#i hope anders forgives me

[sage-green-matcha]

RETRIBUTION - ZACH TURNER 💣

Content Includes: Mentions of blood, violence, bombs, guns, more blood, spoilers for the movie “Retribution”

A/n: My first time writing for Zach! We don’t really know much about him butttt I tried my best! Hope you guys enjoy :)

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Your face was covered in shock as you watched Zach's father hold out a gun. You were already scared, the fact that there was a bomb in the car made you feel sick to your stomach.

You really thought it would be a normal day, but you had seen 3 people die in one morning.

You watched as Zach and Emily's mom was taken by the police, teams of police officers chasing down the car that you were inside of.

You had no clue what was going on, and it stressed you out knowing you couldn't do anything about it.

"I'm sorry Y/n, I'm so sorry sweetheart. You shouldn't be here right now" Matt mumbled with a shaky voice.

You could tell just from that, that were tears forming in his eyes.

"Dad... Dad don't do this!" Zach's eyebrows were furrowed, his body shaking slightly from his scared heartbeat.

"Dad don't" Emily was breathing heavily next to Zach, his hand squeezing hers tightly.

"Dad don't! Listen, okay? He's your friend"

Your heart shattered with how frightened he sounded, but you couldn't speak. You were too scared. You usually loved the rush, but this felt disgusting and dangerous.

"God forgive me" The words that fell from Matts lips were unbelievable. There was no way he was about to kill his best friend. His long-time business partner.

You didn't know Matt very well. But you knew Matt and Anders well. They were always together at gatherings, drinking and joking around like they always did.

They would tease you and Zach about getting together, you knew it would never happen. But knowing they support your small delusion made you feel better.

"Matt! Let me go!" Anders looked terrified, the gun held up to his face didn't help it either.

"Dad! Dad! He's your friend! What are you doing?"

"Dad! Don't!" Emily was now clung onto Zach, tears forming in her eyes as she watched the horrific scene.

"I can't..."

You squeezed your eyes shut, expecting to see a mutilated body once you opened your eyes.

Except that didn't happen, instead your eyes were surprised at the train that rushed in front of them. Your hearing was interrupted by the loud sound of screeching metal and a loud horn.

Heavy breathing filled the car, a harsh swallow falling down your throat.

You thought you were safe, for a split second. But everything happened so fast.

Wood and glass exploded throughout the car, bullets breaking through the metal doors of the car.

A powerful cloud of smoke made you cover yourself, but instead of protecting yourself, you put your body in more danger.

The car shook before you could even look at the explosion next to you, pain covering your entire body.

Your breath scattered, looking at the bloody hole in your arm. It had all happened so fast. You felt a dart of pain and next thing you knew you were covered in blood.

"Are you okay?" Matt turned around, looking at his children before he even glanced over at you.

"Y/n? Y/n?"

A ball formed in your throat, the pain making your mouth explode with small cries.

"Shit! Shit! Y/n, Y/n! She's bleeding. She got shot!"

Your body fell cold, trying to control your breathing as blood soaked into you and Zach's clothing.

Painful whimpers fell from your mouth, feeling Zach's hand lift your arm.

"Shit"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry babe, I know it hurts."

He wrapped his dad's tie around your wound, It hurt but his words made you feel better. Your heart started beating faster, and you weren't sure if it was because of him or the shot through your arm.

"Tie it tight, Zach"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" You ought to think he was the one who shot you with how much he was apologizing.

You yelped at the pressure being put on your limb. Blood soaked through the cloth quickly and you felt sick.

"Hang on Y/n, Hang on. We're gonna get you some help" You gulped at Matt's words, your head falling onto Zach's chest.

He held you tighter in real life than in your dreams. He didn't want to lose you, you were his person. He loved you, he needed you.

His hand was covered in your blood but he refused to let go. The warm liquid covered the seats and it stained his skin, but he didn’t care.

It felt like forever before the police started to chase the car, Anxiety no longer took over your head, it just felt empty and painful.

Your vision blurred, noises and words becoming quieter and mumbled.

The car finally came to a stop, Zach holding onto your hand tightly.

"Are you okay?" A lady came up to the car, looking through the broken windows.

"She's hurt, please. She's lost a lot of blood. We need help" They didn’t believe Matt, but once she saw the bloody seats she had no choice.

"How are you, sweetheart?" Her face was serious when you asked, making you question her sanity.

"Are you serious? I'm dying" She could read your face, yet you couldn't read hers.

All you wanted was for the pain to go away, to get out of the car and feel better.

But you couldn't. The bomb made it impossible to leave.

"There are no bombs under the children's seats. We're taking off the car doors now"

They unscrewed the ruined car doors, a man reaching over your seatbelt before unbuckling it.

"Zach..." He gulped with glossy eyes as he realized he was still holding onto your hand.

"Is he your boyfriend?" The anticlimactic lady asked and you just shrugged, Zach giving you a small smile.

You were taken to an ambulance, Zach and Emily following not long after.

"You lost a lot of blood, but you'll be fine"

As if that would make you feel any better. You laid lazily on the stretcher, Thankfully the bullet wasn't stuck in your arm, so no surgery was needed.

Instead, you zoned out on anesthesia, stitches being sewn into your arm.

For some odd reason, you weren't allowed to leave the crime scene. So Heather accompanied you in the back of the ambulance.

"They called your mom again, I'm sorry sweetheart. How do you feel? Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

Her motherly instincts brought you comfort, something yours didn't have. She wasn't even in town, which was why Matt had to take you to school.

But you weren't at school, yet you didn't think your mom would even care to ask you about the accident. 30 minutes had passed and she didn't even care to call, they had to call her again.

"He's taking off, Mrs. Turner" Your heart felt empty as she ran off to get her husband, Zach, and Emily running Into the ambulance.

"Y/n, are you okay? How do you feel? What did they do?" Zach's voice was fast, making you smile up at him.

"I'm fine Zach, they just gave me some stitches. Are you guys okay?" Emily tried to smile as she nodded, but Zach could only focus on you.

"Emily, leave"

"What? Why? Are you gonna kiss Y/n?"

You smiled as they fought, even after the most traumatic experience of their lives they still bickered.

"Please, Emily?" She huffed before standing outside the ambulance.

"Sorry about your shirt" You mumbled. It was dyed with the color of your blood, a dark red covering the grey fabric.

"It's fine..."

He looked nervous as he went to hold your hand, reaching out before pulling back.

"Hey, it's okay. We're alive" You took it upon yourself to take his hand, his warmth giving you comfort.

"I know...but my dad"

You frowned, letting out a small sigh before readjusting yourself to be sat up.

"Careful, be careful"

"I'm fine Zach, chill" You smiled while looking up at him, his eyes basically drilling holes into yours.

He didn't get how after all of that you still managed to look so beautiful. Your hair was messy and your skin was covered in blood, but you still looked pretty.

"I look ugly, I know" He furrowed his eyebrows before shaking his head, opening his mouth before hesitating.

“You look beautiful…even covered in blood” He scoffed as butterflies exploded in your stomach.

You didn’t want him to notice how your face lit up with every pet name and compliment, but he did.

“This is a really bad time for this but, I need to tell you”

“What is it? You can talk to me” You gave his hand a small squeeze, pulling it closer to your body.

“When I saw you bleed I really thought you were gonna die. And I wanted to tell you this in case you did…”

You furrowed your eyebrows at his words as he continued to speak. The words that fell from his lips leaving you in shock.

“I love you. I don’t know what It feels like but I think I feel it for you. And I wouldn’t want anything this horrible to ever happen to you again.”

You felt yourself melt at his sweet words. But as he rambled you smiled to yourself, pulling his arm closer towards you.

“I get it Zach, I love you too”

His smile brightened your face, a soft kiss being placed on your lips before Em’s squeal interrupted the moment.

“I knew you two liked each other!”

“Em! Shut up!”

#ethan landry #fanfic #jack champion #scream #celebrities #cute #jack champion x reader #ethan landry smut #ethan landry x y/n #avatar #jack champion retribution #retribution #ethan landry x reader #ethan landry x you #ethan landry oneshot #jack champion oneshot #jack champion x y/n #jack champion scream #ethan landry fluff #jack champion fluff #ethan landry angst #jack champion angst #jack champion fanfic #jack champion headcannons #Zach jack champion #zach turner #Zach Turner Jack champion #retribution movie #scream franchise #scream 6

[dearasteria]

Major Gale romance SPOILERS below, so please DO NOT read and watch if you don't want to get spoiled.

I was REALLY worried about how romance with Gale would go, especially after talking to him right after he gets Karsas' book. My Tav wanted to believe and trust him, but something didn't feel right. At the end of Act II, when Tav tries to convince him not blow himself up for his ex's forgivness/to save Faerûn, it can be summed up with that one gif from Grey's Anatomy: "So pick me. Choose me. Love me" 🤡. Honestly, she asks not only to choose her, but also not to kill her and the rest of the team. Gale is so easily swayed and tells Tav that he loves her, even more than Mystra. Tav should be happy, right? But I'm like WAIT A DAMN MINUTE, it was faaar too easy, I mean, no protests from him, I didn't even have to use persuasion to convince him. At that point, after the trauma that Bioware had caused us with Anders and Solas, I'm getting paranoid. Gale doesn't love Tav, he's definitely hiding something. But I'm thinking to myself, "Okay, calm down, he just doesn't want to die, super understable. Maybe he really loves her and he needed to hear it? He needed reassurance that he has something to live for? Yes, it must be it". But then I go to the quest journal and see this:

DAMMIT GALE, you snake 🐍 My poor baby Tav (especially since the romance scene in Waterdeep was so warm and tender). She's so in love in him. Now I'm convinced that he will definetly betrey us, stubs us right in the heart.

At the beginning of Act III, he becomes obsessed with a book called The Annals of Karsus that may help him learn more about the crown. He becomes obsessed with how powerful he can become. When Tav gives him the book and says, "We already know the crown's dangerougs. Wouldn't that make things worse?" he replies:

"Worse? It could be the best thing that ever happened to me. To us."

After all this, Gale tries to convince Tav to help him reconstruct the crown. We have this beautiful scene on the boat and when I tell you my jaw dropped. HE CHOOSES TAV, listens to her concerns and simply chooses her.

The way he says it, the way he corrects himself… damn. For Tav, it's like a bucket of cold water. And I'm like, "Here we go again" 🤡

Furthermore, when we visit the Stormshore Tabernacle in Baldur's Gate and interact with Mystra's statue, he seems to feel so uncomfortable, he doesn't want to be there. Tav starts to think he's definitely hiding something. She would like to hear Mystra's version of what happened between her and Gale (I hope we can talk to her at some point in the game, it would be very interesting).

My Tav, however, disagreed, and Gale replies, "I hope you're right. I truly do. Godly power, perhaps I can live without, but you? You're everything". Has the curse of dating mages that leave players heartbroken been broken?

But I have to admit, when he said: "With you, I forget my goddess. I love you. Tell me you feel the same way. Tell me you want what I want. Please" - OH GODS 😳. I was so close to agreeing to this madness. The VA did an amazing job (side note: so many talented VAs in this game, it's mind blowing), the writing is amazing, the music is incredible, I was blown away, really.

Next day, after the boat scene, he's so adorable and full of love for Tav. Then I remembered his gratest flaw (for me it's more like his biggest fear) from the scene with Zethino in the circus: "He thinks he, and the world, might be better off if he were dead". At the time I thought he was lying, manipulating Zethino and his answers. My distrust of mages in games… Yes, I have a problem 😅

I haven't finished the game, but I have high hopes for a happy ending. No spoilers please, thanks :)

What a rollecoster of emotions, I love it, I love Gale. It felt like I was playing Dragon Age: Origins for the first time, way back when I was a teenager. It's really insane how this game makes me feel, how much I care about its characters and story.

EDIT: Okay, so we have an audience with Mystra, I mean only Gale, but we see the whole conversation between them. My only complain is that Gale doesn't mention Tav when Mystra asks him why he defied her 💔 The outcomes are different depending on whether you do it before or after the boat scene. Personally, I think doing the boat scene before meeting Mystra is much better. I get the impression that Gale is abandoning the plan to reconstruct the crown solely for Tav and his love for her. And the drama 👌🏻 it gives me life.

#sorry for the wall of text #ignore my rambling #the thing is i'm very excited and none of my friends play bg3 and my husband can't listen to me anymore 🤭 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 spoilers #bg3 spoilers #Gale #gale of waterdeep #gale romance #might delete later #Tav #gale bg3

[morgandarcyarts]

“Spirits form as a reflection of this world and its passions. We will never lack for spirits of rage, or hunger, or desire. The gentler spirits are far more rare.”

