#i have been taught to feel like if i cry and i'm on my period i'm the reason men think women are weak and unstable

[drarrymylove]

this is complete bullshit and i will not stand for it. why is it i have to gaslight myself every 4-5 weeks that i'm not feeling the way i'm feeling because no, i do not in fact want to die and no i do not want to cry for six weeks, and no it is not possible that i am the most insignificant person in existence, and no i am not unworthy of the air i breathe, and no it's not insane that TLC's banger "no scrubs" is stuck in my head after typing this out, and no i don't deserve to feel invisible and left out and ugly and stupid, and no my therapist doesn't hate me and no it's not the end of the world because all of this feels incredibly true, and yes i'm on my fucking period.

#and why do i feel guilty #the last few remaining crumbs of internalized misogyny is telling me i should be ashamed of this #so many of us struggle with the monthly menty-b's #i have been taught to feel like if i cry and i'm on my period i'm the reason men think women are weak and unstable #goddamn it i hate it here

[sarawritestories]

Heyy I read your period fic with cassian and I absolutely adored it! I love how you write cassian as a caring male...and honestly I would envision Helion the same too with his partner/mate when she is on her cycle...If its not too much of a hassle...i wanted to request a helion x reader fic where they are sleeping together but when reader wakes up in the middle of the night and sees that she has bled through the sheets and this is her first time having her period in front of Helion so she is terrified and nervous of Helion waking up and seeing the mess she has made..but Helion ends up waking up with only wanting to take care of the reader and help her with her cramps❤️

Hi Anon, Yes, and as I have just fallen victim to my own cycle, I felt it was appropriate to get some Helion loving here because a high lord taking care of their mate in pain is Yummy!

I'm sorry this took so long!

Fuck Propriety

Helion X Autumn Court Fem Reader

Summary: You got your cycle for the first time staying over with your mate. When the High Lord of the Day Court finds you on the floor writhing from the pain, Helion begins to take care of you, whether you want it or not.

Content Warning: bad cramps, bleeding through sheets. Swearing, but the title makes that a given. A little bit of self-loathing sprinkled as well.

ACOTAR MASTERLIST

Unrelenting pain awoke you from your sleep. Creaking your eyes open as a wave of cramps attacked your body. Suppressing a whimper, you sat up, and the familiar sensation hit you, followed by the scent of your blood. Your eyes widened.

No. No. No. No.

You looked over at your sleeping mate, his brown toned back rising and falling with his breaths. Even in his sleep, Helion was regal. Shame swept over you like a violent current in the Summer Court. The first time you stayed with your mate in his court and you had gotten your cycle.

How could you be so careless?

You found out Helion was your mate 6 months ago. Swept up by his beauty and playful personality, you must have forgotten to keep track of your cycle. You spent most of your time admiring Helion and his freedom to express himself the rest spent making sure you were poised and presentable, suitable, for a High Lord just as your mother taught you. How living in the Autumn Court had taught you.

Helion's kindness and warmth had lowered your walls slightly, and you felt comfortable talking with him. Had you been keeping better track, you would have rescheduled your visit to the Day Court Your mother's voice rang loudly in your ears:

How would a High Lord trust you with an heir if you can't even keep track of your cycle?

Her words stinging in your mind as another wave of cramps hit you. Gritting your teeth to prevent you from crying out, you tried to move only for more pain to erupt from your abdomen. Sweat coating your brow, you breathed through the cramps, trying hard not to disturb the sleeping high lord beside you. Finally, the pain eased, and you gently slid out of the bed.

Turning back toward the mattress, you felt tears begin to form as a giant stain of blood glaring back at you. Your mother's voice rang out once more:

Stupid child, how can the High Lord ever respect a mate that sullies his finest sheets the first time she stays over?

You clenched your hands into fists so tightly you hadn't realized you broke skin, as two words kept repeating over and over.

Bad Mate. Bad Mate. Bad Mate.

You ran to the bathroom, right as you had shut the door, you were attacked by another aggressive wave of cramps. The pain over took your senses as you collapsed to the floor. The cool marble floor was a welcome reprieve to your feverish skin. You could only manage to focus on the pain you hadn't realized that you were screaming or that the bond was now open and everything you were feeling was being sent down the gold thread to Helion.

****************************************************

You heard your name being called repeatedly. You opened your eyes to meet the concerned golden hues of your mate's. Your body had fallen unconscious. You were so devoured by the pain to notice. "Sunshine, are you alright?" Helion's voice grounding you from the pain that began its relentless attack. He had laid your head on his lap his fingers running through your sweat coated hair.

"You aren't supposed to see me like this." You whimpered as your body rides out the pain, a fresh scent of copper flooding your nose as you cover your face in embarrassment. "Go back to sleep, I promise I will be okay."

Helion's fingers pulled from your hair and his hands engulfed your wrist, pulling them away from your face to see a fresh batch of tears. His dark brows furrowed, "You expect me to go to bed?"

You had forgotten about the bed sheets now soiled with your blood. "No, of course not, High Lord, not until I put clean sheets on, I will go-" You sit up and try to stand only for your cramps to send you back to your knees. A grunt of agony escaped your lips as toned muscular arms wrap around your waist and pull you back to a sitting position. He pulled your back flush with his bare chest, his body providing warmth to your clammy form. Helion places his hands over your womb, and his fingers begin to massage it, dissipating the pain. You sobbed at the relief his kneading does for the pain. Yet your mind still fought, "Helion, I have to clean up my me-"

Helion was swift to cut you off, "You will do no such thing. The only thing I want you to do right now is sitting right here with me and listening. Can you do that for me, Sunshine?" You nodded your head and leaned against his shoulder. His hands found yours as he intertwined your fingers, providing you with a sense of calm. "Good, first things first, you are never to call me High Lord. Ever! Unless my head is in-between your delicious thighs, then you may moan out my title as much as you please."

You hummed at the thought of your mate's tongue against you, your eyes fluttered closed, and Helion chuckled at the scent of your arousal. Another round of pain hit you, and Helion adjusted his hold so your knees and back were secure and hoisted you up. With his magic, he filled the tub with steaming water, and with a snap of his fingers, the two of you were undressed. He placed you in the tub, a moan escaping your lips as the heat of the water began relaxing your muscles. Helion slid into the spot behind you and began rubbing your shoulders.

"Sedondly," Helion continued, "When you are ill or in pain, I am responsible for taking care of you. I promised you as much when the bond snapped into place. No, I will not let you clean up your bloody sheets. No, you will not be bathing alone on your cycle and trying to manage your pain alone. I will not allow it. I want to take care of you. So please let me know." His lips find the side of your head and presses lightly. His long dark curls fall down your shoulder as he moves his lips to your cheek and down your neck, causing you to giggle.

After he stopped his kisses, he turned your head so your eyes met his once more. "This last one is important, so pay attention." He sighed and placed a tender kiss to your lips, sending love down the bond. "You do not have to be prim and proper with me. You are mine. I will love you no matter what. I've been trying to get that wall, your mother built around your heart, since we met. The wall that doesn't allow you to bask in the sunlight on a warm day. The one that doesn't allow you to dance with me in the kitchen like no one is watching. The one that doesn't let me kiss you in public, in front of our court."

"Our court?" You blinked.

His full lips curved into a grin, showing immaculate teeth, "Our court, did you think you were going back to Autumn after this visit, Sunshine." You blushed. That's exactly what you thought you should have known better.

You frowned slightly, "But It's not proper to sho-"

Helion growled, "Fuck Propriety! I love you. And I want everyone to know it." His eyes softened as he placed a tender kiss on your shoulder. "Sunshine, I want you to know how much I love you. I want to show you that love. I want you to feel comfortable showing me your emotions. If you were, maybe you would have woken me up to tell me what was going on. Because you weren't open, and you didn't tell me; I woke up to feeling this heavy pain in my chest realizing the pain was shooting down the bond, the scent of your blood and you screaming in the bathroom. When I found you unconscious, I..." He paused, and you placed a hand on his cheek, turning your whole body to face him. He shook his head, the beads in his hair glimmering in the fae light. He gave you a sad smile as he leaned into your touch. "I just want you to be comfortable here to be who your truly are. To be able to express yourself and to ask me for help when you need it."

You bit your lip for a moment for a moment before whispering, "What if I don't know who I am?"

Helion's smile gave you butterflies in your stomach as he pressed his lips to yours. Pulling away he placed his forehead onto yours, "Then we will discover who you are together. What a fun adventure that will be." His tone held genuine excitement.

"And you will still love me?"-

"Until my dying breath, Sunshine." He kissed you once more.

"I love you." You blurted out, heat rising to your cheeks at the confession.

Helion chuckled, "And I you, now let's get you cleaned up.

So Helion washed you from head to toe. As the two of you began to talk, you began to truly open up to him, and in the conversation, you forgot about the pain. He dried you off and gave you some linen to line your underwear to help with the bleeding, along with his shirt to wear, knowing you would find comfort in his scent.

He led you to the bedroom where there were fresh sheets, a steaming cup of tea, and a tonic for the pain. No male had ever been this attentive to your needs before. Tears began to run down your cheeks, and Helion was quick to kiss them away. "None of that. Come now." He had you sit on the edge of the bed where he tilted your chin up slightly and pressed the vial with the tonic to your lips, which you greedily took. Then he handed you the tea and made his way to his side of the bed. He watched as you placed the mug on the nightstand, and his arm snaked around your middle, gently pulling you toward his body. You laid down and adjusted yourself to face him. He kissed the tip of your nose and smiled, "Say it again, Sunshine."

You knew exactly what he was asking for. "I love you, Helion."

He pulled you close, your head laying on his bare chest. "I love you too." Your eyes drifted closed as you fell into a deep slumber, to the sound of your mate's heartbeat.

#helion x reader #helion acotar #helion spell cleaver #high lord helion #helion x fem reader #helion x you

[selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs]

hi! I'm not sure if your taking requests or not, if your not please ignore this, but could you please write a self aware dazai, or any characters you'd like, learning that the reader has similar trauma as dazai, just some small aspects are different? thank you for your time!!

Hello! Hope, you like this. You are welcome.

When they learned, that you have similar trauma

Self-Aware! Dazai Osamu x GN!Reader

(Slight Self-aware! Oda Sakunosuke x GN!Reader)

Warning: Yandere, OOC, BSD characters stalks Reader, slight spoilers for "Dazai Osamu and dark era", mentions of death, few years ago Reader wasn't in the best place in their lives, English is my second language.

🪢🦀 It happened after you installed BSD Mayoi app and BSD gang gain access to the rest of your phone.

🪢🦀 Now they can hear your talking not only when you are using their app, reading manga/Light Novel or watching anime. Now they can hear you in your everyday life.

🪢🦀 Of course, they are looking after you for your own good. When they finally get to your world, they need to know who they should punish for wronging you.

🪢🦀 This cashier, who was rude to you and tried to scam you? Fitzgerald will destroy him financially.

🪢🦀 The terrible entitled parents in the park, who try to take away your phone and give to their children? Fukuzawa and Yosano will make them apologies.

🪢🦀 Entitled brats that ruined your notebooks? Elise and Q will show them, that you shouldn't be messed up with.

🪢🦀 Creepy old man that made you uncomfortable? Hirotsu and Melville will taught him some respect.

🪢🦀 But, until they find a way to your world, they only can send you some messages to lift your spirit up.

🪢🦀 Ango recently add another menu called "Message for you" to the game that allows them to leave you messages without adding presents. It's not that they were stingy, no. It happened because Gift Box won't allow them to send long messages. Moreover, they can send only one message per day. So, a new menu allows them to send more messages to you.

🪢🦀 You, for the most part, seem to be a cheerful person.

🪢🦀 So, when one day BSD gang felt that you are grieving, they were worried.

🪢🦀 They wanted to help you. But, the only thing they can do is sent another message to you.

🪢🦀 Dazai asked to be the one, who sent the message.

___________________________________

A familiar notification from "Message for You" popped up before your eyes. You mindlessly open it. It was a message from Dazai.

"[Y/N], dear, I hope you are doing well. If you are not... Well, do you want to talk about it? Dazai Osamu"

Little chibi Dazai was standing under the message text, looking at you. You stay silent for a moment. Then you start talking.

"I guess I can talk about it. Yes, you can't hear me, but, at least, I will talk this out. Today is the anniversary of my dear friend's death."

And you talked.

You talked about what happened few years ago. About feeling out of place. About feeling empty. About trying to find anything that can make you feel whole. About uncertainty in the future. About pressure from your family. About you failing in classes.

You talked about meeting your friend. About them been the best person in your life. About them helping you more than anyone at that period of time. They just were there. They didn't force you to speak about your feelings. Not only that, but they didn't shame you about your grades.

They were your anchor. Because of them, you were able to feel better. Life became good again.

And then they died.

You were crying, you can't manage to tell, how exactly they died. But you manage to say, that your friend died in a hospital. And that they managed to tell you something important. That you are good enough, that you shouldn't try to prove your worth to others. That your happiness matters.

