#i need to sleep so I can go to work tomorrow but I don’t think I can anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shandycandy278 · 9 months

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that post u reblogged frames antis in a dishonest way... literally all we want is for people to be normal about minors and siblings.

but the issue is that most of the bad stuff is framed in a neutral light. or worse, it just exists for someones pleasure. which knowing fandom spaces, is going to be the case a rather high percentage of the time.

antis arent evil, and its clear that that post is coming from a close minded person.

sorry i just got up and seeing a post framing me as someone who wants to censor the whole internet makea me mad. i LOVE being not censored. its just some stuff HAS to be censored because its just morally gross.

but as i said, as long as that morally gross stuff is framed as it is, morally gross, im fine.

No, you’re right. Anti’s aren’t evil. But they’re not entirely right either. There’s a LOT of miscommunication going on in the drama surrounding them, and I will happily take a chance to try and communicate about this as clearly and calmly as I can.

I’m not mad or upset or anything, PLEASE do not see this as me being like “actually you’re WRONG”. That’s not it at all. I’m just going to be going over what was brought up in the post you are talking about, and how I interpreted them/what I believe.

(TW/CW: talk of the pro/anti drama, pedophilia, incest, abuse, murder, suicide, terrorism, rape, censorship)

I’m very confused as to how you thought this was an attack on you. The post was literally talking about how the response they have is very natural and good. Especially in real-life situations, because those sorts of things are wrong in real life. If you reread the post, you’ll see that it compares it to an automatic immune system for fandom spaces and the like. There was no hate or shade thrown, because you guys are necessary and right that incest and pedophilia is wrong. There’s nothing that says that you are not right.

But it also says that fiction is something that requires different approaches in this regard. People writing and drawing about pedophilia and Incest don’t want it to happen in real life an know it’s abusive and shady IRL. They KNOW it’s wrong, they aren’t denying that it’s wrong. The post actually explains this part better than I’ve seen many others describe this, and if you read it, you’ll find that they go on to define that exploring this sort of what-if thing in a fictional setting helps us, as humans, process the horrors of the reality and and the reality of the situation.

I’ve written about characters committing suicide and killing each other. Does that mean I want everyone to kill each other and then themselves? No. But I couldn’t fully process and define how that made me feel. Not until I wrote about it in a fictional setting. I didn’t even realize how horrible it was that I had almost offed myself years before that, back before I found writing and fanfiction. Not until I wrote about it. Now if I write characters killing themselves, it’s a reminder to myself. My life is valuable.

People make shows and the likes about serial killers too, you know. There’s fiction out there that highlights that, slavery, abuse, rape, terrible addictions, genocide, cults- but Anti’s don’t get upset about those. Not really.

Because those are ALL horrible, terrible things. Things that suck about our world, things that we hear about and it makes us feel sick. Because they’re BAD. Everyone knows they’re bad. Proshippers, Anti’s- EVERYONE. The only people who don’t know that are the people being abused and the people abusing them (depending on the situation).

You can drop into a pro shipper or Anti’s inbox and ask “how do you feel about school shootings, incest, pedophilia, rape, and the likes IRL?”, and they will respond with “man they SUCK humans sucks I wish people wouldn’t do that, I wish humans would (insert something to try and get the horrendous acts to stop). I hate that it exists IRL.” Or something along those lines.

But I haven’t seen anything telling writers and artists to stop creating content on those things. Why? Because creating them in a fictional reality helps us process the truth of it.

All of this was also in the post! I understand if it was a hard read because you felt like you were being attacked by it, but I do NOT think the post’s intent was to “attack” antis. Heck, “anti” is even in quotes because I’m fairly certain OP was only using the title so that people would see it and know that this is what they were discussing. It was just to try to explain the dilemma to people who didn’t know, or to those who have chosen one moniker or another not knowing what exactly it means or what’s happening. An analysis, if you will.

But I’d like to gently ask (if you can find it in yourself to, because I’m not going to force you to do something you’re uncomfortable with) that you take a deep breath, push your feelings about the drama and the likes to the side, and re-read it. It really summed up everything nicely, with a comparison that is honestly very true- not just for fandom, but for a lot of humanity. Again, if you don’t, I understand. It’s very hard to reread a post after it gets you all huffy and puffy and upset. (Especially when you hate feeling like that, like I do, and it makes everything worse.) But it’s ALSO very hard to see what exactly is being talked about in a post and what the point of the post is if you read it huffy and puffy. Again, you don’t HAVE to, but it’s something I’d recommend trying if you feel up to it.

Along side that, I don’t think pedophilia and incest in fandom was ever intended or meant for it to be centered AROUND the fact that it was pedophilia or incest. Not unless it was a MAJOR story/plot point, or a part of the source material (like in a LOT of various Anime. I’ll be very honest, it’s a surprise that anime has not been brought up/referenced in any pro/anti drama I’ve seen so far. There is a LOT of fictional pedophilia/incest going on in there. Then again, Japanese fandom has stated that they don’t care about antis/proshippers or any of this sort of thing and will just happily block anyone who tries to drag in drama or throw them into mud. Maybe that’s why. Idk).

I personally think it started because people liked the idea of the character types and personalities working off of each other. Not because of some “HIDDEN SECRET EVIL PREDATOR URGE”. They just like how the characters acted together and had chemistry, thought it was cute, and went with it. The fact that it was incest and/or pedophilia wasn’t even at the forefront of their minds. They literally went “OOO TWO PRETTY CHARACTERS they should kiss”.

