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celtic-crossbow · 29 days

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Hello, its me again, the ‘’long ask anon’’ i should totally stop being na anon, i’m too chatty to only show up once in a while, but being the kind of insane anon that shows up from time to time just to ramble is my true calling.

First off i’d like to thank you for being so sweet, i’m glad you enjoyed my feedback to this degree and took time to answer my questions, i really enjoy knowing your thought process in the creation of this fic and what it might become in the future. Anyway, onto your answer.

I totally agree with you on the importance of wintertime for the group, i think its really a shame how they didn’t show us any of it, though its understandable why they didn’t show us its like, come on, winter is prime apocalypse time, even normal winter is tough as we see in the comics. But here’s the thing, Rick in the comics doesn’t really grapple with Lori’s pregnancy at all like we see Daryl do in this fic, and i think its brilliant, sure everyone else is getting it rough too but reader and Daryl are in a constant state of worry, which makes the joyful moments that much more intimate and special and its portrayed perfectly, i get the sense that in the beginning Daryl deals very well with the negative stuff, but really doesn’t know how to behave during the good times (Like Birdie’s first kick etc.) and yea, that’s the essence of Daryl, a great caretaker, kind of self sabotages tho. Poor guy.

And omg i had no idea babies were capable of that sort of stuff, like recognizing who is who even in the womb?! Kind of amazing, i can barely recognize people through phone calls nowadays lol, and the fact you based it on your own little thumper? Ugh i could die from the cuteness.

And Merle, oh well, i know he hasn’t done anything in the story and i have the sense that he will ( leave birdie alone!!!) but wherever he is i hope he’s getting his ass beat right this instant, excited for him to show up tho! He better not start messing up Daryl’s head!!! Or he’ll suffer the consequences!!! I know our reader would not let it slide. :).

And about Lori, i’m still obsessed with the Lori Reader duo, recently rewatched season 2 which has, so many Lori scenes, So many, and it only makes me like her even more in the BT universe, and you really hit the nail on the head with your interpretation of her, she truly is mainly motivated by fear but strongly adheres to her sense of right and wrong. I also love her offering Daryl advice, the fact that most of the interactions between these two in the show are hostile never sat right with me and i’m glad that she is a trustworthy figure to Daryl, enough for him to take her advice to make our reader feel better. It really is sad that the burden she carries is not the baby (ITS RICK!) and that she tries to seek in others what she can’t have is tragic, but very noble in my opinion.

Carol is our perfect angel, best cheerleader ever, she’s Always there for backup even while she is working through her pain, i imagine her pregnancy wasn’t easy on her (cause Ed) and she wouldn’t want to see any other woman struggle with it, the fact that even in the show she tries to learn from Hershel about medicine to help Lori, and sticks next to her Always, and when Hershel is out of comission starts training her C-section technique thinking of Lori, Carol has Always deserved the world honestly. And she is such a great friend in the fic as well, one thing about her is that she really has the reader’s back no matter what, so sweet.

About chapter 30

After Reading it over and over for like an hour i can say, I’M OBSESSED. Daryl??? So cute??? Omg the fluff had me rotating in my room like a rotisserie chicken , You’ve done it again, It really shows that at this time Daryl is aprehensive, but still so in love with Birdie from moment one, that the first thing he does after making sure everything is ok is to make himself presentable for his daughter,OMGGGG, that he doesn’t really want her to see all of him yet and has to trust that his little Bird will accept him as he is (and she Always will!!) is just peak fluff to me, but also sad that it makes me think that he’s Always been afraid of his father, so much so that he believed it would be the first thing she would feel towards him too. I’m enjoying the hell out of the scenes of them both just hanging out and being cute with her and seeing as Daryl gains more confidence as the chapter progresses, when he realizes Birdie loves him as well, when they both hold onto each other, maybe i’m wrong but in my interpretation that’s when Daryl gained the confidence he needed to think of a name for her (who knows, maybe i’m dead wrong, but that’s how i interpreted his silence) And Carol too, being emotional over Birdie makes me wanna scream, what a bittersweet moment it must have been for her, i just know she’ll be the best aunt ever.

This chapter has really entered a new territory of Daryl’s development in my eyes, now that he is so passionate about birdie, he’s already trying to show service for her and reader in a way, i just know that serving his Family and making sure they are happy will be so good for him in the long term, he’s got it all to be happy now. And i’m eating it up.

Anyway, a Thousand words again who would’ve though, no objective analysis this time, just rambling non-stop, being an overly-chatty anon is my true calling fr.

The fact that some random person out there in the world can write more than a Thousand words about your work must make any author proud tho, so i sincerely hope its the same for you, from what i’ve read through it seems you’ve been having a few Hard days, so i hope to make it even a little better with my feedback and appreciation, better days will come for all of us even if the world is an ugly place right now, we still have beautiful things to look foward to and to keep working towards.

About the fanart i cited in the last text, it does indeed exist. Now it does .

https://imgur.com/a/t9VdHC4

Since my last ask i’ve challenged myself to have it more or less ready by the time the next chapter was here, and though its not anything impressive i took a little of my day to work on it every day, i hope you enjoy knowing that ( and since copying and pasting a link from any anon is not safe, i recomment pasting it to VirusTotal if you feel the need, and i don't really know if the anon mode just gets rid of them completely, if yes let me know and i'll find another way to get it to you after i get over my embarrassment)

Bye bye <3

Okay! As you saw, I got a little distracted from doing this. Also, if my post affected you negatively in any way, I'd like to apologize to you too. It was in poor taste regardless of my intentions. I am so sorry. I really wish we could have seen more about their survival. What we saw, they were always on foot and barely had food. Well, we will get to that soon. Daryl is scared shitless but there's just that bond that was formed while reader was pregnant. That's his baby girl. And he's already wrapped around that tiny finger. I absolutely cannot WAIT to bring Merle into the mix. It might be a little different as far as timeline but it will be at the prison. So we have a ways to go. But it will be interesting. Oh, the plans I have!

Lori will play a more pivotal role in the next couple of chapters. Daryl is going hunting. Reader is alone with Birdie. "HELP!" I feel like Lori would have gotten along with Daryl if she didn't have so much on her plate and could really see him. Yeah, he could be an asshole but he was hiding behind his walls, deflecting. She just had way too much going on, no time to offer that chance. Well, goddamnit, I'm giving her that chance. I want to delve into the problems with her and Rick a little more too, with reader involved. Daryl is going to be a helicopter parent, absolutely no doubt. I think he will be more in tune with her feelings and how to handle them because he didn't have that growing up. He'll know the cues of anger or sadness. And she's his daughter. -squeal- I can't wait to write more of daddy Daryl and little Birdie.

I'm not sure if you noticed but at first, it was always reader suggesting the names and he stayed quiet other than to say nah. But every time he had Birdie, she had her little bird blanket. However, he's going to give an explanation of her name in the next chapter. He was too damn sleepy in this one, lol. Carol is my warrior queen! Forever and always! There will be a bond there that is unlike any other. Not just because of losing Sophia but because Carol has found best friends in Daryl (well, it's a work in progress, lol ) and reader. So Birdie is a product of two of the most important people in her life. She will absolutely fight tooth and nail, savagely to protect her.

I need to be careful or I'm going to spoil so much! But I love getting the chance to talk about it like this! Just to explore the thought process and where it's headed without too much detail, I hope.

OKAY. THAT ART. OMFG. I screeched, even half asleep! When I woke up properly, I was just in awe. It is SO beautiful and I would love to add it to the series Masterlist and share if you are comfortable with that. I mean I realize the link is right up there but I want it to be seen every single time someone goes to see the chapters. I cannot say thank you enough for that. It is GORGEOUS. Perfect. And captures them so well. My three favorite things are reader with the vest and that belly, Daryl holding onto her leg, and Caryl hovering in the background! But I also LOVE that you included the truck! Everything about it is just perfect. Perfect, perfect, perfect! My heart was just so full. Thank you so much. 🩵🩵🩵🩵

#favorite anon🩵#answered ask #anon #anon review #blood ties #murda writes #daryl #daryl dixon #daryl dixon x reader #the walking dead #daryl dixon fanfiction

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saltpepperbeard · 7 months

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WAAAAAAGHHG HEY ITS ME AGAIN IM SO SORRY I HAVE A THOUGHT AND DONT KNOW WHO ELSE TO GIVE IT TO: Im going to try really hard to be quick!! Still reeling from ep 8!!! (I have so many thoughts and emotions- tldr I know it struggled with pacing but I just really loved it. I’m so glad this show exists. Not going to recover anytime soon!! Excellent.)

I think the ending is a great setup for what could be coming next! Looking back at this season as a whole it feels to me like they had two major points they zeroed in on: 1- Edward’s state of mind. We spend a lot of time with him when no one else is- we’re with him in his head while he tries to process what he wants and how he’s going to get it. We see him wrestle with feeling unlovable, and then we sort of sit with him in his pov while he starts, (STARTS!! He’s not done yet!!) to understand that he IS loved and there ARE people waiting for him. 2- The Golden Age of piracy is ending. They lost The Republic of Pirates, they lost Spanish Jackie’s bar, Zhengs fleet, and they lost Izzy, the most pirate to ever pirate. After the couple of weeks(??) season two takes place- the OFMD cinematic universe is going to be different for pirates now.

