#i saw someone else posting abt this and had to see for myself

[bellassoblr]

geez, i guess these horses don't like jumping

#i saw someone else posting abt this and had to see for myself #i am crying #ssoblr #star stable #sso #star stable online #starstableonline #star unstable

[vote2]

i do acknowledge i need to watch what i say wrt gender women men cis ppl etc just augh.

#its like. im a trans man 100% i want nothing to do w being seen as a women i acknowledge that. i also acknowledge that I am putting #literally zero effort in my irl life to present as a guy at all. partially lack of resources and embarrassment etc stuff like that partiall #the autism i literally look in a mirror and see a guy #and i go to class go to work and until soemone explicitally refers to me as a woman i think of myself as a guy. so like its this weird #disconnect of what i actually do vs what i percieve as expieriencing in my daily life where i am objectively living #as a cis woman who just dresses and acts a bit masc. lol. #and like that doesnt bother me atm until i get to a setting where i am gendered frequently. then i feel nauseas etc but whatever ill deal #so i always hesitate whenever i talk abt women feminism men makeup beauty expectations etc (also i am mixed thai and white which #def plays into everyhting ofc ofc) as i dont know rly what is like. not fine idc if i say smthn uncouth just i dont want to at all #seem like im doing what these other trans guys do and latch onto my femininity and 'girlhood growing up' etc or like #its all dumb to me ofc im a feminist i consider anything i speak abt feminism free the nipple being against gender essiantialism etc etc #as in feminism (not that women arent/cant be femnists just in terms of im not trying to sound like a woman) and #ofc growing up as and my current life experiences have obvi had a large impact on myself how i veiw the world my political beliefs and all. #but like. im always scared it sounds like im idr the phrase someone else used but a i dont want to seem like im latching onto girlhood as #a failsafe or whatever. its just mm ykwim its a weird feeling. cause like im a 21 year old man and read my posts as such el oh el. #idk its all weird and idk if its a specific to me thing or whattttt it just like. i feel silly sometimes and i dont want my points to be #misconstrued :) anyways me posting this after rewatching and posting abt pearl has nothign to do genuinly lmfao just timing its been #on my mind after that dumbass trans guy posting abt the lonelyness he feels abt abandoning womanhood #after watching barbie. lol and then i saw someone in the comments of some ig quote it w like 30 replies all positive like get a lifeee #i understand it can feel isolating being trans and everyones relationship back to womanhood is diff and complecated but by god. shut up #anywayyyyyssss mmm okay im done whateverr #maybe all a fear in my head and literally none of this has every crossed anyones mind however it bothers me :(

[fleshdyke]

ahsgsjaugejwjg

#sh/sui warning for tags #been having a shit day and just not feeling great overall and usually drinking water and eating helps but it hasnt today :/ #which means its an Actual Problem this time. like i knew it was an actual problem when i fucking cut AGAIN but idk #idk man. im just so so so scared of my friends hating me #and i know i have to see my partner again bc she is the one and only person that never ever makes me feel safe and unjudged and everything #but idk. as of right now im just not havin a great time. #like its actually so stupid the things i get upset about. there was some motivational speaker at my school today and when we got called down #to go watch the presentation i had to take like five seconds to grab my bag and phone from my desk #and my two friends got up and left together without waiting for me #and i know it wasn’t their intention and they weren’t trying to be mean or anything but man. doesnt make it hurt less yk. #and i saw some post from a guy in my school of him and his friends in the cafeteria and idk why but it made me so sad. it made me think abt #one time my friends said they wanted to walk around at lunch so i was like ok i’ll eat alone that’s fine bc i’m too disabled to walk around #the school. and then someone sent me a pic of them all eating together in the cafeteria. and i know they probably just stopped there for a #second and weren’t purposely ignoring me or anything but man that did not help yk #i want to leave them alone bc they never seem to want to talk to me but im trying to tell myself its just my mind but its so hard to #and i do love my friends and im making them seem a lot worse here than they are but its just. god im so scared. #idk. i dont actually want to die but i wish i could kms like. temporarily. #i know this is bad and manipulative but i just cant shake the want to know what would happen if i did yk. and this is a terrible train of #thought but like i want my friends to realize how scared this makes me and if i have to kms to do that. idk. #ive brought it up to them before and they pretty much told me to eat with someone else and i said i didnt have any other friends and they #kind of just said not my problem. so i dont want to bring it up again bc im mature enough to deal with my own issues and shit #it’s just hard man. i dont know how im supposed to communicate w them bc everything feels like im traumadumping on them and i dont want to #bother them. im trying to convince myself its not an issue and it doesnt actually bother me but i know it does bc i just fucking relapsed #and i had a city council thing in class today and i was the only person that was denied any funding at all and i was trying not to take it #personally and i was doing pretty good but i told my mom about it and she started defending the ppl that refused me anything and then it was #suddenly personal to me for some reason. its stupid and i know that but god that doesnt make it any better #rambles #vent

[twistedastrology]

♋cancers and rage♋

-------------------------------------------------

i just did a workout because i had way too much energy today and now im exhausted so im gonna talk abt sumn im very passionate abt while i sit on the floor and recover 😮‍💨

- 🌙 -

a pretty big observation ive made since ive been into astrology and more specifically since ive been basically reinventing it in my head is that cancers, especially cancer risings/cancer mars, have a VERY misunderstood relationship with anger.

most people ive seen have said something along the lines of cancers are crybabies and they tend to cry when they're angry or just skip anger altogether and go to the depression side of things

personally, im a cancer rising with mars conjunct my ascendant (and ofc saturn in my 1st 💞💞) and i have NEVER found this to be the case, and other cancer risings i know don't follow those stereotypes either

- ♈ -

in my experience, imagine a combination of aries energy and capricorn energy, THAT'S what cancers embody when it comes to emotion, especially rage.

i've written an entire newsletter on this and made a whole instagram post for it over at @bluedashercrafts (they're not on tumblr yet but the link takes u to their instagram!!) so i have indeed thought very in depth about this 😮‍💨

cancers can blow up like aries, but they can hold a grudge like capricorn- and if you're me and you have saturn in your 1st (in fixed fire btw 😮‍💨), you'll lean more towards the capricorn side of things in any emotion.

