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canonicallyobserving911 · 2 months

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“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

Season 7 FANON Speculation: Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapters 24 & 25 are now available on AO3.

Please note: Chapters 24 and 25 were posted at the same time.

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Currently 25 chapters completed: 973.1K Words; Rated: Mature

One chapter will be posted at a time.

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Two snippets are included below, one from Chapter 24 and one from Chapter 25. Both chapters are available on AO3.

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Here's a snippet from Chapter 24 on Christmas morning that's taking place inside of the Diaz Family's hotel suite in London, England.

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“Chris!” Buck exclaims but his voice is still just above a whisper.

“Read it aloud so we can all hear it.”

Buck’s still trying to blink back his tears but he’s having a hard time doing it, so he just lets them roll down his cheeks. He uses his forefinger and thumb to wipe them away and clears his throat then says, “Petition to adopt minor child Christopher M. Diaz” but that’s as far as he gets.

He hiccups on a sob, lowers his head and cries but they’re happy tears. Eddie wraps his left arm around Buck’s shoulders, pulls him close and Chris moves from sitting on the ottoman to the sofa on the other side of Buck. He wraps his arm around Buck shoulders the same way he did after Eddie was shot and the feeling makes Buck break.

Eddie rubs circles on his back to console him then he leans in and whispers into his ear, “My love, you’re already Chris’ dad and you have been for years.”

Buck nods and takes a few moments to compose himself. Once he does, he looks at Chris and asks, “You want me to be your dad too?”

“Yes, I do. Will you adopt me?”

How will Buck answer Chris' question?

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Here's a snippet from Chapter 25 of an emotionally angsty discussion happening on New Year's Eve after Buck, Eddie and Chris arrive at Maddie and Chimney's house.

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After they make it to the front door, Buck knocks at 8:54PM and after a few seconds, Chimney opens it.

“Welcome back guys, how was your trip?”

“It was great.” Chris replies as he enters the house.

Buck and Eddie smile and Eddie says, “Exactly what our son said.”

Chimney raises his eyebrows but he recovers quickly because he knows they’re close but Buck’s never admitted Chris was his son before so he shrugs his shoulders and says, “Come in”.

When they enter the house, several voices yell, “SURPRISE!”

Buck and Eddie look at each other then they scan the room and they see everyone from A-shift along with Linda, Josh and some other people Eddie remembers from Metro Dispatch present.

Buck asks, “What’s all this?”

“It’s your engagement party.” Maddie replies.

Buck and Eddie look at each other and other again and the only sound in the room are Chris’ giggles. Everyone else is still and quiet because they can’t figure out why Buck and Eddie aren’t celebrating with them.

It’s so quiet that it’s starts to feel awkward so Buck raises his eyebrows and exclaims, “Uh… guys… we’re not engaged…”

He doesn’t get to finish because Maddie gasps and loudly asks, “What do you mean?”

What's going to happen next?

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This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it. But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

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Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.

Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.

Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.

Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago. They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.

Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.

Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial. But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.

Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories. Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.

Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie. It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.

Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.

Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.

Chapter 14 - Buck and Eddie can see the lights at the end of the tunnels regarding the results of Buck’s Cancer Screening along with everything else they’re dealing with. But are the lights they see exits to the tunnels or are they headlights on different runaway trains that are speeding towards them in an effort to interrupt their forever?

Chapter 15 - Buck and Eddie have known they were exactly who the other one wanted in a partner since they met six years ago when they agreed to have each other’s backs. They’re in a romantic relationship, they’re both preparing to ask the other one to spend forever with them and by the end of the seventh week into their relationship, together they will plan their most important and greatest adventure for their future.

Chapter 16 - As Buck and Eddie begin to prepare for their marriage ceremony that will take place in Rome, Italy in December 2023, they start planning their first international adventure as a romantic couple. Even though Chris is still the only person they’ve told about their relationship, several people who know them have already witnessed the love they share and as the days continue, others will witness it too.

Chapter 17 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to departing Los Angeles for their international adventure, a moment in time will remind them; life is fragile, tomorrow isn’t promised and every second of everyday should be cherished because everything can change in an instant. The result of that realization will cause them to hold onto each other even more.

Chapter 18 - As Buck, Eddie and Chris prepare for family gatherings before and during the Thanksgiving holiday, the “Santa Ana Winds” start to blow and all sorts of expected and unexpected familial drama ensues.

Chapter 19 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to their wedding day, the universe begins to align everything so that some of their parent and children's relationships are strengthened while others come to an abrupt end.

Chapter 20 - With only 14 days remaining until Buck, Eddie and Chris depart Los Angeles, CA traveling to Rome, Italy, for their first family adventure, an early morning conversation about “tying up loose ends” helps Buck and Eddie realize there are still several things left unfinished on their ‘To Do’ lists. The question is will there be enough time to complete all of them?

Chapter 21 - Buck, Eddie and Chris are finalizing their ‘To Do’ Lists, double checking their itineraries and packing their suitcases in preparation for their trip to Europe so they can board their flight that departs Los Angeles, CA on Friday, December 15, 2023 at 3:25PM.

Chapter 22 - While Buck, Eddie and Chris spend the first 8 days of their European family adventure in Italy, their primary reason for going will be fulfilled as well as several others they hadn’t considered or anticipated.

Chapter 23 - As the Diaz Family continues their Italian family adventure, they’ll say, “Ciao” or hello and goodbye to a lot of things almost immediately after they become an official and legal family.

Chapter 24 - After Buck, Eddie and Chris arrive in London, England on December 24th; the Diazes immediately start preparing to spend their first family Christmas together. During their stay, each of them will hear a few choice words that will be the life raft to get them home to complete their searches to be seen and to be found.

Chapter 25 - After spending more than two weeks in Europe, Eddie, Buck and Chris are back in Los Angeles and they’re getting ready to attend Maddie and Chimney’s New Year’s Eve party. During the event, they have plans to make two surprise announcements but the question is, who’s really going to be surprised, the Diaz family or their found family at the 118?

Chapter 26 - Will be posted soon.

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Read chapters 1-25 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz #the buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family #The Diaz Family #Fanonwriter2023 on AO3 #Hiatus Reading #911 abc #911 on abc #911 fanfic #buddie fanfic #buddie wip #ao3 fanfic #Married Buddie!#“I'm still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”#Chapters 24 and 25 are now available on AO3

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isa-ghost · 3 months

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Btw I've made a new tag "AMFMN things" for all things related to the fic. Be it actual chapters, The Writing Process(tm), asks, shitposts, etc. It'll all be under there.

Bc I'm sliding this into some main tags just in case, here's a,, recap of what the fuck I'm talking about, I guess:

Was making qPhil headcanons bc blorbo brainrot go brrrrr

Made some about Ender King possessed Phil

Got an ask about how Phil's closest friends would save him from EK

For some reason that altered my brain chemistry so hard that I started plotting a fic despite never ever writing any fanfic in my life

Fic is called Awake Me From My Nightmare (AMFMN). I have 7½ chapters planned and atm I'm toying with the idea of 12+ total at of the time of posting this. Aw yeah baby, longfic. Drawing out the angst. 😎

It'll be posted on ao3, visible to everyone so you don't need an acc to read it or leave kudos/comments, etc!! :]

Gonna post chapters with links to the fic ofc, but might still also post the actual chapters on Tumblr (pls answer the poll at the bottom if you don't mind!)

Decided to stir some hype outside my friend groups that know abt it by posting a Plot Summary. Holy fuck unexpected amount of reception to it (thanks btw ;-; <3)

I started writing chapter 1 yesterday!! :D

To keep up my motivation for it, I'm always down 24/7 to get asks about it!! It's been generating new ideas for me and I love love LOVE dropping crumbs while I create stuff in general.

And, as I am the queen of it, I keep shitposting about writing & the fic itself too.

So in order to keep all that in one concise place I'm making a blog tag #AMFMN things to keep all that in one convenient place

So uh yeah. Hi. I've been writing OC stuff for 12+ years but now bc of unexpected events, I'm finally writing a fandom fic.

#qsmp #qsmp philza #q!philza #philza #AMFMN things

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jess-the-vampire · 6 days

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Do you have an AO3 or somewhere I can read all of your AUS of their own stories/comics in order? It's kind of hard for me to be able to get the juicy details when their all scrampled bh when they were posted like my own savere ADHD brain 24/7 lmao (I hope that made somewhat sense I suck at explaining things 😅)

Ahhhh I uh, don't have an Ao3 😅😅😅😅😅

Though best to know only my sky au has its own fics, arofam is complied of art and comics only.

So no ao3, I DO have these though:

@areverseoffeathersandmud-archive

@jess-vs-the-forces-of-artblock

They're severely in need to be updated, hopefully now I can make time to update them now.

All are marked by tags if you're looking for anything specific, like fics

#a reverse of feathers and mud au #areverseoffeathersandmudau #sky and the forces of the multiverse #a reverse of feathers and mud

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aerodaltonimperial · 5 months

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✨Fic Writing Review 2023✨

Tagged by @rosabellebelieve and oh girl. Ain't nobody ready for these stats LOL. Uh oh. Also, I've removed all collab fics for purposes of this, as it doesn't really seem fair since I only wrote, like, half of them lmao.

Words and Fics

268,626 words in 2023 (mother of god)

52 fics on AO3 (dear christ)

I'm not even counting Tumblr ficlets, oh god, don't make me

Top 5 Pairings

💚🖤Jack/Darby (24) (NUMBER ONE???? how tho)

🧡🖤Hook/Danhausen (23)

💚🧡Jack/Hook (5)

🔮🍑Julia/Anna (4)

🧡🎤Max Caster/Hook (3) & 🧡🍊Orange/Hook (3) (HAHAHAHAHA)

Top 5 by kudos

i found love where it wasn't supposed to be (right in front of me) [Hookhausen]

man of lesser words [Hookhausen]

don't need a cure for love [Orange/Hook]

baby please (would you read my eulogy) [JungleCorpse]

you're the realest thing i've never had to fake [Hookhausen]

Top 5 by hits

baby please (would you read my eulogy) [JungleCorpse]

i found love where it wasn't supposed to be (right in front of me) [Hookhausen]

now you know how i feel [Hookhausen]

Weekend in Fresno: or, a Hook choose your own dating adventure [Hook/everyone]

threat level: euclid [HH, JC, SP]

Fandom Events in 2023

I made it to a wrestling show! Since they never go near me and my life is what it is, I really can't manage more than one a year, and I've got to be lucky to get that to work, but this was a big deal and I'm so happy that I could make it happen!

ALSO I MADE UP A FUCKING PAIRING AND GOT IT TO THE #1 FOR BOTH PARTIES INVOLVED you know what this counts as an event LMAOOOOO i'm thinking no one should actually have this power

Upcoming Projects

If I ever stop bemoaning my perceived lack of skill, I've got 2/3 of a fic that Vamp prompted dialogue for, largely me writing something fluffy and saccharine because she was trying to write smut and we were both trying to write out of our wheelhouses lol

Writing reflection

Well! 2023 was quite a year, honestly. I was going to be like OH HOLY SHIT about my word count but when I took our collabs, it dropped so fast, so that's good, I guess (???). I'm still so happy I discovered wrestling, because it's been easily 12 years since I had this amount of creativity for a single fandom. And this year I really stretched out and started writing new stuff within the wrestling fandom! That's exciting (depending what you followed me for, I suppose LOL).

But more than anything else, this year I looked at what I wanted to write and said, FUCK IT, I'M WRITING IT. And I started dropping horror shit I fully expected that no one would read, because I didn't think people came to fandom for spooky stuff??? And lo and behold, y'all really showed up for those fics! I'm forever grateful you saw me writing absolutely batshit horror and were like yes, Katy, we will also read this creepfest. So much love.

I also tried to write more smut, which I am not particularly adept at, and also some darker themes. I do try to write lighthearted things, haha, but my own mental state has been not stellar, and I think that tends to come out in my fics. And I started writing femslash, which this fandom needs so much more of! So. All in all, a real banger year for me in fandom. I'm pretty proud of a LOT of the fics I wrote this year.

And, obviously, 2023 would not be complete with me mentioning that Vamp and I produced an epic shit ton of words together, and MORE IMPORTANTLY had an absolute blast in doing so. What a whirlwind writing together has been!!! I think we've really gotten to this point of just great flow, and I'm super proud of how we work so well like we do. We DO HAVE SOMETHING ELSE COMING but we've been "planning" it since August and haven't written it yet, so HAHAHA. Anyway. Expect that in 2025, or something. ;)

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please do eat glass, I’ve heard it’s good for your gums.

Tagging: @whysamwhy123 @meeplanguage @fille-lioncelle and anyone else who wants to take a stab at this!

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queseraone · 7 months

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Do all the ones you haven't gotten yet 😂🥰❤️ ilysm

OMG YOU BRAT

1. Which of your fics would you keep the basic plot of but rewrite completely? Um, probably my Linstead multi-chapter (I think you're familiar hahahaha), mostly because I had no plan in place and it became a total mess. So I guess I would rewrite it by... not writing it at all? Oh! But seriously I kind of wish I could go back and re-write this one. It was my first foray into writing for Chenford, and I've been thinking about a bunch lately for some reason (I think because it's vaguely related to another idea I have). I wish I'd kept it entirely canon compliant.

3. How would you describe your writing style? Lately? Nonexistent.

4. Do you have any OCs? Do you have a story for them? Original characters are TERRIFYING to me. There's a reason I write fanfic and not original fiction, coming up with characters (especially well-rounded, relatable ones that people like) feels impossible. So I just... don't. (To the point that I researched the names of every single referenced member of Metro so I could use actual character names and not make any up. I have the list if anyone's interested 😜)

5. What's a tag you never want to use for your works even when it applies? I find this question confusing. I never want to use MCD, but it shouldn't ever apply since I have no intention to write it. What a cop out of an answer, but I don't understanddddd. OH! I sometimes wish I could exclude relevant tags for the surprise factor.

6. What's your ratio for rating your works? What does this mean? Oh wait, I think it means in terms of T vs M vs E? Sex brings it to M, and porn is E?

7. Your favourite ao3 tag. Lately? Established relationship or missing moment.

8. How slow is a slow burn? So slow that they spend most of the story dancing around their feelings and only get together near the very end.

12. If you write in more than one language, what's the difference? Strictly English over here.

13. Rate your worldbuilding skills from 1 to 10. Uh... 1 or 2? Because I don't build worlds, I play in existing ones created by the show?

16. Are one-shots really underrated? Wait are they underrated??? WHY?? I LOVE a one-shot. Whether it's 500, 2000, or 10K words, I love being able to sit down and enjoy and fully fleshed out story from start to finish.

17. Past or present tense? Why? I used to write in past tense, but I think reading more present tense influenced me to do the same, and now I prefer present.