It’s been few years since my original post, so I gave mah Fade Boyz a lil upgrade ❤️ still hoping for them to show up in Dragon age Dreadwolf!

Forgive me for my warden Anders 👀

#justice #anders #cole #compassion #ser pounce a lot #fade spirits #my fade boys ❤️ #dragon age 2 #dragon age inquisition #dragon age fan art #morgandarcyarts #my art #dragon age awakening #dragon age origins

[high-dragon-bait]

Did anybody ask for Solas and Anders banter?

You just did!

God I really just shoved as many headcanons that could feasibly fit into this. I’m so sorry. 

Like the Fenris and Solas banter, this takes place post DA2 but during Inquisitions timeline.

___

Anders: You must hate what I did with Justice.

Solas: Why would you think that?

Anders: I took a spirit into my body. Now he’s gone. He’ll never go back to the Fade. I can’t imagine you’re pleased with that.

Solas: I was under the belief you did this to help it. Is the truth you coerced it? Bound it and forced it to be one with you?

Anders: No. Never. He was my friend.

Solas: Then I fail to see where I would draw my judgement.

Anders: It was unnatural.

Solas: Only by your understanding of nature.

____

Solas: I am glad to meet another counting spirits among their friends.

Anders: Just the one spirit. And it’s not as if we’re talking much these days.

Solas: I’d argue you’re always talking in some ways.

Anders: I miss him sometimes. The Justice I knew before.

Solas: I’m not sure I understand.

Anders: Justice, when I met him he was different.

Solas: I’m sorry, I’m still confused. How could it have been different?

Anders: He was kinder, before he... met my anger.

Solas: You believe your anger effected it? Changed a spirit of Justice?

Anders: What else could it have been?

Solas: Justice is fluid, just as wisdom, hope, and valor are fluid. The justice you seek against the templars is different than the justice a Grey Warden seeks against the darkspawn. Indeed, even the child crying at her mother after a sister steals her favorite toy is seeking justice.  

Solas (Cont.): Justice simply became the force you always sought.

Anders: That still sounds like I changed him.

Solas: One could argue change is all Justice is. 

____

Solas: I saw you healing a scout in the yard, Anders. He looks well, but I must admit I’ve never seen healing magic such as yours before.

Anders: I made a lot of it up.

Solas: I’m sorry?

Anders: You aren’t taught healing in the circle, no more than you’d need to heal a templar’s burn. Maybe some are, if they’re obedient enough to stop when the Knight Commander says they’ve done enough.

Solas: Forgive me, I may know less of the Circle than I thought. Why wouldn’t they teach such vital magic?

Anders: Think about it. A healer holds the life of another in their hands. A real healer could bring a man back from the edge of the void, but all the Chantry sees is how much power that gives to a mage.

Solas: So your skills you had to learn on your own?

Anders: I experimented. Improvised. I tested new ideas on myself first of course. Turns out being Hawke’s friend offers more opportunities than the Wardens.

Solas: I was aware of the limitations the Chantry places on magic, but that seems...

Anders: Monstrous?

Solas: Bluntly, yes.

Anders: The Chantry doesn’t care how many people it kills to keep mages caged. “Magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him.” Words twisted to doom us all.

____

Anders: Is it possible for Justice and I to be separated?

Solas: No.

Anders: Couldn’t live without my head, I guess.

Solas: Even that example is too separate. A head can be removed from the body, however messy the process. To separate you and Justice… it would be like trying to take water from rain, light from the sun. What are you even seeking to remove?

Anders: Is it- strange to find that comforting?

Solas: Not at all.

____

Solas: It is not so unnatural, your merger with Justice.

Anders: I guess you could argue possessions are natural.

Solas: Even possessions were not always seen as you know them today.

Anders: What do you mean?

Solas: There has always been the tragedy of a mortal mind breaking against the corrupted nature of a spirit. But what you’ve done, joining your soul with a spirit, was a practice known among the ancient elves.

Anders: Elves... allowed themselves to be possessed?

Solas: A talented scholar may ask to be with one with a spirit of wisdom. While a devoted priest may beg an embodiment of faith. Such joinings were rare, but only because a spirit will not join with one that will harm its nature. For it to accept meant your drive was true, and for that it was seen as a great honor. 

Anders: I can’t tell you how badly I wish I could see this world.

Solas: They were called the somnlin. The Blood of Dreams. Our deepest passions given flesh. Justice believed in you, Anders. It still does.

Anders: I... thank you.

____

Solas: What you did in Kirkwall, I understand.

Anders: There are days now when I’m not sure I do.

Solas: There come times when an action is necessary, but we as mortals can only guess what action that may be, along the consequences it will carry.

Solas (Cont.): We cannot predict who it will truly help nor who it will hurt, even if we believe we do. All we can do is choose to act, or choose to wait and hope another will do so in our stead.

Anders: I had waited too long already.

Solas: And the bravery enough to admit it is a rare gift indeed.

____

(Bonus because it’s a radically different tone from the rest)

Solas: Is it true you escaped the circle seven times?

Anders: I like to say ten, but apparently it doesn’t count if they find you within the first half-hour.

Solas: You’ll have to tell me the stories soon.

Anders: Really I’d like your stories. An apostate all your life, surely you must’ve dodged a few templars.

Solas: Not so I’m afraid.

Anders: Really? Your whole life, not a single templar on your ass?

Solas: I have been asleep for most of it.

#Dragon Age #Dragon Age 2 #Dragon Age Inquisition #Solas #Fake Banter #DAI #I think I've picked at this as much as I could #Anders still sounds kinda shaky. mans is hard i can't explain it

[connieluvsr]

ONE OF THE GIRLS | part 1

pairing: (electric) guitarist!jungkook x singer!reader(f)

genre: band au, enemies to lovers, fluff, angst

summary: when your main guitarist gets sick and can’t perform at your show, you get help from someone unexpected.

warnings: swearing and some making out, hot jk:)), drinking, mention of drugs, smoking, slight smut.

a/n: my first story!! hope you’ll enjoy it, i thought of it while listening to one of the girls by the weeknd, jennie, lily rose depp and i was like hmm i think i have an idea)) anyways i have some more works but i dont really have ideas for what to happen next in them😭 enjoy!! Also part 2 is gonna be CRAZY and much better, please wait a bit!!

_________________________________________

“i’m so so so so sorry.” ander sighs and falls back on the couch. “i feel like im disappointing you.”

you shrug, placing your hands into your scalp and gently pulling your hair. “it’s not your fault, i just…” you pause for a bit. “don’t know what i’ll do, it’s over.”

ander gets up and rubs your shoulder. “hey don’t say that, it’s not! you still have time to find someone who can replace me.”

you touch his hand and smile, you knew he really is sorry, but you can’t just try acting fine when you’re not. you dreamed of this since forever, having people come somewhere just to hear you sing. you were the duo everyone knew, he was your guitarist and you were the singer, that’s it, no one else.

you thought you’d find someone to replace him, and you did, actually, but they’re not good enough.

“i’ll just go, it’s getting late, take care hm?” i say while taking my jacket from the hanger.

“bri.. come on, don’t be like that.” he goes after you and takes your arm.

“like what?” you ask with a curious face, thinking what could he possibly say.

he hesitates for a moment before speaking, his eyes searching yours for understanding. “Like you’re giving up! Like… Like you don’t even care anymore. There has to be someone who can help us.. i mean help you.”

you sigh, feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders. “who? we’ve already contacted many musicians and they all sucked. none of them clicked. our sound was perfect, and that’s all”

Ander’s gaze softens, his voice gentle as he speaks “what about… zac’s friend?” he suddenly jumps. “he plays electric guitar right? maybe he could step in.”

you raise an eyebrow, intrigued but skeptical. “yeah i know him. even if he does, he’s Zac’s friend, we barely know him. Also he’s a total ass, he would never agree.” you’re both silent for a moment. “wait! didn’t he fucked up our first show? remember! he wanted to play in our place and his rich mommy made us move dates.” you scoff loudly. “that fucker, no, never, i won’t sing with him.”

ander listens carefully to your frustrations, his expression thoughtful. he understands your reluctance, having experienced the turmoil caused by Zac's friend firsthand. after a moment of silence, Ander speaks, his voice steady, "I get it, Bri. I really do. But people can change. Maybe he's realized his mistakes, and this could be a chance for redemption. Plus, desperate times call for desperate measures. It's just one show, and if he doesn't come through, we'll find another way. But what if he surprises us?"

you're hesitant, the memories of past encounters with Zac's friend clouding your judgment. Ander continues, his tone encouraging, "We won't know unless we try, right? Let's meet him, talk to him, see if he's willing to help. If he shows even a hint of sincerity, we can consider it. And if not, well, at least we'll know we explored all options."

after another hour of talking with ander, reluctantly, you agree to meet with Zac's friend, still skeptical but open to the possibility of him proving you wrong. Deep down, you hope he has indeed changed, but you wont ever forgive him.

“how do we do that? call zac.” i say.

“its late, go get some sleep and we’ll talk tomorrow, ok?” he hugs you tightly before leading you to the door. you say your goodbyes and leave.

“god its 12 am already.” you sigh and call an uber, smartass couldn’t even do it. you take off your mask, thinking of someone. you dial the person and they respond right back

“bri! hi!”

“hi! you still at work?” i ask hoping for a negative answer

“just leaving, what’s up?”

“can you pick me up from ander’s house?”

“what were you- ok we’ll talk in the car, i’ll be there soon, k?”

“thank you”

you waited for your friend to come, and she did finally, after you froze yourself outside. but it’s better than paying that expensive fucking uber.

“hi. thank you again.”

“no prob, now tell me why are you leaving ander’s house at 12 am?”

“you act like we never do music together” you giggle and look at her

“yeah but it’s late tho” she raises an eyebrow she has a point.

“we talked about someone to replace him since he’s got some flu i don’t know and he’s not feeling well.” you take a look on the window

your friend's eyes widen in understanding, her expression softening. "Oh, that sucks. Is he going to be okay?"

you nod, sighing with relief that she didn't press further. "Yeah, he'll be fine. but we're kind of in a tight spot for the upcoming show. we tried finding replacements, but it's been a disaster. Ander suggested Zac's friend, the one who messed up our first show ages ago. I'm not thrilled about it, but we're open for it.”

she raises an eyebrow, clearly skeptical. "Zac's friend? Seriously? After what he did last time? You sure about this?"

You let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through your hair. "I'm not sure about anything at this point, but we're desperate. If he's changed, even a little, and he can play bass guitar, we might have a chance."

Your friend nods slowly, understanding the gravity of the situation. "Well, I hope for your sake that he's gotten his act together. And if he hasn't, you'll figure something out. You always do."

Her words offer a sliver of comfort in the midst of your uncertainty. As you drive home together, you can't help but feel a mix of anxiety and determination.

“um… should i talk with zac for you?”

“what do you mean? you’re friends? since when?” you ask with a lot of curiosity

“well… we kinda.. hooked up…” she smiles as if she remembers every single detail

“WHAT??” your jaw drops in disbelief, shocked by the revelation. "you hooked up with Zac? When did this happen?"

she chuckles nervously, avoiding your gaze. "It was a while ago, he came to my club and tipped a lot, then asked for a blowjob, i said only if you give me head too and he actually did it” she laughs a bit seeing your shocked expression. “but if it helps you, I can talk to him and see if he can convince his friend to help you out."

you're torn between feeling surprised, betrayed, and oddly hopeful. "i don't know how I feel about this, but if you think he'd listen to you, maybe it's worth a shot. Just... be careful, okay? I don't want any more drama."

she nods, her expression serious. "I promise I'll handle it delicately. I'll talk to Zac and gauge his friend's interest in helping you. We'll see how it goes."

as she drives you home, you can't shake off the mix of emotions swirling inside you. you hope for the best and that he’ll agree and maybe be actually down to earth. you can’t lie you’re not nervous.

————————————————————————

next day you wake up totally in a sweat, the dream of being booed off the stage didn’t help your concerns at all, you felt like you need to talk to him as soon as possible, and hope for the best

taking your time to actually think about how to approach him to agree, but you thought he won’t ever do this for a random stranger, so you thought about avery and zac, she knew she’s make zac convince him.

“i talked to zac”

“and!?” you jump off your bed

“he said y’all should meet beforehand and he’ll see if he wants to, he wants to hear you sing too, but he doesn’t know what’s in for him, so i told zac to tell him… popularity? he’ll be on stage and be known so yeah.”