ALL THAT TO SAY- after Izzy’s funeral, (rip king I sobbed lol) when Zheng asks Ed and Stede to team up- Stede says something like, “He needs a minute”/“Maybe give him a minute”. So they agree to help- but they stay behind to build their inn. (“It’s a fixer upper, but the bones are good.” ITS THEM ITS THEM THEYRE EACHOTHERS FOUNDATIONS THEY JUST HAVE TO BUILD ONTO IT TO MAKE IT A HOME IM GOING TO TURN TO ASH) this is a decision both of them make- this will give them time to just be. I think Ed still has a ways to go, and talks to have, and maybe needs some time to grieve Izzy, but Stede is there, and they love eachother, and they will be ok. Shit will still go down, and they’ll get involved again eventually, but they’re going to take a minute. NOW. That wraps up this season as a part two of a Three part show- we have a setup for the next big bad, and we’ve focused a lot on Ed (accompanied by Stede’s) issues/insecurities with a focus on Ed having to deal with his issues directly. He had to sit and talk, honestly talk. Do you know. Which half of our main pair. Has not done that?? The guy who the show still deliberately makes a point of showing us he is STILL. NOT OK. Granted, he had the end of season one to realize what he wanted and what he felt, but then we had so many moments this season of him reacting to those feelings but not actually talking about them to anyone. SO. What if the last season is meant to be point 2 revisited- piracy is still ending, the world is changing so how do we deal? And point 1, but FLIPPED. WHAT IF. Season three is Stede’s turn revisited??? Season three with Ed AND Stede TALKING and Stede genuinely coming to terms with the fact that the people he loves are not better off without him- that he doesn’t have to earn the love he thinks he doesn’t deserve?? What if he gets to take that final step into a new world where being a pirate can’t be the same as it was before, but that spirit carries on and now he knows he’s loved and has worth regardless?? I STILL WANT THAT MAN TO BE THROWN IN THE EMOTIONAL BATHTUB IS WHAT IM SAYING. I don’t know if this is anything, or if this is true or accurate!!! Do I just want to see them kiss and cry some more?? MAYBE. Aaaaagh I just really hope djenks gets to made season 3- he deserves to finish his pirate story and I would very much like to be here when he does. hbo max count your days.

Also I once again want to thank you for your thoughts and screams over the course of this season- you really are incredible at character analysis and it’s been an absolute pleasure to come running over to this corner after each episode to see what you think. Thank you for posting. YOU. are WONDERFUL THANK YOU <3 <3 (also. Also also. THEY KISSED SO MANY TIMES ED READ STEDES FUCKIN LETTER ED SAID I LOVE YOU AND THEY ARE NO LONGER SEPARATED. MARRIAGE. I CANT BELIEVE THIS SHOW IS THE WAY IT IS. There is still an owch but!!! It’s a good owchie now 😭😭)

I AM ONCE AGAIN HONORED TO GET SUCH A BEAUTIFUL STRING OF THOUGHTS IN MY INBOX??? <3

PARTICULARLY EXCITED, HAPPY, POSITIVE ONES SJDKSDS LIKE I AM HUGGING YOU SO SO TIGHT <3 <3 <3

AND ALSO, I'M SHARING SO MANY OF YOUR SENTIMENTS TOO SDJKJSHDKLS LIKE-

*INHALES* So seeing the little house in the BTS footage ~*~fucked me up~*~ because I just had a FEELING it was going to be both literal and symbolic for them and their relationship. A little house that's struggling, and falling apart in some places, but is still standing after years and years of battering. It's been through the wringer, yet it still flourishes with so much life and beauty. And it has the potential to grow into something even more beautiful and strong with some mutual effort and tender love and care.

AND THAT'S THEM!!! THAT'S THEIR RELATIONSHIP!!! Like, as you said, they're BOTH still so hurt. They BOTH still have issues to work on. But now they're there, together. They're standing on the same, rickety, wooded floors. They're there, ready to patch things, side by side.

AND YES, I've very much thought it was going to be Stede for Season 1's focus, Ed for Season 2's focus, and then both of them for Season 3's focus, but I do like your idea of it looping back around to Stede! Or maybe like, SHARING the focus. Because, as you said, Stede needs his fRIGGIN BATHTUB, and Ed still needs time to figure out who he is.

It's just such a delicious setup indeed, and I am crossing my fingers so so hard that it gets greenlit quickly for us here. There's just so much MEAT to their dynamic that's still left, still so much to be EXPLORED AND GROWN. AND ESPECIALLY, LIKE YOU SAID, WITH THEIR WORLD COMPLETELY CHANGING AROUND THEM TOO!!! THE BRITISH!!! THE REVENGE BEING CAPTAINED BY FRENCHIE!!!! ZHENG AND AUNTIE WANTING TO GET AT RICKY!!!!!! SO SO MUCH!!!!!!!

BUT anyway, thank YOU so much for taking the time to come in here and share YOUR thoughts, too! It's been such a delight reading them, and I'm so glad we could MUTUALLY SCREAM SDJKSDKLS <3

#Answered #oh-dear-gracious #OFMD #OFMD Season 2 #OFMD S2 Spoilers #Gentlebeard #Blackbonnet #Edward Teach #Stede Bonnet

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gaypiratebrainrot · 2 years

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our flag means death fic recs - round two

hi all! here’s a second small batch of ofmd fic recs (first round here), mostly but not exclusively stede/ed, exclusively smut. i also try to focus on lesser read fics that i think deserve more attention. as always, YMMV, so mind the tags! in no particular order:

Anyone But You by codswallop (E, stede/ed, 6k) very fun and hot sex pollen fix-it.

Missed Kisses by ravenbringslight (E, ed solo, 2k) ed thinks about all the times he should have kissed stede during ep5, lots of wonderful sexy pining.

rather exquisite by leaveanote (E, stede/ed, 4.4k) super sweet and hot second time where the first time is so good it gives them both anxiety.

Split by angelsunaware (E, stede/ed/ed, 7.5k) ed can’t take the breakup pain and his heart gets split into a second body via buttons sea witch magic, stede comes back, hot and funny threesome fix-it ensues.

elegant and restrained by afterism (E, stede/ed, 10k) i rec’d this series last time around but this new installment dropped since then and i just can’t rec this series enough.

Little Wonder by alsaurus (E, stede/ed, 3.7k) as much as i love big dick stede, i deeply appreciate this super hot small dick stede fic.

Aside by InkandOwl (E, stede/ed, 1.5k) sweet and fluffy trans guy stede feelings-focused smut.

Made for Love by trinityofone (E, ed/izzy, 2k) dark enough that it falls squarely in the psychological thriller genre but honestly made me squirm with delight.

sacrament that should be taken kneeling by holograms (E, stede/lucius, 4k) the world needs more stede/lucius platonic sex fic but for now this one is fantastic.

if you enjoy, definitely leave the authors some love!!

#ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd fic #our flag means death fic #ofmd fic recs #our flag means death fic recs

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rajanilefreak · 8 months

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villainess writing prompt

So I found myself thinking on all of those villainess stories going around the other day. And while the existing concepts are amusing as fuk I was wondering what would be an idea that hasn't been used yet and got an idea to start off with.

at the most, the people who get isekai-ed to a villainess Au go up to two but never three or more and usually the villainess one has the knowledge of the otome game it's based on. So I was thinking... three people get brought in:

one of them is a mega fan of the otome game and immediately recognizes it... but unluckily they get cast as a background character that they only recognizes because they are that big of a fan. let's call them BGC for now.

one of them knows the game somewhat, enough to have some characters they like. they get cast as the main character and are incredibly thankful for it because now they know some of the options they have in front of them so they are less likely to misstep in a way that gets them killed/exiled/expelled (depending on what sort of otome it is). let's call them MC.

one of them knows nothing of the game, probably had a rather dull or miserable life and thinks they just got isekai-ed to some sort of fantasy world (if it has magic and other races and all of that) and is unaware they're the villainess. let's call them V.

Imagine all the shenanigans that this could lead to!!

