#i just. idk. it made me anxious to think about

[scenteddisappointment]

I've been trying to work up the nerve to at least give a little information about this, both because of embarrassment and anxiety, but my mom and I have lived with my abusive (verbally, emotionally and especially physically) grandpa since I was born and escaping that seems impossible for right now. We're just trying to survive. My mom can't get a job because he refuses to let her leave the house and I'm disabled. Anything helps, and please don't feel pressured. Thank you very much for reading.

#sometimes i forget that being abused isnt my fault and its nothing to be embarrassed about #i just really wish it didnt affect us financially #i dont feel comfortable talking in depth about it #rant posts aside #bc im still dealing with that embarrassment and i havent fully learned to let that go yet #but at least this is out there now #hopefully itll do some good but im not expecting anything from this #im preserving the tags #im not sure how much detail is too much for this #sorry for how long it took #i just. idk. it made me anxious to think about #we havent payed our phone bill and its a short term solution anyway since we wouldnt be able to charge our phones #financial #help #tw abuse #abuse mention #bills #reblog friendly

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

*sighs* precious baby version of night and his mentally drained brother/dad got me dropping everything for a quick doodle<333

au by @dreemurr-skelememer

#my art #utmv #resetmare #dream sans #nightmare sans #nightmare #dream #ughhh idk i don't like how any of these came out >:'D #i mean they're a lil rushed i guess- but eh it's good enough to post hhh #i wanted to add so many more scenes but goshh i need to keep up with my studies at this point before i fall behind HGFVG #sketching the first lil drawing made me think of myself as a kid nagging my parents with so many weirdly specific questions xD #that or night is probably talking dream's nonexistent ears off about a story he read or his crazy day playing with the animals outside- #man what an adorable and sweet kiddo! nothing is wrong with him or his imaginary monster friend :) <333 #(but seriously tho..dream is so sleep deprived he'd just chalk up seeing tentacles move around the house as hallucinations hh :'Dc) #augh i just love this concept (dadmare/dadream in general) so muchh like YESSS gimme more of the anxious angsty brother stories<3333

[shikai-the-storyteller]

AWH... I'm skipping through Roier's QSMP Day 1 VOD because I'm looking for a specific thing, and I just noticed that when Jaiden stands in front of the group to do her introduction and her mic isn't working, Mariana laughs (not in a mean way, I laughed too) and Roier immediately smacks him and tells him off for laughing.

[Timestamp ~36m 50s, volume warning for Quackity's awful mic]

It's such a little thing, but I think it's really sweet in retrospect, especially considering how Roier and Jaiden have become such good friends in recent weeks :')

#i talk #qsmp talk #legitimately though I frickin adore Roier and Jaiden's friendship IT'S SO SWEET THEY'RE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS... #Jaiden was so nervous the first few days of QSMP and she talked about how she was too anxious to talk to people she didn't know #So this Egg event really helped her (and a lot of other people too) #It gave everyone a chance to make friends / bonds with people they might not have interacted with as much otherwise #it's just really sweet #I've got a special place in my heart for Jaiden I like her a lot #I used to watch her animations a bunch because my little cousin loves her #then I just kinda stopped because I don't watch Youtube creators much and my memory is awful #But QSMP made me start watching her again #and I found out all the stuff she's had to go through and I watched her videos where she talks about more serious stuff / her personal life #and like not to sound parasocial or whatever but my ''protective parental instinct'' went nuts after hearing all that #she's been through the wringer but it seems like she's doing a lot better #she's really funny and cool #but social anxiety is still a nightmare #I'm really glad she got Roier as her Egg partner -- he's so friendly and nice I think it really helped her relax a lot #and she's actually learning more Spanish despite saying she had 0 Spanish knowledge whatsoever when joining the server!!! #Idk man I'm just really proud of everything everyone's been doing on the server #and I'm really proud of Quackity for bringing people together like this. It's amazing #I love him so much and I'm so grateful this server exists. #First and Best Multilingual server baby!!! #Anyways I forgot how bad Quackity's mic sucked from literally everyone else's perspectives on Day 1 LMFAO #Roier specifically says ''Don't laugh!'' and ''Give [her] a pass!'' (for the mute issue) #alright I added a clip I can't not put a clip for this

