic writers (speaking from my own context) who have finished at least one (1) longfic and who feel their desire to go pro or at least take a serious swing at it is stable and strong enough that advanced workshopping will not discourage them. For me, knowing that I had a few dozen fics under my belt and one popular, complete longfic gave me the confidence to both attend the course and to not be daunted or discouraged by the possibility of tough-but-useful critique, because I sincerely wanted to get better and take a real stab at going pro on some level (even if it's not a full time job, for example).
If you're not a fanfic writer, I'd say the equivalent would be, say, you've completed one novel draft and/or about 10 short stories and have undergone enough critique that receiving a bad critique or one that tells you what you don't want to hear (even if it's true) no longer rocks you enough that you'll consider giving up on writing. This requires self-knowledge and perseverance that--I cannot stress this enough--no one can really know when you've achieved except you.
Now, I was also a creative writing major in college at a top 20-ish liberal arts school in the US and I cannot stress this enough the experience was such utter garbage and I would never do it again nor would I recommend it to anyone. I have an entire rant around the way creative writing is taught in colleges and universities in the US. I can't speak to all experiences but short version, if you see a class that is 1) no practical craft lessons and 2) nothing but amateurs workshopping other amateurs, RUN FOR THE HILLS. The format (originating at the University of Illinois) is literally so bad that I buy into the conspiracy theory that it was deliberately crafted to discourage writers as part of the "War on Communism". But that's a discussion for another day.
Because creative writing is taught so poorly in the US, I was on the lookout, for literal years to find a place where I could actually learn writing craft/technique and not just workshop with other amateurs forever. Particularly I wanted to learn to write sci-fi/fantasy/historical fiction (aka, genre fiction), which is nearly impossible in the US university system.
I have taken other workshops and courses besides Odyssey, including at the NYC New School for science fiction writing and another very well regarded one called Viable Paradise, which I also recommend as a very fun time and a shorter time commitment. However, Odyssey was everything I was looking for as far as nose-to-the-grindstone, bootcamp style craft. How to create a plot if you're bad at plot. How to worldbuild. How to create suspense. How to write a story an editor or agent isn't going to immediately toss in the Reject bin. Nowhere else has even come close to how much I learned there. I suspect not even the Clarion Workshops, which are even more famous, would be as useful based on my comparison of their curricula.
Will it help you transition from poetry to genre fiction? I'm not really sure. Will it teach you how to write genre fiction if you're already a passionate amateur/intermediate skilled writer hoping to become advanced? Yes, it is literally better than any other program I've ever encountered and that is after a great deal of thorough searching.
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What I'm Watching: February 2024
How we doing, folks? Didn't do much between Sailor Moon and Cowboy Bebop, but I made the most of it.
Perfect Blue
JDJWIXBEYSIFNEHXOABSUD I LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH! Psychological horror is my favorite kind, and questions of self, sanity, and perception can be so juicy. This movie made me so fucking uncomfortable the first time I watched it that I didn't think I'd be able to sit through it again, and now I love it even more every time. Even outside of the story, it's just an incredible piece of filmmaking. The transitions in the opening scene alone, shifting between Mima's different personas so seamlessly in motion but so jarringly in presentation, could be a short film on their own. But then the rest of the movie is like that. Reality and illusion weave together so tightly that I still can't fully pin down what's what (I think the key is somewhere in the overexposed vs the saturated shots, but I keep forgetting to pay attention to that to make sure). The soundtrack lends itself brilliantly to the uneasiness and anxiety, and even divorced from the context of the movie, I can't bring myself to listen to "Virtual Mima" all the way through. It's too effective. On the other hand, I also can't comfortably listen to "Angel Of Love," thanks to context, but it's a fun pop song if you've never seen the elevator scene. It's impossible to overstate how much heavy lifting the soundtrack is doing. The story itself is simple enough, a young woman having an identity crisis in the spotlight while a stalker targets the people around her, but the way it unfolds is such a mindfuck, it warrants rewatching (and rewatching and rewatching, etc). I've already mentioned the transitions in the opening, and that expands later on into flashbacks, dreams, scenes that seem to be real life but are later revealed as part of the crime drama Mima is filming. It makes it hard to predict what is really going on, right up until the moment before a thing happens and that one tiny clue makes everything else click into place. This is the kind of writing I aspire to. As if that's not enough, the themes of celebrity worship, obsession, exploitation in the entertainment industry, and mental illness, and this movie stays relevant. For all that it takes place during the shift from analog to digital and the early days of the internet, it feels eerily timeless. It's my go-to in conversation about movies: have you seen Perfect Blue?
Labyrinth
If I'd been obsessed with *this* Jim Henson movie instead of The Dark Crystal when I was younger, who knows how it might have changed me as a person. Meh, probably not that much, tbh, since I've always loved stories like this. Which leads me to one of my favorite themes in fiction that I don't really see discussed in regards to this: the stories we tell ourselves. In Sarah's case, her indecisiveness (does she want to be the hero or the villain, and consequently, who does she want Jareth to be?) and unwillingness to lead the story is, ironically, what drives the story. The story she tells herself just happens to her, and she's not responsible for any of it, and it's not fair. A childish mindset, of course, and naturally her arc concerns taking responsibility for herself and learning to balance it with a healthy relationship to fantasy. When put that way, it's even more obvious how important it is that she refuse Jareth and his offer, "Let me rule you, and you can have everything." Stay in this dream world and everything you could ever want or desire is yours forever? A tempting offer for anyone, and Sarah's decision is a.) What finally, truly assigns her the role of the hero, and b.) Pretty wise, considering she's only a teenager. That's all Jareth has to offer, is a dream, and in her own words, "it's all junk." And speaking of Jareth... It's probably for the best I didn't grow up with fear me, love me, etc in my system, because it's done enough of a number on me as it is. What else to say? He's David fricken Bowie, what more do you need to say? This also applies to the music, just so we're clear (and that goes double for "Chilly Down"). And for the rest, it's Jim fricken Henson!
Mrs Brown's Boys
And that's basically the series so far in a nutshell. It kinda reminds me of The Carol Burnett Show, if there were episodic plot lines instead of sketch comedy and they'd been allowed to swear. I think that's mostly to do with the fourth wall and/or character breaks throughout, the former of which happens frequently enough to be a running gag but not so often it becomes a gimmick, and the latter is always fun no matter what you're watching.
Wolf Creek 2
So, if you start playing franchise bingo with slasher movies, you notice the villains themselves fall into two categories: they either don't talk and they're boring/only there to be indestructible killing machines, or they do talk and they're the absolute worst/will kill you for sure but will have so much fun doing it. (This excludes Terrifier, which is an outlier adn should not be counted.) And you can guess which category Mick Taylor falls into. I posted a few thoughts while watching this one, and I think overall, I dig it. The flashier action bits are to be expected, given that sequels tend to take the bigger-is-better approach, but other than that? Consistent as hell from the first one. Tense, graphic, and mean-spirited, with gorgeous cinematography, protagonists you can root for, and a villain who is both just fucking AWFUL and charismatic enough to make you question your judgement. And apparently there's a series???
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what are the physics behind samatfoe's magic system
hell yeah...
Thank you for asking! A warning that I am a physics major, and I know a lot of physics, but I am also neurodivergent, my specific flavor of which assumes that everyone knows everything I know. I've tried my best to not let this leak into samatfoe itself, but since this is a specific discussion of the physics of samatfoe, I might not be able to adequately explain everything. If you are confused, just know that is another opportunity for me to explain my special interest.
I also allude to this but don't explicitly say a lot of it in samatfoe, because it's really dense and nerdy. You have been warned.
So. Magic, in itself, is energy, specifically moldable low-entropy energy, flowing from a place where there is infinite energy to samatfoe's multiverse. So, what does that mean? Well, we're going to have to define energy.
Uh.
Dictionary.com defines energy as "the capacity or power to do work" which is absolutely worthless to people who don't know what physics-flavored work is. Which is just about everyone, including a lot of people who have a passing familiarity with physics. And physicists ourselves have a really difficult time explaining energy to laymen. Energy is... the ability to move things, to change things, to make things happen. Now, it is not weird luminescent semi-matter like a lot of sci-fi likes to claim, but matter itself is really, really condensed energy, so remember that, 'cause it'll be important later.