BGC is now determined to befriend the MC at all costs just to lead them away from their favorite love interest. they'll, of course, help MC with any of the other available love interests, so long as that specific one stays free. Then BGC will try very hard at winning them over for themself. (don't care if BGC succeeds in getting their man or not, maybe they do or maybe they end up falling for another along the way instead of their 'one true love'. but this is mostly meant to be a softer AU so they get their happy ending all the same)

MC doesn't care much about the getting together and marriage part. they mostly see it as the price to pay if they are to survive since it's the easiest way to go about it but their heart isn't really on it. they do find BGC's attempts at befriending them a bit weird since they don't remember that character at all but chalk it up to them just not knowing enough about the game. Honestly, they would be satisfied if they got a normal job that got them enough money to live happily and not have to deal with heavy handed politics and all that jazz. (once again I don't have a defined path for them to take. maybe they do eventually fall in love with one of the romantic interests and get married, or maybe they do away with all of them and instead get a very successful business, we stan a aro queen in the house. again, so long as they are happy with their life by the end I'm good with it) V thinks they got isekai-ed into mayeby a fantasy adventure world and is just having a blast exploring the different culture. At most they're annoyed at any societal constrictions they might have due to their character's background since villainesses are more often than not ladies of high standing, usually engaged to one of the love interests, usually the prince. Honestly they barely pay attention to any of that beyond said annoyance when they get barred from doing something they want or expressing gratefulness that their stature allows them to do some things they otherwise wouldn't be able to. They also completely befuddle MC and BGC since they act nothing like what the character was supposed to. BGC is conflicted, thinking that somewhere along the line they must have altered the story in their rush to befriend MC that meant that V now lost all her bitterness and that might make things more complicated because BGC would feel bad if MC decided to go for V's fiancé. MC is just thinking that they didn't know the game very well and now considered it to be a shit game if it meant turning this person into an enemy when they didn't deserve the bad things that would happen to them and is resolved to avoid that happening. V is just happy that they now have two dedicated friends they can talk lore with. (again, don't care if they get with the prince or have they engagement broken off and get together with someone else or even neither option, but they are going to enjoy every second of exploring this new world as some sort of adventurer). So this is my idea. I tried refering to the characters by gender neutral terms (despite my tendency to refer to them in the female because most stories have them as being female) because I don't care what genders them have (heck take the chance to make one of them transfem and be thrilled that them waking up in this world means they get to have their real gender and no dysphoria. I'm always up for that).

I'm also up for this to be used as an AU of an existing fandom (even if I don't know the fandom, I think I would read the fuk out of it if it got written all the same.)

So, if anyone takes this on, just send me links so that I read it later.

#writing prompt #villainess au #fanfic #isekai

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norellenilia · 3 months

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Damn, I remember the first time I watched FMA 03, when I was 16 or 17, I stayed up until 1 am to finish it, and today, watching episodes 38 through 42 turned me into such an emotional mess that I have to take a break lmao what happened??? My own emotional traumas, that's what happened

I'm feeling so many things again

In episode 38, when Ed and Al are fighting, Al drenches Ed in water and he says "it's going to rain!!!" and I'm like haha no don't try to pull a Mustang on me I know this episode won't make me cry and GUESS WHAT the flashback with Trisha convincing Ed to go and find Al so they can talk things out and Al looking so happy that Ed isn't upset with him anymore it's so cute I CRIED

I need -- no, I DEMAND a spin-off series where Winry and Scziezka solve murder mysteries together (I'd love to write it myself but I know I'm not nearly good enough at coming up with mystery stories lol), they're adorable I'm so happy they totally get together post CoS

Martel's death hits SO MUCH HARDER than I remembered holy shit, she and Al actually got close, we see more of her, her death is so horrific and hearing sweet sweet baby boy Alphonse cry just BROKE MY HEART I never wanted to hug an armor so badly

Scar's brother's last moments, the way he looks so terrified and desperate to protect his little brother from Kimblee and Scar being so devastated when he dies I just-- *clenches fist*

Sloth using Ed's PTSD against him that's so UNFAIR; also I was thinking that I was a bit disappointed that this anime did not include the nightmare that Ed has at some point in the manga where he sees his mom saying "why didn't you make me right" etc but this is it, this is this scene, and it's worse because he's hearing it for real, he is very much awake, he has the real voice of his mom in his ears and she's saying this to him and I'm-- *clenches fist harder*

Rose's story, I'm still so mad, she deserves all the happiness in the world

Speaking of Rose, it's so funny how the moment Al is like "I wonder how Rose is doing" the show just full on goes "Ed/Rose shipper" mode lmao, with Ed blushing while pretending not to remember her, him being so awkward when he speaks to her just before they go on their separate ways and her son just smiling and giggling when he speaks (first time we see the baby laugh, he had only been crying up until then) :') To be honest it feels a bit out of the blue to me but idk

Dante sporting Lyra's white ass in the town of brown people and speaking as if she was part of them just because she's following Rose around to manipulate her is incredibly cringe, but then again, it's Dante, she's the villain and we're already supposed to know something is up with "Lyra". But still.

Very random but Al pulling objects from or putting objects inside his armor from behind the cloth always looks very awkward lol

I used to never really care about Scar but I have learned the errors of my way as I now realize he is actually one of the best characters in this goddamn series, even with the orb of knowledge and the three arm losses, and Mangahood!Scar being much more villainized and ending up working with the military will never come even CLOSE to 03!Scar using his last bit of strength to save Alphonse to honor his love for his lost brother and take his ultimate revenge on those who murdered his people in the goal of protecting oppressed people, all of this while an epic music is playing (honestly it even feels like Ed is made to be seen as an obstacle as he tries to prevent the soldiers from entering Liore lol)

Sorry but Wrath is annoying as hell, I know that I'll probably have a different opinion if I rewatch CoS after that, but for now I hate him

We're finally entering the "Rewrite" era of the show and I had forgotten how much it rocks (Ed's hair animation at the beginning fhjkfhkdhjk)

I only have 9 episodes left but between Lust and Sloth in the upcoming episodes I'm not even sure I'll be able to watch it all in one go lol. Still excited to see more of Winry and Scziezka and remembering how much Hohenheim is absolutely useless in this x)

#fma #fma03 #fma 03 #fullmetal alchemist #fullmetal alchemist 2003 #nore rewatches fma #it's so funny I thought I already knew I loved this series #I even feared that rewatching it would actually disappoint me #but actually I think I love it even more now #at the ripe age of 34 I'm happy to see I still enjoy and relate to it a lot #I even learn to love characters I had never really cared about before #like Rose and Scar #and as an equivalent exchange now I despise Izumi lol #but hey people grow and learn and change #that's literally one of the themes of the series so it fits

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jadeylovesmarvelxo · 2 years

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Treat you right.

Summary: Eddie gets his girl

Warnings; Fluff, a bit angst, pining Eddie, happy ending. 18+

Likes, comments and reblogs are always welcome ❤ I do not give anyone permission to copy my work

💫💞

Eddie truly did like Steve Harrington it turns out the guy was nothing like he assumed he would be.

Eddie assumed he would be a bit of douche but Henderson had introduced them and he was beginning to see that Steve was truly a nice guy.

One thing that did grind his gears though is that the guy was clueless about his best friend's feelings.

It was very obvious that y/n liked him yet Steve never noticed because he was too in love with Nancy Wheeler to care.

Eddie had fallen for y/n from the minute they met but didn't want to say anything to ruin their growing friendship.

So he fooled around with a few girls but like Steve was with Nancy it was y/n that had his heart.

That's why when he saw her at the party Steve had thrown looking a little lost he immediately joined her offering her a beer and kindness.

Because he would do anything to see her smiling.

💖💞

She smiles at Eddie as he sits down beside her. Since they met she's always found his presence soothing.

Resting her head on his shoulder she immediately feels at ease.

His beautiful brown eyes look down at her kindly and tingles erupt all over her body.

"Are you upset because Steve is here with Nancy?". He asks her concerned.

She shakes her head and tries to put into words how she feels.

"Honestly, I'm kinda over him. Being into a guy who's so into his ex that no other girl can compare kinda helped me get over him faster".

She pauses and sighs sadly.

"It just sucks because when I'm I going to be the girl that is a guy's perfect girl, the ideal".

Eddie stares at her for a moment and his cheeks turn pink his fingers lace through hers.

"You're mine, you've been the girl of my dreams from the minute we met". Stunned she grips Eddie's hand and listens as he speaks again.

"He should see what I see because you are beautiful, perfect, you deserve the world sweetheart and I know I don't have much but if you were mine you'd have my heart, my love, always".

Tears roll down her cheeks and she kisses him and it's epic, everything she's ever dreamed about a kiss being like.

It's like a light bulb goes off in her head and she knows things would have never worked with Steve even if he did feel the same way because this is where she belongs.

Right here, With Eddie.

Fuck she should have seen it sooner but she has every intention of kissing Eddie again, of being his.

"I want you to be mine". Eddie whispers to her and she's so lost in him that she doesn't notice the others watching them grinning.

"I wish I'd known sooner, I'm yours, Eddie". She kisses him again and he grins kissing over her cheeks and nose to her forehead.

"My best girl, you are my best girl and you always will be every single day of my life and I will spend every single day showing you that".

He moves closer and whispers to her.

"Oh and baby? I will make you cum so hard, you'll forget your name, I'll drive you, wild princess and you'll forget all about Steve Harrington".

Shit, her body melts at his touch and she's so aroused that she can barely speak, she stands up taking his hand.

"I think I need a demonstration Ed's". His eyes light up and he follows her as they head out grinning happily.

💖💞

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fluff

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nerdygaymormon · 1 year

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ED Therapy Session #2

I didn’t plan on making this entry, it didn’t seem like there was enough to share from the session. However with some time, I’ve changed my mind thanks to things which have happened since that session.

