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itgirl-111 · 7 months

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OFFENSIVELY ATTRACTIVE VAUNT

Why do I have to be so offensively attractive? Everything about me from top to toe is perfection. You've never seen a face as pretty and flawless as mine. No cause why do I have to look this hot? I'm fr the hottest girl on the planet. Everything about me from top to toe is pure perfection, my individual features are perfect and flawless but when they come together they are so harmonious? Like everything just fits my face so fucking perfectly like it's meant to be there. Every inch of my face and body is gorgeous and flawless. I am a walking masterpiece, I'm a work of art. Everyone is obsessed with me the first time they see me, I am so drop dead gorgeous that people literally double take and gasp once they lay their eyes on me. I mean, I'm always the center of attention because why wouldn't I be? I high key give off real main character vibes, it's like I straight up walked out of an anime. It's near impossible for someone to look this humanely beautiful but I do because I'm just too damn stunning. I literally take everyone's breath away. I am so offensively attractive, people find it difficult to not look at me, I swear all eyes turn only to me because I'm literally the most beautiful ever. It's only once in a blue moon that you'd get a chance to see a person as attractive as I am, Im once in a lifetime afterall. I get complimented every single day, I hear everyone call me beautiful more than my own name. I am too painfully attractive, it's indescribable. I'm the typa girl who you see once and never forget. I literally got everyone feeling some type of way they never felt before. I am literally so utterly mesmerizing. I got everyone simping for me fr. I'd be literally breathing and everyone would be down bad for me, Literally down bad. I got universal sex appeal, meaning everyone regardless of sexuality is down bad for me . I am so sexy people genuinely cannot get over it and everyday I just get 100x trillion times hotter. I am just sooo damn fine like I've got too pretty of a face and even more powerful vibe. I believe in my supremacy fr. Sometimes it's just so hard to grasp the fact that a person as attractive as I, is living on the same planet as everyone else, everyone is damn lucky to be born in the same generation as I am. It's ridiculous how many simps I have, like damn I really got everyone down bad for me huh. I am the pinnacle of God tier beauty and charisma.

There's something about my vibe which is just so uniquely mine, like my vibe and energy is so one of a kind, everyone can feel my vibe even before I walk into the room. I give off an expensive, powerful, hot girl vibe who straight up walked out of an anime I swear lol. My energy is way too magnetic and irresistible, it speaks volumes. My presence is literally out of this world. The way I carry myself, the way I talk, the way I do things, the way I think, the way I look, my energy, my mannerisms, my habits, all of it is way too unique to be replicated. Everyone wanna study me like their favourite subject. It's impossible to mistake me for another one, I stand out and outshine literally everyone with my beauty, charisma, and interesting personality. The fact that it comes to me so naturally and effortlessly? Even better. I've got such amazing wit and humour, I'm so personable that people genuinely love to be around me even though I may seem intimidating at first. I always know how to spark interesting and amazing conversations, I know when to speak and be quiet, I got that perfect balance between loud and quiet confidence. My intelligence and the way I keep learning new things so easily? Even hotter!. I am an ICON. My energy is actually so magnetic, I have that little something, that is just so insanely attractive and captivating that it cannot be described in words, only felt. I truly believe in my own supremacy.

#vaunt #vaunting #vaunts & affirmations #manifestation #manifesting #loassumption #affirmations #affirm #affirmyourlife #affirmdaily #manifestingreality #manifestyourreality #master manifestor #self concept #self concept affirmations #law of assumption #neville goddard

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cardentist · 3 months

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Fam how can one be trans in the direction of their assigned sex? I'm not even trying to make the idea sound ridiculous or anything. I'm genuinely curious and want to understand. I thought the whole meaning of trans was that you feel or act in the opposite direction of your assigned sex; if you're transfem but you're afab then to me that's just cisgender??? But like please explain to me how that's not the case if that's what you and others strongly feel so I may grow my compassion

Context: [Link]

well ! while I personally am not intersex, I DO want to highlight intersex people first and foremost.

gender and sex are very Very complex, and I think generally people don't consider the way that being intersex can play a big role in that!

there are intersex people who are afab who are also trans women, there are intersex people who are amab who are trans men, there are intersex people with many Many different relationships with sex and gender and anywhere in between !

an afab person can be born with masculine sex characteristics and transition the way trans women often do. that person May identify as trans, they may not ! that trans person may not even consider themselves a woman depending on who they are and what they want !

I Do think there needs to be an effort to be aware of and make space for intersex people within the trans community, and really the wider queer community as a whole. as it's often something that's given a footnote without deeper thought into the ways that intersex people Actually interact with our communities.

which I don't blame people for not already knowing ! that's the whole point of trying to educate people in the first place ^^

and as for Myself

labels are, ultimately, a form of gender presentation. what you call yourself is an extension of not only how you see yourself, but how Other People perceive you.

I could call myself nonbinary or I could call myself trans masc, and both would be Accurate. but people have certain traits and expectations and associations when they see those labels. there are assumptions made about the kind of life that I live, the things that I want, the things I might experience, that change depending on which labels that I use.

and that's not Inherently a bad thing ! I mean, that's part of why people Like labels. but it Can be a struggle for people whose gender is Funny.

I could Also describe myself as genderqueer or multi-gender or genderfluid or gnc or-. I've tried on lots and lots of labels, and for the most part I haven't thrown any of them out, I just keep them in a box under my bed and take them out when relevant.

I've been wrestling with the feminine aspect of my identity for a very Very long time. I've been aware that I'm some level of trans masc. that part was easy. I want a deeper voice, I want things about my body to change, I don't want people to look at me and see a cis woman.

but I Also like femininity. I've found that after accepting myself as trans masc and slowly growing an environment where I am Perceived as masculine, I've started getting euphoria at presenting femininely in the Same way that I did (and do!) get about presenting masculinely.

but that feeling doesn't carry over when I'm perceived as a cis woman. it's Quite Uncomfortable for obvious gender reasons.

and while I may not know the exact Words that I'd use to describe it (as I've said, I've been chewing on it for Many years now), I've gotten a clearer idea of how I Feel.

I want to be Visibly trans. I want to be perceived masculinely And femininely. I want to transition masculinely to present femininely (and sometimes butch, sometimes like your dad at the ace hardware store, I contain multitudes).

and of course, figuring out what I have going on has involve a lot of exploration ! it's the same way I figured out the whole trans masc thing in the first place. seeking out other trans people and other Things About trans people feeling things out.

I find ! that I have a lot of shared experiences with transfeminine people. both in how I feel about certain things, some of the presentation that I want, and in how people would React To said presentation.

my femininity Is Trans, I don't relate to cis womanhood. but I Do relate to trans femininity. which is really awkward for me, because it's difficult to describe it to other people fjksldljkasfdjklfasd

(I don't personally consider myself a trans woman mind, but I'm certain there Are people who are trans men and trans women at the same time. gender is complicated, sex is complicated. labels are malleable and sometimes situational)

Could I describe myself with a different label? probably ! I've got lots of them. but when I Don't put emphasis on this aspect of myself people assume that it's not there. insist that it Couldn't be there, and I don't know what I'm talking about. and those people who Would act nasty towards me probably aren't gonna change their mind just because I changed my bio. but it feels Nice to assert that aspect of myself when other people are trying to tear it down.

part of me feels like I should post the intersex portion of this by itself, because people tend to engage more with shorter posts and there's nothing Short about my gender situation ljkfdasjkls

but ! I dunno, if this makes even one person understand the gray areas of gender and presentation a little more it'll be worth it.

thank you for taking the time to ask ! and especially for doing so kindly ! I do hope you'll see this

#discourse #long post #intersex #genderqueer #nonbinary #multigender #trans unity #queer unity #moral of the story is that gender is a fuck

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unbidden-yidden · 3 months

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Ever since October 7th, the amount of misinformation and disinformation about Jews, Israel, Judaism, and even just like, basic facts about reality have been so intense that it's really dredging up a lot of my gaslighting trauma.

(No, not in the memic sense that it's been distorted into, but the kind of gaslighting that leads you to detransition and think it was your choice despite drowning in dysphoria, the kind that warps and changes and erases memories, and makes it so that you dissociate for literal months at a time to escape the pain. That kind.)

And I recognized this because I keep finding myself arguing facts and trying to reason with people who say that they're part of the compassionate left and care about working on antisemitism but yet spew the kind of antisemitism that would be totally at home on Stormfront.

It's that first arguing stage of gaslighting, where the abuser keeps saying outrageous, untrue things and you're still fighting to try and get them to empathize with you and seek mutual understanding. This:

A gaslighter does not simply need to be right. He or she also needs for you to believe that they are right. In stage 1, you know that they are being ridiculous, but you argue anyways. You argue for hours, without resolution. You argue over things that shouldn’t be up for debate — your feelings, your opinions, your experience of the world. You argue because you need to be right, you need to be understood, or you need to get their approval. In stage 1, you still believe yourself, but you also unwittingly put that belief up for debate.

