#i have. so many people telling me i'm definitely nd

[taraxacum-vulpes]

giggles.

#come here boy your normalness intruiges me #...it's the not being on socmeds isn't it. #he's so normal about things #ik i'm blowing it way out of proportion but. idk dude. i've been around so many eccentric people he's. shockingly normal #board certified Would Not Have A Discourse Blog #...idk #we were cuddling. kinda. definitely. #next to each other bc. yeah. its more comfortable to be next to someone than across imo #... #dude i was sitting there on and off thinking about kissing him for FOURTY FIVE MINUTES. #green flag his lips are not chapped :) #... i have such low standards #idk #i have higher standards NOW #but like #... i feel like i could tell him about having did and he'd just... accept it. and he'd be open to me telling him how i'd like it to be. #addressed. idk. he'd probably immediately switch to gin if i told him i'd rather him call me that when. speaking to me. or people im out to #... most importantly #i... don't feel tired. i mean i do but not more than i was when i left #not. drained. no collapsing into bed because that whole... three nd a half hour date consisting of mostly talking exhausted me #...he's easy to talk to. and i felt. i could take breaks from speaking whenever i needed to. there was a lot of silence but he never made #it awkward. yk.? i mean. about the body lamguage thing. he knows when i'm not thinking of what to talk about next. and he just... holds me. #maybe an offhand comment... thanking me for going out. he likes being with me. things that i could reply to nonverbally. yk #... he's really nice. i think . yeah. i want to go out with him again

[decolonize-the-left]

Anyway, I really like the work The Last Poet is doing on tt to help the strike that Bisan called for. If you missed the post about it here's the gist:

TLP a person on tt who relies on mutual aid to survive. As such, when Bisan called for a strike they had the knowledge of how to organize mutual aid. They used that skillset to help employed ppl who wanted to strike but did not have unions/money to do it. She got some of her other friends who had also built trust on the app to help and they worked together to support these ppl.

And what they did was organize fundraising for 30+ people and as of 2 hours ago, they're only $800 away from their 19k goal

I would like to do something similar next time a credible strike is called for.

I will need help keeping things organized as I'm not that kind of ND so I'm also inviting others to help me or to do this yourselves if you are more capable.

Further this is Tumblr and not tt so it's gonna be a little different.

How it works (generally):

Figure out who wants to help coordinate, who can communicate with a lot of people, to write/explain posts, to track goals on a spreadsheet, rational decision making, etc. Then figure out your collective reach and abilities (like how many people you can all raise money for) and apply them where they fit best. These are your Organizers.

The aid: funds for people who can't afford to strike.

People in need of aid will make their own posts that the Social Media Team then boosts.

As you might be concerned, boosting everyone might inhibit anyone from meeting their goal. So focusing on a select few would is best to help ppl meet their goals. Then we can move on to the next person/batch of people. Organizers need to determine who the Social Media Team should focus on first (fcfs is usually fair) and make sure it's communicated clearly who those specific people are.

The Social Media Team team can be anyone with a social media acct but large blogs should definitely be sought out to participate here. The goal of the Social Media Team is to reach Supporters, people who will donate and/or boost further. Absolutely share and boost on other platforms. As TLP explains: there is no shortage of people who are willing to part with their wealth for a good cause, we just gotta find them

Constant communication between people getting aid and organizers is key so that goals are being properly reported and updated on posts.

The way TLP has it set up: large donations go to organizers who then split the money evenly between the people being boosted. Smaller amounts can be directly donated. Any amount donated needs to be reported to organizers so that it can be tracked properly. When the goal is met, they move to the next person until everyone is helped.

When everyone is helped you can all decide to help more people (if you are able/still have spoons to repeat the process) or you can rest up before it's time to do it again.

And before y'all tell me I can't:

Yes the fuck I can actually, so jot that down.

Who is with me? If we start organizing now and growing our little Tumblr pods then the next strike that comes around it'll be more effective cuz more people will be able to participate. More effective is the goal, right?

Spread this post too. I am not (and don't want to be) the only person doing this. If you're able, please start up something similar within your own circle. We will reach more people and be able to help more people if more people are organizing this kind of work.

If you ALREADY make mut aid posts or share don*tion posts, this is the same thing. Just a bigger, more organized scale. It's really not that scary. And just cuz I'm posting this on Tumblr, that doesn't mean you can't create your own effort on Twitter or insta or whatever. Everyone should be doing this everywhere if you ask me.

Also we could practice this by coordinating with people who currently have mut-aid posts up. Just saying ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ we could learn how to be more effective while helping each other at the same time.

So if you wanna be involved or get involved then reblog this. Share it somewhere else. Make your own post about it. Just share it. Consider this the first post that needs to be boosted are you part of the team or not?

Also I feel like we'd find each other way easier if we used a specific hashtag for this decentralized global strike fundraising so leave some suggestions in the replies ⬇️

#strike #global strike #global solidarity #reblog #boost #important #mutaid #mutual aid organizing #lgbt #direct action #capitalism #leftist #ndn #indigenous #leftists #socialists #socialism #anarchist #anarchism #decentralized protest #decentralized strike #free Palestine #free Gaza #bisan owda #from the river to the sea palestine will be free #boycott #bds #allies #solidarity

[brain-n-body-in-disarray]

I'm fed up.

I've seen another of these posts where they say "high functioning" ND and autists have it "good", or whatever.

Being "high functioning" doesn't make it less of a struggle. Just a different kind of struggle.

I'm "supposed" to be better at life if my symptoms are "lesser", if I'm abled to mask so well, right?

Wrong.

I'm just in an eternal loop of burn-out and anxiety.

By being categorised "high functioning", by being unseen, I fell through the cracks. That means I didn't get any help, I was on my own. I'm expected to be a successful, self-reliant adult and I'm clearly not. I'm a mess.

I'm invisible. That's no cool super-power, believe me.

People just asks me "what's wrong with you?" but expects me to be like them. "High functioning" is bullshit. That's not a grocery lists of symptoms you have to check. That's not a badge to earn. You can never speak a word and use AAC full time and not being able to "take the joke" and fake your way in this allistic world, and still being a functioning adult that isn't breaking down every two minutes. Which one is "high functioning", tell me?

