#i hate my body ugh ugh ugh

[theangrypomeranian]

this is literally the worst week I could've gotten sick UGH

#pom ponders #caught a summer cold and I'm so peeved #all of my dog training classes require me to be agile and move around a lot #but I've been wearing a mask at work because i don't wanna ger anyone else sick #but i can barely BREATHE #and i wanted to write this week and was so excited about getting to walk to work #but being sick gives me zero energy to do anything but sit around trying not to DIE #i hate my body ugh ugh ugh

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn…. #if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

[myriadeyed]

We've discussed how too many "universal therian experiences" posts are just canine or otherwise generally mammalian but now we should talk about how many "exclusively human things/humans all have this weird thing!" posts are actually just talking about something that animals other than caniformes do

#like ''how come humans think it's weird to want to play fetch >:( '' idk man I'm a bird and I also think it's weird. maybe just a dog thing #''the way humans will get so offended if you take some of their food like aren't we a pack!'' no and I'm biting you #+ any and every mention of the words bipedal or plantigrade #''ugh i hate how HUMANS walk on two legs just wanna be an animal am i right my fellow therians'' 🐦‍⬛ wjat #''the therian urge to toe walk because stupid human bodies are plantigrade and it's not animal enough'' 🦡 huh #alterhuman #therian

[madison-of-a-bitch]

i don’t want to hear a man say that “women have equal rights. we don’t need feminism” ever again. have you ever woken up at 9 am on a random friday and found out the government is telling you what you can and can’t do with your body?? no?? then shut the fuck up.

#this is why i need feminism #why we need feminism #feminism #roe v wade #feminist #politics #my body my choice #bans off my body #my body my rules #gen z #fuck this #i hate all men #i hate all men no buts #men suck #ugh men #scotus #abortion #abortion ban

[archersartcorner]

The eepys… tryin to exercise my sketching hand again, been outta it for a hot second 😭

#my art #dimension 20 #a starstruck odyssey #norman takamori #skip takamori #I just like the idea of em snoozin together… esp skip trusting Norman enough to be out of body around him. knowing Norman will keep him safe #ouuuugghhhhh it gets to meeeeeeee they need to cuddle NAOW. #old pilot says he can’t go to sleep without his cerebroslug. therapist and cerebroslug expert weighs in: ‘what the fu’ #smth I also Wanna draw: that tumblr ask that’s like ‘I hate your hair it reminds me of toxic slutch’ #that with norm and Skip. someone says to norm ‘ugh I hate your slug he reminds me of toxic slutch’ and Norman is about to say somethin but- #-just bursts out laughing. ah yes his lil toxic slutch cerebroslug. excellent. #skipperskip

[todayisafridaynight]

teehee

#snap chats #UGH FINALLY ITS ALL DONE #i still have to make final adjustments on how i have my wig styled and how ill do makeup #ill iron it later i promise i just wanted to try everything on frame one i was too excited ☠️☠️ #buuuut what matters to everyone else rn is The Fit.... Acquired #my name is snap i like to steal rgg mens drip for my own #I HAVE PLANS FOR THE BRIEFCASE BTW its not just gonna hold my belongings. cause i hate myself #i might forgo the idea when i actually go to the con but i do wanna do something silly #but thats for ohhhh october ?? november ??? whenever them plushes coming in #i have two (2) pinstriped suits in my closet now this is egregious #id take a pic of myself all Dressed Up but 1.) No 2.) if you were blind youd still be able to see better than anythin taken with my phone #the canera is awful. plus ive never taken a selfie in my life and i have no full-body mirrors and i most certainly aint askin my bro LMAO #but yeah for now. hehe. #i got so sidetracked doing all this LMAOOOO fuck.

