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watchmegetobsessed · 4 years

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VALERIE - Part IV. (Harry Styles)

hello loves!! thank you so much for the feedbacks on the previous part, i love to see your thoughts at reactions so please keep them coming for the upcoming parts as well! i was informed that the posts weren’t showing up under the hashtags bc i had an extrernal link to the spotify playlist, so that won’t be available in the next parts, but you’ll always be able to find it in the masterpost if you’d like to give it a listen! those were the songs i listened to while writing the story! now, i dont want to keep you up any longer, here is part 4, one of my personal favs, and im excitedly waiting for your feedbacks on the post! have a wonderful reading!

word count: 4.5k

SERIES MASTERPOST

masterlist

Valerie is curiously watching her dad work on the portable bed they’ve brought over for the night, her little hands clutching onto Rosa’s shirt as she is telling you all about the list she has made for you. It’s not a long one, but you try to focus on every word she says, making sure you won’t mess anything up.

“I put an X behind the important ones,” she explains pointing at the paper and you nod, eyes roaming down on the few X’s on the list. “The other ones are just suggestions, things I thought you should know.

“Got it,” you nod again, biting into your bottom lip. Bath time, feeding, sleep time, everything is covered in the list and you’re happy she even mentioned the smallest details. Some things might be natural for her as she’s been doing it for months, but it’s your first time completely alone with a baby. You surely don’t want to mess this up, especially because you want her to trust you and let you look after Valerie more often. They deserve a break now and then.

Steven finishes the bed and backs out a few stuffed animals along with two blankets into it, making it look cozy and familiar for Val.

“But most importantly,” Rosa starts and you look her in the eyes. “Call us anytime if you need help or want us to take her home, and I mean it.”

“Not gonna happen,” you shake your head, earning a sigh from your sister.

“Y/N, I’m serious. We are thankful for the help, but it’s not your duty, alright? Just call us anytime, really.”

Nodding your head you flash a smile at her, knowing well nothing on Earth is gonna make you call them tonight. Okay, maybe there are some cases when you would call, but those are quite unlikely to happen.

She hands Valerie over who curiously eyes you before grabbing a handful of your shirt and making herself busy with the fabric.

“It’s gonna be fine. Have a great night, you deserve it,” you smile at them. Steven straightens up and curls an arm around Rosa’s waist as they watch Val in awe, clearly a little worried they are gonna spend an entire night without her, but you can tell they also can’t wait for some alone time.

“Alright, we should get going,” Rosa sighs and stepping closer she kisses Valerie’s head and then your cheek as well. “Have fun with your aunty! We’ll be back for you in the morning, Sweetie.”

She runs her hand over her little head and Valerie smiles at her happily, completely oblivious to what’s really happening. The joys of being just a baby!

Steven says goodbye to her as well and you all head to the door.

“So, we’ll be here around eight, she is usually up by six. Do you want us to pick her up sooner?” Rosa asks standing at the front door.

“Sooner? I was about to tell you to sleep a little longer, you don’t have to come so early.”

“But we don’t want to take away your whole day, you need to rest too,” Steven explains, worry all over his face.

“Stop worrying about me, I’ll be fine. Just enjoy your night off! Come on, I’m throwing you guys out, time for the sleepover to start,” you tell them, shushing them out the door.

It takes some time to finally get them to leave, but they eventually do. Then it’s just the two of you, alone for the first time.

“Ready for your first sleepover, Val?” you ask her, standing in the hallway of your apartment. She just stares back at you, saliva drooling from her mouth but even that looks cute on her. “Alright, let’s do this.”

You braced yourself for the worst. Thought about all the possibilities how the evening would go, but you hoped they wouldn't become reality. Unfortunately, baby Valerie had different plans for the two of you.

The first hour goes by fine. You feed her, have a little play time, reading her favorite book to her, but slowly, you notice her losing interest in anything and everything. Soon enough, you see her face distort into a grimace and a few moments later she starts crying and it’s straight downhill from there.

Nothing can get her to stop. No food, no toy, absolutely nothing. You clown around, trying everything that pops into your mind that would calm her down, but it doesn’t seem like she is about to stop anytime soon.

You start to panic. Rosa told you how fussy she is because of her teeth coming, but you didn’t think it would be this bad. When she’s been crying for an entire hour straight, for a split second, you think about calling Rosa.

“No, not gonna do that,” you say, while Val is still screaming in your arms. “Valerie, what do you want? Tell me and I’ll give it to you, I promise! Just please stop crying!” you whine desperately, but, no surprise, no answer comes from the screaming babe in your arms, just more tears, puffy eyes and red cheeks from all the crying she’s been doing.

Trying to rock her into calmness you are moving around in the apartment when you hear your phone ringing. You instantly think it’s gonna be Rosa, wanting to check in on you, but how are you gonna answer the call when Valeries is screaming from the top of her lungs? She’ll come to pick her up straight away, no doubt about that.

Rushing into the kitchen you are relieved to see that it’s just Harry calling you.

“It’s not the best of times, Styles,” you sigh as you answer the call and put him on the speaker, leaving the phone on the countertop, so you have both your hands free for Valerie.

“Hey, I was just-- what the fuck is happening?” he asks hearing the deadly cries of Val through the line. “Is that Valerie?”

“It is! I’m looking after her so Rosa and Steven can celebrate their anniversary, but she just wouldn’t stop crying! I don’t know what to do!”