As for having low entropy, that's also hard to explain. Entropy is also a common buzzword in sci-fi, usually in a villainous way because, well, if anything's gonna murder the universe, it's gonna be entropy. But what entropy really is is probability. Every bit of energy in the universe has a probability to be somewhere, but it's far more likely to be in a disordered state than an ordered state, simply because there are so many more disordered states. Like, say we have four dots, moving quickly around a box. It's far more likely for the dots to be in a lose, patternless form akin to this:
than it is for them to be squished together in a perfect square:
But since the perfect square seems more orderly to us, the system is said to be low entropy.
Add in countless little dots and continually increase the size of the box, and we get an increasingly disordered system. Add in fun quantum effects, fundamental forces, and other physics, and you've got the universe! But the thing about entropy is that low entropy isn't necessarily a "better" universe – all the interesting things, like life, happen in the gradient as energy transitions from low to high entropy. So magic starts out with low entropy, and then transitions to high entropy when it's used by people to cast spells.
So we've discussed "energy" and "low-entropy," what is "moldable?" Well, that is a fantasy term I invented. It means the energy that is magic can be manipulated by creatures that have it. And how much they can manipulate is determined by how much energy is in a metaphorical and completely fictional storage space within their souls, and how connected they are to the ultimate magical energy storage space, the Realm of Magic.
The energy in the Realm of Magic is stored as the most energy dense thing in the universe: mass. Mass is derived from energy by the most famous equation in physics: E=mc^2, where E is energy, m is mass, and c is the speed of light, squared. (But notice that this equation solves for energy, not mass. If we rearrange to see how much mass we get from an amount of energy, it's m=E/(c^2)). The speed of light is 299,792,458 m/s, or, more simply, 3*10^8 m/s. That's a big number! And imagine it squared! In order to get just 1 kilogram of matter, we need 9*10^16 Joules of energy, or, in the scientific term, a whole heck of a lot of energy. This is why Toffee can't create mass very well: they do not have 10^16 Joules of energy lying around, much less 9 of those. Star, however, can create storms of miniature narwhals, tiaras, and warnicorns, even without the wand (which supplies magic for an entire dimension). All of those are well over a kilogram. Star is really, really magically powerful.
But Toffee is strategic. They don't create mass, they create light. What is light? Well, it's electromagnetic radiation. What's that? Basically just energy, a wavelike, particle-like oscillation of the electromagnetic field. What's the electromagnetic field? Not important, let's move on. Because light is energy, we can quantify how much energy is required to create it. The energy in a photon is E=hf, where E is energy again, f is the frequency of the light, which is the amount of times it oscillates per second, and h is the Planck's constant. The thing about the frequency of light is that it's usually a large number, visible light is 4*-8*10^14 Hz (1/s). But the thing about Planck's constant is that it is an absolutely minuscule size, at 6.626*10^(-34) Joules/second. Teeny-weeny. So that balances out to 2.65*10^(-19)-5.3*10^(-19) Joules, for a single photon, or unit, of light.
Of course a single photon isn't going to do much, but "only" about 10^14 per second are needed to completely account for the vision of one person. So, about 5.3*10^(-5) Joules per second. Much more sustainable than 10^16 Joules per narwhal (if the narwhals are only 1 kilogram, which is generous!).
But that's not the only thing Toffee can do. They don't create matter, but they can mold it into different shapes. This is basically applying force to objects to move them. For basic things like amplifying the force of a hit, you just increase the kinetic energy, which, given that magic is energy, is easy. 200 Joules of energy applied to a human body by blunt force anywhere is more than enough to kill a human and break your fist, and Toffee probably knows enough biology to be able to reduce that number significantly (and enough Septarian healing to heal their fist quickly). So, again less magically costly.
Septarian healing is a different beast. Sílthéy only has around 10^20 Joules of magic (might change that later, but so far this is what I'm going with!), enough for 10,000 1-kg narwhals over 1,000 years, so she doesn't have nearly enough to ensure septarians can heal themselves, even with the near-100% mass recycling they have going on (the matter from any part of them lost, including blood, is reduced to ashes and everything except the ashes is used to heal them. Very accomplished septarians like Toffee leave only a smudge of ashes behind). So instead she used her magic to set up a link between Septarians and the realm of magic that they could use to heal themselves. This "cheat code" is used often by both Glossaryck and Sílthéy, most notably with the wand, which is the hydrogen bomb to the septarian's coughing baby regeneration. (Yes, if the Butterflys were intelligent, they could make themselves heal as fast as the septarians. Thankfully for the monsters, the queens often forget how unfairly powerful they are, and Glossaryck lets them, because the more the queens feel like they're the underdogs somehow, the less likely they are to realize how unfair the system is.) However, even this setup is magically taxing, because you have to maintain it. It's part of why Glossaryck doesn't have as much magic as Sílthéy, even though they both are incredibly irresponsible with it, he is constantly having to expend literal energy keeping Earth's magic well tied to the wand. So, let this be a lesson to you all: it's incredibly taxing to give your side infinite magic. Don't do it!
(well, it isn't actually infinite magic. that would require an infinite universe, which is not the case. Even if Star and Marcie's dimensions were infinite, which I'm not sure they are, they'd repeat themselves eventually. in the place called The Infinite, however, you can keep going for infinity and never find a perfect repetition of a universe!)
(that being said, The Infinite is not the end. At the end of the Infinite, an understandably difficult place to get to, there is 0/0, which is completely undefined and where the concept of numbers break down. this is where Sílthéy is from)
As for the last thing Toffee is known for, reshaping their weapon, that cost is harder to estimate. The way humans shape rocks is either by hitting them with something and breaking them, or melting them down and trying (and most often failing) to shape the lava. But hypothetically one could move the molecules into a new shape if you had perfect control and knowledge of the structure of the rock, since some rocks are just aggregates jammed together by cementing materials. But this is the limit of how wishy-washy I allow magic to be. It's weird that I have a solid understanding of concepts such as making matter out of thin air and healing instantly from any injury, but I'm like "eh, it's *probably* a thing that works" with a concept as simple as shaping stone. I guess I'm just not a geologist. I should ask my friend about that.
But the last point I'd like to talk about is, of course, how is magic purely based in physics when you've explicitly said that magic is also the emotion and complexity in life ("La Campagne") and that it creates intelligences? Well, discerning reader, this is because magic is not only used by flesh-based monsters and humans, but also by spirits. ("Spirits" being the intermediate stage between a mortal, such as a monster, and a Dragon, such as Sílthéy. Spirits are Dragons in training. Glossaryck is a spirit who is willing to do anything to become a Dragon.) And the most prominent spirit to magic is the Realm of Magic, which obviously has a lot of say in what effect magical energy has on the world. They have a very complex mind that can influence a lot of the world around them. And they are such a sap. They're lonely, so they make more spirits. They're fascinated by complexity, so they make things complex – and interesting. They have a substantial positive effect, which makes their absence in s5 a very bad thing. Both intelligence and emotion are, on some level, based in energy, because energy is everything.
But yeah! Please let me know if there's something I glossed over or that you'd want more info on or that you don't understand at all because I gave a terrible explanation! See you soon for s5!
#queue queue#samatfoe#i am a physics major#physics#svtfoe rewrite#svtfoe#my posts#this took a while to get down. thanks for asking!#magic systems
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RaR Musings #21: The Crossroads of Simulation, Storytelling, and Fun
I'd had this one on a tab for a minute, because a lot of things happened and I've had a lot of time to think about things.
Exertion has done a lot to emblemize division between major game design philosophies.
On the one hand, a simulation-based game engine was necessary for a GM-less game, where creatures of theoretically infinite size difference could interact, in a way that everyone at the table can collectively intuit and agree on.
But, it did mean a lot more interaction with double-digit math, and 1m-wide tiles are far too granular to make the foundation of a "1 stamina = 1m movement, or swings 1 Size of weapon, for 1 damage" environment. Doing that math isn't fun, and held back use of storytelling as a driving force.
I transitioned to approximation-banding, and made only Tiring activities cost Exertion, shrinking the numbers so it was more about What Who was doing and Why, How, Where, and When it was supposed to happen if it wasn't Here. It meant you didn't actually even need a grid, or a map, instead keeping note of locations and settings by narrative impact, rather than how many spaces you had to move your little plastic man around the playmat.