i personally have a massive tendency to bottle up the pain (andrageandfearthatifeeltHEPAINANDR-) until im in a safe environment to get it out (aka being alone with my earbuds in and music blasting) OR until i can't hold it in anymore and the steam gets so high pressured that it blows the lid off the fucking pot- that's when i gotta run away and isolate myself and do a workout ASAP otherwise i will likely hurt myself because there's just So Much Energy

- ♑ -

i wanna bring a couple other examples to the table so you get a better idea of what im talkin abt here-

if you're a korn enjoyer like me, you'll know the My Gift To You - Woodstock '99 performance. well the first time i saw that and it got to the "I HATE YOU- CAN'T YOU FEEL TEH PAAIN-" part, my fucking jaw dropped and i almost cried because i could not believe that i was seeing someone else exhibit the same like- Pure Unbridled Rage that i experience all the time- the kind of visceral emotion that literally makes you flail around on stage and then bang the microphone against it like 3+ times because you're trying to come back to reality like jonathan davis was-

THAT is the level I'm talking about- that is the level that is very specific to cancer placements, specifically cancer risings and cancer mars (and his mars is in a cancer degree of scorpio, so there you go)

another more well-known example would be Markiplier! if you've seen his rage game playthroughs, you'll know he throws chairs and mouses and just generally gets pissed to an ungodly extent- he's a cancer rising with his venus and sun in cancer and his mars in leo.

- 🌓 -

cancers are NOT the signs that break down crying when they experience anger, they are the ones that feel their blood boil more than aries does.

for another good example, my best friend has his mars and venus both in aries, but he's another cancer rising- whenever he gets angry, he gets VERY angry, but he doesn't have the saturn influence that i do, so his anger is much more aries-like (short fuse, louder about it and it doesn't last as long- his is more like the classic interpretation of anger issues), whereas mine is MUCH more capricorn-like (LONG fuse, WAY quieter about it but god forbid it gets loud, and it Can last a very long time)

- 🪐 -

now you might wanna ask me "why the hell do you keep saying aries and capricorn specifically", well i just explained that im not gonna lie BUT-

cancers are very aries-like because they're the CARDINAL water sign, and cardinal signs are basically just fire-coded whatever element they are- (aries is double fire, capricorn is fire-coded earth, libra is fire-coded air, and cancer is fire-coded water)

and with aries being the fire-coded fire sign, it's essentially capricorn is aries-coded earth- THAT'S why cancers can be VERY similar to aries.

as for capricorn, cancers are the sister sign to capricorn, so they'll share similar traits despite being on opposite sides of the wheel. PLUS, where fire burns itself out very quickly, water doesn't really dry out very quickly especially if there's a lot of it.

- 🌑 -

this is really just part 1 when it comes to my reinvention of cancers- ill cover their relationship with sex as opposed to scorpios in another post because i really wanna delve more into that BUT!!!

if you want more of a well-put-together post on this, go check out the ig post and newsletter i did for blue dasher crafts!!! i also dived a little more into my personal experience with the anger and catharsis i go thru being a cancer rising/mars so!!

#astrology #cancer zodiac #markiplier #korn #astrologer #astro observations #zodiac #zodiac signs #cancer rising #mars #saturn

[straycalamities]

Oh my okay I've got several... no I've got plenty of questions abt Truffula Flu lol

So... I'll ask all I remembered I wanted to ask, I hope it won't be too much..

1. Why guns aren't allowed in camp Entre? Maybe I skipped few posts, but I didn't see explanation for this one

2. About zombie mutations. Is they're really become stronger or is it just Rocky and Entre become weaker cuz of their illnesses?

3. Swags mod said that Swag would probably leave camp and die somewhere in quite place, while trying to survive. Why would he leave people that he cares about? Im a little bit dumb and don't exactly understand his planned ending 8(

4. There was a moment when One-ler tried to convince Bitter to put him out of his misery, but he escaped that. And I was curious, if he actually killed him then, would Entre blame himself for that? And if so, would it be worse then he blamed himself when he killed Bitter by his own hands?

5. After Rockys planned death, would Swag blame Entre for this? I mean, emotionally shocked, blame him again about this apocalypse stuff, that Rocky wouldn't die if he wasn't infected and etc.

I hope I made myself clear cuz I dunno how to put some questions ughh😭😭

And again Im sorry if its too much questions!

PHEW THAT IS A CHUNKY LIST. i love it

1. guns are loud and the infected are drawn to loud noises so if you shot a gun you’d be ringing the dinner bell basically. i feel like maybe we touched on it directly? but if i’m wrong it’s probably bc it’s a common thing brought up in zombie apocalypse stories so we might’ve assumed ppl just Knew why none of them used or wanted to use a gun

2. they do become stronger! i actually have a whole list of mutations (and more can be added as ppl come up with them! it’s open lore basically)

i made a whole google doc explaining the actual truffula flu and the symptoms, risks, etc (content warning for if you’re sensitive to medical discussion?? i don’t know how to word it but i wrote it like ur typical online disease info page. also content warning for zombies bc. it’s entirely abt zombification.)

rocky and entre being weakened definitely didn’t help their situation but yes. it’s mainly bc the spiky zombie is faster and stronger than ur typical sort

3. this is kinda hard for me to answer bc i’m not the one who originally wrote it. i don’t rly know why it was planned for it to go like that. i guess out of irony? i know the original plan was for swag to be the sole survivor at the end, but that kinda clashed w other plans so it was changed. so maybe this was the compromise to that

i will say tho that. things had been discussed since that post was made and his story goes differently than was broadcasted. howso? you’ll just have to see :)

4. yes, entre still would’ve blamed himself because ultimately: this is all his fault. regardless of who dies how or where. they wouldn’t be in that situation if it weren’t for him. especially if it’s connected directly with the infection. especially if it’s right in front of him where he can’t ignore it

he wouldn’t have been AS devastated by bitters death if he weren’t the one that had to kill him tho, because the thing is: that was the first time entre had directly killed someone who was still “alive” (unless i’m forgetting some obscure shit i did or said idk it’s been over a decade) and not only that, it was someone who was still his friend despite what he’d done? and even more layers: he had worked so hard to get bitter to come out of his shell prior to the infection and actually be his friend and then this happens. and he has to be the one to end it. bc he was pressured into it

so honestly entres descent into immense self-loathing and all that would have been Very different from how we saw it if someone else had taken care of bitter