You’re absolutely desperate. It’s so bad you can feel your throat closing up, nearing the edge of your patience, tears threatening to roll down your cheeks, but you tell yourself only one of you can cry at a time and Val has taken that spot quite some time ago, not even giving you a moment to let loose.

“Text me your address, I’m leaving now,” he orders and you snap your head towards the phone.

“What? No, Harry--”

“Just text me the damn address, Y/N!” he barks and the line cuts off right away.

Your desperation pairs with shock now, not knowing what to think about this short, but quite eventful conversation you just had with him. It takes you a few moments to collect your thoughts, but you end up sending him your address.

Nothing changes in the twenty minutes while you are waiting to hear anything from Harry following your text to him. Valerie keeps crying with three seconds of pauses when she takes a few deep breaths only to start screaming once again. Aside from the headache she is causing you, it’s becoming pretty impressive how long she’s been doing it. You probably would have fainted by now, but it seems like Valerie is running on an endless battery.

“You are really making it hard for me to be a cool aunt, Val,” you mumble, the baby still in your arms as the tears keep rolling down her face. Your light grey shirt is now soaking wet, both from her tears and your sweat from the anxiety she is giving you, mixed with some other things you choose to ignore where they came from.

The doorbell makes you jump, but Valerie doesn’t even bat an eye at the sound, she just keeps going.

“You need to teach me how to have this much energy,” you mumble under your breath as you walk over to the door.

Opening it you find yourself staring up at Harry who is wearing a brown coat, dark jeans and a black hoodie. If you had to guess what he was doing on this weekend evening you would have said he was out with friends somewhere, picking up girls, but he surely doesn’t look like he was anywhere else than his home, the clothes are hanging messily on his frame, like he just threw them on in a rush.

His green eyes look straight at you at first before moving over to the crying child in your arms. You fully expect him to say something along the lines of “this is the kind of effect you have on others” comment, but it seems like he notices the fear and despair in your eyes and he keeps his mouth shut.

“I honestly have no idea what to do,” you choke out and the tears start flowing from your eyes as well, making Harry have to deal with now two crying human beings.

“Oh my, please don’t cry, I can’t take two crying women at once,” Harry begs as he steps inside and shuts the door behind him. Turning to face you he reaches for Valerie, you hand her over to him, hoping she would magically stop the crying, but she clearly couldn’t care less.

“Why, can you take one?” you ask with a bitter chuckle as you wipe your cheeks.

“Not really,” he admits, making you smile. “So what have you tried?” he asks as he starts swaying and rocking Valerie in hopes of getting her to stop, but not even Harry’s charm stands a chance with her right now. Deep down you’re happy you weren’t the reason she got so fussy and upset, would have been pretty awkward if she stopped the moment Harry took her into his arms.

“Literally everything,” you huff, shoulders falling forward. “I went over the list Rosa gave me, tried everything, but she wouldn’t stop. She’s teething, but this is… It seems like there might be something else maybe?” you tell him worried that something serious might be behind her behavior. You really don’t want to call and bother Rosa, but you are nearing the point where you’ll give up and ask for help.

“Maybe she needs to be changed?” Harry suggests holding her up, giving her butt a sniff, but you roll your eyes at him.

“You don’t think that was one of the first things I did? She is as clean as she could be. Maybe I should just call Rosa,” you sigh in defeat reaching for your phone but Harry snaps at you.

“No! Don’t, we can figure this out. Steven has been so excited to have a night off, we can’t ruin this for them. Come on, we have to have the slightest parenting skills and solve this without them.”

Nodding you agree with him, but you’ve completely run out of ideas.

“So what do you suggest?”

You can see the gears turning in Harry’s head as he is trying to come up with a plan, but it’s not like either of you have any experience with babies. The idea of calling Rosa is starting to burn in the back of your head, fear of failing this challenge taking over your thoughts.

Then Harry looks at you with a look that screams that he has an idea. You’re just about to ask what came into his mind when all of a sudden he starts to sing.

“Well, sometimes I go out by myself and I look across the water, and I think of all the things what you’re doing and in my head I paint a picture…”

You instantly recognize Amy Whinehouse’s iconic song, the one that’s also behind Valerie’s name, you know that for sure. Rosa was obsessed with the song growing up, she would sing it on the way to school, in the shower or while making dinner. You weren’t surprised she chose this name for her first daughter.

What surprises you that Harry sings like a literal angel. He hits the notes perfectly, nailing the lines like not many can and you listen to him with parted lips, eyebrows raised. This was the last thing you expected from him, but then again, it’s not the first time Harry has surprised you through the years of knowing him.

Valerie stops for a moment, her hiccups shaking through her body as her tear-filled eyes look up to Harry, and you both think this is gonna be the moment when she finally calms down, but he doesn’t even reach the chorus before she starts crying again, a defeated sigh erupting from him.

“Maybe she wants it instrumental,” you suggest and Harry gives you one of those ‘are you fucking kidding me?’ looks as you leave to run down the hallway, right into your bedroom.

“How am I supposed to make it instru-- what the hell, Y/N?!” He gives you a weirded out look when you return with a guitar in your hands. “Since when do you play the guitar?”

“Since like… eighth grade,” you tell him as you sit on the couch and holding the guitar on your lap you try to find the right accords. “I told you, you know nothing about me.”

Harry nods with a surprised but amazed look on his face as your fingers strum against the chords. It takes a few minutes but you figure it out and glancing up you give a questioning look to Harry.