(bolding mine) (source)

This is a pattern I recognize in myself in personal relationships and even within communities, but what's happening right now is a lot bigger and more diffuse. It's not one abuser or even a shitty cohort of abusive people who are monopolizing a community space. This is being encouraged in a frighteningly large number of non-Jewish progressive spaces. In the same way that stochastic terrorism adds up very quickly, this type of cultural gaslighting and stochastic emotional abuse feels like a deluge.

But if you look at history, this is not new, for Jews. This is but the latest version of a very long game of Why Won't You Just Give Up and Assimilate or Die that Jews have thus far prevailed on at great cost to ourselves.

Anyway I'm done arguing with goyim about things that absolutely should not be up for debate: Jewish history, Jewish culture, what certain religious concepts in Judaism mean, Jewish lived experiences, what is and isn't antisemitism. If you aren't willing to engage in a genuine way that seeks mutual understanding, I'm not interested. I'm done.

You are engaging in violent behavior and lying to yourself about it and calling it activism. Well I am no longer going to participate. You can lie to yourself all you want, but you are a bad person and I don't forgive you, and you can do that alone.

You are acting from a mob mentality and a mob cannot be reasoned with. You are drunk on your tiny bit of power and social capital, and years down the line you'll lie to yourself and pretend that you cared about us.

You didn't. And deep down you know it, too.

Instead of arguing with people who refuse to see facts or reason and put our experiences up for debate, I am going to work on compiling a resource for people who want to actually learn.

Everyone else can fuck off.

#fuck around on this post and find out

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shellxrls · 2 months

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okay to complete the trilogy

here’s how jj fucks

okay so we all know jj is an energetic person, and this only escalates in bed.

he has ridiculous stamina and an even more ridiculous refractory period. he will dump three loads and still be up for more.

he also does not gaf if it gets messy.

he loves to feel in control, I mentioned this with rafe but for him it’s slightly different. he’s much less mean about it. Rafe sees it as a power trip whereas jj sees it as like “helping” in a way.

for me specifically sometimes I just need to turn my brain off and that’s exactly where sex with jj comes in best.

he’s not soothing like John b is, he just does not stop. and that fucking works.

he also very much knows what he likes, and will always make sure he gets that, but he’s also realllyyy good at making sure the pleasure is mutual.

he never had an off day when it comes to giving pleasure, he may but a dumb fuck, but he does know how a girls (and a guys I can’t even lie to you) body works.

he loves giving backshots! if he could choose one sex position for the rest of his life it would be having me face down ass up.

he goes fast and hard, and he’s a grunter. Always with the little punched out “uh, uh, uh”’s and it’s so so hottttt.

skin slapping and bedpost banging are the primary sounds heard other than disgustingly shameless moaning.

jj is a shameless moaner and he made me one too the little cunt.

if I’m not loud enough for his liking or if I’m tryna quiet myself down he will dirty talk the noises out of me.

he genuinely said “lemme hear those pretty noises mama, yeahhhh that’s it.” And I’m never. ever recovering.

he’s not into any kinks that involve deliberate injury for pleasure. like slapping or choking, stuff like that he hates in bed. simply because his at home life is quite unstable and he just can’t imagine ever doing that to someone he loves cause he knows how it feels. even if it’s consensual on the receiving side he just absolutely cannot bring himself to do it. As a very open and experimenting person in bed, choking, slapping anything of that type of action he absolutely refuses and honestly I get that. He also refuses any type of noncon.

however he can spank. though only EVER does it when he’s really mad or riled up, and even then he is so so so attentive. always checking in after every hit just to make sure it’s not becoming too much.

he is also very adamant about safe words. always having a safe word and action and always checking through them and agreeing on them before we do anything that involves deliberate injury or just anything particularly rough in general.

also makes sure to give very good aftercare after spanking or a particularly rough night. LOTS of kisses and praise cause he would absolutely eat away at himself if he thought I was feeling neglected or bad about myself cause of something he’d done. especially in a setting as vulnerable as that.

and he’s also very good and communication which surprised me. again he’s very adamant about never hurting the people he loves, especially with the way he grew up. if I’ve suggested something he doesn’t want to do for that reason he’s very good at voicing it and honestly I’m glad bc I would never want to make him uncomfortable.

he’s also v open about sex, and is always totally there to talk about it or hear new suggestions or anything that I need to talk about he will.

he is very into butt stuff!!! I am his anal princess I cannot even begin to lie to u. he definitely has not bought me as many butt plugs but you bet I’m gettin a nice one he saved up for every Valentine’s Day cause he’s jst a lover boy to his core <33 and butt stuff <333

he’s mostly into giving praise but sometimes if he’s particularly wound up a little bit of degradation is sprinkled in. again is very thorough with aftercare after the fact of these situations.

he’s also such a munch. like the munchiest munch in munchland. he owns a t-shirt that says “I ❤️ eating pussy” and wears it on a regular.

he knows just how to work a pussy with his mouth and its IMMACULATE!!! he can also eat ass too omg.

he lovesss using toys. most guys see toys as a competition, but not jj. this man knows what’s up. he has a whole ass collection of random ass toys laying around and somehow at some point they all get used.

his fav combination when I’m tired is being four fingers knuckles deep in me with a vibrator to my clit and ohmygollygoshgoodness. deceased.

he’s really into tired / sleepy sex too. though he’d never do anything sexual while I was asleep because as previously stated, this man does not do any type of noncon.

but like I say if one of us wakes up in the middle of the night then it’s sleepy, sloppy, tired messy sex and ughh <333

he also loves cockwarming mmh. well put a movie on and I’ll jst sit on his cock and it’s sooo..

loves being sucked off <3 and he has such a pretty dick too. uncut but he actually likes to shave around there. such a perfect pink tip like I can’t even it’s the prettiest thing. can taste putrid though if I’m not careful.

he likes to have his balls played with / sucked on.

and PISS KINK!!! omg he’s jst gross ab it it’s so hot. makes me grind on his thing when I need to piss just to make me lose control and :(((

also on another note he does not gaf if I’m on my period. a true soldier is not afraid to get his sword bloody (I saw someone else on their blog say this and have honestly just adopted the phrase cause it makes me giggle)

I think this is everything but I’m literally so tired right now, if there’s anything I’ve forgotten I’ll js put it in a different ask <3

- rafe shifter

i’m posting this rn cuz everyone wants it !! i don’t have time to individually respond but trust i WILL add onto this post later with my own thoughts. ty anon for sending this in and taking time to explain every detail <3 !!

#asks.ᐟ ⋆｡˚𖦹 #;rafe shifter #;prompts #jj maybank prompt #jj maybank x reader smut #jj maybank smut #jj maybank imagine

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ladybracknellssherry · 5 months

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Good Omens Deep Dive Ahead! **I have edited and added to this several times now, but "ma point" has stayed the same. Probably every single reblog has a different version of this. It has turned into an absolute BEAST. You might be able to watch both seasons faster than read this at this point 😂😭

---------------------- Okay so I am rewatching S2 right now and golly. I've just noticed something. I'm sure it has already been noticed by plenty of other people so feel free to let me know, link me to some metas, please.

A lot of us have painstakingly analyzed every single frame, statue, clock tick, facial expression, and breath of the final 15. Good. Now we're going to look at the scene in S2E4/The Hitchhiker/1941 when Aziraphale and Crowley are in the bookshop doing their little pre-magic show warm-up roleplay foreplay bit. They're being surveilled by a bunch of half-witted nazi zombie spies. Aziraphale is trying to impress Crowley with his * m a g i c * Crowley is trying really hard to support his Angel.

The Blocking!