It depends of your definition of "functioning", I guess.

There's no high or low, just different experiences.

And just because you can do something doesn't mean you don't need help with it. Because being able to do something doesn't mean you can't suffer from it. It doesn't mean you want to have to battle and cry and bleed to do it.

I'm just so tired of this "high functioning" bullshit.

Find another word, people.

*

*

I'll add, a bit more calmly, that what I think is wrong with this is the criterias people uses to decide if it's low or high functioning.

It's based on the symptoms and traits neuroatypicals finds jarring (and thus make the diagnosis criterias) instead on looking on negative effects the disorder have on us, beside, you know, the things that make us stand out.

I know autists that are "obviously autistic", that get accommodations, and I see them thrive. In the meanwhile, I see autists that are categorised as "high functioning" that are chronically depressed because they got to a point where they can't cope anymore. Masking and living unseen and unhelped in the allistic world is exhausting and traumatic.

I'm not saying "low functioning" ND have it good. Certainly not so. There's horrific things done to so many of them because allistic people want to "cure" them and make them "normal". So, no, they don't have it good.

What I'm trying to say is, different experiences make different results, but you can't say one is worse than the other.

That's what anger me with these posts I've seen. That people erases my struggles because of some misconceptions about my life and how I experience it.

I just want a peaceful community linked by our similarities, where we can learn from our differences, instead of fighting over petty things like stuffs like this. What's the point of a feud?

#actually autism #actually autistic #autism #autism spectrum disorder #neurodivergent #actually neurodivergent #high functioning autism #autism discourse #sensory processing disorder #autistic adult #my rants #Took me awhile to remember how to write 'funcrioning' #(English isn't my first language) #This post is so ugly but I'm too tired to fix it

[atlasisreal]

YOU WERE AT *WHAT*????????????????????

yes it's true. the atlasisreal deep lore is that I attended dashcon in 2014.

that me 💕

anyways if you wanna hear my recollection of dashcon it's under the cut.

i was literally just a teenager at the time but seeing dashcon ads on Tumblr I was like. it's in Schaumburg??? like 30min from me??? I HAVE to go this is going to be the coolest thing ever. I love Tumblr all my mentally ill friends and supernatural gifs are on that website. I bet they're gonna have the coolest party ever.

LMAOOOOO

so i asked for the dashcon tix for my birthday! it was for me and my best friend (who attended and even cosplayed Homestuck with me despite not knowing anything about it) and my mom, who was mostly excited about staying in the nice hotel and swimming in the pool. I was so hype for this. anyways we get there and as people have previously talked about vis a vis dashcon, it was so hilariously underwhelming. the first thing you had to do was walk into the registration hall. I think most people have seen pics but they had written "Welcome DashCon" or something to that effect on the ground using blue painters tape, and the hall was empty asf which was really funny because they had set the table up aaaaaall the way at the back so you just got to walk across this big empty hall towards ONE PERSON sitting at a table (who in retrospect I'm pretty sure was the 19 year old they'd foisted this thing onto). she was super nice at the time though so shout out to that interaction.

we pretty much immediately headed for the only actual show floor area, which was the artists alley. if dashcon attendees are hard to find, I'm sure dashcon exhibitors are fucking unicorns bc there was... maybe 30 booths, if I'm being very generous. that being said, I got to meet nd Stevenson at dashcon! he was really nice, and complimented my cosplay. it's kind of fun to get to say I met the artist and author behind nimona and lumberjanes and she-ra at fucking DASHCON lol. hopefully next time I meet him it will be as a fellow professional comics artist huh who said that

gotta take a moment here to stress something. dashcon was very poorly planned and executed. this is true. BUT. the atmosphere, especially on the first day, was so joyful and connected. everyone was so stoked to be at THE Tumblr convention. all of us were weirdos who liked the weirdo website enough to show up in person for all our weirdo friends. We were all exchanging urls and taking big group photos and going to grab lunch together. people were very open and friendly. and I know that's my perspective as well, obviously there were plenty of things going horribly wrong behind the scenes, but having only been an attendee, it really wasn't the worst experience.

anyways so the day was fun and weird and a little boring because dashcon had fucking nothing going on but anyways so the scamming part. they called everyone into this main ballroom and stood on a little stage up front and were like "HEY IF WE DONT RAISE $200,000 THEYRE SHUTTING US DOWN" which definitely did NOT break my tiny little idiot baby heart. I definitely was super self aware and knew this was a dumb scam and I definitely DIDN'T cry and run to the hotel pool to tell my mom. she however immediately went "they're scammers and we paid for our hotel room so whatever lol". my bestie gave them $10 and after the fact was (rightfully) SUPER pissed about it because she WAS smarter than me and figured out the scam thing faster.

I think besides that scam thing the other thing I remember thinking was such fucking bullshit was that we would be walking past the ballroom where Welcome to Night Vale was supposed to perform and the line was insane. It was literally SOOOOO many people. I remember being a little bummed that I hadn't gotten tickets which was.... obviously a short lived regret. when they announced the night Vale cancellation I definitely realized shit was hinky.

a majority of the photos I have are from ballpitstuck! there was a Homestuck meetup at the ball pit, but a lot of us had found each other already and had been hanging out in little feral packs of homestucks, so we all meshed super well and basically immediately all became besties. we ended up kind of collectively agreeing to post stuff in the "ballpitstuck" tag, which is hilarious. I actually made fanart at the time! It's somewhere in the depths of my art blog. I've probably posted most of these before but for posterity:

we were cringe. but we were free. no but for real I did have so much fun hanging with the homestucks.

anyways the rest of the con was pretty much just hanging out and watching everything burn from the inside out. my favorite part was watching Tumblr react to dashcon in real-time, because everyone AT the convention was posting about it, and everyone who wasn't at the convention was actively following the updates. by the time we left I just remember being like "I think we've just experienced something very interesting". and now there's a Wikipedia page and a sarah z video about it so.

anyways shout out to my dashcon homies(tucks)

#dashcon #ballpitstuck

[writingquestionsanswered]

Hi, I saw your "Fear of Negative Feedback/Reviews" reply, and while everything you said is definitely all true, I think the anon was more referring to interactions within the online writing community and on social media, rather than reading reviews on their work. I could be wrong of course, since I'm not that anon, but that's how I read it. With social media allowing people to gang up on creators en masse and destroy their careers over a tiny, imagined slight, it's definitely a relatable fear.