19. Share a snippet from a wip without giving any context for it.

“No!” she practically shouts at him. She takes a moment to school herself, exhaling slowly. “I mean, Tim, I say this with love, but if you don’t give me some fucking space, I will kill you.”

20. Do you work on a single project or many at the same time? How does that work for you? Many. Though it usually bites me in the ass because I end up stuck on something, and then something else, etc. So clearly it doesn't work all that well. But I think (unless I was on a total roll, which sometimes happens) I'd be stifled if I focused on only one thing. Plus ideas tend to multiply.

21. Can you accurately predict how long your fics are going to be? If you can, what's your secret? No, not really. I don't typically write anything super long though.

22. What is it about watching the same two idiots falling in love over and over again? I DON'T KNOW BUT I LOVE MY IDIOTS!!!!

24. Thoughts on flashbacks/flashforwards. Not really a fan, especially if they're super long. A couple of lines here or there are a-okay with me, but when you're italicizing half a chapter? Pass.

25. Is writing the whole thing beforehand better or worse than writing it as you go? As in, with a multi-chapter? I clearly suck at that, so I think I'd only ever do another if I wrote the whole thing in advance (or at least had a VERY clear plan in place)

27. Do you agree that one shouldn't start a story with a piece of dialogue? Nope, strongly disagree. Sometimes it just works to jump right in without preamble.

28. Any writing advice that works for you and you feel like sharing? Not really, but I'll take any advice you want to throw at me, because I am soooooo stuck.

30. Describe a fic that almost happened, but then it didn't. Well right now, every single one. Because I CAN'T WRITE 😩. Oh, but my Contractor Jay fic counts I guess? *Sigh* 10K words of nothing. IT HAUNTS ME

32. Do you have a word/expression that you always use in your writing? Fuck. And murmur. I looooove murmur, it's my favourite.

33. Give your writing a compliment. 😩 I... can... idk dude, I can't right now. How do you compliment something that doesn't exist?!?!?!? I'm going with my fallback -- I'm decent(ish) with words themselves, but ideas are my struggle.

34. Do you write to improve? Or is that not a concern for you? Do I sound like an ass if I say no? 😬 I write as a creative outlet, that's all.

35. Thoughts on writing challenges/contests. Contests, no thanks, I don't like the idea of pitting writers against each other (assuming that's what that means???). I'm all about celebrating other writers. Challenges, like #chenfordweek? YES, I wrote more that week that I had in ages, I apparently do well when there's a fire under my ass.

36. How do you come up with fic titles? What's the one you're most proud of? I ask you? 😅 And when I try by myself, I follow your lead of Taylor Swift lyrics. Fave of the ones I've managed to do on my own? I like this one best I think?

38. "This never happened" fix-it fics or "this happened but" fix-it fics?

As long as you fix it, I'm happy! (Yes Suz, I mean you specifically here)

39. Wildest AU scenario you have written? I've only written one, so I guess that's it -- paging Dr. Jay Halstead. I don't think any of the AU ideas I've played around with are particularly wild.

40. Write a 9-word fic. What the fuck is this question?!!? Tim Bradford loves Lucy Chen forever and ever. Amen. Nine words does not a fic make.

Thanks-ish, I love you and I hate you for this 💖

#fanfic writing asks #asked and answered #nancyddrew

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ranilla-bean · 3 months

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20 questions for fic writers

@erisenyo tagged me, thanks! it was really interesting to read some of your process here

1. how many works do you have on ao3? 24

2. what’s your total ao3 word count? 195,338, and i’m pretty sure half of that came from in flammam flammas alone

3. what fandoms do you write for? currently atla but i’ve dabbled in merlin, ancient history rpf (lmfao), and danmei before

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

nip it in the bud (what can i say, zukos nips are obviously enrapturing!)

lan eye for the bland guy (a testament to the people power of the mdzs fandom)

in flammam flammas (always felt like she should get more love! proportional to the sheer bloody labour i put into her 🙈😆)

deep and creamy (doesn’t deserve it. galactic repairman is way better, i wrote this as a shitty lil voice test fic for zuko pov!!)

the iconoclast (neck to neck with deep and creamy actually, will defs surpass in the next couple of days)

5. do you respond to comments? i make an effort to respond to each of them to show my appreciation. the only time i dropped off was when i wasn’t actively writing and ppl were commenting on stuff from the stone age 😭

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? definitely religio, in which i killed arthur. granted arthur dying is very much canon and literary convention unrelated but for that fic i asked my latin lecturer at the time about my translation of a passage that ended up in it lolol

7. what is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? in flammam flammas. it’s a triumphalist ending, it’s one zuko has absolutely fought for, and now he gets to reap all his rewards. the joy of overcoming adversity to become a stronger, better person, a force for good in the world

8. do you get hate on fics? thankfully not! besides the occasional leery/perhaps poorly phrased comment. but i cut those some slack

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind? yes i love writing smut [40,000 words of plot later—]

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written? noooo idt i have actually…

11. have you ever had a fic stolen? nip it in the bud was plagiarised once actually. plotline down to the story beats and the actual phrasing. it was pretty brazen and it was upsetting to discover

12. have you ever had a fic translated? nope!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before? i allegedly co-wrote a fic with my ex once… i don’t recall much of the process though so i suspect she actually wrote most of it and i maybe edited/chimed ideas/drew art? otherwise the closest i’ve gotten is collaborating with reikah, which i’ve really loved. i think it’s the ex-grad student in me that loves bouncing ideas with someone else, getting a second opinion, getting pushback. i come up to reikah with all these ideas (usually chunks of prose bc writing is my planning) and i’ll say some shit like “i want chapter 2 of nipfic to be structured in a chiasmus!” and she’s amazing at for instance going in to figure out HOW to practically (re)structure all of that. just like. concrete ways to bring the lofty vision into fruition 🫶

14. what’s your all-time favourite ship? noooo i can’t sayyyyy cos what if it changes?! but i do really love writing zukka atm for their ethnic4ethnic energy. i love writing characters of colour and delving into ideas about empire and colonialism and they’ve been the perfect vehicle for that

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? well there’s one that i abandoned for uh. political reasons 🤡 i was writing an au based on an event extremely close to my heart and i poured a lot of love into it. but the situation irl took a pretty bad turn and while i wondered at first if i could post anon, i became worried about being harassed or doxxed over it

16. what are your writing strengths? i think im good at writing on a technical level. i used to write poetry and it was a fantastic exercise in wrangling words as an art form. so many lessons carried over into my prose. there’s a sonic element to mine that is i think quite distinctive. plus i can be critical of my own writing and im receptive to feedback

17. what are your writing weaknesses? structure can be a little tricky if there are a lot of moving parts. REALLY grateful to everyone who’s beta read to give a second opinion about those elements. and the bit i hated writing the most in iconoclast was the freakin chapter 2 sports montage. i am not a sporty person

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? ehh. what’s the point? it’s all well and good if there’s a point to it, which isn’t just “look, i the author can speak other languages”. untranslated, i just think a whole bunch of dialogue in another language can have the effect of alienating a reader see donna tartt’s goldfinch

19. first fandom you wrote for? merlin i lied. it’s hetalia genfic i wrote when i was thirteen years old on fanfiction dot net

20. favourite fic you’ve written? recency bias maybe but i’m becoming VERY fond of the iconoclast. it’s definitely not a fic i thought would take off (zukki is a smaller ship! and the story is balls to the wall bonkers in a way that im sure isn’t up some ppls alley!) but i uncovered so many fascinating ideas and concepts while researching i felt like i HAD to try do them justice. i challenged myself writing more violent fight scenes & more ruthless/complex characters. i wrote the fucking haiku 🤡 and the plot is a bit of a beast. but i can sense it coming together and im writing the insane fic i wanna read!

gonna tag: @faux-fires, @dickpuncher420, @adriancatrin knock urselves out! 🥳🥳🥳

#responses

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ladyvader23 · 4 months

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20 questions for fic writers

I was tagged by the lovely @fanfictasia and @the-real-azalea-scroggs and this seems fun, so here we go!

1. How many works do you have on A03?

24, though I have some on ff.net that aren't posted on AO3 from the very early days

2. What's your total A03 word count?

850,878 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly Star Wars, though I've dabbled in FFXIV recently.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Missing and Presumed Dead

Darth Vader Goes to Therapy

Just One Wish

Darth Vader Goes to School

Unexpected Truths (just like the title, I did not expect this one to be in the top 5 and I have questions)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I used to. I read and love every single comment I get, please don't get me wrong, comments absolutely FUEL me, but responding?? I have so much anxiety, it used to take me HOURS to respond to them all. Eventually it got to be so much on my emotional health that I decided it would be better to channel that into writing more for people to enjoy, so...that's what I do now. Again, comments fuel me, and I love you all, and I read every single comment and even have a lil' scrapbook of comments that I go back to whenever I'm feeling down about my writing, so I hope this doesn't give off the wrong impression...

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Easily Fracture. If you've read it, there's no explanation needed here. If you haven't...let's just say someone gets turned into a rug, among many other horrible things...

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Uh...most of my fics have a happy ending of some sort. Some you just have to wade through more angst and whump to get to the happy ending than others. I think Missing and Presumed Dead had an ending I thought was perfect for it, as did Darth Vader Goes to Therapy. Both were happy endings AND endings that I thought were perfect for the story that was told.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I write for Star Wars. Yeah, I've gotten hate XD. Thankfully, it's rare. Usually people get upset with my interpretations because "iTs NoT cAnOn!" I really just don't care, so I just laugh and move on. Like if you wanted canon, why are you reading fanfic?? Probably the craziest though was when someone went on one of the biggest Tumblr blogs in the SW fandom and used my Darth Vader Goes to Therapy fic to support their argument that the Jedi were evil or whatever (idk, I wasn't part of the argument) and beyond the fact that it's wild to go into a fandom canon-based argument with super out of context quotes from a fanfiction to support your argument, but to do it with a fic that I 100% wrote as a COMEDY is just. Wow. I was suddenly flooded with so much hate from a bunch of people who had never read my fic, thought it was a seriously written piece of literature, and assumed I agreed with everything the person said and I didn't even know until I went to the post and had to defend myself...every once in a while someone will not see that defense and will message me more hate. Like it's a crack fic. Granted, I DID do research on real therapy practices because I didn't want to make a joke out of therapy, but everything else was 100% a joke. I'm really glad people love it (so do I!) and resonate with it, but it's not canon. I don't think the person intended for me to get so much hate, so I definitely don't blame them, but it was a lot.

9. Do you write smut?

Um. Ahem. I may or may not have a private stash from like. Deleted scenes in fics that had romance in them back when I wrote those. That I will. Definitely. Never publish. Don't worry about it. >>

10. Do you write crossovers?

Yes! Though I've only done a few. I think the only one on AO3 was the crossover with The Last of Us, done before the TV adaption.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Sort of. There was that scare a few years ago when everyone thought a random website had stolen everyone's fics, but it turned out it wasn't that exactly. AO3 isn't available everywhere, so there are sites that are just set up to mirror whatever is on AO3 so that people can read fics on that site, and it happened to be one of those sites. Oh boy, though, did they get a lot of hate mail before it got clarified. Then there was that time I had someone write a fanfic that they said they wrote with a similar concept to my ff.net story Second Chances, but then one of their friends was like "this is a rip off" so they asked me to read it before they posted it to make sure they hadn't ripped it off. Except...it was almost 90% word for word....so uh. I didn't give my blessing and I don't think it ever got posted lol.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I've had fics translated into Russian, Chinese, Korean and French. My most common requests for translation are Russian and Chinese. I've never actively tried to get something translated, it's just whoever asks me for permission.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! (I'm keeping Aza's answer for this part since it's true) There's the memorable Great April Flood, which was basically a dozen of Star Wars writers gathering together to do a massive round robin with tumblr asks prompt fills (those three sentence fics, if anyone remembers) in order to flood our side of tumblr on April Fools in 2020.

I also did an Inuyasha fanfic with my cousin when I was a teenager, and I didn't technically co-write it, but I did heavily work with a specific character for my Fushigi Yugi Genbu Kaiden series with my best friend in high school as well.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I mean, I'm pretty open to whatever. I think I've written Luke with like....5 or 6 different people depending on the story?? But if I had to choose, I guess I'm pretty consistently Percybeth, so I guess them???

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The Assassins Blade. Like it was a great story....but omg. I got so much harassment about the most random things, sometimes on every. single. chapter. it just wore me down and I just don't write romance-centric fics anymore, which is sad because I DO like writing romance.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Finding the comedy in even the darkest moment. Taking a horrific situation and really just letting the characters feel the emotions of the moment, letting them bask in the consequences of either their actions or the actions of others.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Well, anyone who has ever edited my stuff will probably say "too many redundant sentences" and you know what? They're right. Fluff-centric scenes are difficult, as well. I also will disappear for months on end when I'm just. In a weird funk. Which I still kind of am in at the moment, but I'm actively trying to break through it.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I don't really have an opinion on this one.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

First one I wrote for: Final Fantasy X, but my mom wouldn't let me publish because it was the days of the internet when all parents thought their child was going to be kidnapped if they did anything other than look at the internet. It was bad though, so I'm not sad I didn't publish.

First one I published: Inuyasha. I published behind my mom's back, and got in trouble when she found out, but then she looked at everyone's comments and figured out that I was not, in fact, overly in danger of being kidnapped, so she let it go.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Darth Vader Goes to Therapy. I will never be that funny ever again. I achieved my peak comedy with that fic. But a very close second is Missing and Presumed Dead, and sometimes, depending on the day, that one is my favorite and DVGTT is a close second.

This was fun! Tagging @sunshinechildskywalker @25centsoda and @zoryany but definitely don't feel like you have to!

#fanfic #writing game #ask me #my writing

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stusbunker · 1 year

Text

The Places We Hide Coda

A Smutty Coda for the 2022 DCBB fic The Places We Hide

Featuring: Dean Winchester/Human!Castiel

Summary: Dean is not waiting until they make it to California to break this tension. No matter how fucked up his leg or how awkward the conversation.

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: ~5k

Warnings, etc: First time together, first time after a divorce, safe sex talk, but not in proper order, injured sex, oral, anal play, anal, Dean overthinks a lot of things, and likes things in his mouth. This is lovemaking, okay?

Read on AO3

This can totally be read as a stand alone fic, I fill in the spaces between the dots as it goes.

HUGE shout out to @thoughtslikeaminefield and @lastactiontricia for their support with this fic. Thank you to @there-must-be-a-lock for logistical help as well. xoxo Stu

Dean stares at the shelf in unfocused paranoia. He feels exposed under the harsh fluorescent lighting of the chain pharmacy and fumbling through the family planning aisle like a teenager on his way to prom, isn’t helping his nerves. He shifts on his crutches and exhales.

Cas is waiting in the car.

Cas.