And honestly, that’s a lot of what shipping just… is. It’s deciding you like how two characters interact, taking it, and running off with it. Shipping discourse exists because people disagree on how that should happen and what dynamics should be in a ship, too! Because it happens soooo often. This isn’t much different, even if it’s a ship that others or many May view as problematic.

The post WAS admittedly a bit confusing about this next topic, so I understand if this was a big basis towards confusion, but-

I am a firm believer that people should create what they want to make, and not what others want to see from them.

And this post says much the same, in the later parts of it. Just phrased weirdly.

If this means that they make a bunch of stuff about incest, porn, pedophilia, murder- that’s not our business.

We are in no right to tell them what they should or should not create. It doesn’t matter their reasoning. It is their freedom to make whatever they want. No one should be policed over their own content, which they make for themselves.

But You know what is within your right to do?

Blocking them.

You have every right to block them so that you don’t have to see what they’ve made. If you don’t like it, I recommend you familiarize yourself with the block button and blocking tags, too.

And I think this is SO IMPORTANT for people to do.

A lot of proshippers have adopted this tactic, did you know? A lot of them block other proshippers and the likes ALL THE TIME, because they don’t like the content that that person makes. It’s fascinating. Proshippers will even do their best to respect Anti shippers by blocking them, so that the Anti won’t ever have to see the Proshipper’s works. And if proshippers find that someone is actually IRL a pedophile or a predator like that (a rare occurrence, mind you), they will block them, too! (Like what happened with an NSFW artist named Neahchan some time back).

But I think SOME (not all) Anti’s don’t understand that this is the easiest and safest way. Because you want to know what those FEW (not all) Antis do if they follow a proshipper?

If they are not blocked immediately, one of the first things those few do is harass the person. Cyber bully them. Maybe something small at first, but it gets to big things quickly. “You are sick I can’t believe you support this, let me make a full on call out post about this to tell everyone to isolate and bully you too”. If the proshipper chooses to comment or argue against the allegations, harassment just gets worse. If they block it then, it saves some face, but the drama swells horribly and it takes HUGE blows on their mental health.

Do you remember those videos about the kid that was bullied online and in school? About how they were going to kill themselves because they felt so horrible? That’s what those few antis are doing. They’re doing that to a human being.

(To me, this is the big issue. This is the thing we should REALLY be talking about instead of if a ship is okay to ship or whatever.)

If the proshipper blocks them right away, it’s a lot less impactful and a lot less harm is done. And those few antis will pick up a fuss about it “why did you block me! Your AUs are so cool! Whatever I’m going to try and harass you anyway”. (This is something that has actually happened recently to Skumhu, the creator of leviathan tale.)

When proshippers usually talk about Antis, it’s often these antis specifically that they’re talking about. The ones that harass and cyber bully them over completely fictional things that have no impact on the real world.

But why am I bringing up blocking people, anyway? You were talking about censorship.

That’s because blocking is a form of censorship, just personal to you.

If you were to go out one day and censor the entirety of the internet from, let’s say, images of any and all kinds of skeletons because skeletons and their symbolism made you uncomfortable, you’d get a LOT of people really upset at you. Because skeletons mean something completely different to them.

Okay, well, what if you prevented people from talking about and discussing terrorism by censoring them? It’s bad and horrible, surely if we stopped talking about it then it would stop. But now a lot of people who were victims or terrorism are upset because they had safe spaces where they could talk about their traumas and express them without fear. They don’t get that anymore with censorship in play. And now, terrorists have actually increased their attacks because there isn’t enough awareness going around, and people can’t prepare to defend themselves or keep themselves safe because they can’t even find out that it’s happening.

So now what if we censor pedophilia? Horrible, gross. SURELY something that’s influenced from everything going on online, so stopping it would put a stop to it. Right?

I promise, the same exact thing that I described above with terrorism will happen here.

Victims would not be able to discuss or share their experiences safely, or recover in their own way. Children would be put into further risk because parents wouldn’t be taught how to teach kids to watch out for the signs of a predator and notify their parents. Some parents might not even know of what signs to look out for, because we censored all the content of it.

Full, complete censorship of something gives oppressors the power to be more oppressive.

I understand being uncomfortable when fictional characters are written as incestuous or pedophilic, but if you want to censor the uncomfortable and icky gross stuff entirely, you should be ready for the consequences of censoring EVERY LITTLE THING about it because extremists and religious extremists will take what you’ve done and make it ten times worse. It’s not worth the pain and suffering it would cause. Not worth the lives that would be lost or the lack of support systems in place for survivors.

Is this every Anti’s vendetta? ABSOLUTELY NOT! But that doesn’t mean that censorship doesn’t give the abusers the power and freedom they need to hurt people.

There’s a reason why these are the signs of people in abusive relationships, and that’s because the lack of knowledge and support someone has, the more power the abuser has.

The safest and healthiest way isn’t to censor the whole internet because you’re uncomfortable with something. It’s to block users and tags who make you personally uncomfortable. It’s SO much better for your mental health, AND theirs. No one gets harmed, hurt, or cyberbullied.

It’s so important to know that there is SUCH a vast range of pro and anti people. There are certainly proshippers that are abusers, trolls, or jerks. Just like there are also antis who are the same.

(Trust me. I’ve been hurt by both a proshipper and an anti shipper. I’d rather not have to talk about my experiences with them to prove my point, because I’m also friends with pros and antis. It’s also a very private experience, and just mentioning that it happened is something that makes me feel weird.)