Dealing with Social Media Dog Piling

It seemed to me they were talking about reader feedback, which also includes reviews. Here's why I say that:

Anon said: "Do you have any advice on how to deal with the fear of bad-faith readers?"

Keyword: Readers

Anon said: "I’m quite worried about random online users discovering my writing..."

Key phrase: discovering my writing

Anon said: "... complaining that my writing is not good enough, not diverse enough, not social justicey enough, etc."

Key phrase: complaining that my writing is not... So... Anon is concerned about readers discovering their writing and complaining that it's not good enough... aka feedback and "reviews on their work."

I did lean into reviews on that post, which was just my ND brain falling down a bit of a rabbit hole, but that advice applies to any unsolicited feedback on your writing. If you didn't ask for it, it's not there for you, so you can ignore it.

However, we get into a very different area when we talk about people dog piling on an author due to a perceived issue with their writing. But, I can tell you, viewing this phenomenon as occurring due to "tiny, imagined slights" is problematic. If that many people feel slighted by something you said or did in your story, it isn't "imagined." It could certainly be a misunderstanding, but it's not imagined. If that happens to you, the thing to do is listen to their concerns, acknowledge them, apologize, and do better next time. That's it. That's all you can do.

And that's the reality of being part of a society. Humans aren't perfect. We're a big complex web of emotions, ideas, mindsets, and experiences. It's impossible to live on a tiny spinning ball with 8-billion other people and not constantly step on each other's toes. If you inadvertently step on someone's toes, you apologize and move on, being careful not to do it again. If someone accuses you of stepping on their toes when you're sure you didn't, there's no point in arguing... you own it, apologize, and move on, doing what you can to make sure you're actually not stepping on anyone's toes. And that's it. That's what you can do. You don't let it stop you from being part of the crowd. So don't let the fear of it happening stop you from creating or sharing. Just be prepared to apologize and do better if it happens. If you're genuine, they'll move on and so can you.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[hellhoundmaggie]

5 comfort characters

Finally getting to this @cymatile. the notification email has been burning a hole in my inbox for weeks now and I'm glad to finally get to it!

The Beast/Prince Adam (Beauty and the Beast 1991) As a bookish autistic little girl, I of course identified very strongly with Belle. As a city kid in a small town, I still do sometimes. But as an adult, I find myself drawn to the other half of the pairing. Belle is of course a lovely young lady, and I appreciate how she only respects the Beast when he first extends respect to her. But let us face it, she is too perfect a character to be truly compelling. Beast is quite the work in progress, though, and that's what makes him so fascinating. You thrill as you watch him angst and snarl and throw his weight around -- first to frighten and threaten others, then to protect the woman he loves. You are charmed as he discovers joy and companionship, then mourn with him as he gives it up to return Belle's freedom to her. And you're just a little disappointed when he changes into a generically-handsome man, even if it does mean he and Belle get to live happily ever after. Plus, as the meme says: "I'll get that bitch a library. Bitches love libraries."

Shane (Stardew Valley) Okay, I've read all the criticisms many times. He starts out mean to you for no reason. He's a total slob and a sad sack. He never actually quits drinking. He looks like Ben Shapiro. And I gotta tell you: I cannot fault this very good chicken man for any of it. This is another guy that I feel no choice but to root for because he struggles with so many flaws. I appreciate that the game doesn't let you "fix" them for him: you only give him the help he directly asks you for. He makes the most important changes himself, and the stuff he doesn't change isn't a dealbreaker for me. Plus Shane kind of looks like my IRL spouse so I gotta love him just for that, y'know? I can't forgive him for liking gridball, though. As a nerd, jocks are my natural enemy. Sorry, I don't have a choice!

Entrapta (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power) Not a lot of people know this, but ND Stevenson called me up while he was developing the She-Ra reboot and asked for my input. I asked him, "Are you going to have a woman character with autistic coding in the show?" "Yes, we're going to have one of those," he said. "And is she going to have a special interest that few other characters in the show understand or empathize with?" "Okay, yeah." "Is she going to despair of ever finding genuine human connection and try to find solace in technology before learning that yes, there are people who care about her and value her uniqueness?" "Ooh, that's a good idea. Sure." "And can you pair her up with an angsty boy?" "I can definitely do that. Thanks, Maggie!" And that's why Reboot Entrapta is the way she is. You're welcome, everyone. 4. Wayne (Scarlet Hollow) I already post a lot about this guy, so I won't say much this time. I like him because he lets me explore the idea of being the subject of extreme passion and devotion in a way that doesn't put me in actual danger. I would never seek out that kind of relationship in real life, but love beyond proportion, beyond reason, beyond sanity is compelling in fiction. Plus he makes for some fun memes. 5. Mr. Pages (Fallen London) I love this big ol' nerd: its creative vocabulary, its book hyperfixation, and how bad it is at hiding the fact that it's not human. As soon as they put out the balance patch for Mask of the Rose, I am going to figure out how to smooch it, and you cannot stop me.

tagging nobody! Do this if you feel like it.

#wayne scarlet hollow #scarlet hollow #entrapta #she-ra and the princesses of power #spop #beauty and the beast 1991 #prince adam batb #the beast #sdv shane #shane sdv #stardew valley shane #shane stardew valley #stardew valley #mr #mr. pages #mr pages #mask of the rose #fallen london #motr #tagging game

[crowpunkcognitivedecline]

i'm definitely not anti leaving tumblr or whatever but as someone who is genuinely too disabled for virtually all social media it fucking sucks to have people acting like changing platforms is something everyone can just do.

i'm not saying tumblr is the best or even good, but it's the only form of social media i can keep up with. i've fucking tried others. tried instagram, twitter, multiple instances of mastodon, briefly cohost, neocities, and i can't fucking do it.

my system collectively barely runs a youtube channel, but that's not really a social media--definitely not in the way tumblr is. we're active on discord, but it's also its own thing entirely.

this happened with twitter too--which also sucked, though it affected me less because by the time it became a big talking point i was becoming too disabled to use it and i never really liked it to begin with.

and every time, it's exhausting.

people will put so much anger and blame on people who aren't immediately ready to jump ship, even people who can't do that without drowning. if i say tumblr has the combination of notification settings, accessibility features, layout, and community that i need to exist online, someone will tell me that i'm lying and just suddenly love transmisogynists as if i haven't lost and willfully left behind many communities for transmisogyny directed at myself and others, as if there's no way a disability can profoundly affect how you exist online.

i find the people doing the latter tend to be LSN ND people, which doesn't surprise me. when you experience the discomfort and distress of change that comes with things like autism, but are, for example, level 1 and capable of adapting afterwards, it's a lot easier to act like everyone who doesn't or can't is a lazy liar who doesn't care enough.

but that's not how this works.

