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#i hate asparagus
inthedarktrees · 9 months
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It's the last entry, dated February 23rd.
Sheryl Lee & Kyle MacLachlan | Twin Peaks
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keepersofmyheart · 1 year
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Asparagus Cake
It tastes like the underside of a lawn mower 🤣🤣🤣
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Why is tumblr so fun? I find it way too satisfying to shitpost about random things. Half of my posts contain me complaining about brussel sprouts or asparagus. And i can do that. And no one will say anything.
From here on out, the majority of posts about autism will contain the tag 'asparagus slander', as I realised that I am the only one in that tag, and I intend to fill it up, seeing as no one else will.
I hate fucking asparagus.
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jimothystu · 1 year
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you have got to be kidding me
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softquietsteadylove · 2 months
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Birdie, I've got an idea for Valentine's Day! 🖤✨
Jack is asking his uncle Gilgamesh for an advice for Valentine's Day. So he and Gil are baking heart shaped cookies for their loved ones. On Valentine's Day Jack is giving his cookies to Thena because he loves his aunt very much and Phastos is complaining because he doesn't get a single heart shaped cookie.
Hugs and Love🖤✨
"Did you find out who it is?"
"No," Phastos huffed, watching from around the corner as Jack held up a decorated cookie for Gil to examine and certify. "He won't tell me."
"Perhaps it's best left alone," Ben posited from his chair, much more relaxed than his husband. "If he's not ready to tell us, he's not ready. He is only 11, habibi."
"Exactly, he's just a kid," Phastos hissed back at his partner. He looked back into the kitchen, where Jack was trying to sneak another taste of icing. At least Gil had taken seriously that Jack could not eat that much raw egg safely. He could like the cookie dough spoon, that was it. "He's too young for this."
Ben sighed, shutting his book and standing to join his husband. He slid his hand up his back gently, "well, some humans develop those kinds of feelings early. It's probably just a little crush."
"Little crush my ass," Phastos grumbled in response. He looked at Ben, "he's my kid too, and Eternals love...intensely."
Ben simply nodded, knowing very well that every bond the Eternals had tended to span thousands of years.
"Why are you spying on them?"
"F-!" Phastos sucked his lip between his teeth before he could let out a curse that would rattle even his superpowered glass windows. He glared at his sister, "T, I swear to god, okay?"
"What?" the Warrior Eternal merely blinked at him, still soft around the edges from her nap. She looked into the kitchen as well. "They seem to be enjoying themselves. What is the occasion?"
"Valentine's?" Phastos prompted, only to be met with Thena's 'statue face'. He rolled his eyes, "poor Gil, stuck with you for every damn one of 'em."
Thena pursed her lips at her brother before reaching up and pinching his side. "I will have you know, Gilgamesh prefers to take the lead on such occasions. I participate--that is enough for him."
"I'm sure it is," Ben assuaged, eager to get in between the two immortal beings who bickered like children. "Jack asked Gil for help making the cookies just after you went back to your room."
"Hm," Thena tilted her head at the scene. "Gil often makes something for this day; there is no secret to it."
"Well, this time, there was," Phastos muttered darkly, back to spying. He glared as Jack laughed and Gil patted his shoulder. Phastos turned back to Ben, "he knows I'm his dad, right? We can help him with this stuff!"
"Phastos," his husband chided instead of comforted, back to rubbing his back. "This is what it's like for kids to have uncles and aunts. They get to enjoy their company in a way that's different from ours."
"You go ask," Phastos prompted, shoving Thena away from him and in the direction of the kitchen. She glowered at him for it.
"Ask what?" she seethed at him, raising her fist to punch him in return.
Ben slid in between them again, again trying to mediate their typical family squabbles. "Who the cookies are for. He wouldn't tell when Phastos asked."
"Hm," Thena blinked, but accepted conditions. She turned away from Ben and lowered her fist, "Jack?"
Phastos kissed Ben's temple, "good save."
"Aunt Thena, you're up!" he turned in his chair, getting up on his knees and leaning against the back of it to beam at her. "Did you have a nice sleep?"
"It was lovely," she smiled down at her precious human nephew. She tilted her head, admiring the bounty behind him. "You have been making confections."
