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seireitonin · 3 months

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“Toby/ other characters would be an abuser!1!” A talk on why that pisses me off

Hi. My name is Seirei. I don’t want to share super personal shit on the internet, but due to certain factors in my life I have BPD. (this is NOT self diagnosis. I have been to a professional and for now they think I have this due to certain trauma/ symptoms I’ve shown) This is part of the cluster B personality type. That being said Toby and many other creepypasta characters either canonically have ASPD/ BPD or it’s a generally accepted headcanon that they do. Now this in itself doesn’t bother me if it’s done well and with research. But the problem is most ppl just slap these labels onto them without doing the proper research. I’ve gotten multiple comments on my TikTok like “well I think Toby is an abuser bc he has ASPD/ BPD” I hate that. I hate that so much. You guys say it’s for “realism” but you’re just demonizing mental disorders. You’re demonizing people like me. In you having your “realism” youre hurting me and ppl in the cluster B personality type. ASPD/ BPD doesn’t instantly make you an abuser. These are personality disorders brought on trauma. Especially trauma with parents/ family. People with ASPD/ BPD know that we’re not well all the time. We’re suffering from disorders that affect our lives. From trauma/ experiences that we didn’t ask for. These are DISORDERS. These aren’t fake edgy illnesses that you can slap onto a character with no thought when you want them to be angsty. For example when ppl say “Toby would be an abuser/ not be capable of love because of his ASPD and he went through abuse in his past” not only are you taking away the depth of his character, you’re just straight up demonizing mental disorders. If you read his story, he loves his mom and sister so much. People with ASPD can love. But it does cause him to be obnoxious and rude. But this isn’t coming from a place of malice. He’s a traumatized man w a disorder! This isn’t me saying Toby can do no wrong and he’s 100% healthy. Toby definitely has issues and I’d never erase that. But to call him an abuser because he has ASPD is so gross and you’re just demonizing ASPD to be edgy without doing research on it or the cluster B personality type in general. As I said before, people with cluster B personality type KNOW we have disorders. We live with them every day. They affect our lives, our relationships, ourselves. We know that we fuck up and what we do isn’t healthy all the time. We KNOW. We’re not doing it because we’re “abusers” we’re suffering and hurting. Again this isn’t me saying that everyone with BPD/ ASPD is a good person who’s willing to do the work and grow. There are bad people with these disorders. But that doesn’t mean everyone who has them are instantly abusive. I’m not an abuser at all. Never have been and never will be. But BPD does affect me and the way I act that can come off as hurtful/ unhealthy and I KNOW THAT. Im always actively putting in the work to be better, like a lot of people with ASPD/ BPD. Just because we have these disorders doesn’t instantly mean we can’t change/ be better. Doesn’t mean we’re not humans with emotions/ trauma of our own. Toby obviously had to do some kind of inner work to be able to be with Clockwork the way kastoway portrayed them. (If it’s canon or not is irrelevant here)When you say shit like “Toby is abusive bc of ASPD/ BPD” that’s what you’re telling us you think of us. You see us and treat us like monsters but then talk about how much you love Toby/ other characters for having our very real disorder. ASPD/ BPD can be seen as two sides of the same coin. They have so many similarities but are shown in different ways. Do proper research before you talk about mental health because you’re stigmatizing/ demonizing disorders that are already looked down upon. Toby does canonically have ASPD and possibly BPD but it’s written into his character pretty well(as well as a 13 year old in the 2010s can do) and now that ppl are older we can actually analyze his character/story correctly. But Jeff and many other characters still aren’t getting this same treatment and they need it.Do better.

#creepypasta #creepypasta hcs #creepypasta characters #creepypasta fandom #creepypasta headcanon #crp #ticci toby #ticci toby headcanons #ticci toby hc #ticci toby hcs #jeffthekillerhcs #jeffthekiller #seireitonin

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joesalw · 20 days

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“Her whole activism era started because Joe was an activist. He didn’t stop it after the breakup because it's a part of his personality, he still signed the ceasefire letter. But Taylor didn’t utter a single word about genocide, she's busy learning football and crying about how oppressed she is in her billionaire lifestyle. And somehow she is the Person of the Year in Times magazine.” 👏👏👏 you couldn’t have said that better.

activism is a vocation imo. it’s not just something ppl pick up like a habit then discard once it’s no longer. millions of people have died because they’re activists. most of the time, their families and loved ones don’t even get to bury them because their bodies are forever lost due to the people they’re standing up to. that’s why when i see celebrities (here taylor swift) use activism as an aesthetic, as an era, as a brand—it literally makes me sick. it’s vile and cruel and a huge slap to the face of true activists who dedicated their whole life to the causes they believe in.

i began to detach myself from her back in the og 1989 era after being a fan since i was a little girl bc there was just something off that i couldn’t put my finger on. then i got back into her during folklore/evermore bc i was shocked to see the growth and maturity in her lyrics. after her & joe broke up, i detached again because i began to see the old vindicative taylor who weaponized her real experience of misogyny and bullying. then, the whole ttpd. which i can only say what the actual fuck was that?

she regressed both in maturity, personality and creativity. wonder what societal and political issue she’s going to make her new aesthetic on the next album. so far, lgbt + mental health + misogyny are off the list. lol

#anti taylor swift #swifties dni

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its-koili · 3 months

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hey guys. sorry for being gone for so long. heres an update

(tw for: mention of violence / gore, general distress, mental health issues)

(tw below)

basically i had a huge mental health crisis. i was having 24/7 constant rolling panic attacks from may of 2023 to january of this year. my last big meltdown was in early february. been processing a lot of CSA trauma and some recent trauma that ive gone through. i think i talked about my panic attacks before leaving social media but idk i dont remember. isolated myself from absolutely everybody.

the main thing that made me leave was that while i was keeping up to date on the g3n0c1d3 (censoring bc idk how tumblr is about it), and when i was looking in the replies / related of the awareness videos, i came across 4 accounts dedicated to using gore for clicks / shock. not videos of the g3n0c1d3 (thank god bc of how they were using the vids) but of unfortunate every day situations and cam footage. like, the kind of stuff you could see on liveleak back in 2010. just out in the open on twitter. they all had usernames like "(insert number here) ways to die)". they were all content farms for click/ad revenue. it was too much it was a huge trigger and i had a full on meltdown. the bluecheck ppl on twitter were using the replies of the videos people uploaded for raising awareness to upload mindless g0re for money. the fact that peoople have 0 compassion for human life sent me into a spiral that i couldnt get out of. (i reported 3 out of the 4 accounts i was able to and 3 got taken down but 1 is still up and it odesnt seem to be uploading the hardcore g0r3 anymore. so thats good. but that was one of the reasons i left social media. ive been keeping up to date w the news but thats it. i left my socials entirely and ive only been on my phone to look up recipes or to use my computer for media research groceries and gaming and shows

that was the main thing that pushed me to leave. i just couldnt take it anymore. during the start of my crisis last year, i was planning on taking a small break, but all of that pushed me over the edge and i dropped everything. after that, my issues got worse and i dont remember most of it. thankfully. but i couldnt bring myself to talk to anybody. i isolated myself and just. laid in bed. but im doing better so i guess thats good

on another topic ive beeen nervous to post this on main but during all of this (ive talked abt tihs a little bit on my priv before i left) i found out that im a system a long while back. my dad (one of my abusers) had/has DID and it terrified me to think that i could be anything like him. i also knew cereal abuser who pretended to be a system to get away with stuff/abusing their friends (and then years later admitted that they werent a system and siad that systems are fake.) LOTS of tears. lots of crying over this. was in denial for a few weeks. cried some more. then eventually came to terms with it.

