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stxleslyds · 3 years

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Red Hood and the lost art of telling Joker to shup up.

Okay, I know that I talked about Jason and Joker in a recent post but this is something different, I promise.

I really want to talk about how different Jason has been written since UtRH when it comes to him confronting Joker. Jason hasn’t been put in that position a lot but the times that he has, he lets Joker talk for far too long and actually pays attention to whatever he has to say.

The Jason vs Joker thing is basic in on itself and letting Joker talk isn’t exactly the problem here, the real problem is Jason letting Joker’s thoughts shape his future thoughts and decisions, I do understand that that’s exactly what writers want though, they want to build the problematic of: “Jason is just like Joker and the fact that he uses the name Red Hood only proves that Joker made who Jason is now”.

But the thing is that THAT problem is overdone at this point and the only time it worked was the first time it was brought up and it worked because Jason shut the Joker down.

Let’s see all the times (that I remember) the Joker and Jason have had a little chat and/or the times Joker’s words actually influence Jason’s thinking and decision making.

Under the Red Hood – Batman (1940) #649

This is the first real confrontation we get to see between Jason and Joker after Jason’s death and it is beautiful. It's absolutely amazingly written, Joker goes on and on forever about how he killed Jason about how Jason is just as bad as him but that he is also just like Batman because he hasn’t killed him yet.

“You let me live after everything I did, you couldn’t pop my balloon. You just couldn’t. The apple doesn’t tumble too far from the paterfamilias. You are just like daddy-kins”

Jason lets him talk, yes. But he absolutely destroys Joker with what he tells him next.

“You couldn’t be more wrong about me. If right were a country on earth you’d be circling on the edge of the milky way. Yeah, I let you live but like always, every damned minute of your addled, posturing, psychopathic life, you think this is about you. You’re a worm. I’ve pitched you on a hook and dropped you into the brine. And I will beat the hell out of you Pagliacci because it was too much fun not to.”

“Listen to me Joker, I’m not you. I´m nothing like you. I know what I do and I know why I do it. You, you are, clinically speaking, a whack-job. But I know a secret, a good one.”

“You are not nearly as crazy as you would like us all to believe or even as crazy as you would like to believe. It just makes it easier to justify every sick monstrous thing you’ve ever done when you play the part of the mad clown. You are crazy, bubba, but you ain’t that crazy. Look at that. I wiped a smile off of Joker’s face. I have been waiting a long time for that.”

Everything about this is perfect, Jason gives Joker no room to mess with him. Whatever the Joker had planned on saying he had to eat because Jason wasn’t playing games and he was ready for any kind of lie the Joker had ready to tell. This is Jason Todd. He won’t let the Joker get under his skin because he knows the Joker and he, also, knows better.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #15

Here Jason comes across Joker during the “Death of the Family” event. In this issue the Joker has information about all of the members of the “Batfamily” and he uses that to mess around with each one of them, in Jason’s case he insinuates that he was present in very specific moments of his life when Jason’s father got shot, when his mother overdosed and when he was on his own before joining Batman.

Jason doesn’t quite believe that Joker was there but as the reader, we can see this sort of sense of doubt in Jason. He hesitates a few times before resolving that the Joker is playing with him.

But as far as this issue goes let’s just say that what the Joker says doesn’t get to Jason, this changes though in the issue that follows up this story.

Teen Titans (2011) #16

This is where that story continues and where Jason starts to buy the story that Joker is selling.

Joker convinces Jason that he has his father and Tim’s father and that the only way for Jason (or Tim) to save their dads is by killing the other (Jason or Tim). Tim doesn’t believe it but Jason is ready to shoot Tim almost immediately.

However, Jason changes his mind about killing Tim just as Tim comes up with a plan for them to not actually have to kill each other. Here is where Lobdell’s writing shows all of its flaws, Lobdell is so desperate to show that Jason and Tim are besties that he forgets that Jason had no reason to stop trying to kill Tim to save his shit father because it is later revealed that Jason truly believed that Joker had found his father and had him captive. It wasn’t until Tim explained his thought process as to why those men weren’t their dads that Jason just goes “you realize, of course, the only reason I didn’t kill you right off is that I knew your big brain will figure out some way out of this” HA, nice save Lobdell but I see right through your bullshit.

Jason bought what the Joker was selling and that is the beginning of Jason’s downgrade when it comes to not playing Joker’s games.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #17

Well, in this issue Lobdell goes back to Jason kinda not believing what Joker told him, and Jason asks Bruce of all people if he thinks the Joker truly “made him or not”. Bruce says that he doesn’t believe that and that he didn’t have anything to do with the man that Jason has become either. For some reason, Jason is actually happy with what Bruce said and for a couple of moments, Jason goes back to being sure that the Joker knows nothing and that he is his own man.

It doesn’t last long though. At the very end of the issue, the trap that Joker had set up in Jason’s helmet triggers and Jason gets his face fucked up with acid or something.

But that’s not all because a hologram of Joker has something to say: “you were supposed to be my masterpiece from start to finish. But you were too stubborn to stay dead. So here is what we are going to do… You’re so determined to be your own man? Fine, let’s start with a clean slate”.

Basically, the Joker insinuates once more that he had something to do with who Jason was supposed to become and that Jason isn’t truly “his own man”, This is all a setup for a very dense storyline that will be continued in this run later.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #18

In this issue, Jason is in a coma after he is dosed with that gas in the previous issue. The Joker isn’t really present in this issue but he does make an appearance as part of Jason’s “nightmare” while he is unconscious.

That’s not all though, Jason has an illusion of Ducra (someone that he appreciates a lot), telling him that “after you left the All-Castle after you went back to the world you continued to let your life be defined by the actions of that man. You became a killer, lashing out at people who may or may not have deserved it. Eventually, you will hurt all those you have cared for. In that way, how are you any different from the Joker?”.

In this statement, there is a lot of wrongs that can come from two places, either bad writing on Lobdell’s part or just Ducra telling lies as a plot point.

“Let your life be defined by the actions of that man” is a sentence that horribly simplifies Jason’s thinking during the events of UtRH, because while he did resent the Joker, his real problem was with Bruce who had not avenged his death by killing the Joker himself. Also, Jason was doing other things back then, like being a pain in the ass for Black Mask and disrupting the drug trade in Gotham as well as trying to control the drug dealing to children. So that little sentence is just a gross misinterpretation of the true events which means that Ducra was wrong, and “she” continues to be wrong when she says that there might be no difference between Jason and Joker.

Luckily Jason thinks the same because he tells “Ducra”: “…don’t you dare compare me to that monster Ducra. I am nothing like the Joker! Nothing!”

Once again please don’t be fooled by Jason’s thinking because in the next issue it turns around really fast and really bad.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #19

Just a heads up this issue has a change of writer, Lobdell isn’t writing this arc, the writer that gives us this hellish story arc is James Tynion IV.

All that talk about Jason not being affected or not believing what the Joker told him is yeeted out of the window and it’s not a fun ride.

In this issue, Roy and Kory find a Jason that doesn’t know who they are or who he, himself, is. This is because S’aru that little floaty little shit took his memories away after Jason asked him to do so, well Jason asked S’aru to erase every memory that darkness has touched (Joker) and he does that. But him doing that is apparently erasing everything which, holy shit, how messed up is that?

But let’s take a look at what Jason says before he gets his memories taken away: “Not only did the Joker almost take my face, but he tells me he might have manipulated my entire life from the beginning! Even the good is tainted by him now. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t have that kind of doubt. If you take it away, I can go on living. I can keep fighting”. So, yeah that was a pretty emo speech. But the thing here is that if Jason is asking this dude to erase every memory that has been tainted by the Joker and he erases all of them then we might be facing one of two situations, either Joker has been messing up with Jason’s life from the beginning or S’aru is just a little bitch.

We will later find out in #20 that S’aru and Ducra planned the whole thing, meaning that they took all of his memories for ulterior motives not because the Joker had actually tainted all of them.

For many issues Jason has no memories and now that I am revisiting these issues, I now remember the twisted and completely insane plot they came up with for the “League of Assassins” and Jason being the “Chosen One”, everything was happening in this run, my god, it's like they wanted Jason to be the center of every single trope in writing history.

It’s in issue #26 that Jason asks for his memories back but the Joker having tainted his memories or not isn’t important anymore to anyone, including the writer (because he is too focused on telling this messy story), Jason (because he has enough problems at the moment) and the reader (because this book makes zero sense and it changes the story and motivations every single issue).

But there is another truth to be revealed in the next issue.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #27

Jason has planned along Ducra and S’aru to give up all of his memories to be cleansed so he could defeat Ra’s Al Ghul. But (there is always a but) Ducra says this: “Your greatest enemy returned and nearly took your face away from you. And in the process, shook your sense of identity to the core” “The final battle here will take place in the Well of Sins, and with all the doubt and fear clouding your mind, it would eat you whole”.

So yeah, now we have confirmation from Ducra that Jason had indeed let what the Joker told him cloud his sense of self and made him doubt who he was and if he really was in control.

All that back and forth for these many issues just to say, yes, Jason let Joker’s words affect him.

So here it is, let Joker get in Jason’s head to build the plot of a story, fantastic, the story was a mess because it had so much information, the mischaracterizations of Roy and Kory were at their maximum potential, and in this particular story arc not only are the events of Red Hood: The Lost Days officially erased from Jason’s canon but something quite out there is added to Jason’s canon from before he was even Robin (that’s a whole different story that I won’t be talking about here).

What an insane ride this arc was. Definitely not the kind of story I enjoy in a Red Hood book but that’s just my preference.

*This whole arc was written by James Tynion IV.

Red Hood/Arsenal #11

Joker is dead during the events of this run but the person who has something to say to Jason about how the Joker made the person that he is now is Duela Dent (“Joker’s daughter”, she isn’t his daughter she just found Joker’s face somewhere and she puts it on and “becomes” crazy, she is an incredibly weird character).

She says this, “You’re a lot like dad in that way” to which Jason says “He is not my father. He’s not even your father” but Duela continues by saying. “You’re kidding yourself if you genuinely believe that. Yeah, he took your life but look what you got in its place, you ingrate. You got your freedom. You were reborn.”

Jason doesn’t fall for it or anything of the sort but once again writers are bringing up the Joker as the maker of the Red Hood and “suggesting” that what Jason has been doing and who he has become is all thanks to Joker. The idea of Jason having no free will is still present in this narrative, even when Jason doesn’t believe it.

Red Hood/Arsenal #12

I talked too soon because in this issue Jason is having some weird thoughts.

“Funny, isn’t it, so easy to call Duela “crazy” because she wears a dead man’s face. Because isn’t that what I’m doing? Before he was the Joker, he was the Red Hood. So maybe the line between men and the Joker’s daughter is a lot thinner than I’d like to admit.”

Here he is comparing himself to Duela and to the Joker to an extent, writers often bring up the fact that Jason uses the code name that his killer once had and they have people or Jason himself questioning why he uses that name.

Personally, I don’t think there is much to build from it (at least not from the perspective of Lost Days and UtRH), it was just a joke, a morbid one if you will. He wears the mantle of the person that destroys Gotham and fills its people with fear while he is trying to control the city’s drug trade and trying to keep the people safe in his own way. And the way he wanted to do it is almost the complete opposite of the way that Batman does things.

I just think that he is being ironic and acidic about the whole thing. He has obviously moved on from the fact that Joker killed him but he has issues with the fact that Batman has yet another child working with him while the Joker is still alive. And Jason really wanted to make Bruce suffer, so him taking the name and a similar appearance to how the joker used to look is also done to get a reaction from Bruce.

I really don’t think there is any sort of connection to make between Jason and Joker beyond that, much like there is no connection between the name Nightwing and the Court of Owls. Even though Lincoln March tried to convince Dick Grayson that he chose the name Nightwing because Owls fly at night and that meant that he was supposed to become a Talon and all that Dick still didn’t believe it because he knew why he chose that name and no one can twist his reason.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2016) #10

Finally, I can stop re-reading New 52 books, I don’t enjoy it but I have to do it if I want to talk/complain about stuff.

This one is a little different because while Jason does talk with the Joker, the Joker isn’t really there he is just part of Jason’s imagination just like the Robin Jason that he is also seeing.

In this story, Jason is helping Artemis discover who she is but he gets captured in Qurac, yup that place, and worst of all from where he is being held, he can see the place where he died. All of that is helping Jason have some very vivid memories/illusions. He does actively hold a conversation with the imaginary Joker and Robin Jason though, and he is also having a lot of thoughts that let us know how the Joker affects Jason.

“This is why it was stupid of me to come back to Qurac. Even to help Artemis, even if I thought I could handle it. Physically, I am alone, but in my head? I’m drowning in memories of the worst day of what was my very short life. The day I was murdered.”

That’s what Jason is thinking but what I write next is what Jason’s saying as he talks to the imaginary Joker.

“Not interested in replaying this over again, like I have every night of my life since it happened Joker”

So, we are told that Jason thinks about that day very often, the Joker might not be involved much in Jason’s books but he definitely has a bigger role inside of Jason’s head. They chat for a bit up until Jason decides to “kill” the Joker, he knows, of course, that it is not real but it does give him satisfaction. (If only they would have let Jason actually kill the clown for real, or at the very least chase him just to show the reader that Jason does actually want to finish the job since the Bat won’t do it himself).

Having said all that, Joker’s imaginary death doesn’t last long because Jason is trapped in his mind and the Joker is basically functioning on a loop inside of it.

That is where the problem lies in this issue because Jason is letting us know that he is still heavily influenced by what happened that day and that he hasn’t been able to walk away from it. But once more that’s not the worst thing, because all of these thoughts have led Jason to think that he (in the present and as a fifteen-year-old) is the one to blame for having ended up dead. Yeah, it is messed up.

This is what Jason says to imaginary Robin Jason, “He is never going to die, Jason. Not here. Not in my mind, not if at some point I don’t stand up and walk away from my memories. From you.”

This is a major downgrade, from the Jason that we had in UtRH because that Jason had moved on from the fact that he had been killed what he was looking for was for Batman to avenge his death. He had other things in mind as well, like I said before in this post Jason had a lot of things going on, killing Joker wasn’t his only plan.

And this situation (written by Lobdell) is also very different from what was going on in New 52 where Jason being influenced by the Joker was used to build a plot. This is just a writer letting us know that this “new version” of Jason hasn’t worked out his problems when it comes to his death and his killer. That means that we are going backward.

After he realizes that he was unconscious all that time and that he was being tortured he does get his shit together in order to get out of captivity and go help Artemis.

The Joker and that whole thing that happened in his mind aren’t mentioned again, it was just for the reader to know that Rebirth Jason has unsolved issues with his death.

Batman: Three Jokers #1

Oh yes, here we are, we have arrived to that dreaded book, awful writing gorgeous art. In this book, the “Joker made Jason as he is now” trope is at its full potential; Johns drives this hellish truck of a book at full speed into our homes and then ends it by giving us one of the worst takes on Jason Todd’s characterization ever.

But first, let’s talk about the Joker and Jason interaction in the first issue. As Jason and Barbara are left alone with the Joker that they came across moments ago the Joker begins talking because that’s what he does.

He says this, “I’m the loop-de-loop, the hamster-wheel-of-doom. The cycle of pain each one of you is trapped in. Take “Red Hood” here, for example. Have you ever wondered why he uses my former moniker? Who in their right mind would take on the identity of their killer? Am I right?”

He is obviously being a little shit on purpose and is waiting to see if somebody will take the bait. Jason is the first to talk and he says this: “I took it because I’m owning what you did to me. You made me into this. I will be your destruction”.

Congratulations Jason, you took the bait, and now Barbara will fight with you over it.

Jason raises his gun to “break the cycle” and Barbara is like “please don’t do it” and boy is Joker having the time of his life! Both of these idiots are playing his game, Johns really did both Jason and Barbara dirty with this.

Here is where THE problem with letting the Joker talk is. This Joker got under Jason’s skin in seconds and Barbara did nothing while it happened.

This is what the Joker had to say. “Let’s look at the facts here bat-people. I bashed this boy’s skull in. I killed this Robin” to which Jason says “You didn’t kill me, you only made me stronger” which is weird because the Joker did kill him so I don’t know what kinda comeback that was supposed to be but Joker wasn’t done because he continues by saying “Yes, you crawled from the shallow grave I left you in. You lived on to fight another day. Hurrah! You survived because of your tenacity! Or maybe… maybe I beat you to a bloody mess… I took you right to the edge… because I wanted to leave you alive.”

Great that’s where the clown is going, just fantastic, more of the “I made you” but that’s not all because the Joker tells Jason that him having hurt Jason wasn’t because he didn’t like Jason, it was all about Batman, Jason doesn’t matter.

But that’s not the worse thing that was written in this awful book, Geoff Johns seems to have felt that the trauma that Jason went through in the original “Death in the Family” story wasn’t enough because he decided to add something new.

That’s why the Joker says this next, “Do you recall what you said to me while I was breaking your head in with that crowbar? As your blood streamed into your eyes and your skull cracked? Because I cherish those words. I’ll always cherish them. ‘Please stop! Please! If you let me live, I’ll do anything you say. I’ll be your Robin’” “And look at you now my little “Red Hood” shooting up people and making Batman’s life miserable! You are my Robin!”

What a nightmare Johns decided to put Jason and Jason Nation through huh? I hate this, this is the worst thing that has ever been written in a Jason Todd story (although I can say that about many things that were written in this three-issue book).

Jason kills the Joker after he says all that, Barbara does (for some reason) try to stop him from doing it but luckily, she can’t stop Jason.

But here is the thing, Jason killing the Joker doesn’t make me feel as satisfied as I would have liked, and it doesn’t feel that way because Jason let Joker talk for far too long and what Joker said ended up getting in Jason’s head and messing with him.

Batman: Three Jokers #2

Yeah, there is no rest for us, Jason Nation, in this issue Jason goes looking for another Joker to kill and he finds one but he gets captured. Johns really had to get Jason naked for Joker to torture him mentally and physically? Johns is, himself, a major red flag but that’s not what I am here to talk about.

In this issue the Joker that captures Jason has the same things to say as the other one, DC writers really have no imagination when it comes to building conflict between Joker and Jason, huh?

Anyway, Joker says this, “tell me something. Why would you put on that helmet and call yourself Red Hood after what we did?” Jason of course replies “Come on, is every one of you copycats gonna ask me the same thing? It’s a joke” the answer isn’t enough for Joker (the two of them that are here with Jason) so he continues talking. “A joke? We left you with brain damage and permanent nerve pain. Physical and emotional trauma so severe that the only relief you ever find is when you inflict pain on others. You and me, boy, we’re more alike than you’d care to admit. But you know that already. You nearly died and you blame the Batman. You hate him for it. Me too. You hate him most of all don’t you?”

