#i only want to work independently or in higher ed

[mueritos]

As someone who’s been through multiple therapists and psychs, you’re super not wrong about these people bringing their biases to the table. I’m lucky enough that I

1. Was an older teenager

2. Had friends who had had decent mental health help already

3. Already kinda suspected the shapes of what was “wrong with me” and

4. Had an innate sense of “no that seems like bullshit” before I went in with these people.

The first therapist I ever saw met me as a 17 year old alt girl, and when I tried to talk to her about thinking I had anxiety issues she cut me off before I was done explaining and told me I was self diagnosing, that was causing my problem, and we wouldn’t “entertain THAT” any further.

The second therapist I ever saw met me as a 18 year old trans guy, pre-everything, during the pandemic. She listened, but she had no experience with the trans community and I had to teach her everything about anything I wanted to talk about with regards to that. She was nice, but she couldn’t help me. She didn’t know how.

The third therapist I ever saw met me as a 21 year old young man. She figured I had everything sorted out already. I didn’t. She never tried to change her mind or delve deeper. At this point I couldn’t afford to waste my time, so I asked to be recommended to a psych and she said sure. After that we didn’t talk.

The first psych I went to was very kind, and absolutely did not do his due diligence. I came in with a shiny recommendation from a therapist (that he didn’t verify), so he all but handed me the medication with no explanation and I only ever spoke to him over the phone after that. It was a low barrier to entry but the medication wasn’t right and I didn’t know I had other options. He made it seem like I didn’t.

The psych I’m seeing now put me on a medication that reacted poorly with my inhaler because she didn’t cross check if they would be any drug interactions. I came back and asked for a different medication. She was going to put me on a different one, and then I asked her to check if there were any interactions with this one. Turns out there were severe ones. I ended up going with a different medication, it seems to be working. It would probably work better with help from a therapist, but I don’t have the time or money for that right now. And quite frankly I’m tired of trying to convince people to help me when I have to explain what I think is wrong with me for them to listen. Only for them to decide that I’ve already figured it all out and they don’t need to try.

So uh. Yeah. Lots and lots of stories from me and my friends about clinicians of all age and experience ranges that go from horror stories to just disappointing and unhelpful. Some of these people had been practicing for 20-30 years and they STILL weren’t any better at empathy or not being horribly biased.

first of all holy shit it really fucking sucks you had to go through all of these terrible experiences while accessing care you deserve and need. i'm not surprised these terrible interactions happened, and I can't even be disappointed considering the bar of standards is in hell. The "better" experiences a lot of folks have with clinicians align with your second therapist. They are clinicians who just genuinely have no worldview outside of their own, but are receptive to new information...they just have no drive to learn how to apply new frameworks of ways of thinking to expand their worldview and guide their clients. The worst is literal malpractice, ableism, and violence against clients.

a lot of people who go into the mental health field don't actually have the skills related to active listening, empathy, or curiosity based out of humanity. I say this to a lot of people in the social work program, but social work is the same pipeline as mean girls who go into nursing--it's just full of the girls who were not smart enough to go into nursing that decide to go into social work. Same breed of mean girl seeking power over others, just different contexts of public service.

the only hope i have is in the new generations of mental health clinicians who are BIPOC/queer, anti-carceral, disabled themselves, and who are mentally ill as well. I feel more solidarity with my neurodivergent peers in my program who can barely finish an assignment on time than I do with the white women who have never experience hardship in their lives. Not to say neither of these people can't experience easy or hard times in their lives but man....seeing the roadblocks in some of these people's worldviews, empathy, or conceptualizations of other people's struggles is fucked up.

the mental health field is just another medicalized, over-policed, and racist institution that wants to shove people back into the workforce ASAP. we are in hell!! but just know there ARE people and groups and orgs out there that are dedicated to radical work and will name all the hypocrisy, pain, and oppression that exists in working in this field.

thank you tho for sharing your experience and input. I can only hope that your experiences moving forward are positive and liberating for you <3

#muertoresponds #like brother we are in hell! #my last therapist is a zionist so yea we are literally in hell #there are really cool and awesome clinicians out there tho #it feels so freeing to openly talk about palestine with my therapist and shes like yea fuck zionists! #there are people out there dedicated to being safe and radical people #godspeed to anyone else in the social work field or who is training to be one #im trying to get my degree my license (maybe) and just fuck off #i only want to work independently or in higher ed

[raelyn-dreams]

I know we all joke about the ninja being dumb, but looking at their combined education...it's honestly a wonder that they're functioning this well.

To start off:

Cole: Probably had the most education out of all of them. Canonically went to grade school, before his mother passed and he attended the Marty Oppenheimer School of Performing Arts before running away. Was old enough for the school to not alert his father at least (or check with him, if Cole lied about needing to drop out), so it was either a high school/college/mixture boarding school at the very least.

Jay: Also went to grade school (his s7 comments about History Museum field trips). Assuming Kai, Cole, and Jay are all in their mid-late teens at the series start, he probably also had some form of high school education, plus mechanic/inventor knowledge from Ed & Edna. May have dropped out/already graduated when Wu found him. The only reason he's lower than Cole is that his presumed education past grade school is uncertain.

Zane: Technically, since Zane is a nindroid, he didn't need school. However, we are shown that Dr. Julien built Zane to progressively learn similar to a human in at least some respects, so I'd say Zane was "homeschooled" (if unconventionally). It is shown that flipping off his memory switch did not take away from his learned skills, so Zane is very much educated and capable prior to his nindroid discovery.

Nya: Went to grade school (also s7 History Museum field trip comments), but probably dropped out/did not finish her high school education, due to being in her early/mid-teens when she and Kai joined Wu, and her seeming to run the customer service and financial aspects of Four Weapons. Nya is also a very skilled inventor, mechanic, and pilot, which are most likely skills she picked up from being thrust into independence at a young age.

Lloyd: Was dropped off at Darkley's Boarding School for Bad Boys at a very young age. He ran away multiple times, and was eventually kicked out in Season 1, for "lacking the amoral ambition to become one of tomorrow's masterminds". It's known that not much teaching happened at Darkley's at the time, in favor of lessons in evildoing, so young Lloyd's primary source of education came from the ninja. It can be safely assumed he was tutored to some extent, due to the behavior of his older self, but Lloyd's education was still minimal, at least.

Kai: Kai comes in at the bottom of the list for one simple reason: it's unknown if he ever attended school at all, let alone how much. He doesn't chime in on the s7 History Museum field trip conversation, and due to having been abandoned at a young age, it's possible he had to sacrifice his own education for Nya's. We know Kai took up blacksmithing, which seemed to be the sibling's primary, if only, source of income. He threw himself into his work, and though it seems a bit shoddy in the pilots, he was good enough to reforge the Golden Weapons in s10, showing he did possess at least some skill, if not being downright amazing. Looking into his behavior, mannerisms, and general knowledge on other occasions, Kai comes across to me as someone who maybe completed elementary school, but probably never went higher in favor of keeping Four Weapons afloat and his sister supported.

As a Gifted Kid™, I think it just goes to show that while education is important, it's not the end of the world if you're a bit slow or didn't get to complete yours. The ninja may be barely functioning at times, but they've also saved the realm(s) at least once a season, with or without trigonometry. It depends on your path in life, and as Cole tells Lou, he's decided that he doesn't want to follow in his father's footsteps, but forge his own path.

Also, Bonus:

Morro: Was literally on the street, taking food from trashcans to survive, before he was found by Wu. It can be assumed Wu tutored him in some way, though Morro ran away young, probably around his early-mid teens, judging by his size. He also died young, around the same age as the present-day ninja, so it can be assumed his education probably never surpassed middle school.

Pixal: Was created to be the personal android assistant of Cyrus Borg, becoming the 16th - and final - attempt, after her 15 predecessors failed to work properly. Being an advanced android, Pixal was created with and had access to all the knowledge she would ever need. However, she still had much to learn; particularly, in her social and emotional aspects, and continues to grow. As Zane once said, "She taught me more about being a nindroid, and I like to think I taught her more about being human".

#ninjago #ninjago cole #cole brookstone #ninjago jay #jay walker #ninjago zane #zane julien #ninjago nya #nya smith #ninjago lloyd #lloyd garmadon #ninjago kai #kai smith #ninjago morro #morro wu #ninjago pixal #pixal borg

[foster-the-world]

Not as painful

Day 1 of HR training is not as painful as I thought it would be. It’s at least fifty people so I’m sitting in the back on my phone.

So many things to do. How am I ever going to work. I’ve spent the whole day emailing the special ed administrator. Then called advocacy offices during my lunch. The due process thing I started based on the administrators off the record recommendation is not going to work.

The administrator is getting frustrated with me. I certainly don’t care. I started this process in May and he’s currently receiving a half hour of the 13 hours he is supposed to recieve. Services were approved in Nov and still basically nothing.

Advocacy group is sending a bunch of higher up emails so I can try to get them to let us pay an independent provider and then get reimbursed. Ten hours a week will cost roughly my full take home salary. Which is crazy as nurses have good starting salaries in NYC. We are lucky we can float the money. That is we will be lucky if they approve. Which feels like a long shot. Going to schedule a free consultation with a special ed lawyer. Not how I want to spend my time but I think it going to be necessary. It’s such big business in NYC. At least we should get reimbursed for lawyer fees. From my understanding they only take on cases they will win.

I really, really wanted all of this taken care of before I started working but here we are in the thick of it.

My husband will take a call with another advocacy group on Wed because I can’t get out of work.

[drafthorsemath]

I gotta rant about the state of math education for a minute. I say this as a math educator with a math PhD who currently works to create digital math content and assessments (primarily for high school and college level). We have to do better for students and the way we're attempting to do that is mostly garbage because of publishing companies.

I currently work for two educational publishers who will remain unnamed. They're competitors and I think it's funny that I and one other person I know work for both of them.

Anyway, company M, who I primarily work for, is finding that students are using fewer of their tools and appear to just guess when they don't know an answer instead of attempting and getting feedback. Instead of figuring out what would actually help students, this company is taking a more bare bones approach to authoring math assessment tools going forward, firing authors (the team I was on used to have over 20 people at any given time and now there are 4 of us), and then complaining how we can't keep up with authoring new content. The problem is that they are not offering a wider variety of content for different types of learners, but they don't want to hear that. They write a textbook, make online homework and study guides for it, and call it good. That's not nearly enough, but they don't want to invest in getting better.

This week I started training for a new part time job at company C to try to make a little more money and they are trying to do a better job. They want higher student engagement, fewer assessments, and for students to explore a topic instead of traditional lectures. Great. Research supports a more interactive approach to learning. Except their idea of student engagement and interaction solely focuses on extroversion: reading, writing, conversing, analyzing, actively listening, group work, sharing with the class, and more. And none of it has the options of being done alone. On top of this, they do not address disabilities and are only just starting to realize they need different content for multilingual learners.

