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jimines · 3 years

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Whats actually happened between you and taemaknae? I read about it on the tea blog and still confused

This is an insanely long story so I'm going to put it below the cut so for anyone interested in this absolute shit show, continue on.

Essentially, I posted these headers about a month ago:

It was a set of like 8 colours and it was the first time I had ever posted any headers or anything. The issue nic had with these, was the ripped paper bottom. Because apparently you can trademark that. I had asked a (now ex) “friend” of mine if she knew where I could find the ripped paper effect because I had seen the effect on the header of her network blog and I had been trying to find a similar thing for months and google images never gave me anything good. She ended up referring me to google images anyways and after like an hour of dedicated searching, I found this ripped paper effect and used it. This ex “friend” went on to tell another friend of mine that I had "asked where nicole gets her resources for her headers" and then screenshotted my dm as "proof", which still confuses me because I never mentioned nicole there lmao. I've seen the screenshot.

Tell me where I said nicole. It was literally just a question born from seeing the header they had on their network lmao. I feel it’s important to mention I didn’t know this person ran said network at that time, which is why i said “these people”.

This other friend then came to me and just said my headers "may be seen as similar to nic's” and said she noticed it on her own and never mentioned my other “friend” approaching her. I was confused because other than that ripped paper effect that I know many people on tumblr use, I saw no similarities. Nic's headers are usually more complex and more than just a coloured background with a little effect in it. I just wanted to make some simple headers for fun because I was bored. But, regardless, I messaged nic about it to make sure she didn't feel the same way. I told her a friend of mine was worried nic might think my headers are similar to her's and I assured her that if she found them similar I would take them down, no questions asked. Nic told me she was surprised this friend brought it up and told me that it was entirely up to me if I found the headers similar. She never once told me she felt they were the same, never mentioned anything about them, she insisted it was up to me to do as I pleased. So, since I genuinely found no similarities, I left them up.

About a week went by and things between nic and I were fine, or so I thought, based off the fact that she was interacting with my posts, sending me cute asks and replying to a lot of my comments and stuff being kind and whatnot. Then, I decided to post a small list of my creations and the series I had running at the time.

After that, all of a sudden I got an influx of rude hate anons:

To anyone I mentioned the anons to, they agreed with me, you cannot trademark circular icons. This anon also accused me saying “just the fact that you had an anxiety attack about it proves you copied them” Like no sweetie, it’s called three strangers walked into my house and I got anxious.

Despite me not seeing the issue, I messaged nic, assuming she wouldn't care about the icons (it wasn't like I was taking her exact work and copying and pasting them as my own) and that made her very upset. When she responded to me, she was incredibly heated and gave off the vibe she was waiting for me to message her about it.

She said things like "this has actually been bothering me for a while", "i expected you to be able to read between the lines and delete the headers", "i don't know who that anon was but clearly they recognize my style". For starters, she never told me that she was annoyed with me, she was being very kind to me publicly. And I have no idea how I was meant to “read between the lines” of what she said especially considering how kind she was to me the following days. I also never accused her of knowing this anon, she just insisted it wasn't her and she didn't know them right off the bat. She also insinuated that I copied my gifs from others as well, which ticked me off because I made my 100+ layer psd myself thank you very much. But I kept my cool, and I told her I had no idea she felt the way she did, and I told her I would delete the headers (which i did as the conversation was going on), and that I would stop posting my icons and bringing attention to them because no one ever paid it any mind before that point. And I asked her “please tell me straight up the next time you have an issue with me because I am generally pretty dumb with social cues”, I have my adhd to thank for that. And instead of replying, she just blocked me. And conveniently, the hate anons stopped dead right after we blocked each other and I haven't received any since.

Also, these are the kinds of icons I posted:

Looks pretty generic and idk, universal, right?

Then, as I've recently found out today, she was in an "anti-loverjimin" groupchat with at least 2 other bloggers.

Which explains why this all went and fell into place. I know who the two other bloggers are because of what happened two days later but I won't name them just yet, but these two people had been "friends" with me for several months. So, a day or two after nic blocked me, all of a sudden some good friends of mine were blocking me and not talking to me when I asked what was going on. I found out soon after it was because nicole and those two now ex “friends” of mine had taken old dms I sent them and were showing them to people. And I will go into detail about them but I won't name the people they are about for privacy reasons.

Before I move on, to clarify some lies nic has been spreading about me, I never once shit talked nicole to my friends. One of these ex friends also said I was trying to get people on my side. I would have reacted to this all very very differently if that were the case. I would be dragging everyone through the fucking dirt but I don't get off on drama or micromanaging what my mutuals do. My issues are with these people, if you're still friends with them that's your decision i could not care less. So, back to it, the only thing I said about nic was that she and I had a stupid small fight over icons and that she was spreading lies about me, based off of what nic said to jordan.

That exact message, or slight variations of it, was sent to anyone I interacted with because I didn't know if nic was going to stop at jordan or try and get to everyone I fucking knew lmao. Some of the people I messaged this to told ME nic had done this kind of thing before, that she has sent hate anons, launched hate campaigns, cancelled people, etc. Over stupid shit like icons lmao.

Here are some responses I received after I mentioned nicole:

And nic or one of her friends also took it upon themselves to send anons to that tea blog to blow shit up and named everyone and made it an even bigger mess when they saw no one was actively trying to fight me after the dms got out.

I also love that in this following ask, they named my two “friends” that were behind the whole dm drama and backstabbed me, as well as two other people I never badmouthed, that story was twisted. But we’ll get into those details shortly.

And she also told people I clout chased big blogs and only cared about notes. At one point, yes, I did care a lot about my statistics. However, never once did I think clout chasing was worth my fucking time or energy, Nic is the biggest clout chaser on this damn site and there are receipts of that, ask jordan lmao. And I couldn’t give two shits about my statistics anymore lmao, much less anxiety that way. Do I still crave validation sometimes? Sure. But it's not a driving force of my tumblr experience like it used to be.

But, moving on to the dms, the first one was sent when I first came back to tumblr full-time and didn't understand why people self reblogged things, I found the pretence of self reblogging annoying and greedy and I complained about it and it was a comment fuelled by two bloggers that i would see sr a lot on my dash. But I never thought THEY were annoying, as these people are saying I did, it was self reblogging I found annoying and as you can see I have come to understand why people sr and I do it myself too. I didn't even know these two bloggers at this time either. That dm was cropped to hide the fact that this "friend" agreed with me and hid the date as well so it seemed recent, and was sent to one of the bloggers I mentioned as an example, someone I had since become good friends with.

I didn’t befriend one of the people I mentioned there until mid to late June. That friendship is now over thanks to this drama and all the lies. The second friend of mine they went after was never spoken about in dms, they went and turned her against me through lies and manipulation so that friendship has ended too. And while those two were doing that, nic went off to try and turn jordan against me.

There was a particular user on here that I did say some nasty things about but we weren't friends, as many people have been made to believe. I was particularly mad at this person in those dms and was hurtful, I admit, and I have since apologized and owned up to all of it to these people. I did call them fake and/or two-faced.

And what in the gassing me up bullshit was their response though lmao. I also sent this following dm before I even talked about the issue with this person. They urged me to continue and to name drop the person, and I stupidly thought they were trustworthy.

My reasoning for what I said wasn't unwarranted though, I don't make a habit of going around shit-talking people, unless they do something to me first. I vent when I am upset and this person had sent me a passive aggressive ask and then denied sending it when I asked and I thought that was just very fake, especially since she was so kind to me in dms before the ask came in. But all of these dms were cropped too to hide timestamps and responses, and in most cases, like those screenshots prove, these "friends" either gassed me up or egged me on to continue ranting or to name the people i was mad at and they had agreed with me on several, several occasions. Turns out they were trying to get dirt on me to use in their cancel campaign. But the point is, nic has made me out to be this horrible person that befriends "big blogs" (an overrated statement) and then shit talks them behind their back without remorse. Yet it was one person I said rude things about and I, again, owned up to it all and apologized to them the first day. I would've done it sooner had I a) remembered feeling the way I did all those months ago or remembered the dms themselves or b) felt that way still after meeting them. But neither is the case.

I find it really amusing though that these people wanted things to be kept quiet and didn’t want anyone they spoke to to talk to me about it because I was going to “out them on my blog” and “make a big scene”, then they three went and made it a big fucking scene and ruined my friendships. I’m familiar with this pattern of manipulation as it has happened to me in real life before and it’s the most childish bullshit to witness.

Before this callout day for nic, I had never once been directly rude to or about her, same goes for those ex “friends” that betrayed my trust and friendship. The fact that they plotted against me in a group chat while still actively talking to me and being all buddy buddy is just disgusting. Both of them were talking to me that day at the same time they were sharing the dms and shit-talking me to my friends. But yeah, that's my side, the untwisted side, of the whole story. I tried to be mature and talk to nic and when I didn't do what she wanted me to do, she blocked me and launched the hate campaign with dms and the power of photoshop. I’ve been hesitant to make any of this public because it was meant to be a silent ordeal but I’ve grown tired of her constantly publicizing everything without consequence while I remain silent like I promised.

#anon #replied💌#tw:negativity #drama #long post #read at your own risk aha #its a shit show #idc if you rb it #pinning temporarily for the next day(sih)#ish*#edited with screenshots and whatnot that i forgot i had on my phone lmao

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do-a-reference-properly · 5 years

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AO3′s users alert! Unauthorised fanworks copying

26/09/2019. Important update on this mess: we found a way to delete fanworks via take down request to the hosting provider. Please check it here https://do-a-reference-properly.tumblr.com/post/187926459079/finally-some-good-news

Dear AO3 users,

We would like to bring your attention to an ugly situation with unauthorized copying of works posted on AO3.

A lot of works from AO3 have been copied to fanfics.me (we’ll call this site FFM for brevity’s sake) and are still being copied right now, either:

— automatically by a code specifically created by FFM’s owner for this purpose, or

— by unaware or unscrupulous FFM’s users via semi-automatic method (by inserting a link to a work from AO3 into a web-worm on FFM).

All works from AO3 — with a few exceptions (I’ll elaborate on this below) — can end up on FFM without authors even noticing. Even fanarts or podfics.

FFM doesn't comply with DMCA which means that such reposts endanger fanworks' creators in case the copyright holder demands to delete the fanwork.

Authors of the copied works do not have any control over them; if the work is edited it won’t be updated on FFM until someone manually updates it.

Additionally FFM’s owner makes money out of reposted free fanworks from numerous Google and Yandex ads on each and every FFM’s page by having people go to this site when searching for fics on Google etc. So we recommend using an Ads Blocker when visiting this site in order to prevent the owner from earning more. Ghostery or Adblock Plus work just fine, but you can use any other Ads Blocker that is convenient to you.

Oftentimes FFM even shows up before the original post with the work on Google search results.

The owner’s e-mail: [email protected].

The owner at AO3.

We are trying to bring AO3’s users attention to this situation and help authors with taking their works down from FFM.

Briefly about the website and its owner

Let me start from the very beginning as it will bring into the light the nature of FFM and give a good example of its owner characteristic behavior.

At first, some person with nickname Refery created FFM as a web archive where authors — mostly from Harry Potter fandom — could publish their fanworks.

Time passed, the site grew and added some features (blogs, pre-moderation and etc.), and all was good and well up till the moment when Refery decided that it would be a great idea to copy to FFM fanworks published on other Russian fanfiction archives — among them from the biggest and most known site ficbook — without asking authors for permission. Even those works that had “Ask me before posting the story somewhere else” mentioned in its text or summary were copied.

For some time nobody noticed, but when finally and inevitably this came out the authors were outraged. It took a lot of time to finally persuade Refery to at least not to copy fanworks bearing a special tag “Уточнять у автора” (Ask the author first).

But after some time Refery — without giving any notice — violated his own promise and resumed copying to FFM fanworks that had the agreed upon tag. The authors complained again, so very reluctantly and after many painful discussions this feature was reinstalled.

So FFM has been notoriously known, mostly amongst Russian fandom, for claims on re-posting fanworks without the consent of the authors.

We're mentioning this situation just to give you a detailed portrait of a person we are dealing with here.

Not only fanworks are copied to this website, but original works, too. Even those which were already published. There were all 7 of Harry Potter novels (both original text and translation), The Hobbit: There and Back Again (translation) and Vorkosigan Saga (translation) available for everybody to read and download. They were taken down only recently due to the attention this whole situation had drawn, but nothing ever goes away once it’s posted online and you can access the proof via Internet Wayback machine. We know for a fact there are other books on FFM and some actions have been taken in this regard, but still it takes time to find published books on this site.

Recently Refery decided that Russian archives are not enough for him and started copying all fanworks into FFM without any permission from the authors from numerous sites, like AO3, fanfiction.net, fictionpress.com, fanfiktion.de and likely other web-archives.

Moreover, the authors of these works can not delete their works from FFM and/or manage them. The site is in Russian only and, hence, we strongly believe that non-Russian speaking authors even do not know that their works are reposted somewhere else.

As a Russian fan-community, we have tried to stop such activity of FFM many times; however, we have not been successful in achieving our goal completely. Our most recent achievement is that the FFM’s owner implemented the "Don't copy to another site" tag created specifically for AO3 (here is the link to FFM’s owner post on his personal blog regarding this tag. Please use Ads Blocker!). This tag should be added to each work presented on AO3 in case the author does not want their works to be copied to FFM.

We are of the opinion that no work should be taken without permission in the first place, but this tag is all we’ve got.

Please note that it seems that some time ago there was similar case of unauthorized copying with other site. Please check this link, they give useful advice.

How to prevent copying from AO3

If you check AO3 you may notice that "Don't copy to another site" tag has hugely emerged in the recent weeks, but mostly amongst Russian users and there is a good reason for this: the owner of FFM announced this tag only in Russian and only on his private blog, so naturally there is no way for non-Russian speaking AO3 users to know about this — albeit non-satisfactory — solution.

There are no guaranties that the FFM’s owner won’t change the rules again as has already happened numerous times before (few examples we described above) and that works with this tag won’t be reposted in the future, but for now it’s the only quick and working solution besides making your works visible only to registered users, which is not ideal.

This situation is highly unpleasant, but we ask you not to delete your works from AO3, because if the work is deleted from AO3 it will be nearly impossible to delete it from FFM: we won't be able to refresh it manually and remove the text.

Please note that adding this tag won’t work for texts that have already been copied. Only users who have accounts at FFM will be able to delete them. Each work needs to be deleted manually.

However, the Russian fandom — except for the owner of FFM — strongly condemns reposts without the consent of the author, so feel free to contact our volunteers (through DM or Ask on our tumblr page) providing the links to the works stolen from AO3, so we could delete them for you.

Unfortunately, it is not possible to cover all authors and works manually. So, we contacted AO3’ Technical Team with the aim to bring their attention to this situation and inform about it all AO3 users, and hope that AO3 team will find a general solution to resolve this problem, possibly, in collaboration with the AO3 lawyers.

We are trying to warn as many authors as possible and recently started spreading this information via comments on AO3; but considering the number of works copied to FFM informing all authors will take considerable time, and we can easily miss someone, especially since the copying is still in progress and new works from AO3 are appearing on FFM every day.

Please help us spread the word!

We tried to make a comprehensive FAQ about this. Feel free to ask if anything is unclear!

FAQ

Q: Can I check if my work was copied to FFM?

A: Yes, you can.

FFM makes money on Google and Yandex ads, so we recommend turning on the Ads Blocker of your choice before visiting this site.

Please follow this link, insert the title of your work or your AO3/other web-archive nickname into the field containing the words "insert-title-nickname" and hit "Искать" (Search).

For works rated Mature or Explicit you will be able to see only the caption "Текст произведения доступен только зарегистрированным пользователям старше 18 лет" ("The text of the work is available only to registered users over 18 years old"), but FFM users are able to read and download the story.

Q: My work from AO3 was copied. How can I take it down?

A: First of all add the tag "Don't copy to another site" (without “ “) to the stories you want to be taken down.

Actually we would recommend adding this tag to all the works you don't want to be copied.

Contact one of our volunteers (through DM or Ask on our tumblr page) providing links to your works or send an e-mail with your deletion request directly to the FFM owner at [email protected] or at AO3.