i dont want to post abt my system online too much bc i dont want to act like this is some fun trendy thing bc its not. it makes day to day living very hard (some lighter/funnier issues that make it hard are: arguing with an alter bc YOU dont know where THEY put YOUR MEDS, not being able to cook because one alter can and the other cant, your art style not being consistent because their styles are different). i dont want to really make it a massive part of my identity online bc its not a big deal! theres just Multiple Little Guys in my brain. so. im a system! im the same but....this explains why i dont remember talking to certain people SUIDHUFHX. i always felt bad. makes conversing with online friends hard especially if icons/usernames are changed. ill make a separate post about this someday thatll go into detail a bit more.

i went years thinking it was just "kinning" but it wasnt lol. it turns out that your personality completely shifting, tastes in food / music / art / media changing, the way you walk / talk dress changing, and having complete memory blackouts when you """"kin shift"""" isn't normal. /lh (dw ive had a lot of time to come to terms with this)

but basically right now ive been spending time getting to,,know myself?? iive been using simplyplural for myself for several months and im uncovering a lot of my memories / trauma ect bc alters can write down what they need to in the chat. so i can go back later and read it. its been v helpful!

i will not be coming back just yet. i have no interest in using social media rn or drawing or writing unfortunately. ive been working on my original stuff here and there but i havent been drawaing fandom stuff bc im not hyperfixating on a fandom.

also. some things have come up. im not going to say anything until the party in question is stable/safe/comfortable before i even suggest anything for context (i dont plan on talking abt anything at all unless they start talking publicly). right now i am helping someone through abuse. their wellbeing is my #1 concern. i'll think about other things after im sure theyre okay.

i dont really have any resolutions as to how things are going but i do feel better and im not having as many panic attacks. i dont really know where im going with this now sorry. just trying to brush over the basic topics before i go. idk if anybody remembers me bc ive been gone for so long so idk if im just talking into the wind but if i am thats fine honestly this is helping me reorganize my thoughts (i type these vents out a lot on docs so i probably wont remember posting this hiudhvu)

other than that. i dont draw or write anymore. i think in the past 6 months ive drawn like....5 things. its. weird. im completely disconnected from fandoms now. coming up to a full year of not having a hyperfixation at all.

my bday was on the 6th. im 27 now im very old (everybody forgot it asides from my husband (and the people he reminded) n my abuser). ive been trying to cook and bake more and ive been playing video games again. planning on getting back into drawing soon and working on my original stuff. when i come back im planning on redesigning my profiles and updating my social media bios and stuff bc theyre so old. also ill make a section on my carrd for my system. there you go theres some positivity to the update nxfjdfjh. sorry if i dont seem very enthused im very tired so typing has been a chore hfuidshuifv.

sorry that this was a lot or if it seems disjointed i was trying to put down as much into this as possible without making it too long

bye!!! see u all soon!

#vent

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my-castles-crumbling · 4 months

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hello hello,

sorry bc this is a bit long and I got a bit carried away

But basically all my life i thought my home life was super great but looking back on it, it was nice but some slightly (only slightly) questionable stuff [I want to clarify that it’s nothing physical but some of it was a little bit fucked up like I have one stand out memory but also I may have made it up bc idk sometimes I’m super sure it happened and sometimes I’m not] went down and now i notice more and more my parents making sexist/homophobic/transphobic jokes and offhand comments and then getting annoyed and yelling at me whenever I try and tell them they’re wrong. I also sort of noticed that they’re a bit too pushy and invasive of my privacy [especially my mother who loves to offload her problems onto me and has since I was pretty small and would just barge into my room at any time and tell me about them and I understand communication is important in families but I don’t think 9 is a good age for your mother to regularly be crying to you about how suicidal she feels but she always acted like it was a good thing so I assumed it was too idk] and it’s like half the time they treat me like I’m way younger than I am [late teen] and the other half of the time it’s like they expect me to be a mature adult and like I just want to be my actual age yk but I can’t and tbh I don’t even know how to go about doing that now bc I feel like I’ve sort of been stifled and the thing is I’m not sure how I should actually be feeling about the whole thing because I don’t think they’re actually really bad people [my parents] and I end up feeling guilty about the fact that I just don’t want to talk to them anymore [especially my mum] and like ik people who have way worse home lives than me and I feel like it’s being a bit selfish to complain bc sure they make problematic jokes but I don’t think they’d necessarily treat me worse if I came out [non-binary and pan] but also I don’t think they’d be that great about it like my brother came out as bi and they were like ok but then one time when he was away they were talking about ‘if he gets a girlfriend’ and I said ‘or a boyfriend bc he’s bi’ and they were like ‘yeah he’s bi but he’s only ever really shown interest in girls so we doubt he’s actually bi but I mean if he got a boyfriend we’d be fine with it’ and I was like on the one hand like it could be worse but it still didn’t sit right with me that they just casually assumed he was lying about it even tho he’d literally come out…

also I sort of don’t even want to come out atp to them I just want to sort of quietly cut ties or distance myself

so I sort of tried to do that [as much as I can yk being still a minor and living at home] but now I’ve got my mum not so subtly idk tryna guilt trip me. Like she’ll say shit about how I used to talk to her and now I never do and like there’s a fucking reason [I now actually have friends who I realised I feel way more comfortable around] but ok

Like a while back she came to my room and tried to do the usual complaining thing about how she’s v depressed and all and I tried to respectfully tell her she needs therapy and she got super upset with me and started crying and stormed out my room and then she came back later and tried again and I told her like as nicely as I could that I can’t handle this bc I am just a kid yk as nice as possible I cannot handle my shit let alone yours like my mental health is not great rn and like I want to be there for the ppl in my life not feeling good but also like she’s been doing this since I was pretty small and there’s literally no way I can really support her except spending more time with her maybe but then that’s bad for my mental health especially bc she’ll do offhand shit that she knows I don’t like [like I have sensory issues bc I’m neurodivergent and having a hand put on my shoulder for some reason I just ugh it’s the worst - and ever since she noticed that I would pull away she’s started doing it more and every time I pull away she makes jokes about how she must have ‘a disease or something’ and just UGH sorry it infuriates me]

so basically [sorry for the suuuper long ask] I’m not sure what the right thing to do is, like do I try and remedy the relationship with my parents [but especially my mum] or do I just sort of keep going like this till I’m at uni or what?

again sorry this is way too long

Hi love! First of all, I wanna give a TW to people reading:

TW: mentions of suicidal thoughts

Okay, I'm gonna take this one section at a time:

Okay chances are you're not making it up. Thinking you're making it up is a super common symptom of guilt trips and gaslighting. If you think it happened...it probably did.

went down and now i notice more and more my parents making sexist/homophobic/transphobic jokes and offhand comments and then getting annoyed and yelling at me whenever I try and tell them they’re wrong.

