#i have a boy group blog too but it’s literally just for whoever my current boy of the year is so rn it’s mostly lino whom im sure you get

[wantbytaemin]

Leak the sideblogs? Pretty please?

i have like 8 or something not even joking it’s so ridiculous but the ones i use regularly are:

@somethingmp3 my girl group blog 💖

@veljaca (veljača means february in croatian hehe) it’s like fashion etc whatever i like the visuals of but isn’t for this here kpop blog

@sweetestgift where i don’t really write in the tags but is just like little non kpop things that don’t fit in on veljaca

#i have a boy group blog too but it’s literally just for whoever my current boy of the year is so rn it’s mostly lino whom im sure you get #enough of on here anyway LMAO and also a shinee blog (i KNOW) where i put shinee stuff that i wanna keep but still don’t rb on here #and also @aqualwj my untamed side blog which used to be my favorite place in the world but it’s been a while since ive watched it and so #it doesn’t really get used anymore 😢

[brazenautomaton]

Given that you are literally the perfect candidate for this, I request your assistance. In light of recent animu viewings, and upon stumbling across the TVTropes page for Princess the Hopeful, I was inspired to run a few sessions for my boys. However, digging back through your blog, I found a post indicating you had some fairly negative feelings on the system. As I trust your judgment, I would like your input on How To Make Princess Work, whether these suggestions are thematic and/or mechanical.

well I can't be as helpful as you would think because after a certain point the instinctive shame was too much and I can't even bear to read the current version of it so I don't know what to say "don't do this" other than "don't do anything that was Earthscorpion's idea". I asked someone to read it and summarize for me but then they just didn't do that.

and some of it was mechanical stuff you can't change, and probably the most important one was the post about nightmares as the primary environment, which I can't find now because of course I can't and now I am thinking maaaaaybe I never actually detailed it outside of PM?

the primary environment and source of low-level threat is a Nightmare, which is a little sub-reality bubble created by one person's fear and misery, operating under dream logic, where spirit creatures that are manifestations of that person's fears and flaws dwell, and the person is both the prisoner and monarch, exalted and tormented. the nightmare creatures go out into the world and hurt people and try to bring them back in, so that's the first source of monsters of the week. to put a stop to them you need to find the source, the Nightmare itself, and free whoever is trapped inside. the Nightmare reflects their fear and trauma and etc and you need to at least somewhat understand it to free the person, because you need to convince them they can and should leave. also because the nightmare creatures aren't self-aware it's a situation where starting a fight doesn't mean the end of social interaction; some challenges have to be talked through and some have to be fought and maybe you're doing both at once because the talky creatures don't notice or care you're fighting the gibbering monster creatures and you need to get past both to get to the core

yes, there's a lot of Madoka in that, but when Princess was first conceived Madoka didn't exist so it gets to catch up

higher level antagonists use and exploit these Nightmares. Princesses of Tears drive people to this point on purpose because like Kyubey harvests magical girl despair, the energy released by awakening a Nightmare is what keeps the lights on in Alhambra for a little while longer. evil warlocks use them as a source of disposable minions.

things are bad, it is a World of Darkness, because everything is tainted by Darkness. the taint of the Darkness is not Blizzard fel corruption or sinister black mind control oil -- the taint of the Darkness is fear. people do bad things because they are afraid. if an antagonist isn't cackling and unapologetically evil and clearly Okay To Kill, their actions are motivated at some basic level by fear. set them up so they can be redeemed and helped because a Princess is about fighting fear and balming misery. but also that redeeming them will take away most of their evil powers so that the group doesn't just accumulate a larger and larger posse of warlocks to stomp everything.

Dark Magical Girls should always be able to be redeemed. Ignore whatever stupid fucking subsystem EarthScorpion put into Princesses of Storms that kills them if they turn good, whether it's still the stupid organ implants or he changed it to something else. Basically anything that is a unique subsystem just for them was probably EarthScorpion's idea, he was obsessed with them for some reason

give players lots of opportunities to interact with higher-level antagonists before they are in a situation where one of them has to die, so they can get to know the antagonist better.

never imperil a character's civilian-life relationships unless they have fucked up super hard or you have given them ample, ample chances to prevent it from becoming a problem -- you cannot make it so the best idea is to cut yourself off from your friends so they won't be in danger, that's what lonely and isolated and terrified Dark Magical Girls do

the Queens are maternal figures who cannot give advice relevant to the situation on the ground (can't solve problems for you) but help you work them out yourself (they would love to do more but the dream-state they are in makes it hard to operate on anything but dream-logic)

Princesses are not evil, Queens are not evil, there is no "oh no you're so morally grey maybe you're the bad guys" because that is covered by every other WoD game. the darkness level of the game is keyed off of "how much does it matter that you're truly and righteously good guys? will that help you change things?"

this does not preclude them from getting into conflict with other forces who believe themselves to be or truly are motivated by goodness, but play up how that's a tragic thing that people who want to help the world have to fight

I also had a thing where Princesses basically gambled Belief the way Hunters gambled Willpower, to represent getting extremely emotionally invested in what you were doing and the possibility of being spiritually crushed if you try your hardest and fail. this was a way to get fucking super amped up EX modes on your Charms but not knowing how their system works I can't say how to adapt it

one other mechanical thing I wanted was "a Princess is basically invincible if she's devoting all her juice to keep herself safe, but has very little capacity to actually do anything else; the more effective you want to be at actively doing things to the world, the more you have to put yourself out there and risk being harmed" but again don't know how to integrate that into whatever mechanics they have

if I think of anything else I will let you know

#princess the hopeful

[imo-chan-imagines]

『 Haikyuu!! Week 2020 | Day 2 』

· Sept. 26th → One Ball, Heart and Soul ·

Characters: Sawamura Daichi, Testurou Kuroo, Bokuto Koutarou, Ushijima Wakatoshi, Oikawa Tooru, Terushima Yuuji

Prompts: A. favourite position/role + B. travel/journey

Tags/warnings: Haikyuu!! (anime), PG, fluff, crack, headcanons, HaikyuuWeek2020

A/N: I found it so hard to pick a favourite position/role, because they're all so interesting and important, and I love everyone 😭 But I settled on the role of captain because of the headcanons I thought of. Captain Sqaud, assemble! So, want to find out what these boys are like on a road trip?

(Just to be clear, I do love all these guys. None of this is hate 😂) All my Haikyuu Week 2020 posts will be SFW, but I have some NSFW stuff on my blog, too. Feel free to check that out~ Thanks for reading! Please enjoy ♡ Imo~

☆ Sawamura Daichi ☆

Dad-chi™

Comes prepared with all the food, drinks, snacks, med kit, camera – literally everything you could possibly need on a road trip

Plans out the route beforehand down to the tiniest detail nothing gets past this man

As well as multiple backup routes in case there's diversions etc.

Plans for regular breaks at two-hour intervals where everyone can pee, stretch their legs, buy anything they need, etc.

He's the one who's driving he's not letting anybody else get a scratch on his van, lmao

And he's good at it

No speeding he's a cop, y'all but he doesn't dawdle either, no running red lights, turns corners well, keeps an even foot on the gas, etc.

Just a good time, tbh

Nobody is getting car sick because of him that would be a damn disgrace

"Stop fighting right now, or I'm turning this van around"

And will actually do it if you don't stfu, lmfao

Don't even think about making a mess and dropping your rubbish in the van you'll be walking home

Everyone else thinks his music is boring and for old people, but Daichi honestly doesn't care

Besides, it's either that or no music at all, because he needs to concentrate on the road

He takes this shit seriously. People's lives are in his hands, dammit!

☆ Testurou Kuroo ☆

Likes to switch between driving and riding shotgun/being designated navigator

Is fairly decent at both

Is constantly eating something but, like, he probably doesn't even know what it is

Some kind of edible is shoved towards his mouth by whoever's riding shotgun, and in it goes shut up. Not like that, you cretins 😂

Somehow manages to behave like an overbearing grandparent and an overexcited child at the same time?? Nothing new there, I guess 😂

I'm sorry, Kuroo, I love you. Please don't be mad 😭

Has a banging playlist full of throwback songs from the 90s and early 2000s

Drums along sofly on the steering wheel or dashboard constantly

HATES driving in rain he's low-key terrified he's going to aquaplane

Likes driving with the windows wound down and feeling the wind in his hair

Will plan the route, but then forget to save it/print it off, etc.

Cannot work Google Maps or SAT-NAVs to save his life Kenma, please help him

Actually packs properly balanced meals, but is heavy on the snacks, too

You'd think he'd drive too fast, but he's actually really responsible

Constantly telling dad jokes to try and keep people amused the groaners are the best

Would probably fight someone at the gas station if they started being a dick and causing trouble

Kuroo, baby. I love you, but please don't get arrested 😭😂😭

☆ Bokuto Koutarou ☆

Dear God, do NOT let him drive leave it to Akaashi, I'm begging you

Has really bad spacial awareness in a vehicle and drifts all over the place

Probably speeds without even knowing it, too

Likes to ride shotgun, but is a terrible navigator, so is nearly always made to ride in the back

Is the loud one that moves around too much and blocks the rear view mirror strap him in tight, Akaashi

Belts along at the top of his voice to whatever music is playing, he's not fussy

Was told to pack essential items in his backpack and proceeded to fill it with sweets and snacks and a pack of condoms??? and thought he did good

Bokuto: Bro, you said they were essential

Akaashi: NOT FOR EVERY SITUATION

Rarely ever has to pee, but when he does, it's always miles away from any service station, and he has to hold it for hours

Has definitely peed at the side of the road multiple times because he couldn't hold it any longer, but he wasn't even embarrassed as numerous cars zoomed past

Likes sticking his head out the window like a dog on the motorway which gives everyone else heart attacks

Like, get the hell back inside you maniac 😭

If the car has a sunroof, he's 100% standing up through it with his hands in the air just you try and stop him

And they will. Everyone will try

"HORSES!!"