Now, here is the thing, that whole thing is bullshit, none of it makes sense. From Jason having permanent nerve pain to Jason hating Batman the most, everything is a lie. And my confusion here is that I don’t know if I have to feel like Joker is doing it on purpose to be a little bitch or if Geoff Johns was on crack when he wrote this and he had actually never heard of Jason Todd in his life before.

The whole thing is a mess, it feels like he is writing Jason from an origin and story that we never read. I don’t know how to explain it, but the whole thing feels cheap, it’s a cheap trope and it’s a cheap take on who Jason Todd is, was, and will be.

The nightmare doesn’t end Jason Nation because these two Jokers have something else in mind, you see, if they said that they made the Red Hood when they killed Jason the first time, maybe if they kill him this time then he could possibly come back as the Joker. Yeah, this book did nothing for Jason.

Let’s make something clear, Jason does NOT hate Batman/Bruce for not being able to save him, he hates the fact that Batman/Bruce didn’t kill the Joker to avenge him. That simple thing doesn’t exist in Three Jokers and that’s why things like the ones that happen next are allowed to happen in this story.

Bruce and Barbara find Jason and when Bruce asks if he is okay Jason just goes berserk, he says: “Am I all right? What do you think Bruce?! You did this to me. You put me on this path. And I do hate you for it. For leaving me in the dirt. Replacing me one Robin after another without a thought.”

This, everybody is what you get when you mix bad writing with Jason being mentally manipulated by the Joker.

It's a shame that Jason is being treated this way at this point in time, in a book that came out in 2020 when Jason was able to shut the clown up with a knife and a couple of words back in 2005. What a downgrade.

At the end of this issue, Jason is safe and recovering but he still is in the same mindset, he says, “What the Joker said about how I’ve been on the path to being like them for years… they are not wrong. I don’t want to be like them though. I really don’t.”

It’s like a never-ending wheel of pain with this book. Jason is talking to Barbara when he says that and he is trying to look for comfort in her. And here is where the Jason/Barbara subplot begins and I only bring this up because something that happens in the next issue is based on the kiss that Barbara gave Jason but then was like “that doesn’t mean anything, I was just trying to comfort you”. Johns shouldn’t be allowed to write Barbara and Jason ever again.

Batman: Three Jokers #3

It’s in this issue that we find out the big subplot that Johns has prepared for Jason, are you ready for it? Yup, Jason should stop being the Red Hood because if he keeps it up, he will eventually become the Joker.

I know, I know! Jason would never stop being Red Hood, he is not on a path to become the Joker, that’s crazy! Jason’s Red Hood is a character on its own and he is amazing and just because he has different morals from Batman doesn’t mean that he is a bad guy! Right?...

“I’ll give up being Red Hood for us. I can be something else. Or I can be just Jason.”

To this day I cannot believe that those words supposedly were written by Jason Todd to Barbara Gordon after Barbara rejected him three times. The level of “what the fuck is this” is incredibly high with this one…

This whole book was a mess and I am so glad that it didn’t last longer.

Anyway, that’s it. In conclusion, Jason didn’t let the Joker get under his skin the first time they interacted after he came back from the dead but later when DC decided that UtRH was just too good of a book they came up with stories where Joker does get under Jason’s skin and Jason becomes convinced that he has no free will (or at the very least he doubts his free will) when it comes to him becoming his own man.

As I have said before, that for Jason Todd is a major downgrade. And it's one of the many things that hurts Jason’s characterization in current comics.

#jason todd #Jason Todd #red hood #Red Hood #red hood and the outlaws #red hood outlaw #three jokers #batman under the red hood #dc comics

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 3 years

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A Place To Call Home: Halloween

Summary: A casual Halloween night out for some drinks between the reader, TJ and Cody becomes anything but when the reader thinks she may have been drugged at a bar. When she calls Jensen for help, their relationship takes a fundamental change...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x foster daughter!reader

Word Count: 6,100ish

Warnings: language, drinking, drugging, angst, fluff

A/N: This part takes place after the Jensen’s Day timestamp. Enjoy!

______

“Trick or treat!” said Allie after your dad answered the front door in a batman t shirt.

“Well aren’t you the cutest little Elsa,” he said. He dropped a few big handfuls of candy in her bag and then a few more. He tickled Colin and got a laugh from him. “Colin you are the most adorable baby Yoda ever cutie and I gotta say...you ain’t a half bad Mandalorian, kid. You almost look tough or something.”

“It’s cause I’m a badass,” said TJ as he stuck out his chest.

“It’s cause you’re a nerd,” said your dad. You walked inside, Colin giggling as your mom stole him away without a second glance. “Nice costume though.”

“Y/N picked it out off some website or something,” he said. He sneezed and your dad shut the door. “God my allergies are killing me lately. Ragweed is horrible this year.”

“I know. De and I have been popping allergy meds the past few days,” he said. “You get it the worst.”

“Yeah but I started taking it like a week ago to build it up. I think it’s helping. Also, a bounty hunter and an adoptive dad? Mmm, peak man crush right there, babe,” you said, your dad rolling his eyes as TJ kissed your cheek.

“And what exactly are you supposed to be? A curtain?” teased your dad as you spun around.

“I thought I’d go another route,” you said. You took off your robe and he went wide eyed. “Soldier...girl?”

“Oh my God. You’re Solider Boy. That is so fucking cool!” he said as he looked you over.

“Jay, fuck’s a bad word,” said Allie.

“And we don’t repeat bad words, do we,” said TJ. “De’s got some more candy for you somewhere I bet.”

She took off up to the TV room and your dad walked around you.

“What do you think?” you asked. “Look real?”

“Okay that’s like good. Like real good. It’s just like mine from the show. Like even the shield looks the same.”

“It’s from the show. Kripke sent it to me. I know it’s a little big for my back but I couldn’t not use it,” you said. “I took a long shot and asked him on Twitter about it and he just like sent me the thing. He was really nice.”

“Good,” he said as he looked you over. “I am impressed. You guys might win your costume contest thing at whatever bar you’re going to.”

“I just want to go drink,” you said, TJ throwing an arm over your shoulders. “We’ll be back around eleven, midnight?”

“Go have fun. Mom and I’ll watch the babies tonight. Pick ‘em up in the morning,” he said.

“We didn’t pack bags for them,” you said. He stared at you and shook his head.

“You live a quarter of a mile away. We shall survive without you for one evening,” he said, pushing you both out the door. “Go have fun with Cody. I’ll see your hungover butts tomorrow, okay?”

“Don’t have to tell us twice.”

“Cody,” you said at the bar a few hours later. He finished off his drink and shook out his head. “Can you check on TJ? He’s been in the bathroom awhile.”

“Yeah. Order me another gin and tonic?” he asked.

“Can do,” you said. You hopped off your seat and paused for a moment, getting your bearings before you walked over to the bar. “Gin and tonic and another...graveyard…”

“Graveyard smash?” asked the girl behind the bar.

“Yeah. Another one of those. Oh and a bottle of bud,” you said. You handed over your card to pay, tucking it back in your shorts pocket. You brought the drinks over to the table, finishing off your margarita and the last of TJ’s old beer before you started sipping on the Halloween mixer.

It took about thirty seconds before you realized what you’d done.

“Fuck,” you said. You pursed your lips and took out your phone, biting your bottom lip before you dialed.

“You better be drunk calling me,” chuckled your dad. “What’s up, kiddo?”

“The guys are in the bathroom and I just drank from a glass that nobody was watching,” you said. You shut your eyes and felt a little off, not sure if it was because of the already decent amount of alcohol in you or something else. “What do I do?”

“Go to the bar and sit there and don’t move. The boys will be back soon,” he said. You tried to move but felt wobbly and sat back on your seat. “Y/N, don’t hang up on me.”

“Dad, I don’t think I can walk over there,” you said. “I’m drunk but...shit I fucked up.”

“Where are you?” he asked.

“Um, the uh...the place to the right of Jared’s.”

“Okay. Sit there. I’m gonna call…” he said as you stared down at the bathrooms. “Y/N. Answer me.”

“I think something’s wrong,” you said. “The boys are taking too long.”

“Cody is a police officer and TJ is tougher than he looks. They’re probably throwing up or something,” he said.

“TJ said he felt funny,” you said as you stared at his glass. “What if it was in his drink?”

“I don’t know but whatever you do, do not leave your spot,” he said.

“But it’s TJ.”

“Y/N I’m having a hard enough time not freaking out right now. Please do not move,” he said.

“Hey! Soldier boy!” said a guy walking by in a homelander costume. “Nice suit.”

“Can you do me a favor?” you said, the guy smiling as he leaned against your table. “My husband and friend went to the bathroom a long time ago and didn’t come back. One’s the Mandalorian and the other one is a zombie. Can you check on them for me?”

“Yes I can very drunk girl,” he chuckled. “I’ll be back.”

“Y/N, stop putting the phone down,” said your dad in your ear.

“Homelander’s going to look for the boys.”

“Your boys or The Boys?” he asked.

“Should I have clarified?”

“Just...I’ll be there soon. Don’t-”

“Boys!” you said, Homelander wandering back over with a very pale looking TJ and a wet Cody.

“I think your friends were puking in the alley,” said Homelander.

“Thank you so much,” you said. “You’re so sweet.”

“Mind if I get a pic? Your costume is kinda perfect,” he said.

“Not at all,” you said. You hopped off your seat and felt better. “Ah, okay. Just drunk.”

“Hm?” said TJ as you hung up your call and the other guy gave him his phone. “Hey there’s a starlight over there too.”

“Starlight! Come get your pic taken with the Seven, girl!” you shouted.

“She’s drunk,” said the homelander guy with a laugh.

“After three of those graveyard smash things? Oh for sure,” said TJ.

Half an hour later you were onto another drink and TJ was fanboying over star wars with another guy in a Mandalorian outfit. Cody was talking to the starlight chick who was maybe in a relationship with the homelander guy. They were at least mutually pining for one another if they weren’t already.

“Morris. Come on. I’m drunk and even I can tell Kayla Starlight over there is dying for you to ask her out,” you said. He shrugged and you cocked your head. “Oh come on.”

“She’s been my best friend since I was like four. Like, I can’t fuck up twenty something years of friendship if she’s...how fucked am I?” he asked as you smirked.

“So fucked,” you laughed. “Trust me. I was besties with my husband for years before we finally talked about it. Sometimes you just gotta-”

“Why the fuck haven’t you been answering your phone?” you heard your dad say. You spun around and gave him a smile.

“Is that the guy that played-”

“Walk away kid. Now,” growled your dad.

“See ya around, Y/N,” he said, Kayla disappearing with a wave with him. TJ spun around and your dad shot him a dirty look.

“What’d I do?” asked TJ.

“You three are glued to your phones yet tonight for some reason, you seem to have forgotten they exist. If you’d read a text then you’d know that she called me half an hour ago saying she thought she’d been drugged.”

“What?” Cody and TJ said, both of them staring at you.

“Fuck, Y/N I thought someone took you,” said your dad. You opened your mouth and he shook his head.

“She’s just drunk,” said TJ.

“Well thanks for the update. You could have answered your phone,” he said. He glared at you and shook his head. “Don’t ever do that again.”

He left the bar and you slid off your seat, jogging outside, telling the boys you’d be back in a minute. There were a lot of people out for a Friday night and it took a second to find him in the crowd.

“Dad,” you said. You caught up with him as he walked down the sidewalk. You tugged on his arm and the man spun around, very much not your father. “Sorry. I thought you were someone else.”

“Nice costume,” he said and you stepped back into another body, your head swimming. “You gonna puke? Alley’s over there.”

You turned your head and jogged around the corner, spitting up your stomach with a big heave. You wiped off your mouth and sighed, getting up to your feet. There was a shove on your back and you got pushed further into the darkness, falling onto the dirt and gravel. You spun around on your bottom and saw the guy from before.

“Be more careful, kid. You’re tripping there.”

“You pushed me,” you grumbled as you stood up, picking up a rock in your fist as you went.

“You’re on something. You got that look in your eye,” he said. You narrowed your eyes and he walked forward, close enough for you to whack him in the head with the rock. He swore as he fell down and you ran back onto the street, jogging away until you got to a street corner and saw a familiar back of someone’s head.

“Dad,” you said, tugging on his jacket, relieved to find it was him this time. “Dad, there was-”

“I don’t want to speak to you right now,” he said. You swallowed and stared at him, his face hard.

“Dad. I-”

“You never hang up the phone with me when you call me like that ever again, do you understand?” he said. You stared at him and his jaw clenched. “Of course you don’t. You’re drunk.”

“Dad I’m not. I-”

“You smell like vomit,” he said with a scoff. You turned around and saw the man from before hanging back, shooting you a look. “Go back to the bar, Y/N.”

“Dad-”

“Would you just go?” he shouted.

“Dad don’t. I need-”

“For fucks sake. Just go away.”

You let go of his arm, tears welling in your eyes.

“Grow up,” he said. You stepped back, watching him walk across the street.

“D-Daddy,” you said. He stopped in the crosswalk and looked back at you, his gaze following yours over to the man. The man saw him look at him and took off back towards the bars when he saw your dad scowling. Your dad jogged back over to you, tensing when you took a step back from him.

“No one’s gonna hurt you,” he said. He stepped closer and you squeezed your eyes shut. “Y/N. What’s wrong?”

“I feel funny and I’m drunk and I’m scared and I’m scared of you,” you breathed out. “You were gonna leave me alone.”

“Y/N-”

“You said you wouldn’t leave me alone,” you said. You stumbled over to a nearby wall and slide down it, your head in your hands. “Don’t leave me alone. You promised. You said so.”

“Okay,” he said as he sat down beside you. He kissed the top of your head and you heard him shudder. “You’re okay, munchkin, I promise.”

“How are you feeling this morning?” asked the doctor that walked into your room.

“Tired,” you mumbled. TJ and Cody were there in their own stalls, still in their costumes, your dad out in the hall talking to someone.

“Your blood alcohol content was up there,” he said. “Especially you, Y/N.”

“I want to go home,” you groaned.

“You’ll be discharged shortly,” he said. You grumbled and half an hour later you were signing something that you could leave.

“Y/N,” said your dad as you walked away from the nurses station. You glanced over your shoulder, glancing down until he came over. “We need to talk about last night.”

“No we don’t. We got too drunk. I fucked up. Lesson learned,” you said. You started to head out and he grabbed your shoulder. “Jensen let go.”

“Y/N,” he said, spinning you around. He opened his mouth and you crossed your arms, shrugging him off. “I made a mistake.”

“I had to beg you to help me. I called you daddy I was so scared,” you said. He shut his eyes and you growled. “Look at me.”

He snapped his eyes up, his eyes a little red already but you were too angry to care.

“The only other time I’ve ever called you that, I thought you were dead on that road. I thought...I thought there was absolutely...I was drunk and maybe drugged and your reaction was to get pissed at me, at us, for not answering phones. A man tried to attack me and I got away because my dad told me to grab whatever I could if I was ever in that situation. There you were, the safest place in the world, the safest I could ever feel after something like that happened and you told me to go away. I was terrified and you could see it on my face and you left me. You made me beg for you to help me. I don’t know who the fuck you were last night but you were not my father. You’re Jensen again until he decides to come back.”

“Y/N,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“Congratulations. You’re just like every other foster father I ever had.”

He stared at you and you turned around, walking past both TJ and Cody.

“Y/N,” said TJ and you kept walking. “Y/N. Jensen, she didn’t mean that.”

“Yes, I did. Let’s go TJ.”

One Week Later

The doorbell rang and you rolled your eyes, TJ walking past the couch and away from the door.

“TJ, can-”

“Tell him yourself,” he said, going to his office and slamming the door. You glared at it before going to the front door. You opened it quickly, your dad standing there in his raincoat and swallowing thickly.

“Is this about work?” you asked.

“No,” he said quietly.

“Then get off of my property.”

“Y/N-” he said as you slammed the door shut in his face. He rang the doorbell again and you ripped it open. “Honey-”

“I’m not your honey or kiddo or tall munchkin or anything, Jensen. This is me telling you that I want you out of my life,” you said. He lowered his head and you heard him sniffle. “I don’t give a fuck about if you cry. Get out of our lives. Stay away from my family.”

“I’ll do whatever you want me to,” he breathed out, forcing his head up. His eyes were red and puffy, face tired like it’d been that way for days. “I’ll do whatever you want. I promise.”

“You humiliated me,” you said, stepping outside and pulling the door shut. “I thought you loved me.”

“I do,” he said. “I love you so much you-”

“You don’t even know. Boo fucking hoo,” you said. He stepped back and looked small, rain dripping down on him now. “The real world sucks. Get used to it.”

“I made a mistake. Please,” he said. “Y-you don’t have to forgive me. You can...just let me try. Please. We’ve always tried. P-please let me try.”

You stared at him, watching him look down, watching him debate getting on his knees.

And it dawned on you what you’d done. What you’d said.

“Y/N, Y/N, honey,” said TJ. You looked up from the floor of your bathroom, your dad knelt down on your other side. “Honey, look at me.”

He grabbed your face and you felt wet tears streaming steadily down your cheeks.

“What happened?” you asked. “I was on the porch and now I’m here?”

“You were talking to your dad outside and he said you just...fell over crying.”

“Something’s wrong with me,” you said. You shut your eyes and TJ looked around.

“I’m gonna call the doctor,” he said. “Jensen can you keep an eye on her?”

“Of course,” he said. He kept his distance and you sniffled, opening your eyes. He looked down when you met his eyes and you started to cry.

“I’m sorry,” you said. You grabbed his arm and sat up on your knees, giving him a big hug. “Dad I’m so sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. Please. Please. I’m sorry. I want to be your daughter. I want my dad back. Please.”

“I wasn’t going anywhere,” he said. He relaxed and felt like himself again, your head resting on his shoulder.

“Uh, guys?” asked TJ. You lifted your head up, TJ holding up his phone. “Y/N, I think I know why you freaked out on Jensen so bad.”

“How would the doctor know that over the phone?” asked your dad.

“There’s a recall out on a certain allergy medication warning people not to take it according to this headline,” said TJ.

“Why would-”

“It’s not allergy medicine. It’s an antipsychotic drug. They mixed up the pills during manufacturing. Apparently if you give those to people that don’t need them, it fucks with their heads,” said TJ.

“You take them too,” you said as TJ nodded, your dad quiet. “Dad you and mom do-“

“I think we all better go to the hospital and get checked out. Right now.”

“How do you feel?” asked your mom a few hours later.

“My head feels normal again,” you sighed from your hospital bed. You opened your eyes, her hand running over your head. “Did I fuck it up. With dad. I think I broke it. That thing we had and it’s never going to fix back the same way.”

“You were on a very strong antipsychotic without you knowing. We are lucky all you had was some anger and a few delusions. It could have been much worse,” she said. “Daddy’s not mad, sweetie.”

“Mom I’ve never seen him like that. I was so…”

“Wasn’t just you,” he said as he rounded the corner into the room. He was out of his clothes and in a pair of pants and a plain t shirt now, holding up the bracelet on his wrist. “Why’d I have to get all the crying? I would have rather have been pissed off like you got.”