Some students can actually read and learn and do not need to interact. Some students are anxious to interact. I've seen it. I've had a student stuttering just trying to talk in class to ask a question, and making her come to the board? Why? For what purpose? Said student was already doing well in class and she simply wrote everything out. I had multiple students who were combat veterans; one in particular who had a brain injury and needed a lot of repetition. Having a lot of approaches in a 50 minute class would have been overwhelming for him since he needed clear examples and lots of independent practice. He thrived in my office hours. Forcing this model will not help these students. While I think there are some good things about this versus just using a digital textbook, I take issue with the approach because it is still forcing students to all learn the same way. It's a different way of learning than using a textbook, but there is no room for flexibility.

Look, I know that it's impossible to teach a classroom of students in a way that gives each enough time and resources to perfectly meet their needs. I taught at a university for 8 years. I've tutored students in grades 3-12 for over a decade. This is not me bashing teachers, lecturers, or professors. I know they are simply limited to what math ed materials are on the market and what they write themselves. (Thinking of Dr. Bell who wrote his own book for Modern Algebra because he hated every book on the market.) I just get frustrated when everyone (publishers) tries to push new teaching styles and tools, saying "there are multiple approaches to suit multiple learners." If each student must go through and master each approach, how is that any better than saying they must all master this one approach?

I'm just a frustrated math lady. Also, this has reminded me of the time many years ago when I had an anon who would ask for math homework help in my inbox because they had no where else to go. That was also before we had DMing on tumblr. Thinking of you today, Stats Anon.

#math #math education #about me #math publishing #so many educators out there trying their best and the materials they have to work with are just not enough #the answer to this is probably increase funding for education

[bisluthq]

This is obviously a projection but after hearing the album, a part of me thinks that she actually never went to therapy until last year when she had that mental breakdown lol. But even independently of that, the whole album is her deconstructing an entire belief system and seemingly being determined to close a cycle that was jumpstarted by her rs with Jake G, which is her searching for salvation from love, using sex for control and/or communication, looking for a higher meaning in what happens to her romantically, believing that her lovers come to her life by fate. There's such heavy religious imagery throughout the whole album as well, and she always sung about Joe as a form of saviour that found her in her lowest moment, loved her and saved her, and eventually helped her heal. The Manuscript as the conclusion of the album is her making an argument that the higher meaning for her maybe isn't fate, but instead songwriting. Imo she's put lots of work (in therapy and elsewhere) to no longer view love as something that is fated to be for her or something that is supposed to be her salvation, which is why the Travis songs very notably don't paint him as a saviour or as something sent to her by fate, like most of all her previous love songs do (that also might be bc those songs were written when they were only a few months in though lol). She's very purposefully trying to not look for those sort of things from love anymore cos she's learned the hard way that it only leads to toxicity. She even begs for someone to change this fate in The Prophecy, only to realize that she's the only one who can do it; it's up to her and that's both empowering and terrifying, but ultimately very brave that she's determined to try. With Travis, she's very transparently looking for companionship and compromise, not for salvation or identity. It's why imo she really needed to put out this entire album as it is, completely raw, bloated, and unedited, in all of its glorious messines. As an art product, it's not as excellently curated and of the technical (cohesion, continuity, etc) quality as are folklore or Midnights, but that's not the point of this album. As a fellow pathological people pleaser, I find it very admirable that for once she decided to not cater to anyone's demands and expectations when in the past she has very obviously curated her work to be what the Recording Academy looks for (1989), what the public outside of her fans want from her (folkmore), or just to prove herself against critics (og Speak Now). She said "fuck that, I'm doing this for me because I need a fucking exorcism from this" and not only do I really respect that but I also love it as character growth and artistic evolution for her. And yeah, I know she's mad unhinged and there's a lot of ways in which she never grew up or matured and she tends to look for the thrill and excitement and thus often bolts from love, but I genuinely think this was a turning point for her and unpopular take maybe but imo Travis is a part of breaking that cycle. Obviously shit happens and nothing is ever perfect forever but idk I'm highkey a stan lol so I'm really rooting for her to continue being as healthy as she is right now and hopefully get all these personal things that she has always dreamed of.

eh except she did say Travis is something that comes along every couple lifetimes and he’s got her in a way no man has before. I’m not getting “Taylor’s been to therapy” from this album. I’m getting “Taylor did this instead of therapy”. I think she might’ve gone for her ED but she stopped and hasn’t been in ages. I do think Trav might convince her to go lol and is generally a very good influence.

[alliluyevas]

What advice would you have for someone considering going into teaching

okay, first of all, I may not be the best person to ask this in some ways because I taught for three years and then left the profession while in the worst mental health of my life and currently do not have plans to go back to K-12 education. But also maybe I have some specific advice based on my experiences that can be helpful.

First of all, as someone who started teaching at 22--I would strongly caution you against that. It isn't because students don't respect you if you're young or whatever--I didn't feel like I had that problem. But it's because I think it's really helpful to have "real world" working experience and a bit more maturity before you go into the profession. In my experience, teachers who were career-switchers starting a second act in their late twenties or thirties were more successful and confident than those like me who were right out of college.

In terms of my pathway into the field: I initially wanted to be a college professor, but didn't get into any PhD programs when I applied my senior year of college (note: I also would not recommend applying to PhD programs as a college senior. You are much less likely to get in and for your own sake you should also try to get some out-of-academia experience before you make a huge commitment like that. Or go for a master's degree first if you can afford to.) I had considered being a history teacher for younger students since I was in about fifth grade because I loved history class so much, so I applied to middle and high school jobs. I didn't have any education degree or training, so I applied to jobs that would take people with a BA in their subject area but no education license or degree. This generally limits you to charter schools and private schools.

Two charter schools accepted me, both with licensure pathway programs where I would be working towards licensure while teaching at their school. I ended up getting a M.Ed at almost no cost to me through a program co-sponsored by the school I chose to work at and the university they had an arrangement with, which was a great opportunity despite the job itself/the school having a lot of issues + me generally finding the M.Ed program boring and not that helpful. But having a masters unlocks higher pay both in the school system + in some cases if you leave (I make about 5k more in my current non-teaching role than I would with just a BA).

Again, not to be like "just don't do what I did" but--don't necessarily assume that because you love the subject you will love teaching it, or specifically love teaching it to middle or high school students. I think I was naive about that. Also, there's a bit of a catch-22 regarding licensure and education degrees: I personally did not find the my education degree super helpful aside from the pay bump, but also a lot of schools that will hire someone without licensure or an ed degree will only do so because they are desperate and have high teacher turnover and that usually indicates major institutional problems. I actually had a much more positive experience at the charter school I started at than the public school I taught at for my third and final year of teaching, but the pay was really low and the school was poorly managed and had very high turnover and a chronic understaffing issue. Basically, if you're 22 no license no degree and the school still wants you--you may not want the school. But also unless you can find a way to get your ed degree debt-free like I did, going a more traditional degree -> student teaching -> full time job route may be a lot if you don't end up sticking with it. But also I kind of got thrown into the deep end and that wasn't great either, and I can't speak for more traditional student teaching or ed degree tracks. (Do not sign up for Teach for America. The program I did was sort of like an independent/smaller scale TFA, and it definitely has its flaws, but TFA, from the sound of it, is like that on steroids).

If you aren't sure you want to teach but you don't want to commit to either working at some charter school or an ed program, you might consider a tutoring position in a school, substitute teaching (most districts will take anyone with a BA + a background check, there's a huge shortage) or an education-related Americorps position. These might be good shorter-term ways to get experience in the education field. Unfortunately, the pay is not good for any of those options.

Also, just mindset-wise. When I started teaching, part of me thought that I was going to do it for a year and then go to grad school. Part of me thought it was my life's calling and I would do it forever. Neither of these are healthy mindsets. There is a huge issue with teachers where they/we feel like our job is a calling and we have to do it For The Kids so we just keep pushing ourselves through understaffing and burnout and horrible admin and rude kids and unbelievable amounts of take-home work etc etc and just keep repressing stress until we crash and burn. Try to stay out of this mindset because it will only hurt you.

Final commentary: if you are a female teacher (or basically anything that isn't a cis man, and probably a cis straight man at that, but I'm just speaking from personal experience) you will notice that your cis male teacher peers have a much easier time with commanding student respect and maintaining classroom management than you do. Many of your male teacher peers will assume this is because they are better teachers or naturally more authoritative. Sometimes, admin will also assume this. Try not to let it get you down or second-guess yourself--classroom discipline is genuinely harder for female teachers and it's not fair and it is because students are less likely to listen to female authority even if 90 percent of their teachers have been female. It sucks, but hopefully you will be able to work around it and being angry at or jealous of your male peer teachers will not help. (Though I have definitely been there.) (If you're a guy asking me this, anon, congrats, you get a +10 buff to classroom management! Try not to rub it in).

Also, if you are in any way neurodivergent or have a mental illness or anything--try to approach things thoughtfully. I had a lot of hope that I would be able to be a more approachable presence for students struggling + be able to teach from personal experience, and maybe I did, but teaching is really stressful and overstimulating even at the best of times, and there is a huge amount of paperwork + organization, and also a lot of social awareness required. If any of that is something you struggle with, be aware of the challenges going in.

I feel like I'm making teaching sound really negative, and there are definitely a lot of joyful aspects to the profession as well, but there's a reason I left, and also there are definitely things you can do to be more prepared + maybe in a better school system than I was. Good luck, and let me know if there's anything else I can help with.

[sakinotfound]

Butterflies

(Yui Tamura x fem!OC)

synopsis: the main plot of this story is romance. the story revolves around the OC and how she falls for her best friend, vice-versa. it would also show how she grows and learns as an individual.

warnings: mature language, curse words, smut, sexual stuff, mentions of abuse, sorry for any mistakes will edit it later (will add on more as i write)

note: i couldn't find any YBC stuff that i actually liked so i thought why not i write on my own?

link to chapter 1.

PROLOGUE

as a second year student at Morimori Academy, Tsuki Aikawa was already used to how the school works. private schools are generally very difficult and have very high standards — higher than regular schools.

Tsuki used to belong to an extremely wealthy family. her father was the CEO of one of the world's leading companies. on the screen, the Suzui family was shown as a very happy and stable family. The mother and the father posed happily towards the flashing cameras and looked as if they were in love. their daughter was shown to be having the time of her life with all the Instagram posts showing her vacation at Hawaii or the Bahamas with her parents. but nobody knew what happened behind closed doors. and that was exactly the reason which lead to the divorce between Rin Aikawa and Aoi Suzui.

but that wasn't a problem since she was an over-achiever. she was very competitive, determined and focused. the sixteen year old girl was career-oriented and had her priorities set. she had learnt from a very young age how important it is to be independent and strong in this cruel world.

sure money isn't everything but money is power. if you are dependent on someone else who has that power, they are going to use you, manipulate you and exploit you.