[also, can we please try to be mad at the people actually fucking doing things wrong and defending transmisogyny instead of the people hesitating to leave a site that often allowed them to built life-saving community and connections? like, how about we don't call people who are slow to go nuclear evil monsters?]

#cw ableism #anticrip ableism #diagonal ableism

[dolorum-magne]

My tgs headcanons! I tried to do 5 each for each main character!

Henry Jekyll

-will absolutely talk your ear off about science if you let him. Mention literally anything about science or alchemy or any of his other interests his face will light up and he'll talk for hours. Robert loves it

-if there isn't already a library in his old house or the society I bet he'd want one. His prized possession aside from his science stuff hes collected over the years (like his glass cabinets full of poisons and such) is probably an old copy of frankenstein from when he was a kid. It's worn, faded, and almost falling apart from being read over and over again for years. He probably doesn't read it much anymore (both from lack of time and probably wanting to keep it in the best condition possible) but keeps it on a shelf somewhere as a little keepsake.

-definitely some kind if ND in my opinion. Maybe I'm projecting a little, but I believe it wholeheartedly

-his favourite seasons are autumn and summer. He liked the leaves and the colours and sitting with a hot drink by the fire when its a bit chilly during the fall, and probably enjoys the warm weather. I think it'd be nice for taking zosi for walks

-Dislikes winter but for a different reason than Lanyon. His immune system is canonically shot due to his issues with insomnia so he'll get absolutely taken out during flu season (learned that from the story sketchbook from SabCots online store!) I just imagine him and Robert holed up in an office or one of their houses in front of the fire absolutely swamped with blankets while Henry's got the sniffles and Robert's just cold lol.

Edward Hyde

-headcanon him as a shameless flirt but his brain would probably short circuit if someone flirted back lol

-loves science just as much as Henry even if he won't admit it.

-(this was commented on my other post and i loved this one so I'm adding it here) Hyde is double jointed and uses it to freak people out.

-collects random things like trinkets and spare change.

-hides thing in weird places for Henry to find later to annoy him

Robert Lanyon

-I think he's a dog person I think about this headcanon a lot actually, and there is a reason behind it! In the bleeding heart (tgs prequel comic) he tells Henry he "has no idea how many dogs they've lost in those woods" when talking about the woods outside his families holiday home in Lausanne. I know hes most likely talking about hunting dogs (probably foxhounds or similar breed since fox+game hunting was a common sport for centuries. Maybe still is idk) , bit either way its easy to assume he may have grown up around them (and as I'm a huge dog person) it was easy for me to assume he's at least fond of dogs, also since Henry has a dog and Robert doesn't seem to mind at all. Either way i think Robert is a dog person and even though I only have a tiny bit of evidence to base it on but it's probably my favourite headcanon.

-I think he has a sweet tooth. No explanation for this one. -favourite colours is purple.

-has an eye for detail in different arts. Fashion, architecture, music, etc. I think he enjoys art

-favourite season is definitely summer

Rachel Pidgley

-cooks people things to show she cares about them. It's why she let's Edward steal cookies when she bakes them, why she made all that food for Jasper.

-she used to be Henry's personal cook at his house before he started the society and she became the day manager. I think that when Henry spends the night on his couch in his office (which is probably very often) she probably leaves breakfast and tea outside his door in the morning because he'd probably forget to eat otherwise.

-enjoys baking more than other types of cooking

-helped Hyde distress the end of his cape to make sure he didn't tear it too badly and fray check the edges

Jasper Kaylock

-probably would let Christopher the mud phoenix sleep in his bed with him during the colder months both because he loves his creatures and because hes his own personal heater. Wouldn't be surprised if this had cost him a few sets of sheets in the past.

-someone commented this on my original post about headcanons and I loved it so I'm adding it to mine but Jasper tilts his head to the side like a dog when he's confused.

-probably would enjoy a good scratch behind the ears lol

-definitely has too many creatures, loves all of them

-collects rocks and trinkets. His pockets are probably always full of random things

#The glass scientists #Tgs #The glass scientists headcanons #Tgs headcanons #Tgs jekyll #Tgs Henry Jekyll #Tgs lanyon #Tgs Robert Lanyon #Tgs hyde #Tgs edward hyde #Tgs jasper #Tgs jasper kaylock #Tgs Rachel #Tgs Rachel Pidgley #Took forever to format these correctly lol

[schizosupport]

Kinda a random question but, do you think music effects neurodivergent people differently than neurotypical people?

For a bit on context, I'm neurodivergent (schizoaffective) and if my music shuts off in the middle of the night I will almost immediately wake up (people have told me they notice too) or when I can't listen to music my mood is so much worse than normal, and in school, in the classes my teachers have allowed me to listen to music during class, my grades were higher than other classes where I couldn't listen to music?

Just kinda wondering if this is a neurodivergent thing or if maybe music is a special interest of mine? People tell me I can be obsessive? Sometimes dependant on music?

For some reason I didn't respond to this ask for half a year and I can't tell you why.

So in short I think that some people really benefit from listening to music, and I think many of those people are ND. I don't think it's like an absolute rule, but there's a definite connection.

I think we should use whatever accommodations make life easier regardless of what other people may think, so I hope your teachers will be generally understanding of how this is helpful to you!!