“AMAZING. GREAT.” you hug her tightly “love you, you’re the best. now where and when should we meet?”

“he said you should go at his studio later tonight. seems cool”

“sounds good to me, now what should i wear?” you look for some clothes

“you seriously think about what to wear? you don’t even know if he’s gonna agree.”

“true, true, but i have to make a good impression , i cant go in adidas sweats.

“yeah, yeah, now should i tell you i have a date with zac?”

“no way!! i’m glad, really!.”

“maybe one day even a double date with… what’s his name? jungkook?” she giggles at your expression.

“with that fucker? no. one show and its over, i get ander to sing with me and that’s all.” you shift in your place and think about ander, you gotta tell him everything.

feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness, you spend the day preparing mentally and emotionally for your meeting with Zac's friend. The thought of finally finding a solution to your musical dilemma fills you with hope, but the fear of rejection lingers in the back of your mind.

“we’re here” says avery and gives you a comforting smile as you head inside.

as you step into the professional studio, a wave of inspiration washes over you. the air is thick with creativity, and the walls are adorned with soundproof panels, the room is dimly lit, the glow from the mixing console casting a warm ambiance over the space. cables snake along the floor, connecting various instruments to the mixing desk, creating a web of musical potential.

the room is a dark gray and a little black, you look around mesmerized, like you never went into a studio, you did, but not like one of those. i wonder how much he spent on all of this, or his family. you correct yourself.

in the corner of the studio, you notice a boy sitting on a stool, his fingers expertly gliding over the strings of a bass guitar. the bass guitar itself is a work of art, its body carved from rich mahogany, the natural wood grain accentuated by a glossy finish.

your thoughts are interrupted by a loud zac “hello girls, finally in jk’s crib!” he smiles widely then takes avery by her hand then places a soft kiss on her jawline, she totally blushes and i can see with the corner of my eyes how unamused jungkook is.

“hi brianna, nice to meet you.” he gives you his hand and smiles.

“you too! you shake his hand but your attention goes to the dark haired boy as he makes a sound to make us all look at him.

“you must be brianna.” he gets up and his hands fall in his huge hoodie pockets.

“yes, i am, and i’ve heard you’re jungkook?”

“you’re chinese?” avery suddenly blurtes.

“avery what the hell?” i ask embarrassed and look at his face, to see his reaction, nothing. “i’m so-“

“korean, if you really wanna know.”

avery realized her mistake and mouthed a sorry, to end the awkwardness i try to say something but he’s faster.

“so, you wanted to replace your guitarist hm?” he asks as he sits down and offers us to do the same, i sit down and take my strands of hair out of my face and fix my skirt.

Jungkook's gaze meets yours, his eyes a shade of deep brown that seems to hold a world of experiences. his tone is casual, yet there's an underlying intensity as he speaks, "yeah, I heard about your situation. mind if I give it a try?"

you nod, appreciating his straightforwardness. "absolutely.”

he picks up the bass guitar, his fingers caressing the strings with a practiced ease. As he starts playing, the studio fills with the low, resonant tones of the instrument. his skills are undeniable, and you can't help but be impressed by the way he effortlessly navigates the fretboard, creating a melody that resonates with the very soul of the song.

Avery and Zac watch in awe, clearly captivated by his performance. you find yourself drawn into the music, feeling the vibrations of the bass reverberate through the room. despite the initial awkwardness, there's a growing sense of excitement. maybe, just maybe, you've found the missing piece to your musical puzzle.

When Jungkook finishes playing, he looks at you, his expression earnest. before you can say how amazing that was, you get "now your turn.”

“i.. ok, what should i sing?” you awkwardly get up.

“you’re asking me?” he says with a confused look, sitting down where your place was.

“n-no just, ok i’ll start.” you nervously laugh and avery gives you a thumbs up making you smile.

“I’ve been posing with red skies,” you begin singing ‘Feet don’t fail me now’ by Joy Crookes, your voice shaky at first but gaining confidence as you delve deeper into the lyrics. with each word, you pour your emotions into the song, your voice resonating with the passion that fuels your music.

as you sing, Jungkook’s intense gaze never leaves you. his eyes reflect the understanding of the emotions you’re trying to convey, and it feels like he’s not just hearing the lyrics but also feeling the soul of the song. Avery and Zac, too, are entranced by your performance, nodding in appreciation as your voice weaves a story through the air.

the studio seems to fade away, leaving only the melody and the raw emotions you’re sharing. Your voice rises and falls, carrying the weight of the lyrics and the hope of a new beginning. In that moment, you’re not just singing; you’re baring your soul, connecting with the very essence of the music.

you finish and get applauses from everyone but jungkook.

“that was amazing” zac says, but don’t want his opinion, you want his friend’s. you wait, and you wait. and he opens his mouth suddenly. “cool.”

you give a confused look “cool?”

“yeah, we might work, rehearsals when i tell you i’m free and at your place.”

you’re taken aback by Jungkook's nonchalant response, but his words sink in. "sure, rehearsals at my place. we’ll work out the schedule," you reply, trying to hide your surprise.

Avery nudges you subtly, her eyes filled with excitement. after the initial tension and uncertainty, it seems like Jungkook is on board, even if his demeanor is more reserved than enthusiastic. you decide not to dwell on his reaction, choosing to focus on the opportunity ahead.

"thank you, Jungkook. we appreciate you giving us a chance," you say, mustering a smile.

he simply nods, his expression unreadable. despite the lack of exuberance, you can sense his commitment to the collaboration. with the pieces falling into place, you're eager to start rehearsals and see how this unexpected partnership will unfold.

Zac and jungkook watch you leave and zac places a hand on his shoulder

“what was that bro? you don’t know how to flirt, at least you were cool with the “at your place”

“you dumb fuck, i don’t want to flirt, i just need more recognition, that’s why i’m doing that, and i can’t here since dad comes with his artists you forgot?”

Zac raises an eyebrow, his surprise evident. "recognition ? buy you're incredibly talented, Jungkook. you’re practically a musical genius. ehh do you need more recognition? you forget your dad can put you all over the city’s billboards?”

Jungkook's gaze flickers, a mix of frustration and determination in his eyes. "it’s not about money, zac . it’s about proving myself, making my own mark without relying on my family's name. i want people to see me for who I am, not just as someone's son. and helping brianna, it's a step towards that."

Zac's expression softens, understanding dawning in his eyes. "i get it, man. we all have our struggles. just remember, we believe in you, not because of your last name, but because of your music."

Jungkook nods, appreciating zac’s support. "thanks, Zac. just hope I can live up to your expectations."

"You will," Zac says, clapping Jungkook on the back.

————————————————————————

your phone buzzes with an unknown number, and curiosity piques your interest as you answer the call. "hello? who’s this?" you inquire, your voice laced with suspicion.

"jungkook," comes the curt response from the other end of the line. shocked and unprepared, you hold back the exasperation that bubbles up within you. you didn't miss his arrogant tone, but deep down, you knew you needed him.

"yeah, Jungkook?" you reply, your voice dripping with sarcasm, emphasizing the unnecessary delay in his introduction.

"meeting tonight. gotta talk about some stuff and all," he states, his tone bored, as if discussing your collaboration is a mundane chore for him.

"aren’t you gonna ask if I'm free?" you retort, refusing to let his dismissive attitude go unchallenged.

"don’t try to act busy," he says, his words carrying a mocking tone. you can practically hear the smirk in his voice, and it infuriates you. He's clearly relishing this power play.

"i’m pretty busy, actually, but tonight I'm free. Come around 7 pm," you inform him, trying to assert a semblance of control over the situation.

"9? Okay," he counters, his response catching you off guard.

"what—" you begin to protest, but he ends the call abruptly, leaving you fuming with frustration. The audacity of the man infuriates you.

puzzled and slightly unnerved, you find yourself questioning how Jungkook got hold of your number. the mystery gnaws at your thoughts, prompting you to dial Avery's number, seeking clarification.

"hey Ave, you gave Jungkook my phone number?" you ask, your voice tinged with confusion and concern.

"hey, babe, no, why?" Avery responds, her confusion mirroring your own.

"he called me about meeting tonight. Are you sure? Maybe you gave it to Zac, and Zac gave it to him?" you suggest, trying to understand.

"damrn, no, i haven't," Avery replies, her voice filled with genuine surprise. There's a brief pause before she continues, her tone taking on a mischievous edge, "That's quite weird. Oh, also..." She bursts into giggles, and you can't help but sigh in exasperation.

"tonight at yours, huh?" she teases, her laughter spilling through the phone.

"gosh, stop, I'm hanging up," you grumble, rolling your eyes at her antics.

"no, wait! But something important!" she insists, her tone turning serious for a moment.

"what?" you ask, unable to resist the curiosity despite your annoyance.

"wear protection!" she says, her laughter bubbling up again, and you can't help but groan at her audacity.

"bye," you retort, deciding it's best to end the call before she can come up with any more embarrassing suggestions. Hanging up, you're left with a mix of confusion, irritation, and a reluctant smile at Avery's playful antics. As you prepare for the evening's meeting, you can't shake the feeling that dealing with Jungkook will be far more complicated than you initially anticipated.

——-

a/n : part 1!! i cant believe i finally posted this. i wanted to make it as one part but it was sooo long.

i hope you enjoyed it! also if you might find grammar errors its because english isnt my first language!

(any recs and tips are gladly taken since im new to tumblr!)

#bts jk #jungkook #jk #jeongguk #jk x reader #jk x you #jeon jk #jeon jungkook #jungkook and reader #jungkook x oc #taehyung #bts jungkook #bts #bts fanfic #bts x reader

[blairsanne]

Pretend to Be Nice - 1 - Oh No

For the @deanobingo 2023 event!

Prompts: Anders Johnson - Honesty The Almighty Johnsons - Anders & female Reader 4619 words

Summary: You are secretly in love with your friend, Anders Johnson. When your other friends find out, they encourage you to let it go.

CW: Alcohol consumption, discussion of hookups (mild). Angsty? Slow burn I guess? (This is a multi-part story.) Series masterlist here

You stood in the kitchen of Michele’s house, topping pieces of baguette with various things while music filtered in from the living room. 

The gods and goddesses surrounding the Johnson family had gotten into the habit of weekend parties, and you were having a quiet moment inside while the crowd was in the yard, enjoying the summer weather.

Anders sauntered in through the back door and flashed you a smile as he looked you over.

“There she is.” “Here I am.”

He walked up to you and leaned in as though to tell a secret as he pinched at the fabric of your dress. “This thing is dreadful. Bin it.”

“Oh? What would you have me wear then, my lord?” you asked sarcastically. 

It wasn’t completely out of the norm for Anders to tell you whether or not he approved of your fashion, but this might have been the harshest he’d been to something you were actively wearing.

Still, it seemed mostly light-hearted.

He was grinning back at you, his blond hair aglow in the late afternoon sun shining through the window behind him, looking every bit like the piss-taking god he was.

“Well if we’re talking druthers, I’d prefer you without, but I think killjoy Mikkel would complain.”

You rolled your eyes. “Ha ha.”

Anders snickered to himself and ate one of the appetizers you were still preparing, earning him a brief dirty look from you which only served to make his dimples more prominent. 

He could tell he was pushing your buttons, but you always indulged his mischief, so he figured you’d forgive him.

He gestured to the chilly bin. “Can I get you a drink?”

“I dunno. Last time I drank with you, you left me alone at the bar.”

“Hey, you left me.” He pointed, recalling your night out together the week before. “I went to the bog for a quick pash and when I came back you and Axl had gone home.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “You have a skewed sense of quick.”

He shrugged, unapologetic. “What can I say? I’m a generous god.”

You snorted, and he let out a humming giggle in reply as he pulled two beers from the bin. He opened the first one and placed it on the counter beside your handiwork before opening his own.

“So how’d you end up on food duty when there’s a perfectly good handmaiden present?” “You’d best hope she doesn’t hear you talking like that.”

He grinned as he sipped his drink.

“I’ll take my chances.” “Brave man.”

He gave you another lookover and winced. “Seriously, you look like an old woman in that frock.”

You raised your brows in offense. “Understood, Bragi. I shan't damage your eyes with it again.”

Sensing that you were taking it personally, he tilted his head and added lightly, “I liked that purple one you wore to Ty’s.”

You snickered, knowing which - revealing - dress he meant. “Wonder why that might be.” “Just saying, you should play to your assets.” “My ass-ets?”

Anders wagged his eyebrows, turning to stick his own ass out as he gestured at his chest to imply large breasts.