“From the start?” you ask and he nods his head, continuously bouncing up and down to try to calm Val down.

You start playing the song and soon enough Harry joins you with the singing, the two of you perfectly nailing it even without any practice.

“Stop makin’ a fool out of me, why don’t you come on over, Valerie?”

Maybe it’s the guitar, maybe it’s the singing or maybe the fact that the song has her name in it, but by the time you reach the halfway point in the song Valerie’s crying slowly starts to fade. You instantly share a look with Harry, but don’t stop, fearing that she might start again if the music stops.

Her tear soaked cheeks smooth out as she is not screaming anymore and you can actually see her irises finally, her long lashes are sticking together from the salty tears and you know it’s gonna take some time for her to regain her normal state, but at least the crying has stopped.

“‘Cause since I’ve come on home, well, my body’s been a mess. And I’ve missed your ginger hair and the way you like to dress…”

You tear your eyes off Valerie for a second, letting yourself wander over Harry’s features as he sings. He slightly furrows his eyebrows focusing on the lines, so his forehead has a few creases on it. His lips form the words so clearly and elegantly, you wonder how often he sings. Is it something he only does when he is on his own or he likes to perform as well?

The only time when you heard him sing was at the bar when the two of you slayed the karaoke machine with that Avril Lavigne song. You were smashed by then, you remember that he had a nice voice but it was the last thing you paid attention to. Besides, he was kind of equally drunk as you, it was all for just fun, but now is a completely different situation.

It’s no surprise Valerie finds his voice soothing, you’d probably stop whatever you were doing if you heard him sing. There are people with a good voice and then there are the ones that not just have a good voice but also that small something, that extra magic in them that makes you melt as their voice caress your ears. Harry is definitely the second case, for a moment you forget where you are or why he is there singing. It’s just his voice and the gentle strumming of your fingers on the chords.

At the end of the song he starts repeating Valerie as the song slowly fades into nothing and you both stare at the little girl in his arms, clearly afraid she might start crying again. Unfortunately, your reservations become valid when you see the corners of her mouth curls down and you and Harry share a shocked look immediately.

“What else can you play?” he urges as Val whimpers in his arms, letting you know she does not appreciate that the singing has stopped.

“Shit, shit! Um, something from ABBA?” you propose and Harry nods quickly, not even asking which song you know, so you take it as a sign that he probably knows all of them.

The first song that comes to your mind is Andante, Andante and you don’t hesitate to start playing again, just in time. Valerie was just about to start crying again, but as soon as the melody hit her little ears she calmed down and listened to it with tired looking eyes.

“Take it easy with me, please. Touch me gently like a summer evening breeze…” Harry sings the words and you can’t hold a smile back as he, once again, hits the notes just perfectly without missing a beat.

You’re convinced there’s not one person on Earth who has never heard a single Abba song, most of the population knows them by heart, but somehow you couldn’t really imagine Harry to be a person who knows the lyrics to the songs as well. But he does and sings it without messing it up even just once. It’s hard to imagine a younger version of Harry singing ABBA songs when they come on the radio, but the more you think about it the more the picture paints itself in your mind.

Valerie lays her head to Harry’s chest, stuffing her thumb into her mouth as she listens to the performance. She is probably enjoying the vibrance of his voice shaking through his chest and maybe this is what brings her the peace she’s been looking for all this time. Your heart skips a beat at the sight of them.

Harry glances at you, eyes so soft you melt under his gaze. However nerve wrecking it was to have Valerie scream for hours, she is still the cutest little thing ever as she rests her head on his chest, her long blinks giving it away she has definitely lost most of her energy.

You don’t dare to stop the singing and playing. When you near the end of a song you quickly think of something else and whisper it over to Harry, who then gives his feedback on it with either a nod or a shake of his head. Most of the time he knows the songs you suggest so the show continues without a stop.

Half an hour passes by when you see her eyes slowly closing. You still don’t stop though, only when Harry tries to listen to her breathing and he realizes that it was completely slowed down. She is out.

“Holy shit,” you breathe out quietly, your fingers feeling numb from the playing. You haven’t had a guitar in your hands for this long in a while, probably for years. Harry shares your relief, his throat has completely dried out and he is happy to finally breathe evenly, not just sneak a few breaths in between lines.

“And now what?” he mouths as he is still gently swaying around with the sleeping Valerie in his arms. You put the guitar aside and check if she is for real asleep. Her long lashes are spread out on her puffy cheeks, gently snoozing into Harry’s chest as if she weren’t screaming for dear life just an hour ago.

“Let’s put her down,” you whisper and nod at him to follow you.

Reaching your bedroom you only switch your bedside lamp on so the light doesn’t wake her up. Pushing the stuffed animals to the side you grab the blankets and let Harry do the critical job. Leaning down he oh so slowly starts to pull her away from his chest, careful not to move too suddenly, it all feels like in those action movies when they are trying to get through the lasers without triggering the alarm. One bad move and the screaming threatens to start again and that’s the last thing you want, after all you’ve done to calm her down.

You don’t even realize it but as you watch her little head reach the mattress you hold your breath, almost wincing upon seeing Harry’s hands slide out from under her sleeping frame. As if you wait for something to go wrong, both of you freeze for a moment, expecting her to start moving around and wake up, but she stays still.

Eyes snapping up to Harry, you exchange a look and then you both head to the door, careful not to make any noise that can possibly shake Valerie up from her dreams.

“This was more tiring than running a marathon,” he huffs, throwing himself to the couch and you do the same next to him.