5. nah i don’t think swag would’ve like actively started pointing fingers at entre again at that point. like deep deep down swag can’t ignore that this IS entre’s fault and this WOULDNT have happened if not for his mistake, but…swag realizes in the story that it’s not gonna get them anywhere if he keeps holding on so hard to those facts. like if he keeps berating and belittling entre as payback for everything what’s actually gonna get better for that? nothing. all it does is give him temporary catharsis and even that gets cheaper and lasts less time every time he does it

entre wants to fix things so earnestly and tries and swag sees that and wants to help because obviously he also would like this to be undone or at least, cured. and they can’t help each other if they’re at odds. and so even if it’s really hard on him to lose rocky like that, i think at that point it’s just chalked up to “this bitch of a situation” and not “entre did this”

not forgetting the fact that at that point, entre is going to mean a LOT to him because of how their relationship has deepened. so he’s not gonna turn on one of the only ppl he has left

thank you for the questions!! 😊

#durachokmp3 #asks #truffula flu #entre #swag #survivialswag

[blee-bleep]

Hello, I’m fairly new (you have a lot of talent, you make wonderful art) but I just saw your post about your grandma. I’m very sorry for your loss. Grief is a very difficult thing and can be very confusing when you lose someone you had a bad relationship with. I was once in such a situation too. I don’t know how it was with your grandma, but I hated that person so much. And when they left… I missed them and I didn’t understand why. After all the things they did… after everything they caused… I still cared about them. I even felt guilty. How could I care about someone like that? I used to get angry at myself every time I grieved, every time I cried. Don’t make my mistake. When we lose someone, no matter how they influenced our lives, there’s an impact. After all, they were still a part of my life, a part of my world. They were a loved one. A member of my family. It changes a lot. And after all, I knew deep down, they still had some good in their heart. After everything… they didn’t deserve to die. And maybe, the thing I missed most was the relationship I wished I had with them.

It was very hard for me to move on. To let go. And I think this is mostly because I didn’t understand that I needed to forgive them. I kept holding on to this pent up feeling of hatred. This anger. But I should have forgiven them for everything they had done. Because forgiveness doesn’t excuse their behaviour. It most certainly doesn’t justify it. It doesn’t mean what they did was okay. Forgiveness is taking the knife out of your own back and not using it to hurt anyone else. Forgive them not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace. You deserve to be able to let go. Forgiveness prevents their behaviour from destroying your heart. If you haven’t already, I think you should think about this.

And in the end, we shouldn’t see death as a bad thing, as when someone passes away, it creates another beautiful life. Like flowers dying in the winter, making place for beautiful flowers to blossom in the spring. That is, the merry-go-round of life. 

I hope you have someone to help you through these difficult times. And remind yourself that it is okay to grieve. It just shows that you have a good heart. I don’t know how it is for you right now but I hope I helped at least a little bit. Take care!

Oh and, life has many different chapters. Don’t let one bad chapter close the book.

-Sorry for the long text and all-

Thank you for this ask. i rlly needed to read it, especially abt the knife metaphor. I didnt live with my grandma as close as my other family members were but I still grew up with her, and her image is everywhere in my family (literally, my grandpa's genes are basically nonexistent). so its really hard to process how to grieve for someone you had a bad relationship with. her death esp impacted my parents and aunts, and there's a certain tension between them now.

for me, Im still learning to forgive and learn how to live without her, but rn its the guilt of not building a happier relationship with her im angry about because after all this time, she is still my grandma. this doesnt mean it justifies the horrible shit she said and done (and shes over 90!), but i feel like i can't make peace with myself when we heard that she finally passed. so thank u for your reassurance through this message. grief is truly hard

[copper-skulls]

And lo and behold, as he straightened, he saw a glimpse of something a little odd in the treetops. Someone odd, perhaps.

Wing was nestled on a branch that definitely didn't seem thick enough to support him properly (though the skeleton and physics apparently disagreed), open book forgotten as he stared off towards the town square, gaze distant.

He made his way closer, not raising his voice than he absolutely needed to. "You want to dance."

Nothing.

"Wing." Gosh, he was somewhere else, truly. "Wing. Hey, Wing."

Finally, the skeleton startled in the funny little way he did when woken up, barely moving but visibly skipping a breath or two as his eye lights shone much brighter for a blink. Then they landed on him, and surprise gave way to confusion. "Grillby," he signed sheepishly few awkward moments later.

"Mind coming down. I can barely see you."

Wing facepalmed, knocking the book off his lap in the motion, and then it was a mad scramble of panicked movement at the end of which the skeleton somehow stood safe and unharmed on the ground, book safely stashed away in his unsafe inventory. How he managed things like that, Grillby had no idea.

"You want to dance?" He motioned towards the town square. At that, Wing brightened up, catching on what was wanted of him, before very quickly deflating.

"If I knew how, yes," he ended the sentence with a vague apologetic motion, looking off to the side "I've never danced before."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I… never had had anyone to dance with?" He shrugged. Not even barely convincingly casually.

Maybe he was shy that he didn't have a date? "Not even with a friend?" Oh sh— Grillby regretted that question the moment he finished it. Congratulations! You just made the lonely skeleton feel even worse. "Would you like to?"

Wing stared at the offered hand, jaw slightly ajar. Great save. Totally.