There is a third option: to register on FFM and delete the work yourself by hitting the refresh button, but considering that the site is in Russian we do not think it will be very convenient to those who do not speak Russian language.

Q: I got the message that my work has been deleted. How can I check if it is true?

A: You can go to FFM, search for you work, click on its title and scroll down.

After the summary there is a field that should look like this for those fics that have been deleted.

Basically it says that the author of this particular work has forbidden its copying and that only the information on its title, author’s nickname, rating, pairings, summary and the link to original post on AO3 are available.

For works that are still available on FFM this field looks like this (if the work is open for non-registered users).

Q: My work copied from AO3 was deleted, but FFM still shows some information on it. Can it be deleted?

A: Even though the text of the fic is not going to be on FFM anymore after it has been deleted, the fic's title, author's name, rating, pairings, summary and link to original post on AO3 will remain there.

The deletion of this leftover information can be done only by the site owner himself.

Some Russian authors tried to make him to delete it, but in most cases the FFM’s owner refused them mentioning that publication of such information is in line with fair use concept and doesn’t violate authors’ rights.

We are yet unsure how to delete this leftover information. In case you need it as well, try contacting the FFM owner at [email protected] or at AO3. Maybe e-mails of a large number of authors will work, but unfortunately we can’t guarantee anything. In case you need it, we can provide Russian text for you to send by e-mail (please contact our volunteers through DM or Ask on our tumblr page).

Q: My work from fanfiction.net/fictionpress.com/fanfiktion.de/other web-archives was copied to FFM. How can I take it down?

A: Unfortunately, there is no possible way for us to delete from FFM the fanworks that are copied from web-archives other then AO3. Only FFM’s owner can delete these works, please try contacting him at [email protected] or at AO3. In case you need it, we can provide Russian text for you to send by e-mail (please contact our volunteers through DM or Ask on our tumblr page).

Please do not delete your works from the web-archive it was stolen from, because if the work is deleted it will be nearly impossible to delete it from FFM.

Also it seems that some time ago there was similar case of unauthorized copying with other site. Please check this link, they give useful advice.

#ao3 #archive of our own #alert #fanfiction #fanworks #fanart #please reblog

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shrimpngritcakes · 3 years

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Buddie prompt #3: 9-1-1 & Lone Star crossover idea

I’m putting this idea here for someone to claim if they wish. It was originally posted on Ao3 (now with additions), but deleted it due to ToS. If anyone wants this prompt, please comment below so I can delete it after you copy it to prevent similar stories.

His breaking point was a kiss.

One he knew he wasn't supposed to see. With anyone else he would feel like a voyeur, but all he could feel was a dark emptiness opening in his chest.

With Eddie’s truck being in the shop for a tie rod that had broken while at work, sending Eddie into a storm of cursing in Spanish, Ana had picked him up for their latest date.

And dropped him off.

If was a horrible fluke that Buck had stood up to look out the window at just the wrong moment. He should have been in the spare bedroom asleep after a grueling 24 surrounded by all the things he had brought with him when he moved in all those weeks ago.

Buck makes his excuses to leave while Eddie is completely confused and trying to get him to talk. Eddie tries to call Buck but he doesn't pick up.

Buck goes to see Bobby and Athena. It all spills out, including not feeling wanted by his parents. Bobby thinks Eddie is being an idiot but keeps this to himself. He suggests a leave of absence for mental health. Bobby receives permission from his superior to place Buck on open ended leave after giving him a brief explanation of the situation. Ending with him saying to Bobby, “That poor boy. If I ever meet that boy's parents…”

Bobby answers, “Get in line, but there may not be anything left after Athena gets them first.”

TK is surprised to find a sleeping Buck in his Jeep in the parking lot of the 126. An off duty Carlos takes him back to his place where he crashes on the couch. Buck has a nightmare and Carlos talks him down.

Owen calls Bobby saying he has his boy and they'll take care of them. He has a plan and discusses it with Bobby. The whole absence makes the heart grow fonder concept.

“Is it mutual?”

“I’m not 100% sure, but…”

“You can't tell Eddie. Even if he begs for answers for his son, you need to stand strong. It needs to be him asking for himself. If this goes wrong… We'll take Buck in here. He'll have a home with the 126. It will take a while, but we'll help put him back together as best we can until he's back on his feet. He won't be alone.”

Bobby wipes at his face, “Thank you."

“Let's hope this works.”

Eddie is worried and confused why Buck never came home. His phone is going straight to voicemail. Now he isn't there for his shift. Another man comes in and introduced as Buck's temporary replacement. Eddie asks Bobby where Buck is, but he won't give him a straight answer. Eddie is shocked as Bobby's tone is harsh and he glaring at him. Bobby later apologized and explains that Buck requested that only he and Maddie know where he is. Eddie tries to dig, but Bobby just shakes his head with a, “I'm sorry, Eddie. I can't tell you.”

Eddie asks Maddie, but she just slams the door in his face. Chim doesn’t know as she's refusing to tell them where Buck is. Chim delivers her handwritten apology the next day to Eddie. It states Buck needs space from everything, but mostly leaves out the part about Eddie (only one or two things that hint, but it goes over Eddie's head).

Athena almost breaks down and calls Eddie a fool before storming away to her police cruiser. She doesn't know where he is because Bobby refuses to tell her (which she finds annoying yet commendable), but she was there for the why when Buck broke down. She'll apologize after Buck and Eddie return. Hopefully together.

Filler with Buck and the 126 and Carlos. Judd takes him out on a horse like he did Capt. Strand. Fill a pothole on how Grace and him are so accepting of TK's sexuality despite being religious.

A Facetime therapy session where Copeland assures him its okay to get away for a while.

Eddie doesn't quite realize yet that he's slowly losing it, but the others can tell.

Paul and Buck have a conversation.

Christopher asking where Buck is because it's movie night. Eddie doesn't have an answer.

Eddie rages in the station gym trying to understand. He almost gets it, but he thinks Buck is jealous of Eddie, not Ana. Cue Hen groaning under her breath, "You almost got it, Eddie. Come on. Keep thinking."

TK, Carlos, and Paul take Buck out to a club. TK talks absentmindedly to the bartender, even showing him/her a picture of Eddie from Insta. Word spreads about the "new guy," Buck. Others keep the “creeps" away from Buck. Buck loosens up a little while there.

Buck Facetimes Christopher on Carla's phone, only for Eddie to walk in just as Buck is hanging up. He sees Buck's panicked/sad face right before he hangs up. He tries to call back, but doesn't get an answer. Carla huffs and shakes her head. "Figure it out yourself, hun. I can't give you this answer. You need to find it for yourself." Cue Eddie even more confused. This is all just about Buck's parents and jealous over Ana... Isn't it?

Roller derby to cheer on Marjan with the bartender flirting with Buck, who is all kinds of flustered. Carlos, TK, and the others tease him mercilessly.

A massive fire where Buck offers his help. Paul gives Buck as sidehug in gratitude.

Eddie almost punching the mechanic because his truck still isn't done.

Marjan takes Buck out to do something crazy because she's Firefox. (Buck is still starstruck). Maybe skydiving or they race each other at wall climbing? Cue competitive banter.

Owen keeping Bobby updated on Buck.

Buck eventually asks for a transfer. Owen asks if this is what he really wants. Buck just shrugs and asks helplessly what other option he has.

(Optional: Bucks gets up quietly at night for a glass of water and stumbles onto Carlos and TK having sex/making out in the kitchen. Buck either flees in embarrassment or is stunned into watching with Carlos and TK aware that he's there. All parties awkward and/or embarrassed the next morning until TK bursts into giggles and laughter.)

Eddie's relationship with Ana is rapidly deteriorating. Christopher has a full on tantrum. Eddie has to koala hug him on the floor, after Ana brings him back home from a not very good date as Eddie's thoughts were on Buck. Ana tries to help calm him down but Chris screams at her about Buck not being around as much as soon as she started dating his dad. “I hate you! I hate you!” He yells her to get out. Ana still tries to talk. Carla snaps at her to leave. She still tries.

Eddie is spiraling. Flashback of that kiss he really wasn’t ready for, but Ana had asked. It dawns on him that that was the night Buck disappeared. Why would Buck leave because of that? Chris is repeatedly asking her to leave, but she's not listening. She's not listening to his son. He finally snaps and demands that she leaves. She storms out. Relationship dead in the water.

Carla can only watch as Eddie breaks from it all.

The original plan has failed, so it’s time for the final attempt. A blatant hammer strike to Eddie's head to knock some sense into him.

Bobby calls Eddie into his office. He shows Eddie transfer papers from Buck along with a list of Buck's possessions to be boxed and shipped. Eddie is speechless. Thoughts of Christopher and losing Buck. He's losing Buck.

He shows Eddie an email he received and Eddie slowly scrolls through, It's full of captioned pictures. Such as:

-Buck staring off into the distance on a horse.

-Buck curled on a couch looking lost.

-Buck looking drool-worthy in club clothes. The caption: “Holy sh@t! If I wasn't already happily taken…”

-Showing Buck blushing as someone talks in his ear.

-Smiling yet not reaching his eyes while dancing.

-Sitting with his head buried in his hands on the engine’s bumper.

-Helping man a hose at a large blaze captioned with “Yes, we had permission for him to be there.” Followed by a picture of someone (Paul, but Eddie can’t see his face as he’s looking at the ground and hidden by his helmet) sidehugging a sweaty dusty still geared up Buck around the neck with a hand resting on his head.

A video. It's Buck spilling everything curled up in someone's arms (maybe Carlos or Grace). “Why am I always alone! What about me?” Mentions of Abby and Ali. His failed dates. Everyone pairing up. Losing part of his sister to Chim after finally having her back in his life after so many years apart. “And Eddie! Eddie… Why does love hurt so much?” mentioning Chris. Etc.

Eddie is shaking. It finally clicks why Buck left.

One more video. It's Capt. Strand and the 126 facing the camera. He knows where Buck is now - Austin, Texas.

“Buck doesn't know we're putting all this together. He’s asleep. We may or may not have knocked him out with sleeping pills.”

They all lay it out for Eddie. Eddie feels all kinds of stupid and blind. “Now, you have a choice here, Edmundo Diaz…”

“Why… Oh my god. This entire time… ”

“Do you love him, Eddie? As more than a friend? Or am I signing these papers?”

A few seconds after Eddie runs out of the room, a sigh comes from the speaker phone. “I'll get things set up.”

“Thank you, Owen. For everything.”

“You're welcome.”

The whole firehouse going up in a cheer after Eddie floors out of the parking lot in his thankfully finally fixed truck. Hen is shaking Chim or vice versa.

Carla agrees over the phone to keep Christopher after Eddie blurts everything out to her, ending with a “Go get him, Eddie.”

“Did everyone see this but me?” Carla is laughing as she hangs up.

Buck sees Owen call TK over and whispering in his ear. Tk has an interesting reaction before running out of the room with his phone already to his ear.

Flashbacks as Eddie is scrolling through his pictures on his phone while on an airplane. How he missed it. How he didn't understand himself. His fall had been so slow he hadn't even realized it until it was almost, or maybe is, too late. His seatmate makes a comment on his happy “family," and it’s a kick to Eddie's already flayed emotions.

Judd is there to pick him up at the airport, which surprised him.

He's dropped off at a club. Judd makes a snarky comment after handing Eddie a hotel room key card through the window. Eddie rolls his eyes as Judd drives off laughing. The bouncer, having seen the Diaz blazoned on the back of his LAFD shirt, waves Eddie inside, skipping the line. The whispering starts as soon as he enters. Word had spread and they had been hoping for Buck. “Is that…”

“I think so.”

He's shocked as the crowd starts to part for him. The music lowers in volume. People are staring and he's embarrassed, etc., but he sees Buck, who TK has made sure looks phenomenal. Taking a deep breath, he squares his shoulders and walks forward.

Buck is dancing between Carlos and TK. He feels Carlos start smacking TK on the back before they pull away from him. They’re both grinning so wide he suspects their faces are hurting. TK is not so quietly squealing in excitement.

A hand covers his eyes from behind. He immediately recognizes the body wash smell. “Eddie…”

Mini conversation/argument, neither realizing the club has gone dead silent, with Eddie yelling “Because I love you, you idiot!”

The entire club loses it with TK whooping, jumping with a fist punch, and laughing.

End there with a kiss, at the hotel room which may or may not get steamy, or Buck telling Christopher he's home with Chris tackling him to the ground.

#buddie #free buddie prompt

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haikyuu-sickfics · 3 years

Text

I accidentally deleted all the original asks but I got them copied

Also; going on hiatus

hello, may i request a sick kita and the whole team goes to take care of him because no one's home with him? can i request a sick kita fic and the whole team visites him? Hi, can I request a sick Kita fix and the team goes to visit him at his house?

Shinsuke's absence wasn't immediately noticed during morning practice. Though, what was noticed, was the slight off-ness of the teams dynamic. No one could properly place their finger on the odd change in atmosphere, how everyone was just ever-so-slightly more restrained than usual. No one felt the usual omnipresent pressure urging them to do play to their limit, nor did they even notice that they weren't playing their usual. Aran puzzled over this mysterious feeling for well over half of practice, flubbing easy recieves and stumbling on flat ground as his mind struggled to apply an explanation to the ball in his chest. He took one more count of the team, thinking of their number and looking for their face. 2... 3... 4... 5... Wait. "Are we missing someone?" Aran wondered outloud, already knowing the answer. "Kita-kun is out today, he sent a text saying he's come down with something," one of the coaches confirmed, not looking up from his notepad. Once the absence was announced, everyone felt it's full force. Various members of the team began to slack off, distracted by concern for their captain. The coaches, who noticed the sudden drop in performance, decided it best to call practice off a bit early. Most of the team walked off to change into their school clothes, however a small handful remained to discuss the elephant in the room- or rather, the elephant missing from the room. "It feels weird without Kita-san here," Osamu commented, his thought drifting off into the dense atmosphere. "D'ya think he's alright?" Aran added, eyebrows furrowed with concern. "I dunno... isn't Ba-chan gone this week? Who's there with him?" Michinari deduced out loud, nibbling on his inner cheek. "Shouldn't we get him something? Like a get-well-soon card at the very least? Remember when Atsumu got sick and he gave him that bag," Rintarou brought up, shoulders raised to warm his neck. "Yea! We should make him a basket! We can put like food and drinks and toys and then all deliver it in person!" Atsumu chimed, enthusiasm pouring out of him. "Wouldn't that put us in danger of contagion?" Ren- the only one not completely blinded by Shinsuke's aura- countered. Michinari shrugged his shoulders before countering, "we can wear masks. Plus I'm sure he's more concerned of contagion than we are- he'll have something figured out." "So we'll meet up at the usual place after the bell?" Rintarou asked. Various guestures of approval responded to him before the group dispersed. -- It had been 5 minutes since Ren had walked up to their meeting place, greeting Aran, Rintarou and the Miya's with a small wave. Michinari had yet to show up, leaving the small gathering with arms crossed to ward off the cold. "Can't we just go without him?" Atsumu whined, impatience tearing at his every muscle. "If you want to be on his bad side, be my guest," Aran countered, arms raised in surrender, "but don't come crawling to me when yer ankles get bit." Atsumu scowled- though much exageration was put into his words, Aran did have a small point. No one in their right mind sought to be on Michinari's bad side. They wouldn't get physically hurt, but the cold shoulder from someone as cheerful as the libero was enough to debilitate anyone. "I'm here! I went to the konbini to get stuff!" Aforementioned libero shouted, jogging up to the group with plastic bags hanging off his left arm while his right was raised with greeting. "S'bout time, c'mon let's go," Ren responded, leading the group towards the Kita household. -- "Knock knock, open up!" Michinari shouted through the door, "we brought soup and stuff!" "It's unlocked," A voice, certainly not Shinsuke's, croaked from inside. "Who's with him?" Rintarou wondered outloud, voicing the thoughts of everyone in the group. "Let's find out," Michinari pushed open the door. "Kita-san! We're here!" Atsumu shouted, his hands cupped around his mouth. "Shhh! He prob'ly has a headache," Osamu reprimanded, chopping his brother lightly on the shoulder. "He's over here, guys," Aran observed, calling