“Have you ever run a marathon?”

“No,” he confidently answers and you look over at him with a puzzled look. “But I can imagine how tiring it is.”

You let out a chuckle, letting your eyes close for just a little bit. You haven’t even had the chance to realize how much this whole struggle with Val sucked the energy out of you, but now that you’re half lying on the couch it hits you all at once.

“I should get going,” you hear Harry mumble, clearly just as tired as you are, but he doesn’t move.

“Mhm,” you hum, feeling yourself drift to sleep.

Neither of you moves and it doesn’t take a whole five minutes for the both of you to completely doze off.

The next time you wake up you feel an arm curled around your waist and someone is definitely pressed up against you while your back is against the back of the couch. It takes you a couple of moments and some blinking to realize it’s Harry you are all snuggled up to and the reason why you woke up is because Valerie is crying again.

“Shit,” you mumble to yourself, mind still groggy from the sleep as you push yourself up on the couch. Just moments later Harry’s eyes flush open and you’re not sure it’s because of the crying or because you moved next to him. His arm slides off you as he looks around a little confused about his surroundings.

You don’t have the chance to think about how the two of you ended up cuddling on the couch, though it lingers in the back of your mind. Basically crawling over Harry you rush into your bedroom where Valerie is lying in her bed crying. It’s a different kind of cry, not like the one you were stuck with for hours before and you know she must be hungry.

“Ah, come on, little girl. It’s alright,” you coo at her scooping her into your arms. She immediately cuddles to your chest hiccupping against it, her little hands fisting your shirt. You leave to go to the kitchen and feed her, but just as you’re about to step out of the room you bump into Harry.

You bounce back from his chest, but his hand immediately reaches for you and grabs your arm, holding you in case you might fall back.

“Sorry,” you breathe out, thoughts still foggy a little. “She’s… hungry,” you explain, but he is standing so close to you, you can feel his body’s warmth and it instantly ignites the memory of being pressed against his side on the couch just moments ago and you can’t stop yourself from inhaling a shaky breath.

“Let me help,” he croaks out and the two of you walk into the kitchen. Putting on her bib you hand her over to Harry who sits with her on his lap on a stoop as you get the baby food, warm it a little before joining the two of them and you slowly start feeding her.

“What time is it?” you ask realizing you have no idea how long you two have been asleep on the couch.

“It’s three am,” Harry answers before smiling down at Val. “Good job, Val!” he hums watching her take the spoon into her mouth.

You finish up feeding her, then give a try at burping her even though Rosa said it’s not necessary anymore. She just hums to herself so you head back to the bedroom, her eyes already threatening to close. By the time you put her back to the bed she is out again, so no private show is needed this time.

Walking out of the room you see Harry putting on his shoes and coat. For a split second you feel disappointed that he is leaving, but then your rational side puts you to your place. Of course he is leaving! Val is fine now, there’s no other reason for him to stay, right?

“Harry,” you softly say and he looks at you. “Can you please not tell Rosa and Steven that I needed help with Val?” you quietly ask, though there’s no doubt your eyes are practically begging him.

“No way I’ll ever admit to Steven that I sang ABBA to his child, so don’t worry about it,” he chuckles making you smile as well.

“Thank you. And for helping me as well. I was really close to giving it up,” you admit folding your arms on your chest as Harry stands at the front door, hand on the door knob as he is looking back at you.

“No problem. Now you owe me one,” he smirks and you can’t hold yourself back from rolling your eyes.

“Sure,” you say with an airy chuckle. “Good night, Harry.”

“Good night, Y/N,” he smiles at you sweetly before opening the door and walking out.

You take his place at the door and watch him walk down the eerily quiet hallway. He turns back to you one last time waving in your way and you nod back smiling before he disappears around the corner.

Closing the door you lean your back against it, taking a deep breath. Your eyes wander over to the couch where you and Harry were sleeping not so long ago. The feeling of his arm around you is still burned into your mind and you breathe in shakily as a memory snaps into your head of the exact same thing, only years earlier.

You lied almost exactly like that in his hotel room that night. His strong arms wrapped around you as you had your head laid on his chest, listening to his heartbeat that was slightly faster than the normal. Though you were still quite drunk, this feeling imprinted into your memories, because you felt so safe with him. Like nothing could ever hurt you if he was there with you.

Unfortunately, that feeling faded into nothing when you woke up in the morning quite fast. But this time, instead of disappointment and disgust, the only thing you still feel is the emptiness at the lack of his touch.

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hufflepuffwritesss · 5 years

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chapter 1- family

(adopted by tony stark, maybe eventually a peter x reader but idk, very slow burn)

hi so this is super edgy and has a lot of warnings, im so sorry if i forget any please let me know ! i hope you enjoy, also this is horrible i’m sorry. please go easy on me this is my first fanfic ever and please please give me feedback and thoughts okay sorry.

warnings: abuse, alcohol abuse, depression, anxiety, lots of family issues, death, fighting (not physical)

word count: 1,781 (roughly)

I held the bottle in my hands. It’s cool clear glass, showing what little liquid remained. The liquid was similar to the glass. It stung the throat and cut through a ‘perfect’ family. I could feel the weight of the jar in my heart. The pain made my head spin, it was the closest i had felt to reality in weeks.

After laying in bed every chance i got, the only light drifting in from the closed blinds and the screen in my hand. I had pushed reality away and instead searching through my mind for a new life. One that had no resemblance to the only i was ‘living’.