Through sobs, you managed to whisper:

"If you think about it, Dazai, we are kinda the same. Both of us were lost, both of us were saved by a kind person, you by Oda, I by my friend, and both of us lost them. Thanks for listening. But, I think, I will go now."

You closed the app.

You didn't notice that Dazai sprite has tears in his eyes.

_____________________________________

🪢🦀 For a moment, everyone was quiet. They were sad after learning about your past.

🪢🦀 Yosano, who already felt bad for hating you before, felt even worse.

🪢🦀 Some of the characters cried. They thought that it's unfair, that someone like you suffered through such traumatic experience.

🪢🦀 All characters were concerned about you. You didn't deserve to experience this pain. They will start working harder. They will reach your world.

🪢🦀 But Dazai has the strongest reaction.

🪢🦀 Dazai was paralyzed. He feels tears running down his cheeks. You two were the same. But, you did something, that Dazai can never do for you. You brought Oda back.

🪢🦀 Dazai looked at the Infirmary door. Oda was standing there, leaning on the wall. Oda also looked concerned and sad.

🪢🦀🍛 Few days ago, you got Oda's card from scout. And Oda, like Shibusawa a few months prior, appears in ADA's office. He was dizzy and lost, but, according to Yosano, he was fine mentally and physically and just needs some rest. Soon he will manage to walk around.

🪢🦀🍛 Dazai was ready to work 24/7 just to reach your world. Oda manage to stop Dazai, before he tried to threaten to shoot Ango, Katai and Fyodor if they didn't find a way to your world immediately.

🪢🦀 Dazai want to hold you in his arms. Dazai want to protect you. Dazai want to take your pain away. Dazai will do anything he can to be with you. You will be happy and safe. He will let you cry on his shoulder.

🍛 Oda want to console you. Oda want to be near you. He isn't planning to replace your friend, but he wants to become as important to you as them. When Oda recovers, he will do his best to help others with finding a way to you.

🪢🦀🍛 Both Oda and Dazai will send you encouraging messages. They will try to make you smile.

🪢🦀🍛 You may not see each other eye to eye, but you are important to them. And they want to keep you safe.

#bungou stray dogs au #self-awareau #self-awarebsd #bsd #bsd x gender neutral reader #bungou stray dogs #gender neutral reader #bsd anime #yandere #Self-Aware Dazai Osamu #Self-Aware Oda Sakunosuke #dazai osamu x reader #oda sakunosuke #Dazai Osamu #oda sakunosuke x reader #bsd x reader

[h4ndwr1tten]

jjk men on your period

note - wrote this bc im currently on mine and it sucks.

cw - afab!reader, reader has their period, mentions of food/eating, use of the word kill (it's nothing serious), a few suggestive themes in gojo's part. let me know if i miss any.

nanami kento

this man knows all about periods somehow. maybe his mother taught him or maybe he learned elsewhere, but the man knows.

he'll quickly realize when you get it or when you're on it.

he'll notice the changes in your mood and the sudden cravings for food.

he'll be pretty straight up when asking, he'd say something like -

"hon, are you on your period?", "did you get your period, angel?", "is it that time of month, my love?"

omg the pet names im crying

will do anything you ask and get you anything you want/need

(as if he doesn't already)

will also cook for you if you crave anything

cramps? no problem. this man will cuddle you and rub the pain away. will also kiss anywhere that's hurting.

if tummy rubs don't help, he'll warm up the heating pad for you. would also bring you some painkillers.

he would most definitely massage you if you were sore anywhere. lower back pain? he's got you covered.

knows the exact period products you use. he knows the exact brand of pads/tampons and the exact size/absorbency. he knows.

if you ever stain the bed, he would clean it up for you. he would reassure you that it's fine and remind you that bleeding through is normal, then tell you to go get cleaned up. won't ever use these situations against you and would never even dream of embarrassing you with them.

would 100% understand your mood swings.

"darling, why are you crying? did something go wrong?" "there was an ant crawling on me, so i tried to flick it off but when i did i accidentally killed it! i'm such a terrible person!" "oh, i see, i've been there. come here, shh, now, it's alright."

he memorizes how many days you bleed, how many days pass between your period days, what your usual symptoms are and even how heavy your flow is.

on the days where your flow is heavier than usual, he'll become a little worried and aware. you're losing a lot of blood, he doesn't want anything bad happening.

overall nanami would just be the best and most understanding person when it comes to your period. he would be there for you as much as possible and do anything to make you feel a little less miserable.

gojo satoru

at first, this man knows very little about periods.

he knows you'll bleed for a while, but won't understand why.

gojo doesnt bother finding out why until you get your period for the first time with him.

he will do as much research as humanly possible and in 3 hours, a full day at most, he will have every fact memorized.

search history would look like, "what is the reason for periods?" "what are period symptoms?" "what helps you feel better when you're on your period?" "how to make my partner feel comfortable during their period."

you're both luck and unlucky that gojo has a sweet tooth.

if you ask him for dark chocolate or any other sweet, he will either already have it or stock up on it. he'll buy at least 3 packs.

it's a sweet thing, but most of the time, he's the one eating them.

"toru, have you seen the kikifuku?"

gojo, whose cheeks would be full and dusted with powder, with the empty box in his lap, would answer, "no, where did you put it last?"

you'll pout when you find out he ate it all. but not to worry, he'll immediately buy 20 more packs to make up for it.

stocks up on period products too. will probably pull something like, "babe, i'm gonna buy some pads, but i need to know the size of your pussy. care to show me?"

(you'll smack him upside the head for it)

would most definitely use your period as an excuse to cuddle with you. but will also cuddle if you want/need to, how could he turn you down?

when you tell him you have cramps, at first he forgets what to do. he remembers something about a heating pad, but when you take his hand and rub it gently across your lower abdomen and your body relaxes, he realizes this would be a great option too.

would suggest period sex as a joke. he leaves out the part where he's kidding until you grab a pillow and start hitting him with it. it's really funny.

gojo satoru may not know much about this cycle at first, but after you he learns everything. he will help you in every possible way he can think of, though there will be a lot of teasing to come with it. sometimes you'll have to guide him or point out some things to him, but he'll gladly listen and learn, just for you.

enjoyed? give a like, maybe even a follow <3

m. list

#nanami kento #gojo satoru #nanami kento x reader #nanami kento x you #nanami x you #nanami x reader #nanami kento fluff #nanami fluff #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x you #gojo x you #gojo x reader #gojo satoru fluff #gojo fluff #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jjk fluff

[beanzfandoms]

The Sensitivity of a Knight

Pairing: Kaeya Alberich x reader

Description: The Cavalry Captain comforts you from an anxiety attack.

Warnings: self-doubt, anxiety, mentions of being made fun of, angst to comfort

Please do not continue reading this if it triggers you in any way, thank you. This can be read platonically or romantically. Reader is gender neutral. ❣

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

Today was the day. After all those nights with a nose in a book and the aching muscles that carry (Y/n)'s body, it was time to prove themselves at the next Knights of Favonius' trainee test.

They worked hard to get the skills they had now, and they were extremely grateful to Kaeya for the time he put in himself to aid them. Their heart thumped like a war drum against their chest as they anxiously observe their fellow trainees. Though they know every person here went through the same trials, (Y/n) feels as though they look like a chicken with its head cut off.

Their apprehensive eyes wander over the crowded area, where a few were practicing with each other in preparation. A few official knights, which includes Kaeya and the Acting Grand Master herself, talk quietly amongst themselves as they watch over the group.

(Y/n) feels their breath hitch as trepidation consumes over their every thought. What if they screw up? What if they fail? Would Kaeya be ashamed of them? Would they be a laughing stalk throughout Mondstat? As Jean raises her hand to gain attention, that worry grips (Y/n)'s heart within an ice-cold grasp.

"Thank you all for the hard work you have put forth in joining the cause of the Knights. I know this journey so far has been difficult, but it just shows how determined you are to give your heart to Mondstat, " Jean announces, "Today's task is to beat one of your fellow comrades in a brawl. To see if you have pertained all that has been taught to you throughout this period. Now, let us begin."

Jean walks around to converse and set up the trainees into duos based on if their skills are equivalent to each other. Surely enough, (Y/n) finds themselves in Jean's gaze. Familiarity reaches her eyes, and she gently smiles. "(Y/n)... it is a privilege to see you today. Kaeya has spoken nothing but good things about you. I am honored to see if you pass today. You will be set against Thomas."

"Th-thank you, Acting Grand Master." (Y/n) stutters out, as their eyes set on Kaeya, who was busying himself with joking around with the other's idly watching. He said good things?

As testing begins to start, (Y/n) dreads when the time comes for their turn to begin. They try to distract themselves by thinking back on every brawl they had with Kaeya and what he taught them; however, the sharp cry that came from the active trainees knocked (Y/n) right out of their focus.

One lay on the floor of the mat, a sharp hiss escaping them as they hold onto their side. Red blushes over their white shirt like an active fire, and blood decorates their hands. "Man, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to attack that hard. I guess I'll have to work on my force," the one above the injured says, offering his hand.

"Solarios wins this match. Please, go get your injury checked over there," Jean speaks, before looking at the paper carried delicately in her hands, "(Y/n) and Thomas, you are up."

(Y/n)'s stomach drops as they make their way to the center, fear eating at their insides with no remorse. Thomas meets a few inches away and gives a small nod. (Y/n) gives one in return, their vision blurring slightly from the adrenaline pumping through their veins.

Without another moment passing, Thomas charges forward with his sword. (Y/n) barely had time to reach for their own sword to parry, but by Barbato's luck, they managed to dodge by mere centimeters. The sword's edge gleams from the sun's glare, and (Y/n) could almost see their dilated pupil shaking frantically from distress within the iron.

Thomas quickly jumps back, his sword coming in front of him with the same amount of resolute spewing from it. (Y/n) fumbles to get their sword from its hilt, their intentions sloppy as they point it towards their foe.

Like a wind to a candle, the connections between both swords snuffs out any forgoing of any other action, as they hold their stances like this for what feels like a lifetime. Thomas tries pushing harshly to make (Y/n) lose their balance; however, (Y/n) catches his foot shifting to make a new attack and takes advantage and hooks their foot around the back of Thomas' leg.

Thomas stumbles backwards, a short yelp escaping as he catches himself. Without much planning, (Y/n) strikes downward to Thomas' kneeled position. Their competitor tries to parry from the vulnerable position he is in, a loud clank spurting from their weapons.

Thomas gives an odd look to them, his grip slightly easing. (Y/n) was confused by the decision at first until drops of water falls onto the silver surfaces of the swords. Their breath hitches once more as they feel a wetness along their cheeks.

They quickly back away, their jaw painfully set as they look over to the crowd watching them. A few of the other trainee's whispered among themselves behind their hands while the officials stared with wide eyes. (Y/n)'s gaze looks to Kaeya, who stares right back at them with hooded eyes and a deep frown. He was disappointed...

With a hiccupped cry, (Y/n) slams their weapon down and runs away from the gawking that overwhelmed them so. (Y/n)'s chest gasps for air after a while as they run and their head pounds from a terrible headache. Their heart hammers loudly in their ears, and after a good distance, (Y/n) stops their trembling body with a hand to their head. They could barely feel their legs as they fall to ground, broken sobs departing from their chapped lips.

"What happened there?" Kaeya's voice reaches their ears, his steps practically silent as he stands in front of them. His stature hides them from the sun, but (Y/n) couldn't bear to look at him. Did he follow them to chastise?

"I... I failed..." Their voice cracks barely above a whisper.

Kaeya's hand gently massages the top of their head as he kneels to meet their crumbled body. "Failed? I wouldn't say that now..."

A wail erupts from (Y/n), and they hide themselves in their legs. "I-I.... I couldn't finish.... I'm a disappointment..."

There was a long silence that sliced the air; it made (Y/n) thought that maybe Kaeya left them to brood over their failure. It was until two arms wrapped around their curled torso and they were pulled into Kaeya's broad chest.

"I'd say this is a much more comfortable position to cry than what you were in before. Wouldn't you agree?" Kaeya gently jokes, "now, let's talk. Whatever made you feel that way?"

"I didn't pass... and e-everyone was judging me for it..."

"Now, now. No one was thinking that at all. In fact, I heard multiple saying that you were going to put that Thomas boy in his place!"

"Are you... upset with me?"

"In all the time we've spent together, and you think so lowly of me? I have to say, I'm hurt."

(Y/n) peeks at him with a tearful gaze and he smirks at them, "I cross my heart, I am not upset. In fact, I couldn't be prouder."

"But..."

"I don't think you realize how well you did," Kaeya interrupts as his finger brush away the streaming tears that continue down (Y/n)'s face. His cool touch brought comfort to them, "You are the only one being so harsh on yourself. You did well."

"I feel embarrassed for crying..."

"Oh, please. Crying is normal compared to other things I've seen happen on that field. It is not as bad as it seems, I promise. And if it is, I'll be sure to be your personal garrison and veto any attention seeker's opportunity to ever become a knight," Kaeya teases.

(Y/n) gives a long sigh, before hugging Kaeya tightly, "Thank you..."