Will get out of the car in traffic jams to find out what's going on and end up chatting with random strangers until it starts moving again

And he's very sad when he has to leave his new friends. Droopy hair and emo Kou for the next 2 hours :(

Unironically enjoys playing 'I Spy' for hours at a time

Is a bit much to handle in such a confined space for hours on end, but he's just so excited for the road trip

Will fall sound asleep in a matter of minutes if you set him up with a travel pillow and it's freaking adorable!!

☆ Ushijima Wakatoshi ☆

No music whatsoever it's distracting. Why would he want it?

Okay driver, brilliant paper-map navigator

Will sit and do absolutely nothing but stare out the window the entire trip if he's neither

Breaks too hard and accelerates too fast, though

Is also kind of heavy-handed with the gear stick he may or may not have snapped one off before...

Never give him a SAT-NAV, though, because he will follow the directions with 100% accuracy and end up driving through a wall or some shit don't try and deny it

Does he ever even blink when he's looking at the road? We may never know

Might be astral projecting, who knows

Forgets people need toilet breaks but refuses to make unscheduled stops

"Just hold it in"

Uh-huh, sure. That's how that works, Toshi

No snacks

Or rather, no fun snacks. Protein bars and mineral water all the way, babyyyy 🙃🙃🙃

Could probably drive all through the night without taking any breaks but that's irresponsible

Don't do it, kids

Will likely devour the entire KFC menu at the service station he's big, okay? He eats a lot

Is prone to leg cramp after long drives oh look, he needs a massage 😏

Doesn't get car sick. Ever. Upset stomachs are for the weak

Has garbage and recycling pouches on the backs of the front seats use them correctly, or feel his wrath

Isn't exactly a barrel of laughs, but it's somehow endearing just like always *happy sigh*

But it's actually a good thing

There's no hidden side to Ushi or any bad or annoying habits that come out of the woodwork on a long road trip

He's just the same old reliable, adorably straightforward Ushijima ❤

☆ Oikawa Tooru ☆

Calls shotgun and demands the aux cord every. Single. Time but it's pretty decent music, so no-one really complains

Not that he's any good at navigation pray for Iwa-chan

Is constantly taking selfies, making TikToks, and documenting the trip on his social media

#ROADTRIP #SQUAD GOALS #BETTER THAN YOU

Will send all the photos in the group chat when it's over, and they actually come out pretty well

Will not stop complaining if the air conditioning is busted and Iwa-chan will threaten to dump him in the middle of nowhere if he doesn't can it 😂

Iwa-chan: I shoulda left you on that street corner where you were standing

Oikawa: But'cha dIDN'T

Bonus points if you get that reference, lmao

Has to keep taking breaks because his butt hurts when he sits down for too long because it's fLaT

I'm sorry, Tooru 😭😭 Forgive me. I love you, really

Is constantly on his phone

But he points out pretty views and interesting sights to everyone all the time awww

Low-key needs to pee all the time, but gets defensive if someone brings it up please stop bulling him, travelling is hard

"Are we there yet?"

Seems kind of annoying, but is actually just genuinely excited to go on a road trip and spend time with his friends 😭😭

Buys matching souvenirs for everyone in secret to surprise them with 🥺

When people complain about all the photos, souvenirs, and enthusiasm, etc. and ask why he has to keep doing it, Oikawa says:

"I want to remember as much of this as possible. I want us all to remember as much of this as much as possible," with a sweet little smile 😭😭😭

And that's when everyone realises how mean they've been to him about being over-the-top and irritating, and they all feel terrible

Just like in the freaking anime, man

☆ Terushima Yuuji ☆

Will hijack the aux cord to play his incredibly niche music taste

Feet up on the dashboard when he rides shotgun

Shoes on is bad enough, but shoes off just stinks up the entire car you have to roll all the windows down, lmfao

Will break all sorts of road laws if you let him behind the wheel please don't

Daichi will come and arrest him 😭😭

Lives on energy drinks

That's all the drinks he packs. Nothing else

Travels in sports wear and sliders yes, even though you reallly shouldn't drive in sandals

Like he knows or cares 😭

Will chat to girls at the gas station and ask for their numbers, even though he's never going to see them again

"You never know, man! It could be, like, fate or something"

Yes, Yuuji, you do. And it's 'or something'

Thinks it's a good time to sext his current booty call because, like, he has hours of free time. What else is he going to do?

Probably forgot to pack actual food

Has to live off of snacks and cheap service station food for the duration of the trip

But not his own snacks, of course. Everyone else's one doesn't keep friends and buy one's own snacks

Genuinely doesn't realise if he's being gross or annoying, so let him down lightly like a bro and he'll probably make an effort to stop

Doesn't plan the route or anything, even if he's driving. Just punches it into Google Maps as he sits his ass down on the day and trusts it to get him there in one piece and on time

Entire Johzenji team: Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...

For some reason knows how to change a flat tire, though, so he's good for something, I guess 😂😂

Probably saw a YouTube video on it. Maybe a WikiHow article

Somehow still manages to be an endearing part of the trip??

He smiles a lot and makes a lot of jokes, particularly when things go wrong, so it keeps everyone's spirits up

It definitely wouldn't be the same without him

© imo-chan-imagines 2020

#imo chan imagines #haikyuuweek2020 #haikyuu!! #hq! #headcanons #haikyuu headcanons #sawamura daichi #tetsurou kuroo #oikawa tooru #ushijima wakatoshi #terushima yuuji #sawamura daichi headcanons #testurou kuroo headcanons #oikawa tooru headcanons #ushijima wakatoshi headcanons #terushima yuuji headcanons #bokuto koutarou #bokuto koutarou headcanons

[kareofbears]

take this as a free card to ramble about the walking dead 👉👈

oh anon, there’s no one i love more than you. 

shoving this under the cut because i don't really think a lot of people would care what i have to say about this, since this isn’t really what my blog is about at the moment but wow is the walking dead a brilliant game that's mastered the art of story telling

just throwing this out there, i am currently listening to “Louis’ song” because he is my third favorite character in this whole game and also “Clementine’s suite” because its killer 

okay okay so, why am i suddenly so up in arms about this game? let me tell you! 

i first became interested in this game right when it came out, sometime in 2012. i was 11 at the time, and my family was pretty poor so i had to rely on YouTubers to watch this game and i absolutely fell in love with it. loved the characters, the twist and turns. but i only watched the first season. 

and coming back to it now, as someone who’s consumed a lot of media, who avidly criticizes games and story telling, this game has the absolute best story telling I've seen from any game I've ever seen before. 

this isn’t a new statement--people talk about telltale, revere telltale even now that their characters and storytelling is untouchable, and its true. you can tell that its about the story the minute you see the graphics of this game: a comic book. this isn’t about the gameplay at all, or the mechanics of killing walkers, no. its a story. a simple story of a girl who had to grow up in the world of a zombie apocalypse. 

season 1 is a prequel to the rest of the game. it introduces us to a man named lee--lee who killed his wife in a fit of rage and was going to prison when hell breaks loose. and season 1 is brilliant because in a typical survival game like this, people go ape shit. they'll kill whoever they need to, steal whatever they need in order to survive. but the fact that they introduce clementine into this, a young girl who thinks the world of you, it holds you back. it reminds you that there’s actions to your consequences, that even in this lawless world, there are still things that we should keep and treasure and preserve in order to want to live in a world like this. and when lee dies? it teaches you, the player, to love clem as he did. because we are now in charge of clem. not lee. 

in season 1, i killed lee

season 2 rolls around and honestly its kind of my least favorite season. the characters made me mad and it felt like my choices were weightless. but hold on, i think telltale actually did that on purpose. if season 1 is to show you that you need to preserve good and heart in order to fight in a horrible world, season 2 shows you how to fight in a horrible world--what you need to survive, who you need to be to gain allies, how to be strong. its purpose is to show you the underbelly of this nasty apocalypse, to show you that the world is shit and clementine had no choice but to grow up and catch up to speed with people four times her age. its not a happy season. pretty much everyone dies depending on your choices. as the player, there’s visibly no consequences to your actions: everyone’s an idiot and you’re the only competent one. there's no lee to watch you, no clementine to take care of. and that was done on purpose because that shit, as james put it, breaks you as a person. you don't come back from that. and she didn't. 

in season 2, i killed jane and went with kenny and refused to go into wellington without him

season 3 is everyone's least favorite and for that, screw yall because i loved season 3. season 3 introduces the character to the consequences of what we put clem through in season 2. it shows an outside perspective of who clementine has become, who she needed to be in order to survive. it introduces the concept of having a family and a group that stuck with you from the very beginning rather than finding people along the way--this created a new group dynamic that we haven't seen before in this game. it also introduces conflict for the player: as javi, the player has to juggle whats best for his literal blood family and having to earn clementine’s trust. its a hard thing to do. season 3 has incredible characters, concepts, and it does something new by having little to no walkers--if anything, it’s a character study on how people react to an apocalypse without actually being directly affected by the apocalypse in that moment. (id talk about this more--i literally debated whether or not i should talk about what i learned in my English class about pandemics lmfao--but this post would get too long and its one am). season 3 is the cementation of who you chose clementine to be. there's no changing clementine at this point. whats done is done. 

in season 3, i went out to look for aj rather than staying in Richmond 

season 4 is incredible. characters were the best they've ever been, the plot was amazing (if not a little too grandiose sometimes). season 4 is a direct homage to season one, except instead of having to protect a sweet girl in a zombie apocalypse by teaching her how to survive, its having to teach empathy to a boy who knows nothing but violence and survival. its brilliant, i don't even know what to say about this. aj is obviously an amazing addition to this game and i think its what telltales been leading up to this entire time (even with their shut down). the idea of having no adults for a base is brilliant since these kids don't have the hesitation and beliefs and feuds that adults have from their days of norm. i thought i would hate it but both of clementines love interests have no right being so amazing. honestly i would love to make a separate post about season 4 in order to break it down, but the gist is its amazing. its the perfect end for clementine as a character. 