[gideonisms]

See I think if I'd been born a guy I wouldn't be this pathologically avoidant trying to plan my career because there are plenty of situations you can find as a cis man where you just Do Tasks in awkward silence and you can get to those as a woman but you have to go through the rings of hell socializing first and then besides, a lot of those jobs already have so many men that you stand out when the whole point was you Don't want to do that

#you gotta be god's strongest soldier to survive this shit and i am not! i am god's weakest most pathetic soldier! #i survived five years of customer service crying weekly and getting harassed and being a baby about it #when i got promoted no one would listen to me and it made me constantly anxious and then so tired it took me a year to be able to #think about having a job as something remotely positive and stop crying about it #idk how other women are doing this shit a guy treats me like his sexy servant and i feel BAD and upset for years #and think of what he said 7 years later and they only touched me on the shoulder and made comments other people go through worse! #but i am not strong or determined i just want to go through my life in peace and stop talking to people altogether #it wasn't just guys who treated me badly older women made fun of me and called me lazy and stupid #tutoring was fine but i felt like i was putting on that same performance and at that point it all felt so awful i just. didn't want to #i can see no way out of talking to people for the rest of my life and it gets me down sometimes #i know i get to come home but even then i will probably need people to live with #i basically only like my family and close friends talking to me sometimes even that is hard #sometimes it's way easier to type and feels less awful #i think i have to just keep on keeping on until i can finally get good enough to freelance edit and code that's the only thing i can think #of doing that doesn't make me cry #emails are fine they suck but i don't have to control my face and tone so.

[sherlock-is-ace]

the imposter syndrome i feel every time i even slightly think i might be autistic is insane, specially for a person who highly relates to the lived experiences of people who are professionally diagnosed.

Like I was just watching this one youtuber, and she was talking about very specific examples in her life and childhood where she saw autistic traits that made her realize she was autistic and then seek a diagnosis and then get one, and everything she was saying was like she was describing my life! But yeah no, I can't be autistic tho

#and one thing that has been filling me with dread (as if it was relevant lol) is the idea of seeking a diagnosis and #either not geting it because it's already so hard to find a diagnosis for '''''''women''''''' (afabs) #and that will make me doubt myself even more! but most importantly those around me who already don't believe me #but also i'm very scared about this one thing in particular which is the talking to your parents portion of the diagnosis #where the therapist will want to talk to people who knew me as a child... and that person will have to be my mom #and i'm pretty sure she will dismiss most signs. like she would either not bring them up because ''they're normal'' #or play them as less important than they were #or maybe she didn't even notice them! because most of my struggles are internal! #things like being bullied or having no friends or liking a routine #idk if she'll be able to talk about all those #because my bullying wasn't violent it was mostly dismissive #my ''friends'' weren't really friends like i didn't CARE for them as maybe someone would have #and also they would leave me for no reason at all out of the blue... so i don't think even THEY considered ME a friend #and liking routine i guess she could say i prefered it but she doesn't know to the extent i hated going off it #i'm sure she forgot about the time i cried (as a 10 year old so not THAT young) because they made us change classroom #and i didn't know that was gonna happen... it was added to the anxiety that i thought my mother wouldn't be able to find me #but like the unknown classroom traumatized me (to this day i get anxious just thinking about that) #like... all those things i don't think she would bring up (if she could even) and i fear that will make me not get a diagnosis #not that this is a thing that's gonna happen cause as i established i cannot afford a therapist nor i'll ever get a diagnosis i don't think #so like it's not relevant #but i am anxious about it nonetheless #angel talks #personal #idk what's my point with this post btw i'm just venting and creaming to the void #dkfjhgdfg