This is NOT okay of them. They're being disrespectful.

I also sort of noticed that they’re a bit too pushy and invasive of my privacy [especially my mother who loves to offload her problems onto me and has since I was pretty small and would just barge into my room at any time and tell me about them and I understand communication is important in families but I don’t think 9 is a good age for your mother to regularly be crying to you about how suicidal she feels but she always acted like it was a good thing so I assumed it was too idk]

Uhm hi hello hi. NO. No no no. This is NOT okay. Parents do NOT tell their children about their suicidal feelings. Absolutely not. This is a classic example of parentification. You, even as a teenager, are the CHILD. You are NOT responsible for your parents, and you should not feel any sort of pressure to help with their wellbeing. Nope.

and it’s like half the time they treat me like I’m way younger than I am [late teen] and the other half of the time it’s like they expect me to be a mature adult and like I just want to be my actual age yk but I can’t and tbh I don’t even know how to go about doing that now bc I feel like I’ve sort of been stifled and the thing is I’m not sure how I should actually be feeling about the whole thing

yup. parentification. You've been expected to take on the role of a parent when convenient and act like a child when convenient. this is not okay and you're absolutely right to feel weird and bad and resentful about it.

because I don’t think they’re actually really bad people [my parents]

And here's the thing: that can also be true. A lot of times, parents can both love you/be good people AND unintentionally be hurtful. But in a way, that can be even more difficult because like...how do you explain to someone who thinks they're not being hurtful that they ARE?

and I end up feeling guilty about the fact that I just don’t want to talk to them anymore [especially my mum] and like ik people who have way worse home lives than me and I feel like it’s being a bit selfish to complain bc sure they make problematic jokes but I don’t think they’d necessarily treat me worse if I came out [non-binary and pan] but also I don’t think they’d be that great about it like my brother came out as bi and they were like ok but then one time when he was away they were talking about ‘if he gets a girlfriend’ and I said ‘or a boyfriend bc he’s bi’ and they were like ‘yeah he’s bi but he’s only ever really shown interest in girls so we doubt he’s actually bi but I mean if he got a boyfriend we’d be fine with it’ and I was like on the one hand like it could be worse but it still didn’t sit right with me that they just casually assumed he was lying about it even tho he’d literally come out… also I sort of don’t even want to come out atp to them I just want to sort of quietly cut ties or distance myself so I sort of tried to do that [as much as I can yk being still a minor and living at home] but now I’ve got my mum not so subtly idk tryna guilt trip me. Like she’ll say shit about how I used to talk to her and now I never do and like there’s a fucking reason [I now actually have friends who I realised I feel way more comfortable around] but ok Like a while back she came to my room and tried to do the usual complaining thing about how she’s v depressed and all and I tried to respectfully tell her she needs therapy and she got super upset with me and started crying and stormed out my room and then she came back later and tried again and I told her like as nicely as I could that I can’t handle this bc I am just a kid yk as nice as possible I cannot handle my shit let alone yours like my mental health is not great rn and like I want to be there for the ppl in my life not feeling good but also like she’s been doing this since I was pretty small and there’s literally no way I can really support her except spending more time with her maybe but then that’s bad for my mental health especially bc she’ll do offhand shit that she knows I don’t like [like I have sensory issues bc I’m neurodivergent and having a hand put on my shoulder for some reason I just ugh it’s the worst - and ever since she noticed that I would pull away she’s started doing it more and every time I pull away she makes jokes about how she must have ‘a disease or something’ and just UGH sorry it infuriates me]

This is what I'm saying: it's super difficult to convince someone they're being hurtful when they truly think they aren't. Trust me, my mother is the same way. But you aren't wrong for wanting to distance yourself. Also, don't compare yourself to other people. You have a DIFFERENT home life, not necessarily a better or worse one.

Don't be sorry! I guess the first thing I'd say is, all of your feelings are valid, and this sounds super difficult. I'm sorry you have to go through it <3. Here's the thing: You are right. There are some things going on in your house that aren't okay. But the reality is, your mom doesn't seem to be willing to hear your opinion about changing them. SO, where do you go from here?

I think the two major things I've had to learn with my (very similar) mother is:

Set boundaries and stick to them. If she's dumping on you and you can't handle it, tell her it's not okay. Keep politely telling her this. There is NOTHING WRONG with doing this, even if she tells you otherwise.

Take what you can get, but don't get your hopes up. Does she want to take you out to lunch? Great. She wants to hang out after school? Awesome. But don't...rely on her to be more than she is.

If you're able to do these two things in a healthy way, this might be your best bet until you turn of age and you're able to reevaluate if you want a long-term relationship or not. But honestly, if you're financially dependent on her, separating from her completely might not be the best idea if you are safe.

The ONLY thing that makes me nervous about this whole situation is your mention of your mom's suicidal thoughts, so I'll leave you with this:

if your mom is scaring you with the way she is talking, call the authorities. You are a minor, and you should NEVER have to deal with that on your own.

No matter what happens, no matter WHAT your mom does, no matter what you do or don't say/do or don't do, your mother's decisions are her own. Nothing she does is your fault.

If you feel comfortable, please DM me! I'm being genuine when I say our moms sound similar, and I would love to talk more <3

P.s. I just want to say that, you are SO smart, as a teenager, to realize that this behavior is not okay. Good for you <3

#ask #asks #ask cas #tw sui ideation

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averagemitskifansthoughts · 8 months

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venttt tw: sh, ed, general mental health issues

so i’ve been doing pretty bad recently. i mean i wasn’t doing good b4 but i was doing BETTER then this. i can’t stay clean for more then a day n a half, i can’t eat while i’m at school, im constantly paranoid and anxious, i don’t wanna do anything and i have no motivation to, i feel like shit abt everything i do and my body, i’m depressed ash. it’s all js been downhill for a bit. i like moved a bit ago from my entire life, everything i’ve ever know. it hit me hard but it was mostly the fact that i won’t be able to see my friends cuz they’re like the only ppl that know abt any of this and my sexuality and gender id and lit anything abt me. one of my friends keeps offering to come and see me and they have a few times and i really appreciate them for it but honestly it feels like all my other friends couldn’t care less abt lit anything abt me. it feels like they’ve moved on from me n that honestly makes me a lot more anxious then i usually am cuz i’m not moved on from them and idk what i would do without them. the anxiety from basically feeling like i’m losing all my friends makes me wanna cvt cuz it’s my only coping skill. cuz i’ve been cvtting for so long bby cvts don’t do anything for me anymore n so all of them have been $tyr0s which is making me feel a lot better in the moment but a lot worse after bc i’m js overwhelmingly anxious abt how it’s gunna scar and how i’m gunna have to hide that in a few months. that makes me anxious so i wanna cvt n cvtting makes me more anxious.. yk how it goes. the depression has also been hitting sooooo hard. i feel like shit constantly, abt myself, abt my actions, abt lit everything. i hate myself so fucking much and idek what to do abt it cuz usually i’d js cvt n cry n stave abt it and this depressive ep is constantly crying kinda one but it rlly isn’t helping. usually i feel maybe even a little bit better after i cry but it isn’t doing shit. so i cvt more n that doesn’t help. so j starve more n thag js puts me in a state where i wanna cvt more. idk i js canr rllt function as a person anymore?? my brains constantly fuzzy and i can’t speak right and i can’t talk to ppl.. idk what’s wrong cuz i have nun to be sad abt , i have a roof over my head and food but i’m still sad..

anyways ik no ones gunna see this but i js needed to get it all out

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unicornachos · 1 year

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personal post!

hey hi I’m alive sorry for abandoning my blog for like 1.5 yrs??? I had a bunch of health issues and mental health stuff too :’)

Like very full on... god what HASN’T happened.