But with the loss of specifics, questions about multiattack arise; how exhausting is it to attack more than once in a 3sec span? Anyone should be able to do it, and skill should have a positive impact, but how much does it change per weapon? It gets a little bit videogamey, in a completely different way than simulation is gamey, and in a way that has no mechanical consistency, leading to disagreements at the table.
More than that, are either of these systems even fun? While I have enjoy prompt-based creativity, and get a thrill when numbers come up in sub-1% statistical probabilities, that doesn't mean everybody will. And however it runs, it needs to be fun enough and easy enough to prevent players from suffering creative and emotional burnout, which leads them to becoming hesitant about sitting down for a session.
But I also, absolutely, abhor the recent trend of DND enthusiasts ignoring all the rules in favor of goofing off with friends. Having fun with your friends is good. Having fun with your friends while you play a game is great. Changing the rules of a game so that you have more fun playing it is fine. But dismissing the rules of a game wholesale to the point that they make zero impact on ANYTHING you can do? Why even pretend to play the game then?
Tabletop rpgs, unlike videogames, are work. Videogames don't progress unless you press buttons, but ttrpgs make you have to imagine the buttons and what they do, and require everyone present to agree on what the button actually does when you press it. Inventing these buttons has to be consistent, everyone should understand what happens when you press them, and everyone should enjoy the process of both making the buttons, and the fictional pressing of them.
You need to have fun, but simulation and storytelling are important for a game too.
___________________
I talked with two people of note lately.
The first was a prospective playtester, who (apparently, according to a third party) had no real interest in Road and Ruin, but still pursued me around multiple games of Warhammer 40k and ASOIAF to ask questions about it. And, as I so often do, I fell in love with my own game all over again. It's rapidly becoming my decade-long magnum opus, and everything it does is designed to excite me just as much as it is to entertain someone else. We ended up building him a Tatzl Plague Doctor, a plague-rat harpy unaffected by most diseases it carries, who travels the world transferring the diseases of others to himself, before bottling the diseases, and a Goblin Alchemist, part vampire, and pursuing science to one day rid themselves of the otherwise incurable disease. And, thanks to RAR's Story Roster, what is otherwise a nearly statistically-impossible task to discover at random, is given several boosts in probability, without guarantee, thanks to being a personal quest.
The second, was my dad. I owe my introduction to fantasy and sci-fi entertainment to him, and though he's never played a ttrpg, he's heard me complain about mechanics and players for years. His is the opinion that making a game that tries to do everything is senseless, and one should create a game to do one thing, specifically, and well. Many would agree with him. But his is also the opinion that if you force a player who enjoys Dungeons, to fight Dragons, that they'll absolutely hate it, and throw a tantrum over not getting to play the thing they joined the game for, and vice versa. A game that blends Dungeon players and Dragon fighters only stands to disappoint both parties, who will always end up playing something they don't want, eventually.
It's absurd, honestly.
Ttrpgs are a social fabric. Bringing the people who enjoy two different things together, to alternate their enjoyments, only strengthens the hobby, and ensures that it's easier to find people to play. By bringing this alchemist playtester into the fold, I get to see someone enjoying something they have an interest in, and work to make their quest come true. By joining with me, he gets to come along on my quest, and adding a little sprinkle of creativity that I'm not personally responsible for is just the kind of prompt I like in prompt-based creativity. The session becomes collaborative, between two or more people enjoying themselves, rather than confrontational, or one-sided legwork, which plagues the GM-dependent scene.
It's silly to disparage people on their preferences, but it's sillier to declare that other players couldn't possibly have something to improve your experience.
______________________
To that end, I think I have to lean heavier on variant rules.
Other games have them, but often, they're a little twist of math that alters the outcome slightly, or even devoid of mechanics at all.
No, I task myself with the rather silly task of creating a Simulation ruleset, and a Storytelling ruleset, based on the same variables and producing similar results. Players of simulation-like grid-based bookkeeping combat, as well as storytelling-focused, theater-of-the-mind, vague interactions, can come together and use the ruleset that they prefer, in order to get to play those Plague Doctor harpies and Vampire Alchemists.
As some say, the rules shouldn't get in the way of having a good time. But the rules should BE what someone USES to have a good time. And since my idea of a good time is different from someone else's, I should be just as welcoming of their preferences, as I ask that they are of mine.
The real risk is overcomplexity. Players already don't like having to learn one set of rules, much less variants of the same rules. There's every possibility that they balk when faced with the possibility of having to learn multiple types of rules for what amounts to the same game. But then, that's what the rules-lite version is for: the opportunity to completely ignore anything complex.
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The Dark side to the Magnus Project
Magnus walked down the hall reading his manga, not caring to watch for those mere employees coming through the hallway. He was the head of the R&D department, what were they going to do about it? Magnus was specifically walking towards one of the rooms that the investors met in to discuss the success of his project, a non-silicon-based computer system, one that could avoid situations where magic would cause circuitry to go haywire.
Of course, he couldn’t just thank himself for the success of this project. He owed the idea to the manga he was reading. The manga itself was about a female protagonist named Alia who found a world with an AI powered by a non-silicon-based system. The girl first worked on the AI out of curiosity, but then realized that the AI was a hostile one, who destroyed its creators since it knew there was a non-zero chance that they would end up destroying it one way or another and was going to do the same to her and Earth. It was only through navigating the obstacles that the AI set before her, repairing its systems more and more, and eventually, giving it a conscious that the AI managed to come to reason, and helped her bring a new age of technology.
Magnus liked the manga somewhat, though he knew it was not anime worthy. While the AI was fun and unique, he found Alia’s character design and personality to be too flat for his liking. The protagonist wasn’t interesting in any way, shape, or form. Of course, she didn’t matter, as she was merely the catalyst for his genius. Ony a genius could take a purely fictional concept and bring it to reality. This is surely why the investors were going to meet with him personally. Maybe he was heading to an auditorium to be praised for his genius.
However, as he stepped into the room, he realized too late that this wasn’t the auditorium that was going to give him praise that he was hoping for, nor was it even a normal meeting room where he could be congratulated by the investors personally. It was a dark room, with the only light coming from it was the entrance and the dim screen that was raised above the only seat in the room. This room was only meant for very specific occasions, when an important individual was to be confronted negatively by investors or some other higher up. Before he could react, the door behind him slammed shut, leaving him trapped in the room. Not that he could have escaped either way. He got himself caught in this trap the moment he stepped into the door, running away would only mean more consequences.
He nervously sat in the chair in the middle of the room, while the screen transitioned to one of the shadows of the investors looking down upon him. There weren’t that many investors, not yet, so there was less than a half-dozen people in the room, and all were covered in darkness, unable to make out any particular faces in the room. However, it was clear that the other investors were only going to be spectators, as the CEO rose to start speaking. However, his fear growing into indignation, he decided to make sure he got the first word in:
“What is the meaning of this?!? Is this how you treat one of your best geniuses? The one who created a new backup system for your ships?”
The CEO, after allowing his rant to finish, then spoke in a smooth yet cold voice:
“Yes, and we thank you for your services. However, there were some… issues regarding that project that need to be addressed. A lot of issues.”
Magnus once again grew indignant. What issues? His project was perfect! What flaws did they have with his… probably not a magnus opus, he wasn’t that vain, but a good project nonetheless!
“For one, your project went well overbudget, and when presented with the problem, you chose to pull funds that were supposed to go to our art teams.”
Magnus couldn’t believe it. This is what they were mad about? He probably used those funds much better than those idiots could have. Seriously, building “artistic greenhouses” and those ugly mosaics were a waste of space. Making those artists draw superhero comics would be a far better use of their time than whatever garbage they produced now.
“Second, the project went over the time you said would be needed to complete it.”
Magnus then retorted:
“I said the project would be completed in a week! And I sent out 7 daily reports on progress!”
The CEO, raising his voice for the first time during the meeting, responded in kind:
“That was because we had to give our engineers and scientists two days to recover from you overworking and being overbearing on them! That’s the third issue we have, which could be enough to see you fired! And we are having reports that you did not take the hint and continued to oppress them!”