Aoi Suzui looked like someone who was very modern and progressive but he was anything but. he was an abusive husband who physically, emotionally, verbally and mentally abused his wife. he was an absent and uncaring father who didn't give a fuck about his child and constantly threatened her to take away the basic necessities and rights if she ever disagreed with him for even a minor thing.

Rin Aikawa was horrified even at the idea of a divorce, "horrendous! respectable families don't have divorces! women are supposed to sacrifice and tolerate. we are supposed to deal with this stuff! just because your father is like this doesn't mean we'll leave him!"

"father? first of all stop calling him my father. he is a taint to that title. besides what respectable? i don't see any respect given to you nor to me. being my mother how could you possibly have such low and ancient ideals? you have to leave him, mumma."

"Tsuki-"

"Tsuki what? do you know who you are? do you know what you are capable of? give me one reason why a woman like you would so much as even look in the direction of a man like him? i am done!"

it took alot of efforts by Tsuki to even convince her mother to take this seriously but she was a resilient girl. when she was serious about something nothing or rather no one could stop her. and that is how she succeeded in her parents' divorce.

after divorce, Tsuki took her mother's last name. something which she always wanted to do. something which gave her more happiness than anything ever did.

life was happy and peaceful after Rin left Aoi for good. she obviously got the custody of the then fourteen year old raven-head. after that they restarted their lives. it was a fresh start and they never looked back.

finance was never a problem for them. Rin Aikawa was a very knowledgeable and educated woman. a few years ago, Rin became the principal of Morimori Academy. it used to be a co-ed school but after a board meeting they decided to make it an all-boys school only. so now the school only had boys except her. except Tsuki Aikawa. the reason why a girl was in an all boys school was her mother.

Tsuki's mother refused to let her only child, her only daughter and her only best friend to live away from her. Morimori Academy was hidden among the hills and was the only school in miles from where they lived. for Tsuki to go to a high school she would have to live away from her only family - her mother. she didn't want that, neither did her mother. so she became an exception.

it does seem like the worst decision ever— imagine being the only girl in an all-boys school — but it wasn't. infact according to Tsuki, it was one of the best decisions she ever took.

since Tsuki was a four year old kid, she met with a lot of people. these people also belonged to the rich section of the society. and these people also had children of their own.

that is how she met Yui Tamura and Ayato Yuri. that is how she became best friends with the two most — what people would say — weirdest teenagers on this planet. but they were her weird best friends. and she found nothing wrong with them. ok maybe a few things but c'mon who doesn't have flaws, right?

Tsuki was on cloud nine when she got the news that two of her most beloved people would attend the same school as her. this was what made Morimori one of her best decisions.

#fanfiction #yui tamura x reader #yui tamura #yarichin bitch club #fem!oc #best friends to lovers #anime #tamura yui #tamura yui x reader #best friends #yui tamura smut #yui tamura fluff

[manicdragondreamgirl]

I haven’t had chemistry since like 2008, and I’m also an idiot who likes to make my friends upset, so I rated the periodic table in order to tilt my friends:

Hydrogen - this is like your childhood friend who has always been with you more or less and always will be down to get a drink and chill even tho you haven’t spoken in years. Solid bro imo 7.5/10

Helium - always down for a good time, even if probably created Alvin and the Chipmunks which in some places is considered a war crime. 4/10

Lithium - Gives me bitchy vibes and is flammable as fuck if I remember. Skinny bitch with an attitude 3/10

Beryllium - idk this sounds like a sailor moon villain lol for that it can have a 6/10

Boron - more like BORONG amirite ha ha wait no seriously I have no idea lol 5/10 clean neutral rating

Carbon - *screaming* 2/10 I will not be taking questions

Nitrogen - cool cool cool tight tight tight 9/10 Nitrogen just is the cool hot chick you wish you were

Oxygen - kid who takes up all the glory for the group project even tho you did all the work, 4/10 for natural charisma

Fluorine - lol what are you knockoff chlorine lmfao bitch 3/10 reminds me of the dentist

Neon - I can vibe with this boy for his contributions to signs which cause my eyes to scream 8/10 modernized Art Deco thanks you

Sodium - 10/10 this is me and I won’t be taking questions next element

Magnesium - magnesium is a close relative of magnificent and therefore I think the case is closed folks 9/10

Aluminum - 10/10 for providing a home to my Diet Coke addiction I’d be dead without you

Silicon - 6.9/10 :smirk:

Phosphorous - This has a very soundly name and it’s welcome to do that but idk, not a fan, seems like he’d be smelly, 2/10

Sulfur - 1/10 pretty sure that dog farts are purely comprised of this and as such if I was leaving negative ratings I would

Chlorine - 7.8/10 for being in pools so we could swim without brain eating amoeba in the south you a champ

Argon - he seems like a nerd jk this guy has a good color 9/10 for just being himself

Potassium - I hate bananas and this word gives me the physical sensation of biting into one but only by thinking of abstract letters and making them into something which we can nutrientise from bananas and to me that shit is bananas, b a n a n a s — 3/10 for making me sing hollaback girl thru adhd word association

Calcium - hm my brain went to mega milk so you get a 2/10 today bud I don’t make the rules

Scandium - pretty sure this is fake lol what’s next faxdium, e-Mailite and copinium? 5/10

Titanium - this song’s a banger and also is the only thing that lets me wear earrings 10/10

Vanadium - if your erection lasts for longer than like idk it’s supposed to then don’t take vanadium wait what do you mean it’s not an ED treatment 4/10

Chromium - decent bloke shame the browser eats all your memory 5/10

Manganese - if a weeb tries to tell me how to pronounce mayonnaise one more time... 1/10

Iron - excellent tool against the fey, in your blood, what a bro, 10/10 this bitch slaps

Cobalt - has a powerful energy; I respect him. 8/10

Nickel - if I had a nickel for every time someone made this joke lol 5/10 he’s doing his best

Copper - taste bad 3/10

Zinc - isn’t that the dude in the green tunic and white tights who saves premcess Lelda or something lol 7/10 those games are good

Gallium - seems like a prick 4/10

Germanium - sounds like a child pronouncing geraniums which are superior 3/10

Arsenic - bad vibes coach 1/10

Selenium - isn’t this just sailor moon lol 10/10 love this bitch

Bromine - farmine wherever you aremine - 9/10 I love a good bro

Krypton - he’s okay I guess 5/10

Rubidium - yet another Steven universe villain who will be redeemed I imagine 4/10 seems a bit dull

Strontium - I feel nothing when I see this lad’s name and that seems like a shame 1/10 I don’t like it

Yttrium - this is an atrium in Yharnam, or something 8/10 would love to sit in one and make contact with higher beings

Zirconium - oh wait THIS is the sailor moon villain from the dead moon circus! 9/10 I enjoyed that arc

Niobium - seems sassy, I like that in an element 7/10

Molybdenum - I hate this one, rancid. 1/10 for making me have flashbacks to difficult Ancient Greek vocabulary there is no fucking way that sound combination is anything but Beta and Delta borking and then Latin being like oh imma steal that

Technetium - 6/10 decent name but seems a bit forced

Ruthenium - 5/10 kindly old lady element I guess lol

Rhodium - 10/10 this ain’t my first rhodium babee this lad has good vibes what a name what a king

Palladium - 10/10 for making me think of paladins

Silver - 12/10 I’m breaking the rules for this silver is the best it is so cool and also it is the other best tool for dealing with supernatural creatures when iron has failed you highly suggest Even if I am extremely allergic to it going into my ears...wait hold on

Cadmium - 2/10 sounds like a total douche

Indium - 8/10, i just think it’s independent and neat

Tin - 10/10 good ear sounds when involving rain and roof shapes and automatically reminds me of Nora Jones’s come away with me album which is also 10/10

Antimony - 7/10 decent protagonist good name all around seems rad

Tellurium - tell ur mom what? That’s so early 2010s league of legends humor bro 2.5/10

Iodine - strikes fear in my soul from having it poured on my wounds but this is why I have more pain tolerance than god 5.3/10

Xenon - I think this is a declension of Xena warrior princess which is a win in my eyes, 8/10

Caesium - kind of has a cunty Latin name, 4.5/10

Barium - yeah boss, bury’im! 7.5/10 I love a good mobster gag

Lanthanum - A bit pretentious on the Tolkien spectrum sorry bud 3/10 sounds like you’d be the dickwad elf everyone hates

Cerium - 6.5/10 I like this one, gives me a clean vibe

Praseodymium - the fuck who sneezed all their alphabet soup onto the paperwork and called it an element Christ we can’t keep doing this 1.5/10

Neodymium - oh my god what did I just say 1/10

Promethium - thank Christ we’re back to greek 9/10 Prometheus was a Chad I could get behind

Samarium - 5/10 gives me boring wizard vibes

Europium - 4.5/10 don’t rename opium chrissake can’t take these nerds anywhere

Gadolinium - 5/10 it’s a starship knockoff but it’s trying to be bold with the G sound

Terbium - 2/10 I don’t vibe with this one

Dysprosium - sounds like an antidepressant that has a lot of shitty side effects 3/10

Holmium - sounds like someone anxious asking their beloved to hold them 8/10 I like hurt/comfort fics

Erbium - you can’t just describe something as herby you daft bastard 2/10

Thulium - sounds like a spell I like it 8.5/10

Ytterbium - macguffin in a shite sci-fi show that gets highly overrated because BBC produced it and superwholock stans emerge and go utterly feral 1/10

Lutetium - bards are an element I agree 10/10

Hafnium - sounds like a river (my dog) sound and has a cute vibe, I’d offer it head pats 7/10

Tantalum - noooo you can’t be sad yuor so sexe haha 6.9/10 tantalizing

Tungsten - 10/10 this is a lad with history

Rhenium - 5.5/10 it’s ok

Osmium - 4/10 I wasn’t a big wizard of oz fan

Iridium - 9/10 sounds like iridescent and that’s in my top 10 favorite words and concepts

Platinum - 10/10 best Pokémon game

Gold - 7.9/10 all that glitters and all but it’s still pretty on some people, silver is better tho

Mercury - yikes 8/10 so it doesn’t kill me

Thallium - sounds like the brother character in a ps4 exclusive western rpg that oddly falls under the radar in terms of reviews and gets shafted at awards for no reason 7/10 I’ll support you tho

Lead - 2/10 that’s gonna be a no from me dawg pretty sure I still have lead in my hands from stabbing myself with my mechanical pencils

Bismuth - 6/10 sounds good in mouth and reminds me of biscuits for some reason, I’ll take it

Polonium - to thine own self be true so stop trying to act like the arts don’t influence science jk pretty sure this is named for Poland but hey that’s where we get the Witcher so you get a pass 6/10