[ladythespera]

so i should have been finishing my citizenship application but instead i blazed through a bunch of online autism diagnosis tests (bc i've seen my friends doing it for months now and i knew that if i didn't do it quicklyyy i would angst over it for another 3 months)

in conclusion: first of all, for the RAADS-R test, i definitely scored above the threshold, and for most other tests as well. second of all: it went okay, but i do still really hate standardized tests about personality/mental stuff (i don't hate standardized tests in general even if i think they're not the best means of info gathering, and for some subjects i love them)(ie. for pathophysiology good, for literature bad). but it's just a constant struggle of second-guessing questions all the time, and to be honest, so many questions feel like they do not even apply to me in the first place, or are somewhat skewed by context/background.

e.g., do i enjoy social events/gatherings? well, usually yes! because they're so rare.

do i like having friends? yes!! bc i know so many friends who are also into my specific interests and projects that we can collaborate on.

anything academic or social related i think is also skewed by the fact that, well, i was homeschooled in K-12 and got to dive into school as much as i wanted and as much as was expected of me (which was apparently a lot, but, not forced?? my parent never hovered, in fact was quite hands-off, but they simply assumed we would take to it, and we did). in standardized testing in the 6th grade i was already scoring at a post-high school level (i.e. post-12th grade) in every subject, but i don't think that was any extraordinary achievement, that was simply a 'we must be doing a good job' result. no one in my family thinks that's abnormal, and i don't even think that myself; in fact, they (immigrants) would probably just say the US standards are abysmally low. i enjoy social situations now, but again, it's the social situations i choose to put myself into. why go to a social situation i dislike?

i felt that way about many questions - like, for example, can i tell if someone is getting bored by what i'm saying? yes, but will that stop me talking? depends. do i have difficulty doing something that doesn't interest me? you fool, i will simply make it into something that does interest me.

finally, there's age-related changes. as a child i used to be extremely scrupulous regarding scheduling, lists, room cleanliness, grammar, rules, etc. but as an adult i have loosened up considerably although i still like predictability.

the only thing that i find consistent is that i tend to have extremely strong interests in things. there wasn't any need for me to give my 9th grade teacher a cellular breakdown of how milk is created in a project on farm animals (listen - they asked how milk is created !!! it must mean on a DETAILED level right?), but i wanted to. for the record, the bibliography alone on that project reached 4 pages (wheeze). but to be honest, and i mean this sincerely, i am continuously surprised that this is apparently not how most people feel. to me, if the teacher is great and the subject is one you like, why wouldn't you? i wondered if it was instead that the class was just not the right fit for some students, and therein lies the problem - is it neurodivergence, or is it just the right environment that encourages specific interests? and, even if i am ND, i don't think i ever even thought of it while i was in k-12, bc i simply felt like all my 'eccentricities/interests' were encouraged. and so now in college i feel no need to hide anything. i would proudly march into my patho class in my flamboyant doctor who get-up or jedi robe - and then still do well. it does feel performative, but after all, i am in theatre for now...

i will say the one impression i strongly came away from in all this: my parents would probably both score MUCH higher on these (i have basically no sensory issues; my mom definitely does)(my dad is extremely precise and organized - but also, he is German ManTM).

#also i forgot to mention - my RAADS-R score was 99 and my cat-q was 112 #the thresholds are 65 and 100 respectively (i also took a bunch of other tests there but i won't list them all) #not terribly high but again i feel like i have spent. so little time really in the same social situations others are typically in. #rn i am very much isolated at home and i'm sure if i were back in a job i would start feeling more challenged again #personal #delete later #autism #also if i see anyone 🤡-ing abt homeschoolers all being asocial or awkward or uneducated...No and only other hs'ers are allowed an Opinion #some of us in fact were around before Covid made everyone think online classes were just poor irl substitutes #also interesting that u would mock a group where in fact so many ppl i know later turned out ND hm

[denimini]

Why did i not found you before like why am i finding out you now...we agree on many things. Infact you're the only one who agreed on with me over those two points of jungkook not knowing jm's schedule of music show nd all..

Anyways, another situation for me was during festa when jk said why did jm not played his songs for jk yet but hoba already Heard it nd then jm said "i asked you and everyone to come see me work" now this might not be a big deal for others but i personally find it a bit odd for people who are dating.

See first things first is jm is shy about showing his artistry to others (members said it in festa too) so when he's actually asking you how do you not go? I understand about other members cause they're frnds but jk if we're considering him jm's bf here don't you think it's odd that he didn't heard any of jm's song that time? He didn't go even when jm asked them to? The deal here is they both work at the same comapny so you tell me how hard it is for jk to go nd see jm work on his songs for ONCE? Even hoba saw it cause he was at the comapny so why was it hard for jk? Then he kind of was upset that he didn't heard any of jm's song. He like said it 4 times that he's upset. I know he was smiling but i genuinely think he again felt left out cause again he's close to jm so when your other frnd knows more about your besties (in this case BF if we're considering them in a relationship) than you, you definitely feel betrayed the fact that he actually asked jm to say sorry to him nd jm immediately said sorry too. At that time all jkkrs took it as jk not actually being upset nd some thought he already heard them but is just teasing but honestly i did felt like he felt like "why am i not one of the ppl who heard your songs, I AM close to you" and then he asked jm to say sorry so i felt that.

Another is jungkook not going to any of jm's music shows when he was not doing anything at all like he was on rest doing some barbeque tour. But he went for the movie premiere with tae's frnds to show support like i honestly felt sad at that time cause jimin literally personally asked jk to come more often but seems like jk didn't go. I as a jm biased person knows that jm values such things so much like his face was so radiant when hobi visited him. Hobi went to jm's MV set, jm said he's feeling nervous without his memebrs on first music show nd boom on next music show hobi was right there. Jm was soo so happy like i felt it through that hug jm gave to hobi.

I felt bad cause if jungkook can go to wooga squad's member's (they seems frnds now) movie premiere to show support to him even when at that time he was busy working on his projects (he said it himself that he's busy on his album on one of his lives prior to this movie premiere) can't he go to atleast one music show? Idk this feeling never went away i don't care how many excuses anyone come up with for this.

Many jkkrs said that so what jk still supported him online and a support is support nd jm was still happy but my point is it's still makes difference of some being physically there to support you vs someone supporting you from afar. A friend will wish you on your birthday on phone while a best friend will be there physically be there with you to celebrate with you when circumstances clearly allows them to.