Magnus then froze, not quite in fear, but perhaps more in apprehension. It wasn’t his fault his engineers couldn’t solve those three issues, not that he could either but that was beside the point!
The CEO then spoke again, calmer than the recent outburst, but still not as calm as before.
“Fourth, after your engineers hit a brick wall, you decided to outsource the work to different corporations.”
Magnus had a response to that accusation, a good one too, though he was sure not to yell it out as he had done before.
“The companies we had were too small and had too little information to recreate our projects. Besides, how else was I supposed to finish this in time?”
“That is not the issue we have. The issue is doing this behind our back and not telling us about it until we conducted an investigation!”
The CEO once again calmed down from that outburst, ready to give the final issue they had, one that would be crushing towards the egotistical head of R&D.
“Our final issue though is with the performance of the machine. It was not what we were promised.”
Magnus’s blood began to boil upon hearing those words. Sure, maybe he went overtime and overbudget. Maybe he didn’t treat his workers the best. Maybe kept a few secrets here and there. But they were all in service to a perfect, functioning product! How dare they imply that he was a horrible inventor!
“That project works perfectly to what I promised! What extreme expectations for this thing do you have!”
“For one, having a product that doesn’t constantly break down. Second, a product isn’t based on gravity, thus becoming unusable in space and having different speeds on different worlds.”
Just as he thought: overly high expectations. Did the first silicon-based computers not constantly break down? This was just the first model, of course it would become better! And the gravity issue was a non-issue! In space, the effects of silicon-breaking magic would practically be non-existent, and most worlds that the corporation interacted with had the standard gravity of approximately 10 m/s.
“And finally, a product that works in the conditions promised.”
What? What on earth did he mean by that? Before he could ask though, the CEO answered for him.
“You promised that this computation system would function in worlds where silicon-based computers would fail, while most of the computers use your unique systems, they are still connected together with traditional wiring. Did you not stop to think that in worlds where computers can’t exist, electricity wouldn’t exist either?”
He… did not. How did he miss that fact. HOW DID HE MISS IT! His face whitened. He was inadequate in the Corporation’s eyes. He was going to lose his title, his job, everything that made him, him. He couldn’t go back to being a lowly engineer, to have somebody above him who wouldn’t see his genius. He can’t!
The CEO then surprisingly leaned forward, stepping out of the shadow, leaning in to make a more human connection.
“But you’re are brilliant man Magnus, and I’d hate to see that brilliance go to waste. But your ego needs to be put in check. Until then, I cannot allow you to create new projects like this. So, for the coming month, you are forbidden from pitching more projects. Though perhaps if you prove your dedication is to your work and not yourself, I might agree to a shortening it.”
The compliment flew right over Magnus’s head, disappearing the moment the words ‘ego’ landed in his ears. He didn’t have an ego problem, they just couldn’t understand his genius, that’s their problem! He then snapped back:
“Then what I am supposed to do? Sit around and do nothing!?!”
The CEO, clearly irritated at the lack of appreciation for the grace he was giving, responded coldly.
“No, you will do what R&D is supposed to do: produce products to improve the performance of the inner workings of the corporation and for sale.”
A chamber then slid open, revealing four pamphlets, containing different robot designs.
“The Founders have made a unanimous decision to produce these robots to improve the ship manufacturing process. They will either be put to work in the factories or will be sold to provide materials for the ships. It’s approximately half and half. That will be your next assignment for now.”
After that, the door opened, beckoning Magnus to walk out with the pamphlets in hand. But just when he walked through the doorway, the CEO then called out to him:
“Oh, just so that you are aware: This is an act of mercy. A large act of mercy. Forget the bad performance in the field, if you act so brash and brazen at one of these meetings again…”
The CEO then leaned back into the shadows before finishing:
“…You may lose more than just your position.”
With that, the door behind him slammed shut again. Instead of being fearful though, and vowing to change like he was supposed to, the message was the final straw for him: The corporation didn’t appreciate his genius. If he was supposed to get the things he deserved, finishing these robot designs wasn’t going to be enough… He had work to do.
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~~Long book post!~~
2022 Reading!
Hello! I usually make this post in the New Year, but I don’t think I’ll finish Hyperion by Dan Simmons or The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova in the next couple days so I’ll go ahead. Plus, I hope it helps folks find some ideas for their 2023 reading.
Usually I just post the list in chronological order (and I’ll still have that below, so you can see the arc of my reading for the year), but I’ll try to put a little more order and commentary for some of the titles. Feel free to discuss, give recommendations, debate, etc!
Visual Fiction
Dracula, Motherf*cker!
This one was really vibrant with gorgeous art and a fun take that felt fresh, but it was just too short to really be enjoyable. Quick pulpy fun, I guess.
All of the initial run of The Sandman:
I’d need a separate post for to really talk about this story, but yes. Some of the best fiction I’ve ever read. The whole of Dream’s arc (or at least what we get to see 😉) always felt both epic and microscopic at the same time. All the steps of such a grand journey to such a powerful panel. It, and the results thereof, brought me to tears. I had to sit with it for awhile, and it’s a weight I still feel. Like Dune, it might become yearly reading for me.
Saga volumes 1-4
Also a really fantastic story. Bright, cohesive, and brilliantly imagined. Royal TVs. Brutal war. Romance novelists. Wrestling moms and magic father-in-laws! Saga’s creators Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples have created something really special. It’s one of my favorites, and I can’t wait to dive back in. It’s also really exciting that their hiatus is over, and the story will continue.
The Sandman: Endless Nights
Yes, a brilliant but at times intense anthology with seven different artists giving life to separate pieces about each of the Endless (Delirium and Despair were hard to process with the former kind of sending me into a spiral). Won’t say much more other than that reading it at the sorta half way point was a happy accident. I had enough of a grasp on the world and the Endless to appreciate it, but there was still so much I didn’t know. Does show big spoiler without clarity though.
The Sandman: Overture
Once again, obscenely beautiful and a little tragic and I don’t fully know what to say. If someone reads this first (it was published 2014, long after the original run), I’d love to hear your perspective after finishing the main run.
Science Fiction
Foundation
More interesting than engrossing, this was still a neat read. I enjoyed the short story structure and all the world building, but it mostly felt like the beginning moves of a chess or MTG game where it all gets set up. Will eventually get back to this series so I can see where it goes.
All Systems Red & Artificial Condition (books one and two of The Murderbot Diaries)
These were both fantastic! Main character is a quick wit and immediately likable (and powerfully relatable for some). I think my favorite part of these books is that not only are they great for long time sci-fi fans, but they are also great for those don’t typically dive into sci fi. They are quick reads (I read them in 2-3 hours each), and the first book sets up a great mystery. I also feel like these books are great way to step outside of ourselves and get a third person perspective on our humanselves.
The Iron Widow
A really fun romp that blends Chinese history and folklore with big mech beat ‘em up science fiction. On one level, it’s a story about gender dynamics, oppression, and the nature of power. On another, it’s dragon ball z fighter furry self insert gundam fan fiction. High key recommended as a fun vacation/beach read.
‘Youth’ Literature
The Small Spaces Quartet
Nominally aimed at middle schoolers, this four part ghost story is just as brilliant as the author’s Winternight Trilogy and can be enjoyed just as much by adults (especially those who can still remember the trial and tribulations that come with that strange transitional period we like to call ‘Middle School’)
When You Reach Me
Another book that is nominally aimed at kids but *needs* to be read by adults, it had a profundity to it that I will be occasionally revisiting in the years to come. I guess, if it’s about anything, it’s about consequence and quantum mechanics and all these beautiful concurrent moments that our lives stretch across. Beautiful story and structure.
A Wrinkle in Time, A Wind in the Door, and A Swiftly Tilting Planet (1-3 of the Time Quartet, or as I like to call it: the Charles Wallace Cycle)
I’m not smart enough or articulate enough to quickly breakdown for this post why I love these books or how important they or why you should read them. These books touched my core and reminded me of some lessons that are particularly relevant after the last few years. It’s never easy, and a lot of times it may be downright scary, but as long we try and don’t give in, maybe good really does triumph in the end.
