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#i genuinely think that for the moment i can manage my anxiety with herbal remedies and meditation and just reminding myself that i am being
fingertipsmp3 · 1 year
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Playing a game called ‘how long can I put off talking about my various mental problems with a medical professional’. It’s going badly. I recommend no one play this game, 0/5 stars
#so basically i had an appointment booked tomorrow to talk about potentially getting a prescription for microgynon or similar#just to even out my cycle. but i already got a prescription from boots because i discovered that’s a thing you can do#but i was like ‘no i’ll keep the appointment and finally talk about my anxiety’#my idea was to go in there and be like ‘so here’s the deal; i got my pills already and you should probably check my blood pressure#i’m like 99% certain it’ll be 100 over 80 as always but we should make sure it hasn’t shot up because i could like. die.#second; everybody in my life is begging me to get help for my anxiety. what do now’#but then i thought about it and i was like…… do i really want to go to the doctor’s BEFORE WORK and also talk about all these complex issues#like i WILL cry if i talk about my mental health or lack thereof with a random stranger. i will. because it’s a humiliating conversation!!#i don’t like having it!!! there’s a reason i quit therapy 13 years ago and haven’t gone back#also i don’t want to get up that early. lately i have not been sleeping well and i need all the sleep i can get and my shift doesn’t start#til 11; which WOULD allow me to sleep in if i didn’t have a doctor’s appointment at fucking 9#i was also thinking in my own brain like. what if i chicken out and only have them check my blood pressure (which is a pointless exercise#because it Is going to be 100 over 80 and also i could just buy a blood pressure machine and do that in my home. then they’ve put aside a 30#minute block for someone who literally doesn’t need it. i should cancel it in case someone needs an urgent appointment#so i called them and cancelled it lol#listen. one day i will stop playing this game and just TALK to somebody. but it is not this day#i genuinely think that for the moment i can manage my anxiety with herbal remedies and meditation and just reminding myself that i am being#stupid and to shut up. like i’m fundamentally okay. i am going to work. i am functioning at work. my manager is happy with how i’m doing#and says other coworkers have told her i’m great. everyone is commenting saying i’ve lost weight and i look well#i take my little mabel for walks and i read books and enjoy my hobbies. like. i’m OKAY.#i know things could still be better but fundamentally i don’t think i have anything meaningful to tell a medical professional#like maybe everyone gets nervous and sad and feels like it’s all pointless. what do i really expect to happen#would antidepressants even help me? who can be sure. not me#tl;dr i’m FINE except when i’m not but even then i think generally i will be fine#personal
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lokimostly · 4 years
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How would Loki react to an unplanned pregnancy?
Secrets
Loki x Pregnant!Reader
Word Count: 1,829
Warnings: fluff :3
A/N: I got like, 6 requests for this exact scenario. Y’all REALLY hungry for dad!Loki huh 
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“Oh, come now,” Volstagg thundered from across the table, a goblet of mead in his hand. “You sorcerers read minds all the time, I know it!”
“It’s not true!” You insisted, laughing. The midsummer banquet had long since ended, but Thor’s group of close friends – yourself included – had simply elected to move the party to his wing of the palace, where you could continue to revel and drink uninterrupted. “Seidr allows us to influence minds only.”
“I don’t believe it,” the red-bearded warrior decided. Finding your answer dissatisfactory, he turned to the more knowledgeable of the two sorcerers at the long table. 
Loki regarded his gaze with the faintest of smiles. “Yes, Volstagg?”
“Can you read minds, Silvertongue?”
Loki took a sip of his drink, which he had undoubtedly magicked into a finer, more sophisticated liquor besides mead, and raised one dark eyebrow, keeping the table in suspense before shaking his head. “No, I can’t read minds.” 
The group erupted. You and Loki shared a mutual smirk amidst the clamor, and you subtly leaned closer to him, speaking in his ear. “A good thing, too, or we would have no secrets between us.”