“Your test came back positive?” asked your mom.

“Yeah. So far that’s Y/N, me, TJ, Cody. The younger kids don’t seem to have it thankfully since they take the kid version. They want you to get tested though,” he said.

“But mom’s been normal,” you said as you sat up.

“Well…” he said as she rolled her eyes. “Mom’s been a little...aggressive in-”

“Don’t need to know,” you said. He chuckled and he took a seat on the opposite bed, your mom heading out. They hooked him up to an IV to clear out his system and he took a seat beside you on the bed. You looked down, getting a bump on the shoulder. His hand as on his lap, palm facing up and you smiled.

“Thatta girl,” he said as you rested yours in it. “Gonna take more than some antipsychotics to tear us apart.”

“You are the greatest foster father I’ve ever had and arguably the kindest human being I’ve ever known,” you said. He was quiet and you took a deep breath, looking across the room. “You protected me, even when you were being affected by this. I want you to forget everything I’ve said from Halloween night on. It wasn’t true. Not a second of it.”

“Was the daddy part true?” he asked. “The accident.”

“I expect you to protect me when TJ’s not around. I expect it when he is too to be honest. I spent a long time protecting myself. I was scared on that road. You couldn’t protect me. You couldn’t protect me from watching you almost die. I know how life works and that parents are not invulnerable. They get hurt. They get angry. They make mistakes. They’re human. But I’ll always be your child and on a rare occasion, I’ll need my fucking daddy to tell me it’s okay and I’ll believe him. I’m sorry for hurting him so badly.”

“You are still as ridiculous as the day you walked in your room and told me not to bother with you,” he said, tucking your hair behind your ear. “You can hurt me. You can destroy me. You can ruin me beyond repair. You’re the only thing that puts me back together though. Heals the wounds so I forget they existed. I’ve been broken before. More than you know. I am sure I will fall apart again too. But these small creatures I call my children fix all of that. The girl who ran away, who was afraid of me, she just told me I make her feel safe. I protect her. So I’m sorry but I won’t forgive you since there’s nothing to forgive. You weren’t yourself and neither was I yet you still pushed past it and realized this wasn’t normal for us. Maybe some people fight and some families would have let it go but we know we don’t stop trying in this family. Even when we’re all a little off. I’m proud of you.”

“For what?” you said quietly. He fixed your hair again, playing with it for a moment. He tickled the back of your ear and you giggled. “Dad.”

“Giggles never hurt either,” he said. He threw his arm over your shoulders and pulled you in close, kissing the top of your head. “You’re not that scared kid anymore, Y/N. You’re never gonna be her again. You’re strong. Even now, I know this will bother you for a little while but it won’t change anything. We’ll be even better if that’s possible.”

“You were begging me at the house,” you said.

“Could have gotten that new bronco you’ve been looking at. Sounds like you lost out,” he chuckled.

“Dork,” you said as you hugged him.

“I’m sorry for how I acted that night at the bar too. I’ll never do it again. I promise to not leave your side if you ever call me for help. Not for a second.”

“Dad you don’t have to apologize.”

“I’m bigger than you. I get to force this apology,” he said. “Am I forgiven?”

“Always,” you said. You saw a guy go past in the hall and you went wide eyed. “That’s the guy from the alley!”

“Hey,” said your dad with a smile as you got up. He walked out with his IV, you on his tail as the guy turned around with his doctor. The man looked at you and shook his head. “You’re the dickhead that tried to hurt my daughter aren’t you? I thought that was you.”

“Ew,” you said, looking at the infected cut on his head. Your dad moved forward and you caught his arm. “Um, maybe we can call the police?”

A security guard at the nurse’s station got up and the man sighed, your dad narrowing his eyes.

“I was only gonna kill him a little,” he said. The man stared and your dad cocked his head. “I’m hopped up on anti-psychotics buddy. I can be very creative.”

“Dad,” you said, dragging him back into the room. “Let the police handle it.”

“I did get a little too happy about fantasizing over that,” he said as he sat down. You rolled your eyes and took a seat, laying back on the bed.

“Am I too big for a cuddle?” you asked.

“Nope, especially not in the hospital,” he said. He sat back and you rested your head on his shoulder. “Where is that husband of yours anyways?”

“I think he’s on the phone with the lawyer trying to sue or something,” you said. “Let him wander the halls and get it out of his system.”

“Excuse me?” You both turned to look at the door. “Hi. I’m Morris Harrison with Richmond...Solider Boy?”

“Homelander?” you said as Morris shook his head. “Uh, hi?”

“Hi. I uh, I’m a lawyer at Richmond and Associates and we’re working the class action against the pharmaceutical manufacturer. I got a call about more cases,” he said, handing over a business card.

“We’ll be getting the family lawyer in contact with you rest assured,” said your dad. He nodded and looked away. “You okay?”

“Morris this is my dad, Jensen. Dad this is the nice boy from the bar you shouted at,” you said.

“To be fair, I was mentally impaired...and I mean come on, Homelander? Gotta be careful of those,” he smirked.

“I was actually gonna be…” he said, shaking his head. “Sorry.”

“You and Kayla were gonna be Sam and Dean! Oh yeah. Now I remember,” you said.

“I like the new friend,” chuckled your dad.

“I’ll see you guys around sometime. Maybe a little less drinking this time?” said Morris.

“Yeah. Text TJ. We’ll get together,” you said. “Oh. I gotta ask. How’d the Kayla situation work out?”

“We have our sixth date tonight,” he said. You grinned and he rolled his eyes. “You’re alright drunk girl.”

“Later Homelander,” you said with a wave as he left.

“He was nice,” said your dad. “Did I really shout at him?”

“Yeah. I think he’s a fan so thank you for being nicer this time,” you said.

“Well...at least you made a few new friends out of this experience?” he said. “Silver lining?”

“I will take a quiet, happy day for now,” you said.

“Me too, kiddo.”

Three Days Later

It was after ten when you slipped inside your parents house. It was a little dark, your siblings all at sleepovers. You poked your head around a corner, your dad in the kitchen mixing two cocktails together. He lifted his head up, cocking his head.

“Y/N?” he asked as you stepped out from around the corner. “What are you doing here?”

“I know you and mom got the house to yourselves so I’ll only be a minute,” you said.

“Uh, what?” he said as you walked over and gave him a hug. He returned it and ran his hand over your head. “Y/N. I know you didn’t mean what you said. You can stop apologizing. Please.”

“I know,” you said.

“Alright then,” he said. “I’ll take free hugs anytime.”

“Dad.”

“Yeah?” he asked as you squeezed him hard. He returned it and you smirked as you looked up. “What are you up to?”

“Can I show you something?” you asked. He nodded and you pulled him with you towards your old room, back to being one for guests. You walked him inside and sat him down on the bed as he watched you. You went over to the closet and turned on the light reaching up top into a shoe box. You took it down and walked it over, handing it to him.

“What’s this?” he asked.

“My dad’s kinda sappy and he writes me these letters,” you said. He rolled his eyes but smiled, putting his hands on top. “I started writing back. I put them in this box and figured one day you’d find them. But I know it wouldn’t hurt for you to maybe peek a look now after everything.”

He nodded and smiled, freezing when he took off the lid.

“Y/N...how many letters is this?”

“A boxful?” you said. “I maybe write them with more...frequency than he does. They are dated and hopefully in order.”

He picked out the first one and shut his eyes. You bit your bottom lip and he took a deep breath.

“This is from four days after your seventeenth birthday.”

“Every time I went to therapy I wrote one. Some are for mom but your names are on the envelopes.”

“Why does this one say dad?” he asked, holding up the first one. “I wasn’t dad for years.”

“Oh we both know you were my father the first day I stepped foot in here,” you said. “I could pretend to a piece of paper. It was safe. It wouldn’t hurt me. I started calling you dad in my head a very long time ago. I just didn’t say it in case you didn’t want me to be your daughter in the end.”

He put the envelope back in the box and carefully put the lid on, tucking it by his side. He wiped off his face with the back of his hands and looked up at you.

“Next month you turn twenty eight. You’ll have been with us for a hair over eleven years. This last year...the accident...TJ and his dad...now this...you’re the adult more lately than I am.”

“Dad I’m almost twenty eight like you said. But my head still feels...younger. You’re fifty one. But you still probably think of yourself as a twenty year old kid.”

“You are learning the secrets of adulthood after all,” he said, wiping off his face again. “Y/N...I have this fear when it comes to you. It’s only you. I understand why. But it’s a fear I’ve lived with for quite a long time. It’s a fear I thought came true earlier in the week.”

“She was a bitch that didn’t know better.”

“Don’t call yourself a bitch,” he said, sounding young, shaking his head. “You’ve always been tougher than me. I put on a good act but I’m...I’m privileged and I’ve had an easy life and even that seems hard sometimes. I couldn’t be you. I’m not strong enough. I’m not strong enough to erase the fear that I had, that lingered.”

“What are you afraid of?” you asked as you sat down on the bed.

“I have always loved you. But there was a time you didn’t love me and it took a while before it was unconditional. I’ve always had this fear that I would fuck up and hurt you, make you not love me anymore and that’s selfish of me. I know it is. But I can’t lose you. It just...I was broken last week. Like somebody ripped part of my soul out and it was gone forever. I’ve dealt with grief and death and heartbreak and nothing has ever hurt like that. The drugs did all that I know but...I would have done anything to get you back. Anything. And this girl, this amazing young woman, she writes me letters. She’s been writing me letters for eleven years. I never had to be afraid of you either, did I.”

“No,” you said. “But it’s okay. Boys are allowed to get scared too.”

“Your parents did a pretty good job with you,” he said.

“Yes. I think the four of them did too,” you said.

“I didn’t raise you.”

“Yes you did,” you said. You shoved a hand in your pocket and pulled out an envelope, handing it to him.

“Another for the box?” he asked.

“I already snuck today’s in there,” you said. “This is different.”

“What is it?”

“Just open it.” He untucked the flap and laughed, pulling out the sheet of paper. “TJ thought it was cute.”

“An IOU to tag along whenever I’d like when you go out drinking,” he chuckled. “I’m gonna need several hundred more of these while you’re at it.”

“How about like three?” you said.

“I will settle for you calling me if you think you’re in trouble,” he said. You nodded and he rested his head on your shoulder. “Even drugged up you still did that.”

“Well, the drugs didn’t kick in really until that night. Having allergies sucks,” you said. “You get the runny nose and itchy eyes and the crazy stuff. So not fun.”

“Nope,” he said, giving you a hug. “I was totally gonna have sex with mom all night but now I got all these letters to read.”

“Oh God, gross,” you said, shuddering as you stood up. He laughed and lay back on the bed, giggling as you shook yourself off. “I don’t need to hear about your nasty sex life.”

“I have an incredible sex life. Like so much-”

“Goodbye father,” you said as you walked out of the room.

“You don’t even want to know how often if I’m being honest,” he said as you walked quickly to the front door. He cracked up and you groaned. “Night, kiddo.”

“Night, dad. Enjoy your letters.”

You woke up around three in the morning, rolling over in bed and catching a few texts on your phone. You lifted your head and saw they were from your dad, a smile growing across your face.

I read the last letter first. All I gotta say is you never have to worry about me going away, no matter how much you scream and shout. You’re stuck with me forever, kiddo. Not even strong medication can tear that apart. Nothing can.

Also, for the record, I get to be the sap in this relationship, not you. Box full of cards. Do you know how hard it is to one up that? Do you? Keeping me on my toes kid. I’m sure I’ll come up with something though.

Love you tall munchkin.

“Something wrong?” mumbled TJ. You put your phone down and shook your head.

“Not at all,” you said. You tucked in close to his side, TJ rolling to his own and tucking your head under his chin. He hummed and rubbed your arm, kissing the top of your head. “Love you.”

“Love you too, honey.”

________

A/N: Read the Dads timestamp here!

#spn #supernatural #jensen x daughter!reader #rpf #au #spn reader insert #supernatural reader insert #reader insert #spn fanfiction #jensen x

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lisbonsteresa · 3 years

Text

You’re Once (In Any Lifetime)

🥳 🥳 HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAY( @eddiediaz)!!!! 🥳 🥳 (little late is better than never fingers crossed. a little something for my drew crew bestie who i have never yelled at, cajoled into watching a show, or threatened with a knife emoji. hope you like the...kind of au of the au of the - let’s just call it the 7th generation of an au 😘)

___

“She’s lingering again.”

“Call a spade a spade Bess.” George grumbled as she entered the kitchen with an armful of dirty dishes. “At this point she’s loitering.”

Nick glanced up from where he was reviewing that month’s order form at the prep table with a slight grin. “Don’t know if you can go that far. I mean she did pay for her dinner.”

“Oh please,” George shot back with a roll of her eyes. “It’s been 45 minutes since she paid her bill and she’s still nursing that iced tea like it’s a long island.” As if she knew they were talking about her, the redhead in the corner booth looked up from her glass and gave a small, unsure smile across the sparsely-seated dining room in their direction. She did not receive any in response.

“What I don’t understand is why she keeps coming here, of all places. I mean it’s not like our food is good.” An offended grunt came from Bess’s right, and she spun around to see the Claw’s cook pressing a burger to the grill with a wounded expression.

“Oh no, Charlie,” she backtracked frantically, hands held out in a feeble attempt to placate the older man. “I just meant compared to what they must have at the yacht club.”

Charlie gave a noncommittal shrug, apparently forgiving the unintended slight before moving down the line where he hopefully missed Bess’s whispered “Or anywhere else…”

“Guys, come on.” Ace cut in, voice calm and measured even as he scrubbed determinedly at a rusting lobster pot. “It’s not like we don’t have other customers keeping us here. What’s so bad about Nancy lingering a bit?”

“The fact that she’s not just ‘Nancy’, Ace.” George admonished as she tipped her dishes into the full sink in front of him, raising the water level until it sloshed dangerously close to the edge. “She’s Nancy Hudson. You know how the hill-toppers treat us townies -”

“When they’re not wheeling and dealing in back rooms to screw us over while they’re sitting pretty in their ivory towers.” Nick interrupted, his attention still on the sheet in front of him.

“Exactly.” George gave her boyfriend an appreciative look as she leaned up against the prep table next to him. “And now what, I’m supposed to be happy that one of them deigned to grace us with her presence?”

“Yes, and I had to take her hill-topper order.” Bess lamented, pouting near the line window until she noticed Nick looking at her with raised eyebrows. “What?”

“You know you’re a hill-topper, right Bess?”

She turned towards him, her expression scandalized and defensive. “That is completely different, Mr. Multimillionaire.” (Nick held his hands up in amused defeat). “I only just became a Marvin; I wasn’t born and raised a hill-topper, unlike some people.”

“Besides,” she glanced back across the dining room with an insulted wrinkle of her nose, “the Hudsons and Marvins are long-standing enemies; it was humiliating to have to serve one of them.”

“The Hudsons and Marvins, maybe, but not you and Nancy.” Ace countered, leaning the lobster pot against the back of the drying rack before reaching into the increasingly murky water to start on George’s dishes. “You two barely know each other.”

Bess paused, playing with her necklace and staring into space as if considering this fact for the first time. “Well, I guess that’s true…"

“And she’s been spending her gap year here in town volunteering and helping Hannah Gruen set up a scholarship with the Historical Society.” Ace continued with a glance over his shoulder at Nick.

“I mean, that’s great, but -” Nick stopped, eyes narrowing “wait, how do you know that?”

Ace’s hands paused their motions, just for a fraction of a second, before he resumed rinsing a plate and gave a one-shouldered shrug. “Must’ve seen it in the paper somewhere.” He muttered offhandedly. “And -”

“And nothing.” George cut him off, crossing her arms across her chest with a scowl. “A few good deeds don’t change the fact that this time next year she’ll be 300 miles away with a full ride to some Ivy League school just because of her last name, and the rest of us will still be stuck here cleaning grease traps in an old clam shack.” Ace’s shoulders tensed more and more with every word that left her mouth. “And since when did you start defending Hudsons anyway?”

“I’m not defending the Hudsons, I’m defending Na-” Ace spun around to face the room and froze, realizing that his raised voice had turned three sets of interested eyes in his direction. (Well, four, if you counted Charlie.) “I’m not defending anybody.” he continued after a beat. “I’m just saying you can’t help who your family is, and at least she’s trying to be better than hers. It wouldn’t kill you guys to try and see that.”

No one said anything - this was the most upset any of them had seen Ace get since the time that nor'easter put a tree branch through Florence’s windshield. “Anyway, dishes are done; I’m gonna take my break.”

He tossed the towel that had been slung over his shoulder down onto the counter and stomped down the steps towards the storeroom. The back door slammed shut a moment later, and the others turned back towards the dining room to see that Nancy had at last abandoned her iced tea and was heading towards the exit with the air of someone in a rush trying very hard to appear relaxed.

“So…” Bess began, her eyes flicking back and forth between Nancy’s booth and the door. “when do we tell him we saw them making out by the loading dock last Thursday?”

“I say we make him sweat for a bit.” George said with a shrug as she straightened and headed out to clear the table. “Serves him right for thinking he could keep something like this from us.” Bess and Nick shared an amused smile behind her, then got back to their own work.

If any of them noticed that Ace arrived back from his break 20 minutes late with his hair in disarray, they kept it to themselves.

_____

“Great. I’m going to be picking seaweed out of my hair for a week. Thanks a lot Bess.”

Bess paused her efforts to wring out her dress to shoot an incredulous look in George’s direction. “I’m sorry, how is this my fault!?”

“It’s my birthday George!” Came the response in a mocking imitation of the Brit’s accent. “Just close for inventory George! It’ll be fun George!”

“Well excuse me for trying to enjoy a nice beach day!” Bess shot back. “How was I supposed to know we’d be attacked by that kelkey-whatever??”

“Kelpie.” Nick corrected, stopping the bickering for a moment while all three turned their attention towards the redhead kneeling in the sand and frantically running her hands over a soaking wet and slightly dazed Ace. “That’s what you called it, right?”

The second Nancy realized she was being addressed, her hands dropped from Ace’s body like they had been burned. “Huh? Oh, uh, yeah, a kelpie. They’re Scottish horse spirits that drag their victims underwater and devour them. That silver necklace Bess had was its bridle, and -” she paused, looking around to see the others staring blankly at her.

“Sorry.” Her voice sounded almost sheepish. “I volunteer over at the historical society a lot, and there’s some…interesting stuff in their archives.” Another moment passed. No one’s expression changed.

“…Anyway the bridle can be used to control it, so I think it attacked you to try and get it back. And since you didn’t know what it was, it just seemed easier to grab it and toss it then try and explain why it was making the giant horse spirit angry.” She finished with a weak grin, as if she’d been explaining the weather and not the most terrifying thing most of them had ever seen.

No one spoke for a while longer, and then Bess’s quiet “Oh.” broke the silence. “Well…okay. For a second I thought you just really didn’t like my necklace.”