You shook your head and went back to your task. “Always so charming.”

His bright laugh won you over, however, and you couldn’t help but smile when you looked up to see his eyes wrinkled and his dimples in full view.

He caught sight of Michele and Stacey walking over and winked at you, as though to keep his previous comment a secret.

“Need help?” Stacey offered.

Anders snickered, but turned away to sip at his beer in an attempt to hide it. You threw him a warning glance despite your own amusement, then offered Stacey a warm and genuine smile. “I’d love that, ta.”

Michele hummed and leaned against the counter, giving Anders a lookover as Stacey started helping you. “It’s not like Anders is of any use.”

“I don’t see you cooking,” he retorted.

She shrugged. “I’m not very domestic. My talents lie elsewhere.”

He nodded, his eyes training over her form. “I’m sure they do.”

Olaf stepped in the back door. “Ah, sustenance!”

Before anyone could stop him, he nabbed a couple of the completed appetizers off the plate.

“Leave some for the rest of us, eh?” Anders teased.

Stacey shooed Olaf away. “Get out, both of you. We’ll take them outside when they’re done.”

When Olaf began to protest, Anders put his hand on his back to steer him toward the door. “C’mon Grandpa, let’s let the women do their work.”

“Like it’s the role of goddesses to feed useless gods?” Michele challenged.

“Well not you, obviously; we don’t want to be poisoned,” Anders called behind him as he exited.

Michele flipped him the bird, though he didn’t see, then turned to you and shook her head. “Dick.”

You laughed under your breath and got back to work.

--

Later on, you found yourself standing with Anders outside, talking about plans.

“Axl and I are gonna hit up that new club on Fort Lane tomorrow night. You should come with.” “So I can keep Odin company while you get your end away?” He grinned. “We can trade off.”

You grimaced, then looked away, playing it off. “Yeah, nah. I’m not up for it.” “What?” Anders nudged you playfully. “You always come.” You shook your head. “Mm. Not this time.” “Oh, is it that time of the month?”

You smacked his arm. “No! God.”

He let out a humming laugh at your reaction. “Then what’s your problem?”

“I just…” You rubbed your arm and looked away again, shrinking somewhat into yourself. “I just don’t feel like hooking up with anyone right now. That’s all.”

“You should hit him harder,” Michele suggested, walking up with a glass of wine in hand.

You snorted as she and Stacey joined you.

Anders scrunched his face up in mild offense. “All I did was invite you out. Usually you’re keen on it.”

“Finally get sick of babysitting the Johnsons?” Michele wondered. “You’d know all about that, eh?” Anders challenged.

You shrugged, wanting the topic dropped now that there were more people involved. “I’m just not up for it.”

Anders pointed, squinting his eyes at you playfully. “Or maybe you’ve got some boy toy on the side you haven’t told us about.” He fingered the fabric of your dress again. “Would explain your sudden off-putting attire.”

“Anders, couldn’t you just pretend to be nice?”

He clucked and winked at you. “Nah, I respect you too much to be dishonest.”

You snickered as Stacey rolled her eyes.

“Oh please.” Michele crossed her arms. “As if you have any idea how to respect goddesses.”

Anders placed his hand on your shoulder. “Just the ones I like.”

“The ones who put up with your crap, you mean.” “The ones who aren’t frigid bitches? Always a pleasure, Michele.”

He turned to you then, pointedly ignoring her and squeezed your shoulder a couple times. He flashed a crooked, conspiratorial grin, his tone coaxing. “We’re gonna have fun…”

“I’m sure you will.”

He clucked again, but gave you a wink as he started walking off. “Change your mind, you know how to reach us.”

Michele watched him walk off, then turned to you with a raised brow. “I don’t know how you can stand going out with him.”

You shrugged defensively. “It is usually fun. And he usually pays for my drinks.”

“You don’t need a wanker god buying your drinks.”

“Well I don’t need a mum telling me who to hang out with either. Besides, it’s good for Axl to have someone a little less…” You glanced towards where he was now joining up with Olaf to partake in a joint. “-Anders with him.”

Stacey and Michele both laughed. “That is true.”

--

A while later, Stacey leaned over toward where you were sitting against the back wall of the yard.

“Alright, so spill.” You looked over at her with raised brows. “Spill what?”

“Why don’t you want to go out with the boys? Was Anders right? You’ve got your eye on someone?”

“Oh.” You took a swig of your beer. “Yes and no. It’s- not going to happen.” You laughed under your breath and shook your head.

“No way, you’re a catch,” Stacey argued, pushing your shoulder playfully. “And Anders can totally talk any mortal into bed with you.”

You snorted. “Yeah, that’s not the issue. I’m sure he’d be down for a root, but that’s not-” You shook your head again. “I don’t want that.”

Stacey’s teasing air faded and her voice turned soft. “You really like this guy, eh?”

You shrugged, but nodded. “Mm.”

“So what’s the deal? Is he, like, married or something?”

“Nah.” You shook your head and took another deep drink of your beer.

Michele walked over and sat down facing you both. “What are you two plotting without me?” “Nothing.” “She’s fallen for some guy.” “Oh? Who’s the lucky mortal?” “Not that lucky. She hasn’t made a move.” “Oh, no. That’s pathetic. You need a little Sjofn push?”

“No!” you said a bit too panicked, putting your empty hand up. “Definitely not. I’m just going to swallow it down until it goes away.”

Stacey laughed, but Michele narrowed her eyes. “Why?” “Because it’s just never going to work out.” “You don’t know that.” “I’m serious. If I told you who it was, you’d laugh at me.”

“No way!” Stacey insisted. Michele crossed her heart, confident she could get you to tell her. “Goddess’s oath.” 

You contemplated it, looking around. You seemed to be alone in the yard, and the music from inside the house was loud enough that talking quietly should make it impossible for anyone to overhear you.

“You can’t tell anyone.” “Promise.” “Absolutely.” “Not even Ingrid. She’ll mean to keep it quiet and then tell Colin or one of the Johnsons by accident or something.”

They laughed but nodded in agreement.

You let out a quiet groan. This is probably a mistake.

“It’s…” You leaned closer and whispered. “Anders.”

Stacey nearly choked, laughing incredulously before falling into a coughing fit.

Michele just stared at you in alarm for a beat that faded to pity. “Oh, no.”

You huffed and rolled your eyes. “I know. I know. Hence nothing coming of it.” You got up and walked away before they could tell you any of the countless reasons it was never going to work out for you. You’d already agonized over them yourself plenty. 

Sure, you could probably talk him into a root or two, but you’d only end up upset and hurt when he didn’t want more from you.

Anders did not have partners; he had notches in his bedpost, and that was it. There was no point making things awkward for everyone by trying to change that and becoming a bitter ex. 

--

A week later, you were back at Michele’s for another god-party, arriving late after debating whether to come at all. 

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to be around them, but you knew that Stacey and Michele would be judging your interactions with Anders now, and you knew that he was probably going to talk about his exploits - which shouldn’t hurt your feelings, even though they did.

Eventually the barrage of texts - from your goddess friends as well as Anders and Axl - had convinced you that you should just suck it up and attend. The more you acted out of the norm, the more they would question why, and Michele or Stacey might let it slip.

Your two goddess friends spotted you the moment you arrived, and before you could stop them, you found yourself whisked into a bedroom to be stared down.

“Finally!” Michele crossed her arms. “Is this really about Bragi?”

You wrapped your own arms around yourself as your shoulders raised defensively. “Look, I’m here now, okay?”

“You need to get over him.” “She’s right, it’s for the best.” “I’m not trying to be under him! I can’t help how I feel-”

“Yes, you can,” Michele argued. “Stop playing along with his bullshit, and letting him treat you like the wanker-wingman he’s trying to turn sweet Axl into.”

You looked up and sighed. “So, what, just stop being friends with him?”

“Absolutely.” “I can’t do that. He hasn’t done anything wrong.” “Except be himself,” Stacey muttered.

You winced. “I like Anders. He’s funny, and smart, and he’s nice to me.” Michele raised a brow.

“He is!” You shifted, breaking eye contact. “In his own way.”

Michele softened, realizing that arguing with you about the subject of your crush might not be the most efficient route to solving this problem.

“And yet, boyfriend material he is not. So swallow down the butterflies, have a few meaningless roots, and for the love of Asgard, move on.”

You shrugged, pouting. “Yeah, that’s… more or less the plan.”

Michele wrapped an arm around your shoulders to lead you back out into the party. “Perfect.”

--

Michele and Stacey hovered around you for a good while, but eventually Michele went off to find Mike, while Stacey helped Ingrid to not destroy the food that she was trying to make for everyone.

You found yourself standing alone in the backyard, staring up at the sunset painting the clouds in warm hues. The soft blue that was fading from the sky suddenly reminded you of Anders’s eyes, and you felt a twist in your gut.

It wasn’t fair, you thought, to be so close to the man - indeed, a common companion on pub crawls and confidante of drunken exploit reports after his trysts - and yet unable to cross that invisible barrier.

Maybe he would be down for a root; it was Anders, after all. The problem with that was you; too much of a romantic to be satisfied by a bit of fun, you knew you’d feel lower than dirt to see him bedding mortals again after having his way with you. Being a meaningless root would be worse than being his undesirable friend.

“Ah, here she is. The cause of my sexual frustration.”

Anders’s voice caught you off-guard as much as his comment, and you raised a brow as he stepped up from behind you. You felt a flutter of anxiety, but played it cool.

“Excuse me?”

He placed his hand on your shoulder and leaned in close. “Went out with Axl as planned, but since you weren’t there, I wasn’t able to have any fun. Could have taken this fit blonde to the bog but Ax’ was getting into trouble without your supervision.”

You shut your eyes and pursed your lips, swallowing down the feelings of rejection that were rising like bile in your throat.

“And I’m sure that’s stopped you from Bragi-ing anyone else to bed since, eh?”

Anders laughed brightly. “Well, no. Of course not.” He gave you a glancing look-over. “Nice dress, by the way. Much better than the last one- But come with us next time. It wasn’t as fun without you there.”

You rolled your eyes. “To keep Axl company?”

“And me? And to have fun? Why are you being so weird about it? You usually like coming out with us.”

Anders hadn’t missed the offense in your voice, but he meant what he was saying; he just had a better time with you there.

Which is why he’d texted you multiple times trying to coax you to join them that night; why he’d been bothered by your lack of response.

He shook the beer he was trying to give you enticingly.

“Pass.” You took the bottle from him, but turned and walked off, feeling irritated that he really had no idea how you felt.

No, it’s my fault…

How would he possibly know, after months of following him and his baby bro to the bar, watching him take chick after chick home (or to some dark corner), that you didn’t want to hear about his sex life?

How could he know that finally voicing your feelings to Michele and Stacey had made them impossible to ignore; a dam that had secretly burst.

It wasn’t fair to treat him differently as a result, but you had to somehow. You simply couldn’t stomach it no matter how much you wanted to be around him.

Ugh… Michele is right.

He caught up to you before you could make it inside, blocking your path.

“What’s your problem?” “Sorry?” “Is there something the matter?”

You took a defensive step back. “What would be the matter?”

His nostrils flared, his voice low with irritation. “I don’t know, you’re the one suddenly too good to go out with us.”

You scoffed and tilted your head. “I never said that.”

“Then stop being so fucking weird-” “Stop asking me to babysit your brother so you can fuck every blonde in Auckland!” “Okay, fine!”

You could read the confusion and offense in Anders’s expression even as he took a step back.

“But just so you know, you’re starting to act a lot like your friend Michele.”

You knew what he meant, but you couldn’t help the offense you felt at him implying that was a bad thing. She was your friend, after all.

“So what if I am?” “Kinda prefer you acting like you?” “Oh- well- let me just change my personality to suit your taste then! Just like my wardrobe.”

Anders frowned. You’re offended by that now, too?

“Why don’t you go boss around a mortal?”

You saw the subtle twitch of his cheek as he clenched his jaw, his eyes searching yours.

He didn’t get where this sudden disdain was coming from. You’d never been so pissy with him, and never about him using his powers.

You felt your heart in your throat, anticipating some biting retort as he glared at you, but instead he suddenly turned and stormed off, leaving you alone outside again.

--

Anders stalked through the party until he found his brothers standing around chatting.

He threw himself into the conversation, acting aloof and lighthearted despite his mind being distracted by your odd behaviour.

He’d assumed you declining the invite last week had been a one-off, but now it seemed like the mere idea of going out with him and Axl - a longtime regular occurrence - was entirely bothersome to you.