Astatine - 1/10 I don’t even know what you are

Radon - 7/10 this motherfucker knows his shit and how to party, rad is right

Francium - I bring you francium...and I bring you myrdurdium... 7/10 for a good vine

Radium - killed the video star probably 9/10 I can get behind her

Actinium - as opposed to passtinium I prefer actinium in the voice of writing 8/10

Thorium - overrated Norse god 5/10 because lightning is still cool

Protactinum - sounds like some pretentious condom brand 4/10 wouldn’t do it with a dude who bought these

Uranium - I always thought she was a hot sailor scout 10/10

Neptunium - same for her I knew they weren’t cousins you couldn’t lie to me 4kids 10/10

Plutonium - sounds like a macguffin unfortunately 5/10

Americium - I read this with a pivotal letter missing and nearly died, 7/10 for the laugh

Curium - 10/10 gives me Curie vibes and also reminds me of curiosity which reminds me of—[old yellered before the association could set in]

Berkelium - what I shout when I want Burke (fam dog) to slaughter innocents and raze territories 2/10 world was not meant to know his commands

Californium - 1/10 California is cool with geography but probs could stand to chill with the ego sorry to my friends in Cali

Einsteinium - 6/10 it’s alright but we’re really running out of ideas huh

Fermium - 3/10 this one is porny

Mendelevium - 1/10 my brain didn’t like parsing this and I stand by my earlier statement of running out of good names

Nobelium - 0/10 you didn’t name any noble gases this cowards this gas can’t be a noble oh wait it’s NOBEL I take it back 5/10 seems an alright chap

Lawrencium - fear the old blood my sorry dead hunter’s ass I’ll never get back my life from the hours I spent trying to beat this lava shitting bastard 2/10 for being a boss who eats Taco Bell specifically before being challenged to have fresh lava shit with which to punish you for having the audacity to exist in his space

Rutherfordium - my god what a snob 4.2/10 I respect him a little but only because he sounds like a right lad

Dubnium - DROP THE BASS 10/10

Seoborgium - not sure about this one but it can have a 7/10

Bohrium - as an American English speaker this sound combination makes my pathetic throat become a black hole as I try to properly create the sound of it 10/10 I love when my body becomes a massive void in the universe

Hassium - lazy 2/10

Elements 109-118 can go fuck themselves I hate them all, collective 6.66/10 for their general demonic vibe

#the periodic table #made by an idiot #it’s me your manic dragon dream girl #long post

[everydayanth]

Academic Elitism: an institutional issue

Sorry for being so rant-y lately, but the elitism of university has been a problem for me from the exact moment I accepted my scholarship with a signature and a handshake in high school. (The scholarship was later revoked due to state up-fuckery, but that’s another story, and I was already in too deep by the time they told me).

My parent’s house was only an hour north, my younger sister had already claimed my room, but I was excited. I was in the furthest dorm building, because that’s where the scholarship kids went, it was like a poor kid diversity hall, every few doors was someone from a completely different background, but we were all poor except our Swedish RA, and there was an odd pride in that. We all had various scholarships: robotics, dance team, nerds like me, etc. (not the football or hockey athletes though, they had their own dorm next to the library for... reasons, lol).

But being the last hall, it wasn’t actually full, most of us had entire rooms to ourselves, often whole suites; our hall was co-ed, but rooms were only occupied at every-other, staggered down the corridor. Only the front two halls were used, the back two closed off for construction or codes or something. We had to hike up the hill for dining halls, which was fine until snowdays that shut the whole campus down (and I mean west Michigan ones, with 4+ feet of powder and ice underneath). I had an old computer my dad got me for graduation and I didn’t know it was old until my peers started calling it a dinosaur. I had to use the library computers to write and print papers, and most places I went, I ran into the other scholarship kids. We didn’t talk much, just a head bob here and there, awareness at our similarities and an annoyed spite at being thrown together this way. It was lonely for everyone.

I had a purple flip phone I’d gotten only that calendar year (2009) and was still learning to text with (abbreviations? instant messaging? what?). My roommate had come down from Alaska to live near her dad, we’d talked in the summer, but I never saw her. I moved my things in and her stuff was on her side, I texted her about going to turn in paperwork and when I came back, there was a note on my bed and all her things were gone, she couldn’t do it, had never been away from home for even a night. She left a few mismatched socks and a bag of junk pens that I resented for years. 

Social media was mostly a way to talk to people across campus and exchange homework and party times/locations. We posted over-edited photos of our food and still jogged with our mp3 players and ipods. But within two years, I had to trade in my computer three times and upgrade to a smartphone to keep up with the expectations of communication. Professors would cancel classes by emails an hour out, and if I was on campus, I simply didn’t get the message, running between classes with 19 credit hours and three jobs. Work would call in or cancel my appointments (tutoring) and I needed to be able to communicate at the rate of my peers, so though it wasn’t something we could easily afford, my parents let me get the smartphone and my dad helped me find computers that could keep up with writing papers and researching without having to go to the lab, which saved so much time. 

There was little understanding for my suffering. I didn’t have a car, I had to call my parents and organize a time to get home or take the train which was more expensive than waiting around on an empty campus. They were often things that even the wealthiest students had to deal with, but there were so much more of them for us, more stress, more problems, more solutions, more consequences, and in some ways, more determination.

I spent plenty of breaks holed up in my room, but when the swine flu/H1N1 outbreak happened, guess where they quarantined students?

In our hall. 

Not the back one that was closed. In the room attached to my suite. 

After half a semester alone, suddenly strangers shared my bathroom. I never saw them, I would just hear the formidable click of the bathroom lock followed by the shower. A week later I got a blue half-sheet note in my mailbox about quarantines. The other kids were as pissed off, as we watched kids escorted in with blue masks and were told to just get cleaning wipes from the front desk –they ran out in a week. 

We were the recyclable students, brought in to trade scholarships for university grade averages. Many of my friends were struggling with scholarship qualifications and gpas (which only encouraged my continual obsessive perfectionism and involvement). 

We were expendable. 

I didn’t understand the elitism then, or I did, but I’d twisted it in my head from years tossed between private and public schools. I was an invader, I wasn’t supposed to be there, but I wanted to be. I understood that I didn’t deserve it, that I had to work harder to stay. I completed Master’s coursework for my Bachelor’s degree, finishing two BA programs (anthropology and English: creative writing) and 2 minor programs in philosophy and world lit, lead several campus groups and volunteered with honor’s societies. I spent hours on campus every day, running home just to go to one job or the other. I slept about four hours a night and I still romanticize it because I loved it. And I was good at it. It was a closed system, easy to infiltrate, easy to watch and observe and follow, to feel protected from the world, but there were always ways that I came up short. 

I didn’t have leggings or Northface fleeces or Ugg boots or name brand anything (except a pair of converse I got in 8th grade from my Babcia). I had old high school sweats and soccer shirts, hand-me-down clothes from sisters and cousins that mix-matched a style I thought was unique but I now understand screamed I don’t really belong here. Example: I went to propose an independent study to a professor I really admired and I panicked about what to wear. I still cringe at the memory, gahhhhhh, but I pulled on what I thought was a decent dress because it had no rips or stains or tears and though I’d picked it up from a clearance rack, it was the newest thing and therefore the best. But in retrospect, it was definitely a “party” dress, I grabbed a sweater, hoop earrings that had always been beautiful in my neighborhood, and heels I never wore otherwise, and presented my idea. This old professor was just like “um...did you dress up for me?” Clearly spooked by red flags and I realized my mistake. Saved by quick thinking I clarified “no, I have a presentation later,” and being a familiar face in the social sciences department, I let him assume I was dressed up as something. I just went in my sweats and t-shirts after that, got a haircut that tamed the wavy frizz and learned the importance of muted tones, cardigans, and flats.

I made a lot of interesting friends in the process, people who also stuck out from the American Academic culture: exchange students, older (non-traditional) students, rebels, and other poor kids. But that also meant that we all evolved during our time there, so friendship was quick and fleeting as we adapted or dropped out or remained oblivious, lost in our studies and dreams of changing the world or our lives. 

I had no idea how to approach the dining halls because I could only afford the bronze plan that was included with my room+board scholarship. I could enter the hall ten times per week, with four included passes to the after-hours carry-out (this was an upgrade from the free high school lunch I was coming from). I met other kids on this plan and their dorm rooms had fridges and microwaves and shelves of ramen and mac’n’cheese. Mine was sparse, my fridge had jugs of water from the filtered tap in the common room, and though it had a shared kitchenette, it always smelled bad or was being used and the nearest grocery store was Meijers which was a 15-20 minute drive from campus. I used so much energy dividing up my meals and figuring out how to sneak food from the hall for later or just learn to not eat, which is another story involving malnutrition, broken bones, and the American Healthcare System.

We like to summarize the college experience with fond struggles. I went back to my old high school to watch my younger sisters’ marching band competition that first year (it’s MI, and they were good). My old art teacher (not much older than we were but she felt so much older at the time, also her maiden name was Erickson and so was her fiance’s so she didn’t “change” her name and that blows my mind to this day), anyway, she stopped me to ask how school was going, and I was not prepared to be recognized in anyway and stammered out something like “oh, yeah, stressful. Fun, cool, yeah,” like the eloquent well-educated student I was. And she said, “oh, I loved it, don’t you love it? Everything’s so charming, and being poor? Oh man, it’s hard for a while, but it’s so good to go through.” 

I was dumbfounded at her reference to poverty as a thing to go through when you’re a student. I again had to remember that I was infiltrating places where people weren’t just marginally more well-off than I was, but far beyond, in a place where they couldn’t comprehend an alternative, couldn’t conceive of surviving poverty, of not having a reliable place to fall if you mess up, parents who couldn’t support you if things went wrong, who couldn’t save you from having to drop out if scholarships were canceled because the money just wasn’t there.

Talking with my parents never worked, and I recently found this video by The Financial Diet about Boomer shame in being poor, where many Millennials were united by it and it was #relatable. But all this is to say that there are so many layers and ways we develop in higher education that are often overlooked by the romantic nostalgia of the elite expectation. What we demand from education vs. what it offers us in return is rarely equal for students coming from poverty, and it starts with that first sacrifice of looking at money and deciding it has to be worth it to do something bigger, and that education is a necessary piece of that goal.

Now I live near Brown University, I’ve been to Harvard when we lived in Boston and recently took a trip to Yale with bold expectations. I am friends with several people who work at these places and I hear the same things: so many students are in a place where their obsessions are considered more important than the larger world, an argument that Shakespeare is a woman is more important to prove than the greater issues of sexism in society as a whole, while others are trained to look at data and the world as a pocketable fact-book, going to conferences and  week-long summits and then off to D.C. to make important decisions about places they’ve never been to, for people they’ve never met, about problems they’ve never experienced.  