in season 4, clem was romantically involved with and saved Louis 

twdg might be my second favorite game of all time? right under p5r. 

quick lists i wanted to make because i love making lists

favorite seasons

1. season 4 (but tomorrow this might change, since season 1 is just so brilliantly contained and simple and holds a lot of nostalgia for me)

2. season 1 

3. season 3

4. season 4

top four favorite characters

1. clementine (shes probably my favorite female fictional character of all time)

2. lee (truly, he is my second favorite comfort character next to ryuji, so do with that info what you will)

3. my main man louis (god i love him so so so much) 

4. javi (look i love him okay) 

thank you anon for giving me an outlet to yell about this amazing game!!! i could just talk about this game forever and ever because there is soo much to say about it

#twdg #mine #ask #asks #spoilers for twdg obvs #ily anon

[ophelia-coeur]

tagged by @fvae - thank you! i’ll be ✨manifesting✨ that pottery studio for you 

rules: answer these questions and tag some people you are contractually obligated to know better

I'll be tagging @brizzlovesyou @bandsanitizer @caffeine-catastrophe and whoever else feels like it <3

1. name/nickname: ophelia 

2. gender: female

3. star sign: libra

4. height: physically, 5′8. spiritually, 5′11 (which I now have luckily achieved with platform boots)

5. time: 18:20

6. birthday: birthdays are gross :)

7. favourite bands/groups: 5sos, nothing but thieves, keane, sleeping at last, boys world is quickly getting there too. 

8. favourite solo artists: taylor swift, sabrina claudio, shawn mendes, hayley williams, gregory porter and literally everyone ugh

9. song stuck in my head: nothing, though i’m listening to taylor swift right now

10. last movie: a drunken watch: “50 shades darker” to confirm that it is, indeed, a bad movie

11. last show: i think four bad episodes of fate: the winx saga, which was v unfortunate for my time and wellbeing 

12. when did i create this blog: 2016

13. what do I post: nostalgia, excerpts from other people, music, whatever i feel like, the occasional personal post that dutifully gets deleted 24 hours later. 

14. last thing I googled: nicknames for short people as research for a fic lmaoooo

15. other blogs: @lydias--stiles which is multifandom with a current focus on julie and the phantoms, that one show no one can shut up about as of late

16. do I get asks: nope, i do get frequent ones on my other blog though

17. why i chose my url: this was originally supposed to be a studyblr, but that was when i thought i actually liked studying. 

18. following: 384

19. followers: the size of a senior book club

20. average hours of sleep: between 3 and 12 because being manic hasn’t stopped being fun for some reason 

21. lucky number: not superstitious

22. instruments: ukulele that hasn’t been touched in a while lol

23. what am I wearing: straight-legged jeans, black knit sweater, socks

24. dream job: fashion historian or columnist for a paper. or working for a museum when they have a fashion exhibit and digging in the archives for the good pieces and help create the story around it. plan b is to become an exotic dancer in a strip club :):):) gotta get that back up 

25. dream trip: indonesia, congo, mexico, boston, backpacking through scandinavia, clubbing in eastern europe.

26. favourite food: anything juicy and vegan. chili sin carne, mangos, hummus, anything with mushrooms

27. nationality: belgian, baby!

28. favourite song: i legit love everything. drunk me would say something by abba or lizzo. right now though, “impossible” by nothing but thieves. 

29. last book read: the first quarter of “on the road” by jack kerouac 

30. top three fictional universes i’d like to live in: the tinkerbell cinematic universe was dope as fuck, i’d love to be a flower fairy. “martine” which was a belgian children’s book series about a girl just having fun with her friends. the bratz universe because i, also, have a passion for fashion lmao 

#about me #tag games

[the-bounce-back]

BEING ‘SINGLE SINGLE’ - LESSONS LEARNED FROM FOCUSING ON MYSELF

Well, hey there. It’s been a while.

As I’m sure you all will appreciate and understand, March was an extremely hot mess in many ways, but mainly due to how COVID-19 showed up and started ruining everyone’s lives, and my motivation to write has been very limited due to stress and anxiety over how the situation is unfolding (please stay safe and at home!). However, I have finally somewhat adjusted to the situation and started to feel kind of normal again, so… I’m back like I never left. We love to see it.

I should point out that this post has been on my mind since, like, late December, and I started writing it in the middle of February after I finished the Confidence Chronicles. As the effects of Miss Rona started to become even more prominent in our everyday lives, I wanted to rewrite some of the parts so it would become more relevant to what is currently going on before publishing it… so without further ado, let’s get into it.

If you’re in my age group, I’m sure you will understand and agree that there are different ‘categories’ of being single, and all these levels are immensely different if you get political and look at the specific details of them. For the purpose of clarity and to illustrate, I (personally) would dub these categories as such:

*Single and MiNgLiNg: You’re not tied down to anyone. You’re talking to, seeing and doing whatever you want, with whoever you want, whenever you want. You’re living your best, unbothered life. Feelings are/have become an alien concept to you. I respect it. Gwarn with your bad self.

*Single (but not really): You’re technically single, but there’s someone (or someones, if you’re so inclined) that you’re into and that you’re secretly hoping things will work out with so that you can leave this ghetto that we call the gAmE. I’d say that this is the category where most situationships reside in, before eventually dying out or graduating to an actual relationship. I hate this category, because it is literally the worst: everyone has different opinions on what can and can’t run, and from what I’ve seen it usually just ends up in someone getting hurt.

*Single-ish: kind of like the previous category, but the main difference is that although there might be someone you want things to work out with, you’re grudgingly talking to other people as well in case things go sour. Either to protect your own feelings or out of sheer boredom because the person you want isn’t stepping up in the way you want them to. You probably even try to convince yourself that these other people are better options than the one(s) you actually want, but deep down you know you’re lying to yourself. Sigh. A mess.

And finally, the namesake of this post:

*Single single (aka ‘Single and not looking’): You’ve completely distanced yourself from trying to get to know someone, for whatever reason. You have no interest in changing this anytime soon. Your phone is drier than your hands during this epidemic (cream your hands after washing them… please). 

Up until very recently, I have considered myself single single. This came to pass after things not working out with the person that I wanted, after floating between the single (but not really) and single-ish categories for what felt like eons. I’m not even going to lie, it hurt - but I’m glad it happened. If it hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have been able to write this post and share what I’ve learnt from taking a step back and choosing to focus on myself, and I definitely wouldn’t have elevated to this completely new level of confidence the way I have.

The choice to cut all romantic/physical ties off for a while came when I was overanalysing the situation for the trillionth time. I realised that ever since the age of 16, I have always been involved with someone in some way - whether it’s literally just talking or something more. That’s literally almost a decade of my life that I’ve let boys/men live rent-free in my head… Ew. I know, very embarrassing. As if that embarrassment isn’t enough, I soon realised that there must be a correlation between how low my self-esteem, self-confidence and perception of self-worth used to be and the men I’ve had to deal with in my short life so far. I recognised that the craving for male attention and validation that I thought I had eliminated was, in reality, still very much intact after things ended with the person I wanted. I almost got angry at myself for feeling so empty and worthless after it ended, because I genuinely thought that I was stronger than this. 

It’s all good, though - these past few months that have been spent realigning my focus in life, my personal goals and my own dreams have been so crucial to my growth as an independent woman that doesn’t need a man to feel whole. I had already come very far in this inner work (as you will tell from my previous posts), but having this time being completely alone definitely reinforced the things I already knew, but was struggling to apply to my life. I have learnt so many invaluable things about myself and what I want in a relationship in general, so let's get it.

1. I will - shock horror - not die if I don’t get attention.

This is definitely the first realisation I had after my initial decision to not talk to men anymore. As childish as it sounds, I didn’t realise how weird it would be to go from constantly being gassed by someone whose opinion I cared about a little too much… to literal radio silence.

This is how I know that this decision came at the right time of my life, because I genuinely don’t think I would’ve been able to cope without constant attention and validation a few years ago. Honestly, I was like Tinkerbell - on the verge of perishing every time I didn’t get the energy I believed (and still believe!) I deserved when I was looking nice. It’s very embarrassing and almost comical how much it used to ruin my day if I didn’t get some kind of comment about how pRetTy I am, and I’m so grateful to myself that I got out of that mindset before committing to being alone. If you’ve read my post about how to have a healthy relationship (if not, find it here), you might remember that I talked about how freeing myself from the perception that attention, affection and validation from men being something needed to survive in this life was one of the best realisations I’ve ever had. This is still entirely true, and not being involved with anyone has even made me even more of an advocate for this. 

I feel like I’ve discussed the importance of building your confidence to death during my confidence series, so I’m not going to delve too deep into it here. But if you haven’t read those posts, the most important takeaway is that confidence and a deep belief in your own sauce comes from within, and gradually breaking down your insecurities with positivity, a willingness to think about/confront your demons, taking the time to get to know yourself properly, and giving yourself the love and accolades you know you deserve. At no point whatsoever did I mention the approval of men (or whoever you’re attracted to). With this in mind, I can definitely say that this deep love and appreciation I’ve been feeling for myself lately has 100% stemmed from me truly believing in it, as opposed to partially based in forcing myself to believe it and partially based in expecting validation from whoever I’m dealing with.

Furthermore, I’ve officially gotten to the point where the compliments I give myself have started to slap harder than compliments/attention from men, and it’s made me feel extremely empowered and like I have a newfound appreciation for myself. They mean more for the following reasons:

* They’re largely focused on aspects of my personality, mindset, abilities and intelligence - as opposed to just empty comments on my physical features/body.

*The only ulterior motive I have with giving myself compliments is to improve my mental health and confidence, since I don’t need to get into my own good books first to off my own pant.

Whew. All tea/shade/offence intended!