"Uncle Gil!"
"It's okay buddy, it wasn't like we were gonna be able to keep 'em secret for long," Gil chuckled as he stood from his chair. He wrapped his arm around Thena's waist, pressing his forehead to hers. "Get some rest?"
"I did," she promised her own partner and husband as he leaned in for a kiss.
"Ahem!!!"
Both Eternals parted, glaring at their agitated brother briefly. Thena looked down at Jack, who was nibbling on his little lip. "Who shall receive your hard work, Jack?"
"Well," the boy fidgeted, his expression shy. His fathers held hands behind his uncle and aunt, but Jack stood from the chair and took Thena's hand. He pulled gently, guiding her to sit where he had been. He turned the plate, on which he had arranged all the heart shaped cookies into one big heart shape. "They're for you, Aunt Thena."
Thena blinked at the platter of cookies. They were all frosted, with varying degrees of colour and skill. They were soft, white sugar cookies with red icing on them. "Me?"
"Of course," Phastos huffed behind them, but was shushed by Ben.
"Valentine's is kinda cringe, but it doesn't have to be for, like, love-stuff," Jack shrugged. "At least that's what they said at school. They said we could do something for our favourite person."
"My own son," Phastos continued to lament.
"So," Jack looked up at Gil, who nodded for him to keep going. "I asked Uncle Gil if he would help me make some cookies for you. But I cracked the eggs perfect! And I decorated all of these ones."
Thena smiled, picking up one of the more grotesque, early experiments. She took a bite, smiling as she chewed the soft, buttery cookie. "They're perfect."
"Really?" Jack lit up.
"Partake in your spoils," she said as she handed him one. "Thank you, Jack. I daresay you are my favourite as well."
"Hey Jack," Phastos inched forward as his son wolfed down one of his own cookies. "Are any of those for your old man, maybe?"
Jack just stared. "You can ask Aunt Thena."
Phastos glared at her , though. "T, remember-"
"Ben may have some."
"Oh, come on!"
Gilgamesh stood aside, laughing at Thena's innate desire to be petty with their brother. He slapped the back of Phastos' shoulder as Ben did sneak in to steal one for himself. "I mean you should've seen that coming, man."
"You guys are married," Jack gesticulated, pointing at the two couples in front of him respectively. "You got each other stuff for today, right? You don't need me to do anything."
Phastos continued to pout about how his own child made his sister cookies but none for him. But Ben smiled, "that's right, we did get each other gifts for today. It was very nice of you to make something for your Aunt Thena, Jack."
Thena moved from the chair to let Jack sit again, "but I shall need help eating all these. Jack, if you would be so kind...?"
"Sure!" It didn't take much to convince him.
Ben led Phastos into the living room to nurse his wounds, while Gil pulled Thena to his side again, further up the table. She sighed as he pressed his lips to her cheek, "is this what you did all afternoon?"
"Yep," Gil whispered. "I think he waited for you to have a nap so he could surprise you."
"It's rather sweet," she smiled at the image of her nephew enjoying a few more cookies. She looked down at this plate, decorated significantly differently. "And these?"
"For you," her lover confirmed, holding one up to display the meticulous design he'd made. "It's Australia!"
It looked like a smear of dirt in a sea of blue.
"Don't worry, I made my own preparations for today," he whispered before nipping at her ear, promising fun more than just some cookies.
"Hm," Thena purred, allowing him to kiss behind her ear and down her neck in their small window of privacy. "You do love this particular occasion."
"Damn right I do," he said against the soft skin of her shoulder, just inside the collar of her dress. "An excuse to lavish my wife with gifts and attention? And make love like wild animals-"
"AHEM!!!"
Gil sighed as he pulled away from her to also glare at Phastos, "what, dude?--don't you also have lavishing to do?"
"Not in the kitchen I don't," Phastos snapped with his hands on his hips. "None of us are having a romantic time until 9 o'clock anyway."
That was Jack's bed time.
"So we're gonna go out for a nice family dinner instead," he declared firmly, as if it were a mission order, and not an invitation to a nice restaurant. He slapped his coat over his arm, "and you two are gonna behave!"