My body had a weird reaction to the covid vaccines in 2021? I ended up in hospital etc and was sick with mystery fatigue and shit for months and months.... I think I went to hospital like 4-5 throughout 2021? My body seems fine with the MRNA boosters I’ve gotten so maybe something in my body just hated the astrazeneca vaccine?? I’m kinda bitter about it bc of the ambulance bills I had to pay, but still, thank god for vaccines amirite

then, the apartment I was living in and loved got bought by someone who then wanted to move in, so I had to leave the place I loved living to somewhere still nice but way more expenno, and my health issues kinda continued?

then I started a new job

then my mental health got REALLY bad over the 2021/2022 christmas period to the point where I had to call an ambulance for myself bc my mind was in such a bad place.

Then I started taking SSRI’s for depression/anxiety, but I had this weird reaction to the drugs and we think I had serotonin syndrome because of its interaction with the asthma meds I’ve been taking all my life? But at the time no doctors would listen to me and basically gaslit me into thinking all the pain was just a physical manifestation of my anxiety. Anyway, it caused some of the most horrific pain i’ve ever experienced in my life, in particular nerve and muscle pain in my legs, and I had to shower sitting down for weeks, couldn’t walk much around the house, and needed super strong meds to knock me out so I could sleep.

I slowly healed and could walk again and do normal stuff for me around... late April?

While I was recovering I stayed with my mum but still paying rent in Sydney bc all my shit was there, so in June I killed my lease, put most of my shit into storage with a friend’s parent’s mini warehouse they use for their business (absolute legends and wholesome humans and I sent them money every month lol) and moved back home.

I started studying a certificate level course I’d been wanting to get over and done with for ages, so at the end of June I started studying.

Then once again mental health got bad, I tried SSRIs again, thinking it was me who was the problem last time I took them. BUT ACTUALLY, NO. Same physical reaction to the meds as last time, if not worse. It wasn’t my brain making shit up, it was an actual fucking drug interaction issue that ppl had tried to tell me was my anxiety and/or imagination!!! Queue horrific pain, weird symptoms, and once again the inability to walk or clean or work from anywhere but the couch.

Dr and I decided any meds that effect my serotonin levels are a no-go probably forever, and so I’ve been looking into CBD oil over the past few months to see if that will work for things instead.

Now I’m about... 2 months from that reaction, and started CBD oil 2 weeks ago (no reaction, side effects, or really anything yet) and can work at my desk as long as I have a big ass XL foot rest under my legs to keep them propped up, because I get nerve pain if I sit normally :’) I still can’t really go anywhere or walk anywhere other than around the house and for super short periods of time.

Also I powered through and finished my course just last week, so that’s out of the way at least!

Other than that, I’ve just been like. Sleeping, reading, watching shows, napping, sleeping more, trying to eat well.... my job is a bitch but I’m trying rly hard to skill up so I can do more of what I’m interested in! I kind of don’t have energy for much else at the moment??

I have no idea if I’ll post again as regularly as I did a few years back, but I love Tumblr and I always feel glad coming back here and spending time in this place for a bit. These days I mainly only post stuff on my locked private twitter lol. But I have always preferred Tumblr’s longer format and vibes hehe.

ANyway that’s all for now! I hope anyone reading this has been doing ok. These past few years have been fucking tough and if all you have energy for is working and sleeping... you’re valid, dude.

And if you plan to take SSRIs for your mental health, just be wary of serotonin syndrome!!!! Not enough ppl talk about it and a lot of doctors seem to have no idea it exists or also know little about it, but there are lots of cases of it in settings where ppl have been taking other meds and been given SSRIs! I’m not saying don’t take meds if you need them, but just reaaaallllyyy do your research first if you can about adverse reactions and interactions :’)

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shadow-of-wonder · 1 year

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c's thoughts after watching 'Living on a Razor's Edge': the Scott Hall story documentary 💭

so I finally got around to watching this little Scott Hall documentary on WWE Network and I had to do a little ramble of my thoughts bc i had A LOT of them 🙈

- the intelligence and perspective of this man when it came to the wrestling business was something so special and in my opinion, rare. he was so capable of coming up with ideas when it came to characterisation, not only for him but also others. the point of view and honest advice he would offer others is something that I appreciate so much about his person bc I think everyone needs a friend/person like that in their life; someone who will be as honest as they can be when you seek their thoughts or opinion rather than giving you a sugar-coated perspective.

- the lifelong effects that repressing trauma can have on someone are truly real and I think Scott is an example of this. obviously, he may have drunk and done drugs w/o the demons he was carrying inside him. however, I think the guilt he carried and the punishment he put himself through internally over the shooting he was involved in was a big reason why he got so easily caught up in alcohol and drugs.

* the story of the shooting is that he was seeing this girl and another guy she was involved with pulled a gun on him outside of the club he was working at. he ended up wrestling with the guy over the gun and as he hit him guy with it, the gun ended up going off and blowing the back of the guy's head off at point blank range. Scott says in the documentary: "it was so crazy, but I know in my heart that I wasn't trying to kill him. but he's still dead".

- one thing I will always appreciate about the person Scott was is how he always acknowledged his mistakes whilst also being entirely honest about them. he's very open and honest during this documentary about how he was feeling and doing in real life throughout different eras of his career and it makes me as a fan feel so much empathy for him bc even now, some fans seem to forget that there is a human being behind the character they see on TV.

- he's also very open about the misery he was feeling for the most part of his career when he was outside the ring and it again, makes me grateful that we are now in a day & age where (I'd like like think) fans are more aware and understanding of the fact that these wrestlers we love + admire are real ppl outside of their on-screen persona and they too, can have struggle with their mental health and/or mental illnesses.

- his alcoholism was a big topic of the documentary (as expected) and I really loved and appreciated how he was openly honest about how he was very defensive when ppl did try to help him and although he had people reaching out to him, he had trouble accepting help. his transparency when it came to discussing his darkest times and addictions is something I'll always appreciate not just about him, but about anyone who is the same way.