All jokes aside - regardless of if you’re in a relationship, talking to someone or happily single, I’d definitely recommend asking yourself if you’d still feel the same way about yourself if you didn’t get attention or validation on a regular basis. If the answer is no, then I’d definitely recommend asking yourself why that is (and reading/rereading my Confidence Chronicles series). 

2. I’m really productive when I don’t have any distractions.

I’m not going to lie, I’ve missed smiling and giggling at my phone like a smiling and giggling idiot. I’ve also missed communicating solely with dark memes, as this is one of my love languages. For those reasons, not talking to anyone kind of sucked at times. 

However, much like cutting junk food out of your diet - it gets easier the longer you stick to it, and after some time you’ll realise that you’re probably better off without it. Honestly. The amount of time I’ve freed up from not constantly being on my phone to have pointless giggly conversations about absolutely nothing is actually insane, and before Corona came into the picture, I was extremely productive (not to say that I’m no longer productive… but I may or may not have been doing 48h Netflix binges every few days now that everything is closed). 

I’ve spent more time brainstorming blog ideas. My art has drastically improved. I’ve started to lose the depression weight I put on. My skin has cleared up. I’m currently learning eight new languages. I’m writing a whole BOOK. I’ve taken time to update my career plan. And last but not least - I’ve spent a lot of time healing and looking to the future as opposed to dwelling on the past and things that I am unable to change.

Having time to myself - especially while being in a better frame of mind than other times I’ve found myself alone - has reinforced the knowledge of how much I can accomplish and how good I can feel about myself outside of a relationship. This isn’t news to me, at all. But if I had realised how much of a difference being completely solo dolo would have to my productivity and motivation, I definitely would’ve chosen to cut everyone off ages ago… however, the timing in this case has been impeccable. Committing to be alone after going through over a year of inner work and self-healing has allowed me to both appreciate the confidence and resilience I’ve been rebuilding on a completely new level, as well as be able to take a step back and fully enjoy the peacefulness of not having to constantly have someone to worry/overthink about outside of myself and my own goals/projects.

3. I’m a really f*cking cool person to hang out with.

This realisation came long before I decided to not talk to men, to be honest. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been an ambivert - meaning that as much as I love spending time with friends, I highly value my alone time as well. Regardless of if I’m just Netflixing, writing, drawing or imagining fake scenarios in my head that will never happen (unless, of course, my book becomes a bestseller and I end up on Ellen), I always have a fantastic time being alone. It’s my time to recharge, dissect my thoughts and feelings, and not have to deal with anyone else for a bit.

When I first decided to be completely single, one of my main goals was to commit to being comfortable alone regardless of the situation. I’ve always been comfortable taking myself to see a movie or on a nice café date, but I really wanted to push myself to the next level of iNdEpEnDeNcE. I went to a couple gigs and a couple tourist attractions alone earlier this year when no one could/wanted to go, and I had the best time ever. Honestly, I was living the dream. Those experiences made me start planning the cute little solo holidays I was going to go on and restaurants I wanted to take myself to, and I was getting really excited. But then, of course, Corona came and ruined everything, so my plans have been put on hold indefinitely.

With that being said, I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss going out for cute little dates with someone I’m seeing/in a relationship with. Some of my favourite memories are gigs, day trips and holidays with someone else. But I think once I chose to ignore the social norms in place that dub doing things alone as “weird” - and overcome feeling “weird” as I’ve done things alone - I’ve definitely felt more excited to schedule in quality time with myself. I personally can’t wait for this Rona nonsense to be over so I can resume planning my art/architecture trip.

“But Liv! How did you overcome the feelings of awkwardness and weirdness when you went out? How did you overcome the anxiety that people were looking at/judging you?”

Excellent question. The answer is hard drugs and loads of alcohol.

I’m kidding. I don’t think the anxiety ever fully goes away, since we’ve been so hardwired to see people without a group as an outcast or even a threat. But at some point I just decided to focus on enjoying myself, as opposed to worrying about what the people I’d never see again around me felt.

(Also… alcohol definitely helps. Drink responsibly, kids.)

4. Apparently I have a massive saviour complex?

I think most people that have known me for a long time or at least taken the time to get to know me properly would agree that I am a huge empath. I have always been highly perceptive of other peoples’ feelings, emotions and moods, and I am instinctively inclined to ensure that people feel seen and heard after speaking with me about whatever they needed to vent/get advice about. This, because I’m obviously a huge advocate of normalising talking about mental health struggles, and because I genuinely enjoy sensing that they feel better after confiding in me.

Now, I wouldn’t necessarily say that being an empath is a bad thing - in fact, these traits are some of the things I like the most about myself. But taking a step back from any kind of relationship/situationship has made me suddenly and painfully aware that my high levels of empathy may not be based in a fundamental kindness as I initially thought. In fact, part of it - and I have no idea how large this part is - may be due to a severe saviour complex, and therefore based in an inherent selfishness. 

Yes, I know it’s confusing. Me too, I’m confused. Hear me out. 

Sometimes I get so carried away while writing about all the ways that I’ve healed and bettered myself after my previous relationship… so much that I forget I had issues I was going to counselling for before he ruined everything and the sessions became all about getting over him. I genuinely forget sometimes that I had a life before I even knew he even existed, which just goes to show how large of an impact it had on me. Very sad, I know. 

The stuff I was going to counselling for at the time had me in a very dark place, and looking back at it the breakup was kind of a blessing in disguise for my brain. I definitely think that refocusing my energy to heal from the relationship protected me from having to face certain aspects of myself that I wasn’t ready to deal with at the time.

Fast forward to a couple years later - I consider myself fully healed from the situation. I’ve learnt so much about myself, my mental health, relationships and love in general, and for a good year or so I was meeting new people and starting to think about a potential new relationship. I met some great people (and a couple nutcases) that things didn’t end up working out with, but I didn’t really mind that things weren’t going perfectly because I had hEaLeD™, and I had proved to myself that I could move on… so sh*t was sweet for a while. 

However, when I decided to go on this dating hiatus, something I didn’t expect at all happened:

The issues, thoughts and feelings I was initially going to counselling for - before the breakup - started to come back to my attention. And this time, there was nowhere to run and nothing/nobody to distract me.

At this point in time, being forced to face these issues genuinely doesn’t feel as hard as it used to, as I have grown and matured a lot since when I first started feeling these things at around 14/15. I can think about things without it ruining the rest of my day, and I can put words to the feelings I struggled so much to verbalise back then. But regardless of how much easier it is now, it’s still f*cking hard - and this is what brings me back to my point about having a saviour complex.

The term “saviour complex” implies a deep rooted need to save/help people by fixing their problems - often at the expense of their own needs and feelings. Some would even go as far as saying that these “saviours” go out of their way to help others so they don’t have to deal with their own thoughts and feelings, and the more I think about it the more painfully obvious it is that perhaps my inclination to help people - and especially those that I’ve been involved with in some way - comes from a place of selfishness and an immense desire to not have to think about my own troubles.

This has definitely been a scary epiphany for me, and old habits have made me focus on the negative side of constantly trying to help and empathise with people. It’s made me question my entire character, in the sense that the traits that I’ve admired the most about myself might just be a defence mechanism so I don’t have to deal with my own sh*t. However, on the other hand, I’ve been spending a lot of energy reminding myself that regardless of what the truth is - if I ever figure it out - I’ve still been able to help people that have needed someone to be there for them, so does it even really matter what the reasons are at the end of the day? Probably not. I really need to keep working on getting out of my own head sometimes.

With that being said, being alone - whether it’s being single or temporarily for this lockdown - really forces you to face yourself and accept that maybe you don’t have everything as together as you thought, and that’s okay. As long as you acknowledge/fully feel your thoughts and feelings instead of dismissing them out of discomfort, the outcome can only be emotional growth and maturity.

5. My next relationship is going to be phenomenal.

Arguably to my disadvantage, and despite experiencing how peaceful and stress-free being completely single is… I still want love in my life, as long as it is on the right terms and healthy for both of us. I guess I’m just a hopeless romantic like that, at the end of the day… or a sick masochist.

I say this, but I know that all this work I’ve put into rebuilding and elevating myself will - when the time is right - bring someone amazing into my life, that will fully love my confidence, my imperfections and everything else about me that makes me, me. I have so much faith in this that for now, I’m really just chilling and going about my life and my own goals, as well as trusting the process. I feel no stress or anxiety about it anymore whatsoever, and I never thought I’d ever get to this point of calmness. It really is a great feeling to know that the next person lucky enough to be in a relationship with me is going to be nothing short of an additional blessing in my life (and I to theirs), because I am now no longer willing to compromise on or overlook toxic/unhealthy/bad vibes in whoever I end up with. For this reason, I would once again like to reiterate how grateful I am to myself for realising that this time alone was something I needed (and actually sticking to it) - it really has made me feel invincible.

The beautiful thing about all of these realisations is that you don’t even have to be as drastic as me (in terms of cutting the person/the people you’re talking to off) to get into a better headspace when it comes to relationships. If you’re lucky enough to be in a relationship with/dealing with someone that respects, loves and encourages your individuality, allocating quality time to spend with yourself shouldn’t even need to be justified. Obviously, a lot of relationships don’t really have a choice besides giving each other space during this lockdown, but even so I don’t think that time apart should be seen as a strain or a risk to the relationship. I feel so strongly about this that I’ve realised that I can’t even be with someone who doesn’t understand the importance of being our own, separate people who choose to form a team, as opposed to two incomplete individuals who are reliant on each other to feel whole.

With that being said, my biggest realisation and takeaway from this time alone is this:

My next relationship will not “complete” me; it will simply compliment my already existing wholeness.

Read that again.

Now - I know we’re all sick and tired of being cooped up in our houses. But we literally have all the time in the world to spend quality time with ourselves, so why not do so? Now is the perfect time for reflection, g-checking yourself, positive affirmations and self-love. I promise that you’ll come out of this lockdown feeling so much better about yourself.

Stay safe (and stay home)!