"No problem at all... After all, who else is going to keep you out of trouble."

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

#kaeya x reader #kaeya alberich x reader #kaeya x gn reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x gn reader #genshin comfort #kaeya alberich x you

[love4-bunny]

She acts like a woman should

Mature

Ao3 link

1 , 2 , 3

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@captain-natey @ydrance @youre-ackermine @amyina

Tags: alternative universe-Canon divergence, period typical sexism, internalized misogyny, 19th century, eventual smut, slow romance, hurt/comfort, dom/sub undertones.

Summary:

Petra Ral is willing to play her role in society to perfection as she has been taught. Accepting a marriage of convenience with Captain Levi Ackerman, they both have to live with the idea that life is not always fair.

Chapter 1: Have you met Mr. Ackerman?

The gentle breeze caressed the girl's face, which was illuminated by a soft light. It was a wonderful day—too beautiful for a funeral.

"Grandma, why does my mother have a lovely dress and make-up?" the girl asked curiously.

"Petra, wouldn't you like your mother to be remembered as a proper and beautiful woman?

"I wish I didn't have to conform to remember her," she said, feeling a gentle squeeze on her hand. "But I think I understand now."

The older woman watched as her granddaughter let go of her hand and approached the coffin where her daughter lay.

"I'd like to be remembered like this too, always pretty and always young,"  the 12-year-old girl murmured as she touched with her small hands one of the roses resting in the carefully arranged hair of the one who was her mother.

"Tell me, Petra, would you like to leave your father's farm to live with me in the capital? What do you say? A nice room, lots of cute dresses, as well as a good education."

Petra enjoyed living with her father on the farm.

As she watched the man cry silently from a chair farther away from the coffin, the redhead put her hands behind her back. She sighed. Her question was more to confirm a decision already made.

Her lucid dream seemed to be coming to an end as she looked at her reflection in the mirror on her dresser. There was a growing sense of anxiety in her stomach as she waited to meet her future husband. Once again, her trembling hands rearranged her dress.

She decided to stand up and walked over to the tall mirror near her huge closet, which seemed to be an additional room to her own, to look at her reflection. She chose a dress that was formal but modest enough for this afternoon. She examined the floral patterns and the intense blue color.

She checked the tightness of the corset, running her hands down it to emphasize the curves even more. She strained a grin but chose to let her face muscles go, which came out much more genuine.

Petra was expecting that Captain Levi would be attracted to redheads since she had spent the whole day using cloths to arrange her hair, which the curlers had caused to reduce to the length that met her chin.

She heard a soft knock on her bedroom door, and it opened to reveal her grandma. The elder woman entered right away and went over to her granddaughter. Her grandma gently squeezed her shoulders and took a strand of her hair to console her. She responded by holding her mother's hands, which made her feel better.

"Petra, you look stunning today, I must say. Let me help you with your lipstick."

"I'm worried about what's waiting for me in the living room," she said as she let her apply the lipstick, realizing she was attempting to brighten her mood in some manner.

She accepted the marriage arrangement set up by her loving grandmother for some reason that even she didn't understand.

"It's understandable; I remember feeling the exact same way when I was in your shoes. But your grandfather and I got along without problem," she replied sympathetically as she rubbed Petra's back.

"Despite having been educated my entire adolescence, the rumors I've heard about Captain Ackerman are confusing, I'm not sure what to expect anymore."

There were many descriptions and behaviors of mankind's strongest soldier passed around from mouth to mouth. It is not unexpected that he is already a well-known individual within the walls, and since he is the sole known survivor of the Ackerman family, belonging to the main branch of the essential lineage that is now nearly extinct. 

She also wanted to know whether what Oluo had said in his letters about his commanding officer was real. Despite his strange personality, he was an excellent leader and a great soldier, considering his obsession with cleanliness, gloomy and rude language. He is a man who trusts his own life.

"And I don't blame you, the only thing I can confirm is that it's too short for my taste, but it's the perfect size for you."

Petra listened attentively to how she had to act, while she had already completed her education in studies accompanied by how to be a good wife and mother. She recognized that the challenging personality of her fiancé would be difficult to deal with, so it was no secret that a sense of dread filled her mind. She knew this day would come; she had no option; there was no better way, not after her mother's death.

"Still, I don't understand why you make yourself so complicated, Petra. You don't know what a privilege you have; look at all those people living in misery."

It upset her, but that was the way it was. She didn't want to disappoint what's left of her family,the guilt that would overtake her every time she complained in any way, her grandma reiterating to her how blessed she was and not to be ungrateful for the life she had been given.

"I am a good woman, I will be an ideal wife and mother. I will proudly bear my new family name, and erase the family history to create a new one," her eyes reflected in determination, clenching her fists tightly. "I swear by the goddesses of the walls and by my dearly departed mother, I will behave as a woman should."

"That's the way I like it."

Forever young, forever pretty.

Both women diverted their attention as they felt the door open. One of the family maids reported that they had arrived and everyone was ready for tea. Petra rose up, took a look, and offered her a smile, one of warmth and melancholy.

"Shall we go?"

They set out to follow the maid through the hallways of what had become her home.

The artwork of her mother as a kid gave her a sense of hidden grief, and the ones with her grandparents as a tiny girl filled her with nostalgia. She was too young to have predicted what was in store for her as a woman.

In the room, lit by a magnificent chandelier, stood proudly the scouts leader, Erwin Smith, and next to him a man. Perhaps a woman who she couldn't quite make out, as the features were rather vague. On the other side of the coffee table, where there was a seat open on the other sofa, The one where her fiancé was seated.

How dare he take such a comfortable posture, with his back reclined, his hands on the back of the expensive sofa, and his left leg resting on his right thigh? Shameless, he was already behaving as if it were already his home. She avoided showing her scowl of displeasure.

Her grandma, seated in her personal chair, had no need to advise Petra on how to bow graciously to the guests and introduce herself, as she had always been instructed.

"I am Petra Ral, and it is a pleasure to have the opportunity to meet you. It is an honor to have you in our midst," she heard the infamous captain click his tongue, and she resisted responding with a groan.The older woman motioned for her to sit next to the captain. 

"Look how polite she is, Erwin; a pleasure I am, Hange Zoe."

The tea, along with some fresh cookies, arrived in a matter of minutes. He grasped the cup in an unusual manner, holding it by the rim and ignoring the handle.

The conversation, as she had expected, was to establish the engagement arrangements, giving him access to the family's riches in return for the prestige of the Ackerman lineage.

She had no doubt that the agreement had been agreed upon quickly since Levi could utilize the money for military purposes. She couldn't access the money because she was a woman, but if she behaved properly and obeyed her husband, she might be able to persuade him to manage the money alongside him, like her grandmother does.

The individual known as Hange spoke and acted enthusiastically about how he or she was conducting the research. She had never come across someone who was so enthusiastic about their job. She paid little attention to what her grandma had already conveyed.

She was sipping her well-prepared black tea silently, closing her eyes with pleasure at the relaxing sensation it provided.

Her breathing became more relaxed as she sat down, and she noticed that her palms were sweating despite the fact that they were still chilly. She put her hands on the exquisite porcelain cup to warm them up.

"It was unexpected to receive the confirmation letter from Mr. Ackerman with such speed. I am the only remaining member of this family, and I can already feel the passage of time in my body. You understand my concern about not being able to see my grandchildren grow up," she admitted.

"I've killed for way less."

"Levi,'' the commander shook his head in disbelief at his subordinate's inappropriately harsh attitude, "I beg your pardon for his disrespectful attitude."

"I know exactly what we're getting ourselves into, Commander Smith. Mr. Ackerman does not scare me; in exchange for marrying my granddaughter and bringing status to my family, you receive money and the family company. Besides, I believe the crown was already asking that the blood be preserved."

Levi adjusted into a more defensive position, clinched his teeth, and made the decision to remain silent.

Like her mother,she had a strong personality and detested being dominated or intimidated. Although she adored her father, she was aware that he could become fairly complacent or even dangerously naive. As a result, she covered her smirk beneath the teacup. She took a moment to stare the moody man in the eye, who was strangely calm and complained nothing. She wasn't yet sure if this was an ideal or bad indication.

After talking in more depth, resolving the different doubts, and agreeing that the Ral family would be in charge of organizing the engagement, the government would reveal the news to the local publications. Undoubtedly, a scandal would be ignited. Everyone in the room was debating the terms enthusiastically, except the captain. His extraordinary ability to reply only in monosyllables From time to time, she would throw him a sidelong glance, hoping for some expression other than his emotionless countenance of absolute blankness and lack of interest. He was refusing even to participate in conversation. To the young woman, it appeared a surprise that he had not uttered a word toward her. The man found good porcelain and black tea leaves more interesting.

When she noticed that the contents of the cup had run out, she got hold of the teapot that had been delivered by one of the employees and replenished its contents into Levi's cup. A well-practiced action. Taking him by surprise, he arched his eyebrows at her in questioning yet mumbled a sincere thank you. She bowed to him and rose up with a teapot in hand, asking the other guests if they needed more tea. Only Hange took another cup so that she would not feel self-conscious that the commander and the gray-haired woman would not stop conversing about confidential topics.

After tea, the affluent family served her a glass of wine that had the guests amazed by the taste. When the lady of the house looked around and observed the guests' empty cups, she asked for a refill. The pleasingly sweet flavor of the wine provided them with a false sense of security as they drank it, taking glass after glass and emptying bottles.

"So, Mrs. Ral, we agree that the ceremony will take place in 3 months from now." Erwin rose up and was followed by Levi and Hange. "It was nice chatting with you and finally meeting you in person." He stated this as the two of them escorted the Scouts out toward the main door

Levi had agreed to stay for the weekend at the family's request. In order for the engaged pair to get to know each other better. They exchanged their final goodbyes, thanking them for their presence considering how hectic the job was.

In a matter of seconds, when she looked around, her brows furrowed. Her prospective spouse had apparently expertly departed the scene. Silent as a falling feather.

"Petra, do you mind if you go looking for him? We don't want him to get lost. Also take the opportunity to show him his room." She stated this as she left Petra alone.

He couldn't walk so far; the mansion, albeit fairly huge, wasn't infinite. Walking leisurely, she hoped she would encounter him purely by coincidence.

Passing through the second level, where there was a wonderful library, always attracted by reading and writing, became her first stop. That's when she spotted him standing in front of a double door, where faint light streamed through the gap in the door. He was leaning against the robust door, and moved by curiosity, he turned the knob to open it.

It was locked.

Levi leaned more firmly against the hard wood of the door, his attention concentrating on the steady banging that could be heard on the other side of it.

"Mr. Ackerman, I suggest that you move away from the door if you do not want to see my servants engaging in sexual intercourse. Unless you're a pervert."

"I'm not." He moved casually towards Petra. "It appeared that a homicide was taking place."

"Do you require the services of an escort?"

"Can you take me where I will sleep?"

She cordially requested to accompany her through the mansion, which is far too big for two people and a few maids. Everything was spotless and well organized. clearly seeing how the lifelessness of the room contrasted with how distinct the design was. It didn't matter that everything of value—exquisite designs or vivid colors—filled the interior. It was soulless.

Petra opened the door and showed him a dark room with a large bed in the center, freshly cleaned bedding, and plush cushions. There was a balcony facing one of the gardens that were dispersed around the exterior of the house. Levi brushed his hands over the shelf of books that stood against the wall next to the closed window of the little balcony. Petra listened to him whistling in amazement as she took care of lighting the little fireplace. This being a vast building, the cold was present in every corner of the different areas. When she finished, she went in through the door leading to a private bathroom close to the bed. They were now in the bathroom together. She quickly started filling the tub with water. He would never bathe in one; habituated to quick military showers, it was a frivolous luxury.

She got up as he sat on the tub's edge, feeling the water heating up.

Hot water in the bathtub, great tea, a clean house, and the silence that someone like him couldn't have living in a barracks full of men who failed to maintain basic personal hygiene. She reasoned that he could grow used to it.

"Here are some towels. Your belongings have already been stored. I couldn't help but notice the few clothes," she said, amazed at herself. "I wasn't being nosy; it's just for the weekend, so there won't be much change of clothes."

"As you say," he responded flatly and uninterestedly. "Unless you are a pervert, I advise you to go out and let me take a bath."

"I'm not."

Petra was still standing there in the doorway of the luxurious bathroom, Levi lifted an eyebrow and a grin developed on his face.As she expected, the man had no issue undressing in front of her; she knew it was his way of frightening her out. To his misfortune, she was by no means shy about it; after all, they would witness how they came into the world as they consummated their marriage. She took advantage of the time he undressed, starting with the top of his black suit. Now alone with him, she had a few additional concerns to bring up to him. She put her back straight and placed her hands behind her back; her eyes were concentrated on nothing in particular.

"I know you do it for the money; I have my reasons for accepting it myself, Mr. Ackerman." Her mouth became a hard line, and she busied herself gazing at the ceiling as he proceeded to unbuckle his belt. Taking a breath and exhaling, she concentrated her sight on the wall behind him. "I have some requests to make."