—————————

First, I began by telling the therapist that after the last session, I immediately began binging in my car. But as I did so I recognized this is what I’m trying to stop. I continued to eat, but I was disgusted with myself and what I was doing. I ate some of everything, but wound up throwing away half of the food. She responded that this was a positive step, what a good start. Here I was confessing to an immediate failure and she reframed it as a success.

To help me understand binge eating disorder, she explained it’s similar to bulimia, except instead of binging and purging, I binge and don’t purge.

I was telling the psychologist about going to a baseball game with some new friends, and how I was pleased with how they were so nice to a fat guy. She stopped and asked if that’s how I see myself? I said that this is what I look like, it’s what people will see, of course they notice. Her response was “the first thing I noticed about you was your smile.” We then talked about not minimizing myself.

I don’t need to convince people I’m worthy to be included, they enjoy knowing me. People seek me out because I’m empathetic and understanding. I make an impact in my communities and the world around me, and minimizing myself will limit how impactful I can be.

My homework included several things: 1) I was to begin a Body Positivity class 2) Each day I’m to identify what is my biggest accomplishment 3) And I’m to be more open and share accomplishments AND hard things I deal with/have dealt with to the people in my life.

—————————

I’ve been to a few body positivity classes. Honestly, they feel hokey to me. I can understand what is being taught but I don’t fully believe it in my heart.

It’s a small group and they’re very supportive. At one point, the facilitator said to let’s go around and say something positive we did today. I commented, “My therapist would love you. This is the homework I’m supposed to be doing, but I keep forgetting to do.”

Two of those in the class offered to support me by creating a group text and each day we would all three share our top accomplishment of the day. Honestly, that was a surprise and meant a lot to me. And they’ve kept their promise for this whole week.

Oh, I also had homework from the class, which is to write a short love letter to my body. I wound up writing not a love letter, but a short poem, and rather than love it’s more like acceptance. I am looking forward to sharing it with the class this week.

The scars, the stretch marks, my body has incurred, These are displays of all that my mind has served. No matter the shame nor how much I jeer, My body has faithfully carried me here. Mind and body, both have had to deal. Both are wounded, both will heal, One supporting the other, they are a pair. Both are deserving and worthy of self care.

—————————

Today I was at church, and someone with whom I shared that I have this challenge saw me and came over to ask how things are going with therapy. I gave a very brief update, including that I’ve started attending a body image class.

He said to remember that who I am is my spirit, and my spirit is mighty and powerful. My body and mind are part of me, but are fragile and weak in a way my spirit is not. I am beautiful. I am blessed. I am loved. Those things are not dependent on my body, they are inherent as a child of God.

I gave him a big hug as tear or two fell onto his shoulder.

#david gets personal #cw eating disorder #binge eating disorder

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beautifulblooms · 2 years

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Hi....can I by chance request Eddie comforting his plus sized bf (ftm if possible) who's very self conscious of his weight and Eddie spots him crying as he's looking in the mirror? (Feeling really self conscious about my weight and could use some comfort... )

Fuck the Mirror - Eddie Munson x FTM!Reader

FTM!Reader, he/him used, honestly, I’ve been here and wish I had someone to comfort me when I felt like shit, so here’s this for all my homies who know what it’s like to look in that mirror and think “this ain’t my body”

CIS Women and Female Aligned people, please DNI, this story and all of my others are for non-binary, masculine aligned and male readers!

Tags: @qthetherapist, @rlmt1, @eddieverse, @alexs-playground, @mazettns, @mother-dragon-and-her-hatchlings

“Whatdya think you’re doin handsome?” Turning around I looked back at Eddie, leaned against the doorway of his room, a curious look in his eyes. Truthfully, I was looking in the mirror, asking myself if I deserved to be with him, he was strong, skinny, handsome, I was none of those things. All my life I’ve been on the heavier side, but after I started to transition things had seemed to get worse. Especially with the way I was built it just felt like I was wrong and looked even worse after starting T.

“Oh nothing, just…looking at myself, ya know?” He sighed, he knew that was a lie, how was I gonna talk myself out of this one?

“We both know that’s not true handsome, c’mon, tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.” He walked over to me, placing his hands on my hips and squeezing gently, he always had the habit of doing that, squeezing parts of me he knew I thought of as insecurities.

“It’s nothing Ed’s, I’m fine, really.” He can see through my poker face better than anyone, always saying my eyes gave me away.

“If you’re thinking about what I think you were, you’re wrong baby boy, because no matter what you look like, no matter how big, small, chubby, skinny, tall, short, soft or rough you are, you are still my boyfriend, and even with the changes you’re feeling, that’s not gonna change it. I feel for you because of this right here,” he tapped a finger against my forehead, “because this beautiful little brain of yours has the best personality in this whole shit hole town, and I love it with every fiber of my being, just like I love the rest of you with just as much.” Fuck he always knew what to say to me, I just rested my hands around his waist and laid my head against his shoulder.

“Thank you Eddie, you always know how to make me feel better.” He began to rub his hands up and down my sides, gingerly touches kind along my skin.

“I can think of a few ways to prove to you how I feel if you’re up to it.” I yelped as he laid a mild smack on my ass, he was gonna be the death of me one day, but if he is, I wouldn’t change it for the world.

#eddie munson x male reader #eddie x male reader #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson #eddie stranger things #male reader #male reader fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #x male reader

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pebblysand · 1 year

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i haven't done this in a while. i used to be very intent on getting these extended a/n-s over the line at the same time as the chapter, which then ended up taking too much time. however, having recently seen the lovely @whinlatter do them for her own fic (also whose template i'm entirely plagiarising, sorry), it's inspired me to do this again. forgive my lateness.

acknowledgements: i would like to extend my most sincere thanks to @turanga4, @welsh-green, @whinlatter, @btelling, @ala-baguette, @greenhousethree, @uncontainedhybrid and everyone else on discord. you have allowed me to vent about All The Things, to pretty much use all of you as sounding boards for this chapter, and have answered my strange questions about air conditioning and automatic vehicles. truly, this chapter would not have been possible without you.

wordcount: let's not talk about it.

soundtrack: i feel like there was a just lots of music for this chapter. there are obviously all of the songs that are mentioned in universe: my name is, californication, here with me, wannabe (oh, the music of the 90s) and the oh-so-amazing bongo bong song which, i have discovered, never actually charted in the US (a crime, as far as i'm concerned). but also a lot songs that i listened to on loop at different times while writing this. caravane and young as the morning, old as the sea (two absolutely gorgeous travel songs), iris (the first-dance song of every wedding ever before ed sheeran took over), the seer's tower - jamie cullum's cover (idk how to describe this song. the cover is so beautiful and creepy at the same time. it's one of my favourite jamie cullum covers), what they'll say about us (an incredibly sad but beautiful love song - idk it's just #vibes), it's called: freefall (a tiktok cover i actually fucking love - love the singer as well, she's the same person who sings labour - and which i totally plagiarised in-text), and what is love? (which i also plagiarised lol). they are all on the castles playlist.

what is this chapter about? sex. love. the intersection of.

this is long and spoilery, so putting it behind the cut.

genesis:

i've honestly rarely been scared by the white blank page as much as i was before starting to write this chapter. i think this was due to a number of things: taking three months off writing (and wondering if i'd be able to pull it off again - i always worry, for some reason), but also this idea that this chapter was such a big ... aeroplane that i needed to land. i remember talking about it on discord a few weeks back, this idea that i'd built up so much, with this story, that i'd set up so much, and now having to deliver something that would be realistic, true to the spirit of castles (#sexandfunerals), but also fun and loving and healing. whilst, as i've said before, this story isn't about a relationship (i know a lot of you would like it to be, but i'm sorry, this is not about harry and ginny), it is a relationship that is obviously important. to the plot, to the characters, to the picture of the post-war world i'm trying to build. to me, doing justice to that relationship is essential in order to also do justice to the other elements of the story (the politics, the friendships, the feminism, the rebuilding of life, really). i've always seen love and romance as a part of life, and therefore as a part of fiction. and, i think i just wanted to treat it with the reverence it deserves.

as a result, i quickly made the decision that this chapter was going to be "just" about harry and ginny. the reason for that is three-fold:

first, narratively speaking, i wanted chapter sixteen (and, no, the fact that 8x2=16 is not a coincidence) to be a direct response to chapter eight. they both intervene as the beginnings of a new act (act two for chap 8, act three for chap 16), and exist in a place that's kind of outside of the "normal" time and space continuum of the fic. chapter eight is technically set in january '99, but it's really set in... ginny's letters. reality almost fades in favour of ginny's words and tale, making the chapter feel like it's almost happening right there and then. the actual reality of what is going on as harry is reading the letters is almost non-existent. it's a bit the same with sixteen. sixteen is an interlude, away from "reality" (london, the politics, everything). and, that's what i wanted it to be. i wanted it to be both the exact same, but also the exact opposite of chapter eight. and, i obviously wanted it to deal with the events of chapter eight, but in a tender, healing way. i had a whole conversation about this with @celestemagnoliathewriter on the podcast where we discussed how, in my opinion, once you deal with these very sensitive issues (non-con, SA, rape, etc.) in a work, you sort of owe it to your reader, too, to show that journey and to show what consensual sex can look like, too. and that, to me, was also the way this chapter was framed as a response to chapter eight. i wanted it to be about sex - but in a positive way.

secondly (and, obviously, this is very self-serving) - harry and ginny aren't the main focus of this story. their relationship is part of it, but not all of it. as i've said above, this is #shippygen territory. therefore, i unfortunately can't spend All My Time on this. so, in a purely technical sense, it felt more "efficient" to me to spend an entire chapter dedicated to them, get most of the rebuilding and relationship admin "done" in one chapter so that i could move on to other things. this obviously does not mean that there will be no romance/relationship stuff in the other chapters moving forward (there's tonnes) but it means that i've laid the ground work, you know? and although this chapter is 22k (sorry) i think it would have taken me a lot more time and energy to lay that same groundwork efficiently, had i not dedicated an entire chapter to it.

lastly, i think there was also a bit of me that was like: i want to write romance. which i know is strange. most of you don't know me as a writer of romance, but i also am. before HP, my entire "trade" was basically shippy fics. i enjoy it, i find it fun, and so i wanted to write it.