-----

hiii it has been three years since I've posted the first chapter of Two Deaths today and I'm not here lmao. Remember how I wanted to make a bigger drawing for this? Then I proceeded to get all weird abt drawing stuff for myself that took more than an evening for over a month straight and I'm still not quite recovered from that so that fell through. so I tried to get a cute writing wip out. It is now about halfway written and needs editing I don't have the brain for right now. So you get both a rough drawing and a rough bit of writing.

if you poke me around the 20th there's a high chance this is like actually semi-finished and just needs to get re-typed. so uh

god i've been writing td for three years. here's to TD quite possibly seeing me get a title or two before I finish it lmao

#THIS IS SCHEDULED I AM NOT HERE #dates shifted this year and I'm still being besieged by either spiders or slugs and DEFINITELY about a dozen of kids #two deaths related drawings #rough #grillby #gaster #undertale #fanart #traditional art #excuse all awkward english i've been listening to lots of british and one flavour of american english AND re-read hellraising #so my english is. soup. and I do not have the energy to re-read to see if I've done anything weird in this one

[mausolealdrift]

Do you have a deathgasm notp??? Sincerely, a canon zakk/Medina was a fucking cosmic fuck up incident truther

oh you’re absolutely right i have So many thoughts about this. sorry this took me forever to answer i needed to collect all of my thoughts together and all of that i am Normal about Characters

so like . for obvious reasons the thought of ppl genuinely shipping zakk and medina as in like……… thinking theyd actually be good together or smthn is a fucking insane idea and im So very glad ive only seen maybe one person say some shit like that. (which like. honestly im starting to think i might have imagined the post in my head just to make myself mad bc i havent been able to find it since ??? but i SWEAR i saw someone shipping them once .) the two of em actually being in a relationship would just be. Awful and unhealthy for both of them

(and yeah zakk and brodie arent exactly healthy for each other either . but in the sense that they both make each other Worse yet neither of them can stay away from the other even if they want to etc etc. which is actually sexy and not just . y’know)

but anyway . yeah Definitely a cosmic fuck up. medina deserves better than that :( like she’s been objectified and treated like shit by pretty much every guy who looks her way and then zakk lies to her abt the one guy who actually respects her to manipulate her into hooking up w him. give her a BREAK

but as much as it was The dick move of the century i think zakk had his reasons for it aside from just boredom. Obviously this is all very much my personal and extremely biased interpretation etc. but i think it was out of frustration more than anything else because he just can’t fucking cope with having feelings for brodie. regardless of whether you see those feelings as romantic or not he Cares too much about him. and he doesn’t know how to handle that so he takes his anger and frustration out on medina in such a spiteful and destructive way because it’s all he knows how to do. and whether he knows why or not, the idea of brodie getting closer with medina bothers him so so deeply – enough for him to try and sabotage their relationship at every chance he gets (and then later trying to keep them apart to stop brodie finding out what he did because he doesn’t want to lose him) under the guise of just being bored or only caring about himself.

and i really don’t think there’s much of a possibility that he did it because he was into her, or jealous of brodie, or anything like that. zakk never showed interest in her at all until then (i.e. when she made a move to try and get closer with brodie) and just….. seemed generally pretty indifferent to her otherwise. if he really wanted to then he could’ve made a move before, but he didn’t.

he purposefully did something that he knew would hurt them both if they (inevitably) found out, maybe not because he genuinely wanted to hurt them but because he’s reckless and destructive in nature, (and maybe a little bit stupid sometimes), and just doesn’t know how else to handle or comprehend his feelings other than to take it out on other people.

i think a lot of the dickhead-ish shit zakk does in the movie seems kind of random and thoughtless and it’s difficult to unpick what his motivations are for the things he does aside from just ‘because’, but a lot of it starts to make a lot more sense when you see it as a result of him caring about brodie far more than he wants to, and not knowing how to handle it. he seems so cruel and uncaring, and he definitely wants to be seen that way, but i think he cares deeper than anyone else in his own (kind of incomprehensible) way. and yeah, it’s still shitty and selfish and fucked up, and he still took advantage of medina and used her regardless of why, but i dunno. i think the reasons for it were a lot more complex than he let on.

(again, maybe i’m reading too much into it all and he is just a fucking cunt who just did shitty things for no reason, but the fact that he still came back for brodie after everything, despite how mad he was, even though it led to him dying in the end, is more than enough to show that he really does care too much for his own good.)

so yeah uh. i don’t fucking know how this went from ‘yeah i think zakk/medina sucks’ to a full-on analysis of zakk. But i dont care actually i love being fucking insufferable about this stupid movie <3

sorry for the massive fucking wordvomit im tortured by the curse of Thinking about characters

#deathgasm #jesus christ i did not mean to write this much #i didnt proofread this sorry if it’s repetitive or just. straight up doesn’t make sense LMAO

[inquisitoradaar]

feel like i need to elaborate on musics love shape. long post ahead bc god there is so much explaining that needs to be done here. the situation is Intricate and Dire. also spoilers for balding gate or whatever

i went in without any idea who i was gonna romance but then i met gale and was like ok. i think this is the guy. and had made up my mind on it until wylls introduction where i was like oh fuck hes so hot but i couldnt change my mind id already promised myself id romance gale.

anyways. the party ends up being music + shadowheart + gale + wyll for a while. this is not because of preference but bc i literally managed to miss astarion (i went to the bottom of the hill hes on and then said out loud to myself 'nothing else here' and went back in the nautiloid.) and lae'zel (saw the two tieflings that caught her but didnt see the cage and decided to avoid conflict). i eventually swap out shadowheart for karlach when i meet her (it was besties at first sight for me) and then get told by some friends who r also playing that im a fucking dumbass and completely missed astarion and lae'zel (id already saved the grove by this point so LMAO)

i go back to the crash site, grab astarion, then use a scroll of revivify on lae'zel bc shes dead in the mountain pass (whoops). theyve both missed literally everything. i go to camp and astarion immediately reveals to music that he is a vampire. awesome. theyre also both charlatans which is a lil funny to me. i add neither of them to my party bc by this point im extremely attached to gale wyll and karlach and music has rlly high approval w all three of them.

now in truth the love shape was already in the equation bc gale is still not over mystra. music is unclear as to whether or not this affection is still reciprocated on mystras part (and tbh so am i . i havent finished act 2 yet ok) but when they shared a Moment in the weave gale enjoyed it so clearly thats also happening. so we have a love triangle going on. this is fine and manageable even if music is not a big fan of the whole the-guy-im-into-has-a-bomb-in-his-chest-bc-of-his-ex-who-he-still-loves thing.

