#i really am in a bad place

[someonedonehiding]

"I know you’re vulnerable

You need attention

You’ve got a heart of gold

With bad intentions

You’re over everything

I’m feeling wasted

I’m feeling everything

I fucking hate it

And I know this place too well

I can see it in your eyes, you’re fucking high again

And I know life can be hell

If you’re burning out, I’ll drag you out

I’m in a bad place

Looking for a good time

I try to feel good but it doesn’t feel right

So if I call late I’ll be outta my mind

I’m in a bad place, looking for a good time

Looking for a good time"

#bad place #the hunna #spotify #i really am in a bad place

[bacchuschucklefuck]

while teen while goblin while aroace while injured while doing your best

#fantasy high junior year #fhjy #riz gukgak #figueroth faeth #sklonda gukgak #dimension 20 #this. mmmmhhh this is so. I did Not know how to draw this really. #I am very normal about riz (<- lying) #it's a brennan-dm d20 campaign the bad guy is always capitalism (I am saying this with clenched teeth) #riz out of all of them being aroace fucks with me SO bad. bc its also established that elmsville specifically and probably the #majority of solace is not. made for goblins. and that becomes sklonda being worked to the bone and pok dying on the job #and riz spending all his time trying to keep his friends together. maybe to the point of it being injurous #like. do u get what I mean. its an economy of time it takes your time it eats up your time #not just the gukgaks but everyone you have to spend time to get to live and you don't have a lot of time left in a day #and you have to spend it carefully. you have to prioritize #you're somewhere without an established community and companionship is bought with your time spent working #this place doesn't take care of you. at the end of the day who do you have who'd prioritize you. do you understand me #the evolved aroace loathing where if your friends and family are granted more time nobody would have to choose. we live in a society #holds ur hand we live in a society. idk if Im making any sense #anyway . uhhh riz is my favourite that's my statement thank you for listening. au revoir

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy Valentine's Day! (and this blog's first post anniversary!)

#poorly drawn mdzs #better drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #Woah...it's been a whole *year* since I took the leap and uploaded my 'first attempt' art. #It's outdated now but it holds a special place in my heart for the fact it started all of this off. #Calling this 'poorly-drawn' was always about accepting that my art was going to be imperfect and messy - and doing it anyways! #There has been a staggering number of times I have drawn something I almost didn't upload because I didn't think it was 'good enough' #only for someone to say they liked it - or that it made them laugh. And it has helped me realize - #-The worst critic for my work has always been myself. If I listened to it all the time...well we would not be here now B'*) #And now that I have dabbled in other fandoms I can truly see how lucky was to start out with the MXTX fans. #The supportive messages and tags have truly been a guiding force toward my artistic and self improvement. #I really can't describe how grateful I am. #Thank you for seeing something worth rooting for when I was just figuring things out. #Thank you for being sweeter than the candy I have strategically hidden in the nooks and crannies of this house. #But watch out! If you forget to find them we will get ants. #I remembered to not hide chocolate in the bed this year. Yes I know it melted last time. Yes it did stain. I'm still sorry. #Thank you for loving me regardless <3 Even if it looked like I shit the bed real bad.

[turtleblogatlast]

Leo getting hit with a truth curse but instead of forcing him to admit to super sad or worrying things it’s things like “it was me who broke the remote” “I saw Mikey prank Donnie and helped hide it because it’s way funnier if he didn’t know who it was” “I rip my clothes to look more like Raph’s because he’s really cool” “my stripes aren’t even red they’re pink!”