It’s not new. It’s not romantic. It’s not nostalgic. It’s just sick. 

I was horrified at New Haven. I have read so many social science reports and papers and experiments and academic bullshit that has come from professors at Yale with a big badge of ivy-league validation. So much of this research was focused on homelessness and culture clash and socio-economics in America, as that was my “dissertation” that got me discounted master’s classes for my BA in Anthropology. Anyway, my point was that I thought this noble, proud university that put out so much research was going to be situated in something of a utopia, where their research is put into practice. Obviously, I was wrong, but I didn’t expect how wrong. (I had also started reading Leigh Bardugo’s Ninth House, so... there’s another thing).

My observations were validated by employees of ivy-league schools, who have watched over the past 2 decades as they grow more and more reclusive, hiding away from the public except through a few, probably well-intentioned, outstretched hands that do little to contribute to the world outside the university itself. These ivory towers are built by poaching: environments, observations, resources, research, and yeah, even students.

I love academia. I will sit in a library for hours just pulling down tomes (and putting them back in their proper locations like a dork) and drawing connections just for fun. But right now, I’m a bit bitter and spiteful and angry. 

When something like Coronavirus sneaks up on us, we have a tendency to throw the most expendable people under the bus as quickly as we can, and all I can think about is my shadow of a suite-mate sneezing and coughing with swine flu for two weeks, at how I refused to use my own bathroom and listened to my hall-mates’ advice about showering at the rec center a mile away as we all collectively locked our bathroom doors and were left there by the university to get sick without insurance to help with any foreseeable costs.

It’s not the same now, they’ve rebuilt the entire section of the campus, it’s odd to see it, I wonder where they put the expendable kids. Or maybe they don’t accept them anymore. I’ve worked in college admissions since then, and it is a scary industry of politics and preference and hidden quotas and image-agendas. Not all schools are industry monsters, but when you’re expendable, they sure do feel like it, whether you graduate summa cum laude with two degrees, six awards, and five tasseled ropes around your neck or not. 

I wish I had a positive message. I wish I was in a place to help people who feel expendable or like they can’t keep up with communications because of technology or language or network or environment. But I don’t have much right now. For all its posturing and linear progression, academia needs to create profit. All I can do is yell about this existing.

If you are feeling expandable in university, I can tell you you’re not alone. I can let you rant about all the small ways your peers don’t get it, whether its an accent they shit on or ceremonies you don’t have the right clothes for or textbooks you share with a friend to cut costs but then they hoard them. I can relate to you about guilt and that sneaking panic that fills you with anxiety at night as you question yourself and wonder if it’s worth it at all, if it’s necessary, if it’s okay to be expendable to follow something that feels bigger. I can validate your doubt and tell you that you’re not actually expendable, you’re a bridge. 

I’m sorry it still works like this. I wish we figured out how to change it by now, I wish I had secret shortcuts to tell you about, that there was more accountability or hope, but I’m not seeing it lately. I hope you do. <3

#academia #anthropology #sociology #university #culture #h1n1 #coronavirus #poverty #wealth gap #elitism

[archived-brokentoys]

Altho I take inspiration from Origins and say that Ed was part of the Cyber Crime Division... I actually deviate from pretty much everything else regarding his backstory/plot in Origins. For example;

- In Origins, Ed joined the CCD only to get information on the higher ups in G0tham. My Ed? Didn’t do that. My Ed joined the Cyber Crime Division because of his genuine interest in helping people. After years of abuse and living in G0tham’s poverty, Edward EASILY knew the terrible state G0tham was in. He wanted to do good and he chose the Cyber Crime Division because of his interest in computers. He’d be able to help people and do what he loves.

- My Edward had already changed his name to “N!gma” by the time he joined the Cyber Crime Division. This decision was based on his interest in puzzles, which he already had since he was a child. He changed his name as a way to start a new life and distance himself from his family. He came up with ‘the R!ddler’ mantle after he discovered his compulsion.

- Edward actually worked at the Cyber Crime Division for a couple of years before entering a criminal lifestyle.

- While Edward always wanted to help G0tham, what REALLY inspired him to become the R!ddler was seeing very shocking content through cyberspace. Things which were very mentally damaging to him. (Remember when Facebook moderators recently sued FB for the shocking content they saw that ppl posted? Yeah, that’s essentially what happened to Ed.) and upon curiosity of being able to hack into essentially anything, Edward discovered very sick things on certain politicians’ computers (Illegal porn, illegal business practices/bribery) This caused Edward to believe he wasn’t doing enough and caused him to become disgusted with working for the GCPD. Therefore, he decided to go independent and target those politicians he saw. By kidnapping one and successfully assassinating him, and going on to attempt to kidnap others before the Bat eventually stopped him.

#RIDDLED: ABOUT

[curiousconch]

No Clear Skies Ahead

Chapter 1 of Ricochet (An Open Heart AU). Read the prologue here. 

Chapter Synopsis: An investigation is launched after a threat was sent to the DA's office. In an attempt to protect Heather, Rafael zooms in on the case but stumbles upon an inner struggle which leads to dire consequences.

Pairing: Rafael Aveiro x MC (Dr. Heather Song) 

Words: 3k+ | Genre: Crime, Mystery, Thriller, Romance

Rating/Warnings: Mature (16+) / sex, mental health issues

Author’s Notes: Majority of the characters are owned by Pixelberry, except the main character Heather Song. There are also small references to canon, so spoiler alert for those who haven’t played OH 2 yet. This specific chapter was inspired by Bruno Mars' It Will Rain (Live version - X Factor).

Rafael dropped his bag on the apartment floor, an exasperated sigh escaped his lips as he waded his way to the kitchen. 

On a normal day, Rafael wouldn't be this ill-tempered. But today wasn't normal, normalcy went out the window since they received that threat. 

Two weeks has passed since, and both of their lives are imploding. He shook his head as he recalled their conversation that night, while trying to have a peaceful dinner for once. 

"I need to go, Raf. This is groundbreaking cancer research that may help some of our patients," she explained while she unwrapped her bibimbap. 

"How long will you be at Johns Hopkins then?" he asked, while he himself took a bite from his beef patties. 

"The initial plan would be at least a week. I'll fly out to Maryland on Monday, so I won't be back until Saturday morning. We want to be able to lend a hand to the planning of the clinical trials. Edenbrook wants to participate," her voice sounded excited. 

"I don't think it's a great idea right now, Heather," he shook his head gently, a genuine look of concern in his face. 

Heather wasn't entirely enthused by his response. 

"What, I can't live my life now because of that stupid note?" she said in a vicious tone. "If I let this thing hang over my head for the rest of my life, there's no use of all of this fuss."

"I'm just trying to look out for you, Heath," he replied, not wanting to spend this rare quality time arguing.

She got awfully quiet, as she averted her gaze. She was stubborn, but her behavior told him she was on edge. 

Resigned, he just nodded and expressed his agreement. He reminded her to come back as soon as possible, and made plans to pick her up at the airport.

He spent the rest of the night sucking up his frustration. They individually came up with an excuse and parted early, even the idea of sex was off the table. 

He grabbed a beer from his fridge and padded his way to the living room, switching on the TV to watch some late night news. 

A special report was playing, covering much of the recent developments in the case. It briefly mentioned Heather, making him frown. 

They only knew a few things about the note, including the fact that it was emailed directly to Bryce Lahela, the same prosecutor who executed Travis Perry in court. He suspected that It was meant to hit two birds in one stone - to threaten the DA and the doctor who reported the ruse. The mastermind is informed who was involved. 

The IT team were able to trace where the email was sent - it was from a terminal in a nearby public library. This was expected, and Rafael wasn't wrong to ignore his gut that told him this was just the start. 

A week after, a second note came. This time, faxed to Senator Ed Farrugia's office. But unlike the first message, it was wordless.

Instead, it contained two images - two shots of the politician meeting with associates at a nearby hotel. The office of the senator confirmed it to be taken the same day the fax was sent. 

The whole Boston field office was on full gear, with the Senate presurring the agency to reopen the case. The stakes were slowly becoming higher. 

This wasn't a childish prank, he concluded. It's the beginning of a well-planned attack. 

He waited for another move from the faceless sender. His training told him that this is going to be a slow burn. If the perpetrator waited months to put this into action, they wouldn't hesitate to wait for the perfect time. Raf's whole team were still clueless to the most important matter at hand - the when and the how. 

He wished hard for it to be nothing but empty threats, but he knew better. He struggled to stop himself from taking this too personally, convincing himself that he had a job to do. But he can't help himself. So he spent the past two weeks leaving no stone unturned. 

Meanwhile, Heather drowned herself with work. 

Rafael knew it was an effort of her taking control. In the few months that they were dating, he learned how she had to hide anything that was wrong. She was a doctor, and she was required to smile at her patients every single day. That's also how she coped - pretending that there's nothing wrong and pushing everyone away. 

His own attempts to comfort her proved futile as most of his time was also occupied by the investigation. 

It's not over, Dr. Song. Every single word in that short sentence cast a long shadow over his every move, beckoning a hidden resentment he never knew existed. 

The rising anxiety within him got amplified as their shifts ended in irregular hours. For two weeks, they barely saw each other. He would call her at the end of his day, but he felt that she involuntarily withdrew from him more over time. He knew it was her defense, Rafael himself a stark reminder of the threat that just overturned her life. 

Her shielded independence irked him greatly. He wanted her to rely on him, now, more than ever. He wanted to share this with her, and his concerns only grew every single day. 

He never thought  that there would ever be a distance between them. He hated the thought of Heather wanting to tend to herself. 

Did she not trust him enough? Didn't she want to rely on him? Can't she just lean on him, especially during this time? What else is this relationship for then? 

He knew she grew up independently, she was forced to rely on no one but herself for most of her teenage and adult years. She was strong and not fragile.  But he desired so much to protect her, to save her, just like the same way he did the year before. But he knew she wasn't that kind of girl. 

And when Heather shut him down another time tonight, he felt cornered.  She'll be out, indefinitely. Will she even miss me? His head hurt just thinking about it. He had a hard time sleeping that night, feeling an emptiness he didn't feel ever since he met her. 

It wasn't long when the void that he felt over her abrupt absence got filled by someone else. 

The week Heather flew to Johns Hopkins, a childhood friend came back to Boston. An ex, in fact. Sora, his high school sweetheart. It all began with a seemingly innocent chat, an invitation to catch up. 

But it soon escalated to him being more involved with her, volunteering his spare time to help her reacquainted to their neighborhood. With Heather dismissing him in every turn, he diverted his energies to spending time with Sora. For a few days, he didn't know why he kept her company, but as time went on, he understood. 

It was Sora's consistent need of him, asking small favors from him every chance she gets. It was the total opposite of what Heather was doing. 

She was familiar with Rafael, so she it was easy for her to feed his uncontrollable need to be someone's savior. Superman needed his own fix. 