Love,

Liv

#selfhelp #love #empowerment

[sansloii-a]

coughs so am I allowed to request all of the “salty af munday meme” answers or—

oh my fucking god || @imbruedinfear​

strap in y’all ‘cause someone wants to hear me complain

What does someone have to do for an instant unfollow from you?

if you post excessive ooc in quick sucession, i will unfollow you faster than the speed of light. i’ve done it in the past. i will not hesitate to do it in the future. i don’t care if it’s tagged. if i’m on and i see it, you’re gone, my friend.

What’s the WORST thing that has happened to you rp wise?

uuuuuuuuuuhhhhh there was this one dude that legit tried to monopolize one of my old muses on another blog, got upset when i set a main ship for said muse, complained to me nonstop, was trying to use me to get back into rping with my friend group ( which he called “the popular group” for a reason I don’t understand to this day ), only wanted to ship, got pissy over a fucking pokemon au ( if you ever wanna hear about this, lemme know ), tried to insert a ship into every au we made automatically, tried to tell me how to write smut for no reason ( said he would read it and give me tips and everything ffs ), was an asshole to my sister ( who rped way back when but doesn’t anymore ), made several friends of mine uncomfortable to the point of leaving the rp scene for a bit, blamed other people for issues that he honestly had a part in causing, and a bunch of other things that i’m forgetting right now.

i figure that’s the worst because nothing has topped that. nothing. that happened years ago, though, so i’m good now. no one fucks with me like that anymore.

What was a mildly annoying thing that has happened to you rp wise?

i got about 10 asks from someone when i wanted to do other shit ( my asks that are in the double digits ) ‘cause they wanted me to send them an ask. annoyed me to hell and back and i promptly deleted those asks

 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  tough shit. i was not in the mood for games and i’m still not.

 Has anyone ever tried to steal your blog? Your headcanons? Icons? All that jazz?

not that i know of??? i hope not ‘cause i worked real hard on all this and if you steal anything from me, i’m gonna throw a huge-ass heaping of karma your way.

 How many people don’t like you?

i dunno. i’d say none but i know not everyone is going to like me so if you’re out there and you don’t like me, you’re entitled to that. don’t tell me, though, ‘cause i don’t wanna know if you don’t like me.

How many people do you not like?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i don’t really care enough to actively not like anyone. you can annoy me but unless you piss me off and continue to piss me off, you get stuck on the “do not care” list. 

Have you managed to stay away from drama?

i give advice when needed on how to avoid whoever my convo partner is talking about and i avoid getting involved. unless it’s like… a close friend or involves a close friend, i refuse to get in the middle of whatever issue people have. i’m not about to have my ass dragged into problems that do not concern me.

i don’t cause drama either so that’s also how i stay away from it. 100% guaranteed to keep you out of drama.

Have you ever been in the middle of drama?

personal/friend drama? yes. rp drama? see above.

none of that was fun btw. it was a lot of me getting angry, being frustrated with certain behaviors, having to cut people out for doing shit/saying shit that they knew they shouldn’t have and refusing to recognize that they have fucked up and use that to change their behavior, etc. it’s draining and not fun and i’m pretty sure it shaved years off my life but y’know, it is what it is. the most i can do about it is look out for myself and keep out of relationships that will put me in those situations again.

Have you ever tried to bring peace to a situation?

no because i used to be friends with people that weren’t straightforward with shit and made excuses instead of changing their behavior. i don’t wanna go into it ‘cause and i can’t remember all the details but boy, peace was hard to come by and it didn’t last long. i wasn’t going to try to bring peace if people didn’t really seem to want it and level with each other.

How long do you stay mad?

depends on what you do, tbh, but it’s a couple hours at least. a couple days at most.

What’s your rp pet peeve? ( i have a lot of these )

playing “find the links” on someone’s blog. if i can’t find your links, i’ll try “/rules”, “/r.”, “/g.” and whatever else i can think of to get your rules and a couple more things to get your muse’s about. however, i shouldn’t have to and it takes little effort to make it so that your links are easily distinguishable from the background. if i don’t find them, i don’t find them. and i don’t follow/follow back

Have you ever forgiven a partner when you shouldn’t have?

nope. not now, not ever.

 Have you ever been forgiven when you knew you shouldn’t have been?

i’ve never been in a situation where i’ve had to be forgiven for stuff i’ve done so no.

What fads/trends are you so over?

the first thing i thought of was the fucking double ampersands thing that was everywhere at some point. those annoyed me so much and i’m so glad they’re gone. super small text needs to die too. i may not wear glasses but i sure as shit ain’t straining my eyes to see what you’ve written in 3px font. 

honestly, a lot of the excessive aesthetic shit that sacrifices accessibility for #aesthetic

Have you ever rp’d with someone you knew for a fact was abusive but tried to give them a chance/to make up your own opinion on the roleplayer? Did they change or did you understand what people were talking about?

nope, nope. nu-uh. if i knew for a fact that this person was abusive in that moment, i wouldn’t touch them with a ten foot pole. absolutely fucking not. 

Have you ever made a public call out post?

-loud snort- hell no.

What has made you completely lose your chill?

honestly? look at my worst experience and that about sums up shit that has made me lose my chill. you really gotta push my fucking buttons to make me mad ‘cause i’m usually pretty laid back.

What do you think about public call out posts?

answered here

A fandom that you feel isn't open and accepting? 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i dunno. i’ve only been in one before and that was f.ire e.mblem

 A fandom that you feel is open and accepting?

imma be real honest with y’all--the only fandom i’ve been in that i will acknowledge is f.ire e.mblem and i had a pretty sweet time there. i had some ups and downs but it was an overall good experience for me. it was pretty open and inviting in my opinion but i tended to stay away from the douchebags in the fandom ‘cause i just wanted to have a good time there.

Thoughts on duplicates following you?

 if i have duplicates of my oc following me, i’ll have a whole fucking cow 

Do you agree with reblog karma or is it forced interaction?

i don’t think it’s forced interaction most of the time ( with sentence starters, symbol memes, memes that take literally zero fucking effort to send in ) ‘cause... everyone likes getting stuff, y’know. if you wanna reblog it from someone, just take a moment to send something in if the interaction is feasible. that’s the key thing here. if it’s feasible, then i don’t see the issue with sending something in before you reblog it from someone ( especially if you’re mutuals ). if it isn’t and you just wanna reblog it, reblog it from the source. it’s not that serious.

if someone nitpicks you for rebloging the same meme they did but you reblogged it from the source, i wouldn’t feel too bad. you know what’s best for your muses and if you don’t feel like the meme is cohesive for interactions, then that’s your prerogative and the 

Has someone ever ruined an FC or character for you?

answered here

Has someone been jealous of you?

i’ve only been told that someone was jealous of me once and it was a long time ago. i have never heard that from anyone again ( not that i remember, at least )

Have you ever been jealous of anyone?

mhm! but it usually comes when i’m feeling super down about my blog and doubting my ocs ( which isn’t often ). when i do get jealous, it’s over interactions and the like and my big dumb galactic brain is like “wow, don’t you wish you had those interactions? don’t you wish you were rping with those people?” and makes me feel bad about the interactions i have, the speed at which i reply, my ocs, how many people are interesting in my ocs, etc. however, this shit doesn’t last long ‘cause i have a bunch of wonderful people that motivate me to get out of that funk and just... focus on what i have instead of what i’m seeing on my dash. i remind myself that i’m here to have fun and i shouldn’t try to match my experience to others’

How has Tumblr RP changed since you started?

more formatting, smaller icons, more focus on having a fancy ass theme, more formatting, more callout posts, less communication in some regard, more reminders for communication.more psa posts, more formatting--

honestly, i’ve been on tumblr since 2012 and most of it is a blur lmao. i probably don’t remember everything ‘cause i was.... 15 when i started rping on here. i’m 22 now. i’m sure a lot has changed in seven years but i definitely haven’t seen it all.

Thoughts on the fandom you're currently rping in?

i’m currently a fandomless blog and boy, is it a lot more fun XD i have a lot more creative liberty and i can shape the world my muses live in to my liking, as opposed to following or just adding onto what the fandom universe already is. it’s a lot of work and it takes a ton of time but it’s fun and i’m enjoying every second of it! 

How salty are you feeling right now?

answered here but i’ll just say it again: not salty. just tired and rambly because holy shit this took a while

#imbruedinfear #🗪 ┊ ⧼ yᴏᴜ ᴀʟʟ ᴀʀᴇ ꜱᴏᴍᴇ ᴄʜᴀᴛᴛy ᴄᴀᴛʜyꜱ! ⧽ ⇹ ( asks. ) #ツ ┊ ⧼ ᴄᴀᴛᴡᴀʟᴋ ᴛᴀʟᴋ ⧽ ⇹ ( ooc. ) #.i answered ALL those questions #.i hope my salt was enough for you

[bts-love-sweat-tears]

The Seven, Part 1

Title: The Seven, Part 1

Pairing: BTS x Reader (you are Snow!)

Type:  Fairytale!au,  Fluff, Angst

Rating: PG-13 (still no smut, but there might be more language and other themes, like depression and references to sexual situations later on)

Word Count: 2, 860

A/N: So it’s midnight, and I’m exhausted. I had my finance final today, so hopefully I can move on from the stress this class has been giving me. Keep your collective fingers crossed for good results! I haven’t edited so please let me know if it’s stilted. I love receiving asks or messages! Thanks to @dianas-world for being a sounding board, and making me realize that this is the second fic I’ve written featuring a blogger character lol! I wonder what the underlying cause is? :)

Snow’s POV

I slipped quietly down the hall, trying not to disturb my stepmother, who was filming a vlog for her fashion blog, Mirror, Mirror. Everyday she would post photos of her “#ootd” and wait for the comments and likes to roll in. She also did videos of her morning makeup routines and product reviews. I was somewhat in awe of her ability to create a community and become an influencer in that sphere. I mean, companies sent her (expensive!) free stuff all the time. It was true that she was very beautiful and very fashionable, but I worried what would happen if she even stopped blogging, or god forbid, lost popularity. She was reliant on external validation, sometimes taking posts down if they didn’t receive a certain amount of likes or comments that she had deemed necessary.