the rest of the team over. Curled up on the couch in a cacoon of blankets sat none other than their captain. A cold compress sat on the floor, long since abandoned. Ghastly pallor accentuated the black and red rimmed eyes resting above flushed cheeks. Dried tears and sweat decorated his discontent face. Michinari was the only one who had the courage to approach the blanket blob, wrapping his arms around the lump before sitting next to it. "Yew're so hot! How can you be comfortable with all these blankets on?" "Everythings cold and I don't know why." Removing his left arm from the hug, Michinari brought his hand up to check for fever. Brushing aside the damp fringe, the skin on Shinsuke's forehead was radiating heat. Frowning, Michinari checked his cheeks, brushing away the tear tracks gently with his thumbs. "We need to take some of these blankets off, you have a really bad fever," Michinari asserted, his voice shockingly serious. "But... what if I become cold again?" Shinsuke pouted. Standing in the corner, the group was aghast by how out of character the third years were acting. No one had expected Shinsuke to be so... well, sick. Their captains state was discouraging, the sight left their hearts aching with the want to help. "Kita-san," Rintarou began, taking a tentative step forward, "we'll be here to make sure you don't get cold. You'll feel better sooner if you take off some of the blankets." Unease swirled in his stomach. His tongue felt heavy, almost as though it was choking him. It did not feel right for Rintarou to be talking to his composed captain in such a way. Shinsuke was supposed to be the one with a clear mind and unclouded judgement, he should know the logistics of fevers. Instead he just frowned, not moving as Michinari peeled the blankets away. "It's cold again," he practically cried as fresh air came into contact with his skin. "Is this better?" asked Michinari as he pulled Shinsuke into his chest. The two were roughly the same size, but the latter's huddled figure allowed the two to fit together like a puzzle piece. "Are they... y'know?" Rintarou flopped his wrist. "Nope, Akagi's like this with everyone," Aran responded, picking up the discared konbini bag, "I'll heat up the soup in the kitchen, you guys find something to do." Mumbling something about rice, Osamu followed Aran out the door. Ren walked over to the couch and scooped the wet cold compress off the floor, setting it on the table before addressing his underclassmen. "Can one of ya's replace this?" Rintarou jumped onto the oppurtunity to be of use, picking up the dripping material between his thumb and forefinger. A momentary grimace flashed on his face as the unpleastant texture shocked him, but he was able to quickly steel himself and take the object away. While he was occupied, Ren busied himself with folding up the blankets, placing them neatly in a stack on the floor adjacent to the couch. At this time, Rintarou returned with a freshly dampened rag, carefully folding before gingerly swiping back Shinsuke's hair and lining the fabric up where scalp met forehead. Initially, the ill captain winced from the cool touch before relaxing into it as Rintarou continued smoothing his hair back. The repeated motion coupled with the middle blockers careful application of pressure provided for an incredibly soothing feeling. It wasn't until he caught a glimpse of Michinari's smirk did he revoke his hand, a light flush spreading across his features. "Oh c'mon, why'd you stop?" Michinari whisper-spoke upon seeing Shinsuke's face fall. "You, he. The, and, cold warm hand," Rintarou responded. "Yea okay, well, if ye're just gonna stand there like Hachishaku-sama why don't you have a seat behind me and fill the gap between me n' the armrest," Michinari smiled at his own light hearted taunt while Atsumu cackled - the latter earning a cocked eyebrow for his hypocrasy, "'M backs killin' me and I'd love something to lean against right about now." "Oh, sure yea. Yea okay," Rintarou sat on the couch normally, his

right shoulder towards his upperclassmen. "Yea, this isn't gonna work, I'll just slide back," Michinari nudged Rintarou away before repositioning himself. At this moment Aran and Osamu reappeared with soup and rice cupped respectively in their dominant hands. Michinari looked down onto Shinsuke to prepare him for food only to discover the captain had already fallen asleep. "We'll just set these here until he wakes up. They needed to cool down anyway," Aran informed, gently grabbing the bowl from Osamu and placing it next the the soup on the coffee table. "What now?" Atsumu wondered. "Well we got a couch, blankets, T.V and a remote. All in favor of a movie- say 'I'" Michinari suggested, raising his left hand up. "I" everyone responded in near unison.

#sick kita shinsuke

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meltalks · 4 years

Text

my experience with addy / hiqey

i’ve contemplated posting my history with addy/hiqey for awhile now. my friends have encouraged me to do so, but due to her stance in the rpc i was always far too scared to do so. with all that is coming to light with her recently, not only is a huge weight off my shoulders as far as comfortably roleplaying as my escape, but knowing i’m not alone. my story with addy dates back to about september 2018. i do warn you this will be long, and i’ll try to include enough details to make it make sense while not dragging things on and on. this includes both my personal relationship with addy, as well as my experience with her in groups one where she she was an admin, and groups where i was an admin. as well as i believe we coadmined one together. i’ve put screenshots where i could, but some of this dates back to 2018 and i just don’t have access to those texts/rp accounts anymore.

a huge huge shout out to @bumkeyz for starting this avalanche, and for also supporting me one on one along with all my friends to feel safe enough to come forward. i’ll put all of my story under a read more.

i’m going to start this by saying, my name is mel/melanie. you may have heard of me because back when addy was on rpslayed she wasn’t a big fan of me for awhile. predominantly my group the cape(?) the main isn’t up anymore so i can’t remember the exact @. i’m 21 years old, i will be 22 this month. i am married & i have a 3 year old daughter. this is information i don’t normally tell people i’m married / have a child, because well, i just feel a little judged. not because anything anyone has specifically done or said, but my own anxieties worried that people will think it’s weird to be married with a child and still in twitter rp. but it is important to my story with addy, which is why i’m letting everyone know right off the bat.

i met addy in a group called producers. this group is from september 2018, so i’m not able to access anything right now, but am digging. i played (feel free to clown me) a g-eazy character named pierce. addy played a carlson young who’s name i can’t quite recall, and a gracie abrams named lolly. lolly & pierce became friends first & at some point we exchanged phone numbers. lolly & pierce flirted a lot, pierce was a player yada yada. eventually she ended up getting a different ship on lolly & pushed her carlson young onto pierce. pierce had a different love interest & didn’t end up going for her. this should’ve been the first negative sign/red flag. when pierce didn’t get with her character, she got very short & snarky ic and ooc. i believe both of her characters blocked me ic. even though pierce had made no ic promises to either to not be with someone else. we still maintained some level of friendship, but she was extremely weird about when i mentioned my ship. our friendship ended for a few months because of an incident that started ic between me and another character. the mun who played this character and i had bonded ooc over having been pregnant, we talked somewhat often about her dealings with her pregnancy. so i felt close enough/friendly enough with this mun that when something happened with her character & another character ic i dm’ed her to see if she was ok .long story short it went bad. i texted addy and told her that. i explained that i felt as if this mun & i were close and it was like dm’ing a friend. she held onto the fact that i shouldn’t have messaged her. when i didn’t immediately conform to her thought she kicked me out of the group. i was literally devastated. i loved that group, that character, my ship; all of it. she blocked me. though this story is 2 paragraphs long, it’s minor in the grand scheme of things. after this she smeared me on rpslayed for months until our paths crossed again in a group called glitches/glitch? we decided to squash our beef. this was december 2019.

in december 2019 we became friends again. honestly, i wish we never crossed paths. we got very close right away. she started telling me about a bad friendship she had, with someone we mutually knew from producers who i will not name since it’s not my place to put their name in this, and gained my sympathy. so much so that i ended a friendship with that person based solely on accusations that addy had told me. this is something that i can now realize i did wrong. i literally cussed this person out on the phone, solely based off things addy told me. i didn’t listen to someone who had been my friend for months, who defended me and picked me up when addy was tearing me down on rpslayed. i turned my back because addy convinced me to. she made this person seem awful. and again, i’m not naming them, but they know exactly who they are. and when thy do read this, i’m sorry.

now this is where things get out of hand. addy & i begun an intimate relationship. this is very personal, and i know some may pass judgment. but my husband was cool with it. addy also began talking to my husband, they texted. we had a groupchat. not to get into details about the relationship, but it was romantic. i am going to try and organize my thoughts. into themes.

money

this relationship lasted from about january ish to april romantically. i became addy’s crutch. she began going through personal issues with her family. and i started sending her money. to be frank i don’t remember how it started. i helped her with a job search, supporting her through these tough things that were going on. the money started casually i suppose. it was $10 for lunch. $25 for nails. but then it got worse. i bought her a phone. and slowly she grew more entitled to my money. asking for it. demanding it. guilting me when i didn’t give it. i lied to her and told her i lost my credit card and turned it off, but the guilt i had i told her that i could turn it on when she needed it. in screenshots i will post below she guilted me because i was sick and fell asleep before turning my card on. whether what she’s saying occured is true or not, it was just one example of how she made me feel. at one point she had my credit card on her uber, and charged nearly $400 of ubers on my credit card that i didn’t know about. she claimed it was an accident, because i let her put my card on her account under the agreement that she would turn it off. we had an agreement of what she would pay me back, some things that i got her were gifts and i didn’t want/need back. other things it was always an agreement she would pay me back. however whenever i would mention sending me a payment she had an excuse. one time even guilting me by reminding me how much better i have it than she does. all in all i spent / sent upwards of $2500/$3000 on her. only about $1500/$1800 i wanted back. i never saw a dime back, she never made good on her promises. at some point i gave up on asking.

ETA: as far as the uber situation goes, she did apologize and state that it was never on purpose when i found out that there was nearly $500 in charges. she said she thought she was charging her moms card. this shows a photo of 1 page of a 5 page statement of all the transactions put on my card by her in one month. there are only 6 of these transactions that were me. all of the ubers and venmo were her. i didn’t make her take off my card, which in hindsight was obviously a very bad decision. i just didn’t want to leave her stranded without ways to get home/where she needed to be.

this is her demanding money. this was in the summer. at this point i was so manipulated by her/scared of her/scared of losing her that i didn’t know how to say no. in this instance i deflected with a picture of my child. screen shot.

in the screenshots here, this is where i fell asleep. i was on vacation and got extremely dehydrated in the sun. i literally felt so sick and she made me feel guilty for falling asleep. X X X

this screenshot shows one of the times i actually asked her when she would repay me. at this point my credit card was nearly maxed out from ubers and sending her money. i was anxious about it and she made me feel bad for asking because her situation was worse than mine. this was the same day she asked me for $250 for a down payment on her car. X asking for money. X making me feel bad for asking when she’s gonna pay.

literally to this day im still in credit card debt because of this. yes i make good money, yes my husband does too. but credit card debt is hard and everyone knows it. i do fine for myself, but i don’t have hundreds extra to pay this down.

also, i cannot locate the bank screenshot. but as recent as this february, six months since she spoke to me, she still had my card on her uber and usted it again. i can’t find the screenshot of the actual of the bank transaction because i’ve completely had to close that account for fraud and transfer my balance to a new card. but here is a screenshot from february 12 where i tell my friends i caught her doing it. X .

manipulation in groups/related to groups

orbis. i ran a group called orbis, it was a reality show group. addy was one of my friends who really wanted me to open it. all of my groups i’ve adminned i’m the lead. i just always take on that roll so i do get very busy with them on top of my real life. i work full time and i’m a mom so i spread myself thin.she made me feel really guilty for this, saying i wasn’t giving her enough time, she wasn’t anyones dog. so i posted my unfollow. then she told me i was stupid for doing that. so i deleted my unfollow. then she said that me deleting my unfollow showed that i didn’t really care how she felt. screens. X X

lumeer. very similar situation to above. only this time i left the group completely for about 3 weeks. i called my coadmin crying about what she was doing to me, sent her the psds and templates for grpahics and left fully, though i helped them out if issues arose/they needed anything.

impulse. this was recently and this got brought to the tags. im going to copy & paste what i sent to bumkeyz as far as the story goes for what happened.

“ what happened in impulse is only one of several examples of addy being awful in groups i've adminned. this goes back to our friendship but specifically here's what happened in impulse. addy played a character named briar, the other characters involved were as mentioned in other posts loki & khalil (fai fc). one of he first days of the group khalil hooked up with both loki & briar. when the "updates" account posted about loki & khalil's hook up (we posted any and all plot drops that were sent in, it was a reality show so we consistently updated what the cameras caught), briar got upset on main. addy then messaged khalil's mun ooc and asked for the plot to be erased. essentially because she didn't like that khalil had hooked up with both her and another girl in the same day/same manor. as odd of a request as i was the khalil mun agreed to wipe it & asked that if there was anything that ever came up again that made addy uncomfortable to please not hesitate to dm. addy then softblocked khalil. which is strange. why soft block with briar's reason to dislike khalil has been wiped? that night addy posted on her personal tumblr hiqey "i forgot all fai khadra fcs are weirdos" or soemthing along that line. the khalil mun reasonably got uncomfortable with that, but was softblocked & didn't tell the main. they just ignored it since their characters weren't interacting now. for the next few days addy continued to shade khalil and loki on main, despite any ic reason for disliking them being wiped. loki then approached briar IN CHARACTER asking what was wrong/why she was shading/why they didn't like her. i don't know all the details of that conversation, but i know it ended with loki saying she was going to block briar & briar saying that was fine. bear in mind the admins had no idea any of this was happening at this point. addy then dmed the main, playing victim. after more shading of khalil, khalil's mun decided to block briar as well. addy despite wiping this plot and having 0 ic communication with khalil continued to shade the characters ic. so addy dmed the main playing innocent. asking for us to have them unblock, saying she had no idea why they blocked or what she did. as admins we had no idea why either, figured it was something ic so we dmed both muns. khalil's mun agreed after some hestiation, and asked if they had to follow her and i said no. they didn't elaborate. loki's mun however refused, & i'm glad she did because she told us what was going on. of course once we were told everyting we didn't make her unblock. up until we told addy that we were not going to make those muns unblock her, she was extremely sweet to us. she praised us on her rpt. said she loved the group. fed the main compliments. but when she didn't get her way out of us, and was essentially told on, she started causing issues on the timeline with different characters. she sent us a dm on the main telling us to "learn how to handle your group melanie" and deactivated before i could get a chance to reply. “

what i didn’t tell bumkeyz is that deejay/rpslayed played khalil. another example of addy’s manipulation is that when she saw deejay getting anons she followed deejay and texted her after several months of no communication, starting to tell her side of the story and play innocent -- not knowing that deejay was the person who was behind khalil the entire time. she made khalil out to be the bad guy, not knowing that it was deejay. after finding out deejay and i were friends, when deejay posted on rpslayed for people to follow me shortly after trying to get deejay on her side, addy blocked us both (again).

manipulation between friends (?)

i don’t really know a great way to title this, but this is similar to the situation i mentioned with the unnamed person above -- how addy made me think that person was the worst so i would stop being friends with them. this is a few more examples of that.

the entire time i was friends with addy, she told me that deejay hated me. she told me that deejay was convinced that i was this person who tried to get her kicked out of a group. she told me that she did her very best to convince deejay that it wasn’t true, but no matter what she did deejay just hated me. nearly a year later deejay and i cross paths in a group. we started talking ooc and i mentioned this. i asked her why she thought that was me. we found out that basically, while addy was telling me she was trying to convince deejay it wasn’t me, she was telling deejay that it was me. she would also tell me personal information about deejay that i had no business knowing, whether it be real life information or just telling me the groups deejay adminned when she knew deejay didn’t want anyone knowing.

i have found out recently that addy has recently been telling people a lie about when she came to visit me. on one evening when she visited me in june of 2019, we went to my friend’s house. we both drank, and smoked. i am someone who neither drinks nor smokes, and i got a very bad mix from it. my anxiety sky rocketed. i was crying on my friends couch practically paralyzed. i didn’t want to move. i felt sick. i felt scared. my friends were going to drive us back to my house and shortly before we were about to walk out addy said she needed to go to the hospital. my friend’s boyfriend drove her there, and when he came back they took me home. this night is very blurry for me. i remember barely being able to see straight, my friend helped me walk to and from the car. addy has told her friends that i refused to pick her up from the hospital that night, and i’ve now heard this from two of her close friends. when in reality, i was so far gone that not only was i sick and scared, but i couldn’t see straight. i had absolutely no ability to be behind a wheel. i’m not surprised she twisted this against me.

i provided a few people screenshots where addy was telling me to block them/trying to convince me that they were awful and hurting me. at the same time that addy was telling me this, she was doing the opposite to them -- to keep us apart. i believe this is some sort of power. always wanting to be everyones number one.

i don’t have a lot of screenshots for this, so i won’t go into much detail, but i can say on more than one occasion, or more than five or ten she told me who to and not to be friends with. told me to block people who had been our friends who were no longer friends with her.

flat out manipulation.

i don’t want to go back through my texts too much honestly. it’s still a sore spot. it still sucks and it still hurts. but i think anyone and everyone involved with addy at some point or another has similar stories about the way she treats her friends. there were points where i begged. begged and begged her not to leave me. i can’t even count how many times she blocked and unblocked me. how many times she made me feel the worst and then came back. she came back because she knw i was there. and that my generosity was practically endless. i couldn’t say no to her, frankly i can’t say no to anyone. if anyone dmed me today and said hey i need $15 for a ride home. i’d probably send it. that’s just how i am. addy completely had me wrapped around her finger. to the point that i left friends who were good to me. i left my own groups i worked hard on. i nearly ended my engagement (which cannot be entirely blamed on her, but the relationship she and i had was built off lots of manipulation). i know that i could go find 100 screenshots and texts of her manipulating me but honest i just don’t want to do that to myself again. she has made me out to be the villain to anyone she can. i have had 2 different people tell me that she told them i say the n word, which is the furthest thing from the truth. i fear the things she’s said about me to people. if she can 100% make something up, what can she twist from actual arguments or issues we had?

i know this sounds like a lot of rambling for nothing. but for nearly two years i’ve lived in fear in the rpc of addy. less so when we were friends. i’ve feared telling my side because i felt invalid. frankly even as i type this im scared. scared she’s already convinced everyone i’m awful and no one will read this or care. i just am thankful that this finally came to light. i am glad that i won’t feel scared anymore. roleplay is my one place to be free. as a mother, a full time worker, i don’t have a lot of time for hobby’s and frankly i don’t have a lot of them. i don’t draw, or read. i like to write. and i’m just thankful this can finally be lifted off me.