Fantasy
The Divine Cities Trilogy and The Founders Trilogy by Robert Jackson Bennett
More selections that I just really can’t say enough good things about. I don’t know if I’m just getting softer as I near my 30s or if professionally doing theatre for young audiences has changed/expanded my capacities to feel, but these books (like a lot of titles this year) really touched. They cover a lot of ground without ever feeling dense or preachy. If I had to be concise, the books are about the effects of power on the large and small with Divine Cities focusing on the legacies of war and imperial oppression and Founders on capitalism and the results of an extreme klepto/plutocratic system. They can be tough reads, especially City of Blades with it’s exploration of trauma, but they’re important. RBJ’s worldbuilding and sense of increasing stakes are top notch. The end of The Founder’s Trilogy had me quietly weeping in public.
The Wee Free Men
Only my third exposure to Pratchett’s prose, and he really is one of the funniest and smartest writers this language has ever been blessed with.
Gallant
Another swing and a home run from V. E. Schwab. This was a beautiful ghost story with a fascinating protagonist and probably a good starting place for Schwab’s older aimed works before visiting something a little darker like Shades of Magic or Villains (really dark)
Etc.
Circe
Revisited this one, because the first time around it really didn’t strike any cords for me. I originally meant to do a deep/slow dive into the text but then had to speed up so I could get to When You Reach Me. This time around it had a much stronger impact, and I was able to see the world anew through a set of eyes that were very different than my own.
Authority
Book two of The Southern Reach Trilogy, I’m still having weird dreams because of this one and the preceding text (Annihilation). Reading it quite literally gave me headaches. Not for the faint of heart. Very good but read at your own risk. Still haven’t been able to finish the final book, Acceptance, and I will unfortunately probably have to start back at book one to finish the series.
Smoke and Mirrors
Not my top favorite of Gaiman’s short fiction collections, but it does have some of my favorite stories if his. I hadn’t visited this collection since I first experienced Neil Gaiman right after my high school graduation, nearly a decade ago. Charming and horrifying, it begs the question: what are we hiding and what illusions are we presenting?
The Maidens
A promising set up with an ultimately disappointing execution and ending. Finished but did not enjoy. 2/10, will probably get rid of my copy to have more room on my fiction shelves.
Things Read in 2022:
*indicates first time
1. *The Maidens by Alex Michaelides
2. *Dracula, Motherf*cker! by Campi and Henderson
3. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L’Engle
4. *Gallant by V. E. Schwab
5. *Authority by Jeff Vandermeer
6. SAGA volume one
7. SAGA Volume Two
8. *Saga volume Three
9. *Saga volume Four
10. Ranger Musky and the Mysterious Beast
11. *The Sandman: Book 2 by Neil Gaiman and co.
12. City of Stairs by Robert Jackson Bennet
13. *City of Blades by Robert Jackson Bennet
14. *City of Miracles by Robert Jackson Bennet
15. *Amelia Earhart by Katherine Mills Schultz
16. *The Sandman: Endless Nights by Neil Gaiman and co.
17. The Sandman: Book 1
18. The Sandman: Book 2
19. *The Sandman: Book 3
20. *Goldilocks and the Three Bears by Jean Pierce
21. *Inside Out by Kathryn Chase Bryer & Natasha Holmes
22. Miss Fancy by G. Riley Mills
23. *The Sandman: Book 4 by Neil Gaiman
24. *The Foundation by Isaac Asimov
25. Small Spaces by Katherine Arden
26. *Dead Voices by Katherine Arden
27. *Dark Waters by Katherine Arden
28. *Empty Smiles by Katherine Arden
29. Smoke and Mirrors by Neil Gaiman
30. *Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao
31. *The Wee Free Men by Terry Pratchett
32. *All Systems Red by Martha Wells
33. Circe by Madeline Miller
34. *When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead
35. A Wind in the Door by Madeline L’Engle
36. *A Swiftly Tilting Planet by Madeline L’Engle
37. *Sandman: Overtures by Neil Gaiman and co.
38. Foundryside by Robert Jackson Bennet
39. *Shorefall by Robert Jackson Bennet
40. *Locklands by Robert Jackson Bennett
41. *The Children on the Hill by Jennifer McMahon
42. *Artificial Condition by Martha Wells
#reading#2022 reads#2022 reading challenge#reads#books#i love books#new year#booksbooksbooks#fantasy#fantasy books#books i love#new year reading
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Adult SFF edition
High/Epic Fantasy
The Lies of Locke Lamora: heist fantasy following a band of misfits! It has morally gray characters, fun banter but heartwrenching moments and a pretty complex plot. It’s a classic to say “if you liked Six of Crows and want to try adult SFF try this” and it’s probably true.
Kushiel’s Dart: a political fantasy tome loosely inspired by Europe in the Renaissance. Pretty heavy on romance and erotica (with BDSM elements) as it follows a courtesan navigating the political scene. It has an amazing female villain.
A Darker Shade of Magic: probably the easiest way to approach adult fantasy. It has multiple Londons and a pretty unique magic system and concept, plus a crossdressing thief, knives and great banter.
The Poppy War: grimdark fantasy (TW: abuse, self harm, rape, drug abuse), inspired by Chinese history. It’s adult, but follows younger MCs and the unique blend of different historical periods/inspirations makes it extremely interesting. The characters are extremely fucked up in the best possible way, plus the use of shamanism is awesome.
The Sword of Kaigen: if you liked The Poppy War you could like this one. The Sword of Kaigen is an Asian-inspired militaristic fantasy, with elemental magic, a badass housewife dealing with her past and hiding a sword in her kitchen’s floor. It has interesting and nuanced family dynamics and a great reflection on propaganda and the use of narratives.
The Priory of the Orange Tree: high fantasy, featuring dragons, a F/F romance and pretty complex world building. The author reuses typical fantasy tropes and roles in a fresh way. Very readable in spite of its length.
Empire of Sand: inspired by Mughal India, this one focuses on culture and religion and has great slow burn romance (TW: abuse, slavery). It’s pretty slow paced, but the payoff is great. Also a good "YA crossover”.
The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms: first book in a companion novel trilogy, following a young woman who finds herself at the center of a vicious political struggle, as she’s suddenly become the heir to the throne.
Black Sun: first book in a new series by Rebecca Roanhorse, inspired by pre-Columbian societies and cultures. It mainly focuses on religious and political conflicts. TW for abuse, mild body horror and suicide (not very graphic). Nice inclusion of lgbt rep across the whole cast + one of the main characters is blind. Great world building!
Historical Fantasy
The Night Circus: perfect transition from YA to Adult for a reader, The Night Circus is a gorgeous historical fantasy romance. The author’s writing is amazing, the descriptions and the subtlety of the main characters’ relationship are to die for.
The City of Brass: political/historical fantasy tome featuring Middle Eastern mythology. It follows younger MCs (honestly another series that could be a good way to approach adult SFF) and has great character growth throughout the series. The first book has some more trope-y elements, but the payoff is worth it.
The Golem and The Djinni: historical fantasy (if you loved The Night Circus you could like this one), following two mythical creatures as they navigate New York in 1899. Slow burn romance, rich descriptions, fascinating combination of Jewish and Syrian folklore.
Gods of Jade and Shadow: a fantasy bildungsroman set in Mexico during the Jazz age. Another great way to approach adult SFF as it follows a young girl on a life changing adventure. It features Mayan mythology and a god slowly becoming human.
The Ghost Bride: set in Malaya in 1893, it follows the daughter of a ruined man as she receives the proposal to become a ghost bride. Lovely setting, rich in culture and extremely atmospheric.
The Bear and The Nightingale: a coming of age story inspired by Russian folklore. Another great way to start reading adult SFF: it’s very atmospheric and fairy tale-like. Also frost demons are better than men.
Queen of the Conquered: first book in a fantasy duology(?) set in an alternate version of the Caribbean at the time of Scandinavian colonisation. It follows Sigourney, a biracial woman (her mother was a slave, freed by her father) and the only islander who is allowed to own and use kraft and therefore has a position of privilege, which she constantly abuses, while telling herself she’s doing it for the islanders’ benefit. The book is hard to read, because the MC is no hero and her POV can be quite challenging to get through, but if you’re up for it I’d totally recommend this. (TW: slavery, abuse, death).