(below, a few individual points i thought i could talk about, in no particular order)

the american roadtrip:

as explained above, when i started to think about what the rebuilding of H&G's relationship would look like (which obviously happens throughout act 2 but really materialises in this chapter) i came to this conclusion that i wanted to have this chapter be a little bit of an interlude "outside" of normal life. and, as i've also said this before, my favourite niche sub-genre of post-war fics are fics that include travel. i mean, what can i say? i'm a traveler, i love going places to explore. i'm on a plane at least once a month. and, i've always had a soft spot for stories where harry "fucks off" and goes travelling somewhere, with or without ginny, to heal. for the record, here is a selection of my favourites:

the grown up driver by pocketfullof ; venn diagrams of one circle by aceofdiamonds ; warm front by flagpoles ; maps to the stars' homes by lizbee ; beauty lays behind the hills by meliebee

and so, obviously, when it was time to create this chapter in my head, the idea of a road trip came very naturally to me. i was like: i need them to focus on "them", i need them away... let's take them away, you know? i'd always sort of dreamed of writing one of those travel fics, and so it was so, so nice to realise that castles itself was going to give me the opportunity to do that. super self-indulgent, but oh, so enjoyable. it came at the cost of a little "suspension of disbelief" (sure, they're going to drive a car even though they can apparate ; sure, harry can just fuck off from his job for two months ; and sure, the fact that Quidditch season starts just at the end of september when i need it to is a total coincidence lol) but you know, who cares? i hope you did suspend your disbelief, lol.

now, on the choice of the US: i feel like the US is obviously the quintessential "road trip" destination, but i did consider others. i also toyed with australia for a while, south africa, canada and argentina. i ended up ruling out the first three pretty quickly because a) i've never been to australia or south africa and b) i have been to canada but never driven there. as you now know from our research episode on the podcast, anything that requires me to do extensive amounts of research is an automatic no (lol), so. the only one that really held some ground against the US was argentina because i love the country so much, we did drive around quite a lot when i was there, and i felt like there was a lot of potential for magical worldbuilding. but my issue was a) i went to argentina in early 2020 so i felt like the country was probably very different from what it would have looked like in 98 (coming back to our #idontwannadoresearch issue) and b) i would have kind of needed to change the timing of the trip if i wanted them to go in summer. i really considered this, i felt like there wouldn't be that much difference in having them go away over christmas rather than july/august/sep, and i feel like flying over Mount Fitz Roy or Perito Moreno rather than the Grand Canyon would have been equally spectacular, so the research part was really what did it for me in the end. i've just been to the US so much. i lived there for a year. i also have a lot of friends there who i can ask stuff to about the late 90s if i need to. it was just... easier. H&G will go to argentina for their twentieth anniversary or something lol.

now this being said, dearest americans, i hope you forgive me for... roasting your country a bit? in good spirit, i promise. i love the US. the US is just... funny, you know? what's with the aircon everywhere? and omg the state of your roads. buffalo is a shithole, i will not apologise for that, i have been there too many times. it was just so much fun to write this from harry and ginny's perspective, build in some little quirks they would have noticed. the trelawney bean joke. that and the line "This is the late 90s - there’s still something sort of “aspirational” about it." will never not make me laugh. what the fuck is happening to this country right now? do you need a hug? it was also fun to wonder what magical life would look like there. i think what i built is very inspired by what i could find on pottermore, although i did sort of pick and choose what i liked. and also fuck, the grand canyon is literally the most beautiful place on earth.

lastly, sorry to all of the areas i didn't mention. i initially wanted to get them to loop around but of their own accord, they decided to go at a really slow pace so i decided to scratch the north west and the south east. i really wanted them to drive down the coast from seattle to LA, but alas. they'll come back later, i promise lol.

harry and ginny:

i think, honestly, all i have to say about them is in the chapter (and, if it's not, it'll surely be in my asks, lol). my babies. i think what i really wanted this chapter to be was like: them, talking. face to face, not through letters. just existing together. joking around. confessing things. arguing, sometimes (as we all probably must). in light of the many comments i've received over the last 48 hours (for which i cannot thank you enough), it seems that that was achieved. obviously, castles is also very much about sex and so i wanted this chapter to be about them rebuilding that, too. harry has this strange mental block, of course, which is him being terrified of basically being "like" Amycus and forcing her into something she doesn't want and also fearing that she actually doesn't want them to be together. it's hard to believe someone who's lied to you in the past, regardless of their reasons. it's hard to be told "yes, you did make me think of him" and build past that. i also really want this to be a callback to last summer where, as harry says himself:

Last summer, everything was difficult but the sex was always the one thing that worked, between them, and now everything is better but every time his hands are on her skin, he freezes. He wants to slam the car into a tree like that will shock him into living.

i wanted this chapter to not only show the struggles, but them actually working through the struggles. communicating. and, i don't know if you've noticed, every time they do "argue," they sort of get better at it. at first, they have this fight about bodycount (see below for more on that) where neither of them is actually a) talking about what they're really talking about, b) saying what they want to say and c) talking about what they should be talking about. then, slowly, carefully, they communicate better and better to the point that when they "fight" inside the car before grand canyon, it's not really a "fight" and more of a reflection on how to solve a very practical problem.

@gardenroses1 said something in her comment this morning which really intrigued me and is something i genuinely didn't plan for or notice: every time H&G fight, they do it following some sort of "external" intervention. either the press (prior to the bodycount fight) or the millers family (prior to the "i want to believe you" fight). it's true, was totally unintentional, but also feels super interesting and goes to what i felt in my gut prior to this chapter: that they needed to go away to truly focus on rebuilding this. again, i feel like their foundations are strong enough, now, that when the outside world attacks them again, they will know how to respond better. but, i thought this was a very good point to note!

the line:

He wonders if girls just get better at reading people because their lives depend on it.

this was quoted back to me a few times in my comments and so i thought i should maybe talk about it a bit. or at least, acknowledge it. i actually don't particularly like that line, i tried many times to phrase it better, gave up and almost deleted it, verifying once again this strange phenomenon that @btelling and i have recently identified where, whenever we seem to think like a line is too on the nose and almost delete it, it becomes the line that everyone loves, lol.

i mean, this reflects what it says on the tin, right? if castles is one thing, it's the place for me to push my feminist agenda (lol) so there you go. smashing the patriarchy one line at a time.

on "bodycount":

if you were following this tumblr last summer, you will remember this: i used to get a lot of asks about ginny's sex life. stuff like: wouldn't harry be mocked because ginny slept around? and: wouldn't harry feel insecure about ginny sleeping around? and even once: what's ginny's bodycount? (if you don't believe me, look through here). often (though not always) these were formulated quite rudely (which actually led me to implement the politeness policy) and i must admit, i wasn't always super nice, myself, answering these. i think they just sort of puzzled me. given the themes of this fic, i tend to think of my audience as liberal, feminist women in their 20s & 30s, which made it all the more shocking to get questions from people who were clearly not part of that demographic. the way the concept of "loose women" and "bodycount" is inherently tied with the control of women's sexuality by the patriarchy should be news to no one, reading this. and, i mean, on the one hand, sure, these were legit questions given the society we live in, but not ones i would necessarily expect to be asked, you know? i think especially the bodycount one really surprised me.

the first iteration of this chapter included the whole issue of sex (i.e. harry not wanting to "force" her, etc.) but the bodycount talk was actually a later addition. i don't know where it came from. i remember i was actually writing a whole bunch of conversations that were to occur before the road trip (and ended up being moved around into the road trip for the most part) and harry and ginny just started ... talking about it. it was very sweet and cute and him basically telling her he didn't care. i kind of liked it and sent it to @btelling as a sort of "look what my anons make me write" thing but then i was like: wait a minute, i think there's potential for more here. i remembered there was this idea that stemmed from the anons i was getting that was like: harry will be insecure about her sleeping around and i was like: i mean, maybe, but what about her though? because for a girl who's barely 18 and still probably very much affected by patriarchal ideas, having been through what she's been through, it's like: well, what is he going to think about me, right? and, she kind of asks him what he thinks in chapter 14 and he's like a) telling her he doesn't care/mind and b) that he is a bit insecure, too, which i think alleviates her concerns a bit until, well, he doesn't seem to want to sleep with her, right? and she's like: wait, were you lying? and, i think for ginny as well, she sort of wants it to be about that because if it's not that, it's the fact that she "slept" with amycus that's putting him off, which is much more serious and traumatic for her.