I glanced up from the bottle after standing there.

No emotion.

Just a feeling of being lost.

But this lost was not the lost of those who wander for joy and comfort in the greens of the trees, the tan sand that glitters in the scorching sunshine, or the dark waters that gleam from the moonbeams.

This lost was permanent.

It was straining every muscle in me to get out of bed this morning, to put a smile on my face as the weight of my backpack and the same baggy sweatshirt felt so much heavier than the world.

It was the loss i felt trying not to cry when i saw my sister leave her room, she wore a slight smile which along with making my eyes sting with salty tears sent a shiver from my skull to end of my spine.

I wondered how such a horrible life could still make her smile. It was not physical abuse, there were no scars on our bodies showing his vengeful tirades. Every scar i kept from him was hidden. The damage didn’t litter my skin, it was so much deeper. It tore me inside out, and it left me with the feeling of no heart. Just a useless stone, so heavy and cold. A mind once filled with sugar plum fairies was now stuffed full of insecurities and blame.

And yet she smiles.

I question how she could make her lips cure upward. How she could take his jokes and his drinks. The yelling.

And so i was alone again. No tag-teaming his addictions anymore. His laughs. His awful words. Now i had to tolerate it, and all alone. Taking his shit all by myself.

I finally set the vodka bottle down on the very old and used marble, questioning who could fix this.

‘Why didn’t she try?’ my brain felt like goo.

It was useless to dream of a world where my mother fought for me. For us. Instead she and my sister let my father drown his sorrows in the empty bottles that littered the kitchen table and his spot in the “family room.”

I found hilarity in a room being dedicated to family.

‘What family?’ i laughed.

A dead mom, a sister on the same path as both of our deadbeat parents, and a dad. I laughed harder now. Dad. that word did not belong in my mouth when speaking about him. There were no words. Other than alcoholic.

I moved over to the dining table where the two sat. a bowl of cereal in front of them both.

I felt my stomach grumble but the stench of my father’s breath as he poke to me led me to a loss of appetite.

“Hey kid, good morning. What’s with the frown?” he spoke.

That’s when i noticed my frown was very prominent this morning. Most days i could muster a straight line, as well as a simple “hello” and “thanks for the ride” to him. But today i couldn’t.

Not after last nights horror.

I simply shook my head and walked over to the coat closet next to the front door, grabbing my shoes. Completing the “ready for school” look which consisted of yoga pants/legging, the same sweatshirt i had been wearing all week, shoes, and my overly heavy backpack.

I heard my dad and sister’s footsteps as they passed me and shut the door. I stood slowly from where i sat, and took a look around this place we called home.

With a sigh i stepped out of the apartment and into the hall, taking the same squeaky elevator -which no matter who/how many people complained the maintenance never served any purpose, that is unless you wanted a line of coke or directions to any of New York’s bars where “the girls were easy”- to the lobby. I didn’t bother waving to the usual crowd of druggies waiting to see our landlord. Instead i put in my earphones and looked down the street to where his car was waiting. A feeling of annoyance appeared as i remembered the stench of his breath and rasp in his voice over breakfast.

I hopped into the backseat of the old tahoe, my sister in the passenger seat, and my father. Driving. I saw their mouths moving in what i’m sure was another bonding experience that i surely would be left out of. Which in total honesty i was fine with.

If she wanted to make friends with the man who was killing himself and dragging whoever let him along with then so be it.

‘I will not let him destroy me. I will not become the man sitting in front of me. I will not destroy who i love because i can’t live with myself. I will never love someone who doesn’t know how to love. And i will never let him lay a finger on me or my little sister.’ i promised myself.

I then turned the music on my phone to an unhealthy volume and closed my eyes.

I knew closing them would not help the very noticeable bags under my eyes. And no matter what time i wouldn’t sleep.

Sleep was foreign to me.

Instead i would lay in bed, eyes closed chasing a place of peace. But the hell i lived in never ceased.

I was stuck.

Insomnia kept my body a prisoner to it’s lullaby of anxiety, and it’s eyes that consumed all happiness.

My brain, stubborn, listened to the velvety, dark voice that is insomnia and the sounds of another bottle hitting the floor. One after the other.

Clink

Clank

Which, in theory, did add quite the rhythm for his smooth words to entangle with and drown me.

It was a constant reminder of him.

I thought back to my sister after this wondering if she could even hear the sounds of him, his bottles and yells at whatever new game he was playing. Until he was bored with that and instead would come scream at us.

‘How could she not hear him?’

‘Did she just not care when he would come into our rooms at ungodly hours and scream?’

I thought back to last night when i heard his raspy sleepless roar,

“YOU GUYS ARE THE REASON SHE’S FUCKING GONE. SHE KILLED HERSELF BECAUSE OF YOU BITCHES. YOUR MOTHER WAS USELESS AND SO ARE YOU. YOU WILL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING.”

This time he stayed in the hall not daring to look into my stoney eyes which held no empathy for him. Just a passion of hate and sadness.

The door did nothing in attempt to soften his uproar or the glass he would throw. After reminiscing on my night from hell i opened my eyes to my sister attempting to yank out my earphones from her seat.

“Jeez Y/N took you long enough.” she stated angrily opening her door and walking as fast as she could away from the car.

I exited the car not speaking feeling no point in a “thanks.” if anything i would thank him for not breaking down my door. It was all i had to protect me from him and multiple times it has kept me cut off from the ugliness of reality.