The Lions of Al-Rassan: this one has minimal fantasy elements, much like other Kay books, as it reads more like an alternate history. Using Moorish Spain as a template, it deals with the conflict between Jews, Muslims and Christians. Much like Under Heaven and most of his historical fantasy it shows common people being swept up in dramatic events.
Urban Fantasy
The Divine Cities trilogy: starting with City of Stairs, it follows a female diplomat and spymaster(!!). The whole trilogy features an interesting discussion about godhood, religion, fanatism, politics, without ever being boring or preachy. It has complex and rich world building and a pretty compelling mystery.
Foundryside: heist fantasy following a thief as she’s hired to steal a powerful artifact that may change magical technology as she knows it. Also, slow burn F/F romance.
Jade City: a wuxia inspired, gangster urban fantasy. Great family dynamics, very interesting political and economical subplots.
One for My Enemy: sort of a modern Romeo and Juliet, but set in New York, starring two magical gangster families. The female characters are to die for.
Trail of Lightning: inspired by Native mythology and the idea of subsequent worlds. It has a kickass MC and a good mix of original elements and typical UF tropes. You could like this if you liked the Kate Daniels series.
American Gods: a classic of the genre, pretty much brilliant in how it reuses old mythology in a modern setting.
Retellings
Spinning Silver: a very loose retelling of Rumpelstiltskin, with a gorgeous atmosphere. It mainly follows female characters from different social and economical backgrounds and reuses the original tale to challenge the antisemitic ideas around the role of the moneylander.
The Queens of Innis Lear: fantasy retelling of King Lear, very atmospheric and gorgeously written. Slow paced, but very satisfying build up, lots of backstabbing and miscommunication. (heads up though, one of the MCs is coded as aroace and I found the rep pretty bad on that. The book does feature casual bisexual rep though, which was great)
Lady Hotspur: genderbent retelling of Henry IV, set in the same world as The Queens of Innis Lear. Lesbian and bisexual rep. Heavy on political subplots, features ambitious women growing into their roles.
Deathless: sort of a retelling of Koschei the Deathless set in the first half of the 20th century. Brilliant reuse of Russian folklore to weave together politics and history. It does have pretty brutal descriptions of war, morally gray characters, unhealthy relationships and overall a lot of mindfuckery.
Space Opera
A Memory Called Empire: space opera inspired by the Mexica and middle period Byzantium. It focuses on topics like colonialism and the power of narratives and language. It has one of the best descriptions of what it’s like to live in between spaces I’ve ever read. Also very interesting political intrigue and has a slow burn F/F romance (and a poly relationship recalled through flashbacks).
Ninefox Gambit: a Korean-inspired space opera with a magic system based on math. It’s honestly quite convoluted and difficult to follow, but it also features some of the best political intrigue I’ve ever read. Plenty of lying, backstabbing and mind games. It also features lesbian and bisexual rep and an aroace side character (TW: mass shooting, sexual assault).
The Light Brigade: militaristic space opera set in a not-so-defined future in which corporations rule Earth and space in general. The book follows a newly enlisted soldier as they go through gruelling training and experience the side effects of being broken down into atoms to travel at the speed of light. It’s a heavy book, featuring raw descriptions of war, and quite difficult to follow (non-linear timelines...) but it’s also an amazing critique of capitalism and political propaganda (TW: death, mass shooting).
Gideon the Ninth: pretty much lesbian necromancers in space. Very loose world building, but a fun mystery full of banter. Can be quite confusing in the beginning, but a relatively easy and fun way to approach science fiction.
The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet: character driven space opera featuring a found family journeying through space. A fun read, that also deals with topics such as sexuality and race. Quite easy to go through, as the world building and plot aren’t particularly complex themselves. Also features a F/F romance.
Science Fiction-Fantasy that I can’t fit anywhere else
Vicious: college roommates put themselves through near-death experiences to obtain super powers, only everything goes wrong. Follows a great band of misfits (and pretty much everyone is morally gray).
Middlegame: a brilliant and complex tapestry of alternate timelines, following telepathically connected twins trying to escape the alchemist that wants to use them to obtain godhood (TW: attempted suicide).
Piranesi: the long awaited return of Susanna Clarke, Piranesi is an odd, mysterious book set in a house with infinite rooms and endless corridors, apparently inhabited by only two people.
Bonus Novella recs: novellas are amazing and don’t sleep on them!
The Empress of Salt and Fortune: an Asian-inspired fantasy novella, it gives a voice to people usually silenced by history. It follows a cleric (non binary rep) as they chronicle the story of the late empress, retold through objects that she used in her life. It focuses on bonds between women and the power that lies in being unnoticed.
The Black God’s Drums: an urban fantasy novella, based on Orisha mythology and set in an alternate, sort of steampunk, New Orleans.
The Haunting of Tram Car 015: alternate steampunk Cairo populated by supernatural entities. It has a compelling mystery, starring a great lead.
This Is How You Lose the Time War: epistolary set during a time-travel war, F/F romance and gorgeous prose.
The Citadel of Weeping Pearls: a novella set in the Xuya universe (a series of novellas/short stories set in a timeline where Asia became dominant, and where the space age has empires of Vietnamese and Chinese inspiration), but can be read as a standalone. It’s a space opera featuring a disappeared citadel and the complex relationship between the empress and her daughter as war threatens her empire.
To Be Taught, If Fortunate: an incredibly heartwarming and yet meaningful novella about research and the meaning of it. It’s the tale of 4 astronauts on a crowdfunded mission to explore space, to observe and report without conquering. It’s written in lovely prose and is very casual in its lgbt rep.
The Deep: very good novella set in an underwater society built by the descendants of African slave women that were tossed overboard. It’s not an easy read at all, as it deals with trauma, both personal and generational ones.
Bonus short story collections recs
A Cathedral of Myth and Bone: 16 short stories featuring myth, legend and faith, that mainly focus on women reclaiming their agency.
The Paper Menageries and Other Stories: features plenty of different fantasy and science fiction subgenres. The Paper Menagerie in particular is an extremely moving tale.
Conservation of Shadows: science fiction-fantasy short stories that focus on topics like colonisation and the role of art and language.
Graphic Novel
Monstress: series set in an alt 1900s matriarchal Asia, following a teenage girl who survived a war and shares a connection with a monster that’s slowly transforming her. (TW: slavery, death).
#book rec#book recommendations#adult sff#book list#book recs#science fiction#fantasy#may add more later on rip#also i hope there's no typos lol#also this one will flop skjnkf
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indecision.
it’s the recurring element in my agonising over choosing courses at university, my habitual shaping of the opinions i express to agree with certain people whose affections i’m desperate to keep, my struggle to work out what my art is about, my chaotic approach to deciding what i do day to day, the way i behave in sex, hell even the way so much of my writing simply repeats information without judgement or analysis.
i am finally starting to catch on that having strong opinions - the core of a ‘personality’ - is a skill, that you can practise. i think i have not practised it. i think at every opportunity i have shied away from making a decisive, arbitrary commitment to being a specific thing. in the cases i’ve had no choice but to make a choice, i’ve agonised over it for months, prevaricated, backed down.
i’ve substituted abstract mathematical principles, or a desire for praise or respect from the people i place on pedestals, or this or that model of the correct way to live, or a wish to prove my cleverness, and squashed myself into all sorts of shapes to fit the people around me. and this is an exercise of agency, in some sense: i choose to devote myself to this person and not that one, follow this ethical or aesthetic school and not that one. but it feels less like a choice, to do it this way; i’m following the flow, doing what i ought to, or perhaps subconsciously rebelling by procrastinating and sinking time into something i know to be pointless.
this has gone on for thirty years. some of them were spent in crisis, after university collapsed. eventually i chose a new project, in art. but the same problems return. what do i want to express through art?
steven zapata has said, in many videos, that the core of ‘good’ art is to form strong aesthetic opinions and build a practice around applying them. it doesn’t exactly matter what - just that you believe in them and own them. i think he’s absolutely right. you need to be a specific something, not a vague anything - not just in art but in life in general.