we get to the underdark. i have a long rest. astarion has smth to say. in-game it has been two days since i finally grabbed him from the crash site (has he just been waiting that entire time for someone to walk down that path so he could stab them?). cutscene plays out, he wants music to tell him hes pretty, music responds w 'gales more my type', and astarion makes a comment abt how hell have to work on himself if hes to 'catch up w the competition' um?

so the love triangle is now a sort-of love square. could be just a lil silly fun joke and i think of it as such (at least when ignoring the meta (thats another story)) until i get to act 2 and have a long rest in the shadow-cursed lands. and astarion says to music smth like 'were kindred souls, were walking down the same path, we should take over the absolutist cult and rule the world together' WHAT IS HAPPENING. what coded declaration of love bullshit is this. music and astarion barely even know each other.

so, great, love triangle is now officially a partially unreciprocated love square. but then. but THEN. to make matters WORSE for ME PERSONALLY. having another long rest in the shadow-cursed lands and a cutscene starts to play. wyll is dancing and so music joins in (naturally, theyre best friends w wyll (literally, they have maximum approval from him) and a BARD) and then things start getting. quote. "intimate" and i go oh no i have to put a stop to this bc things have started getting more serious w gale. and when i tell wyll that they should both step away from this he looked so genuinely heartbroken it made me feel so horrifically sad.

so the partially unreciprocated love square is now. even worse. a love shape of no real design. with music, some random loser tiefling bard charlatan in the middle of it all. gods help them

#🍕 mikeys musings #only way it could get any worse is if someone else decided they Also had the hots for music. but the other 3 companions all seem- #perfectly fine being nothing more than friends w them so hopefully. HOPEFULLY. the shape wont get any worse

[torchiiko]

YOU THERE

GIVE ME KINGER HEADCANONS. FOR SCIENCE

UEWAGH IDK I DONT HAVE INTELLIGENT THOUGHTS ABT HIM ummmm

im inclined to agree that his body isnt very comfortable for hugs but id like to argue his hands would probably be warm since they arent Wood. softer too but probably has a fabric texture

gangle kinger friendship is so so real to me just based on how ready they were to play rock-paper-scissors for rescuing zooble. i think she shows him her art :)

speaking of its also rlly cute that he was excited to go save zooble & that he was so relieved they were ok,,, he definitely cares abt the others id like to see him interact with everyone more

i had a post drafted abt this but it didnt rlly go anywhere But he definitely knows more than he lets on. i cant quite decide if he might be playing up his mental issues To an extent to hide what he knows or if hes 100% just like that, but jaxs comment after kinger lore drops abt how digital food works makes me think kinger doesnt let that knowledge slip very often. being there the longest (of the main cast if not ever) means hes had plenty of time to pick up on how the digital world works

theres also the theory that kinger knew kaufmo had likely abstracted, which is why he declined to go check on him. kinger probably does recognize the warning signs & he drew a parallel with kaufmos obsession with exits to pomnis insistence that she saw one. a way of warning her maybe? dare i say... foreshadowing...?

i think hes unlikely to abstract any time soon. hes made it this long even with the potential loss of a lover & who knows how many friends, itd take a Lot to break him at this point. i think i mentioned this in a kingspring post somewhere but i also think that, despite these losses, kinger doesnt close himself off to forming new relationships & befriending ppl. there mightve even been a time where he Didnt try to befriend someone before they abstracted & he regretted it

theyre all pretty animated given the stylistic choices but i like to think kinger especially talks with his hands ,,, i also like to think he fidgets with his hands now & then, the way he drummed his fingers together in the gloink queen scene,,,,

i kind of agree with the idea kinger was moreso playing into his role as royalty to appease the gloink queen than him actually believing it himself, but i wouldnt be surprised if hes been there so long hes just like "ok yeah im a king." well have to see if he references it again in other contexts

i think hes more jumpy than downright a coward? he tends to flinch a lot & thats usually from being startled, but no one was Afraid of the gloink queen at all. he didnt panic until a real threat like abstracted kaufmo showed up, & he was the one to alert caine abt the situation. he might react differently in later episodes tho

lots of ppl theorize his mentions of an insect collection relate to him potentially working on the game theyre all stuck in & looking for bugs in the code & i think thats very cool but also i think he should be an entomologist :) you can always trust a man who likes bugs ok!!! i bet he was into bug taxidermy i forgot what its called. pinning? when you put them up in the display frames?? i think he probably did that too

half of me wants to say he & queenie werent even dating... ik its a very very popular fan interpretation tho so im hesitant to go against the idea. i do think it brings up an interesting concept tho,, do ppl who get sent to the circus at the same time share a theme, assuming they even joined at the same time? what determines a persons digital body? why were they so similar?

he is sooo in love with flicker <3 (/j.... unless?)

ok thats all i got 4 now u.u iirc someone else asked abt my hcs so i tried not 2 repeat myself too much xp

#most of tha time hes just spinning around in my head #ask :) #the gift menace 🎨 #ramble #👑 king of my heart - kinger 👑

[the-one-who-lambs]

🐑🐑🐑 (3) (for the fic ask thingy in case this confuses u lmao)

3. What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer?

This is... a long one. TL;DR: It took me a while but I finally, actually internalized that I don't need to set goalposts for myself and consistently move them.

Story's gonna get vulnerable and involve a few other people too. Many of y'all probably saw me go through a whole character arc but I've never really talked about how I felt about this (aside from a couple close friends).

Around July/August, I noticed my readership going down because I had just finished a big writing project and I was moving on to other stuff/trying to figure out what my next big thing was gonna be. I have always always written for myself but ngl, getting lots of consistent engagement and then suddenly not as much anymore made me wonder if I was doing something wrong, if the quality of my works were going down. I vented to a group of friends (including you lmao sorry Juliet) about it and they were like "chill it's the beginning of the semester and people are getting rly busy it's ok" and I was like "yeah makes sense" but nope, I had just plateaued and was dropping off a little for a couple months.