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rise leo #plot twist he COULD be admitting angsty stuff but he’s pushing the less oof truths forward instead on purpose #raph: hey leo what do you want for dinner #leo: *about to bare his soul on all his internal torment but pivots* I’m afraid of snakes #(no but fr Leo’s stripes being technically more pink instead of red is cute ngl) #(a very reddish pink to the point that in certain lighting it looks red but at the base they’re p pink) #(i also am very fond of the idea that Leo doesn’t just have questionable taste in fashion he also just loves Raph a lot and looks up to him) #but yeah I think that something like this would be 99% Leo admitting to unimportant things or admitting to how much he values everyone #like they all KNOW Leo loves them and he’s talked them up enough for them to know but it’s different when he’s like #‘I just wanna read my comics with you guys around - it’s my favorite place to be’ #or again just random bs that doesn’t REALLY have a lot of weight like #‘I like using my portals to prank random people around the world’ #‘I’m worried about being a bad influence on hueso jr’ #‘sometimes I kinda wanna see hypno’s plans succeed’ #‘it’s been way too long since I found this out and honestly it’s embarrassing but I actually don’t have a di-‘ #SORRY COULDNT HELP MYSELF #(<-but did u know that that pink rather than red observation actually ties into this headcanon as well if u know about red eared sliders)

[youkaiyume]

Alright, so I've been a fan of Shane, Ryan and even Steven since their buzzfeed days and I've been watching this whole thing with Watcher moving their content over to their own streaming service debacle.

Like most ppl, I think it's a poor business move to alienate your fans like this, but I've been thinking on it more from maybe a financial perspective. I'm wondering how many people actually signed up for it. I saw a tiktok advertising expert say that the conversion rate for ads--meaning the number of ppl to actually buy something when they see an ad is about 1-5%. Like, right now they have about 2.8 million subscribers. And even though they've lost about 50K since and counting, they probably anticipated some loss. I'm sure they've mathed that if they just get at least like 100K conservatively out of their nearly 3 million fanbase to sign up, they'd be able to make $600K a month from their streaming service at six bucks a pop each month.

Maybe that's worth it? I'm not exactly sure how much they were making before. Ppl say they had 11K subscribers on patreon before but that's just their member total. Actual paid members was about 5K. But despite the controversy, their patreon member count has actually gone up. Today it sits at 12K members total with nearly 6K members paying. So they're making at least $30K-70K+ a month currently on patreon based on their offered tiers. not sure how much they were making on ad revenue alone or sponsors cuz I'm not sure how that stuff works on youtube. But maybe by their own accounting they think the loss of followers was worth it if they can hang on to that small, loyal but paying minority.

Another youtuber has pointed out that if you have a sponsor for a video and it's a one off, it can pay more. Up to $35K. So if that is the peak and they release 1 video a week, so 4 a month would be like 140K a month on sponsor money. And youtube pays about $10 per 1000 views a video, and they average 1 mil each video. So about $40K a month on views. So we can guess that they made about $180K a month currently on youtube (patreon and merch sales not included).

Honestly, if they can reach the goal of 1-5% of their subscribers converting to their streaming platform, yeah they probably would make more money in the long run. IF they can somehow manage to retain as well as grow those number of subscribers on their new platform. And don't forget, they don't plan to delete their current videos on their youtube channel so they'll still be earning revenue from those videos. We'll have to see I guess given how much goodwill they've lost with their audience.

Tbh, I am all for them trying to get paid more for their work but I also think they could have transitioned much differently, like only putting some exclusive content on their own platform while also posting free shows to youtube. Or maybe delaying releases for a week or a month for youtubers. or cutting back your production costs if it's really killing you cuz everyone has pointed out they liked the ghoul boys when it was just a black screen with text scrolling by saying "wheeze." Only time will tell if this move paid off for them.

But I'm not super knowledgeable on how the entire youtube thing works so if someone has some insight, feel free to weigh in.

#watcher #shane madej #ryan bergara #steven lim #its not a bad business move tbh if they get guaranteed 6 bucks each month each subscriber #and they don't have to care about the views/what is popular because they are no longer paid by how well a video does #also i am really tired of ppl placing the blame on one person #like i get that we all have faves and maybe some are problematic #but that doesn't make your faves innocent cinnamon rolls okay #they all made that decision together #text post #personal

[inkskinned]

i hate how commodity and capitalism has ruined so much storytelling . i hate how sequels and prequels and whatever else all ring like merch sales; i hate that i as an author have to include any social media following i have as a marketable trait; i hate that everything feels like a xerox of a copy of a dream of a memory.