The guy that fell into his life a year ago and is somehow determined not to leave Dean behind. Dean swallows and grabs the generic brand lube and a box of the good condoms. He makes his way to the check out and grabs two energy drinks from the cooler along the way. The next stretch of their drive is gonna be a bitch, and he needs something to cushion his purchase.

Once it’s his turn, he unloads everything with a perfunctory greeting.

The cashier is a wrinkled, unfazed, blue haired lady. She asks if he wants to buy their promo candy without so much of a hint of caring about what else Dean’s buying. He does because, ‘yeah, sure why not,’ is all the decision making ability he has at this point of the night.

He deals with the card reader. Then, finally, she hands him the bag and tells him to have a good night. And that’s when she winks.

Dean drops the bag and fumbles, “why— well, you too, uh, Doris. Thanks— thanks again.”

She hands the bag back to him, biting her lips in amusement.

He straightens his shoulders, hooks the bag on his wrist and works on crutching out of the automatic doors. Cas is scrolling through his phone in the passenger seat and from this angle he’s all dark hair, brooding eyebrows, and pouty lips.

Dean is so screwed.

Or he will be.

Hopefully.

Oh, Christ they haven’t even talked about this yet. He doesn’t even know what Cas likes— if he—-. Then the click of the metal of his crutches reminds him of his eviscerated Achilles’. Yep, well, looks like Dean’s catching.

For now.

He swallows and wills his dick to relax as he makes his way to his car. With his boyfriend in it. Or—- roommate at least. They haven’t really talked about any of it.

Fuck.

Dean leaves the bag on the footwell in the backseat toppled by his crutches, before he shuffles to the driver’s door and lowers himself down and over. Easier every time, he thinks.The familiar cradle of Baby’s front seat relaxes him immediately and Dean smirks over at Cas as he looks up and realizes Dean’s waiting for him now.

“Any luck?”

“Well, there’s a Motel 6 near the interstate, or the truckstop that offers 24 hour showers, but I think— or what I would prefer, at least, is—”

“Hey, just tell me where to go, you don’t hafta sell me on a warm bed,” Dean tries to reassure. But Cas goes quiet and Dean is still waiting. The colored lights of the pharmacy sign hover over the dash and Dean shifts in place, thumb drumming on the steering wheel as Cas types on his phone.

“Sorry, it’s Charlie,” he grumbles with annoyance. “You’d think she’d have time to worry about her own plans for the evening.”

Dean isn’t sure he was meant to hear the last part. Then Cas looks up and around and points. “West for four blocks, then it’s a right hand turn.”

They check in and get the standard double queen, which shows how tired Dean is that he isn’t pointing out the irony. Instead he shoves his duffel on one of the beds and drops onto the hideous coverlet of the second in a dramatic show of exhaustion.

“How’s your leg?” Cas asks, carefully lining up his suitcase next to Dean’s bag before bending over to untie his bulky hiking boots.

“Still kicking,” Dean sighs and rolls over, propping his head up on his hand as he watches Cas settle in. Cas pulls his fleece over his head and his undershirt rides up to flash Dean some stomach. The guy is fit, so much leaner than he was when Dean found him in the woods, half frozen and bleeding out.

Now Dean kind of wants another reminder of how strong Cas is after all that physical therapy. One where he isn’t hauling Dean’s ass out of a wendigo’s lair.

“You got a preference?” Dean asks, without any hinted significance.

“On?” Cas’ low voice almost buzzes.

“Side of the bed?”

“Oh,” Cas catches up, but Dean’d put money on there being something disappointing about the clarification. “Uh, I prefer to be close to the window, I like a slight breeze.”

“It’s November.” Dean reminds him. “But, uh, that actually works, I need to be by the door.”

“Need?” Cas asks as he drops down beside Dean, hand easily finding Dean’s and tracing each one of his fingers.

“Closest to the exit or any threat,” Dean explains, swallowing down a happy sigh as Cas begins to massage his palm with strong, sure thumbs.

"Always the hero,” Cas replies lowly.

“Look who’s talking,” Dean quips, unwilling to let the earnestness of Cas’ words affect him. Cas’ whole face droops and his eyes seem to sparkle in the otherwise awful orange glow of the entryway light. “Come here.”

Dean pulls Cas to his side, holding Cas’ hand over his heart and kissing him like he did the first time. Was that only last week?

It feels like a lifetime ago, with the surgeries and the doctors and the stink of antiseptic and death. But somewhere in there, Dean got to keep Cas. And Charlie too.

He nudges into Cas, drawing him closer until they’re both laying down. Dean teases the small of his back, where Cas’ shirt is bunched again. He sucks in a breath and suddenly Cas’ tongue takes over. Dean opens for him, welcoming it all.

It’s easy like this, no thoughts about the hows and whys and what are we actually. Just the feel of Cas against him, the molten heat of his mouth and the way his stubble burns as he drags it down Dean’s neck, nipping as he goes. Dean’s hand is splayed between Cas’ shoulders now, a touchstone as Cas starts to find Dean beneath his layers.

Dean lets himself be found.

It’s just what he does with Cas. And only Cas.

Months of him stalking through the woods before he found the cabin and then he just kept coming back. Dean could only send him packing so many times before he just wedged himself inside Dean’s life. Inside his soul.

Damnit. Dean pulls back for air, eyes burning, he blinks back the onslaught. He grunts as he sits up and hauls his shirts off his back, giving way to skin on skin. Distracting Dean from the very blatant reality that he’s in love— capital L— love with Cas.

Dean grabs Cas by the waist and drags them both up to the pillows. He strokes up and down Cas’ sides as Cas decides how best to straddle Dean with his injured leg seeming to take up half the bed. Then Dean gets his mouth back on him and thinking and positions are once again forgotten.

He holds Cas down, but when he tries to rut up against him his leg screams and everything goes white. Instantly the solid weight of Cas is gone and Dean is being babied once again.

"It's fine. I just gotta—-". Dean rolls and sits at the end of the bed.

"Dean? We don't have to—-."

He knows. But he also knows that if they spend another eight hours in the car tomorrow without doing anything about this thing between them, he's going to cause an accident. He leans over and starts reaching for his crutches.

"Oh, we're doing this. I just gotta get situated— make a pitstop—," he explains or tries to, because Cas is all kiss swollen and concerned with his little head tilt.

And then he's helping Dean up, like Cas needs to know Dean's steady as much as Dean needs him there. Dean inhales.

"Uh, I grabbed some stuff at the store if you want to get it out. I'll just be— just a minute." Dean walks away, neck hot and bashful, but still hard and heavy in his jeans

He goes through the motions. Gives himself a cursory cleaning and tries not to get carried away fingering himself open. He knows Cas will want to too, and the thought of Cas' fingers make his insides churn and his dick weep. He pulls his boxers back up, but leaves his single boot and jeans in a heap under the sink.

Dean washes his hands and gives himself a once over in the mirror. He hasn't really looked at himself since he shaved for Cas' going away dinner. His face is drawn and the stitches on his ribs are starting to itch, but he's still got it. And he smirks to remind himself of that fact.

Okay.

Cas is laying on his back nibbling on the pack of pretzel M&Ms that are resting against his solid chest. He's down to plain white boxers, while the lube and a string of condoms are set out on the bedside table between the stick light and the hotel phone.

"Hey! I was saving those," Dean snips.

Cas rolls his eyes and finishes chewing. He sits up and hands the rest of the candy to Dean. But Dean just uses the wrapper as leverage and pulls Cas up for a quick kiss.

"I wasn't sure how long you'd be," Cas apologizes.

Dean cocks an eyebrow and looks down at both of their clothed cocks before replying. "Yeah, but you at least thought about it."

Cas huffs out a single laugh before cupping Dean over his underwear. He leans in close and whispers in Dean's ear, "I think we both have."

How is he so sexy? He's this weird, nerdy guy who wears neon all the time! Dean shudders at the rumble of Cas' voice against him and then he's dropping down to the floor. Leg be damned because, fuck yeah, he's thought about Cas too.

"What are you? Dean! No, you don't— not like that. On the bed at least, Jesus," Cas reprimands, dragging Dean up and stowing away his crutches so they're close enough to grab— later. Much later.

He pushes Dean's shoulders so he's sitting on the bed. And then Dean catches up. He hugs Cas around the middle and kisses him on the ribs, up over a nipple and on to the other one. His hands stroke up and down Cas' thick back, loving the way the muscles tense and relax as Cas tilts Dean's head back and kisses him filthy.

Cas has Dean's head in both hands and it's like Dean's lips are held up on a platter for him—- presented to be devoured. Cas has never looked so hungry and Dean's mouth goes dry. He swallows against the lingering taste of chocolate and clears his throat.

"Can I now?" Dean asks, teasing the waistband of Cas' shorts.

"No, I think we better do you first. I don't want this to go too quickly." Cas says, perfectly reasonable. Like Dean's mind didn't just have to change gears. His dick perks up though, selfish traitor.

"Uh—,"

"Lay down, however, is most comfortable for your leg," Cas says clinically

Dean rocks back and uses his core to kick his legs onto the bed. He reaches over and grabs a pillow, folds it in half because hotel pillows are crap and tucks it beneath his calf, right above his boot, bypassing any weight on the actual injury. He folds one arm behind his head and looks at the ceiling then back at Cas, just in time to see him bend out of those choir boy boxers.

Fuck.

Then he sees them. He'd been too caught up with all the feelings that he hadn't noticed Cas' scars. They're chunky and pink and the one by his clavicle is probably the worst. But Dean knew it'd be. He had to dig for that slug.

He inhales and waves Cas to him, needing to feel his body heat, the warmth of the blood pulsing through him, between them. Dean needs to remember they're alive and all that means.

Cas crawls onto the foot of the bed, eyes set and jaw loose. He kisses up Dean's hairy legs, watching him the entire time.

And yeah, that's really hot.

Then when he gets to Dean's boxer briefs he stops and has the nerve to look offended. Like they were going to magically disappear between one second and the next. Begrudgingly, Cas kneels and tugs the obtrusive garment down Dean's legs and over his bad ankle.

Dean can't help but laugh at Cas, who actually goes a little pink then he licks his lips and joins in. Dean sits up and kisses him. Because what else is there to do?

Somehow, Cas lays them both back down. Dean is too busy sucking on his tongue to notice, then Cas lines them up together and grinds.

Finally, his brain yells, some fucking friction.

Cas' balls are heavy against Dean's thigh and Dean is suddenly very aware of every point where their bodies touch. God, skin is amazing.

And he hasn't even taken his nightly dose of painkillers yet.

They rock against each other for a few moments, enjoying the heating tension. Well, Dean certainly is. He's got his hands on Cas' hips, rubs them over and down his massive thighs, learning the way they fill his palms.

Dean is going to have those wrapped over his shoulders someday. And Cas is going to sing for him in his throaty monotone way. Fuck his stupid leg or Dean would be flipping them over and doing it right now.

"Cas, please, let me? I just wanna—" Dean's begging, but he doesn't care.

"Dean?"

"Hm?"

"Shut up," Cas says with his chin down. "I'm taking care of you this time. You're going to have to deal with it."

"But–-"

"That too," Cas agrees, not missing a beat.

When Cas backs down his body and takes Dean's dick firmly in hand. Dean finally listens and shuts up.

But not for long, because then Cas is dragging his tongue up Dean's shaft and swallowing him whole. "Holy shit! Okay! Okay– fuck— yeah. I'll deal."

Impossibly, his logical mind reminds him about the condoms and he realizes they haven't really talked still.

"Hey, Cas, hold on. Um, we haven't talked about our histories or anything." Dean brushes his thumb over Cas' cheek, careful and concerned. Cas releases him.

"I was there when the nurse read your test results. Don't think I didn't notice you requested a full STI panel when it wasn't necessary for your injuries." Cas is smug and Dean pushes his face a little, just cuz.

"Okay, smart ass. But are you okay without protection?" Dean isn't forgetting.

"I've never used them for oral and Fergus, well, we were together so long I kind of forgot I should. Did that— should I be?" Cas asks, visibly alarmed now.

"No, I just want to be— transparent with you. Have you been tested?" Dean asks after a deep breath.

Cas nods. "Yeah, I did it out of spite when Fergus kicked me out, just to see if I could catch him on infidelity. I'm clean."

"Good— that's good. Thanks, I, uh, just want to do this right. You know?"

Cas' face softens and he smiles without teeth. "Yeah, I think I do."

Dean knows there’s loads more to say, but he feels a little silly now with his dick wet and softening. Like, somehow, he’s more naked or he should cover up. He looks at Cas and hopes he understands what his eyes are trying to say. Something lights in Cas’ eyes and he nods, slinking up the bed and laying beside Dean in his spot. Dean shares a bed now. He gets a full sized bed and even a designated side.

What is life?

Cas kisses his forehead before kissing his mouth and it makes something clench in his chest. Dean sucks in a steading breath, but doesn’t let Cas pull away. He kisses and clutches, clings, grabs until Cas is on him once more with weighted reassurance.

Fuck— why did he think this would be easy?

Cas is everywhere and Dean starts to breathe him in, them in, together and it all feels better. He drags Cas’ hand out of his hair, tugs it down until he can get his right knee up, showing Cas what he wants. Where he wants his fingers. And Cas hums his assent as he sucks on the spot behind Dean’s ear that makes him weak.

Dean kneads Cas’ ass as he leans across Dean’s body for the lube.

There’s a slip and slide across his belly, but all Dean can focus on is the way Cas bites off a condom from the strip. The primal flash of teeth making something in his hindbrain come alive.

Cas drops the packet on Dean’s chest and uncaps the lube to coat the first two fingers of his left hand. Dean spreads his right leg as far as he can, while Cas kneels over his injured one. He reaches down and tugs on his own dick, before cupping his balls and holding them up for Cas’ access.

Cas kisses the inside of Dean’s knee and shoulders between his legs. He starts slowly, kissing and sucking on the inside of Dean’s thighs, making his dick throb from neglect. Then when Cas starts to circle Dean’s entrance he relents and kisses the crown with a wide gleaming grin. Dean is pulled apart and he can do nothing but wait until he’s a puddle of unwound string.

The sucking warmth of Cas’ mouth is pure sin. Dean tries to keep his eyes open, tries to watch the mischief on Cas’ face as he destroys Dean once and for all. But the searching stretch of Cas’ fingers is too much and he has to close his eyes from the overload.

“Oh, Christ!”

“Dean, talk to me.” Cas slows.

Dean grits out, “it’s good. It’s—so fucking good. Guh!”

Dean is hogtied by the pleasure, unable to move besides his hands which slot through Cas’ hair as he sinks back onto Dean’s dick.

Over and down. So hot.

Dean gasps. And then Cas finds it.

Everything is pulled out of him, ecstasy, sound, gravity. Dean explodes. Reducing him to a throbbing crater on the bed.