"Very good, then I'll tell you mine too, carrot head."

She rolled her eyes, but this time she would let him pass. She felt the splash of water and Levi's satisfied sigh, finally willing herself to look him in the face.

"I promise to be a proper wife; however, I don't want any sexual contact before marriage."

"Perfect, we agree on that."

"I want you to moderate your vulgar vocabulary when you are with me and my family or my friends."

He nodded.

"You should know that I need us to have some kind of communication and time together; I don't want to live together with a complete stranger."

"Reasonable"

"That's all I have to say."

"Good, now listen to me carefully," he said authoritatively. "You can know things about me, but nothing too personal; everything stays between us; no chit-chatting with your friends. Forget about romantic novels if you don't want to be disappointed." That's the most he's talked about all day. "Since we agreed on absolutely no sexual contact,I don't have any more requests."

He let his body sink deeper into the water and closed his eyes in relaxation in the warm bath.

"Thank you; enjoy your bath, Mr. Ackerman," she said honestly, and as she was ready to walk away, she heard him address her, and being in another world, she didn't exactly understand him.

"Excuse me?." 

"Levi, just Levi."

Ah, yeah, that's it; there was no reason for her to call him so formally.

"So, Petra, just Petra."

#rivetra #petra ral #levi ackerman #levi x petra #rivetra fanfiction #i figured it out kids #finally i know how to post writing here #boomer moment #🖤🧡 #levi doing a speedrun while petra is still in the slow burn THE FIC

[thezestyone]

You know who I'm gonna ask for in the foster dad ask game lol. If I can only have one, Motonari please. If I cab be greedy can I have Motonari, Shingen...and Yukimura (I feel like there's potential for comedy woth Yuki and Moto haha)

@writingwhimsey, haha, I don’t blame you!

How Motonari, Shingen, and Yukimura would be as foster dads:

Motonari:

It happened so fast that it made his head spin.

Motonari was docked at the port of Sakai, handling some shipments when suddenly, a cloaked woman handed him a baby in a hurry, dashing off.

It took a few seconds for the pirate captain to register what had just happened, but when he did, he tensed up immediately, breaking into a cold sweat as he quickly handed the baby to the person nearest to him, which was Hiroyoshi.

“G-Go and find the woman who just handed me a damn baby! Quickly!” He urged, as the older gentleman nodded, looking down at the quiet baby and going to do what his lord asked of him.

He just touched someone else…

Even if he was wearing gloves, he felt slightly nauseous. 

Despite Hiroyoshi’s best efforts, it appeared that the mysterious woman was gone without a trace.

Which meant Motonari, the head honcho, was now stuck with some lady’s baby.

“...If I may, my lord… This baby is quite the quiet one. You should take it in. It would be cruel to abandon it.” Hiroyoshi told him, as Motonari sucked in his teeth in annoyance.

“Tell that to the lady who just dumped it in my arms!” He barked, his sharp red eyes going to look down at the baby. He didn’t want to hold that thing, it had the capabilities of doing everything he despised in human beings.

However, when the baby’s eyes opened and went to look at Motonari, Motonari felt as if he was looking back at his younger self, defenseless, with nowhere to go and no one to care for him.

As much as he hated the idea of taking a little one in, he hated the idea of inflicting the same fate he was subjected to in his youth to the baby… So he took the baby in.

Unlike other babies, this one never let out a peep, not even a small cry. When the baby was awake, their eyes would just stare at Motonari. Most of the time, however, the baby just slept, to the point it even concerned Motonari.

“Hiroyoshi, what the hell is wrong with this baby? It isn’t being annoying at all like I heard babies are supposed to be!” Motonari confided in his loyal vassal, who merely chuckled. “Oh, my lord, consider it a blessing that you have been given such a good baby!”

Over time, the cold pirate warmed up to the baby, even more than he had warmed up to his pet Wallaby Kajisuke. Since the baby was a girl, he decided to give her a name befitting her more-than-bizarre circumstances of “joining his crew”: Umiko.

She very quickly became a part of the crew, their treasure that they would do absolutely anything to protect. Though Motonari didn’t like to admit this out loud, Umiko really brought out the best of him,. She reminded him of the humanity he still had deep down, of the heart he thought he had long abandoned.

Much to everyone’s surprise, Motonari would very quickly be her primary caretaker. He would feed her, clothe her, and even braid her hair when she had it long enough. He would teach her everything he knew about how to live life at sea, and even the basics of being a merchant. He taught her so much about his profession, that her first word would have been “stock” before she even called Motonari papa.

The older she got, the more Motonari would teach her, especially on self defense and speaking multiple languages. She would have spoken for a period a combination of Japanese and Portuguese before learning to separate the two languages, which meant that only he and a select few would even understand what she was saying for a while.

Motonari made sure that Umiko would grow up to be one of the greatest merchants ever, and that she wouldn’t be a pushover. She would be steadfast and confident in her many abilities he had taught her, and would always do it with the neatest of braided hairstyles. Umiko particularly favored the fishtail because of her namesake.

He was such a proud foster dad… Though he would only admit it to Umiko, and no one else.

Shingen:

Shingen was on his way to his favorite teahouse to indulge in some sweets when he found himself halting as his ears picked up on a certain sound.

It was in a backalley where he found a baby… And another unsettling sight that made him sick to his stomach.

In these tumultuous times, anything could happen, including the very sudden loss of life, a reality he himself knew very well.

“...You poor thing…” Shingen frowned as he crouched beside the bundle, and went to pick it up.

For once, sweets could wait. This poor baby needed to see a doctor immediately.

After many hours, and many of the Kasugayama Castle Residents questioning him, Shingen was able to get the baby back to full health.

Despite finding the baby boy in a dark backalley, Shingen thought to name him Kousei. After all, just because his start in life was rough, didn’t mean the rest of his life had to be.

While the baby boy got some well needed rest, Shingen decided to take to building a special area of his room for the little one, taking after him like a doting father.

Shingen decided to make a toy for the little boy, so whenever he would cry, he would cease upon seeing the toy.

“Don’t cry, Kousei. Look!” Shingen smiled as he then took the spinning top he made, and spun it in front of the baby boy, who looked at the toy in awe, tilting his head like a curious puppy, which made Shingen laugh.

The rest of the residents, besides Yukimura, found Shingen’s fatherly love towards Kousei to be quite… Excessive. Shingen even made a basket to wear where Kousei would be in while he walked around town. It caught women’s attention, which was something Shingen had no complaints about.

In Kousei, Shingen saw that brilliant fire of life. The way he looked at the world, the way he was always so excited to see something new. It was something that furthered his resolve to get his homeland back, to not surrender until he had fulfilled his own wishes and the wishes of his people.

As Kousei got older, Shingen would teach him many things, such as carpentry, horseback riding, and the most important skill of all… How to pick up girls.

“So, how did it go with Asana today, Kousei?” Shingen would ask as he was working on some new furniture, only to see the now adolescent Kousei fold his arms and pout. “Not good at all. She said I was being weird today, but I did everything you told me to do!” He stomped his foot, as Shingen raised a brow. “Oh? Show me what you did.” He turned to him, only to fight an incoming snicker as he saw Kousei strike the cheesiest pose ever.

“So, Asana, how would you like to go to the teahouse and have some dumplings as sweet as you?” He then winked in an equally comedic way, which had Shingen laughing, not being able to hold it back any longer.

“O-OI! That is what you told me to do to impress her!” Kousei glared at him, as Shingen shook his head. “O-Oh, Kousei… You are just like your Uncle Yuki. It seems to me that you are going to need a lot of practice to impress Asana.” His laughter died down, as Kousei sighed.

No matter what obstacles Kousei would have to endure, Shingen knew he would persevere.

Yukimura:

Today was supposed to be another simple reconnaissance mission in Azuchi with Sasuke…

“Supposed to” being the key words.

Some ragged man was running through the bustling market of Azuchi town, when he spotted Yukimura’s stall, and ran to him.

“Please, take care of him!” The man begged him, handling him a baby, before running off, as Yukimura paused to process the fact that he was now holding onto a baby.

“...Huh?!” Yukimura gawked, it finally sinking into him as the baby looked up at him with just as much confusion.

“I-I can’t take care of this thing! I am supposed to be undercover!” Yukimura started to panic, before he noticed his panic was just scaring the poor baby boy, who started to cry.

“O-Oh, no no, don’t cry! Uh…” He then looked over his stall, before handing the baby some fancy handkerchief to play with, that only made the baby stare dubiously at the item, and then at him.

“D-Don’t look at me like that! I never took care of a baby before! Hell, I never even had a lover before!” Yukimura averted his gaze with a stammer. What was he supposed to do in this very strange predicament?! He couldn’t just abandon the baby, and by the look of the old man, trying to return the baby didn’t seem like a good idea, either.

So, when his bff came back from his spying, he gave him plenty of suggestions on how to deal with his predicament, all suggestions he barely could make heads or tails with.

“Uh… Nevermind. I will figure out something…” Yukimura sweated nervously, as he looked down at the baby.

With many, many, trials and errors, Yukimura eventually found a way of parenting the baby that worked best for him. It wasn’t perfect, but hey, the baby got all of its necessities fulfilled, right?

Since he needed to come up with a name, he came up with the first name that popped into his head.

“Okay, baby, your name is gonna be… Haru…” Yukimura stared firmly at the baby boy, who blinked up at him, before smiling. Seems like Haru was the winner.

As the baby boy grew older, Yukimura decided to train him in the ways of hunting and basic first aid, so he could survive anything life throws at him. This resulted in many incidents, including Haru and Yukimura franctically running away from many angry boars.

“I-I think… I prefer the boar… from the castle…” Yukimura panted, as Haru looked up at him with a cheeky smile. “The boar?... You mean the princess of Azuchi you are madly in love with?” He smirked, as Yukimura tensed up. “W-Who told you that?! I don’t love that wild lady!”

“Yes you do! Papa loves the boar lady! Papa loves the boar lady!” Haru chanted with a haughty laugh, as Yukimura sighed. If this was any indicator, it was that Haru was going to be a handful. When it counted, at least, Haru cared for those in his life, including Yukimura who he saw as his papa.

This was a very strange turn of events for Yukimura. Everyone teased him over it, but he now didn’t mind this role. Haru gave some normalcy to his very chaotic life. Every time he looked at Haru, it motivated Yukimura to work harder to reclaim his homeland.

#ikemen sengoku #ikesen #ikemen series #ikesen motonari #ikesen shingen #ikesen yukimura #ikemen sengoku motonari #ikemen sengoku shingen #ikemen sengoku yukimura #ask game #foster dad #lets play a game #ikesen hcs #ikesen headcanons #ikemen sengoku headcanons #ikemen sengoku hcs

[coff-in]

um, this idea has been on my mind for a couple of days. i want your opinions on it. think about this:

[gender neutral] reader-insert (they are referred to as momma at one point but are otherwise referred to by they/them in the narrative), sibling graves [reader] (you can make them any age you want in this), andrew and ashley have a child in this

it's been a couple of years since andrew, ashley, and [reader] had killed their parents. the siblings are in a cute incestuous polyamorous relationship with each other. but one day, ashley misses her period and finds out she's pregnant (with andrew's child). do you think they'd have [reader] raise the child with them as a second mother or as an aunt?

i think about the baby-- after being born-- is taught by andrew and ashley that some children can have more than two parents sometimes! their child has three parents that love them very much; a daddy, a mommy, and a momma! i think about the angst that can follow as the child grows up. they tell their friends at school about their family and how they two moms and one dad and one of the friends say "why do you have two moms? that's not normal."

i can hear the kids telling the child that their dad is probably cheating on their mom, that's why they have two moms. that they don't have to listen to [reader] since they're not the kid's real mom. it stirs up conflict in the child's heart because they love [reader], they've been nothing but nice and supportive of the kid since they came from the womb, but the other kids have a point, don't they?

i can feel the insecurity in [reader] when the kid is born and as they grow up. they constantly tell andrew and ashley about how they think the kid won't like them as they grow up, or would probably disregard them since they're not their biological parent. i can see andrew and ashley reassure them that they're a wonder parent and that if their kid ever tried to talk down to [reader] or disrespect them that there would be swift corrections of that behavior.

i can see them. the kid is watching TV late at night, around 10:00pm. andrew and ashley are out of the house to go on a date night and they left [reader] in charge to watch after their kid. "tell us if anything happens," ashley would tell [reader] before giving them a kiss and walking out the door with andrew.

but [reader] can't really bring themselves to tell them of what happened when they left.

the kid really should be going to bed at this time. it's a thursday night and they have school in the morning. they ask the child to turn off the TV and go to bed. they're ignored. they ask against more sternly this time and the child asks them bluntly, "why should i?"