i hate that my nostalgia has been turned into profit. i hate that companies fear consumer backlash so no real commentary may be made; i hate that companies care more about quantity over quality. i hate that so many artists and creators are being overworked to the point of complete collapse rather than being allowed to tell the story their way. i hate that every point of representation has to be fought for. i hate it i want us all to go back to living in a cave .

when you sit with friends over a bonfire and the night is getting long and people start telling this slow, almost hypnotic story - in this quiet voice, like they don't expect you to listen while they say the most fucked up shit you've ever heard - that is storytelling. who cares if the punchline is car hand hook door. storytelling has always been about community, about us all sitting in the dark, choosing to fill the silence while the last embers are dying. we forgot that storytelling is spellwork. hallucinating together, our breaths held, waiting for the ending we already knew was coming.

#this is specifically due to my rage and undying hatred of megacorporation #disney. #and specifically bc i think there COULD have been a really good series of new #dinosaur island t rex movies #if they had just fucking gone the distance #stopped with the fucking bad CGI #and made the whole thing about late-stage capitalism #do you wanna know what would ACTUALLY sell and work on the big screen more than a trex screaming in front of a volcano #(u absolute jerkweeds)? #so they've rebuilt the island and the park. but the narrative is 100% #that nobody wants to fucking work there and it feels AT BEST cult-like and insular. nobody is paid well for this #at EVERY possible place they are cutting corners. the dinosaurs might have higher walls #but the handlers are paid 5.34 an hour due to island laws. the corporation has RFID tags in their costumes which they are forced to wear #the employees are not allowed to drink water in 120 degree heat bc it would be upsetting to guests #u know real things i experienced working for disney #(but it was 8.90) #anyway it turns out the park CEO knew the risks and just didnt care bc bottom line BAYBEE. #it would be so much more sobering and fucking GOOD if it was like. scientists being like ''i am an environmental scientist'' #''after the epa was slashed this is literally the only job i could find. i literally HAD to take it or i couldn't feed my family.'' #''i hate what i do. i am disgusted by it. i literally CANNOT STOP because the company also charges us 400 dollars a week to live here'' #the dinosaurs escape EARLY in my movie. like minute 45. and then... 1 week later #the park reopens. #half the staff are missing. they're just fucking gone. it doesn't matter tho the company tells everyone to work 2x as hard #that those people weren't loyal enough or they are tragic heroes bc they died doing what they love #and the movie isn't like ''wow dinosaurs scary!!!'' it's... #that in a global fucking pandemic disney kept sacrificing employees. #but it'll be disguised bc the pandemic will be dinosaurs. #this my beloved is what we call an ALLEGORY but unfortunately certain companies have never heard of them #allegories require critical thinking and that doesn't test well with audiences

[the-kingshound]

On the same note of @elegantunknownphantom 's post, I will take a little time to shake this off my chest.

TW: discussion of mental health issues

The past years were not easy for me. At times - no, most of the time - they were unbearable. When the dread became too heavy, though, this was my escape place. A community that welcomed me and made me feel more at home than anywhere else I have been.

When I hated myself, I could come here and be Kal. Be an author writing silly things, interacting with my community.

It might sound... well, desperate, a bit pathetic, but for years when I was spiralling and asking myself "what good am I for? What have I accomplished in my life?" I answered myself "this. At least I made this."

I remember with clarity living through the end of 2021 and 2022 with nothing to look forward to, but this.

There was a time where I almost gave up on everything because it was too painful and I felt so alone. There was one thing I couldn't give up on, though. My WIPs. I thought about all the people who followed me and I told myself, day after day "I have to keep writing. I can't leave them hanging. I have to finish this game."

And so I kept writing.

And I made through those years. Mainly, I like to think, because of this.

So this is a reminder for myself. A confession, kind of. A thank you to everyone who is here and reading. Everyone who sent me asks, who interacted with me, who supported me in any way, who wrote wonderful IFs where I could escape to, who made my life a little more bearable for a very long, dark period of time.

I don't want to tag people, because I would be here all day. But know that I owe you. That my heart is filled with fondness and gratitude to you.