as i said above, i loved writing that fight in the hotel room. i realised that the cute and sweet conversation i has originally written could be turned into an argument very easily by just changing the tone, which definitely was a good sign. and having harry snap: i didn't ask the next day was so enjoyable. he thinks he's saying the right thing by saying he doesn't care, but that's not what she wants to hear. she wants him to care, because for her it's a part of her that isn't "perfect" and she wants him to know about it and accept it, rather than ignore it. and getting to resolve that misunderstanding was just so satisfying.

lastly, i've had comments telling me 28 wasn't a lot. she's barely 18. this happened over the span of 3 months-ish. i don't care if it's a lot or not a lot and the fact that people have an opinion about that is just fucking gross.

ah, the patriarchy 🙄.

miscellaneous:

you have @btelling and @turanga4 to thank for the fact that i kept R&H's wedding. this chapter was so long, i genuinely considered deleting the first 5k. i also considered doing two chapters (one for the wedding and one for the road trip) but those would have been annoyingly uneven. i hope you enjoyed lol.

the flight over grand canyon was almost a flight over the Great Lakes. initially, it was grand canyon. then, that felt like too much time as i was going north then south so i changed it and decided to have them sleep together right after the upper peninsula (which, by the way, not making the trip upstate when i lived in michigan is my biggest regret - this was just me getting to go there by proxy). but then, when i got to that point, idk, it didn't ... work? and, when i'd made the change, although the great lakes region is gorgeous, i was super upset to not get the grand canyon sights, so i changed it back. i think it was just better in terms of scenery and timing in the end.

speaking of the grand canyon.... i used chatGPT to describe it LOL. or, at least get inspo on how to describe it. as we know, i'm not very visual so while i have been there, it's always difficult for me to describe the grandiosity of something. so i prompted chatGPT to describe the grand canyon at night to me in a "romantic" way and TA-DA. honestly, i only took a couple of sentences from the few paragraphs it gave me, but it was just good to get the juices going. i thought i'd mention it cause i don't think all AI is evil.

if you've listened to the podcast episode on romance, you'll notice a few references to the ep (When he opens his eyes again, their palms let go of each other and they stumble, landing inside their motel room. A rough transition between the grandiose and the mundane, and a bed that protests loudly whenever they move, and carpet that reeks like centuries-old cigarettes.) i was editing the ep whilst editing castles so i thought it was fun to play with the discussion @copper-dust and i had had a little bit.

i think H&G will go on one annual trip per year now. just somewhere. they deserve it lol.

aaand, that's it for me. this was way longer than i thought it would be lol.

if you have any questions, let me know ❤️

#castles #chapter 16

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sarriathmg · 2 years

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to you what makes omega jason so special?

Honestly? Omega Jason writers used to be some of the only writers who wrote Jason as sympathetic rather than that big, dumb, swearing, unsophisticated brute a lot of other writers seemed to want to write him as. I used to be lukewarm when it comes to omegaverse, but I've acquired a taste for it. That, and the fact a lot of o!Jason writers are very good writers and can sell the dynamic/world very well, so these days I tend to associate this tag with quality writing and the kind of dynamic I enjoy.

O!Jay fics tend to explore the character in ways I like: make Jason at the center of hurt/comfort the way he deserves (and he deserves it the most out of all the Robins. FIGHT ME) and give me the angst/whump content with Jason that's much needed. (On an aside, I'm done with Dick whump in this fandom and it's one of my biggest pet peeves these days. Save those for Dick-centric stories, whatever, but if I find another attempt to squeeze Dick whump into a story not meant to focus on him I will just silently close the tab like I've been doing for the past two years)

As to why I like creating o!Jay works? The room for worldbuilding and creativity is one. Love exploring the world in an omegaverse setting, especially if it's historical/fantasy/AU, or has some other major differences from the world we live in. Once you acquire a taste for omegaverse it's just the perfect place to explore the extent of your own skills as a writer/storyteller.

KINKY is the second reason. I love kinky shit so much and BOY DOES OMEGAVERSE PROMISE THAT. I know the power imbalance that comes with omegaverse is a big reason why some people can't get behind it, but I just like power imbalance as a kink, can you blame me? Intersex omegas provide the excuse for double insertion. Heats=altered states. Pregnancy+breeding kink. Lactation isn't a huge one for me but it is for a lot of people. In general, just a lot of opportunity to make Jason fuck(ed) like a bunny and get pregnant from it.

Thanks for the ask, Anon! I always knew why I like o!Jason but your question made me think back on all the reasons and list them. I have a lot to say but I hope I didn't bore you, haha.

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danglovely · 8 months

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Kim Possible Episode Tiers: The B-Tier

Don't overthink it. These are all pretty good episodes.

Pain King vs. Cleopatra: The introduction of Monique! I have a weird affection for this episode because I can distinctly remember watching it when it was released (and then playing the stupid flash game associated with it). One-off villain and meh plot makes it okay.

Number One: It's funny to know that Will was introduced as Ron's romantic rival. Obviously the show is much better for them not pursuing that storyline. This episode successfully introduces Duff and has one of my favorite lines of the series.

The Truth Hurts: The half-episodes are about laughs. I don't think this one does amazing at it (apart from the initial Drakken/Shego confrontation), but it's sort of a fun high concept episode that probably would have benefitted from a full length expansion.

The Big Job: The Jr. and Shego relationship is actually pretty fun and could have used a few more episodes. This one is highlighted by how good the fight while trying to park in San Francisco is.

Ron the Man: The introduction of the Pandimensional Vortex Inducer and Dementor is a bit of a drag, mostly because I'm not sure how poigniant this episode is anymore by analyzing Ron's masculinity. It may be dated, but there's a lot of good here (including Shego asking Drakken how many men he can handle in a fight).

Mentor of Our Discontent: I have previously expressed my love for Lucre, but this episode detracts from that. I want to describe it as "diluted" because there's too much stuff going on.

Downhill: I think this is a really solid episode and maybe the only one where the high school plotline outshines the spy plotline. I don't have any particular fondness for DNAmy as a villain, but the theme of recognizing your parents as actual people does hit true for me.

Sink or Swim: Good episode and the first instance of "Ron is actually valuable." MORE RON AND TARA.

Naked Genius: I think this marks the point where Shego's respect for Drakken begins to deteriorate. It's a good high concept episode and I love that Ron is successful at making some fashion of doomsday device.

October 31st: It's a solid episode, almost in spite of the "Kim lies to everyone" plot.

Job Unfair: Honestly, this might deserve to be higher. All of Shego and Drakken's weather machine manual talk is brilliant and Janitor Joe is a really likeable character. It's a real success at merging the A and B plots.

The Golden Years: Kim's nanna successfully completes the dance of going from annoying to awesome. It's also refreshing to see Drakken be such a proponent for the aged community. I also like the hint at his business sense from running the ice cream truck.

Motor Ed: Successful introduction of two good characters. It's a legitimately compelling problem that Kim doesn't know how to speak to someone that's paralyzed!

Showdown at the Crooked D: I enjoy that Shego takes interest in Drakken's high school bitterness. I could listen to Ron and Joss forever . . . it would be nicer if Joss liked Ron better.

Triple S: It's a very fun expansion of Senior's backstory.

Big Bother: I really enjoy the seemingly main story about Monkey Fist taking place in the background. I'm less into Kim being jealous of Yori and Ron hating his little sister.

The Cupid Effect: I am ignoring the real world implications of the existence of a "love ray." It's a fun Senior plot and I liked Ron giving Wade romantic advice (like, the dude landed Kim . . . he's doing something right).

Ill-Suited: I have nothing to say outside of Dementor attempting to convince Kim and Ron by wearing a house dress.

Grudge Match: There's a lot going on here with Zita, Larry, etc. It's just a decent episode.

Gorilla Fist: I think this is the first episode meant to make you realize that Kim is actually in on Ron. If I talked about it more, I could probably get sentimental enough to bump it up a few tiers (also the Monkey Fist/DNAmy plot line is hilarious).

All the News: Ron makes Kim suffer in high school and AdrenaLynn isn't the best villain. Should I have had this lower?

#kim possible #rankings #kp tiers

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izzyliker · 2 years

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some musings about ed, trauma, and ed-the-character as a system

Disclaimer: while I have an undergrad degree in psychology and sociology I am not a psychologist. I have years and years of first hand experience with living with C-PTSD and am married to someone with C-PTSD and who is also the host of an OSDD-1b (ie. one of the dissociative disorders that are associated with systems) system; and I am making this post from primarily a place of personal connection to the character, the way he’s presented, and the way we’re physically shown Ed’s childhood in flashbacks. People often discuss Ed from the context of him having “masks” and the Ed that sings songs and wears robes being “the real Ed” and I think that’s not a very good reading of the text (sorry) and this personal connection is probably why.