There's one for jk's birthday too which I'll share later.

And so so sorry for ranting in your page but also thank you for taking your time and responding.

I'm glad we agree on things. You couldn't have found me because I was inactive for 5 years and will probably be inactive soon again. I'm pretty busy in real life but now I have a break for a few months, that's why I'm here. And honestly, this rumour about JK was tok big for me to ignore and I needed to discuss it with someone.

You're giving me a new perspective on Festa 2022. When it happened, I kinda took it like this: Hobi heard JM's songs because he was available at the time. Namjoon even teased them about him beinf Jimin's number 1 fan. JK felt jealous over the fact others have heard the songs before him and also over Namjoon's comment and JK loudly protesting (RM even looked at him when he said it, and JM also looked at JK when saying this isn't the reason). It completely flew over my mind that JM said he invited everyone, meaning he also invited JK but he didn't come. In this context, Jk being upset about it and Jimin apologizing does give more "besties" than boyfriend.

About the movie premiere. I still find it so odd that JK went to that. Sure, he hangs out with Tae's friend but they don't seem that close and JK doesn't strike me as the type to love this public events, when it isn't necessary. At the time, I thought maybe he was feeling down so Tae brought him to cheer him up, but a previous Anon said something interesting. There seem to be a rumour that JK's girlfriend or one of his girls is a friend to Jennie. If it is true, could she being there be a reason for him to go?

#jungkook #jimjn #jikook #kookmin

[patrocles]

hey!!! first of all i wanted to say that your alysmond fics are superb, your writing is great nd i’ll definitely stay tuned if you write anything else <3 secondly i know hotd discourse is dying (thankfully) but i wanted to hear how you think the show will handle aemond and alicent’s relationship, with the way they built up aemond’s character and the fact that he sort of “leaves her” in kl (at least that’s how many ppl interpret it, i’ve read f&b a while ago). would love to hear your insight on this

omg thank you so so much!!! i really love writing for them. the fic i'm currently working on is giving me such a headache in trying to pull together, so i may just scrap it and write this quick AU i've had rocking around for a while (if lyonel brought alys to KL with larys and harwin, but with alys and aemond closer in age) SO STAY TUNED

thank you for the question!

this is going to be very interesting to see on screen. i don't necessarily see it as him Leaving alicent, but trying to accomplish something to 'fix' things. if in s2, he sort of has these issues of internalizing guilt for "starting the war", that could definitely cause a bit of tension between the two of them.

like it's difficult, right, because alicent really wanted to fix things with rhaenyra and this was the last ditch effort. after luke's death, that's definitely not going to happen. and i can't see her directly blaming aemond, but there's definitely that undercurrent of resentment i can definitely see coming between them. aemond won't have the FULL context of everything between his mother and rhaenyra, and i could see that adding to his internalization of full responsibility-- especially since we've already established his strong sense of duty to his family.

i think in pure ASOIAF tradition, things being left Unsaid, the "we'll talk, when i return", the unfulfilled promise of things being better later, will definitely happen between aemond and alicent and it will be SO TRAGIC. i know we joke about aemond being terrified of his mommy being mad at him, but i do think that's something that will really affect him! and like sure people can be quippy in their oedipal jokes, but i do think it's a really underscoring just how devastating it could be for aemond SPECIFICALLY to lose his mother's emotional support, or feel like a failure in her eyes. she's been his only parent, his primary support system. and he's prided himself on being The Reliable One for her as well.

so i think he's going to leave KL around the end of s2. and when he does, i can see their relationship being back kinda on the mend with him promising to win the war and return everything to how it was and fix things. and thing is, alicent love her kids so much, she was never really mad at HIM, so much as she was mad at the situation. but its the tragic lack of these people being able to really talk to each other that makes it hard for them to have that conversation, or for her to truly be able to convey that he never lost her love (even if that's how it felt for him).

and i think what will be really interesting, and telling of alicent's dedication to aemond, and her belief in him if they keep the scene where she tells rhaenyra that aemond will come back and save her. it's choosing her faith in aemond and her love for her son outweighing any possibility of reconciliation with rhaenyra because of course that's what matters most. but of course aemond could never really know any of that, and fact is he very well may die still believing that he was a disappointment to her. he wasn't able to keep the promise he made her.

when you think about The Dance and think about the saddest possible outcomes, its not just about gruesome deaths, its really about things like this right. relationships that are never able to be fixed, things that are forever left unsaid. families torn apart because a pointless war and realizing that pointlessness too late.

AND NOW I AM SAD

the best part is that olivia and ewan are going to devour every scene they share together and i cannot wait

#alicent hightower #aemond targaryen #asoiaf #anon #asoiaf ask

[abarbaricyalp]

5+1 sambucky for the WIP meme? 👀

Hi and thanks for asking! Ask meme

This is my newest story and I'm still working out the 5 moments (a post asking for thoughts has been sitting in my drafts for a few days) but it follows five moments were people around Delacroix misinterpret something from Sam and Bucky and assume they might be on the fritz for some reason (I want to add in some "helpful" shenanigans but we'll see). For instance someone thinks Bucky gets "stood up" on a regular date (it's a babysitting emergency). A stranger visits and gets too friendly (it's a team member). They don't buy c*nd*ms at the store (broken ribs). And then one time everyone realizes they're definitely not breaking up.

---

"You know, only the first glass of sweet tea is complimentary, sweetheart," Denise said, refilling Bucky's glass for the fourth time that afternoon.

"Now, when have I ever left here without paying for all my sweetness, darling?" Bucky drolled back. "And I told you about that sweetheart thing. I call you that."

The older woman tsked at him and waved her hand, and the pitcher of sweet tea, dismissively. "I've been callin' people in this restaurant sweetheart longer than you've been alive," she said.

"You know that's not true," Bucky said and downed half his glass.

Denise refilled it. "It is. I'm just like you. I wear my age very well."

Bucky laughed and tilted his head to her. "Alright, ma'am," he acquiesced.

"Still no Samuel?" she asked, even though someone had just come through the door and she should really focus on them.

"Not yet," Bucky agreed, glancing at his silent phone. "But that's alright. I've got all the company I need right here." He grinned up at her and cheersed his glass against the pitcher.