Keep in mind the camera angles are not quite the same between these scenes, the dimensions look a bit off because the lighting is completely different and therefore camera settings are different, and some of the furniture has moved a little bit in 90 years (but not much because Aziraphale)

1941 Crowley positions himself approximately / very nearly exactly in the same spot in the bookshop where present-day Crowley stops in the final 15 of S2E6 when Aziraphale says "Crowley, come back." The spot where shortly thereafter Crowley says the awful words that make us cry.

gif by stars-bean

gif by yellenabelova

1941 Azirphale with his little coins is standing in or very nearly in his same relative spot as in that scene, when present-day Aziraphale says "I need you," and "I don't think you understand what I'm offering you." And where shortly thereafter he says the awful words that make us cry.

gif by wearecrowley

gif by mabellous

Then Aziraphale gets a touch insecure when Crowley suggests they go to the magic shop because it is "for professional conjurors," and Crowley responds with his "My Nefertiti Fooling Fellow" line of support and encouragement and believing in Aziraphale. And in that moment Crowley stands and walks towards Aziraphale. And they are mere inches away from one another either fully in or very nearly exactly where they stood or rather will stand during the kiss. I'm not gonna post a kiss gif we have all seen it ten bajillion times and I do not need to cry tonight it is a Wednesday.

gif by gigew

gif by ajcrowleys

(I’m getting ahead of myself for a second but seriously, c’mon, just look at this fluff muffin's genuine smile above and tell me if it looks anything like that strained nightmare on his face in the gif below.)

gif by dykefaggotry

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE. And take from this what you will. That happy little 1941 West End Girl with his vanished farthing basking in the glow of what he now knows is his Demon's adoration. Rotate our duo 180° around the bookshop and Az is now primed to move into the position where he gives his frantic The Metatron's not so bad of a dude and Heaven are the Good Guys and Crowley is one of the Bad Guys nonsense ridiculousness that totally walks back on Aziraphale's entire character growth over 2 seasons. Could it possibly visually represent that our favorite little white-winged stim-city cinnamon roll found himself in the final 15 in a situation at a complete 180° from that moment in 1941 when he was so happy and being genuinely sincerely himself and he was about to do something that he really actually genuinely wanted so badly to do and it was GOOD and it was RIGHT. Crowley's confession is obviously such a wildcard. At this point in 1941 Crowley is supporting and encouraging and working with Aziraphale and in the final 15 he is doing exactly not that.

And even more. In both the 1941 scene and the final 15, Crowley has just entered, respectively, a church and Heaven to save Aziraphale in the middle of the blitz/a demon army almost war battle. A massive atmospheric difference is that 1941 happens at night and the final 15 happens in the morning. We'll work on figuring out what that might represent.

And then we have some seriously upsetting parallel Angel/Demon on the shoulder blocking/framing moments.

gif by i-seeaspaceshipinthe-sky

gif by inhonoredglory

and

gif by inhonoredglory

And several more of such occur between the two scenes but I simply cannot.

And here's the part where I ramble and try to make sense of this in terms of the theories and fail miserably.

Get up, stretch your legs, have a glass of water, and take several deep breaths in.....and out..... You good? Let's go.

I've said it many times before and I stand by it that Aziraphale was lying through his teeth to Crowley in the final 15. Not because he wanted to lie to Crowley to convince him to come or to try to push him away - but because he was putting on a show for the Metatron. I think that just like the nazi zombies in 1941, the Metatron in S2E6 was absolutely watching Az's every move in the bookshop. And Az knew it. The first few times I watched it I thought Aziraphale's nervous glances to his left during his weird speech and the divorce were just nervous glances. Then I noticed that after he turned to face the other direction, his nervous glances went in the same direction, to his right side now, all the while to the window. It's alarming the frequency, several times a minute (but you were already acutely aware of the window glances you ineffably clever little shits.) I believe the whole final scene between our babies was an attempt at a sleight of hand by Aziraphale to subversively communicate with Crowley without letting on to the Metatron. How fitting that the parallel scene in 1941 revolved around supporting one another and planning and rehearsing for a performance that required for them to trust each other implicitly. And while I believe the act is for the Metatron, he is acting at Crowley - but expected him to catch on and act with him using coded language, movements, expressions, etc. that he expected/hoped Crowley would be able to read. However, both Crowley and Aziraphale in the final 15 were very clearly genuinely distraught for their own reasons. Crowley is about to finally verbally profess his love - and Aziraphale, I quite think, is terrified about his conversation with the Metatron and what's about to happen and is trying to come up with a tactic on the spot. It seems very likely to me that the intensity of their respective emotions in this moment absolutely doomed their communication.

How this all fits in with the leading theories.

I don't buy into the coffee theory. I think that was a metaphor or an allusion or symbolic of a very real "either accept my offer (which is not something you even want because everyone knows Aziraphale doesn't drink coffee) or suffer some dire consequences." I can't imagine Aziraphale would have ever thought the Metatron's offer was genuine and given out of merit. Surely he knew that he was in trouble. He'd thwarted the apocalypse, quit his job, stopped hiding that his person is a Demon, set off alarm bells in heaven twice in one week, blew up his halo and almost started a war, and hid an archangel on the lam. “You’re honest.” Bbgygrl bold face lied to the archangels for a week and the Metatron knows and Az knows he knows.

I'm not really for the body swap theory. Not really at all.

I’m not really for Angel!Crowley’s memory was wiped. How then would he remember the passwords? Crowley’s personality is very “that bitch” so I think all of his no-idea-who-tf-you-are interactions is just him being catty.

The time stop theory seems the most intriguing, I'm listening, but not yet sold. How prominently the ticking of the clock can be heard at all times in the bookshop feels important. I find myself flummoxed by the "missing minutes" / "continuity error" with that prominent clock in a show where the attention to detail is, “as you might say, a miracle,” that is propelling whole droves of human beings to the brink of discorporation. Here's an excellent breakdown of the timeline/examination of the clock in S2 by thesherrinfordfacility

I am, at this current moment in time, in the camp that believes Az likely attempted to convince Crowley to stop time so that he could explain the situation to him. To explain the threat - either implied, inferred, or direct - from the Metatron. To try to formulate a plan together. Check out this analysis from ineffableigh and take another look at Aziraphale babbling out his Heaven propaganda. Apparently the lip-reading theory that Az was mouthing about "time" has been debunked, but I stand by what looks like Aziraphale making the "time-out" hand gesture. And that damned clock loudly ticking its heart out all season must be important. Mustn't it??

Still, I'm not entirely convinced that any time stopping actually happened, not sure when it would have happened. Crowley was so emotional in a way we have never seen him. I think its highly possible that in the heat of that moment he wasn't catching Aziraphale's signals. I think that Crowley after the talk with Maggie and Nina was so caught up in saying what he was really thinking that it used up any possible bandwidth for LISTENING. But damn those tells seem like they would be/should be giant flashing neon warning signs to Crowley.

I mean, come on, the "C"lues in Aziraphale's ramble that he is spinning a wild-ass tale with coded language that would only make sense to Crowley are pretty obvious to me. If Az was really trying to convince Crowley to do something the last thing he would say is that it would be "nice(r)." And there is no way that at that point Aziraphale could have truly still considered Crowley to be a part of Hell and therefore one of the "bad guys." Seriously? 2 whole seasons and thousands of years spent learning about shades of grey and watching the Demon, who he loves, prove in a million little ways that he loves him back, watching that Demon do the right thing over and over, and TEACHING him, the Angel, the right thing. “Nothing lasts forever.” ?? My son is talking about his BOOKS. He is talking about THEM. They are IMMORTAL. They know what Eternity means. THEY last forever. If Aziraphale wanted to convince Crowley to come back and be an Angel, he would not have used that phrase/reasoning in his argument knowing full well that when Angel!Crowley became aware that his creation would be intentionally shut down, from Aziraphale's own mouth, mind, that was the triggering event that eventually led to Crowley's fall. Further, it would never have occurred to Aziraphale to try to use hurtful language to attempt to push Crowley away at this point because it has already been proven that that doesn’t work. S1E3 “I don’t even like you! “You do!” I think his erraticism in this scene was being totally caught off guard by Crowley's confession and trying to reconcile how to process and handle that while also trying to stick to his tactic of trying to get Crowley to read him. Az is brilliant, but Crowley is the one who usually can problem solve on his feet.

Az is clever enough to discern that he wasn't being offered the position in Heaven by the Metatron - Az was being forced back to Heaven. He wouldn't be happy or excited to make a difference in Heaven because he thought it was "the side of truth, of light, of good." No. There was no longer any freedom from Heaven, no safety for Aziraphale, which meant there was no longer any safety for Crowley. And if there was one motivator for Aziraphale above all other things it would be to keep Crowley safe. He had no choice but to go back to Heaven, so its not a matter of we can make a difference. It is a matter of we have to.

While I believe all of his word horror batshit disaster monologue was a bunch of old tosh, once present-day Aziraphale turns around from that 180° position to follow Crowley, into that final configuration matching that of 1941, he starts losing it. I think he's realizing that he failed in his attempt to get Crowley to understand. He did not expect to have to keep up this act so long. Crowley is walking away. It has all gone so wrong. He is cracking and the honest words start flooding past the lies. "Work with me!" (come on, catch up, please!) "We can be together"...(reluctantly, barely even trying anymore "...angels." And then it just breaks. "I need you!" "You don't understand!" While that would seem to be the case for Az, it really, at least on the surface, does not seem to have applied for Crowley.

The parallels between the final 15 and 1941 suggest to me, at least on the surface, an inverse. In 1941 we saw joy and excitement and wonder and cooperation and communication and trust. Furfur came to take Crowley back to Hell after catching our beloveds working together. And Aziraphale, the world's not best magician, performed a magic trick that may well have saved their existences, and "got it right the time that mattered." The final 15 is, again, on the surface and ostensibly, an abject disharmony. The Metatron came to take Aziraphale back to Heaven, and made a serious effort (no, not that kind, kids) to point out how very much the Ineffables "partnership" is "irregular" and implying, I'm sure, that they would only be permitted to be together as Angels in Heaven (which is a load of steaming celestial garbage.) (We're going to see more of the Az/Metatron conversation in S3, I just know it, there is some seriously important information missing.) But, as far as we were shown, at least on the surface, all of their getting to know one another and trusting one another and being able to read one another - failed to serve them the time that mattered.