i wonder, could i even have transitioned in less of a situation of feeling like, overwhelming pressure to reject all forms of corrupting maleness? in retrospect, i do see it as a choice, and one i take pride in since it feels like a form of defiance against the systems that rule my life. but at the time, i was so desperately trying to make myself into the form of the ideal of ‘trans life’ i had discovered, expressed in fiction and social media posts by people half a world away who were probably living far less strange and exciting lives than they’d make out. the result was... ‘zeal of the converted’, know-nothing moralism.
again and again, i discover a group of people, study them, assimilate their values, try to live them, preach them... and then it breaks, i get disillusioned and i move on, and find a different ideal. i must always be chasing something.
who am i? what do i want? not “what is it right to want”. i have ended up in a situation where i, at last, really have to define these for myself, instead of being a student, a fan, a cultist, ___’s girlfriend. there are many possible, equally good answers and i have to commit to one.
and i’m finding i don’t know how to do it. the thought - all those alternate possibilities closing off - is still terrifying.
to a certain extent I have adopted a project - chosen to be an artist, an animator, etc. and yet, why? is it because i became enamoured of the sakuga fans and wanted their praise? it seems rather like it. if i’m going to stick this out, i need more than that. i need an internal reason. drawing is fun, but afterwards, i am always racked with anxiety and even shame - about technical skill, sure, but more often about how little it says.
my anxiety about art reflects my anxiety about who i am. if my art is vapid, i say it is because i haven’t suffered enough, or i don’t really have a personality. but if my art is saying something, and of course it is, i don’t really understand it, let alone know how to hone it into a more powerful, definite statement of whatever it is.
(will it change if i ever get on adhd meds? idk. that might never even happen, waiting lists being what they are in this country.)
meds or not, somehow i have to drill down through all those years of indecisive vague shaping myself to other people and made up ideals, and find - or more likely, cultivate - a person under there. i don’t know what that person looks like. i don’t know how to begin. i guess identifying that there is a problem is the first step. but what is the second?
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In ep13 in DAYS, Why do you think TDK was dreaming of MM crying? There has to be a reason right? How can she see a possible future?
Hello!
So, let me tell you in advance, although I work in the discipline of psychology, dream analysis is never my cup of tea (lol) simply because most of its meaning changes overtime.
But either way, since we are here let's do this!
On my short analysis of Episode 13, I gave a bit of what I thought was the reason of TDK dreaming of MM. You can check it here.
But I think I got to elaborate on some parts - since it's short and kind of very straightforward and confusing.
In there, I explained that dreaming of death actually means having a hard time coping up with changes. The thing is that, that change isn't encompassed by whatever we think change is. It actually is the literal change - yes, the one that is constant: change.
TDK does seem to experience a lot of changes throughout the episode doesn't she? She was diagnosed with an aggressive brain cancer (1), then she discovered that her boyfriend was already married (2), her boss was a sexist that always pointed out the disadvantage of her being a woman, a weirdo showing up to her doorstep (Myul Mang), discovering that this weirdo is actually a supernatural being that is the personification of death himself, entering a contract with him, and finally, probably the biggest, is when her memories were all wiped out - leaving her back to zero before meeting Myul Mang.
Of everything mentioned above, she was able to cope up because she had Myul Mang by her side. But what if we remove MM from the story? It's obvious that her mind wouldn't be able to handle the stress. But she got her family with her. That is the point. Instead of being comforted, I bet she feels even more burdened. She can't talk to anyone how she really feels. She can't easily confide to anyone if she feels scared or what. It was way too different when MM was around.
(He might have a nasty personality, but MM really helped TDK cope with accepting her own demise - and now he's gone from her memory)
Take note that she have a reason why she did it. She had a reason and her reason is that (1) she doesn't want him to feel pain when she's gone; and (2) she already knew what he was planning to do and she doesn't want him to disappear -which he eventually did in Episode 14.
Because of this too much things that are happening in her head - plus the unexpected return of MM in her life, it's inevitable that she would experience a great deal of anxiety and stress. And most of these, if not channeled out of the body could manifest themselves as dreams.
Now we're here. Answering a question on why did she dream about MM crying over her funeral.
So let's lay down the things we know before that scene happened.
Flash back, TDK had her memories of MM wiped out; it was together with their initial contract.
TDK met MM in the most unexpected way at the parking lot.
They talked and we realized that the contact was void when we heard her thoughts - he was not supposed to.
Then they renewed the contract.
MM got very curious about TDK after renewing the contract because Sonyeonshin told him that she did not do anything to him but to TDK.
He asked questions - basically interrogated her.
He saw his phone, then probably asked himself "why does he have a phone and why is the wallpaper of my phone a picture of me and that TDK?" It made him a lot more piqued.
Then TDK was informed that after the biopsy, a portion of her hair would be shaved and her hair would start falling down as the chemo and rad therapy starts. So she was advised to shave it off while she still have time.
She went solo. She went to a saloon and styled her hair before asking the stylist to shave her head off.
But even before that happened, her nose bled and she slightly panicked when the stylist panicked; as she was standing up, she suddenly had a dizziness attack and stumbled. MM caught her as she was falling and he brought her back to the hospital.
Now the dream. Okay, if you've read my short interpretation of it then the explanation of the dream should be OK already. As for "why he dreamt of MM specifically?"
Well, in a scientific point of view, it's easy. It's not that she wanted to see MM. It is because MM was the last person she saw. But that is just too boring, tbh. So let's get haphazard and explain it with fun.
I think, her dreaming of MM, is an indication that her mind is trying to piece out together specific events that would possibly happen. It's not foreseeing, dreams oftentimes don't do that - unless you're a psychic. It's an imagination on what could happen given the facts. MM could be a representation of the great deal of people that would mourn her death - now, why not any from her family? Why specifically MM? Because of either: (1) he's the last person she saw. The closest her brain could describe as 'most human', that is. (2) her brain was closely piecing up information about 'someone' and he fit the bill; (3) she's also equally curious of MM that's why her brain was trying to personify him in her subconscious, now using him as the 'model'; (4) Sometimes, the person you see in your dream is a reflection of what you really feels inside. In my own analysis, Sa-ram in her dream is a reflection of what she really feels inside - sad, sorry, and pity to herself that she would die and she cannot do anything.
Could either of the four. Or: (5) even if she forgot about him, his existence has already been engraved in her system. And by the time he popped out in front of her again, it allowed her brain to see a discrepancy on the system and as it tried to bring back the memories she lost, it brought back the thought of MM crying in front of her memorial. That's the power of curiosity. That is also the reason why most amnestic patients have very vivid dreams - their brain is trying to establish a connection of the severed memories.
And for the record, she did not see a possible future. It was her head making up illusions of what could happen in the future given the facts that she knew. Some of the facts that she knew that probably lead to that dream:
She's dying.
She's supposed to die.
This man (MM) is weird, and he's the last guy I saw.
"He's probably no-one but why does he pop out everywhere I go?"
Bonus information from my theory:
Why did she apologize to MM?
She apologized to MM because she saw him crying. And that's because of her funeral for sure.
Because her brain now recognizes MM as the model of the people who would mourn for her, she apologizes to him.
Because most of the dreams are ambiguous, there is a fictional/conspiracy theory that could say that MM in the dream represents TDK's state of mind. She's not coping up with the change she's been to and she was struggling in trying to connect the dots. She's curious of MM but she can't remember who he is. So she was apologizing.
She was apologizing to herself for literally throwing her happiness away. And even is she forgot who Sa-ram is, she knew that she’s unconsciously longing for him. But she can't remember him - so she was apologizing to him.
Why did she apologize to the real world MM?
It was a brief hallucination - a normal hallucination when a person is asleep. It was her still trying to apologize to the made up MM in her brain, without her knowing that she was really apologizing to the real MM.
It could be that even before MM came inside the room, she was already sleep talking: "I'm sorry." It's just that, coincidentally, he was there, holding her hand and since she saw him in her dream, she unconsciously apologized to him too.
By the way, if a nurse was there, she would've done the same. Scientifically, she was still asleep and not awake. She was in the period of transitional state of consciousness between wakefulness and sleep - so technically she was still not on her 100% wakefulness.
I hope I made sense. Lol. It's just, there are a lot of theories popping out and I'm sure most of them are deviating from one another. This is just my opinion of what was happening and others might have different opinions as well.
I just hope I laid mine well enough to be understood.
Thank you for asking, doommate!