"why should i listen to you? you're not my mom, you're not my dad. you're just some... fucking mistress or something that my parents keep around. i don't have to listen to you! the only authority you have over me is the authority my parents let you borrow!"

the child get progressively louder as they vent and [reader] watches them, the anxiety and fear building up inside of them. they knew this would happen one day. they knew that the child would realize that they don't fit in this dynamic somehow. that they're an outsider in a perfectly fine family. they're a stranger, no matter how long they'd been raising this child along their siblings as their own.

the child can see the betrayal on [reader]'s face and they immediately regret ever saying anything. they try to apologize but before they could the [reader] chokes out, "you're right..."

...

"i'm not your mom... or your dad. but i tried to be... i tried my best to be there, for you, for them. i loved you... with everything i had, and i'll love you with everything i am... i'm sorry."

they're both silently crying now, tears falling down their face. [reader] gets that it might be hard, having an abnormal family that doesn't follow societal expectations. they get that it can cause problems, it can cause an othering for the child that they can't solve. all they can do is be there.

the child gets up from the couch and leaves towards their room, the TV playing white noise. [reader] turns it off and sits down on the couch. they usually sleep in big bed that they share with andrew and ashley but they can't bring themself to do so that night. the more they think about the bed the worse they feel. they don't belong in that bed. that's andrew and ashley's bed, in andrew and ashley's bedroom, in andrew and ashley's house. [reader] just invades their space, they taint the sheets and stain their house with their presence.

they sleep on the couch that night.

----

notes from coff-in: woah. i've seen some posts from @/incorrect-gravescest about their family AU (which is very cute, btw. i suggest you check it out when you can) and it got me thinking about a polycube(?) between the graves siblings and sibling [reader] with a child. the wholesome and weird and angsty relationship they'd have with their child (or children). it's been on my mind for a while. let me know what you think of it, i'd love to expand on it more and talk about it. also let me know if you guys like it when i share my thoughts and ideas like this. i know that i usually just answer asks/request now and don't really share my own thoughts but i'd like to do it more often. can't guarantee they'd all be good quality though :,) thank you for reading all this, too. take care!

coff-in

#cobweb in the coffin #tcoaal #the coffin of andy and leyley #andrew graves #ashley graves #tcoaal x reader #the coffin of andy and leyley x reader #andrew graves x reader #ashley graves x reader #this is long #i typed this on my phone so please forgive any typos #i needed to let this out

[morgansunflower]

Blood Does Not Always Make A Family

Dad! Dick Grayson X teen! Daughter(not by blood)

Mom! Barbara Gordon X teen! Daughter(not by blood)

Hinted Damian Wayne X Reader

Warnings: bad physical abuse, explicit language

Words:1458

Requested taglist @too-strong-to-lose

Y/N had enough of her Dad's abuse so she go's to the two people she can truly trust.

I can't call Damian he'll try to beat him for hurting me. I really do care about him. I'm honestly a little bit intimated by Bat's plus Grayson was more.. Fatherly to me. Grayson has always been a good friend of mine. He has always been there for me. He taught me to ride a bike when I was younger. Barbara was there for me when I first got my period. They were there for my first heartbreak even when their little brother Damian was the one responsible. He always gave me a hug when I needed one. They don't know that, my dad is abusing me.. No one does. I wanted to go to Grayson's apartment but I'm too nervous. I went to the Haly's circus. My eyes saw everything that brought me a thrilling excitement. I saw Grayson smiling out into the crowd. I wore my sunglasses with a hoodie on my head. I let my sadness leave me as, I watch the wondrous show. I used to dream about this place after a bad day. As it ended Dick went to the dressing room. He sat in his chair with the light up mirror on the desk. I walk forward my reflection in the mirror he gets up and looks at, me grinning.

"hey Y/N! What, are you doing here kid?! Like the glasses taking some of my old notes from me I see"

He hugs me I hug him back. I needed to feel safe. He probably had no idea how much I needed a hug

"I just wanted to catch the show" I lied.

"not buying that but I appreciate you coming all the way out here" he parts from me and touches my shoulder "so what's really going on? Are you ok?"

"yeah of course I am!" how do I tell him? "this is a bit of a weird question.. Can I..can I crash at your place.. For tonight"

"yeah of course! Babs and I would love to have you"

"thanks"

I went with Grayson to his apartment. Barbara brought me blankets and a pillow to sleep on the couch. I step into the bathroom and lock the door behind me. I wait to hear, them shut their bedroom door. I change into the clothes Barbara gave me. I look at the cigarette burn on my wrist, the nasty bruise on my eye and cheeks. My lips began to tremble. I couldn't take it anymore, I try my hardest not to cry. I'm lucky to have made it out without more wounds. I then start to go back to that moment. I feel my heart beating and body shaking. I can't go back! I can't. I breathe heavily as my hands feel like they're on pins and needles. I began to hyperventilate. Next thing I know the door is broken open. I screamed jolting back, thinking my biological dad had come, to make me come back. Dick held my shoulders I couldn't comprehend anything or where I am.

"shhh shhh it's OK hey, look at me. Look at me" I look at him still out of breath "follow my breaths" I mimicked his breathing "you're safe, you're in the living room.. Feel my hands. I'm right here.. I'm here. You're safe"

I nodded calming down realizing I'm in their living room. He was right there keeping me from falling. He helps me sit down I'm still quite shaken from the panic attack. My hands shake as I try to dry my tears. I sigh heavily humiliated. I'm so weak.

"don't feel embarrassed.. I cry all the time" Dick assured me softly laughing making me smile.

"he's right.." I tightly close my eyes trying to fight my fears away "it's OK sweetie. I've got you a big comfy blanket" Barbara said gently

Grayson sits beside me as I cling to him like a little frightened child. Barbara used her wheelchair to roll to us and lays a weighted blanket on me. She sits on the other side of me. Barbara gently rubbed my back and hugged me. I rest my head in the crook of his neck while holding Barbara's hand.

Dick's P. O. V

My heart is broken. Who could do this to Y/N? I feel so angered knowing someone hurt her. I then connect the dots.. We've been there for her for so long.. She didn't have her dad's support. How long has he been hurting her? Barbara leans over and kisses my shoulder blade knowing what was going through my mind. Y/N ended up falling asleep. My heart was beating rapidly with rage. I should have seen it. Babs text me on the spy-contact. I see her, holographic message

-calm down🥺-

-I'm trying-

I respond and I take a deep breath. Barbara looks at me. I text her asking her a question that would change our lives.. Forever.

Y/N's P. O. V

I open my eyes to see I'm in Grayson's and Barbara's comforting arms. I didn't want to leave but after last night. I've certainly overstayed my welcome. I carefully try to move away from their arms but they wake up. They both yawned but Grayson was more dramatic.

"you sleep OK Y/N?" Grayson asked

"Y-yeah.. I guess I should probably leave now" I said raising to my feet.

"wait don't leave.. I.. I want to help you.. We want to help you" Dick pleaded.

"I know.. But you can't.. He's going to keep doing it to me.. There's nothing you can do" I said completely defeated.

"yes there is. I can talk to my dad.. He won't ever hurt you again" Barbara assured me holding my hand.

"but.. Where do I go? I don't have any family. I.. I don't want to end up in foster care or in some orphanage for the rest of my teenage years"

"you can stay with us" Dick said.

I shake my head "no I can't do that to you two"

"Y/N we would love for you to stay with us" Barbara said she looks at Dick and then back at, me "if making extra measures to make sure you're able to stay with us.. Is what we have to do... Then--" I gasped

"are you serious?!" I nearly shouted nearly crying.

Grayson smiled and hugged me as his own tears came to surface "of course we are! I'd love for you to take the Grayson name.. If that's what you want"

Dick's P. O. V

It happened so quickly. Her dad was put behind bars. She was adopted under the Grayson name. Then I start to worry. Am I going to be a good Dad? She deserves a good family. I went to Gotham.. Maybe.. Maybe Bruce can be supportive for me. Maybe he can understand what I'm going through. I want to know the best way to help Y/N. Even with all of that, he needs to know. I walk into the study to see Bruce sitting on his office chair. I remember when I was Robin and I would lay against his chest after a long scary night.

"Grayson"

"hey B.. There's something we need to talk about" I said shutting the door behind me.

He gently nodded "yes?"

"I guess you know Damian's friend Y/N.... I adopted her.. Her Dad was abusing the shit out of her.. She came to us and.. It kinda went pretty fast after that and before you say 'I was going to' .. Because I know you were thinking that.. Damian likes her, and she likes him. Not many people see Damian for who he really is"

"I would not deem it wise for her to stay here. I'm aware of my son's affections for Y/N.. As well as she's closer to you. She'll feel safe with you and you have my full support"

"really?" I couldn't believe what I just heard "I mean that means a lot to me.. Because.. Because I really don't want to screw up. I know it will be hard sometimes" I sit on the couch "I mean I really care about her B. She's.. I love her like she's my own daughter.. Is that enough?"

I look at Bruce and I could see.. Empathy.

"I often recall asking that question to myself when doors were slammed in my face"

"I guess I turned out OK" I chuckled at his comment we've certainly had our moments, but I can't help feeling grateful he is supporting me.

"you'll be better than I ever was" Bruce said with a proud smile. "Alfred will want to make dinner to celebrate the new family member. I expect we will see all the Grayson's"

#parental abuse #Abuse #Adoption #Dad! Dick Grayson #dickbabs #Nightbats #Abused reader #Running away #good dad bruce wayne #Fluff #Crying #PTSD #Wounds #platonic relationships #With Grayson and Babs #batfamily #dick grayson #damian wayne #Barbara gordon

[storiesbykim1997inerie]

Unlikely love: Aila and Ivan pt 2

But why him? What's so special about him? I've seen that same stoic expression on boxers that Rocky has fought, but I could care less about them. As I scramble to think of reasons why I want to know more, my phone buzzes. It's Tatyana. The text reads: "Pack your bags, we're leaving for Philly." Why are we going to Philly? Don't I have swan lake? Even though ballet isn't the most popular thing, I'm pretty famous because of Rocky. But a surprise interview so close to a performance is unlikely. But I do as I'm told and pack. Tatyana told me that I won't be there for very long, so I pack the bare essentials. She comes in (I gave her a key to my apartment, she didn't break in,) just as I'm assuring myself I don't need my LED therapy mask. Skincare is one of my weaknesses. She comes upstairs, pulls it out of my hands and zips my suitcase closed. "Good afternoon to you too, Tatyana." I say it in Russian with a smirk. In addition to everything else, she taught me Russian. "Oh Aila, always prioritizing beauty." She says with a hint of a smile. "But no time for that now. We have a flight to catch." I follow her out the door and into the waiting taxi. We go through airport security surprisingly quickly. I mean, we have an our till they start boarding. That's Tatyana for you. Always ridiculously early. Even when she took me black Friday shopping we were the first ones there. I start daydreaming. About swan lake, about why I have to go to Philly, but surprisingly not about him. Sergei Vorbyov, my well, I don't if he's my ex, boyfriend. He died two years ago today. He's the him I've been talking about. Usually he's on my mind ever free moment I get. I'd known him since childhood. He came from Russia when I was in first grade. We became friends, but once we started sixth grade, that changed. Well, a lot of things changed then. Two weeks after I started school, my mother was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer. There was still a chance she could beat it, but I stayed hopeful. But one day, she told me she was dying. I didn't want to believe it. I told her that wasn't funny, that she shouldn't joke about things like that. But right in the middle of the lecture I was giving her, she started crying. That's when I knew she was telling the truth. Apaerantly she and Rocky were childhood friends, so I was sent to live with him. But back to what changed between me and Sergei, I had a little crush on him. But one day changed everything. The day I went back to school after mom's death, I was crushed. Everyone new, and even though I'd asked them to just go on like nothing happened, my friends kept asking me if I was OK. I can't blame them, but I justed wanted one aspect of my life to be normal. Every day after it happened, for a good while, everything was a reminder of what happened. Waking up in a bed that wasn't mine, an Italian man on the floor next to me. Rocky coming to sit next to me on the bed, asking me if I was OK before pulling me into a hug, whispering "You're gonna be OK, kid," into my ear. I didn't want to leave school that say, to go back to those reminders. But just when I started walking home, Sergei ran up to me, and asked me if we could walk home together. I said yes, and we did. He didn't say anything, but halfway home, he took my hand in his. That's when I knew I loved him, not just liked him. We stayed friends, but I still loved him. I confessed at sixteen, and dated from then till his death. He moved to New York with me when I got accepted into ballet school, turning down a scholarship that was a lot closer to home. He wanted to be a doctor, but he died before his residency even started. It was a car crash, I was on my period, and went out to get me chocolate. But some asshole hit him head on when he was pulling out if the gas station. I remember the crushing feeling that was too familiar. I remember selling my car, afraid the same thing would happen to me. He's been in thoughts ever since that day. But now I'm thinking about Ivan. And I'm not sure I like it.

#ivan drago #rocky balboa #ballerina #forbidden love #russia #loss

[countrymusiclover]

20 - Two Hearts

Part 21

Her Life Means Everything

@mrs-fanfiction-2001 @the-big-bad-klaus

6 months later

"Nik this pain is unbearable. I want a freaking blood bag to take my mind off it!" I grunted gripping my stomach that has grown bigger making it harder for me to vamp around drinking blood like I would care to do. "Find me a dang witch!"