And yet. Crowley still lingered in the end and stood so poised and stoic next to the Bentley watching Az step into the Hellevator...It kind of gave a feel that maybe Crowley figured something out. Maybe he had a cool down after storming out and realized something felt very off about that conversation. Maybe he just braced himself and remembered to trust Aziraphale. Maybe as he stormed out he saw the Metatron staring daggers into the bookshop window and it clicked. Maybe in Az's furtive glance back that very last time he once again mouthed "trust me." Some version of Az's message must have finally gotten through to Crowley. Somewhere along the way. It had to have. I can't believe it didn't. All season we were shown Crowley specifically can read Aziraphale. "You have three reasons for calling me" / "tone of voice," the "trust me" lip-reading at the 1941 magic show / Crowley has seen first hand how Az acts when he lies to Heaven in the Job mini-sode. And really. Crowley knows the second coming is on the agenda after his trip to Heaven. These two put the force of their entire existence into thwarting the Apocalypse once. Would he truly believe Aziraphale would want to help bring about the second coming? Sounds unlikely.

So, perhaps, the final 15 isn't in its entirety opposed to 1941. Maybe it's just a few symbolic nods. 1941 Crowley said the magic act they need to perform together needs to be "bigger" more "dramatic." Is there something bigger and more dramatic happening? Are they performing together? Did Crowley catch on? Did they stop time? Or is there a trick, like the photo swap, so surreptitious that it's almost invisible? Perhaps there is just a metaphor in there. Maybe now Crowley has to be the one to catch the metaphorical bullet and Az has to be the one to figuratively shoot? (That's terrifying.)

And then there's still the matter of that damned clock!

Also, let's face it, Alpha Centauri was never a plan. "They'll be shutting this all down in 6000 years.” “All.” As in "the universe.” As in Alpha Centauri included. They were going to have to take some sort of action eventually. I don't think Crowley ever wanted to go. He just wanted Aziraphale to say yes. Yeah, ouch.

Last point I promise is this video from @sendarya

youtube

Here, Nightingale Sang in its entirety is lined up with the 13 seconds in which it played in the Bentley and it ends exactly at the final frames of Crowley and Aziraphale. Some have speculated that Crowley had Nightingale queued up to play on the pair's way to breakfast at the Ritz. But that doesn't make sense. Wouldn't one have a song start at the beginning? AND Crowley had yet to have his chat with Maggie and Nina. I'm not so sure that the Crowley we know would have gotten it into his head/summoned up the confidence on his own to ready THAT song. Maybe the often tone-deaf Bentley was trying to comfort Crowley by playing Nightingale? But what I think is that when Aziraphale glanced back, he made the tiniest of little Angel nudge waves to convince the Bentley to play that song. From this vantage point, Michael Aziraphale's creepy smile in the final frame conveys an entirely different sentiment. It makes him look certain. It makes him look like an Angel with a plan. If I'm right in this part, I think that would have been exactly what was needed to finally get his message, intentions, and feelings across to Crowley in a way he could understand.

Come at me hive mind!

Also still new to tumblr and think I royally fudged it on adding those gifs so I'll work on that.

#good omens #anthony j crowley #ineffable husbands #crowley #aziracrow #aziraphale #aziraphale x crowley #good omens 2 #a.z. fell #a.z fell and co #good omens analysis #good omens theories #good omens theory #good omens meta #good omens final 15 #good omens 1941

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nomoreusername · 2 months

Text

Smile

Newt x gender neutral reader

Summary:When Newt notices you hiding your smile he quickly makes everything better again.

I looked into the little piece of broken glass as I thought about what they said. It was only meant to be a joke. I wasn't supposed to actually believe them.

But I did. I've been looking at my reflection and seeing what it looks like when I smile. Despite not caring about their words at first it seemed to be nothing short of true now.

My smile was ugly. It was far too toothy, too wide, too much. I've been trying to find a way to fix it, trying to change it, but nothing was working. It was still so hateable.

That left me with one desperate option. Avoid smiling as much as possible. If I do I try to hide it behind my hand. It looks ridiculous, but apparently so do I when I grin.

"Hey,"Newt said, walking in. I shoved the piece of glass under my bed.

"Don't you know how to knock?"I snapped, feeling my face flush with embarrassment.

"Not with you,"He pointed out. That was true, but right now I can't stand anyone seeing me. Practicing how to smile is a hard thing to explain. Especially, to him.

"Out,"I instructed, pointing at the door. He was visibly confused as he left. I guess I would be too.

"I wish I could fix this,"I sighed, pulling out the broken glass one last time. If only.

♡ - - - ♡

I nodded my head as Minho kept telling his story. It was admittedly kind of funny. I felt myself start to smile but managed to stop it just in time. I covered my mouth with my hand just in case it happened again.

"Are you alright, love?"Newt whispered in my ear.

"Yeah,"I shrugged, leaning back. He didn't look convinced. If anything he looked more concerned. He can't be though, right? I technically haven't done anything bad or wrong.

"Hey. Follow me real quick,"He whispered again, standing up. We slipped away from everyone without a word. Nobody seemed to notice.

"Where exactly are we going?"I asked as we walked away from the others.

"Just trust me. It'll only take a minute,"He promised. I wasn't sure if I believed him but didn't stop walking.

Eventually, he turned by the cliff and sat. He looked back at me expectantly. I joined him.

"It's pretty, isn't it?"He asked, looking at the sunset.

"Extremely,"I agreed.

"It's enough to make anyone smile,"He added. I didn't say anything this time.

"It always made you smile. How come you aren't?"He questioned. I fixated on the ocean below me to avoid looking at him.

"Y/N, how come you don't smile anymore?

"I do,"I mumbled.

"Barely, and anytime you do it's not yours. I want to see you smile from ear to ear."

"Why?"I asked before I could stop myself. I cringed at my words and wished I could take the back.

"Why? What do you mean why?"

"Why do you want to see me smile?"I whispered.

"Because I like seeing you happy, and I know you're happy when you wear that bright, perfect grin."

The only sound for a while was the crashing of waves against rocks. What was there to say?

"You don't think your smile is perfect, do you?"He asked quietly. I didn't say anything which was an answer in itself.

"Y/N, do you remember how we met?"He asked out of the blue.

"Of course I do. You were the third person up in the Glade. I helped you out of the box and showed you around,"I reminessed.

"And do you remember how scared I was at first?"

"Yeah. Alby and I were worried you were never going to leave the box."

"And I might not have. There was one thing though, that told me everything was going to be okay,"He stated, pausing so I was left with a burning curiosity.

"What was it?"I wondered.

"You. You held out your hand and flashed me that brilliant smile. Suddenly, everything was okay because you were there. I didn't even know my name, but that if someone could have such a genuine smile I would be okay,"He admitted.

I looked at him and searched his face for any sign of a fib. Then, I realized who I was sitting with. Newt's a lot of things, practically all of them incredible, but a liar is not on the list.

"See? There's that contagious smile,"He remarked, making me recognize that I was practically beaming. It's so hard not to when I'm around him.

"Now don't you ever hide that amazing smile again. Good that?"He checked.

"As long as I have you then yeah. Good that,"I agreed.

"Good. Do you want to go back to everyone else?"He offered.

I didn't say anything as I placed my head on his shoulder which was another silent answer.

Right there I was perfectly content in that one simple moment. It was just the sunset, me, and the one person who never fails to make me smile.

#newt x y/n #newt x reader #tmr newt #the maze runner #one shot #hurt/comfort #fluff #tmr

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justwonder113 · 3 months

Text

Showering Seungmin with affection Part 2

First part right here

Bang Chan; Lee Know ; Changbin; Hyunjin; Han; Felix; IN;

Summary: While wide awake thinking about your poor life choices and even poorer choice in men the least thing you expect is for Seungmin to call you and ask for your help. Warnings: Not really accurate to name, because to be honest I never once considered writing the second part while writing the first one but once I got all these requests about writing continuation I just knew I had to do it; LOADS of cursing, like really, I have no shame; Idiots in love; Reader is whipped but is in denial; Emotionaly reserved reader; Denial is a river in Egypt you are in love! Like really, reader really tries their best to fight it while also not? I hope it makes sense once you read it it's like 3 am I can't think better. Reader is an overthinker. Seungmin has a headache. Shy Seungmin for a moment (Coudln't help myself) I can't think of anything else, If I missed something please let me know. Unedited. Word count-3.5k

This was fucking ridiculous! To think that two whole months went by since your vocation and here you were at two am wide fucking awake still thinking about kissing Kim Seungmin!