#twitter rp #rpt #rpc #rph #addy tw #hiqey

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jaegeriess · 3 years

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• If you have any questions about a request feel free to message me! Or send me something in my asks! If you accidentally made a mistake when sending in a request, clear it up with me so that I can write it for you!

• I am always open for questions or even to talk! Don’t be afraid to ask me anything, I would love to hear what’s on your mind!

• The only thing I will not respond to is my political views!

• Be nice and respectful when sending in a request. It goes a long way :))

What I am good with writing:

• Smut or suggestive content

• Fluff

• Angst

• Funny or crack things (includes texting fics)

• Modern AU / Canon AU

• Any kind of AU really. EX: royal family, soulmate, etc.

What I am not good with writing:

• any kind of racist, homophobic, transphobic or against any kind of religion. If these are requested or even mentioned you will be blocked

• rape

• incest

• pedophilia

• dub / non-con

• male! reader or trans! reader. While I do fully respect the community which is why I will not write it when I am unable to put myself in their shoes

• intense bdsm or pain inflicting fantasies

• blood play

• abuse

• suicide

• self harm

• anything that involves where the reader or character is half animal

• anything that involves the character or reader not acting their actual age, meaning if the request mentions Eren or the reader being 21 but also requests that the reader or Eren acts as a child I will not write it

• pissing / shit kinks

• foot / toe fetishes

• If any of the listed are requested, the request will be deleted immediately, I will not give it a second thought

Last updated: May 16, 2021

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beebrainedstudios · 3 years

Photo

NOTE: I know I posted this before, but I wanted to make a new post for it, as a) I’m working on Emira now so it would fit to have them posted close to each other, and b) I don’t think the previous post showed up in tags even when reblogged (I tried, then deleted it when it didn’t work). I also finished the Steel Prince comics, so my opinions have changed a bit (I still think he’s very well-written no matter how angry he makes me, especially with the context of the comics, but he’s definitely made some mistakes, and Maxim, no wonder Antari have a problem with you). So, I’m copy-pasting the original post+tags with minor edits in the hopes it works this time; apologies for the repeat everyone!

BTW I know this character is generally disliked by the fandom; that’s totally cool, he’s not my favorite either. But I do think he’s interesting, so with the headcanons below I tried to extrapolate/explain (not excuse!) some of his actions. If you disagree/think I’m reading too far into it/think I missed something, PLEASE take all of this with a grain of salt.

Copy-Pasted Stuff:

Next up for the refs, Maxim! A complicated design for a complicated man. My opinions on Maxim went from love to hate to “I wish you knew what you were doing;” he’s a really fun character, especially with the context of the Steel Prince comics. That being said, just like with the Danes I’ll be including design notes and headcanons under the cut, which may include spoilers for the comics; ergo POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR STEEL PRINCE. You have been warned. Also, my writing got really small on this ref, so I recommend clicking the image if you want to read the ref notes.

Anyways, on to Maxim!

- First up, hair. Maxim has a multitude of locks that all vary in length; he grew them out after he took the throne and has barely cut them since. There’s no specific way Maxim likes his hair, as he’ll arrange it into various different styles depending on his mood. The gold rings are actually there to help with this process, as they allow him to move each lock individually with his magic when he’s putting it up. This variable ring structure has the added bonus of creating a cool rippling effect when his magic activates; when Maxim quite literally gets heated, his influence spreads to the rings and any other small metal objects in the area, allowing his locks to shift in the heated air in an effect Rhy jokingly refers to as a “solar flare.” Maxim’s mood can actually be gauged purely by how much his hair moves or how warm he is, which is a trait his family finds endearing even if he himself finds it mildly annoying- after all, it’s difficult to come off as calm and composed if everyone in your kingdom knows your hair will give away how ticked off you are.

- As for his outfit, I love the asymmetrical geometric aesthetic put forth in the comics for Red London royalty; naturally, I leaned hard into this aesthetic and then immediately hid it all behind overly-complicated armor. Maxim is a huge armor nerd- anything metal is his specialty, and he prides himself immensely on both his armor and his weapons. He got his armor early in his youth and fiercely maintained it throughout his life until he was as attached to it as Kell was to his coat; he likes to swap parts around from multiple sets to create new looks. This is considered light armor for Maxim- at minimum he’ll have his crown and breastplate on. It’s very rare to catch him without any gear, but on the rare occasion one does, they’ll find he has a very similar outfit to Rhy, especially from the waist down. Fun fact, both he and Rhy’s pants are based on fencing knickers (fencing uniform pants), since both myself and VE Schwab are fencers.

- Maxim has many scars from his time at the Blood Coast, including two nasty ones on his brow and nose. He used to be rather embarrassed by them until he met Emira, who loved his scars as a part of him and told him so constantly. Now, like his armor, they are a source of pride.

- Speaking of pride, Maxim takes a lot of it in how he looks, especially with his hair, eyes, and clothes. As such, Rhy learned most of his knowledge about maintaining his appearance from his father; the only thing Maxim couldn’t contribute to was Rhy’s hair care, as that is something his son has more in common with his mother. Maxim often wakes himself up by doing his hair and picking out his jewelry in the mornings, and if he’s feeling particularly bold he may even slip on some golden eyeshadow or a flashier necklace. Maxim has never mistaken the value of appearances in how someone feels about themselves either; he is liberal with compliments in the palace both to family and staff, as he knows someone does their best work when they feel happiest in their skin. He takes particular care to comment on Kell’s coat and hair, as he knows his adopted son’s appearance is a point of self-contention that he doesn’t want to foster.

- Maxim’s sword is like Kell’s coat; he carries it everywhere- even to social functions- and is unashamedly fond of it. It is essentially the larger version of the royal half-sword that Maxim can wield in either hand (he’s ambidextrous!) and can even change the style of; if he wishes for it to be a two-handed sword, he only has to stretch the grip with his magic. Maxim can heat it forge-hot without it melting; in this state it’s incredibly dangerous and can cut through almost anything. There are two easter eggs in the runes on the sword, if anyone wants to look close enough to find them!

- All of Maxim’s stuff is sun-themed as a half-callback to the Maresh symbol, which has given him the additional title of the “Molten Sun,” an affectionate term used by guards to refer to their commander-in-chief. Maxim is really close to his guards and treats them as extended family; after all, he used to be one of them. He knows most of them by name and is fiercely protective of them- anyone who tries to mess with his staff as a whole is due for a personal warning from the king to desist, which is best heeded if one doesn’t want to drink their meals for a week.

- As said on the ref, Maxim is big. He spends a lot of his free time training as a nervous habit, which regardless of effect on his psyche keeps him in tip-top shape at all times. He’s easily as tall as Holland and is one of the few people Kell must stand upright with to look in the eye. He’s also immensely strong; this man could probably bench-press three guards in full armor with Emira sitting on top. I’ve seen some people suggest Athos alone could win in a fight against him before- maybe its due to the state of my own design for said Dane (in summary, scrawny as heck), but the only way I can see that going down in a one-on-one confrontation is with Athos getting punted like an angry white football. Personal preference, I guess.

- Now for personality! Maxim is a lover and a fighter, beloved and seen by all in his kingdom as a ray of sunshine, especially after the stormy clouds of his father’s cold and strict reign. He is as kind as he is tall and spends a lot of his time helping citizens solve problems or simply drifting around the palace, ready to aide his staff in their jobs. He’s vibrant and animated, too; the palace is often stirred to life when the sun rises by Maxim’s “quiet” singing as he heads towards the kitchens. Little does everyone know, behind that cheery and loving facade is an incredibly calculating individual. Maxim was born and raised only to be the perfect war king by his father Nokil with little personal care or respect for Maxim’s wishes, and though Maxim vowed to never be like him, some of Nokil’s parenting still unfortunately rubbed off. Maxim is always watching for threats and prepping for battle, mentally, physically, and otherwise; a threat to him or his kingdom is constantly around the corner, as far as he’s concerned. He must have a plan at all times or else he gets anxious and defensive, and if he’s backed into a corner, he’ll choose a risky course of action over no action at all (ergo, the Osaron fight). Maxim may be deeply loving, but he can’t help but see people’s worth to the kingdom first; when he’s feeling stressed it takes real effort for him to step back and see people as people instead of pawns he’s trying to get across the board.

- As far as hobbies go, Maxim doesn’t spend much of his free time on himself; he’s a full-time father, king, and husband, which leaves little room for downtime. Most of what he has left over he devotes to training, courtesy of his father’s horrible “kingdom-first” mindset that has still scars his adulthood. Still, Maxim does have a few interests he fosters; he loves cartography (a trait he shares with Kell) and likes to make his own maps by hand. He also loves chess, music, and gem/metal geology- if Emira wasn’t already in charge of the kingdom’s finances Maxim would have spent it all on new gemstone inlays or gold decorations. He’s still a fun-loving man, even if he doesn’t know how to spend much time on himself.

- Maxim is a very caring father and husband; he loves his family to bits and is completely devoted to them, even if he sometimes royally slips up when things get difficult. He and Emira both believe in equally sharing parental duties, so he spent a good chunk of his time when Kell and Rhy were growing right beside them, guiding them along. Contrary to what one may think, Maxim was the parent Kell was always closest to; they could often be found together in the map room, Kell watching with fascination as Maxim carefully traced the lines of landmarks and geographical features, switching his quill between hands when one grew too tired. Meanwhile, when Rhy wanted to hang out with his father, they both would spar with wooden swords or play games like hide-and-seek or chess together. It was largely due to Maxim’s own poor father that Maxim was unable to properly communicate with Kell post-ADSOM; he simply assumed a little distance would do them both good, unaware that he was both continuing a cycle of neglect by repeating his father’s mistake and giving Kell the one thing he didn’t need (for those who don’t know, Nokil- Maxim’s dad- sent Maxim to the most dangerous part of the empire, the Blood Coast, because Maxim disobeyed him. Maxim emotionally did something very similar in AGOS by treating Kell coldly). Nonetheless, Maxim never stopped considering Kell a son and recognized his mistake; unfortunately, by the time he saw his error in the cells, he was in too deep to give Kell the freedom he needed and Kell was too angry to try and compromise until circumstances were more favorable. Maxim also never stood up for Kell against Emira; between his wife and his son, he always assumed Kell was the stronger of the two and would eventually stand up for himself. This, as we all know, turned out to be false, and Maxim regretted it for the rest of his life that he never tried to talk to Emira about her treatment of the second son of the Maresh family.

So yeah, sorry for the long wall of text! I really like Maxim as a character (even if I acknowledge he struggles badly as a parent) so I wanted to give him more depth and a design worthy of his complexity. I hope you enjoyed it; if anyone has any questions or comments I’d love to hear them!

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glrlwlthluv · 5 years

Text

Maybe We Were Never Meant To Be // Zabdiel De Jesús

hey y’all, I’m sorry this took longer to post but I hope you enjoy part three of my Zabdiel series :)

word count: 9.7k

|| prev. ; next ||

It’s been a dreadful week since you found out Zabdiel and Gwen we’re back together. The next day, you were cooped up in the uncomfortable bed with sheets wrapped around you in your hotel room. After finding out about Zabdiel and Gwen, you made a vow to focus and take care of yourself, even if it meant not being able to see and talk to the one person you wanted to. Your mind and heart had to take in that the person you love, loves someone else and there was nothing that you could do or say that would change Zabdiel’s mind. He chose to give his heart completely to Gwen and you had to accept it. Though your heart is broken, you wanted to be happy for him and yet, you couldn’t. You were watching the news on TV when the headlines of the next topic shattered your heart again, making your heartbroken even more if that was possible.

“Zabdiel and Gwen: Back Together Again?”

You wanted to turn off the TV, but you tortured yourself more by watching what the reporter had to say.

“As everyone knows, Zabdiel De Jesús of CNCO is now taken off the market by his not so ex-girlfriend anymore, Gwen Garcia Leets. Last night, they were seen walking into a restaurant together. It looks as though Zabdiel was meeting Gwen outside the restaurant and as we can see here, he gave her a kiss, grabbed her hand and took her inside. A couple hours later, the couple was seen leaving in an uber together on their way to the club in celebration of the end of a successful tour for CNCO. Club goers who have seen the couple together in the club say that they look happier than ever and let me say, I hope they work out this time because they are the cutest together,” the reporter laughed and she finished her segment of celebrity gossip on the news.

You turned off the TV and threw the remote next to you as you pulled the sheets over your face, cuddling into the bed as more tears flowed down your cheeks, tasting the saltiness of your tears as you broke out in sobs. Seeing the smiles on Zabdiel and Gwen’s face made your heart drop, making your stomach have an aching feeling as your chest felt heavier as time went by. Compared to all the times you were with Zabdiel, you took in his facial expression and noticed he never smiled that wide when he was with you and your heartfelt empty. You didn’t make him happy as Gwen made him now and you had to accept the fact that you never would in your life.

This was your routine for the next couple of days and you were completely fine with it. The energy you once had was replaced with emptiness and sadness, you growing tired of fighting against them both, you let them win. The days had passed and you were now checking out of the hotel, not wanting to back home yet, still wanting to hide from the world. As you check out, you grabbed your phone and were met with many missed calls from the boys. You hadn’t kept up with anyone because once you got to the hotel, you deleted all social media apps on your phone and put your phone on ‘do not disturb’ for the time being. You scrolled through your messages seeing not only the boys text you, but also, Clara and some of your friends checking in to see if you were okay.

Joel: Hey, I’m checking in seeing how you’re doing. Clara told us about you going to visit friends and I hope you’re having a good time. The boys and I are worried about you y/n. We just want to let you know we’re here for you always.

Richard: Hey hermana, Clara told us about you being away for a couple days. I know it’s bullshit but I’m going to give you space. Whenever you’re ready to talk, I’m here for you and so are the boys. We love and care about you so much.