The blog had become even more important to her since my father died.  She had always been kind to me before his death, but things were different now. I didn’t think she was fake, but rather that his death had depressed her and her outlook on life. Things were a little stilted betweens us-she and my father had been married only a short time before he passed away in a freak accident. Her blog was filled with positive reminders of the network she had and the people who supported her. I could hardly blame her. I always tried to like her photos and to leave positive comments on the blog. Maybe she thought it didn’t count since we were legally family, but I wanted to bond with her or try to be on good terms.

My mother had been a professor of Caribbean and West Indian literature, constantly trying to better understand the culture she had left behind. My mother had died when I was around 7 or 8, so I missed her, but in a more muted way. I had memories of her reading stories to me, giving each character a different voice, but other than that the memories were hazy. My father was the one who had raised me from that point out, taking me on adventures, watching action movies together, and yes, playing tea time with my dolls and me. Losing him had broken something inside of me that seemed permanent.

My father had been an environmental scientist, focusing on snowfall rates and snowcap melting rates. had moved to this country for his work. He had spent time in various mountain camps out west, frequently telling me stories of one his favorite places in the whole world. While I was grossed out by this story, I was conceived in one of those mountain camps, and born during one of the biggest snowfalls on record, ever. Thus, my name. He had always promised that he would take me to one of these ecological camps when I graduated high school but fate had taken that chance away from us. I was determined to student environmental science in university, when I went in a few months.

Hearing my stepmother in the other room brought me back to the present. I had been on my way to the kitchen and decided to bring her some juice as a peace offering. Our apartment overall was nice, but her office had the professional photography lights, and different props to create flawless pictures. When she saw me, she smiled.

“I was just about to do my  Outfit of the Day post…do you want to be my ‘featured guest’?”

I shrugged and smiled. I wasn’t dressed up in any particular way, wearing leggings and one of my dad’s old flannel shirts, which came down to my knees. But if she was offering this olive branch, then I was sure as hell taking it. I just wanted us to live peacefully together until I went away to college. She arranged the cameras, and set up the lighting. Half an hour later, she had taken enough different shots and angles of the both of us to fill multiple blogs. I knew that she would only pick one though.  I smiled at her, and went back to whatever I was doing in my room. I don’t recall what it was, since what happened next changed our entire relationship, and possibly my future, forever.

The photo she selected was good (she had mad photography and editing skills), but it blew up more than she could have ever expected, with the most comments and likes she had ever received. People said that I was radiant, my skin “golden”  or “glowing,”  and wanted to know my skincare routine (soap? moisturizer? I didn’t really have any secrets to share, not to mention the fact that most of it was Photoshop). Other commenters raved about my  “girl next door” grungy style, and asked where I shopped. Others still were asking that I be a regular on her blog or start my own. There were thousands of others, and honestly for someone who didn’t have or necessarily want a blog and the following attention, it was all a bit overwhelming.

My stepmother was even more overwhelmed. She had featured me to show that she could be casual and “down to earth,” and I had inadvertently stolen her thunder. She was used to being the star of the show, and rightly so on a blog that she put so much effort, attention, and love into. She was used to people calling her beautiful, glowing, and radiant. My presence and popularity possibly reminded her that she was not alone at the center of the universe, and it was painful.There were no fights or blow-ups after that, just a quiet withdrawal from me. It got to the point where the things left unsaid were so unwieldy that we would literally tip toe around each other, waiting for the other to go to bed or leave the house before the other would go into the kitchen.

After finally accepting that this was how the relationship would be until I went away to school, I came home from my part time job a few weeks later, and found a letter on the table. It was from somewhere in the western mountains, inviting me to come and work as an environmental assistant in a national park. I hadn’t contacted them, but it seemed that whoever was offering the job had known my father previously. The way it was positioned on the table (already opened too, indicating that my stepmother had opened it, knew the contents and left it there) made it clear that I was no longer welcome in the house. It was just a building, but it held the few memories I had of my mother, not to mention the many good years with my father. The start date was in a week, meaning I would have to pack up the loose ends of my life quickly, not that there was much left for me here.

A week later

So I had said, being all emo, that “there wasn’t much left” for me back home, but now that I was looking down the cabin where I would be spending the summer, I realized that there were a lot of things. Like air-conditioning, wi-fi, and running water in the house, for instance. My dad had always romanticized his time in the woods, but now, I wasn’t so sure that I wanted to relive his experience. The sunrise over the mountains had been ethereal and beautiful, but was it worth a summer of cold showers in an outhouse? The park ranger, a woman in her mid-forties, lived a few miles down the road in a cosy house with all of the amenities (namely, wi-fi), but was currently showing the cabin that I would be staying in. What she had failed to mention, was that I would be sharing a cabin. All of the park facilities were gender-neutral, but it just so happened that I was the only female intern for the summer. There were seven other “very nice boys,” she assured me, who were all out doing their work for the day. Despite the lack of modern conveniences, the cabin is small, and clean, with a main living area with large windows, a kitchen, and one large bedroom with four sets of bunkbeds lining the walls. It was small, but With the tour of the cabin lasting approximately all of three minutes, the park ranger said her goodbyes, and left me to my own devices. Namely, taking a nap on the first bunk I came across. They all had different blankets, pillows and personal effects, but one was spotlessly clean, and neatly made. I assumed that was mine and landed facedown, asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow.

Used to the uncomfortable silence of my home, I jolted awake as soon as I heard the key in the latch, and experienced that fleeting moment of panic when you wake up in a strange place. I quickly closed my eyes again, still feeling overwhelmed and not ready to face seven new roommates. I heard them shuffle in. Luckily, I was a good actress, and was able to stay still when a gasp sounded in the doorway of the bedroom.

“YAHHHH, WHO IS IN MY BED?” A loud, fake whisper came from someone who was clearly agitated. “How can she sleep in someone else’s bed, and in OUTSIDE CLOTHES!” Another gasp.  My presence was already an affront to everything this person stood for, apparently, and we hadn’t even met officially yet. Clearly, my guess about this being the free bunk was incorrect.

“Hyung, calm down,” a bored sounding voice drawled. “She’s probably exhausted, not that I blame her. I wish I could have stayed here all day....” A sense of longing came through, even though I couldn’t see the speakers face or gauge his body language.

An authoritative voice, clearly the leader of the group said, “Leave her be. We can do our introductions and sort out this misunderstanding later, Jin-hyung,” he said, clearly trying to calm the original speaker. “Let’s get dinner ready as a proper introduction, and wake her in an hour or so.”

I heard footsteps as they drifted away, and assumed I was in the clear when a warm body shifted on the small twin mattress next to me. I let out a small squeak at the sudden closeness.

“You’re a shit actor, you know that?” I opened one of my eyes slowly to see the face of the person with the slurred speech. “You’re lucky that Jin-hyung was too busy working himself up into one of his comedic rants to actually pay attention to you.”

Still feeling discombobulated, the only response I could muster, in my most sarcastic tone of voice, was “And you are? I must know the name of the one who so gallantly did not blow my cover.”

He paused for a moment, waiting just long enough for me to start feeling uncomfortable. “Suga, or Yoongi. Whichever you prefer,” he said dismissively. “You made a rookie mistake, sleeping in Jin-hyung’s bed- he’s very particular. Do you think you’ll be able to make it through the whole summer, with him now out to get you?” He smirked and scooted closer, which I had thought was impossible.

Before I could come up with a witty retort, or anything at all really, another person burst into the room and my cover was officially blown. If I had thought that the apparent “Jin-hyung” was loud, he had nothing on this person.

“YAHHHHHHHH, LEAVE SUGA ALONE. How can you impose on him like this?! And so close too, how pushy!!!!!” This outburst was coming from one of the most beautiful people I had ever seen, but somehow I had inadvertently pissed him off as well. This was going swimmingly, I thought to myself.

“He was the one who crowded me in, after I was already sleeping here!” I shot back, feeling the need to defend myself.

“QUIT FLIRTING. THIS IS NOT THE TIME OR PLACE!” He huffed. He had some weird ideas about what flirting was-I had thought Suga was trying to intimidate me, if anything.

“Hyung, you’re needed elsewhere,” the beautiful boy said in a completely different tone of voice. Talk about a 180.

“Yes, Hoseok. Don’t give yourself a hernia or something,” Suga monotoned. As he passed through the door, Hoseok put his arm over Suga’s shoulder, and shot me a possessive glare. Well, I was learning names quickly, but maybe not making friends.

I remade the bed, even though I had only been on top of the covers, and shifted my stuff to the other open bunk, hoping that I wasn’t just repeating my earlier mistake. I ran my hand over my hair, having no way to check if it was presentable, before heading out to the common area. Hoseok and Yoongi were on the couch, watching a movie on a small portable dvd player. I was kept at a distance by another glare from Mr. Grumpypants. Turning to the window that graced the main room, I could see three younger boys I hadn’t met yet running around outside like little kids. How they still had energy after supposedly working outside all day, I had no idea, but to each their own.

“I’ll give you this, you know how to make an impression,” I turned abruptly to see the most amazing dimples I had ever seen, and the first genuine smile I received since the park ranger left.

I returned it with a small smile of my own, not trusting his reaction. “Apparently so. My name is Snow.”

“I’m Namjoon,” he said, extending his hand for me to shake. “I’m so happy to meet the newest intern.”

He had a commanding presence, but also seemed innocent and cute. Right as I was thinking how suave he was, he walked back to the other boy in the kitchen (who I assumed was the fake whisperer), and managed to burn himself, trip, and drop a sharp knife all in one go. It might be safer to admire from afar, I realized.

I walked over to help clean up the fallout from this apparent God of Destruction, and to hopefully make things right with who I was pretty sure was Jin.