He wondered if it had to do with your little goddess friends giving you shit; he knew they didn’t like him much. Or maybe you really did have some beau you’d neglected to mention. Neither option sat particularly well with him.

The light-hearted conversation was interrupted by the sound of a smoke alarm going off in the kitchen.

“Shit-”

Mike and Ty immediately ran toward it, even as Stacey started shouting that everything was fine - ‘just a little cooking mishap’ - over Ingrid’s apologies.

Anders laughed at the chaos and looked up at Axl. “Hey, while I’m thinking of it-” He leaned in close to ask Axl if he knew what was going on with you.

“What d’you mean?” “She doesn’t want to come out with us all of a sudden.”

“Really?” Axl cocked his head in surprise. He hadn’t truly questioned you not being there last time, but now that he thought about it, Anders did usually drag you out with them.

“When I asked her why not, she acted… fucking, weird, I dunno.” He sipped his beer. “Pissed off at me, but I can’t suss out why.” He glanced up at Axl. “Thought maybe you knew something I’d missed.”

“Nah, she seemed fine last we talked, but…” “But?” “Well… You can be kind of a dick, even if you don’t mean it.”

Anders scoffed, an insulted grin on his face as he briefly tucked his bottom lip into his mouth. “Love the vote of confidence from the baby bro.”

“Nah, just- you know how chicks are. You probably- didn’t even realize, or- didn’t mean it however she took it, you know? Just say you’re sorry, I bet she’ll forget all about it.”

Anders pursed his lips. He wasn’t exactly a stranger to upsetting people, though he couldn’t think of what he’d done this time. He was used to being himself around you - blunt and teasing - and you’d never gotten upset with him about it before.

In fact, that was part of why he liked hanging around you over the other gods and goddesses.

He had fun getting you to laugh despite yourself at the inappropriate things he said. You always took things the way he meant them, and you always seemed happy to see him. You never made him feel like he was some monster for using his power, or wanting to root. 

So then, whatever he’d done to upset you, it must have been pretty bad.

Maybe Axl was right that he just needed to apologize. Still, he wasn’t the sort to apologize without meaning it, or knowing what he was supposed to be sorry for. He was going to have to ask you what was going on, which he’d already tried with poor results.

“Goddesses,” he muttered in annoyance, resigning himself to having to talk to you about it.

“Chur.” Axl let out a small laugh and clinked his bottle against Anders’s.

--

You stayed outside while the fire alarm chaos went on, sitting at the edge of Michele’s pool to kick your legs in the water. 

You’d come out at their insistence, but all you wanted now was to go home. I’m not even in there anyway.

Once the commotion seemed to die down, you dried off using one of the towels Olaf had left out and slipped your shoes back on.

You found Stacey and Michele pouring themselves glasses of wine in the now-empty kitchen and gestured for them to follow you into Michele’s bedroom. 

With the door shut for privacy, you let out a defeated huff.

“Right. I’m gonna head out.” “No, stay,” Stacey whined. “No, I’ve made enough of an ass of myself for one night.”

Michele frowned. “Meaning?”

“I’m pretty sure Anders hates me now.”

Michele and Stacey answered over top of each other. “Well that’s no issue-” “I’m sure he doesn’t-”

You winced and let out a groan.

Stacey’s tone was full of concern. “What happened?”

“I was pathetic.” You held one hand to your forehead. “I got cross with him for no reason.”

“That’s not possible,” Michele muttered, rolling her eyes. If you were cross with Anders, it was probably justified.

“It’s not his fault that I fancy him and he doesn’t fancy me. And it’s childish to get hurt by it. I just need to…” You sighed and gestured half-heartedly. “Get over it somehow. It’s pointless.”

“True.” Michele nodded. “I could help you find a man for the night?”

“No, I just want to go home and sleep. Ta.”

Stacey patted your head, then pulled you into a hug while Michele shrugged.

--

Anders spotted Stacey and Michele coming into the living room after seeing you off, and he stepped over with a raised chin to ask where you were.

“She just left,” Stacey replied without hesitation, thumb pointing toward the door.

Michele elbowed her, but before she could say anything to Anders, he was already heading for the exit.

“Way to go, Stace,” she hissed.

--

Anders caught up to you just as you were about to get in your car.

“Hey!”

You raised your shoulders and sucked in a breath as you turned to face him. “What’s up?”

“You don’t say goodbye anymore?”

It was true that you normally made a point to do a goodbye lap at god gatherings, but you hadn’t been up for it tonight.

You shrugged. “Bye.”

“No- wait.” Anders put his hands on his hips and licked his lips. “Clearly there’s something going on.”

“No, nothing,” you lied.

“Look I know I’m a prick, but I am actually capable of behaving when I need to. Whatever I’ve done to upset you, if you just tell me, I’ll stop.”

You read the sadness in his face, and felt a tug in your heartstrings. Not only were you feeling like shit being around him, you were making him feel bad now too.  Oh, well done.

“No, Anders- I know that. You didn’t do anything. You’re fine.” You reached out to tap his cheek consolingly. “You’re perfect.”

“Then why do you keep looking at me like that?”

You retracted your hand, hunching your shoulders. “Like what?”

“Like that. Like I hurt your feelings or something.” “No. No, you didn’t. Really. There’s nothing wrong.”

Anders scowled, his cheek rippling in frustration. “Don’t lie to me.”

You swallowed, then looked down. “It doesn’t matter, really. It’s no worries.”

“What’s with you? Just tell me.”

It wasn’t like you to be so vague with him. The idea that you wouldn’t tell him what it was pissed him off for reasons he couldn’t explain to himself; maybe more than the idea that you were upset. You’d always been so open with him before. Did this mean you hated him so much you wouldn’t even give him a chance to make it right? Did you think only the worst of him suddenly?

You hugged yourself, not wanting to be honest, but knowing things were going to keep escalating if you didn’t. You could easily imagine the drunk texts or the scene he’d make at the next god gathering; him blaming Michele or trying to rope Mike into figuring it out for him. Your stomach turned and you fought back a wave of nausea.

“I thought… I could just get over it, or ignore it, or whatever. I wasn’t going to say anything, but- Now I guess I’ve let it ruin things.” 

You groaned, holding a hand to your face. This is pathetic.

“What?” Anders stared at you in confusion, still convinced that he’d done something and you were being too polite to tell him what. It must have been pretty bad to upset you this much, but he couldn’t think of anything out of the ordinary or particularly egregious that he’d done - particularly to you, who he’d considered one of the better gods in the group.

You met his concerned blue eyes with an earnest expression. “Anders, the truth is I-” You licked your lips, fighting the sting of tears. “I’ve sort of- Fallen in love with you? And I know nothing will come of that, so I didn’t want to make things weird by saying so.”

His face was slack with dumbfounded shock.

In love with me?

That was the opposite of what he’d been expecting to hear. You’d been so cold and avoidant that he was sure you were going to tell him how awful of a person he was; you wouldn’t have been the first.

But in love with him? Sure, he’d heard that before from mortal women who he’d Bragi’d to bed, who didn’t really know him at all but found him charming. He’d always shrugged it off as a bit of an insult, or an unintended lie. They loved some incorrect idea of him.

But you knew him better than that. You’d been there through messed up god business, and kept his secrets that even Dawn had no inkling of. That meant that you’d seen all the bad parts of him - bickering with his family; using his powers on everyone; drunk, and high, and being a prick - and concluded that he was lovable?

Really? Even his own family was always chastising him.

You took his stunned silence as confirmation of what you’d already known; he didn’t feel the same for you.

“Sorry,” you managed in goodbye, then climbed into your car.

He watched as you drove off, blinking and at a loss for words, Bragi no help this time.

---

Part 2 here

---

A/N: I wasn't sure I'd end up finishing any of my bingo WIPs given what's going on IRL right now... Shoutout to everyone who has been posting so much for the bingo event! And special shoutout to @laurfilijames, whose fic broke my writer's block.

Tags: @the-poldarkian @i-did-not-mean-to @the-butterfly-blues @laurfilijames @midearthwritings @feeweeeee @ichoosechoasandbeingqueer @missihart23

As always if you'd like to be added or removed from tagging (for a specific character/fandom/everything) just let me know any time!

#deanobingo2023 #the almighty johnsons fanfiction #the almighty johnsons #anders johnson #anders johnson fanfic #anders johnson x reader #anders johnson x female reader #anders johnson x goddess reader

[midorisudachi]

Several months ago I was feeling nostalgic & played Dragon Age Origins and Dragon Age II again, about a decade after I had first played them. A few weeks I posted my fan art of my OC & Alistair. Now it's time for my Hawke OC & her love interest!

When I had first played DAII, I made Anders my love interest. This time around, I decided to change things up & make my character go for the broody Fenris. It took a lot to get him to slightly warm up to my character (whom I named "Chevaune Hawke), but then there was that sexy scene where Fenris couldn't help himself and he kissed Hawke, and then she returned the kiss by pushing him against the wall. (I never knew she had it in her! Lol!) But after they got intimate, darned Fenris was already getting dressed, so Hawke asked, "Was it that bad?" To which Fenris replied, "I'm sorry. It's not...it was fine. No...that is insufficient. It was better than anything I could have dreamed." I got why he was afraid to get close to somebody, so Chevaune & Fenris remained "just friends" (no intimacy" for a few years, but I made my character loyal to him.

Eventually, this conversation happened:

Fenris – “We have never discussed what happened between us three years ago.”

Hawke – “You didn’t want to talk about it.”

Fenris – “I felt like a fool. I thought it better if you hated me. I deserve no less. But it isn’t better. That night… I remember your touch as if it were yesterday. I should have asked your forgiveness long ago. I hope you can forgive me know.”

Hawke – “I need to understand why you left, Fenris.”

Fenris – “I’ve thought about the answer a thousand times. The pain, the memories it brought up, it was too much. I was a coward. If I could go back, I’d stay. Tell you how I felt.”

Hawke – “What would you have said?”

Fenris – “Nothing could be worse than the thought of living without you. ”

Hawke – “I understand. I always understood.”

Fenris – “If there is a future to be had, I will walk gladly into it at your side.”

Then they kissed. Awwwww. Ha ha. They had such a complicated relationship but I'm glad my Chevaune Hawke got his heart & affections. Especially at the end, before the final battle...Fenris said, "“I…may not get the chance to say this again. Meeting you was the most important thing that ever happened to me, Hawke. Promise me you won’t die. I can’t bear the thought of living without you.” Notice how I drew him wearing the Hawke logo at his hip? He eventually wears that in the game after a while.

At one point during the game (before all the final battle/ending stuff), Anders questioned Chevaune, stating that he did get what she saw in Fenris & hinted that she be better with him instead! In fact, all my companions questioned my relationship with Fenris! LOL! Varric once stated, "I haven't told anybody about you and that angsty Trevinter elf." Ha ha! Even Chevaune's grumpy arse uncle (Gamlen) said (in a snarky tone), "So you're into elves now? It takes all kinds of people." Oh, shut up. Ha ha. There was a lot more bantering & conversations, but I'm not going to type them here, because it would take up a lot of space! As it is, I already wrote too much! *Grins*

Drawn with Sakura Pigma Micron pens, then coloured in with a mix of Copic Markers & Ohuhu Markers.

Fan artwork © Jacqueline E. McNeese

Dragon Age II/Fenris/Hawke © Electronic Arts/Bioware

#dragon age #dragon age fan art #dragon age fanart #dragon age art #da fanart #dragon age ii #da 2 #dragon age 2 #hawke #dragon age hawke #dragon age oc #fenris #dragon age fenris #dragon age romances #dragon age elf #kirkwall #electronic arts #copic markers #ohuhu markers #traditional art

[barbex]

Happy Friday! From the sappy prompts, “I can’t stay away from you.” Maybe FenHawke?

Thank you! This is a continuation from this fic, for @dadrunkwriting:

--

Fenris doesn't remember how he got outside of the Hanged Man. Inside, the traces of the battle and Danarius' death are already scrubbed away, fresh paint covering the burn marks on the walls. He is free now, just like Hawke said, but instead of celebrating with his friends, he is alone.

Alone, because he pushed them away. Because he still can't let go of the horror of being owned by a mage, even though Hawke never acted like that towards him. 

"You're an asshole, you know?"

Fenris whips around, only to face Anders. "Mage. Leave me alone."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna." Anders pushes away from the wall and gestures towards the stairs up to Hightown. "Hawke went home, Amell mansion, in case you've forgotten." 

"I... I cannot..."

Anders sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Listen. You just went through a whole load of trauma, and it made you lash out. That sucks, asshole move and all that, and you made Hawke cry, but it's not the end."