Repeat after me the 15% rule: in any given group of people, 15% of them are just the worst, most horrible and sucky people you could ever meet. And those people should be blocked for EVERYONE’S mental health and well being, but more specifically, YOUR mental health and well being.

I apologize if this doesn’t make sense or if there are any typos. It’s 5:30 in the morning and I haven’t slept, but I just… HAD to say this.

I’m so sorry you got hurt by that post and felt like it was attacking you. That was not my intention and I doubt that that was OP’s intention, either. But it’s SO important to me that people are free to do as they wish and create what they want in safe fictional spaces, to define that proship does not mean they support those things IRL, and the issues with censoring the icky gross stuff.

#ask sc #drama #pro shipping #anti shipping #pro ship #anti ship #pro anti drama #stars it’s 6AM now #i need to sleep so I can go to work tomorrow but I don’t think I can anymore #this exhausted me because this isn’t something I like to talk about #because blocking and moving on is just so much easier and safer than having to spill my heart out #but you are my friend and I care for you #so I did it anyway #and even if you disagree still #or even decide to block me or something because of it #I’d be okay with that #it might hurt but you’d be talking care of your mental health and well being #and that’s far more important to me than anything else #same with any other mutuals who read this

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arthur-r · 15 days

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what’s really embarrassing is my roommate on the phone with his mom saying “yeah i’ve been getting really sloppy i haven’t cleaned in a week it’s terrible” and my side of the room is just like that. all of the time. and i feel guilty but he also hasn’t ever said anything to my face he moved my stuff some at the beginning of the year but has never talked to me about it and i’m also so fucking ill that i just cant really handle adding that to my list while trying to also not fail school. so here i am being a terrible person i guess. did i tell you guys about turtle-person. have i showed my bracelets. i’m gonna go to sleep but in the morning i need to show my bracelets

#help i have work tomorrow. i also feel sick and strange. wish me luck #the sun was around today which was incredible but also i think it gave me too much mental energy #cause for the first time in forever i had the brightness of spirit to go for a walk. but that’s not the same as having the blood flow for it #so i think i overexerted myself cause of being finally happy and mentally energized i forgot about being physically disabled #i also had to explain POTS to somebody today and she was literally like ‘oh is that the thing where you need to have salt’ and NO like #i do have a really high salt intake to cope with POTS. but that’s not the fucking thing yknow?? like no that’s not what the thing i have is #it has nothing to do with salt. salt is a fun little coincidence that it can help with water retention which in turn helps with POTS #and it raises blood pressure is i think the other reason? but anyway idk i would honestly rather she just not know about it than have like #that very particular tiktok version of it like i am so glad for internet knowledge being spread and stuff and i mean. i guess even the posts #that i’m about to complain about are good for making people feel like they’re not alone. so maybe it’s fine. but i was going to complain of #the videos that are like ‘‘that one POTS friend’’ and it’s just like. salty food. instead of like. having to sit down?? BEING FATIGUED??#and like whatever. whatEVER but i wish it wasn’t getting conflated with one particular little way of treating it. even though i use that way #i don’t have needs-a-lot-of-salt-disease. like that’s not the point. that’s not the issue. it’s not a salt deficiency. salt just helps #and it doesn’t FIX it. it just helps. that’s all #ANYWAY EVERYTHING IS FINE. i feel sick though. but i’m gonna sleep and i’ll be fine #i miss before i had a job cause then i could sleep all day if i skipped class and it would be really nice. but now i have a job i would be #missing on my responsibilities for. and I don’t actually have accommodations. but im gonna sleep i’ll be fine #and library book cart is actually so rollator. like as far as being able to walk the library situation is such a win #anyway i’m gonna go to sleep now. but yeah idk i’m sick and a mess what else is new. but i have something whatever i’m good theres something #unrequited love for life or something like that. ok im gonna go to bed sorry for being weird and strange all the time!!!!#me. my post. mine.#delete later

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roses-and-tears · 2 months

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#I have spent. 8 almost 9 hours resetting my laptop. I chose the option to keep all my files but uninstall apps. and it has been restarting #and installing for almost 9 hours. yeah I get that the process will be long. but ffs #I have been bored the past few hours so I watched the smile movie bc I got reminded of it yesterday #it was pretty bad. the couple gorey scenes towards the end were nice but some of the acting and writing was just terrible #I was also hoping the movie would’ve taken a different turn. I think it would’ve made it more.. idk. I can’t think of the right term.-#-it just would’ve made it better I think.#I’ve also eaten a lot today. more than I usually do. more than I have in months and years and im upset about that. im already bloated.#I hope I don’t work tomorrow. I have to call in in the morning to check. and I don’t mind working but rn I just kind of want to spend the #day relaxing #I’ve spent almost 9 hours on this resetting part. and 4 extra hours trying to simply repair it in restarts #I also need to clean up my room. a lot of it. and clean my pets cage. it’s ant season now and im really stressed about that #the smell of sharpie returns and I am just. overwhelmed. I have 3 days to prepare for my special week long activity and im not happy about-#-that.#I also had some feelings earlier that im stressed over too.#im being vague about that bc i just don’t want to go off about that to everyone #im tired and overwhelmed i just want my laptop to finish resetting so i can stop fretting about this. i want to sleep #im tired. of so much #to delete later

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shawtyluvmelikesheluvthelord · 8 months

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Uh Oh

#watching other schizophrenics videos like 2 days ago and being like huh I don’t think I hear voices at all and waking up from a bad dream #and Realizing .#a lot of the scary/negative dialogue in my head is my voice I am finally noticing some that isn’t though 👍🏽#having a bad one yall 👍🏽 but I need to go back to sleep so I can go to work in 2 hours 👍🏽#I will find a therapist tomorrow

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icterid-rubus · 11 months

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My family went to florida and I’ve been dog and house sitting and hosting my brother for two weeks and taking my cat to the vet and finally my brother is gone and the cat is okay* and I have 24 hours until my doctor appointment and 48 until the family is back and I’m chugging beers sitting back trying to fit two weeks of relaxation into one evening and it’s not working but I’m tipsy and throwing my head back and wanting to make bad choices yeeeaaaaaah boooooooiiiii!!!!