You still had no idea what kind of bug bit you for you to ask so recklessly, but here you were still stressing over it. But, really why were you still thinking about it? It was in the past, you were both drunk, there was chemistry and tension so you made out end of story! Why were you making such a big deal out of it? Why now? Two months went by, both of you, mostly you,(no really, you) made a conscious decision to act like nothing happened. And if were were being honest this meant that you avoided Seungmin like the plague because you knew he wanted to talk.

Okay, you were not ignorant of your feelings, and, as much as you hated the mere idea of it you liked Kim Seungmin. No big deal, it's just a crush, it will surely go away pretty soon, you just need to wait.

Okay, you liked him, quite a lot, it wasn't just a crush and you absolutely hated the fact. Why him? Anyone would be a better choice but him! What the hell was wrong with you?! Here you were all pouty and shit because, despite the fact that you were the one avoiding him, you actually missed him. God, this was so ridiculous!

To be or not to be that is the question, well in your case the question is how to stop liking someone, because you were already sick of this shit. Also, to be real, there's no way things could work out between you two. You were always fighting and at each other's throats, you have said to each other most vile and meanest words ever in the heat of an argument. The point was, that there was no peace when you two were involved, you two always disagreed on everything and if you were to get into a relationship how would that work? You didn't want to fight back and forth with a person you call your boyfriend. It also didn't help that both of you were too fucking stubborn for your own good backing down was not in your dictionary. You didn't want to be in a relationship like that. Okay, relationship sounded too serious, you didn't even know if he liked you back. He was attracted to you to some extent but you didn't know how he actually felt towards you. You hated this the most, you never knew what he was thinking, what his deal was. He was a walking mystery. An open book at first sight but full of secrets once you got to know him. Maybe that's why you were drown to him, but was it a smart move from your side?

You didn't know what his deal was, whether he liked you back an that's why he kissed you back and taunted and flirted with you or whether this was one of his little games he liked to play. Even if his intentions were genuine, it wasn't like he was this villain mastermind bad guy, you didn't feel like you could be at ease with him and security in relationship was something you deeply valued. And If he was actually pulling something you would walk right into his trap and in the fit of rage you would have to murder him, and going into prison wasn't your go to plan in the near future at least.

Why did he have to be so confusing? Literally things would be so much easier if were to fall for someone else, literally anyone, but no, you had to be difficult.

He made you question everything and it really terrified you.

You sighed and turned into your bed. Fucking Kim Seungmin making you stay up this late at night, even while not here he managed and pissed you off. You did wonder what was he up to? Probably sleeping, any sane person would be asleep right now.

Maybe he was up thinking about you too?

Okay you were feeding your delusions now. There's no way he would lose a minute of sleep for you. It would be fun though if you were tormenting him like he was tormenting you right now.

That being said your phone lit up from incoming call, and what shocked you more was to see that the little devil himself was calling you.

Did you manifest this? Should you pick up? No way. What was he thinking calling you at this ungodly hour? You were not even close! You could pretty much be asleep and seeing your seventh dream of the night right now. What a selfish prick!

You still picked up the phone, and tried to sound as groggy as you could, acting as if he woke you up(fuck principles I guess). "Why the fuck are you awake?" His quiet chuckle made you pout even more, you could clearly imagine him smiling at his phone being all cute and shit and it made you even more huffy now.

"I could ask you the same thing sunshine." He purred clearly amused.

"I was asleep thank you very much." You sighed maybe he really needed your help and that's why he was calling. "Someone better be dying."

"First of all I know you're awake Your lights are on, and well about someone dying, would it still matter if the dying person was me?"

You shot out of bed, phone still in your hand and ran towards your window. Seungmin immediately saw you and waved at you small smile adorning his face. You wanted to question him but before you could ask he started talking, "I didn't know where else to go." You didn't know what to say.

"Come inside."

Seungmin agreed and you hung up. You had no clue what was going on. If it was an emergency why did he come to you? You could never understand him! You quickly looked around if there was anything out of place not that you had time to tidy up. Thankfully you cleaned up the house, insomnia sometimes had it's perks.

After hearing a soft knock you rushed to your door and opened it. Seungmin looked a bit pale but other than that nothing was out of ordinary. He had a blank face which was confusing you even more. "I bought you snacks." he showed you a packet full of your favourite goodies. Did he actually know they were your favorite? Was this a coincidene? Did he also happened to have a great taste? Were you overthinking a bag of snacks?-Probably.

"Thank you for the offer, I shall grant you passage." You tried to sound as dramatic as possible, Seungmin smiled at you. Weirdo. After letting him in the house you examined him again, but still nothing was out of normal. You let him sit on the couch while you sat in front of him. The silence was so awkward that you started munching on one of the snacks. You offered him some, but he softly shook his head. "What's wrong?"

"Are you worried about me?" He gasped softly as if he coudln't believe what he was hearing. He was spending way too much time with Hyunjin, all dramatic and for what?" You decided to take the matter into your hands.

"No I just want to know what to tell the police if you really do die in my house." Seungmin gave you a small smile again. You coudln't name what was off but he really didn't look like himself today.

You slowly approached him not breaking the eye contact, quietly asking for consent to touch him. He looked at you with wide eyes, not saying anything, you softly touched his cheeks, then his forehead, you even touched your own forehead to make sure but no he didn't have a fever. His eyes were a bit more red and slightly irritated and, as you said, he looked paler than usual. "What's wrong?" He looked at you but quickly looked away as if he couldn't look you in the eyes. He almost looked bashful.

After a while he muttered out something about a headache and how he couldn't sleep at all.

"God I can't believe you, you should have called not go all the way to come here or you could have called a doctor! You could've bought some painkillers instead of worrying about bringing snacks! God Seungmin!" You kept yapping about how dangerous it was for him to wander around while in pain and everything, but on the inside you kind of hoped he knew that you were not mad, just worried.

"I know, I just"-he paused thinking over his next words, "I knew I had to see you. I didn't know where else to go. At first I went out to clear my head, next thing I knew I was in front of your house." He looked like he really was in pain.

You two sat in silence for a minute or two, you were about to get up to get some painkillers for him and maybe some hot tea but he stopped you, well more likely looked at you with pleading eyes and you just couldn't move.

"Can I hug you?" You must have been visibly stunned because he quickly backed down. "I'm sorry I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. God! I don't even know what I'm doing and..." You didn't let him finish his ramble, as if your body moved on its own, you sat beside him and softly wrapped your hands around him, slowly bringing him against your body as if he was fragile and could break any moment. Seungmin Immediately relaxed once he rested his head on your shoulder and also wrapped his hands around your waist. You let him be. It felt like your heart would jump right out of your ribcage and despite being terrified that he could also hear just what he did to you, you felt weirdly at peace holding him like this. You must have lost your mind. A minute ago you were preaching yourself how you should stay away from him and how you and him had no job being together. How ironic.

You just sat there holding each other, you didn't even know how much time you spent like this, both of you barely moving, just you sometimes patting his shoulder as if to remind him that you were with him and maybe also because you liked touching him. With every little pat he squeezed you a little, which, not going to lie, you found endearing.

Some more moments passed before he decided that it was time to start talking. "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

He sighed, his breath his breath hitting your neck made you shiver. He straightened up, it was weird letting him go, it felt like you were missing something.

"You made it clear that you didn't want to deal with me after that night..." -He paused and looked away, it was really dark in the room illuminated by only one lamp so maybe you were just being delusional, but was he blushing? - " and here I am now, disturbing you... I should go." He got up and started heading to the door but you stopped him.

"Where are you going?" He looked at you all baffled and confused, he looked much more awake right now.

"Home?" He sounded so unsure. You quickly shook your head.

"You're staying here, it's late and you're in pain. There's no way I am letting you go!" You stated sternly, he looked really ashamed which made you soften up a little. "Listen I know things got messy between us after that night and I shouldn't have just avoided you like that, but you need to stay here. That or we're going to a nearby clinic! There's no way I am leaving you alone. Better choose wisely." He looked unsure, but once he saw that you were not going to back down he gave in.

"Okay you win." He was clearly unamused to say this words, you, on the other hand were literally thriving.

"Of course I do." He wanted to say something back but you didn't let him. You started leading him back inside "Listen up big guy, I am going to make you a tea, were going to eat some snacks and you're going to take some painkillers and then we're going to sleep sound good?"

"As you wish sunshine." He had his goofy smile on. It totally didn't make your heart do a backflip, not at all.