“Secrets?” He repeated, a confused smirk lighting his poet’s mouth as he lowered his goblet and met your eyes. “What have you yet to tell me?”
Butterflies fluttered in your stomach, and you forced them down with a nonchalant shake of your head and a light kiss to his cheek. 
“Nothing,” You lied, covering genuine anxiety with a coy and playful tone that, hopefully, he wouldn’t see past.
You hadn’t figured out a way to tell Loki yet.
The only things keeping him in the dark were the medicines you had concocted for morning sickness, your own personal resolve, and time. Sooner or later, one of the three would fail. In retrospect, you had no idea how two intelligent sorcerers could make such a thoughtless error: both magic and herbal contraceptives were commonplace on Asgard, and yet neither had been used. You had no clue how Loki would respond to the news of a child; the two of you had never discussed it before. 
You were drawn out of your thoughts by Thor’s rich, deep voice declaring across the room: “maybe not read minds, brother, but you can search them all the same.”
The party began to argue, and Loki held out a hand, quieting them. “Searching someone’s mind and reading it are two different ideologies,” he clarified. “To break and enter someone’s consciousness is a crime, and incredibly difficult besides. But opening a two-way connection? That would be something else entirely.”
“Read your fair lady’s mind, then,” Sif suggested, smirking wolfishly and setting her cup down on the golden table. “She trusts you. Tell us her thoughts.”
Loki raised his eyebrow and looked sideways at you, and you stalled. You were in no position to refuse. Reluctantly, you set down your goblet of cider and pulled away to face him, straightening your back. Your heart was pounding, but you hid it well, and gave him an easy nod.
The table discussion turned to a murmur as Loki inhaled deeply, stilling himself and narrowing his focus. His green eyes shimmered with seidr and you felt the push of his consciousness when it met yours, like a gust of wind. You shivered.Loki pried gently into your mind with a tangible gentleness, surveying the thoughts that came and went. You tried to think of anything but your secret and keep his attention on more mundane trains of thought: the events of the party, the growing discomfort of your dress, how unbelievably handsome he looked in your eyes. 
Loki’s focus snagged this last thought and shook his head, his cheeks tinging with a light blush. “Don’t try and distract me,” he warned lowly, with a graveling tone that sent a pleasant shiver down your spine. 
“What is she thinking?” Volstagg demanded.
Loki shrugged. “Mostly flattery.” He narrowed his eyes and his eyes glowed faintly as he delved deeper. You felt it, and instinctively closed the door of your mind to block him from discovering your secret – he sensed it shut, and unease flickered behind his eyes. What were you hiding from him? 
He veiled his confusion with a light scoff. “She’s evading me.”
Fandral tutted at you as he raised his goblet. “Come now, don’t you trust your lover?”
Loki’s eyes reflected the same question. 
You met his gaze with your hands clasped tight enough to make your knuckles whiten. Your stomach turned over with nausea. You swallowed. The doubt and apprehension in Loki’s expression was as clear and visible to you as if he had expressed it aloud; you didn’t need to read his mind to see that. It was visible in the tension of his jaw, the way his brow furrowed, the nervous tapping of his fingers against his thigh.
If you didn’t tell him now, when would you? 
You took a breath and smiled briefly, reaching forward and wrapping your fingers around his wrist to stop the anxious tapping. “I do,” you affirmed, and after a moment, removed the door inside your mind.
You watched him fall right through it like a fox into a rabbit hole.
Loki’s face paled. A beat of silence passed. 
Then another. 
“What is it?” Fandral asked, expressing the thoughts of the table aloud. “Well? What is she thinking?”
“Silver tongue turned to lead?” Volstagg joked.
Loki blinked, and swallowed. “Excuse me,” he said, standing abruptly and taking you by the arm. A half-spoken apology left your lips before he dragged you out and into the dark hallway outside the banquet room, the heavy doors clanging shut behind you.
The night wind was warm and heavy with the scents of midsummer, carrying the faint voices and music of the city below, lights twinkling in the dark. Your heart was in your throat when Loki cupped your face in his hands, elegant fingers tucking your hair back out of familiar habit. You shied from his touch, expecting rejection and refusing to meet his gaze.