#this was my chance to relax then my brother decided to come #which is fine but basically it means he works in the house and then I make him dinner or we go out to eat rinse and repeat for 14 days #he also Has To Eat Three Squates A Day or gets hangry and I’m more of a…one meal a day person #i feel so bloated and crappy so the beer isn’t sitting well but I want to relax and I don’t really drink anymore so #not excited for the dr tomorrow but whatever #*cat is as good as she can be. I’m coming to terms with the fact that she will not ever get better. she’s old and it might be cancer but #anything we do is just treating symptoms #she has a depressed immune system and is getting monthly chronic utis. i need ti be Frank with her quality of life #this is so much harder to confront than her amputation. i Leah’s thought she would just…get old and slow down gracefully #but she feels young. and in between the uti pain she seems normal. but so much of her life now is sleeping and crying in pain #she also has sores on her feet. vets not sure why but thinks it’s immune system related #aaaaa. i want to call my science teacher and talk to him #he gave me Chloe sophomore year but I think I’ll cry #oof I want to talk to anyone really but I don’t have those type of relationships. so I shall talk in tags and drink beer.

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pebblezone · 1 year

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who’s up making sound effects ☝️☝️☝️

#talkingcore #realizing that the little pshooo noise I make when moving an object from one place to another can in fact be heard and perceived by others #purely on the basis I don’t hear anyone else making sound effects… you’re telling me I’m supposed to just push elevator buttons in silence??#like when you’re looking for things you don’t do like a lil choochoo chugging a long situation? okay… 👁️👁️💥💥💥💥#hot girl walk backfired I am so sleepy fuck this group project I can’t do anything til other people put info in…. I want to sleep #they pushed it off an extra 50 minutes pls let’s just get it done so I can go to sleep peacefully at like idk 8:30 (this is unrealistic)#I can sense the stress and disappointment. so sad so sad #maybe I’ll wait to post so I can have as much of my woes in one place (I am so sleepy)#this is hell I forgot we had a floor meeting at 830. the dude whose work I’m waiting on is not done. I’m feeling like the Arthur dad #tip: I am so fucking mad though the mad is really just Tired it’s due at 9 am tomorrow I do not want to be thinking about this past 10pm #it’s 8:49 maybe it’ll be good soon Please I need Slumber though also there’s Clunking going around who’s clunking #919 literally no progress this is super hell. DUDE WHERE SRE YOU GOING WE ARE ALL WAITING ON YOU AHHHHHHHHHHHH #man…………….. this is twisted. and sick :((((#THEY FINALLY FREED ME 9:37 GOD DAMN… AND THEYRE STILL NOT DONE IM JUST NOT TRAPPED ON ZOOM #this is my attack on London for Realsies we already had an extension it should’ve been due this morning. ass cheeks up for Real for real for

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starbuck · 2 years

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my body is so weak… it is soooooooo tired of fall birding and the season’s only halfway over!! it’s a good thing i’m so damn determined!

#my back fucking HATES me this time of year it’s so funny #birders call the pain in your neck you get from constantly looking up during migration ‘warbler neck’#but i personally think the true and underlooked evil here is ‘warbler lower back’#i try to do stretches in the field but it only mitagates it so much…#i am still in a lot of pain #and like. yeah i could take something for it but painkillers don’t do me that much good #and i sleep better when i’m achey anyway #and GOD knows i need the sleep #the getting up early is another thing my body HATES #no matter how early i go to bed tonight - i can already tell that tomorrow morning is gonna be Rough…#and i’m planning to go out Friday morning as well!!!!#truly i have a death wish 😂😂#but then we get the rain from the hurricane and i get a few days off #so it all works out in the end!#after that my friend will be visiting and i’ll be Out There yet again!#like i said - it’s a good thing i’m so determined and find this all so fun #or i’d be throwing in the towel from the pain and exhaustion alone #but ANYWAYS… off to have a little Ice Cream Treat and then have the best sleep of my life ❤️❤️

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iloveyoumorethansoup · 2 years

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I’m gonna have like. A day off lol my bad

#no I actually don’t mind I rather enjoy what I do #i have 2 days off from work but one of them I offered to help someone move #shoutout to her she’s like one of my favorite people I work with and one of my favorite people just in general #I’m like I will gladly help you move whatever you need I’m there she must’ve asked me like 1000x times if I was sure about wanting to help #like girl not only r u always nice to me no matter what but you also mimick the things I do in a kind way like I’ll do anything for u #i actually didnt realize I had quite a few traits until she started mirroring them and I’m like oh I do that! i do that? i do that!#apparently I tilt my head a little whenever I smile. and of course the way I wave and say hi. and several of my speech patterns #it’s very little things that mean the world to me #catch me cross country on the weekends when I’m bored just to pop in and say hi to these people #i don’t even necessarily love my job or anything. it’s fine. sometimes it’s stressful. sometimes it’s boring #but I do love the people I work with. there’s like 3 I can’t stand. but there’s a few that make me ok with working so many hours per week #oh but it’s so funny the way I get when people make it clear that I matter to them #the woman I’m helping move had said earlier she was exhausted doing it by herself #and then for a half hour I’m thinking to myself. i can help. i want to help. anxiety of my parents. i want to help. i want to go offer help #and I finally was like. um. if you want help I’m not that strong but I’d really love to help. yeah I am serious. here’s my days off #like tell me why I was so absurdly shy. like aw she made it apparent she enjoys my presence at work! forgot how to exist #the way I don’t understand human interaction. at all. it’s terrible #it will not get better with time lol #oh man I work tomorrow #i gotta go to sleep rn #soup talks #but first. gotta catch up on my daily gatchas