[silenthillbunni]

sometimes i fantasize abt being the one with the clingy gf instead of being the clingy gf ㅠㅠ

#like... #getting tons of texts all the time. having playlists made for me. uhh what else do the clingy gf do??? #ask me abt every single detail of my day and life and personality. hmm write love letters to me. make a collage book w memories for me #read a book where on girl did that for the others and she belittled it and ridiculed her and i was like WTF?!?!? #if a gf did that to me i would DIE FOR HER!!!!! wtf that is so cute #i dont know sometimes i just think that'd be nice #to instead of being the clinger i'd have her clingy for me #well it's all just daydreams idk i was just imagining a scenario w a gf who blew up my phone when i was at work #i dont have a job but like it was all a fantasy lmaoooo. and ig the thought is nice bc irl #im the clingy one and i feel so anxious bc i mean im so fucking annoying and i talk way too much and i psuh everyone away being so awful #idk if 'she' would be clingy w me i like now i love her and can reassure her #so rlly its just all about me..... hmmm selfcest? 👀

[vraska-theunseen]

google how to not be sosososo anxious all the time. its not even like stress that motivates me to get things done it's just like. i make a mistake and misunderstood instructions in class and my teacher is like "you were supposed to figure out precisely where 180 was before taping the draft and punching your marks" when i like an idiot guesstimated it and after a moment of me going "oh..." bc its something i can't fix bc i've already punched in all the holes on the part he's like "i think you'll be okay" and goes back to what he's doing and then for three hours im like he's so annoyed with me i bring things to him too much and ask him too many questions and make the stupidest mistakes every day he hates me. i ask a friend something and they don't respond because they're busy or forget about it or don't see it or any number of other reasons and then a couple weeks later i send them something else and they don't respond for a few hours and its enough time for me to convince myself i said something a while ago that they took offense to without realizing and they're ignoring me and i send another message saying "are you mad at me did i do something can you tell me what i did so we can work it out" and he's like "what?". a friend posts about people treating them badly in a way that's clear they're talking about a specific phenomenon or person and im always like omg are they talking about me did i do something bad and not realize it... and its someone i talk to so infrequently and casually it obviously would not be a concern or someone i've known for so many years that they would obviously come to me if there was any conflict that arose. help

#alex talks #one time that friend from the second example had to rescind an invitation for me to come to shabbat dinner bc he said his parents were #hosting an important rabbi and didn't want their sons friends dicking around in the house and i was like ok i get it and then another friend #mentioned to me something that implied they were still going to the friend's house and i had 2 class periods to stew and get anxious and #paranoid and think like does he hate me? does he just not want to invite me specifically? do his parents not like me did they ask him not to #invite me specifically? and then in advisory we're both just sitting there and im like 'so do your parents hate me' and he's like 'what????' #and i'm like 'jakob said they were still going to your house' and he's like '????? my parents told jakobs parents they could come and stay #overnight bc their parents are out of town so jakob has to come over' and i was like 'oh. sorry' and felt so bad about it for the entire day #honestly? now that im thinking about it so many times i've been like manic in that friends dms about something they said that i've made 10 #leaps of logic over so in my head they said a completely different thing but to them i just sound insane and like i'm taking them in the #most bad faith i possibly can. which i guess really i am but i just get so worried #hm i guess manic is a specific word for a mental health symptom idk how else to describe it like i call him and leave a voicemail where ive #worked myself to tears over something i can't even remember now. maybe hysteric? #nobody reads these right

[dumb-doll-lips]

Damn, the like anxiety or whatever I have around food decisions is getting bad. Seeing someone this evening and he like listed out some nearby restaurants asking like what I think about them as options. I haven’t been to most them and quickly taking a little look at the places has like made me so tense and uncomfortable. I’ve been proud of me about asking for help with food decisions sooner when I’m w someone. But like def in more of a struggling phase w this lately.