Cas draws it all away, soothing and steady, leaving Dean empty and complete, anchored in the moment. Dean pats at Cas’ hair, groggy from the exertion. His right hand slips down to pull the bolt of his jaw away from Dean’s spent groin. Dean drags him up and back into a deep, grateful kiss.

He hums at the taste of himself on Cas’ tongue.

He’s so light, he giggles, blissed out and happy. Impossibly so.

Cas smiles back at him, almost bashfully and Dean holds him tighter. Trailing lazy kisses down his throat. Dean pats around between them for the condom, finds it wedged between his side and the sheets. He doesn’t stop kissing Cas as he rips it open, scoots back and grabs for his target. The angle is awkward, but Dean’s always been good with his hands, he makes do. Then Cas is pulling away for the lube once more.

Dean wipes his hands on the sheets as he rolls over. Cas stops him midway, draping himself over Dean’s body in a purposeful spooning. Dean tucks his right leg up and exhales, feeling the thick prodding of Cas inching inside him.

His body is sated, but the attention has his cock twitching, it’s already so much.

Cas kisses the back of his neck and hums, thrusting home. He’s balls deep and stubborn and Dean is too tired to egg him on. Cas takes his time, fucking Dean in a rhythm both lazy and adoring. Dean holds Cas’ hand against his hip, twining their fingers together, he strengthens the hold.

Dean doesn’t realize he’s crying until he opens his eyes. He blinks away the saline and clears his throat. Cas must feel him tense because he squeezes tighter and leans in to whisper, “it’s okay. You’re okay. I’m right here.”

And Dean fucking breaks. Because Cas is right there, holding him, inside of him. And it’s still not enough. He lets go of Cas’ hand to cover his face, instinctively hiding as the emotions debilitate him. Cas stops and slides his right hand up Dean’s side, down his bicep and pulls gently on his elbow.

When Dean doesn’t open his eyes— doesn’t answer the concern he can feel radiating off of Cas, Cas starts to pull out to face him properly. Dean panics.

“Don’t, please. Just give me a minute—- it’s all a lot.” Dean grits out, grabbing at Cas’ hand and hugging it against him, shoving himself back against every inch of Cas he can get. He stares at Cas’ hand and inhales. He separates the digits and starts to suck on the two middle fingers, filling himself with Cas as much as he can. It’s pathetic and needy, but it stills the ragged thing that had taken over his breath and for that Dean calms.

Just in time for Cas to keep talking.

“Take it, Dean. Please, just tell me what you need. I’ll give it to you.” Cas shifts, grunting, his forehead rocking against the muscle that meets Dean’s shoulder. Cas resumes thrusting, fucking, loving Dean. “Anything. Everything.”

Dean’s already half hard and Cas’ voice makes his lower belly clench. He releases his holds on Cas’ hand, reaching back to tug on Cas’ hair, down to clutch at his bandaged nape. Still unwilling to open his eyes, Dean rolls. Cas moves with him, straddling Dean’s thighs and driving into him with a runner’s pace. Swift, but steady.

Cas’ forearms frame Dean’s shoulders and Dean’s bad leg is halfway off the bed, but Dean wouldn’t have it any other way. He turns his head and growls against Cas’ finger tips, pecking and licking as Cas rides his prostate as well as his ass.

Cas starts to falter. He huffs and starts again, but Dean feels him shaking.

“Cas?” Dean asks, making himself look over his shoulder.

Cas glares, unfocused and jaw tight. But the pleasure takes over and he closes his eyes and comes hard and deep. A requiem of curses is whispered against Dean’s back. Which makes Dean chuckle as Cas throbs inside him.

All too soon, Cas is dead weight on top of him, softening and sticky and unwilling to move. If Dean were annoyed and uninjured, he’d have done something about it about five minutes ago. But he’s too damn happy and tired to even think about moving himself, let alone Cas.

It’s just he needs to take his meds.

He waits, guessing that Cas is most likely asleep now, by the steady beat of his heart through his back. He grits his teeth and breathes through the pain in his calf. He could really use a shower and he’s actually kind of thirsty too. A laundry list of wants and needs parade through his mind as Dean rests face down with Cas on top of him.

It just all seems like too much effort.

He’s slept in worse ways. Hell, he’s survived worse pain. But that’s the thing, he doesn’t have to— not anymore. He’s a free man. He could give up hunting altogether. Sammy’s moved on. His job is done. He doesn’t have to bear any of it any more. No more floss stitches and no-name bottle of pills he swapped for in some truck stop. He’s got a prescription with his real name on it and everything.

It’s ten feet away, tops.

Dean sighs.

Cas turns his head and Dean can feel the patch of drool he leaves behind. Gross.

“I’m getting up now,” Dean warns, flexing and bobbing his shoulder blades until Cas returns to the land of the living. Cas groans, yawns and rolls over, draping his forearm over his eyes as Dean slowly sits up.

Dean glances over at Cas, stretched out and exhausted. The condom’s half off his limp dick, but Cas doesn’t even seem to notice.

“Come on Romeo, shower time.”

Cas smirks, eyes still covered and licks his lips. “Too comfortable.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “You’re on the wrong end of unsanitary here, Cas. Plus, uh— I kinda need a hand getting in and out of the tub with this thing.”

Cas peeks one eye open, squinting over at Dean with a measuring glare. He sighs with his entire being. “Yeah, and we both need to put fresh dressings on.”

“Exactly.”

Cas scrunches his face up as he stretches out his hands, rotates his ankles and yawns. He stands up, cupping his junk before swaggering to the bathroom to finally toss the condom and wash his hands.

Dean watches him go the whole way, and yeah, okay, he ogles. But, he’s fucking allowed.

Then he limps after him, ignoring his crutches for speed’s sake.

The bacon from the complimentary continental breakfast the following morning is overdone, but Dean takes a plateful anyway. Waste not want not. He maneuvers back down the narrow aisle between tables against a single crutch. Hey, he needs a free hand for the grub.

Cas is sitting hunched over his mug of coffee, scowling like it personally offended him. Dean can’t help but smile at how grouchy he is. But then again, Cas was the one who set the damn alarm in the first place. They’ve got another eight hour stretch planned, if the winds hold out they’ll make it all the way to Denver.

Charlie texted them that she headed out just after seven, told them to take their time, and signed it with a snarky winking emoji. Dean’s in a group chat now. He’s got roommates.

Oh, right.

“Cas— so I was wondering what should I call you?”

Cas looks up at Dean as he chomps down on a clump of strips of bacon, chewing as he tries to reel in the anxiety. Cas squints.

“Cas is fine. I’ve become fond of it, why do you ask?” he replies.

Dean almost chokes on his breakfast as he hurries to finish chewing. He takes a swig from his mug and clears his throat. “No—uh.” He swallows again, thickly, knowing he’s going to have to look at those piercing blue eyes for this. And so he sucks it up and looks. “I was wondering— how you see us, now. You know? I know we’re past buddies, and we’re going to be living together, but— uh—.”

Cas sits back and raises an eyebrow, his lip quivers, but otherwise he’s stoic as ever. “Are you asking me to define our relationship, Dean?”

“Well not when you put it like that,” Dean mutters, going back to his uncomplicated bacon.

The mirth is thick in Cas’ deep voice now. “Are you worried I’m not that into you?”

Dean can play this game, too. He looks back and speaks with his mouth full, “you were more than into me last night, man.”

Cas grins and bites his lips, trying not to laugh outright.

Dean’s flushed and he’s trying not to get loud in this hotel lobby, but he will if he needs to make a point. When Cas doesn’t give him anymore ammo Dean goes back to his coffee.

“You’re an asshole, you know that?”

Cas takes pity on him. “Yeah, but I’m your asshole.”

Everything is lighter suddenly, the coffee even sucks less. Dean’s eyes perk up.

“Yeah?”

Cas leans forward, reaching under the tiny table for Dean’s good knee. His face is soft and his eyes look so tired, but there’s something deeper there too. “Dean, I thought you knew how I feel about you, about us.”

Dean knew— knows. He felt it. He sees it now. It’s just— it’s nice to hear. To be sure. He learned a long time ago not to assume things, especially with guys.

Dean nods. “I’m just checking. Boyfriends or, uh, partners? Have a preference? As long as you don’t say lovers, because that’s a deal breaker right there.”

Cas drops his chin. “Oh, I’ll remember that. But, uh, no. I don’t have a preference. Just as long as we’re in this—- together.”

Cas squeezes his knee and Dean melts.

“Yeah, well, you got me for the long haul, Cas. If you’re not sick of me by the time we hit California, I think we’re golden.” Dean tries to ease out of the moment.

“I doubt I’m going to be ‘sick’ of you anytime soon. And even if I am— that doesn’t mean my feelings will change. It just means we’re both human.” It would have been slightly more profound if he hadn’t used the finger quotes, but Dean looks past them, for now.

Dean nods and looks down at his plate and then back to the buffet line. “You getting anything? Only got like twenty minutes before they start cleaning up.”

“Did you see if they have ingredients for a PB&J?” Cas asks, following Dean’s gaze to the little counter with toasters and condiments, outwardly doubtful.

Dean stares. Who is this guy?

“Uh, not sure, probably do though.”

Cas hums and begrudgingly stands up to retrieve his own breakfast. Dean finishes off his coffee and debates another plate. They pull out of the parking lot just after eleven. Dean might let Cas drive after lunch, he’s still pretty tired.

The thought is a testament to how much he trusts Cas, with his car and with his safety. Dean’s been alone for so long, it was a risk just to take a nap. But he knows Cas has his back. Sure, he’s still taking a huge risk right now, with his heart. Oddly, it doesn’t feel like he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It feels like they’re flying.

#destiel #dean/cas fanfic #the places we hide coda #spn fanfic #spn au #destiel smut #destiel au

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madaboutmunson · 11 months

Text

Again - Part 23

Part 1 | Part 22 | Part 24 | Full list of Again series links inc AO3 Link

Steddie fic where Steve and Eddie are in their mid 30's and everyone has sort of drifted apart

Taglist: @adaed5 @grtwdsmwhr @swimmingbirdrunningrock @mightbeasleep, @jewellthebooknerd, @fentiibratzz @rvllybllply2014

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When Steve opens his eyes the next morning, the first thing that happens is he smiles. Hugely. Something only yesterday he thought might be impossible to do again. He feels a weight and heat all over him from the extra blanket made of Eddie.

Where they fell asleep neatly tucked up together, Eddie's head on his chest, his one arm holding him close, and their legs slightly intertwined, has now morphed into Eddie's and his limbs splayed over him like a starfish. His head is still at the centre of Steve’s chest, but face down, both sets of their hands are clasped together, their fingers have woven between one another's, and the muffled noises and intermittent moisture on his skin let him know Eddie is still asleep. Steve puts the softest, lightest kiss he can on the curl nearest his face.

Eddie jolts, his body tenses, and his hands squeeze Steve's as he gasps awake, looks around a few times and then realises where he is and calms. Sometimes Steve forgets Eddie also can be a very light sleeper. He rests his chin on Steve's thatch of chest hair and gazes up at him with barely open eyes, "Did I die again? Cus I'm lookin’ at an angel" he smiles sleepily, and Steve rolls his eyes but grins back at his stupid pick up line.

"You're already sharing a bed with me. You don't need to use your cheesy lines on me anymore." Steve says adoringly.

"Uh, yeah, actually I do, because the magic is in the cheese, Steve and you threw yourself across a table of tacos at me. I didn't get a chance to use that many, if any! So you're in for a lifetime of them. Mmm, cheese. Are you hungry? I'm hungry." Eddie says, smacking his lips together. He quickly wiggles up Steve, plants a peck on his lips, then violently throws back the covers and rolls off the bed to the floor with a thud.

"Urgh, your bed is wider than mine and much," Eddie groans in pain, "higher up. Three rolls." Eddie mutters as he gets to his feet, paces towards the window, and throws it open, "WAYNE!!" he bellows, half hanging out the window, "WHAT YOU MAKIN' DOWN THERE?"

"Nothin' for you, you dirty stop out," Steve hears a far away Wayne call up.

"AWW, COME ON, MAN. I CAN ALREADY SMELL THE BACON. YOU GOT PANCAKES? WAIT, HAS MORGAN MADE PASTRIES?" Eddie shouts back, suddenly wide awake.

"Young Miss Maxine tol' me, you eat with us, or you eat with your husband. You can't have both, Eddie!" Wayne calls back.

"That little tyrant!" Eddie seethes under his breath, screwing up his fists and nose, "FINE!" Eddie says, closing the window angrily. That's when Steve catches a glimpse of it, and it turns his stomach, the dark purple bruising on his neck, the edges melting into a green-yellow. A putrid reminder of what he'd done.

"Eddie," Steve says sympathetically, "Why don't you go eat with your Uncle and Morgan. It's fine. I've eaten breakfast with Robin and Max the last few days." Steve doesn't know if he does this out of kindness, self-preservation, or maybe a mixture of the two, but it definitely isn't what he truly wants. He didn't want to be apart from Eddie.

"No way. Uh-huh. No way. I know what they're doing. He's trying to tempt me out there, knowing full well you have to eat whatever cardboard you're being forced to eat." Eddie tries to look as serious as he can in his Batman boxer briefs whilst putting his hands on his hips, "Steve. I love you, but you gotta get on board with spotting your loved ones' sneaky ways, ok? What they are trying to do, Steve, is have little private conversations with us before we get a chance to talk about things together. I can feel the scheming!" He throws himself dramatically back down on the bed.

"Maybe it's not such a bad idea. Having a little pep talk beforehand reminds us to stay on point, avoid getting distracted, and keep brushing it under the rug, honey." Steve says, turning his head to him.

"I know, babe, and we will. We absolutely will. But right now should also be our reunited breakfast. We love breakfast! I don't wanna eat without you. That's just stupid. How are we gonna do that cute thing round the table you do if I'm at a different table, huh? I know it wouldn't bother you if we ate different things, and they know that too. It's just an excuse. They aren't as smart as they think they are, you know…and yet you're right, it wouldn't hurt to have a briefing beforehand, I guess" Eddie flops his arms down to his sides on the bed with a thud.

"You think it's cute, do you?" Steve says, lowering his voice, flirtatiously coaxing Eddie's face towards his own. A flash of surprise fills Eddie's face before he flutters his eyelashes and giggles.

"Oh yeah, the cutest." He answers, rolling back on top of Steve.

"Cuter than this?" Steve asks, kissing the tip of Eddie's nose.

"Oh, much cuter than that," Eddie grins.

"What about this?" Steve kisses Eddie's cheek with an audible mwah sound.

"Hmmm, still a little cuter than that," Eddie says, running his hand through Steve's hair, looking at him lovingly.

"And this?" Steve asks, holding Eddie's face in both hands and kissing him softly.

Eddie doesn't answer. He just kisses back.

"Wakey, wakey, time for your oatmeal shakey," Max calls out happily before there is a scream from Robin.