- the Kliq were definitely a bunch of dicks back in the 90's but you can't deny the loyalty and friendship between these guys, especially between big daddy cool and the bad guy. Triple H spoke about how he heard Kevin Nash say regarding Scott that: "I'm done with him, I can't take it anymore. I'm done. I'm tired of worrying about him. I'm tired of all these things", yet Kev would later show up at Scott's House regardless to check in on him like that's a real friend, a real brother there. another thing that really hit me was something that Triple H said which was: "Scott is a great guy. Scott just doesn't know that he's a great guy" bc it hinted at the negative self-image that Scott had of himself that was likely a result of the burden and guilt he still held from the shooting as well as his real life issues that occurred along the way. if only this man knew how much so many ppl loved him for HIM.

I had so many thoughts while watching this but they could go on forever so I'm going to stop myself here. I just want to say how fucking grateful I am that such a talented, intelligent, hardworking 'bad guy' like Scott Hall existed in the world at the same time as so many of us. I'm grateful that we are able to go back and relive the life, times and career of such an athletic, gifted man who could own it both in the ring and on the mic. I'm grateful that Scott was able to gain redemption and live a cleaner and more blissful life for the last decade of his life. I'm grateful for the mark that this man left on the wrestling business and I will forever have a crush on Razor Ramon thanks to him 🙈

in all seriousness, I've gained so much love + appreciation for both Razor Ramon, the character and Scott Hall, the real person since I've been doing my WWF rewatch and I'm still so sad that he's no longer with us. thank you for everything bad guy, I hope you're at peace wherever you are 🙏🏾

#c's rambles #scott hall #razor ramon #wwf #world wrestling federation #living on a razor's edge

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proudfreakmetarusonniku · 2 years

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It's ridiculous bc you have been SO clear about why exactly you need to watch the streams. I'd say smth like "everyone says support mentally ill ppl until [x]" but it's evident that they never wanted to extend courtesy to mentally ill ppl in the first place if they couldn't scroll down 5 posts to see what you had to say

It’s so frustrating because not only am I mentally ill, but I’m also a victim of abuse and someone who was very nearly groomed as a teenager and spent a lot of time in an environment where such a thing was normalised, and the Dream SMP is what I use as an escape from that. The previous coping strategies I had before this put me in danger of harm and I only avoided that from luck, and I just. I don’t have anything to replace the Dream SMP with but them, which is entirely because the discourse I was in was toxic enough it distracted me from my real life mental and physical health issues because I was too scared of pissing off the people above me to care. Genuinely, I have tried to not watch these streams and I had a panic attack, nearly deleted my blog, and emotionally self harmed by reading all that shit again. Like, not to trauma dump but, I’m not like some selfish person trying to ignore shit. I’m trying to not hurt myself :(

#Vent

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ladyimaginarium · 2 months

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who are you?

tag followers you want to know better!

NAME: Angel / Arcana / Ansale'wit / ᐋᓐᔐᓃ are my& core / host / singletsona names, but we're& also a namehoarder & our& main system name is the imaginarians galaxy. so. lmao

STAR SIGN: Cancer Sun; Sagittarius Moon; Libra Rising; Leo Venus.

HEIGHT: Bodily 5′2″.

WHAT’S YOUR MIDDLE NAME?: none of ur business lil bitch

PUT YOUR SPOTIFY ON SHUFFLE. WHAT ARE THE FIRST FEW SONGS THAT POPPED UP? HISS - Megan Thee Stallion ; Realer - Megan Thee Stallion ; E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY LIFE - CORPSEHUSBAND ; Black Barbies - Nicki Minaj ; Cocky Af - Megan Thee Stallion ; Haunted - Evanescence ; Miss Me - Drake & Lil Wayne ; Lithium - Evanescence ; Perfume - Britney Spears ; Be Prepared - The Lion King OST ; Over It - Bullet For My Valentine ; Under The Water - The Pretty Reckless ; Yayo - Lana Del Rey ; thousand eyes - FKA Twigs ; Out There - The Hunchback of Notre Dame OST ; NDA - Billie Eilish ; everything i wanted - Billie Eilish ; Desperate Measures - Marianas Trench ; Saviour - Lights ; Chaos Is A Ladder - Ramin Djawadi ; Cruel World - Faye ; The Winds Of Winter - Ramin Djawadi ; Nymphs Finding The Head Of Orpheus - Nicole Dollanganger ; Jenny Of Oldstones - Ramin Djawadi ; Daisy's Theme - The Bryan Ferry Orchestra ; antlers - Ethel Cain ; Famous Last Words (An Ode To Eaters) - Ethel Cain ; Ptolemaea - Ethel Cain.

EVER HAD A POEM OR SONG WRITTEN ABOUT YOU? yeah, my& ex enbyfriend wrote a song about me&. i& never got to hear it tho. they promised. i&. really wanted to hear that song. if anybody like secretly wrote a song or poetry about me& then they hiding it lmao.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED AIR GUITAR? never. lmao

WHO IS YOUR CELEBRITY CRUSH? MNMNMMNUUUHHHH megan thee stallion for literally so many reasons. like. whats not to like about her. she tall, she hella cute & fine & hot asf & straight up one of the most beautiful women in the world imho, she's nerdy & educated, she looks fun to hang around, she speaks out about mental health & trauma (even after all the bs that so many ppl including black men & even other black women like whats going on w/ nicki minaj rn she went so far as mention her dead mom {like girl wtf} put her through & she literally got shot & a lotta folx didnt believe her & was calling her a liar & blaming her & making fun of her trauma & literally none of these white artists showed sympathy or even acknowledged what happened & who were all like support other women got real silent when megan clarified on her twitter & instagram & had to see people paint her as the aggressor & make fun of her traumatic experience all while trying to heal & losing both of her parents, getting fucked over by her record label, almost losing her life from getting shot at, getting backstabbed by the people she cared about & having people on the internet make fun of & make memes of her trauma & laughing at her pain on the internet & all this stupid shit bc misogynoir is such a massive issue, she literally went through so much shit & it genuinely makes me angry & i hope she has a support system), ngl if she dissed me& i& would deadass never leave my& house again LMAO she's insanely talented & confident, she writes her own raps, not only is she a rapper but she's also an actress, she literally makes every style work, she's queer & bisexual & actually supports trans ppl, she's only like what 6 years older than me, she loves anime & she really inspires me& & her strength gives me& strength too, she's v special to me& & if i& had a dream girl it'd probably be sb like her tbh, her music & just her existence alone helped w/ my& mental health & my& own self image & my& self esteem & my& trauma & reclaiming my& sexuality than my& psychiatrists ever did & im& not even exaggerating. lmao. ion rly like calling it crushes tho, it's more like. deepfound respect & admiration for a person. like. "damn this person is just so fuckin cool". & ion say that a lotta people & especially not about celebrities. megan & ethel cain are two of my biggest ones & are like tied in that whole area lmao.

WHAT’S A SOUND YOU HATE; SOUND YOU LOVE? hate: the sound of people screamin bc it brings back bad memories lmfao ; love: absolute gotdamn silence. the sound of the ocean & birdsong & cats purring's nice too :>

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? i& am a ghost (& have ghosts in our& system). lmao

HOW ABOUT ALIENS? i& am an alien (& have aliens in our& system). lmao

DO YOU DRIVE? tryna start my& course yeah.