His eyes searched your face, not daring to ask, but knowing he must. “Is it true? Are you–” his voice stalled, and his eyes dropped to your stomach before coming back up again. 
You pressed your lips together and nodded as anxious tears pricked at your eyes. “I’m sorry,” you began, and your voice broke. “I- I would have told you some other way, but–” 
Loki silenced you with a kiss, the taste of sweet wine lingering on his lips. The glass floor of anxiety broke beneath your feet and you leaned into him, cupping his jaw in your shaking hands. A meteor streaked across the dark sky as the two of you stood there, dark silhouettes a backdrop of golden lights. 
He pulled away. His hands slid down your arms, holding you there. “How long?”
“Two months,” you quavered. Your tears spilled over, and you reached up hastily to wipe them with your palm. “You’re– you’re not upset?”
Loki’s mouth opened in surprise. His expression spoke volumes and he exhaled quickly, shaking his head and pulling you to his chest. 
“Upset?” He repeated, laughing in disbelief. He cradled your head beneath his chin, fingers gently tangled in your hair. “Ohh, my love. I’m only sorry that you bore it alone for so long.” You let out a muffled sob of relief against his chest and he held you a bit tighter, running his hand up and down your back.
You stayed there together, holding each other until your tears subsided. You pulled away, wiping your face once more. “I’m sorry,” you apologized, pushing your hair back and sighing. “It’s supposed to be a happy night.”
“It is,” he insisted, leaning down to wipe the remnants of your tears and pressing kisses to your cheeks. He took your hands in his and squeezed them gently. “And if I recall correctly, we didn’t get a chance to dance. There may yet be some fires still burning.”
You chuckled, still a little teary, and nodded. “I’d like that.” You linked your arm through his, leaning your head against his shoulder as you began walking. The night air was warm and sweet, carrying the promise of a good harvest on the gentle breeze. Midsummer on Asgard has always been one of your favorite holidays: it was both a reassurance of the present and a promise of the future. Each one had been memorable. You had a feeling this one would be, too.
Loki’s thoughts were running rampant through his head loudly enough for you to notice, distracting you from enjoying the breeze, and you poked him in the side. “What is it?’
Loki made a surprised noise before looking down at you. “How in all the realms did you manage to hide it from me for so long? What about the sickness?”
You laughed then, raising your eyebrow. “Your mother may have helped me with a remedy,” you admitted, averting your eyes in a feigned expression of innocence. 
As you expected, Loki’s jaw dropped, and he made an indignant noise. “She knew?”
“Of course she did, she knows everything.” 
Loki scoffed and rolled his eyes, pressing his lips together to try and hide the smile pulling at the corners of his lips. “She does know everything. I should have guessed.”
“Well, you know now.”
“That I do,” He agreed. “And I have half a mind to wed you for your treachery.”
“Treachery?” You repeated incredulously, though that wasn’t the word that had caught your attention. The mention of marriage made your face flush and your stomach flip. Out of all the reactions you had envisioned when it came to sharing this secret, a proposal wasn’t one you’d expected. Loki, your husband; you could get used to calling him that. 
You sighed dramatically and tried to quell the butterflies inside your ribs, squeezing his arm. “Well, I accept. The punishment is fitting.” Loki looked down at you and the two of you shared a mutual smirk – you could tell he was excited, too, in the way his green eyes twinkled and his breath caught when you pressed a kiss to his cheek. 
The sounds of music and jubilee coming from the lower city promised a long night of dancing and revelry despite the late hour. The two of you snuck your way down through the crowded alleyways, walking beneath lantern light and watching the silhouettes of people dancing in rings around the fires. The night wind was thick with the scents of wood smoke and summer fruit. Loki reeled you in and held your hand as you joined one of the rings, laughing and stepping your feet with all the rest. 