"What, Robin? What's going on? Is Steve ok?" Max's voice sounds panicked, "What the hell are you doing?? Why on earth are you covering my eyes?" Max complains.

Steve kisses Eddie one more time, and they both turn to look in his bedroom doorway. Max is holding a tray with a now upturned oat shake on it, whilst Robin has a hand over Max's eyes and her own. Beans runs past them both and pounces on Eddie, sending him flying off the bed again with an oof, then a string of giggles and baby talk.

"Sorry, we thought Eddie had already gone downstairs. We heard him privately conversing with Wayne." Robin stumbles over her words a little.

"Oh, gross! Please tell me they're dressed, at least." Max's face contorts in disgust.

"Yeah…yeah, absolutely totally dressed, just kissing, that's all." Robin tries.

"Oh my god, you are the worst liar. You know that." Max complains.

Eddie's head appears from the side of the bed, mischief written all over it. Beans' head pops up next to his with her tongue hanging out.

"Oh ladies, I'm so sorry, we weren't expecting guests. Let me just find my underwear. I know Steve tore it off and threw it over here somewhere." Eddie says thoughtfully as Steve hides behind a pillow, only his eyes peering over the top, one to hide his laughter, two so he might be safe from Storm Maxine if he set her off.

Max turns, passes the oat-filled tray to Robin, and rounds on Eddie, "You better be joking, Edward Munson. Otherwise, I will accept this as a declaration of war; believe me, I am not an opponent to be trifled with. I will win."

Eddie blows a raspberry, "You can't defeat me. You don't have the leverage."

Max walks forward, hands on her hips, and she leans forward to Eddie's space and says quietly, "Oh no? Wanna test that, do you? Hmmm." Eddie looks defiant.

"It doesn't say anything in those leaflets about kissing, ok. That's allowed!" Eddie complains.

"You better be joking about that underwear, Eddie. Otherwise," Max folds her arms and says quietly, "I'm gonna call his kids and tell them you put him in danger."

"You wouldn't dare!" Eddie gasps.

"Oh, but I would. Now can we all just keep to the rules?"

"Yes, on a few conditions. We eat breakfast altogether, and you teach me how to make that oat shake abomination. I know you're trying to get us apart for pre-talk talks, but can we do those after breakfast?" Eddie requests.

"How did you-" Robin starts.

"Because you aren't as sneaky as you think you all are. Wayne grilling bacon, pancakes and Morgan making pastries? Crazy coincidence." Eddie laughs, and to Steve's surprise, Max smiles. He couldn't shake the feeling that Eddie had missed an essential element of their whole plan, and it didn't look like Max would confess.

"Deal," Max says, putting her hand out to shake, but soon thinks better of it, turns it into a wave, and walks back towards Robin, who closes the door behind them.

Eddie walks back to the bed and offers his hands for Steve to take, "Best get you ready for breakfast, big boy," Eddie grins as Steve takes his hands and allows himself to be hoisted to his feet, "What do you wanna wear?" He asks eagerly, moving towards the chest of drawers.

"Well, um, probably something smart-ish, maybe?" Steve says thoughtfully. He absolutely can dress himself, but after how happy Eddie was helping him yesterday, he doesn't resist it this morning, and also, if he's honest with himself, it's kind of sweet.

Once he learned about Eddie via the kids, he was initially a little jealous because of how cool Dustin, Lucas and even Mike painted a picture of him. A rebel, the music he listened to had the kids foaming at the mouths to talk about it first. Eddie was into all their geeky stuff and knew more about it than they did, so he was some kind of nerd god and shredded on guitar. Steve had made peace with the fact that he couldn't and didn't want to compete on those levels. He had other things to offer them that Eddie couldn't, girl advice, style, a vehicle without its own personal weed cloud, he had fought alongside them several times, and everyone's parents liked golden boy Steve. But when the kids told him about Eddie inviting them to join Hellfire Club, when they told him about how Eddie ran distraction when anyone gave them any trouble, he sometimes took a punch to keep his club and his friends safe. He had taken them under his wing, but he was crowding Steve's wing, which was already there. That is what made Steve jealous. And the feeling, as it turned out, was very much mutual. So he knows care is something so ingrained in Eddie, just like it is in himself.

Though they only talked about it a few times, and their childhoods were utterly different, they both suffered an absence of care and instead of repeating that cycle, they had both chosen to break it and care and protect others in abundance. Even if it was always under a thin layer of false annoyance.

So, yeah, Steve can't do many things right now to show Eddie how much he means to him, but he can give him this, and Steve emphatically knows if the tables were turned, Eddie would let him have that too. He loved him so much.

Eddie chuckles and walks towards the closet, "Ok, I see what's going on here."

"You do?" Steve says nervously.

"Hit the shower. I'll use Corey's, and we'll reconvene in a few, ok?" Eddie instructs.

By the time Steve is done. Eddie is already in his closet. He's rushed. His wet footprint trail has given away his hurry.

Eddie remerges with a designer black polo shirt and some black Levi 501s, holding them up for approval.

"Could I have some colour, babe, please?" Steve asks with a soft laugh. Eddie wrinkles his nose in slight annoyance at not getting it right the first time and ventures back in. Steve calls after him, "Eddie. Why didn't you just tell her I started it?"

Eddie remerges with some more fitted black jeans and an olive green polo shirt, holds them up, and Steve nods. Eddie lays out the clothes and steals Steve's towel away so quickly in one fluid movement that it catches him by surprise, and he lets out an unexpected high-pitched noise, making Eddie laugh.

"Oh sweetheart," Eddie says, rustling in drawers to find some underwear and socks, "If I told Max it was you, and you had got in trouble with her, you might not ever flirt with me again. You're too well-behaved, honey." He kneels on the ground and helps Steve into his smalls and socks. Once on, he stands back up. "As much as I'd love to, the adjustments are, uh, all yours. I did make a deal." Eddie looks him up and down with a sweet smirk.

"Ah. No, actually. I'll have you know. I've snuck in and out of many a window. Like a ninja. Skull Rock was a make-out place I basically invented!" Steve defends as Eddie helps him into his jeans.

"Steve Harrington, I see the way you look at Max, like she's one of your own, and I know she's got you twisted around her little finger. So don't even try to pretend you're some kind of delinquent on demand. Maybe to the wider world, you could be," Eddie laughs, lifts his chin up, and Steve raises his arms so he can put the polo shirt on him. "But to all your little ones and not so little ones anymore. No chance. Zero." He smooths down the collar and kisses him lightly, "All done, handsome. It's not gonna help you, though." He says, half-smiling, picking up Steve's towel and drying his hair roughly.

"Eddie! Jesus Christ, stop doing that to your hair!" Steve wrestles the towel away from him. He takes Eddie's hand and sits him on a stool in front of his vanity dresser, "Why would you do that?" Steve looks through Eddie's hair which is starting to frizz, where he's scrubbed at it.

"You like my hair now. I always do it like this, apart from the painting day at the library and the taco date. I had a professional do it those days," he beams back at Steve in the mirror.

"I've always liked your hair, even when it was a wild and untamed thing. I just think you should be more careful with it. It didn't deserve to be treated that way." Steve says, reaching for some product, rubbing it into his hands and easing it into Eddie's curls for a while in thoughtful silence."I understand if he's mad, Eddie. He should be. I would be, wouldn't you?"

Eddie's eyes are closed as he's enjoying the hair treatment at Steve's hands, "Yeah, well, I'm a grown-up. I don't need Wayne to be mad about something you had no control over. It was an accident. We do the doctor appointments, and we do the therapy, and we fix it. End of. There isn't anything left to talk about."

"Eddie," Steve says sadly, cleaning off his hands, "We can't just forget it."

Eddie's eyes open, and a frown appears as he looks back at Steve in the mirror, "Yes, we can, actually. We can forget it. It was a stupid mistake. A unique set of circumstances that will never happen again. I want to forget all about it. If it were up to me, we wouldn't even need these stupid talks, bringing up things we can't change. What is the point? Let's just move on and get back to the good part." Eddie says firmly.

"That's just not possible," Steve says, which must trigger something in Eddie because he is out of his seat.

"Yes, it is! It is possible! It's entirely possible to forget. You should know that, of all people." Eddie pokes him in the chest a little hard, "It's absolutely without a shadow of a doubt possible to forget whole time periods, events, places and people, Steve!" The corners of Eddie's mouth plummet downward, his hand rubs soothingly at where he poked Steve, and his eyes brim with tears, "Sorry." He says, voice breaking.

Without missing a beat, Steve wraps him up in his arms. He realises there is so much Eddie hasn't unpacked from the last week, not just what happened between them but his own trauma being triggered and losing Jack on top of all of that.

"Honey. It's ok. I know you're eager for the good parts, me too. I just don't want us to brush things under the carpet, and end up like so many people do, tip-toeing around or tripping over all the bumps when they least expect it and clashing with one another. I don't wanna do that with you." He squeezes him tighter, and Eddie nods into his neck.

"You're right. I know you are. I just hate this. When I came home and saw Beans outside, I knew something was wrong, but instead of calling anyone. I just charged in like an idiot. I should have figured out a way to restrain you, but I was so scared. You were looking right through me. Like I wasn't me. I can't explain it; it just wasn't how you look at me, and then I tried to calm you down, but it just made everything infinitely worse, babe. If I'd just been smarter, none of this would have happened." Eddie sighs and takes a deep breath straightening up and wiping his eyes like he's determined not to actually cry.

One arm still around him, the other raises to touch his neck, and Eddie goes to move away but Steve holds him in place, earning him a concerned wide-eyed look, but not fear. Steve swallows hard moving his shaking fingers until they are centimetres from contact with the purpling bloom across Eddie's throat. He stares at it, "Does it still hurt?" Steve asks in a whisper.

"No, not really, unless I bump it or press it. I mean, the likelihood of me bumping it on anything is minimal," Eddie tries to joke, but he can feel the seriousness between them.

"May I? Gently?" Steve asks quietly as his sad eyes finally reach Eddie's, who reluctantly nods. Steve stretches his fingers out and barely touches Eddie's skin in case it hurts more than he lets on. He moves around the yellowed edge first and then across into the darkened centre. "I'm so sorry, baby," Steve mutters desperately. "I know last night you didn't want to talk about it, and I respect that, and in a way, if I'm honest, it was both a relief and the most frustrating thing in the world." He cradles the side of Eddie's neck like it's made of the finest porcelain. "Not frustrating because I want to talk about it and you forgive me, but frustrating, I want you to know how fucking sorry I am I hurt you. I never wanted to do that, honey, not ever, in any way. I love you so much. I'm so fucking sorry." Steve says remorsefully and looks back up into his eyes.

"Is there ever gonna be a sorry that's gonna be enough for you, Steve? Which one is gonna be the one where you forgive yourself because I forgave you a billion sorrys ago, even before the first one. You know you were apologising to me in your sleep? Begging me not to leave?" He takes Steve's hand away from his neck and puts it to the side of his face, "I understand, and I know you mean every single apology, babe. I just want you to know I don't need them. I believe you. I'm not leaving. I know you would never do that intentionally, not to me." Eddie looks deeply into Steve's eyes like he's trying to embed his words into Steve's mind for good. Steve can only stand there and look over him for a few seconds in silence. He only had two things on his tongue, another torrent of apologies, which Eddie said he didn't need, and the insanity Eddie was shut out of.

So Steve opens the door to it.

"You are not stupid. I am. You told me to turn the TV off and wait. I didn't because it was drawing me in. It was spilling out of the TV, Eddie. Filling my home up with its darkness. All that tragedy, all those plumes of smoke, all the floating pieces in the air. All that destruction. All that death. It was like my brain had changed channels, and before I knew it, I was somewhere else. I couldn't see the room I was in. I was back in The Upside Down. Back in 1986, well, '83. Alone this time. Outside that house. Monsters everywhere. No weapons, but I had to stop him. It must have twisted your voice when you spoke, and I thought you were him. Vecna. I didn't know it was you or where I was until it was too late. As soon as I realised what was going on, I stopped." Steve confesses it all.

"Oh my god, Steve. That must have been terrifying." Eddie says, concern swimming in his eyes as his hands reach up to his face and thumb over his cheeks. Steve nods.

"I thought about it, you know. When I was outside the house. I thought about running away. But then I thought about all of you, and I couldn't turn my back, Eddie. I couldn't let all this horror get to you. I couldn't let my kids live like that in a world of fear. That's no life. So I had to stop him, you know. Even when I knew I probably wouldn't make it. I had to try." Steve can feel himself trembling and the tears falling from his eyes, but he doesn't look away from Eddie, who wipes them away for him, and though he looks devasted, Steve watches the corner of his mouth twitch up.

"You were cute. You tried to be a hero or something." Eddie forces a trembling smile, and Steve nods and crashes forward into Eddie's shoulder, "You aren't fighting anything alone anymore, understand?"Eddie rocks him gently from side to side as his one hand cradles the back of his head. "You gotta stop charging into things without me. I'm supposed to be next to you every step of the way, and so is everyone else who loves you. Look at them, Steve. Look at all of us. No one blames you. Not even Wayne. He's mad because I got hurt. That's all, but he's not an idiot. He knows you didn't premeditate that. He just wants to see for himself what he already knows. And from what you told me, he's gonna completely understand." Eddie tightens their embrace. "I love you so much. As long as I'm around, baby, you'll never, ever have to face anything alone again. Never. You're our keep, and we your knights, but deep down in you, right there," Eddie puts his fingers on the centre of Steve's chest, "That's my treasure, and if anyone or anything tries to damage or steal it. They best be ready for Ancient Dragon levels of fury and fiery vengeance. That's my hoard," he says, kissing his forehead. "Thank you for telling me all of that. That must have been fucking terrifying to do too." He sweeps a hand over Steve's hair. "And look at me. I'm still where I was before you told me. I still love you. Maybe more. Please don't shut me out anymore, Steve. Even if it's the craziest, most horrendous, most bizarre shit. It's not your fault that happens to you. We'll find a way." Eddie tilts his head and smiles sweetly, "Apparently, according to your kids, that's the way it's done in Chez Harrington." Eddie smiles lovingly at him.

Steve's eyes raise to his again in gentle adoring surprise, "They said that?"

"Sure did. In Jenny's kitchen, before we all came over," Eddie's smile grows, "Now how about we get some breakfast before it's cold and disgusting. I mean, yours started cold and disgusting, but there is hope for mine still."

After breakfast has been consumed and cleared away, Max shows Steve and Eddie how she organised his medication in a box with many labelled compartments. Eddie makes notes, listening intently to her, which distracts Steve entirely because he looks so adorable when concentrating. His little tongue poking out, eyes wide, peppering her with questions. He feels someone looking at him and lifts his eyes from Eddie to find Robin, who looks adoringly between them both, drawing a heart in the air with her fingers, and mouths "Perfect" before giving Steve two thumbs up. He wasn't after Robin's approval, but it made him so proud to have it. She always liked Eddie, but as Steve's best friend for the longest time, she had made her opinions known on some of his quirks or sometimes problematic behaviour without even knowing how Steve felt about him.