He sits at the foot of the bed playing with my hair trying to distract me from the pain. It's been getting worse since I became three months pregnant. "Maddie, you're in no condition for me to take you to New Orleans-"

I cut him off, gripping his forearm making him wince sharply. "Then find a witch here - call Bonnie!" Burying my head in the pillows I started crying. Even though I didn't care about anyone else except my twin and Nik, my emotions are still breaking through because of the pregnancy. "Gosh why don't we have any ice cream. I want some right now!"

"Sssh sweetheart, I'll call the witch. In the meantime there's someone here who might make you feel better." He turns his head towards the door where my sister enters carrying like three bags filled with clothes but one in particular caught my eye.

"You brought me dark chocolate. Caroline, have I told you how much I love you?" I cheered when she handed me the whole bag, my eyes lightening up.

Nik crossed his arms over his chest tilting his head slightly offended by my reaction to a simple dessert. "I've never gotten such a reaction out of you and now you're falling for chocolate."

"When she was on her period she always wanted it. Now don't you have a witch to be searching for." My sister whipped her head around glaring at him before he vamped out of the room.

Tossing chocolate chips in my mouth I eyed the bags at the foot of the bed that she had bought. "What's in the bags?" She grinned reaching down pulling out a tiny little pink dress alongside a cameo shirt and tan shorts.

"If it's a girl, I have high hopes that it is. We should spoil her with dresses." She pulled out an orange, blue and green dress laying them out on the bed. Then a few more shirts and pants for boys. "Although I will question what a little boy will look like with Klaus in him."

Slumping my shoulders I wrapped the blanket around myself more hearing footsteps enter the room. The door opened and our mother came in to see us sitting here. "I thought I'd come over during my lunch break to see how you're doing...considering you're a vampire now too." She sits on the bed reaching for my hand and I slowly grasped it in mine, happy that she wasn't mad that I told her I was a vampire a few days ago.

"I think I'm doing okay. This baby thing is a miracle but it's driving me crazy - agh seriously why are the cramps so bad." I moaned resting a hand on my back making my fangs visible for a few seconds.

She looks between my twin and I chuckling softly with a smile. "When I was pregnant I had horrible cramps too. And when I went to the doctor I couldn't believe that I wasn't just pregnant with one baby, but two." She takes my sister's hand in her freehand seeing the shock on both our faces as she explained. "Twins who have become these strong and beautiful women. Who will do great things even if you are both vampires." Her phone goes off where she sighed, kissing both our foreheads. "Uh it's work. I have to go. I love you both."

As she started to head for the door I called out to her hoping that she wasn't mad. "Mom, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Maddie." She replied, turning around to face us.

Holding my sister's hand in mine I pushed hair out of my face trying to find the right words. "I just wanted to say...I know Klaus isn't the perfect guy and probably doesn't seem like the perfect father. But he loves me...he is the father that is giving you your grandchild...my question is will you still love me even though you know the truth now?"

"Oh Maddison. Even though I was taught to hate vampires. I could never push you away because the father is a supernatural hybrid." Our mother rushed forward wrapping her arms around me in a hug and I bite my tongue holding myself back so I don't drain her for blood. She breaks the hug holding my shoulders with tears in her eyes. "You and your sister have shown me that things can be different. So I shall love you and this little one no matter what happens." She waved bye before Bonnie came back with Klaus a few hours later.

Caroline got to her feet hugging our friend helping me get comfortable on the bed sitting upright. Nik stands beside me leaning against the headboard watching Bonnie climb on the bed placing her hands on my bigger stomach. There's a gust of wind that surrounded her as she spoke in a foreign language I didn't understand before she opened her eyes with a shock clear on her face. "What is it, Bon? That's not a happy look on your face." My sister asked, arms crossed over her chest.

"The spirits felt something that they don't believe is possible-"

She tried to say bye and got cut short by my boyfriend. "Yes a vampire being pregnant by the original hybrid we've already been through the shock. What else is there?"

I smacked his arm harshly glaring up into his blue eyes then back down to her. "Bonnie, please tell me." I begged, placing a hand on top of hers.

She bends her head down, taking my hands in hers, showing a small smile on her face. "I don't see how the witch in New Orleans missed this. But there's not just one baby, Maddie...there's two and they're twins. Twin girls." Parting my lips I couldn't believe that she was saying that. Maybe mom knew something that we didn't...she knew without any supernatural ability.

Send me ideas please...honestly I just want to jump to Hope being born already but that might be weird right????

Comments really appreciated ❤️

#her life means everything #klaus mikaelson fic #klaus mikaelson x forbes reader #klaus mikaelson x reader fanfiction #klaus mikaelson x reader #klaus mikaelson #joseph morgan #oc : maddie forbes #britt robertson #caroline forbes x sister reader #caroline forbes #candice king #damon salvatore #rebekah mikaelson #elijah mikealson x reader #elijah mikaelson #bonnie bennett #liz forbes #tvd soulmate #soulmate #tvd x reader #tvd fanfiction #tvd fandom #tvd #tvdu #newbie vampire #wattpad fanfiction #ask box is open for feedback #comments really appreciated

[jaynnie-jane]

For years I have asked my mum to "just listen".

She has wanted to finish my autism assessment (without me foing back) at the place that straight up verbally assulted me. I have continuously said to her "I don't want to give them money, I don't want to have anything to do with them".

She has constantly pushed to finish the process there. The other night I said "fine, it's your money, do what you want". But then I did some more reading about how other places assess autism.

The thing my therapist said to keep in mind while going through the process is that "this isn't to get a diagnosis, this is to help you understand what's going on".

Mum has been fixated on the diagnosis, despite my therapist AND doctor saying to her it's not about that.

Today was hard. Trying to say no to her in a way that she understands for a reason she is okay with is really hard. She believed that by me completing it through the current people she was "saving" me from further hurt. She wouldn't accept for what ever reason that what happened to me should never have happened, while also agreeing it was negligent.

We ended the argument with her saying "well you need to communicate better!".

A bit later I was reminded of just how solidly unheraing she is. I was mid league of legends game and she came in and said "can we talk?" My response was "I am mid game, I will come up when it's finished"... sure, I didn't say no and in retrospect I could have added a time estimate in there. Perspective taking after crying for an hour and while playing ARAM is not my strong suit.

Instead of saying "how long?" Or "no worries" she pushed it and tried to do it there and then...

I have spent so much of my life feeling hurt by and feeling guilty for being hurt by others. My early childhood was full of lessons about not challenging my parents in any way shape or form otherwise they would get upset.

So, over protected, taught to fear the world and taught never to upset my parents or else I would feel guilty for making mum feel like she had failed as a parent...

When that is considered it is little wonder to me that I have anxiety issues, general guilt for being alive and an innability to keep saying "no" when pushed by the ones I love.

Combine this with the amazing, attentive caregiver that mum was from 0-4 I also have freaking high resilience. When I fall in a heap, I'm still able to function in a very short period of time. Unfortunately that combo means that I consistently fall through the cracks of support frameworks.

I don't believe anyone owes me anything, and as difficult as it is I also believe that people have a right to change their minds .

I also believe that or relationships to work, you gotta stop overly protecting the people that you love and you absolutely need to be able to communicate openly when shit changes.

The MOST important thing I have learned is that we have to know how to take responsibility FOR hurting someone when we do. It doesnt matter if I ment to or not. I needed to learn how to hold that responsibility and that "sorry" just as well as I hold that compassion for myself of "I did the best I could".

So many people out there say that you should only apologise if you plan to change your behaviour.

My mum apologised for not letting me be the one to make the decision/ not hearing me/ being preoccupied with doing what she strongly believed was right. Do I expect or want her to change? No. I know that this behaviour comes from a good place (sure it makes it difficult at times for me). I don't want her to stop caring, I don't want her to feel as if she's not allowed to say anything. Would I like for her and I to be able to talk things through a little better? Absolutely!

I believe that every time it comes up, I can (and do) become a little more resilient to this specific behaviour. I also want to work on being a better advocate for myself in these types of relationships.

Awareness and working together is all I ever really want.

[analiavs]

HarperVerse: The Last Straw

PCxKylarXWhitney is finally here. Whitney wants to put Kylar in his place, but it backfires. And he ends up having the best night of his life, after some minor turmoil.

Words: 4074

I'm gonna also post just the smut for my pwp

If you don't want to read something this long in the app here's a link to ao3:

Lately he found himself ruminating. That loser Kylar kept encroaching on his territory, constantly  badgering his slut for attention. Even daily locker shovings hadn’t been enough to dissuade him. It was getting ridiculous, and while he doubted a wimp like Kylar could satisfy his slut she still entertained the creep. And he didn’t want to get pepper sprayed again trying to make her stop.   

His only solution was to take the fight to Kylar. He needed to beat him up so bad the freak never wanted to talk to his slut again. He planned  everything carefully. Even coming up with objectives to complete. 

Objective 1: Don’t let slut find out

Objective 2: Get Kylar alone

Objective 3: Put Kylar in his place

It was perfect. He took a drag off his cigarette. Kylar usually skulked around the school anyway, so getting him alone would be easy. And if he skipped first period slut would probably think he was skipping school that day and have no idea what he was doing. It was perfect, by the end of the day slut’s attention would be all on him like it should be.

He heard the bells ring from his hiding spot, he kept waiting patiently for Kylar to pass through the hallway. He felt like a lone wolf waiting for its quarry. It was pretty boring without his squad or slut there to accompany him, but he needed to do this alone. 

Finally, he spotted Kylar sneaking down the hallway. It was time. He got ready to pounce and the second his unsuspecting prey passed by he grabbed him, gagging him with his hand. He wasn’t that hard to drag away considering how short and weak he was. He shoved him into the abandoned classroom and locked the door behind himself. There would be no interruptions. 

“Uh… wha-  what do you want?” Even if he was trying to act brave, Kylar was hugging his arms to his sides. This was going to be too easy. 

“I fucking told you to stay away from my slut! So now I’m going to make you pay!” He snarled. Immediately Kylar’s demeanor changed; instead of cowering he puffed his chest out. 

“Don’t call her that!” He shoved him back with a surprising amount of force. When he fell he tried to grab for Kylar but missed. 

“My queen is mine! I’m the alpha male here, not you!” Kylar screamed, malice dripping off every word before jumping onto him and grabbing his neck. He tried to fling him off, but Kylar’s kicks kept hitting the back of his knees. When he tried to shout at him all that came out was a wheeze. He beat desperately at Kylar’s arms, but he wouldn’t release him. 

+++ pain  +++ stress

He couldn’t believe the freak was so strong, just yesterday he had shoved him into a locker. Besides the pain he felt shame and distress building within him. Kylar refused to let go and eventually he saw black. 

When he came to, he was tied to a desk. He struggled, his arms were tied together behind his back, but his legs were spread and tied to a leg of a desk. He tried to yell, but he was gagged with some weird tasting cloth. 

He could feel his heart hammering in his chest as he tried to fight the panic. He couldn’t believe Kylar of all people had him in this position. 

He flinched when he felt a hand brushing the hair off his face.

“She’s mine. I’m gonna put you in your place, show you who the real alpha male is.” Kylar sounded cocky now. To his dismay he heard the sound of a camera shutter. Pictures! He’d turn into a laughing stock. 

He released a muffled cry and struggled harder.

“Struggle all you want, Dr. Magnum taught me everything I need to know about rope tying. Now I’ll show you a real man.” He heard Kylar getting on the desk and felt his pants being undone.

He hadn’t worn boxers in the hopes that his slut would let him get a victory hump this afternoon. His flaccid penis was now bare for Kylar to see. He snapped some pictures, but stared at his dick.

“That’s it?” Kylar grabbed his dick giving it a curious shake. He struggled even harder, trying to ignore the tears streaming down his face. So what if it was below average, he was still the boss. 

“My dick’s bigger than yours.” Kylar laughed, dropping his own pants. And saw Kylar’s disproportionately huge dick swinging around. 

+++insecurity +++stress

“I didn’t want to be on camera, but I think the comparison is important.” Kylar rubbed their dicks together trying to arouse him. Despite his resistance, it worked and Kylar’s towered over him. 

+++arousal 

Kylar snapped some more pictures of the comparison and he tried to ignore the snot streaming down his face. Kylar snapped a few pictures of his face.

“I wanna completely dominate you, but our queen gave me strict orders. Don’t her panties taste good? Her pussy feels even better.” Kylar ranted excitedly. He cried into his slut’s panties. 

Kylar started masturbating over him. Grunting and muttering to himself. He tried to ignore it. Eventually Kylar came, covering him in cum. 

+++stress +++trauma ++arousal

He struggled halfheartedly, but it covered him nevertheless. It was an insane amount, ridiculous balls to match his ridiculous dick. Once he finished orgasming Kylar took some more pictures of him.

“That was great. I’ve claimed you now, so don’t worry. As the alpha I’ll protect you now too. Hehehe, I have to show everyone your mine.” 