It's partially the reason why he ended up being an FBI agent himself. It was his innate need to save someone from practically anything. He lived and breathed to be someone's hero. 

With no desire to spend another night at Donahues, he asked his high school friends to come over to his place on Friday after work for some movies and beer, a mini reunion, for Sora. He persuaded himself that it was nothing else but an effort to help a friend out. 

That night became full of nostalgia, as friends who showed up exchanged stories of their adventures from their childhood and teenage years. Over the next few hours, their friends left one by one, eventually leaving him and Sora alone. They each had a few more beers than they usually drank, and their chat unsurprisingly catapulted towards the end of their high school love affair. They talked about what attracted them to one another, eventually venturing to the regrets Sora had when they broke up.

"I think I never got over you, you know," Sora casually teased him, chugging down another bottle of beer. "Our breakup felt forced, and I hadn't been able to feel the same way with someone else..." her voice trailed off, her hand gently hovering over his thigh. 

He didn't push her away. Although he wanted to, but he melted in the attention she was giving him. 

He just nodded in reply, drinking from his own bottle, his mind racing, his heart beating uncontrollably in his chest. He knew he had to stop this, but he lacked the willpower to do so. 

With Rafael's pent up frustrations and Sora's voluntary prodding, they ended up kissing. Their hands roaming each other as they tried to rediscover their past, their clothes carelessly discarded one after another on his living room. Rafael's head screamed opposition, but his body cannot resist the contact. Shutting down the shouting disagreement in his mind, he let his hands take over him. 

He let his hands roam, feeling electrified by someone familiar, who knew his flaws, his body. He sensed that Sora felt exactly the same.  In the heat of their bodies, they didn't hear the keys jingling and a door creaking open. 

A sound of glass breaking made them look up. 

"What the hell?" 

There, standing in his dim entryway, was a flushed faced Heather. She held a suitcase, staring daggers at him and Sora as they were sprawled half-naked on the living room couch.

Shit. 

Sora followed his gaze, and a mortified look of shame filled her eyes.  Heather instantly fled, slamming the door closed behind her.  Rafael rose from the couch, cursing under his breathe as he retrieved his clothes and covered his body. 

He shot Sora a look of apology, and she understood. Grabbing his jacket and his keys, he followed Heather, running like he was being chased by death.  A bitter taste formed at the back of his tongue as his mind raced with the number of possibilities how this night would end. He shook himself out of his thoughts, surprised as rain fell over him the moment he stepped out his apartment building. November is Boston's wettest month. 

Despite the lack of visibility, his eyes shot in different directions, trying to find a trace of Heather. He saw her black suitcase just as it disappeared in the nearest street corner.

His shoes dug heavily on the wet sidewalk as he followed her sprinting shadow for two full blocks. He called out to her, unfazed by the fact that the pouring rain could mute him. 

At last Heather stopped. He saw as the lights of the stream of traffic shining at her small figure. 

He called her once more. But panic instantly filled him as he saw her advance the street in front of a fast-approaching car. 

He rushed towards her, pulling her back in time. 

"What the hell, Heather?" he looked down at her with fury and concern.  He was surprised with her strength as she pushed  him back, freeing herself from his grip. 

"I asked you first," she gave him an accusing look, poison in her words. He instantly remembered why he chased her. 

His stance immediately got defensive. Without thinking, he dragged Heather, ignoring her protests. He found an alley with some sort of roof, saving them from the downpour momentarily. 

"Meu amor," his raspy voice breaking as he struggled to make Heather look at him. He reached out to her, touching her shoulders. Her face filled with pain crushed his soul. 

"I don't have any words except I'm sorry." His whole body shook, his strong arms wrapping around her as he began to sob. "Heather, I... I made a mistake. I was weak," his hands gently cupped her face, his voice lowering to nothing but a faint whisper. "I just missed you so much, but I swear, I didn't mean for this to happen."  

Rafael felt stupid at the lame excuse he could muster, knowing full well how horribly he fucked up.

Being soaked through the bones did not numb the pain he was feeling. Her silence became more unbearable by the minute. He attempted to kiss her, but failed the moment she  avoided it. 

"If you wanted to give up, you didn't have to pretend." she hissed, with tear-stained cheeks and a gaze haunting back at him, speaking volumes. "If you didn't want me around anymore, you should have just told me." he saw her bite her lip, her voice filled with contempt. 

His chest constricted, realizing the damage he had done. "I want you, I still want you. I want no one else but you," he pleaded, wishing that there was a way to reverse what he had done. "Forgive me, meu amor, give me the chance to make this right, please," his voice shook as he begged her, his lungs about to give out, heavy of guilt. 

Her silence stung more than any word. Her rigid body, motionless against his shivering chest. When he couldn't take her refusal to speak anymore, he took one last attempt to pound down the walls she was beginning to build. Fueled by nothing but desperation, he took her hands in his and knelt in front of her, waiting eagerly for an answer.

But as he gazed up at her, the small glimmer of hope in him dissipated. The eyes that once shined like the whole universe was in it, turned empty, dark and desolate.

She retrieved her hands from his grip, Rafael's face twisted in horror as he felt her slip away. He knew right then that he just lost her.  "I can't, Rafael. I just can't right now."

In those few words, his world tumbled over. He watched her turn around and walk away, helpless. Once that he can no longer see any trace of her, his knuckles pounded the ground until it bled. 

The rain outside crept its way inside him. It will be a long time before it stopped.  

#open heart #open heart 2 #open heart fanfiction #choices fic writers creations #choices fanfiction #rafael aveiro #rafael aveiro x mc #rafael x mc

[ughfitz]

One last game of Tag? Agents of Shield #PartingShot

Thank you for the tag and the lovely idea, @queensimmons​!

Where were you in life when you first started watching AOS?

Oh, goodness. I started actively participating in the fandom in October 2015. I was in my second to last semester of undergrad and I was starting to really freak out about what I was going to do with my life once school was over (ha! newsflash to me, freaking out about what I’m going to do with my life is still a thing, lol)! Fandom-wise, Parks and Rec had ended earlier that year and I was, according to my archive, all over the place. I know that I kept on seeing FS posts and I just couldn’t help but fall in love with them and the show! 

Where are you now?

At home with my parents because of quarantine 😅 Physically, very much in the same place, but otherwise, things have indeed changed. I’m no longer a student...in fact, I’m a little more than two years out since receiving my master’s degree. I’m still working at the same place as I was then, only now instead of being a student employee, I’m a full-time staff member (it’s actually my two-year anniversary today), and I’m in a different department. I just officially moved back in with my parents this past weekend (I’ve been here the whole quarantine due to lack of space at my apartment)...and I’m looking forward to (hopefully) moving to a different state sometime next year! 

What character development arc (or storyline in general) did you love the most?

I really enjoy Jemma’s personal growth (independent of Fitz). I think as someone who started watching the show feeling a little overambitious/confident/yet totally out of my element, I see a lot of myself reflected in Jemma and see and enjoy how much both of us have grown more confident. (Contrary to Jemma, I do not work for a secret spy organization, though some might get that vibe about those of us working in higher ed lol). 

What will you miss the most?

I think I will really miss getting to flail over new episodes with the friends I’ve made. There is just something so special about eagerly waiting for a new episode to air. I also love making gifs, and while that won’t stop, I know that it will not be the same with a lack of new content to create from! 

Favorite Quote?

Um, in classic Jemma Simmons fashion...

Thanks for the tag! I don’t like picking other folks, but if you want to take a whack at this yourself and haven’t yet been tagged, considered yourself tagged!

#things i'm tagged in #What a little queuetie

[adhdtoomanycommas]

ADHD, Gifted Programs, and Accidental Accommodations

So one big thing has been on my mind pretty consistently since I got diagnosed last year at the age of 30—why did it take so long to figure this out?  At no point in my K-12 education or my 4 year bachelor’s degree schooling did any teacher or counselor question or suggest I may have ADHD, despite the fact that I check nearly every single box on every diagnostic criteria (both inattentive and hyperactive!)

One obvious reason is sexism.  Pretty early in my reading on the subject, I learned that ADHD is dramatically under-diagnosed in girls and women. Partly this is because of different presentations, but a lot of it is just that the stereotype people have in their heads of what an ADHD kid looks like is always a boy.  

But the other big reason, and the one I want to talk about today, is the fact that one of the few ADHD diagnostic boxes that I didn’t check was “bad grades.”  So really, the question is, why weren’t my grades bad?

That’s not to say I was especially good at school work. My backpacks, desks, and binders were always a complete mess, and I NEVER did the homework.  I would do the big projects (at the last possible second, of course) but daily homework just straight up didn’t happen.   If there was time left at the end of class I would sometimes quickly do the homework for the next day, and occasionally jot down some approximation of it in the minute or two before class started, but when I was actually at home, I never touched it.

But here’s the thing with ADHD brains:  We can focus on things with no problem, as long as we find them interesting.  And I’ve always read quickly enough that doing the reading for class was usually interesting. And for the most part, the class content itself usually seemed interesting enough.    But probably most importantly, I consider tests interesting. There’s always been enough of a challenge racing-the-clock game-like aspect to them to me that I would stay engaged on the tests, and even if didn’t completely know the material, I was good at using logic to get a pretty good guess (like using all those tricks they teach for standardized tests—narrowing down the options on a multiple choice question, looking for answers in the other questions, etc.)

So even in the classes where turning in the daily homework counted for part of the grade (math and language classes mostly) I was usually able to scrape a B with only the occasional C thrown in,  and everything else was A’s.  

But part of my saving grace was the “gifted” classes.  I was very lucky that, despite not knowing about her own (probable) ADHD,  my mom knew enough about how she worked as a student to know that me (and my brother) really needed to be engaged and challenged in order to thrive.  Because of this, she advocated for us hard—she insisted we be allowed in my elementary school’s “gifted” program in kindergarten (based on our test scores of course)  even though the “gifted” program officially wasn’t even available until first grade.  And when we moved to a different state, she advocated for us again and got us included even though the “gifted” class was “full.”   She knew that nothing would make us fail faster than being bored in class, so she made sure that there was at least one day a week when we would be challenged and actually get to engage with material we found interesting.  

Aside,  despite how essential they were for me to thrive in school,  the entire concept of “gifted” programs and “gifted” kids is problematic as hell.  Half of the screening is basically just looking for class signifiers and seeing whose parents had enough free time to give them a head start (or whose parents have the time to advocate for their kids the way my mom did for me).  Not to mention there’s likely a massive racial bias. So in all this discussion of why I did ok despite my ADHD, it’s important to note that there’s a lot of privilege at play here determining who gets access to these types of programs.  

This is also why I keep putting “gifted” in quotes--  I don’t think there is anything inherent about academic ability. Also, academic ability, reading ability, testing aptitude, etc. are definitely not indicative of intelligence. Plus the entire concept of the measurability of intelligence is based on eugenics ideas, so clearly one should take the whole thing with a huge grain of salt.