IF SO, HAVE YOU EVER CRASHED? no bitch i& aint jinxing it.

WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? the winds of winter : arianne martell i & sansa stark / alayne stone i by grrm / gangsta. by kohske.

DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF GASOLINE? ye for the most part.

WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU SAW? the love witch !!

WHAT’S THE WORST INJURY YOU’VE EVER HAD? had to get lil stitches in my& forehead bc undxed pots was a lil bitch & i& hit my head when i& fainted in highschool. lmao. thats just what i& remember tho. apparently i& had much worse when i& was a baby. like. wholeass surgeries & shit.

DO YOU HAVE ANY OBSESSIONS RIGHT NOW? plurality literary tropes, transcending to godhood, come back wrong, the mad prophet archetype, apotheosis, tryna find faith in humanity, witchcraft & occultism, learning our& indigenous languages & cultures, & being gayass.

DO YOU TEND TO HOLD GRUDGES AGAINST PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE YOU WRONG? the vast majority of the time im& a very forgiving person. but i& don't forget. & especially as i& get older the less & less tolerance i& have for bs & same w/ forgiveness, especially after everything i've& been through to the point where my& doctor told me& that most would've kermitted if they'd experienced the things i& went through & im& like. kinda at my& limit. undxed cptsd aspd & bpd doesn't help things either. bc like these days im& just. like. callous & abrasive especially when im& irritated which is like. often. & i'm& like. one of the most patient people on the planet when it comes to the people i& genuinely care about & love so you'd have to do something fucked up for me& to tell ya i& dont give a shit. "well you should be the bigger person, take the high road!!" i've& literally Never benefitted from that shit. my& main abuser is still free & lives in the same neighborhood as me& fuck outta my& face. the cult i& was in was all "forgive those who hurt you!!!!!! yes even if they treated you badly!!!!" & that put my recovery back several years bc i& felt forced to forgive them or else i'd& be damned. "two wrongs dont make a right! if you get back at them you're making the world a worse place!!" the countless wrongs committed against me& didnt make a right either. choke. if w/e sb did to me was bad enough they ass is getting hexed and/or cursed. idgaf. fuck around & find out. & it also doesnt help that im& a cancer sun so tldr only if they fucked up REAL BAD. lmao

IN A RELATIONSHIP? im& in a qpr & in an insys relationship but bodily, outerworld wise? nah.

tagged by: hello im& angie im& 23 & i& steal memes for a living

tagging: @fossilizeddumbass @dilfsisko @abri-chan uhhhhhhhhh idk who else but i& encourage yall to steal if yall wanna do this

#dash games.#ask to tag / tw !

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notesofarichlycolorednight · 3 months

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s1ep12 darkblade

the plot was fine. nothing really stood out to me. but we're already hitting episodes that feel like i've accidentally set it to 2x speed.

i do think that the writing choices here speak the overall mistreatment of marinette tho. like yeah, she manages to balance being ladybug and being class rep, but at what cost and to what end?

again, the writers somehow manage to write the show episodically while treating it like it's serialized. we never really see just how much being ladybug impacts her life, and when we do, it's very small things like comments about how she's late for class, or forgot homework, or smth. and yeah, sometimes it gets her into hot water, but by writing like it's episodic, it resets everything by the beginning of the next episode. so we never feel like she every finds a true balance.

as far was we're concerned, someone gets akumatized every day. and going by the episode, sometimes twice in one day!

idk how i wanna phrase this bc i gotta sleep soon, but i know the writers talked about how she has all this bad luck to counterbalance her as ladybug, but again to what end?

how is her taking on more responsibilities than she could possibly handle a good thing for her? i think that's what my main problem with this episode is. the fact that, despite her stating she can barely keep up her double-life, everyone, including the narrative, encourage her to try it anyway.

like i get taking a leap of faith to try new things and step out of your comfort zone, but there's also learning when to pick your battles and when not to spread yourself too thin. bc that's how you develop mental health issues, burnout, and end up accidentally hurting ppl in the process. like however unintentional that hurt may be.

going back to my point about the frequency of akumas, bc we never get a real handle on how frequent it is, we never get a feel on how well marinette is actually handling it. bc she never faces tangible consequences that we see from it--she only gets scolded every now and then.

it also makes it feel like the writers really didn't think about the logistics of the story, nor the powers.

the thing is, when sailor moon had to face enemies, each enemy always had a reason to choose one very specific person with presumed time between each attack (more than a couple of hours, at the least). that gave the girls breathing space to just exist, while still feeling like having to be sailor scouts impacted their life. but literally, hawkmoth seemingly jumps at the chance to akumatize anyone and everyone who has a negative thought or feeling across all of paris. that's too much!! that's too big a scale!! they really should have sat back and thought about the logistics of everything, but it's starting to feel extremely unrealistic.

and it's not like you can't have your antagonist do that. they really just needed more planning and forethought put into the show.

#chirp.ml #chirp.txt

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daz4i · 3 months

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putting thoughts in text in hopes it'll clear my mind enough to sleep 🫡 (aka. a vent. maybe a call for advice...? tho idk if there is any)

i feel like. maybe. i'm having such a hard time lately (beyond like, making a lot of big changes in my life and lowkey overhauling it) bc i'm filled with opposing and contradicting emotions and thought processes

i am on the path to recovery. but i don't want it, bc i want to die. i need to put in a lot of effort into doing anything, but i don't have any energy, in part bc i don't want to do any of this. i know in order to be more stable i need to be kinder to myself, but i don't think i should be, bc i don't think i deserve it and idk how to do it and it's not a good driving force for me bc i'm already lenient with myself enough as is and and and look it's all excuses at the end of the day, truth is i just don't want to

i don't know what i want. ig death is the only thing really. unfortunately that's too much effort too (really i'm just scared of the repercussions of a failed attempt). but i can't move anywhere like that. i don't have a direction. bc i don't want anything

but at the same time i do, like. i want too much. and that's the issue ig. bc it's unachievable. and i'm not willing to settle for anything less. bc nothing is ever enough no matter what

my singing teacher kinda called me out on this today lol like how i'm never giving myself any kind words or how i'm never proud of doing good even tho in her opinion i'm already great. i can't ever be proud of my achievements (in general, not just singing) bc they don't feel like achievements to me ig. bc ik there's always better, so what's the point in less, yknow? to compare it to video games. yeah bronze medals or half collections are fun at first but at some point it's frustrating to not get gold or 100%. but it takes way too much work to get there or relies on things you can't even do

not even getting into things ppl in my life consider achievements when i do them, even tho i know they're below the bare minimum for a normal person lol (like any of the mental health shit i do today). not to mention how much i struggle with it anyway, i can't even get through things that are meant to be fun without feeling like i'm dying before during and/or after them

or how awful it feels to be unable to do things i used to. not even when i'm looking far back (<- peaked at 13-14 y/o) but even like, oh last month i was able to complete this task easily, this month i had a severe panic attack trying to do it or ended up being unable to do it at all