No one else noticed the two magicians casting dancing shadows of their own on the cobblestone. By the time the next summer solstice came, they would be joined by a third. But for now, it was only you and Loki, dancing in the bonfire light with color in your cheeks and laughter on your lips. Loki’s eyes sparkled and his hands held yours with every assurance of safety and permanence. He loved you. And you didn’t need to read his mind to know that for a fact.
~~~
A/N: thanks for reading! ♡ 
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geoffreywalton · 4 years
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biofunmy · 4 years
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There Will Be Blood. And It Will Be in Your Cheeks.
Most horror stories have a lot of blood, but this one has a cruel and merciless amount. It has so much blood that tourniquets and perma-savior Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson are rendered useless because the blood in this story doesn’t spill out of our dying bodies in buckets and splash onto the cold tile floor like we wish it would.
Instead it just forms deep, pernicious pools in our cheeks and reddens our faces with the heat of a thousand suns until the bad guy in the story turns to us and says, “Aw, you’re blushing!” or “Oh my God, you’re so red.”
If you don’t get why blushing in a business meeting is the stuff of nightmares, then you’re not a heavy blusher. Must be nice.
For the rest of us, we feel betrayed by our bodies when we blush, our insides heating up and flushing our skin with a telltale redness.
Lily McCausland, 23, a freelance production assistant, put it best when she told me: “The physical nature of my blushing truly feels like a furnace turning on. My face gets prickly at first and then, depending on the severity of the emotion, full-sunburn red. I always know when I’m about to blush because it always comes right at the moment I need it to not.”
That’s the thing about blushing: it happens when you really wish it wouldn’t. And then it gets worse because you’re thinking about it. And then you want to disappear or have Mr. Johnson swoop in and pull you to safety.
But, and this is the most unfair part, you’re already safe!
Generally speaking, there’s nothing dangerous (let alone life-threatening) about everyday situations that make blushers blush, which means that there’s no reason for our sympathetic nervous system to fire up and increase blood flow. And yet.
Why Me?!
Dr. Tanya Azarani, M.D., an adult psychiatrist and psychotherapist in Brooklyn, explained in an email that blushing is part of our body’s fight-or-flight response and it happens when we feel feelings of shame, self-consciousness, or anger, which usually occurs when we feel we’ve been caught violating social norms.
“When a real or imagined social transgression triggers feelings of shame, adrenaline is released from the adrenal glands causing vasodilation of the blood vessels in the face and neck. As more blood flushes the face, a red complexion and the sensation of warmth develops,” she wrote.
And there’s a scientific reason that we blush more when we know we’re blushing: “The more anxious we feel about our blushing, the more neurologically aroused we become, and the more neurologically aroused we are, the more we blush, leading to a vicious self-perpetuating cycle.”
If you blush a lot and it causes emotional distress and interferes with your daily life, it could be a sign of a deeper social anxiety disorder. Dr. Azarani explained that “people with social anxiety disorder fear social situations where they may be judged, assume that their actions will lead to humiliation, and often avoid social interactions.”
So if you blush when public speaking and/or when you push the door when it says pull, don’t worry — there are some things that might help you feel more in control of your body.
Some Tips (A Few Things That Are In Your Control)
Blushing is more pronounced during adolescence, which is why we seasoned adult blushers have so many home remedies: We’ve had many years to hone our techniques.
We’ve got our crew necks and turtlenecks (for those whose blush comes with the bonus neck flush); we’ve got our green concealer, which is a cosmetics strategy that hides facial redness; we’ve got our long hair, which can be draped over reddened cheeks; we’ve got our blue, green, black, brown and gray clothing, which downplays redness; we’ve got small, low noise fans on our desk; and we’ve got our trusty water bottle from which we can sip cool water and hold up against our cheeks when no one is looking. And we have our therapists.
“Ultimately, cognitive behavioral therapy is the best treatment for pathological blushing,” Dr. Azarani said. It’s also best for treating erythrophobia, which is the fear of blushing, and treating social anxiety disorders.