The tension broken, the others looked at her with varying levels of amusement before she let out a gasp and turned to address Nancy directly. “Wait my cousin Cassidy gave me that last night! You don’t think…”

“I don’t think she knew what it was.” Nancy replied with an almost fond smile. “When the historical society got the request to put the necklace in one its deposit boxes, the record just said it was a Marvin family heirloom; brought over aboard the Governance.”

“And the kelpie followed it all the way here?” Nick asked, eying Nancy sideways as he tried to shake water out of his ear.

She shrugged. “There are some records that say kelpies are bound to follow their bridles, wherever they go. They can’t leave the water though, so it could have gotten into the bay and then…gotten lost, I guess.” Bess was already nodding along as if everything Nancy was saying made perfect sense. “We didn’t realize the necklace was anything out of the ordinary until Cassidy came to request it and Hannah thought she recognized it from her research.”

“Well good thing she did, or this might’ve been Bess’s last birthday.” George smirked. “Never thought I’d say this,” she continued, ignoring her friend’s offended huff and turning towards Nancy, “but I’m glad you were around, Hudson.”

“Thanks.” Nancy sounded like she wasn’t sure whether she should be flattered or insulted by the statement. “I was looking for you guys, actually. When we realized what the necklace was, we called Cassidy and she said she’d given it to you for your birthday, and since you were coming to the beach Hannah and I were worried that getting it too close to the water might -”

“Wait, how did you know we’d be at the beach?” Bess interrupted.

Nancy stilled, her eyes darting over to a still-groggy Ace then back to the others so quickly that they might have missed it had they not been watching her so closely. “I must have overheard it the last time I was at the Claw.” Her voice was measured; almost deliberately calm. “When it’s slow there your voices tend to carry.”

Bess and Nick gave each other an uneasy sidelong glance at Nancy’s implication, while George’s expression grew into something approaching begrudging respect. “Anyway,” Nancy stood, brushing sand off her pants and looking anywhere but in Ace’s direction, “I should get back to Hannah and let her know everything’s okay. See you around.”

She turned and started heading towards the parking lot, and Ace watched with worried eyes as his friends had a rapid fire non-verbal conversation. Bess nodded towards Nick, who responded with a shrug. They both looked over at Ace with small smiles, then turned to George; Nick with one eyebrow raised in question and Bess with what could only be described as puppy dog eyes. George glanced at Ace before letting out a labored sigh and rolling her eyes as she called down the beach: “Hey Hudson!”

Nancy turned, hands twisting in the strap of the messenger bag. “You wanna meet us at the Claw after we get cleaned up?” George asked. “We’re closed for inventory - it’d be a good place to talk about all…this.” (Bess cleared her throat pointedly.) “And we have cake for Bess’s birthday.”

The smile that bloomed on Nancy’s face was beaming, even at a distance. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

______

It had been three weeks since the kelpie incident, and for all intents and purposes, Nancy had settled in as the fifth member of their little group. She and Bess had gotten along almost immediately, despite some awkward encounters when they had run into family while together.

Nick had warmed to her considerably once she started helping him with his plans for a youth center in town. (It certainly hadn’t hurt that she’d ‘misplaced’ her grandfather’s application for the building on Spring St. until Nick’s bid had already closed).

And while George and Nancy bickered almost constantly, they (usually) did it with smiles on their faces. If asked, they might not call each other ‘friends’, but they were definitely heading in a good direction.

The first Friday afternoon of July found them sprawled out across the dining table of Nick’s loft, brainstorming ideas for that year’s ‘Still Summer at the Bayside Claw’ event. (Or rather found most of them. Truth be told, Bess’s focus might have been more on her online shopping.) They’d been working for an hour or so when a noise like the rapid honking of a clown nose suddenly interrupted the conversation.

“Shit,” Ace muttered, grabbing his phone and snoozing the alarm, “I’m going to be late for Shabbat.” He gathered his things in a rush, exchanged a quick “Bye” and kiss with Nancy, then froze.

His eyes moved rapidly between the others - Nancy’s wide-eyed panic; George’s look of shock and disgust; Nick’s eyebrows shooting up his forehead; Bess’s almost giddy expression - before seeming to make a decision.

“Uh…Nick,” he croaked out before anyone could react any further, making his way over to where his friend was sitting with an air of forced normalcy and kissing him like it was something he did every day. “thank you for having me.”

“See you tomorrow, Bess.” He continued, leaning over and giving her a peck on the cheek, causing a giggle to escape her barely-maintained composure.

He turned towards the other end of the table, eying George the way an antelope might eye a lion. “George -”

“Don’t even think about it.” She cut him off with a glare.

“Right. ‘Course.” He glanced around the room one last time as he backed towards the door, eyes skipping over Nancy as if he was afraid of what his expression might reveal if he focused at all on her. “Um, have a good night everyone.” And then he was gone, the door slamming behind him as his rapid footsteps echoed down the hallway.

A minute passed in complete silence, then another.

Nick looked absolutely mystified, his fingers stuck halfway to his lips like he couldn’t quite comprehend what had just happened. George’s grimace was slowly turning into an amused smirk, and Bess looked seconds away from breaking into complete hysterics.

Another minute passed before Nancy, staring at the table with a face almost as red as her hair, broke the silence. “So…how long have you guys known?”

“Since before the kelpie incident.” George answered bluntly, while Nick shook off his daze and turned his attention towards Nancy and Bess took a calming breath and tried to bite back her laughter.

“Oh.”

Nancy’s eyes darted between the table and the door as if trying to decide if it would be worse to try and explain herself or just cut her losses and run. “Ok, well, we were going to tell you, we just -”

“You can relax Nancy.” Nick cut in, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. She flinched at the touch, but finally turned to see an understanding smile on his face. “You wouldn’t be here right now if any of us still had a problem with you.”

Bess nodded rapidly, reaching across the table to cover one of Nancy’s hands with her own. “You make Ace happy, and that’s what really matters to us."

A wobbly smile began to grow on Nancy’s face, before she blinked and turned towards George with apprehension and a bit of challenge in her eyes.

George’s expression stayed firm until Nick cleared his throat and gave her a pointed look. She sighed and rolled her eyes, but the grin she gave Nancy was genuine.“Plus I guess you’re not horrible.”

That pulled a laugh from Nancy, even as she blinked back touched tears she knew George would make fun of. “Thanks guys. I really appreciate that.”

(To say Ace was confused when she walked into the Claw the next morning and kissed him in the middle of the dining room would be an understatement, but he definitely wasn’t complaining.)

#(also please don't judge me i did like .5 seconds of research on kelpies on wikipedia and manipulated that information to suit my needs)#anyway hope you had a wonderful birthday weekend; hope this year will make you happier (and clownier [honk honk]) than any before it #💕💕💕💕💕#nancy drew cw #ndff

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bthump · 3 years

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I wanted to touch on the whole gutsca thing with someone (I know zero people in this fandom so you're my lucky pick!). Am I alone in feeling like their first time together came out of no where? My meta with Guts is that he was not at all comfortable with sex at that time of his life (this instance being his first time [outside of the rape he experienced as a child]). His choice of words too, "here I go", translated to me like someone only doing what they felt was expected of them rather than something he was yearning for. He clearly wasn't even ready given how rough he was and how he regressed and attacked her. This moment seemed very forced and almost rang to me like Kentaro's declaration of "no homo though". I would be curious to know how Kentaro felt about homosexuality (bisexuality, etc) and if he ever addressed the ever blatant gay tension and romantic-non-platonic-love blossoming between Guts and Griffith pre-eclipse. I do get the sense that this may be a case of severe queer baiting or perhaps a PSA against gay love altogether ("falling for a man will literally destroy you and send you and everyone you love to hell" type of message); but I'm a very jaded person so I hope to be proven wrong. Sigh, my point being Gutsca seems pretty dang forced and empty of true development. I buy them more as besties than anything romantic. Especially since both he and Casca are actually in love with Griffith (what a fucking triangle!). Does anyone in fandom have any opinions on the sad possibility of this whole beautiful and ultimately tragic love between Griffith and Guts actually being a fucked up anti-gay PSA? Are there any interviews with Kentaro shooting this theory down so I can stop being sad and bitter about it? What are your thoughts?

Thanks for sending this, I'm definitely down to talk about it! I hope you connect with more people in the fandom but don’t worry about sending random asks even if you do lol.

Anyway you’re definitely not alone. I have a lot of thoughts on Guts and Casca's hook up, and they're all pretty much "it feels really forced and not particularly romantic but I think you can argue that that's deliberate" lol. For instance I discuss in a lot of detail here how various aspects of the scene indicate that Guts and Casca having sex is shown to be a case of both of them rebounding from Griffith and sort of giving to each other what they were unable or failed to give to him.

And I talk a lot about how Judeau essentially orchestrates it all and what that suggests about Guts and Casca's relationship here.

And lol sorry for all the links but also this post is about how their relationship feels one-sided to an extent and is used to illuminate a lot of Guts' flaws, using Judeau as a comparison point.

Oh shit and also one more lol, here's a comparison between the sex scene and Griffith's with Charlotte that suggests that both start as ways for the dudes to repress their feelings.

(Don't feel obligated to read all those posts if you don't want, you should get the gist of what I'm saying w/ those descriptions.)

But yeah basically I do think that Guts and Casca getting together felt forced and awkward. At best it might be intended to be seen that way, as two friends hooking up awkwardly in an emotionally intense moment but probably doomed to failure because neither of them are ready for a relationship with the other, or particularly interested in one deep down, once they finished "licking wounds." At worst it’s just bad writing lol. But again like I think there are good arguments for the former.

I also totally agree that their relationship has a strong vibe of doing what's expected. Like for real, at least to me both Guts and Casca read so easily as gay and repressed lol. Casca talks about her feelings for Griffith in terms of “he was a boy she was a girl can I make it any more obvious”

and I can’t help but see it as Casca like, wow I have strong feelings towards Griffith, he’s a man and I’m a woman, so clearly these feelings must be romantic, there’s no other option. Then when she has sex with Guts she keeps contextualizing it essentially as repayment for Guts saving her, like she owes him. “I too want a wound I can say you gave me.” “Not just being given to... maybe I can give something as well.” Which just doesn’t make her desire for him look all that genuine lol.

And then you have Guts. The way he tells Casca that from the start only her touch was okay with him after he has sex with her, referencing the scene when he wakes up with her on top of him and starts to panic before realizing she’s a woman, is soooo suggestive of repression to me. Like, first off because it’s incorrect, he was also okay with Griffith going in for a face-grab after winning a duel Guts had been projecting his rape trauma all over, which seems like a pretty conspicuous omission. And secondly because the reason he was okay with Casca’s touch specifically is solely because she’s a woman, not because she’s special or because they have a magic romantic connection - it’s because she’s not a man. To me that just screams that Guts was open to sex with Casca because she’s the only woman he knows, and he’s afraid of the idea of physical intimacy with men, regardless of what he might actually want deep down.

So yeah that’s basically how I feel about Guts and Casca’s relationship, strong agree with you.

When it comes to Miura’s intent, I can tell you that Miura was asked about the subtext in an interview once, back in 2000, and he responded with something along the lines of ‘two men can have passionate feelings for each other without it being romantic.’ The interview is here, but this is a paraphrase the translator mentioned in the comments.

Other than that I’ve never seen him address it directly, but on the flipside he has cited several textually gay stories as inspiration (off the top of my head: Kaze to Ki no Uta, Devilman, Guin Saga, mangaka Moto Hagio in general), and he has straightforwardly said that the (magical intersex) central character of his other work, Duranki, was intended to have romances with both male and female love interests. Also people tell me there are strong griffguts vibes with the main, presumably canon or intended-to-be-canon ship there. So there’s that lol.

As for the no homo aspect and the potential homophobia in the griffguts subtext... I can’t deny I’ve also considered the idea that it’s a deliberate anti-gay PSA (though I haven’t seen anyone else address the idea as far as I remember, and I’ve only briefly mentioned it offhandedly). Like, Guts and Griffith’s relationship turns bad because they’re both too invested in each other, maybe the barely-subtextual desire is meant to look like a sinister twisting of pure platonic feelings that ruins everything, if Griffith hadn’t loved him the Eclipse never would have happened, etc.

But honestly I don’t think that reading holds up compared to a much more positive reading of their feelings, in which it’s their failure to understand them and act on them, thanks largely to formative childhood trauma and self-hatred, that leads to tragedy.

I don’t know what Miura intended, and there certainly are aspects of the story that are homophobic regardless of his intent, even if my best-faith reading is entirely correct, like the only textual gay attraction being pedophiles and over the top heretic orgies lol, or yk, Guts and Griffith both assaulting the same woman while looking at/thinking about the other in a very sexually charged way.

But the reading of their relationship where it’s positive and good for both of them, even including sexual desire, and only gets fucked up because they both incorrectly think their feelings are unrequited is legitimately so weirdly strong, much stronger than a reading where the sexual nature of their feelings is what fucks everything up, so I’m pretty happy just rolling with that take.

And as much as Casca can be seen and may very well be intended as a no homo, it’s also very easy for me to read her relationships with both as less of a hopeful opportunity for positive heterosexual romance and more of a “here’s how repressing your feelings thru attempts at heterosexuality fucks you up” PSA lol. Griffith and Charlotte too, for that matter. It’s definitely a stretch to think that’s intended, but whether it’s intended or not it’s an easy sell for me and I’m fine with not really worrying too much about possible authorial intent there.

Finally, I also want to link this post that goes pretty thoroughly into why I interpret griffguts as very positive rather than as a cautionary tale or predatory gay lust etc

And also have this shorter post about Femto on the same subject too, why not

Oh and maybe this thing where I split hairs about Guts’ lust for Griffith and desire for revenge to make a point that the homoeroticism isn’t necessarily being equated with violence by the narrative lol

#ask #a #b #anonymous #theme: repression #theme: homoeroticism #interviews #ship: griffguts #ship: gtsca #theme: homophobia #theme: heteronormativity

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coredrill · 3 years

Text

thots on roman holiday, spoilers for the whole book below!!!

oh my GOD sjjdbdnemakfjen the line on page 17 “you have a unique grasp of socioeconomics” is SO ROMAN FBSBSBDBSJAIDLD. i love it

INVISIBILITY CLOAKS???????

v funny that when roman is considering where to go after leaving mistral, he shoots down vacuo first. obviously he’s gonna wind up in vale bc Plot, but it just feels like the writer going I AM NOT WRITING ANOTHER BOOK IN THE GODDAMN DESERT lmao

interesting note abt beacon tuition on page 92. i wonder if this is actually canon for a few reasons:

how tf would ren and nora afford TUITION????

i wonder if the other huntsman academies have tuition??? like atlas i could see doing it and haven too. maybe not shade but idk.

does this mean scholarships are a thing??? is ruby on scholarship???? what even constitutes a scholarship on remnant????

idk they probably didn’t think this deep abt this joke line but IM GONNA lmao

y’all some of these names…brick??? mortar???? bisque????? burgundy???? roch szalt???????? KANDI FLOSS??????? that last one is peak stripper name meme ansjdbfnnebehd. this is just like in btd when they had to name a team fondue 😭😭😭😭 i think they’re officially running out of colors 😂😂😂

THE EMBLEM OF NEO’S BOARDING SCHOOL IS A TRIPLE SPIRAL?????? the gurren lagann of it all……………

very funny that both neo and roman poison people with sleeping pills. hashtag just bestie things <3

pg146 “to listen to their body and what it was telling them about their feelings (gag)” ASPEC NEO RISE!!!!!!!!!!

ok i May be stupid but i thought everyone had a semblance???? bc semblance comes from aura, and everyone has aura??? maybe it’s just people without activated aura who wouldn’t have a semblance (so like if pyrrha had never unlocked his, jaune would’ve never discovered his semblance???? idk) but i’m also fairly certain roman has an activated aura????

very fond of roman meeting neo and understanding her very easily. platonic soulmatism i think.

ok wait actually i kinda wanna elaborate. LOVE that roman’s whole schtick is that he’s had to look out only for himself his whole life and he doesn’t wanna be a babysitter while neo is SICK of being babysat and so they work well together. ALSO LOVE that BECAUSE roman’s had to look out for himself his whole life, he’s good enough at reading body language and filling in the blanks to know what neo’s saying even without words.

also. hang on. OKAY. so neo gave roman his hat and roman gave neo her umbrella and neo made them BOTH outfits. BUT THEN ROMAN DIES and all neo has LEFT is the HAT SHE GAVE HIM and she goes to HIS OLD BOSS to help herself get revenge AND ONLY THEN DOES SHE CHANGE OUTIFTS????? BITCH??????? CHECK OUT HOW HARD I CAN APPARENTLY CRY OVER THEIR FRIENDSHIP

(okay note on the previous bullet after actually finishing: not the same hat :( and also how did neo convince lil miss malachite to help her when she nearly blew her up??? money ig lmao)

i’m literally obsessed with this being a ya book so roman and neo can’t steal alcohol or drugs, they gotta steal COFFEE 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 LIKE. ITS SO FUNNY TO ME

also in love with how (just like every other rwby friendship!!!!) there isn’t any pointless drama. they trust & love each other and that’s that!!!! like roman’s told that neo sold him out, and despite that being consistent with the rest of his life, he knows that’s not consistent with NEO and sees that she’s come to rescue him so there’s no petty drama around it!!! bc he TRUSTS HER!!!!!

pg268 “neo blinked back tears and hugged roman. ‘hey. don’t wrinkle the suit.’ but he put a hand on her head and over her shoulder, and that felt more like home than that house and her parents had in a long time.” HELLO????? HELL LOOOOO?????? bro i am CRYING i’m gonna SUE

tbh i was really worried they wouldn’t get to hug in this book BUT THEY DID!!!!!!! IM SO HAPPY WTFFFFFF

pg269 “her father threw up his hands. ‘do you know what she wants to say?’ he asked roman. ‘i do, actually.’ roman looked at her fondly. ‘i’m surprised you don’t.’” IM LOSING MY MINDDDDDD THATS LOVE!!!!!!!

pg270 “roman cleared his throat. ‘her name is neo.’” ALSKDJJREJNENFHCISOMENRJDIS BITCH

pg300 “he stopped walking. ‘while you get away. she’s mainly interested in me. drop this disguise and i’ll distract her. you get out of here. and never look back.’ she shook her head defiantly. he tried to pull his hand free, but she only held on more tightly.” 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

PAGE THREE HUNDRED AND SEVEN SHE KISSES HIM ON THE CHEEK AJDJFJEJENDNJDN KSIDOEOSPSKEJEHEBE. F THE POWER OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP WINS AGAIN

okay okay so now that i’m finished here are my Actual thoughts alskcjejenbrhdisk:

i wish! that more of the book! was focused on roman & neo together and their friendship!! like i get that the first half was important bc they needed to show Just How Alone they both were before each other. but i would’ve gladly traded some of the beginning stuff for just a little more time with the two of them together. like maybe condense some of that and give us a few more anecdotes from their time training together?? just to show the development from wary partners to ride-or-die a little more. but idk. because the first half of the book felt a little slow for me but as soon as i got to the back half i could NOT put it down!!!!!!!!

i owe this writer (& the rwby writers ofc) my heart and soul and also probably my spleen. first cfvy, now roman & neo???? taking characters i didn’t have any strong feelings about but giving them personality and history and love and making ME love them???? AND WRITING FRIENDS/FAMILY SO WELL???? bro. BRO. i’m losing my MIND

ALSO. very excited for neo’s role in v9 now. and will also probably cry.

like. it would’ve been so easy for them to make roman & neo romantic. especially since there’s only like a 4 year age gap. but they DIDNT they let those two BE EACH OTHERS FIRST PRIORITY AND CLOSEST FRIEND AS FRIENDS AND I AM SO ECSTATIC ABT IT HOLY SHIT

#as always dont feel obligated to read this is mostly just nonsense aofjshlidh #like feel free to!! but the point of this is just for me 2 document my thoughts so it probably does not make much sense lmao #f: rwby #rwby: books #rwby: rh #t.txt

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lovecolibri · 2 years

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SaL anon here friend and I finished S2 and just started S3 (tsunami plot here I come!!). I was going to give you my S2 thoughts but I was pretty sick all weekend, I'll get them out later but to help you through this 911less Monday I figured a song was in order, so let's revisit Hourglass. I figured something about falling apart, regret, wanting to go back to the way things were and the things we'd change but ending with "the heart keeps widening for change" is appropriate for these boys now.