"Well you just let me know when you're ready to eat, sweetheart."

"Will do, doll," Bucky agreed.

Denise made her way around the small sandwich shop, refilling drinks and taking orders. She kept an eye on the door and an eye on the third booth: the one with the window where the old oak outside drooped a limb close enough to see the birds when they nested there.

It had been Sam Wilson's favorite since he was eight years old and smuggling baby birds into the restaurant to share his water with.

"Is Sam around?" she asked Erica at the front breakfast bar.

The local post-woman nodded with a mouthful of crab on rye. "He accepted a package for Miss Sarah just before I got here. Why? Is he about to go off and do Captain America things?"

Denise shook her head. "Not that I've seen. He's s'posed to be on a date." She nodded over to Bucky, who had broken for the first time in fifteen minutes and was checking his phone again.

Erica looked over as well and shrugged. "Well maybe he is doing Captain America things."

"Without his sidekick?"

"I don't think that's what... You know, maybe he's just running late." Erica scattered chips over her plate and ate two at a time.

"Do you remember him ditchin' that pretty little thing he was with in high school? He just up and stopped showin' up here. No warnin'."

"He joined the Air Force," Erica pointed out drily. "He got busy."

Denise tsked and hummed at the same time. "Tell your girlie to watch out. Sam Wilson may be single again."

"Oh, you're gossiping for the sake of my daughter," Erica pretended to realize, just a little sarcastic. She grinned at the old waitress. "Just accept that those two were two you couldn't matchmake together."

Denise trained her eyes back on Bucky, who was laying out too many bills and hurrying from the restaurant. He circled back to down the rest of his drink.

"Sweetheart, I made your sandwich already," she called, stopping his second hasty retreat. "Would you like Sam's as well?"

Bucky glanced around the shop before nodding. "Yeah, I'll take it to him," he said and shot her a thankful, if strained, smile. "Thanks so much, darling." He leaned over to kiss her cheek and then hurried away.

"You ever notice how he flirts with everyone but Sam?" Denise asked as the door closed.

Erica looked at her with wild mirth, finished chewing, and said, "Now I know you're making things up. Those two can't stay away from each other. Do not make this into something it isn't," she warned lightly. "We don't want a repeat of the Roberts boy."

"That boy needed a good kick in the rear," Denise defended and watched Bucky turn opposite the direction for his and Sam's little house.

"Miss Sarah lives in that direction," Erica said without looking, like she could read Denise's mind.

Something is going on, Denise thought loudly, just in case she could.

#sambucky #writing #i answer things

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

i have a question. is it reasonable if i expect to have one therapist who is atheist-friendly (i live in a country where atheism is illegal), queer-friendly (queerphobia is the norm here. rainbow capitalism won't work because people will boycott that product instead), nd-friendly (genius stereotype of autistic kids doesnt even exist here; only the non-verbal ones and even then it's super derogatory)? i might be able to find one that only fits one of those criteria (even tho it's still gonna be real hard because i don't live in the capital city), but if i want to seek out someone who fits all three criteria (and a lot of other criterias that i can't all mention here because i have too many ongoing problems) then it feels kinda impossible to be honest

anyway. i'm just curious whether this expectation even makes sense in western countries? i've kinda given up on finding one that fits me very specific needs, and thus i decided i can't go to a professional anyway because if even one of those criteria isn't fulfilled then i won't feel safe to tell my story. but does such a person exist in developed countries, or am i expecting something impossible? for the record, i can't afford to try out several different therapists until i find one that fits. aside from financial concerns, one wrong move can cost me my life in this country

Hey anon,

From what you've told me, I don't know if expecting an atheist, queer, & nd-friendly therapist is reasonable. Even if the therapist was open to those things, it sounds like the culture where you live wouldn't make it necessarily safe for the therapist to communicate this to you. I am also concerned that if you voice your thoughts and opinions on these things, you will not be safe. You know your country and culture better than I do, so please act safely.

None of that means you do not deserve to have your story heard. You are not the problem here, and I know how much it hurts and how alone it can feel when you don't feel safe coming to others for help. It's not your fault.

Even in Canada, where I live, it's not guaranteed to find a therapist who isn't ableist, anti-atheism, homophobic, etc. Sometimes it takes a few meetings with a few different therapists to find one that works for you and is not bigoted. Bigger cities have more options, definitely, but there are definitely many places where finding a therapist like the one you seek would be difficult. However, to answer your question, yes, one could expect to eventually find a therapist who isn't bigoted and is instead open-minded and non-judgemental.

Please don't give up. You deserve help and you deserve to feel safe around the person helping you. I'm sorry that things are like that where you are.

I suggest looking into online communities for now so you can get some support. Don't be afraid to join discords or use apps that may help. You are not alone. Please know that things won't always be like this.

Mod Misa

#ask #anon #anonymous #mod misa #therapists #therapy #finding a therapist #trauma talks

[bioethicists]

if it’s not too nosy to ask (pls ignore if so) how did you arrive at doing case management and how do you like it? i have similar values in terms of like interest in health and med anthro in an anti-psych/institutions way nd am trying to figure out in what capacities i can work in health related fields while honoring those values lol,,, thank u i love ur blog

haha so i kind of hate it rn + am leaving in may so take that was u will! i wouldn't necessarily say case management is an easy place to have these values but i am in a unique position where i'm not licensed so therefore am actually banned from (thus not instructed to) doing most of the heinous shit- i am never involved in the process of diagnosing, treating, or incarcerating a client. an msw or similar clinical degree would demand that i be more involved with that process

i live in MA which has a unique program called the BHCP program (through our Medicaid, MassHealth)+ my technical title is "care coordinator" but this is largely a smokescreen for (even more) underpaid case management. my primary job is to obtain + maintain services for my clients, such as SSI, specialists, housing, food stamps, etc. i also spend a lot of time doing stuff i'm not technically supposed to do- help clients read their mail, help with court cases, help dealing with child support etc. i am about 90% of the time able to help ppl in a way that i don't feel icky about.