#when out this weekend I literally just went w the guys first recommendation thah didn’t sound gross to me #the time i was out before that I had also just been fucked and really couldn’t think through it enough #ask for help faster then usual that time but like was so hard to shake feeling like uncomfortable and anxious about it #I’m like the biggest crybaby and my eyes were all tear-y from it #the guy today made like a joke-y comment about he’s the man and he makes the decisions #with him like also kinda trying to signal that like thats not his view in things #but I was very like yes please about it #guy tags in order of mentioning in tags #💼 #🎥 #🍷 #personal #idk this prolly dumb too #dumb things

[arrietty-rune]

Sometimes i feel useless and annoying

#//vent #my vent art is... normal sometimes like this one so okay to rb but idk might delete later or removing the tags #i use a lot the wilsons as confort ch actually #idk sometime i feel like i'm not that appreciated in the fandom idk despite my heart know it's wrong #i think it just bc i overthink about some tawog artists that i enjoyed giving support for months but they never interacted with me #and for one of them their art and cute doodles helped me in personal stuff + brought me back to tawog fandom #and i hoped to make them smile with my art but.. yeah they just... don't care after these months #I get sad and disappointed that now they art send just... /neg vibes so i unfollowed them #idk i just feel guit that i made them upset for... unknown reasons #sigh i should just don't care about that and keep to draw dor myself #cringy or not #i'm mostly an optimistic person but overthink a lot when i feel anxious haha #i'll be probably smile and enjoy life again tomorrow #if ppl wanna talk or sending cute ask ye you can #talking with ppl help me to confort so feel free

[romantichopelessly]

do you ever feel like you aren’t actually feeling an emotion, just thinking about it?

#delete later #I think I dissociated a bit too much or smth and now I’m wondering if I’ve been simulating humanity my whole life #but also like. every time I feel something I tend to like. actively think about it #like I don’t just get sad feel sad cry and move on #if I’m sad or anxious or etc etc I will Think About it. #like intellectualize my emotions? #like I’ll actively think about what made me sad and my mind will string together like. lines of text describing all my symptoms of sad #or whatever emotion #like I’m writing the feelings into myself. like I’m some kind of robot trying to feel the most sad #or again. whatever emotion #like I’m trying to capture the emotion #anyway just kind of felt. blank. out of nowhere and caught myself thinking abt it like I was trying to fill in a different emotion #idk #I’m shutting up now

[anotherpapercut]

people acting like there isn't still very much an active stigma against cannibas and cannibas users is going to be my joker origin story

when i go to the doctor they still put cannibas use under the tab "substance abuse". not even just substance use. it is fully assumed that people who use cannabis, even as a prescription medication, are abusing it. just because you're friends with a couple of dumbass stoners doesn't mean that we've abandoned the idea as a culture that weed is a bad and scary and dangerous and highly addictive drug that will ruin your life if you use it once

#idk what its like in other countries but in the us and especially in red states fear mongering about weed is alive and well #'it ruins lives' -direct quote from a library board member making it so we can be fired for testing positive even w a prescription #i just take umbrage with posts about addiction that go out of their way to mention weed which we all learned in 6th grade is addictive #but dont also mention that this true of all prescription drugs and that a person can be dependant on a drug for health reasons??? #yeah i get anxious and cant go a day without weed. because i use it to treat my anxiety and pain. i also get anxious without my wellbutrin #but people arent lining up to make posts about it?? and like you CAN obviously become addicted to prescription drugs its super common! #so i kind of feel like it would be far more useful to say 'this is true of ALL drugs. including weed caffeine and prescriptions' #you should always research ANY drug you take. prescription or not. find out about addictiveness + side effects + other drug interactions #and you should talk to someone if you feel anxious about your relationship to drugs. prescription or not #there have been many times where i was prescribed way too many drugs at once and it made me feel anxious and uncomfortable #so i talked to my doctors and consolidated several and it actually made them work a lot better #locked reblogs because i KNOW people are going to read this is 'so you should never ever talk about negative consequences of weed' #and im pretty sure the people who follow me will be able to understand thats obviously not what im saying #but as soon as it leaves my blog whos to say. but anyway like. I think we should talk more about addiction to all substances #and not just the ones that were already covered in DARE #I feel like at this point everybody has heard all of the negative possibilities with weed use at least once #and that's not necessarily true of caffeine and even like. benadryl lmfao #I might delete this in 10 minutes if I psych myself out akbdjznsjf