You got to work, you sat him down on the sofa while you started preparing things. Soon enough you were happily munching on your snacks with some hot tea. Seungmin seemed like he was in a better mood he even teased you for almost burning yourself with hot water. Well of course after fretting over you like a worried mother hen and making sure you were all right. It was like you were seeing a whole new side of him, it was different and you liked it. You felt calm sitting here with him, calm, just existing. It felt kind of domestic. It reminded you when you were laying in snow then just watching snow fall on the ground. It was a miracle you didn't catch a cold. You couldn't imagine you could do mundane things like this with him, without fighting, without the urge to strangle him to shut him up.

Once you were done and Seungmin did admit that he was feeling better it was time to go to bed, which was when things got a little bit awkward.

"I will sleep on the couch, I don't want to disturb you more than I already have." You rolled your eyes why was he still yapping about disturbing you and stuff.

"Sure if you want backpain along with your headache. We're both adults, I think we can sleep in the same bed. It's not a big deal." Yup you were totally fine with this. Absolutely, yes, of course! You were going to sleep in the same bed as him, no biggie. Who were you even kidding? You were absolutely dying inside. How did you manage to find yourself into this situation was beyond you. It was late to back down now. You already blurted this out, so you should stick to it.

You quickly left him to get him some clothes to change into, Yes, you ran away, but you preferred to call it a tactical retreat.

Here you were now tho, nowhere to run, in the same bed as him, with him just laying there in your oversized t-shirt and looking at you with confused eyes. Why did he have to look at you like that? It was enough you felt like the butterflies in your stomach were like breakdancing sumo wrestlers, but this? Was he always this adorable? His cheeks looked wxtra dquishy, his eyes looked extra sparkly, his lips... extra kissable.

This was too much! You felt bipolar from the way you wanted to feel his lips against yours again and kiss him sensless while also wanting to run away from here because you were scared you were actually going to do it.

"I don't get you sometimes." He muttered out and turned fully towards you, his gaze was so intense you thought you felt it burn your skin. For a second you felt afraid he knew what you were thinking just now.

It makes two of us-you thought, while you were complaining not getting what his deal was, you also couldn't fully understand what you were getting at right now. It felt like your every move was contradicting each other, and this push and pull situation you were creating was also starting to bother you.

Based on your lack of reaction Seungmin decided to continue talking his voice low, almost whispering. "You say that laying in the same bed is no big deal and here you are about to fall out of bed trying to stay far from me as possible yet at the same time look at me with this lovint eyes, you said that us kissing wasn't a big deal, but you spend next two months avoiding even breathing near me. Do you hate the idea of us being something this much?" You finally turned and looked into his eyes, full of longing waiting for your answer, pleading with you. You knew you had to say the truth. You couldn't run out of this one.

"I'm confused and scared" you hated how vulnarable you felt, how open, but you felt like you just had to say this. Not for him, not really, but for you. For once you wanted to show to tell just what you were feeling. Just truth without any filters, without altering it.

Seungmin held your hand, the warm touch of his hand made you feel even more vulnerable but at least somewhat grounded. You were grateful for the ounce of courage it gave you. "I'm scared too. I've never felt more confused in my life. I couldn't sleep or eat normally for days, why do you think that night didn't affect me too? All I can think about it you! What are you up to, what are you doing? What are you thinking. Every little thing reminds me of you. I felt like shit today, and the only person I could think of was you, I knew I had to see you. I haven't even realized when I started walking. I was in my house laying awake in my bed. The next thing I knew, I was in front of your house with a bad full of snacks I know you love. I didn't even know I knew these things about you. At least I wasn't aware of it." He sighed as if trying not to stray away from his course and calm himself he looked into your eyes again, his hand tightly holding yours. "Let's start by simple things. We don't have to rush anything. I like you, a lot. I don't regret at all making out with you that night. I like you. Maybe I feel even more, but I won't use that word now. Neither of us is ready." It was like you forgot how to brethe. You never expected Seungmin to open up like to you. Maybe this was all a dream, but since when were dreams so realistic?

Seungmin smiled at you, maybe he noticed something about you that you haven't noticed yet. "I know we've mixed up the order, according to our friends we've bickered like an old married couple, we've made out and well I'm literally in your bed right now," you couldn't help but laugh at his comment, you smacked his arm with your free hand. "What I'm saying is that we've messed up order of things, yes, but I want to make things right between us. What do you say about giving us a chance? Will you go out with me?" God what a dork, you couldn't help but smile.

"Can I hug you?" Seungmin clearly didn't expect to be hit with the same question he asked you when he got here, but despite his surprise, he immediately opened his arms. Feeling a bit brave, you scooted closer and got between his arms. It felt nice, his arms holding you tight, his head on top of yours, your face on his chest feeling the warmth of his skin through soft material of his (your) shirt. The shirt smelled like your laundry detergent but it already started smelling like Seungmin and it soothed you. You had no idea when did you associate his smell with comfort but you were not mad about it. You also felt how hard his heart was beating. You weren't delusional after all huh.

"You better take me to a nice place on our date Seungmin. Don't make me regret giving us a chance." You could've said it better but this was all you mastered to mutter out. Seungmin hugged you tighter, now even enterwinning your legs together. You felt at peace. Like everything was at it's place right now.

"Wouldn't even dream of it sunshine." He kissed your forehead. You looked up at him. He looked really cute with his cheek smushed up on your pillow, with messy hair and with your shirt. You couldn't help but lean in and softly seal your lips together which were as soft and nice as you remembered.

You had a feeling you wouldn't really regret giving you two a chance, you just had to wait and see.

A/N- I can't believe I have finished writing this. It's definitely more different than I usually write and I really hope you'll like it. Feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated ❤️

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sysmedsaresexist · 12 days

Text

I spoke with Colin Ross again.

The original post, for those who missed it.

This is going to be really disjointed and rough. I've been put in a really weird position and I want to just... talk about it. This is okay to reblog, I'm sure there's pro/endos that have been waiting for this. Unfortunately, it's going to be attached to a vent.

Sadly, talking to him brought up a lot of bad feelings. I'm still so sad to see so many people turn on me. I'm disappointed that there was so much pushback. I'm disgusted by people's hypocrisy.

People wanted to know why I wasn't posting my side of the emails to Colin Ross, they tried to say he didn't believe those things anymore.

So I emailed him again, recapping our previous conversations, and asking him if he still believed in non traumagenic plurality.

And he responded that he does.

I thought I could post it, and that would be the end of it. Proving we had spoken before, confirming the topics discussed. But in my email to him, I shared what I've been doing since I last spoke with him, what prompted me to reach out to him again. The same thing that stopped me from posting my side of the emails originally. I wasn't entirely honest with him, either. I don't think I would have gotten a response if I had talked about tumblr.

And I'm simultaneously so excited and so scared.

This is a man that, in a very vague sense, formed a mentor/professional relationship with me. Our interaction overall was brief, but it was exciting to discuss his work with him, ask him questions that had been bothering me-- I told him about myself, my educational and work background. I used my real email and name. My real school. He's Canadian, we talked about it. I shared real details of my life, and while it wasn't necessarily in confidence, I don't think he would appreciate knowing that I've shared his personal thoughts and emails on tumblr, of all places. I'm not lying or hiding anything in my side of the conversation.

I'm scared.

I'm terrified to post anything that could be linked to me. Even posting this, I'm like, "can people like... reverse edit my picture and get my email?" I genuinely don't know.

I worry about posting the full screenshots with his email, knowing people won't believe me if I don't, but not wanting to have these ridiculously immature people in his inbox. I have encouraged people since day one to find his email themselves and reach out. I figure that the only people who would put in that work are the people who genuinely want to learn.

But then I realized that there are people that could ruin the relationship I made with him.

People that could make it so that I can never contact him in this way again.

People could use this to find me, if they get Colin Ross talking. (The rational part of my brain says he's smart enough not to give someone else my name, but goddamn, some of you people are actually dangerous)

There are people that want to do that to me. People that hate that I even brought a professional into this conversation. And I get it. I sat on the original conversation for almost three years, remember?

It's really scary to admit you're wrong, that you've been close-minded and hardheaded. It's scary to confront your bias and actions.

But having him respond to me... I feel so lucky? Not that Colin Ross is a saint, but how often do you get to meet someone like him? How often do you have a chance to take advantage of a professional contact that seems willing and happy to have these kinds of conversations with you? Three years later and he remembered me. He took the time to answer me, again.

I don't want to fuck that up.

So I thought about reaching out to certain people, showing them the entire set of emails without any blockout and having them vouch for the authenticity.

Then I realized that I wouldn't trust any of you anti endogenic systems with any of my information after how you've all behaved.

And I realized that none of you are going to change your minds, no matter what I show you, and I'd rather to maintain my professional relationships than put any more effort into any of you.

And I know if I wait too long to post this, people will call it fake, so I either need to go ahead and make this post or just kind of let it disappear into obscurity.

It's so important, though.

Isn't it?

I can't tell anymore.

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lovedrruunk · 13 days

Text

'Mango Letters ♡⸝⸝💌⊹˖➴

Venture (Overwatch) x GN Reader

[Established Relationship!]