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inthewild-flowers · 2 years

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my mom gave me an antihistamine to like help me sleep and she was like it’ll make u sleepy :) and it has but it’s made me just like. my everyday base level of sleepy bc i was having a pretty good day and had had a lot of sugar so now i’m feeling normal actially

#Someone Get This Man A Good Nights Sleep #dan talks tag #don’t rb #like yeah i’m sleepy but not enough to do anything abt it #i rlly should go upstairs tho #hmmmmm #i should sleeeeeeeep and then i can be functional tomorrow #which would be great actually id love that #my shift got cancelled so i got a surprise day off teeheeeee #maybe i’ll even do some more writing #i need to finish the text fic but brain goes brr for the coffeeshop one so #although tbh calling it a coffeeshop fic isn’t quite right like yeah technically it happens at a coffeeshop but then don’t like work there #they r customers (shudder(#oh i am Rambling huh #bedtime for me i think #goodnigjt i’m giving u a kiss <3

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heartbreakfeelsogood · 21 days

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#i do not want to work tomorrow i want to lay in bed and be sad #i’m really realizing how miserable of a person i am i am always fucking Sad and when i do feel happy i cry when it’s over #and i can’t even resemble a human being without medication and i know that’s fine but i’m still always sad. it doesn’t go away #i feel like nobody deserves to have me weighing them down like i’ve cried in front of people three times this week and i know it’s fine #but i feel so fucking guilty about it and i feel guilty about everything i feel like i’m doing nothing right and i’m not dealing with thing #right and i’m not living right and i feel like it must be so fucking difficult to love me and i don’t know how people do it #i don’t even feel capable of asking for. any sort of love ever #i feel like i don’t deserve like anything. i feel like nobody actually wants to do things for me lol #every single dsy i’m like wow i want to be held and every single dsy i feel bad even asking for a hug from someone #when i need reassurance i’m afraid to ask because what if i’m just being annoying and overbearing and too much Bad #i never feel like too much good. only bad.#i know a lot of these shitty thoughts are just because i’ve been unmedicated (meds will be ready tomorrow lol) but it just like #it sucks to know medication just kinda hides these thoughts better and that deep down i feel like this because i don’t want to #i feel like everyone in my life doesn’t deserve someone who doubts everything all the time #i think my mother deserved a stronger daughter and i think my friends deserve someone that’s not always breaking and i just don’t feel Good #i don’t know why anyone keeps me around #sometimes i feel selfish for sticking around and that sounds so awful and i’m not gonna act on it but i just feel like a waste of a person #the last week has been so good and now i’m just a fucking mess and i feel so fucking guilty about that :)#i feel like no matter what i always just default to miserable #i don’t feel like i’m doing enough at all #i’m struggling in school i don’t work enough i can barely take care of myself #like i wouldn’t even properly take care of myself if taylor wasn’t helping me i feel so guilty about that all the time #i feel so guilty for even thinking any of this right now and i’m trying to remind myself that i’m unmedicated and i’ve had a long day #and my best fucking friend just went back home and i’m allowed to be sad about that but i just. feel like i’m making excuses i guess #it’s not immoral to be sad but maybe when i’m wanting to die all the time i’m the problem. idk #anyway i’m gonna go to sleep and i’m gonna try to convince myself tomorrow will be better #sndnsksjkakejdkalwosjhdkwosjdjsk. i will be fine

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arthur-r · 7 months

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emily wilson out here translating the iliad and i am once again wishing i knew how to read and translate ancient greek

#listen where there’s a will there’s a way but i just finished my degree audit and looks like i will only be able to manage a classics minor #with latin emphasis (unless i abandon latin for greek which i’m not going to do even though it pains me)#but i really want to make my own iliad someday….#at this rate i’ll only ever end up making a queer prose adaptation and be criticized for projecting modern notions of sexuality onto a #completely different set of values and social understandings of homosexuality….#(which. if anything there should be more gay people in the song of achilles. don’t be mean to me i promise i understand ancients)#anyway i might just have to make a book of poetry or a novel adaptation or whatever whatever but what if i want to learn the script #and painstakingly translate every single word through years and years of dedication. while also being a librarian as my main thing #shdhdhdf i’m never gonna be classics scholar enough to professionally translate. and if i were it would be latin. but i can dream….#anyway i’m no longer failing my french class (have a 70% that should only be going up) but i’m still failing historical linguistics #my latin grade is great i’m acing it but my library science class is a D (which should be fixed in two days though — just needs more data)#so i am giving myself permission to sleep early tonight and go into class well rested for once. i’m not feeling well but that’s a constant #anyways if anyone reads the wilson iliad let me know!! i’m a fake fan of her work and haven’t read her odyssey (something about the iliad….#there’s a brutality and a raw humanity to it that puts the odyssey at a lower priority to me) but im so freaking excited to read her iliad #i have to prioritize schoolwork but soon. i’ll have to ask my latin teacher about it tomorrow though she’s an iliad enjoyer #anyway good news i think i’ll be able to get a history major with certificates in digital studies and classical studies (the two genders….)#and graduate comfortably in four years with honors in the major. this is ignoring how i’m failing my classes. i promise i won’t be forever #anyways the point is: wilson’s iliad — i will read it as soon as possible and i’m very excited #also i checked out a book from the library called the lexicographers dilemma: the evolution of proper english from shakespeare to south park #but i haven’t had the chance to read it and soon it will be due…. college is evil i’m too busy learning things to learn other things!!!!#anyway if i do honors in the major then i’m excited to eventually earn credit from a capstone thesis which i would do on lexicography #throughout history with an emphasis on classification systems and basically peter mark roget #ok anyway. wandering all over the place but the point is. wilson’s iliad. very exciting. can’t wait to find the time #and eventually i will write an iliad adaptation of my own i will. just not a full translation shdhdf that’s an unrealistic goal #especially when again. my capstone project is going to be about taxonomy of ideas. ancient epics are secondary….#anyway i hope everybody is doing well!! i am going to bed soon-ish but other than that i am around so lmk if you need anything #me. my post. mine.#college talk #delete later