[the-kipsabian]

tbh ever since i saw a someone say that its awful to read when writers clearly arent comfortable writing smut and it show, ive been so self conscious about even trying to make anything spicier anymore

#which is extra sad when my two big wips are centered around more spicy topics #like it doesnt make me uncomfortable when its my ships really. im just bad at it #which just feels even worse i guess. idk #it wasnt even directed at me it was a general statement but idk it just made me feel very shitty and i havent been writing since #just sucks to suck i guess. but what can you do really #i was just. really excited for these wips too. and now im all defeated even trying to think about continuing them #im just sad cause writing is so fucking hard but lmao what else is new or whatever #night is an absolute mess on main #i was gonna schedule this but knowing its still in my drafts makes me more anxious so im just gonna post it and try to sleep

[magentagalaxies]

.

#this might be both oversharing and being too vague rn but it's 2am and i'm emotionally exhausted #i can't believe during one of the most traumatic moments i've had in the past year i was lucky enough to have scott as my biggest supporter #the entire time as i was going through it he was so supportive giving me space to process shit and always having my back #and yet there are some people in my life who are always going to villainize him for one comment he said during that time out of context #or even if they're not ''villainizing'' him i now feel like i have to begin every sentence about scott with #''yeah we don't agree on everything but we're still friends and isn't that amazing!'' #which yeah that is true and i do genuinely enjoy when scott and i disagree and are respectful about it #BUT WHY DOES THAT HAVE TO BE THE FIRST THING I SAY ABOUT HIM???? #and honestly that whole experience made me agree with scott on way more than i started out with #i'm proud of how i was able to grow as a person and for the fact that it brought me and scott much closer together #but that shit i went through at my college was still traumatic. and it did change me as a person #it completely changed my relationship to activism in a way i'm not happy about bc i want to be more of an activist #but when i had someone use social justice language to justify horrible things against me it's hard not to be wary #of how hollow and performative a lot of conversations can be #and like i'll even say it. like people might get mad at me for admitting it #but that whole traumatic situation has irrevocably changed my relationship to gender as well #or at least how i label myself and how i move through these conversations #and in some ways i'm grateful for it bc i do feel like i know myself more and like i don't have to worry about what others' think #or even what other people understand #but it shouldn't have had to go down like that. and as much as the time i got to spend with scott during that time was so much fun #and such a great experience and he was truly the perfect support system during that time #he shouldn't have had to deal with that and neither should i #and the fact that scott somehow got villainized in some people's minds while the person who actually caused that trauma #is instead treated like ''yeah he was a bit misguided and made a mistake but he was probably anxious about it!! he's just a person!!'' #that's never going to stop being painful. especially the idea that with the importance people put on labels #i would supposedly have more ''community solidarity'' with that asshole than a cis gay man like scott #idk i think i'm past the timeframe of that traumatic experience bc it's not consuming every day like it used to a few weeks back #but something triggered it tonight so i just need to process it. anyway shoutout to scott for being there for me i really needed it

[vulpixelates]

trying to find a balance between "module that's easy to understand and follow bc i am terrified of DMing and might cry" and "module that's not boring af especcially in the first adventure bc that might be as far as i manage to get through before losing my mind and i at least want my forever DM to have fun as a player for once" is killing me lmao