"We always behave," Gil rolled his eyes, following Phastos into the living room and front hall to also retrieve his and Thena's coats.
"Nuh-uh, no, I mean it Gil," Phastos snapped in his brother's face as they both glared at each other amidst helping their partners into their own coats. "No ooey-gooey eyes, no playing footsies under the table, no sneakin' off to the bathroom."
"What if he has to go?" Jack asked much more innocently as he retrieved his own coat. He smiled as Thena held it out for him the same way Gil had done for her.
"That's not-" Phastos sighed, rubbing his eyes under his glasses. "Okay, never mind, family dinner, let's go."
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ghostcrows · 4 months
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Fuck tha Columbine cunts but kmfdm goes hard fr actually...isn't it crazy to feel like I need to make that disclaimer cause they got so intrinsically linked together
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Skimblegus Family Time--Tumble takes after Asparagus more and more the older he gets, but Teazer takes after Skimble a lot more than people give her credit for. They're both these very bright, clever, and relentlessly cheerful cats who try to put a brave face on things and hide when they're not at their best. But when they crash, they crash hard; it became a bittersweet source of reconnection after she was free of Macavity, especially since Teazer didn't realize her dad ever had bad days. She can basically only stand to be around her dads, Tumble, and Mungojerrie on particularly awful days, and Skimble's learned more from Asparagus about how not to just pack those emotions away to worry about later. Plus, you know she's feeling better when she and Tumble can start picking at each other again.
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I love it so much, and I love this little family <3
#Rumpleteazer#Skimbleshanks#Asparagus#Tumblebrutus#other headcanons#jellicles ask because jellicles dare#theimpossiblescheme#and of course because you and i share the braincell i had a very similar vein of thought#that teazer got told all the time how much like her father she was and she would scoff and do everything in her power to deny that#and she'd especially hate it when mungojerrie would say it because he usually did when he was annoyed with her and they were arguing#which became more frequent when they were with macavity#and skimble was so good at pretending everything was alright he turned it into an olympic sport#he broke down very rarely and when he *did* it was a sight#i also think he and teazer are a lot alike in that they will say things before thinking them through#particularly during high stress moments - and they can be downright nasty and say things they don't really mean#before their brains catch up to their mouths because they operate so *quickly* and so on the line with their immediate feelings#skimble has learned to tone it down over the years - teazer is still young and sometimes her mouth is too big#and of course when even tumble was hesitantly pushing his rope toy towards her and asking if maybe she wanted to play#even though they were way too old at the time after teazer came back you *knew* she was in a bad way#and he feels uneasy and stays relatively in her company (and his dads can sense that he feels bad but doesn't know what to do)#basically begging her to call him names or stick bugs in his ears or a worm in his bed or *something* because whoever this queen is#she isn't his step-sister and he doesn't like it#anyway many thoughts head scrambled - i love them so much thank you <3
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officersnickers · 1 year
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🧁🎻🧤 𝙷𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚢 𝙱𝚒𝚛𝚝𝚑𝚍𝚊𝚢, 𝙻𝚎𝚜𝚕𝚒𝚎! 🧤🎻🧁 𝟷/𝟽 🧁🎻🧤
~~~🎵~~~🎵~~~🎵 ~~~🎵~~~🎵~~~🎵~~~
I decided for this years birthday picture of Leslie to take a scene from my sort of fix-it-fic, in which both Isabella and Leslie survived at the end of the story (or right from the start, to be precise), because I felt like these two deserved everything but what they got in canon and definitly many more shared birthday parties.