Around the same time, I posted about reaching some sort of milestone and got an anon (maybe well intentioned but it seemed kinda backhanded) that basically said "oh if you ACTUALLY have that many reads that makes you the most popular writer in the cotl fandom. I'm gonna place u above everyone else due to this metric I just kinda invented." And once I noticed my readership had stopped growing and just kinda leveled off/dropped a little bit it made me anxious. Sadly, "keeping others interested" with my writing wasn't really a concern of mine until this started bothering me

I did know that recognition was not the same thing as talent but silly perfectionist brain thought "oough you're the exception btw. you're just not interesting anymore and therefore you're probably not as good anymore lol"

Anyway. October rolls around. I start getting some asks comparing my writing to bamsara's, starting with them mentioning little details that sound very similar but realistically are coincidences because sometimes multiple writers see a theme/motif and we all start chewing it. Anyway, it's obvious that anon is just trying to start shit. Maybe they saw how I'd been kinda beating myself up abt my writing for a little while and tried to make me jealous of them. I don't know. It's probably not worth trying to understand tbh. I just delete the asks. I keep anons on just in case there's a genuine concern.

at this point I'm gonna interrupt to say EVERYTHING TURNS OUT OK I PROMISE and I'm not tagging you in case it's a sore spot but Sara if you're reading this I'm literally so sorry that me learning the lesson I got out of this involved you getting these nasty messages too.

Bam posts something kinda vague about how they get compared to some writers they've never read before. I hope this is a coincidence but alarm bells are going off and I keep this to myself.

Anon keeps doing this every once in a while for a few weeks; at first it looks like anon is accusing bamsara of copying me (???? like i said, we're just exploiting similar themes) and then it starts turning into basically "they're doing everything you're doing but better." Bam obviously hadn't done anything wrong, so I keep supporting them as I do the other writers in the fandom. Eventually the anon gets kinda pissy that I'm not envious or trying to tear someone else down or whatever. I've kept this mostly to myself and they don't like that.

So when they send an ask in mid-November and this had been going on for a few weeks I finally answer an ask to tell them to shut the hell up (gracefully) and then I forget about it and go to sleep. Wake up the next morning and uhhh. See Bam feels like shit because they got a really scathing message. Comments say it happened during a stream and I check it to see if it's the same anon and it is. Fuck on a stick. I literally burn myself out with anger over the next two days until I donate to their kofi as a peace agreement. They reach out and apologize for something they didn't do and it takes me until now to realize that literally nothing I have worried about over the past few months matters at all.

Anyway. It all turns out fine because we become mutuals and hype each other up. Kicker is, whoever it was forgot to turn off anon in Bam's askbox so we got to block them and I'm pretty sure they deactivated too lmao. I reached out to a bunch of writer friends and checked in with them to violently spread positivity and I've been trying to violently spread positivity as much ever since. Yay. Happy ending but sucks that this had to happen for me to crush my anxiety. Bam and I are buddies now and I've also befriended many more writers since, too. cotl writers we are unionizing.

#hannah's rambles #Well.

[buniyaad]

I’ve seen your post abt injustice and Jon Kent and Ultraman and do you really ally think that the writers would have gone as far as to make Jon an SA survivor? I’m pretty sure that’s way too dark for modern DC, the backlash would have been immense.

i think the writers ARE implying it though, despite whatever censorship guidelines are in place. i myself didn’t think bendis’ initial write-up would stick because it’s just too open-ended. a grown man kidnaps a child and sticks him into a volcano only he has access to, to do what? that’s a fair question to ponder bc the storytelling with jon post-volcano in the bendis run reads more like a war veteran returning home than anything else. we just never saw WHAT kind of war jon was fighting.

there have been multiple openings since bendis left for editorial to undo what he first kicked off. both phillip kennedy johnson and tom taylor had a chance to retcon or take the story in a different direction, but didn’t. instead, kennedy johnson used jon’s desperation not to lose his daddy to fuel clark’s own manpain. taylor then went ahead and doubled down on bendis’s initial tidbits about the emotional and physical abuse, and then developed it more towards an emotionally incestuous dynamic where ultraman’s key method of abuse was using jon as therapy dog. lots of fancanon depicts ultraman grooming him into a mini soldier or torturing him for a reaction, but we don’t see that with bendis, kennedy johnson, OR taylor. if anything, it’s pretty consistent since the initial age-up to now that ultraman’s core driver with jon is his desire to own him, and using emotional, physical, and sexual violence isn’t really off-brand with someone like kal il. jon, in return, is obsessive about his parents bc of the trauma he’s carrying.

then, in aosjk, taylor went about as close to a confirmation as i think we’ll ever get about his abuse because ultraman once again had no desire to groom jon into a monster to sic him on our superman. his desire was to take him back to the volcano and play with him, which is about as close to an implicit rape threat as anyone’s ever gonna get because because you’re probably right. i don’t think editorial would ever have anyone outright SAY jon was a victim of child sex abuse, because i don’t think anyone in editorial really cares about his character enough to explore it.

but i do appreciate how writers were at least able to hold the strings together from bendis until now to at least close out the ultraman angle by showing his obsession with jon really wasn’t about our clark anymore.

and to be honest…. any backlash from the readership would only really happen if people were reading lol, but i have noticed upon my return to this company that uh….. they don’t be opening them books 😂😂😂 i mean if they were, there might have been a fair attempt to read jon’s current characterization as the actions of someone suffering from the trauma of sexual abuse without any closure. they wouldn’t be calling him a fascist just for hugging injustice!superman. nuance and context are key, but if readers aint reading, then dumb shit will continue to make waves versus the truly nuanced shit.

you see a lot of cryin about how baby jon was a better character, but like, a nepobaby paired with another nepobaby having nepobaby adventures is gonna be WAY more easy to relate to and project into than a story about some guy being beaten, choked, and threatened to be taken back to his childhood prison by his childhood rapist. that’s hard shit to read. do i wish anyone but tom taylor was writing it? yes, but beggars can’t be choosers 😂

but to be fair, i’ve only been back on dc comics for like seven months after almost a ten year hiatus. the last mainline book i read was new 52 rhato, which killed my interest for good. if the books since then have really been as hollow and neutered as you imply, then there’s no hope for this company bouncing back ever. i still got years of content to read since new 52 began, so you might be right! comic codes authority 2: electric boogaloo, we back baybey! 😂😂😂

#jon kent #ultraman #dc comics #brian michael bendis #phillip kennedy johnson #tom taylor #real talk #superman #clark kent

[wakanai]

Ok ok, i want to do a little interview with you as well

How long have you been in the bsd fandom?