#i am still in a very weird place #but not nearly as bad as those times #because when 2023 i realized that for the first time in a long while i was not dreading the new year #so... i'll take that as a win #but really #thank you #i wanted you to know that #i can't confess this anywhere else but here #tw: depression #tw: sucidal thoughts

[caeslxys]

Zephrah actively postpones ruidusborn births. It is believed that the actual number of ruidusborn in exandrian history is much larger than has been officially recorded because the stigma of it was so intense that people lied about it. Alyxian, one of the few recorded ruidusborn heroes of the calamity who received direct blessings from three different prime deities (our very own Changebringer, the Archheart, and the Moonweaver) , has been all but forgotten (read: likely erased) by history.

The Archive of knowledge that revealed the truth of Predathos and Ruidus was never some forgotten thing—it was intentionally hidden by the elites in Vasselheim. And we have no idea how long they have been operating with that knowledge. We have no idea what they have been doing with that knowledge, what silent wars have been waging for years or decades or centuries. But we saw what they were willing to do, in Hearthdell. We saw the violence and suppression they were willing to commit. We saw the pettiness of the exandrian pantheon in the Dawnfather’s response to Deanna’s: “Are you worth saving?”. In the Changebringer’s manipulative change of course in her pleas to FCG. In the Wildmother’s rejection of Opal. In the knowledge we have that Imogen spent so much of her miserable time in Gelvaan begging the gods to aid her to no avail—just for Kord to reach out only to demand that she not let them down.

Liliana’s point that Vasselheim and the other faithful elite of the world will hunt ruidusborn down to negate even the potential of this happening again isn’t new, it isn’t something this solstice and the machinations surrounding it caused, and it isn’t some unsubstantiated, fearful claim—it has been happening.

The vanguard—and Liliana—are unequivocally wrong in their means. But can you really fault them in their desire? Can you really fault the conclusions they have drawn from the experiences they have lived? If you spend your entire life being rejected by the people and the pantheon of your world for means you could not possibly control, would you not seek out someone and somewhere that would accept you? And if you found it, if some being that has been connected with you your whole life welcomed you home and wrapped you in an embrace that felt like your mother’s and says that it is starving; well, aren’t you, too?

There is likely a holy war brewing. At the end of it all, is it truly the sole fault of the people and not the organizations and society that expelled them?

#critical role #liliana temult #cr spoilers #bells hells #critical role meta #i understand that tumblr isn’t the place for god or vanguard nuance but I wanted to extend my thoughts here For Posterity #it just baffles me that some people still think Ludinus doesn’t very clearly have motivations of his own #and that the vanguard and liliana and very likely even the weave mind are all pawns in a greater scheme #which just kind of renders all the attempts to claim that empathizing with the vanguard means agreeing with Ludinus completely moot #and also just. doesn’t allow room for far more interesting questions about exandrian society and faith #and to be more clear. CLEARLY there are bad people in the vangaurd i am not saying they are good please be normal #in general i think people get really caught up in certain characters’ perspectives and not the wider ones we as the audience have #which. to me. is a loss. these are interesting and extremely relevant and poignant questions to ask

[cowardlykrow]

After Cyn's done tryna kill him, she'll eventually relent and they can get to work... whatever that is. I didn't do the outfit any justice, but the second i saw the Cowboy!Curt mega @ricky-mortis made i was literally like, "yes, that is IT."

This is, in my heart, a cannon fit for this au

#And if you disagree... well i cant hear you #K but i really am bad at clothes lol! and this weird pose kinda threw me off pretty hard so i will also blame that... #but i will do better next time #I am again letting people know his horse is 100% named after Cynthia because of the occasional attempts on his life 👍 #I think i'll dub this a Try hard Doodle because thats what it is actually #and now for me talking way to much in that tags because i'm a terror: #I was going to pair this with another drawing that actually features curtwen btw #but my wrist said “No” #so maybe tomorrow? #(also... i have never actually drawn a person ON a horse before so this was really weird to do #this was actually a full body image... and then i halved it but then i couldn't do his foot? so i halved it again!) #Saf #spies are forever #cowboys are forever #<- WOULD watch the shit outta that [laughing at the idea of all the songs made really really country] #Cowboys your spies #Also some fun but also pretty dumb Au stuff: my vers of this au has always taken place in the wildwest in my head #so around 1865 to 1895 #Art #and finally... OTL when the horse is better then the human #is the fact i drew animals for a majority of my life really obvious yet