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kaeyaphile · 9 months

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tmi probably bc my health is trash

head hurts, tummy aches, digestive system is big mad at me for some unknown reason (bloated, gassy, constant trips to the bathroom), and i am so tired bc i haven’t really slept bc of the discomfort

#kayleigh.txt #i really really really shouldn’t call out of work today (or ever again) but at the same time #idk if i can work feeling like this and like #they only give you a limited number of personal breaks on top of the two 15min breaks and the 30min lunch so #tbqh i do not recall what number that is but #i know i would definitely go over it lmao #i should probably go to the doctor but that requires getting dressed and driving there and... no #doubtful they could fit me in today anyways bc it already 11am #and urgent care is literally useless so definitely not going there #i got maybe 6hrs of sleep the night before last so i was already exhausted #now i got like... 2? ish? hours of sleep last night in total #i already got a text from work saying that team 1 needs assistance so i will feel big bad if i call out #god i am such a fucking inconvenience to everyone and everything aren’t i #i think i am going to call out and then if i am not feeling better tomorrow call my dr as soon as they open and see if they can fit me in #... tbh i am beginning to think stress is making me develop ibs but i don’t think that is a real thing??? idek

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tender-rosiey · 5 months

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hiii 😭 I REALLY LOVE UR GOJO X YN SO MUCHHH 😔😔 I was also wondering like maybe what if y/n has a wound, like any where 🥲 it could be either on her back, arms, legs but she doesn't wanna tell gojo abt it and she hides it, then he will find out about it either she winces when gojo hugs her, starts wearing long sleeved clothes or her shirt lifts up while sleeping 🤧 TYSMM❤❤

strain — gojo satoru x f!reader

a/n: I am honored that you like my works, love! hope you enjoy this as well 🫶💕🫶 also happy birthday to the man, the myth, the legend: gojo satoru!! (it’s still his birthday in my country so hush I am not late)

you are more than a capable sorcerer. in fact, you are one of the strongest in the field.

however, like anyone else, there are some moments where things get a little out of hand, and you come back bearing a rather long slash on your left arm.

but since it’s pretty late, you decided you will bother shoko about it in the morning. that is how you’re finally in your home, with satoru nowhere to be found.

you frown lightly at the fact that he is still out there fighting curses, but a part of you feels relieved that you don’t have to explain your situation right now.

the night should pass by smoothly, and you will go to shoko tomorrow: a fool-proof plan!

so you do what you can to sanitize the wound, and cover it until you can get it treated properly. you also take the chance to indulge in your favorite snack as a good job treat.

after finishing your food and tidying up for the day, you’re finally in bed, all-cozied up and avoiding anything touching your wound as much as possible.

a deep breathe in, a deep breathe out, and you slowly drift to sleep.

not much time passes before satoru’s familiar footsteps echo throughout the house.

your husband has an abundance of energy.

but it seemed like today’s missions have drained him a bit more than normal, so he skips eating anything and heads straight to your shared bedroom.

his heart softens, and his muscles relax upon the sight of you tucked in bed. he walks to press a small kiss on your forehead, quickly changing into his pajamas and settling right by your side.

he stretches a bit and turns to spoon you as per usual, eyes closing in contentment.

but you wince, even if adeptly, and it sends alarms ringing through his head.

he jerks up, and his hand is instantly placed on your arm again, softly. there is an ever so faint change in your expression as your eyebrows furrow, and he has never pulled his hand away so fast.

he keeps debating in his head whether to wake you up or not, but he swiftly settles for the former.

he needs to know what happened. so he, regrettably, nudges your sleepy form, “y/n?”

you groan, but, nonetheless, you reply, “…what?”

while satoru often likes to base theatrics around his every move and phrase, but he also knows when to get straight to the point, “did you get hurt on today’s mission?”

you’re no longer half-asleep, and you quickly sit up, eyeing your husband. knowing there is no escape nor denial, you fidget with your fingers and nod slowly.

then you hurriedly utter, “but I was going to see shoko first thing in the morning; I promise!”

he nods slowly, holding your hands in his own. you’re left to look him in the eyes. satoru’s eyes being exposed makes him feel so vulnerable, or at least that’s how he is with you.

you can see every wrinkle, and every crease; you can see what he is thinking about in real time. he has long given up hiding anything from you, and, besides, it feels fresh to just let go.