Cognitive behavioral therapy, or C.B.T., is a common form of talk therapy. For blushers, Dr. Azarani explained that C.B.T. can help you “look at the relationship between your worries about blushing, your thoughts, and the way you behave when anxious about blushing,” which provides a long-term solution, rather than just the short-term of taking a pill.
Because, yes, there are pills. But Dr. Azarani warned that “when medication is used without therapy, it can help reduce blushing frequency in the short run, but may actually reinforce anxiety in the long run by preventing you from learning how to manage blushing-related anxiety on your own.”
But back to the pills. (Before taking any medication or herbal remedies, consult your psychiatrist.) For severe symptoms, beta-blockers like Propranolol could be prescribed. But if you’ve heard that taking an antihistamine like Claritin or Zyrtec helps control blushing, think again. While they block histamine, which can be involved in inflammatory reactions, they aren’t recommended for this.
But if you discover that blushing is a part of a social anxiety disorder, your doctor might prescribe Zoloft, or another daily selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor.
In extreme cases, there is even surgery. “Endoscopic thoracic sympathectomy (E.T.S.) is a surgical procedure in which a portion of the sympathetic nerves in the upper chest are destroyed to prevent signals from the brain from reaching nerves in the face that cause blushing,” Dr. Azarani said. But, in doing so, other nerves that regulate body temperature, heart rate, and sweating can be disrupted, which can lead to some side effects that frankly, sound worse than blushing (that includes something called “disturbing compensatory sweating.”)
So back to the more behavioral solutions: Someone once told me to picture the heat coming out of my hands instead of out of my cheeks. I find that to be a good calming mechanism.
Ms. McCausland, my new blushing friend, had another homegrown tip: If you’re blushing during an interview or when you’re doing a lot of talking in a meeting, she recommended explaining to the people in the room that you feel nervous or embarrassed. And if that doesn’t work? “Wet rags” for dabbing your face.
Who Else Blushes Besides Me?
Anyone (adult human, adolescent, or child) can and might blush when they feel shame or embarrassment or inadequacy. That said, social anxiety disorder (of which blushing is a frequent symptom) has a higher prevalence rate in women than men and due to inaccessibility, discrimination, stigma and lack of awareness, marginalized groups face diagnostic and treatment gaps when it comes to proper mental health care, according to the American Psychiatric Association.
There’s also the gender confidence gap — studies have proven that men have higher self-esteem than women — which can lead to impostor syndrome, which leads to shame, which leads to blushing. (I do know men who blush, but none wanted to speak about it on the record.)
But it’s not all bad news.
The Good News
The next time you start to blush during a work presentation, or when a group of hateful but well-meaning people sing happy birthday to you, don’t think of your blush as a double-crossing cheek-heater. Because guess what? People like people who blush!
Some studies show that blushers are perceived as more genuine and trustworthy. (Dr. Azarani put it this way: The blushing communicates a sense of humility, which “in turn evokes compassion and trust in the observer, motivating them to accept rather than reject the blusher.”)
Plus, all that adrenaline secretion pulsing through our veins silently shows others that we care. And if you’re dating or around someone you find attractive, a blush can be interpreted as a welcome signal of emotion. (And let’s not forget that, historically and today, some people actually want that rosy tint on their cheeks. They don’t call the makeup product “blush” for nothing.)
Sure, you may wish you could keep your feelings closer to your vest, but a blush could lead to a very happy relationship. When Erica Rose, 28, saw Leah Hammerschlag, 30, blush on their first maybe-a-date-but-maybe-it’s-just-two-friends-hanging-out, Ms. Rose finally knew that Ms. Hammerschlag was interested.
“Your blushing made this relationship happen!” Ms. Rose told Ms. Hammerschlag when we spoke. “The blush was a dead giveaway that I had an opening to pursue this. So I’m very thankful for it.”
“If I hadn’t blushed, who knows if we’d be where we are today,” Ms. Hammerschlag said. They have been dating for six months. Turns out, love stories can also be chock-full of blood.
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