Oh bestie, I wanted to get to this so many times this week! But my niece came to visit and she was in rare form this week and I wanted to be able to take my time with this soooo, here we are ages later and I’m just getting around to this. Please come yell at me about the tsunami arc (my beloved) and your thoughts on season 3 so far which might be my favorite season, and all your thoughts about season 2!!

Okay, so in the notes for this song, Ryan mentions that they are about grief, the moments after the loss but before the funeral and I am just....deep in my Evan Buckely feelings right now and the shooting arc and the days between Eddie being shot and him waking up and I am all too unwell about it. But I’m also thinking about Eddie and Shannon’s death and how you can love what someone meant to you before and still be angry at them and then what do you do with all that anger when the person is gone before you have the chance to work through it all? How do you deal with your anger when everyone in your family is letting their vitriol out and you feel like someone should stand up for the mother of your child, because underneath it all there is understanding that the constant undermining from the parents can be too much, and everything can be too much, but you’re still angry and can’t let it out lest everyone else feel justified in theirs when they are part of the reason she didn’t feel she could stay. Uuuuugh, I just have a lot of feelings about how Eddie wasn’t ever really allowed to process his combined anger/love/grief about Shannon. I need that man to finally be allowed to have a full breakdown so he can start to heal from all of this.

Anyway this song is short and probably best read all at once so I’m going to leave the lyrics whole, but I do have a couple thoughts I’ll put below.

we’re taking turns at shattering apart. at least we’re taking turns.

how did we get so good at dismantling these hearts? how did we ever get so good?

we dress our best to receive their sympathy. at our worst, we dress our best?

“time heals all” according to these greeting cards. oh how we’d rather time resets.

if we could turn the hourglass, we would. if we could move a grain of sand, we would. if we could find our way back, we would.

our minds keep spinning webs of question marks and of regrets. will our minds keep spinning webs?

i once heard honest words: “though nothing may ever be the same, the heart keeps widening for change.”

One, the “taking turns at shattering apart” got me thinking about how aside from about 30 seconds when Buck told Eddie about Christopher before Eddie sees that he’s okay, it’s always been one of them worried about the other (taking turns), but if something happens with Chris (not anything major!! just thinky thoughts about the 5x10 synopsis and Chris being “emotional”) how would they deal when they can’t take turns on this one, but are both shattering apart at the same time and both keeping it together for Chris until they both can take a moment once he’s okay to break? What then, hmmm? What then?

Two, “at our worst, we dress our best” just has me thinking about the lawsuit and Buck being in a suit for the hearings, and Eddie being dressed in a suit when he has his first panic attack, and how good Eddie looked when he went home and did the (to his mind) selfish thing and broke up with his girlfriend, and Buck almost always always being in buttoned up clothes around his girlfriend and never looking quite as comfortable as we usually see him and dressing up on the outside to hide the pain and mess on the inside. I’m absolutely normal about all of this. 🙃

Three, “if we could turn the hourglass, we would/if we could move a grain of sand, we would” is just smacking me in the face with Buck saying it would have been better if he was the one who was shot and how if he had been in uniform he likely would have been but he wasn’t and so Eddie took the shot instead and how if Buck could go back and do things differently he would take that bullet in a heartbeat to keep Eddie safe.

Four, Ryan knows how to punch you in the gut with grief, and then sooth the ache with a final dash of hope, and “the heart keeps widening for change” is exactly what is going on with Buck and Eddie. They are dealing with the closed, locked, bolted, and boarded over doors to the softest parts of their hearts and it feels like every time they crack that door open an arrow makes it in and they slam it shut again. But for each other? They are working on opening the doors again, wider and wider each time. And I’m so excited to see them finally realize that those softest parts are safe in each other’s hands.

youtube

#my sweet nonnie friends #sleeping at last anon #911 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #sleeping at last #hourglass #i'm so sorry this is so late #i was going to do it every night when we finally got my niece down to bed #but by that time i was exhausted #and then it was thanksgiving #but thanks so much for this and for the buddie feels trip today!#fingers crossed monday gives us something good #also definitely come yell at me about your season 2/3 thoughts!!

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so-sweet-nana · 3 years

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Interview: NANA Talks About Cohabitation-Romance & Kang Min Hyuk

Im Jin A (임진아), or better known as NANA (나나) is not only easy on the eyes, but also a super talented actress. Since her involvement in “Into The Ring” and “Confession” last year, fans have been eager to see her again, this time in “Oh! Master” (오! 주인님), or “Oh My Ladylord”.

The former After School member sees herself playing actress Oh Joo In, who apparently “can’t” love. Her romantic life is practically non-existent and only seeks to provide for her family. In an attempt to buy back her old home, Oh Joo In stumbles upon Han Bi Soo and that’s when things get interesting. Check out the interview where she delves into this romance drama and more.

1. This is your first time working with these costars. What was your impression of one another and how has it changed since you finished filming together?

When I first saw Min Ki, I knew right away that he is a charismatic guy from the sharp look in his eyes and the energy that he gives off. At least that’s what I thought first. But now, he’s more than just a co-actor. He’s always considerate around me, and he makes sure we go over the script before the actual shoot. I feel comfortable being around him, and I learnt a lot from him.

2. What kind of drama do you usually like to watch?

It’s hard to pinpoint a specific genre of shows that I prefer. In fact, I try to expose myself to various genres so that I can indirectly experience the stories of other people. While doing so, I would put myself in their shoes to experiment with different acting styles, which is also how I further improve my acting skills.

3. How did you prepare for your role? Were there any skills or characteristics in that you had to pick up?

When acting out a role, it is crucial for an actress to tap on the feelings she got from the initial script reading. So that the acting doesn’t come out as too exaggerated. This way, the viewers can understand the writer’s intentions.

I did my best to deliver Joo In’s heart-throbbing feelings to the viewers. Also, I’ve made efforts to portray both sides of Joo In – her glamorous life as a popular romance-comedy actress versus her ordinary everyday life.

4. Both of you have starred in other romance dramas, how does this drama stand out from other series for audiences?

One of the unique things about “Oh! Master” is its cohabitation-romance genre. A man and a woman who are complete opposites live together, they grow on each other and draw comfort from each other. The story about the family members is heartwarming to watch.

5. How will you describe your character in this show? Can you identify yourself with the personality and story of your character?

Although she’s the go-to actress for romance-comedy shows, Oh Joo In is a beginner when it comes to romantic love. She’s very filial to her mother, they share a special bond. Her cheerfulness and kindheartedness are what we have in common.

6. What is the one lesson about love that viewers will learn from this series, especially from your character Oh Joo In?

In the drama, Oh Joo In expresses love for different people. There is romantic love between a man and a woman. She is also a loving daughter to her mother. I believe that the two different perspectives of love shown by Joo In will give you the chance to rediscover the warmth of human relations.

7. What are the similarities and differences between you and Oh Joo In?

We are both actresses, we are loving toward people around us. However, the situation Joo In is going through, people she interacts with, and even the living conditions are totally different from mine.

8. Oh Joo In couldn’t resist Han Bi Soo’s script. As an actor yourself, what kind of script appeals to you?

I’m drawn to stories that are full of optimism and positive energy. In turn, I want to become an actress who has infectious positive energy, so I can inspire the viewers.

9. What kind of challenges did you encounter in the process of playing a top star? Did you put more effort into appearance? For example, personal maintenance, fitness, etc.?

To prepare for the role of actress Oh Joo In, rather than focusing on the self-management aspects of a popular actress, I worked hard on kickboxing, one of her hobbies, to make it look more natural and real.

10. What kind of message do you want to convey to the audience through this show?

“Oh! Master” isn’t just a romance piece, it’s a story about all kinds of love. I wish to convey the message of hope. I hope viewers will heal from wounds inflicted by other people.

11. What attracted you to take on ‘Oh Master’? Introduce your character and what do you think is the appeal and charm of the story and your character.

Among many other things, I was drawn to “Oh! Master” mainly due to its uniqueness in portraying the cohabitation-romance drama. When I went through the script for the first time, I could relate to Joo In’s occupation as I am an actress too. I wanted to show, in my own honest way, how a daughter expresses her love towards her mother.

12. If you were a writer, what kind of dramas would you want to write?

As an actress playing Oh Joo In, I was moved by the heartfelt feelings a daughter may have toward her mother. That is why I would like to write a story full of humanitarian elements that can comfort others.

13. You’ve acted in romantic dramas twice in a row. Do you like this genre?

I get positive energy when filming romantic-comedy shows. “Oh! Master” is such a romantic drama that gives off positive vibes. Plus, there’s the heartfelt mother-and-daughter relationship. So that’s why I accepted this project without any hesitation.

14. How would you rate your love chemistry score for your couple pairing (NANA & Kang Min Hyuk), and why?

Oh Joo In and Jeong Yu Jin have been besties since their high-school years. They feel comfortable around each other. That’s why people did not doubt the fake couple. Because of their close bond and perfect chemistry, I would give them a 100 out of 100.

15. How would you rate your love chemistry score for the couple pairing (NANA & Lee Min Ki)? and why?

I will also rate the chemistry of Joo In and Han Bi Soo 100 out of 100— but for a different reason from Jeong Yu Jin. They were completely different from each other to begin with. As they sought comfort from each other, they grew on each other.

I remember this particular scene, Joo In’s mother fails to recognise her own daughter due to her worsening dementia symptoms. Bi Soo comforts Joo In, she unknowingly leans in to give him a kiss on the cheek.

16. Have you ever worked with Min Hyuk before? What was that like?

When I was active as a member of K-pop group Orange Caramel, Kang Min Hyuk starred in our music video “Magic Girl”. I was so delighted to work with him again in “Oh! Master”.

Interview from: Hype Malaysia

#Nana #Lee Minki #Kang Minhyuk #Oh My LadyLord #Oh Master!#Interview #After School #Orange Caramel

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artificialqueens · 3 years

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I'm Not Into Sometimes, Chapter 2 (Rosnali) - SnowBun

A/N: Very proud of this chapter <3 finally feel myself getting back to the writing style I enjoy the most. I hope you like reading this is as much as I like writing it. much love everyone xx

Summary: When Denali goes viral for posting a dance video, she doesn’t expect it to lead her to becoming a choreographer for Rosé, an up and coming singer destined for fame. Denali thinks that this might be her first (and only) shot at achieving her dream. If only her dream wasn’t wrapped up in a flurry of pink hair, charm and a supposedly professional relationship.

—

Release comes in the sound of blades scraping against ice. It is the feeling of her core tightening as she pushes off the ground and becomes the world turning on its axis. She is this moment of weightlessness and control.

Then her head begins to fog with visions of spinning rose-colored tops across a dark wooden floor, so endlessly mesmerizing. Her mind fills with questions of intrigue and challenge, the first time she’s ever seen duality so up close. Oh, to be so breathlessly enamored by beauty and talent.

It’s the loss of focus that weighs her down, causing her to land shakily on her right foot. She extends her left leg for balance and slides not-so-gracefully on the ice. She hears Olivia cheer in the sidelines, all bright white smile and wonder. It brings her back to the rink and away from the studio.

She skates over, pressing her forehead to the fence. “It’s not so bad.” She thinks. The rest of the world is slowly but surely getting hooked on Rosé, and she lives up to every expectation and more. She thinks it’s perfectly normal to feel a little charmed by her.

Even if she was a bitch at first.

“What’s wrong?”

Then again, she can’t quite answer Olivia’s question. She isn’t a fan from half way across the world. She’s the damn choreographer. She’s in New York, seeing her old friends and grasping onto her dream.

Said dream just had to come in the form of pink hair and clear brown eyes.

She shakes her head and smiles. “Nothing’s wrong, Liv.”

—

At first, she thinks she’s just so tired that she’s seeing things. When she blinks, she realizes that her eyes aren’t lying and that Rosé really is right there, sitting on the dance studio floor at 6:30 in the morning. She’s staring at intently at her phone, with an expression that can only be described as upset fury. She becomes too absorbed in typing to even notice Denali come in.

“Hey.”

She looks up and her face softens into a small smile. There it goes again, that weird feeling of nakedness that comes with being looked at by those eyes. The combination of this and the lack of sleep is disconcerting, but she manages to smile back anyway.

“Hey.” Rosé procures a coffee cup from behind her and reaches up to pass it. “I got you coffee.”

It takes her a minute to process, way too taken aback by the gesture. She’s always prided herself on being difficult to phase, but when a woman who is basically her employer that she barely knows hands her coffee, it’s hard not to act surprised.

Nonetheless, she accepts it gratefully, muttering a ‘thanks’ as she sits down on the floor beside her.

For a while, she stills as Rosé continues to type with such force that Denali’s scared that she might end up cracking the screen somehow. She wonders in silence, but she’d be lying if she says she’s not tempted to cross the arbitrary line and ask if something is wrong.

“Sorry.” Rosé’s voice suddenly rings clear, but the world around them still feels quiet, tranquil almost. “Just a lot of stuff that needs to get done before the video shoot.”

“Mmm,” Denali says, as she sips her coffee. “It’s fine, I don’t mind.”

Even if the phone has been tucked into the pocket of her bag, Rosé opts for stretching out her legs in front of her and yawning instead of getting up. She turns her head to look at the choreographer whose gaze is directed at the cup in her hand.

“So,” She draws out the word lazily, cocking her head to the side. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“What do you think of Phenomenon?”

It’s a difficult question to answer. If she says something bad, she’s kicked off this project. If she says something good, she’s just kissing ass. She knows that the only right answer to this question is her own opinion, but when her mother told her that honesty is the best policy, she’s not sure this is the situation that she had in mind.

“Honestly?” Rosé nods. “I think it’s great. The lyrics are good, the production is amazing, your vocals are fantastic. Plus it’s your own brand of witty and self-assured. Not sure what’s not to like there.”

She isn’t sure if this was the answer Rosé expected from her. All she hears is a sigh and they sink once again into that comfortable silence while Denali finishes her coffee. She doesn’t really know much, or anything really, about the woman beside her, but in the stillness of the morning, she feels comfortable.

“Right,” Rosé’s voice is soft and she hates herself for the ache that starts to bloom in her chest. “What’s not to like?”

She tries to ignore it, that stupid idea that this true vulnerability and not just small talk between colleagues; but she sees those eyes staring into the empty space, watches the beams of sunlight give her a blush halo. The ache spreads through her body and she bites her tongue to stop from begging to know what she could possibly not like.

Denali stands up and throws away her cup in a bin in the corner of the room. “Anyway,” She reaches out a hand to help her up. “We should get to work.”

Rosé smirks up at her and she thinks that the ache is threatening to cause an implosion. “Oh, so she’s all work and no play, huh?” She says, grabbing at her hand.

Then they’re face to face and Denali can feel the tug, that back and forth that comes with the competition that is flirting. She laughs a little, tries her best to play it cool. “I have to work hard if I want to play hard, don’t I?”

She walks away with a pair of eyes on her back and an ache that won’t go away.

—

“Are you going to spill all the tea now or what?”

Her eyebrows raise behind the glass of vodka cranberry that she’s holding. Of course, Mik wants to get straight to the gossip. She’d be surprised with any other conversation starter to their Friday night, almost a week since she’d arrived in New York. The bar Mik chose is a little too crowded for her taste, filled with other women who have been eyeing her. She notices but she ignores it in favor of the woman in front of her.

“What happened to ‘how have you been, Denali?’ or ‘how’s New York, Denali?’”

“Okay whatever,” Mik rolls her eyes. “How are you?”

“Tired.” She answers in a heartbeat.

“And would that have anything to do with a certain singer whose name rhymes with… shit, I can’t think of anything.”

She purses her lips together. If she’s honest, working with Rosé is probably the least tiring thing on her agenda. The ice skating in the early evenings as a bid to tire herself to sleep hasn’t been working. All its led to is sleepless nights staring at the ceiling until she sees the first vestiges of day creep through the windows, signaling another turn on the earth’s axis.

In the studio with Rosé, she can at the very least find some peace. The understanding that they are both good at what they do and the comfort of knowing that each day with her is a chance to know her more drives her to get out of bed and into the studio.

“A part of it, yeah.” It’s the tiniest bit of truth and Mik doesn’t look one bit sated by it. “What else am I supposed to tell you?”

“Oh, come on,” It’s that signature Mik whine that finally gets a laugh out of her. “You have to tell me something, anything!”

“You’re an MUA that works with runway models. You know enough famous people as it is.”

“That doesn’t make me any less curious about them.”

She bites her tongue when she hears those words. It’s not like she’s any different. Every morning with Rosé is an established routine with coffee and curiosity on both ends. The existing respect for each other’s craft makes them both wonder about the person underneath.

So, they start to ask questions. How’s New York? Where’d you get the coffee? How’s your morning? What’s the name of that guy on TV who used to host Fear Factor and is a shithead now?

Like clockwork, the questions morph into flirting. It’s standard, innocent, verging on comfortable even. Rosé is always the first to break into a blush, true to her name. At times, Denali thinks that she may have gone too far, but then she sees those eyes again, all amusement and interest. Each interaction is a chance for the ache to spread somewhere new along with the growing assurance that there’s nothing to dislike.

“I don’t know, okay?” She finally lets out. “We work great together and we get along, but it’s not like, ‘ooo, you’re my new bestie’ or anything like that.”

“Hmm,” Mik lets out a him, popping the straw out of her mouth. “That’s interesting.”

“Why is that interesting?”