- - - your dominance - - - status *love interest unlocked*

When Kylar untied him, kissing the rope burns gently he didn’t have the energy to fight back. He felt disgusted, but it was oddly comforting.

-stress -trauma

Before he left Kylar gave him a kiss on the cheek. When he heard the door close after Kylar he slowly sat up, rubbing his arms. 

He wiped the tears off his face roughly, and adjusted his clothes. His dick was still hard after that, but it’s not like he had to hide it.

But he couldn’t walk around in this state either. He waited till lunch time to sneak out of school and ran all the way home. Luckily no one saw him. He showered quickly and fixed his hair. Before grabbing a hoodie and a mask so he’d be unidentifiable.

He made his way to the hospital. He approached a plump receptionist demanding an appointment. She huffed at his tone, but put him in the system. 

He waited with his arms crossed, glaring at anyone who looked his way. He was finally called back and was led to an examination room. Not long after a tall young looking man walked in holding a clipboard.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Harper, nice to meet you. What’s your name?”

“Kylar. Let’s cut the crap, I want a bigger dick.” Even though the doctor started smiling, it filled him with a vague sense of unease. 

“Wonderful, for instantaneous results we can do surgery or I can prescribe you some pills that will increase your growth rate.”

“Surgery” He answered immediately. The faster it got bigger the faster he could say it was photoshop. 

“Ok, I must ask you to strip so I can take your measurements, that way I can see what we’re working with Kylar.” He said. Even if he tried to sound nice the doctor was still giving him the creeps. He tried to show that he didn’t care about dropping his pants. The doctor's face stayed blank though. 

The doctor came up to inspect him without even putting gloves on his hands. He resisted the urge to pull his shirt down while the doctor felt him up. Afterwards, he pulled a chart of penis sizes from his desk. "You're about here." He pointed at the picture labeled "tiny penis." He suppressed an angry response.

“Whatever, I want to be that size.” He said pointing at the picture labeled enormous. The doctor smiled, “Ah yes, that’ll be 20,000$.” He felt his heart drop, he tried to ignore the heat growing behind his eyes. 

“Um… small then.” He muttered looking at the ground. 

“5,000 then” 

“I don’t have that either.” The doctor’s smile didn’t falter. 

“Unfortunately, we don’t do payment plans for elective surgery. But if money is an issue we do have a revolutionary new drug that has been proven to increase penis growth exponentially. Only 150$ for 14 pills.” He nodded eagerly. Harper led him to the pharmacy and personally handed him the pills once he paid. 

“Ok young man, be well. Remember only once a day.” The doctor smiled, waving him off. He scurried home. Once he got home exhaustion set in, he figured it probably would be smart to find a guinea pig to test his pills on before he went all in. He went to bed early, so he would have enough time to get ready the next morning. 

He felt almost hopeful getting ready for school. Yesterday's events felt distant in his mind, almost like it had been a nightmare. He got ready for school and styled his hair perfectly. Hopefully he’d see his squad on the way. His followers usually showered him with compliments once they saw him and he could use the ego boost.

He didn’t see them, but he did see a crowd at the announcement board once he got to school. Some people turned to look at him and giggled. He growled out threats, shoving past everyone to see what they were looking at. Immediately his stomach dropped. Plastered all over the board were the pictures from yesterday, with he’s mine written in what he hoped was red paint. 

+ +  + stress  - - - - - status

He started yanking them off the wall, ignoring the raucous laughing echoing around him. Once he had all the pictures he dumped them in a trash can. Just when he’d started to relax he looked up to see the school was plastered with pictures. 

- - - - status +++ stress

He looked for his friends. When he finally found him they wouldn’t let him get close. 

“No way freak! Get away from us!” Someone screamed.

“Like we’d be caught dead with a bitch like you!” They cussed him out and jeered at him. He ran towards the locker room. A professor shouted no running in the halls after him, but he didn’t care. Forget the guinea pig, he was going to take the whole bottle now. 

But as he was running someone tripped him. He managed to land on his arms instead of slamming his face onto the ground. Then he heard the pills hit the ground and his heart dropped. He looked up to see them rolling  and saw somebody catch it with their foot, Sydney. He picked it up almost dramatically. Then he read the label aloud. 

“Maxziphallia? Triple the growth guaranteed? Darling, what’s growing, his height?” He asked his slut’s boring twin. Knowing that choir boy, he might genuinely have no idea. Everyone else in the hallway started laughing. 

“My love, you shouldn’t touch such filthy things. Let’s take the contraband to the infirmary.” She glared at Whitney. Like he gave a fuck what they thought, couldn’t they see they were ruining his life. He tried to ignore the tears building in his eyes. If he cried now, he would never be able to recover his reputation. He got up with his fists balled up ready to punch someone, anyone; but everyone knew to keep their distance. Not only that but he’d wasted $150 now too. 

He ran outside, unsure of where he was going to go. He tripped on a rock. Now people who were still walking up to school were laughing at him.

*You are overwhelmed*

Everything went black…

He woke up in a bed he didn’t recognize, fear pulsing in his chest. Whatever freak had captured him was going to pay for this. He sat up, whoever kidnapped him hadn’t even tied him up. He became viscerally aware of someone heavily breathing to the side of him. He looked to see Kylar standing next to the bed, staring at him. 

“What the fuck you freak! You better let me go or I’ll kick your ass!” He jumped out of bed ready to swing on Kylar. Instead of flinching, Kylar pulled out a can of pepper spray. 

“Well you would lose against me, the alpha male-” Before their fight could escalate, someone interrupted. 

“Kylar shut the hell up.” It was his slut’s voice. He looked around wildly, just to see her lounging in a chair. He had so many questions. She twirled her hair while she kept her eyes on him. 

“You’re both my bitches. Get along.” She spoke flippantly, waving a hand at them. Incredulous, he shouted back at her. 

“I’m not your bitch! What the fuck are you talking about!” She chuckled.

“Why did you think I saved you even after what you tried to pull? You're mine, I won’t let anyone else have you.” She would bring up that day again. He’d tried his best to act like it had never happened afterwards, even if he’d never really gotten to dominate her like he wanted they had gotten closer. He tried to ignore the whining noise that Kylar was making and focused entirely on his slut. She sighed and kept talking. 

“I’ve been keeping an eye on you, you know? Those people you were messing with aren’t the type to give up. I had to do some wicked shows, pay a lot of money, and commit some minor extortion to get them off your back. So by all accounts, I’ve claimed you as mine.” She winked at him. 

“But if you really don’t want to be with me that’s fine too.” She shrugged. “I’m not some incel that’ll take my protection away over a rejection.” After everything she was still giving the freedom to make his decision. The path to the door was clear after all. He wanted to storm out, and pretend nothing had happened. Leave and then next time he saw her try to shove her into a locker. Then she would inevitably pepper spray him and make him come in his pants. But she was making it clear she wanted more, or had already decided their relationship was more.

Could things even go back to normal? His reputation was in tatters, if anything he’d probably stop going to school after this. And even with everything that had happened between them, she still wanted him. Even if her love meant that he had to learn to tolerate that slimy fuck Kylar. It was better to have someone, then nobody at all.

“I’m yours.” He couldn’t stand the sappiness of it so he pivoted. “Are we gonna fuck now?” She smiled.

“If y’all want. I was thinking I teach y’all how to fuck each other. Since you’ve both fucked me, there’s no real novelty there. And I’m not gonna lie, you two made some pretty pictures.” Immediately Kylar started whining, 

“Noo mistress, I just wanted to feel you tonight, only you-” He saw his chance to gain favor and interrupted. 

“I think it’s a great idea. If we wanna get along, then we should get to know each other.” He smiled, she smiled, and Kylar turned red.

“Mmm, baby I love the enthusiasm. Let’s all get naked and hop to it.” She dug in her bag and pulled out a giant lube bottle. She moved seductively while she stripped down, while Kylar just threw his clothes off.  He followed after them, stripping eagerly. Maybe he could use this to reclaim dominance, he was already hard. With the lube it would be no problem to just slide into Kylar. 

She came up to kiss him. The two of them made out, tongues thrusting against each other eagerly exploring. He got a few good gropes in before they broke the kiss. With Kylar practically shaking with jealousy she took the time to kiss him too. The virgin practically came in his pants. He stifled a laugh, watching how pathetic Kylar was he could never feel insecure. His slut parted from Kylar and sighed. She looked back at him.

“I wish I was taller, then I could hold you on my lap. Whit, just roll over onto your belly for now.” He obeyed, a little worried about where this was leading. He felt her straddle his back. His fears were all but confirmed when she felt him spreading his ass cheeks. 

“So cute.” She cooed. “If I had a strap… Anyway Kylar, cover your fingers in lube.” She sounded cheerier than usual, but he felt nervous. He didn’t know what to expect, he felt something wet probing back there. 

“Uh wait! Oh?” With the lube Kylar’s finger slid right in. It wasn’t particularly pleasurable or painful. When he did it with his slut she had made it seem like the best thing ever but right now it didn’t feel like much. Relieved or disappointed, he couldn’t resist taunting Kylar. 

“Is that the best you can do? You fucking suck at this!” He laughed while Kylar started thrusting his finger in and out.

“I’ll show you…” He heard Kylar muttering to himself. Even though it didn’t feel like much his ass still welcomed Kylar’s fingers in. He almost wanted to tell Kylar to shove his dick in, but he wasn’t about to get his ass torn apart. As Kylar added fingers his ass accepted them easily. He was almost disappointed his ass wasn’t as sensitive as his sluts, when he heard her start instructing Kylar.

“He’s a guy, you need to find his prostate. Give him euphoria.” She sounded even more enchanting than usual. Even though he couldn’t see her he shivered like she was whispering in his ear. He felt Kylar start moving his finger around in different directions. He tried to ignore the pleasurable heat building inside him. 

“Tonights all about the two of you forming the ultimate connection. If you guys succeed, next time the two of you can have my pussy together. If not we’ll need more lessons hehehe, but I think y’all will come to love pleasuring each other.” She was really harping on him and Kylar building a relationship. He rolled his eyes. As long as his slut knew who to come back to he didn’t mind sharing. A slut was a slut after all. That shouldn’t mean making nice with whoever else shared her bed. 

“It’s not my fault Kylar sucks at this! He needs to practice on ah!” Shit, Kylar had hit a spot that actually felt good. Kylar started honing in on that spot, stabbing it with his fingers. Which while pleasurable, was also immensely overstimulating. 

He couldn’t really speak, any noises sounded more like whines. Thankfully, his slut was paying attention.

“Kylar no! Be gentle like, rub his prostate. Keep being rough and he’ll get to go first. Add some more lube! Warm it up first.” She chided. Immediately Kylar pulled his fin. Hopefully processing her words. When he started back up he felt a lot more lube. Once again, his body readily accepted the fingers. However, instead of battering his prostate, Kylar rubbed it carefully. 

Now this was enjoyable. He tried to move his hips back against Kylar’s fingers to try and increase the stimulation. 

“Sorry Whitney, Kylar’s learning to give pleasure instead of just taking it today. You’ll have to tell him what you want. Though it would be hot to watch you dom the shit outta him, this lesson’s very important.” He could only imagine what the freak had put her through. If he contributed to the lesson, then he could imagine a reward in his future. 

“Uh a little firmer. Not faster though, ah maybe go up to three fingers. It feels good when you rub it, yeah just like that, keep going.” He stifled his moans. The longer Kylar stimulated that part of him, the greater his sensitivity as a whole. Of course his slut noticed this and encouraged him,

“Yes, bask in the pleasure. See how good you're making him feel Kylar? Focus on his body, his desires.” She started massaging his hips, relaxing him even further. Well he wasn’t losing his mind or anything, but this did feel really good. He could feel his dick pressing against the bed, he rubbed it against the blankets. 

“Are we ready for the next phase?” 

“Yes!” He heard Kylar shout and felt the fingers inside of him trembling. On his prostate, that felt sublime.

“Oh yes!” He moaned, stars dancing in his eyes.  Abruptly the fingers were pulled out of him. He tried to chase them. A gentle slap on his ass chek stopped him.

“Lube up Kylar.” She laughed. “Yeah just like that, make sure you use enough, it’s the good stuff so you won’t need to reapply. But if you cheap out, don’t hesitate to reapply if you need it.” It really was a fucking lesson. He whined, shaking his hips as much as he could.

“Hahaha… alright alright, let’s not keep Whitney waiting hmm. Like I told you, push in gentle like, don’t just shove it in. I’ll slap the shit out of you.” He was glad she was directing Kylar. His dick was much larger than the fingers. 

It hurt a little as Kylar pressed in. He tried to relax himself to make it easier. With his slut watching he didn’t have to worry about Kylar hurting him. Once the head of Kylar’s dick popped in, the rest of it slipped in without a problem. His slut really was an expert. He moaned when he felt Kylar’s thighs hit his. 

“Wow, you took him in so well.” She rubbed his hair, praising him some more. He felt her slip off his back. He grabbed a pillow to bury his face in not wanting Kylar to see the effect he was having on him. 