#doom at your service#tvn doom at your service#kdrama#kdrama opinions#kdrama theories#seo in guk#park bo young#park bo-young#seo in-guk#tak dong kyung#tak dongkyung#myul mang#tvn#DAYS#doommates
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What are your favorite chinese webnovels? What are some of the differences youve noticed between cnovels and other types of novels?
That second question is really, REALLY interesting, and I really want to answer it well, and I am REALLY sure I’m going to do a bad job of answering it, so let me just noodle about that first question for a minute while I try to think XD
I went through some of my TOP-top favorite novels in more detail yesterday, but generally speaking, mxtx and meatbun are both at the top of the pack. They’re really good at writing compelling main characters and balancing piles of angst with plenty of humor and pulling everything together into a very satisfying ending (which is something I don’t alwaysssss see, even in some of the novels I really like). After them, The Disabled Tyrant’s Pet Palm Fish (transmigration, ancient chinese prince falls in love with pet fish) and Golden Stage (ancient chinese gay arranged marriage between bitter enemies(?)) are two novels that I love a lot, which both have very cute romances and go a bit lighter on the main character suffering front, and which I broadly recommend to anyone who’s interested in the genre. They didn’t end stick the landing QUITE as hard as an svsss or tgcf, but they still were very nice.
Then, let me see. I’m trying to remember which books I’ve read in the last year, and am doing a terrible job, haha. I will say that a book I enjoyed for like... eighty percent of it and then the ending let me down terribly was The Dreamer In The Spring Boudoir (modern day career woman transmigrates into barely-fantasy ancient china novel as the disliked primary wife of a nobleman), which is also the only straight webnovel I’ve read so far. The main character and romance were delightful, but that ending... haha, wow, I felt betrayed. But I did like the first half very much!! I’m idly contemplating a deliberately-partial reread. Then I’m currently like two chapters away from catching up with the current translation of The Wife Is First (ancient chinese prince lives out time travel fixit fic, determined to treat his spouse better this time around). I’m also catching up on Heroic Death System (transmigration, across MANY universes, where the goal is to die heroically in each one, and also maybeeeee to find his boyfriend in each one. this shit gets fucking bananas. in one of them, he emotionally seduces his boyfriend while he’s a dolphin. in another one, he’s a sentient mushroom. i’m in the middle of a section titled ‘I Am An Evil Pen’. yes, like a writing utensil type of pen. this is the weirdest book I’ve read so far). Oh, and Thousand Autumns (righteous sect leader gets sabotaged and loses a fight, wakes up blind and amnesiac, demonic sect leader is like ‘lol i bet i can turn him evil’ and accidentally catches feelings along the way).
What else... I’m keeping up with (but behind on) some others. First, there’s How To Survive As A Villain (modern terminally ill CEO transmigrates into stallion novel, wakes up as villain, accidentally seduces hero). Then, we’ve got Transmigrating Into The Body Of The Heartthrob’s Cannon Fodder Childhood Friend (only modern webnovel I’ve read, young man transmigrates into beginning of gratuitous whump book, back in high school, and is determined to protect the protagonist from all the canonical suffering). Then there’s Pulling Together A Villain Reformation Strategy (guy transmigrates into story as the hero’s childhood friend who will eventually become his enemy and get killed, successfully acts out his part and dies, completely fails to realize he’s broken his friend’s heart in the process... and then wakes up in another character’s body). And then there’s The Villain’s White Lotus Halo (a transmigrator keeps bouncing from universe to universe as a cannon fodder villain, who gets like half a line before being killed. he tries to purchase an upgrade package so he can be a COOL villain instead, but accidentally gets sold a ‘white lotus halo’ package instead, so that no matter what he does, everyone is just DEEPLY moved by his appearance and is positive he did nothing wrong). All of those are EXTREMELY delightful. You may notice a running transmigration theme, which....... yeah, I think there are a TON of delightful stories in the webnovel scene that deal with this genre, which seem so rare in English language media.
Which makes a good transition point to what’s different about the cnovel scene! I’ve seen hardly any transmigration stories in English, and I’ve got a couple go-to examples for when I’m trying to explain it, but like. Only a couple. Which is such a shame! Like, there’s the default idea of ‘I was reading this book and then I woke up inside the book!!’ but it’s clearly such an established genre that people are playing with it in all kinds of interesting ways, like in The Villain’s White Lotus Halo or Heroic Death System setups. It’s kind of wild to me, because it seems like such a gimme for a nice easy story structure? Whatever kind of world you want to present, there’s no need to introduce it to the reader from the ground up, or find a good way to hook them in. Either the main character read the book in question and can explain the premise and why we should care in pov, or the main character is new to the universe too, and trying to find their own footing. I enjoy it a lot! I’ve sampled transmigration books that didn’t grab me, but I’ve sampled way more that did.
And then, the one semi-technical answer I thought of to this question was the way that these novels tend to handle pov. It’s not a hard-and-fast rule that regular novels are restricted to one pov, or that pov can only change at hard breaks in the story, but if I saw a bog-standard american novel glide from pov to pov the way these novels regularly do, I would tend to wonder if it was sloppiness or a mistake, or I would grump to myself about how I don’t like omniscient third person pov. And I still don’t know exactly what I think about this, or why it’s different in here, but I’m pretty sure I like it a lot, especially for stories where the romance tends to play a large part :V
I used to read a lot of Books About Writing, and read plenty of stuff about why you don’t DO this, but.... I like it! In dtppf, Jing-wang can’t talk, and when Li Yu is a fish, he can’t talk, and drifting from one of their perspectives to the other gives me lots of useful information about how they’re both feeling. Could that be conveyed through restricted pov? Maybe! But I’m typesetting the svsss extras right now, and I’m in the bing-ge vs bing-mei section, and we get a few brief flashes of bing-ge’s thoughts, and it’s so NICE. It’s information I would not have otherwise received, because Shen Qingqiu sure wasn’t going to notice it. But early in the story, that pov was withheld from me, which also made sense (or hua cheng’s pov was withheld from me FOREVER, which makes me so sad ;u;). There don’t seem to be any hard and fast rules, which makes me really nervous about writing fic and trying to match the style, but I do like it a lot!
And I’m definitely not able to articulate this in the way that I would like to, or speak with any real authority (I’m not that widely read in the cnovel scene, and i’m not very genre-adventurous in english), but there’s something about the role that the romances play in these stories that’s different from what I’m used to expecting, and it’s VERY tasty to me. I only rarely read romance novels, because I’m not often interested in the romance as a primary plot driver, but the romances in these books play a more substantial role than I’m used to expecting. And I’m into it! It’s a balance closer to what I’d expect from, like, a shippy longform fanfic. Which covers a lot of ground and is NOT a precise measure, but there’s more emotional weight given to the romance than I would expect, but without the romance carrying ALL of the emotional weight, and it strikes a perfect balance for me in a way I’m not used to encountering. Now, some of this could definitely be due to me not finding the right authors, or right subgenres, or whatever. But in the genres I inhabit, it’s a subtle difference, but one I find compelling.
Oh, one last thing. The cultural differences, duh :P I’m only familiar with things like, say, ancient chinese court etiquette through a lens of fan-translated novels like these, and I didn’t grow up steeped in the culture in a way I’m used to the trappings of something like medieval european courts. But there’s a distinct flavor to the social dynamics of these novels, from the formal levels down to the casual, and I know it’s super intricate and detailed and that authors play with differing degrees of historical accuracy vs fictional fun, and I wish I was better equipped to speak to the nature of any of this. But I find it really compelling! I recognize that it’s only new to ME because I didn’t seek out chinese media before now. And, the point that I originally wanted to get to before I got super distracted: the flirting. The flirting and teasing are a very different flavor from what I would expect in most english language media, and I love it, even if I can’t speak to how much of that is purely cultural, and how much of it is like... the conventions of How Fiction Is Written varying by culture, if that makes sense. I adore seeing what flirting and affection and indulgence and attentiveness look like in different settings, and these books, with their heavy romantic focus, absolutely deliver.
#spock replies#long post/#i've read more novels than i thought :p#i thought it wasn't many#but then more kept occurring to me#i've only read a few that i don't recommend period but i've read a lot of good ones#Anonymous
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