Clara: Hey love, I hope you’re feeling at least a bit better. I let the boys know about you leaving and I could tell they didn’t buy it at all. Once you’re back home, let us know. We love you so much Y/n and we’re here for you.

You rolled your eyes and put your phone back in your pocket, disregarding all of the messages that were sent to you. You look back up to the person working the front desk and thank them for helping you.

“Come again soon and have a good day,” they say with enthusiasm in their voice as you walk out of the hotel.

You didn’t bother to text or call Clara and the boys, letting them know you were heading back home today. You were walking towards your car and your mind starts to drift off. In a parallel universe, you would be happy and living your life. Nothing bringing you down and you’d be happy with the person you love the most, making him happy the way he made you happy, a perfect world in your eyes and you smiled at the thought. A horn of a car caught your senses, waking you from your daydream and the smile on your face was replaced with sadness as the realization hit you.

You weren’t with Zabdiel.

Zabdiel is with Gwen, not you.

He made her happy and she made him happy the way you never would.

He kissed her at night or whenever he could at any given moment.

She was everything in his eyes.

You were his best friend in his eyes and that would never change.

Tears clouded your eyes and you wiped them away before the could hit your cheeks, you made it to your car and unlocked it. You got inside and threw your stuff on the passenger seat and closed the door realizing that today wasn’t your day again, that from this point on, your days may be filled with this feeling. You start your car and make your way out of your parking spot, driving towards your apartment, the place you called home. Once you make it back to your place, you pull into the parking garage for your apartment complex and park your car. You get out and grab your bags to make your way to the front of the building. Once you get to the front, you end up staring at the building in front of you, lots of thoughts going through your head. You weren’t ready to walk into your apartment that was filled with memories of and with him, but you had to be no matter how much it hurt. You missed the private space that was called yours and with a sigh, you walk into the complex opening the door and making your way towards the stairs. You usually took the elevator and your apartment was on the 5th floor, dreading to make it to your place, you took the stairs to prolong getting to the place that was yours, but reminded you of him.

You finally make it to your floor and open up the door that leads you to the hallway lined with apartment doors. Yours was the third to the left and as you stepped in front of your apartment door, you reach into your purse and pulled out your keys hesitating to unlock your door. With you being at a constant battle with your mind, instead of opening your door and going inside, you decided to text the boys and Clara letting them know you made it home safe.

Y/n: Hey. I just wanted to let you all know I’m back at my apartment safe. Saying I’m okay is an understatement so I won’t lie to you. I left my copy of the key to your guys’ apartment. I can’t find the need to have it anymore since Zabdiel has Gwen and they’ll be over more often. I thought it would be weird to have it, I left it on the kitchen counter for you. I don’t know when or if I’ll be back to your place anytime soon. It pains me to be in a place that holds memories with him knowing I’ll never be the person that can make him genuinely happy and be someone who holds a special place in his heart. I’m sorry if this hurts you all, but just know that I love and care for you all so much. Thank you for checking in on me, maybe I’ll come around when I’m ready, but until then, this is it from me. It’s not a goodbye, but a see you later.

As you wrote out the last of your text and hit send, you started to cry thinking how much tears you’ve cried the past couple days. Surprised your body can accumulate that much saltwater in your body for you to cry a whole damn ocean. You stuff your phone back into your coat pocket and finally open the door to your apartment, the smell of home flooding your system. You close and lock you door turning around being faced with the place you called home. Trying not to think of all of the memories this place held, you decided to do what you did at the hotel. Lay in bed all day, occasionally get up to grab food and go to the bathroom, watch TV and go to sleep. You walk into your kitchen and leave your keys on the counter, then walk towards your room with your bags in hand and open your door. Immediately, you were met with the scent of Zabdiel’s cologne, making your sadness grow more. Zabdiel was always over at your house and you both always slept in your room together, occasionally crashing on the couch side by side if he and the boys were spending the night at your place. Not wanting to cry anymore, you held in the tears and walk in to put down your bags next to your bed. You take off your coat almost forgetting your phone was in the pocket. You threw your coat into your dirty laundry basket making sure you grabbed your phone and make your way to your closet. Longing for a warm bath, you walk into your closet picking out clothes to be in for however long was left of the day.

You picked out shorts and a pair of clean underwear your eyes now scanning for a comfortable shirt to wear. You kept scanning until your eyes landed on a very small section of shirts that were too big for you and turned into a dress when you wore them, your heart stops. You knew coming back, you’d be hit with memories and things that were his and you couldn’t hide forever, at least not by the things that were spread around your apartment. You stare at the shirts, walking towards that small section of your closet, touching the shirts, each of them holding a memory on why it now sat hanging in your closet instead of Zabdiel’s.

*FLASHBACK*

Today was tiring for both you and Zabdiel. The boys were getting ready to release their second album and it was nonstop going to the studio almost every other day. They would be there all day until the late hours of the night. Sometimes they’d be let out early to rest after a day of hard work, but would be back early the next day. You always accompanied the boys to the studio and no one questioned you. When you didn’t show up with them to sleep in and get the rest you needed was when everyone questioned the boys, the feeling of you not being with them foreign. Tonight was one of the many late-night sessions the boys had and once they were finished for the night, you all had piled into the van heading towards the boys' apartment. Clara was upfront in the passenger seat next to the driver texting on her phone. In the middle row, Christopher took the left window seat leaning his head on the window watching the cars pass by, Erick was sat in the middle next to Christopher and leaned his head onto Christopher’s arm passed out, Joel sat to the right and was scrolling through Instagram while listening to music. You were in the back in between Richard, who was knocked out on your right and Zabdiel, on your left who had fallen asleep on your shoulder. You looked down at Zabdiel and smiled at your sleepy best friend, soon enough you all arrived at the boys' place. Clara woke up Erick who stretched his arms out, almost hitting Christopher in the face. You chuckled a bit and looked at Richard, you shook Richard’s arm to wake him up and luckily he was a light sleeper. Not long later, he was awake thanking you for getting him up. He looked beside you seeing Zabdiel was still asleep.

“Good luck waking him up, but you won’t need it. He gets mad when we do it but with you, he seems to not get mad or angry at all,” Richard says to me with reassurance and steps out of the van. You look down at Zabdiel and shaking his arm calling out his name.

“Zabdi, amor. I know you’re tired but you have to get up, we’re here at your place,” you say soft as you could but you knew you had to get him up because tiredness was finally getting to you and you still had to drive back to your place. After shaking his arm for a couple minutes and combing your hands through his hair, he finally woke up and you smiled at him.

“Buenos días love, we’re home. You have to get up now, you can go to sleep when we get upstairs. The boys and Clara are already up there, they gave me the key so I could lock the van once you got up,” you say looking at him with adoration in your eyes as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes.

“Gracias Y/n, I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he says to you with sleepy eyes as he leans over to kiss your cheek and collects his things. You look down gathering your things, hiding the blush rising into your cheeks. You both make your way out of the van making sure you had everything and the boys didn’t leave anything before Zabdiel shut the door with you locking the van.

Zabdiel takes a head start not noticing you’ve fallen behind. You look down at your phone to see it’s almost two in the morning groaning and swiping both hands across your face. Zabdiel hears you and notices you walking towards him and decides to wait for you. You take notice in his action and continued walking towards him. When you get close enough, he grabs your hand lacing your fingers together as you walk in unison into the front of the apartment complex. Zabdiel opens the door holding it open for you like the gentleman he is, you nod thanking him as he follows behind you grabbing your hand again. You both make it inside the elevator and it ascends it’s way up to the floor where the boys' apartment was on. You lean your head on Zabdiel’s arm since he was a giant compared to your fun-sized self both of you holding each other's hand. Zabdiel looks down and laughs at you quietly trying not to be loud, soon enough the elevator bell rings, indicating you were on their floor. Zabdiel softly nudges you and you open your eyes, the both of you walking outside of the elevator towards the door to the boys' apartment. As the short walk to the apartment ends, Zabdiel opens the door, big enough for you to make your way in, but notices you not making your way in. He looks back sending you a confused look.

“Y/n, what are you doing? Come inside, the light is too bright and I don’t want to wake up any of the boys,” He says rubbing his eyes looking towards you as you stood in the doorway, smiling sleepily at him and you try to wake yourself up.

“I’m not sleeping here tonight Zab. I have to get home,” you say to with tiredness in your eyes as you yawn. He takes it as a sign of you being sleepy and too tired to drive.

You fight against your sleep as you yawn and open your eyes to be met with Zabdiel standing in front of you looking down at your eyes. You look up at him and grab his hand to try to reassure him that you’d be okay driving home. He shakes his head refusing for you to drive home in your tired state and takes his chance to step back and drag you inside their apartment. He closes the door and locks it while blocking the door.

“I will NOT let you drive home in the state you’re in Y/n. You really think I would? I know you and you’re exhausted like the rest of us. Tonight you will stay here and sleep, tomorrow you can go home once you’ve rested. As of now, I’m not letting you leave here without you laying down and getting the rest you need.” He tells me while taking my car keys out of my hand and placing them somewhere I can’t reach.

You groan at him and want to start arguing with him to let me go home, but he was right. Without a fight, you sighed in defeat and you could picture the smirk on his face, him looking down at you. He drags you towards his room and you follow lazily behind him not trying to wake any of the boys up as he opens his door and sets his things down on the floor at the foot of his bed. He turns on his light in his room and you try to block out the light that's blinding your eyes. You close the door as soft as you could making sure not to wake anyone, as you look down at your phone in your hand, you notice it’s already past 3 in the morning. You drop your stuff on the floor and walk to Zabdiel’s bed collapsing on top of it face first, you giving out a muffled groan the bed suppressing your voice. Zabdiel laughs and walks around his room, getting his things together to get changed for bed and that’s when it hits you. You turn over, now laying on your back. You mentally sigh forgetting you didn’t bring any extra clothes to sleep in for the night since you had decided you were going to drive home after you all got back to the boys' apartment before you went to the studio with them. You turn to look at Zabdiel who was practically naked in front of you, wearing nothing but boxers that hung low on his hips. Your feelings were starting to get to you but you had to keep it under control. Trying not to stare at him for too long, you broke away and looked up at the ceiling just in time for him to look at you, a laugh coming out of his mouth.

“Why aren’t you getting changed Y/n? I’m pretty sure you won’t be comfortable sleeping in a pair of jeans,” he says walking towards you and sitting next to your body that was sprawled out on his bed.

You sit up with your elbows supporting you, taking notice that he was now dressed in a pair of basketball shorts along with a muscle tank top that hugged him perfectly defining his upper body. You look at him in a daze, realizing you haven’t answered him and he clears his throat to catch your attention. You look back up towards his face falling back onto his bed as your forearm shields your eyes from the blinding lights.

“I completely forgot that I didn’t bring clothes. I planned on going home tonight before I headed to the studio with you guys and now I have nothing to sleep in for tonight,” you say sighing tiredly.

You knew you now had to go home because you didn’t want to sleep in the same clothes you were wearing. You laid there deciding that you were going to make your way home when you felt clothes being thrown at you and Zabdiel chuckling at you. You didn’t notice that he had gotten up and grabbed a pair of his boxers for you to change in.

“You’re not going home tonight like I said Y/n. Just wear those, wear the shirt you’re wearing now and go to bed,” Zabdiel says to you with a serious tone in his voice as he made his way to his side of the bed getting comfortable in his space.

You walk into his closet and change out of your pair of jeans, slipping on his boxers over your underwear. You walk out and throw your jeans next to your things on the floor. Feeling uncomfortable in your shirt that hugged your upper body, you decide to grab one of Zabdiel’s shirts and wear them for the night. You walk over to his drawer and open the one that held his shirts. You grab a random white shirt that had the Nike logo on the corner of it and closed the drawer. You make your way back to Zabdiel’s closet and look at Zabdiel who was now laying on his side of the bed sleeping. Listening to his slow breaths, you knew he was knocked out. You make a mental note of how cute he looked and step into his closet yet again to change your shirt. You walk back out and throw your shirt on top of your jeans while walking towards the light switch to turn off the lights. Once you turn off the lights, you make your way to Zabdiel’s bed walking as quietly as you could, trying not to wake Zabdiel up.

You sit down at the edge of the bed and grab your phone that was now moved to the side table next to Zabdiel’s bed, guessing Zabdiel had set it down there. You look at your lock screen to see it was almost four in the morning and with that, you lock your phone setting it back down on his side table. You climb into the bed, pulling the covers over you, laying on your side of the bed, closing your eyes to try to fall asleep. Zabdiel sensed you were now laying in his bed, he wasn’t able to sleep even though he tried as hard as he could. At instinct, he put his arm around your waist as he pulled you closer to him cuddling into your back, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck.

“You can’t sleep either can you?” You ask him, now feeling more comfortable in his arms that felt like home.

He nodded against your neck and you felt your cheeks warm up as you smile to yourself feeling nothing but happiness fill your body. You snuggled into him more as you both felt the tiredness take over your body. Before you fully fell asleep you whispered three words making sure he wasn’t able to hear them.

“Te amo mucho,” left your lips and you swore you felt Zabdiel smile against your neck leaving a small peck where your neck and shoulders meet. Sleep consuming your whole body, you had fallen asleep in your best friend’s arms with a smile on your face.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

You look at the white shirt, your hand grabbing the hanger to fully lay your eyes on it. Wondering if that night Zabdiel heard you say those three words. Still, to this day, he never questioned that night, having you think he didn’t. Your free hand roaming around the white fabric you held in the other hand as you felt a single tear hit your cheek. You hadn’t noticed you were tearing up and once you did, you hung the shirt back up in its spot and grabbed one of your loose shirts not caring which you had grabbed. Closing your closet door, you looked down at your phone that was now lit up with a notification from none other than Zabdiel. Not wanting to open his messages, you lay your hand on the home button to see what he said.

Zabdiel: Hey Y/n, I wanted to thank you for the night of the dinner. It meant a lot to me that you were there and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner about Gwen. We were waiting for the right time to tell everyone, but I’m glad you were able to finally meet her. Seeing my best friend and my girlfriend that night, getting along together made me very happy. Clara told me about your visiting friends and from what I know, none of your friends are here so what’s really going on? You’re my best friend Y/n, talk to me. You know I will always be here for you no matter what, that’s what best friends are for, right? I love you, call me if you need anything.

Tears welled up in your eyes and you threw your phone on your bed not wanting to respond to his message. Your cries turned into painful sobs as your heart was breaking into pieces, little by little. Your body collapsed on the floor as you hugged your arms around your legs, the message catching you off guard. Out of the whole time, you were gone, not once did he text you so what changed now? What caught you was the second to last sentence, two words stood out.

Best Friends.

Sadly it was true, you both were best friends and it was going to stay that way as long as you were in his life. Nothing you did was going to change that and at the end of the day, it was his decision on who he loved, not yours. It was his life and if he was happy with someone other than you, then you had to live with it as much as it pained you. You had to accept it but in time.

You sat there a bit longer you sobs finally calming down. You made yourself get up to grab your clothes and made your way towards your bathroom, ready to take that warm bath you’ve been craving for so long. You turned off your lights to your room leaving your phone on your bed not bothering to take it with you. You turn on the lights in the bathroom, illuminating your surroundings. You set your clothes down onto the counter next to your sink and walk to the closet that was outside next to the bathroom, grabbing a towel for yourself. You walk back into the bathroom and set the towel on top of the lid of your toilet, sitting at the edge of the bathtub, you turn on the water making sure it was warm enough for you and you let the warm water fill the bathtub. You walk back towards your sink standing in front of the mirror, looking back at your reflection. In your mind, picture a smile on your face. Laughing and looking alive, but the person you were seeing in the mirror wasn't you anymore, but someone who was in a terribly sad state who was an emotional wreck. You couldn’t notice yourself in the mirror. Bags under your eyes took over your eyes that once held life, your hair was disheveled in a million different ways than looking like you had just gotten it done. The thing you noticed the most was how dead and drained you looked on the outside, you not wanting to hide how you felt on the inside anymore because it was eating you up and you couldn’t handle it anymore. You let all your emotions take over now showing you that the Y/n who was once feeling happy, not having a care in the world, living her life happily and more was now replaced by a zombie who was as just as much dead on the outside as she was on the inside. Before you could get lost in your mind more, your attention turned to the bathtub, almost done filling up with water. You go to grab something under your sink, reaching to find your bath bomb that smelt of vanilla. You strip off your clothes and walk to your bathtub with your bath bomb in hand to turn off the faucet.