(and of course Ray was forced to did his mother a favor and baked a cake for her childhood sweetheart. you can’t see him but he’s throwing up in the kitchen because of their cuteness)
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Various images of things
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. PIBBINS.... cheering clapping hooting hollering glorious applause everytime I see a pigeon in public#2. Birthday card that I drew for someone. .. kittys...#3. 2023's annual haul of tiny white pumpkins.. i get at least one white pumpkin every year around fall when they have pumpkins in stores#because I just love the color and texture ... bright white and smooth and cold and round.. kind of like a volleyball or something#4. A brief adventure into watching big brother (only earlier seasons of course as I hate all reality shows post like 2013 or something when#they became overly focused on social media and overproduced memeable phrases more.. like even though ALL reality shows have always#been extremely fake and annoying and mindless it's like..... newer stuff seems A Different Kind Of Fake or something) since whenever#I'm sick sometimes I find weird mindless things like that to watch (that one time I had bronchitis I watched all of Flavor of Love in my#half awake illness stupor and now everytime I heat up canned minestrone soup (mostly all I ate that week) I think of flavor flav since#thats just a weird brain connection I have now lol) ANYWAY.. I was sick and watched like 2 seasons of this and then thought it was too#uninteresting and obnoxious to continue (more like 1 and a half since I skipped the rest of one once only boring people were left) BUT this#one guy had a very mischevious looking face and he also said a few things (like the above captioned speech) that sounded like dialogue#some fantasy character would say.. so I took a screencap of him and edited him into a mischevious wizard i guess.?? idk I was sick lol#~your little friend has a poisoned tongue~ is just a very unexpectedly serious sounding wording for some random normal#frat dude looking guy to say while casually chatting on a reality tv show in like 2008 or whenever that was filmed lol#5. FLUFFY CLOVERS!! I'd never seen them be furry and soft before?? inchresting..#6. Noodle sitting in bed with the cat figurines looming above him... the council of kittys...#7. McDonald's full breakfast platter + asparagus + strawberries & cream (also of course this is old and I am now boycotting mcdonalds etc)#i try to group the images somewhat consistently like.. winter stuff with winter stuff or summer stuff with summer stuff#but I have so many random pictrues floating around on my computer that I never post that sometimes some are not organized or just#thrown into a set because there's nowhere else for them. Like the pigeon picture is from like 3 years ago for example lol#8 & 9 - I think I've posted these before but I just find them very interesting looking flowers. whenever they happen to be blooming#I'll pick up a few when I'm out on walks or etc. ... poof ball looking things#photo diary
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wetslug · 9 months
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sometimes when im sad my brain conjures up bad smells for me
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crsentfairy · 1 year
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Aight I changed my mind a little, gimme I M and N for Felicity
( ̄∇ ̄ノノ"
(also idk the context at all but boy asparagus? is killing me)
yay!! i gotchu <3
I - The last time I felt jealous, and why.
felicity is the jealous type, but it seems to be especial around eden. any time eden blushes at a compliment, every smile, every time eden's attention becomes divided.. he's borderline obsessive over her. being around that social butterfly is torture to felly. he just wants his friend all to himself.
M - If I forgive betrayal.
he will eat you. if u taste good, perhaps he will. :)
N - If you want to know how I treat my friends.
felicity does not have many friends, if any at all. the one he does that being eden.. well, i'm sure you can tell how he acts.
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capfalcon · 1 year
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idk if i missed the memo somewhere or smth but i genuinely just do not understand people who like vegetables. yes i know this makes me seem like a small toddler. but i just. i watch people eat salads and im like. are you. are you enjoying that. mmm. water. mmmmmmmmm. weird texture. i watch people Love brussel sprouts and im like ah yes. i too love the taste of bitter leaves. i think i like about 10 veggies total. i have ordered a salad exactly twice. i do not understand.
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the-chickenshit-oddity · 11 months
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okay, so mushrooms are now in my food rotation! why so slimey? what's the equivalent of slimey when there's no slime but the texture feels like there should be? but now i'm lost, 'cause that's all the foods i've tried before, so now it's all unknown. what do we think about asparagus? endives? i think i've seen fennel at the supermarket. idk what the fuck to do with those, i've never tried them, i don't know what they're like. well, i've eaten endives before and it was sooo bitter, i don't like bitter stuff. anyway, my journey towards eating a bunch of veggies continues. i might just take a detour to the fruit section to avoid this for a while lol.
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recapitulation · 1 year
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adulthood is about suddenly craving foods you've hated all your life
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Finally, after far too long, the Third OC request for @theimpossiblescheme’s OC Andromeda! I’m sorry it took me so long, Amie!
And because I’m me, a second picture featuring her and the theatre’s biggest critic, her eldest son Asparagus <3
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thequantumranger · 1 year
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Never thought I’d be blacklisting Albert Wesker but it’s happened.
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