Who is your favorite character in bsd?

What other anime do you like/is your favourite?

Quick! Your favourite character ever(name them) is held at gunpoint and you need to sing a song you love word for word or they die. Which song do you choose?

Whats something you would never want to change about yourself, no matter how much time passes?

Answer however you like or dont answer at all, no pressure <3

OH MY - HIT ME IN THE HEAD W THE PERSONAL QUESTIONS SKDKS

alr 😭✌️

I've been in the bsd fandom since...2018/2019 I think. I started with the anime. I remember being so early that at that time, almost all the bsd reviews were negative. I went to reddit, I think I went to my-anime-list too, and other websites and it was full of negative reviews. So I went into bsd with a rather "eh" mindset 😅 but I was bored that time and had nothing else to watch and I saw it on Netflix so yeah 👍

Hihi 🤭🤭🤭🤭 if you stalk me long enough, you may find that my bsd blorbo 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 is non other than Oda Sakunosuke. I love that man to pieces fr 💖 I love the fictional version I made of him in my head even more 🤭

Other anime that I like is Hunter x Hunter. Childhood anime was Sailormoon 💖 and Princess Sara. I was also once obsessed with Cedie the little prince (its an old anime). Besides those, I don't remember much anime that I was rlly invested on. Though I did watch JJK the movie and season 1 ❤️

A song I love? Here's the thing - - I don't really have a favourite song. I have different 'top songs' depending on the genre. 😭 But one song that comes to mind rn is 'I am not a robot' by Marina and the Diamonds

Oh. Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh. You saved the best for last I see 👀👀👀👀 uhmmmmm 😭😭😭😭😭 one thing I have that I would never want to change about myself? hmmmmm...errr....wait..

my faith in God ig? (I'm christian and God's played a big role in my life so idw lost that ❤️) Besides that, I would say my 'desire' to keep on improving myself. (like even when I fall to new lows or am actively enjoying self destructive behavior, there's always that little desire that makes me want to stop and get better. I think everyone has this in a way but yeah, Idw lose this thing and submit completely to misery 😄✌️. Like I could *fail* hard on one day and feel awful abt it but after a while, I'll feel like trying again). <<<< this is me regarding my (sort of) unhealthy eating habits lmao 😭

Thank you for the ask!!

since I love oversharing, I will also share random things abt myself

I wish I didn't overthink that much

I wish I was more confident 🤭

^^ Ik I'll be better at these things in the future tho so might look back on this and feel nostalgic 🤭💕❤️

Oh one more random fact:

I'm kinda dense and I didn't even notice someone hated me last yr lol 🤭 oh well. not my problem honestly 💅✨

thanks for the ask again wonxxx ✌️😺

(your bio is so real. I also post stuff with the intention of looking back on it someday) 💐

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

#asks #random #wonx 💓 #the flatterous one #/j #ty for the asks ❤️

[crimson-mayhem-archive]

【30 Questions of CP, OC & Fandom】

[ credits to ⇨ @mukami-kuron-mrsadisticcat || whin: IMMA HOP IN AND BE COOL LIKE EVERYONE ELSE 💃]

1.How long have you been in this fandom?

not that long, actually! while i’ve known about the series since like?? middle school?? I never actually started participating in the fandom space until around October of 2021! and even now i’m still like? tip toeing around bc im scared.

2. Who's your fictional boyfriend/husband?

I’ll be so honest with y’all rn. I don’t actually have a DL character that I like that much— I really just kinda cycle through them in terms of how much I like them. As of right now though?? Probably Ruki or Richter. (lol bitches with R names)

3. Why do you like them?

richter?? well I actually hated his guts more than any other character until recently. idk what changed to be perfectly honest with you. just kinda woke up one day and was like “mmm i’ll give him a chance.” i do like the potential for angsty scenarios though!

as for ruki, he’s also one i wasnt fanning over until recently. i didn’t hate him ofc, but the only content of him i really indulged in on up until now was the anime. and when i saw him in the show i was like “okay” then moved on. after reading his routes though? i started to like him a lot more 😞 and ofc Jas ( @ruki--mukami ) has a flawless portrayal of him that i feel in love with so 💃

4. Have you make acquaintance with anyone that ships themselves with the same character?

I have no idea if they ship themselves with the characters I listed, or if they’re just one of their favourites. But Ava ( @fruit-of-infidelity ) and Jas ( @ruki--mukami ) are two people i’m fortunate enough to be mutuals with :’).

5. How do you feel about it?

i feel pretty great about it actually. it’s nice to find people who have the same amount of love for a character that you do 💃

6. Do you feel any negativity towards them?

ofc not!

7. Do you like seeing their oc(s) interact with your man/woman?

honestly yeah. seeing different characters combinations go in different directions is always a treat! i really enjoy scrolling through the threads.

8. Do you feel competitive against them?

yeah for sure we’re battling in a boxing ring rn 🤼‍♂️

i’m joking but no i don’t feel competitive at all!!

9. Confident, or pessimistic?

both at different times. and while i wouldn’t say i’m pessimistic, most of the time i’m definitely not confident.

10. Would you like more to get to know about your ship, or would you rather it being lowkey?

as for a ship with myself? i don’t post much selfship content (even though i do have a blog for it). but i wouldn’t really mind whether people know abt it or not!

as for a ship with my oc(s)— Virek is relatively new. so i haven’t developed deep enough relationships to have a solid ship with him yet. HOWEVER! gwen, my old oc, had a few ships that i adored.

the top to being Ryuwen ( @fruit-of-infidelity ) and Myswen ( @mino-diabolik) ((did we ever come up with a ship name for them?? idk 🏃💨))

the dynamics in those two ships were to die for honestly. vv enjoyable! but i also can’t wait to build up relationships with this character as well 💃

11. Do you follow any of those people (them whom ship themselves with your fictional lover)

well aside from those already tagged, no.

12. Are you friends with them?

i’d like to say yes, even though we don’t talk very much outside of Tumblr T-T. I do adore them though ^^ so hopefully we can talk more.