"Wow, Max. Thank you for doing all that. I have no idea how I'll ever repay you for everything you've done." Steve says gratefully.

"I don't need to be repaid. I need you to follow the instructions, and when you go to the appointments, you have an important one with your specialist later today. Make sure you know exactly what you need to do and if there are any changes." Max says kindly, “Let's just make sure Steve here gets back up to full speed and stays there.” She reaches out her hand to roughly where Steve is, and he moves his arm towards her, so she can put her arm around him for a quick squeeze, which for Max was huge.

“Max and I thought we’d go out for the day. Maybe I could describe the world’s largest ball of paint to her whilst we sample some local goodies.” Robin says, grabbing for her car keys and their jackets.

"So here's your chance, Edward. Do a good job, and I won't need to be your personal shadow tomorrow." Max smirks at him.

"The specialist is today?! Christ give me a chance," Eddie says in surprise.

"Don't worry, Max, we've got this. Go enjoy your day. Let us know if you're coming back for food later or staying over somewhere." Steve says confidently and reaches out to hold Eddie's hand.

"Will do." Max smiles and flicks out her cane to make her way around to where Robin is.

Wayne looks up from the paper, “On account of you being busy this afternoon, you got time now, Sunshine?”

“Yeah, of course,” Steve says a little nervously, and immediately he feels the warm reassurance of Eddie’s hand at the small of his back, and Steve tries desperately not to look at Eddie, not like Wayne would judge him as weak for looking for support, just he didn't want Wayne to feel uncomfortable about saying what he wanted to. They both make their way to sit opposite Wayne at the kitchen table again.

It wasn’t so much that Steve was concerned with what Wayne had to say. Eddie had already explained Wayne’s eagerness to speak with him, and as a father, Steve absolutely understood that. He’d even understand if Wayne tore into him, no holds barred, or gave him a taste of his own medicine. None of that worries Steve. He’d expect that. Maybe some toxic part of him would even welcome it. It is, after all, what he felt he deserved, but the indisputable worst part of this is being a disappointment to Wayne. An adult to look up to, to aspire to be like, who had embraced Steve for everything he was and wasn’t. Showed him what real nurturing looked like, and to disappoint a man who gave him all that for no reason might be more than he can take. Steve never had to earn anything with Wayne. Not a term of affection, a hug, a smile, a compliment, a congratulations, a plate of food, not a place in his home. That was brand new to Steve.

Wayne points a finger at Eddie and then to the kitchen door, “Why don’t you go see what young Morgan is up to, huh? In light of the world events this week, he’s probably reworking one of his games, could probably do with a hand.”

Eddie’s expression wipes. He clearly was not expecting to not be at Steve’s side for this, and his eyes bore into Wayne’s, his mouth a tight line. He doesn't look angry or worried, he looks as though he is purposely not trying to display any expression at all, but something unspoken is being communicated between them both for a few seconds. Eddie grunts gets up, and leaves the table, slamming the door behind him.

Steve looks down into his glass of water and tries to look up at Wayne, but the shame is too great, “Wayne, I-” Steve starts, but Wayne raises a finger.

“Hold your horses there, Sunny,” He speaks with a gentle gruffness that Steve has come to find as much of a comfort as he does hearing him speak his nickname, so he tries to look at him again, “I’m gonna speak plainly as one man to another. Now Eddie ain’t my kid on paper, but he is my boy and always will be in my heart. An’ I know you know that,” Steve, this time looks into Wayne’s intense but compassionate eyes, and he sees where Eddie might get that look from too. “So lemme start by addressin’ the problem here. You hurt my boy, Steve. What you did physically coulda really damaged him according to the emergency room people I made him go see,” Wayne leans across the table, his fingers steepled in front of him, “But when you didn't answer him. When he thought he’d lost you. When he was tappin’ away on his phone, or starin’ at it, or throwing it down the RV. Cryin’ when he thought we weren't lookin’ at first, but then eventually didn't care if we could. Didn’t care about much of anythin’ to tell ya the truth. You coulda killed him. He don’t bounce back like you.” Wayne looks Steve directly in the eyes, “Eddie sinks right to the very bottom, has to claw his way back out from there.” Steve can’t hold his stare. Doesn’t feel worthy after what he did. Wayne's hand reaches across the table for his. “You can’t cut him off like that, Sunny. He was so lost when he couldn't reach you. You gotta just tell him, good or bad, ok?”

Steve raises his eyes to Waynes for a split second, “I-I didn't mean to do that, sir. I just couldn't bring myself to read the messages I thought might be there,” The warmth from Wayne's hand spreads over his skin, and he notices how soft his touch is now. The comforting rough texture is almost long gone, only still present on his fingertips. He still plays regularly, Steve thinks.

“Enougha that sir business. As far as Eddie is concerned, we're as good as family already. I ain't tellin' all this to make you feel bad, but I ain't sugar coatin' it, for my boy's sake. This is who he is. He's intense. He loves ferociously. You gotta know that before getting any deeper with him. It would be kinder to cut him loose now than to give him the cold shoulder again after your next fight."

Steve panics, "No. No, I don't wanna do that. It was all just a long line of mistakes, Wayne. I swear. I only didn't turn my phone on because I thought after what I'd done it was over, and I'm pretty resilient when it comes to getting rejected, but I don't know what I would have done if I had to read or hear Eddie say he didn't love me anymore." That gives Wayne pause, "When he wasn't there when I came round. I thought he was gone for good. I was so lost." Steve feels a slight heat rise to his cheeks, "I might not show it, but I love him just as intensely. I'm just not good at expressing myself and being open sometimes. I try for my family, which includes you and Eddie." He risks a look back up from the table. Something in Wayne seems to have settled, his posture and expression relaxes, but his hand squeezes Steve's tighter.

"Then what happened?" Wayne asks plainly.

"Eddie told you everything that happened in that place, right?" Steve asks carefully.

"Yeah, after I dragged it out of him," Wayne says, slightly annoyed.

"Well, when I saw all that destruction on the TV. I knew I should turn it off. Eddie even told me as much, but I could not stop watching like it was a whirlpool dragging me in and under, and then I guess my imagination spilled into my real life, and I couldn't tell the difference." Steve shifts their hands and grips Wayne's hand tightly, "This is gonna sound crazy. I could not see Eddie in there, and though I heard his words, it wasn't his voice, and it wasn't coming from him. It was one of the things we had to fight. So I fought. I fought for our lives, but please, believe me, I had no idea I was fighting Eddie." Steve tries to be brave and looks up at Wayne again to see his reaction, was he alarmed that Eddie had chosen a madman to spend the rest of his life with? Would he put a stop to that? As a father, that made sense. You'd do everything you could to keep your kid from harm, even if they hated you for it.

Steve hears the scraping on a chair and feels Wayne's arms wrap around him. One hand pulls his head in tight to Wayne's chest. The familiar care and love from Wayne completely overwhelms him, as he realises all is not lost, and Steve erupts into sobs, his painful, deeply repressed wails burst out of him, muffled by Wayne's plaid shirt, "I'm so sorry." He repeats over and over into the material like he hopes his apologies weave between the threads for eternity.

"I got you, Sunny." He repeats in return, trying to soothe Steve, Until he returns to speaking words instead of just making noises. He holds Steve's head up between his hands and looks him right in the eye, "You aren't alone, Steve. What happened to you… Your mind was tryin' to guard itself, understand?"

Steve shakes his head with tears still streaming down his face, "Oh god, Wayne. I'm so scared I'm out of control. What if that hadn't been someone strong like Eddie. What if that had been Jenny? What if that had been one of my kids?" Steve slumps his head down again, and Wayne picks it right back up. Steve opens up again and details what he saw, just like he had for Eddie.

"You are not outta control. Eddie told me how protective you are over 'em all, how you've been playing hero in fights that never shoulda been on your shoulders, but you had no other choice. How you look up to your grandpa and everythin' he did. How you wanna be more like him, less like your ol' man." Wayne readjusts in his seat and lowers himself a little to meet Steve's eyes, "What you saw on the TV, Sunny, was somethin' you recognised in a split second as something you couldn' protect 'em from. You got scared because you can't fight the unknown. Because you can't protect your kids from an unseen force. With all the familiar images on the TV, your mind just took you right back to it, warped it, threw you right back into battle mode." Steve focuses on Wayne's words to ground himself and realises his gripping his arms so very tightly. "So many young 'uns end up just like you, all because they were shoulderin' a burden that weren't theirs in the first place. Happened to me too. I got called up and saw some things I'll never unsee. That's why I lived alone for so long. I was lucky I got injured pretty quickly and got sent home. But I can't be around a bonfire without imaginin' my enemies, my brother's in arms, or innocents screamin' for help in it."

"What do I do, Wayne? I don't know what to do. I'm so afraid it could happen again, no matter what the doctors say." Steve actually pleads for Wayne's help. He feels the desperation within him. He was too afraid to show these fears to anyone else, but now he'd let it all out. "I don't wanna be that guy. I'm not that guy. I wanna be a Dad, I wanna be a Husband. I wanna love and be loved. I don't wanna hurt anyone. Why couldn't the universe just let me have that, huh? Just once!" Steve sighs, "I'm lucky in so many areas. I see that. I really do. But now, this new perfect, wonderful thing I had, it's got a huge imperfection, caused by me, at my clumsy, stupid hands. I had everything, and I almost lost it just like that."

"Just because it's battle-worn or broken doesn't mean it's worth less or isn't worth looking after with the same care," Wayne lifts his head up and pulls him back in for another bear hug. "In most cases, it needs more."

"Thank you. I promise I won't let you down again." Steve says into his shoulder.

"Take your meds, do your therapy, talk openly. Do those things, Sunshine, and you'll not disappoint yourself." Wayne says with a final squeeze and pats his back. He pulls a handkerchief from his pocket and wipes the tears from Steve's face, "Come 'ere. He'll have my guts for garters if he comes back in here and thinks I made you cry." Wayne gives him a warm smile.

"Wayne, can I ask you something?" Steve asks a little bashfully.

"O' course, shoot," Wayne says with a reassuring smile.

Steve clears his throat, "Did you know? All those years ago?"

Wayne smiles broadly, "Wasn't my place to know, Sunny. Was my place to give you both room to figure things out yourselves."

"Did he tell you why he left to go to Indi?" Steve asks.

"Eddie was always gonna leave eventually. Hawkins would never understand him. He had big dreams and had a big personality. That place couldn't hold him, so they tried to crush him, even before the murder allegations," Wayne says, clearing away his coffee cup, "He told me everything whilst he was packin'. He'd already told me how he felt about you, but he was standin' there throwing things together. I didn't say much. Just let him get it all out. I don't think he really understood himself. He just thought he'd lead you astray, put you in danger. Convinced he'd corrupted you somehow. I tried to tell him it doesn't work like that, but he wouldn't have it. I thought he'd be back in a week, but I was wrong." Wayne leans back in his chair and pockets the handkerchief, "We had so many fights about Alice, and when he started using stuff and drinking himself into oblivion, I asked him home. He refused. Didn't want to come back a failure, he said. Nearly really lost him in New York. He was hanging ‘round with some heavy users there. Something made him see sense, though. Made him come home." Wayne turns back to Steve, "I think he was just trying to fill a void with anything he could all that time, but it didn't work. Nothin' did. Not until that day at the library."

Steve smiles fondly, remembering that day.

"Be good to one another as often as you can. When you argue, make sure it's worth fighting over. Ninety per cent of the time, it never is, and you're just letting anger eat up what could have been happy memories. Be silly and stupid with him. Let him know he's loved every day." Wayne laughs, "He never looks like he needs it, but he does, feed his ego now and again too. Do that, and he'll never stray, loyal as a hound that one."

"I promise, Wayne. I'll take care of him and you if you allow it." Steve smiles and almost laughs at Wayne's shocked face, "There is plenty of room here. I've probably got enough space on the land to fix you up something static."

"Now, Sunny, that's too much-" Wayne starts to say, but Steve gently raises a finger to him.

"No, Wayne. You gave me a home when I needed one most. You welcomed me with open arms. I wanna extend that to you. Money doesn't matter to me. I'm not saying that to boast. I'm saying that so you know I wouldn't miss it, Wayne. I wouldn't miss the money it would take to make this your home too. Anyway, you want it. I know Eddie, and I would both love that." Steve says happily, "Think about it, would ya? It would be great for the kids to have a Grandpa that is still here and actually has time for them."

"I ain't no one's Grandpa," Wayne laughs.

"Not yet," Steve teases with sparkling eyes, a huge smile, and Wayne's eyes widen.

"Eddie! I think it's time for you to collect your husband now!" Wayne calls out, making Steve laugh hard.

There is the sound of running, and Eddie immediately wrenches open the door, out of breath. He looks at Wayne, then Steve and back to Wayne again before scurrying into Steve's lap and examining his face. Eddie's eyes narrow, and he turns slowly to Wayne, "You made him cry!" he frowns and pouts, stealing Wayne's handkerchief from his pocket, "Give me that!" He fans it open with a flick of his wrist, still glaring at Wayne before he eventually turns to Steve and starts drying his eyes. Wayne and Steve are desperately not trying to laugh at Eddie's theatrical display.

Hours later, on the drive back from the specialist appointment, Steve is half-sulking, and Eddie is cackling loudly. He’s trying his level best to be annoyed, but Eddie’s laugh is too infectious, and the information was actually kind of a relief.

Eddie slaps the steering wheel a few times, “Oh babe, this is your finest moment for sure!” he chuckles and wipes his eyes.

“It’s not funny! I could have died, you heard the man.” Steve emphasises.

“Oh yeah. I heard that, but that was waaaay after the other list of facts, babe. You didn't have a heart attack, which is why they didn't operate. What happened to you is rare and mostly happens to fifty-five-plus menopausal women!” Eddie smiles back, teasing him playfully.

“I’m a rare case. It’s still a valid condition. One of my heart chambers is misshapen!” Steve tries to complain, but Eddie is struggling to hold back laughter.

“Ok, ok. I’m sorry. Yes, it's very serious, ok? But, Steve, come on…you are always teasing me about being dramatic, but your body decides you are gonna have one of the most theatrical-sounding things I’ve ever heard of? Broken heart syndrome? Seriously?” Eddie shakes his head like he can barely believe it.

“Stop calling it that! It’s called Takotsubo cardiomyopathy!” Steve folds his arms. He’s actually annoyed now. Eddie rolls his eyes and reaches his hand out to Steve, and when he doesn't take it, he just starts squeezing random bits of Steve he can grab until he holds his hand.

“I’m surprised you aren’t overjoyed it wasn't an actual heart attack!” Eddie says, a little shocked, “The recovery for this could be another week, another three weeks tops. Isn’t that awesome news?”