[helplessflower]

UGH !!!!!

i literally refuse to eat today and tomorrow

i binged so much this morning

this needs to end 😟

#disordered eating thoughts #bing3 #diet #ed vent #tw ed but not sheeran #tw ed diet #ana rant #skinnni #weight loss diet #@n@ tips #i wanna be skinnier #@tw edd #@anablog #@nor3×14 #tw b1nge #b1ng3 #bingedisorder #weight loss #ugh #i hate my body #tw restrictive ed #tw restriction #3d diet #skinnyspø #skinnygoals #skinnyyy #light as a 🪶 #i want to ⭐️ve #i need to ⭐️ve #⭐️rving

[semercury]

I hate you keto, I hate you low carb, I hate you sugar free fat free zero calorie snack, I hate you artificial starvation, I hate you the idea that food should not be a source of energy, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

#stuff sarah says #been on my mind lately #i work at a groceru store that is like health food adjacent #and a lot of the things here freak me out #1. i hate keto so much. its literally tricking your body into thinking youre starving #''ackshually its just putting your body into ketosis and'' its the same fucking thing shut your fucking mouth #2. there are so many zero calorie things here that should not be #the zero calorie sugar made from sugar and syrups terrify me #like what is in them? do they taste like motor oil?? #food exists to give you energy!!! #and this is not me saying you shoulsnt eat healthy!! you should!! #goodness knows i struggle with it myself!! #but maybe instead of marketing all these chemically pumped foods with bo caloties #we should make fresh foods more readily available to people #ugh im mad

[shadowedvales]

when jane's powers return in season four (and because they were regained by her confronting and accepting her past, rather than being retraumatised with it!) they're stronger than they ever were. when she starts getting a handle back on them, she very quickly comes to realise not only have they affected her, but her mother, too. one of the biggest losses that came about with her losing them was the fact that she could no longer visit terry in the void; while there was no real communication there, it did allow jane to sit with her, and gain a little more connection than she could in the real world. when she first visits the void after their return, it takes her three hours to find terry, something that is both unexpected and incredibly worrying. but when she does, it's something of a miracle. jane's increased strength and control over the void actually wakes terry up from her catatonic state, but only in the void. there's no way to help her mother physically, but she does do so (unbeknownst to her) mentally. terry is reborn in jane's newfound control over the vale of shadows; she becomes the woman she once was, and while her body remains frozen in a "good dream", her mind connected to jane's own allows her some freedom. jane is able to speak to her mother in the void, is able to be held by her, and while it's still unfair and jane cannot stay in there forever, it's something. this only lasts for about eight months, as each visit slowly begins deteriorating terry's physical and mental state, and jane's health begins declining after spending hours upon hours in the void each and every day.

when jane finds out these visits are actually killing her mother on the outside, she deems to stop, but terry expresses the importance of them being able to speak, that she'd prefer to die on the outside, if it meant she could have just a few months with her daughter like this. terry and jane's connection was always so strong, which ultimately led to terry "waking up" in the void, but even jane's newfound strength cannot save her from the harsh realities. each visit nearing the end of those eight months, terry fades more and more, becomes weaker in the void, and her real body eventually gives up. jane's in the void when her mother eventually passes on, and physically feels their connection weaken, like some part of her suddenly becomes lost in the shadows, a part she'll never find again. jane falls into a depressive state for weeks after her mother's death, given she's technically lost her a second time, but soon comes to realise she was lucky to have even shared those eight months together. it was better than nothing at all. there is a proper burial and funeral, (and when jane dies, she's buried next to her mother) which allows jane some sense of closure. she never fully recovers from losing terry, nor from the fact that she never had a proper relationship with her, but she does eventually find some peace with it all.

#study‚ in my dreams it's all real and my heart has so much to reveal. #IF U SAW ME POSTING THIS YESTERDAY. no u didn't. #i wanted to change things again (who is surprised!!) and decided to just rewrite it all rip. #me taking a few weeks off from this blog and then coming back with a brand new terry / jane hc? more likely than u think. #purely self indulgent too i might add! #every day i battle with making my terry portrayal canon to jane's timeline so jane can have her mother in every verse not just #selected ones. #but. her not having her mother is ultimately important to my writing of her and sfjasfjas >:( hate myself for it. #so here be a brand new addition to my timeline that gives jane SOME time with her mother!!! bc i need it for my mental health. #i imagine when terry dies her body turns to smoke in the void. almost like what happened to billy when jane was spying on him. #and he stopped her connection and faded in front of her. #and jane also visited terry a lot in the void because it allowed her to see more memories of her mother. #i hc that she had a real grasp on that before s3 when she looks into billy's memories. #terry (even in her catatonic state) WANTED jane to see what happened to her in hawkins lab. #so she'd want her to see the good stuff too. her childhood. andrew. her grandmother that raised her and becky. #all the good memories! #so when terry dies jane loses all that completely. #which leads to jane grappling with the conflict of whether or not she should have kept visiting terry in the void which eventually led to #her death. #because if she hadn't connected to her. she'd at least be able to look back on all those memories. #jane becomes obsessed within those months and barely speaks to anyone else. #in any free time she has. she's in the void with terry. #her own physical body grows very weak after a little while but she pays no attention to it and even gets into heated arguments with becky. #because becky is jane's carer and needs her safe and healthy. needs to look after her. #but jane is so adamant about the fact that this is her MOTHER and she's finally able to speak to her. #UGH i have so much to say abt this actually i sense a brand new addition to my timeline coming on. #ANYWAY. i'm emotional about them that is all.