Nowadays the term all the parenting blogs like to use for kids like me, with ADHD (or dyslexia, or autism, or whatever else) who also test well enough to be flagged as “gifted,”  is “Twice Exceptional”  which is a term that makes me immediately want to punch whoever uses it. Seriously,  it makes me gag.  Like, it doubles down on the “special” euphemism and seems entirely designed to make parents feel better about their kid without any consideration to how the kid feels.  No kid wants to be singled out, especially one who’s already probably pretty socially isolated (which I could digress about but that’ll be another essay for another day), and being Twice singled out certainly doesn’t help anything.  

But ultimately the teaching in the “gifted” class itself wound up being really good accommodations for ADHD. I wouldn’t have been a bit surprised if they were better than the accommodations in the separate classes actually intended for kids with ADHD and other learning issues, though since I wasn’t diagnosed as I kid I can’t actually speak to that as I don’t have any experience there.  But in the gifted classes, firstly, we were given more specific subjects as opposed to the overviews we got in regular classes.  And it’s way easier to be engaged on specific subjects like ice age mammals, or the wreck of the Titanic, than it is to be engaged with a broad list of dates or categories.  We did logic problems that were presented as games, but that were indirectly teaching us the basics for higher level math. In 6th grade, we did research projects and got to pick our own subjects completely, so we could write about whatever we were hyperfixating on at the moment (mine was on medieval warfare as depicted in the Bayeux tapestry).   And if we happened to get excited and blurt out an interesting fact vaguely related to whatever was being discussed, that was likely encouraged instead of reprimanded like it would be in the normal classroom. This continued into high school, as honors and AP level classes tended to be a lot more discussion based rather than the top-down approach at other levels, as well as affording more opportunity to choose one’s own subjects.

The story you’ll hear from (or about) a lot of ADHD kids (especially undiagnosed) flagged as “gifted” is of hitting a wall at some point, academically speaking.  That did happen to me briefly, in middle school. We started being assigned a lot more long-term projects, and there was a bit of a learning curve while I figured out how to put things off Until the last minute and not Past the last minute.  But thanks to some patient teachers who believed in me (which I might not have had outside of honors classes), I managed to pull out of it and improve my grades (with the exception of the only report-card F of my entire academic career, from a sadistic gym teacher who seemed to think that enough berating would cure asthma).

Even more stories I’ve read and heard from people who were diagnosed with ADHD as an adult say they hit that wall academically when they started college—the first time they were really self-guided in their studies.  But again, there, I was saved by an honors program.  In this case,  it was the Honors Tutorial College,  a truly strange program at Ohio University.  I was tracked into HTC by one particular professor who very much wanted HTC to expand into the art program and decided that because I had both strong test scores and a strong art portfolio (and probably, lets be real, because I was the daughter of one of the other professors) that I was the perfect person to be the first student in the new program.

OU’s website describes HTC as “flexible curriculum and one-on-one tutorials with renowned faculty that allow your curiosity to take the lead in your education.” It’s rigorous, but comes with a lot of perks, like waiving certain gen-ed classes,  being able to take classes without first taking the required prerequisites,  and designing one’s own independent study classes individually with instructors.  And those perks are (as far as I know entirely accidentally) the perfect accommodations for an ADHD student (and probably pretty good for Autistic ones as well, based on some of my peers in the program).

A lot of the gen-ed classes I waived were ones I probably would have been bored in and thusly not done well.  Being able to skip pre-reqs meant that, for instance, for my English requirements I was able to take far more interesting classes like Shakespeare’s Comedies,  YA Lit,  and Playwriting instead of English 101, 102 etc.  If I wanted to learn about something in particular, I had help finding a professor willing to help me in an independent study/tutorial class.  Being the pilot of the program meant I was able to shape it so that I could get an art degree without ever having to choose one medium (which as far as I know is still an option for anyone pursuing an HTC Studio Art degree).  And at the end of the program, when we were required to complete a massive thesis project and paper (at basically graduate level), not only could I choose my subject to meet my hyperfixations, but I had individual help from a professor keeping me on task on the less-fun parts at every step of the way.  

HTC students are required to keep their GPAs above a high threshold. At one point one of my grades (in Latin class) was low enough to hurt my average, and I was called into HTC headquarters for a check-in meeting.  I was asked why my grade had fallen, and I explained that the class wasn’t that interesting (at that level it was mostly grammar) but that it was getting better as we were moving up into translating more actual historical material. That explanation was entirely accepted.  Imagine if “it’s not interesting enough” was considered a valid excuse for grades slipping for everyone, how much less stressful school would be for ADHD kids!

So ultimately it’s pretty much been having the luck and privilege to get myself flagged for “gifted” classes that kept my grades up throughout my school years.  Accidental accommodations have continued into my adult life as well. At my most recent office job, for instance (which I lost due to covid layoffs), I had a pretty hands-off boss who just didn’t care if I doodled, got up to stretch my legs every once in a while, and listened to audiobooks at my desk all day as long as the work got done.  

I didn’t need a diagnosis to get these accommodations, because they were given freely, which meant I was able to succeed even without knowing about my own ADHD.  If I had been diagnosed, and had had to ask for accommodations, I wonder if I would have done as well as bias against people with ADHD means people wouldn’t have expected as much from me.  

So if you’ve made it this far, I’ll ask for the same for others that I got for myself.  If you are a teacher (or a manager in an office setting),  I strongly encourage you to consider how to make your classroom, office, etc. more accessible in general, without someone having to disclose a diagnosis or be singled out for accommodations.  The biggest easiest one you can do is to allow (or even encourage) doodling in lecture settings. Even for neurotypicals,  there have been plenty of studies proving people retain information better when doodling, so everyone should know by now that someone doodling doesn’t mean they’re not listening.   If at all possible, encourage discussion and contribution.  Give everyone breaks to stretch and move around.  And give as much freedom as possible on what to learn about.  You might be surprised what people are capable of when these reasonable steps are taken to give everyone room to thrive.  

That’s all for now,  hopefully you got something out of this unwieldy ramble.   I’d be curious to hear if you’ve run into any accidental accommodations in your life and how they’ve helped.  Until next time!

#actuallyadhd #Actually ADHD #adhd #gifted kids #former gifted kid

[theboardwalkbody]

So I wanna learn about Mandalorian culture and (before I dive into some YouTube videos and scour the internet) I kinda have a few things I hope to learn about in particular though I don’t feel I’ll find that information so if anyone knows LMK. (PS 90% of my info comes from The Mandalorian and it will be abbreviated TM to save my fingers).

1. Clothing: So all I know is that armor is Very Important and Valued. (and especially so in TM to the point where like no one takes off helmets or anything - which I understand is new). But that leaves me to wonder - recreationally? Like do they go swimming? IDK but I don’t imagine swimming in armor is leisurely. What do you wear when you’re just At Home. Coronavirus got me forgetting WTF pants are, so what do they like, just lounge in. 

I do believe there is information regarding marriage and helmet removal? Or maybe that is fanon I saw and I am misremembering. But even still it didn’t really shed light on anything.

2. Music. I always love to imagine what music I could introduce people in media to. Would elves like Indie? Would dwarves like Heavy Metal? Would Picard totally be into Hamilton? So of course I have to ask where Mandalorians fall in my iPod. 

3. Tattoos. Is body art a thing? Especially if one isn’t supposed to remove their armor for anyone? Branding VS Tattooing? Piercings? I don’t imagine anyone is wasting time going around coloring their hair if no one except maybe their S/O will see it but maybe?

4. What the hell DO they do for fun because so far I have seen just the very Strict and All Work No Play information but I haven’t gotten into the like Life in a Regular Day stuff.

5. Beauty standards? America is (*&^ed when it comes to Telling People How They Should Look to Be Attractive™. I assume Mandalorians are more Personality VS External and more Yeah We’re Compatible or Beneficial. But I’m still curious if there are physical standards as well. Other than, you know, not being filthy. 

6. State of Affairs. Take a Mandalorian. Stick them next to you. Tell them the current state of affairs in the US. Are they wondering WTF is wrong with the country for Being That Way? or are they wondering WTF is wrong with the PEOPLE for Being That Way? 

From what I have gathered of the very little I have gotten into history they have a very complicated one. Their own planet was destroyed. From what I understand there were a lot of political and power changes. A lot of infighting. A lot of people choosing their Own Side. But then of course you read other things and it seems very ALL FOR THE COUNTRY militarism. But I am wondering if it’s more so ALL FOR THE PEOPLE instead. Like - it’s not the location, the land, the country, its the creed, its the people, its the way of life. Is it the Gov is never wrong, fight the people or is it the Gov is wrong and support the people. I am beginning to feel like it is the latter but maybe that’s personal bias?

~SELFISH - Below this line are things I wanna know just because I struggle with my own identity and always wonder where I would fit among the characters I find interesting.~

A. I assume all occupations are very important. Naturally there is a need and someone needs to provide. I can’t help but wonder - Nurses/Doctors/Medics? Are they all ranked the same? Is there division among medical professionals? Would they all be considered of high caliber due to being beneficial not only to the community in general but also on the battlefield?

B. In the SW universe I have always wanted to “pick a side”. Jedi/Sith was what I was presented with. Or like Grey Jedi and stuff. But no matter how much I read into everything and analyzed neither fit. Sith? No, I’m not that violent and brutal. Or mad. Jedi? Nope, I have extreme emotions and strong bonds to people and things. Grey Jedi? I GUESS but it still doesn’t feel right.

And then I was introduced to Mandalorians. And I went ... Hey, I think there’s something for me here.

I highly connect with their value on Family - AND most IMPORTANTLY to me - the fact that your CHOSEN family is what has a higher meaning rather than your BLOOD family. (I have LITERALLY said to an abusive family member “you are misusing that quote the FULL quote is actually The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” and gave them a verbal middle finger.) Adoption, caring for children especially, accepting those who are willing to learn. All of those things hit incredibly hard for me.

Value on education. I teach. Not professionally but I try and teach children. I am never going to answer a “but Why?” with a “because i said so now go away”. I try and educate people on topics if they ask me. If I don’t know I will help them find out. Education in general - if school was free (higher education incl.) I would go just to learn things. Yeah - I have a degree for my career, but hey, I want to learn History and Marine Biology and take more classes for subjects unrelated to my field but that I find interesting. 

Language? From what I read it is not only important to speak Mando’a but it is also important to learn other languages? Which is pretty awesome, if you ask me. I may not know, myself, how to speak a multitude of languages but I do highly respect those who teach their children or themselves multiple languages. It’s hard. But it’s important and it helps you connect with more people.