Steve can’t deny that was great news, but he knew Eddie would never let him live this down, so he may as well admit defeat right now, “I suppose you’re right. It could be so much worse.”

“I am right, aren’t I?” Eddie beams proudly, “I’m getting pretty good at this husband stuff.”

“Don’t push it!” Steve warns, but he side glances and secretly loves how adorable Eddie looks right now.

“Oh baby, no way. I will not push it. Not today,” he turns to Steve and gives him a huge grin, “No. Not this week, not next, but after that, sweetheart….” He starts pressing buttons on the car stereo. Steve recognises the song immediately and frowns.

Eddie taps the beat on the steering wheel, winds down all the windows, turns the music up loudly, and sings along.

Sittin' here eatin' my heart out waitin'

Waitin' for some lover to call

Dialed about a thousand numbers lately

Almost rang the phone off the wall

Lookin' for some hot stuff, baby, that evenin'

I need some hot stuff, baby, that night

I want some hot stuff, baby, that evenin'

Gotta have some hot stuff

Gotta have some love tonight

“You know what, Edward, you are going the right way for a permanent ban on all things intimate!” Steve reprimands him half-heartedly.

“Oh, Edward, is it?” Eddie wiggles his eyebrows, “That's normally reserved for when I do something exceptionally naughty, babe.” he giggles mischievously, “Like you could possibly resist all this.” Eddie gestures at himself, flexes his bicep and kisses it.

“Ok, well, this is helping me find a whole host of things to help resist you!” Steve sounds upset, but a laugh slips, “I can’t believe you aren’t taking this more seriously!”

“Baby, the only thing serious about me this evening, is gonna be the serious about of snuggling and smooching I’m gonna be lavishing you with tonight, and tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, repeat to infinity,” Eddie says dreamily, looking out on the road.”In fact…” he says as he swerves the car down a side road, making Steve grip onto the door for dear life until he pulls up at the side of the road, “I’m gonna start right now. I’ve got a broken heart to mend.” He smiles as he unbuckles his seat belt, wraps his arms around Steve and kisses him lovingly.

#steddie #steddie fan fiction #eddie munson x steve harrington #steddie fan fic #steddiefanfiction #steddiefanfic #madaboutmunson #madaboutmunsonagain #eddie munson #steve harrington

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bloustorm · 6 months

Text

tagged by @aobawilliams

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

just 4

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

9,731 words3,338

3. What fandoms do you write for?

AO3 I got My Hero Academia, Trash of the Count's Family and Kiss the Abyss, but I also got various wips for Naruto, DC, and some other fandoms or crossovers like DCxWC

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Woes of a Drunkard (341)

How about No (76)

Burned-in Fingerprints (24)

When did I lose you for real? (18)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yeah! I always try to respond to the immediately, I myself like when the author responds to something I wrote in a comment (though I also try to write longer comments) and I think it's nice if it just gets acknowledged that I saw that they took their time for it. Also comments give me live and kudos just do nothing for me.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

That would probably be "When did I lose you for real" if I ever manage to finish that fic whoops

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Uh hard to say actually, like Burned-In Fingerprints ends pretty positive if I remember right but like How about No doesn't even get angsty at all? but I would say it's a neutral ending so yeah. Fingerprints.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, but like my fics aren't that well known obviously or haven't really been written out enough to have anything offensive in it lol. I really need to finish my wips one day

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, that's a secret /j Idk what's meant here with what kind, anyway only a selected few are allowed to read that anyways

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Hmm haven't written anything just thought about it.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so (unless it was done without my knowledge)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, there's kind of an idea of doing it with @grolahvol and possible @fanfiction-artist-prototype but that's up in the air for if it ever happens

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

...yeah no idea right now, come ask me another time. (It tends to change on the day)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

*crying* all of them.

Would really love to actually finish the posted stories I have on ao3 but I am currently so OUT of the fandom that it will take a while before I can look at the again I guess, like I literally have the third chapter almost ready only needs simple edits but nope

16. What are your writing strengths?

I honestly got no idea? I probably got some I'm just not sure what it could be.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

word hard. Also no idea how grammar works beyond "whatever feels right to me".

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Eeh, I probably wouldn't do it because it's bothersome having to look up a translation while you're reading a fic, unless it's something that fits with the context or just a few words here and there. Also switching languages in the middle of thinking is so hard to do, why would you do this to me. + like it just feels awkward to write it in another language, at least to me. Or to read it, there are a few language that can make it work but like german is not one of them (at least to me)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Uhhh technically like the Ga'hoole movie or something mabye?? that was even before I knew about fandom.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

UGH, I like the Drunkard one but How about No is also really funny

tagging @fanfiction-artist-prototype @aro-aizawa @slagathorius-maximus and uhhh whoever else sees this and writes

#1) + 3 on another acc. 2)+3338 #yeah I just copy pasted aobas text so I didn't have to type all the questions that's why I also just used her text for some answers #blou talks #tag game

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throttlegainwell · 16 days

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22, 24, 26, 28

Thanks for the ask!

do you ever worry about public reaction to what you’re writing? how do you get past that?

Sometimes.

Short answer: the best way to get past those concerns is to find other fandom people who are weird about the shit you're weird about, preferably in the same ways you're weird about it.

Long answer:

I worried enough about it a decade ago to create this account to host all of the weird shit, which took a lot of the pressure off, and I worry about it again now that I'm using this account for everything (because I don't know what people are reading my work for these days, but I post a lot of much tamer stuff here than I used to, and I worry that people are going to be, uh, impolite when I eventually post gross stuff again). That's why you'll periodically see me post reminders that I talk about porn and dark stuff, since I don't trust that everyone is actually reading the pinned post and I don't want anyone getting a nasty surprise (even though most of what I talk about here is still pretty tame compared to what's actually hosted on my ao3 profile). It's also part of why I periodically toggle the "don't perceive me" button to hide this blog from tumblr search.

I was kind of nervous about when there's fire on the ground, since I was new to the fandom. It's not that dark in tone and I made every effort to write as sensitively as possible, but it concerns very serious subject matter (and about a kid, at that), and this fandom, uh, has not struck me as particularly chill. But no one gave me any shit about it. I took that as a pretty good sign. There are a few stories that I probably won't post because I just don't want to deal with people potentially being weird about them, and a couple that I've changed my mind about and may post anyway if I ever finish them (because people have expressed interest). But it's not always because of dark or disturbing subject matter. I've gotten a little nervous about all kinds of things.

But this is why I don't ever have anon asks turned on, always archive-lock sensitive fics immediately (and everything else after a week maybe), and always enable comment moderation. (Though, really, I don't get that many messages in the first place, so it can't really be deterring people from sending me asks. I doubt anyone has anything they're itching to say to me if only I'd just turn on anon asks.) It's a boundary I set, at least in part, because people can get very weird about the kinds of things I write (which, even when they're not dark or sad, are usually about niche or weird or unpopular things).

I really enjoy and value the engagement that can come from posting, but I don't really care whether my work gets much attention. I certainly don't expect it. So I don't necessarily worry that people won't be interested in reading it or even that they won't like it; I just don't want people being assholes over it. I'm fortunate in that I generally fly under the radar and always have. I just write stuff because I feel like writing it, so if I think people are gonna give me a headache over it, I'm more than happy to write it and leave it on my hard drive.

how do you recharge when you’re not feeling creative?

Ideally, I read a lot/watch movies, preferably things I haven't read/watched before, listen to music. Maybe do some research just for fun, explore new topics that I wouldn't normally be curious about. But I've got a fickle attention span that's very difficult to wrangle, so I also focus on more tactile creative hobbies or physically grounding activities. Knitting/crochet/baking are nice. I play with my cats more. Cleaning (and sometimes rearranging furniture) is hands-down the best way to fix a creative slump for me, but nothing is fool-proof, you know? There's a lot of physical stuff that I used to do, to get my head on straight, that I no longer can. Mostly, I just don't force it and don't stress over it.

are you able to write with other people around?

Not really. Sometimes I get lucky (last summer, I wrote a lot while I was spending time with other people), but it's unusual for me to be able to write with others around--either they talk to me/need me for something or I just can't focus with others present. I don't read well around other people either (that combination hypervigilance/poor concentration, you know).

your least favorite part of the writing process

Picking up a story where I left off and trying to figure out where I was going with it. I'm much better at it than I used to be, but I really dislike having to do it. I like to get in the zone and go. Unfortunately, if a story has any length or substance to it, then that's something that I probably have to do because, obviously, I can only write when I have the free time to do so. (See also: all the sobbing and whining I've very publicly done over memorized your smile lines. If anyone ever feels like holding my hand while I wrangle that one, I would love it.)

Ask game.

#answered asks #writing tag #ask game

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forabeatofadrum · 1 year

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Ljubim te (12/24)

Notes: Woah! We’re halfway there!

*cough* Ahem, sorry. Hi. Long time no see, I know. Well, it hasn’t been that long, but it’s been a while. I am definitely going to finish this fic, preferrably before the 2023 Advent. I just haven’t had a lot of time for fic writing because I started working on my master thesis and that takes a lot of time, so when I am writing these days, I am writing academically about the representation of queer women in TV and film, so I have no clue when the next chapter will be up.

So. Uh. Sorry in advance.

AO3 | S&C

–

CONVERGENCE

When Kurt opens the front door to his building, he takes in Blaine’s appearance. He looks terrible. Blaine didn’t really explain what was going on over the phone. Kurt pushes his own wish for distance aside and he hugs Blaine.

“Come on in,” Kurt says during the hug.

Kurt’s place isn’t glamorous. It’s a normal four story house that got turned into four shitty apartments for students. Kurt lives on the fourth floor with Sunil, André and a Slovakian guy who Kurt’s never talked to.

“Sorry for the mess,” Kurt says when they arrive on the right floor, “Let’s just go to my room. Everywhere else is… questionable.”

“Thanks,” Blaine says quietly and he follows Kurt upstairs.

Once they’re in Kurt’s room, Blaine drops his bag to the ground and he sits on Kurt’s bed. It makes sense, since Kurt’s office chair and his tiny desk are farther away, but it still makes Kurt feel weird. It’s weirdly intimate, even though that is not what is happening.

Kurt stays at the door. Blaine has his head in his hands.

“What happened?” Kurt asks, sounding worried. He wonders why Blaine is in such a state.

When Blaine explains what happened at his work, Kurt’s stomach drops. Blaine did the right thing and yet he is being talked down. That’s messed up.

Fuck it, Kurt thinks again and he walks to the bed so that he can sit down and give Blaine another hug. Blaine leans into the touch. He really needed it. Kurt can feel Blaine relax in his arms.

“What did Tadeja say?” Kurt asks.

“I don’t know. I kind of ran off.”

“I’m certain she is on your side. Screw Dejan.”

Blaine nods against Kurt.

“Yeah. I wonder how she’s feeling. This isn’t fun for her either.”

“You can give her a call?”

Blaine nods again and to Kurt’s dismay, he lets go of Kurt so that he can reach for his bag. He still looks a bit shaken, but now that he’s offloaded his thoughts, he seems to be more calm and Kurt is happy that he could help.

“Can I?” Blaine nods towards the door.

“Use my room,” Kurt says, “André is home. I’ll be in the kitchen, getting something to drink.”

Kurt does exactly that. He leaves Blaine in his room and he goes to the kitchen. He formulates a plan to cheer Blaine up. He makes a tray with snacks and two glasses with something to drink.

He passes André on his way back to his room, who, to Kurt’s surprise, gives him a thumbs up. Did André hear Blaine come in? And if so, then what is he implying?

Kurt waits at the door, listening. He hears Blaine saying goodbye to Tadeja and once Kurt’s sure the conversation is over, he goes back into the room.

Blaine looks pleasantly surprised when he sees the tray.

“What is all of this?” he asks.

“I don’t have anything to do today,” Kurt says, which is true. He is a bit ahead of his coursework, so he has time to hang out with Blaine. Hanging out with Blaine sounds fun. It’s been a while since it was just the two of them and Kurt knows he’s the one who tried to put distance, but he’s missed Blaine.

And Blaine needs him now.

They decide to watch a movie and when Blaine tells Kurt that he’s a fan of RENT, Kurt’s heart skips a beat.

Kurt doesn’t have a designated seating area. His room is too small for that. Heck, there isn’t even a shared living room in this house. So instead Kurt moves his desk chair towards the bed and he balances his laptop on it. The bed will have to do as a replacement couch.

The two have a great time. They try not to sing along, since they don’t want to annoy Kurt’s roommates, but sometimes they can’t help it. When Blaine sings a part of Out Tonight, Kurt playfully puts his hand over his mouth and Blaine giggles. They laugh, they cry, they have both seen the movie multiple times, but it’s just fun. That’s what Blaine needs. He’s more relaxed than before.

Kurt notices that Blaine’s moved closer to him, but he doesn’t comment on it.

When they reach the end of the movie, they’re a fucking mess. Blaine has dried most of his tears and Kurt has a smile on his face, because he is a sucker for a happy ending. Call him hopeless, but he’s a romantic.

The two of them watch how love prevails and Kurt shoots a look towards Blaine.

To his surprise, Blaine’s looking at him, not the screen. Kurt wants to ask Blaine why he’s staring, but he can’t, because all words die out in his throat when he sees the way Blaine is looking at him. Blaine’s eyes are wide and he looks so entranced by Kurt.

Maybe it’s the convergence of a romantic ending and the way Blaine is staring, because Kurt suddenly feels overwhelmed. It’s too much. Kurt looks away and he’s about to say something casual about to movie, to move away from whatever small moment just happened between them, but the next thing Kurt knows it’s that Blaine’s hand is on his cheek. Blaine turns Kurt’s face towards him and Blaine leans in.

Blaine is kissing Kurt.

The rational part of Kurt’s brain knows that something is up, because Kurt’s straight best friend who he has a crush on shouldn’t be kissing him, but Blaine’s lips against his feel so good that he doesn’t care about rationality anymore. Instead he wraps his arms around Blaine, to pull him closer, and Kurt kisses back.

It’s so good. Kissing Blaine shouldn’t be this good. Kurt opens his mouth so that Blaine’s tongue can slide in and fuck, it is so good. Blaine’s other hand is on the back of Kurt’s head and he’s potentially ruining Kurt’s hair, but Kurt doesn’t care. This is exactly what Kurt has wanted. This is everything he dreamt of. This is-

This is what he didn’t allow himself to think about, because Blaine has a girlfriend.

“Wait,” Kurt says against Blaine’s lips, “Wait.”

Kurt pulls away and Blaine tries to chase him, but Kurt puts his hand on Blaine’s chest.

Blaine’s eyes snap open and Kurt can see the realisation sink in.

“I…” Blaine trails off and he slowly takes his hands off Kurt’s face, “I… uhm…”

“Blaine-”

“I need to go.”