[civilization-illstayrighthere]

do you ever think about right after v kisses kerry how he says w dazed disbelief he wants this gorgeous moment to last forever to a dying man and johnny’s remark about ‘kerry never did get it. only one thing worse than unfulfilled dreams— dreams that come true’ and how quietly gutted he sounds and then you think about how how kerry’s always wanted to get with johnny and how kerry only romances male v because it unconsciously or not fits into that fifty year old want for johnny or do you do yo u… do you

#cp 2077 #johnny silverhand #kerry eurodyne #silverdyne #silvervdyne #‘johnnys talking about Kerry’s career’ TO YOU!! #i mean. ugh hes self-centered enough that even after all of Kerry’s confessions and admittance he likes the spotlight #sure. johnny can be like. hes lying lol he hates being famous. #this is a dream come true turned bad. which is. missing the plot of kerry exorcism of johnnys ghost #but truly kerry doesnt hate being famous #i think he hates certain parts but he likes people hearing him sing he likes the reach #and its far enough in the plot johnny has some empathy #and hes self centered but hes not stupid #and THEN taking into account those cut lines after v fucks kerry. oooooh boy. #if johnnys being self-centered its because his line is referring to himself because how long has HE been waiting to kiss kerry #and how horrible is this dream finally realized #as an engram in another mans body #anyway call me Pepe Silvia the way im making these baseless accusations and connections #im very close to being finished w my dark matter rewrite and replaying every iteration of the talk w kerry #made me feel things……..

[bad-surprise]

.

#my whole body hurts so bad #why is this happening right now #ugh i know the answer to that but i don’t like it #nausea and anxiety too 😭 #fucking hate when i have a decent stretch where i feel ‘normal’ and get abruptly reminded that i’m disabled

[weskerfied]

Ada and Annette’s interaction is so underrated. I love them. They sound like two high school mean girls from rival friendship groups, or whatever the equivalent is in the resident evil universe.

#this has been sitting in my drafts FOR OVER TWO YEARS #I need to play re2r again soon #it’s probably my fave of all the remakes #I don’t include 1 because that’s more a remaster #although I still have to finish my professional playthrough on 4r and separate ways first #fuck it maybe I’ll take a break from that #anyways #weskerfied try not to ramble in the tags challenge #annette birkin #ada wong #resident evil 2 remake #resident evil 2 #Annette has the biggest mean girl vibes #“I’m warning you doctor” “oh yeah?” *proceeds to light a body on fire #she’s like come on Ada why don’t you fuck around and find out #they both just rile each other up and I love it #even if it’s a tiny segment of the game and they converse like 3 times #I just love their interaction UGH #I genuinely can’t think of a better comparison than two popular girls who hate each other lmao #and Leon is just the kid who seems to be involved in all the drama unwillingly #william is the weird kid who does questionable shit and everyone is lowkey scared of him #tag yourself I’m Will #hmmm thinking about a high school au now

[tchaikovskaya]

😜

ed tw in notes

#i committed to working out again (as of like a week ago) which I do sincerely need to do #but even post recovery I like. see muscles move under my skin and I remember what they looked like when they were so developed #and I had zero body fat then lmao. like Back In The Day i would be so thin I could look at this #*those muscles when I was even getting up from a chair. #I could see the contour of their boundaries (?) and even my ligaments/tendons sometimes. thru my skin. bc I was so thin #and when I look at my legs and arms move forward sometimes that’s all I can #think about. ‘u used to be able to see that move under ur skin but u can’t now bc there’s too much fat in the way’ #I should be talking about this with a therapist I guess but I hate all of them and I don’t have a billion dollars and a whole decade to spen #*spend finding The Right One who is a good fit and is trained in this stuff specifically and can actually help me #idk what I’m even saying here anymore whatever I’m just…. ugh fuck.