“Let’s just say my sources tell me she doesn’t get along with everyone.”

Her eyebrows scrunch together at that. Sure, she understands that Rosé isn’t exactly everyone’s glass of wine, especially with the cold seriousness that she handles her music, but she respects that about her.

What’s not to like?

“Well, I don’t think she’s a bitch, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Or maybe you want to be her bitch…”

“Oh, fuck you!” She throws a tissue at Mik’s face as the model cackles in delight. Her phone suddenly chimes, a message from an unknown number popping up on the screen.

?: hey, I got your number from Tamisha

“Who is it?”

Damn her and her expressive features. She keeps quiet, brain going at breakneck speed to think of all the reasons why she’s texting on a Friday night when she probably has at least a hundred different parties to go to and a thousand different women trying to catch her eye.

Denali: really hope this is rose and not the guy standing outside Tamisha’s office who keeps asking me out

“It’s just Rosé.” She watches Mik’s mouth turn into an O-shape and she throws another tissue. “No, no, not what you’re thinking, sweetie.”

At least she doesn’t think so. Harmless flirting is one thing, but getting her number from her manager? They keep stepping closer and closer to the line and she thinks she sees the chalk start to smudge.

?: sorry to disappoint, it’s just rosé

Denali: too bad. what’s up?

“She’s texting you on a fucking Friday night.” Mik sounds absolutely dumbfounded. “Sounds a lot more than professional to me.”

She knows that Mik is right. They don’t even have practice tomorrow, so she can’t justify it as a possible cancellation. She’s about to come out with some boldfaced lie when her phone vibrates on the table.

Rose: just thought you should have my number. ps: my name is not rose

Olivia arrives and she slams her phone right down on the table.

“I’m buying us a round of shots.

—

She hates this. She loves this. Saturday morning is now the distant tip-tap of heels against the floor, click in the brain, a switch to her soul. Wake up, wake up, wake up. This is not home, it’s not her hotel room. It’s just a cold floor where she has some peace.

Then she hears that voice, every note of the song a gentle wave rushing in to carry her away from her body. Her eyes are glued shut, but it doesn’t matter when she’s already left her body behind on the shore. The voice grows louder, closer, and the waves start to grow. Her body is too far away now and she’s not sure if her eyes will ever open again.

Wake the fuck up.

“Denali?”

A poke to the ribs sends her rushing back into her own body. An involuntary groan escapes her lips and she hears a laugh from above her. She scrunches her eyes shut, terrified that any form of light might cost her the ability to see.

“What the hell?”

Her voice sounds like a croak to her ears and she manages to roll over onto her back. With a moment of preparation, she cracks open an eye. She’s greeted by the sight of Rosé kneeling over her barely functioning body, clearly trying her best not to laugh. Again, she groans and Rosé can no longer help herself.

“Why are you here?”

Honestly, she’s not sure about the answer to that one. There are bits and pieces of memories from last night printed on the back of her eyelids, but it’s all too fuzzy for her to try to piece together immediately. She remembers the sound of Olivia’s laughter mingling with Mik’s voice as they watched her throw back a seventh shot. The memory causes pain to start creeping into her head and she makes a promise to herself to never drink again.

There’s the sound of shuffling and when she looks up, Rosé isn’t kneeling above her anymore. She assumes that she’s sick and tired of her hungover ass, a perfectly valid response in her opinion. Then she hears humming beside her and sighs, glad that validity has no place in this situation. She closes her eyes again, losing herself to the light behind her eyes to ease the throbbing at her temples.

“Isn’t it a Saturday?”

“Yes.”

“Why are you here?”

“I asked you first.”

Her hands fly up to her face. Rosé is laughing again and the pain starts to spread throughout every part of her head. If only it would subside, maybe she’d finally have the energy to actually be embarrassed about waking up on the floor of her workplace.

“Went drinking.”

“Ah, and how’s that going for you?” There’s a smile in her voice. Fuck it, she thinks as she jumps straight over the line of professionalism with a flip of her middle finger. Oh well, it’s not as if this whole situation has pretty much created a void where the line should be.

“Your turn.”

Rosé goes quiet. She focuses on the sound of their breathing. Inhale, exhale. The expansion of her sides with every controlled gulp of air. She hears a plane overhead, letting the escape of air follow it far away from city streets.

“Just wanted to get away for a while.”

She turns her head, sees pale pink rose petals sprawled out on the dark floor. In the gentle light of a Saturday morning, her eyes break her promise to herself, drinking in the sight of weary beauty. She thinks she’s just hungover, but she believes she’s never seen anyone quite so pretty before.

“Well,” She looks back up at the ceiling, stark white staring back at her. “Same here.”

—

By 10:00 PM, she’s burying herself in sheets. She’s never been much of a fan of stillness, but she thinks the last week might be changing her mind.

A few hours earlier, she’d replied to Mik and Olivia’s texts, asking her if she was okay. She cursed and reassured them in the same breath. When they’d asked her where she’d ended up, she had said, “passed out on the floor.”

Half a truth is good enough, right?

If she had told them everything, she’d have to tell them that she laid in the studio for half an hour with Rosé’s humming the only thing cutting through the pounding in her head. She would have to tell them that she’d stumbled as she got up, letting warm hands guide her as she learned to stand. She’d have to tell them of the exchange of tender smiles, so different from the tug of war of flirtation that she’s accustomed to.

Her phone lights up. She expects Mik or Olivia, even Kahmora. No, she only sees that name and she giggles to herself like a damn teenager, a quiet admission that she’s allowed something to change.

Rose: pls tell me you didn’t go drinking again

Denali: I actually like having more than one brain cell, thanks

Rose: great, don’t want to have to pick you up off the floor again

Denali: won’t you ever let me live it down rose?

Rose: only if you start spelling my name right

Denali: the accent’s too much of an effort

Rose: then use my real name

Denali: ???

Rose: call me rosie

A smile graces her lips and she shoots off one last message. She places her phone on the nightstand and buries herself in the blankets, drifting into her first good sleep in a long time.

Denali: alright, night rosie

—

Monday morning suddenly frees up when Rosé says she has to move their session to the evening to make room for interviews. She fills up the rest of her morning by replying to emails about skating gigs for when she eventually returns home. She has lunch with Mik and Olivia and when they inevitably begin to pry, she stays mum on what she can only now describe as her complicated friendship with Rosé. She returns to the hotel and lets herself sleep, turning the feeling of being well-rested into a brand-new addiction.

When she arrives at the studio at 7, there’s no one there. While it isn’t like Rosé to be late, she doesn’t text. She assumes that she’s coming from yet another one of many interviews that she kindly referred to as, “shitheads trying to get way too personal.”

She settles for freestyling to loosen up while she waits. When the music starts, she feels herself break. Every moment is grounded in her own brand of ferocity and well, sex. There’s comfort in her own body, in the knowing that it is a temple of worship to herself. A signal from her brain to move, a single fluid motion, all indulgent offerings to the pleasure only she will ever feel. She throws herself into the fire and the sensation of pleasure starts to build.

The door opens, but she doesn’t, can’t stop. She feels like she’s hovering over the floor, on the brink of climax. The song peaks and she almost gasps, dropping to her knees and letting her back hit the floor. She takes a deep breath, relishes the feeling of being alive.

“Sorry.” She’s apologizing, but she’s not sure for what.

“I…” For once, Rosé is at a loss for words. Her quick wit has been thrown out the window and is probably being dragged around under the wheels of a taxi. She laughs breathily as she gets to her feet.

When their eyes meet, the air turns heavy with unspoken words and desire. She tries to look away, but she can’t. Brown gazes meet and for the first time, she permits herself the thought of what it would be like to kiss her. Maybe, just maybe, that wouldn’t be so bad after all.

“Uhm, okay! Let’s get started?” Rosé bursts out and she thinks that she might have won this round.

If the singer seems more distracted than usual, she doesn’t say anything about it.

—

The water in the shower is still cold when she receives a text that evening.

Rosie: no need to meet me for the rest of the week. We need four dancers for the video, auditions on wed

The water suddenly seems warm and for the first time in her life, she thinks she’s finally learning what it’s like to lose.

—

#rpdr fanfiction #rosé #denali foxx #rosnali #lesbian au #choreographer au #snowbun #s13 #im not into sometimes

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thorne93 · 4 years

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Unforeseen Chasm (Part 37)

Prompt: Two sisters fall for men that are absolute enemies. The love they have could tear all of them apart, or it could bring them together.

Word Count:2041

Warnings: Language, fighting, sad moment, angst

Song for this part: Better- Betty Who

Note: This is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written (including my novels). It’s a collaboration with the amazing @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo. It started as a funny “What if…?” and it evolved and got huge. This took two years to write. We are both proud and happy and we hope you enjoy it. It follows from Thor 1 to Endgame in the MCU. Some of the timelines may be off in order to fit certain people, and some characters may show up earlier or in different ways than they have in the movie. But for the most part, it follows the MCU. It also has a bit of crossover with some other Marvel characters throughout the story.

Masterlist for Unforeseen Chasm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As soon as Shannon’s parents left, you and Shannon head to the apartment.

Once you’re there, memory lane hit you like a semi-truck. You took a look around the apartment you two purchased what seems like lifetimes ago. Your eyes traveled over pictures of you two graduating, the first day Shannon took a job with Stark, your first patent in physics… Pictures and paintings you two had bought together, that super comfy blanket you found at the mall… Every little item was a new memory.

“Wow. I forgot just how good we were at decorating,” you said in a sort of amused, awe inspired tone.

“Yeah, with your color palette and my great knack for finding unique items, this place really looked great,” she agreed.

Next, you wanted to see your bedroom. You wondered if it would be exactly as you remembered it.

When you opened the door, you were stunned to find it was. All the brainwashing and time away couldn’t even change that. The black and purple comforter was still on your bed. Your walls were covered with your favorite movie posters and whiteboards. The dresser was covered in papers and pictures of years past.

“I had your bed sheets washed periodically,” Shannon suddenly said from behind you. You turned to face her.

“Ah, yeah, thank you.” You tucked your hair behind your ear and looked around. You went to your closet, surprised at how many bright colors were in there. Now, you mainly opted for black, red, green, and purple. “I don’t even know what to take… Actually…” an idea struck in your mind. “Shannon, you said that I could have this apartment, right?”

“Of course, Y/N. There’s not much else I can do with it. I mean this is our home.” She waved her hands around the place. “I think it’d be more suited if you had it, it’s all paid off so no need to worry about much there.” She smiled knowing her friend would stay close to her even if it wasn’t a floor away.

You chewed your lip, hoping this didn’t sound awful. “Well… instead of me taking stuff back to the cell -- because I’d really like to stay out of it, and making it feel like home feels awful -- what if… well what if you took some of your stuff back to the tower, with Tony? I mean, you’re engaged now, and Loki and I would like a place all to our own. I’m sure he’d want to go get some things… What do you think? I mean, I don’t wanna sound like I’m kicking you and your stuff out…”

“Um… yeah sure I can probably get Stevie to help me pack my things and have it out in a few days,” she said trying not to sound hurt. “Well I guess I leave you to it then, I’ll be in my old room collecting my things.”

Shannon walked out of the room slumping her shoulders a bit. She knew it was childish to feel hurt because she’s not living with her bestie/sister. But it hurt knowing she no longer had a place in their home. She entered her room and was flooded with emotions and memories of when it had been just the two of them here. Shooting a quick text to Steve, she got to work placing her things in her suitcases.

Seeing your best friend this hurt made you feel worse than when you two were physically fighting in New York. You sighed and went into her room and sat on her bed.

“You know… you don’t have to just rip all your stuff out of here,” you said, looking up at her. You took the sweater she had in her hands from her gently. “What if… we did this? Loki and I will share a bedroom, we don’t need the second. You’re welcome to stay here any time, as long as you call ahead? Just to make sure you know… it’s a good time? This was your home for years, and I don’t want you to feel like I’m booting you out.” You reached over and gripped her hand, smiling up at her.

Shannon had been concentrating on packing so she wouldn't let the little tear slip out. She looked up at the ceiling and then at you. “It’s okay, Y/N. I get it, you want a place to create new memories with Loki.” She stopped packing and sat down next to you. “I shouldn’t have assumed everything would be like before everything happened.” She went on to say how she understands that you’re both different people and that’s fine because you two are adults.

The rest of the day was just you two talking and remembering things that were once forgotten and after eating dinner together and watching some movies like old times, Shannon excused herself for a moment. She headed to her room and made a call to the tower.

“Hey babe, I’m still at the apartment with Y/N. I just wanted to let you know that we’ll be home soon and that she’s decided that she would like to live here in the apartment with Loki once he gets out too.”

“You had me worried for a moment. I thought you were going to say that you two will be staying the night there.”

“And what if we had decided that huh? We’re adults plus I figured she wouldn’t want to sleep away from him.” She walked around looking at all the things she had left in her room. “I was wondering if you could have someone come help her redecorate the place to their liking?”

There was silence on the line. “If that’s what you really want then sure we can have that done once he gets out of the cell too.”

“I’ll see you at home soon enough.”

“See you here.”

With that Shannon went back to the living room. And they finished watching the last movie they had picked.

You turned your head to Shannon lazily on the couch as the movie started to end. It was one both of you had seen at least twenty times. “This has been the best possible day for me being released.”

“Yeah?” Shannon asked, happy to hear that.

“Of course. I became your maid of honor, we went wedding dress shopping, we went out to that great lunch spot, I got to see Lucky, and Diane and Tom… You and I got to spend the whole day together…”

“Yeah, yeah it was nice, wasn’t it?”

“Mhm. And I’m sorry about the whole apartment thing,” you apologized again. “It’s just…”

Shannon held up her hand. “I get it. You and Loki have never been alone. This is a place for you to start your lives together. Tony and I have the whole tower, and I have my old floor. If you and I need time away together, we can do it on my old floor.”

“You’re sure?” you asked, still worried you’d hurt her feelings.

“I’m positive, hun.”

At that, you smiled. As soon as the movie ended, the two of you picked up all the food and plates you’d accumulated during the day and cleaned the apartment.

“Well, I better get back to Loki before he thinks I’ve abandoned him.”

She laughed. “No, we wouldn’t want that.”

--------------

Back at the tower, you and Shannon parted ways, bidding each other goodnight while she went upstairs to Tony and you ventured downstairs to Loki.

As soon as your eyes landed on him, your chest filled with warmth, then a bit of chagrin when you remembered where you two were. You walked up to the cell door, put your hand on the scanner, and entered.

“Hi, darling,” you greeted as you walked into the living room. It was odd, to say the least, having the freedom to come or go as you please in this place. “Happy to see me back?”

“I am,” he admitted to you. “How was your day out?” he asked, putting his book down.

“It was… a little overwhelming, but overall it was great.”

“Did they give you any stipulations or anything like that?”

You got up and headed to the kitchen, readying to make some coffee for yourself. “Uh, actually, yeah. I have a parole officer. I have to report to him a few times a week, work with him… you know…” you said, dancing around the topic.

“That sounds stressful.”

“Actually, my parole officer couldn’t be more laid back,” you assured.

“Oh? Is that so? Well that’s good then.”

“He can have a bit of a temper,” you added with a bit of a smirk.

“Well just stay on the right side of that,” he encouraged as he reached around you to grab a mug and pour himself some coffee.

“Yeah, I think I can. We’ll be working in his lab. He wants me for my physics brain so…”

“Oh, he’s a scientist? I thought on Midgard they had officers dedicated to this sort of thing?”

You slowly nodded. “Well.. Yeah, they do. But I’m sort of a special case. A normal cop can’t exactly control me if I get out of hand so--”

“Is your parole officer Bruce Banner?” he asked point blank suddenly, cutting you off.

Shit.

You pressed your lips into a thin line and that was all the answer he needed. A man as clever and witty as Loki would of course see through the thin veil of truth you’d weaved.

“Yes… he is but--”

“Are you serious? They stuck you with that animal?”

“Bruce is not an animal,” you calmly retorted.

“I beg to differ, or do you not remember the broken ribs and mangled face I acquired last time we met?” he demanded.

“I do, but… my love, we kind of… we brought that on ourselves, did we not?”

“I want you to demand someone else,” he ordered. “I don’t want you working with him.”

You stared at him in disbelief. “Loki, I’m not going to do that. Bruce is highly respected in my field and if this goes well, he could really get me back in. A foot in the door doesn’t even begin to explain just how much working with him would fatten my resume. I could work for virtually any company.”

“I don’t care. You would be willing to work with the man who nearly killed me? Your career means more than my life?”

A bitch face clouded your expression. “Now, Loki, that isn’t fair. I’m not choosing one or the other. As long as you don’t piss him off, he won’t do it again.”

“Ah, right, don’t raise his blood pressure or we could all die. It’s amazing to me how I’m the one in a cell when he’s the one that can’t be around loud noises or he could kill hundreds of people because he got shocked.”

“He can’t help turning into a monster but--”

Loki stared at you. “But what, darling? Go ahead and finish that sentence. Let me guess: but I can? Is that where you were going with that?”

You stared at him, your face even. “No,” was all you said to him.

“This is amazing. You’re out of this cell for less than twenty-four hours and you’ve already turned on me.”

“Turned on you? I came back to you. I came back to this cell, which I fucking hate by the way, just to be with you, to spend the night with you.”

“Well who asked you to do that?” he asked with a cold smile. “Please, don’t let me burden you,” he coldly replied before walking into the bedroom and slamming the door behind him.

On that note, you let out a huge sigh. Well, what to do now…

You went into the office and tapped on the tablet, pulling up your only contact and calling it. After three rings she picked up.

“Hey,” you greeted, not hiding your sadness.

“Hey, hun. What’s up?”

“Can I come up?”

“Sure thing… I’ll meet you on my old floor, yeah?”

You nodded and ended the video call. Leaving the cell for the second time today, but no intention of returning in your mind this time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag List: @essie1876 @magpiegirl80 @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @iamwarrenspeace @marvel-imagines-yes-please @superwholocked527 @missinstantgratification @thejemersoninferno @rda1989 @munlis @thefridgeismybestie @bubblyanarocks3 @igiveupicantthinkofausername @kaliforniacoastalteens @feelmyroarrrr @kaeling @friendlyneighbourhoodweirdo @damalseer @heyitscam99 @yknott81 @sorryimacrapwriter @glitterquadricorn @xxqueenofisolationxx @little-dis-kaalista-pythonissama @bittersweetunicorm @alyssaj23 @sea040561 @princess76179 @thisismysecrethappyplace @sarahp879 @malfoysqueen14 @ellallheart @breezy1415 @marvelmayo @random-fluffy-pink-unicorn @cocosierra94 @hardcollectionworldtrash @capsmuscles @marvelloushamilton @paintballkid711

Loki: @lostinspace33 @ultrarebelheart @lenawiinchester @esoltis280 @tngrayson @wangdeasang @harrymewmew @jayfantasyatyourservice

UC: @lokis-high-priestess

@pandacookieowo

#unforeseen chasm #loki x reader #Loki Laufeyson #loki fic #tony stark #tony stark fic #tony stark x ofc #bruce banner #mentions of steve rogers

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just-another-winchester · 6 years

Text

Marry Me

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader (with sort of x Jared)

Word Count: 2,409

Warnings: Talk of suicide, depression, slight immaturity in reader

Summary: Reader is getting ready to marry the man she loves, but his best man may be the real love of her life.