As i started to walk into the school building a sudden panic grew in me remembering my Pre-Calc test was today. I hadn’t studied one bit, considering tiredness always picked at me but insomnia balanced this with an equal force. Meeting in a constant battle.

My frown lifted as my heart sank. I always found it strange having such different sensations that align perfectly but are indescribable.

You see, my frown was lifted into a delicate very breakable smile it was authentic just light, this being because i saw my friends all waiting for me.

Now, my heart sank because along with all of my lovely friends that i am so very grateful for comes a feeling of lonesomeness and anger.

I can’t describe why these feelings bubble up every time i see them, maybe it’s my deep rooted insecurities. Or maybe it’s my father who ruined love for me, and my sister who tested my patience for awhile now.

Either way the struggle to maintain this group has become much more manageable over time. It’s easier to be happy with them, sure i keep my dads mannerisms a secret, because they don’t deserve the pain i receive. And if they knew things would certainly be more challenging. I am confident i know how each of them react.

Peter would rush to tell May or the man who held his heart, and ran his internship. The man was Tony Stark or as Peter always referred to as “Mr.Stark.”

MJ would first ask to draw me or my dad, then realizing how insensitive that was suggest a new topic to discuss.

Ned would hug me and make sure i was okay then he would ask if i was up to go build legos.

Emma would hug me, force me to come home with her after school where we would stay up all night talking and eating her famous grilled cheese.

I continue trudging over to the group and sense a happy topic is being discussed. Peter is nodding his head, MJ isn't doodling - meaning no one is in distress, Ned’s laugh is soft but booms elegantly, and Emma’s bubbly hand gestures make her words seem greater.

I finally reach where they’re standing and am relieved of a bit of the heavy on my heart. Finally, my lips curve up a bit and that is when everything went dark.

#adopted!tony stark x reader #peter parker #peter parker x reader #marvel #fanfic #marvel fanfic #steve rogers x reader #bucky x reader #tony stark x reader #bruce banner #bucky barnes #steve rogers #edgy #natasha romanoff #clint barton #avengers

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thexsisters · 6 years

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2017

A lot has happened in 2017 for me. I started the year out getting incredibly sick and I had my first ever foot injury without being in any kind of sports. Haha. The month of January was awful. Let me tell you. But some of you know. Because you were there for me.

A few months speeding up to March and something really scary happened to my grandpa. Something that I wasn’t sure he could come back from. You guys helped me. Some of you more than others but what matters was that some of you reached out. Even if it was just once and only for a few minutes. Lord knows you all have your own lives too.

My grandpa is now nearly back to the way he was. It’s our miracle of 2017 for sure. I then went to the beach for the first time ever in May and it was a blast! I can’t wait to go to a different beach next year. As long as I don’t see any sharks because for real I may live in Ohio but sharks are my greatest fear, okay???

August started out as one of the most thrilling months of 2017 but within a week it became the worst month of 2017. I had been waiting to move out for so long and when I finally got my chance, I was played and lied to. Like usual. I think on some level I’m cursed. For reals. But anyway, August sucked. But you guys were there. You were. You got me through it.

2017 was also the year I finally learned what all the hype was about this group called BTS. I knew they were popular but I was just so hooked on VIXX that I wasn’t really ready to listen to anything else. And then I came back from my beach vacation in May and the Billboard awards was on. I was like “Oh cool! Kpop is making us proud with that BTS group!” And that was all it took for me to become a baby Army~

In the process of getting sucked into the fandom, I have met so many wonderful people! Army is a fandom that, like many, have good apples and bad apples. But I’m one of the lucky ones that have met nothing but good apples~ I’m very fortunate for that. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. You guys put up with my Jungkook spams and BTS trash posts in general. Haha!

Thank you

@grxnadxs

Chrissy. My adorable turtle with the cute shell~ Sometimes I imagine us just chilling in your shell while you tell me about things like your book cause I’m a huge fangirl, okay? But not just your book, I often imagine us talking about life and how I wish I could do more for you as a friend. If I could tattoo any quote to your body, it would be the famous quote by Christopher Robin. “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” You fight so many battles in your life. And even when you don’t always win those battles, you never give up the war. That takes real bravery, strength, and smarts. Gosh Chrissy. You’re one of the smartest girls I know. But I also know how anxiety has it’s way of clouding those smarts. Turning us into mumbling stumbling sheep who’ve lost our way. But this year you’ve kicked some major butt, okay? You got a job! You stared your enemies in the eye and you said “F*** you.” You went to that job fair, you got that interview, and you got that job. THE Chrissy that I know can do anything she sets her mind to got a job! I’m so proud of you, girl. This is our second Christmas as friends and you’re forever one of my best friends. There are still many battles to be fought, but let’s fight them together, okay?

@fluorvte

Laura. My skanky skank. The Sushi Mama. Sadly I did not get to spend as much of 2017 with you as I would have liked. Being what I believe is 6 hours apart makes things difficult, I know. But of course we always make it work. Bless you and Chrissy for throwing me that birthday party. You guys know how much I loved our AIM chats. Sadly AIM is a thing of the past now. But at least we have the memories in our head and our hearts. That birthday party meant so much to me. You made time out of your busy life for me. That means so much. I miss you. It’s probably selfish of me to say but it’s true. I try to be okay with it. I know you’re busy. But you’ll always be my owl that watches over me. You’re still sitting on my desk with Chrissy. I have those stuffed turtle and snow owl on my desk at work. So that I have you guys with me always~ No matter how often we don’t talk, I know you’re always with me. Thanks for being such an amazing friend and an amazing writer. You never fail to blow me away with your writing.