13. What do you think about the 'stans' ?

i’m only a part of a tiny corner of the fandom. but the people around here are cool, so.

14. Are you worried about plagiarism or copying of your oc(s) by others?

lol, NO sjjsnd. i doubt someone would even try to copy my characters, given how complex and messy they tend to be

15. How do you handle such a situation if it happens?

i have no idea. so we’ll cross that road when we get there.

16. Is your cp public or only between a particular circle of friends?

generally all of them are public. but a lot of the relationship building with @simpemone ‘s characters are done in private. we do post a lot about our ocs publicly though— but if you’re wondering why those dynamics are much more developed than others jsns.

17. Do you like a specific cp ship, whats the reason? (I dare you to tag them~!)

i like a lot of ships actually, both with my own ocs and some ships my mutuals have with their’s!! i don’t have the guts to tag any of them though so 💃

18. What kind of behaviors do you suppose is pretentious to you?

i hope i don’t have any pretentious behaviours?? if i do and just don’t notice feel free to scream at me!!

as for others? ig the behaviour i hate most is ‘claiming’ a character for yourself. getting insanely jealous when they interact with others, things like that.

19. What kind of comments do you dislike the most when it comes cp feedbacks of your oc(s)?

i’ll accept any feedback about my oc as long as it isn’t malicious or obviously not meant to help and instead to complain.

20. Have you receive hates about your oc(s) before?

i haven’t!

21. Do you have a complete love story of your cp?

i don’t. but i, hopefully if i can find the energy, in the future hope to write routes for virek/a diaboy and virek/yui. or if i end up feeling too ambitious, have virek get his own route with each boy. but those are just plans that i don’t plan on executing for a while!

22. Do you allow joint of alternate universe with the canon version of your cp story?

well virek doesn’t have a canon story atm but ofc!!

23. Are you okay with people shipping their oc(s) with yours?

yes yes yes!! i adore it when people wanna ship their ocs with mine T-T

24. Ever gone through a bad experience in the fandom?

i havent been here for very long so no.

25. The ocs that you admire in this fandom are? (Tag them~)

all of @princesscrownprince ‘s OCs. Ryuuto ( @fruit-of-infidelity ) Scarlett ( @kindan-no-kanojo ) Sumire ( @sumire-bride ) literally all of @simpemone ‘s OCs. ALL OF @cursed--requiem ‘s OCs. Irina ( @iricathel ) Amani ( @ayamexe ) Simone ( @smonie )

26. What is the moment that caused you to feel most disappointed or excited?

disappointed?? i dont really have any specific moment where i feel disappointed. but it is annoying that a chunk of this fandom will not hesitate to jump down someone’s throat, instead of having civilised discussions.

the most excited? literally any blog that could be considered ‘popular’ or ‘big’ popping up in my notifs. like ik a few of my mutuals have bigger blogs, but when i first saw y’all in my notifs i was like “?!?!”

it catches me off guard knowing that some of the more popular blogs took a peek at my tiny lil corner and went “this? i like this.” LIKE Y’ALL SEE ME?

27. The scariest era that you have come across in the fandom?

see #26

28. The most wonderful thing you have come across in this fandom?

all the love i’ve received since being here. i’ve been fortunate enough to interact and talk with lot of wonderful people, and i hope we can talk more in the future. :’) (when i say i wanna befriend all of y’all i mean it. 🤼‍♂️)

29. Say something towards those that support and admire your cp~

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH. truly. its a blast knowing that even one person enjoys what i put out :’). so i really so appreciate everyone’s kinda words, the enthusiasm with your replies/comments. it’s a joy T-T

30. You've worked hard, keep up the good work! ★★★

AHHHH I FINALLY FINISHED IT. now i need a nap 😞 ALSO I AM SOOOOOOOOO SORRY FOR ALL OF THE RANDOM TAGS. FORGIVE ME 🏃

#diabolik lovers oc #dialovers oc #dl oc #dialovers #30 Questions

[ifonlyicouldrun]

hi. i totally understand if you dont wanna talk about everything thats going on but you seem to be one of the only ppl i see rn talking abt it...

im currently crying. because one of my friends deactivated because of this whole thing. and i feel like shit because i didnt interact with them that much, but we were still friends. i might not ever be able to talk to them again, i dont know, unless they come back.

i feel really bad for the people who got affected by this all directly. i'm really lucky that i wasn't targeted because i would've also had to deactivate tbh. i've posted abt myself on here, and if people tried to stalk me, i wouldn't be safe :/.

i dont know what else to say ig. it just really fucking sucks. it was only a couple days ago that they interacted with me. and now i dont know if they ever will again.

Thank you very much for sending me this ask and sharing your feelings that are totally valid 💓

I can relate to what you are saying because I was also talking yesterday with someone who desactivated and I felt very sad when I woke up this morning and saw that they weren’t there 😞 However, I understand their feelings and I think it makes sense to log off a bit and reconnect with friends, family and things that make you happy in real life whenever you are being bullied online. If they stayed here o n Tumblr with us, their mental health would maybe have declined continuously until a breaking point. What we want for them is to heal and be safe now :) I really hope that your friend is ok and that they will be back very soon if they feel better ❤️‍🩹

In the meantime, let’s try to stay united as a community. I will try to do some research on how to prevent cyberbullying and how to deal with it if it happens.

Sending you positive vibes ✨ !

#byler #ask

[thebrideofreanimator]

(arrives almost a day after your post regarding asks due to the timezones and whatnot) have you ever had an experience irl that felt like it was from one of your interests? such as passing by a building and noticing that it looks like it's from the story you like etc etc? (everytime on my way to the university i saw that one building and thought to myself "this too is aperture science facility. this could be in half-life game and it would blend in perfectly.") or seeing a scenery during a specific weather that reminds you of a particular scene, or a passerby looking like one of your fav characters?

one time (this was a few years ago) i was staying at this motel in kind of an away area and it reminded me of the bates motel from psycho so much i couldn’t think abt anything else

also yesterday i saw someone who reminded me of jon harker dracula 1931. not sure why but they did

#another one is when i was in toronto a few weeks ago i did this escape room #and some of the sets remind me of the invisible man #but that doesn’t really count because it was set in the late 1920s so #asks