You dip your feet in one by one until your whole body is consumed by the warm water that filled your tub. You grab the bath bomb that was sitting on the edge of your tub and drop it in the water watching it fizzle and disappear as time went by. You focused on the bath bomb, thinking how something so simple brought a small tinge of joy in your mood, giving your mind and heart a rest from fighting between each other. You lay back letting the smell of vanilla and warm water consume you as you start to finally relax from all the chaos you had been going through the past couple days. You shut your eyes not fighting the tiredness that was gnawing at you the entire time you’ve been back home and let it take over.

Not long later, you woke up from what seemed like a lifetime of sleep, feeling more relaxed than you’ve ever felt for the past couple of days. Feeling somewhat better, you unplug the water to let it drain the tub and stand up to grab your towel that was sat on top of the lid of your toilet. You dry your upper body, face, and arms, shortly after stepping out of the tub, wrapping your towel around your body and walk towards you sink where your clothes laid. You dried the rest of your body and turn around to hang your towel on the towel rack that was hung on the wall in front of your bathroom sink. You change into your clothes and pick up your dirty clothes making sure you turned off your bathroom light. You make your way back to your room, discarding your clothes into your dirty laundry basket and look towards your window looking at the sky. You see that the sun is almost done setting indicating that the sun was now switching places with the moon, the cotton candy colors in the sky fading away more and more as time went by. You look towards your phone, having forgotten all about it and decide to pick it up to see what you had missed. Again, your phone is filled with missed calls, text messages and facetime from the boys. You decided to go through them and what caught your eye was the most recent message Richard had sent to you in the group chat you were in with him and the boys, minus Zabdiel.

Richard: Y/n, we’ve been trying to contact you. You keep ignoring our texts and calls and we’re tired of you being MIA. We miss you and we want to help you, but also just be there for you. You’ve been alone and disconnected for too long, enough is enough. The boys and I (and no, Zabdiel isn’t coming) are heading to your place right now, see you in a bit.

You look to see when Richard had sent a text message to see it was sent 15 minutes ago. You didn’t want to face your friends now, you weren’t ready just yet to be faced by them. Dropping your phone on the bed, you walk over to one of the bags that you brought with you when you stayed with the boys. You emptied out everything that remained in the bag onto your floor and ran around your room, grabbing random items of clothes and throwing them into the bag packing for a couple days. It doesn’t take you long and before you know it, you’re zipping up the bag, grabbing your phone along with your purse and turn off the lights in your room, heading out again to stay as far away from your apartment and the boys as you possibly could. You walk into your kitchen and grab the keys that laid on your counter untouched since you arrived home, making sure to leave on a single light in the kitchen so that when you came back, you weren’t met with darkness. Your bag hangs from your shoulder as you made sure everything was in order before you left again, not wanting to deal with your feelings. You open the door ready to leave and are met with 4 pairs of eyes looking down at you that was filled with sadness and sympathy.

You didn’t want their pity or for them to feel sorry for you, it wasn’t their fault, they shouldn’t be feeling that way towards you. You continue to stare at them as they stare back at you, you breaking their stare and look down at your bag on your shoulder. They knew what you were going to do and before you could walk past them, they walked into your apartment with Richard grabbing your arm dragging you back inside your home and into the living room, you not wanting to put up a fight anymore. He brought you to your couch to sit down, you break away from his hold on you and play with your hands. You take in your surroundings when you hear your door close and whoever closing the door, locking it. You look next to you on your right to see Erick with a concerned look on his face, tears threatening to make its way down his face.

You immediately knew Richard was on your left since he was the one who brought you back into your place, not leaving your side his face also filled with concern. You hear walking and look up to see Joel walking into your living room giving you a weak smile while taking a seat on one of the chairs that sat in your living room. Lastly, Christopher was sitting on a chair in front of you not knowing what to do, but give you a small smile. You hadn’t held an actual conversation with any of them since the night of the dinner, you not knowing what to say and you stayed silent. With tension in the air, none of the boys and you knew what to say or how to start the conversation. With the feeling of being overwhelmed and anxiety coming back mixed your mind and heart now back at battle with each other because of the reminders of the events that happened that night, you burst into tears, letting them all flow down and out not holding it in anymore.

At an instinct, all the boys come to you, they hug and hold you as they’re trying to control your sobs reminding you that they’re here for you through this tough time. After what seems like an eternity, you let go and so do they, you thanking them for that well-needed hug. All is silent again and you sigh, knowing you had to talk to them and establish the conversation.

“I’m sorry for ignoring you all. Ignoring your texts and calls. I didn’t want to deal with the situation at all honestly. That night Zabdiel brought Gwen was the night I truly knew it was never going to be me in that position, that I was never going to make him happy as she made him,” you start to say to them with tears coming out of your eyes again. You had to let it all, not holding back anything you felt while the boys continue to let you talk.

“You know what sucks the most? Is after finding out Zabdiel is now with Gwen again, seeing them together, how you can see the love in his eyes that holds out for her, not being able to tell him how I truly feel about him and most of all, the unbearable pain I’ve felt these past couple days… I’m still in love with him and I think I’ll always be. Before Zabdiel, there wasn’t any guy like him. A guy that actually cared to know how I was doing, someone who checked up on me when he sensed that I wasn’t okay, someone who came over and spent time with me when I felt lonely and more. When I met him while you were all competing on La Banda, I felt a connection with him after getting to talk to him as cliché as it sounds. I never expected to become best friends with him, let alone gain you all as brothers along the way. Now here we are years later and I’m in love with Zabdiel while he’s in love with Gwen and there’s absolutely nothing I can do to change his mind. He chose her before I got my chance and now I’m too late. I’m stupid for waiting, I know. I was scared that he would never feel the same, I didn’t want to make our friendship awkward if I told him I liked him and he didn’t reciprocate the same feelings towards me. I didn’t want to risk it all and jeopardize the future of being happy as friends for a chance of me to be happy to be with him as sad it sounds. I needed time away from him and you all to let my mind and heart process the situation at hand. I couldn’t sit around you all while Gwen and Zabdiel were acting like a perfect couple and act like I would be okay because I’m not. What I don’t get is at the end of the day, I was ALWAYS there for Zabdiel. Gwen broke his heart multiple times and who was there to pick up the pieces when she hurt him? Me. Who was there to comfort him when he couldn’t sleep during their constant break-ups? Me. Who was there to comfort him and tell him that it wasn’t his fault in the relationship when she fucked him over and fucked him up? IT WASN’T HER, IT WAS FUCKING ME!” you say now yelling out and standing up, your sadness turned into anger.

“I WAS FUCKING THERE FOR HIM WHEN SHE BROKE HIS HEART TO PIECES. WHEN SHE CHEATED ON HIM TIME AFTER TIME. WHEN SHE SPREAD AWFUL RUMORS THAT WERE NEVER TRUE. SHE BASICALLY STRINGED HIM ALONG AT TIMES AND WAS COMPLETELY OKAY WITH IT. SHE BROKE HIM AND WHO DID HE COME TO? ME. HE CAME TO FUCKING ME BECAUSE I WAS THE ONE THERE FOR HIM THROUGH IT ALL AND NOW HE’S BACK WITH HER? HOW DOES HE NOT REMEMBER ALL THE PAIN HE WENT THROUGH BECAUSE OF HER? I FEEL BETRAYED AND HURT BECAUSE HE NEVER TOLD ME AND SUPPOSEDLY THEY’VE BEEN GOING OUT LONGER THAN WHEN HE INTRODUCED HER TO ME AND THAT SHIT HURTS EVEN MORE. HE NOT ONLY DUDE HE LIE TO ME, BUT HE USED ME FOR COMFORT WHEN HE COULDN’T GET IT FROM HER AND ITS BREAKS ME THAT I’M OKAY WITH THAT BECAUSE I WANT TO BE AROUND HIM, HE’S MY BEST FRIEND WHO I’M IN LOVE WITH AND HE’S IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE,” you yell out and finally sit back down, sinking into the couch letting out a quiet sob.

“Why is he with her after all she’s done to him? What does she have that I don’t? Why am I not good enough for him? Don’t I deserve to be happy and in love too?” you question yourself looking around at the boys and you take in all their expressions as your eyes are filled with tears.

You look across from you and Christopher had a sad expression on his face, he didn’t want his friend to question her worth because his brother was in a toxic relationship that kept going in circles, he reached over and grabbed your hand and rubbed his thumb over the top of your hand, trying to comfort you. Joel got up from his seat and kneeled in front of you grabbing your other hand doing the same as Christopher looking at you trying to calm down your breathing. Richard was on your left rubbing your back helping you catch your breath as you broke out into more sobs. He hated seeing his little sister affected the way you were, he didn’t like to see you cry, let alone you break down in front of all of them, something you’ve never done. Erick was on your right-leaning his head on your shoulder while his hand was on your arm, rubbing it try to comfort you and calm you down as well. You couldn’t see it but it broke Erick the most, he was the youngest of you all and he thought of you as his big sister, he hated to see you hurt, let alone how broken you were now. They all hated seeing you this broken, they’ve never seen anything like it with also you breaking down in front of them.

“Never question your worth Y/n. What Zabdiel does in his life is his choice, we’re all going to have to live with it and move forward. As much as we don’t like them together and wished it was you with him and not her, we can’t do anything about it, that’s the reality. We know you feel for him and we hope he comes to his senses but just know, you deserve all the love and to be happy without him. He’s still your best friend, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have time to yourself. He’ll still be there, but what matters now is you and you taking care of yourself while also, taking all the time you need to heal from this heartbreak. Guess what? You’re not alone and you’ll never be alone. You have us, we’ll all be there for you no matter what because you’re stuck with us and we love and care about you so much Y/n and we’ll keep reminding you of that.” Richard says to you and the boys agree with him.

You smile at each of them and laugh a bit with tears still spilling out of your eyes. You stand up and they all do the same, you giving them each a hug thanking them for being there for you. You started with Erick who was in tears and you comforted him giving him a hug while rubbing his back, reassuring him that you were okay.

“I love you Y/n and I’ll always be here for you. You’re the best older sister I never had and I’m not going to lose you or let you be alone.” Erick says to you while you hug him. You break away from his embrace and give him a kiss on the cheek moving onto Joel giving him a tight hug.

“I love you and all I’m saying is if you feel this way again, come to me and I’ll go off on whoever made you feel this way. I don’t care who it is, even if it’s one of these fools, I’ll fuck them up.” Joel says to you and you chuckle into his chest. You lift your head from his chest and kiss his cheek breaking away from him. Christopher was next and you hugged him as tight as you could, him towering over you.

“If you need anything at all, don’t hesitate to come to me. We’ll order a lot of food and talk it out while we eat or just eat our feelings away.” Christopher comforts you while making a joke while you chuckle and nod your head in his chest taking up that offer one day.

You break away thanking him and giving him a kiss on his cheek too. Last was Richard and though you and Zabdiel had a special bond, so did you and Richard, though it didn’t compare, you two were still close him being your big brother figure.

“Hermana, we’re all here for you, remember that okay? Through it all, we have your back and we always will. We’re family and family has your back, ALWAYS.” Richard said hugging you as tightly as he could.

You were interrupted when Erick’s phone went off, you let go of Richard and look towards Erick who was staring down at his phone. Joel looked over his shoulder and a worried look spread across his face. You, Chris and Richard looking confused as Erick answered the phone, putting it on speaker.

Erick: Hello?

Your breath hitched in your throat and you felt like you couldn’t breathe anymore. No oxygen going through your lungs

Zabdiel: I know you guys are at Y/n’s place, I tracked your phone. I’ve been trying to get ahold of all of you for the past hour, why didn’t you tell me you were going to see her?

Erick: You were with Gwen we didn’t want to interrupt you two so we went without you and to answer your question, we came here because Y/n’s been here the whole time and she finally contacted us. She’s been feeling badly ill so we went here to check on her.

Your heart broke knowing Zabdiel was with Gwen this whole time but what could you do? You couldn’t do anything so, as to best as you can, you pushed the feeling away listening to the rest of Erick’s conversation with Zabdiel

Zabdiel: Well I’m on my way there, I’ll see you guys in 10 minutes

With that, Zabdiel hung up and panic set in your system. You sat down on the couch trying to catch your breath knowing now you were going to have to face your best friend sooner than you thought.

“Guys, I don’t think I can do this. I can’t face him right now. I’m a mess and he’s going to know something is up, I’m not ready to face this all in one night. It’s too soon.” you say to them with a weak voice that was mixed with anxiety and anxiousness.

“Don’t worry, we have a plan,” Richard said and he told the boys what was going to happen.

They ran around your place as you went to the bathroom to wash your face not knowing what was happening in your living room. As you close the bathroom door, all you could hear was the frantic steps of all the boys getting together what they needed. Closing the door, you look at yourself seeing that your eyes were puffy and your cheeks stained with tears from you crying. You turned on the faucet with cold water and started to wash your face drenching it with cold water over and over again. Once you were done, you turned around and wiped your face with your towel. You open the bathroom door and you hear a knock coming from the front door, indicating that Zabdiel had arrived. You step into your living room and it was completely different. Blankets and pillows were sprawled out on your living room floor. You counted four pillow and four blankets knowing those were for the boys, looking towards the couch, you see a blanket and pillow on top assuming it was yours.

“Alright, I’m going to answer the door and let him in, act like you’re sick and we’ll be fine,” Richard said to you and you make your way to your couch.

Erick and Joel were laying down on the floor searching for movies on Netflix while Chris was in your kitchen making his way into the living room holding two cups of tea. He made his way towards you and handed one to you, you grab it and thank him as he walked to your small dining table to drink his. You heard Richard open the door and Zabdiel’s voice.

“Where is she? How is she? I need to see her? Sorry I’m late, as you know I was with Gwen but I’m here now so where’s Y/n?” Zabdiel questioned Richard with panic in his voice but there was a hint of annoyance in there as well.

Before Richard could answer, Zabdiel made his way to your room noticing you weren’t there then looked in your living room. You were sitting up on your couch drinking the tea Chris had given you. Richard told you to act like you were sick but at this point, you weren’t acting. You felt sick and tired, wanting to just pass out forgetting that you haven’t eaten the whole day.

“Ay Dios Mio Y/n, what happened? Why didn’t you tell me you were sick? Why didn’t you let any of the boys know? Why didn’t you call me when you started feeling this way? Why-” before Zabdiel could continue, Joel cut him off.

“Zabdiel, CHILL! You’re going to stress her out more than she is already and you don’t want her to feel worse than she does already right? So shut the fuck up and calm down before I make you leave. We’re all tired, mostly it being Y/n and she doesn’t need this unnecessary stress that you’re causing her.” Joel says to Zabdiel with annoyance in his voice while you look down at your tea not wanting to meet Zabdiel’s eyes.

Zabdiel walked away opening the sliding door going to your balcony to get some air, slamming the door loudly. You let out a sigh and Richard comes towards the couch to sit next to you. You can feel all of the boy's eyes fixed on you, not wanting to look up because you knew if you did, tears would spill out of them.

“I’ll talk to him. Make yourselves at home. Mi casa es su casa,” you say to them trying to lighten up the mood.

You feel Richard grab your hand and you look up to him, giving you eyes of encouragement. You send a weak smile and get up to make your way to your balcony where your best friend was. You open your sliding door and see Zabdiel’s silhouette, his head hanging down and his body hunched over, his elbows leaning on the edge of your balcony railing. You walk up next to him, leaning your elbows onto the balcony railing. You didn’t know what to say to him, your mind and heart still at war with each other.

Your heart tells you to tell Zabdiel how you felt towards him, to tell Zabdiel that you love him completely and wholely, to tell Zabdiel how he made you feel like you were always on top of the world when you were with him. You wanted to scream at him about Gwen and how she didn’t deserve his heart, that you could treat him better. You wanted to pour out your whole heart to him, to put it all out on the table, your heart telling you that it wasn’t too late.