“I’m sorry for sleeping in your bed earlier,” I said, cutting right to the chase. “I thought it was the spare since it was so tidy compared to the rest.”

He sighed under his breath, not entirely placated. I saw him getting ready to drain the water from the pasta he was preparing for dinner, and offered to help.

“Not to sound like a know-it-all, but if you save a little of the starchy water, and mix it into the sauce, it helps it stick to the noodles better,” I said, while trying to avoid an unwanted steam facial at the tiny sink where I was draining the water.

He had a completely different expression on his face when I turned around, and I had a feeling that we would be fine from here on out.

“You know about cooking?” He asked, eyes shining hopefully.

I was scared of what I might be committing to, but nodded my head.

“It was just my dad and me when I was growing up, and while he was a great cook, he had to work late sometimes. So if I wanted food, I had to learn.” I smiled at him, and he winked, which weirded me out a little. But he seemed harmless enough. We chatted about nothing in particular as we finished preparing dinner. Namjoon was setting the table, and from time to time we would hear suspicious clinking sounds of plates being almost dropped, and curse words muttered to himself louder than he intended (probably).

The others came in and before I knew it, we were sitting around the table, eating and chatting. Well, they were chatting. I was eating and feeling a bit left out as the new person, but it was to be expected as they had already been here together and knew each other. As I thought about it though, it was still the homiest experience I’d had in a long time. Dinner passed without me offending anyone else (a rarity), and I was able to meet Taehyung, Jungkook, and Jimin, who were the three who had been running around.

When dinner was over, I helped Namjoon & Jin clean up (they seemed to be the parents of this little family), and excused myself for bed. It was still early, but tomorrow was my first day out collecting samples and specimens, and I wanted to do a good job, especially since the park ranger had known my dad and said that she had “high expectations for me.”

The bunk bed, though small, felt heavenly, and I slept through the night with no anxiety dreams of my dad or stepmother for the first night in ages. Perhaps, looking back, the comfort I felt then was a sign of the things to come.

#bts #bts fanfic #bts x reader #bts x you #bts fluff #bts angst #the seven #fairytale!au

[ifuckekureto]

ch 56

I should probably wait until I have more energy to write this so that it’s coherent, but whatever, let’s just dive in!

First of all: AAAAAAAAAAAAA

Second of all: Seishiro still hasn’t appeared yet. #freeseishiro2k17

Moving on...

So Guren and Yuu are reunited!! Tbh after waiting a month for each chapter to come out (which is totally fine, I understand that writing/drawing manga takes a lot of work!), the reunion wasn’t a big deal for me. And Guren of course did the classic “let me just drop in and say hi casually after being gone for a really long time under concerning circumstances.” 

Speaking of Guren... Well, I mentioned in an earlier post that I think Mahiru was using literal language when saying that Guren’s squad would fall apart if they found out they had died and been resurrected. With that being the case, that’s probably why Guren knocked them out. But I will say, I am a teensy bit tired of that constantly happening to them because they’re really cool fighters and they get shortchanged a lot by getting knocked out all the time in the LNs and now here. I don’t think I can complain too much since they’re only minor characters, and Shinoa’s squad is definitely supposed to be the focus of the manga. I think my greater interest in Guren’s squad is due to the fact that I’m closer in age to them and can relate a bit more, if that makes sense. And their character designs are just 👌 👌 👌 amazing. I’m also probably just salty that they only have 2 years left to live... The only things that could help them are probably just as bad as the Seraph of the End. RIP minor characters.

AND MAHIRU ASKLASJASAKSKAS There was a lot of interesting stuff about her in chapters 54 & 55, but ngl I don’t feel like recapping what is probably already obvious to you. Anyways, I LOVE that Byakkomaru is looking out for Shinya because that was one of my headcanons and :’) Because it’s a demon, the concern is probably more related to Byakkomaru’s own well-being but :’) It’s nice to see something I can extrapolate from... lol... BUT MAHIRU! Okay, I’m not really in touch with the ONS fandom, but I get the impression that the MikaYuu vs YuuNoa ship war is a particularly vicious one... I honestly think both are fun, and I don’t really like to talk about ships on this blog anyway. But since I’m talking about chapter 56 in particular, I will say that the parallels between GureMahi and YuuNoa are very interesting, especially when Mahiru talks about lust and demons because I’m like YES I’M THIRSTY TOO BINCH!! Boy oh boy oh boy oh boy, if Mahiru somehow influences Shikama Doji (Shinoa’s demon) to awaken and capitalize on Shinoa’s apparent desire for Yuu... That would be very interesting! Of course, everyone is in love with Yuu and each other so who knows what will happen ;)

AND NOW KURETO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA So what was interesting to me was that Guren said that someone is pulling the strings behind the scenes for the entire Hiiragi family, and not just Kureto... So Tenri might be under the influence of something too. Based on the emphasis in the LNs of Kureto thinking about the legends of the founder of the Hiiragi clan, I can’t help but think it’s related. But also shoutout to  @borntobeafangirlxd because they literally called the Saito-Tenri connection a longggggggg time ago!! I don’t remember if Saito’s chains have been shown in the manga in any of his brief appearances, but they were definitely there in the LNs. And it seems to me that the chains that came out of Tenri are the same kind of thing. On a sidenote, remember the weird chains that burst from the truck to pierce the soldiers for the activation of the Seraph of the End? I wonder if they are related, but I’m not sure that they would be. I guess we’ll find out. But wowie wow wow Kureto said Tenri is no longer human... and he’s worried that he doesn’t have the strength to beat him... Which reminds me, that moment with Aoi was so sweet :3c And his expressions of worry made for some very good manga screencaps (though I’m hesitant to do anything with them at the moment until I get some permissions). Anyways, Saito and Tenri at the very least are aware of the other’s existence because if Tenri was manipulating Mahiru to interact with Saito, then he would definitely know who Saito is. Not to mention that they literally said that Tenri has confirmed connections with the vampires which is just crazy since he engineered the Seraph of the End!! Maybe he has contact with Krul though Mahiru since they are both interested in it. Or Saito. So is Saito the one that Guren was referring to when he said that someone is pulling the strings? Or is it someone like the 1st progenitor? Or the Hiiragi ancestor? Or some demon? If I knew more about Tenri, I could probably come up with something better than aimless speculation. I think Kagami will write an 8th LN, and that may answer some questions about Tenri’s cybernetics.

But also I’m genuinely afraid Kureto could die. I didn’t really ever think that both Kureto and Guren would make it to the end of the manga with a happy ending, but this scary. If Tenri is like Saito, then I’m not sure if Kureto stands a chance unless he obtains more power from his demon... which is always risky... not to mention that the LNs revealed that using Raimeiki literally destroys his muscles (which must be absolutely excruciating). Of course, the curse allows them to regenerate quickly... only to be destroyed again... Anyways, in the LNs, sometimes Guren was able to get the jump on Saito even before he obtained Mahiru/Noya, but there seems to be an implication that Saito’s current state is beyond even the vampires. I know the vampire LNs don’t really talk about Saito, but I still want to read them for any scrap of information they can offer about this. Anyways, if Saito is beyond a vampire and Tenri is like Saito... Kureto may not really stand a chance if he wants a fight to the death. Maybe if he let Seishiro out, he could get some help!!!! Not even sure what Seishiro could do here, but he needs to let out soon :’( Or maybe Kureto locked him up to protect Seishiro from this battle... but... that’s probably a bit too altruistic haha rip... Interestingly, Kureto isn’t really an impulsive guy, but he consistently throws himself into these life-or-death situations. In the LNs, he goaded Guren to strike him even though he knew Guren’s demon could drive him to deliver a fatal blow, he stepped up to negotiate with a group of vampires for the lives of 200 soldiers he was leading when a raid on the Hyakuya Sect went wrong, he fought Mahiru even though she was way way way way way more powerful (part of this attack was an illusion, but he did attempt to directly confront her). In the anime, after Yuu destroyed Abaddon, he charged at Yuu and crossed blades with him... like, dude... what makes you think you can win... though because this didn’t happen in the manga, I’m a bit hesitant to consider it as an example of the behavior I’m talking about. But the point is, Kureto is constantly doing stuff like this, and out of all the situations he’s been in, this one is by far the deadliest... Like I would not be surprised if he’s killed or severely maimed in the coming chapters. Then again, maybe he’ll retreat? Which... he doesn’t seem like he wants to do since it sounds like he thinks this is the best opportunity to take down Tenri. Kureto... :’( Seeing as he’s important to the plot, he may very well make it out alive. But I’m still nervous for him :’( And I know that the ending of the anime showed Kureto and Guren wearing the same kind of coat that Tenri has which implies a successful coup, but I wonder if it really is that simple... I don’t know much about military uniforms (especially Japanese military dress uniforms imbued with protective talismans lol), but maybe the coat just signifies who the presiding commanders are? Like I think Guren and Kureto were in Sanguinem in that scene, so that could just be a reference to the successful invasion of Sanguinem (which I hope they talk about a little more). I just don’t think the coup would be that simple since Tenri appears to have connections to whoever might be the real bad guy of the series. I hope they don’t mind me mentioning them, but I saw @lightmaycry say on another social media website that it would be really sad if Tenri was under the influence of this malevolent force and dies in the confrontation with Kureto, but is finally freed of it and says something nice to Kureto :’l That would be pretty sad :’l And it goes along with theories proposed by both @borntobeafangirlxd and@ @aph-tokyo-london (idk why the tag isn’t working for your url). I hope they don’t mind me mentioning them... Let me know if you do mind, and I will remove these parts. I will totally admit that I’m a bit biased against Tenri, but I’m open to something like this happening. Bring me the angst :’l

But where is Seishiro??? I feel like he should be appearing soon since focus is being drawn back to the JIDA... It would be really nice to know what he thinks about all of these things... I think he has been kept in the dark when it comes to some of the Seraph stuff, but I also think he can put a few of the pieces together himself. He simply may not want to because the truth would be really hard to deal with, and I think Seishiro lived in denial for as long as he could until he got a nasty wake-up call from Kureto that said yes, there is something really crazy going on here and yes, it has to do with our family!