Authors note!!!; DID U MISS MEEE??? also...IM SO SORRYYY!!!! BUT I THINK IM JUST GONNA START WRITING WHAT I WANT :((( i realized im sososo bad with requests like genuinely ughhhh!! Ill def do some every now and then tho! Anyways im just clearing out my drafts cuz I’ve come to the realization that this is literally tumblr and my posts don’t have to be perfect lmao, enjoy!!

75 days 18 hours 46 minutes and 3 seconds. That's how long it had been since you've seen your partner Sloan. Being with them you knew how devoted they were to their work and how much it required them to travel but on pretty days like this one when the weathers just right and the flowers are in full bloom and the sunset is the perfect hue of orange, you couldn't help but wish they were by your side.

And although they were thousands of miles away they always made sure to send you physical manifestations of their love.

Through love letters of course!!!

It had been a tradition ever since they had started going on longer expeditions for them to send you things in the mail. So there in your shared closet in a cute little shoebox on the top shelf, laid all their feelings on coffee stained papers. Little crystals the same color as your eyes, maps with all the places they wanted to take you, polaroids of them doing silly faces, and your favorite part, the sweet scent of mango that came with it all.

And so although they weren't by your side, their feelings were. Their longing, their excitement, their thoughts, all in the palm of your hands covered in all types stickers and doodles.

Sitting outside on the porch of your shared home enjoying the calm breeze you smile holding the most recent letter delivered. Inhaling deeply catching the hints of mango as you carefully open it.

Dear Beloved,

It's been so looong!!! I can feel myself aging without you! Hope this letter finds you well! Notice how I used "beloved"? Fancy huh? Arn't I just the most romantic partner ever? (don't answer that.) This is my fifth time trying to write this and it's annoying the crew so this is my last chance before they jump me... It's just so hard y'know!? It has to be perfect. Perfect for you. Is that cringe? That was cringe sorry! I miss you lots and I think about you all the time... You'd love Petra! A camel ate my shemagh... but It's whatever. I'll buy a new one tomorrow, I'll get one for you too so don't worry! Now that I'm thinking about it the days seem to be going by pretty slow and I'm not sure if I like it much. Like I said I miss you a lot and it stinks being away from you for this long. Can't you just book a flight over here? Can't you do that for me pretty pleaseee? That's ridiculous? Okay just say you hate me and never want me to come back, just say you don't love me at all and want me to get stuck in a cave foreva. Just kidding! or am I?... (I am! >ᴗ<)

I like to imagine you’re missing me really bad counting down the seconds till I get back, which by the way I am too so don’t feel the need to deny it! I can see it now… You all shriveled up like a raisin crawling on the floor going “sloannn… sloannnn…” because of how bad you miss me hehe. Just kidding again! It’s probably the opposite let’s be real… I’m going insane without you seriously, I started talking to the hieroglyphics yesterday and the crew even caught me tasting some rocks earlier (sos!!!!)

But speaking of, they’re rushing me to “turn the lights off already” what a bunch of buzzkills ammarite? Promise to show up in my dreams okay? Who am I kidding, you’re always there regardless. Sweet dreams ᥫ᭡ᥫ᭡

p.s they really wanna meet you!

p.p.s take care okay? I’ll be home before you know it!!!

Yours truly,

(so romantic!!!)

“(๑´>᎑<)~*”

#bleugh ;p #they smell like mango to me idc!!#avid coconut smeller right here #coconut x mango power couple #venture overwatch #overwatch 2 #venture x reader #overwatch x reader #sloane cameron #venture #overwatch #sloan cameron

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pinkandlilacroses · 1 month

Text

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

Angel - Paige bueckers

part 5

• summary {in which an unsuspecting girl falls for the basketball star}

• warnings {angst, mention of sexual acts}

• comment if you would like to be added to the taglist

“i shouldn’t have done that” was the last things she said, before running out of my dorm

what the fuck. she has feelings for me? do i have feelings for her to. i need to find her

‘bella’ has unblocked ‘paige’

bella

- paige where are you

- paige please talk to me

- please

- where are you

- answer me

- i’m coming to your dorm

i slam my bedroom door shut, this is all happening so fast. she was ignoring me and now she likes me????

what?

“paige is know your in here” i say while banging on her door

“bella leave me alone” she says, door still shut

“paige let me in” i say, almost begging the girl

she opens the door, teary eyed

“paige” i say, my tone shifting completely, turning soft and calm.

“you dont need to talk to me, pretend i never said that” she says, tears streaming

“i want to talk to you”

“you just feel bad”

“i feel the same” i say, partially shocking myself, shes all i’ve been thinking about for weeks. maybe i like her and maybe i want her to be more than just a one time thing. and hearing that she feels the same, relive flooded my body. i’m not delusional, she feels the same

“no you don’t” she says

“why don’t you believe me paige, your all i can think about” i say, walking towards her and the dorm room shuts

“you were ignoring me”

“i was ignoring you cause you were doing the same” i say

“i was ignoring you cause i like you”

“i like you to” i say, genuinely

“i cant like you” she says, tears forming in her eyes again

“why cant you paige” i say, completely erasing any space between us and lightly stroking her bare arm

no response

“paige” i say, looking up at her, shes not looking at me

“paige answer me” i say, my own tears making an appearance in my eyes

“i cant bella, i want to, but i cant”

“you cant what”

“i cant be with you, ever” she says, each word breaking my heart further. confusion is an understatement to how i’m feeling right now

“then why would you say what you said paige” i say, anger arising

“it was a mistake” she says, her emotions emulating my own

“this is fucking ridiculous” i say, breaking away from her and throwing my arms up in defeat

she drags my arm, so i’m back in my original position

“i didn’t say i wanted you to leave” she says, timid

i want to stay, i really do. but shes just gonna fuck me over again, and i’d let her

“why so you can fuck me and never speak to me again!” i say, fuming at the blonde

“im sorry” she says, voice raising to my level

“it was a mistake and you know that” she continues

“how many fucking mistakes do you make paige, cause i can list plenty” i say, rudely

i can see tears forming in her eyes, and i can feel my eyes doing the same. fuck

“don’t cry” she says, her own voice breaking from emotions

“paige is really like you, why are you doing this to me” i ask, letting my tears fall

“im so sorry bella, but i cant do it, i wish i could but i cant”

“whats the reason paige? what do you want from me” i ask, emotions at an all time high

“hey guys” azzi and avery say

fuck

#paige bueckers #paige bueckers x reader #uconn wbb #paige bueckers fic #paige bueckers headcannons #paige bueckers smut #uconn huskies #uconn women’s basketball #uconn #azzi fudd

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wjhik · 8 months

Note

Hiii!! How are you? Can I ask for a jude request where both the reader and him go on Ridiculousness and it’s just all fluff and jokes, thanks anyway

Cuddles (Jude Bellingham)

Soft moonlight seeped through the curtains, casting a gentle glow over the room. The walls were adorned with pictures of cherished memories, and the bed is a cozy haven of warmth and comfort. I was scrolling through movie options to watch. I worked my ass off all morning to get all my uni work done, so I could enjoy my weekend, not needing to stress about having to get anything done. As I picked an M&M out of the package I heard the door open. I perked up and listened. I heard keys being dropped on the table and bags being put down. I heard footsteps moving towards the bedroom, where I was. The door swung open to reveal my beloved boyfriend.

“Hey, baby.” Jude says with a sigh. “Hi.” I smile at him. He rushed into the bathroom to settle himself.

Jude came out in a t-shirt and his boxers. “Hey.” He says, settling himself in bed, next to me. He laid his head on my chest and wrapped his arms around my waist. “How was your day?” I asked him. He always got clingy after a hard day. “It wasn’t bad. But I got cold, and wet.” The rainy season was hard for Jude. All he wanted to do was cuddle in bed with a warm cup of hot chocolate. “Yeah? I’m sorry, baby.” I comfort him, running my hands through his hair. I moved my hand to grab his under the blanket. Once contact was made, he immediately pulled away. “God, woman. Your hands are so cold. What the fuck?” He exclaims. “Why do you have to freeze my ass every night?” He whines. I don’t understand why he thinks it’s so cold. It’s really not. I only keep the thermostat at 16C. (that is really cold for me, but that’s what i keep my room at so wtv)

I playfully grabbed his face, enveloping him in my coldness. “AY! GET AWAY!!” He yells out. “You’re such a drama queen.” I giggled. “I’m not. You’re fucking insane.” He says, referencing my temperature preferences. I simply rolled my eyes at him.

“What are we doing tonight, girlfriend?” He says, poking my side. “You tell me, boyfriend.” I replied, my eyes stuck to the T.V., struggling to find something interesting. “Well, I thought we could have some fun.” He whispered. “Stop being a horny teenager. Let’s watch Charlie And The Chocolate Factory.” I dismissed him. “You’re genuinely such a child.” He said.