[extra-somethin-somethin]

If nothing else Koenma is a Kuwabara stan and I'm right there with him o7 (I need to write the kuwameshi fic that goes with this fr)

#maybe one day i'll write that au i have sitting in my head #ever since the comment he made about making kuwa spirit detective instead ive been thinking about it #like...what if yusuke is still recruited same as canon but like #kuwa was already spirit detective? doing assignments for the guys upstairs and all #and they made yusuke help him after his resurrection instead of going solo #and it's hilarious because they still have the ''rivalry'' set in place so it's like #now i gotta be coworkers with this guy i was in a fist fight with last week? #yusuke is like you can't be serious you want me to fight DEMONS with the guy who cant even beat ME? lmaooo okay #kuwa would be more in tune with his powers atp in this au and super offended like hello #why would i use my reiki on a FELLOW HUMAN CHILD you DICK i can hold my own on my assignments just fine #but he's actually really excited to be able to spend time with yusuke doing something besides getting his ass handed to him #they're both genkai's students (she's endlessly annoyed but they grow on her) #i just think it'd be fun cos like #it'd be harder to exclude kazuma from shit if he's literally been involved in this shit before he even met #kurama and hiei #kuwabara isn't really told about yusuke's resurrection so things go mostly the same up til he's brought back #they're both called to koenma's office and it's the spiderman pointing meme 💀 #it's koenma's first time seeing kuwa in person as he usually just sends assignments with botan #yusuke has already seen him cos of the resurrection arc #and koenma is SUCH a fanboy ''kuwabara it's such a pleasure. you know you're my best worker 🥺'' #''um urameshi am i seeing things or is that a fuckin baby'' yusuke will NOT stop laughing #it fucks koenma up so bad he makes sure he's in his adult form when he's around kuwa next #cos he wants to be the respected boss but also guy that you can chill with!! he's so cringe #okay yeah i need to write this it's such a fun concept #kuwameshi #yu yu hakusho #kuwabara kazuma #yusuke urameshi #koenma

[perths]

Perth Nakhun as Leon Umeda パティスリーMON Episode 03

#not to traumadump on a gifset of cute jactor perth nakhun but i've spend an entire week depressed in bed i really am. going through it lol! #so this could've been cuter and i feel like the colours of the show were all over the place and im notoriously bad with colours as u know s #just look past that. and now i'm extra exhausted so i will be going back to bed g'day friends #perth nakhun #patisserie mon #パティスリ MON #j drama #jdramaedit #jdramasource #gif

[sergle]

I finally left a bad review at that genesis surgery place re: the guy who was rude and awful and lifted my tits by the nipples with ungloved hands etc. yay! nice to get that done! I'm still too much of a wimp to lodge any sort of proper, official complaint though

#still wild to me that I had the worst consult Ever and then later had the best consult Ever #that examination really made my experiences at the place actually Chose feel even more impressive tbh. like wow! nobody's manhandling me! #or telling me that my breasts are undesirable and that I am a bad candidate for a reduction! #sergle.txt #I wanted to wait to be able to back it up with. ANYWAY. I got my reduction somewhere else and it went GREAT. spits at you

[kingdomoftyto]

I've started and deleted three drafts now trying to get my thoughts into a coherent recommendation, but there's just so much.

Let's start with the basics: You should read the graphic novel if you're a fan of the original show. You just should. It's new content of your old faves, and I'm telling you now that the art and writing are great and that you should give it a shot based on that alone.

But as for exactly why I'm losing my mind over it this much...?

It... feels like watching the show. But a version of the show unafraid to explore its own worldbuilding. A version of the show where continuity and character growth matter. A version of the show without jokes written by people far too old to understand mid-2000s teens.