@intoyxurheart

Where do I even start with you? Aigoo. So much has happened that it feels like we’ve known each other for years. In fact it feels so long ago that I barely remember how we first started talking. Isn’t that awful? Haha. But I do indeed remember me approaching you first. I had been checking the people who were following me but had yet to actually approach me. So I thought I’d hit you up with an instant message here on tumblr. And that’s all it took. Here we are now. Several months later and we have so many ships and it makes me feel fuzzy. You, Chrissy, and one other person are the only ones who put up with all my crazy ideas and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for putting up with that because I know my imagination can get pretty wild and out there. You are most certainly my blessing from 2017. Being strong for me so that I can be strong for my friends and family. I can’t tell you enough how precious you are. Don’t let anyone tell you any different because my opinion is the only one that matters. Haha! Let’s have many more Christmases together, okay?

@hyohyorp

Oh sweet pea I’m so sorry. 2017 wasn’t good to us and I’m so very sorry for that. Things happened and I was still trying to find my way with how I wanted to rp male muses and you were my guinea pig most of the time. But you really stuck by me. And I just want you to know how appreciative I am of you and all your endless patience with me. Our time zones make rping live really difficult but you put up with it anyway. I’m so proud of you for making your multimuse blog. I bet you’re having a blast, right? heehee It’s so good to see you having a blast and enjoying yourself. I knew you’d love it. And hopefully 2018 will be full of fun moments for Taekwoon and Hyosung~

@gcholdtrops

I’m squealing and flailing cause like I don’t even know where to start, okay??? You’ve grown to be one of my idols. I’ll never forget how our story first started. The first chapter was honestly me watching you pop up on my list of recommendations provided by tumblr. I’d click your blog and instantly start sweating because like um hello. You’re totally above me and like I just didn’t think I’d ever be able to be worthy of your writing. Like I totally believed I wasn’t worth being in your ring of writers. Everything about you is amazing and I just couldn’t. Too chicken. Couldn’t do it. But one day I got the fuzzy dice to finally approach you. And I’m glad I did. Because here I am. And I’m still such a fangirl, okay? You’re always going to be my idol. I’ll never forget that first meme reply. I remember reading it over and over again on my lunch hours at work. Smiling like an idiot and being floored every time I read it. Our cuties are so naughty and cute and gosh I ship it hard core. Seulgi isn’t naughty in her other ships but dang she channels her inner BoA when she’s with her handsome composer.~ Let’s always be rp partners, Army, and most importantly friends.

@butlersrus

Waaah~ I know we don’t talk much out of character but from what I’ve seen, you’re absolutely precious! In fact I know so little that I don’t even know if you’re male or female so I do apologize. But this is about the people who’ve touched my life and been there for me this year and you’re one of them. Whether I know anything about you or not. And you deserve to be recognized. Much like with the cutie mentioned above you, I kept watching your blog pop up in my list of recommendations. Sooo many times I’d click your blog and nibble my nails nervously because like dang what if you thought I was weird or something. Like what if our muses weren’t compatible. But wow was I wrong. Like I die a fangirl’s death every time I see Seulgi with Shownu because I keep trying to blow on the sails of the ship. Willing it to sail all around the Caribbean. Haha! I love shipping and I’m terrible at slow burning ships because I just want it to happen now. I want them to kiss now! Haha! Thank you for making my days brighter with our rping. I always have a pleasant morning because there’s a cute reply from Shownu waiting for me in my IM on tumblr. It’s a wonderful start to my morning routine. Let me tell you~ Thank you. For everything. Let’s continue to be rp partners and even friends. I’m glad I got the guts to approach you. Hopefully you are just as happy~

@abxavterno

Cutie! Thank you so much for expressing concern over my icky eczema condition. Honestly if I were to bandage all my other patches of eczema, I would literally look like a mummy. There’s one big reason I dislike winter weather and this would be it. Dry skin. But don’t worry, I just gotta make it to at least like March or April and I think it’ll settle down and clear up. Till next time. OTL Anyway! Thank you so much for sticking around. I know there for awhile we’d have mun conversations and you’d share your worries with me. I still really value that and appreciate that. You’re so sweet and I feel like I can approach you any time. You’re a good person. I hope you know that. And gaaaah. Our muses are so cute! I don’t know if it’ll ever be an official ship but I definitely ship shy Seulgi with sexy Eros. I like the rp relationship we have. We’ve had a few threads and even though a lot of them haven’t worked out, that’s not stopped us from trying new pairings and plots. I like that~ I can appreciate and admire that. Thank you. You’ve made 2017 very enjoyable. Let’s keep at it!

@terniox

Sobs sobs sobs. I miss youuuuu. You were one of the first few people to pick me up when life around me was ending as I knew it. You were one of the first few people to help me dip my toes into the idea of being multiverse. I still only really had Tiffany at the time but I wanted her to have other verses. And you dived right in with me. Our ship is the longest lasting ship on this blog and it’s always going to be special to me. I hope you’re well. I really do because I know I don’t see or hear from you as often. But you’re still important to me. So you deserve your spot here with all these other wonderful people. Because you will forever be wonderful to me in my book. Let’s continue to be amazing friends no matter how far apart life tries to keep us, okay? Heehee~

@viiifates

Hellooooo~ Another one of those cuties who I don’t really talk to out of character but you’re still so wonderful to rp with! I like our plot. I honestly don’t know much about mafia plots no matter how many BTS mafia fanfics I read but haha! I promise I’m still having a blast no matter what. I have always wanted to dip my toes in the type of plot we have going on so it’s a joy and an honor to be able to rp that with you. I like how rping is casual and enjoyable while still being thrilling all at the same time. Thanks for putting up with my tumblr IM rping style that I’ve seemed to take quite a liking to lately. It’s so convenient and it’s still just as fun! You’re a wonderful rp partner and I hope we can also be good friends too!