A/N: Nothing much to say, hope ya’ll like this! Love you! Tell me what you think!!!

FEEDBACK IS MY SUSTENANCE!!!!

Credit to @amanda-teaches for all her help. And @katymacsupernatural for helping convince me this wasn’t a bad idea.

It was never what you would have expected, being engaged to such a wonderful man like this, your wedding fast approaching and your heart beating even faster.

This wasn’t exactly what you’d envisioned for your life, you really just figured you would be a crazy cat lady or something. It just seemed easier than opening your heart to someone when it could potentially be broken so easily.

You had always been more of a loner, preferred it to crowds. If you trusted someone, got close to someone, you could get hurt, and you refused to allow that. You tried to play the role of strong young lady with a feisty spirit.

But inside you’d been dying, your heart wasn’t the kind that could take much pain, though you suppose no one had that magic ability of not really being bothered by things. Most people were either not human, or hid it much better.

Yet here you were, your heart had been opened to this man more than a year ago, and you’d not been betrayed or disappointed like you had learned to expect from life. On the contrary, you were going to be married next week, you could see your life coming together in front of you.

Now you thought of moving into a house, having kids, finally doing something important with your life.

Sure being in the public eye was never ideal, but you could use it to your advantage. You had gained millions of followers over a couple days just for knowing Jensen Ackles, but your marriage engagement to Jared had changed things for you forever.

You’d known Jensen since you were a kid, he’d been your closest friend, like a brother.

For a while you bobbed in and out of friendship, while you were in high school studying how to say ‘good day’ in french and taking calculus Jensen was out doing things with his life already.

You’d gone through moments where you had been furious at him for leaving, believing he was a bad friend, but you always knew how wrong that way, in truth he was the best friend you could ever hope for, he had his own life to live, and you had always been the one to encourage him to live it.

After high school you went on to college, Jensen’s career took off, and you couldn’t have been more proud of him, but aside from phone calls and the occasional text message, he was out of your life. You’d told him you didn’t want to be involved in that, any of it. You knew he’d be big, he was what you’d call a heartthrob.

You never liked the idea of being well known, you liked the darkness, it was easier to hide away and not be known. If you made a mistake, it was barely noticed, but if Jensen did something, it would last forever.

You didn’t want to be part of that life, where strangers knew your name and you could have people hate you just for knowing or caring about someone the way they wanted to care about someone. You’d seen crazy fans throw fits about their favorite celeb being besties with someone that wasn’t them, or someone they didn’t deem worthy.

As much as it hurt, Jensen understood, and for a while, you two went your separate ways. Jensen did more jobs, got more popular, a couple teen magazines and boom, your best friend was the big deal you knew he would be, and you were left in the darkness, just like you’d wanted.

It wasn’t until a year or so after college that you two met up again. You’d been in a bad place, college was harder than you expected, you were studious, but you had to work night and day just to get a C, you wanted to do better than that, but you never did. School, it was just harder for you.

You’d spent so long calling yourself stupid and an idiot. You had barely graduated, even with tutoring and special help, you didn’t see school turning out like that.

Long story short, you got real low, and you tried to kill yourself. Obviously it didn’t work out that way and your family called the only person they knew who could lift your spirits. Jensen flew out in the middle of shooting an episode of his show, even though you’d gone separate ways, you both still cared about each other, and you never would have admitted it, but he was still your best friend.

Jensen travelled back and forth for a while, he called you every day, you woke every morning to a random text message, a quote from the episode he was in the middle of shooting, a smiley face, or just three words that reminded you there was a reason to live.

Finally Jensen had the brilliant idea getting you a job on the show, and just dragging you around to stay with him.

You did love to travel, and so without hesitation you agreed.

It didn’t take long to prepare. Jensen explained most of it, and although it all confused you, you didn’t care. You weren’t thinking about the other workers, the rest of the cast. You would finally be with your best friend again. You probably wouldn’t even remotely be noticed either, you were sure of it.

Before you knew it you were in your new job. You were a cameraman. Well, camerawoman technically. The job was enjoyable, and the people you worked with were amazing, but Jared.

Jared was like Jensen’s guy version of you. It was incredible, you both hit it off immediately, you got along so well, and it didn’t take long for him to ask you out.

You weren’t exactly the best when it came to relationships, as Jensen could attest to. You just hated opening yourself up to someone, it scared the hell out of you, but he was sweet, and you liked him. So you said yes.

Long story short, it worked out, and now here you were, sitting in a diner with Jensen eating lunch like you do every Saturday.

“No, I saw you first, you should be my maid of honor, I really believe you would look stunning in lavender.” You said to him,

“I’m not wearing a dress.” Was his only response.

“Who said anything about a dress? I was just thinking color. It could be like a leisure suit situation or something.” You suggested, Jensen nearly choking as he took a sip of his drink.

You smirked at him, trying not to laugh.

“I think I’ll stick to a regular black suit, as Jared’s best man.” He said to you, earning a pout

“C’mon! That’s not fair, Jared has other friends, and family. I don’t have anyone other than you.”

“You have plenty of people, just ask someone on set.” Jensen suggested

“This is supposed to be a very important thing, I can’t just ask some random coworker to be my maid of honor.” You argued

“Well unless they change is to manservant or butler of honor, I can’t help you.”

You groaned at the man and ran your fingers through your hair.

“I’m friendless, you know I typically don’t get along with females.” You said to Jensen

“I know you always start a cat fight because you have serious temper management issues.”

“I do not,” You argued

“You do too.” He stated

“I do not!”

“You do t-”

“I don’t like you!” You huffed,

“I’m not surprised, you rarely like being argued with.” Jensen took another sip of his drink as you grumbled under your breath how mean he was being to you.

“Jay I’m serious! I just… c’mon I don’t have any girlfriends. Other women just annoy me.” You huffed

Jensen softened and gave you a sad look,

“That’s because you have a thing against allowing people to care about you.” He stated

“Did you miss the fact that I’m getting married to someone I’ve barely known a year?” You questioned

“No, did you miss the fact this is someone I had to promise you every night was a good guy who you could trust? When you first met him you were like a scared little kid, you hid behind me like he was the scariest monster ever.” Jensen pointed out

“Okay, it’s not my fault I was intimidated, he’s a large man, and so are you so it’s easy to hide behind you.”

“How about your old college roommate? Uh,.. Tabitha?” Jensen suggested

“What, the girl who stole my car? No thank you.” You muttered

“You got it back,” He pointed out

“Yeah, and it came with the free scent of her spilled perfume and questionable stains on my back seat.” You said

“She was acquitted of those murder charges.” Jensen joked

“Not funny Jensen.”

Jensen put his hands up in surrender, “I’m sorry, look I know you have other friends, you’re just too afraid to admit that they’re friends. What about Gen? Or Sarah? Or half the crew?”

“I haven’t seen Gen in more than a year, and Sarah, I don’t think she’s be interested.” You sighed, “Maybe we should just go to the courthouse and not worry about a wedding.”

“Just because you can’t find a maid of honor?” Jensen asked “Months of planning and you wanna call it off for that?” He gave you a skeptical look as you sighed softly, shaking your head.

“I was kidding, I’m not that childish.” you said to him “Even though I’m surrounded by you strangely loving idiots I still feel so lonely sometimes. I mean, I hate doing girly stuff and yet I find myself wanting to go shopping, get my nails done. Girl stuff.”

“You realize there are plenty of girls that you know that would love to do that with you. Hell I bet Jared would do girl stuff with you, he has the hair for it.” Jensen chuckled

You just rolled your eyes at him as you finished your drink, your food all gone, plate practically licked clean.

“Can we just go now please? I kinda just wanna take a shower and go to bed.” You said softly,

“No.” Jensen stated.

You had no idea how much you really meant to Jensen, he had seen you like this before, just tired, always in a slump, never really wanting to be out yet always wanting to be out. It used to confuse the hell outta him, but he came to understand it.

“What do you mean no?” You demanded

“I mean no, if I take you home you’ll take a shower and go straight to bed. It’s One in the afternoon Y/N, you already slept in. I know how you are when you get like this, I am not giving you a chance to get back in that slump.” Jensen stated

“Maybe I’m just tired.” You argued as he stood up, you following him

“Yeah, and you’re tired because you’re depressed. Are you taking your medicine?”

You licked your lips as you followed him out the door, not answering his question and looking away from him.

“Y/N!” Jensen sighed, knowing what the silence meant, “You’re supposed to take that medicine for a reason. It’s supposed to help you, you need to take it.”

“All that stuff does is make me sad, I can’t get real low but I can’t feel really happy either, I hate that.” You muttered

“It’s a hell of a lot better than getting real low don’t you think!?” the large man said as he climbed into the driver’s seat of the car.

“No I don’t! I hate just feeling… mediocre. It’s a miserable feeling, I wanna at least have the possibility of being happy and having a great day. Like yesterday, that picnic, I never would have had such a good time if I’d been on that damn medicine.”

“That’s not true,” Jensen argued

“Actually it is true, don’t pretend to know Jensen, you have no idea what this feels like, how terrible it is to feel the way I feel half the time!” You said to him

“I don’t need to know! I’ve seen the result in both of my best friends. I’ve seen the lowest on you and I will not let that happen again.”

Jensen’s voice was low, he was clearly holding back emotion and trying to remain calm. Jensen had been so affected by what happened when you tried to kill yourself, you had no idea how much it really tore him apart.

He felt responsible for everything. He’d claimed to be your best friend, to love and care about you, but all he did was abandon you, and leave you to go through life alone. He knew what a hard time you had opening yourself to people, he knew why he was your only friend.

He remembered when your parents called him, when they told him you had tried to commit suicide. He’d spent months hating himself for it, blaming himself. That was a little less than three years ago now, and he still couldn’t forgive himself for leaving you alone.

How you looked when he’d gotten to that hospital room, you were so small, and so frail. It broke his heart. Even though he hadn’t spoken to you in a while, not a day went by that he didn’t think about you.

He felt like he’d failed you, and even still, you’d opened your eyes and smiled at him. You had just tried to take your own life, and the man who let you down walked into the room and it made you smile.

He didn’t understand it, especially when you immediately started crying after, but all he could do was try and be gentle as he held onto you, hugging you for dear life.

That whole ordeal was past you both now, but he still remembered it, and it broke his heart every time.

He did everything he could to take care of you, he tried to make sure you took care of yourself, took your meds, ate and all that typical stuff that kept you sane and alive. You still had bad days, everyone does, but for the most part you were okay.

Jensen, however, was not. You were better, and that made him happy, but you were also about to marry his best friend,

When he was in love with you.

MY TAG LIST IS WIDE OPEN!!!

Dream Team

@spn67-sister @queen-of-deans-booty @ria132love @winchestergeekfreak @maui137 @katymacsupernatural @jayneysimp @emoryhemsworth @just-another-busy-fangirl @bunniesowlsandwhales @jensensjaredsandmishaslover @mogaruke @kristendanwayne @cassieraider @squirrel-moose-winchester @hms-fangirl @heyitscam99 @crazyspn67

Dean Team

@akshi8278 @polina-93 @aubreystilinski @-lovepeacenhope- @waywardbaby @missjenniferb @whimsicalrobots

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thesocialfables · 4 years

Photo

Outside of Heaven's Hideaway, Echo stared up at the large neon marquee from behind the wheel of her Lamborghini Urus. For a quick moment, she smiled, thinking about the owner of the club and his inconsistencies. He couldn't afford to fix the ceiling in the locker rooms, but he managed to get a big ass LCD screen to show pictures of the girls you'd find inside the janky strip club.

Before covering her puffy eyes with a pair of shades and grabbing her bags, Echo looked over her Snapchat once more. Rolling her eyes at Lola's basic floor work, she managed to catch herself on the obnoxious marquee once again. Which wasn't hard considering she was in the slideshow more than any other girl. With a quick and nasty dismissive thought towards the couple living rent-free in her head, Echo pulled out her keys and packed them away with her phone before she headed inside the club. She chose to go through the front because she wanted to avoid everybody until she made her money for the night.

After being buzzed in to travel towards the locker rooms from the club’s lobby, Echo's heart warmed up a little, hearing those waiting to get in question if that was her or not. Then she heard Venus’s voice, as they passed each other in the small hall, say, "You really think you run shit, huh?" Venus stopped walked, so she could continue to speak to Echo, but behind her oversized Chanel frames, she just kept walking. To the woman’s back, Venus continued her conversation, "Well, since September covered you, you covering her next dance. You go on in fifteen."

"I don’t cover for nobody. I go on at 2." Echo replied back as she reached down into her Dior backpack to pull out the key to her private dressing room. As she slid the key into the lock, she paused for a moment, pressing her ear against the door. On the other side, she could hear a low voice and a quiet shuffling. "Oh, hell nah, " she thought to herself, pushing the door open and yelling, "Bitch, you got a lot of fucking nerves!"

Her suspicions of someone being inside her room were confirmed. However, it was only Echo's best friend, and another stripper at the club, Rhapsody. The girl had her feet kicked up as she carried on a conversation with herself. Echo’s voice had startled her so, the popcorn she was was snacking on flew around the room before she jumped up and quickly pulled the girl inside, closing the door behind them. "Girl, Lonzo been looking for you. I came in here hoping he'd think it was you."

Echo sighed in relief. As a veteran at Heaven’s, and the club's featured dancer, she did run shit. She started dancing when she was 19 and has been going hard for Alonzo and his Hideaway for the last ten years. From the moment you walked inside the club, you saw Echo. Every newcomer would ask if the girl in the pictures really worked here, and they never left disappointed after she emptied their pockets in the private rooms.

"And why you got on them big ass shades?" The two met here at Heaven's. Echo hated when other girls would say they loved Rhap 'for her confidence', not that it wasn't true. Rhapsody was good at her job because she kept her clients smiling. Even if it was just because she said something funny instead of giving them a lap dance. Echo hated it because it was usually their light skin, skinny waist, pretty bitch bias showing. But she was the mean girl.

Checking to make sure the door was locked behind her, Echo removed her shades for her bestie to see what she was hiding. Seeing the girl’s puffy-eyes and running mascara, Rhapsody immediately pulled Echo's 5'2" frame into her chocolate bosom. "FUCK FARGO!" She yelled loudly. As Echo attempted to pull away from her best friend's twins, she sympathized with victims of drowning. From in between Rhapsody's exposed tits, Echo chuckled a little before her tears began to fall once more. Feeling her tears roll freely down her stomach, Rhapsody knew Echo would rather be alone. Freeing her from their embrace, she watched the girl move away and begin to unpack her things for what was left of the night.

"I don't even understand why I keep crying. Or I why I even started," Echo spoke open handedly. Knowing her friend was listening to her oncoming ramble, even as she started to clean up the popcorn she wasn’t supposed to have in Echo’s dressing room. "Me and him never even fucked. I just- I thought it was going to be more.” Leaning against the marble vanity of her wall-sized mirror, Echo avoided Rhapsody’s gentle gaze as she admitted, “I didn't cry when my Momma died.” As the words cleared her lips, Echo turned back towards the girl. Fighting back her tears, she continued to speak. “But- I don't know if it’s because I'm jealous, or if I'm sad, or if I'm just angry. I just- I can't stop fucking crying." Reaching out to fall back into her friend's embrace, Rhapsody covered her boobs with a nearby t-shirt and hugged her back tightly. She knew Echo’s tears had nothing to do with Fargo, or his new private dancer - Lola.

To survive in this life for ten years was a testimony. So many girls picked up this art form for the quick cash, only to end up ruined by it. Echo knew the only thing that kept her from experiencing the casualties of stripping was her praying mother. Before she passed, her mother wanted nothing more but for her to stop dancing. Yet, in the beginning, they needed the money. They had been struggling all of Echo's young life, so she accepted her daughter’s job as they finally made it out of the projects. In her last moments, as all her friends questioned what her little Dominique was up to now, she proudly bragged about how Echo changed their lives.

Maybe that's why she was crying because she never asked for Fargo's help or sympathy. When she naturally refused and tried to push him away, he would tell her he wasn't offering because he thought she needed him. It was because he really wanted to be there for her. Either way, that was then, and this was now. She had obviously taken his words too literal, as he had now replaced her with Lola.

"Hey," Rhapsody comforted her friend, as she rubbed her hands across Echo's back. "Fuck Fargo. Fuck that bitch, fuck them niggas with him, fuck Alonzo punk ass. Fuck everybody. Besides me...I mean, unless, you wanna fuck me."

In a healing fit of laughter, thanks to the one person she knew she could always count on, Echo wiped away her tears and prepared to get on stage. She really didn't want to just to prove her point. But since Rhapsody had been acting like she had been inside the room all night, Alonzo would soon enough be using the only other copy to the room to come check on her.

Dressed in Savage x Fenty lingerie, with a matching garter and over-the-knee Balenciaga boots, the two women parted the hall like Moses as they headed towards the main stage. “Oh yeah, I think blondie and her boyfriend may have broken up." Rhapsody informed Echo as an explanation to the more than the usual stares the two would get from the other dancers.

"I saw Buddy putting him out earlier. And you better give him his key back too."

"This Buddy key? I thought he took it from Alonzo. Hold up, how the fuck Buddy got a key, and I don’t?" Echo just chuckled as she approached Venus behind the main stage. She intended to apologize to the woman for her attitude earlier, that was until TK announced Lola was coming to the stage. Over the uproar of applause, whistles, and other vulgar obscenities, Venus passed Echo a defeated look that said, "Don't shoot the messenger."

Echo's response was just as expressive. Smirking a little before softly touching Venus's shoulder. Using it as leverage, to follow right behind Lola, and go out on stage. From behind the stage, Rhapsody and Venus stood still. Predictably, the crowd of horny drunks became wild, as TK attempted to narrate the scene and call for help all at the same time. Two girls had never been on the stage at the same time, let alone two girls who were both crowd favorites.

"You about to lose yo job." Rhapsody teased as Venus looked on in suspense. The money was pouring in, but who was to say who it was for as a club full of grown as men turned into starstruck teenage girls. Pushing and pulling on each other to get close enough to the stage for one of the two beauties to at least look in their direction. Soon enough, violence ensued as the men turned aggressive and territorial - but all Echo cared about was the money that was flying through the sky to land at her feet.

"She about to lose her job," Venus said, really unsure of what would happen. "I liked her too." But she knew after being so close to Alonzo, and Fargo, Echo wasn't going anywhere. She could set fire to this place, and she'd still be the only dancer to ever receive a paycheck and full benefits.