And it is actually, honest-to-goodness funny. I went in fully braced for a badly shoehorned "fruit loop" one-liner, and instead I got incredible deadpan asides like this:

The art, too, manages to perfectly ride the line of looking enough like the original style to be convincing, but improving on the expressiveness of the characters' faces and actions to elevate it to something arguably better than the show:

(Like, I'm being so serious when I say the fight scenes are among the best I have ever seen in comic form. I'm the kind of person who tends to go for anime over manga because the fights are harder for me to follow in little sequential snapshots, but I can tell exactly what's happening in these battles AND they still look super cinematic and cool.)

And the story. Man, the STORY.

I won't spoil any of the plot here, but it's... really good. A little winding and goofy toward the beginning, but once things get serious, it really grabs you and refuses to let go til it's done. (Much like the best episodes of the show! Funny how that works.) It has a satisfying conclusion, but it also leaves a massive door open to continue telling more stories in the setting.

And I want more stories in this universe. The threads being dangled here might be even more enticing than those left by the original show. There is potential here for an INCREDIBLE series of comics.

We just have to prove how badly we want it.

If you can't buy the book yourself right now (it's relatively cheap for a graphic novel--I think it was about $15 even with tax from my Barnes & Noble), then please at least let other fans know it exists (I wouldn't have had any idea if not for tumblr) and keep the hype going on social media. I'm stoked to see that DP is trending on tumblr, at least, and I hope the same is true elsewhere. It's a small thing, but it's something corporate decision-makers take note of.

Fingers crossed we get to see more someday. This is one series that deserves to come back from the dead.

But, whether or not we get that continuation: welcome back, Phandom. Congrats and happy release day. 💚

#Danny Phantom #DP comic spoilers #(BARELY spoilers but I did include the images so :/ ) #while I'm rambling in the tags lemme say one more thing as a slightly more niche endorsement: #since he's on the cover it's not a spoiler to say Danny's evil future self from TUE plays a big role #I am happy to report that despite the blurb on the back of the book calling him ''Dark Danny''--as all official sources do-- #he is instead referred to in-universe exclusively as ''Phantom'' #I think that single detail goes a LONG way toward showing just how much this author truly *understands*. #she really is one of us. on the fandom's side and not the corporation's. #this is a project made with SO MUCH admiration for what made the source material special in the first place #and for how the fandom has interacted with it since #it's... it feels awesome. I was so worried this book would be bad or mediocre but it's genuinely a labor of love and I'm so happy

[spider-man-2o99]

“why are you always only ever talking about, like, spider-man 2099’s childhood and mental health issues instead of posting panels of him Biting People” uh. because... spider-man 2099 the comic book... also does this.?

#talking tag #spider-man 2099 #spiderman 2099 #miguel o'hara #xina kwan #marvel #comics #comic panels #i earnestly am not trying 2 gatekeep here lol i Desperately Want people to read spider-man 2099 and ALSO Like The Thing I Really Really Like #but. (deeply bitter) The Internet Does As The Internet Is i guess. #plus i Already Have posted every single panel of him Biting People that currently exists. and then ppl left viscerally uncomfortable tags. #..well. Viscerally Uncomfortable for Me. obv the people Leaving those additions seemed pleased as punch to publicly puke em onto my lap. #urgh woof i Know it's a Bad Idea 2 bring attention 2 it bcuz this specific breed of Pest thrives on Attention but like. i am so Tired #like one of those panels was an instance of the main character rebuffing an attempted assault Put Your Pants On And Quit Moaning. Christ. #this is My Personal Blog. i post abt this comic because im autistic and it's been my special interest for going on like 10yrs. #if i decide i want to Stop Posting about it then i will just Stop Posting About It. and i will tell people Why if it is for any reason. #but i just. /jesus/ yall. go be intolerably Straight somewhere else. my house isnt the place for that i just Block Creeps.

[abelllia]

One thing about Martin Blackwood that I think doesn't get brought up nearly as much as it should be is his love for "Retro" things.

Just Martin geeking out over things like rotary phones, 1950's dresses, polaroids, and all that stuff. Maybe he wears Cat Eye glasses to work? Who knows.