but right now, as you look into his eyes, you see them swarming with confliction, pain, and worry.

he doesn’t scold you about not going right now because he knows that you will tell him that you either thought it wasn’t a big deal or that you didn’t want to bother shoko with it.

instead, he settles on a hushed whisper of “can I see it?”

you throw him a confused look, “why? I am getting it treated tomorrow anyway,” then you smile, “it’s not going to permanent if that’s what you’re worried about.”

he shakes his head, “it’s not that; I just—“ he takes a deep breath then looks at you pleadingly, “just let me see it.”

perhaps it’s to silence his thoughts and to show him that you’re truly okay, as okay as you can be.

you’re still alive, and that’s what matters, he thinks. nevertheless, he feels the need to see just how serious is the wound anyway.

reluctantly, you slowly take off your jacket to reveal the poorly bandaged gash on your arm.

he looks up at you, asking for permission because even if he needs to see it for his own selfish reasons, he has to put you above anything and everything else.

you nod, giving the free reign to slowly take off the bandages. you can barely hold back any pained noises, but you can’t help the wincing of your body.

satoru’s frown deepens, and with every move, your husband’s heart aches. it goes like that until the wound is finally unveiled.

you feel satoru observing the cut so intently that you look away. satoru curses everything that he can think of, and never has we wanted the ability to heal others more than right now.

he straightens his back, “that’s a deep cut, y’know.”

“I know…”

“you also realize that the wound could’ve hit your chest and inevitably heart, right?”

you huff, “listen, if you’re going to give me a lecture or keep making me feel bad about it then I will have you know—“

“you could’ve died.”

you notice the strain in his voice, so you turn to finally look eyes with him. he looks pained, so hurt, maybe even terrified at the fact that there was a chance that he could’ve lost you.

your expression immediately becomes that of sympathy, “but I didn’t, and dwelling on the fact that I might’ve died will only bother you for no reason,” you hold his hand, “I am here and alive, aren’t I?”

your husband sighs, resting his head on your right shoulder, “you’re hurting my poor little heart whenever you put yourself in danger like that.”

a giggle escapes your lips, and your hands naturally find their way in his hair, fingers gently carding through, “whatever shall we do.”

“if things went my way then you would just stay home looking all pretty like you always do,” he states, and you roll your eyes.

“well, they’re going my way tonight, so—“ the clock strikes twelve, “happy birthday, silly boy.”

his eyes widen and he pulls away to look you in the face. he blinks dumbly then looks at what’s in your hands: a cupcake with a candle.

a wide grin of unbridled joy appears on your husband’s face. his eyes shimmer in the moonlight as he laughs, “I really didn’t expect it this time!”

“you outdid yourself, pretty girl,” he hums, hand caressing your cheek.

“I still have a lot more things for you,” you beam with pride. satoru can’t contain himself anymore, and he pulls you into a loving embrace.

“I love you so much,” he murmurs beside your ear, pressing a light kiss to the side of your neck.

you pat his back, “I love you too, ‘toru,” you laugh, “but you’re pressing on my wound, and I think I am just going to cry and not because of overwhelming love.”

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fleur-bbyy · 5 months

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⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ WAKING THEM UP TO FUCK!

PAIRINGS: SATORU GOJO, SUGURU GETO, TOJI FUSHIGURO, KENTO NANAMI.

WARNINGS: MDNI!!! female reader, pet names, (gojo) cuddle fucking, (geto) missionary, light teasing, (toji) cowgirl, him being a lazy bastard, (nanami) doggy, ass slapping

SATORU GOJO: just as horny as you are.

the air around you is sweltering as you wake from your dream, but you swear your core feels even hotter.

you’re already soaked, panties sticking to your skin. sticking uncomfortably at that. it’s early, too early to even think about trying to get off. causing you to try to wiggle around and get comfortable again so you could go back to sleep before you feel an arm sling around your waist.

“can’t keep squirming like that, baby.” satoru’s voice is low in your ear with the slightest rasp. enough rasp to make your cunt clench around absolutely nothing and for your body to involuntarily squirm again.

“sorry, satoru. just got woken up from a dream.”

“oh?” his slender fingers rub up and down your side, lingering a little longer when they reached your hip. “is that why your panties are so wet?”

you frown. you know he’s used to this and it doesn’t bother him at all, but you still feel bad for waking him in the night so frequently.

“‘m sorry, ‘toru. i know you have to work tomorrow.” he hooks his chin over your shoulder and giggles into your neck.

“don’t be sorry, pretty girl, not faring much better than you right now.” you feel him shallowly thrust against your ass, feeling how hard his cock is. “how about you help me out and i help you?” his fingers slip from your waist to the top of your panties and once you nod your head, he’s pulling them down just far enough to uncover your pussy.

“this is why sleeping naked is so worth it,” he pauses as he lines up with your entrance and begins to push in, the pair of you moaning when he sinks in all the way, “makes it so i can help my girl faster.”

you whimper when his hand moves to grip your waist, holding you closer to him as he begins to thrust. your pussy squelching from how wet you were.

“were you having a good dream baby? that why you’re so soaked f’me?” you moan again in response, frantically nodding your head.

“yeah?” he thrusts into you harshly and groans, “tell me allllll about it, pretty, and i’ll make it come true.”

SUGURU GETO: tired until he slips it in.

you knew better than to wake up suguru late on a work night, but you were aching so badly and it wasn’t something just your own fingers could fix.

his raven hair was spread across his pillow and his arm was slung across his eyes to black any of the light in the room. he looked unbelievably beautiful and hot, even though you couldn’t see his whole face.