Your mind telling you to leave the situation be. How Zabdiel’s relationship didn’t involve you, reminding you that you had so much time to tell him and now he was taken by someone else. Your mind reminded you that he deserves love and happiness by someone he chose for himself, how even though you were in love with him, he was in love with someone else. Reality hit your system when your mind reminded you is Zabdiel did love you, but that love wasn’t the same as your love for him. You loved him as a best friend and more, but Zabdiel only loved you as a friend. At the end of the day, Gwen captivated his heart in the way you want to and you didn’t want to ruin in. Between the battle of your heart and mind, your mind won overall. Taking everything into consideration, you weren’t going to tell Zabdiel how you felt but had to say something. You inhaled a big inhale through your nose and sigh out as soft as you could, knowing you had to start it off, giving Zabdiel your best acting skills you could do.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I truly am. I know I should’ve because you’re my best friend. I- I just didn’t want to bother you with my sick self. You were having a good time with Gwen and I didn’t want to ruin anything, but trust me when I say I’m okay, I am. I still feel like complete shit, but I'm getting better. I know you’re concerned, but don’t be. The boys are helping me get better and I'm being taken cared for. I know you’ll always be there for me, but you have a life Zabdiel. You have a woman who loves and cares about you as a whole, take the chance to enjoy it all. I can take care of myself Zab, I promise I'm okay,” you reach over and put your hand over his, rubbing your thumb on top of his hand. He looks down towards you since he towered over you a lot. You look back up at him with tired eyes, a small but weak smile appearing on your face. He brings you into a hug wrapping his arms around you tightly.

“I’m sorry for lashing out on you and for causing more stress. You don’t deserve that, especially now since you’re not feeling well at all. Seeing you weak and the boys here, with me being the last to know and show up last made me mad and a bit jealous because I thought I’d be the first one you called, but I get why you didn’t and I want to say that I love and care about you. Please don’t hesitate at all to call me if you need anything or if something is wrong. You are my best friend, I will forever and always be there for you, no questions asked.” Zabdiel says while holding you in his arms. You wrapped your arms around his torso, holding onto him like he disappears into thin air if you let him go. Tears threatened to escape your eyes, but you didn’t let them. You both were left on your balcony, your head is on his chest as you listen to his steady heartbeat. Zabdiel’s head was resting on yours, rubbing circles into your back. He let’s go of you and gives you a weak smile.

“Let’s go back inside and rest. It seems like the boys are sleeping here and if it’s okay with you, I’ll join them too,” Zabdiel looks at you with a smile and you nod.

You follow behind him, closing the sliding door before making your way into the living room where all 4 of the boys were sprawled out on the floor. You make your way to your couch taking the spot you were sitting in before heading outside, but now, Zabdiel took the empty space next to you. Zabdiel looks over to you as you leave a space between the two of you. He reaches down to grab your hand, you look over at him.

“Just because I have a girlfriend now doesn’t mean I can’t cuddle with my best friend, what are you doing? Come over here,” he says to you and without any obligation, you make your way towards him and cuddle into his side. Zabdiel wraps his right arm around your body laying his hand on your arm, making patterns on your skin. You cuddle into Zabdiel, you head resting on his chest as you both watch the movie on your TV. Richard turns his head to look at you and gives you a concerned look. Zabdiel never noticed, but you caught eyes with Richard giving him a weak smile. He returns one to you as well, his attention going back to the movie. One by one, the boys pass out, you and Zabdiel being the last ones awake.

“I really do hope you feel better, amor. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you in the beginning when you started feeling like this, but I’m here now and that’s what matters right? I don’t know what I’d do without you if you left my life like you disappeared and it was like you never existed. I will always say this to you, but you are one of the best things that have happened in my life. I’m glad that I met you on La Banda and we instantly connected. You’re the best friend everyone wishes they had and I have you. I care and love you so much Y/n, thank you for being my best friend.” With that Zabdiel kissed your head and closed his eyes, you heard his breathing slow down indicating he had fallen asleep.

All the boys were now fast asleep and you took this private time to yourself to let your tears escape your eyes. After the events that happened, you were still in the same state you’ve been in for the past days. You look up and the man you had fallen in love with, suddenly his once arms feeling like home, didn’t feel like home to you anymore. You knew that his arms would never be home to you, that they were home to someone else. That person is the one Zabdiel loved, that person not being you. You had to accept that the fantasies you had of each other being happy together, having adventures around the world together, one day getting married and having kids growing your family together and growing old together while still having the love for each other since the beginning of it all wasn’t going to be a reality and something you were going to have in your life and you thought to yourself,

Maybe We Were Never Meant To Be.

I hope you enjoyed this and lmk if u want to be added to the taglist and send me requests in my inbox or asks. feedback is appreciated too :)

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isthisthingeven0n · 5 years

Text

typo : d.d

brief summary: being in a long distance relationship with david and no longer knowing if you can make it work

thank you for the request and I hope you like it. I found some old poetry and incorporated it into this and I quite liked the outcome. :) - it’s angsty so if you’re in that mood I’ve got you covered

masterlistin’

I missed waking up in the mornings knowing I’d be greeted by his sleepy smile or a mumbled sentence that wasn’t quite coherent just yet. I missed the way he’d reach out, bring his arms around me until I was resting against his chest, hearing him hum in complete content.

All of the touches, the gentle kisses and supportive hugs were mere ghosts against my skin now as we sit facing one another over pixelated screens. We’ve been trying long distance for six months now and it doesn’t seem to be getting any easier to comprehend.

When I was offered a job in Paris I couldn’t turn it down, David knew how much of a boost this would give me in my line of work. He threw a party when I got accepted, but that was when we anticipated me being there short term. That was when they told me there isn’t a current end date to my stay in Paris which strained the last few weeks of our relationship.

“How’s Paris?” He asks nonchalantly. The excitement of being in one of the worlds most famous cities has become an afterthought and lacks the thrill it first had.

Shrugging my shoulders I glance out of my window, seeing the street view below near the remains of the Notre Dame. “It’s okay, bit cold.” I respond blandly as I pull at the blanket around my shoulders.

We’ve passed the idea of him ever being able to visit as he’d be stuck here with no way out. His career couldn’t last here without all of his friends, even if I were the one he would be stuck with.

It wasn’t easy knowing there wasn’t a date we could work towards. There isn’t a time when I can take a trip back home to be with him, even for a short while. “LA is boiling as ever, remember when we went to that beach?” He asks as his lips are out of sync with his words, the joy of that memory fading with the reality of this poor connection.

“Yeah, it was a good one.” I mumble as I lower my head, fighting back the tears once more but I know he can’t see them, no matter how good his internet may be over there. “You up to anything today?” Quietly asking I can hear the others in the background, the laughter spreading down the line whilst it remains ghostly on my end, the only sound being the cars outside of the city and my neighbours arguing about their stray cat.

Checking the time I knew it was early, he had his whole day ahead whilst mine was coming to an end. “Got some new bits to film and then hopefully going to record the podcast. How’d you feel if you joined in on a section of it? I’m sure Joe could make that work somehow.” I can’t ignore the hope in his voice, how it is dragging behind him as he raises his eyebrows slowly.

“Okay, let me know, yeah?” I try to copy his tone, but it falls flat. “I guess I better let you go and get on with filming. Don’t want to hold you up.” I couldn’t help but feel like a nuisance, I was always preventing work from being done when he’d call.

If I were there it’d be different as David knew I was there, even if I were asleep in his bed he could finish editing and come keep me company. But now, if he wants to see me he has to stop working, call me and have a conversation.

Sometimes it’s too forced and others it feels like old times. The way things used to be. He was so eager to see the sights of Paris that I’d send his way and I would laugh at the photos he’d send of our friends. But now photos became infrequent, the laughter has officially died down.

“I’ll speak to you soon,” He states as he glances behind his shoulders, holding his hand up to someone off of the screen. “love you, bye.” Before I can respond he’s gone as the words hover over my lips.

My fingertips hover over the keys, unsure which order my words would come out in. I struggle to control the shaking no matter how many times I tell myself it would be worthwhile, that after this the weight would be lifted from my shoulders and his too. Except now it felt like the weight was only increasing as if that all it will ever do and defeat me every time.

I knew the words, I knew each letter and its location. But I can’t bring myself to do it, all of the events play in my head like a broken record, scratched, damaged but still loved. They didn’t need to be on repeat, I need a new record, I need my escape.

Applying light pressure onto the keys I shut my eyes as I type the letters, they remain slow but swift in movement as I can feel a build-up of tears in my closed eyes.

Opening them they remain glossy, causing the screen to be blurred. But as soon as I blink and scan the words typed on the page, the words I had written as my finger hovered the enter button I hit delete.

Seeing the words, even for a split second was breaking my heart. I couldn’t do that to him, not like this. To know he could simply block me out, refuse to accept my calls because he had no other means of seeing me was tearing me apart. The painful reality of being long distance is finally settling in as the hope of making it work fades away.

Closing the lid of my laptop I wrap my blanket around my shoulders tighter as I walk over to my bay window, watching as Paris remains illuminated whilst my final light, a hope finally dies out.

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bee-kathony · 5 years

Photo

The Oath | Ch. 7 “An Adventure”

a/n: thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoy this chapter, I’ve been waiting for it for quite some time ;) and thank you @lburks226 @claryclark and @julesbeauchamp for all the screams when I told them about this...

Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6

February 8th, 2019

“What does it say?” Geillis knocked lightly on the door.

“I haven’t looked yet, my timer hasn’t gone off,” Claire dared a glance at her phone — thirty seconds left.

Thirty seconds until she found out if she was pregnant or not.

How could she have been so stupid that night at the party? Of course, there was an equal chance that the baby could be Frank’s.

“Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ,” Claire cursed under her breath, stamping her foot on the tiled bathroom floor.

She hoped it wasn’t Frank’s. There was no doubt whether she would keep the baby or not — Claire had always wanted to be a mother. But her circumstances were not quite what she had expected.

What Claire expected was to be married by now or at least engaged. At twenty-seven, she imagined that her personal life would look very different to how it actually was. Here she was, pacing in her friend’s bathroom, waiting to find out if she was pregnant or not. And not only was she single but one possible father had cheated on her, while the other was a near stranger!

“Please don’t let it be Frank’s,” she whispered to the empty room and then her timer went off.

“What does it say, Claire?” Geillis asked a second later.

“Would you be patient please?” Claire took a deep breath and walked over to the small stick that had the power to change her life. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to see but tears filled her eyes as she looked at the results and a smile spread across her face.

Geillis opened the door, holding the key in one hand and looked at Claire. “What does it say, lass?”

“I’m going to be a mum!” Claire smiled and held up the test with two pink lines and then fell into Geillis’ open arms.

“That’s wonderful, Claire! I ken ye wanted a baby, it doesna matter that it was a one night stand, look at what ye got out of it,” she laughed and then Claire released her.

“Well that’s the thing…” Claire twirled a lock of hair around her finger nervously. “I’m not entirely sure it’s Jamie’s.”

“I thought ye said ye and Frank hadna—“

Shaking her head, Claire looked down at the test again, “We hadn’t for a bit, but the night before I found out he was having an affair, we slept together.”

“Ye mean the day before the party?”

“Exactly,” Claire sighed. “And I’m not on birth control because Frank and I had decided to try for children a few months back and I feel like I was half asleep anyway.”

Geillis crossed her arms and leaned back on the doorframe. “And ye didna use protection with the wee fox cub,” Claire shook her head. “So it could be Frank’s, but it could be Jamie’s.”

“I’ve gotten myself into a bit of a situation haven’t I?”

“If this is what ye call a ‘bit of a situation’ then I need a whisky,” Geillis smirked and then walked towards the kitchen, forcing Claire to follow. “None for you though, mam.”

“Oh Christ, that’s right. No alcohol,” Claire ran her fingers through her curls. “How the hell am I going to get through this without alcohol?”

“That’s what ye have me for, lassie,” Geillis smiled and winked as she poured herself a glass. Claire looked at the bottle and her heart leapt. It was one of Jamie’s and she remembered that they had given out a bottle to everyone as the night ended.

“Are ye goin’ to call him?”

“Who?”

“Well that’s up to ye,” Geillis laughed, taking a sip of her drink. “Do you want either of them to know?”

The last thing that Claire wanted was for Frank to find out. Perhaps she was being selfish, but she knew that he would come to her and demand that the child was his. He was a proud man and he was the kind of man that wanted the seemingly perfect family. A wife at home to cook him dinner while she also folded the laundry and took care of their child. Claire didn’t want that life — even less with Frank. He certainly didn’t care for her and if he found out about the baby, he would only pretend to so he could be a part of the baby’s life.

“I’m not calling Frank,” Claire decided then and there. “Ever.”

“Will ye call Jamie then?”

“I don’t have his number, we didn’t get that far,” Claire blushed.

“Ye went so far to possibly create a bairn wi’ the lad, but ye didna exchange numbers?” Geillis laughed and finished off her glass. “Ye are a feisty one Beauchamp.”

“I found his company on Instagram,” Claire blurted.

“Then ye can message them and ask for Jamie’s number, easy as that.”

“I’m just—“ Claire fidgeted with a button on her sweater. “I don’t know if I want him to know either. Geillis, it was one night. One perfect night and if I tell him I’m pregnant and he could be the father… it’ll just mess everything up.”

“Having unprotected sex tends to make things a wee bit messy, Claire,” Geillis leveled with her and then seeing Claire’s defeated posture, set her glass down and embraced her friend. “Och, lass. Ye dinna have to decide now, ye only just found out yerself.”

“That’s true,” Claire sniffed. “I’ll take a week to think about it and then decide.”

“A week and no more,” Geillis rubbed her back. “I saw yer wee fox and if he is the father then ye’ll have a beautiful bairn.”

“Geillis!” Claire laughed. “You’re not wrong. And well… if the baby has red hair then that’ll be quite obvious.”

“Ye can have a paternity test while they’re still in the womb though nowadays ye ken?”

“Wouldn’t it be loads more fun to wait nine months to find out?”

“Or ye just dinna want to find out yer carryin’ that bastard Frank Randall’s child before ye set yer sight on the wee bairn?”

Geillis was always right and Claire just rolled her eyes, leaned back against the counter and looked the test one more time.

“Pregnant,” she said softly. “I’m going to have a baby.”

++++++

Two weeks flew by and Claire was so caught up at work that she didn’t realize how much time had passed. She promised Geillis that she would decide whether or not to call Jamie and that was a week ago.

She wasn’t even sure how he would react. How does one react when you find out the woman you slept with at your business’s launch party is pregnant and you may or may not be the father?

When she got back to Geillis’, Claire took a slice of pepperoni pizza from last night’s dinner and ate a bite cold. There was nothing better than leftover pizza. Her stomach rumbled and she had the oddest craving for pickles all of a sudden.

“I haven’t had a pickle in years,” Claire grinned and then slid her hand over her still rather flat stomach. “What are you making me eat little one?”

With the slice consumed, she pulled out her phone and searched for Fraser & Co. again.

Pressing message, she typed out a greeting, “Hello, my name is Claire Beauchamp and I met the owner Jamie,” she backspaced on his name and instead typed, “James Fraser. I’m interested in buying some whisky and need to get in touch with him.”

Staring at her words before she pressed send, her heart started to race as doubts crept in. What if he didn’t want to see her? Or what if when she told him she was pregnant, he accused her of lying to try and get at his money?

“He’s not Frank, Beauchamp,” Claire muttered to herself but her thumbs still hovered over the keyboard. Sighing, she pressed the delete button and locked her phone. She sounded insane and she felt insane for what she’d gotten herself into.

Of course, she knew that she should tell him he might be a father just like she knew she should tell Frank as well. But there was something holding her back. Claire hadn’t had the best experiences with men and she didn’t want to bring anything in to her latest predicament that would shake things up. Her life, while not going the way she planned at the moment, was slowly turning around.

All of her belongings now had a place in Geillis’ home and she felt she could call it that too. Her job performance was doing well since she now had nothing else in her life, she poured herself into it. And she was going to be a mum.

Sitting at the kitchen table on a late February day, Claire decided that she wanted to keep things just as they were… at least for awhile.