First of all: Tumblr user uselessheretic wrote up an AMAZING post about Ed, trauma, and coping and really succinctly explained the changes in his personality from the IFS model perspective. Blackbeard, Edward, and the Kraken are not personas: they are versions of him with their own specific purposes. They exist for a REASON. None of them are “real” or “fake” and suggesting that Blackbeard and Kraken are “fake” or “performances” when held against Edward because they’re “violent” whereas Edward is “soft” and “gentle” has a whole bunch of terrible implications specifically because a lot of the time complex PTSD (ie. PTSD formed over time from repeated trauma as opposed to ye olde PTSD which is from a singular event with a start and end; eg. childhood abuse vs mass shooting survivor) DOES come with a distinct need to have some form of violence built in as a defense mechanism from abuse, aimed either at your abuser, other people, or yourself. The Kraken is that: Ed didn’t kill his dad, the Kraken did. By externalizing this act to a different person (or monster, in this case) entirely Ed could keep the emotional fallout from the act to the minimum: Ed didn’t kill anyone. His dad is gone. He might have loved his dad like children tend to, even when their parents are unsafe to be around, and he might’ve been genuinely distraught even though his dad was also the cause of his trauma. When the person who took care of the issue is NOT YOU you get to just focus on the conflict of “I’m relieved he’s gone [because he was abusive]” and “I’m upset he’s gone [because he’s my dad and I deserved better]” instead of also throwing in an additional “and also I killed him.” This reactive part doesn’t necessarily disappear and especially not just on its own. Ed, with the life he’s had, almost certainly never was in a place where he felt safe enough to “get rid of” the Kraken. That’s his built in security system.

And this is where I have to discuss Ed as a system.

The C-PTSD is honestly not up for debate but I acknowledge that the show probably doesn’t mean for us to read him as a system. I cannot stop reading him that way, though, and the Kraken split is one of my main reasons for that. When Ed tells us the Kraken killed his dad I believe he genuinely thought that was the case. When he (the Kraken, and I’ll refer to these alters by those names from now on just for clarity) killed their dad the Kraken was sealed into a completely separate compartment by itself. Ed-as-a-collective remembers it but not consciously. It’s a memory that exists but can’t be readily accessed. When he is triggered by the fuckery presentation of the Kraken he physically falls to the ground from the sudden force of the memory. The way the monster blurs with young Ed, and the way he convulses on the ground completely dissociated from the rest of the world is so over the top dramatic in presentation it’s genuinely shocking to see from him. When we see him in the bathtub he’s not just vulnerable and crying and recovering from a flashback: he is still having it, and he’s not just vulnerable and seeking comfort, he’s regressing to a much more childish state than we have ever seen him or we ever see him again. This is Ed as close to his childhood self as he can get; this is him returning to not only the night the Kraken killed his dad, but probably several traumatic moments across several different points in time that he’s reliving at the same time. Like he’s not just having a breakdown: he’s having a complex trauma flashback, which are often not super clearly centered around a specific event as much as they are about feelings and vague memories blending with how you felt, what you saw, what you smelled, what you heard. This is happening AS HE IS TALKING TO STEDE. Ed is not there “in the moment” because he is being pulled between the past and the present in an extremely distressing way where there is no escape for him in either direction. He can’t ground himself in either world. Watching this scene over and over again it hits me so hard that when Ed says “I’m not a good person” he immediately goes on to say “I don’t have any friends” which is an extraordinarily childish thing to say in this context in the sense that that is what a lonely child in an unsafe living situation without anyone to reach out to would say. Edward, in the present, as he is, wants a friend and is lonely, but on a basic “he is having a flashback right now” level that is him speaking from the perspective and primal fears of his childhood self: Ed, the age slider, who has had contact with Kraken, the protector, for the first time in a very long time. When the Kraken was split (and I don’t know if that would’ve been long before the actual killing happened or if that was the moment it did happen; it’s possible the Kraken wasn’t even remotely the first person to be split to help Ed cope) it was split for a reason: to protect Ed. The Kraken has one task and that is to keep him safe.

Footnote: it is not a given that a system will have an outwardly violent protector. Protectors form to meet the requirements of the traumatic situation in order to minimize the harm done psychologically and physically: if the situation requires a good fawner or mediator then one will form. If the situation requires someone who can ”want” the traumatic thing in question then one will form. If the situation requires someone who can fight back then one will form. Ed has very specific circumstances where the formation of one makes perfect sense.

The Kraken is not a senseless violent person; he protects Ed. He does not lash out without reason. The Kraken kills Ed’s dad. He throws away the silk square. He throws Lucius overboard. He cuts off Izzy’s toe. These are all acts that are done to keep Ed safe, either physically or emotionally. The Kraken is not emotional, does not lash out, does not react. The Kraken plans and makes choices where Ed retreats and tries to hide. He is not a mask: when Izzy triggers the Kraken out he’s not forcing Ed to put on a mask, he is the last step in triggering a massive breakdown that had been building up for DAYS at that point. Ed’s been desperately pushing this off and he’s been doing… okay…. But the person that has been out was NOT the person who has been in charge previously: it was Ed, the childish alter, the one who wants to sing songs, the one who wants friends, who wants affection, who openly begs for it. That was NEVER going to be sustainable. He’s out and he’s raw and he should never have been left out alone for so long but Stede leaving with no warning has had him out without anyone else to take his place. This is his second “bathtub moment,” only this time nobody is there to give him the affection and understanding he needs. It’s not just Izzy: he can see how the crew looks at him like he’s lost his mind, and while Lucius tries to help him they are just not close enough for it to ever be feasible. Lucius didn’t promise to protect him and then follow through with it. Lucius didn’t take the only reminder of his childhood he carries with him, his traumatic childhood, the one he only accesses in flashbacks and tell him it’s beautiful. That he’s not ruined and broken for it. That was Stede. To Ed, Stede gave every indication that he was going to stay and be a safe person for Ed to trust and rely on. Would Ed even NEED the Kraken to keep him safe anymore, with Stede? It’s just been Ed, the age slider, the vulnerable child, the person who is the most susceptible to any harm, since probably right after they signed the act of grace. The rapid changes of his mind about wanting to stay vs. wanting to go to China are impulsive, they’re nonsensical, they’re clearly trauma responses to me: adapting to your current scenario quickly without processing it too much, just accepting it as a given, and then coming up with a fantastical escape (hello, the Kraken murdered my abusive dad). When Stede doesn’t show up the person who rows away isn’t Ed, it’s the Kraken. Ed would’ve waited until the British found him and took him back, but the Kraken knows this can’t happen so he takes them back to the Revenge. And then it’s Ed again.

And it’s not just Ed and the Kraken. We actually see the Kraken only a very limited amount of times: when he kills his dad, when he throws away the silk square & Lucius, and when he cuts off Izzy’s toe. The Kraken is a last line of defense. Similarly, Ed is a highly emotional alter partially because he is the one with the most contact with the emotional parts of his trauma. He remembers. He wants affection. He cannot be left alone because if he is rejected or treated badly he is not built to handle it. He gets triggered out in times of emotional distress, and he’s the one crying and lashing out. Ed never got to grow up, and he’s insecure and emotional because he’s desperate for positive attention. When the French make fun of him at the dinner party it’s Ed that storms out, it’s Ed that finds Stede, it’s Ed who tells Stede he’s going to go back and shoot them all, and it’s Ed who Stede tells he’s going to take care of it, that he’s going to take care of him. They’re the protector and the protected, respectively. They’re highly specialized alters with purposes.

So that leads us to Blackbeard. As uselessheretic identifies him as, when following the IFS model Blackbeard is the manager. He’s the person who takes care of day to day tasks. He’s the person we see the most. This is different from Blackbeard-the-persona, as in the fearsome pirate image he has crafted with Izzy: that Blackbeard is just a brand. Blackbeard the manager is the person we see the most. He’s brilliant, he’s violent, he enjoys maiming, he enjoys a good fuckery, he’s a hard worker and he’s funny and Stede enjoys being around him and he’s built himself from the ground up. He’s not held back by his trauma (because Ed’s holding onto pretty much all of it) and he’s able to enjoy violence (because the Kraken does what would, for him, be emotionally exhausting, traumatic murder and violence - I think one of the reasons that the trauma unfolding happens at all is because Blackbeard is trying to kill Stede [traumatic murder] AS the Kraken imagery occurs. This is a perfect storm). In some ways he seeks it out as the receiver: he wants Stede to stab him, and doesn’t seem to be averse to it in general. It’s just simply not that deep to him. They lost crew members? Sucks. Anyway, what’s for dinner? He’s practical but he’s not emotionless the way the Kraken is: Blackbeard is a much more “complete” person than the Kraken is. Ed and Blackbeard are people in that they have their own distinct personalities, and they are capable of the full range of the human emotional spectrum. Kraken isn’t, because he has a specific purpose that requires a certain amount of non-humanness, or else he wouldn’t be able to fulfill that purpose.