"How can it not be the end —" 

"Because you can apologise. Comes with being free."

The ground seems to shift under his feet. "I don't know how."

Anders watches him for a moment, then gestures at him to follow him. As they climb up the stairs to Hightown, Anders starts speaking. "It's as simple and as hard as saying 'I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me one day.' And you better mean it. I've never seen Hawke cry and I don't want to see it again."

The door to Hawke's home looms in front of him. Anders doesn't give him a chance to be a coward, knocking on the door for him. Bodhan opens, looks from one to the other, and steps wordlessly aside.

"Thank you," Fenris says to Anders. 

"Don't thank me yet. The hardest part is yet to come." He makes a vague gesture with his hand and walks away. 

Fenris leaves his sword and armor with Bodhan and climbs up the stairs to Hawke's private room. Every step seems to be harder than the one before. At her door, he nearly turns away again, only embarrassment at his own cowardice makes him knock.

"Who is it?"

"It's me, Fenris."

The door flies open. Hawke stares at him, holding the door open with one arm. Her eyes are red and puffy from crying. Guilt at causing this pain makes Fenris' knees shake.

"Don't you dare to fall to your knees," Hawke says, her voice rough and hard.

"But I should. I am sorry. I... what I said..."

"Get in here." 

He steps inside, hovering in the middle of the room as Hawke closes the door. He can feel her presence behind his back, her magic like a beacon. Maybe it is easier to speak if he can't see her face. "I came to apologise. I'm sorry to have caused you pain. You have every right to hate me now and I will leave if you ask me to. But I... I have never regretted anything more than what I said to you back there."

A hand touches his back, sliding down his spine. She is closer now, sliding her hands over his waist to wrap her arms around him from behind. "I already know that I can't stay away from you. I waited for you so long." She presses a kiss to his neck. "You hurt me, but I know that your entire world changed in that moment, and I can forgive you for being confused."

Fenris turns in her arms, taking her face in his hands. "I don't deserve your forgiveness."

"It's not about deserving and earning." She turns her head to kiss the inside of his wrist. "It's about dealing with emotions and speaking about them. Do you think you can do that?"

Relief spreads in his chest like fresh air. "Yes, I can."

"Then we'll figure it out." 

She kisses him, and he finally believes in his new life.

#fenhawke #Fenris x Hawke #Fenris #Hawke #dadrunkwriting #dragon age #fenhawke fic #dragon age fanfiction #my writing

[breadedsinner]

Judith Banters: Merrill

Merrill: All right, let’s just be done with this.

Judith: Beg pardon?

Merrill: I know you don’t approve of blood magic. So, if there’s going to be a lecture, I’d prefer to get it over with.

Judith: Merrill, I am not your mother, not your Keeper. I am not going to finger-wag about the right and wrong way to use magic like Anders does. But while you’re working with me, you follow my orders, and you do what’s best for the group, otherwise there will be consequences. Is that clear?

Merrill: Well, glad to be treated as an equal among my peers!

*

Judith: I understand you come from Ferelden.

Merrill: Yes! Not the way you come Ferelden, that is. But I’ve lived there most of my life.

Judith: Then you and your clan managed safe passage to the Free Marches? That must have been quite the journey.

Merrill: I spent most of the time hanging over the… port? The deck? The pointy end of the boat. And it was crowded.

Judith: Did you … lose anyone to the Blight?

Merrill: Two. We lost two.

Judith: I am so sorry. We … lost two, as well. I would prefer not to discuss it further.

Merrill: Nor do I.

*

Judith: The way you hurt your foes from the inside, compel them to hurt one another. It’s disturbing.

Merrill: I thought we talked about this already?

Judith: I was enthralled by a blood magic. It was like a claw against my spine, pulling away my own thoughts. She was going to watch me gut myself. If Bethany hadn’t intervened, I might have done it.

Merrill: Well, I’m sorry that happened, but those people were going to kill me if I didn’t do something. Is it really any more or less perverse if I turn them to ice, so you can shatter them into little pieces?

Judith: Fine, but let me ask you this. When you use blood magic, do you feel them die? Does the loss of life wash through you, as it would a blade?

Merrill: … I do feel it, yes.

Judith: Then make sure every strike counts.

*

Judith: It’s getting dark. Let me walk you home.

Merrill: Oh no need! Varric gave me this ball of twine, it’s been very helpful.

Judith: Do you see that star, over there? It always points north. The alienage is to the west. Better yet, why don’t I get you a compass, hmm? Then you could always find your way home. Much more efficient then a ball of string.

Merrill: Oh that’s very kind, but Isabela already gave me one.

Judith: Ah, well … have you been using it?

Merrill: The thing is… it’s just so pretty, and Isabela spent so much money on it, I’d never forgive myself if I dropped it. And my house could use some decoration so I just leave it there.

Judith: I see… well, why don’t I get you a second, uglier compass?

Merrill: That could work!

*

Judith: You’re very pretty.

Merrill: Thank you!

Judith: But you’re so skinny. I hope your research does not get in the way.

Merrill: Oh you don’t need to worry, I just don’t need to eat much.

Judith: Merrill, you loose blood from your body to fuel magic. If nothing else, I don’t need you fainting on the field. Please promise me you’ll eat, I can happily bring you some.

Merrill: If you’re offering… I’m not much a cook.

*

Merrill: Thank you for giving me the Arulin'Holm.

Judith: There’s nothing to thank me for. It was your idea, and you followed through. Based on what Marethari said herself, it’s yours by right.

Merrill: But you hesitated.

Judith: I don’t know this Dalish practice, but I do know what it’s like to have someone care for you but you never agree. You’ve been on this path for a long time. Do what you have to do to make it right.

*

Judith: Why are you wet?

Merrill: There’s a hole in my roof and it rained last night.

Judith: That’s awful! I’ll stop by when we’re done here. I’m sure I can patch it up.

Merrill: You don’t have to trouble yourself.

Judith: Nonsense, I used to do all sorts of odd jobs for the Chanter’s Board in Ferelden.

Merrill: I don’t need you hovering over me.

Judith: Merrill, there’s so little I actually can do for you. Let me do this one thing.

#Judith Hawke #I do feel the need to point out Judy can absolutely be a hard woman #So it's not all friendship and rainbows #I like to think they come to an understanding #Judy Banters

[idolsgf]

✨9 Ship Songs✨

tagged by @shivunin, thank you so much!! I love sharing songs :3

Rules: List nine songs for one of your ships

I'm going to copy you and do three songs per ship even if I have an 8hr solavellan playlist

tagging: @gvnseylike @sinquisition @ndostairlyrium @fenharel-apologist94 @transprincecaspian @ell-vellan @enasallavellan @demandthedoodles and anyone else who would like to share some songs <3

Ashari/Alistair

Tiptoeing by Hope Tala

How you gonna make me do this dance again? We're getting closer but we're trying to be friends If we start it might never end, so we keep tiptoeing When we met I wasn't interested I did half a glance, didn't want to chance it Now I lie awake and I think about you Because there's a moral to this story but I don't know it Always listen to myself but not this time I guess Keep on running from it, when I want it, I do

Back to You by Flower Face

Well, it's always back to you again Always back to you, my friend, you keep me on the run I never learned to lose a fight I never learned to grow upright Well, this is who we are How will I release you now? How can I forgive myself when I'm still in love with you? And it's always back to you again Always back to you, my friend You keep me on the run

The Last Romance by Raleigh Ritchie

Your face looks so sweet, even in the wars You took the rap for me, but I fell on my own sword And now the sordid details, are all over page 4 Honey, we made the news and that's all we did this for We drove for centuries without a sound or fuss State penitentiaries weren't made for souls like us There will be blood, but you will be loved The world will know, but it's only us

Faye/Anders

Let's Talk About Feelings by Joywave

I, I am learning to live again I, I'm done with the fast-paced, flower crowned women I, I am falling in love with you I, I hope that it's good for you I, I've been, I've been in every state But content is foreign soil (content is foreign soil) It's sand I'd love to cultivate

The Bug Collector by Haley Heynderickx

And I digress 'Cause I must make you the perfect evening I try my best To put the priest inside a jam jar And there's a millipede Angry on your carpet Oh, and I must admit He's staring with a vengeance Oh, and I digress 'Cause I must make you the perfect morning And I try my best To prove that nothing's out to get you To prove that nothing's out to get you

Windswept by Crywolf

I'll be what you need I'll keep you inside my fortress Hand you the keys Leave you to roam these walls But you tore down the keep I returned to find ruins You left all my love in the rubble with these walls

Mori'na/Solas

Fallorun by Andrew Bird

You know we could have been together But you couldn't stand the weather here You know I was your rain and thunder Upon your hills and valleys, dear You think you're making choices But there's nothing really here Just tone-deaf angry voices That are breathing in your ear

Unknown/Nth by Hozier

Do you know I could break beneath the weight? Of the goodness, love, I still carry for you That I'd walk so far just to take The injury of finally knowin' you It ain't the being alone (Sha-la-la) It ain't the empty home, baby (Sha-la-la) You know I'm good on my own (Sha-la-la) Sha-la-la, baby, you know, it's more the being unknown And there are some people, love, who are better unknown

Olive Branch by Sophie Holohan

Cuz I’m a giver, I’m a grower, I’m a lover, till it hurts And I’d hate to not know ya, but I’m not sure if it’s worse To give you every part of me, watch you go time and time again Or wait until my dying days and still not call you my friend Peace, is there peace? In picking up the pieces of the past? Is there relief? Is there sorrow? Or can I finally sleep? When you branch the past and present Is there relief? Relief

#tag game #ashari tag #faye tag #mori'na tag #you can tag me again if you wanna #i'll take any excuse to share music lol

[justcallmecappy]

If there's ever a remake of DA2 (and to some extent Awakening) and the developers were able to add the content they wished they could've added, do you think a writer who actually knows how to write mental illnesses would be able to improve Anders's arc? His bipolar disorder wasn't handled properly in the game and there are conflicting comments from both Hepler and Gaider about his mental disorder (former says he has one, the latter says he doesn't). I feel like he was written to be a "villain" on purpose but he became unintentionally sympathetic, that's why there are still players who like him.

That's a really good question, and if it were up to me, I would very much like for Anders to be written by someone who not only better understood how to write a character with bipolar disorder, but also written by someone who actually liked Anders and didn’t use him to throw shade on an ex-boyfriend, lol~😅

But if DA2 and Anders' character were to be revisited, I actually think an overhaul of the entire plot of the game is needed. I would have liked it better if the plot was approached with no pseudo moral greyness, and that it would be presented as the struggle of an oppressed and marginalized people fighting back against their oppressors, not some “morally grey” conflict where both sides are equally right/equally wrong.

Having said this though, I personally hope DA2 doesn’t get remade or rewritten at all, for two reasons (and please forgive me if I’m being a bit cynical here, I don’t have a lot of faith in BioWare handling a possible DA2 remake well, lol):

1) I suspect that if BioWare were given the opportunity to rewrite DA2, they would just double-down on the Anders slander and rewrite him to seem even more unsympathetic than before (just look at how they massacred my boy treated his character in DAI). I suspect they did not expect Anders to have a fanbase at all and the fact he has fans and supporters surprised them, so went hard on condemning his character in subsequent works.

There’s a chance they may write away all the things that made him sympathetic in the first place in a supposed DA2 remake just to drive the point home. No thanks, BioWare.

2) BioWare really dropped the ball by trying to push the mage-templar conflict as a ‘morally grey’ one. I lowkey doubt such a narrative – even presented in the context of the game – would fly very well in today’s media climate. The mage-templar conflict’s whole takeaway of, “Some people need to be segregated from society and controlled because they were born different are therefore dangerous” wouldn't be so well-received, I think. The core conflict did not age well, I feel, and re-releasing the game might draw attention to BioWare's mishandling of DA2's plot.

Thanks for the ask, anon! 😊

#dragon age 2 #bioware critical #jennifer hepler critical #anders positivity #anders was right #asks #anon

[leonidskies]

2023 Writing Reflection

This is a chunky one, so forgive me! I write fic. Sometimes (most of the time) I write lots of fic. It's basically a personality trait at this point, so I may as well ~talk about the thing~

I've posted alllll my fics for the year now. Last year I tracked how much I wrote vs posted, but this year I stopped tracking how much I was writing when I realised I wasn't going to hit my goal, but as always I wrote a TON (and posted only a fraction).