#apiewofoaiwjefaoijfew #i REALLY do not think she will find the beginning of waterdeep dragon heist compelling unless i make changes but like aoeifja #i'm so overwhelmed by the idea of making changes #i just want something i can follow from start to finish so i can MAYBE learn that DMing isn't as terrifying as i think it is 😭😭 #trying to desperately not to talk myself out of this lmao #uuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #she also suggested the lost mines module bc it's meant for newbies but i'm just like OIFJAEOWIFAOWIJEF #she doesn't even really use goblins in her own games she's not going to find this beginning part interesting at all 😭😭 #and i'm so nervous about any other modules bc it's just going to be her playing + an npc i'm controlling who is a fighter but like aofeijao #they still might get crushed even if i have her start at like level 3 for a level 1 adventure. i have no idea how any of this works anymore #idk OIFJAOEWIFAE the last time i tried to run stuff it was all homebrew and i was so fucking bad at it #i feel like everything i did made everyone miserable lmao #any time i tried to like just go w the flow it didn't work #esp bc i get so anxious about it aofiejaoijfwe #i am so not cut out for this but my wife literally never gets an opportunity to play and she has DM'd me almost every single day for like #five to six years now faoewijfaoiwjef she deserves a chance to play and has been really sad about not having one in the past #so i have to try at least #*dykeposting

[da-proti-toku-grem]

feeling like a total asshole today 👍

#an aunt's mom passed away yesterday night #i didn't really know her that much just spoke to her a few times for the typical merry christmas & happy new year you know #so when my mom told me i felt bad for my aunt bc i knew they were really close but i don't feel SAD #but my parents seemed to be like so shocked and sad and my little brother even started crying #and i felt absolutely nothing #idek what my mom saw in my face but she went like 'don't you feel anything?' and like wtf am i supposed to feel #like. i'm sorry for my aunt and everything but i just????? #that already made me feel like an absolute asshole but now we have to go there (like 2hours away by car) #and because i am an adult now i *have* to go to the funeral home (?) today and to the funeral tomorrow #and i REALLY don't want to and thought it's making me so fucking anxious bc i haven't been there since my grandma passed away 2 years ago #i really don't want that feeling that i felt back then to come back #not right now #not when i've been starting to feel a bit better this past week #but i'm already failing at that because they started to come back the moment i was told i have to go #and i feel like a fucking asshole because my aunt's mom literally passed away and she (and her whole family) must be heartbroken right now #and all i can think about is that i'm anxious #i'm anxious to go back there. i'm anxious just thinking that i'll have to express my condolences to people that i don't even know #i'm anxious because i'll have to TALK to people and at least try to look a bit SAD but i can't just fake it #bc if i don't look sad my brain tells me that i'm an asshole that doesn't have feelings like apparently everyone around me has #but if i fake it my brain tells me that i'm an asshole bc why tf do i have to fake my fucking personality #why can't i just express my fucking feelings like normal people do and the only thing that i know how to do is fucking complain #like. i know i rant a lot here but it's literally the only place where i talk about my feelings #i NEVER talk about my feelings with anyone because idk HOW to do it #i have like a million things in my mind that i want to tell my mom or my therapy for example but when i finally convince myself to do it #i just CAN'T. the thoughts won't leave my mouth because i don't know how to phrase them properly #so nothing ever leaves my mind unless i make a post here bc apparently writing my thoughts in english (my 2nd language) #is easier than talking in spanish #and at least if i write them here they don't just stay bottled up in my mind #but i'm too tired of myself and my stupid brain that tells me that i do everything wrong :/ #i'm gonna shut up now bc i once again reached the tag limit

[dazais-guardian-angel]

went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠

#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years #not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion #so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all #but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all. #it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid) #and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable. #but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him #i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted #and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried......... #the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms #i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still #and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :))))) #insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case #i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!) #but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man. #it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/ #why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly??? #while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING??? #if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now #but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃 #shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience #and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over #he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday #and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now. #i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again.. #i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh #(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh) #at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*