“please baby?” you whisper, kissing the column of his neck. “i won’t do it again. i promise.” the corner of his lips tug into a smirk and his hand snakes down to palm his growing erection.

“you’re so lucky i love you.” you smile when he lazily rolls on top of you. your face scrunching into pleasure when he runs a finger through your wet slit.

“no panties baby? sure you weren’t planning on waking me up?” his voice still laced with sleep.

“no, never.” you smile up at him again, eyes low as you watch him jerk his thick cock a few times before lining in up with your sopping hole. pushing in just the tip to play with you.

“don’t tease right now, need you so bad.”

“yeah?” he pauses to yawn, eyes squinting, but never moving from the sight of your pussy stretching around the head. “how bad, baby?”

“so bad, please don’t make me beg.” you roll your hips into him and stick out your bottom lip. he groans, not wanting to tease you more for your and his sake.

“y’so lucky i’m sleepy and don’t wanna tease.” he says, throwing your legs over his shoulder as he begins to sink into you further. both of you throwing your head back and his eyes snapping shut.

“ohh fuck.” he growls. hips rolling forward to meet yours and your skin making a slight slapping sound when they connect. suguru leans over to grip the headboard. long, messy hair dangling in his face.

“so sorry for waking you up, ‘guru.” you whine as he reaches so impossibly deep inside you. the headboard beginning to smack against the wall.

“don’t be sorry, baby, i’m wiiiide awake now.”

TOJI FUSHIGURO: he’ll wake up, but makes you do the work.

“toji, baby?” you lightly shake his arm to no avail. “tooooji.” you throw the duvet off of your hot skin and shake him once more, grinning when he stirs from his sleep.

“what’re y’waking me up at this time for?” he rubs his eyes with his fists and looks at the small digital clock on his nightstand. the deep rumble of his voice and the slur of his words only served to make your core ache even more than it already did. tracing his happy trail with your eyes down to the waistband of his sweatpants and fixating your gaze on his bulge.

“‘m so horny, baby.” you swing a leg over his torso and straddle him, the heat of your clothed pussy radiating onto the part of him your wanted most.

“yeah? y’want me to fix that, don’tcha?” you nod your head and see his scarred lips tug into a smirk as he flips the rest of the duvet off of his legs. feeling one of his large hands rub your side. his eyelids low and eyes still bleary from being woken up. “hop on f’me, princess.”

your hands gently, but quickly, tug down his grey sweats, practically drooling when his hard cock springs free from its confines and slaps his stomach. you push your own panties to the side and slowly begin to sink down on him, already moaning loudly just from the stretch. his hands rest lazily on your hips as you begin to bounce on him. throwing your head back in ecstasy when you get the angle just right.

“baby?” you whisper out, already breathless.

“hm?”

“you’re not gonna help?” he smirks again and tucks one of his arms behind his head.

“nah, baby. y’woke me up. i’m gonna enjoy my show.”

KENTO NANAMI: was never asleep in the first place.

you awake to the sounds of your bedroom door shutting gently and rustling in your dresser drawers.

your eyes open slowly, trying to adjust to the light the lamp on nanami’s nightstand produces. finally focusing on the blonde undoing his tie in front of the mirror. you don’t bother to look at the time, you know it’s late by the way nanami’s posture is slightly drooped.

“kento?” you barely whisper, voice still waking up with you. he turns to look in your direction as he untucks his dress shirt and begins to unbutton it.

“hi honey,” he stops to fumble with a tricky button on his shirt, “shouldn’t you be asleep?”

“maybe, but i’d rather see you.” and boy is that the truth.

your eyes ghost across his body, taking in the way his jaw clenches, how tight his pants are around his thighs, the tuft of hair peeking out from the top his shirt, finally stopping when you notice that his sleeves are rolled up to his elbows and exposing his bulging arms.

“that so?”

“mhm.” you flip the blanket off your legs, revealing the nightgown you were wearing. his favorite nightgown to be exact. “was missin’ you.”

“i can tell.” his shirt is thrown into the hamper, or at least he thinks it is. he was too preoccupied by how pretty you looked in that little gown to double check.

he keeps watching as you hop up from the bed, the hem of your gown barely covering your ass as you walked over in the direction of the hamper. his cheeks flushed when you bent over and he could see every bit of your glistening pussy.

“you missed, silly.” you said as you picked up his discarded shirt and put it properly in the basket. looking back at him over your shoulder and smiling coyly when he began to saunter over to you. simultaneously removing his leather belt from the loops of his pants and fumbling with the zipper.

“beginning to think you woke up on purpose.” he made quick work of freeing his cock from his boxers and dress pants, groaning when you rubbed your wet cunt against him. “naughty girl.”

“mmm, yeah? only for you.” he groans again when you reach behind you to grab his cock and position the tip to your wet hole. smiling back at him once more before pushing your ass back against him and pushing his cock in at the same time.

“you’re such a fuckin’ angel, shit.” he uses one of his hands to bend you over and the other to grip the fat of your hip. you’re wetter than ever and your sweet cunt is sucking him in like your life depended on it.

“sure you can handle it, baby?” you moan out, back arching and giving nanami a delicious view. “i know you have work tomorrow, ken.”

“if you cared about that, you would’ve asked about it first.” he laughs and takes the splayed hand off your back to give your ass two good slaps. “besides, i’d be a damn fool to choose sleep over this.”

a/n: self indulgent sleepy sex for my birfday :3

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