i wanna say i'm trying but idk if i am. bc i have no goal. i am definitely putting in effort, too much by my own standards tbh (hence why i'm in a constant state of debilitating stress and why my body feels like it's falling apart all the time) but it feels all over the place, like instead of pushing a boulder up a hill it's pushing multiple of those but on different hills. just running back and forth between them before i can even get a single boulder to any top

idk how to go at it in a different way or a different pace tho. idk how to make it better. i already committed to this program and if i leave it now i won't be able to get it again later in life. and like, i got into it in the first place for a reason, life of Nothing is so fucking boring and i got tired

but before i started it. i told my friend that being this depressed and doing nothing is better than being this depressed and trying to do things bc at least i'm not putting in meanless effort. and he got mad - we had this conversation more than once and he got mad every time - and said i can't know that, and that if i did things i may not be as depressed. well now i AM doing things and as expected i was right!!!!!!! it IS fucking shitty!!!!!! i AM getting worse!!!!! in ways i wasn't before, even!!!!!! and maybe it's bc i'm so fucking stubborn and it only happened bc i expected it too, but it's not like i can turn it off 🤷‍♂️ that shit happened subconsciously

so that just makes me think. again. how am i supposed to get better like this. my own body and brain battle me on every move and make it thrice as hard, things that are already hard as is, and i am very very weak and don't have any tools to deal with hardships (before you suggest therapy, I've been in dbt for years, my therapist just gave up on me bc he already taught me all of it and nothing ever worked bc my brain is fundamentally broken) so in this 2 on 1 battle i am not even armed in any way, obviously i'm getting wrecked no matter what

(one might argue that part of the issue is me seeing my body and brain as opponents rather than just me. and to that i say. bro if you had these they'd be your enemies too, this shit is hopeless, they're built for suffering is2g if you wanna feel anything positive that's a bummer ig. bc you won't. ever. and no amount of therapy and no medication and no life changes seems to help. and it's been 14 years of only getting worse. not that you were doing great before, you just didn't actively want to kys, bc you didn't know it was an option. so. 25 years of getting worse really. god i'm too old to be this fucking useless still lol)

#vent #this stopped being a call for advice p early on but you're free to offer anyway #i think i need to eat and then sleep. i just realized i haven't eaten actual food in nearly 12 hours oops

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mistergoddess · 1 year

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tbh i think like. i have frankly not had much therapy at all in the grand scheme of things and considering how severe my mental health problems have been thruout my life, and i've had a lot more exposure to things like institutionalization, medication, and idk more intense things like hypnosis, ketamine, and emdr than i have regular degular therapy so maybe my meh feelings towards classical therapy are a bit unearned but i also think that comes with like. the times i have tried to access it, have been times where i've been in such crisis that it's not the appropriate treatment so of course it's failed and i've given up on it very quickly. i think where i'm at now where my mental health could be better and i definitely still have some low grade depression and anxiety and just ye olde ptsd and the shit that always does, i'm really like. doing quite well compared to most of my life. and my main issues are more the kinds of things that would be helped by counseling, like relationship/socializing shit and loneliness and motivation and work, life changes and planning and hopes and dreams... really just having someone to talk to about my feelings and stressors! like i'm in a place rn where i'm good and i don't need crisis intervention or anything intense, that just regular therapy and literally just having someone i can talk to about daily life problems, could actually be extremely lovely and helpful and give me some great forward momentum...

i'm also pretty interested in gender therapy tbh because i'm really over the moon about starting transition but i do still have issues w the social aspects of it and definitely family stuff and i have some pretty gnarly trauma related directly to transness and the abusive relationship with another trans person i was in as a teen when i first sort of identified myself as trans, as well as trauma related to transphobia in school and stuff, all of which. kept me in the closet for a lot longer than ideal and is why i'm so proud and amazed that i'm still transitioning and coming out now... and like just general growing pains and the interesting funky mental aspects of going thru puberty again and watching urself change ! and the general fucking all consuming terror of doing this shit in the south in the current climate! and self advocacy and stuff! it's all just... i think gender therapy could actually really really be amazing for me

but i feel like there's also a weird personal stigma i hold of like. oh gender therapy is only meant for people who are questioning to like "explore their identities" and "figure out if transition is right for them"? and i don't want like my identity or transition to be put into question at all... and i think that's kind of a sad stigma to have come to mind when i think of gender therapy and i'm sure it could be true if i didn't shop carefully and find the right person who sees the broader needs that could be met by gender therapy but idk. i think. the options locally are prob pretty fucking sparse but it may be worth me asking around at the local lgbt center and trans ppl in the lil queer group i've been hanging out with a bit the past couple weeks and see if anyone knows what's good. in general i just wish i had ppl to talk to about transition and coming out shit bc i do feel really alone and not knowing where to ask questions or get answers and advice and i know it's all online out there somewhere but it's just very broad and overwhelming to figure out where to even start there like... idk... might fuck around and join reddit again?????????? lol... but itd be nice to find other local trans ppl who are willing to have it be a main topic of convo wahh

#shitpost.txt #ventyyyy about mental health n gender shit love and light <3

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mimichuuz · 1 year

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"You're too young to let the world break you" is REALLY hitting me rn.

Not to victimize myself, but life hasn't been so kind to me. Although most of my biggest problems are now in the past, they've left everlasting effects on me. Was homeless & physically abused. Now I have to be in control of money. Even if its not mine. Can't tell if its just a fear of older men or maybe just my dad. Hell maybe not either. Just this uneasy feeling around them. Now I got an eating disorder, have to harm myself so I don't harm others, 2 felonies, ankle monitor, anger issues, sleep issues, and all that other shit which is probably caused by my own mental health. Hate this shit so much. I hate living. I can't kill myself bc I have some things I'd rather enjoy than die, but if I were to somehow end up in a bad situation, I'd let it kill me. Like that time I lit all that shit on fire in my apartment. Literally couldn't breath but I just layed down with my music playing and closed my eyes. Until the cops found me ofc. Hate this all. Please kill me. Let me rest. There are ppl who have it WAY worse than I do, and they're just living on. I have few problems compared to them yet I can't even handle getting out of bed. It just shows how weak I am. I am too weak to go on. Please just kill me and let me rest. If I can't manage simple things like leaving my bed and home or eating properly, doesn't that just show that its better to leave me dead? If I do have to keep living, I want to be so heavily on pills that I'm just like a vegetable. Just no cares at all. I can't talk to anyone at all. My friends wouldn't understand bc we have different lives, my family would use everything against me, my therapist still works for the county or government or whoever, so I could probably get taken from my mom if I tell her everything. Although my mom has put me through some shit, I would like to be with her. I know I'm probably safer with her and we still have some good times. I wish I could do the same with my dad. He's still in my life but i know he still hates me. Apparently he loved me when I was a baby, but as I grew up and developed my own opinions and became close with my mom, he hated me. That started in like 1st grade. I'm now in 9th and its still the same. He tries to hang around when other ppl mention how he treats me, but ofc that only lasts a bit. Then it happens all over again. I wish he loved me like he does my sister. They've always been close. He compliments her and gets her things. Last time my dad complimented me was when I was in 4th grade. Last thing he gave me was a bracelet he found on the ground in front of a hotel when i was in 5th grade. I still cherish it. Why am I never good enough? For my parents, for my family, or myself. It's not hard to be the perfect girl. I just need to lose more weight, hide my flaws, attend school, and be pretty. Then everyone will love me. My parents would accept me. Its so easy but why can't I do it? I've only lost 17 pounds. It should've been WAY more by now but nooo I had to develop an eating disorder and fuck up my eating and metabolism. All of my flaws are mental but they seem to show physically. My eye bags, bruised body, discolored skin, messy clothing. Its gross. I had to stop attending school bc every time I did, I just shut down or almost harmed myself or my peers. I was way prettier when I weighed 92 pounds but ofc my fat ass tried to recover and went up to 105. And now I'm stuck at that number. I hate everything. I want to disappear. I want to go. But ofc, I'm just a 14 year old girl. Everyone says I have no real problems, im being dramatic, or just blow off my issues when I speak up. I don't know if I should listen to them and quit my mental help stuff so I can go completely insane or continue attending and working to better myself. All this shit constantly and I'm just 14. I want it to end already.