“It’s just you and me baby,” Claire smiled and laid her hand across her stomach.

++++++

Throughout the next several days, Jamie entered her mind often. While she was at work one day, she treated a little boy with a mop of red hair. And on her way home, she could have sworn she saw him on the street walking into town.

Perhaps it was a sign that she should contact him and tell him. Or maybe it was just her mind playing tricks on her. Whatever it was, Claire was still unsure what her next step was.

She did, however, know what she was going to be doing when she got home. Yesterday after work, she had gone to the bookstore and purchased a copy of The Lord of the Rings — Jamie’s favorite.

Claire told herself that it wasn’t creepy at all. He had told her to read it and so now she was. It had been raining all day as well, so what else was better than curling up in bed with a good book?

As soon as she got home, she put on the kettle, brewing her favorite cup of tea and then climbed into bed. Claire had started the book last night, but had been so tired, she’d fallen asleep in the first chapter.

Hours later, she was still laying in bed, turning page after page. She paused at something Gandalf had said, "A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to.”

Her hand moved to cover her stomach, rubbing slowly. “You arrived precisely when you meant to didn’t you wee wizard,” she laughed. As she continued to read, she couldn’t help but imagine Jamie’s thick Scottish accent in her head and she saw him in her mind — that fourteen year old boy who’d just lost his mother, reading about hobbits and wizards.

She certainly didn’t regret being pregnant — at least not the short time she had been. Claire only hoped she wouldn’t regret her decision whether to call Jamie or not. Shaking her head to clear her mind, Claire focused her attention back on the book in front of her and lost herself once again in the Shire.

Chapter 8: The Bump

#the oath #chapter 7 #outlander fanfiction #outlander fanfic #jamie x claire #an adventure #jamie fraser #claire fraser #FINALLY #i have been holding this in for SO long #fdksljflkdsjf #mclairefras

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tswift · 5 years

Text

So, I really never planned on speaking up about this particular issue because I couldn’t care less. And when I say that, I mean it, truly. I log onto here maybe once or twice a day at that, reblog a few things, and leave. Sometimes I gif but I don’t have a lot of spare time. I’m busy with school/life/etc so I am not very consistent. I have never been one to publicly involve myself in drama because I think it’s tacky. It IS tacky. I’m an adult, I handle things privately and respectfully. Unfortunately, many of you can’t say the same. Many of you are INCAPABLE of seeing a situation objectively, or from any perspective other than your own or your friend’s. So, here I am, having to address this issue because I’m being backed into a fucking corner. Over TWO!!!!! months ago, I saw a header I thought was pretty. I asked my friend if she could make me something like it because I wanted different lyrics/colors/etc. She showed me her work, I loved it. It was SIMILAR to the other header, but not exactly like it. It was as similar as it was different. So, I use it for a few weeks, then get a message. The message basically said (in an aggressive way) that I need to take it down because I copied her and that I have absolutely no respect for her or editors at all. I apologized, told her I didn’t make it, and that it was never my intention to disrespect her. I told her I thought it was pretty and I wasn’t friends with her, so I wasn’t going to ask her to go and make changes to it to my liking. I offered to have my friend make changes to the header so that they would be more dissimilar. She did not like that. She said I needed to remove it and that I was dumb/etc/I have NO RESPECT FOR CONTENT CREATORS. I said while I understand that being copied really sucks (because it happens to me often) that a header is a bit different than say a gifset/graphic or edit that I POST to tumblr. I’m not gaining anything from this header. Not notes, followers, blog exposure/etc. I also said that editors get inspired by other editors all the time and there’s nowhere for me to put “inspo (insert link)” because... it’s a header. I will be posting some of these messages btw. I don’t have them ~all~ saved because I didn’t have outbox at the time but I have enough saved to make my point about how this interaction went down. I was ASLEEP and I woke up to find that she had basically put me on blast and was attacking me for hours. I said nothing. I will say it one more time: I really did not give a fuck. I don’t care enough to argue about shit like this. I was over the entire situation moments after. However, it’s been brought to my attention that this same girl and her friends have this special group chat with the “important people in the fandom” and this aforementioned girl consistently talks shit about me, and tells people to unfollow me. Oh honey.... Do you not see how ridiculous and pathetic this is? I got a message from a throw away Taylor blog messaging me, informing me of this because they like me and feel badly for me because they think it’s wrong. Well... It IS wrong. This is fucking mob mentality meets middle school. You really don’t have ANYTHING better to do? Not a single thing? Especially because I DON’T CARE. I’m only speaking on this now because I’m tired of my mutuals thinking I’m shitty because you’re narrow-minded, obsessed, and childish. I can’t @ you because you blocked me, but this one goes out to you @ piecesintoplaces

Here’s screenshots from some of our exchanges.

her header:

my header:

revised header:

our messages back in may:

the messages i got today:

I tried to cease fire with her. I offered to delete everything I said about her (in vague posts) if she would just retract her claims about me. But she blocked me. I wanted the peace. I truly don’t care about any of this but when people are continually spreading lies about me and slandering my name... well I’m going to speak up now. So here’s proof for what you probably heard about me being a fucking asshole to content creators. I respect content creators. I AM a content creator. Tired of all these lies. I don’t want drama I just want my name cleared, thanks.

#i swear i didn't care about any of this until i found out you were actively talking shit

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afewmarvelousthoughts · 5 years

Text

Only For A Moment Ch. 37

Master: @afewmarvelousthoughtsadmin

Pairing: Bucky X Reader

Summary: For most of your life you’d been able to keep your abilities a secret, that is until Hydra got wind of you. After years of being in their clutches, you break out when The Avengers expose SHIELD/Hydra. Since then, you’ve been on the run. Things are going as well as you could hope when you see a familiar face… Could the Winter Soldier really be in Bucharest too?

Warnings: Nada. Just good sweet soft well earned fluff.

A/N: Y’all. I’m still fucked up that Truth is over. Just needed to get that out of the way.

Originally this chapter was going to be longer and maybe not as much pure fluff. Then I decided, nah, these two have earned a goddamn reprieve. I hope y’all like these tender moments. I hope you love this pair as much as I do. (No one will love them like @wonderlandmind4 though, lol!)

Enjoy my pumpkins!

Tags are open!

“No.” Your tone is hard and final.

Bucky lets his head drop to the kitchen table with a thud. “Y/N…” He groans into the wood.

“I’m not fucking doing it Bucky. I’m not going to fight-”

“It’s not like I’m suggesting we duke it out until we’re both bloody.” You don’t say anything else, you just stare at him with a stubborn expression.

Sighing he pushes away from the table and walks to the door, bracing himself against the frame, attempting to gather his senses. After a minute he hears you stand, your arms wrap around his waist and you lean against him. Tenderly he pats your arms before covering them with his own.

“I just need you to be safe, Y/N…” He lifts your hand to his lips, placing a lingering kiss on your knuckles.

“I know,” you whisper between his shoulder blades, forehead resting on his upper back. It’s not the response he was expecting.

“Then why-” He turns to face you, words freezing on his lips. Your face looks crumpled, eyes glassy brow furrowed. “Doll?” His fingers caress the scar on your right cheek.

Your eyes flutter closed before you take a shaky breath, “I’m… Bucky I’m so tired of fighting… I’m… I’m just tired.” When your eyes open and meet his he thinks he may shatter.

Cupping your face in his hands he swipes away the tears that trickle down your cheeks with his thumbs. “Can we… pretend, just for a few days maybe that this is all there is?” His hands slide to your shoulders and you lean into his chest, “Just us… just this… no one potentially hunting us, nothing to run from, nothing to fight…”

“Of course we can, darlin’.” He holds you tight and sways you a bit in his arms, pressing a kiss to the soft crop of your hair. “Of course we can…” It breaks something in him how little you’ve known peace in your life… If he can give you even a little… maybe training could wait.

“Hey,” holding you at arm’s length he tilts your chin up. “Can you bring the mattress to the living room?”

Your eyebrow ticks up and he smirks, “Uh… ok.”

“Trust me.” He pecks your forehead and pushes you in that direction. As you lift the mattress he heads to the fireplace in the living room. The rain may have lessened but the cold has settled. In just a minute he sets the dry wood crackling.

“Put it here,” he gestures in front of the fireplace. You settle the floating mattress down staring at him with a crooked smile.

He pulls you to him, hands sliding under your sweater. “Bucky…”

“Shh…” His body hums from the little sound you make at the feeling of his breath on your ear. “Trust me.”

He undresses you and then himself. While he could and would happily take you once more that’s not his goal here. Kneeling on the edge of the mattress he pulls you down into his arms. Cradling you against him he lays you both down on your side, your back against his chest facing the fire.

“Rest,” he breathes into your ear. “We have all the time in the world.”

For a while, neither of you sleep. You just revel in the heat from the fire and Bucky’s body pressed close to yours. Listen to the sound of the fire crackling, his steady breath. Eventually, though you both drift off into a deep sleep.

When you wake a few hours later it’s late afternoon. You haven’t moved and he’s still out if his light snores and steady breathing are to be believed. You’re a bit stiff from having been in the same place for so long but you feel more relaxed and rested than you have in… well years.

You let your power slide over your skin between Bucky’s arms and your torso, lifting just enough so you can slide from his embrace without waking him. He groans just a touch before turning onto his stomach and settling back to sleep.

A little smile curls the edges of your lips as you watch him for a moment. The afternoon light and the glowing embers of the fire painting every shadow golden. He looks so peaceful so… well beautiful. You wish for a moment that you could take a photo, capture this forever…

Duh. You do have a camera. Quietly, you pad to the bedroom and pull your phone from the bag. The screen may be cracked and the camera low quality but you snap a picture anyway. Maybe you’d delete it but for now, it feels good to have saved this.

Back in the bedroom, you slip into leggings and a thick oversized sweater before fishing out your copy of Anne Rice’s Servant of The Bones. Without a sound you creep outside, curling your power around the old door hinges to keep them from squeaking.

Despite the storm earlier, the sunset is blazing bright and beautiful, pinks and oranges and reds. You breathe in a lungful of clean rain washed country air. It doesn’t quite smell like your childhood but it’s so close. You had forgotten how peaceful being away from the city could be.

Softly you laugh a bit at yourself as you sit on the steps of the back porch. You ran as far away from rural life as possible. Ran to lose yourself in the noise and people and smog. It was true you found a new version of yourself there. Someone who couldn’t sleep if it was too quiet and who didn’t mind that there was rarely a peaceful spot in the city. Someone relished in a packed and reeking subway car because it was so unlike what you’d known before.

But you never actually lost the child who would wander for hours in the woods, fish for crawdads in the ditches after a rain, or pick dewberries in spring and fall.

She was always in you when you ran off to the beach in the middle of the night to watch the water and be alone. Or when you’d lay on the roof after a nightmare wishing you could see the stars. You feel her here now in the quiet of this old abandoned farm, the soothing sound of the breeze through the trees, in the smell of the rich damp earth. It’s good to have her again. Good to know even after everything she’s still here.

You hear the floorboards creak in the house but don’t feel the need to drag your eyes from the scene before you. It was just Bucky, no need for worry or fear here. He takes a seat behind you, thighs flanking you. You lean back into him. He’s solid and comforting. A low contented hum vibrates through his chest as his arms hold you close.

“It’s beautiful here.” You lift his right hand, turning it over, studying the callouses.

“Mhm, better with you though.”

You laugh softly, leaning your head back to look up at him. “Sap.” His smile is so gentle as he meets your gaze and plants a kiss on your forehead.

His lips are still pressed to your skin as his whispers, “I love you.”

For a moment you hold one another’s gaze, both seemingly awestruck. “I love all of you.” Bucky’s emotions are just at the surface, his eyes close and you see his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows hard.

Your head falls against his chest once more and you sit in comfortable silence, soaking in the beauty of the moment. Honestly, you could have stayed there forever. But after a while, your stomach growls in protest at being ignored.

“Come on,” Bucky stands, extending his hand to you. “Tomorrow’ll have another sunset.”

You’d intended to eat earlier before he brought up the ridiculous notion of ‘training.’ Now you actually take in the spread. He must have been bringing things in all week. Wine, whiskey, bottles of water, snack food, vegetables, canned goods, fruit are all stacked on the counter and open shelves of the kitchen.

“Plums?!” Greedily you grab the dark purple fruit. It’s just soft enough to tell you it’s perfectly ripe and you bite in. The taste floods your mouth and you groan in pleasure.

Bucky laughs a little as you sit on the table top, “Guessing you like them.”

You nod, swallowing a large juicy bite. “Plums and peaches are my favorite. When I was a kid someone was always selling them on the roadside. You could get a ton, fresh from some old man in a pickup, for next to nothing.” Taking another bite you remember making yourself sick once eating fruit, getting sticky in the summer heat. “Probably the last good ones you’ll find until spring.”

He leans next to you, biting into his own deep purple fruit. “Cheers,” he holds it up and you touch them together giggling.

“I got anything that could keep without electricity,” he motions to the kitchen, indicating the lack of a refrigerator. “The stove works but it’s wood burning.”

“That’ll be a new adventure.”

It’s not one you take that night. Instead, you crack open a bottle of wine and leisurely eat bread, crackers, meat, cheese, and fruit in front of the fire. Bucky plugs the lights into their battery casting the space in soft warm light. Simple though it may be, it may be the best meal you’ve shared.

You open another bottle of wine, neither of you really feeling the effects of the first, and curl up on the couch your legs in his lap. As you pass the bottle between you he massages your calves.

“Mmm,” you hum handing him the bottle, “that feels amazing.” He casts you a warm smile making your blood sing far more than the wine.

“Did you spend a lot of nights like this?”

“What’d you mean?”

“Before… everything. Ya know firelight, peace and quiet, wine?”

He snorts, “You do know I grew up in Brooklyn right?”

“Well yeah but… I figured it was different then, I guess.”

His head falls onto the back of the couch as he looks at the ceiling, a smile on his face. “I’m sure it isn’t the same Brooklyn anymore… But, at least when I was there, peace and quiet weren’t two things that went along with most any part of the city.” You giggle a little. “What?”

“I don’t know if I’ve ever noticed it before but you have a little bit of an accent.”

“Do I?” His eyes sparkle when they slide to catch your nod. A small laugh huffs out, “Good.”

He takes a long drink, gesturing to the fireplace with the bottle. “Light a fire like this in the tenements, likely to light the whole damn block up.” The bottle turns in his hand, “Wine though. That was a part of plenty of long nights. Though I always preferred whiskey.”

“Hmm,” you take the bottle and drink. “that doesn’t surprise me. If I get to chose I’m a gin girl myself.”

“Ooooh,” he croons. “classy.”

You laugh, “Hardly.”

A contented sigh curls from between his lips like smoke. “I always had to find peace and quiet though… three sisters and my parents then a cramped apartment with Steve.” He shakes his head, “Enough to drive a man crazy.”

“Where’d you go?” You reposition to lay your head in his lap. He sets the empty bottle to the side, fingers scratching your scalp. If you were a cat you’d be purring.

“The beach at night I’d-”

“Sit out and watch the water.” Your smile is huge.

“Yeah. How’d-”

“I’d do the same. All the time.”

With a feather-light touch, the fingers of his left hand trace the bow of your lips, the curve of your chin, down to your collarbones. “We’ll go back one day,” his voice is low, heavy with the weight of purpose, “I promise. We’ll go home,” his voice cracks a little, “together.”

@bluegirlusa1 @l0kisbitch @tazzi-baby @disagreetoagree @woodyandbuzz20-01 @mooniightbucky @saundrasays @breezy1415 @alyssaj23 @mywinterwolf @wonderlandmind4 @fairislesheets @anamcg317 @buckaroo-barnes @jazztherebel @peachthatdrinkslemonade @regulusirius @auskitty@babyimp1967 @katecolleen @handplucked @piensa-bonito @darkdragonphoenix @issanitydead @thestorydetective @buckysstar @wintersoldierswhore @greyeyedsmile14 @watchoutforfrostbite @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @jewelofwinter @siriuslycloudy2 @hardygal69 @marvelousmeggi @jdoenson @gamorazenn

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fluff #bucky feels #i love them

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