"What is Echo doing? Get her off the stage now." Alonzo ordered. After working inside the Hideaway for so long, Venus and Rhapsody no longer questioned where the hell he came from. Yet, they stood still in shock of him choosing to reprimand Echo for her behavior – for the first time in ten years. Climbing onto the stage to pull Echo off himself, TK continued to provide commentary in hopes of not starting a riot. "What the fuck, Dominique! How we suppose to control these niggas if you giving them a reason to act up?"

"Me?" Echo responded, shocked. "Venus told me it was my time on stage, not hers! Pull her off!"

"Pull her- she been here all night! Working. How about you?" Echo remained silent. Her, Alonzo, and Buddy may have felt like a family after all these years, but they weren't. This was her job, and she was probably about to lose it. "I'm sorry about your Moms, really. I told you to take the time you needed. And you still can. But if you here, you follow the rules. Show up on time and don't give these drunk ass niggas no reason to-" Start shooting was what he was going to say, but the gunshots from the front of the club finished his sentence for him.

While Rhapsody took off towards the dressing rooms, Alonzo pulled Venus close to him, getting her to safety before she began to freak out. All the while, Echo climbed back on the stage and began to sweep the money into a large pile. She watched Lola, as she crawled away from the stage full of cash, shaking her head and telling her mother's voice in her head, "Oh shut up, I earned this."

"That shit more important than your life?" She ignored the voice and continued to grab all the cash for herself. "So, you can't hear me now?" Echo knew Buddy, and the security guards had whoever fired the shots by now, or at least they were long gone. Either way, Alonzo wasn’t closing the club for nothing short of a murder investigation. With this much money left behind, the only thing she was risking was giving a broke motherfucker the chance to pick it up and throw it back at the next bitch to come to the stage.

"I know this ain't about my party?" Her head finally snapped in Fargo's direction as he sat seated right next to the main stage, as a man of the streets, gunshots only fazed him if they were flying in his direction. Echo had noticed him sitting there after she bum-rushed the stage, but she wasn’t surprised, TK had just called Lola's name. Once Echo's mom passed, he was there for the girl – as a friend. He thought about asking Echo to come through last night, not afraid to admit he had become addicted to watching the way Echo’s body moved for him. Nonetheless, he chose to invite Lola instead. And unlike when Echo came to dance for him and his rowdy boys, his dick even thanked him for the switch up. "You so emotional."

"No, I'm not. It's called loyalty. Maybe you should try it." As she spoke, Echo never once broke eye contact with Fargo. Even as she began to drop armfuls of money into her custom gym bag Buddy had fetched from behind the stage for her. All without even checking to see if he was actually there. Once the stage was empty, Fargo stood from his seat and stretched out his hand for Echo to step off the stage and talk to him like a rational adult. However, she used Buddy's instead and stood toe-to-toe with the man. A lot of niggas feared Fargo, even Alonzo, but Echo saw right through him.

"Everyone always talmbout loyalty, and don't even understand what it means."

"I know what it means."

"No, you know the definition." Fargo could see right through her as well. It was no doubt that Echo's face pulled him inside Heaven’s Hideaway one night, but she wasn't the only reason why he kept coming back. He often threw private events of his own and in the past, he'd ask Echo to come through and dance for him. "Your loyalty is to an object. Not a person."

"So I don't deserve yours? Is that what you saying?"

"I'm saying, you emotional."

"Did you fuck her?" She asked, fighting back her tears. She could really care less about what happened between him and Lola. She just needed someone to take accountability for her sorrow, because AIDS sure the fuck wasn't going to feel sorry for her loss.

Starting into Dominique's soul, Fargo remained suave. He knew what it was between the two of them. Outside of the strip club, they had grown close. She was more than just Echo to him, and he saw no point to kick her while she was down. Her mother had only been gone from her now for two weeks now. "Is my answer gone change your loyalty?"

"No, but you better not lie to me."

Fargo smiled a little before he reached down in his pocket and pulled out a knot of fresh ones. He dropped the stack in the bag Buddy held from his position in the friend zone. With the thought couldn’t be me, Fargo whispered in Echo’s ear, "Yes,” and gave her a quick kiss to her cheek. He finished up by saying, “See you around then, I guess." Before slipping away towards the private rooms - with Lola right on his heels.

#flash fiction #short story #writing prompt #urban fiction #street lit #black authors #black writers #black creators #fictional universe #the mason universe #a social fable #way too high #WTH\LLS

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nothingneverforever · 4 years

Text

Never Have I Ever (2020)

Hey, I think this is my first TV series ‘review’ ever! Well I did do a basically empty post on Unforgotten (season 1) back in Feb 2017, promising to write properly my full feelings down, but that was something I never got back to. It’s still one of the best TV shows ever in the whole world, so hopefully I have time for it some day.

Anyway, meanwhile Never Have I Ever (NHIE), is… absolutely not good. At all….

I’d decided to watch it after seeing Mindy Kaling’s Late Night (2019), which was surprisingly enjoyable and moving even, and not just because Emma Thomson is one of my favourite celebrities in this world. It was a fun movie, and it felt different (from other similar films) ! I say it was surprising because I guess due to misogyny or something, I never thought I had reason to take Mindy Kaling seriously. And I am so sorry for it! There were parts of the script (Late Night) that worked out so, so well.

Back to NHIE! First, here are some synopses I’ve found online of the series:

- The complicated life of a modern-day first generation Indian American teenage girl, inspired by Mindy Kaling's own childhood.

- After a traumatic year, an Indian-American teen just wants to spruce up her social status - but friends, family and feelings won't make it easy on her

- Episode 1: After recent trauma, Devi starts her first day as a high school sophomore determined to shake off old labels and finally become cool.

So I guess my first complaint about NHIE is a bone I could pick with just about any American production from the last, idk, 8 years. You know how when (for whatever reason) every single character is ‘awkward’ or ‘weird’ or sooo idiosyncratic in general, they just end up all being… almost exactly the same? Where all the over-used tropes, every character’s too-loud too-colourful unique defining traits just end up reading the same way, to me at least.

Need all characters be so strong, really? Strong as in, overly sapid, full-bodied, clearly defined, distinct in a way that actually isn’t unique at all… I mean I’m not asking for more Jack Maliks (from Yesterday, as reviewed here by me) cos fuk dat guy omfg hate him and his dull ass lol but … do you know what I mean? When every character has traits that are so instantly recognizable, so clear to the plain eye without need for any nuanced observation or interpretation that you can almost like .. see the literal line of text in Courier font for the character description in the screenplay flashing before your eyes? Like of course as viewers we do want to feel like we have some grasp of the characters we’re investing in and relating to but I think if traits and personalities and mannerisms are so simplistic (even if they are diverse) that the characters themselves can ve perfectly summed up in a nutshell then that’s not a good thing at all.. I don’t know, it just seems a very American thing that I’m tired of, where there’s just a complete dearth of authenticity and complexity. Because no one in real life is ever sooooo distinctly themselves 100% of the time you know? Sure, I haven’t seen something specifically catered for teens in a while so maybe it’s just genre-specific thing but I do think there was so much more room for more realistic characters here.

Okay but still, 90% of all comments I have trawled through (facebook, Instagram, youtube) seem to be from American teens, talking about how relatable the show is so I guess high school teachers really be out there acting like caricatures of their TV trope selves and friends are all awkward af among each other and quirky at home and quirky on the streets walking home and quirky in the corridors of their school and exaggerate every reaction in every ordinary situation. But here’s the thing, I don’t think people are actually this way. I think many of them pretend that they are, act like they are. I think here lies the danger: where the more media we have portraying this kind of intensely saturated characters and personalities, the more young people will think that to be ‘themselves’, they have to raise the decibels of each and every trait of their own… I dunno if you understand me? I think it’s an insidious feedback cycle not dissimilar to the manic pixie dreamgirl effect, not in how women’s quirkiness serves to bring out dormant sides of men but just in how people (especially girls because due to society-enforced insecurities are more susceptible to taking influence from popular role models) have to BE SO *INSERT ANY ADJECTIVE HERE* … I don’t know… it’s just inauthentic and tiring. So NHIE is okay, as long as it is makes clear that it’s caricaturizing different examples of how some people may act in different circumstances… but it doesn’t do this. Aiyah I know I’m making a huge deal out of what some people will obviously just take as entertainment and gags for laughs etc but… it’s annoying to me…

Okay

So I’m not sure if you got this from the synopses I’d copied above, so, again: NHIE revolves around a nice girl, Devi (15), who lost her father (heart attack, in the middle of the school hall where he was watching Devi perform at her school orchestra concert) last year and is now starting a new year of school, coping with the incident by stifling every single traumatic memory. Also there are some random throwaways here and there about her having literally become physically disabled for 3 months after her father’s death where Devi lost the ability to use her legs (psychosomatic reaction to her loss) but it’s only ever joked at in insignificant ways so I guess… we shall never know that side of her grief? But all this (grieving over dead father, impersonal relationship with stern mother etc) is mere backdrop, joining other backdrop themes like being a shitty friend from start to end in unbelievably shitty ways etc – the main ‘plot’ instead is made up of Devi’s desperate quest to have sex with Paxton, a 16 year-old ‘hottie’ from school who she likes, erm, because, hot.

Yea that’s it��… that’s the critique. She’s a 15 year old girl whose everyday actions (for the most part) are calculated to lead up to her deflowering by her crush. Not to be a prude but… is this an okay storyline? Like are 15 year-olds legally allowed to have sex? Lol… Am I under any misconception about what teens all over the world get up to? No. Do I think that the law plays any useful role in preventing young girls and boys from sexualizing themselves and wasting their time on sexual pursuits when they can and should be developing literally any other interest and skill? No. Am I still unhappy that this was the main motivating factor for Devi to get up and out of her home each day, unhappy that for this reason (her goal of sleeping with Paxton), unhappy that because of this she morphed into the worst, most unreliable and unrelatable friend ever to her besties who needed her badly??? Yes!

Look, I’ve covered relevant topics in my 4 years of social work education to understand Devi’s actions as unhealthy, maladaptive coping behaviours – we see Devi exhibit behaviours / thoughts etc evocative of basically all 4 stages of the Kubler-Ross grief cycle, besides the final stage of acceptance: denial, anger, bargaining, depression. If we look at Virginia Satir’s coping stances instead, (different types of behaviours people exhibit when under stress), Devi again displays all 4 stances: super reasonable (i.e. over-rationalizing something so as to avoid confronting/acknowledging the emotional truth), irrelevant (distracting, changing the topic, inappropriate jokes), placating (self-explanatory) and blaming (again, obvious). So basically, Devi does, says and feels anything and everything besides maturely coping with the loss of her father. Is this realistic? Yes! Does everyone work within their own timelines before finally coming to that final Kubler-Ross stage of acceptance? Absolutely! And I am not at all rushing Devi to act ‘normal’ or to display healthier coping mechanisms. I just wish the grief was handled so so so much better by Mindy Kaling and whoever else was involved in developing this story - this story that is honestly full of promise. In other words, how Devi fails to handle her grief could have been written so much better, so much deeper instead of her failings itself being the central form of entertainment for much of the 10 episodes.

Anyway, also, besides it being morally not okay for a 15 year-old’s thirst for sex to be an accepted plot point (accepted on- and off-screen I mean), the actors playing Devi and Paxton are 10 years apart in age. Devi (reminder: age 15 on-screen) is played by a lovely actress who is currently 18, and Paxton is played by someone who is currently 29. So like….. she would likely have been 17 at the time of shooting? That’s just not okay and I don’t think I need say more lol. Shit like this, miscasting your key heartthrob, is just so… cheapo and so late 90s/early 2000s you know where the actors are so so clearly adults playing high schoolers, it’s just… cheapo af and absolutely inexcusable now.

Okay, everything up to this point in my ‘review’ has just been small here-and-there thoughts I had while watching it, and I’ve dedicated fluffy paragraph after paragraph on them so as to delay speaking about my main issue with the series: how the central trauma is dealt with... insomuch as it isn’t, at all.

And I’m not just saying this as someone who’s fresh off having just re-watched A Single Man, because they are obviously intended as very different works and intentionally made of (made with?) very different calibers but there are, surely, much much better ways to handle grief than what we are given with NHIE where Devi tries her darnest to have sex with her dreamboat bae. Okay so early in the series (second episode), Devi actually does get with Paxton in his garage after propositioning him (by ambushing him outside school after he finished swim practice or something), but when he takes off her shirt she’s like ok nvm I cant have sex now bye. So yea, it doesn’t happen. But it continues to be her main source of distraction from her grief, so it does remain a central plot point. Anyway the therapist character in NHIE is a joke, full of age-old TV-therapist lines like “So how do you feel about that?” etc, other platitudes and hollow-isms. She does try to tell Devi that it is not in her interest to be putting her sense of self worth on being “bangable” (I do believe this was the exact word used, cant be bothered to find the exact minute in the speicifc episode but yea trust that Devi and her therapist are candid with speaking about her plans for deflowering and Devi is never willing to talk about anything else but), but … I don’t know, Devi’s schtick gets tiresome, not because I’m neuronormative and want to see more normal behavior from the dear girl or because I’m annoyed with how badly she’s handling her grief, but more because of how badly they (writers, producers whoever etc) are handling it.

Like, up till the very end, we see her irrelevant stances or proof of her denial as fodder for lame jokes and utterly cliché dialogue, in what should be a genuine and ‘real’ scene. It’s annoying!! See below for screencaps from slightly over halfway through the FINAL episode of the series - in other words, way, way too late for a joke to be made out of how Devi resorts to the same poor coping mechanisms in distracting from her grief. I’ve screenshotted only parts of the convo, leaving out the parts where this serious convo turns into a joke about Eleanor, that itself pretends to be deep and serious but it isn’t at all...?

Devi’s friends confront her about the most serious thing in the entire series (her needing to go down to her beach to meet her mom to scatter her dad’s ashes, something she hitherto has rejected as she is unable to face this final step in accepting his death but masks with more irrelevant excuses), and she’s still coping poorly by ‘deflecting’, as her friend rightly says. I don’t know about you, but this was not a scene I needed jokes in at all.

But then, like… suddenly…. Immediately after this she starts crying and everything is good for the first time and there is acceptance within her and some semblances of healing of the fractures in her relationship with her mom etc… I dunno, it’s just not cathartic at all, because Devi hasn’t been given enough of a journey at all. The 0 to 100 thing doesn’t work here because it’s not satisfying (for us) or realistic (for Devi) at all.

Re: the grief, I dunno, if we look at another, equally popular Netflix production, The Haunting of Hill House comes to mind. Yes, obviously not at all a meaningful or fair comparison to make but again, if it’s about a family dealing with grief and loss, why can’t we expect that NHIE carry the same gravitas? In Hill House, we see our characters fumble and lash out and ‘pop off’ (a term used in NHIE which I found strangely out of place) at one another, often, but never are manifestations of their grief, never are clear mishandlings of their grief on display for our entertainment in the form of laughs or ‘cringe’ purposes. It’s just...not everything has to be funny you know? Even if it’s a teen show. I think there are ways, subtle ways, expert ways for something to be serious without at all needing to be heavy.

Again, like my gripe with the childish and/or cheap caricatures of human personalities which would be okay if this series was clearly presented as light entertainment to fill gaps in one’s day, not handling the trauma and grief could (perhaps) be overlooked if it didn’t pretend that it would in fact handle it. But everyone’s discussing the show as if it genuinely was an incredible take on dealing with loss and trauma, as if it’s contributed significantly to understandings of how a young, beautiful lovely ‘normal’ schoolgirl can live and learn through extreme trauma… BUT THE SHOW DOESN’T DO THIS LIKE IT LITERALLY DOESN’T AT ALL I FUCKING SWEAR…. Please watch all 10 episodes and show me even just ONE minute where we come full circle from anything, where Devi grows through her pain and where her journey is developed over more than just literally the last 7 minutes of screentime in the very last episode of the entire series. And I’m also seeing soooooo many comments from people who have enjoyed the series mention how fun and lighthearted it was, how comfortable they are to categorize the series as comedy and how great a time they had binge-watching it. But… it’s not funny? Like it’s really not lol… Devi is dealing with a most painful, urgent grief, having lost her father tragically a year before (and having to see him go before her very eyes). Her denial, her various-aforementioned-unhealthy-coping-mechanisms-and-maladaptive-behaviours made for painful watching for me. It shouldn’t be funny for us to see her abandon her friends when they most needed her; it shouldn’t be fun to see her lash out at her mom and dream of Paxton shirtless, these shouldn’t be comedic externalities of her situation at all. Does this mean I want an utterly dour, extremely humourless NHIE instead? Not at all! I just wish scenes / examples of her mishandling her grief were not the same ones that are supposed to make us laugh and think that everything is light and fun. Like, we can have other funny scenes featuring Devi instead you know? Things that aren’t actually incredibly harmful to her psyche.

ANYWAY

Some positives, cos I did enjoy this stupid series lollll and I did cry and I did laugh and I did look forward to watching it every evening while I exercised, okie? :)

There is one honestly genius thing that I like, where the genius lies in its utter randomness. The series (save for one episode which I will not talk about cos I don’t really give a shit about Andy Samberg and whoever his inclusion was pandering to) was narrated by John McEnroe, who, er, apparently is a well-known American tennis player. The only tennis player I know is Andre Agassi because for some reason in 2016 I borrowed from the library and read cover-to-cover his autobiography omg actually why on earth did I even do that lol I must have read somewhere that it was good perhaps? Anyway it is still recognized as one of the most ‘interesting’ or iconic sports autobiographies of all time so. But yea John McEnroe who?? He (John) is mentioned here and there as having been Devi’s late father’s favourite tennis player – which still does nothing to explain how and why he is narrating the whole series, which is great! I do enjoy the no-attempt-made to connect the fact of his narration to anything in the plot. But it’s not done in an annoyingly absurdist way either, you know? It just it what it is. I mean I guess if I’d written the screenplay which was in part autobiographical, I’d too love to have LeBron James or Megan Rapinoe narrating it, just because!

Ultimately, I think we must all acknowledge how fucking epic it is for Mindy Kaling to be where she is today. That Netflix approached her and asked for a story from her heart, drawing from her own life, and gave her the boundary-less freedom to write what she wanted is cool. She may not be the voice I think teens (or any audience really) may most need but they certainly do want this voice – NHIE is so so so loved and appreciate across the board – by adults, kids, diasporic Indian girls, normal non-minority-race girls etc, with everyone calling (begging) for another season, and anyway Mindy Kaling is probably about 1000000x better anyway than others who have been granted the same stage and presence as her before, like, I dunno, Michael fucking Bay or fucking James Cameron so yay her !!! For the sake of us all!

--------

update, a few hours later:

so since forcing Jade to read my post the second it went up, i have learnt that:

So there goes the one singular uniquely cute thing I did appreciate about NHIE then i guess, seeing as his random feature throughout the series isn’t unique at all... seeing as unexpectedness makes for a predictable part of his record, it is no longer charming to me. lol bye!

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