My posted fic stats for the year are:

208k words posted

80 fics posted (88 chapters total (avg wc: 2.3k))

55+ different character perspectives

33 different romantic ships

49 different platonic ships

29 different fandoms

Longest fic: 13k words

Shortest fic: 214 words

I posted fewer words this year compared to last, but the same number of fics - the numbers of perspectives and platonic vs romantic ships were pretty close, and I wrote for a couple more fandoms than last year. The stuff I wrote was more spread out, too (more on that soon).

I didn't manage to finish anything super long this year, which is a shame and I hope I can change that next year. I like writing longfic, but w a full time job this year I haven't had the attention span. I have several projects I'm really deep into that are unfinished!

These are my cumulative vs 2023 ao3 stats - not gonna dwell on them a ton, but I'm coming up on the 1.7mil mark for fic published on ao3 which is exciting!! I also find it helpful (to me) to reflect on stats every so often bc engagement stats are "fake". By fake, I mean I wrote good stuff I'm proud of, but largely in fandoms that don't read the kind of fic I was writing. People who've known me maybe 3/4 years will know that I've worked REALLY HARD to detach worth from engagement, and I think I can say I've succeeded now!!

The following images are from my ao3 'top 10' for all the fics I wrote this year. First up is Relationship tag, which is pretty funny because I only wrote four relationships more than once....and two of them were a flavour of Shalvis. Shoutout to Handers for being up there two years running btw.

My T>G>M rating distribution is almost exactly the same as last year, which is a thing?? I continue to be predictable. My relationship type distribution is weighted more gen, less m/m this year, but the rest are basically the same as before.

I wrote less FE this year compared to last year by a significant margin, and a bit more Dragon Age, but Xenoblade remained a mainstay (I wrote more Xenoblade this year than last, actually). Also interesting is I wrote more evenly distributed amongst FE games!

Anders is once again blorbo of the year as my most frequently written character, but written a lot less than last year - I wrote a wider variety of characters this year in general, actually! Shoutout to not one but TWO of my Dragon Age OCs (four of the five instances of Male Lavellan and all of the instances of 'Surana', which is an incorrectly wrangled tag for Nonbinary Surana) being in my top 10 this year.

Below is my top 10 additional tags for the year - they're all pretty close together still, with no standouts I'm always writing. Interestingly, fluff is not my favourite thing to write but it still just kinda happens! More on trans characters later (I did a comprehensive analysis for myself ahaha).

My 2023 in trans characters: I wrote 20 fics with trans characters, 21 with nonbinary characters, and 34 fics with trans/nonbinary characters total, which is a nice 42% of all fics I wrote this year. I wrote 52 trans/nonbinary depictions total, which is transing one gender per week (!!). Of those 52, there were 40 different characters I depicted as trans. 44 depictions were headcanons, 8 were canonically trans characters! This came to 23 trans men, 23 nonbinary people, and 6 trans women.

There were only six characters I wrote as trans more than once:

A(lvis) - 5 times. This was a chara who got revealed as canon nonbinary this year!

Adrel (my nonbinary Dragon Age OC) - 4 times

Alear - 3 times

Kagetsu, Shulk, and Byleth - 2 times each

Overall I had a really good writing year :) not in fic, I wrote a whole (!!?!??!) fantasy short story collection. I'm going to redraft + maybe more next year!! I'm really excited about it. I do have some goals for next year though - to finish some of my dang wips that have been sitting around forever, for one, and to write more for myself. I wrote a LOT of request fills and exchange pieces this year. Next year I want to write more thoughtfully + for me.

Ty to all of you who were here for the writing vibes in 2023. Here's to even more next year!

#images described in alt text

[the-cryptographer]

2 for Fenris and for Merrill for the question meme!

Best boy and best girl <3 <3 <3

Thank you <3 I feel like I'm just going to repeat all the things I've already said about them in various other places but, whoa-kay, let's go!

002 | Give me a character: FENRIS

How I feel about this character: Ugh, god. Best boy in the whole series. I relate a lot to his feelings of betrayal, his fear of vulnerability, the obsession with his own capacity for evil, and his everpresent need to rationalise and overthink to try to justify or curtail the needs propelling his behaviour. And outside of me, I think his capcity to be adoring and gushy with the people he loves is very endearing. He’s also imo the companion who has the best visible character growth arc in the series. It’s so lovely watching him come into his own identity over his time in Kirkwall, and I love seeing how he changes between the three acts of the game &lt;3

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Anders. Justice. Isabela. Merrill, kinda. In the unlikely circumstance that she gets to do something fucked up enough in the name of protecting him to give him a boner. Hawke, when Hawke looks and behaves in ways that are nothing like actual canon Hawke. (Rant incoming.) Aveline and Donnic, maybe? I feel like I haven’t figured out a way to make it work that’s not just him being their exotic unicorn which makes me want to punch them both (hope you understand) so I can’t actually justify this one. Velanna would be funny too. I have the need to see it happen.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Merrill. God, she is just- a friggin hilariously awful troll to him in canon and I always wanna take it further. Her talking down to this amnesiac, making excuses for the fact that her little brother elf is very stupid ‘forgive him! he only has seven years of life experience to draw from!’ In a terrible, awful, and funny way, I think Merrill having this connection to another elf she can relieve some of this First to the Keeper condescention onto is nice for her. And Fenris having an elf blood mage in his life that the last thing he needs to do is try to protect or even be nice to is nice for him. They’re both great. Five stars.

My unpopular opinion about this character: He’s got the worst canon romance in the whole game. (Rant incoming.) But within the worst canon romance of the whole game, he has the best scene for helping Hawke grieve Leandra. Idk, I’ve been in Hawke’s shoes there, and I wish I’d had someone like Fenris with me. Who knew there was nothing to say to make it better, but was willing to be there regardless.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: (Rant) Literally any overt textual acknowledgement anywhere that Fenris has made Hawke the outlet for his conditioning with Danarius - following Hawke around to protect him, killing people on Hawke’s command, wearing the Amell coat of arms in the romance, voicing his love for Hawke in the terms of possessive ownership (‘I am yours’), and showing unwavering devotion in the midst of the people around them saying dehumanising racist things about Fenris that Hawke makes absolutely no efforts to stop (ie. Carver calling Fenris Hawke’s ‘pet elf’ in the combat commands). Literally any overt acknowledgement that Hawke is a Hightown noble and Fenris is an elvhen foreigner and second-class citizen that relies on Hawke’s goodwill for immediate physical protection against slave hunters. Literally any overt acknowledgement that, in the fenhawke romance scene, Hawke decided that Fenris impulsively kissing them, directly after Fenris faced down his abuser and learned he had a sister, was an invitation for both pinning Fenris against a wall and any sex that followed after. Literally any overt acknowledgement that this is a completely unreasonable situation to expect someone with a history of abuse and slavery and child grooming be comfortable flexing their own agency and right to not consent to sex. Except perhaps after it’s already happened, which is when Fenris finally does so. I don’t know - I don’t even fully blame Hawke for not understanding some of this but... Man, I want Fenris to get ANGRY about some of it. I think he should go a little feral. I want him to unapologetically do more things that aren’t in Hawke’s best interests, but his own. Maybe unapologetically do some things in his own best interests that screw Hawke over entirely.

my OTP: Ugh, yeah, it’s fenders. And I hate saying that right after I’ve gone on that (Rant) up there ^ because I feel like it definitely makes me look like bitchy ship war trash. I swear it’s not like that! (I’m not sure I’d believe me either) Anyhow, yeah, disclaimer is I know Anders is a racist no-boundaries asshole menace. And I think any portrayal of this relationship worth a damn has Anders dial back the aggression and at least tacitly acknowledging that it’s unfair to ask Fenris to take up mage liberation as his cause. But, man, they want so much of the same things out of a realtionship. Like, a connection that fulfills their every cathartic desire for family and domesticity and safety - the safety to be just unreservedly gushy and devoted and adoring with their partner and ‘I’d commit attrocities for you’. They are both sooo intense in their romance scenes. It is TOO MUCH. Too much for anyone but one another, I mean. They should try fucking that out with one another. Also, like, nice tasty foils goodness of two ex-slaves with WILDLY different experiences of it. I think what gets me about Fenris is that he’s clearly internalised a lot of apologist rhethoric about his own slavery. Like the idea that someone sufficiently dangerous should be enslaved for the safety of others. Which you know is something that people in Tevinter said about him, Mr LyriumWolf BioWeapon. I think Fenris is quick to project this POV onto Anders and, in the moments when Anders makes these angry comments about how Fenris is a violent monster, I feel like you can hear Fenris bracing for the conclusion that he thus does not deserve to be free or deserve Hawke et al’s help fighting off his would-be captors. Because I don’t think he has the self-confidence and rhethoric to really argue against that. But, like, even if he’ll talk a lot of smack about Fenris in other ways, this just isn’t somewhere that Anders is going to take things. Because Anders believes that there are inherent rights to being a person and violences nobody deserves. And this is also something Anders has had the self-assuredness and presence of mind to argue for himself and other mages, even when the entire rest of the world is working against him. And that’s something about Anders that I think in the right circumstances that Fenris could be a little awed by and take inspiration from. A little more willingness to burden others with his problems, and to believe in and advocate for himself - that he deserves better, and that he deserved better even when he was at his worst. That’s what the ship is about for me.

my cross over ship: I got nothing.

a headcanon fact: I seem to have a lot of opinions about the books he likes to read. He likes reading nonfiction, history and economics and architecture. And also poetry. He does not like Varric’s pulp novels, lol.

--

002 | Give me a character: MERRILL

How I feel about this character: Ugh, god. Best girl in the whole series. I love how sweet and thoughtful she can be, and how she’ll extend goodwill towards the other companions at their lowest even when they obstinately haven’t done much to ‘deserve’ it from her. But it’s the moments when she’s not being sweet at all that that I really start to love her. Like, the way she’ll bait people like Aveline and Sebastian and Anders and Fenris with these ‘innocent’ questions that are so brimming with passive-aggressive missle-guided criticism (Asking Aveline why she doesn’t arrest them, and whether Aveline’s a bad guard, and watching Aveline get defensive about it, is one example of many that come to mind.) She’s just very cutting and insightful in all the right moments. And... even though I don’t feel like I agree with the general dogma of the game about blood magic, I do think through that conflict they captured Merrill’s own inability to accept critique well. I think it’s something you see a lot in people with a history of emotional abuse like Merrill, where she’s been criticised so much for anything she tries to do, that she’s just become completely unable to engage with any well-intentioned critique anymore, so she gets very withdrawn and stubborn instead. This is actually the last section of the meme I’m filling out and I’m a bit out of steam. I don’t feel like I really did best girl justice with this description but WRAAAAGH- Know that I love her to pieces.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Anders. Hawke. I realise that Hawke is pretty patronising and paternalistic with her in the canon romance, and I’m not sure I can even say it’s less exploitative than fenhawke up there ^  But she is the character that I tend to come around on wanting to romance as Hawke most. Hopefully I find ways to make it work that aren’t, well, upsetting. Fenris, kinda. And Isabela, kinda. As described up there ^ and in the Isabela ask here, respectively. Bethany/Merrill seems cute enough. Carver/Merrill interests me too, but only really in specific circumstances. I feel like the appeal of the ship is them both having inferiority complexes out the wazoo, and all this baggage about their families and not being taken seriously. And then they both come together to act this out on one another and ultimately work past it. Also farmboy hick Carver really projecting the idea of Merrill being this innocent, naive, out-of-her-depth sweet Madonna that knows even less about the world than he does - and then getting slapped with the fact that there are a lot of assumptions he’s making there as a man and a human that are wildly offbase. Haha, get wrecked, Carver! Also Aveline, kinda? It’s hard for me to wholly imagine going much of anywhere without Isabela between them (also because, you know, the Guard’s violences against the Alienage) but I think their friendship is underrated. They have a lot of cute and snazzy banters. I like the one from Mark of the Assassin where Merrill says they should get matching costumes and be crime-fighting partners together. Morrigan, in an angry ‘fuck you shem Eluvian stealer’ way. Dagna, in a ‘magic researchers and science nerds’ way. Pol, in an ‘evil arachnophobia horror’ way. Audacity, in an ‘awful incel tries to posess your mom when you reject him’ way. I have written a LOT of Merrill ships at this point.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Fenris. As per the above response in his section. That said, Fenris actually imo says the worst and cruellest thing anyone says in the whole game, to Merrill. Anders definitely takes the next 4+ spots on the Worst Things These Characters Have Said to One Another List, but #1 for me is definitely Fenris calling Merrill a monster in the immediate aftermath of Pol’s death. What a dick (affectionate).