@darksideofseoul

Ah sweetie pie! Thank you so much for being such a wonderful, understanding sweetheart. I was kinda sorta losing it and going out of my mind with panic the last time we spoke and I do apologize. I probably seemed so irrational. Apparently that’s what happens when eczema, stress, and coming down with a killer migraine falls upon you within two weeks’ time. I really do enjoy all our little threads we have going on. I’m glad we didn’t give up. BoA and Donghae are sooooo OTP material. heehee~ She’ll die if he ever proposes. haha! Thank you so much for being a wonderful rp partner. But not just for what you do within the rp community, but also what you do outside of it. You risk your life every day and I will always admire that. Stay strong and be safe out there, okay?

@dashdasxorphans

My fellow Ohioan! Congratulations on your wedding! I bet it was absolutely beautiful and hopefully you had lots of fun on your honeymoon~ Thank you so much for rping with me. I know it’s not something that happens often but I still enjoy every second of it. I never take it for granted. Your Leo was one of this blog’s first verses when it was still just Tiffany. Our muses have been through a lot and came a long way. I’ll always treasure the memories between our muses on this blog. You helped me learn what it was like to be multiverse so that I could one day become more confident in what I was doing as a writer and a mun behind the muse. Thank you. You’re wonderful and I hope you’re doing well!

@luminxscent

Sweet pea! I miss you bunches and I hope you’re doing well. I’ll never forget all that you’ve done for me. You were there when I was in so much pain. You managed to stay neutral while helping me piece myself and BoA back together. You know how much that means to me? When I was so sick that I could have physically puked. You were there. You were there. And I know we’ve had our ups and downs. But I think that’s what makes some of the greatest friendships. The strongest friendships. We always manage to gravitate back to each other. Through thick and thin. Thank you. I keep my pink haired Hongbin photo card at my desk and every time I look at it, I think of you. You gave me so many gifts and I wish I could give it back to you doubled! Please take care and never forget that you can always come to me to talk about anything~

@paperhecrts

New cutie friend person! Heehee~ You’re already turning into a partner who’s gonna fly with any idea I throw at you. I can tell. Thank you for embracing those crazy ideas and shipping with me from day one. Literally. Like I can tell we’ve got great chemistry as writers and I sure do hope I don’t annoy you with my out of character messages in tumblr IM. I get awfully paranoid when I realize that tumblr might not be sending my messages through. Seulgi and Baekhyun are just such OTP material and I’m excited for Tiffany and Jaebum. I love the rocky, unstable aspects of our two ships so far. It’s fresh and new and doesn’t scare me because I know in the end it’ll be okay for them~ I’m excited to see where they go in 2018!

@hvllelujah

Sweetheart! I sure hope you’re taking care of yourself. Color in a Hello Kitty coloring book for me, okay? Heehee~ I miss you and I really truly do hope you’re doing well. I know the last time we talked, you were getting life figured out which honestly is a full time job in itself. Remember, any time you wanna talk or need someone to just listen, I’m here. Our rping hasn’t exactly been a thing and once upon a time it really upset me but I’ve tried to grow up and be a big girl about things like that. Especially now that I’m gaining perspective and know how hard it is to keep up when all you wanna do is focus on other things. I’m sorry I ever made things difficult for you. I hope you can forgive me. I just really loved your writing and I wanted to be a part of it. But having matured over time, I really do hope you’re taking care of yourself and doing what’s best for you~ You be good, okay? Heehee.

@xvrwxrld

Whines I hope you’re taking care of yourself, sweet pea. You know how much I worry about you. Overworking yourself or living in conditions less than healthy. Stay warm this winter. I wish I could mail you a bunch of blankets. My grandmother made me a ton that I could give you. We’ve had our fun moments though, haven’t we? Time and schedules always seem to get in our way of rping. But I’ll never forget what you told me not too long ago. How you enjoyed my muses and thought they were wonderful. That’ll always mean a lot to me and I still blush like an idiot over it. I often worry that my girls are too....out there and weird. Haha. So thank you for taking the time to admire each one of them. I’ll always treasure that. One day we’ll get to plot and rp. I don’t know when, but it’s gonna happen. Count on it!

@avtvmnwings

I miss you, dear. I hope you’re okay and enjoying life~ Hopefully life is treating you well. It’s been awhile since we last spoke but I still think about you and I still try to watch over you from afar. We’ve had a lot of fun and exciting rps though, ne? You’re a great writer and I don’t ever want you forgetting that. Our out of character conversations were always enjoyable and heartfelt. I treasure those moments because you were able to open up to me and I appreciate that. More than you’ll know. You take care of yourself, okay? Be good and stay strong. You’re doing a wonderful job. Heehee~

#christmas 2017 #keepsake #(( *sweats* i don't think i'm missing anyone ))#(( yes this is early because it's been so long and i miss everyone ; ; ))

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