#freeseishiro2k17

#freeseishiro2k17 #ch 56 #there are ch 56 spoilers and light novel spoilers in here so be warned #also i know the text on my blog's theme is kinda small so one day i may change it to something bigger if i can figure it out #kurethoughts #if you read the whole thing congratulations lol and thanks for paying attention to my rambles #i hope some of you dont mind being tagged in here but i wanted to give shoutouts to some kureto fandom ppl <3

[cosmicstardreamer-archive]

 REALLY  LONG  CHARACTER  SURVEY.  RULES.  repost ,   don’t  reblog  !    tag  10  ! good  luck  !  TAGGED.  @flareforged​  TAGGING. @tea-and-hexes​ @stayuptildawn​ and whoever else wants to do this!

BASICS.

FULL  NAME :  Nefeloma Marianela Leocadia NICKNAME :  Neff/Neffie AGE :  24 BIRTHDAY :  January 10th ETHNIC  GROUP :  First Nations; Cherokee, Latinx NATIONALITY :  American LANGUAGE / S : English, Spanish, Tsalagi SEXUAL  ORIENTATION :  Pansexual ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION : Panromantic RELATIONSHIP  STATUS :  Verse dependent, Canonically single HOME  TOWN / AREA :  Born and raised in Newark, New Jersey CURRENT  HOME : Apartment complex in a nice little space pocket PROFESSION :  Artist/Waitress

PHYSICAL.

SKIN : Medium/Deep in color EYES:  Purple, on the lighter side. Almond in shape FACE :  Rounded LIPS :  Slightly plump and almost always with purple lipstick on COMPLEXION :  Acne usually depends on her hormones but for the most part she takes good care of her skin. BLEMISHES :   She’s got a few cause she had a habit of picking at the scars but they’re faded thanks to her taking better care of herself. SCARS :  On her wrists, but faded. TATTOOS :  OH BOY OKAY she has a tattoo of the Capricorn constellation on the back of her neck, A moon and star on her back right shoulder blade, a decorative arm cuff on her upper left arm [ it’s got a square maze pattern, then diamonds, and then stars at the end of beads I guess you can say? I’ll upload pics of them ] , pentagram in a circle with wings on both her wrists, many small designs on her fingers including a cross on a beaded chain on the lower and 3 dots on her upper right ring finger, a zigzag band on her lower right index finger, lower left pinkie has a band with connected U’s that have dots decorating the middle, top left ring finger is a crescent moon, top left middle is another zigzag band and 3 dots) Pics: Here, Here, and Here (Warning this one is a lil n/sfw so open with caution) HEIGHT :  5′7 WEIGHT :  170lbs BUILD :  Curvy and has a little chub around her waist, but has muscles when she flexes. Hidden muscles to be honest, but not super defined. They’re just noticeable enough. FEATURES :  Beauty mark under left eye,  ALLERGIES : Soy beans (soy sauce is okay though) USUAL  HAIR  STYLE :  Long hair down to her butt in a hime cut. USUAL  FACE  LOOK :  She’s got resting bitch face man there’s literally no other way to put it. USUAL  CLOTHING :  This is actually verse dependent along with pre/post dependent. During her adventure she’ll be in this but post-adventure she’ll be in this.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S :  Being alone, being replaced, not being good enough, betrayal, being lied to, basically anything that has to do with a negative relationship with someone. ASPIRATION / S :  To get married and have a family while being successful in the work business. It seems simple but it seems so hard to obtain for her. POSITIVE  TRAITS :  Selfless, caring, compassionate, empathetic, determined, if you need her she WILL be there. NEGATIVE  TRAITS :  MAN does she have a temper. She can also be very passive-aggressive, bossy, a bit of a bitch at times, easily pushes people away when she has her episodes. MBTI : The Mediator/INFP-T ZODIAC : Capricorn TEMPEREMENT :  Melancholic SOUL  TYPE / S :  Spiritualist/Creator ANIMALS :  Penguin VICE  HABIT / S : Lip biting, making exagerated faces, playing with her hands/hand movements FAITH :  Agnostic/Pagan. Somewhere around there. She’s more the inner soul type of spiritualist than she is the religious type. GHOSTS ? :  Yes AFTERLIFE ? :  Yes REINCARNATION ? : Yes ALIENS ? :  Yes (She’s dating one in one verse) POLITICAL  ALIGNMENT :  She prefers not to get involved in politics EDUCATION  LEVEL :  Graduated college with a Bachelors in Fine Arts

FAMILY.

FATHER :   Felipe, the man who meant the world to her. He was born in Puerto Rico and moved to America when he was still very young. A very fun loving but hard working man. He’d protect her from her mother’s outburts. MOTHER :   Nadia, a mother who proved not to be much of one at all. Caused Neff a lot of stress and grief to the point of self harm and a suicide attempt after the death of Felipe. Very aggressive and has a complex. SIBLINGS :  None. She’s an only child. Was supposed to have a brother but he never made it past the pregnancy. EXTENDED  FAMILY :  She has a lot of cousins an her grandparents NAME  MEANING / S :  Nefeloma is greek for “Nebula”. Marianela and Leocadia are both spanish names meaning “Beloved Star” and “Bright” respectively. HISTORICAL  CONNECTION ? :   N/A

FAVORITES.

BOOK :  I haven’t the slightest idea to be honest. Probably the House of Night series despite how cliche and slightly embarrassing it is simply because it’s about a First Nations vampire that ties in touches of paganism and that is very much her life. MOVIE :  GOSH I don’t think she has one.  5  6 SONGS :  Cosmic Love by Florence + The Machine, Which Witch by Florence + The Machine, Trip The Darkness by Lacuna Coil, House of Shame by Lacuna Coil, On A Good Day by Above & Beyond, Peace of Mind by Above & Beyond DEITY :  She believes that all exist honestly but her faith doesn’t really belong to any in particular. HOLIDAY :  She likes Halloween and also Yule  MONTH :  April (showers bring May flowers and she very much loves the rain) SEASON : Spring oh my gosh she loves Spring so much. PLACE : Besides the comfort of home? Space. Any place she can see the stars. WEATHER :  Rain rain rain give her rain whether it be a small shower or a thunderstorm. Otehr than that a nice crisp day, sunny but with a breeze. And those cool crisp nights where you can see the stars. SOUND :  Rain, Thunder, Wind chimes SCENT / S :  Lavender and Vanilla, Peach and Cherry Blossom TASTE / S :  Sweet, Sour, and Spicy foods. Anything loaded with flavor. FEEL / S :  Soft sheets, water trhough her fingers, a gentle caress, strong hugs, that serenity of a quiet night ANIMAL / S :  She loves them all NUMBER :  24 COLORS :  Purple, Blue, Black

EXTRA.

TALENTS : Painting and Singing BAD  AT :  Emotional Stability tbqh but it’s not like she can have that TURN  ONS :  Biting (especially on the neck and bottom lip), dominance fights, talk dirty to me *saxophone plays*, suits TURN  OFFS :  Ignorance (when chosen over learning), People treated as objects/trophies, persistence when unwanted HOBBIES : Painting and Drawing TROPES :  Misery Builds Character, The Empath, Enemy Within, I Am Who? QUOTES :   “I can’t tell you to remember me, but I can’t bear for you to forget me.”

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 :   if  you  could  write  your  character  your  way  in  their  own  movie ,   what  would  it  be  called ,  what  style  would  it  be  filmed  in ,  and  what  would  it  be  about ?           A1 :   Man I’ve always low-key dreamed about Neff having her own anime or vidja gaem but I feel like it would be called something similar to my url like Cosmic Dreamer and it would be a story about self discovery and self love. Like despite the huge thing she’s involved in that makes her very important what matters most is how she sees herself and the decisions she makes for herself you know? Q2 :   what  would  their  soundtrack / score  sound  like ?           A2 :   Man okay it’s pretty much the music player on the blog. Alternative rock, acoustic, really kind of mysterious vocals. Good stuff. Q3 :   why  did  you  start  writing  this  character ?           A3 :   Neff is my baby and she stands for a lot that I think people can appreciate. She’s got a personality disorder, she’s LGBTQA+, she’s POC, she’s within all the minorities as a ‘main character’ and unapologetically so.  Q4 :   what  first  attracted  you  to  this  character ?           A4 :   Okay so I have an assload of OCs and originally my main fave was a character named Caprice aka Capi. She’s my oldest and longest ‘living’ OC I guess you can say. But when I made Neff she became even more of a breakthrough. Obviously there’s some bias with her being based on me and my experiences and all (even though I kinda hate myself so that’s a bit ironic), but the fact that she’s someone who does what I can’t is a healthy outlet for me for expression. Q5 :   describe  the  biggest  thing  you  dislike  about  your  muse.           A5 :   What I like most is also what I hate most and that is our similarities. Being hyper aware of your bad traits can drive you up a wall. Q6 :   what  do  you  have  in  common  with  your  muse ?           A6 :   Neff is pretty much my life story with added tweaks to make it extra dramatic because I’m a piece of shit : D Q7 :   how  does  your  muse  feel  about  you ?           A7 :   I MEAN I’D HOPE SHE LIKES ME I’M KINDA HER MOM Q8 :   what  characters  does  your  muse  have  interesting  interactions  with ?         A8 :   I mean I think every interaction is an interesting one.   Q9 :   what  gives  you  inspiration  to  write  your  muse ?         A9 :   A lot fo the ‘what ifs’ I ask myself with my own experiences and just things in general. Q10 :   how  long  did  this  take  you  to  complete ?           A10 :   Too damn long.

#the one who sees all (mun post) #finding myself (info) #holy crap this took 10ever #but this was fun #and i'm very happy with the quiz results #they're exactly what i imagine her to be so i'm glad i'm doing things right