My unpopular opinion about this character: She is a person capable of evil. That’s what having agency and power are - the capability to do good and evil. That does not mean I think it’s a power that she shouldn’t have and shouldn't cultivate, quite the opposite. So I need more fic about Merrill being sexy and evil (and also taking it up the butt).

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: It’s a shame Merrill’s quests are really so much Dalish infighting. I wish we could have had more information about her actual goals. What she is trying to accomplish with the Eluvian and her work in the Alienage. In her banters we see some pretty scathing opinions about humans and their culture. And I think any work she does organising and helping Alienage elves is ultimately going to be pretty violent and revolutionary, knowing the kind of disenfranchised that Alienage elves are, and knowing Merrill’s own skillset for helping is, um, highly specialised (murder, blood magic, crafting, and more murder). It’s extra disappointing knowing that Justice & Velanna were the original plan for DA2 instead of Justice & Anders. I wish we could have seen Dalish issues be given the kind of weighty treatment that mage issues ended up getting. But, idk... I feel like Trespasser went more in that direction and then just used it to shit all over indiginous cultures so... :/

my OTP: Merders, or Anders/Merrill. I wrote a post once about how I felt these two characters were far more similar than the game wanted to allow, and how I didn’t feel the game gave proper weight to Andrastian Chantry Imperialism as the base cause for both the mage and Dalish genocides. Those are still the ideas I like being at the centre of Anders and Merrill’s relationship. A lot of the vibes from Act 3 in the game are when I really start to feel this relationship because, like- they’re both at that point struggling with the fact that they’ve made huge sacrifices and concessions to seeing through their goals, and neither are sure that they can actually accomplish those goals anymore, and neither really feels like they can be dogmatically assured that they alone are correct or that the ends don’t justify the means they have each chosen. And I like how she seems a bit in awe of his determination and resillience in spite of that. Also Merrill’s nonreaction to TLS, lol. Going off what I said about Chantry Imperialism - I think of all the companions, Merrill easily has the most reason to want to see Anders wipe the Kirkwall Chantry off the face of the damned map. On a more personal note, I like exploring the kind of condescending protectiveness that Anders feels towards Merrill as another mage, and how Merrill both invites this and rejects this at different points, as it reminds her of Marethari’s controlling/sabotaging protectiveness. And also I like when Anders is a racist asshole and harangues Merrill about her differing cultural ideas about things like blood magic, and then she smacks back and slaps him with her own aggressions. Idk, so many of the companions she’s different levels of complacent with when they talk down to her or belittle her. I just kinda love that Anders gets her riled up enough to smack back.

my cross over ship: I don’t think I have one.

a headcanon fact: I don’t headcanon the mage characters actually walking around Kirkwall with staffs most of the time. I think for Anders just casting with his hands works best, both because it kinda plays up the feral abomination angle, and because I think him needing to get his hands on everything suits his boundary issues. For Merrill I imagine her weapon/casting focus of choice being an obsidian knife from her clan. It keeps showing up in all the fics I write about her :’)

#fenris #merrill sabrae #dragon age

[jewishzevran]

4 and 12 for the codex prompts, for ori!

4 - A letter from your OC to their love interest ❧

Codex Entry: A letter from Ori Lavellan to Anders, dated 9:34, found on the desk in his Darktown clinic. There are small tears in the parchment edges, as though hands that held it were shaking.

My dearest Anders, By the time you read this, I will no longer be in Kirkwall. I have left to find my mother's clan, and I pray that they will take me in. I may even have family still amongst them. I hoped that Aveline's appointment to Captaincy would mean change for the worst off in Kirkwall. I had hoped the appeal we made about the guards assaulting elves would be heard. That these men would be punished. It has not been so. Our cries have fallen on deaf ears. Again. The rot and corruption in her officers is allowed to continue festering, and we are the ones who will suffer for it. I know to Justice, and perhaps to you, this will seem cowardly, that I am running away from a fight that needs me, that I am abandoning those in need. Perhaps I am. That is something I will have to grapple with. But any loyalty I felt to this place has gone. I have nothing left to give. It has chewed me up and spat me out one too many times. I can no longer endanger myself or anyone else by association with me, for a city that wishes so violently for my eradication. I know you will be angry that I didn't say goodbye. I am sorry. If I had seen you, I may well have simply given up all thoughts of leaving. It would not be the first time that your smile alone has convinced me to stay. I hope that one day, you can forgive me. Whatever may happen, know that you are in my thoughts. You are the one bright light in Kirkwall. Do not forget it, lethallan. I am always, Your Ori

#ori lavellan #ori x anders #ash writes #codex prompts

[mywitchcultblr]

VPN is a must for people who lives in a conservative country, the government of Indonesia aggressively censoring any information about sex and sexuality.

Google is basically very censored to adhere with religious conservatism. Even a famous LGBT game is not available for steam here, I'm scared with the ever growing censorship.

My only hope is that I'm trying to leave this accursed land and never look back, if I'm going to help people here I'm going to do it from another country. As an autistic afab bi/ace and trans genderfluid, i feel like an apostate hiding from the chantry before the successful mage rebellion. That's how it feels, you are hiding from people who wanted you dead, you are inherently a monster in religious people's eyes just because you were born different

The preachers screaming for your kind to die, parents praying that their children wouldn't be LGBT, and you are afraid that people might 'smell' your difference and you'll be branded as a monster. You can't get a job, your friends will distance themselves and your parents?

They'll try to 'fix' you through anyway possible

Once they find out that you are LGBT, you become a monster in people's eyes. Cursed, broken, unwanted, sinner...

The pious decent people will cry out for your blood, they will hunt you down and destroy your life or try to convert you into become straight

This is why I'm very passionate about defending mages in da universe. Because they are too damn relatable, maybe people here find me yelling mage rights and how anders was right all the time annoying, heck i know lots block me.

But i fiercely defending mages and elves not just because i like them, but i know how does it feels. I understand what they felt before they won their freedom in a very personal level

It's so hard to live here, sometimes i just want to give up. Sometimes i just want to throw myself into a river and just be done with everything

But i can't let the oppressor win... God give me strength and forgive me for being my true self

I came out to my parents about my bisexuality and they were horrified. My mother thought it was her sin that made me bisexual, I had to lie to my parents that 'im not a lost cause'

I said this to them just so i wouldn't get beaten by my abusive father:

"I CAN LIKE MEN TOO! I WILL MARRY A MAN! IM NOT A LESBIAN!!! SEEEEEE!!! I CAN BE STRAIGHT!!!!! I'M NOT HOPELESS"

And they were a bit relived and my father said that he'll pray that I'll get a husband and tell me to never give up in pursuing boys

They thought that I'm bisexual because i can't find a man to date, god forbid they found out that I'm genderfluid transgender as well....

People mostly accepted my asexuality but only because it's not gay, lesbian bisexual pansexual or trans. People just thought it's weird so they dismissed my asexuality as 'nothing'

I'm trying to educate my brother to not be homophobic but I'm scared that school and society will eventually turning him homophobic

God give me strength to keep fighting

#lgbt #bisexual #rant #vent #lgbtq+ rights #pride #lgbt pride #trans #genderqueerpositivity #genderfluid #nonbinary #asexuality #asexual #dragon age #tw homophobia

[alongtidesoflight]

a gentle kiss to ask forgiveness  - for anyone you want!

oh, thank you! that's a lovely one! i'll write a little re-envisioning (meaning it uses some canon dialogue) of my dragon age legionnaire carys and anders on the run from kirkwall after the events of DA2! it's a bit tricky to let people in on the lore of them because they're not exactly canon-compliant but canon-adjacent, but the gist of it is that i usually have several protagonists working together and if there's a game series previous protagonists & co are usually cameoing in followup games and that's what's going on here. hope that makes sense it's like 4am lol

It had been a rough couple hours ever since they'd boarded Katara's ship - the ONLY Qunari ship still anchoring at the Lowtown docks - and hauled their asses out of Kirkwall at breakneck speed. Carys had lost count of just how many people she'd had to politely remove from their path on the way there. Mages and those blasted templars alike, too many people had met the sharp end of her blade tonight.

Upon their departure, the city had still been on fire. Pillars of smoke and flame reaching for the sky she'd once been in so much awe of and dreamt of reaching for herself. Now she didn't dare look up at it again for fear of seeing the inferno still raging in the distance.

She could still hear the screams. Feel the crunch of rubble and debris under her sore feet. Taste the bitterness of iron at the tip of her tongue. The sting of sulfur and smoke clung to her clothes like leftover traces of soot and dirt clung to the skin of her face, and her axe and hands were still coated in the deep crimson of dried blood.

There can be no half-measures. There can be no turning back.

Had she ever truly known him?

Slightly turning her head towards the man who'd spoken those fateful words just moments before tossing an entire city into uncontained chaos, Carys sighed quietly, hiding her gaze behind a veil of her golden hair. Observing him like she'd observe the many shifty looking strangers crowding the Hanged Man on a busy evening.

Anders sat slumped against the rickety walls of the ship, seemingly deep in thought. He hadn't looked up ever since Katara had insisted they lock him away below deck. In fact he hadn't even protested it, which Carys found odd. Whatever Hawke decided his fate would be, he seemed to be fine with just... accepting it.

And now?

He'd rather die fighting, he'd said tonight. And then he hadn't.

Hawke would have fulfilled his wish in her grief, but then Carys had stepped in.

Carys's gaze sought out his eyes. She couldn't read him at all.

And now she felt as if she'd made a terrible mistake.

What did she know of mages and templars, truly? Who was she to speak on surface business, to decide on who gets to live and who gets to die? Kirkwall was burning and its citizens were at each other's throats. Meredith and Orsino were dead. The chantry was gone. An entire city razed to the ground and Anders had been at the center of it all.

And then Carys had thrown herself between Hawke's blade and Anders's body, begging for his life like a lovestruck fool.

"If only you'd told me the truth", she whispered softly and hated hearing the pain in her voice.

Anders finally raised his head to look at her.

Anders didn't speak instantly, but when he did there was a saddened sharpness to his words, a distance that made Carys desperate to reach out for him. But she stayed her hands. "I told you there's a lot of ugliness in my life."

"Have you ever?", she wondered out loud, strength returning with every syllable. "I know nothing of alchemy or magic, but the sela petrae... how could I have been so stupid."

She'd seen it in use before, down in the Deep Roads, when a handful of Legionnaires had sacrificed themselves sealing off a hurlock-wrought pathway with a massive explosion. It had left nothing but destruction in its wake. Why she'd procured the stuff for him, not questioning his intentions once, she didn't know.

A weak smile tugged at the corners of her mouth when all she wanted to do was cry. "So, once. Remind me to add a notch to the tally."

"I should have trusted you", Anders said when silence began to stretch between them. He swung his legs off the bench and abruptly stood up, sinking to his haunches before her. "Even with all we shared I didn't think you'd understand." Tenderness returned to his voice and softened his warm, brown gaze.

"I might have, if you'd ever shared your plans with me", Carys returned. "That night when we headed into the sewers, when you told me you'd found a way to separate Justice and you safely... Anders, if you'd told me the truth instead I would've helped you."

"Just as I feared." Anders ran his hand down her forearm and slowly laced his fingers with hers. "I can never return to Kirkwall, love. I will be hunted wherever I go. No one is going to offer me mercy. This isn't the life I was envisioning for you."

Carys huffed. "I'm a Legionnaire, remember? Not like anyone even knows who I am. I'm as expendable as they come."

A steep line furrowed Anders's brows. "Not to me. I did what needed to be done, but I couldn't bear the thought of condemning you to the same fate. You couldn't be told."

He leaned in, resting his forehead against hers. "Forgive me, Carys", he murmured, raising his hand to her cheek and wiping traces of soot and dust off her face. His lips found hers in a gentle brush, as light as the touch of a feather. "Fighting this fight with me, I couldn't have asked that of you. Forgive me."

She gasped quietly when his tongue parted her lips, finally giving in to the desire to embrace him and holding him tight.

Anders had once said he'd drown the world in blood to keep the both of them safe. And as they held each other like this, lips searching for each other in increasing desperation and breath intertwining, eagerness only interrupted by apologies and more pleas for forgiveness, Carys knew that she would do the same for him. Stone be her witness, she'd fight a thousand Kirkwalls for him if it meant he could be free.

#dragon age #dragon age 2 #da2 #brosca #anders #brosca x anders #ask #my writing #not proofread n it's 4am have fun babes #i have a couple more prompts sitting in my inbox and i'll get to every one of them and also message back people!! just bear with me