#mentally drained #tw ed vent #ed vent #tw ana vent #vent tag #personal rant #ed in tags #mentally disordered #awareness

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juneviews · 2 years

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It's a long ask not obliged to answer

Ever since reading that post abt Sean being most broken character of all i can't think straight so here's my word vomit

That scene in which he tries his best to pursue white and asking him to comeback is soo soul crushing for me like this boi lives because white lives. Him begging black to not leave him but not trying to comprehend who was white and black and how did this happen in the first place he's just blinded in the hope of having someone to live for.

Never have i felt such sadness for a fic character in bl like i didn't tear up but felt so sad to even comprehend the rest of the eps, i took a week break to continue and that post brought back memories

The relief he felt when he found out who's white was, the flag night, the tent, the final rescue were the happy Sean moments I couldn't get out of my head. There's smthg abt off and dir.nuchy that made me care abt Sean like i do for ppl around me.

And his sole purpose was to be as happy as he could be with him tho at first I felt it was pathetic looking back his traumatic life it's more than justifiable for him to want to spend every sec he has left with white. That boi meant every single word he said on that terrace to white

Sean is still healing from my pov he's still not totally sure abt wt he lives for, he just does stuff because he's has to survive like when he reads a book and explains how difficult it is for ppl like him contrasting to the scene in the ⛺ he explains they might not have much time together. Which shows how much he's unsure abt the future in both cases but decided to ignore this time coz he has white.

I believe there will be a neutral version of Sean in the future that doesn't see himself in that perspective

Tho it's totally fine if living to be with white is the only goal he has becoz that boi has starved in every way. Sometimes i keep thinking what if Sean's parents were still alive and had met White under different circumstances and how his perspective of life would be? What are ur different dynamics of seanwhite in the same not me universe ?

Sorry if it's too sappy but it's my boi Sean.

y'all are really coming for my throat with those sean word vomits HUH 😭😭😭 you said it all, if sean didn't have SO MUCH trauma he'd be an entirely different person, but bc he's been abandoned by everyone he's ever loved, he was ready to do ANYTHING so white would stay with him... but also, sean is way more than his trauma & mental health issues as well, he's so loving, passionate, well-read, well-spoken, strong, unapologetic & forgiving. and I swear to god, this man is my baby & I adore him more than I can put into words <3

xxx

#answers #sean #not me #not me the series

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this-is-my-main-i-follow-from · 3 years

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Some ways I involve witchcraft in my daily life:

Charge the water in my watter bottle (sun water for my daytime water & moon water for my bedside glass. You can also use minerals to charge it or use distilled rainwater)

Put intentions into tea or make tea potions (if I need an extra focus boost bc #/adhd I’ll put a bit of basil & lemon into some tea or have basil lemonade. Then stir it clockwise while thinking of your intention)

Write sigils on your schoolwork (for focus maybe. I wrote one on my math note package that meant “I understand math”)

Put glamour sigils on makeup (esp good if you have a femininity sigil for trans women or a glamour sigil/spell. You can write it on the back of makeup or carve it in. If you carve it in eyeshadow: the sigil loses its charge once you work the makeup until it’s been ground away. In Lipstick: carve it on the side & once you use the lipstick past the base of the sigil, it has lost its power & you need to make a new one. You can also do this with soap!)

Sew sigils onto your clothes (sew a masculinity sigil onto your binder, or one for good health & breathing)

Hold minerals in your bra/binder (I’m heavy chested so I can hold them in my binder but if you’re small chested you can only hold them in your bra once you take off your binder for the day. They can encourage health, fertility, masculinity, whatever)

Write the names of saints into sigils to ask them to intercede for you (If you are like me & you get travel anxiety, write “saint christopher” into a sigil & charge it with safe travels. St Christopher will help charge that sigil & he will always be present with you when you bring your sigil on your travels. If you’re trans, gnc, or any queer subtype, you can write st joan of arc into a sigil & charge it with intentions she can help with. St Dymphnea I think is how you spell it but yeah st dmphnia is the patron saint of mental illness if you want her help with that. (edit: also patron for victims of !nc*st, anxiety, & sleep issues I think. Spelled dymphna?) St michael the archangel can help you fight your battles (spiritual or otherwise), st kateri tekakwitha is the patron saint of north american indigenous ppl & ecology... you can find a ton of patron saints)

Say grace before (& after) eating (this can be a prayer or you can bless your food. If you’re not christian like me & you don’t have any other deities then you can thank the universe maybe, or thank the food itself. You might also offer to share it with a deity if you’re a hellenist & not with a cthonic deity)

Meditate on your walk (I have adhd so I like to do a walking meditation. It’s much better than a sitting meditation. You can meditate on/about the walk, or you can meditate while walking)

When you say “thank god” you should mean it (I was walking the other day & didn’t know there were stairs. I somehow didn’t fall. Some ppl would say “thank god” but I actually made the sign of the cross & thanked him/them)

Bless your medication (you can do this every time you take it/every day or you can do it when you get your prescription filled. You can also charge it.)

EDIT: I JUST FOUND OUT YOU CAN ADD INTENTION TO BRUSHING YOUR TEETH AS A SPELL/RITUAL???????

PS: Reminder that sage in an herb. There is a difference b/w culinary sage & sage sage. A stick/bundle of sage is a sage stick or a sage bundle. Smudge is a practice/ceremony. Smudge often has music, sweetgrass & other medicines, & sage, & Smudge is our way of praying. Smoke cleansing with sage is not smudge. A bundle of sage is not a smudge stick. If you are invited to join someone for smudge, I highly recommend you go: it’s awesome. I have lineage in many Metis families, & I’ve been going to the native centres in my schools & listening to the indigenous ppl & the guy who leads us through smudge to reconnect with my lost culture. edit: success. Apparently I wasn’t nearly as disconnected as I thought, I just had to look for it. I was taught the Metis way, it just wasn’t called that bc ~racism~

#trans witch #christian witch #witch tips #indigenous witch #witchcraft tips #witchcraft #folk catholicism #folk christian #mom no look

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