And (this ones super personal) but I struggle with my identity and place WAY too much value on my independence. I have been told by multiple (yeah you guessed it -) men that I am short and therefore weak. I am ugly therefore weak (idk how that translated but ok). I am a GIRL therefore weak. I am single. Therefore weak. However, as a victim of child abuse and having to Grow TF Up by the time I was 13.... well.... I may get viciously angry at anyone who calls me weak or says I can’t do something because of who I am or how I appear to them. I will 99% of the time NOT ask for help and angrily REFUSE it when it’s offered even if I need it because I don’t want to seem weak or Like I Need Help. I don’t like to be called Cute. I don’t like to appear Delicate or Fragile. I don’t know if any of that would make sense to anyone else or if someone with that kind of thinking even has a place among Mandalorians because of I guess the subconscious lack of confidence but I think it would be nice to know where I would stand with them? Idk

If anyone’s got any other info please please share. :) 

@izzyovercoffee  @mykingdomforaneraser

(I hope you don’t mind I tag you just I don’t know anyone else on this site who would have insight.) *Ignore the rhyme. lol

#mandalorians #mandalorian #star wars #culture #and stuff

[gravitascivics]

A STEP FROM CALVINISM

This blog will now turn to an effort this writer will revisit in the future.  He fears he might have misled the reader of this blog a bit and this effort is meant to clear any misconceptions.  He has repeatedly claimed that the US had as a dominant view of governance and politics what he calls the parochial/traditional federalism view or construct.  He described that view in more or less positive language although he has pointed out that it encouraged or justified Americans holding racist and other xenophobic beliefs, attitudes, and values.  

He didn’t underestimate those negative qualities, but he did want to make sure the reader appreciates its positive qualities.  The positive qualities have to do with the construct’s set of espoused values of community, partnership, and collaboration.  But at the same time, people who held on to its espoused values made no excuses for the exclusionary policies its adherents proposed and maintained. Those policies included slavery, discriminatory practices, and other exclusionary behaviors Americans commonly put into effect.

Probably the most direct and unambiguous pronouncement of this exclusion can be found in the Supreme Court’s decision in the Dred Scott Case. Chief Justice Taney clearly states that African Americans – be they enslaved or not – were not part of the partnership the Constitution established.   Here is a portion of that decision:

In the opinion of the court, the legislation and histories of the times, and the language used in the declaration of independence, show, that neither the class of persons who had been imported as slaves, nor their descendants, whether they had become free or not, were then acknowledged as a part of the people, nor intended to be included in the general words used in the memorable instrument … [1]

Taney here is not shy of what he interpreted the founding compact to be in terms of African Americans.

And a lot of this exclusion falls in line with certain religious biases generally held but originating with the Puritan settlers of the Massachusetts colony and, in general, in the New England.  It was the Puritans who introduced the covenanted approach to the establishment of governments.  

Puritanism was based on Calvinism that, in turn, believed in strict moral precepts, predestination, and a rebellion against adorned trappings and the hierarchical organization of the Roman Catholic and Anglican Churches.  Through these beliefs, that tradition promoted an equality within its congregations and as interpreted in governance, this sense of partnership was strongly encouraged but as indicated years later by Taney’s opinion, was limited to those considered part of the “tribe.”

Such scholars as Donald Lutz[2] have traced how these precepts, especially those based on congregational ideals, worked their ways into the various founding documents.  These documents were drawn in the localities within the original thirteen colonies.  One can also detect them guiding the development of the states as the nation initially established its governments and expanded westward across North America.

This posting begins this writer’s effort to take a closer look at that historical record.  The postings that will further this effort will not be immediately follow each other (although the next posting, at least, will continue this posting’s message). Instead, this topic will be revisited here and there but with more frequency in the upcoming year or so.  

This first installment looks at the effect of this tradition on the development of the nation’s public schools.  And the first topic has to do with the hiring of teachers.  By the 1820s, school officials were finding it difficult to fill teaching slots in what had been a male dominated “profession.”  The problem was a reluctance to raise either taxes or church contributions to pay men sufficiently.  

The option was to hire women to those positions.  In terms of timing, this coincided with the efforts to establish independent public schools especially in Massachusetts and through the work of Horace Mann.  His story is telling in terms of how parochial/traditional federalism influenced the development of the nation’s initial efforts to provide public education.

And it is with him that this blog begins its look at this development. Relevant to this story, Mann was elected to the lower house of the Massachusetts’ legislature in 1827.  His political leanings encouraged him to join up with the initial political organizing that led to the establishment of Whig Party. This was a movement that brought together socially liberal advocates with northeastern business interests.

They were liberal in that they pushed for the establishment of insane asylums and for public funding of schools for the deaf and blind.  He himself argued for an end to the death penalty and doing away with lotteries as being unchristian.  He attained a level of notoriety when he was assigned to investigate the burning of a Catholic convent in the town of Charleston.  This led to his political advancement that resulted in his election to the state senate.

An ironic aspect of his story was his belief in phrenology – the belief in and analysis of people’s physical attributes as causal factors in their behaviors.  He, unlike others who looked at such characteristics, used the derived analyses as a way to discover potential shortcomings in people that could be addressed by education.  

That is, “[d]uring the nineteenth century, phrenology was considered a progressive ideology.  Its proponents believed that each individual’s deficiencies could be identified, then ameliorated through schooling; … [and therefore] would eradicate poverty and crime in just a few generations.”[3]  Interestingly, he saw the utilization of phrenology as a substitute for the prevailing reliance on religion to guide such judgements.  Further, through that guidance one could lead challenged individuals – even arsonists – to productive lives.

This bent in his public acts did not go unnoticed by local religious personage and elicited a fire-and-brimstone sermon reaction from the local Calvinist preacher.  But the experience led Mann to take up education as an issue that would lead him to establish his place in American history.  School reform became his life’s work.  And in this he bucked the thrust of Whigs who favored laissez faire policies in the economy and other social areas of concern.  

By the late 1830s he was leading Whigs to establish a state board of education to oversee Massachusetts’ local schools and to institute compulsory education.  By that time, as a state senator, he left the legislature to become the first state’s secretary of education.  He took it upon himself to become versed in educational theories and looked to reputable systems particularly Prussian schools.  That European system in the nineteenth century instituted various policies to upgrade the teaching profession including higher pay and prohibition of teachers holding other jobs.

From the Prussian example, Mann instituted the policy for the Massachusetts’ school system that every school have a library and that the state established “normal schools” for the purpose of training teachers.  Again, normal schools were originally only open to women applicants – the reasoning being women could be paid less than men. Later in the twentieth century, these schools were converted into regional state colleges (having lower admission standards than state universities).

Unfortunately, much of Mann’s reasoning for these sexist policies had to do with his sexist beliefs.  While he saw teaching as a woman’s profession, albeit economic reasoning was offered, he also believed women were not appropriate for certain occupations such as politics, military, and journalistic professions – they were not suitable due to their “black and sulfurous” environments.

All these elements of the Mann’s story were instrumental in defining how Calvinist traditions and biases affected the development of American education. The aim is to give the reader some of the detail of how this influence was felt and give a hint, at least, as to why it finally gave way to the natural rights view.  There were various social and political forces that pushed toward the eventuality of that transformation.

[1] “Dred Scott v. Stanford, (19 HOWARD 393 (1857)),” in Major Problems in American Constitutional History, Volume I: The Colonial Era Through Reconstruction, ed. Kermit L. Hall (Lexington, MA:  D. C. Heath and Company, 1992), 463-470, 465.

[2] Donald S. Lutz (ed.), Colonial Origins of the American Constitution:  A Documentary History (Indianapolis, IN:  Liberty Fund,1998).

[3] Dana Goldstein, The Teacher Wars:  A History of America’s Most Embattled Profession (New York, NY: Doubleday, 2014), 23.  The historical information in this posting is drawn from this source.

#Horace Mann #public education #Dred Scott decision #parochial/traditional federalism #Puritanism #Calvinism #civics education #social studies

[brian1916]

Twilight

Here I sit and I never saw the Twilight series until a month ago. Now, being old school I thought vampires were living in coffins and only came out at night. Now, they are hanging around in the daylight, okay cloudy days but days nonetheless. Of course they don’t get any older than when they were bitten, so if you were 43 you stayed 43 for the next million years, unless you pissed off the CEO of their union. I guess they aren’t independent there is a higher organization. No independent groups. The clans as they are called can do their thing, I think it was clan, who gives a shit. It’s not coven as those are witches. Maybe it’s gaggle, no those are geese or ducks. This clan and I guess there are a few of them are semi-independent within reason. I guess you can’t tell your neighbors your clan is made up of vampires because non-vampires can’t now about you. 

The story centers around two. One is a young girl who is not a vampire and a young fellow who is a vampire and they fall in love. Bella Swan character who is played by Ms. Kristen Stewart is obversely not a vampire and Edward Cullen played by Mr. Robert Pattinson is. Bella wants to become a vampire and Edward who has a hard on for Bella doesn’t want her to become one. Oh, did I mention the werewolves. What’s freaking movie without wolves. This one particular wolf also has a hard on for Bella, is Jacob Black played by Taylor Lautner. Okay now we have a triangle. 

What it boils down to and there are four long series of Bella, Edward and Jake in love. Naturally Bella and Edward get married while Bella is still human and they fuck like rabbits and produce an offspring. During the birthing Bella dies, not so fast. All the vampires think she is dead, gone, took a powder. Although, Ed did bite the living shit out of her, trying to make her a vampire nothing worked. However, a while later Bella comes out of her deep sleep as a newborn vampire and things look like happy ever after ending, not so. The offspring is seen by another vampire with a hair across her ass and informs the union boss. 

Now the union boss gets his staff together and heads to the Cullen clans home to kill everyone even though they are already dead meat. You tear their heads off and light them on fire ends their existence, permanently. The kid is growing leaps and bounds and will stop growing in seven years as half human and half vampire, she will be 18 or so. Did I mention the wolf has taken an interest in the child and when she gets to be 18 they can get married and do the horizontal mambo as well. Something about putting a claim on her or some such shit. Okay, the Cullens dig up some old friends to help them out. Long story short. The union boss is happy at what he finds and goes back to Italy I mean where else would you find a vampire union boss. The reason he was involved was because the broad who squealed fucked up. The child wasn’t a straight little vampire which is a no no. She was a mixed bag. 

It was an interesting series during a pandemic as you watched everything under the sun or moon. The time frame is 2009 to 2012 or around there this was made. Now there are walk on water blogs devoting themselves to the Twilight series who think the two or three main actors can do no wrong up and running. Then there was the off the stage of Kristen & Rob romance that lasted a few years as they were living together and making house. Until she blew it with some director and Rob is selling the house or sold the love nest. I guess it was in the tabloids but who reads that trash. I guess you can make up your own minds whether they walk on water. 

The Blogs you can’t disagree with the folks running them it has to be they always walk on water. Just in case you happened to follow one. I know.