the cost- i make 39k a year to case manage up to 65 clients who i have to contact at least once a month. many of them have issues far beyond my scope but i am the only person willing or able to work with them. social services in MA, arguably one of the best states for social services in the country, are an absolute shitshow- i spend about 33% of my job trying to force other ppl to do theirs. get me a client that speaks only spanish and the services become essentially unnavigable. masshealth randomly decides we need to improve quantitative performance measures that have 0 bearing on the actual quality of our clients' lives so we are routinely chastised for not meeting stupid paperwork requirements (what percentage of clients have their race and ethnicity recorded in their file? did you check the right boxes on their yearly assessment?) which seems to matter way more to the state (which, through its other departments, is causing most of the problems i'm being paid by them to solve???) than actually helping them. also, the emotional impact is rough + most of my coworkers cope by hardening themselves, othering our clients/getting angry with them, or giving up altogether.

it's just not feasible or HUMAN to expect someone to be able to go to someone's home, hear a story of their brutal assault by the same man you're helping them demand child support from, lock eyes with the child you know in your heart is never going to see a dollar of his dad's money because the child support case is almost definitely a dead end, then go home and do 6 more hours of paperwork. they tell us we're supposed to compartmentalize + shut off empathy in order to function at our job (real thing they tell us in training!) and like... fuck that. i'm not smothering my humanity in order to meet performance requirements- except the alternative is working yourself to the brink of suicide lmao.

that being said, i didn't always feel like this (first two years were easier) and i have some pretty intense personal circumstances complicating it (dead brother, raging eating disorder, etc). i do feel like i have been able to make real + tangible impacts in others' lives, learned how to navigate the system well enough to use that knowledge in more radical spaces, build human connections with people who have never had that with providers before. having a radical perspective on the system will save you from a lot of burnout because you won't be one of the naive ones who think that social services + "educating" your clients will fix all their problems. most of the problems i am describing above are going to be present in almost all health/social services fields. if the state funds it, this is what they will do to it.

i'm going back to school in september + my goal is to pursue full time ethnographic research while utilizing my skills at navigating social services to assist ppl on a person to person level. in terms of how i got here- graduated dec 18, worked in residential mental health for like 2 months before fully cementing that there was no ethical way to do so (and getting horrifyingly triggered by it) -> americorps position at a local hospital doing community outreach during the day + nursing home/private duty elder care at night -> current job

#assault m /

[artificial-horizon]

assorted post-atc test day ramblings and blogging ahead (sorry idk how to do a readmore lol)

The past few days have been so unforgettable I haven't been able to stop thinking about it all... I literally feel reborn, like a totally new person starting a totally new chapter of life! I haven't felt this happy in a long time, that sort of happiness that's mixed with so many other intense emotions and makes your head spin a little (my favourite). I mean the day of testing was absolutely brutal, like nothing I've ever experienced before, but honestly it was so invigorating - and definitely very motivating after passing everything lol. I'd been having some serious doubts about whether I could do it, feeling like my weird brain would sabotage me and prove that I wasn't cut out for the only dream job I've ever had, so yeah lmao I did quite enjoy the ego massage of doing really well and not even finding the tests super difficult.

Outside of the testing there was so much that was just... intoxicating in the best way. Travelling solo for one, cos I think that's one of the greatest things on earth, but really it was the people that I met that just filled me with such a feeling of, well, I guess love? As an aromantic I struggle with the idea of love, but personally this is my equivalent; a love of humanity and human connection and sharing the same experiences while coming from such different backgrounds. It's probably inevitable that you'll bond if you're thrown into a room together to do ridiculously intense assessments all day, but genuinely I've never felt so excited and chill and myself around literal strangers like I did this week. There's always so much hiding when you're queer/trans/brown/ND in majority cishet/white/NT spaces, but there was something about being around other people with the same weird niche interest that was fucking liberating.

I mean, this was the first time I've ever met other people (especially other people of my own age!) who are also nerdy about not just aviation, but air traffic control specifically - like, in day-to-day life you talk about this stuff and most people are like "ummm okay u do u", but holy shit... to be able to infodump to people who are also interested in the very same thing and ACTUALLY WANT a conversation about it is incredible! (Which yeah, is sort of sad when you think about it cos what a low bar, but society is just anti-autistic like that ig.) We just *got* each other on that level, and makes me hunger even more than I already did to be in this world because this really fucking proves to me that this is where I belong tbh.

There's also something so electrifying to me about random brief connections like this, when you know you'll probably never see them again (aside from the other people who got into the next stage of interviewing, ily cya in a few months!). Definitely not the first person to say this, but there really is a level of honesty and openness that this kind of experience creates that is legitimately beautiful to me. We spent hours partying together and sharing so much conversation, no small talk in sight, just learning about each other. The next day I was hopping from city to city with this one guy as we tried to navigate our way to the airport (there was a storm that had shut down almost all transport) and even that, although stressful, was a fucking adventure and I really sort of loved it and we got pretty deep into some fascinating chats. And like I literally asked some random people if I could take the last seat in their Uber cos I overheard they were going to the airport too, and that is not something I EVER thought I could do as someone who's often too scared to approach people in public lol.

Depression has been telling me for the past year that I'm not capable of shit, so this was the biggest and best fuck you to that because oh my god I actually CAN!!!! I can do shit!!!! It may not all seem like much to others, but I'm actually proud of myself and am seriously riding on this high rn. I'm treating this as a new lease on life and I'm gonna keep this energy going as much as I can, because my future is seeming more and more like a thing that will actually happen. I just like... ugh I love all the people I met so much in a way that would probably sound weird if I told them, cos it's not really "love" but just absolute awe at the whole experience and how amazing people can be. Intoxicating honestly is the best word I can use to describe it.

Also literally the first person who said hi to me on the test day was a fellow gay lol, I guess the gaydars of aspiring ATCOs are just that good ;) Anyway onwards and fucking upwards, next stop is the interview and then...? The thought of it is too much I can't even write it down lkjdfsdajkfljkdkjdlkj

#do i have a tag for my own writing/posts idk #i think i need an atc tag on my blog tho for all this nerdiness so #atc #oh and also what i said about being myself n feeling accepted applies to allllllll my avgeek mutuals on here <3 #genuinely appreciate you so much #such a friendly welcoming corner of tumblr that makes me smile every time i log on hehe