“I never want to leave this bed.” I said, seemingly out of nowhere. Jude makes me feel so comfortable and safe. Nights like those were my favorite, because it was just me and him. No cameras. No media. No interviews. No judgment. Just a man and his girl. It was perfect.

“I second that. It's like a fort of coziness.” Jude replied. He held me in his chest tighter, and kissed the top of my head. He put his finger under my chin and made me look at him. I looked in his eyes, but instantly got nervous. I looked down, blushing to myself. He lets out a breathy laugh. He lifted my face once again, and kissed me. I felt all the butterflies that have ever been in my stomach all at once.

I pulled away and kissed his nose. I propped myself up on one elbow, gazing up at Jude with a mischievous glint in my eye. “What’s going on in that brain of yours, huh?” Jude asks, seeing past my eyes. “You know, we could stay here forever. Build a tiny world of blankets and pillows, and never face the world outside.” I say, holding him tight. Jude flashes me a heartwarming smile that I will never get tired of. “I'm all for it. We'll need to hire a breakfast delivery service, though. Can't survive on cuddles alone.” Jude jokes. I rolled my eyes and asked, “Why do you have the humor of an 86-year-old grandpa that gets called ‘pop-pop’ by his grandkids?” I ask him. He gasps loudly and places his hand on his chest. “For your information, girls would die for this humor.” He huffs. “I am girls.”

We shared a laugh, our fingers playing an intricate game of interlocking puzzles. My hand found its way to Jude's cheek, and I stroked it gently. “I love you so much. You don’t even get it.” I say. Jude quickly reciprocated by kissing me. He pulled away with a dramatic smooch to my head. “You do realize we've been in bed for hours, right?” I observed. “Hours? More like days, I think. Time ceases to exist in our cuddle kingdom.” Jude said. This guy is such a dork. “Please, stop. I think I’m going to be sick.” I said. “You love me.” Jude said, rolling his eyes. “You know I do.”

We laid there in silence, savoring the tranquility of the night, enveloped in a cocoon of love and comfort. I lifted my head to plant a soft kiss on Jude's lips, and he responded with a gentle caress, our affection speaking volumes without the need for words. “I’m so sleepy.” I said, yawning into Jude’s chest. “I know, sweetie.” Jude twisted at an awkward angle to reach for the T.V. remote on his side table. He grabbed it and turned off the T.V., as well as flicking off his side lamp. He reached above me and turned mine off as well. He shimmied down slowly, trying not to disturb me. “Sleep, my love.” He whispered quietly, kissing my head.

“I love you, you know.” I say, dreamily as I doze off into a deep sleep. “I love you more.” Jude whispers, knowing I can’t hear him. Our embrace tightened, as if trying to fuse our souls together, seeking solace and strength in each other's arms. The world outside may be calling, but for now, in the safety of our love, time stands still, and the only reality that matters is the one we've created in the quiet sanctuary of our shared warmth.

Dm for Requests

Wattpad: Funkyfishfeet

#football x reader #footballer x reader #jude bellingham #jude bellingham fanfic #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham fluff #jude bellingham blurb #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham angst #jude bellingham drabble #jude bellingham fic #jude bellingham one shot #jude bellingham smut #wjhik

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towards-toramunda · 3 months

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Matt's Twitter videos broke my heart, like this is a guy who has repeatedly said that he has Depression and feels vicious criticism on the internet very acutely and still went "here are things I have done and yes i am heartbroken and here's why I am the way I am with socials" but it doesn't matter really what he says bc it's never enough. Social media """"activism"""" is so fake, like if you worry yourself sick and then present that to your followers as a performance, that means more to these people than anything anyone actually does to help. It's ridiculous and Twitter is more of a cesspool than ever.

It was so frustrating for me to see people react to that video with “this isn’t about you! This is about the people in Gaza!” Because if your activism doesn’t involve protecting your own mental well being and the mental well being of those around you? You will burn out and be able to do nothing. Matt was sharing why he wasn’t more vocal about everything online and I very deeply related because up until January I personally was distancing myself from seeing the worst of what was going on in Gaza because I didn’t have housing and was already on a thin string with my mental health because of that. I don’t and will not make someone feel bad if they have the privilege of being able to distance themselves from atrocities if they need it, and the fact that people genuinely are saying “fuck your mental health this is bigger than you” makes me think these are all people who just discovered activism this year and don’t realize how vital it is to be able to distance yourself when necessary.

Do I think it’d be great if CR did more? Yes. But they’ve already done more than the majority of companies and celebrities have done and instead of focusing energy on people who have done absolutely nothing they’re going full force at cr and I just don’t get it. That isn’t activism. Sharing the same link every day to your followers isn’t activism. I don’t talk about activism stuff on here cause this is my cr tumblr but like… its so clear that these fans do not know what activism actually is.

#critical role

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vorpalfae · 3 months

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Trigger Warning: Rare Illness/Health Issues [wasn't sure if this need a tw but these topics make some ppl uncomfy so i wanted to be considerate anyway💜]

so a lot of ppl have been asking me why i don't post pics anymore or why i have barely been on social media compared to how i used to be. and the reason is i've been having severe health issues for a very long time. i can't even remember the last time i went more than a month without feeling nauseous, or actually throwing up, or just having headaches and stomach pain that are so bad i can barely tolerate them.

i've known for a while that i have gastritis, but my mom & my bf convinced me to go to a new doctor for a second opinion. after months & months of pure agony and feeling exhausted and sick to the point where i have no energy, i finally know why. i went to a specialist and discovered i have a rare illness called CVS (Cyclic vomiting syndrome). and i also am lactose intolerant which was amplifying my symptoms because i eat dairy products constantly.

i am going to be starting treatment for it and i really hope it improves my life and my ability to function because i am so tired of "living" like this. just existing has been exhausting and painful. i literally haven't been able to accomplish any of the goals i have because i can't go more than a few days without feeling horrible.

i already feel useless because i'm autistic and i have bipolar 1 and i'm waiting on disability payments to come through because i am unable to work with my disabilities. so my bf has been working and doing his best to take care of me and our kids. i just feel so horrible and guilty all the time. and i genuinely didn't know why i feel sick 24/7. all i want is to feel like myself again. and to do all the things i miss doing. i feel like i'm trapped by this illness.

i'm grateful to have answers and know what i'm dealing with finally. but after suffering like this almost every single day for so long its so hard to feel hopeful for the future at this point. i'm literally in tears as i type this. its just been really bad. i never do my makeup anymore or feel good about myself. i can barely move sometimes because the pain in my stomach is so bad or i get pain in my throat from vomiting for hours at a time, and then i get MORE pain from dry heaving due to not being able to hold down any food. and then i get random migraines and headaches that last all day as a result of all of that. its taking a huge toll on my body and my mental health. my depression gets worse during the winter season so when this started getting really bad it just made my mental health a million times worse. its literal hell.

but yeah thats why i haven't been online. real life is hard enough and i haven't been motivated to post because of the hell i'm going through or a lot of the time i physically CAN'T make content. but i'm going to keep trying. i'm going to do every fucking thing my doctors tell me to do because im so fed up with suffering. i promise that i will make content again and post the things i create and other stuff i used to post about before i stopped being able to function. as soon as i start to feel semi normal or at least well enough to do daily activities and complete even small goals, i will post about it. i'll keep u guys updated.

i appreciate every single person who follows me and my content, and all the ppl who keep checking up on me and wondering where the fuck i went. i love you guys so much💜 and i'm so sorry to all the ppl who haven't heard from me. if i can gain at least a little bit of my physical strength and health back, i will be so happy. i also am trying to get vitamins prescribed to me because im severely lacking nutrients but they are so expensive and i can't afford them out of pocket until i get my disability money. i'm also anemic and have to start taking iron supplements again. i'm just a giant ball of health issues😭 its actually ridiculous how bad my health has been. but i'm a mom and for that reason i will never stop trying. i will do whatever it takes to get better. i don't think my health could get much worse than it is currently. hopefully i didn't just jinx myself by saying that😭

sorry for the super long explanation, i just have sooo many messages in my inbox and questions that you guys send me that i haven't answered. i don't want to leave u in the dark. the connections i've made on this silly little blog mean the world to me. and everything i've been going through has been so hard to explain. but since i recently got a REAL answer as to why i'm suffering so much, i felt it was a good time to let you guys know what is going on with me. like i said, when i am able to feel somewhat normal again i will post consistently and re-open my shop too! it sucks so bad having a passion for creating but being too sick to even get out of bed other than to get sick in the bathroom. i've been to the emergency room more times this month than i have in the last 4 years. if i can overcome this awfulness i will not take it for granted. i will work harder than i ever have to create and share it with the world. but for now i just have to sit back and do whatever my doctors tell me to do and hope to god that it helps me 😞

#kh

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