But I think there is a fourth person as well: and that is the person that does whippies with Jack, who thinks Jack is just a pathetic guy and a harmless dude, really, who gets fooled by him, who is impulsive and reckless and rambunctious. I actually suspect that Blackbeard ISN’T who was originally in charge after Ed left home: I think this person was the one who had the reins for a long time, and split from Ed somewhere between the murder and before they left to work for Hornigold. I think he’s sort of a proto-Blackbeard in function: more immature, seemingly stuck in an eternal state of frat boy fun, and I think that’s because he IS stuck in that state. I don’t know how to analyze their relationship but I think there’s definitely something really complex there. He seems to trust Jack way more than Jack deserves but I don’t really know what to make of it. It’s a very naive way of looking at people; a childish desire to make friends combined with these desires to understand someone and see deeper within them. Blackbeard is the matured version: more confident, more sure of his authority, someone who knows what he’s doing, and who has a healthy amount of arrogance. This person… is not Blackbeard. This person is a total 180 from any version of him that Stede has ever met, and when he tells Stede “this is who I am” it’s not even remotely what we as the audience have observed previously. Blackbeard pre-Stede was moody, mysterious; impulsive and erratic according to Izzy, sure, but this is not that. This is something else entirely.

The only way him saying that makes sense is if that is genuinely what he thinks in that moment: I don’t think there’s a tremendous amount of amnesia between switches but I think there is also next to no internal communication between alters and it seems like generally speaking they operate under the assumption that they ARE the same person. And that is a valid way for a system to identify: but this is different from that kind of a conscious choice. In this case there is no conscious statement; it’s an assumption that everyone feels this way, that “this is just how it sometimes is” is the same as “this is the REAL me,” etc. And there is no “real me” – that’s the point! They’re all equally real. Ed-as-a-collective has no solid grasp on his personality or selfhood because he’s completely blissfully unaware of the fact that there’s a good reason for that. Now the issue is that Ed would never have the language for any of this. As I said the amnesia between alters seems to mostly be limited to the Kraken, and when Izzy refers to his increasingly erratic moods I suspect he just means that Blackbeard as the host and the most normie alter is getting bored and depressed and just doing weird shit, though I wouldn’t be surprised if Izzy had come into contact with Ed the age slider and found the interaction(s) confusing and offputting. I don’t think Ed would process these alters as separate necessarily, and the other characters of course would have no idea. So to expect that Stede would need to take care of Ed is both unfair to Stede on the basis that he doesn’t KNOW and on the basis that Ed and Ed& cannot expect to externalize the caretaking onto someone else. Not because it’s unfair to Stede (although it kind of is) but because it’s fundamentally unsustainable on an internal level. The Kraken, as blunt of an instrument as he might be, is built to the exact needs that Ed needs to be taken care of, because that’s how he came to be. Stede is his own external person whose origin ISN’T Ed’s brain as it was when he was experiencing tremendous amounts of acute traumatic events. Ed is realizing this issue now that it’s already too late.

The thing is that Stede did – and honestly it’s fucking remarkable considering that Stede generally has the emotional intelligence of a spoon – everything right every single time he came into contact with Ed-the-age-slider. I don’t know if it’s because Stede, someone who also has a bunch of childhood trauma, on some level knew that he was seeing a traumatic flashback unfold and KNEW what to do, or if he’s genuinely just fine tuned to understand Ed, but when Ed comes to him with tears in his eyes and tells him they laughed at him and that he’s going to shoot them Stede tells him to stand down, and then with voice soft as a gentle breeze tells him that he’s going to take care of it. I’ll do this for you. You’re hurt and you’re right to be hurt and I love you and I want you to feel safe and taken care of, and I’ll do it because I know how to do it and I want to keep you safe from the fallout. And Stede follows through. Ed stares at Stede with unbelieving eyes the whole time, and then the whole way back to the Revenge. This is a breaking point. This is the first crack in Ed’s shell. This is something that has only ever been done by Ed, or by Blackbeard, or by the Kraken when it was really, really bad. So to have someone else do it for him – no wonder he’s quiet for pretty much the rest of the night, save for like, ten words for the rest of the episode.

And then Stede sees the memory of his childhood, the little square of silk, the physical reminder of his horrible, traumatic childhood he tries to shield himself from, and he touches it, and he might as well be touching Ed’s heart. He looks at it; the silk being a metaphor for the traumatized child who still exists acutely inside of Ed, the one who feels so many conflicting emotions about his trauma, who blames himself and everyone around him and who just wants to be loved and protected, who in that moment is still distressed and recovering from an intensely upsetting emotional moment; and he tells Ed that it’s beautiful. He goes out of his way to neaten it. He goes out of his way to put it on Ed, where he can see, and he tells Ed that he wears it well. That it’s a fine thing. And I can’t even… Ed, the traumatized child who almost certainly felt like he would just never matter, that his life would always be fear and loneliness, being told he’s worth something not only now, but as a child, too, that he was always lovable, enough so that he shouldn’t hide that part of himself out of fear of being rejected… not around Stede, at least. Not-she-which-burns-in-it wrote a breathtaking post about that specific scene and the body language of both of them and it really haunts me.

And then in the bathtub Ed is inconsolable, we’re surrounded by mirrors, the cracks in his consciousness, where he’s drifting between flashbacks and real life, where he’s having tremendous issues differentiating reality from memory, and Stede comes in. And here’s what I always think about:

Stede doesn’t try to touch him. Stede sits a fair distance away but his body language is open and he’s obviously engaged and listening. Stede doesn’t accuse him of anything. When Ed admits to the plan Stede doesn’t yell at him, doesn’t leave, he just asks whether it will still happen. Ed tells him he doesn’t have friends, Stede tells him he’s his friend. The mirrors repeat. Ed is still having his flashback sequence. Stede doesn’t leave. He doesn’t push. He lets Ed lead the conversation. And near the end he offers out his arm and Ed reaches for it. It’s Ed’s choice. It’s Ed who has agency. It’s Ed who’s in charge, who gets to share what he wants, who gets to be as vulnerable as he wants, who gets to choose if he’s touched, how close he wants Stede to be. And Stede sits with him until he’s gathered himself, and then they leave together.

And for me it’s like – at the beach he says “I can just be Ed, and what makes Ed happy is you” and of course on an obvious textual level it just means what it says: he’s just himself, without the need to maintain his image or to hold power or manage others. I just – I know you have to be fairly committed to this reading here but it haunts and vexes me to think about this subconscious admittance of the fact that this vulnerable person who holds probably all of the trauma is safe and happy with Stede to the point where he can be the one front, where he feels safe. That Stede will take care of him, that he can trust him, that he can let his guard down. And of course that backfires almost immediately.

So like: I don’t know where exactly I was going with this, except just that… regardless of what specific trauma consequence you see him as having these “versions” are highly unlikely to be “fake” or masks. They’re either “parts” or they’re alters; I tend to go with the alter theory. I think Ed as a character is Very consistent with how a system in the 1700s might come across to people who simply do not have the language. And these parts, regardless of how you see them, do have specific roles and meanings and they exist for a reason. As the text keeps telling us Ed has a shit ton of trauma over his childhood and this has affected his emotional processing skills to a tremendous extent. The Kraken does not come across as a “mask” or something Ed is pretending to be: he is (imo) clearly something that already existed in this capacity, and he is completely different from Ed or Blackbeard in every single way, down to the way he moves, his facial expressions, how he carries himself, even his look. Kraken is – yeah, breakdown, but, more specifically, he’s a completely different person entirely, and that’s by necessity. He’s just as real as Blackbeard as Ed. I don’t think the Kraken is at all connected to the Blackbeard image, because I don’t think he would ever come out “casually.” He seems distinctly like a last resort trauma trigger solver, not a party trick. And in the same vein Blackbeard is not less authentic than Ed is: it’s just that Ed is completely saddled with all of the trauma that the person in charge cannot hold onto. This is a balance of juggling trauma and functionality with next to no outside help, and when Ed opened up to Stede to such an extent and imprinted on him with basically no safeguards it’s a sweet moment, but it’s a dangerous one as well. And it’s not a conclusion or a climax to their arc or Ed’s trauma processing: Ed has a lot of very, very complex trauma rooted in his psyche that he has been carrying around for decades. That is the literal first peeling back of trauma. It can be intensely retraumatizing to uncover a traumatic memory without proper safeguards, and Ed is incredibly lucky that Stede was so delicate and gentle with him, because that could’ve gone horribly wrong. Ed is not realizing he can be gentle; he’s realizing that he’d been repressing a memory of murdering his dad for decades, and quite possibly realizing that he’s been repressing enormous amounts of trauma in general. Like: this is a breakthrough moment but not in the sense fandom seems to often claim it is – this is not helping Ed realize he doesn’t have to be violent or that he can be vulnerable in general, it’s him deciding that Stede is safe for him to be around. That has next to nothing to do with Blackbeard or his personality or how he feels about violence, and is wholly disconnected from the Kraken because the Kraken is irrelevant to their day to day operations.

Idk! I love my complex meow meow. He’s out there. Be nice to him

#ofmd #best wishes gargoyle king #UGHHhhhhh hes . Clecnes fist

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