If you want JMart thoughts too imagine Martin going down to the Archives for his first day and seeing Jon in full grampa attire, wearing a bowtie like he's Carl Fredricksen from Up, and going "That's him. That's the man I'll fall for."

#tma #abellrambles #the magnus archives #martin blackwood #jonathan sims #jmart #I think his love for retro and antique things is really cute ok #I don't know much about them to be honest but I'd willingly listen to him gush about them for 10 minutes #jonmartin #also the thought of martin falling for jon due to his old man ways brings me delight #like all the normally weird and curmudeonly ways he learned from his grandma are the reason martin got so down bad in the first place #that something others find weird about jon are what drew martin to him #idk i really am just rambling

[nightswatchdisbandmentera]

AGoT was absolutely making some big statementsᵀᴹ re deconstructing unrealistic fantasies and how they make tragedies out of children, with Jon, Bran, and Sansa being the main vehicles for this commentary. They are basically three different versions of GRRM’s critique on the genre. All three had built life expectations based on the songs fed to them as children, but had to have those dreams and aspirations (very) violently shattered as they were thrust into a world that didn’t care how it made corpses out of them. They have all been made victims of fantasy’s violence in a tragic process that is believed to be the natural order.

Sansa realizes in time that the songs didn’t paint the full picture. The singers neglected to warn her that not all handsome princes are kind, and not all knights actually understand the contradictions in the vows they swore; some don’t really care to in the first place. She learns that the handsome prince she loves can brutalize her through the very knights who should protect her (an innocent maiden). Though he doesn’t know it yet, it was Bran’s very ideal that almost killed him. He wanted to be Barristan the Bold, a valiant knight of the kingsguard. But it was a member of this “noble” order that tried to murder him (and thus made his hopes and dreams impossible) because he witnessed him betraying the man and institution he swore allegiance to. And Jon, like Bran, wanted to be the valiant hero. He banked on the songs which propagandized the Night’s Watch and their noble exploits. Then he actually joined the watch and came to learn that this “noble” order is an oppressive xenophobic force; and the contradictions presented when the oppressed (a bastard boy with little social status) unwittingly becomes an oppressor (him initially buying into the propaganda that the wildlings shouldn’t be a protected class).

Once all is said and done, all three children are forced to take on roles that couldn’t be farther from what they envisioned. Sansa is a princess hopping from one tower to the other, forced to cater to the whims of abusive men. Bran is a crippled boy who unlocks a magical power that he doesn’t really care for; he wanted to be a knight not a magician for crying out loud! And Jon does become Lord Commander as he wished, but he is utterly depressed and lonely when he’s made to foreswear family ties and drive his friends away once he gains power over them.

But the cool thing is, in the very same way that fantasy is deconstructed through them, it is also reconstructed and given new meaning as they find a place for themselves in the world in spite of their tragedies. Sansa is still a pretty princess in a tower, but she is learning to be her own rescuer and she has managed to retain empathy and kindness in an environment that tried to tell her how futile it would all be. Bran may be crippled and incapable of becoming Brandon the Bold, but he has reinvented what it means to go on the hero’s adventure and he is beginning to build a role as the Prince of the North. And Jon may be a bastard, yet he has somehow become the living embodiment of what it is to be the valiant prince that little children love to dream about.

#it’s interesting how jon and sansa realize twisted versions of their fantasies whereas bran experiences something completely different #sansa does stay with the prince but she’s a perpetual prisoner #she wishes to bring the prince happiness and joy but it is her suffering not her beauty that excites joffrey #jon actually gets to become the knight and he actually gets to go on the adventure #but holy shit adventure sucks ass and now he’s living every single minute of his life going through a moral dilemma #and jonathan snowflake DID NOT sign up for this #he just wanted to slay some grumpkins and snarks and call it a day #but unlike his siblings bran doesn’t become a knight - he becomes a magician #and he does go on an adventure - but it’s not a knights adventure it’s a magician’s quest #how confusing for poor bran and so he’s just like b-b-b-bbbut #I wanna be a knight so why am I even going on an adventure in the first place if it’s not to be a knight wtffff #it really was bad for them rip #jon snow #bran stark #sansa stark #asoiaf #valyrianscrolls