“See how he’s ready for you to move now. Start off slowly, let his pleasure decide your pace.” He half expected Kylar to start ravaging him like he had a vendetta. But he listened to his slut, thrusting out gently. He moaned into the pillow. He let Kylar do all the work, enjoying the gentle thrusts. Soon he wanted more, he pulled off the pillow. 

“A little harder, ahh yeah just like that.” He ordered, Kylar obeyed without a word. He put his head back in the pillow. It was nice having someone focusing all their attention on pleasuring him.  He could get used to this. Kylar’s dick was big enough to stimulate his prostate with any adjustments, and since it had built up he could feel something coiling in his belly. 

He tried to stop any drool from leaking out his mouth. The creaking of the mattress, the perfumed pillow, it was all too much. He pulled his face out of the pillow.

“Harder bitch!” He felt Kylar’s hands grip his waist before his thrusts suddenly went into overdrive. He squealed, plunging his face back into the pillow. Kylar was grunting behind him, fucking as hard as he could. He could feel sweat dripping everywhere. 

Even with his queen off to the side cooing praises and orders, in that moment nothing mattered. He just wanted to feel more pleasure. Despite Kylar’s death grip on his hips he still pushed back as much as he could. He was practically screaming into the pillow. He’d half expected Kylar to be useless with his dick, but it seemed he was well trained. 

Even in the pillow he was seeing stars. His legs started shaking and his toes curled. He tightened his grip on the pillow and shook as he came. Good thing he was already in bed, his whole body was tingling. Luckily, Kylar didn’t last much longer after that, collapsing on his back as he came himself. He felt Kylar kissing and licking his back. It was kind of gross, but after what they’d just done together… 

“Amazing you two, simply spectacular! My darling lovers. Rest, both of you. I’ll clean you up.” Their queen spoke up from the side. He was still reveling in the aftermath of his orgasm, so he barely registered her leaving the room. He felt a warm rag on his thighs, before sleep took him.

#harperverse #whitney the bully #kylar the loner #degrees of lewdity #pc/kylar/whitney

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hi! This is my first ask, I hope I followed all the rules, I'm 🪐, and I just wanted a bit of advice/reassurance

TW: descriptions of religious trauma, physical/emotional abuse, descriptions of trauma symptoms such as gaps in memory

I'm leaving home for university soon and I've wanted to, for a long time, have some space from my family and the church I grew up in. I don't know what I believe, but I'm sure that don't align myself with what I was raised to believe growing up, and I have a lot of trauma and self worth issues due to a lot of the teachings. I don't know what my purpose is or how to think for myself because I've learned to believe that my life is worthless without god, all the achievements I have are not because of me but because of god (hence the imposter syndrome I have) etc etc. The problem is, everyone expects me to go to a branch of the church where my university is. I don't want to and I know it will warrant questions and anger from my family and church community and I don't think I want to face that.

My mum and I have had a rocky relationship throughout my life. she's hit me (and threatened to hit me) multiple times when I was younger as part of "discipline" (and due to my bfrb), as well as invalidate my feelings and forced me to obey her every word because the Bible said I should. Even though now we are on better terms, she's learning to apologise for things she's done in the moment, she doesn't hit me anymore and she actually listens to me sometimes, I can still see the impact my childhood experiences have had on me. I'm horribly afraid of making mistakes, I've internalised her criticising attitude towards me, I cannot articulate my feelings because I'm so used to burying them, I'm a people pleaser and other things. She's also homophobic/transphobic (due to my church's teachings) so I've been hiding my identities from her every since I've learned more about myself. Sometimes I even doubt my own identities because what if she's right? What if I'm just demonic and confused and that I've been indoctrinated? (I know I haven't but still, thoughts like this creep up on me)

[I've had therapy for a few months which has help unravel some of this but I'm leaving school so I need to find a new therapist, which is very daunting]

What I don't know is whether it's justifiable to want to have space from her and not talk to her for at least the first year of uni. I don't know how I'd explain these things to her since I get quite emotional/cry a lot and I don't have the language to articulate exactly what's wrong. Equally, a lot of my childhood memories have been "blocked out" (there are extended periods of my childhood I don't remember) possibly due to trauma so I feel like I won't be able to defend myself.

I also really want to leave this church, but I'm scared. It's all I've ever known for as long as I remember and sometimes I get plagued with guilt/fear of eternal punishment for not believing in what I was taught to believe. I also don't want family members and people from there to try and convince me to return or try to talk my out of it, because I'm scared I'll crumble and go back to that environment where I'm instructed to be a certain person and want particular things from my life. I feel really trapped. It's going to take me a lot of time to untangle everything, and I really want to, but I'm also scared I'll never find a solid community and place to exist outside work and school (especially in times like this). I desperately want to feel okay and not be so afraid of the future and living life for myself, but I understand that it'll take me some time to trust my emotions and ability to make decisions and to learn how to find community again. It feels so big, like it's casting a shadow on my everyday life and I can't enjoy anything anymore.

Any advice on how to navigate these big thoughts would be appreciated!

-🪐

[I hope this wasn't too long!]

Hi 🪐,

I'm happy to assure that your ask was certainly not too long, and would like to extend my sympathies for your experiences and current struggles. To me, it makes all the sense in the world that your day to day, and foreseeable future, are deeply impacted by the events of childhood and current situations. You were not modeled healthy emotional regulation by your caregiver, and sadly were abused by the one person who you should have been safe with. From personal experience, I'd like to extend an extra gentle hug for the grief, and full range of emotions, that might crop up during your untangling process as you continue down your healing journey.

I wasn't 100% sure if you were looking to potentially still be part of some kind of religious/spiritual community, heal from the current one, or a bit of both? But this ask includes several books, and a work book, about healing from spiritual abuse, yet aimed for people who still have some sort of faith belief and hope to continue with some kind of spiritual practices (however, this is aimed for Christian spiritual abuse, and if you're looking for a different faith group resource, my hope is that the links/hashtags/words included in the book references might be a good starting point on a Google search). I also had an ask for someone who was exploring a different religion, seeking community, and yet the guilt, too. You can find my response to that here, but here's a highlight I hope might resonate with you, too:

I still think that anyone interested in spiritual practices can decide the boundaries for themselves on what uplifts them, what brings joy and connection - because religion and spirituality, though possible to do with others, is still, at the end of the day, a personal experience.

I think with you transitioning to college, there's a cultural understanding that you'll be exploring things on your own a bit, and though yes, it is quite possible that your family, and/or community might imply pressure as to what exploring those dynamics might look like for you, there's opportunity for freedom here.

What I mean by that, is it's fairly easy to get off the phone when you say, "Gotta study" "Gotta get to class" etc - if someone in your classes, or a student in the hallway tries to bring up a subject you're not comfortable with, I'd encourage you to share that you aren't going to discuss something, but it's certainly not rude to share you're busy and would like to circle back to another topic, another time (because you'll definitely be busy with uni!).

If someone actually has the gall to follow after you, or I don't know, unexpected family visits - you have the right to seek safety and shelter, and discuss with campus security what your options are. Though this is the most extreme example I can think, and I only bring it up to assure that you have the power to set the boundaries of who has access to you.

I'd imagine the biggest headache might be the breaks/holidays, where you might go home (or not, nothing says you have to, and you could always be needing to stay on campus to catch up on projects). But if you do, here's an article about setting some boundaries with family during the holidays (and one more) that I hope might encourage you.

Regardless of the process, length of time it take, or the winding journey as you heal - you are worthy of people in your life who love, and encourage you. You are worthy of healing, and I'm proud of you for taking the steps towards independence with both therapy (and wish you luck on finding another soon - definitely ask your campus for some mental health resources, they might have some therapists there!) and seeking higher education. Wishing you all the best ~

- Mod Kat

#trauma talks #mod kat #religious trauma #physical abuse #emotional abuse #familial abuse #trauma details #🪐 #tw emotional abuse #tw religious trauma

[steveandbucky]

what's so unfair about being cut off by someone who hurt you so deeply is that you can't even confront them and get a sense of your self respect because you can tell them that what they did was shitty and it just leaves you hurting and shaking with anger. in all the progress ive made since 2019 literally no one (outside of my family which like, has always been a four-way abusive roundabout with no traffic lights or speed limits, so,) has managed to trigger me this badly to the point of splitting and i know it's bad and unhealthy and i should be trying to reign it in but good lord. as if her desire to be unflawed and "kind" isn't what drove me to this. that's cptsd. that was a fucking emotional flashback. im not gonna bottle up my feelings and suffer silently im going to feel my feelings because my anger is valid because im not wrong for feeling hurt and shocked and betrayed and angry because i know anger is a secondary emotion but it's all you're left with when someone who claims to love you up and leaves and leaves you hurting and makes you feel like you're the bad guy in this story. fuck that.

to lose my friend who has always been kind to me and i now realise she wasn't as kind as i believed. and after that she makes it harder for me to trust her and drags me on for months. like if you knew you were done why couldn't you have fucking said so like an actual adult. i was the only one trying that's what sucks, sure you made no mistakes because you made no real effort. always about you and your priorities and your life. she only ever came back to show me a shred of affection when i was close to giving up. how did she know, right?

it took me a long long time to grow tired of not being perfect. not being allowed to be a person of my own with my wants and needs as if im not trying to recover from the worst period of my life like trigger after trigger and the worst one caused by her. as if i can take on her problems on top of my own because i said to her to think about finding someone to talk to about her trauma and she hit back with "im not gonna go to therapy on someone else's schedule"

i said i don't blame you. i said i understand. i said i am hurt. i said it's not your fault. i said i believe you. i said i don't think you ever intentionally hurt me. i said i know you're trying. i said i forgive you i forgive you i forgive you. i said i didn't want to upset you but im vulnerable and emotional and this is what i need right now until i get my old self back.

and she said i'm (still) an asshole

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

fuck u little miss "i don't wanna be cruel uwu" ok and???? what do you call this you selfish entitled brat lmao yeah im angry but I'll get over it because i've been through worse and i worked through my trauma and taught myself to be kind.

you're just repressed and in denial about it, and you are so desperately clinging onto this false idea of kindness because you made it part of your identity because you're so bored and cowardly like that's the only thing you have ever managed to do. suffer quietly because ur a martyr. be in control of everything because you have to be be perfect because your self image is so low it's in the fucking ground. never feel anger never show irritation never let yourself cry never express a single emotion.

i hope you get the help you need

thanks for making it easier to leave

[hilli98215]

I thought I would explain why I was feeling like a failure of a teacher a few days ago. But first, thank you for the kind words and for reminding me why I'm in education in the first place.

But I am literally fuming and I understand why there is a teacher shortage.

I applied for 3 different English Language Arts positions at my school and was denied all three. I would have been in my field (English) and be able to teach either 7th or 8th grade. But by being denied 3 times I was then told that the teacher I worked with for the 2021-2022 school year would also be leaving. Everything was coming down on me and I was thinking of leaving my school. And this is a thought I was going to follow through with anyway but work at my building until the end of the school year. Then I got a phone call from my principal telling me there is a position open that is not only ELA but also ESE (working with students with learning disabilities though there is more to it). This position was going to be a challenge with me being a push-in for 2 periods (going into the classroom), a standard period, an inclusion period (where the students are half learning disabled and nonlearning disabled), and an advanced period. I would be responsible for the classes I would be teaching and that's it. It was my one opportunity and I was determined to take the challenge.

Notice the was in that paragraph.

Earlier Sunday morning I received an email from my principal asking me if it was true that I was out of field (teaching out of my certification) for ESE and Reading for the 2019/2020 school year. And that it would be impossible to hire me out of field once more for the same subject as per county rules. First of all, as many of you remember, 2019/2020 was the year of COVID and was a year of hell for me. That was the year where I disappeared from Tumblr due to being so busy and where I taught high school. It was terrible and not an experience I want to repeat. That was the year when every state was doing virtual learning for the last half of the year. The school I was at let me go and I had a difficult time finding a teaching job for the 2020/2021 school year and had no choice but become a teacher's assistant. Which I mean worked in the end since I was able to complete other parts of the certificate which included taking college courses and completing a portfolio for the state. Anyway, that was over 3 years ago. I can barely remember that year. But because I was already out of field once I can't be out of field again for the same subjects. It is also per Florida Statute and is something I can't fight. My choice is either take the tests or never teach those subjects.

I spent my Sunday crying and doubting myself. I was so sure I was going to get the position but was told that I can't.

By the way, my principal asked me about the position before asking Human Resources about my availability and told me she was going to check with me on Monday but sent me this email on Sunday. They did it backward and it took me several days to realize that.

Monday it was confirmed by Human Resources that I have to decline this position due to the Florida statute.

If I were to get this email before my principal sent theirs, I would have understood.

I am frustrated and have made the decision to leave the school by December for a teaching position. I am done with being treated like this and I am going to pass every test I need to be a teacher in my state.

I am done with being an assistant to the teacher. I am going to be the teacher.

#the education system #the us education system #florida #this is so dumb #but after being passed over 3 times for positions I am qualified for #i am done with being treated liket his #personal #education #this is why we have a teacher shortage