[bunnihearted]

👚👖👛

#my body is ugly but no matter how much i hate it it's not gnna change #so im rlly trying to accept that it is what it is so i can still dress the way i want to #like i wanna wear the clothes i like even if my body isnt hot or if others wont think it looks good on me #i still wanna wear it bc *i* think it's fun!! i wanna stop thinking abt how much i hate my body #bc it doesnt look good bc i cant do shit abt it so i wish i could stop constantly thinking abt it #whenever i wear anything i like im just thinking abt how sad i am bc of how bad it looks on ne #me* #idk what im trying to get at but like even if i wish i looked a certain way i never will #and i cant do anything to look like that. instead of being so miserable abt it i wnna be able to just accept it nd wear what i want #ugh :(((((

[peribirb]

now that hrt is like. a Thing That Is Gonna Happen, i'm thinking a lot more about myself and how i present myself, and i'm coming to the realization that i have no goddamn sense of self whatsoever. and that's really starting to hurt in the fashion department, and like. my sense of personal style in general. i've never put thought into my wardrobe, i just have baggy tshirts and blue jeans and a few hoodies and flannels for winter. buying new clothes for me consists entirely of picking up tshirts sporadically when i see one i like and buying everything else when the old ones wear out. and now i'm at a point where i'm realizing, fuck, i actually want to care how i look. i want to understand what i like and build my presentation around that. i don't want to just wear baggy jeans and tshirts, but i've also convinced myself that i can't get away with wearing anything else. partially because i don't know where to start, partially because i've grown up as the kid who's Taller and Larger than average so most of my clothes growing up were more utilitarian than stylish, cus that's what was in my size.

i dunno, this is one of those things where it's. kinda hitting me how much i missed out on. stuff like fashion was never really something i had to encounter cus when you're growing up in Boy Form you can kinda just wear whatever and nobody second guesses you. so it's never something i learned how to work with or appreciate or even understand where to start.

and like, on top of that! i grew up as the tall fat kid, i learned to not put much stock in how i looked for as long as i can remember, and i never actually learned how to start appreciating my body. and like i look in the mirror now and i. just can't imagine making anything out of this. like the proverbial Girl In The Mirror is so fundamentally differently built from me, i don't even know where to begin.

ugh. i'm glad i have an appointment set up and i'm glad i'm gonna do this, i think i would regret it even more if i gave up on hrt and just tried to suppress it for even longer. but it's also dredging up a lot of emotions i thought i had buried pretty well and to be honest that part kinda sucks!

#trans #sorry this is rambly it's late and i'm emotional and also i did the thing where i forget to eat and then eat a ton of shit way too late #so now my stomach hurts AND it's setting off the Body Image Alarms just to make this a little more uncomfortable #ughhhhh ten thousands ways i wish my life had gone differently. that my genetics had been different and my upbringing had been different #that i could be this entirely different person by now and that would somehow magically make transition easier #i know that's not true and i know i'm just beating myself up for no reason but. ugh. #turns out it's really really really hard to unlearn a lifetime of hating yourself for being fat. who knew #vent #delete later

[youngestdaughtersyndrome]

Can i be a hater for a second. If i have to hear mother by meghan trainor again i am actually going to hunt her down for sport

#like ive spent my entire life trying to get men to stop defining me by my relation to them. i am an independent being from you. im NOT your #fucking mom learn how to do the dishes and your own laundry. i should not need to be related to you in some way for you to respect and honor #my opinion!!!!!! also like mansplaining is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to misogyny (hello femicide) and the issue is that a lot of #people are actually listening to men over women on literally everything so like. ugh #i hate capitalist feminism i hate the pathriarchy being downplayed as if it doesnt have a body count that continues to go up i hate it!!!!!! #and i hate that 'feminist music' now means songs like this instead of literally anything with an actual feminist message. dear lord #hollyws #brought 2 u by a man trying to use mother by meghan trainor in an argument. also the next man who calls me mommy will be hunted down.