“Blaine!”

Blaine jumps from the bed and Kurt tries to go after him, but Blaine slams Kurt’s bedroom door shut in his face. Kurt’s left alone with his thoughts. What just happened?

–

End notes: Ooooh! Livin’ on a prayer!

But uh, yeah, sorry for the cliffhanger 👈(ﾟヮﾟ👈)

#klaineadvent #klaine advent 2022 #klaine advent #klaine #glee #holy fuck I wrote #2023 #multichaptered #also be real with me guys is RENT a romantic movie cause tbh i don't think so but it has romantic moments #i was this close to having them [REDACTED] at i'll cover you to drive the dalton drama even more but it was a bit too much

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tavyliasin · 2 months

Text

Above Him, Down Below (Smash) - Ch1/4: "An Orthon's Appetite"

I'm going to try something different this time and post the fic up as separate chapters rather than all in one 10,000 word chunk this time, so bear with me! I'll add in the links to each chapter when I'm done, too.

Yurgir x Gender Neutral Reader One Shot Chapter 1 of 4 // 2,791 words

Full AO3 Fic Here

Pairing: Yurgir/Gender Neutral Reader SPICE Rating: 4/5 Content Warnings: Oral sex, size difference, power play, mild predator/prey, scent kink

Spoilers Vaguely House of Hope, this is mostly porn without plot. Canon Compliance Do you want canon? Oh dear. This. This is just indulgence~ Other Notes Written as a challenge and a fun idea that got a little out of hand and larger than I anticipated, which is quite ironic given that this is absolutely Size Kink from start to finish.

Mood/Song Explode by Written By Wolves "This time I'm set and I'm coming for you Won't take "No" for an answer Nothing you can do You can seal off the entrance Block off the road I won't stop till it's mine or I feel my heart explode

Now is the time I'm taking back what is mine You can try shut the door But you know I'll just tear down the walls (Feel my heart explode) Remember me as I go down in history So don't stand in my way, if I have to then I'll take it all Feel my heart explode

Remember, once it's been said That it can't be unspoken So let the next words you say Be ones that won't leave you broken The time to join me is ticking away with each passing second This is your final warning, consider yourself as threatened"

Smut below the cut! ----- -----

“You. What have you done?” The Orthon stared down at you with burning eyes, the threat in his voice almost robbing you of the bravado contained in the parchment in your hand. “You think a piece of paper enough to bind me, Little Rabbit? I had not thought you so foolish.”

You pointed to the page, taking an involuntary step back at the rising heat from Yurgir’s rage. “Right here, it says for the next 24 hours, I outrank you.” Your throat felt dry as you swallowed back the regret. “So, I command you to lower your weapon.”

“Let me see that.” He plucked the page from your hand with gargantuan fingers, holding it closer to read. “How in the hells did you get such a thing?” His weapon drifted towards the floor as he continued to scan the details on the page.

You withheld some of the truth of the thing. There were some things he did not need to know, and it was a small matter to say you had lost the bet when really this was your prize for winning it. You recalled the laugh of the incubus and Raphael’s amused eyebrow raise as you left with the contract in hand. “We shall see if your decision was a wise one. You could have had so much-” The rest of his words had meant little, you had what you wanted, wisdom be damned.

“Your terms, then. What foes do we face?” Yurgir passed back the scroll, seemingly satisfied that it was genuine. The hierarchy of the Hells was not to be ignored, but neither was your actual purpose.

“First, I want to be clear. If I ask anything of you that you don’t want to do, you will not follow the order.” You stood a little taller, but still had to tilt your head a long way back to make eye contact. “Little Rabbit, you think me a coward? That I would shy away from a good fight?” His brow furrowed, your rule cutting like a sharpened dagger at his pride.

You held his gaze, taking a moment to steel yourself before you replied. “Secondly, we’re not going to war.”

“To a battle then, a skirmish, a single foe - it matters little to the arrow, Rabbit, where you aim the crossbow, only that you pull the trigger and fire it.” He was becoming restless already, his claws digging into the wood of his weapon.

“No, uh…” You shifted a little on your feet, becoming ever more aware of the scent drifting from his skin, and the feelings that were stirring ever stronger through your body. “You don’t need the crossbow.” Your circulatory system was fighting an ever more difficult battle of its own, blood rushing both up to your cheeks and directly down to where lust’s heat built at an alarming rate.

Yurgir’s nostrils flared, taking a long and unnervingly deep breath in. “Ah. That is what brings you here. Little Rabbit, perhaps you should seek another rabbit to sate your needs.” Despite his words, he made no move to leave, or to dismiss the contract. In his eyes there was a hint of curiosity, or perhaps he was amused at the courage it took to keep your feet on the ground in front of him. Beneath him.

A shudder ran down your spine at the thought. It was taking everything you had not to just climb the huge man like a tree and find out what he tasted like. “If I wanted a boring roll in the hay with someone not worth my time, I wouldn’t be here.” You took a step forwards. “Besides, I can’t back out of a bet I already lost.” Another bit of the lie, but you noticed his eyebrow only raised for a moment.

“You wish to spend your time with a mighty warrior at your command testing the limits of your mortality, rather than bringing death to your enemies?” He chuckled, a low and unexpected noise. “You are a strange one, Little Rabbit, but I have no objection.”

Your knees felt momentarily weaker as he closed the gap between you, blocking out almost all the light with his towering form. The words on the tip of your tongue decided they had somewhere better to be, leaving you utterly speechless in front of the hard won prize you’d been thinking of since your time in the gauntlet and an interesting use of that spell…what was it? Speak with Bed?-

“Preparations.” He said simply, trailing one claw tentatively across your shoulder as if sizing you up, the predator deciding if his prey would be swallowed in a single gulp or if they were worthy of a second bite. “I assume you do not intend to stay here.”

You blinked a few times, remembering just where it was you were standing. Yurgir had been assigned to guard the portals that Raphael most often used to summon guests to and from the linked locations. As alluring as it was to order him to take you against a wall without wasting another moment, that would be unwise. You’d won your time with him from the Cambion, but his generosity would only stretch so far. “Wherever you sleep. Take me there.”

Another low laugh rumbled through his chest. “Very well, Rabbit. Prepare yourself.”

The very next moment your feet left the floor as he easily picked you up. He only needed one arm to support your hips and thighs, your body pressed over his large shoulder leaving you only the view of his broad back as you were draped over him like a piece of cloth.

—

There was little point arguing;, Yurgir had followed your command explicitly. He took you to his room, it was simply a method of getting you there that lacked any dignity. Not that it mattered one bit, of course. Your legs were already feeling weak with expectation, body heated with need, head swimming with thoughts about what might lay ahead, and all of it stirred by the scent of his hot skin against you.

The slight sheen of sweat on thick cords of muscle had left a moist feeling on your lips from where your face had been pressed against his shoulder, trying vainly to prevent your head swinging around with his heavy steps. Absentmindedly, your tongue slipped out to taste the trace of him on your own skin. Salt, leather, something decidedly spicy, maybe a little sour-

“Hungry, Little Rabbit?” His deep voice told you that you were too close to his ear for that little moan to escape his notice. It was also now clear that he had stopped walking, the door closing with a soft click behind you.

Before he turned again, you had a glimpse of the room from over his back. Rough hewn walls seemed out of place in the otherwise fanciful mansion, a thick pile of furs and blankets on what appeared to be a makeshift bed frame on the opposite side of the room. Simple wooden torches cast eerie shadows all around you, as if the room itself were alive and ready to swallow you whole.

There wasn’t time to dwell on it though, as your feet were planted gently on the floor, the contract still gripped tightly in your hand as you looked up at him perplexed.

“Your order?” He stood waiting expectantly, and though his question asked for your control, it was hard to believe you actually had it. But the Archivist had assured you in no uncertain terms that the contract was binding, and that the Orthon would always respect the chain of command as if it were in his blood to do so. The only risk would be when the time was up and the power over him was lost… Breaking you in half wouldn’t even need both of his hands.

A safe test first. “Tell me again, that you won’t follow an order you dislike.”

“You are repeating yourself, Rabbit.” He cautioned, looking a little impatient. His chest rose and fell with deeper breaths, quicker than before - he was taking in your scent again. Instinct. “I agreed before. That still stands. And you, should your body not withstand the decisions of your wicked tongue?”

“I’ll make 4 sounds, or movements, in this pattern.” You demonstrated twice, a clear and unmistakable rhythm. “Agreed?”

“Agreed.” Yurgir’s eyes were drifting across you again, assessing, waiting.

You swallowed back the last of your trepidation, walking around him to take a better look around the room. There was little more than you’d already seen. The Orthon clearly had little need of possessions beyond weapons hung on one wall, a bookshelf covered in more bottles than tomes, and a few leathers cast over the edge of a chair that was clearly too small for him.

Turning around, you saw him still stood where you had passed him, facing you but not moving yet without the instruction.

The words fell out as you contemplated the coiled tension in tense muscles beneath crimson skin. “Undress me.”

He covered the distance in two quick steps with a wicked grin. Once again the command would be followed in the most direct way, a fact you realised a little too late as taloned fingers tore the seams and fabric of your clothing like they were paper. To your surprise, despite his motions your skin wasn’t marked, not a single scratch as you were fully bared before him. “Fragile thing.” He looked down at you, the hint of teeth in his smile. “You could be so easily broken.”

“You’d be surprised.” You spoke perhaps a little too bravely despite the potions and spells you had used to strengthen your body’s constitution before meeting with him. Even the ring on your finger was imbued with charms to help you survive your own ill-advised lust. “Tell me, do you like what you see?” More bravado that made you wish to bite your own traitorous tongue from your own mouth, until you heard his answer.

“Perhaps. You intrigue me. Pretty words, Little Rabbit, and bold questions. You really wish to know?” He loomed over you, leaning down, almost bending double just to get close to the top of your head. But from here his breath was hot on your scalp, washing down over your neck with his scent, the growl of his voice reverberating down your spine. “I can smell you. I could smell the arousal on you from before you even spoke to me. I thought it was the incubus playing tricks, but you haven’t been near them, have you…” He considered the implications as he awaited an answer.

“I didn’t need to.” You answered, voice wavering slightly as a pleased shudder travelled down your spine with the echoes of his growling tone. “Do you want to taste? Take what you want with your tongue alone.” The order came purely from the unbearable heat burning through your senses, your body and mind absolutely desperate to see what his appetite might lead to.

“Hmmm…very well, Rabbit. I will need to position you. Do you disagree?” He clarified the terms, still leaning in so close you were tempted to take hold of his horns and pull yourself to his lips- “Yes or no.”

“Move me as you need to, but that’s all your hands are allowed.” The adrenaline was flooding every nerve, racing through your body with the scream of danger that should’ve had you listening and running as far as you could go…but that other part of your primal mind was shutting down every logical thought that this giant could destroy you in a second, with the far more tempting thought that such destruction would be the hottest possible way to shake off your mortal coil. “Agreed.” One single word that barely left his throat before you felt your feet leave the floor. His hands were around your waist, lifting you effortlessly and half-throwing you onto the pile of furs that served as a bed. He grinned down at you, the air pushed out of your lungs by the impact, your limbs moving on their own to scramble backwards, his looming presence seeming ever larger from this angle.

It was only a moment longer before he was kneeling before you, leaning over you, nostrils flaring as he took in the scent of your exposed body. It was strange to see him on his hands and knees as he lowered himself, lifting your legs roughly but with enough care not to snap them as your knees were hooked neatly over the tusk-like horns that curled forwards either side of his jaw.

“Hmmm…” Yurgir’s breath was hot, lips just a few inches from the very obvious evidence of your arousal. “Such a small creature, Rabbit, but you smell…good.”

The vibrations of his voice shot through your body, your back arching as his hand slipped beneath you, holding you firmly as he began to give you everything you had dreamed of when you signed that little contract that lay discarded on the floor with the ragged shreds of your clothes.

The first long swipe of his tongue was slow, deliberate. The size of it alone left no part of you untouched as your breath once again abandoned your lungs with a salacious moan. Gods, that felt good. Hot, soft, yet the muscle itself pressed around every curve of you with that wet heat as he took the first taste. The low growl of his laugh made you shiver, his approval making your entire body feel both tense and weak in the same instant. “A treat… Yes. I am…hungry, Little Rabbit. We shall see if my appetite can be satisfied.”

The next motion brought his rough lips to your skin, the ache of your hips - held far apart by his horns - melting away to the heat of his mouth lighting up your senses. You were at the mercy of his hunger, yet everything was exactly what you had ordered of him. He was following the commands to the letter, indulging his own desire to lick slowly and deliberately, the deep rumble of a pleased moan a clear sign that he enjoyed the taste.

The vibrations of the noises he made had you shivering, melting into the hand beneath you, whimpering ever more desperately as he began to suck a little to draw more sound from your lungs that hardly remembered to breathe. The sharp feel of his horns digging in to the soft skin of your legs grounded you with the pain, adrenaline melting into endorphins that were beyond intoxicating. The subtle dig of teeth into your body nearly pushed you over the edge as he tested your limits, a sound akin to a purr following the hot trickle of blood reaching his lips.

It would have been impossible to describe to anyone else, a tongue as wide as your own forearm, pliable and powerful, greedily licking every hint of your arousal. Slow, teasing, the building tension in your body had you pressing your head back into the furs beneath you, eyes squeezed shut and hands desperately gripping the hide as if holding on to your own sanity.

Yurgir mercilessly kept you close to the edge for a while, drinking in every gasp and groan, until finally you relented to begging him for your pleasure. “What was that, Little Rabbit?” He smirked between long drags of his tongue across nerves that pleaded for just a little more, a slightly different rhythm-

“Please, I need-” You struggled to form words, feeling his grip around your body tighten slightly as he continued to tease. “I order you to pleasure me fully.” You forced the sentence out in a single rushed breath of desperation.

“Good.” He accepted the command like second nature, no longer denying you the orgasm that had been building with force low in your body with every tormenting motion of his mouth.

The rush was so intense you could taste blood from where you bit your lip, mere moments before a howl tore from your lungs beyond the attempt to bite it back. He growled his approval, the vibrations along his tongue escalating the climax even as it ripped through your nerves. The Orthon’s huge hand held your shuddering body with an almost bruising grip, refusing to release you until every last drop of your lust had been devoured in his greed, low and pleased moans as if this was a delicacy to be savoured.

By the time he relented, your body felt weak, drained, but sated…for a minute, at least. He released your aching legs from his horns, raising himself after until he was crouching, resting on his haunches, blazing eyes watching you with curiosity. “Satisfied, Little Rabbit?”

--- --- END NOTE --- ---

Ready for more? Click below!

Chapter 2 - Collared Commands

#yurgir #yurgir the orthon #yurgir x reader #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 fanfiction #fanfic #bg3 #balders gate 3

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